Put Things Off is six!

This month PTO celebrates six months of kittening around.

Before you start, I know that it’s a crime to tally up any event on a month-by-month basis but, like the fluttering hearts of the long-lost lusters whose eyes locked across a crowded metronome museum, I’ve been counting every beat.

Today I want to share my thoughts, feelings, and advice on the heady experience of going from long-term procrastinator to semi-professional blogger almost entirely by accident in 6 months. First, an offer you mustn’t refuse.

Todoodlist sale: get $6 off!

If you’ve been umming, erring, or generally putting off buying my ebook since its release late in March, I’d like to give you the chance to buy it today for just $8.

To take me up on the offer visit this special page, type the code 6months (without spaces), and hit the “buy now” button to checkout with card or PayPal. The offer is only good until midnight on 31 July 2008, so grab it today before the price goes back up.

Todoodlist: the figures laid bare

I’ve received a lot of mail from bloggers and writers asking whether or not it’s worth scribing an ebook. Many pitch their queries subtly (’how are sales going?’). Others have been rather direct — I suspect some of you would ask for my PIN number on a first date (it’s 8792 — not that I’m easy). The short answer is yes: just write it.

To further satisfy your curiosity and fuel your enthusiasm in a suitably vague way, let me share this: Todoodlist has taken over US$5000 (but less than $10,000) in sales in just over 3 months, and opened several doors for me. I’ve been deeply honoured that a lot of you have bought, enjoyed, and supported it.

I’m also lucky to have heard from many of you. For all your emails and failed letter bombs, my heartfelt thanks. Perhaps the most wonderful note came from Italy, typed by a kind soul who said that swapping software for the Todoodlist had saved hours and released him from the chains of enforced overtime:

“I simply could go home to play with my kids.”

If Todoodlist had sold only one copy and amounted to nothing more than those 10 words, it would still have been worth it — for me, there’s no greater compliment.

On becoming a problogger

I won’t brag about problogging success, largely because — as a blogger — I’m not as successful as many of you and I have another job, which makes me a semi-problogger at best. Only six months ago, I thought that blogging was a joke. Back then, I saw it as a kind of emotional pyramid scheme, where everyone heaped praise on the people at the top and hoped that reciprocal favour and fortune would follow.

To some extent, I was right. But it turns out that many wonderful people lurk in the pyramid who’ve earned their fame for good reason and who give back generously:

People like Harrison McLeod and James Chartrand, who’ve kept me sane and given me top quality advice whether I wanted it or not. People like Naomi Dunford, who taught me that blogging wasn’t just a synonym for bitching anonymously — it can be a playful form of self-expression too. People like Tim Brownson, who is wiser and wittier than he knows (but don’t tell him I said that), and a true joy to work with. All of these generous folks have their own books and established blogs, and every one is excellent. Visit them today and give them your money.

To the great many others who I’ve bumped into along the way, bless you. When I find a way to thank you all properly and in full, I’ll write about it here.

On doing it by accident

Truth be told, whatever small successes I’ve had have been almost entirely by accident. I never saw blogging as the ticket to a world of opportunity that it’s become. If you’d told me in December 2007 that over 60% of our new business leads at Goburo would come through this blog by June 2008, I’d have spat out my tea to make way for the thunderous laughter that followed.

While finding happiness in blogging was an accident for me, it’s an accident that I saw coming. For months, I’ve gently coaxed my energies towards their inevitable rendezvous with the golden lamppost of moderate success. And, because you don’t just come here just for the repartee, it’s time I shared some tips to help make sure the same thing happens for you.

6 tips to achieve moderate success in 6 months

Not as catchy as “Earn a million in a day!” is it? If you want to achieve superfame and megariches overnight, I’m not the guy to ask.

If, however, you’d like to walk around wearing a constant glow that suggests “I might not be rich, beautiful, or athletic, but I’ve never been this happy and my pockets are full of cake”, then take my advice:

1) You need to be blogging

If you’re not blogging, you’ve probably already heard that you should be. I put it off for years because I couldn’t see the benefits, but I’ve learned that they are numerous:

• Build your business
• Meet new people
• Learn more about yourself
• Find a hobby and hidden pleasure in writing
• Create a small but welcome income stream

If you’re not comfortable calling it ‘blogging’ because of flashbacks to that dodgy diary your Mum discovered when you were 15, just use the term ‘writing’ or ‘publishing online’ instead.

Whatever you do, get some good web hosting, choose a niche you’re passionate about, buy a strong domain name, and head over to WordPress.org so you can outsource the technotwitchery and concentrate on writing. Forget the “5 posts a week” rule: even one post a month is a good start for now.

If you’re already blogging, keep going. Yes, that emotional pyramid is tall and spiky, but I’m told the view from the top is great. If you get there, throw a rope down, will you?

2) Just launch it

When I’m asked what one ‘productivity tip’ I would give, these are the three words I use: just launch it. I spent 5 years of my life meticulously planning various businesses, and drafting my master plans. It all amounted to toffee. Think about it: 5 years of my young adulthood I’ll never get back gone for toffee.

Fortunately, I did most of my boozing and law-bending in the years before those, so I’m not bitter. But in the 5 months after I decided to just launch it, put myself out there and see what happened, I’ve had more fun and greater opportunities than the 5 years I spent slaving over business plans, mooching with angel investors, and embarrassing myself in Dragons’ Den-style pitches, all while holding down a job I was growing tired of.

