Pupsickle

Going, going... GONE!

2006-09-23T23:02:00.000-08:00

I've moved over to the new blog. Email me or leave a comment here if you want the new address. Thanks!

Bad Haircut

2006-09-12T08:39:00.000-08:00

What do you do if you get a really bad haircut? I've been going to the same woman for more than four years now and she's always done a spectacular job. But when I went in last Friday, she made an absolute mess of my hair. It is two different lengths, not even, and I hate it. I had to have my husband even up the front, because I just wasn't digging the jagged edged look.

Maybe I didn't give a very accurate description of what I wanted, but she knows the cut I like (I mean, she's always given it to me before) and this wasn't a departure from that routine. So, what do I do? Do I tell her I want a redo and hurt her feelings, or do I go and pay for someone else to fix the mistake?

Help! (I feel like I have a mullet!)

Blogger Problems

2006-09-07T16:13:00.000-08:00

The reason that my blog hasn't been updated in nearly a week is that Blogger hijacked my blog. I only got control of it again today. In the meantime, I've been working on getting my snazzy new Wordpress blog up and running. Hooray!

Dissent

2006-08-31T15:53:00.000-08:00

Beautifully put.

Transparency?

2006-08-30T15:22:00.000-08:00

Is Ted Stevens addicted to the limelight?

Today, Alaska's senior Senator Ted Stevens has admitted to being the so-called "Secret Senator" who placed a hold on Federal Funding Accountability and Transparency Act (S. 2590).

After the whole internet-as-a-series-of-tubes fiasco, I'd have thought he'd keep his head down for a while. In case you somehow missed all the spoofs, here's the Wall Street Journal's take on Sen. Stevens' comments regarding net neutrality.

What I don't understand is why Stevens anonymously blocked the bill for weeks. Everyone in the nation knows about the now infamous "Bridge to Nowhere," and the pork that Stevens adds to bills for funding Alaskan projects is legendary, so why the secrecy?

Ah, the perfect irony. A secret block of a transparency bill. Thanks for all the pork, Uncle Ted.

The roof, the roof, the roof is... real scary

2006-08-29T15:56:00.000-08:00

My heart is still racing.

I climbed onto the roof. To take a picture of a bird. Okay, some sort of sparrowhawk, maybe a merlin. See? Pretty, no?

Lately the songbirds have been braining themselves on our windows in droves. Poor things! Apparently this has caught not only my attention, but the notice of the local raptor population, as well. When I walked out on the deck to check on the dogs, it was sitting in the tree, serene as can be. Beautiful!
In my excitement to take a picture I ran to the garage and drug out the ladder, (which I'd previously never even climbed on), climbed to the very top and voila! I was on the roof. At which point I remembered exactly why I had never used the ladder, namely my incapacitating terror of climbing (or falling!) down.

Climbing up didn't so much bother me - I was daydreaming of the gorgeous pictures I could take of the pretty merlin (or whatever it is - birding has never been my thing). But the very idea of hucking my overweight butt back down the ladder to the waiting sanctuary of the deck (and land, safe land!) kept me paralyzed on my roof for at least 5 minutes. In case you were wondering, here's the view:

Finally (after much serious deliberation), I decided that if I didn't want to endure the humiliation of having friends and neighbors laugh at me for the next three hours (until my husband got home), I'd have to make the trek back down all by myself.

Which I did. Slowly.

Sheesh, I'm a moron.

Go!

2006-08-29T12:50:00.000-08:00

If you don't read The Wallpaper of My Mind, you should. Mother, sister, daughter, it doesn't matter - Misha's writing appeals to the humanity in all of us. Go read

What We See Over The New Backyard Fence

and see if you aren't moved. Her adept cultural references and intelligent commentary on motherhood and mommyblogging might just change your perception of stay-at-home motherhood, and stay-at-home moms.

Her descriptions of depression and her harrowing journey toward happiness moved me to tears.

Is There An Epidemic Of Depression?

The Question Of Anger: What I Wish I Had Written

Misha's blog is a gem. Trust me. Go!

