The past three years have contained heaps of uncertainty and mountains of challenge.  Managing that took a lot of energy.

This has been draining for everyone, but today I want to spotlight how it has drained the “helpers” among us.

Chances are, if you’re reading this, you’re one of them:  People who normally take joy in being there for others.  People who see someone carrying a load, and feel an instinct to lend their shoulder. People fluent in the language of offering warm meals, clean laundry, notes, texts, listening ears, and other forms of physical and emotional repair – inside or outside their home.  People who see through the cheery “I’m fines” and dig deeper to help.

Times of great need are times of a particular kind of depletion for these lovely helper souls.

They’ve been called upon over and over.

If you’re one of them, you’ve probably drained deep resources in ways that haven’t been refilled yet.

As you venture further into planning your year, I’d like to raise awareness of three thought patterns that helpers have, because they can collide with business-running in particularly messy ways.

I want you to be aware of them so you can come up with plans now to prevent draining yourself even further:

Thought Pattern #1:  “I need to say yes to this request, otherwise I am not an empathetic/kind/good person.”

Let’s say someone requests a service you can technically perform, but it’s uninteresting and outside your wheelhouse.  Your heart might sink like a stone.  You want to say yes because they need a favor and you can do it, but you know it will suck up mental energy without adequate return.

Here’s the part to be aware of:  You might identify strongly with the idea of being an empathetic, understanding person.  The downside of this in business is that denying requests can feel like a threat to your identity:  I am an empathetic person therefore I have to help THIS person, otherwise how dare I think positively about myself?

Your identity is almost held hostage by the request.

(This effect can feel particularly calcified if you grew up in a household where approval had to be earned, or even small mistakes were condemned, which gave you a sense that you had to prove yourself over and over in every action to avoid condemnation.)

Feeling your identity as a helper threatened can lead you to basically donate energy to others at the expense of moving forward yourself.  This can even prevent you from launching new endeavors by keeping you stuck in current ones.

If this comes up, I have something you can try:

The next time a request comes in, trust that the instinct to say no is actually part of you being an empathetic person.

You aren’t saying “How dare you even ask?!?”  You are actively empathizing with their situation by considering whether you can do it and recognizing you aren’t the one to handle the request.  You acknowledge that you deserve to protect your time, and they deserve to have someone help who won’t feel rushed or quietly resentful.  It can be a great kindness to simply say, “I’m not the right fit to help you with this, but I hope you find someone who can.”

There is nothing about being a helper or an empathetic person that means you can’t be honest.  (And you have nothing to prove here anyway – it’s okay to take breaks at any time for any reason, and that doesn’t change who you are.)

Thought Pattern #2: “I am going to keep helping quietly because I don’t want to call too much attention to myself.”

This one runs deep.

It can feel more comfortable to help quietly in the background, because the spotlight may bring problems along with it.  Larger audiences can bring a larger group of critics.  More attention can feel like there’s more expectations to live up to, plus more eyeballs on the aspects of your work you’re less secure in.  There can be a quiet self-sabotage that finds you avoiding actions that would call more attention to your business.

It feels much safer to stay in the familiar place you are, where you are less at risk of scrutiny.

(And I say this very, very gently: Some folks also grew up in houses where the adults weren’t entirely safe people, where you learned that helping quietly and getting out of the way were excellent survival skills.  In adulthood, you can be hard on yourself for not ‘going hard’ after your dreams, yet you feel uncomfortable being in the spotlight because you previously learned that calling attention to yourself could bring negative consequences.  This may have been an extremely smart coping skill then, but I’d invite you to consider whether you still need to use it now.)

There is absolutely nothing wrong with helping in the background.  It’s noble and necessary and honorable work.

If you’re finding you’re deliberately avoiding steps that could lead to bigger things you actually want, try this:  Picture someone who really needs what you offer.  Someone who would get exactly what you do and feel the relief that comes from buying the thing you offer.

Can you see them?

Now consider that this person can’t find you if you aren’t visible.

How would it feel to step forward so they can see you?  Write your answer to that question down.  It’ll help.

Thought Pattern #3: “This feels uncomfortable, so I’m going to go help someone instead.”

Stick with me on this:  Some people feel so comfortable as a helper that they bury their heads deeper into that role whenever they feel anxious about a new challenge.

I’ll give you an example.  A photographer I know was convinced that there was no way she could start offering a new service in a different area until she had finished making a free how-to video for past clients. They’d asked for it, and she said “Sure, I can do that!”

Despite the fact that making the video would be extremely time-consuming and not bring in any new business.  (If we’re being honest, even to those clients, it’d be a nice but relatively small blip in their week, easily something they could live without.)  She was putting her entire dream on hold for this task.

After listening to her talk through the whole situation, I asked if it was possible that putting out this new offer made her feel stretched and anxious, and that helping these other folks felt soothing and familiar.

She fell silent.  The silence of recognition.

I say this with much love, but you can fill your time responding to other people’s ‘urgent’ needs for help as a way to avoid doing the things that scare you.  It feels comfortable to be in the familiar role of receiving gratitude for help, and to feel your need to be a good person reinforced (see #1).

