Pundemic

Innocuous World Domination

2012-07-31T16:40:00.000-07:00

I was thinking back to when I was but a wee little Blaine and I realized that much like every other kid-- I frequently dreamt up ways to take over the world. I suppose you could say I was like Pinkie and the Blaine.

I was slightly happier than Brain though

After this my trip down memory lane I decided that since I want to blog-- but sometimes struggle with inspiration I will start a recurring theme. What am I writing about today? Why the same thing I write about every (couple of) days! Taking over the world. However there is a twist.

I will stop at nothing to re-use this picture

The challenge I've issued myself is that I have to come up with a plausible way to rule the world beginning with something very innocuous and have some sort of tenuous logical path to the end. I think it's fitting that for the first edition of Innocuous World Domination, my first step will be to enlist the help of Dramatic Gopher.

I told you I'd use it again

Step One:

Gather an army of gophers that happen to be of the dramatic persuasion. This is a pretty innocent act, and I feel that the only people who will notice are the ones that live on the internet. As soon as I've gathered enough gophers-- say... 10,000, I will begin to train them.

Step Two: Training

At this point, my gopher army will have started to hunger for war, but I can't yet oblige them. As the gopher blood lust continues to grow, I will allow them access to the internet. At first they will enjoy the new-found information, and they will begin to placate themselves. Gophers and other furry creatures are the stars of the internet, why would they want to ruin that?

He's like a kitten, but small

Step Three: The Big Reveal

This is the linchpin of the whole operation; just as soon as the gophers have begun to trust humanity, I show them the dark-side of the internet. I introduce them to... Internet Commenters. The gophers will be forced to read page after page of poorly-spelled vitriol. Comments that make you question yourself, and humanity. It's cruel, but it needs to be done.

What have I done?

Step Four: Recruitment

After my army has discovered a sufficient amount of evidence to fuel their spite, I will unleash them on the world-- not for fighting, but for recruitment. The gophers will venture out and tell the furry brethren about the horrors of the civilized world. A fervor of hatred and fear will sweep across the natural world.

This is where it all begins

Step Five: Victory

Once my minions have gathered enough support, they will begin the infiltration. Disguised as cute and lovable animals, the army will find their way into the homes of unsuspecting Redditors looking for karma. Once they have earned the trust of their captors, my army will strike. Once they've subdued the Redditors, I will have control of the internet, and once I have control of the internet, I control the world.

The Dark Knight Rises

2012-07-28T11:41:00.000-07:00

This summer has been pretty damned good to those of the nerdy persuasion-- The Avengers was incredible, Spider-Man was pretty good, but good lordy was The Dark Knight Rises fantastic.

Come at me bro

I loved the movie, and couldn't have been happier with the way it turned out-- but I don't want to turn this post into a review since I think there are plenty of those already. No, I want to talk about what the movie inspired in me. Before that though, there is the sad fact that some insane piece of shit used this movie as a vehicle for his own twisted desires. That guy ruined what should have been a wonderful experience for the people in the theater but I have to say the the way those involved in the movie have responded is inspiring.

Not only did Christian Bale visit the victims, but Hans Zimmer composed a song to raise money; a song which you can find here: http://www.watertower-music.com/releases_spotlight.php?search=Charity

For me, Batman has always been about finding peace. What I mean by that is not that Batman is peaceful-- no, he certainly does get around to a lot of punching.

He's sad because he's punched everyone there is to punch

Batman's search for peace has always been more about coming to terms with the death of his parents, but it progressed to much more than that. Of course there are different iterations of Batman, but let's take the Nolan Batman as our main subject. Bruce's parents were the victims of bad luck-- a child was frightened and asked to leave the opera, and through a stroke of terrible timing they were shot by a desperate mugger.

Many years later, Bruce attends the hearing of his parents' killer only to see him released. Shortly thereafter, Joe Chill is killed in front of Bruce. Rather than take solace in the fact that the killer is dead, Bruce feels more unrest than ever before. He eventually confronts Falcone to tell him that Gotham is not afraid-- Falcone threatens Bruce and points out that he has a lot to lose in the form of friends and loved ones. This inspires Bruce to go on a journey of self-discovery.

Also known as the shotgun approach to detecting

Needless to say, Bruce finds his way and eventually becomes the world's greatest detective. Fast forward two movies and eight years, and Batman is at the top of Gotham's most wanted. Gotham is in an unprecedented stretch of peace and as such, has no need for Batman. And yet, Bruce cannot come to terms with this. Just as Batman has disappeared from Gotham, so has Bruce Wayne disappeared into the halls of Wayne Manor. But why, you ask? Why would Bruce Wayne hide when it's Batman who is the wanted criminal? Because Batman is the true identity, and Bruce Wayne is the cover.

He's already wearing a mask

I thought the movie played this beautifully-- and that's where I think the movie is most inspiring. Although Bruce Wayne started his journey looking for a way to avenge the death of his parents, he ends it by finding a way to save his city. Batman became a symbol for Gotham in a way that Bruce Wayne never could-- but what gets me most about the character is how he has become a symbol for people in the real world too.

Like I mentioned earlier, Christian Bale and Hans Zimmer have reached out to the victims of the Aurora shooting, but the character of Batman has done so much more than that. Director Kevin Smith started a non-profit that combats sex-trafficking, and he named it after Bruce Wayne ( http://viewaskew.com/thewaynefoundation/ ). Smith also does a podcast where he talks to people who have been involved with the Batman universe: he's spoken with Paul Dini, Tara Strong, Mark Hamill, and many more. A kid who grew up idolizing these people now gets to talk to them about Batman. Hell, Kevin Smith even writes Batman comics now. All this simply because loved Batman ( a gross oversimplification, but you get the point).

