Normal human beings do not SEEK out trials and tribulations to insert themselves into in order to learn. We typically avoid these situations at all costs! When was the last time you scheduled a crisis into your calendar? Even though we tend to avoid them, we can learn the most through the crucibles in our lives if we take the time to objectively reflect.

Speaking of crucibles, Bill George states:

"By going through the process of reliving and rethinking your earlier experience, you can see it through a different lens. Whereas before you may have viewed yourself as a victim of life's injustices, now you can find the power in having had those experiences and recognize that they give you the passion to use your leadership to help others."

What crucible in your life comes to mind right now? Following are some questions* to help you glean the most from the experience:

• WHAT happened? Describe the main events.
• WHEN did you first become aware that something significant was taking place? Looking back, what did you miss seeing? What from this experience can you use to notice the "trouble" earlier next time?
• HOW did your actions influence the outcome of this?
• WHY did this touch you so deeply? What changes in attitudes or beliefs does this experience push you to consider?  

Write out the answers to these questions this month. Reflection brings transformation. In doing so you might just unlock the door to being the best you can be. 

*Source:Adapted from "Coaching Questions: A Coach's Guide to Powerful Asking Skills, Tony Stoltzfus

• What did the experiences in this chapter make me believe?
• The experiences in this chapter made me more or less ______________.
• If I could go back, I would have more of _________ in this chapter.
• How am I affected on a daily basis today by the events in this chapter?

When you finish these questions, examine your story as a whole.  Where do you first see your inspiration and passion for leadership appear? How have each developed over time?  What person and experience impacted you the most?  Where do you find the greatest fulfillment in leading? 
 
Questions. Questions. Questions.  I was told once to love the questions because it is in the search for answers that transformation occurs. Transformation leads to inspired leadership.  Only you have your answers.  Happy searching!  

What will you do with what you find?
 
Next in the series: Learning from our crucibles... 
 

To dig further into this concept, today's Thoughtful Thursday quote comes from Jim Collins' Good to Great, p. 22.

Level 5 leaders are a study in duality: modest and willful, humble and fearless.

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• How might these dual traits can coexist in one person? What would that look like?
• Why do you think it is so hard to be both great and humble?
• How pure is your ambition? Is it first and foremost for your organization or for yourself?
• What one thing might you do differently this week to become a Level 5 leader?

Have you ever stopped to consider how your unique story has shaped and equipped you to impact those around you? No one has a story exactly the same as yours.  Our individual journeys, with their peaks and valleys, shape the way we live and lead. Both our personal and professional experiences develop our leadership gifts over time.

Each life experience teaches us about our passion to lead.

Today I'm going to share with you an exercise called the "Path of Life", that gave me tremendous insights into my own leadership style. Drawing the path of our lives enables us to examine the impact of our past upon our present and future. Are you ready to learn?

Take a piece of paper and start in the bottom left corner, labeling the starting point of the line "Birth".  Then draw the path of your life from there to the upper right corner.  Put some twists and turns on the page.  Be creative as you let your life story unfold before you.  Label the milestones - places you have lived, significant achievements, relationships, family, life-changing lessons learned... anything that is important to you.  Draw some pictures to represent the events on the timeline of your life.
 
When you are finished, look at your path and divide it into four or five chapters marked by significant events in your life.  Give each chapter a descriptive title and label the chapters on your path.  Your life story has made you into the person you are today. 

My life story has taught me to lead with more compassion and less judgment. What about yours? How can you better use it to impact your world tomorrow? Share with us in a comment by clicking the comment link below. 

Today's Thoughtful Thursday quote to ponder comes from one of my favorite books on coaching leaders, "Coaching Leaders" by Daniel White, p. 109. Consider the following:

"Leaders with low self-awareness are limited to their instinctual reactions and to habitual, often unconscious, and possible ineffective patterns."

***

• How aware are you of the way others view the world...and you? How do you know how aware you are?
• Who is in your life who can give you objective feedback as to how you come across to the world?
• When was the last time someone shared an unbiased perspective about you to you?
• What ineffective pattern or instinctual reaction can you stop today?