This can show up in ways large and small…even in spending lots of time in Facebook groups answering questions.  Nothing wrong with that, but it can be a form of hiding from work discomfort.

I’d invite you to consider whether it’s worth it to tolerate some anxiety and uncertainty now so that you can go pursue the change you want to make – because again, there are people on the other side of that change who will love to work with you.

Hope this helps.

And by the way?

You are an awesome person exactly as you are.  You don’t have to ‘earn’ that from anyone else.  You’re already there.

The post 3 Thought Patterns “Helpers” Need To Watch For appeared first on Psychology for Photographers and other Creative Professionals.

I love the feeling of inclusion and plenty that sharing the holiday brings.

A fun side effect, though, is watching people react to the food.

I’m so used to preparing stuffing, pecan pie, and homemade cranberry sauce that I don’t even think about it. But there’s some shared hilarity in trying to explain to someone how you put a plate together:

“So you eat this pink sauce with your meat….yes I know the sweet potatoes have brown sugar in them, but they’re actually not considered dessert. Um, we eat sweetened pumpkin for dessert instead.”

Thanksgiving feasts may be rich with tradition, but when you explain it fresh, it makes no sense at all in the most wonderful way possible.

I’ve never looked at my table with more wonder, or considered the holiday heritage (both within the nation and within my family) more closely than trying to see it through new eyes.

Curiously, that very exercise – trying to see something familiar with new eyes – is part of what gratitude and appreciation are all about.

The late psychologist Abraham Maslow wrote that the closer we come to living creatively to our fullest potential, the more able we are to “appreciate again and again, freshly and naively, the basic goods of life, with awe, pleasure, wonder, and even ecstasy, however stale those experiences may have become to others.”

We get used to what we have, and when that happens, we can stop seeing it altogether. Thanksgiving is a great time to look anew at what we have. And sharing what you have with others is a great way to re-see what you’ve started to accidentally ignore.

I mention all this because gratitude is one of the most important ways you can become better at your creative work. Actually better.

There’s a documented close link between gratitude and creativity. I wrote about it in a post once, but gratitude both brightens our immediate mood and helps us sustain a good mood over a longer time. In turn, positive moods broaden our minds, help us remember details more vividly, and help us see relationships between seemingly-unassociated ideas.

I am absolutely not joking when I say that the next time you’re feeling blocked at work, look at everything around you and count ten things you’re grateful for. Gratitude leads directly to the mindset from which you can do your best work.

And as the Harvard Mental Health Letter observed, “…although it may feel contrived at first, this mental state grows stronger with use and practice.”

Try it next time you’ve been staring at a screen for too long, with no ideas coming.

The post An Unexpected Way to Make All Your Work Go Smoothly. appeared first on Psychology for Photographers and other Creative Professionals.

1) “Others notice what I notice about myself.”
(A blemish on my cheek.  The stain on my shirt.  A new haircut.)

Yet also –

2) “Oh, I’m not that interesting.  No one wants to hear about me.”

I’ve seen these two statements emerge over and over – in my inbox, in blog comments, in conversation.

Something has always seemed “off” that people embrace these two ideas simultaneously.  

I couldn’t figure out why this bugged me until today, when I read a New York Times report about a study that had two strangers sit in a waiting room together.  Later, they had to write down what they noticed about the other person.  And what they thought the other person noticed about THEM.

Guess what? 

What you think others notice about you doesn’t match up with what the other person actually notices.

Strangers noticed more overall than what people thought they would.

However, they don’t really pay attention to the blemish on your cheek that’s bugging you.  They might take note of your mood or the way you checked your phone, though.  They notice things, they just don’t pay attention to the same aspects of you that are prominent in your own mind.

Researchers say this is, in part, because we have a tendency to assume everyone else sees the world the way we do.  If we notice that stain on our shirt, it’ll sure as heck be obvious to everyone else.  But no, it’s not.

People notice what draws THEIR attention, not yours.

So here’s what I don’t get:  How can we sit here stressing “Oh man, everyone is thinking about how I tripped that afternoon” and yet also think “I’m not that interesting, I don’t know what to write in a bio / people don’t want to hear about me on my blog / what on earth would I write in a newsletter?”

How can you be so interesting that people care that you tripped two weeks ago, yet simultaneously so uninteresting that people don’t want to hear the emotional story behind the personal project photoshoot you did?

Do you see why those things don’t go together?

You really think people notice your slightly uneven haircut, and yet you’re somehow simultaneously totally ignorable and unworthy of our attention?

Um.  No.

And yet.  I wonder if one reason we don’t think we are “interesting” is exactly what that study found – that others don’t notice what we think they will.

We wear a gorgeous new shirt and no one comments on it.  We put up a Facebook status and didn’t get a reply.  These things are SUPER IMPORTANT to us, yet no one says anything?  Man, I must not be that interesting.  It’s crushing, so maybe we stop expecting people to care.

PEOPLE DO SEE YOU, THOUGH.

Maybe they didn’t notice the shirt specifically, but they did notice that you seemed to be glowing today.  They didn’t see that one status, but they follow you and think you’re funny and smart.

