Too bad!

1. Start missing meetings for any reason, real or imaginary.
2. Become critical of the methods used by other members who may not agree with you in everything.
3. Nurse the idea that someday, somehow, you can drink or drug again in a controlled manner.
4. Let the others do the 12th step work in your group. You are too busy.
5. Become conscious of your AA/NA/SA “Seniority” and view every member with a skeptical and jaundiced eye.
6. Become so pleased with your own views of the program that you consider yourself an “Elder Statesman”
7. Start a small clique within your own group, composed of only a few members who see eye to eye with you.
8. Tell the new member in confidence that you yourself do not not take certain of the 12 Steps seriously.
9. Let your mind dwell more and more on how much you are helping others rather than on how much the program is helping you.
10. If an unfortunate member has a slip, drop him at once.
11. Cultivate the habit of borrowing money from other members, then stay away from meetings to avoid embarrassment.
12. Look upon the 24 hour plan as a vital thing for new members, but not for yourself. You have outgrown the need of that a long time ago. 

Most importantly always remember we can all have a another relapse, but we cannot be guaranteed another recovery. (SOURCE)

1. Start missing meetings for any reason, real or imaginary.
2. Become critical of the methods used by other members who may not agree with you in everything.
3. Nurse the idea that someday, somehow, you can drink or drug again in a controlled manner.
4. Let the others do the 12th step work in your group. You are too busy.
5. Become conscious of your AA/NA/SA “Seniority” and view every member with a skeptical and jaundiced eye.
6. Become so pleased with your own views of the program that you consider yourself an “Elder Statesman”
7. Start a small clique within your own group, composed of only a few members who see eye to eye with you.
8. Tell the new member in confidence that you yourself do not not take certain of the 12 Steps seriously.
9. Let your mind dwell more and more on how much you are helping others rather than on how much the program is helping you.
10. If an unfortunate member has a slip, drop him at once.
11. Cultivate the habit of borrowing money from other members, then stay away from meetings to avoid embarrassment.
12. Look upon the 24 hour plan as a vital thing for new members, but not for yourself. You have outgrown the need of that a long time ago. 

Most importantly always remember we can all have a another relapse, but we cannot be guaranteed another recovery. (SOURCE)

Purpose of Journaling

There is a twofold purpose of journaling for any addict. First, since addicts use their acting out as a way to numb out or avoid feelings and emotions, journaling serves as necessary a way to make connections between thoughts, feelings, and actions. Second, journaling serves as a series of checkpoints along the road of happy destiny.

Journaling Content

First before I discuss the what of journaling, let me first talk about the length of journaling. This weekend my wife and I were briefly discussing journaling, and she was encouraging me to journal as she knows how difficult it is for me. Then she mentioned that I should just journal every time I commit to no matter what I write, even if it is just, “I hate journaling and I don’t feel like journaling today.” Simply the point is to write something down on paper.Now there are six basic questions that can be answered extremely quickly or even for the over-achiever, elaborately. They are FAST VG!

1. Feelings: What feelings did I experience today and/or have right now?
2. Acting Out: What, if any, acting out did you do today?
3. Struggles: What struggles did you experience today?
4. Temptations: What temptations did you experience today?
5. Victories: What victories, no matter how small, did you experience today?
6. God: How did you see God (or your higher power) working in your life today?

These questions can be answered in a wide variety of ways. Feelings are feelings, and they are as fickle as the weather. However, it is good to have a record to begin to see patterns of behavior. Acting out can look differently every day. I personally including any ritual behaviors or preoccupational thinking here too. Struggles I often relate to life, and sometimes to my faulty thinking. Temptations are my triggers. Victories are anything from pushing a thought out of my head to turning off the laptop to walking away to calling someone etc. I typically answer #1, #2-4 altogether with each event that I discuss, #5 and then #6. #6 has been more difficult for me than I expected; however, it is getting easier.So what about you? What do you use to journal?

