I am Brittany's sense of herself.

Continuing on...

2012-11-24T14:47:00.001-08:00

I'm thankful for this whole past year, I've grown up a lot, learned a lot, and experienced a little. I've met some amazing people, my best friend Nicole, who will always hold a special place in my heart, I really don't know how to describe the way we work together, she's closer to me than my own sisters. I'm thankful for Logan, my nearest and dearest love, in the same way I can't describe how we work together, other than that I found my other puzzle piece, and it's better than I ever thought possible. Everyone I had the privilege to work with were amazing, and they shaped me into a better person. I'm going to miss everyone I've met, I will treasure every experience I had in this crazy city of Phoenix.
As for the city aspect, there's a great many things I won't miss, including, but not limited to:
Traffic (Cars and people, lots of Mexican influence, and they make a lot of babies.)
Driving I've never feared for my life more behind the wheel of a car than I did on these highways, seriously, I'm a great driver and their driving shook me up. I'll be glad to see Terre Haute's poor excuse of driving. I used to think TH drivers were bad, hell nah.
Crackheads Seriously I'm so over the drugged out people of this city, pot's fine, but damn people are so cracked out. They knock on your door at all hours of the night and if you answer, will ask you for something like a cigarette, or sometimes would try to sell us a piece of crap, anything for some crack dollas. Fucking miscreants.
Walls Everywhere you go in this city you see walls made of sandstone surrounding everything, people seem to be walled off in the same way, I get the feeling that anyone I see out and about is just as wary of me as I am of them, it's not very reassuring, I miss the home town feel, the security.
Fucking WalMart I've been to this pit of retail hell only a few times in this whole year, and only when I was desperate. A trip to WalMart in my hometown or TH is no big deal, compared to the experience here. There's so many fucking people, everywhere, people with babies, and screaming children, every where you turn, there are people, and you don't know a one of them. It killed me. Hell, parking at WalMart took 20 minutes because so many people toting carts and children across the road.
Pedestrians You really have to watch out for people walking right out in front of you here, there's a lot of foot traffic. I did, however, once see a black man sprinting across the street, and I have to say, it made my morning.
Speed Bumps I don't know what it is about the city of Phoenix and speed bumps, but they are rather involved. I don't think I've seen a parking lot without a speed bump in it. Then to make it worse, they put speed humps, (slightly better than speed bumps because they don't jostle your car as much) on the residential streets as well, so you think you're taking a better way, but really you have to keep slowing down for the street's lumps. Fucking ridiculous.
Rain Okay, it's the desert, so when rain happens here a few things suffer, mainly the driving. I've only had to drive in the rain a few times, but the one time I did, during the cloudy daytime, I might add, nobody had their lights on. That's an exaggeration, maybe 30% of drivers had their lights on, and it helped because it was difficult to see the back of a car driving 65+ on slick highways, who would have thought?

Now, there are perks for living in a city, here's a few:
Turns On the highways all the turns were perfect degree turns, all you had to do was find the perfect place to hold your wheel and just keep it there throughout the whole turn. It was kind of amazing the first time I did it, I was Mario Andretti in a Sable.
The greens in the city are pretty much the bomb, much better than any I had back home. People are a lot more open about it too, it's not as much of a big deal, and fuck yes Colorado.
Diversity Phoenix is a prime spot for travel, so most of the traffic most of the year are tourists, people from other countries, cities, whatever. Plus it's so close to Mexico that you get a shit ton of Mexican influence. I loved it, I got to speak Spanish, listen to the music, it was awesome.

Ahhhh, okay, I've written enough, I'll pick this up later, I'm sure.

What am I thankful for...

2012-11-22T10:02:00.001-08:00

This Thanksgiving is bittersweet, I have to come to terms with the fact that I'm leaving all of the awesome people I've met in the past year, especially Nicole, but that I get to see all of my other awesome friends at home. I really can't wait to get home again. I'm excited for so many things, hopefully later I'll write a post about everything I'm looking forward to, but Logan is awkwardly standing here looking at me like what the hell are you doing, I want to sit down, so that's all for now.

Stepping into my twenties, ouch.

2012-10-16T01:35:00.002-07:00

I feel a reflective post coming on, it is now my twentieth birthday, and it's hitting me and it's scary. I'm twenty. That's two decades of life I've amassed. Where did all this time go? I remember being a kid and thinking about the one day when I'd be twenty and it can't be here already, it's too early. I'm still a kid God damn it. Or I want to be, desperately. I also want to be 21, but you can't have it both ways, as a matter of fact, there's only one way to have it, and that is that I'm getting older. Age sneaks up on you. I would like to announce that I made it all the way through my teens without getting knocked up. This is apparently quite a feat from the town I come from, since half of the girls in my class are pregnant, or just had a kid. As for my birthday plans, I will be in good company consisting of: The love of my life, Logan, my Phoenician best friend Nicole, Work friend Dylan, and Work friend Deijah, possibly more people stopping by the ... amusement park! Toking, riding coasters all day, sippin' a bit o' the spirits, and just having an all around good time. Then it's off to Pappadeaux's for king crab legs. Anyway, here's to getting fucking old, can't wait.