People notice plenty about us.  We don’t get to pick exactly every single thing they care about, but it doesn’t mean they don’t care.

Here’s a final piece to consider:  If you grabbed a group of people and held a book under everyone’s chin so they couldn’t see down, and asked them all to describe their outfit – several would forget, or have to really think about it.  How is that possible?  They’re WEARING the clothes!

Well, we get used to our own clothes – it’s called habituation.  We don’t pay attention to what is common to us, it fades into the background.  

I think this applies to our interests as well.  We’re so used to our life, our background, our story, that it seems common.  Boring.  It can fade into our mind like the clothes that we wear – it’s not remarkable to us.

But other people haven’t habituated to your life.  So the things you find “boring” – they don’t. 

You can’t tell me people notice a new stain on your shirt, yet somehow don’t care to hear about the childhood friend you played chess with, the moment you realized photography was about more than photos, the thing your mom said to you last night on the phone that changed your mind about something.  The stain might be new and noticeable to you, but the story is new and noticeable to THEM.

I’m guessing you’re regularly getting it wrong when you say “nah, people won’t care about that.”

People love stories.  Even when they hear “common” things, they have a knack for picking out points of connection (“I played chess with a friend too!  I feel the same way about the oboe!  My dad gave me the same advice!)  The things that seem the most benign to you can have incredible power.  And people notice.

So start talking.  Start engaging.  You ARE interesting.  You never know what aspect someone might connect with, but there will be something.  And if there’s one thing I know – it’s that there’s an audience for every story.  Including yours.

Think about it.

The post I Bet You’re Wrong About This. appeared first on Psychology for Photographers and other Creative Professionals.

In the years I’ve been running Psychology for Photographers, I’ve written hundreds of posts and emails.

There’s one post I think about a lot, though.

Back in 2013, the UK-based Professional Photography magazine asked me to write a few articles.  I asked if I could call attention to the issue of depression in running a business.  They agreed.  To prepare, I put out a call to my audience, asking for their thoughts.

What I got back amounted to 50 pages, single-spaced, of personal experiences.  You guys basically wrote me a book.

I told Professional Photography I was gonna need a longer deadline window.

Most weeks, I link back to prior articles.  This is one I never quite know where to slide in, though.  Depression is serious enough that you don’t want to casually drop it in like you were talking about the weather, and yet the silence of that uncertainty begets silence.  We’ll have none of that, so I’m just sharing this again outright:

“The Dark Room: Depression In The Photography World” covers:

• Particular challenges creative careers pose for those living with depression
• 5 tips on how to be a better industry citizen + friend to those with depression
• 5 tips offered by the P4P audience on how to take care of yourself when you’re not feeling your best

You can click here to download a PDF of the magazine article, or here to grab a jpg if it’s easier to read on your phone; use the zoom to read.  

(Thanks to Professional Photographer for allowing me to re-share their published content for free.)

I wish you a healthy week.  And if it’s a tough week, I wish you the ability to find the strands of self-care that will pull you into next week.  You are important and we’re glad every time you show up and share your work. 

Keep going.

The post I Never Know How To Bring This Up appeared first on Psychology for Photographers and other Creative Professionals.

“Find and Replace.”  You know, like in Microsoft Word.  It’s after the new year and you accidentally wrote 2021 a bunch of times instead of 2022?  A few keystrokes and it finds ’em all for you and whooshes in the correct info, neatly.  No one is ever the wiser.

I wish there were more things we could use Find and Replace on.  Find bad habits, replace them with good ones.  How cool would that be?

OK, some things can’t be popped in and out quite so easily.  But wait –

Wouldn’t it be great if we could at least highlight all the fearful, doubtful, over-worried thoughts that keep us from what we want, and with one keystroke replace them with better thoughts?

We can, actually…just not with the keystroke part.  But you can train your mind to highlight the thoughts, and replace them with something better.

Here’s one I hear a lot from readers, students, copywriting clients, everyone really:

“Marketing freaks me out – no one wants to hear from me!”

I bet it’s predictable when this thought comes up:  Like when you sit down to write a newsletter or Facebook post – or even think about doing so.  What if, just as your brain typed out that thought, you calmly paused, then wrote over it:

“Who might need to hear about ______ today?  I’m going to show up for them!”

Ahhh….changing this thought from “no one wants this” to “I’m going to show up for someone who needs it” feels so much better, doesn’t it?  With better results.

If you did that often enough – the “Find” of catching yourself as you think it, and the “Replace” of repeating the same fresh message, eventually you’d get used to simply thinking the new one.  Much like you eventually get used to typing 2017 instead of 2016.

Let’s consider one more, for practice:

“I hate marketing, I feel like I’m just begging for money!”

What could we replace that one with?  Here, you think of something:

___________________________

Here are a couple I came up with:

“I’m so excited to give people something they need.” 

“Giving someone something you have in exchange for something they have is normal.  It starts in the sandbox.  This is no different.” 

I bet your idea is even better!

Remember:  Just because something is automatic does not make it true.  

Maybe pick just one thought to find and replace, and start there.

Replacing negative thoughts about marketing is a critical step, no question. 