It's not lupus

Another wonderful story from the Dark Knight is of the Route 29 Batman, a man who dressed up to inspire sick children. This guy is just someone who happens to have the money to dress up in silly outfits and run around being nice to people-- which I'm sure he would have found a way to do, with or without Batman. I suppose the point of all this is that I want to focus on the ways in which characters can inspire greatness, rather than focusing on the ways in which we can blame the Aurora shooting on anything other than the guy being a complete and utter sack of shit.

Time Distortion

2012-07-12T12:42:00.002-07:00

Apparently I'm not very good at tracking time as it has been almost three weeks since my last post.

There's really no way to tell.

One of the hardest classes I took in college was a philosophy of time course taught be a theoretical physicist-- the one thing I was sure about after that class was that I did not understand time. If you think about it, there's really almost no way to define the passage of time. We can measure speed in a number of ways, miles per hour, meters per second, jiffies, and many more, but lists work better in threes. It's also fairly easy to measure distance-- miles, meters, beardseconds... you name it. But how can we measure time? It's not like we can say a second passes at one second per second... or that an hour passes at 60 minutes per hour. It's like saying I'm exactly as tall as I am. This statement, while true, is not inherently useful.

http://xkcd.com/703/ a link to the actual site, and some sort of clever comment

Furthermore, it's pretty difficult to distinguish temporal events. How do we quantify when something happened? How do I know that Batman Begins first premiered in 2005? I can't go back to that year and go see it for myself-- sure, a quick internet search told me that I was right but the internet also told me that being raised in large cities makes people gay (http://www.conservapedia.com/Homosexuality#Causes_of_homosexuality ). My point is, that I'm fairly certain that certain things have happened in the past, but I have absolutely no proof other than my memory, and maybe the internet. Even things happening right now are hard to quantify, pretty much every experience we have is on a slight delay so what we perceive as "now" is a reaction to something that happened a split-second ago.

Your brain on Philosophy of time... not even once

Like I said, back in 2005 the world changed for the better-- Batman Begins... began. It then seemed like an eternity before The Dark Knight would be released, but when it was it seemed like Batman Begins had come only come out the day before. And now, The Dark Knight Rises will come out in a week even though The Dark Knight only came out yesterday, and Batman Begins, the day before that.

And in a year or two, the series will be rebooted

My point is, that when you have a lot going on sometimes time can slip away and you can forget to take the time to enjoy life. My ancillary point is that it's not my fault I haven't blogged in a while, it's times.

Sexism, Confirmation Bias, and You... also Vampires

2012-06-22T07:38:00.001-07:00

First off, I'm going to go out on a limb here and say... sexism is bad.

A bold stance, but I stand by it

Now that we've got that out of the way, I've been thinking a lot about how the so-called battles of the sexes is played out in pop-culture. What prompted this particular blog was an episode of Scrubs called "My Tormented Mentor." A new surgeon shows up at the hospital and hilarity ensues-- but there's a twist! This surgeon is... a woman. Scrubs

If you'd rather not watch the clip (you should though, Scrubs is awesome) then let me summarize it for you. Dr. Miller walks in and the menfolk objectify her but are then shocked that she is actually the mythical creature known as a strong female character.

A strong female character photographed
in the wild

Initially I thought, "hmm, while she is abrasive... at least she is confident." This character was basically the female equivalent of Dr. Cox-- smart, strong, annoying and lacking a certain social etiquette. However, if you watch until the end of the clip I posted, and the beginning of part 2 you'll see that Dr. Miller has an issue with Turk. Because he says "he's got her back" she jumps down his throat for being the "worst kind of sexist," one who tries to protect women because he views them as weak.

A black and sexist Superman if you will

Dr. Miller then goes on to mock Turk asking if the widdle boy is going to cry. Now, it is entirely debatable whether or not Turk is actually sexist but there are a couple of issues I have with Dr. Miller. First off is that she has a massive chip on her shoulder-- she sees sexism everywhere and holds a grudge against seemingly everyone (she later gets mad at Elliot for something about being a woman). Now, I won't deny that sexism exists-- I'm sure it does. But I do think that by being so hyper-sensitive to it, Dr. Miller has in turn become sexist; she just happens to be sexist against men. I have nothing against feminism-- provided it is simply the notion that women should be treated the same as men; note that I said "same" not "privileged." Just because Dr. Miller may have been discriminated against does mean that she has license to belittle men. Therein lies the rub; I think feminism is an inherently flawed term. Once more, I have nothing against women, but I think the term feminist can be alienating. Furthermore, given the history of women's rights I think the term has done a lot of good but if we ever hope to get past this obsession with gender then we should adopt a new term-- although I will admit that "personism" doesn't have the same ring.

I'm sure if anyone read my blog
this would be an argument thrown my way

This all brings me to my last point-- Dr. Miller seems to be more about talking the talk than walking the walk. She spouts off whenever men piss her off, and she's very aggressive about it. However, another show that I just started watching got me thinking about an alternative. The protagonist from True Blood embodies what I think is the best form of "personism."