If you’ve got a dream — even if it seems overwhelmingly scary right now — break it down and launch a small part of it one month from today. Mark the date in your calendar right now, before you put things off.

3) Teach people (or fake it)

I’ve learned to respect teachers more than most other professions. Their goal is a humble one: to spread the knowledge. The fact that they often border on the verge of breakdown is, at worst, evidence that kids these days can be real shitbags and, at best, horribly rotten karma.

Whether or not you respect teachers, sharing your knowledge will do more for your abilities and influence than you could possibly imagine. It’s only when you start teaching that you realise how much or little you know; it forces you to close those gaps in your knowledge and develop as a consequence.

If you don’t think there’s anything you can offer, think again. At the very worst, force yourself to become an expert in something you love, and then fake the teaching bit.

4) Learn how to market and sell

Blogging has another great consequence: you’re forced to learn to promote and sell your ideas. Once you can sell an idea (a kind of ‘product’ that doesn’t even exist), selling real stuff is easy in comparison. Start by learning how to spread your ideas, continue by selling others’ products and then…

5) Create your own product

Being an affiliate (someone who sells others’ products for a percentage of the sticker price) is great, but it’s a tough job. You’ll never be as passionate about selling other peoples’ stuff as you will be about your own.

6) Learn basic graphic and web design

The power of putting your own content online without paying anyone can’t be underestimated — and that’s coming from someone who earns their core living as a web designer! Consider learning basic web and graphic design. I recommend Lynda.com for some great video tutorials that won’t break the bank.

The golden rule

To sum everything up in a single tip: work hard and be nice to people.

The future for Put Things Off

I’ve got some big ideas for Put Things Off (and a great new project launching next week!), but I’d love to hear your thoughts. What would you like to see more of? Less of? Any other ideas? Leave a comment below!

If Inbox Heaven was the main feature, then this post is the popcorn.
It shares Step Zero — an easy way to smite your email nasties that even Uncle Zeus could handle.

Whether your daily inbox counter reads five or 500, this post will help you to simplify and enjoy the art of email. Please digg it and tell your imaginary virtual friends.

My inbox gremlins

Since starting Put Things Off, my incoming email has almost doubled month-by-month for six months running; for each email I received in December 2007, I get nearly 60 today. Somehow, I’m still smiling.

The influx is partly due to the PR companies that, for reasons known only to purveyors of marmalade ice cream and life’s other great illusionists, see me as the ideal vehicle to carry their buzz about automatic cheese graters (no joke) to an audience of intellectually-gifted procrastinators. It seems I have become a Champion of Cheddar overnight, for the volume of uninvited mail I receive from cheese companies is now more frightening than flattering.

Other messages are easier to respond to but tougher to comprehend. While I won’t name the kind soul who wrote to ask what type of pencil sharpener I use, such ditties from the unhealthily curious often have me seesawing between fits of giggles and frantic additions to home security, lest someone with a spare evening, a cat suit and a crowbar becomes dangerously interested in the brand of nut cracker I own and decides to go straight to the source (two cupboards in, third drawer down).

Deserted islands

Secretly, I take a deep pleasure in email. It would, without doubt, be one of the few things on my desert island disk drive.

Whether the subject is Stilton or stationery, there is a simple joy in being touched electronically by another human soul with a question, comment, or unexpected offer of free cake. It’s why, to some extent, all of us are guilty of checking for new mail or text messages more than is productive. But — when it comes to sharing our thoughts, questions and brand loyalty with a fellow being — productivity can just piss off. Laid-back chit chat is life’s most fundamental treasure. Bury it deep and burn the map.

Email outsourcery

Given my love of email, it may surprise you to hear that I’ve flirted with the idea of outsourcing my inbox to one of the growing number of companies who are brave or foolish enough to come to my aid. Perhaps you have too. This desire comes from a falsely-inflated sense of grandeur that being popular creates in the parts of our brain holding detailed instructions for doing the moron dance.

Whilst I firmly believe that there’s a place for personal outsourcing (I’ll cover the subject, including some companies I’ve tested, later this month), I’d like to suggest that everyone needs to retain direct email contact with friends, family, fans and customers for as long as they can.

If you’re wavering, one of the questions you should ask is the same one my girlfriend (often direct, never dishonest) fired at me when I was considering email outsourcery: Are you really too busy and too important to talk to people yourself?

The solution

The realisation that I could learn to comfortably filter my incoming mail, combined with the belief that anyone that contacts me who doesn’t want my bank details has surely earned my time in return, led me to seek other ways to manage email that didn’t involve palming it off on some poor hack in Hong Kong.

The question soon became not “who can make it better?” but “how can I manage it better?”

Today I’d like to share several solutions bundled in a single step: a buzz phrase I encourage you to spread that I shall simply dub Step Zero.

Articles on email management (including my own) often miss a step. They start by taking the hundreds of messages you receive every week at work and at play, and build a system to desperately filter, file and set fire to them in an attempt to keep your inbox empty.

It works well, but there’s a simple addition to help make life easier. To keep it cute, I’ll sum up the goal of Step Zero in just seven words:

In this case, I’m defining actionable as replying to, phoning, or following-up that email with another human being. Reading, deleting, or archiving email that comes in doesn’t count as actionable for the purposes of this post.