Freaked out
Insecure
Neurotic
Emotional

If only more people cared to dig past “FINE,” but I completely understand one’s hesitancy to do so because I don’t dig myself though sometimes I wonder what I would find if I did…

In college, I had a roommate that defined FINE and OK his own way, so whenever someone asked, he could simply say FINE or OK, which usually meant something bad or that he was in a bad place. However, he and I both knew that we simply could not be “honest” with people because they simply didn’t care. “Hello, how are you doing?” is only a welcome greeting idiom or euphamism in the South, especially where we were at school. What do you say when someone asks you a question like, “How are you doing?” when you don’t want to talk?

So in an effort to help those around me I wanted to share this resource as it was given to me. This resource has proven to be extremely valuable to me as I continue in recovery. I refer to it constantly and review it periodically just to learn what I may be feeling if I was frustrated or irritated. Also, while this chart doesn’t necessarily show it sometimes ANGER needs to be further investigated because it can come from FEAR or even GUILT or SHAME.

Another thing that I have found interesting was that one therapist and published author told me that none of these feelings were innately bad or wrong. As soon as I heard her say that I immediately objected and asked, “Well, what about GUILT and SHAME? Aren’t those wrong or bad?” After hearing her response, I wasn’t convinced and wanted to further investigate this myself. I have concluded that this really comes down to definitions. If GUILT is something like CONVICTION or even GODLY SORROW then sure GUILT can have a positive meaning.

Between GUILT and SHAME, I have a hard time differentiating though I know there is a distinct difference. I have always viewed the difference as the following: 

• GUILT is feeling bad about something I’ve done (whether good or bad)
• SHAME is feeling bad about who I am, my being

So, I really do have a hard time seeing how SHAME can be a positive feeling. The previous therapist suggested that the positive side of this feeling is HUMILITY, with which I am not sure I agree.

What do you think? Is SHAME a positive feeling?

CORE FEELINGS            ASSOCIATED STATE OF BEING

I don’t remember where I got this but here are 16 New Symptoms of ADHD in Adulthood.

1. Find it difficult to tolerate waiting; impatient
2. Make decisions impulsively
3. Easily distracted by irrelevant thoughts when I must concentrate on something
4. Procrastinate or put things off until the last minute
5. Change my plans at the last minute on a whim or last minute impulse
6. Start a project or task without reading or listening to directions carefully
7. Forget to do things I am supposed to do
8. Can’t seem to hold in mind things I need to remember to do
9. Easily frustrated
10. Can’t seem to persist at things I do not fin interesting
11. Have trouble staying alert or awake in boring situations
12. Can’t seem to sustain my concentration on reading, paperwork, lectures, or work
13. Easily bored
14. Have difficulties saying what I want to say
15. Can’t seem to get to the point of my explanations as quickly as others
16. Have difficulties managing my money or credit cards

While I am not sure how many one has to have to claim to have ADHD as an adult, and there probably isn’t a specific number or threshold. So each case is different and probably should be analyzed on a case by case basis. As for me, I have a high number of these (if not all).

When I was at Bethesda Workshops, one of the leaders said, “One thing we want you to learn is that no feeling in and of themselves is a bad feeling.” My objections to this statement were the feelings of GUILT and SHAME. While I can actually see how GUILT can be a positive feeling in the sense of CONVICTION, GODLY SORROW, etc., I still have some difficulty seeing how SHAME is a “positive” feeling, especially since I have always defined SHAME as seeing myself as inadequate or unworthy (as even some of the state of beings indicate). However, if we define it as something like a “state of dishonor” or even humility (if that is an emotion or feeling?), then I can see shame positively. However, I typically don’t see it as positive and will probably continue struggling with this for some time. What do you think? Can SHAME be a positive feeling?

CORE FEELINGS            ASSOCIATED STATE OF BEING

I don’t remember where I got this but here are 16 symptoms of ADHD in adulthood.