Although I'm sure many people are
angry that she's "just a waitress"

From the first episode of the series, Sookie proves that she can fend for herself-- she meets Vampire Bill (he's a vampire named Bill) and discovers that some people plan to attack him. Sookie then rushes outside and saves Vampire Bill. Within the first ten minutes of the series, Sookie has done more for feminism (or personism) than Dr. Miller did in Scrubs. Rather than run around yelling at people that they should respect her because she's a woman, she shows that she is a capable human being. Throughout the series Sookie takes charge without having to speechify about how womanhood-- she initiates the first kiss with Bill, she saves him multiple times, and she doesn't let people piss in her wheaties. I suppose my point is, that being a woman does not mean you automatically deserve respect-- being a person does.

Teaching, Movies, and Memes

2012-06-17T09:52:00.003-07:00

This week something strange happened. I've seen the other side of the coin, and I can't say that I like it all too much. I was going about my day and running some errands something awful happened. I saw students out in the real world.

I apologize for the resolution-- clearly
this picture was taken with a potato

Now we've all been students and so it's fair to assume that we were all shocked when we realized that teachers existed outside of school. I, however, never expected to feel the same about students. Now don't get me wrong, I love my students and I'm excited that they exist-- but seeing them in the real world made me panic. After a brief bout of hyperventilation, I came to my senses and realized that I wouldn't have to answer questions, give out pens, or grade homework. In fact, I'm almost certain that my students are actually people.

On the left: my girlfriend's reason for watching the movie
on the right: a much better reason to watch the movie

Last night I was forced to watch Crazy, Stupid, Love-- while I will very reluctantly admit that I enjoyed the movie I am still fundamentally opposed to it on the grounds that Ryan Gosling is too damned pretty. There is of course, an argument to be made that Emma Stone is too hot-- that would be silly though because she is perfect. All in all, the movie was pretty good though pretty much every character is reprehensible in some way. Michael Scott (or whatever Steve Carell's character is) is a sad sack who blames his shortcomings on the world. His best friend is useless and ends his friendship with Michael Scott at the behest of his wife.The son is persistent to the point of sexual harassment. Julianne Moor cheats on her husband, asks for a divorce and then gets mad at her husband because he slept with someone. Emma Stone-- well, we all know she's perfect even if she does have a horrible best friend in the movie. Ryan Gosling oddly enough, is one of the few characters with whom I sympathize-- he may sleep around, but he never forces any of the girls to do anything, they choose to sleep with him.

Oh Condescending Wonka, you so condescending

I was browsing the interwebs (Reddit) and I came across the above meme (or macro if you insist). The title of the thread was: "I apologize on behalf of the majority of my generation." This seemed fairly silly as I don't remember hearing about "IDunnoAnyGoodNames" being elected as spokesperson of his or her generation. There are a couple of ways in which I think this type of mentality is stupid.

The most obvious being that one person speaks for his/her generation. The second part is the notion that you have something to apologize for. Even if there are people that think their parents are trying to ruin their lives by grounding them, we needn't apologize for their idiocy. This reminds me of a news segment during the OJ Simpson trial-- granted I have no memory of the event, but we discussed the clip in a CRIM 101 class.

A reporter goes up to a young African American student and asks him what OJ's acquittal meant for African Americans everywhere. The kid refused to comment-- but we later discovered that he wished he'd said "Well, I heard a white man was acquitted of murder-- what does that mean to you?"

The point being that just because you have something in common with a person doesn't mean that that person represents you.

Your daily dose of awww

Apartments, Writing, and The Future

2012-06-15T11:38:00.002-07:00

This week has been all sorts of exciting and I can't help but look forward to everything that is yet to come. I can't help but feel that my life is coming to its latest chapter-- things are changing in so many ways, and they are staying the same in all the ways that matter.

I'm pretty sure this is the place I'll be staying in

I've found what will become my home for the next year-- and I have to say I'm pretty excited.Although I'm moving a whole four blocks away from my girlfriend it is conceptually quite the large shift. Last year we lived in the same building and this summer we've been in the same house so four blocks is a relatively big shift. Granted, she also spent about 18 months in Florence, which by my estimations is at least 12 blocks away. Given that we did manage to survive the trans-continental relationship, I feel that we will make do with our four block distance. We might just have to rack up the frequent flyer miles.
If nothing else, it will be nice to have my first adult domicile. My mission to impersonate a responsible adult has begun.

Fifty more of these and I could be a rapper

I checked the stats for my blog today and I am officially making money! Granted, I have literally only earned one cent-- but still, that's about what I'll make as a teacher. I can now say that as a writer I have made $200.01! Most of that for editing-- some of it for a writing contest, and of course the one cent for being an amazing blogger. Much like teaching, writing has never been about the money for me. I love to do it, and I'd like to say I'm good at it. Of course you may beg to differ, but you can't argue with all of my earning.

In the future people can drive poorly
at the altitude of their choosing

As a recent college graduate I can't help but consider the future. My perspective now is that while I may not know exactly what the future holds for me, there are a few things I'm banking on. I view it as a gamble on what is to come-- a bet that I will do my best to make sure actually happens.

I'm staying in Spokane for the next year to sub (or maybe full-time teach, we'll see), to be with my ball and chain, and to hold on to some semblance of familiarity. The teaching speaks for itself; I love to do it, I'm good at it, and it will make me rich (rich because I plan to win the lottery while teaching).

The old ball and chain (Nikki) is a hugely important part of my life and I've decided that I want to wait for her to graduate-- not because she's slow, but because she's a year younger. Without delving too deeply into the realm of cheesiness, she is a wonderful person and I want to do everything I can to make our relationship work. We have been dating nine whole months, and I'm happy to say that we can celebrate the fact that there are no babies on the way.

Lastly, I've never really lived anywhere in the US other than Spokane and as such I might as well start my life out here. Plus, change is stupid. Nobody likes change.