What we’re going to do is reduce your incoming mail to only include the stuff that you actually need to flag and do something about. Sounds simple, doesn’t it? Make it happen, and you’ll suddenly find email becomes a breeze. Here’s how to do it.

Just smite it!

If Zeus had made running sandals, this is the motto he’d have used.

Your unwelcome email needs a good old-fashioned smiting to remind it who the one holding the lightning bolts is.

It happens in four stages of smiting, using the acronym ZEUS:

a) Zap The first step is to bring your existing inbox into shape. If you’re following Inbox Heaven, Inbox Zero, or a similar setup, you’ll probably have an empty inbox already. If not, check out those links and zap your inbox into shape, double time. Go ahead right now — I’ll sharpen the lightning while you do it.

b) Eradicate It’s time to get rid of those unwelcome pests. First up, those oddballs who forward bad jokes. Next time you get one, go to Stop Forwarding. It sends them an anonymous email for free that asks politely to stop being such an arse. Don’t be shy about it — if they annoy you, I’ve just given you the answer. Use it!

Remember those marketing emails from the dark agents of the cheese companies I was talking about? Turns out there’s a great way to stop those too. Check out the PR Spammers notice at pbwiki.com. I only found out about this a fortnight ago, but it’s already making a big difference for me.

Finally, if you’re getting problems with other types of spam in this day and age, something isn’t right. Spam protection is so smart that it’s ceased to be a problem for many. Since switching to Gmail, I’ve never had a problem with spam. Try it yourself if you haven’t yet — it’s free to signup.

c) Unsubscribe You know all those marketing emails you opted-in for to get free crap? It’s time to wave goodbye. If email marketing has its place, your inbox isn’t it. Unsubscribe from all your newsletters as they next come in. If you’re reluctant to get rid of certain mail-outs, then limit yourself to just three. (I only have one, from the Borneo Orangutan Foundation.)

The goal here is to eliminate the overhead — you’re trying to reduce the amount of mail that takes up your attention that you never take action on, so be ruthless.

d) Skim You should be used to filtering and actioning your email by now. You’ll probably find that there are certain messages you receive regularly that don’t require any action — you just skim them and delete or archive them. It’s time to skim off that nasty stuff on the top that you’re not using.

If there’s a type of message you regularly receive that never gets acted on, go to the source and make sure you don’t receive it again. (If you’re a blogger, comment notifications are a good example of this — I turn mine off and manage everything through the WordPress admin.)

Quick bonus tips

Remember: the goal is to reduce the amount of incoming email crap you receive. The section above should be all you need, but here are three extra pointers to make your smiting smarter.

1) Every mail you send should require action. This is simply good email karma. If you’re sending out mail that you don’t expect people to act on, stop. You’re just adding to the noise. Find another way to share links, or tell those jokes with a glass of wine, box of beer, or walk in the park.

2) Stop thinking of email as a virtual box and start thinking of it as an extension of your physical home or office. You wouldn’t let stray sales people or other uninvited guests wander into your home or workplace, would you?

3) Be careful where you post your email address. If you’re getting too much incoming mail that is actionable, you might find it’s because you’ve invited it. (This is the reason I don’t have a clear contact button on Put Things Off, but keep my contact details in the about page instead.)

Share yours and spread the word

Do you have a great way of reducing the amount of incoming mail you receive? Share it below. If you’ve enjoyed this post, I’d really appreciate it if you dugg it. Thanks!

Nick says: In the Terminator films, we watched from behind our sofas as a Californian Governor fought to save humankind from an army of glorified, time travelling toasters. The software shoot-out below presents an equally epic battle between man and machine, with one exception: your guide is not the gun ho and battle-hardened temptress Sarah Connor, but writer and musician Joel Falconer.

Typing Shortcut Shoot-out (OSX and Windows)

by Joel Falconer

If I told you there was a way to automate a good chunk of your typing in a given day, would you be interested?

Typing shortcut utilities work by assigning a few characters or words to a longer block of text. When you type those specific characters, the software jumps in and swaps them out for the block of text you’ve set. Each grouping of a keystroke and text is called a ’snippet’.

For instance, I might type ‘esig1′, and the app will replace that text with my email signature.

It might sound trivial, but you can save massive amounts of time. My favourite utility, which provides stats in case you’re wondering whether it’s all worth it, tells me I’ve saved roughly 100 hours over the past year thanks to text expansion alone. All that from a “simple little program”.

Why use typing shortcut software?

It’s a cliché, but the possibilities for increased productivity are endless. Well, only limited by the number of variations you can make with your keyboard. Here are some ideas:

• When you check your inbox, do you have emails that ask the same questions of you again and again? Quit repeating the performance.
• Have your computer instantly correct common typos
• Have access to a range of different email signatures, only a few keystrokes away.
• Developers can save huge amounts of time by providing instant access to a whole range of code snippets that are frequently used in a project.
• If you provide support by email, the ability to answer queries about common problems with a short text snippet is much better than hunting through your files for a template.

Now you’ve seen how they’re used, let’s get on with our shoot-out.

