Nonetheless, because you have treated the Lord with such contempt in this matter, the son who has been born to you will certainly die.

The son will pay for the sins of the father. In the following verses, we see God doing what he said He would do and David praying against it pleading, even fasting, for the child. So as I was thinking about this I cannot help but to wonder David’s motives for praying and fasting over the child. Was it his unwillingness to accept the Lord’s judgment? Was it his regret over the consequences of his sin? Was it selfish? Or, is David a better man than I and was truly concerned for his son?

Then I cannot help but to think about the character of God of passing the judgment of David on to his son. What did the kid do? Was God sparing the child of David’s sins and the aftermath that followed in David’s family? My mind goes back and forth over this; however, I believe David’s response to God’s actions speak more to the character of God than anything I can conjure in my mind, which is purely conjecture at this point. Simply, David worships God when he learns of the child’s death (2 Sam 12:19-20). This tells me that God is not the cause of the child’s suffering, but sin is, maybe justice is, maybe both somehow. Regardless, children suffer constantly because of the actions of their parents (or even the lack thereof), even as my kids are suffering because of me. Does that suffering belong to God being the cause? Doubtful. If not, then how does the death of a child belong to the responsibility of God? There’s a delicate, inexplicable balance of free will (mine and everyone else’s), dominion of sin (both principle, power, and actions of sin [yes both can hold three items if this sounds wrong to you]), and God’s sovereignty and power. Something I struggle greatly with.

Then I wonder about David again. Did he think of this event often? Did he regret his relationship with Bathsheba? Did he regret his actions?

Besides my million questions, which reveal the obvious canyon between my lack of knowledge of God and about God, here’s where reality meets: those who are within the covenant of grace, under the new covenant, living in this economy of God, does God still deal with mankind in the same manner? Yes and no. To those in the new covenant, our sins were paid for on the cross. The son of David died on the cross on our behalf because of what we did, have done, are doing, or even will do.

Does this relinquish my responsibility and free me that my kids will not suffer because of me? No. God does indeed visit the sins of the fathers on the sons; however, it just may not be in the same manner as it once was…or it could be. Who am I to say? However, there is something that we have that King David didn’t. However, my sins do affect my kids. Could I not be separated, or divorced if I were a better person and did not sin sexually? Could I have been, could I be, a better father if I didn’t sin sexually? Yes and yes. So, my kids dealing with a somewhat crummy dad at times (not all the time, but a lot of the time) is my responsibility. Furthermore, if I were to dig into my past, I could probably trace a history of sexual sin. Who am I to say that my own kids won’t struggle? However, I do know that God also gives grace multi-fold to those who love him. While I am a HORRID example and do it VERY POORLY, I do hope that God grants grace on me and my family. I do hope that my struggle is not in vain (cf. Gal 3:4), and that it has a purpose, one that I don’t know yet, don’t see yet, but one nonetheless.

In Psalm 51, we see King David’s repentance of his sin with Bathsheba and Uriah. In Psalm 51:11-12, there is a statement by King David, “Do not cast me away from before you, Do not take your Holy Spirit 32 away from me!” We do not need to fear this. Unlike some fiance’s, God has given us a pledge, and He has made a promise to us that He will keep. And unlike King Saul, we do not have to fear that God will take His Spirit from us. We simply need to learn to submit and yield to Him, which is something I have the most difficult time doing.

There’s also a song that many churches sing, “Create in Me a Clean Heart” which is Psalm 51 almost verbatim. However, these lines are not true of us. If anything, it is us walking away in apostasy or unbelief, not God casting His Presence from us. (This song is a pet peeve of sorts for me because of the poor theology.) So the next time you hear the song, think about these words and the words of Ephesians 1:13-14. God gave a down payment, a pledge, a seal. These things are non-refundable, irrevocable, promises of God, who doesn’t break His promises. So I have to place my trust in God and believe that His grace is sufficient for me and my family. I cannot fret and worry about my own anxiety and fears. Instead believing in His love, which casts out all fear. But am I willing to submit myself to the care of my God? Daily? Hourly? Sometimes, even moment by moment?

1 Tim 6:11 states, “But flee from these things, you man of God, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, perseverance and gentleness.”

2 Tim 2:22 states, “Now flee from youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.”

Paul is presenting what it means to become a vessel of honor, sanctified, useful, and prepared for good works (2 Tim 2:21). In both verses, a person needs to flee and pursue. There are two commands here: (1) Flee and (2) Pursue.