My status on everything as of right now...

2012-04-15T12:49:00.001-07:00

First of all, Logan and I are so deep in love we're drowning in ourselves, and it's wonderful and this is the forever kind of love and nothing at all is wrong in that department. <3 I'm confused about the occupation that I've never had a problem with before, psychology. I watched a documentary the other day with Logan that really opened my eyes, it was more about Psychiatry, but with the way things are going in both fields, either they will merge and psychologists will prescribe medication, or they will still be apart, either way, here's my rant. It really really really pisses me off that medication is being used so heavily in the field. Don't get me wrong, this has always pissed me off, and I realize that there are a lot of disorders that require medication for the person to function. I have a big problem with children, let me repeat, fucking CHILDREN, being prescribed medication that hasn't had any kind of long term studies, and that is not made for children, but for adults. They are kids, they're not developed, yet these pills could be altering their brain chemistry, or their bodies. It makes me physically ill. ADD? Puhlease. Every kid has trouble paying attention, it's called being a fucking kid. I'm just so frustrated about all of this. It turns out that a shit ton of the diagnoses in the big ass book of diagnoses of Psychology/Psychiatry, are bullshit. A lot of them are just common shit, like teenage rebellion. Been around forever folks, hello Romeo and Juliet? All anyone in this fucking world cares about is money. I am so sick of greedy ass people. I'm sick of stupid people, I'm sick of most people, to tell you the truth. In my opinion this world is headed for doom and fast. God I could rant all day long, about our fucked up education system, that allows teachers who commit sexual crimes on students to continue to teach, the fact that if a bad teacher has tenure the system is so fucked up that most school won't even attempt to jump through the hoops necessary to get the teacher ousted. College is a joke, especially the first year, why did I even go to high school if you're going to teach me the same shit I learned all four years there? Seriously? I'm just so frustrated right now, and I don't know what to do, do I want to put myself through college for 7 years just to find that the field I'm in is based on corruption and lies and not be able to live with myself? Idk. Fuck this world. I wish I could live on Mars.

My luckiest day

2011-12-10T11:42:00.001-08:00

I love my life, let me explain. Yesterday was by far my luckiest day ever, it began like any other day, I grumbled about having to work a double and get up so early, I went to my first shift and it was normal, normal tips, normal tables, nothing crazy. Second shift? Fucking A. My first table of 2nd shift were these 2 engineers, picture it, 2 nerdy middle-aged guys talking about nothing but engineering stuff for like 3 hours. Yes, they stayed for 3 hours, if you serve, that's a nightmare, but thankfully, they didn't sit in my section. Hell Yea. I had these guys eating out of my hand, plus they were awesome people, and they tipped 30 dollars on a 20 dollar meal and told my manager how awesome I am. I had another table, a lady and her two kids. One kid was between 10-12 and I absolutely loved this kid, he made my day, he was so polite. I love polite children, I want to hug and kiss the parents for bringing up such a wonderful child. He said things like "When you get a chance..." And it was so cute that I would have brought him 50 refills without complaining. Here's where the weird part is, in the midst of their stay, my manager tells me that the lady really wanted her soup before her salad, which she hadn't told me, but I hadn't asked either. My manager's cool so she just reminded me to ask, no big deal. I deal with the table like normal and they leave, when I open the book and see my tip I about fainted, because they left me 30 dollars too. A waitress expects good tips like this once in a while, we all get tables that love us or that tip really well, but two in one night? I started to realize I was on a roll. A creepy guy at one of my tables gave me his number too, and a 7 dollar tip, when I showed it to my manager to get a laugh out of her, she starts calling everyone's attention and awards me a pin, saying I got 2 customer compliments in one night, a $30 dollar tip, and a phone number. I laughed and announced that I didn't really want the number, I'm happy with my man at home. The pin is really cute, and I'm so glad I earned it, I've only worked by myself for 4 shifts now. I can forsee better sections and scheduling in the near future. Before I left for work in the morning though, I reminded Logan to pay the security deposit and check about getting our shower fixed, which hasn't had hot water since we moved in. I get home that night, happy as can be, telling him about my day, then he casually mentions that our shower is fixed. The craziest part? He didn't even go to put a work order in, they just showed up and the guy fixed it in 15 minutes. A shower after one of the best days of my life never felt so good. I'm so happy.

You say goodbye, and I say hello...