Four and Twenty Blackbirds

2006-08-28T17:23:00.000-08:00

My mother-in-law traveled for a conference to Britain this summer, and brought us back lots of wonderful goodies, including Scottish shortbread, matching handknit sweaters, a spectacularly cute set of "Max the cheeky monkey" dishes (including egg cups!), and this, a blackbird pie funnel.
You put it in pies to let the steam vent out. I used it when making a blueberry pie, and it worked like a charm. Apparently, every English household has one. Now, so do we! Isn't it nice to be loved?

Like a rainbow

2006-08-27T23:17:00.000-08:00

Sometimes you step out your back door and see something incredibly beautiful. Today was one of those days.And no, if you're wondering, I didn't change the image at all. It really was that bright.

Words I never thought I'd utter

2006-08-23T23:30:00.000-08:00

"Time for bed, honey. Fine, I guess you can finish watching your Kelly Clarkson video first."

He's not a big fan of American Idol, but this video... well, it wasn't very American Idolesque.

Post Tags: Kelly Clarkson, Metal Skool, YouTube

Pink, it's like red but not quite

2006-08-23T22:58:00.000-08:00

We'd finally had enough of the maroon stripe that the previous owners had painted in an odd pattern around our bathroom (sorry, no before picture). After two coats of primer, two coats of off-white (calla lily) paint, I then applied the pink (kashmir pink) paint to the walls with a sponge. This was the first time that I've been glad we have such a tiny bathroom. Sponging is a lot of work! I like how it turned out, though I'm not sure I'd do it on a room any bigger than 10x12. I'm not sure that faux finishes are for me, but I like the effect - it makes a tiny space seem a bit bigger and certainly warmer.

Murky

2006-08-22T23:59:00.000-08:00

Alaskans went to the polls today in a primary election (results here). While there were two ballot measures, the real race was to see who would become the Republican candidate for governor. It looks like our lousy leader, incumbent Frank Murkowski, has been beaten by Wasilla's Sarah Palin by a landslide.

Guess it's time to say goodbye to the spiffy new jet, eh Murky?

He insists that he's going to reconvene the Legislature (should I say shanghai them?) for another special session for his damned gas line bill, even though it's obvious after his election that the vast majority of people do not approve of the concessions he gave oil companies. Oh well. If you're arrogant enough to appoint your daughter to fill your U.S. Senate seat, you're probably not going to be phased by something so trivial as what your constituents actually want.

Moving

2006-08-22T12:30:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone -

Your kind words and thoughts have been wonderful. I can't believe that many of you keep visiting even though my posting has been virtually nonexistent for the last month.

I've decided to make the move to WordPress and a hosting service. For personal reasons, I request that you send me an email or leave your email address in the comments section here if you would like me to send you the new URL.

You really are wonderful people, and thank you for reading my blog. I look forward to seeing all of you at the new address soon!

What's going on

2006-08-12T14:30:00.000-08:00

Sorry I haven't been posting lately - I've been going through a bit of a down period.

With the help and support of my family and great doctors, I'm getting a bit better each day. Soon I'll be good as new, or at least as good as I was before. Thanks for your words of support - they mean a lot!

Vultures, vultures everywhere!

2006-07-28T21:46:00.000-08:00

We had a garage sale today. My Mom brought a lot of her stuff down for it, and sat with me all day. The weather couldn't have been nicer.

I like getting rid of all the junk that we've accumulated, but I hate the must-haggle mentality that some of the garage sale people have. I mean, if the price tag says twenty five cents, why argue about it?

Most people were really nice, but I'm just not cut out for marketing my used crap. I'll be glad when it's over tomorrow. The big white tent on the front lawn makes me feel like I'm living in a circus.

Why?

2006-07-24T22:41:00.000-08:00

To the teenage boy who lives across the street:

Hey you. Yeah, you.

You're not a bad kid.

You're the only one in your family who cares enough to let the dog back inside the house when it's -40F and the poor thing has blisters on her paws from the cold.