Mac OS X Apps

TextExpander

TextExpander weighs in at a 3.9-megabyte download and costs US$29.95. I initially balked at the price when seemingly equivalent apps were selling for much less, but the quality of the user experience is great and typing shortcut utilities are very much underrated as far as their usefulness goes. I’ve since come to believe that $29.95 is a fair price, and while I wouldn’t mark it up further, I also wouldn’t mark it down.

Features
One of my favourite features of TextExpander is its ability to create a snippet from a selection or the clipboard. Because creating a snippet from a selection doesn’t seem to work in some applications like Word 2008 or Flock, which was disappointing, I ended up using the Create Snippet from Clipboard much more frequently.

Power features
TextExpander has a fantastic power user feature: snippet nesting. You can create a snippet that references other snippets and expands them. This is especially useful for crafting email signatures. If you have a heap of snippets for a range of situations, then some of them will call on the same information; for instance, your name, phone number, email address, and so on. While it’s unlikely you’ll be changing your name, if one of those details does change you have to go through each snippet and update it. For me, this would take at least an hour.

Let’s use the email signature example. If you have ten signatures and your phone number changes, you have to update all ten signatures. But if your signatures reference another snippet that contains your phone number, you only need to make one modification. Damn, efficiency or what?

Speed of launch
This may be a side effect of my Mac Mini’s age, or it could be the way TextExpander is coded, but loading the preference pane can be pretty slow. It opens the System Preferences app and then hangs for a second while it moves into the TextExpander screen. For most apps, this isn’t so bad because preferences are rarely touched. I create a new snippet for TextExpander a couple of times a day (usually), so it does get a bit annoying. [Nick says: I use TextExpander and don't have this problem. Your mileage may vary!]

Typinator

At 1.8mb, the download package for Typinator is smaller than TextExpander’s and presumably more lightweight. With this kind of app, the more lightweight, the better. At 19.99 Euros, it works out to be a dollar or two more expensive than TextExpander — no deal-breaker there.

First impressions
When I downloaded Typinator to test it out, the first thing I noticed is that I couldn’t run it from the disk image like you can with pretty much any other app. This irked me a little because I already had TextExpander installed and wanted to test this app before installing it.

Granted, TextExpander requires an installation because it runs out of your System Preferences, but because Typinator works like an average app and doesn’t require a preference pane I didn’t see an obvious reason for this.

I found the software’s configuration panels pretty confusing. It is simple enough to use once you spend some time figuring it out, but the interface doesn’t intuitively guide the user to the next step.

Limited trial version
Typinator’s trial version allows you to test the software freely using TextEdit, but I don’t know anyone who does the bulk of their writing — or any, really — in that app. When you try to use the software anywhere else, the software pops up a registration box every few seconds.

I totally get the developer’s need to ensure that their software gets sold, but testing an application like this requires that you test it as part of your workflow for a while without interruptions. I think this is hurting each user’s trial experience and thus hurting sales, when a simple 14 or 30 day limit would do the trick.

Speed
On the flip side, Typinator does seem to drop in the replacement text a bit faster. I liked this because I use typo auto-correction in TextExpander and on occasion it’s minutely slow and I end up trying to fix the typo at the same time it does. This delay is only by a couple of milliseconds but when you write for a living or spend a lot of time at the computer you try to fix typos so quickly it’s more instinct than conscious decision.

Mac OS X Winner: TextExpander

Typinator works fine if you want something that is lightweight and simple, but if you want power user features in exchange for a slightly less lightweight app, TextExpander does the trick.

Windows Apps

FasterFox

Coming down the pipes at 165kb, FasterFox is the lightest program of the bunch. It was evident before I even installed the program that this app, which can be had for US$39, was going for the crowd who like their apps super-fast and super-simple, without many power user features.

Installation
During the installation process, a Select Related Programs screen came up with two boxes pre-selected, to download the company’s other software. This looked very similar to a Customize Installation screen, which many Windows users don’t even glance at, just trusting the default install settings and pressing next.

This irked me. It was clearly marked as a “Related Programs” screen but making it look like part of the installation with two boxes already ticked seems deceptive to me. And if FastFox was freeware, it might even be forgivable - got to make money somehow - but it’s not freeware, and this is a trial for a commercial program. From a developer’s standpoint, creating a great experience and making the software integral to the user’s daily workflow during that 30-day period is essential to making the sale.

Ease-of-use
Ending rant and moving along. After the installation the program opened and I was shown the snippet setup page. It’s laid out intuitively and there’s really no question as to what to do next. FastFox is very easy to set up and configure, and refreshingly simple compared to the Mac counterparts I tested.

Triggers and speed
However, unlike both Mac apps, FastFox doesn’t convert an abbreviation to a snippet immediately; you have to type another character or a space before it performs the conversion (called a “trigger”). I can almost see the sense in doing it this way, but I prefer the immediate conversion. It’s faster, especially when you’re using a snippet for, say, an email reply, which doesn’t require tapping the keyboard one more time only to delete the extra character.

In terms of the time it takes to actually perform the conversion, FastFox truly is fast as a fox.

Overall opinion
The beauty of FastFox is its simplicity. TextExpander, for example, offers plenty of power user features, which I love - but FastFox has a different appeal by offering as few options as possible.

The by-and-large good experience I had with FastFox after getting past the initial irritation during the setup procedure was tainted again as I closed the app, and it opened a page in my browser to sign up for their newsletter. No, thanks.