2011-11-09T10:36:00.000-08:00

Hello Phoenix, Arizona! Glad to meet you. Goodbye Indiana, I shall no longer gaze upon thy cornfields. Yea, I live in Arizona now, and I 'm psyched to be here, it's warm, it's got all kinds of cool shit to do, places I've never even heard of... It's awesome. We got an apartment and are job searching right now. I'm feelin' good. I made it 2 weeks in the car with you baby, and it was beautiful. You're the one. I'll update some more later....

Blahhhh

2011-10-05T06:41:00.001-07:00

I need to move somewhere warm.... Like now. I'm done with Indiana and I'm done with cold in the winter. I hate cold. AZ, I'll see you soon.

Mmmm :)

2011-09-07T07:09:00.000-07:00

I love mornings with you, I love evenings with you, I love any time with you, and we both know that's not much. We watched the fireworks over the Wabash cuddled in a tree and it was one of those "moments". I'm sick, but you're taking care of me and that's the best thing. I'm ready to start forever, already. Apartment shopping FTW. I love you. SHMILY, baby, SHMILY.

Blahhh

2011-09-03T13:55:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting in my car, stealing wi-fi from a local hotel before I go into work. I love college so far, but I hate living 30 minutes away from it. I just wish I could go home for those 2 hours and take a shower and stuff before I have to work, instead of peddling around campus and then going to work. As things are, I spend about 10% of my time in Clinton, and about 90% in Terre Haute. Logan and I are working on getting an apartment in Terre Haute, but money and time for it, I don't have yet. He's not scheduled very much at PJ's, so he's working on getting another job. I'd like to get a campus job, since they're embarrassingly easy, and work around your schedule, but as it is, I fall into bed everynight once I get my homework done and all my stuff together for the next day. Not having a washer and dryer kind of sucks too, because I either have to wait until I get time to do it, or do it in the middle of the night and get less sleep. Other than the little things like the above, I love my life, I love my boyfriend, and I love where things are going. He's perfect for me, and that's a dumbed down description because he's so much more than that. All right, I'm off. Working for the Man. Woohooo. Here's to big tips and little work.

College time...

2011-08-26T07:23:00.001-07:00

So, first week of classes will be over in about 2 hours.

It went pretty well, I didn't get hopelessly lost or commit any faux paus.
It seems to be loads better than HS and I'm glad. It's much easier to focus here.

I have to work from 2 to 8, so as soon as classes are done I'll be heading off to run around some more, oh life.

Here's to starting a new chapter.

Owx1000

2011-08-20T21:54:00.000-07:00

Shoulder hurts, damn trays.

Got all my books, 500 bucks? You're smokin' crack.
Now for the parking permit and to pick up my laptop, then class starting Wednesday.

Woooo college.

I literally have the best damn boy in the world.
That bath was amazing, as was the massage...

I love how we fit. It's perfect, I've completely changed. I don't party or drink, maybe a beer here and there, but I'm not drunk every weekend anymore.
You're still not boring and we've been inseparable for 3 months now, and that's an all time record for me.
I don't lie to you, and you're the only guy I see.
I would turn a naked Brad Pitt away.
I'm so glad you came into my life, I need your stability and smiles.
You're my anchor, I'm not tied down, and I have just enough freedom,
You rescued me.

You're perfect.

That's cool

2011-08-11T14:39:00.000-07:00

Wow. You are an asshole Mr. Crowley.
Suck my balls.

I love all the people I got to work with, but you two, so fuck you both.

On to new and better things.
CB maybe?

Also, I love this boy, he's the best thing that's ever happened to me.

<3

You can have your cake and eat it too,

2011-07-11T15:51:00.000-07:00

It's your birthday! Happy happy happy birthday!

I loveee youuuu.

You

2011-07-09T07:53:00.001-07:00

When I woke up you were gone, I didn't like it. I understood, but I didn't like it.
I searched for you in vain, but to no results.
I found your note, and it helped.

I don't ever want to wake up without you again.
I love you more each day.

In that moment...

2011-07-05T10:38:00.000-07:00

we weren't our identifiers, we were stripped down of all that bullshit to just two souls.
I wasn't Brittany and you weren't Logan, we were two souls mingling in the twilight.

Nothing mattered because we didn't have identities in that moment.

I loved that moment.

I can answer that question now...

2011-07-03T20:24:00.001-07:00

I'd walk in front of a bus for you, any day.

Call me crazy, call me naive and dumb,

but I love him.

I hope this feeling lasts.

We'll see in about 2 months.

Perhaps...

2011-06-30T10:20:00.000-07:00

I've found true happiness in your arms.
Perhaps I've found my anchor.
Perhaps I'm not alone on this big empty sea,
perhaps you're my S.O.S. and you'll rescue me.
Perhaps you'll bring me security, but freedom as well,
perhaps I won't have to hobble away,
nor will my wings be cut.
Perhaps we can just fly together
and kiss the sky.