You care enough to beg me not to call the dog catchers, because your dad had a little run-in with him the last time someone called. Somehow he ended up threatening a Trooper with a gun, and you'd rather not see an encore performance. Neither would I. So when you promise to keep her on a leash, I believe you. I know you love her and don't want her taken away. It's not your fault that your family neglects her - they neglect you, too.

You obviously have a heart, and life hasn't dealt you the best of hands.

But why do you insist on beginning to skateboard at 10pm? Why do you keep at it until 3 or 4 or even 5am? Do you not realize that you live in a suburban area, that the houses on all sides of you are occupied by people who (in all likelihood) are trying to sleep? Couldn't you skateboard during the day, while the rest of us have other stuff to do? Would that be too much to ask?

And as for the crowd you bring over during these hours of the night - do they know that this residential street is not a drag course for racing? That there might be children playing in those yards they scream by at 40 or 50 mph? That driving drunk doesn't only endanger them, it endangers all the rest of us, too? That my front yard shouldn't be considered the place where the Milwaukee's Beast cans you drink from go to die?

Please don't make me call the police. Please? I know what it's like to be 16 and bored. Really, I do. It wasn't that long ago. If you could be a little more discreet and a lot less irresponsible, I think I could ignore you. You could have your fun inside your house, and I wouldn't have to worry that you (or one of your equally stupid friends) was going to run over a child or one of my dogs. Or, heaven forbid, me.

You ignore me when I ask you to stop. At the rate you're going, I'll have to call the cops tonight. Please don't make me.

Sincerely,

Your concerned (and sleepless) neighbor

An appropriate gift

2006-07-23T23:42:00.000-08:00

Our fifth anniversary is fast approaching. I decided to search the internet and see what the traditional gift for this anniversary is, since I am totally at a loss regarding what to buy.

Me: Did you know the 5th anniversary gift is supposed to be wood?

Ian: *snigger* I've got wood.

Can you believe I've been married to him for almost 5 years? He still makes me laugh.

Yesterday was NOT my day!

2006-07-21T21:15:00.000-08:00

I was in a car accident. After the blender burnt up.

My car is fine - only a few tiny scratches.

I, on the other hand, am a mess! My seatbelt locked and I have this humongous bruise on my shoulder. I have a chip on my shoulder, too, now that I think about it.

You see, the dude who hit me was a cabbie. And he didn't have any insurance. Or a chauffer's liscense. He tried to intimidate me into believing the accident was my fault (it wasn't - I was stopped at a right on red), and then he tried to get me not to call the cops after he started threatening me (I was just going to exchange insurance information before that, but he scared me, so I called the police). What a jerk.

At least when I went to urgent care (because I was worried that I broke my collarbone) they were really nice and gave me a great shot of something or other that made me feel like a bazillion bucks. I hate shots, so that's saying a lot! The take home meds have really helped today, though I'm a total goofball on them.

Today the owner of the cab company called and asked me how much my bill at the clinic was, and said that he'll mail me a check for the money. I agreed, but I'm feeling really weird about it. Like I let him pay me off or something.

Toxic

2006-07-20T15:07:00.000-08:00

All I was trying to do was make some hummus.

I went to get the tahini from the fridge, leaving the chickpeas in the blender and when I turned back around smoke was billowing out of it. I ran and put it on the back deck, but the house was already filled with that godawful smell that seems to only come from the meltdown of kitchen appliances.

I know that I'm hard on them - I've gone through a food processor, a KitchenAid mixer (yup, that hurt!), two rice cookers and a crockpot in the last five years. And they always smell the same when they self-destruct - horrible!

The picture is of the smoking blender after I'd had time to run back inside, open the windows and grab the camera, so you can imagine how bad it was before I got it out of the house.

Inhaling the fumes from burning plastic makes one really, really nauseous and headachy, just for future reference. Maybe I should just quit trying to cook. I love it, but it doesn't seem to love me very much.

I feel sick. I'm going to lie down.