Regardless of where you are with marketing, whether you need an online course to give you tools and assignments, or just need to Find and Replace some negative thoughts to get going on what you already know – go tell people about your work this week.

Someone needs you to show up.

The post Find and Replace Your Negative Thoughts appeared first on Psychology for Photographers and other Creative Professionals.

It has been a few months since we’ve spoken, but I’ve been thinking about you.

Lots to say, but I’m here because I’ve realized my blog has contributed to a problem.  I want to talk about it and share how I’ll be fixing it.

Psychology often puts a magnifying glass on individual people.  In college and graduate school, I took community psychology classes.  The goal of those was to ask, “Wait, how are communities impacting the people who live in them?”

Answering that question must include discussing racism.

As we did, I realized there were big problems with the way I’d heard racism talked about in my life leading up to that point:

Racism was often explained as basically a bad set of opinions, held by a few “bad apples,” who we shouldn’t agree with.  If you hold those opinions, you’re “a racist,” if you don’t then you’re not part of the problem.  Suggested solutions often centered around making sure we believe everyone is equal.

But as we delved into the research, and chronicles of personal experiences, I came to realize – wow.  That’s not at all the full story on what we know about racism.  Each of us personally disavowing racism is good, but it’s not everything we need to do to fix it.

For example, we can easily demonstrate in a lab that people who do not endorse racist beliefs still often make unconscious, racially-biased decisions.

Overwhelming evidence shows that we can make racially-biased judgments without meaning to, or even being aware of it.

The effects of these biases are readily seen in employment, housing, education, public service, online sales, and in the lived experiences of BIPOC (Black, Indigenous People of Color) community members.

I thought I was aware of racism before these classes.  Really, I’d simply been educated by whatever had been delivered to me by K-12 school and media.  And it was not nearly enough, whether the information gaps were intentional or not.

I take responsibility for that.  But I felt frustrated that schools and media hadn’t presented this information everywhere.

In my personal life, I started speaking up and sharing research.

However:

This past week as I’ve borne witness to the justifiable and immense pain caused by continued racism in the United States and around the world, I have reflected afresh on ways I have contributed to that problem. 

One of them concerns this blog.

How can I be upset that my earlier education didn’t give me complete information about racism, when as an educator, I turned around and also failed to share that information?

For example, I’ve taught how anchoring bias impacts how we do our pricing.  I could have used that moment to educate how anchoring also creates unconscious racial bias.

I didn’t because at the time, I thought of racial bias as a different topic than business pricing strategy.  But you know what?  I was wrong to think this way.

• It’s wrong because racism absolutely shapes the small business world, even in ways we’re not consciously aware of.
• It’s wrong because lack of widespread knowledge of that fact is part of what keeps those biased forces in place.  Not speaking up is being complicit with the problem.
• It’s wrong because I can’t have a goal of promoting the well-being of entrepreneurs if I’m not readily discussing the racial biases that directly harm the well-being of Black entrepreneurs.
• It’s wrong because conceptualizing racism as a ‘separate’ topic when it’s woven into the fabric of all aspects of life makes…absolutely zero sense.
• It’s also wrong because in failing to talk about these issues here, I was not acting as an ally.  I can’t only speak up about racism in my personal life when absolutely nothing about racism is confined to the personal lives of Black colleagues.  If their business is impacted, my business should be involved in the solution.

I’m deeply sorry for these and other failures.  I apologize for not doing my job as an educator, and I especially apologize to all BIPOC individuals who came to my blog and found no clear evidence of understanding or solidarity here.  I do stand in solidarity with you, but I don’t just want to say that, I want my actions over the next several decades to show it unequivocally.

Here are some actions I’m currently taking to begin, and I call on fellow business owners to join me.

I am:

1. Seeking out, following, and hiring educators and consultants who teach how to address racial bias in your own business, and how to use your platform to be anti-racist. 

We can’t wait around for someone to show up and tell us what to do.  We don’t do that in other areas of our business, and we shouldn’t here.  We would never say, “I want to learn to use off camera flash, but I’ll wait until someone in my circle comes to explain it to me.”  No, we’d go out, find resources, head to the library, pay for specific help, and then practice what we’d learned.  We all need to approach our education about how to be anti-racist with the same commitment.

I am doing this remembering that education is not a service I expect to always be free.  There are great free resources, but I am not entitled to the unpaid time and emotional labor of those most impacted by racism to help me fix it.  I can budget for education here the same as any other place I need help.

Here are a handful of starter places: Dr. Tomayia Colvin is giving an anti-racism webinar for photographers on Wednesday (June 10th).  It is a paid class and I will be listening.  She has put together a list of resources, too.

Rachel Rodgers is hosting a free town hall on Reimagining Small Business, also on Wednesday (June 10th).  She has also written this post about how to increase diversity in our business, and this post about how those trying to be anti-racist can inadvertently cause more harm.

From the fine arts world, I have appreciated the stories Kaisha S. Johnson shared here (don’t miss that bullet pointed list of anecdotes!) of how organizations get it wrong when they try to make change, and I’m taking notes on subtle things not to do.