PhraseExpress

From the moment I started installing PhraseExpress I knew it wouldn’t be as simple as FastFox; it offers half a million options during the installation alone. PhraseExpress is the cheapest of the bunch because it’s free for personal use, but if you’re a business user, you’ll need to plonk down US$49.95.

Feature-rich but easy to use
Despite the software’s added complexity, the configuration is an easy process. One of the first things I noticed, thanks to the intuitive user interface, was that it was very easy to set a hotkey (such as Shift+Ctrl+Q) for a single snippet. I figure you’d have to be using that snippet at least a few times per hour for it to warrant a hotkey, but this could be a handy feature if you’re in tech support and have five questions that are asked more than others.

Features and triggers
PhraseExpress also has a Clipboard Cache in the same window used to create new snippets, which makes it easy to create not only a snippet from your most recent clipboard, but the last several. Unfortunately, you can’t set a hotkey to make your current selection or clipboard into a new snippet - you have to go in there and do it yourself.

This app actually had the same annoyance I encountered with FastFox: it doesn’t drop the replacement text in until after you’ve added a space or an extra character at the end. Maybe it’s just me, but I find this hurts the software more than it helps.

Fun with stats
PhraseExpress has a very cool stats page. It’s much like TextExpander’s, but has a 90%-fun-10%-gimmicky feature - calculating not only how much time you’ve saved, but how much money you’ve saved, by throwing your hourly wage into the equation. It also allows you to set your average typing rate to make the stats more accurate.

Windows winner: PhraseExpress

While I love the pure simplicity of FastFox, PhraseExpress manages to include a bunch of power user features without confusing the user.

Try one out today

If you’re not using a typing shortcut utility (what a mouthful — a text expander would be a good alternative if it weren’t already a commercial application) I suggest you find the application that suits you best and buy it. It will save you so much time, and probably some wrist pain too.

If you’re using something else or want to share your thoughts, feel free to drop a comment below.

Joel Falconer is a writer, editor, musician and songwriter. He writes at joelfalconer.com. Check out his site today!

Nick says: When I invited guest posts on Put Things Off earlier this month, I was delighted to receive several late-at-night submissions that saw my artfully-brewed Earl Grey rushing up through my nostrils and spewing across my overpriced undercrackers, a not entirely unpleasant experience that left my tighty-whities smelling lightly of oranges.

This post, from dazzling Florida life coach and general mischief-maker Tim Brownson, tackles that thorny but important subject often relegated to the “maybe later” pile, known to the initiated as customer disservice.

The Short-Term Hitmen

by Tim Brownson

I doubt you have ever read a post before where somebody starts with an unknown quote by an unknown person at an unknown time, but now you have. Congratulations — life doesn’t get much edgier than this.

There was once a guy that was head or at least very high up of one of the US mobile carriers. I don’t know which one, but to be honest, it doesn’t really matter. He was being interviewed by somebody about something when he was asked a question I forget that invoked an answer a bit like this one:

“When somebody signs up for a 2 year contract with us, we know we will lose that customer at the end of the period and we don’t really mind as long as we don’t hear from them in the meantime.”

I don’t know what I was eating/drinking/playing with at the time, but I’m sure I would have choked/spat out/ceased playing out of sheer surprise. Was he being serious? Was he high? Was that gravy on my crotch?

The part I can clearly remember is that the conversation was about ‘churn’ in the telecoms business. Churn is the process of customers moving from one carrier to another each time their contract expires and sometimes even before that time. Churn is an issue for a lot of industries such as the financial sector with credit cards and mortgages, the airway industry both short and long haul and of course cheese manufacturers.

One of the reasons why US cell companies struggle to hold on to their customers is because every single one of the major carriers has a less than stellar record of customer service. What happens is that after 2 years of being used and abused by their cell phone company, customers go looking for another supplier just hoping and praying they’ll be better. Of course the bargains that are offered to new customers sweeten the deal, but they are nothing that can’t be offered by the present supplier to retain the business.

Everybody that has worked in the corporate world for more than 6 hours knows that it is cheaper to retain a current customer than attract a new one. We’re not talking fractions here either because, depending on which set of stats you want to believe, that figure is between 5 and 9 times cheaper!

So what stops the CEO of CrapCell Corp standing up at the shareholders meeting and making an announcement like this?

“As of 1 January 2009 we are going to bring all our customer service operations back in-house. We’re going to make a point of becoming a company that is known across North America and then Europe as the best for customer service. We’re going to treat our customers with respect and we’re going to start to build life long relationships with both private and corporate clients.

We know that people don’t really want to move carriers and go through the grief of changing or even porting their number, being credit checked and changing payment details with their bank. So we’re going to offer our very best deals to people that re-new their contracts. We want to recognize their loyalty to us, not penalize it. That is how we feel we can grow the business by developing an actual win/win scenario rather than just talking about one.”

At this stage my naïve guess would be that all the shareholders are nodding in agreement and looking excited at the thought of owning stock in a company that is about to rule the world, or at least the telecoms world. Then the statement would continue:

“We understand that to carry through on this ambitious and worthwhile plan there will be some short-term pain. We’ll have to invest in people, infrastructure and marketing like never before.”

Audience: Murmur, murmur.

“That may well mean that there will be no dividends…”

Audience: MURMUR, MURMUR

“…for the next 2 years and we may actually see a drop off in stock value as we go through some difficult restructuring.”

