- Mark 12:30

While pondering this verse, what Jesus called “the greatest commandment” I was struck by how impossible this commandment really is to follow. I mean seriously, no matter how devoted, there are parts of my heart, soul, mind and strength that are devoted to many things other than loving the Lord my God.

Regardless, the command remains and I endeavor to follow it more perfectly. But, how do I go about doing that? I’m so prone to dogmatism and legalism. I want no part of the stinking self-righteousness that trying to be obedient to God in my own strength produces.

John taught that “We love because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19). This is the way in which I believe love and obedience grow gracefully.

1. I am loved by God
2. I receive that love and in turn love God
3. I obey God because I love Him

This begins with God, not with me. Love begins with God, not with me. Obedience begins with God, not me.

So looking back at the greatest commandment with this perspective, I am only able to love God with my heart to the extent that I have allowed God’s love to enter my heart. I am only capable of loving God with my soul to the extent I have allowed my soul to be loved by God. My mind will only love Him to the extent that I believe Jesus really loves my mind (even when it’s filled with ugly thoughts).

By contrast, to the extent that I hide my heart, soul, mind and strength from the love of God in Jesus Christ, I cannot love him nor obey his commands.

Let’s stop kidding ourselves; believing that our self-righteous, white-knuckling legalism is of any spiritual value. Obedience born of pride is not obedience at all. Only obedience inspired by the Love of God is true obedience. This is kind of obedience is of great value!

Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him.

- John 14:21

Put simply: obedience begins with love and love begins with God.

He started it…let him finish it!

Needless to say, I was thrilled to hear about what Aaron and his team are doing. I look forward to seeing them grow and hopefully taking advantage of some of the resources they plan to develop.

There can never be too many in the fight for our character and integrity. In our society, this is never more true than in the area of sexuality. Go check out Pure Path and show them some love!

When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

James 1:13-15

Let’s cut to the chase.

We all sin. We all fall short of God’s high standard of living. We have all lied, stolen, coveted, lusted (which is adultery according to Jesus), dishonored our parents, placed other things before God, and the list goes on. This is the reason that we need Jesus Christ in our lives. We simply cannot fulfill the laws that God laid out in the ten commandments.

But this study is not about sin or the law. This study is about temptation and how we can overcome it.

Let me level the playing field by pointing out “each one is tempted.” The King James Version reads “every man is tempted.” No man, woman or child alive is free from temptation. Mother Theresa was tempted to sin in the same way that you and I are. Even Jesus Christ Himself had to endure the draw of temptation to sin (see Hebrews 4:15).

So, where does temptation come from?

James immediately dispels any notion that God tempts us to sin. According to James 1:14 we are all tempted by the enticement of our own evil desires. Temptation does not come from without but from within. The lure of pornography or illicit sex does not come from pictures, pixels or prostitutes. The issue is the fallen flesh in which we live.

There is no question that Satan also tempts us. He is called “the tempter” and indeed tempted Christ. For the purpose of this study, I am focusing on the temptation that comes from within our flesh. But for the record, when Satan tempts us, he uses the evil desires that are in our flesh as a vehicle. He merely dangles the bait.

Speaking of bait! The Greek words used to describe being “dragged away and enticed” by our lusts are also used to describe a fisherman reeling in a fish hooked onto his line. This is a very appropriate picture. Imagine if you will a fish swimming in a lake. He comes across a tasty looking morsel floating by. But, he cannot see well enough to notice the hook embedded in the worm or the line leading to his ultimate demise. The fish is hungry and bites into the bait. The hook is set and the fish is hopelessly ensnared.

Now, the issue with this poor fish is not the bait that was waiting for him to come along. Many have said, “If we could ban all pornography and if women would dress appropriately then I wouldn’t be so tempted!” The fallacy of this kind of thinking cannot be overstated. The problem this fish had was that he was hungry! Because the fish was hungry the bait was completely irresistible. It was only a matter of time before this creature was hooked and dragged away. Of course, our temptation is not to eat a worm on a hook. Ours is much more subtle and deceptive. But, the problem we have is the same as that fish. Our flesh is hungry for sin. Our flesh knows nothing but sin and desires nothing but sin. Paul put it this way, “…nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature [flesh]. (Rom.7:18)”

Are you beginning to realize that the main issue with our temptation is our desire for sin? Thanks to the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, sin has been taken care of. When we accept Jesus Christ into our lives and surrender to Him, the problem is no longer sin itself. The problem with temptation is our evil desires.