The Divorce Boat

2006-07-19T15:34:00.000-08:00

My husband grew up rafting and kayaking, because his family owned a whitewater adventure company. He's an avid snowboarder. He's just generally outdoorsy, and much more athletically gifted than I'll ever be. I nag him all the time to teach me how to do all this stuff, but for the most part he refuses.

I grew up skiing, but I had always wanted to learn how to snowboard, and he agreed to teach me shortly after we were married. We went to the local bunny hill and played around all day. After a few hours, I was starting to gain confidence. You could teach an old dog new tricks - I had even learned to corner without hitting the trees!

At the end of the day, thrilled with my new-found talent, I decided to take a chance and take a real run (albeit a green) down to the lodge. It was the last run of the day, the sun was setting, and I was absolutely exhausted. Within sight of our car, the lodge, and at least 5000 people (most of whom I knew, this being a fairly small town) I wiped out. It was ugly. Seemingly without warning I was somersaulting down the hill (really, more of a 30 degree ice-covered slope) when I heard a strange popping noise, and my arm quit working.

I had dislocated my shoulder. I recognized what had happened immediately because I'd done it once before, playing kickball as a kid. This time was worse, though, and I had to have Ian push it back into the socket so that I could finish the run. (50 feet, max) I absolutely refused to allow him to go get the ski patrol and ride down in their little orange sled like a weenie. Not me, no way.

I said some horrible things that day. I don't really remember exactly what escaped my lips, but I'm sure I was awful. I know I must have been a monster because after I'd recovered (a few months later) and asked if he was ready to try it again, my husband declined. Well, to be explicit, he told me he’d rather suck the farts out of motel bed sheets than go snowboarding with me again.

Now, whenever I want to learn how to do something that he can already do (whitewater kayak, raft, climb… etc.) he reminds me of the ‘divorce board’ and how we do better pursuing individual sports. It’s such a bummer. When I ask to learn to kayak (or threaten to go to the open lessons at the pool) he just says “divorce boat” and walks away.

Lately I’ve really wanted to go sea kayaking. It sounds wonderful, and it's far easier to do than whitewater kayaking, or so I understand. I figured that as long as he paddled and I just sat there manning the camera (and, of course, giving direction) it would be fantastic. Apparently, he disagrees. All he did when I explained my great plan for a weekend sea kayaking trip was mutter divorce boat and walk away!

I can't seem to explain that I was in pain. No such luck, as yet, but I'm still trying!

BlogMe (or rather, watch me blog myself)

2006-07-17T22:57:00.000-08:00

Belinda tagged me, and how could I say no to greatness? Since no one wrote to ask me questions and I'm not really all that involved in the BlogHer site (it still confuses me... how does one post there? are only editors allowed to post, or can anyone contribute?) I'm interviewing myself. Not one word about how pathetic that is, ya hear? NOT. ONE. WORD.

1. When did you start blogging and why? Or Talk about your blog. What can I learn about you in under 5 minutes?

I started blogging this spring while I was at home sick recovering from surgery. I wanted to write about what was going on in my life, because I was having trouble prioritizing everything, and writing has always helped me put life in perspective. Ironically, while I love blogging and try to post at least every other day, I've never been able to keep a handwritten journal going for more than a week. I guess I just like the conversations that blogging starts, the interconnectedness and the feedback. To me, that's what blogging is all about - sharing stories, finding common ground.

2. Who do you read every day, rain or shine?

Blogography
Ninja Poodles
Queen of Spain
Shirley the Great
Smartypants's Diary
Taste the World
The Wallpaper of My Mind

(Yeah, I alphabetized them. I'm obsessive like that.)

3. Why did you choose to share that piece of yourself in a photograph?

I was totally at a loss for this one, so here's a picture of my hair from my last haircut. When I like how it turns out I take pictures of it so that I can recreate it in the future. It took me a long time to realize that I needed photos to convey my point - those words you use to describe haircuts? They elude me when I'm at the salon. I mumble idiotic things like "something like what I've got now, but shorter..." or "I'd like something more summery" Luckily, I have a mind reader of a stylist!