Audience: String him up. Kill him! Who’s got the rope?

At this point the stockholders and investors storm the stage, insert a spike in the ass of the CEO and march triumphantly down the street holding aloft a rather uncomfortable, distressed and red-faced CEO.

So what went wrong? It seemed like everything was going swimmingly until the CEO announced a short-term hit.

And there you have it in a nutshell: A short-term hit.

It seems to me that businesses are driven, or more accurately paralysed by short-termism.  They want results now because stockholders and investors want results now. They’re desperate to keep their stockholders and shareholders happy because they have the power to take away the jobs of ambitious, brave and long-sighted CEOs. Consequently, ambitious, brave and long-sighted CEOs are about as widespread as positively tested athletes gracefully admitting they took performance-enhancing drugs to help them win gold medals.

Short-termism is a difficult cycle to break, especially for large publicly-owned companies. It often requires a change of mindset, investment and the willingness to ride out a storm. As we sail merrily into the wind of what could well become a worldwide recession, is there a more sensible long-term option?

It’s easy to say ’twas ever thus and it will remain so and maybe that is the reality. Perhaps I’m just a naïve fool, but I think there are signs that subtle changes are occurring. People seem to be less tolerant of large corporations making huge profits without actually offering a credible product/service.  I don’t want to go all woo-woo and start talking about collective consciousness because I’ll probably be asked to leave the blog, but maybe that’s where the shift needs to happen?

I’d really like to hear about your experiences both good or bad or any examples you have where companies have started on a long-term plan knowing that they would take the dreaded short term hit.

Tim Brownson is a lovable life coach who writes at A Daring Adventure. Visit his site, grab his free ebook, and don’t drink tea whilst reading.

Worms Words are in my blood

It started in Belgium. One sizzling summer in a third-floor flat, my parents came strutting through the lounge to find their fat little fellow merrily leafing through a copy of War and Peace. I was two years old.

Impressed? You shouldn’t be. To say that I had read and digested Tolstoy’s loathsome work at such an early age would be a half-truth, because the reality is this: I wasn’t reading it. I was eating it.

A taste for reading

Quite why my folks never stopped me munching away is obvious: they were too busy laughing their tits off and taking photographs, the copies of which I have sadly misplaced alongside similar artefacts from a strip poker evening I never attended 18 years later.

Evidence aside, it’s likely that Count Lev Nikolayevich’s words still course through my veins. Some say that I speak Russian in my sleep and have long demonstrated a thirst for “fine Vodka”, a challenging contradiction in terms bettered only by the phrase, “military intelligence”.

The challenge

In case you weren’t actively fed on a diet of poorly-translated illiterature from an early age, I want to swipe two ticks of your time and inject a deep passion for reading into your lovely behind. Relax and bend over. This won’t hurt a bit.

More specifically, I’d like to delicately convince you in a suitably charming manner that reading one book a week is not just perfectly comfortable, but also mind-altering, life-changing, and jolly good fun too.

So here’s the challenge: starting next Monday, I’d like you to read one book a week for one month. Choose your first book and follow-up text right now. Go on. I’ll pop the kettle on while you do it. Don’t do it for me, though. Do it for you.

One book a week?

That’s right. One every 7 days; about four-to-five a month. Perhaps you’re already doing it? Regardless, read on!

If the thought of developing a book fix in addition to your other dark habits is terrifying, you’ve probably been approaching it wrong. With some simple changes that will help you to see reading as a hobby and not a chore, you’ll find it dead easy. It’s all in the mind.

Here are 5 tips to help flick the mental switch.

Wait a minute! Why one a week?

The goal is to flip-start a healthy reading habit together.

Forming a habit requires a change in your life and, since no-one likes change, we’ll transition from your current reading rate to the new pace so rapidly that we’re simply swapping-out one brand of normal for another — a trick, by the way, that I found in a book.

In case you need more convincing, here are some great reasons to become a regular reader overnight:

1. Solve any problem

Think you’ve got problems? So did billions of unlucky buffoons before you. The cheerful consequence is that some of them took the time to write their answers down for the rest of us. Today, there are very few issues that haven’t been solved already (only new ways of solving them).

2. Escape your mother-in-law

It’s a little-known fact: Gutenberg created the printing press purely to escape his mother-in-law. What a gift! Don’t let it pass you by! If you want to get away from it all, books trump shotguns every time.

3. Build your vocabulary

How was the last book you read? Was it really nice? You’ll find, if you haven’t already, that reading becomes something far more expressive over time.

And yes, there is a balance between claiming your crown as Chief Phraseologist and rendering yourself utterly incoherent to 99.6% of your audience. If you’d like a good laugh, check out Gobbledygook of the week at the Plain English Campaign.

4. Expose yourself

I have a dreadful confession: in my 8-hour-a-day computer gaming era, I used to think that a Mongoose was a type of small wading bird, and that gaiters were those horrible green creatures that climb out of toilets in parts of Florida.

As well as correcting some hazy definitions, becoming a regular reader forced me up to wake up to a new hemisphere of fact and fantasy that I’d now be lost without. Exposing yourself to new thinking and ideas is a wonderful experience — read outside your usual circle of authors and try it today.