So what do we do about temptation? We cut to the root which are our evil desires! “First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.” (Matt. 23:26)

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

1 Corinthians 10:13

God makes a very strong and comforting promise to use in the preceding verse. The temptation we endure is not unique to us. Others have experienced the same and have overcome them successfully. Furthermore, God in His faithfulness will only allow temptation to come upon us that we are able to conquer through Him. This means one of two things (or both):

1. God will now allow temptation greater than we can bear to come upon us.

2. God will strengthen us so that the temptation we are experiencing will not overtake us.

The most meaningful part of this verse for me is the last part: “…He will also provide a way out…”

Many times in the past I have tried different techniques to overcome temptation, and in particular sexual temptation. I have tried to pray more, read more scripture, be more accountable to other Christians, focus on Christian service, and the list goes on. I succeeded only in frustrating myself, burning myself out and becoming embittered toward the Christian life. I seemingly had no more power over my impulses after all of that activity than when I had begun. Worse, my anger and frustration was contributing to my addiction even more.

I have since come to discovery that the “way out” is not an activity, discipline or technique. He is a person!

“I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

John 14:6

Jesus Christ Himself is the way out of temptation. I will explain a few concepts first and then delve into practical application.

Paul wrote that God would “provide a way out” and Jesus declared that “I am the way.” Putting these verses together gave me the answer that I was looking for! But, there was one issue that I had to clear up first – acceptance.

Because of the nature of my sin (sexual addiction) I felt very ashamed and unacceptable to myself and to God. I felt unworthy of His help and His mercy. I knew that I had been forgiven because of Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross, but I could not approach Him with any confidence because of my shame. Through learning about the grace of God as explained by Steve McVey in his book “Grace Walk” I came to realize that not only does Jesus’ sacrifice offer me forgiveness of my sin, but UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE INTO HIS PRESENCE! You will find that acceptance is a continual theme in my writing because it is foundational to everything I have experienced on the road to recovery.

McVey uses a simple question to help us come to grips with our acceptability with God. On a scale of one to ten, ten being the highest, how acceptable to you feel to God right now? I have asked this question to dozens of people since first reading the book and I have very rarely heard anyone reply that they felt like they were a 10. Many of these people I respect deeply and would regard as very strong Christians. Yet the pattern remained that they did not feel 100% acceptable to the Father.

What this boils down to is that we do not feel like “10’s” because we are relying on some measure of self-effort to make ourselves “acceptable” to God. Only if we prayed more, read more scripture, gave more, served more, were not angry, were sexually pure, etc. This mindset has kept us from experiencing the love of God through Jesus Christ long enough! It is time to stop…right now!

YOU ARE A 10!

Now, you might be thinking, “Is he saying that I shouldn’t read more scripture, give, serve, pray or stay sexually pure?” No, that is not what I am saying. I am saying that if we engage in those activities to somehow feel more acceptable to the Lord then we have already missed the point.

There is nothing that we can do to make ourselves more acceptable to the Lord. Nor is there anything that we can do that would make us less acceptable to Him! Jesus Christ paid the full penalty for our sin and we died with Him at the cross. We are new creations that are perfect in His sight. When a believer gives into temptation and sits in front of a computer using pornography it certainly hurts the heart of God. But, He looks down upon us and accepts us unconditionally, even in the midst of our darkest moments!

If you struggle with this concept, I highly recommend getting a copy of “Grace Walk” and reading it thoroughly. A link is available under the Resources section of the website. But, I must move on to the purpose of this study which is temptation!

Now that we have established that Jesus accepts us (we are 10’s) even in our darkest moments, we can turn to Him in those moments and fellowship with Him.

Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.

Hebrews 2:18

Jesus Christ knows that we are tempted and He wants to help us through it. He understands because, as we discovered previously, He has also endured temptation. The way out of temptation is not to focus on anything else but Him. When we learn to fellowship with Jesus Christ in the midst of our temptation He strengthens us and turns our desires away from the object of our lust. The more we learn to turn to Him for help in the middle of temptation the more we become surrendered to His work within us. We are able to hear His voice in the midst of what formerly was a source of shame and despair.

I have found that my evil desires and temptation that comes through them no longer drag me away from the Lord. Now temptation actually drives me to Him! I am tempted dozens of times a day to do all sorts of unseemly things. I have found through this principle that I am in fellowship with Jesus much more often and have experience the peace that comes through resting in Him and allowing Him to handle the temptation for me. When I realize that a woman is in my presence that my eyes are drawn to, I begin to talk to Christ in my mind (and sometimes aloud). His peace and strength begin to flow through my thoughts and I feel His love and acceptance in that moment. Then my desires to look at that women are strongly overridden by the love and acceptance that Jesus offers to me. Jesus is doing His amazing work of changing my desires. I have seen my sinful desires, and in particular pornography, masturbation and objectifying women, wane significantly since I let Christ into my temptation.