4. What don’t you write about? Anything considered a no-no in your book?

I try not to blog about my relationship with my husband or my family with any seriousness, partly because they read this blog (yeah, I know you're out there, even though you don't comment!), but mostly because airing that sort of business in a public venue like a blog doesn't really lead to any sort of resolution, only hurt feelings. At least, that's been my experience.

5. How do you feel about meeting bloggers in real life?

I'd love to meet other BlogHers in person, but we couldn't afford to send me to the conference this year, so I'm going to have to live vicariously through all of attendees' posts.

6. What got a strong reaction from readers? Links please?

Bringing the war home seemed to strike a chord with quite a few people

7. Have you written anything controversial? Is blogging controversial?

I don't strive to write controversial material, but sometimes my political or religious views spill over into my writing. I don't try to edit them out if that happens, but I don't actively pursue any agenda on my blog. For me, blogging is more about the catharsis of releasing something that you've written into the world.

8. Are you and your blogging persona the same person?

Yes. I cuss a bit more in real life (that I do edit out, most of the time), but for the most part I'm a WYSIWYG kind of gal.

9. Have you ever anonymously posted on a site to flame them?

Nope. If I disagree with something strongly enough to comment, I sign my name and link back to my blog.

10. If you had a super power, what would it be?

I'd have a prehensile tail! Oh wait, that isn't a super power, per se.

I'd love to be able to heal people - the ability to take physical and emotional pain out of someone else would be a true blessing. Geez, that sounds sappy, even to me! Telekinesis would be pretty cool, too, because then I wouldn't have to get out of bed to get a glass of water.

Crosswalk Crusaders for Christ

2006-07-16T19:44:00.000-08:00

Zealots. They stand on the corners of major intersections and scream (using their bibles to project their voice) that we are headed straight to Hell.

Talk about a downer - you're just driving along, minding your own business and BAM! suddenly crackpot is screaming in your window about what an awful person you are. Now, if someone was screaming at me about the glories of heaven and the peaceful love of Christ, maybe, maybe that wouldn't set my nerves on edge quite so much. Nope, he's telling me that I'm going to Hell. How does he know that, you ask? Because he's morally superior to me in all ways - he's male, his church is the only true church, and he makes it his mission to scream vile pronouncements about the state of passing drivers' souls.

But really, how many converts do these people expect to get this way? I just don't get it. The accusatory tone, the fact that they tap on your window if you ignore them, their superiority complex - all of it pisses me off. If you ask me (which, of course, no one did) these so-called Christians really missed the point of the teachings of Jesus.

Yan Can Cook (and so can I)

2006-07-15T20:07:00.000-08:00

It was a lackadaisical Saturday afternoon - Ian cleaned the garage and I... did nothing. That is, until I watched Martin Yan make potstickers and wonton soup on Yan Can Cook, his television show on PBS. YUMMY! It looked so good that I rushed to our Asian grocery store to buy wonton wrappers. Mind you, I've never so much as thought about making a wonton before in my life. I didn't let that deter me, though!

At the Asian market, I picked up my wonton wrappers, some Thai tea mix, and thought about getting the little dried octopus bits. Then I realized that no matter how cute they are, it's really silly to buy a food you have absolutely no use for. Ian bought Yan Yan Chocodip - he doesn't really ascribe to the same food philosophy as I do. The weirder it is, the more it appeals to him. I lucked out this time - Yan Yan made him feel yuck yuck. Anything that proclaims to "combine flavors that were never meant to be combined" is out for me. No, thanks! (I do like to dip my french fries in my milkshake, but that's a leftover habit from childhood) I picked up some green tea ice cream for my sister, and we headed back home.

When we got home, I made the wontons out of Quorn grounds, which are a meatless version of hamburger (incidentally, they also cook faster, taste almost identical, and are much healthier). We like to make a vegan dish every once in a while, since quite a few of our friends are vegetarians or vegans.

