I got an email the other day from a coworker. One that I am yet to respond to. Mainly, because I don’t know how to respond. Here’s the email…

I was finally going to change around my TSP funds, because it has always been 100% in the G fund, and I remembered talking to you about it once.  I know that you know a lot about finances/investing/etc. and was hoping that you could give me advice as to a better way to have the funds allocated.  Any other TSP advice would be great!

For those that are unfamiliar, the TSP is the federal governments version of a 401K plan. Furthermore, the G Fund referenced is comprised of non-marketable U.S. Treasury securities. Basically, you can expect your money to grow slightly more than inflation. It’s a pretty safe investment, but it  doesn’t allow some of the awesome returns the other funds do.

I’m torn. Part of me wants to tell my coworker how I would invest her money, but the other part of me says “You have no credentials to provide investing advice to acquaintances.” I need to respond to the email so I don’t look like I’m ignoring her. I’m hoping you all can help me with an appropriate reply.

I’ve worked up two possible drafts to respond to my coworker with, please vote on which one you think I should send…

Dear Coworker girl,

Seeing that I am pretty much a baller when it comes to anything financial, it was wise of you to come to me for advice. I seem to know exactly what is best for you and I hope that you will follow my detailed instructions. Seeing that the G Fund is for wussies, yes wussies, I recommend you completely reallocate your contributions. I am a believer that as shoddy as America’s future may seem, we will continue to grow. You should put 50% of your contributions in to a broadly diversified portfolio of stocks of large and medium-sized U.S. companies, 25% in to stocks of small to medium-sized U.S. companies, and the remaining 25% in to international stocks of 21 developed countries. Yes, this is exactly what you should do. And when you are done doing it, you can bake me a bundt cake as a “Thank you” because you will surely become filthy stinkin’ rich.

Peace Up A-Town Down,

Ninja

Or should I send this email….

Dear Coworker girl,

While I am totally flattered you have come to me for help on how to plan for your future, I can’t really give you any investing advice. Simply because I am not qualified. Oh, and because I don’t want you to come sue my a$$ later if things don’t work out as planned. I know our agency has people that could probably put you in touch with some financial advisers. I’d holler at them and talk over any goals and concerns you may have. Best of luck. Oh, and you can bake me a bundt cake if you’d like since I took time to respond to your email

Hugs not drugs,

Ninja

Alright, those drafts may not be verbatim, but you get the point. I definitely have my opinion on how I think my coworkers should be investing their money, but that doesn’t mean I am qualified to voice that opinion. Would I be overstepping my boundaries to tell her what I’d do? Should I lecture her on rates of return and historical averages? Do I put her in touch with someone “qualified” to make those recommendations? I’m gonna assume if you are reading my blog, you have at least some finance smarts… How do you respond when people ask you for financial advice?

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I wrote a tongue-in-cheek post a while back titled “Wife = Asset or Liability.” I asked the question as bachelor Ninja, but now that I’ve been married just shy of a month, I’m pretty much an expert on the topic (haha, yeah right). So, to answer my own question, “Is Wife Ninja an asset or a liability” I’ve come up with a few areas of my life where she has added (or subtracted) value…

Stuff (liability):

I can not process the amount of stuff Wife Ninja has. The number of purses, shoes, candles (lots and lots of candles), picture frames, etc she brought in to this marriage are staggering. Her clothes alone have exploded, out of her closet and in to baskets under the bed, baskets in the linen closet, and of course in to my closet space. I always heard women come with a lot of baggage, but I didn’t  know it literally meant women come with A LOT OF BAGGAGE!!!!

Food (Asset):

Seriously one of my favorite things about living with a girl is my meals. When I was living alone I typically ate, spaghetti, PB&J, and chicken. Since Wife Ninja is all in to being healthy and stuff, we make sure to whip up some well rounded meals. We have a salad with dinner just about every night as well as one or two other sides. She is the primary grocery shopper and meal planner, but when it comes to the preparation we make sure to implement some teamwork. Cooking with her has been some of my favorite times together.