Coaching increases self awareness and correction of those ineffective patterns.  Contact me today for a free consultation to discuss how assessments and coaching might increase your effectiveness!

Today's thoughtful Thursday comes to you in an excerpt of common sense ideas from a "Handbook for 2010", inspired from a blog post I received today from Andrea Nierenberg. Like Andrea, I aspire to live by a similar version of this "handbook", of which I'm sharing the section regarding personality today. I believe doing each of these well will increase our leadership capabilities tremendously. Take a look.  

Personality:
11.    Don't compare your life to others... You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12.    Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control.. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13.    Don't over do.. Keep your limits.
14.    Don't take yourself so seriously.. No one else does.
15.    Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
16.    Dream more while you are awake
17.    Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..
18.    Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with His/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19.    Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20.    Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
21.    No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22.    Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn.  Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23.    Smile and laugh more.
24.    You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree...

NOTE: If you want to see the full list, click here.

Now, think about the following:

• Which of the above do you need to focus on today?
• What will you do today to devote more attention to it?
• What support do you need in achieving your goal?

What would you add to this list? As always, we'd love to hear from you.  Leave your thoughts in a comment below!

So are less competitive people destined to be second class leaders? Absolutely not. For the less driven at heart, competitiveness can be learned. And as with all strengths, being competitive has its drawbacks too.

We all have our issues.

I know all too well that being competitive can be both a virtue and a vice. My parents can tell you stories of my temper tantrums as a little girl when losing at miniature golf, bowling, and board games on family game night. My competitive nature has caused many a frustration in me and those around me, but it has also been the source of my greatest successes in life and in leadership.

When harnessed properly, competitiveness can result in sustained progress toward a goal. Competitive people are:

• able to clearly see and define goals
• instinctively appreciative of competition and the associated reward for winning
• able to see critical path elements toward reaching goals
• willing to learn new skills and adapt attitudes.

How competitive are you? Do you make everything a win-lose type of game or do you rarely "keep score" because it just doesn't matter? If you don't know, ask your friends about yourself.  They WILL know. Or, contact me for help with an assessment tool to help you develop that leadership edge. I love to help people win.

Tips for Developing Competitiveness

Frequently as an entrepreneur and as a leader within several nonprofit organizations, I encounter people who run late for appointments, fail to follow through on commitments and exhibit carelessness with their written communication. Sloppiness abounds in these fundamentals and it boggles my mind how many people don't play life to win.

To further illustrate, consider a small choir ensemble. No matter how great the music selection, one off-key singer taints the whole performance and listeners leave with their only memory being how they cringed during certain moments of the song.

One bad note overshadows a potential masterpiece.

Have you ever thought about how habitually neglecting the basics affects your effectiveness?

If you want to set yourself apart as a great leader, start by avoiding the "cringe" factor. Don't let someone count you out before you get a chance to show them your skills.

Play smart.
Be on time.
Use spell check and spell people's names correctly.
Keep and remember your promises.

These are the little things anyone can do.

Excellent leaders excel in the little things and become noticed for being unnoticeable. They set themselves apart by doing the things everyone CAN do, but don't. Things like being on time, being conscientious and being trustworthy can take you far. Don't let them take you back.

What off-key notes taint your performance? What one little thing can you correct today for maximum impact? What leadership fundamentals would you add to my list? Leave your thoughts in a comment below.

Today's Thoughtful Thursday post concerns one of the worst times to communicate-when you are angry. Consider the following:  

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.-Ambrose Bierce

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1. What difficult conversation do you need to have in the near future? How can you best prepare for the conversation?

2. How long do you need to wait to "cool off" before having the conversation?

3. What recent conversation do you regret having? What could you have done differently to cause a different outcome?

• realizing that the truth they thought they knew really wasn't true.
• facing surprised reactions from others to behavior changes they've made.
• learning that they may really be the cause of their own issues.
• losing sleep because of excitement over new possibilities.