A coaster wise beyond its years

Exciting Things From My Life

2012-06-12T18:20:00.000-07:00

As promised, I shall try to stave off the drought of bloggery on my part. These last couple of months have certainly been eventful—I actually finished a large writing project, my girlfriend returned from foreign lands, I got to see my eighth grade students move on to high school… oh, and I graduated from college.

I am now lazy college graduate

To the first point, I completed my senior project which ended up being 80 pages or so with the intent to expand it to novel length. It’s a story about people who do things and go places. If that synopsis isn’t enticing enough then: it’s a story about people who do things and go places, and then they learn stuff about life. Seriously though, if anyone reads my blog and actually wants to read the story—send me a note, I can give you a copy.

Pictured above: a book that is not my senior project

To the second exciting event in my life, my girlfriend has returned from her travels abroad. Apparently Spokane was not exciting enough, so she flew away to Florence. Despite the distance, we made our relationship work through a judicious use of Skype and instant messaging. It wasn’t fun, but it is wonderful to have her back—even if it means I have to start showering again. So far there has been much couple-y activity, including such exciting things as driving to Pseudo-Portland (Vancouver), and watching the Dragonboats. The most disappointing aspect of the affair was that not a single team named themselves DragonBoat Z. All in all, I’m thankful to have the old ball and chain back in my life. Also, Portland is still silly.

Somehow the joke never gets old

Today I came back in to the classroom where I did my student teaching this semester, and it was a pretty great experience. Today was yearbook distribution and signing; while I may despise writing anything by hand, it was worth it to see the students light up as they read (or attempted to decipher) what I wrote. My mentoring teacher surprised me with a yearbook of my own which was fantastic.

Artist’s rendering of my penmanship

I’m trying to ease back in to the process of regular blogging, so I’ll end the post here with a few thoughts

1.) Portland is silly, but Powell’s is fantastic.

2.) Long distance relationships are not ideal—but I apparently am awesome enough that my girlfriend resisted the tempty ways of the Italians.

3.) I might try to develop a format for my blog so that I have more structure. Maybe I will keep the idea of updating with Exciting Things from My Life.

One of the top Google results for “exciting things”

What year is this?

2012-06-10T21:59:00.002-07:00

The Blainian curse of Bloggery has struck once more, and I have been MIA for many a moon. However, it has recently come to my attention that my blog has a reader. Yes, one WHOLE reader. Granted, that reader was my mother, but it is a reader nonetheless! So I have decided to return to the world of bloggery, on a more regular... semi-regular-- more than once every four months basis. So dear reader, you have much to look forward to as I promise to try and plan to write maybe once a week.

For Goodness' Sake

2012-01-12T15:29:00.000-08:00

and annoying.

I was thinking back to a Philosophy of God course I took a semester or two back, and one of the main criticisms against atheists is that they are a godless (that kinda goes with the territory though) and immoral lot. At the time of that course I was still struggling through my thoughts on religion (against it in most cases) and god (if pushed, I lean towards deism). But even then, I thought this was an incredibly asinine statement, of course atheists can be moral-- in fact there is an argument to be made that they have the potential to be "more" moral than their Christian counterparts, which is not to say that Christians can't be moral.

One of first results when searching "morality"
why? Because monkey in a suit, with a gun that's why

Many of the people in that Philosophy class felt that without God, mankind had no basis for morality. Fortunately, I was not the only one to point out the silliness of the claim. You can derive morals from many paths other than religion; empathy, reciprocity (the golden rule, basically), and sympathy. I laid out the argument like this 1) I like to do good things because they make me feel good 2) I like to do good things because I want other people to do good things to me 3) I like to do good things because it makes others feel good. Now that may not be the most comprehensive explanation in the world, but I feel that it sufficed for the purposes of that class.

Put in cynical terms,
be nice so that you don't get blown up?

One question that was never satisfactorily answered in that class was, why morality derived from fear of divine punishment more "moral" than one derived from empathy. If your only reason for being moral is that your God told you to do so (on fear of damnation), then there are two implications. First, you are relying upon a text that has been edited, and translated in any number of possibly erroneous ways, as a guide for your life. Assuming you've read the whole thing, then you run into problems of selectivity. Why do Christians eat shellfish, but claim that premarital sex is wrong? Both are "sins" in the Bible, and yet one is ignored. Furthermore, if you haven't read the Bible (and this is pretty common: http://www.csmonitor.com/USA/Society/2010/0928/In-US-atheists-know-religion-better-than-believers.-Is-that-bad) then you rely upon the Church, or some other worldly authority. Relying upon someone else to tell you how to live your life seems quite at odds with the claim that you believe in the word of God. What if your church/priest/pastor/pope is wrong?

He does have a very big hat though

The second issue is that you are good only because you fear damnation. I realize that this does not hold true for all (or maybe even most) Christians, but the implied message is still there. Don't sin because if you do, then God will send you to Hell. The concept of hell is irreconcilable to me with the concept of a benevolent god. I raised this issue many times as a kid; why would god send people to hell just because they're not Christian? Why would god send anyone to hell for any reason (falling short of truly heinous things such as rape)? Don't get me wrong though, I know many Christians who are paragons of morality. I also know many atheists/deists/whatever else who are just as moral. One point that I maintain though, is that most Christians I know do not in fact adhere to the Bible 100% because they do things like mix cloths (Deuteronomy 22:1), get haircuts ( Leviticus 19:27 ), and let women speak in church (1 Corinthians 14:34). I bring up that last verse because a lot of people I talk to claim that the Old Testament isn't as important as the new, but as far as I know, Corinthians is in the New Testament.

this is a pun

My point is, it shouldn't matter what you believe so long as you try and be a decent person. I don't care what you believe so long as you're not an asshole.