Insurance (Liability):

Wife Ninja is a substitute teacher (but we are keeping our fingers crossed for a teaching contract) which means she gets absolutely NO benefits. Since she is under 25, she was able to stay on her parents plan. That is until we got married. The torch has been passed and she is now on my insurance policies. Across health, dental, and car I think the insurance expenses have increased about $250/month. Which means my take home pay is smaller. Not super excited about that.

Dual Income (Asset):

Today is the first day of the school year and Wife Ninja is already at a school subbing. We are hoping, of the 20+ school days in a month, she will get called to work at least 15 of them (So keep your fingers crossed a lot of teacher get sick, just kidding). If she could work at least 15 days she’d bring in about $1,500 to $2,000 each month, which I would then use to buy ridiculous man toys like a jet ski or a tiger.

Hair/Bobby Pins (LIABILITY!!!):

You have got to be kidding me women. I mean I can’t believe all the random places your hair and your bobby pins end up. No joke, somehow a hair from Wife Ninja managed to embed itself in my belly button. When I discovered it, I almost threw up. I don’t know how she isn’t bald, because I find globs of her hair in the most random places all the time.

And why is it, she can’t seem to keep bobby pins in her hair? I’ve found them on the floor, in the shower, on the couch, and even in the refrigerator. IN THE REFRIGERATOR!!!! I’ve decided I’m going to start collecting these stray bobby pins, and then at the end of the month, I will sell them back to her.

Great Smells (Asset):

Alright, I have to give credit when credit is due, and Wife Ninja always smells phenomenal. Even when we return from a 4 mile run (where I smell like hot garbage and death), she still manages to smell of roses and angel food cake. While this wonderful smell comes with a price, the cost of the various lotions, cremes, and products, it is well worth it in my opinion. I seriously am addicted to her perfume, in fact, I think I’m going to go take a hit of it right now

So, without all the scientific mumbo jumbo, I think I’ve pretty much proven that Wife Ninja is both as asset and a liability to my life. I, however, am probably just a straight liability. I’d love to hear what “assets/liabilities” your significant other brings to the relationship.

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Getting married is expensive, but having a wedding (that we didn’t pay for) makes things a little better. While we spent more money last month than any other, we still managed to scrape by with a move in the positive direction. If the stock market didn’t suck it up, we’d break the $50,000 threshold, but unfortunately that is going to have to be postponed at least another month.

Here’s the breakdown…

Assets:

Checking Account: $3,640, -$576. Opened up a joint checking account so now Wife Ninja has access to all MY money…oh wait? Did I say that out loud? Just kidding. She brought a couple thousand to this relationship, and no debt so I ain’t complaining. The account balance here will always ebb and flow as all of our money funnels through here. The $500 loss doesn’t mean much.

Savings Accounts: $16,571, +$3,524. I managed to sneak a few grand in the savings….shhh….don’t tell Wife Ninja. This is a good thing as we may have to live off our savings a little bit because Wife Ninja wont get her first paycheck for another month and I’m not sure my income can quite support our expenses.

Roth IRA: $13,646 -$165. I’m really hoping I will be able to contribute to my Roth this year, but I have to get a few grand more in the bank before I’d feel comfortable parting ways with another $5,000. I have seven more months to make it happen.

TSP (401K): $15,309, +$240. The standard 5% contribution heads this direction each month. I also get that 5% fully matched. I invest in virtually the same funds in both my Roth IRA and in my 401K so they generally perform the same.

Liabilities:

Student Loan: $0. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I love this. Yes it was $0 last month. And it will be $0 next month, and the next, and the next…. The only thing better then being a debt free bachelor is being in a debt free marriage. Have I told you to “Suck It” lately Sallie Mae?

Credit Card: $0. Just paid off over $3,500 in credit card bills for the last month. Getting married and going to Aruba is expensive. I’m sure the pain of these expenses will translate in to next months update

This leaves us with an overall net worth of $49,169 which is +$2,983 higher than last month. This was basically the result of one thing and one thing only. Wedding money. We got $600 for our dollar dance and another $2,500 in cash gifts. So thank you to all of our wedding guests for helping a ninja out

**I chose not to include possessions (including our cars) in our NW calculations, which would probably increase our worth by about $18,000.**

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As I shared in an earlier blog post, I am the proud owner of a 46″ flat screen HDTV. It’s pretty much the most glorious thing I’ve ever owned and it was definitely my favorite wedding gift. But with a great TV comes great responsibility. One of those responsibilities is ensuring I’m putting that television to use. Only problem is, I’m not a huge TV guy. In fact, now that I think about it. I haven’t turned the thing on in over a week.