In 2 Tim 2:22, a godly person flees youthful lusts while these things in 1 Tim 6:11 refer to the love of money which is the root of all kinds of evil (1 Tim 6:10). The porn industry is all about THE MONEY!! They do not care about the people behind the pictures/movies. They don’t care about the customer. They are in the industry because it is such a lucrative business (grossed $10 billion according to CBS News). So of course, Christians should have no part in “donating” to their profits through any kind of purchasing of any kind of pornographic material. However, most Christians do not have a problem with agreeing to this. This is definitely true because many Christians can obtain pornographic material (pictures, videos, and stories) for free on a regular basis since the invention of the internet. Why would the porn industry offer their product for free? Because they know the intoxicating, addicting nature that pornography has on an individual, both male and female. Now through the sciences, we know that orgasm and male ejaculation results in a chemical release in the brain, so that over time there becomes a chemical dependency (like seeking a high or a buzz). So once a person is addicted they will begin to spend money on their addiction, and they are hooked! So what are youthful lusts? If you look at the context he was probably thinking of the desire to argue (2 Tim 2:14-16, 23-26) and to develop a unique theology (2 Tim 2:17b-18), etc. The phrase is definitely broad enough, though, to include and carry the notion of sexual lusts or passion (Constable 18).

The image is a person fleeing, running, racing away from something evil, abhorrent, terrifying, danger. They are not just fleeing aimlessly but rather the person is fleeing towards safety through not only establishing distance between them and the perceived danger but also entering safe area. The word also carries the idea that the person will escape safely from this danger, that is, youthful lusts and the love of money. However, if we do not aim towards something, we surely will find “safety” in another danger or addiction or sin.

Therefore, Paul completes the image by stating that we need to flee in pursuit of righteousness, godliness, faith, love, peace, perseverance and gentleness, i.e. the things of God and the kingdom of God (Matt 6:33). It is not just running into a shelter waiting to provide refuge, but racing in order to overcome the object. The person fleeing from youthful lusts is to run after the things of God in such a way as to over-run, to capture, to arrest, to take hold of, and to tackle. So if we fail to pursue the kingdom of God and God’s will, we will “pursue” perceived righteousness or worldly righteousness and fall into another one of Satan’s traps. But the text does not stop there! 1 Tim 6:11 states that we should pursue “righteousness, godliness, faith, love, perseverance and gentleness.”

Dr. Tom Constable writes (Constable 69)

“Righteousness” includes all attitudes and actions in harmony with what God calls right.
“Godliness” is godlike character and conduct.
“Faith” is trust in God.
“Love” is selfless devotion to the needs of others.
“Perseverance” is faithful continuance through adverse or discouraging circumstances.
“Gentleness” is tender kindness toward others.

The first two of these goals are general characteristics that represent one’s relationship with God. The second two are specific attitudes that animate the Christian life. The third two are specific actions that define correct ways of relating to a hostile world. Together they draw a silhouette of a “man [person] of God.”

Not only are we to flee from anything immoral (pornographic material or the love of money), we are to pursue righteousness with the body of Christ! Note that the text says, “with those who call on the Lord with a pure heart.” Paul qualifies the person(s) with whom we are to flee from sin. They are to be pursuing God with a pure heart, that is, without any impurity or mixture. The pure heart was a heart that only had one passion, one goal, undivided in its focus. This pure heart is without guilt and free of corrupt desire, regenerate. We cannot flee sin and pursue God without the aid of the community of God. Paul knows that we grow faint so easily. We need the encouragement of one another to pursue the things of God. However, it isn’t just anyone at church, and it isn’t just showing up to church. It is a picture of walking alongside someone together helping one another (Rom 12:10), encouraging one another (Rom 14:19; 1 Thess 5:11; Heb 3:13; 10:24-25), carrying one another, bearing each other’s burdens (Gal 6:2; Col 3:13), laughing together, crying together (1 John 1:&, and racing towards the prize (1 Cor 9:24).

So (1.) in what ways are you fleeing your sin? In what ways can we flee the traps of pornography? Using the computer in a public setting? Eliminating useless computer time? Eliminating any down time? Develop a hobby or some type of recreation? Rid our houses/apartments/condos of anything that will ensnare our minds like magazines? Canceling cable? (2.) In what ways can we pursue God better? Spiritual disciplines? Fasting? Journaling? Praying? Devotions? Accountability? Church attendance? (3.) Who can you develop a friendship with in order to encourage you to grow spiritually? Friends at work? Friends at Sunday school class? Neighbors? Elders? Deacons? Pastors? Old buddies from the past?