The Five Year Rule

2012-01-08T21:45:00.000-08:00

Apparently Ted Mosby can be in things other
than How I Met Your Mother

I was thinking about the future, as is the plight of a college senior, when I remembered a movie I watched on my first(?) date with the old ball and chain. One of my favorite quotes from Happythankyoumoreplease, a movie with Ted Mosby as a writer instead of an architect, is that five years from now you'll look back and think what an asshole you were five years ago.

Penn&Teller, pointing out assholery
since the dawn of time

There's a lot of truth to this quote, because I've never thought of myself as asshole in the present but whenever I think back to who I used to be... well, I cringe. It's not that I'm a terrible person from day to day, it's just that as I mature I tend to look back on what I did with my "I'm so smart now" glasses. This got me to thinking though, if I'm only an asshole from the perspective of future (actually, present looking at past) me, then what does that imply about my choices? I like that to think that it means I do the best I can in the present, and just accept that I might think it was stupid when I reach the future.

Apparently this is a misquote,
but I prefer this to the real one

What I take away from this is that every single stupid (or not so stupid) decision we make now is what will define us in the future. Every single mistake we make adds up in immeasurably tiny ways to contribute to the person that you will become, even if you are happy with the person you are now. Now, before all one of my readers tells me that I should quit the pseudo-philosophy-- I know that this post is quite silly, and that it will look even dumber in five years' time. But, and this is a big but, this is the post I need to make at this point in my life-- it's the right choice now, even if I might make fun of it later. Time is a funny thing, for one thing we it is almost impossible to define the present. Most importantly to me though, is the fact that time completely changes my perspective on almost everything. What was intensely painful yesterday might be the transformative moment of my life when viewed from the future.

An overly idealistic
but thought-provoking view on fathers

Largely, I suppose that it's impossible to tell where you will be in five years but now I try to use that point of view as my guide for choices. How will I view this decision five years from now? Well I'll probably think I was an asshole, but at least I can admit that.

Memory

2012-01-08T01:52:00.000-08:00

It might be easier to date elephants
you only ever have to compliment them once
because they never forget

So I was browsing reddit trying to come up with a topic to blog about when a great idea struck me right in the face. Unfortunately, I then tried to open wordpress (www.blainedenton.wordpress.com) which crashed repeatedly. After I finally got it open, I had completely forgotten what it was I was going to write about. I then proceeded to try and re-open all the tabs I'd just closed from reddit which achieved absolutely nothing. I'd been so distracted for those few crucial seconds that I couldn't remember anything about my idea.

If it weren't for this little guy I would resort
to sitting in the corner crying over lost ideas

Thankfully for me (and my vast audience of one) I came up with the bright idea of writing about my piss-poor memory. I could go into the intricacies of how the new social media has destroyed our ability to pay attention to-- oooh a butterfly. But instead I want to write about the importance of remembering the important things.

Pictured: what my wall would have looked like if
I actually took pictures of it

I am a fan of post-its. I like to write things down and when I'm busy, I like to see what I have to do, do it, then throw the now useless post into the garbage and celebrate my triumph over paper that thinks it can tell me what to do. Were it not for post-its, notebooks, and whiteboards I wouldn't know where to be at what tie, or what to do by what date. But beyond just the scheduling aspect, I use these tools to remind of certain things.

If ever I find myself an amnesiac in search of a killer
I'd be well-prepared

For the longest time I had the words "memento mori" written on my whiteboard, which means remember that we must die (or some such thing). I had this up there because it always puts things into perspective-- of everything I have to give in this world, the most valuable is time. Now this may be because I'm an English/Education Major which means that I will be paid with a salary of chickens-- but I also think that it is true for most people. The only asset I can never regain is time and as such I am very picky about what I spend my time on. I like to be productive, but I also need some downtime in which to reflect and relax. I need to constantly remember these things because otherwise I find myself falling into a routine wherein I am not valuing my very limited time here on Earth. And since my actual memory is useless, I like to write things down because then I can see exactly what it is I'm thinking and evaluate if my actions are in-line with those goals*.

Meditation: lets you cause rocks to float above the ocean

*HOLY BALLS! I just remembered what I was going to write about initially; being still does not equal doing nothing (It pains me to admit that this quote is from the new Karate Kid movie. More on that later.

The Ability to Recover

2012-01-07T00:15:00.000-08:00

I approve this message

Something I've been thinking about a lot lately is the importance of pushing yourself. I was the stereotypical "smart" kid in high school in that I didn't have to try very hard. Getting good grades was easy, but after a while it became monotonous and I lost interest. I still got decent grades but I never felt a sense of accomplishment. I coasted through freshman and sophomore year, getting Bs and maybe one or two As. I don't remember when exactly it changed changed, but junior and senior year I started becoming useful again and improved my grades dramatically. I think a lot of it had to do with me discovering weight-training. I was always fairly overweight as a child, but one day I discovered www.t-nation.com and it sparked a passion for iron that has not yet gone out, and probably never will. As I learned to push myself in the gym, I remembered the joys of pushing myself intellectually; I never really enjoyed the busy work that we were frequently assigned but I saw the fun in engaging in class discussions and essays.