I put the diced garlic snapes and scallions from our CSA share this week into the mix, added some soy sauce, vinegar and toasted sesame oil, and voila! Wontons. I boiled up some chicken and vegetable stock (out of the box), added some sugar snap peas and fresh chopped scallions, and boy, was it delicious!

Who says television isn't good for you?

Meme-ology

2006-07-13T11:25:00.000-08:00

MEME-OLOGY

GRUB-OLOGY
What is your salad dressing of choice? Raspberry Viniagrette
What is your favorite fast food restaurant? Arby's, without a doubt
What is your favorite sit down restaurant? Geez, probably Simon and Seaford's in Anchorage, but there are so many...
On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant? 20%
What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of? Cereal
Name three foods you detest above all others. Mayonaisse, Miracle Whip, and anything resembling either of the above (white salad dressings, etc.)
What is your favorite dish to order in a Chinese restaurant? General Tso's Chicken, with wonton soup, white rice, and fried wontons. Yum!
What are your pizza toppings of choice? Butter sauce, fresh sliced tomatoes, fresh garlic, fresh basil, and mozzarella and feta cheeses. The local pizza place calls it Aegean, and it's to die for.
What do you like to put on your toast? Butter and cinnamon sugar. Heavy on the sugar. I have absolutely no self control when it comes to food.
What is your favorite type of gum? I don't chew gum.

TECH-OLOGY
Number of contacts in your cell phone? 14. Wow, I feel spectacularly pathetic admitting that - as though I have no friends. I'm just too cheap to have people call my cell all the time, and we have the economy plan, so I really only use it for my family and emergencies.
Number of contacts in your email address book? Gmail probably remembers my contacts, but I'm too lazy to look up how many there are.
What is your wallpaper on your computer? A photo that I took of Denali at dawn near the end of May. It (truly) looks as though it came off a postcard. I just love it.
What is your screensaver on your computer? Whatever the Windows crappy screensaver is - my screensaver is not anything special.
Are there naked pictures saved on your computer? Nope, sorry.
How many land line phones do you have in your house? 2
How many televisions are in your house? 2
What kitchen appliance do you use the least? Me personally? The waffle iron. Because I refuse to make waffles, even though I love to eat them. Ian makes me waffles about every other weekend for breakfast, but I've never made them for myself.
What is the format of the radio station you listen to the most? NPR. National Public Radio rocks my world!
How many sex toys do you own that require batteries? None.

BI-OLOGY
What do you consider to be your best physical attribute? Umm, my smile?
Are you right handed or left handed? Right handed.
Do you like your smile? Yeah, it's genuine.
Have you ever had anything removed from your body? Yeah, endometriosis. And basal cell skin cancer. And my wisdom teeth. And rocks when I fell on the playground and they embedded deep in my right knee. I'm sure there's more, but I can't think of it right now.
Would you like to? Yeah, I'd love to lipo all this extra fat off. Really? I'd love to have the EVE surgery to remove the remaining endo, because it is hurting and my cauterization/cutterage surgery didn't do a damned thing except leave scars.
Do you prefer to read when you go to the bathroom? Sure.
Which of your five senses do you think is keenest? I can smell a lot of things that other people don't notice. When I was a waitress in the tourism industry up here, I swear I could smell the people with hemmrhoids because they always smelled like Preparation H.
When was the last time you had a cavity? Three years ago.
What is the heaviest item you lift regularly? Grocery bags, probably.
Have you ever been knocked unconscious? Yup, in a car accident when I was 10 I was unconscious for about an hour because I hit my head.