Finally, for people who appreciate visuals, this illustration gives a great set of books to read; I’ve read my way through some of the list, and am eager to work through more.

2. Revising my blog’s editorial calendar to help close information gaps, and spotlight the contributions of others. 

The goal of this blog has always been to equip creative people with psychology tools that help them navigate the world better.  To do a better job of honoring that goal, I’ll include what science and experience teaches us about racism and business.  Some of it may feel new or counter-intuitive upon first read, which is why it’s important to share.

I’m considering how I can highlight other voices.  I’m also studying how to make sure to talk about these issues without inadvertently adding to burdens of BIPOC individuals reading them.

3. Initiating recurring donations from my business account.

I’ve realized that donating from personal accounts might be subtly reinforcing my own thinking that addressing this problem is ‘separate’ from my business, and it is not.  (Note: I’m well aware that the pandemic has impacted the incomes of many reading this.  I want to sensitively remind that financial support is great, but by no means the only kind of support we can offer.)

4. Blocking off time in my monthly calendar to continue to learn –

Studying best practices and other ways I can help and donate.

5. I will check in again.

Fellow entrepreneurs, I understand that the pandemic has caused serious emotional distress, brought economic hardship, canceled childcare, and made it difficult to work.  I’m right there with you, and I’m drafting other resources to help with those issues as well.  But the issues of racism truly merits the same after-hours attention that any urgent matter would, and meanwhile our Black community members are dealing with the double stress of both the pandemic and a host of other bias-related challenges.

Of course, no plan put in place this week will adequately address all needed change.  This is going to evolve as I keep listening and learning.  I’m also aware that rushing too fast to change something can mean I inadvertently perpetuate problems.  I’ll be studying and learning how to do this well.

Right now I speak directly to any White allies or audience members who have been watching the news and felt overwhelmed because they don’t know what to do or say:

Please do speak up, and devote time to listening and learning how to do it in ways that truly help.

Let’s not rush to merely voice our support without deep self-reflection.

Racism isn’t just found in people’s opinions, thus, solutions will include more than just stating our opinions.  We are witnessing right now the cumulative effects of a world where people make statements of support, but don’t follow up with personal reflection and action.  Racism involves subconscious biases and systems, which will take some time to understand and dismantle within ourselves.

And when we speak up, let us be humble enough to listen to feedback.  If you’re like most people in the P4P community, you pride yourself on being “a learner,” which means you’re humble enough to acknowledge mistakes and have the stamina to correct and keep going.

It is entirely possible that in this post, I’ve made mistakes that will cause harm to someone reading it.  If someone points that out, my job is not to defend my intentions.  My job is to hear the impact my words made, thank (and/or compensate) the person for expending the time and emotional labor to point it out, and then change how I do things next time.

Let’s get to work.

—

P.S. A handful of you may read this and wonder, “Wait, why is she suddenly sending this?” 

There’s nothing surprising behind the scenes here.  I just holed myself up in my office for several days of reading and reflection, listening to smart people talk about what equity really means, and I wanted to share some thoughts that came out of that.  I hope we can all take more chances to do this inner work.

The post Making Change appeared first on Psychology for Photographers and other Creative Professionals.

Here’s the recording + transcript.  Other recordings coming.

Have you ever heard the saying, “If you think you can’t, you’re right”?

Thinking “I can’t do that” is never fun, but it’s not the worst place to get stuck.  Modern psychology has gifted us tools for changing that mindset.  They’ve been shown to work, over and over. 

No, the most dangerous place to get stuck is somewhere else.  And I’m not sure I’ve ever heard anyone even talk about it.

Let me give you a heads up about the part you *really* need to worry about if you want change something – and a straightforward one-step solution (I promise it really is one step that gets you out of this, click to watch –>):

TRANSCRIPT:

Hey, Jenika here. I want to tell you the most dangerous place you can get stuck when you want to make a change.

Because that’s going to happen in your business.

And that is when things are going…okay. They’re not ideal, but you’re in a rhythm. You generally know what’s expected of you. Your clients are happy with what you’re producing and you could keep going the way things are.

But you notice, when you sit down to work, that your excitement is starting to dry up inside. And you feel that and look around and you see some other things that you could be doing and you think “oh wouldn’t that be cool?” And you look into it and that’s when some big feelings start to come up and you start thinking “well, this would be cool, but what happens if I try and I find out I’m not actually good at it?” Or “what if I let somebody down?” Or “Yikes! I don’t even know where to start.”

So you think, “You know what, I have a lot going on right now. I’m just going to finish up what I’m doing right now and finish this next project and get all caught up and then I’ll make a change.”

Right? This is the most dangerous place to get stuck. And I’ll tell you why.

Clayton Christensen, that Harvard Business School professor I talked about the other day, found that companies need to have their next engine of growth in place before they NEED it. That when the market shifts, and it can do so suddenly, they need to have that thing ready to go for when their current model stops working. They need to be able to push it forward.

Otherwise, he says, it’s like waking up one day and realizing you need shade but all you can do is plant saplings. That stuff takes time to grow. 