I was not however, as bad as this

For whatever reason, I lost this sense of challenge when I began college. I returned to my old coasty ways, and did as little as possible to maintain average grades. But, as history likes to repeat itself I got my act together junior and senior year. The most notable example of this is that between summer and this past semester I've probably done more work than the rest of my college career combined. Over summer I was working 40+ hours a week and taking 15 credits, in the fall I was working two jobs taking 5 English classes, and part of two clubs. Now, I bring all this up not to show off (which is hard considering no one is following the blog yet) but mostly to elucidate my point. In the gym, there's a certain amount of effort you need to invest before you begin to see results. You can be in there faffing about on the ab machine and texting the entire time and you'll never make progress. But if you get in there and bust your ass then you begin to become better, and I've found that the same is true for the intellectual side of things. I wasn't making progress because I wasn't challenging myself, but when I finally decided to throw myself into my academic life I flourished. My workload kept getting heavier and heavier, but I kept getting stronger and stronger. In short, if you have nothing to recover from, you'll never make progress.

Male or female, this is the equivalent
of sleeping on a book hoping to absorb its powers

To Buy or Not To Buy

2012-01-05T21:48:00.000-08:00

Damn you and your seductive marketing

So I've been doing some major thinkery in the last couple of days, centered mostly on whether or not I need a new phone. I want a new phone that's for sure, my phone is old the touch screen isn't as sensitive as it used to be. I also currently do not have a data plan, and when I move off campus I won't have constant access to wifi. If I get an iPhone I'll be able to text my girlfriend (whom I'm fairly fond of) for free. Plus I'll be able to talk to Siri and feel like I am one of the cool kids. However, I really don't like Apple's marketing, AT&T or Verizon very much. I think that cellphone plans are insanely overpriced, and that it is ridiculous to force customers to choose a voice plan (I have an exceedingly strong aversion to talking on the phone).

Even Obama doesn't enjoy it, and he's on an airplane

I've been looking at iPhones online and thus far I've put one in my online cart at least 37 times, only give up and close the window. I can't bring myself to do it, it costs so much moneys and as a future teacher I'm reluctant to part with what little I have. It's not just the $200 to buy the phone, but it's the $80 a month that I have to promise to pay. Now, I'm fairly stupid when it comes to buy as I have a tendency to buy things I have no need for, and then wallow in guilt over wasting money. I am however graduating in a few months which means that the real world will be asking me for my money. I would also like to visit the old ball and chain (girlfriend) in Florence this semester, and spending money on a phone would make that more difficult.

Pictured: girlfriend after reading
the ball and chain remark

Is this just me whining about wanting shiny new toys? Partly, but I also feel that it is the embodiment of something much worse. I'm growing up. If I had been debating this last year, I would have just bought the phone. I would have paid for the ticket to Florence, and I would have thrown money at my problems hoping that they would go away. But now... now the stark reality of real life is staring me in the face. Sure, I'm not poor by any stretch of the imagination... but I don't have a job lined up yet, nor do I have anywhere to live rent-free in the US (my parents made the silly decision of living in another country). My point is, I think that this is some sort of horrible milestone in my life where I choose between shiny things and practicality. I have a phone and an iPod so what use do I have for an iPhone? I currently pay $10/month for unlimited texting pay for calls as I use them, so why pay 8 times that for a fixed number of texts and calls that I will never use?

Kaylee from Firefly likes shiny things, so they must be good

As much as I want a new toy, I know that it will not make me happier in the least-- in fact I'll definitely regret it when it comes time to pay for rent and the like. Why then am I still so tempted to buy a new phone? I blame the marketists, and my own inability to accept something that I know intellectually. I'd like to think that after all this, I will not go ahead and buy the phone. In fact, I probably won't... but I've said that about a lot of things. Hopefully this marks the beginning of me growing up, of me not wasting money on things I have no need for, and of me being able to control my impulses.

Look at it sitting there,
tempting me with its shiny ways

Please Don't Pee on the Walls

2012-01-04T20:17:00.000-08:00

Translation: (left) you can't pee here
(right) but here is fine

So another post about home, which is fitting since there's only a week left in Christmas break till I return to other home (school). Something that has been nagging at me since I've been back is the propensity for people to A) Enforce the most asinine of rules B) tautological (repetitively true) rules C) be aggressively polite.

This sign is a warning about this sign

The first point about enforcing asinine rules is probably the most annoying thing I've ever experienced and I can think of two examples that really stand out. Back in high school we were hosting a rugby practice for the under 19s national team which meant that players from other schools would be coming, and perhaps even players who were no longer students at all. I watched as one such person stood arguing with one of our security guards (private school with a lot of moneys). I approached because the rugby player (whose nickname I would later learn was Pumbaa, no Timone though) as he didn't seem to be able to communicate in Tagalog. After talking to the guard, I found out that he didn't want to let Pumbaa through because of male earrings went against the student dress code. I explained that Pumbaa was not in fact a student, but simply a visitor, this of course did not achieve anything. I eventually told Pumbaa to just remove the earrings. In my defense, as soon as we got past the guard I did tell him he should put them back on out of spite. Yup, we showed him.

The second example of such silliness occurred this break as I went to the Department of Foreign Affairs (not the one where you sleep with foreigners) to renew my passport. I'd scheduled an appointment and arrived the recommended hour and a half ahead of time. However, upon arriving at the gate I had a second encounter with security guards. He held up his hand and told me that I was not allowed to wear shorts inside the building-- rather than ask if he'd prefer that I take them off, I asked if he was serious. More importantly, I asked him why such a rule existed. His response was, "it's our policy". I then stood there angrily for quite some time and realized 1)that trying to hit a man with a gun would be ill-advised 2)it wouldn't help me get in 3) he was just doing his job. Once more, I was forced to sell out as I went to the closest mall and bought a pair of pants (the pants of my oppression if you will).