But that doesn’t mean I haven’t figured out how to put it to work for minimal cost. I thought I’d share with you all, a few ways I try and get the best bang for my buck.

TV:

Like I mentioned, neither Mrs. Ninja or myself, are the biggest TV fans, but that doesn’t mean we don’t poke in from time to time to see what’s on. I called the local cable companies and the cheapest “decent” package I could get (with ESPN, HGTV, MTV, etc) was $60/month. Even if I wanted just the basic local channels it would still cost $15/month. So instead I spent $20 to buy an HDTV antenna. It’s awesome. I still get all the major local channels, in high definition, with absolutely no monthly cost. It’s seriously legit. Sure, I may not get the cable channels, but I bet I could find them online if I really wanted.

Movies:

I’ve known about Netflix for a real long time. In fact, Mom Ninja bought their stock a long time ago because she knew they had something good going for them. I never really felt like I needed it because I could rent at redbox for $1/day. But then Sister Ninja got me a sweet Blu-Ray DVD player that streams Netflix, Pandora, Blockbuster, etc. Since I can watch a ton of movies via Netflix streaming, I figured it is worth the $9/month cost. I signed up yesterday for a one month free trial. I hope it is as awesome as I’m thinking it will be. Any suggestions on what to add to my “Must watch list?”

Phone:

Goodbye landline and expensive cell phone plan. Hello MagicJack. This thing is legit. It plugs right in to my computer and operates like a normal phoneline. I have a cordless phone plugged in to it and can make unlimited nationwide calling! The best thing about the MagicJack is the price. The service is only $20 for the year. That’s right. For the year!!!! That’s less than $2/month for unlimited calling anywhere. The local cable companies land line plans start at $19.99/month. You’re probably thinking “I don’t need a landline, my cell phone works just fine,” but I’d be willing to bet you would be able to lower your cell phone plan minutes, which in turn would save you a ton! MagicJack isn’t the only internet phone option, but it’s the only one I’ve tried, and I like it a lot.

I’m sure these three things are nothing knew to you, but I can’t help but share how awesome they are. They truly are a frugal man’s paradise. Now if only I could figure out a way to get internet for cheaper. Perhaps steal the neighbors? Just kidding.

Are there any other services you all know about that help save ya’ll a buck? I don’t want to be missing out on some sweet deals. And I’m serious. I want to know what movies are on your “Must watch” list, so I can add them to my Netflix queue.

p.s. I was not paid by Netflix or MagicJack for this post, however, if they wanted to pay me for it, I would gladly accept contributions in the form of burritos or tacos

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It’s a good thing the phrase “You are what you eat” isn’t true, otherwise I would be a french fry filled burrito…

But I did hear something the other day that I think holds a little more truth. Someone told me if you average out the income of your five closest friends, your income is probably pretty close to that average.

While I may not have asked all of my close friends their annual incomes, I think I have a good idea of what they’re making. Let’s see if this little hypothesis works…

Friend 1: $110,000

Friend 2: $70,000

Friend 3: $28,000

Friend 4: $40,000

Friend 5: $80,000

Average salary of all five friends: $65,600.

My salary: $62,000

Whoa. I guess the theory has some legitimacy to it. I need to go find richer friends…joking…kind of. Let’s run a little social experiment today shall we and see if this works out for you too. In the comments below list the average salary of your five closest friends along with your salary. If you don’t feel comfortable sharing that information you can either just say “Yeah it worked” or “This was the stupidest blog post I’ve ever read” or you can always just comment anonymously. Is your salary close to your friends’ average?

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So, Mrs. Ninja and I merged our bank accounts the other day. What’s mine is hers and whats hers is…hers. Wait that’s not right Seriously though, for us combining accounts made the most sense. Merging accounts was super easy, what’s a little trickier is figuring out how to set up boundaries.