Perhaps I won't fuck this up.

I'm slowly

2011-06-24T23:01:00.000-07:00

Going insane.

Been awhile since I posted on here, life has been catching up to me and everything has been hectic.

I'm not saying anything about my love life right now, because I am so confused it isn't funny, actually I'm not confused for once, just stunned.

ISU is quickly approaching, Orientation went as expected, I'm just ready to be done with Gen Ed already. Didn't I take 4 years of this stuff already?

Other than that, everything's fine, life with Dad is very peaceful and I keep good company. That's all I'm saying.

This girl

2011-06-03T16:02:00.000-07:00

is done with being ignored.
I'm going after what I want.
What I want is you, and it's been that way for a good two months now,
I'm done with just accepting what you're telling me.
If I'm wrong, I'm wrong,
but I'm gonna fucking try.

Are you ready?

Here we are.

2011-05-28T07:52:00.001-07:00

Today's the day, I'm finally graduating high school.
I won't miss it. I had some good times throughout these 12 years,
but honestly I wouldn't relive them.
Not just because I don't want to go through puberty again, but because I wouldn't change anything that happened.
It's time for me to take my best friends hand, who just happens to have the next last name in the alphabet, and start the next chapter of my life, for better or for worse.

Convos with Daddy...

2011-05-10T20:13:00.000-07:00

I blatantly asked my dad how he reacted when he chased a girl back in the day, and he told me this: "Brittany, there's an old saying that says a man would walk in front of a bus for the woman he loves, and it's true."
So it got me to thinking, who the hell would I walk in front of a bus for?
That's a hard question to answer, since, as far as I know, no buses are threatening to take out my loved ones, therefore it's hard to really say.
There's one person, but I doubt they'd do the same for me, being as how they rarely find time for me.

As far as that goes, I just wanna know for sure, you know? I don't want to guess incorrectly, but I don't want to get my hopes up either.
Fuck this feeling.
But I know what I want, just don't know if I will get it.

I am

2011-04-29T02:33:00.000-07:00

I am beautiful.
I am funny.
I am loud.
I am sometimes out of line.
I am a dancer.
I am a singer.
I am a lover,
and a dreamer.
I am full of life.
I am hopeful.
I am wistful.
I am careful.
I am thoughtful.
I am a bitch,
sometimes.
I am in love,
and then I'm out.
I am special.
I am worth it.
I am lucky.
I am unforgettable.
I am a worrier,
and a warrior.
I am a teenager.
I am an adult.
I am a child.
I am mature.
I am my past.
I am my future.
and I am my present.
I am controlling.
I am easygoing.
I am silly.
I am confident.
I am jealous.
I am charming.
I am soulful.
I am cocky.
I am conceited,
sometimes.
I am faulty.
I am flawed.
I am imperfect.
I am me.

And I wish I were the woman of your dreams,
but if I'm not?
I'm someone else's.
And he is very lucky indeed.

A thought:

2011-04-29T02:14:00.000-07:00

The once depressed appreciate things more.

:')

2011-04-19T20:30:00.000-07:00

If there was ever a true statement, it is this:
There isn't a man in the world a girl can count on more than her daddy.

All the time I listen to shit that my mom says about my dad.
I put up with it because I have to live with her.
But tonight, she got on my nerves, and after her saying that my dad wasn't going to come to my graduation, I texted him.

Not 2 minutes later he calls me,
he says "Brittany of course I'm coming to your graduation, I'm gonna steer clear of your mom but I wouldn't 'miss it."
I was in a fragile state, thanks men, so I made him promise, even if he had to work, he would get there.
He did. He promised me. He said "I love you, of course I'm coming to your graduation."
I started crying, really I did.
I'm a bit emotional right now.
I've realized that J is not that into me.
Which sucks, but I'll get through it.
I basically told him not to waste my time.
I can't take another emotional break down, especially not over a guy.
I have to protect myself.

but I love my dad.
I never thought I'd say those words and mean them, but he's really stepped up in the last year.
He's the man I wish I would have known from the start.
He's caring, and attentive.
I'm lucky.

Mhmm.

2011-04-17T19:58:00.000-07:00

Officially ready to graduate!
All the tests are done, now all I've gotta do is accept my diploma at graduation.

Hah, Just kidding.
I've got senior pics to get done,
2(?) proms,
planning for the grad party,
and graduation itself.
Not the mention all the shit I have to do for college for the fall.
Add work into all that and I'm gonna be busy.
Oh, and broke too.

Having my grad party with B. :) I love that girl, known her since I popped out, we're pretty much twins.
Ahh, let's see, what else is going on?
I still need a prom dress...
Too much shit to do and not enough time to do it.
Blah.