1. Find it difficult to tolerate waiting; impatient
2. Make decisions impulsively
3. Easily distracted by irrelevant thoughts when I must concentrate on something
4. Procrastinate or put things off until the last minute
5. Change my plans at the last minute on a whim or last minute impulse
6. Start a project or task without reading or listening to directions carefully
7. Forget to do things I am supposed to do
8. Can’t seem to hold in mind things I need to remember to do
9. Easily frustrated
10. Can’t seem to persist at things I do not fin interesting
11. Have trouble staying alert or awake in boring situations
12. Can’t seem to sustain my concentration on reading, paperwork, lectures, or work
13. Easily bored
14. Have difficulties saying what I want to say
15. Can’t seem to get to the point of my explanations as quickly as others
16. Have difficulties managing my money or credit cards

While I am not sure how many one has to have to claim to have ADHD as an adult, and there probably isn’t a specific number or threshold. So each case is different and probably should be analyzed on a case by case basis. As for me, I have a high number of these (if not all).

Lifehouse’s “Whatever It Takes” Lyrics:

A strangled smile fell from your faceIt kills me that I hurt you this wayThe worst part is that I didn’t even knowNow there’s a million reasons for you to goBut if you can find a reason to stayI’ll do whatever it takesTo turn this aroundI know what’s at stakeI know that I’ve let you downAnd if you give me a chanceBelieve that I can changeI’ll keep us together whatever it takesShe said “If we’re gonna make this workYou gotta let me inside even though it hurtsDon’t hide the broken parts that I need to see”She said “Like it or not it’s the way it’s gotta beYou gotta love yourself if you can ever love me”I’ll do whatever it takesTo turn this aroundI know what’s at stakeI know that I’ve let you downAnd if you give me a chanceAnd give me a breakI’ll keep us together, I know you deserve much betterBut remember the time I told you the way that I feltThat I’d be lost without you and never find myselfLet’s hold onto each other above everything elseStart over, start overI’ll do whatever it takesTo turn this aroundI know what’s at stakeI know I’ve let you downAnd if you give me a chanceand believe that I can changeI’ll keep us together whatever it takes

Then it reminded me of the Sanctus Real song, “Lead Me,” which encourages husbands to fight for their wives and family through leadership. While it is not about the guy who struggles with pornography specifically, it is still powerful. The most important part is where it says: “”

Show me you’re willing to fightThat I’m still the love of your lifeI know we call this our homeBut I still feel alone

And where the man commits to that plea and with the realization that he has the same plea as his wife and kids, he himself pleas for help:

I’ll show them I’m willing to fightAnd give them the best of my lifeSo we can call this our homeLead me, ’cause I can’t do this aloneFather, lead me, ’cause I can’t do this alone

Sanctus Real “Lead Me” Lyrics:

I look around and see my wonderful lifeAlmost perfect from the outsideIn picture frames I see my beautiful wifeAlways smilingBut on the inside, I can hear her saying…“Lead me with strong handsStand up when I can’tDon’t leave me hungry for loveChasing dreams, what about us?Show me you’re willing to fightThat I’m still the love of your lifeI know we call this our homeBut I still feel alone”I see their faces, look in their innocent eyesThey’re just children from the outsideI’m working hard, I tell myself they’ll be fineThey’re independentBut on the inside, I can hear them saying…“Lead me with strong handsStand up when I can’tDon’t leave me hungry for loveChasing dreams, but what about us?Show me you’re willing to fightThat I’m still the love of your lifeI know we call this our homeBut I still feel alone”So Father, give me the strengthTo be everything I’m called to beOh, Father, show me the wayTo lead themWon’t You lead me?To lead them with strong handsTo stand up when they can’tDon’t want to leave them hungry for love,Chasing things that I could give upI’ll show them I’m willing to fightAnd give them the best of my lifeSo we can call this our homeLead me, ’cause I can’t do this aloneFather, lead me, ’cause I can’t do this alone