Superman wears underwear on the outside
but no one gives him crap (note to self: develop laser-eyes)

The silliness of these encounters leads me to what actually prompted this particular instance of bloggery. Driving around the city of Manila and its surrounding areas, you are bound to come across signs that say "please don't pee on the wall," or a variation thereof. It has always struck me as incredibly disheartening that such signs are necessary, shouldn't it be the default state of existence to not pee on someone else's property? Now, whenever I rant about this to my friends they say (in a voice you use to talk to idiots, or puppies) "Blaine, they're poor. They don't know better." or "They have no where else to pee." To this I say bah humbug. Being poor in no way means that you are stupid, nor does it preclude from using public restrooms. I don't know how it's come about but a lot of people pee on walls, and a lot of people just accept it. Granted I don't know how you would prevent this short of electrifying your walls (which while awesome, probably wouldn't work). My point here is not to solve the pee-crisis that has stricken my beloved nation, but instead to ask a question. Why do we choose to harangue people over silly things like earrings and shorts, while simultaneously ignoring people peeing all over the place. As much as it annoys me, I believe that it is simply a way for us to exert control in a world where we increasingly have none. There's no way to hunt down (and pee on as a golden rule type of thing) those who pee on walls, but if you see someone violating the dress code you can quite easily deny that person access to your facilities. I understand that this is a complex country full of complex issues, and just like any other country there are always cultural tensions.

Are Filipinos the Canadians of Asia?
We don't have Maple Syrup so I'm not sure

As I mentioned, many Filipinos ( the ones that I know) have a tendency to be aggressively polite, a tendency which might create problems when we have to enforce ridiculous rules. As much as it annoyed me to be told that I needed pants, I'm sure the guard enjoyed it even less since it required confrontation. At this point, I do have to wonder why we couldn't just let it go-- except of course for the fact that he didn't want to lose his job. The perfect example of this kind of pushy politeness is food. Whenever you go to a Filipino household, expect to be offered food. Even if you are not at all hungry, I advise that you accept because if you don't you will be constantly harangued with offers until finally, you are crushed by the wave of hospitality. I believe that this tension between pettiness and manners is what stems a lot of what I consider incongruous behavior in the country. Politeness is a virtue, but God forbid someone try to pass you on the road because then you'll have to speed up (no matter how slow you were going) and then maybe honk and flash your headlights. The high premium put on maintaining politeness and manners probably leads to a lot of forced smiles and gritter teeth. Tension which we have to release through what silly avenues are made available to us.

I fully support peeing on this "sculpture" by Duchamp,
but he'd probably approve

Foreign Devils

2012-01-03T19:51:00.000-08:00

What I imagine I look like in Asia before people
realize that I'm half-Asian

Growing up in the Philippines as a Filipino-American has definitely impacted the way I view the world. For one, I have developed a zen-like patience through simply dealing with traffic and the general lack of polite driver-y throughout the country. However, beyond my stereotyping of Asian drivers (of which I am one, so it’s okay), I believe that growing up in a country as uniquely placed as the Philippines has taught me something about the concept of “foreign-ness”. I am a man of many words, and one word which quite effectively encapsulates the topic of this post is “gweilo,” which is a derogatory Chinese word for foreigners. I’ve been led to believe that it sometimes translates as “foreign devil”.

The concept of a foreign devil is intriguing to me as I am quite frequently mistaken for one in my own country. Although I am half-Filipino, in the province I am frequently greeted with yells of “hey-Joe” (a throwback to the term Joe referring to American soldiers and thus, white people). Sure, there’s no malice behind this greeting, and some might even argue it is an attempt at friendliness but I disagree. It is simply another way for someone to let you know that you’re not “one of us”. I remember when as I child a tricycle driver (see picture for reference) once told my father to “go back to the States” and “get out of [the driver’s] country”. Even as an eight year old, I found this quite amusing. You see, my father was in his sixties (or late fifties, I’m not quite sure how old he is), the tricycle driver was probably twenty or so. All in all, I think this meant that my dad had probably been in the Philippines for longer than that man had been alive. The man then ill-advisedly kicked the side of our car, which then led to my father also ill-advisedly trying to start a fight with the man. I don’t remember the exact details, but given my father’s age I’m going to assume they engaged in a round of gentlemanly fisticuffs.

It took my father a while to get on the tights
and gloves, but I'm sure it was worth the effort

Not all my childhood was spent being mortified by my father’s actions however. From sixth grade onwards, I attended an international school with what is probably considered a very “diverse ethnic” population. I use the sarcastic quotes because I truly and utterly despise the use of the word “ethnic” (note sarcastic quotes once more). As I understand it, ethnicity simply refers to being part of a social group with common cultural traditions. Why is it then that “ethnic food” only ever refers to Indian, Mexican, or Chinese food? Do white people not have ethnicity? I understand that the vast majority of people do not have any intentions towards condescension and that the word is simply that, a word. But as a self-proclaimed man of words, I can’t help but wince (quietly and so that no one notices, because I don’t like preaching at people). Much like labeling some people as foreign devils, I believe the term ethnic is incredibly divisive. If we, as the current majority of white Americans, label others as ethnic then we tacitly imply that to be white is the default state of existence. I consider myself quite lucky that I am both American and Filipino I get to see things from the perspective of both the dominant culture in America, and as a minority. There is also the added benefit of being able to flee either country should things take a turn for the worse. Here’s hoping that the Philippines never goes to war with the US.