Below is a summary of this study:

• Every human being endures temptation (James 1:13)
• We are tempted because of the evil desires in our flesh (James 1:14)
• Jesus accepts us unconditionally, even in the midst of our temptation (You are a 10!)
• God has promised us a way out of our temptation (1 Cor. 10:13)
• The way out of temptation is not a technique, but a Person – Jesus Christ (John 14:6)
• By turning to Jesus Christ in the moments when we are tempted, our temptations no longer drag us away from Christ but drive us to Him. (Heb. 2:18)
• As we let Jesus into our temptations He changes our desires from the inside.

(originally posted on higher-calling.com)

It goes like this: Focused intensity over Time multiplied by God equals unstoppable Momentum.

Rather than try to reproduce what other bloggers have already written, I decided to go to YouTube. Lo and behold! Dave Ramsey delivered essentially the same talk at a church a while back. It is well worth checking out. Here is the first part of the message (it is broken into four parts).

These are the direct links to the other three parts of the message.

The Momentum Theorem Part 2 0f 4

The Momentum Theorem Part 3 of 4

The Momentum Theorem Part 4 of 4

Okay, so you may be asking what this has to do with our primary vision – to help those who struggle with or have been hurt by sexual sin find healing. It is because at times, recovery is hard. In fact, there are times when you feel like you are sliding backwards (read backsliding). It requires a lot of focus, intensity and consistent application of them over time to make it in recovery.

You will not find wholeness through half measures!

We have to trust Jesus to help us focus, to stay intent upon the prize of purity and to sustain us in good times and in bad. We can capture momentum in recovery, like in any other arena of life. It does get easier, but not until we apply ourselves to it.

This simple theorem is a great reminder. Write it down, memorize it, and remember it when things are going well…and when things aren’t going so well. God will multiply our efforts to live for him, and that is what this is all about.

“And He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.’”
2 Cor. 12:9a NKJV

How do I make this exchange? What does it look like in practice? Your input please.

Here was my response:

Great question, Paul. Thanks for asking. I have some thoughts about it. I will be the first to admit that I don’t do this perfectly or even as well as I would like. But here goes…

As with anything, this exchange has to begin with faith. If we don’t trust that this is available to us for some reason, then it will ultimately be ineffective in our lives. We have to allow the words of Jesus to be what they are – transcendent. They transcend our shame, our feelings of inadequacy, our circumstances, our hurts, our flesh, our temptations and everything else that would tempt us to believe that Jesus’ grace is not sufficient for us. The wonderful thing about this verse is that it acknowledges the very things that made up my previous list…our weaknesses.

Another observation is that Jesus said his grace is sufficient, not the law, our discipline or anything other than free, undeserved blessings and favor of God.

The context for this verse is wonderful as well. Paul is pleading for God to take away this “thorn in his side.” There is a lot of speculation as to what the thorn was. We really don’t know and so we can only conclude that what it actually was is not an important detail. What is important is that God reframed the reality of this fleshly haunt of Paul’s into a blessing…something that God allowed to remain in order to keep Paul humble.

Why is this so wonderful? Because Paul’s default response was not condemnation and shame, but humility. He saw his fleshly issues, whatever they were, as a reason to walk in humility before God and probably more importantly before other people. After Paul asked God to remove this issue from him and God did not, Paul took it in stride and accepted it as a blessing. When was the last time we saw suffering as a blessing?

Here is the full passage in The Message. A little context – Paul had just described some amazing revelations of Heaven that God had given to him in the previous verses.

Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn’t get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,

My grace is enough; it’s all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.

Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.
- 2 Cor. 12:7-10 (The Message)

A Child’s Observation

Have you ever noticed your kid(s) doing something that was wrong and you tell them “don’t do that?” Then they reply “but, you did it.” Now if you’re a parent I’m pretty sure that most of you have heard that same thing come out of your kid(s) mouth. Below is a piece of a blog I recently stumbled across.

“A friend was hurt and angry when his 16-year-old daughter left home and, for 18 months, slept with every male she could get her hands on.  While I was counseling her, it almost seemed she was bragging about her sexual popularity.  Her Dad was angry at the world, but, having known him for years, I knew the problem was closer to home.  You see, for most of the time she was growing up, he had the Playboy bunny logo (rabbit’s head) on his keychain, dangling from the steering column everywhere he drove her.  By this, and probably other signals, Dad communicated to his daughter what was important. Sure, there were other factors, but her behavior after 16 was, in many ways, a fulfillment of years of programming.”

Children notice and take note of everything we do. They look up to their parents because we are their role models and the person they look to for answers. They absorb everything they see us do in order to form opinions, actions and thoughts.