So what does this mean for you? It means that today is the day to take a small step toward that thing that you’ve been thinking about doing.

And when I say “small step” I do not mean launching a website. I mean writing down two ideas that you need to communicate on your website. I mean making a list of people that you need to talk to. Because small steps add up, just like a tree grows ring by ring.

Then when you need that change, when your market shifts as it were, either your business market or something in your life changes (you move, something comes up), you have that other thing ready to go, when that current thing you’re doing stops working or when you just can’t do it anymore.

And I have to tell you that I’ve been in business for over eight years now and I have never once been caught up on all the work I have to do. It’s just not a thing that happens. I don’t think that exists. And I don’t say that to discourage you. What it means is you don’t have to wait for some magical moment to get started. Today is the magical moment.

And it also means that you don’t have to have it perfect like we’ve been talking about. You can just take a small step and figure it out as you go. So if you don’t know what that small step is for you, or if your idea is still kind of mushy in your head and you’re not really sure what’s going on. Or you’re like, how am I even going to fit this in when I already have so much on my plate? You know the drill. I would like you to email me and I would be happy to give you a couple of things to consider or a next step for you to think about, alright? And not just think about, but actually take. But maybe it’ll spark an idea for you.

And I’m also very happy to announce that I have actually cleared over 12 weeks of my schedule to work side-by-side with a few of you to make a change. And we’re going to do this together.

We’re going to identify what it is you need to change. Maybe you already know, maybe you don’t. Either way is fine.

We’re going to develop a strategy and clear small steps to take which we will go at your pace and we will start working on it together.

And we’re going to deal, I’m telling you right now, we’re going to deal with the big feelings that come up. And we’re going to deal with the fact that you’re busy and you’ve got a lot going on. And maybe you’re doing this in the bathroom while your kid is banging on the door.

It’s totally fine. And we’re also going to deal with the normal stuff that comes up. Like what happens if you get sick or go out of town, or you got to step away for a week. I will be here to catch you and bring you back so that you can keep going. And all that stuff that would normally derail you isn’t going to derail you.

I am so excited to do this because three months from now, instead of just thinking about that change you want to make, you could actually be living it. Instead of just seeing that person that is doing something you want to be doing, and you just kind of think “oh, wouldn’t that be great?” You could be networking with them as a peer.

So if this sounds cool, click the link that says “Get Jenika on my team” and you can learn more. And you guys know me…you can send me an email, if you’re not sure if this is right for you, just talk it through with me. I’d be happy to chat. But your dreams matter, and I hope to talk to you soon.

Learn about working with Jenika here –>

The post The Most Dangerous Place To Get Stuck When You Want To Change [Video + Transcript] appeared first on Psychology for Photographers and other Creative Professionals.

When I took therapy classes in grad school, I expected the professors to be more…I don’t know…touchy-feely? Inspirational?

It wasn’t like that at all. Most of them were extremely matter of fact. And I soon realized why – the point of most therapy methods isn’t to teach you what to think or feel. It’s to show a way to think, which can then change how you feel.

This is why I’m not going to give you an inspirational quote to repeat to yourself when you feel afraid or uncertain.

It’s not that that doesn’t ever work – it can! Inspiration is great! My home is plastered in quotes held up with washi tape.

It’s that inspiration doesn’t leave you anywhere to go when the quote stops working. Inspiration can be a bit like gasoline on a fire – it can produce an impressive whoosh of bright motivation, and sometimes that’s all you need. But if it flames out and you’re still sitting there – then what?

Today I want to give you a tool for when the quotes stop working.

In my previous post, I asked you to think of a time when you had a bold, creative idea – and the first thoughts that came to mind as you talked yourself out of it. Maybe something like:

• I’d love to speak at conferences. But then I’d need to be the kind of person who has a shinier platform and shares personal things online.
• I’m interested in running. But I’m not really ‘athletic.’ I don’t see myself spending weekends at big races.
• I’d love to hire some people. But I don’t see myself running a company, I want to be home with my kids and not live a CEO life.

If you really want to do something, and you find yourself continually stuck, it’s probably not an issue of “I don’t know how.” Even if that’s what you tell yourself at first. Libraries, Google, and YouTube can almost always get you going there.

If you keep getting stuck, it’s most likely a mismatch between what you think the role requires, and the story you’ve told yourself about who you are.

Here’s how you start changing that. You begin with two simple steps. But note that I’ve said simple, not easy.

Step #1: Name the exact points of mismatch.

Your brain does not print out a tidy report of reasons why you’re avoiding something. There’s typically a swirling murk of discomfort when you come close to taking action, and this holds you in the land of “I need to research more first,” or, “I’ll try when this season is over.”

Wade into the murk with me. What is it about this new idea that doesn’t feel like ‘you’? Is there a value you think you’d have to change, or an undesirable trait you’re worried you’d become?

You might try filling these in:

• I’ve thought about doing ________________, but then I would need to be __________.
• People who ____________________ are like _________________.
• I care about _______________, but if I did this, I’d need to care about ______________.

Step #2: Get curious about whether or not those second blanks are true.