There is a whole lot going on in this section. First we must recognize that it is important to understand the main point which centers on one’s heart and its relationship to sin. Jesus is simply elevating the sin of adultery to the level of the tenth commandment, even beyond. No one can really know if you are committing adultery, except you and God.

Jesus is exhorting us to take whatever extreme measures are necessary to ensure that we do not sin fearing the cumulative consequences of sin and He who can cast us into hell. He does not necessarily mean that we should cut off our hand(s) or gouge out our eye(s). Instead it is better for us to forsake some liberties or limit our freedoms in Christ that may cause us to sin. The writer of Hebrews encourages us to not neglect our salvation. And pursuing a sinful practice of pornography is neglecting our savation.

So what do we so then? Well we get rid of things that trigger us as long as it depends on us. For example, the magazines with beautiful women, even Good Housekeeping or the Health magazines or Runners’ World, and definitely any caalogs like Victoria Secret or Abercrombie. Get rid of your TV/cable. Get rid of your internet. If you cannot get a filter, and a password on the machine that forces you to have someone else around. And do not know the password! BeSafe Home is probably the best. If you don’t want a filter then Covenant Eyes may be the best choice for accountability reasons. What extreme measures do you need to take?

So in John 5, Jesus approaches Bethesda, where there are many sick people, who sit there doing the same thing again and again watching the pools hoping that one day it would change them. But there was nothing. So Jesus speaks to a man who had been ill for 38 years. How long have I been in my condition and bondage to pornography? I’ve been stuck for about 17 years. It’s deep. It’s wide. It’s ugly. Then Jesus asked a pointed question: “Do you wish to get well?” Do I? Do I really wish to get well? Do I desire in the depths of my heart to be free from my porn addiction? Where does my heart lay? How would I respond to this question? How DO I respond to this question? Even trembling, weary, utterly sad, guilt-ridden, I do.

The man replies with an answer that he does but he needs help because others beat him to the punch. So Jesus replied, “Get up, pick up your mate and walk.” There’s the command. Does the man feel better? Does he feel different? Does he know something is different? Does he peer into the eyes of Jesus with doubt, confusion, or glee? Verse 9 then says, “Immediately!” Immediately. Can I be healed immediately? Or is it just a process? Does this text promise me immediate healing? I’d be lying if I said it did. I does not. Nor does the text say that he healed everyone there (but then again it doesn’t say he didn’t for John later writes that he couldn’t write about everything that happened which suggests that he could have, and possibly did). Verse 9 continues, “the man became well, and picked up his palley and began to walk.” It was a fact that Jesus healed the man apart from the man’s faith. We, through faith, have been set free from our bondage to pornography, but do we want to be healed? While the passage’s main thrust is Jesus’ ministry of healing, the question that is posed to us all is: “Do you wish to get well?” Do I? Do you?

There are three basic responses to this. First, one can say “Yes.” Second, one can say, “No.” And finaly one can ignore the question or say, “I don’t know.” This last response which has been mine for some time is the most dangerous with its passivity. We can easily rationale that we did not answe, “No.” But in failing to say, “Yes,” we say, “No.” So what will your answer be? What is mine? I say YES! ten times over again. Lord, will you heal me?

Too bad!

1. Start missing meetings for any reason, real or imaginary.
2. Become critical of the methods used by other members who may not agree with you in everything.
3. Nurse the idea that someday, somehow, you can drink or drug again in a controlled manner.
4. Let the others do the 12th step work in your group. You are too busy.
5. Become conscious of your AA/NA/SA “Seniority” and view every member with a skeptical and jaundiced eye.
6. Become so pleased with your own views of the program that you consider yourself an “Elder Statesman”
7. Start a small clique within your own group, composed of only a few members who see eye to eye with you.
8. Tell the new member in confidence that you yourself do not not take certain of the 12 Steps seriously.
9. Let your mind dwell more and more on how much you are helping others rather than on how much the program is helping you.
10. If an unfortunate member has a slip, drop him at once.
11. Cultivate the habit of borrowing money from other members, then stay away from meetings to avoid embarrassment.
12. Look upon the 24 hour plan as a vital thing for new members, but not for yourself. You have outgrown the need of that a long time ago. 