Something tells me Mrs. Ninja wouldn’t be too stoked about me dropping $300 on a sound system without clearing with her first. And I will bust a cap if she stops at Nordies and walks away with another pair of boots.

This is why we figured a spending amount should be set. We initially decided neither one of us should make a purchase over $100 without first consulting the other. But after a little more thought, decided we should lower the threshold to $50.

What we are yet to figure out is how long that $50 spending limit is good for. Say for example I find a sweet camera accessory for $42. The rules say I can buy it without having to run the purchase by Mrs. Ninja. But what if, the next day, I find a $35 jacket that I want?

This is where I think setting a spending limit falls short. Should the $50 threshold be per day/week/month? Now that I think about it, I’m kinda thinking the spending cap is pretty stupid.

Instead of saying “You can’t buy something over $50 without running it by me first”, we should just set up a budget and say we each get $100/month of  ”do whatever the heck you want with it” money. It fosters guilt free spending, but still provides the necessary boundaries. Heck, that money could even roll over for the next month. If I only spent $20 of my $100 in August, I could spend $180 in Sept. without having to ask. Not a bad idea right?

I don’t know, maybe I’m over thinking this spending allotment gig, but it’s definitely something that needs to get fine tuned. How do you peeps work the combined accounts system? I need wisdom!

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If you’re like me you pay a pretty penny each month for insurance. Health, dental, vision, car, life, renters, it seems like the policies never stop. Although I don’t mind paying for the peace of mind, I’d be lying if I pretended I was excited about the expenses. This is why I have a goal to self insure many aspects of my life. Here are a few areas I’d like to cover…

Electronic purchases:

I was a sucker for purchasing “extended warranties.” While I thought I was being responsible for doing so, I’ve come to realize that is hardly the case. Come to think of it, I can’t ever recall being able to take advantage of an extended warranty. This makes sense when you think about it. Take for example Apple Care. For $160, you get two additional years of coverage. Do you think Apple would sell Apple Care if their products typically failed within that time frame? Heck no they wouldn’t. They sell the policy because they know the chances of your device breaking down is highly unlikely, not to mention that it only takes one accidental dent/crack/chip to completely void the warranty.  I’ve bought extended warranties on every Apple product I’ve purchased, but have never once had to use them. Next time I’m offered an extended warranty I will politely decline, knowing I have the liquidity to cover any repairs if need be.

Our Cars:

Girl Ninja brought a 2005 Toyota Corolla to the marriage. Last week I was calling to get quotes to add her to my insurance policy. Since she owns her car outright, I toyed with the idea of not paying for the comprehensive and collision insurance. This means if she crashed in to another car, our insurance WOULD pay for the damage caused to the other vehicle, but it WOULD NOT cover any repairs necessary for Girl Ninja’s car. I “Blue Booked” the value of her car and saw it should sell for about $8,500. Although we have the funds to completely replace her car, we decided the small premium increase is worth it to add comprehensive and collision coverage. Once her car drops to around $5,000, then we will probably drop that coverage and self insure and damage that may be caused.

My life:

Right now I can get a $1,000,000; 20 year level term life insurance for about $30/month. I see that as a completely fair trade, but as I age my insurance premiums will increase, or even worse I may become ineligible for life insurance if I develop some serious health issues. This means I have 20 years to build up a large enough Net Worth so that my bank/retirement accounts become their own life insurance policy. If I have enough liquidity, Mrs. Ninja can rest easy at night knowing that even if I am uninsured, she will still have adequate resources to carry on without me.

That said, there are a few areas I will probably never self insure in…

Renters Insurance:

It’s soooo cheap. I pay like $10/month for $30,000 worth of coverage through AAA. It’s honestly my favorite insurance because I pay the whole year up front ($120) and have the peace of mind knowing my place can get robbed at any moment and I will be taken care of.