5. Offline time

How many hours a week do you currently spend online? Scary, isn’t it? Are you actively working and playing in that time, or just screwing around? My guess is that we could all swap a little online time for some hours offline with a good book.

It’s time to phase-out idle mouse clicking, passive TV watching, and mindless game playing for something that’s genuinely worth doing: getting more paper cuts than you can shake a box of Band Aids at.

6. Support authors and publishers

Getting a book to market is bloody hard work. Those who’ve self-published an ebook or printed a novella will be nodding now. The other brave souls amongst you who work in the word-pimping industry won’t be able to nod, largely because your necks are so stiff from craning over a veritable Stonehenge of piled proposals that your vertebrae will be fused together.

7. Do it for George

In a sense, we should be rushing to adopt the altitude of George Leigh Mallory, the great British Mountaineer who lost his life on Everest, and all read a good book simply because it’s there. As I often remark when praised by a kind soul for my own ebook, Todoodlist: “Thanks. It wouldn’t be the same if no-one read it.”

Now that you’ve read about why you should be reading, let’s make it work for you.

5 tips to become a regular reader

1. Learn to chain-read

I recommend that you choose and purchase your next book before you even start your current one. That way you’ll always have something waiting in the wings.

When you’ve turned the final titillating page of your current tome, the first thing to do is thump the cover shut, exhale in deep satisfaction, and rush off to get the next one.

It’s a great habit to get into and, unlike chain-smoking, it won’t screw up your lungs.

2. Read for pleasure

I can’t stress this enough: learn how to identify and buy books that you’ll love. It’s a skill in itself. Over time, reading as little as one book a week will train your ability to choose more wisely.

If you’re currently reading your way through someone else’s list, like one of the lengthy and samey “100 books to read before you die” directories, stop and ask yourself why. I guarantee you’ll have more fun by exploring authors, experimenting a little, and creating your own mental top 100.

3. Forget speed-reading

Want to ruin your love of reading? Skim through a book as fast as you can.

In the great curtained halls of academia and the pillared law offices of “Cuthbert, Dibble and Grub”, there is definitely some benefit in reading quickly. But reading for pleasure is a very different monkey.

Yes, it’s ok to skim through the dull bits once in a while, but it’s not a race. If you’re intent upon setting a new bland speed record, try going to the Guinness Book of World Records with a copy of the Yellow Pages; you’ll find a sunlight-starved man with a clipboard and stopwatch who’ll be happy to assist.

If you’d like some light-hearted evidence that speed-reading, retention, and enjoyment don’t make a good threesome, just look to Woody Allen, who quipped: “I just speed-read War and Peace. It’s about some Russians”.

4. Use the 50 page rule

The 50 page rule is simple. It goes like this:

Whenever you pick up your book, read 50 pages or more.

Using this neat idea, you can comfortably read a 350 page book in a week by simply picking it up once a day! The concept encourages you to start reading only if you intend to relax and immerse yourself into a good chunk of your latest literary tipple.

Forget about chapters as natural breaks; read through the chapter endings and you’ll find you complete books faster. Of course, it’s not always possible, but make the effort anyway. If you read on the train, you can always blame me if you miss your stop.

5. Learn to bail out

When travelling to London by rail long ago on a wet November day, I once watched a well-dressed gentleman physically tear the pages from a novel with his own teeth, then dispose of the remains into the rushing air through an open window whilst shouting, “bollocks!” A fellow bookivore, I thought, delighted to find a member of my own species. Then I legged it as fast as I could to the quiet coach.

The episode taught me that a) by the glorious blessing of diversity, people react very differently to the Harry Potter series and b) we should never be afraid to give up on what we consider to be a bad read.

If you’ve gotten 50 pages into a book and it just doesn’t feel right, don’t force yourself to continue. There is no shame in swapping books if you’re not enjoying the first one. (There is, of course, a deep well of shame in half-eating one and throwing it from a speeding train.)

Quick bonus tips

Read more non-fiction

Believe it or not, some of my favourite books never mentioned drunken underage broomstick flights, teleporting interplanetary teapots, or dodgy encounters in Bangkok bars. Many of my most treasured reads simply fixed one or more of my varied problems, or changed my view of the world forever. Non-fiction is awesome. Read more.

Try ebooks

Ebooks, much like Ewoks, are cute little fellows that are easy to handle with very little fuss. Whilst some shun screen reading as a nasty pastime, you’ll find increasingly that ebooks are being designed with more white space and less words per page, which makes the experience much more pleasurable.

Read aloud

Quite unlike Girls Aloud, reading aloud is a pleasant auditory experience, and a lost art form in its own right. When’s the last time you enjoyed a book with someone else? Try it out. Bed time works best.

Write reviews

There is a glorious pleasure in summarising a great read in a delicately-crafted bundle of 20 snappy words or less. Try writing a quick review for the next book you read.

Join a book club

Other people like books too. Consider joining a book club. I’ve created the One Book a Week Club over at Goodreads for us to keep track, get extra tips, and share our titbits and recommendations with each other. Feel free to pop by, register for an account, and start sharing and reviewing your reads today.

Join the discussion

If you’d like to join in, just add the name of the two books you’ll start off with in the comments below. Then join in the debate. How many books are you reading a year right now? What’s stopping you from reading more? Where do you buy your books? Should we start a book group? Are worm holes and tears in the page-time continuum a valid concern for loyal book worms? Share your thoughts below!