Spend 15 minutes thinking like a lawyer. The prosecution asserts, “You can’t be a successful runner unless you’re a born athlete who loves big crowds and group races,” and shows a bunch of examples.

Can you find evidence that that isn’t always true?

Can you locate a few counter-examples? Are there Facebook groups or forums for proud introverted or non-naturally-athletic runners? Can you post on your own page “Hey hive mind! Anyone here who didn’t do sports growing up but became a runner?”

I’d never ask you to change a core value or pretend you’re someone you’re not. But if you’re going to make a life decision based on this, I’d suggest it’s worth 15 minutes of investigating whether it’s really true you’d need to go against your core values to take on this role.

This pattern can be applied widely:

If you think: “I want to grow my business. I see other people doing it, and they’re no ‘better’ than I am. But they became successful using marketing methods that would make me feel slimy. I can’t do that.”

Get curious: Which marketing method do you object to, and can you find anyone who became successful without using it at all? Is there someone who does use that method but does it with integrity? What other avenues are available? Who is good at using those? Can you ask in a group you belong to, “Hey, does anyone know someone who has successfully done X without having to use Y method?”

If you think: “There’s no way I could turn my little business into a bigger company. I want to be home with my kids, and bigger company owners are busy all the time.”

Get curious: What if we just double checked to make sure that successful company owners are always away from home and busy? What about this one? Or this one? Are there podcasts dedicated to avoiding that exact problem? Who have they interviewed? What other perspectives are out there?

Heads up: Gathering evidence does NOT mean making more research tasks to procrastinate.

Set a timer for 15 minutes and start looking and asking around. I bet you’ll hit on your first piece of evidence within that time period.

I’m going to tell you how to use that evidence to change your inner story shortly.

P.S. Do me a favor and try out Step #1 and #2, even if on something silly, just for fun. (“I think I can’t make a nice dinner without making a huge mess and feeling stressed.”) Practicing on non-serious topics can give you courage to tackle bigger ones later.

The post A Tool for When Inspirational Quotes Stop Working appeared first on Psychology for Photographers and other Creative Professionals.

I was sitting in my kitchen two days ago, hands around a warm mug, staring into space, when out of nowhere, an idea for a novel dropped into my head.

(You know how ideas can do that, I bet.)

The bizarre thing is, I’ve never wanted to write a novel. I don’t even read many novels (nonfiction all day!). But there it was, the first scene, totally complete. From there, my brain unspooled all the story threads that would come out of it. I started to get excited.

As I went upstairs and started to brush my teeth though, a different narrative took over.

If I pursued this, I’d have to be ‘that’ kind of writer….one who cares about bestseller lists and marketing events and stuff. I don’t see myself doing that. And besides, I don’t know enough about this topic to put all the details in. Nor do I know anything about writing a novel or constructing dialogue, so how could it be any good.

Has something like that ever gone through your mind?

Indulge me and think of an example, please – anytime you talked yourself out of a creative or bold idea. Hold it in your mind for a second.

Typing that inner monologue out just now, I spy something interesting about it:

My brain didn’t go straight to “I don’t know enough,” or “I have no experience.” Even though if someone asked me, those would be the first reasons I’d give them for not acting on the idea.

Rather, the idea got shut down because at its core, I couldn’t see myself as the kind of person who wrote novels.

Think about the difference for a second. There are plenty of things you and I both have done that we had no prior experience doing. But it didn’t stop us.

I think far more often, if a new shift or venture doesn’t fit with how we see ourselves, we shelve the thing.

And sometimes that’s okay. We don’t have to be all the possible things we can be.

But here’s the part that concerns me:

I was recently in a room of entrepreneurs where someone was getting advice about how to grow their business and make more money. People offered great suggestions, including to raise prices. Then someone asked, “Wait, why haven’t you raised your prices already?”

The person paused, then answered, essentially – I don’t feel yet that I’m the kind of person who can charge that much.

If you are trying to make a business shift that conflicts with the inner image you have of who you are,

no amount of external business advice is going to be as powerful as changing that story you tell yourself about who you are.

Someone could teach me how to write dialogue and structure a novel. But if I don’t see myself as a novel writer, I’m never going to type a word.

Likewise, I can give you all the marketing plans, all the psychology tactics, all the writing tips in the world. You can take class after class. But if it takes you outside how you see yourself, you still might not find yourself acting on what you learn.

And the worst part is, by not acting, there’s a danger that will reinforce the story you’re telling yourself.

The small business world is full of awesome business advice. But when it comes to the core of why some people don’t take action, I think the support available comes up a little short. Just do it. Believe in yourself. People can get rather scoldy, even, when you don’t implement something you learn – you’re just lazy, you have to work for what you want.

But what if your problem isn’t laziness – what if you’re already working hard? What if you do believe in yourself in general, but can’t quite put your finger on why this new idea isn’t working?

One of my next blog posts is going to offer one place to start.

For now – go back to that time when you had a bold idea, and talked yourself out of it.

Did you have any thoughts like:

• But I would need to be the kind of person who _______
• But I would need to start caring about _____
• But then everyone would expect me to be ______
• I’ve never been one to _____

In other words: Is it possible that there was a mismatch between how you saw yourself, and what the creative idea would require of you?