it's true because the paper says so

The point of this story is that the belief in “gweilos” and “ethnics” can end up becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you tell people that they’re different then they’ll probably act different, and you’ll probably treat them as such. More importantly however is the fact that these words annoy me. If you think that that is a silly reason, then consider this: your complaint does not reference pachyderms, therefore it is irrelephant.

the blog is called pundemonium, don't act
so surprised that I make awful puns

Schroedinger's Paper

2012-01-03T02:52:00.000-08:00

Schrödinger’s Paper

Right now I bet you just noticed that you were breathing consciously, or maybe you just noticed how often you blink, if you’re really stubborn then maybe you’ll begin to feel your left hand itch. I know it’s cliché, but I believe that “when you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back at you.” From psychology, to physics, and your day-to-day life, the echoes of Nietzsche’s idea are still reverberating through the intellectual world. As I sit in front of my computer trying to figure out what to write on, I consider how the act of thinking about my writing is impacting what I write. One of my biggest fears when thinking about writing is that somehow it will all stop working. I’ve never quite understood my own creative process, between ages 11 and 21, I generated about twenty pages of non-academic writing; they were all crap. Between midsummer of this year and right now, I’ve written a couple of hundred pages of either fiction or nonfiction. I like to believe that at least some of those pages are decent. I don’t know what sparked this deluge of creativity, as I’d always had an interest in writing. I just never had anything to say, or at least I didn’t know how to say it. So I try not to think too hard about where this newfound creativity came from, because I’m worried it’ll go away. Although I realize that he made this thought-experiment with his tongue firmly in cheek, I think that Schrödinger was really onto something with that cat of his.

In short, if you put a cat in a box (with or without a fox) and place a tiny radioactive particle in said box, there is an equal chance that in an hour that particle will have decayed or remained the same. If that particle decays, it will trigger a hammer that will release poison into the box, thus killing the cat. However, we can’t know whether the cat is alive or dead unless we open the box, thus it is said that the cat is both alive and dead until we observe it. What I take from this is that, 1) Schrödinger did not like cats, and 2) I do not understand quantum physics. However, as an English major I do not need to actually know things, I can simply interpret them with artistic license (no offense to English majors, this is simply artistic license) . This cat, if it remains unobserved is un-dead. But not in the zombie way, we just simply don’t know what state it’s in, so it is functionally neither, and both. So in this case, if you stare into the abyss, you kill the cat.

In psychological circles, which I am clearly qualified to talk about because I once took psych-101, there is said to be an observer-expectancy effect. What this usually means is that it is very easy for an experiment’s bias to cause him or her to unconsciously influence the participants. However, this is not limited to people in lab-coats as a common corollary to this is confirmation bias. For example, I am an avid gamer and I periodically decide to base my game choices on reviews. Now, I don’t always agree with these reviews because sometimes I’ll pick up a game and truly despise every aspect of it. Then I’ll saunter over to my laptop, prepared for the vindication of my hatred. Unfortunately, there seem to be a number of misguided people on the interwebs that disagree with me. As such, I am fairly unlikely to take their views seriously, an even less likely to continue to frequent their websites. But the guy who trashed Transformers: War for Cybertron? He knows what’s up. What does this have to do with Schrödinger, cats, and the abyss you ask? Well, let me address the question I just told you to ask. I think that the world we observe may not be as objective as we like to think because what looks blue to me, could very well be green to someone else (this is frequently the case as I have a terrible time distinguishing colors). As far as I can tell, everything in the world is subjective; everything is subject to your unique collection of experiences and beliefs, even this sentence.

Remember when I told you that you could feel your butt in the chair? I hope not because I never said that, I said you could feel your tongue in your mouth. Actually I never said that either, but sometimes if you act confident enough you can convince people of anything, regardless of actual fact. Nonetheless, actual facts do sometimes factor into our lives. Some of you have heard of the by-stander effect which states that in a crowded environment, people are unlikely to come to the aid of those in distress. Psychologists believe that this is because we as a group decide that someone else would have already helped the person in need if it were a true emergency. That guy passed out on the train? He’s probably drunk, or else someone would have called 911. Don’t worry though, there is hope for us yet. If you are aware of this effect then you are much more likely to actually call 911, or to intervene when needed. I like to believe that this is because you want to spite whoever it is that told you about the bystander effect by proving him or her wrong and intervening. You know what they say… knowing is half the battle.

But sometimes you don’t, and can’t know how things work. I love to make puns, but if someone yells “make a pun, or I’ll kick this puppy,” I’m usually at a loss. Largely because I’m always surprised that people keep puppies on hand for kicking. I am also fluent in Tagalog, but if some asshole says “quick, say something in Tagalog,” I’ll stammer awkwardly and say… nothing. Which brings me back to my original quandary, please don’t ask me about comma usage. I was editing a paper for my girlfriend, and, she used, commas so often, that I forgot how to, use them, properly; it got to the point that I sounded like Christopher Walken in my head.

The more I think about these things, the more I’m thankful for the fact that even if I don’t know why, something in me has changed. I don’t know if I’ll always have inspiration to write; every week that we have a creative piece due, I go through a brief moment of panic because I have no idea what to write about. It scares me that I’ve never sat down and thought, “Hey this is a great story; I know exactly how to proceed!” Normally I’ll just sit down and start writing, hoping that something good will come. Even now, I try not to examine the process too closely because I’m worried my curiosity will kill the cat (ba-dump-tss).