Health Insurance:

While I hope one day to have a small fortune, I don’t know if I will ever be wealthy enough to self insure my medical expenses. For example, Dad Ninja got in a pretty gnarly motorcycle accident two years ago where he almost lost his leg. After multiple skin grafts, a muscle transplant from his back, two weeks in the hospital, a few months in a wheelchair, and two years of physical therapy he is finally getting back to normal. While I don’t know the total cost of this entire process (probably close to $500,000 in medical expenses), I do know how much  the first night in the Emergency Room cost him…$94,000. That’s freakin’ crazy. He wasn’t in this small hospital for more than 12 hours before being transferred to a larger hospital, but he left with a medical bill of nearly $100k. Suddenly my health insurance premium doesn’t sound too bad.

There are about a billion other things one can choose to insure, self insure, or just flat out ignore. Homeowners insurance, umbrella insurance, ALIEN ABDUCTION insurance (it really exists!) to name a few. Are there any areas of your life you “go it alone” and self insure? Where do you ALWAYS plan to pay the premium?

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Holy crap. I feel like I blinked and the wedding was over. It seriously went by so fast. Everyone told me to take a deep breath, go slow, and take it all in, but it’s just so hard when the day is as busy, hectic, exciting as it is. There are parts that I remember vividly, i.e. Mrs. Ninja walking down the aisle (yes I teared up) and parts I don’t remember at all, i.e. what song played when we cut the cake.

There are so many things that I could write about in regards to our wedding, but I’ll try and narrow it down to just a few things.

Dollar Dance:

Do you remember the little debate I had a few weeks back, asking whether the $$$ dance was tacky or reasonable? Well, you can call me Tacky Ninja ’cause we totally rocked the dollar dance hardcore. I’m quite glad we did because it gave me dedicated face time with many of our guests, but more importantly we walked away $600 richer at the end of it! Can you believe it?! Six Hundred Bones! Totally legit and I never got the vibe someone was dancing with me out of obligation or pity.

Wedding Cake:

If you recall from Mrs. Ninja’s guest post about our wedding, she shared that we were having a quasi-fake cake. The bottom three layers were all Styrofoam, and the top two layers were actual cake. Our cake ended up only costing $90 (instead of the $500 quotes from the bakery), but we definitely got what we paid for. The fake layer did not match the real layer. They were slightly different colors and the design was off. It wasn’t what we had imagined, but with a little bit of craftiness, Mrs. Ninja’s aunt was able to make it look half-decent. Fortunately, the wedding cake is not really something people remember about weddings.

Vows:

I don’t know if it’s weird to post up my vows to Mrs. Ninja here, but they are obviously a huge piece of the ceremony as it is a commitment of my life to hers. We both customized our own vows, so hers are different than mine. Here’s what I promised to her…

Mrs. Ninja, today in the presence of God, I give my life to you.

To be your husband, and your friend,

and to stand by you as we share our life together.

As Christ is to His church, so I will be to you,

a loving and faithful husband.

I will walk with you daily

and grow with you in mind and spirit,

When you cry, I will comfort you.

When you laugh, I will share your joy.

I promise to lead us towards Christ

and guide you according to His Word.

That through His grace,

we might grow together into His likeness

for as long as we both shall live.

Pictures:

This was the most important thing to me when it came to our wedding. We had seen our photographer shoot a few of our friends’ weddings, and knew we had to have him do ours. We paid a pretty penny for his services, but his pictures aren’t just photographs, they are ART!!!! We will get all the pictures in about 6 weeks, but he gave us a “sneak peek” of 34 pictures. Here are a few of ‘em….

So there is just a glimpse of what my epic wedding of epicness looked like. I wish you all could have been there, but then again, I don’t. ‘Cause if you were at my wedding, that would be really weird, and kind of creepy. Maybe I can twist Mrs. Ninja’s arm into giving you a more detailed wedding play-by-play in the future. What went well at your wedding, and what didn’t? Any regrets? Any “must-dos?”

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Saved myself a crap load of money by not panicking and buying a mac mini. Thank you all. Only problem is the wife is going to bed, and I ain’t about to make her sleep by herself

Tomorrow I SWEAR I WILL BE BACK IN FULL FORCE, with wedding pictures, stick figures, and all my PDITF shennanigans.

I’m hoping this hilarious news interview will hold you over

see you tomorrow peeps!!!

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