Guys, when you’re with your buddies and you’re talking openly about girls; your son will use this as an example how to treat girls he meets throughout his life. Ladies, the shows that you watch where women sleeps with or hooks up with various partners; your daughter will use this when she gets into relationships with guys and think that this is the norm. What we do as parents will be observed by our children and they see everything. Even though we think they are not looking, they are and they notice everything their role model does.

Marriage by Example

Brian and I were not happy at all in our marriage and we had grown further apart. He was angry all of the time and just not the man that I had married. This was not something that was hidden from people any more and our children saw it first hand almost on a daily schedule. Frustrations and hurt feelings were driving us apart. I thought that the stress of work and not ever having enough money was really getting to Brian.

Kids are like students in a class room and we are the teachers who provide information on how to be adults & couples. The display that Brian and I were providing for our children was sending mixed messages. One moment things were good and then, we were fighting again. Whether it was because he was never home or because of our bills which were in part do to porn pay sites. When Brian and I would fight it would trickle down to the kids through my attitude. One of the kids would do something just a little bit annoying and already being upset I would snap back at the kids.

We also never really showed true affection to each other in front of our kids because he never would want to hold hands, gently kiss me or just hold me in front of the kids. Instead all he ever waned to do was have sex and you just don’t do that in front of your children. It is ok to show your children that you love each other through public affection.

“Your Dirty Little Secret”

The average age that a child sees porn for the first time is now at the age of 11 and is getting younger. The scary thing is that in order for it to be an average there had to be a balance of kids viewing porn at a younger age as well.

I read so many confessions that start out with how that person’s addiction got started. The number one way that people are introduced to pornography is by looking at their parents porn stash that they find. As parents Darcy and I often talk about what traits, habits, and morals we will pass on to our children. Things like faith, manners, kindness, hard working, and loving are words that we often use during these conversations. Your love for porn is not one that I think anyone wants to pass down. How ever this is exactly what can happen when we do not remove it from our lives.

I am not just talking about the magazines, movies, or books that you may be hiding but, also your computer usage. Your habits and usage on the internet is used in the favor of the pornographer and is their opportunity to bombard your email with advertisements for porn. Not only is your address in the computer but, so are those of your children. Next thing you know porn links are being emailed to them because of your quick visit to a porn site.

Not only do you have the email to worry about but, your history is a major link between kids and their parent’s porn habits. You may only be a casual user or you may be addicted to it. It does not matter it still has a way of working its way into our children’s lives. How would you feel if your child posted a confession here that they were addicted to porn and their confession starts out; “It all started when I found my parents porn.”?

My children are younger and to explain to them what their dad was doing wouldn’t be right; yet. My son knows that for some time his dad was absent from his life on a regular basis. I was also a ticking time bomb ready to blow up at the drop of a hat making him scared of how I’d react next. I was always on edge afraid of getting caught by someone. Now, I did not tell him that porn was the reason I acted out the way that I did. I did how ever sit down with him apologize asking for his forgiveness for the way I acted toward him and his sister. I missed out on a lot of things in their lives and I will never be able to get that time back but, I can make sure that it never happens again. You are never alone in your actions what you do affects everything and everyone around you; even your children.

Family Time

The main thing that I have seen in our family time is that it has become enjoyable. There are no weird feelings or anxieties in the air. Brian and I are able to show love toward one another now and have it be true feelings. With things settled down the time together is more pleasant, less yelling and screaming at one another. We are able to enjoy all of what God has given to us, knowing what life was like before Brian’s recovery started, I am thankful for every new day with our family.

Robi Sonderegger, Ph.D., is an internationally recognized clinical psychologist who is increasing awareness all over the globe about the psychological harm inflicted by pornography.

We asked Dr. Robi, who has a strong background in developmental psychology, how early exposure to pornography can affect a child’s mental development, and what role it can play in determining their sexual inclinations later in life. The answer might shock you.

I know my heart and I know that Jesus lives there…and it is good because Jesus says so. When the lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes and the pride of life scream to me that I am a dirty rotten sinner, I have to remind myself firmly that Jesus lives in my heart and it is good. He has taken my heart of stone and given me a heart of flesh. I just haven’t been completely transformed by the renewing of my mind yet.

This is no excuse to indulge the flesh. But it is the only effective inoculation I have found against the shame and despair that the flesh can throw my way. I have to get honest with myself and others about my temptations. Admitting a part of me misses it…that’s the truth sometimes. Getting it out in the open seems so risky, but is so necessary.

I don’t want to click post on this blog, but here goes…

Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs.

- Jonah 2:8

Knowing that it is God’s grace that enables me to live in any sort of freedom from sin, sexual or otherwise, it is so critical for me to guard against clinging to worthless idols in my life!

It is always refreshing to see someone as successful as he is living out his faith.