Most importantly always remember we can all have a another relapse, but we cannot be guaranteed another recovery. (SOURCE)

Purpose of Journaling

There is a twofold purpose of journaling for any addict. First, since addicts use their acting out as a way to numb out or avoid feelings and emotions, journaling serves as necessary a way to make connections between thoughts, feelings, and actions. Second, journaling serves as a series of checkpoints along the road of happy destiny.

Journaling Content

First before I discuss the what of journaling, let me first talk about the length of journaling. This weekend my wife and I were briefly discussing journaling, and she was encouraging me to journal as she knows how difficult it is for me. Then she mentioned that I should just journal every time I commit to no matter what I write, even if it is just, “I hate journaling and I don’t feel like journaling today.” Simply the point is to write something down on paper.Now there are six basic questions that can be answered extremely quickly or even for the over-achiever, elaborately. They are FAST VG!

1. Feelings: What feelings did I experience today and/or have right now?
2. Acting Out: What, if any, acting out did you do today?
3. Struggles: What struggles did you experience today?
4. Temptations: What temptations did you experience today?
5. Victories: What victories, no matter how small, did you experience today?
6. God: How did you see God (or your higher power) working in your life today?

These questions can be answered in a wide variety of ways. Feelings are feelings, and they are as fickle as the weather. However, it is good to have a record to begin to see patterns of behavior. Acting out can look differently every day. I personally including any ritual behaviors or preoccupational thinking here too. Struggles I often relate to life, and sometimes to my faulty thinking. Temptations are my triggers. Victories are anything from pushing a thought out of my head to turning off the laptop to walking away to calling someone etc. I typically answer #1, #2-4 altogether with each event that I discuss, #5 and then #6. #6 has been more difficult for me than I expected; however, it is getting easier.So what about you? What do you use to journal?

Freaked out
Insecure
Neurotic
Emotional

If only more people cared to dig past “FINE,” but I completely understand one’s hesitancy to do so because I don’t dig myself though sometimes I wonder what I would find if I did…

In college, I had a roommate that defined FINE and OK his own way, so whenever someone asked, he could simply say FINE or OK, which usually meant something bad or that he was in a bad place. However, he and I both knew that we simply could not be “honest” with people because they simply didn’t care. “Hello, how are you doing?” is only a welcome greeting idiom or euphamism in the South, especially where we were at school. What do you say when someone asks you a question like, “How are you doing?” when you don’t want to talk?

When I was at Bethesda Workshops, one of the leaders said, “One thing we want you to learn is that no feeling in and of themselves is a bad feeling.” My objections to this statement were the feelings of GUILT and SHAME. While I can actually see how GUILT can be a positive feeling in the sense of CONVICTION, GODLY SORROW, etc., I still have some difficulty seeing how SHAME is a “positive” feeling, especially since I have always defined SHAME as seeing myself as inadequate or unworthy (as even some of the state of beings indicate). However, if we define it as something like a “state of dishonor” or even humility (if that is an emotion or feeling?), then I can see shame positively. However, I typically don’t see it as positive and will probably continue struggling with this for some time. What do you think? Can SHAME be a positive feeling?

CORE FEELINGS            ASSOCIATED STATE OF BEING

I don’t remember where I got this but here are 16 symptoms of ADHD in adulthood.

1. Find it difficult to tolerate waiting; impatient
2. Make decisions impulsively
3. Easily distracted by irrelevant thoughts when I must concentrate on something
4. Procrastinate or put things off until the last minute
5. Change my plans at the last minute on a whim or last minute impulse
6. Start a project or task without reading or listening to directions carefully
7. Forget to do things I am supposed to do
8. Can’t seem to hold in mind things I need to remember to do
9. Easily frustrated
10. Can’t seem to persist at things I do not fin interesting
11. Have trouble staying alert or awake in boring situations
12. Can’t seem to sustain my concentration on reading, paperwork, lectures, or work
13. Easily bored
14. Have difficulties saying what I want to say
15. Can’t seem to get to the point of my explanations as quickly as others
16. Have difficulties managing my money or credit cards

While I am not sure how many one has to have to claim to have ADHD as an adult, and there probably isn’t a specific number or threshold. So each case is different and probably should be analyzed on a case by case basis. As for me, I have a high number of these (if not all).