MISC-OLOGY
If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? Absolutely not.
If you could change your first name, what would you change it to? I don't think I'd change it. Too much of my identity is wrapped up in my name, memories and what have you.
How do you express your artistic side? Writing, jewlery making, quilting, knitting, scrapbooking, decorating my house...
What color do you think you look best in? Reds or pinks.
How long do you think you could last in a medium security prison? Not long. I'd go crazy and be sent to the mental ward within a week, I'd say. I can't STAND being forced to stay in a place when I don't want to be there.
Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake? Yeah, a tomato worm when I was a kid and bit into the tomato. I swallowed before I saw the other half of the worm squirming. Yuck!
If we weren’t bound by society’s conventions, do you have a relative you would make a pass at? I don't have that many relatives, and, quite frankly, I don't like any of them that much.
How often do you go to church? Once a month or so. It seems like we never make it that often, even though we try. Other stuff always comes up.
Have you ever saved someone’s life? Not that I know of.
Has someone ever saved yours? Yeah, my neighbors called the cops when I was in fourth grade and two men came to my house and tried to beat down the door. Come to find out, they were rapists and had abducted three other little girls in my area, one of whom died after she was found. Because of my great neighbors, three of whom saw them follow me from my school bus to my house, the men were arrested and are still in jail.

DARE-OLOGY
For this last section, if you would do it for less or more money, indicate how much
Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000? Probably.
Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100? Nope.
Would you have sex with a member of the same sex for $10,000? No.
Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000? No way! My father lost his little finger in an accident on a drill rig before I was born, and it's caused him some problems.
Would you never blog again for $50,000? Maybe. Although I think I'd have to find some other creative outlet.
Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000? No.
Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000? Depends on the heat of the hot sauce!
Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000? No.
Would you shave your head and get your entire body waxed for $5,000? No, I'd miss the hair on my head. The rest of my body, maybe, but not my head.
Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000? In a heartbeat.

Lycra and the TowBitch

2006-07-12T11:02:00.000-08:00

I thought that when the telephone repairs person answered and said "Hello, my name is Lycra, how can I help you?" that my day was doomed. I thought wrong.

Instead of just hanging up and going back to bed (as I was sorely tempted to do), I explained my problem. You see, for the last day and a half a local towing company has been forwarding all of their land line phone calls to my cell phone. Their number and my number are really close (just a two number reversal), so yesterday I called to let them know about the mix up after looking up their other phone numbers in the phone book. Big mistake.

The woman who answered insisted that I was wrong, that she'd set up the forward correctly.

Umm, nope, lady, I'm fairly sure that the 28 calls that I've received in the last 36 hours asking for Lloyd and his truck aren't my fault.

So this morning, I'm lying in bed (asleep) at 7:10 am when, you guessed it, the damned cell rings again. I answer to this: "Where the fuck is the truck, Lloyd?!? We're getting sick of waiting for you out here!"

I told the dude that I was sorry, but that Lloyd and his bitchy assistant (hereafter to be known as the TowBitch) had apparently forwarded their office phone to my cell phone, and there wasn't a thing I could do to fix it. He proceeded to cuss me out, calling me every name in the book. What a great way to wake up.

I decided that I needed to share the great mood the call put me in, so I called and told the TowBitch that she hadn't fixed the problem (as she'd promised to do), and that she needed to do so immediately. She told me to f*ck off, and hung up on me. Maybe she doesn't like nasty phone calls in the morning, either.

I called my cell phone company. They told me that there was nothing they could do about it, since the land line that was forwarded was not theirs. I called the other company, and Lycra answered.

Lycra was fairly nice, and offered to call the woman and inform her that she'd set up the forward incorrectly in her official capacity as phone problem fixer. The TowBitch proceeded to tell Lycra to f*ck off, too. Lycra got pissed. Lycra offered to call the cops for me, saying that this was definitely harassment and that we didn't have to take it. Lycra was on my side. We were going to get the TowBitch together. Then Lycra told me that she had to go, because there was nothing more she could do if I didn't want her to call the police. Dang!

I guess I'm just not going to be able to use my cell for a while, until the morons at the towing company fix their forward. You'd think they'd want to get it fixed. I mean, aren't they losing business every time they miss a call? Apparently not.

Moral of the story? When you're being harassed by the big, bad TowBitch and her verbally abusive towing customers, you need Lycra on your side. I haven't had one misdirected call since. I don't know what she said, and I'm not sure that I want to. I'm guessing that with a name like Lycra, you learn to deal with bullies at a young age, and don't take a lot of crap.