Peel back a few layers and see if it’s there.

See you next time.

The post This Might Be Why You’re Working And Not Getting Anywhere appeared first on Psychology for Photographers and other Creative Professionals.

Imagine:  You start a project at your computer.  You work and work and get 92% of it done…

…but then you have to stop.  You’re so close, but can’t hit “publish” or “send” or “export.”

How do you feel as you close your laptop?

I don’t know about you, but this drives me batty.  As I walk away from my desk, it can almost like I didn’t get anything done.

The human need for closure is strong.  Last time we talked about the Ovsiankina Effect: When we leave a task unfinished, we create a mental pull to come back to it. 

You can use the Ovsiankina Effect to your advantage – by starting even a tiny first step of a procrastinated task, you create a built-in tug to come back.

But we’d make a mistake not to mention this: 

If you fail to use the Ovsiankina Effect on purpose, it can make you miserable by accident.

Symptoms might include:  You work hard but often feel like you haven’t accomplished anything.  You find yourself harried by how much is ‘still left to do.’  You glance at the clock during dinner, wondering if you’ll have time to go back and finish that one thing.  You feel like you’re drowning, despite working all the time.

Did you know these can simply be symptoms of a poorly-written to-do list?

Yep.  It can be that simple.

Take a look at your list.  Does it contain any items like this? 

• Blog post
• Email Jane
• Update Website

When something on your list is a multi-step project masquerading as a task, you’re setting yourself up to feel like you’re always working and never finishing. 

For me, I’ve learned never to put “Blog Post” on my task list.  Instead, I write this:

• Outline Post
• Draft Post
• Edit Post
• Format & Schedule Post

As soon as I learned to do this, I went from constantly feeling behind to, “oh wow, look how far I got today.  Yesssss!”

No more getting 87% done and having the unfinished part harass me in the afternoon while I’m trying to focus on my kids. I’m calm. 

Nothing is ‘unfinished’ – I completed some self-contained bullet points on my list.  Yes I might have one or two to finish in the morning, but that’s okay – tomorrow always has a list.  I’ll get to it then.

(FYI: If “drafting post” is a sticking point for you, Irresistible Words teaches how to get the writing for a photo blog post done in 20 mins.)

Recently I came across a post by Christina Willner that described how to write a good to-do list, and was thrilled to see that she lists two of the things I had stumbled on by accident. 

The first was to start each task with a verb. 

Instead of “Blog post,” you put outline, draft, edit, or schedule blog post.  

To her note, I mentally add:  Avoid “masking” verbs. 

“Write blog post” starts with a verb, but it masks several smaller tasks. 

No one just “writes,” they brainstorm, outline, draft, edit, and publish.  You don’t have to list every step (“open WordPress”) but make sure the verb isn’t mushing a bunch of separate steps together.

Even items like “Email Jane” can disguise multiple steps that sink your well-being for the day.

Is it one of those emails that you have to go ask Tyrone for some info first, then word the email super carefully, and reread before you send it?  Alert!  Alert!  That’s a masking verb that you need to unmask on your list:

• Ask Tyrone how much X is
• Draft email to Jane about Y
• Revise email to Jane (10 minutes max)

See the favor you’re doing yourself? 

You’re setting it up so if your kids spill in the door at 3:00 and you’re still waiting to hear back from Tyrone, you don’t have this unchecked item hanging over you all evening.  You’ve completed the first step.  Bask in the accomplishment!  Hooray!

Another item that Christina Willner mentioned was giving open-ended stuff a time limit. 

I can agonize over an important email for a half hour, easily.  Limiting it to 10 minutes gives me an ‘out’ – welp, that’s all the to-do list said I could do!  Have to hit send now!

Let’s put this all together:

Say you have “update website” on your list (and most creative people do).

Let’s unmask the verb first:  Maybe you need to recover your platform password, brainstorm a new tagline, outline the points you make on the home page, draft and edit that text, and export and upload your recent work.

If you look at that list, some parts still feel overwhelming.  So what if you made it:

• Recover platform password
• Brainstorm new tagline (30 minutes)
• Outline the home page
• Draft home page (1 hour)
• Edit home page (30 minutes)
• Export and upload new portfolio work (1 hour)

Give yourself time limits for the stuff you’d agonize over. 

You’ll find yourself a whole lot more willing to brainstorm new tagline for 30 minutes (simple! clear deadline! yay!) than to write a new tagline (vague!  lots of pressure! makes you want to run away! boo.) 

If you need more time, you can always put “brainstorm for 30 minutes” again the next day. You still get credit for doing the brainstorming and can check it off your list. 

Basically the entirety of this post can be summed up as follows:

Be kind to yourself.  Set yourself up for success.  Write a good to-do list (use verbs and time frames) that create natural pause points, and you’ll find yourself much less harried.

Try this and let me know what changes, okay?

–

P.S.  If “update website” is on your list, I might just be giving my beloved and most popular course a refresh to align with all these principles.  Just a heads up – something fun is coming. 

P.P.S.  If you read last week’s post, here you go.  Airplane costume success:

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