I’d be particularly interested to hear from anyone who’s using Amazon’s Kindle about the reading experience compared with paper; please join in.

Get reading!

What have you got to lose? Pick up your first book and get going.

Besides, if it’s crap, you can always eat it.

Business is broken

Every morning across seven continents, 402 million people rise ahead of the Sun to drag themselves into that smog-filled, oil-fuelled nightmare called the morning commute. 

Pounding their way along 16.2 miles of pavement, train track, or gridlocked tarmac to arrive at their Official Place of Work, most will sit down, throw six triple-espressos into throats scorched by artificial air, and rub eyes zapped by fluorescent death rays from above.  

Those who succeed in wrenching themselves into what passes for the mortal realm are then forced to hunt down jobs to fill their day, an eight-hour stretch of meaningless meetings, the constant shrill of telephones, and having to listen to Suzie from Sales tell Sally that story about Sarah seducing Simon’s sister. Again.

Welcome to Crazytown. Population: you

Despite all the obvious warnings, like the cubicle stress that ends in Godzilla-style office rampages, all of this is somehow considered normal. Commuting is a fact of life, isn’t it? Or perhaps, like me, you find a dark humour in wasting our lives by physically travelling to work in the Internet age. If it wasn’t so sad it might be funny.

I blame the accountants

So what went wrong? Many years ago, Earth’s Universal Accountant got sloppy updating the monthly work-life balance sheet, forgot to carry a zero, and ended up with a half-eaten nuclear hot dog and a basket full of toenail clippings from his mother-in-law. Oh well, he thought. I’ll just brush it all under the carpet. Who’ll know? Then he rushed home to Cloud 17b to forget about the whole nasty affair, and we’ve been practically pissing overtime ever since.

But let’s not blame him. Celestial accountants make mistakes too. Our problem remains: this business we call business is broken. So how do we fix it? And what’s the big problem, anyway?

The problem with problems

…is that they often come in threes. Business became so broken, in fact, that it needed two friends just to prop it up at the end of a long day. Here’s how the terrible triplets shape up: 

1) We’re championing profits instead of people

Business is a numbers game. It’s optimised for the bottom line. More often than not, people come second. Most businesses are not providing us with an environment that’s fit to stable us for our working lives.

The problem lies in the question that drives them, often: “how can we make an extra $10m this year?” My answer: who cares? The question should be this: “how can we create a company that people will fight to be a part of?” Solve that first and you’ll fill your company with smart, smiling faces who actually give a damn about making your business a success. Then your profit will come. Want proof? Just look at Zappos.

2) We’re commuting instead of computing

The daily commute is killing us. It’s also putting a drain on the planet which is, at worst, throttling it slowly and, at best, terribly inconsiderate of us all.

The truth is, if businesses made some simple, cost-effective changes to the way they operate, the vast majority of us could work remotely from home on our own schedules using simple technology that already exists. (Don’t worry, I’m about to tell you how to make it happen.)

3) We’re selling hours instead of output

The base unit of work is wrong. For years, we’ve been trading the hours from nine to five for cash, whether we’ve actually got any work to do in them or not. The result is a series of invented chores, the clickedy-click of the inbox refresh button, and the clock watching committees that feature so heavily in office life.

What’s worse, we’ve gotten so used to having to fill that prescribed time with mostly meaningless twitchery that, when handed that golden rolling pin called retirement and told to cook whatever we please, many go crazy with boredom. Then we acquire the world’s largest kitchen tin and simply bake ourselves into a fruitcake-lined grave: an icing-topped end to an otherwise bittersweet life.

The solution is simple: work smarter

Doom and gloom take a back seat from here on. It’s time for some positive thinking! We need a simple change in our working habits that’s easy to implement and optimised for people, health, families, communities and the environment. A change that takes advantage of the Internet age while enhancing our quality of life and without affecting our bottom lines. Too much to ask for? I think not.

Here are my simple solutions:

The solution for employers

Want your employees to be passionate about their jobs? Want to make your life easier too? Then start optimising for happiness today by rolling out my easy four-phase plan to a healthier, happier business:

Phase 1: Change the working environment
The first thing to do is to create a working environment to be proud of. Building an enjoyable office environment is cheaper than you think. I’ll be running some fun ideas on how to create a great office at work or at home soon, so subscribe and stay tuned.

Phase 2: End the working week
Forget about 9-5. Stop buying your employees’ lives and buy their ideas and output instead. Trust them to manage their own workload in the hours they choose, regardless of whether it fills the day or not. Do the same yourself! It’ll do wonders for your health and your sanity. (N.B. If you currently bill by the hour, billing by the task instead will help make this work better.)

Phase 3: Have a work from home day
Test out working from home for one day a week for a month. Make sure you give people everything they need to work from home (including you!). Hire laptops if you have to. Tell employees that, if the trial works, you’ll make it permanent. Tell them that if it doesn’t, you’ll be going back to a regular five-day week. The results will surprise you. People will be happier and more will get done. 

Phase 4: Offer an option to work from home full time
Reward those who’ve shown that they can be more productive from home with the option to do it full time. (If you can’t trust any of your staff to do that, why the hell did you hire them in the first place?) And, whatever you do, don’t cut their pay.

Be bold. Be successful. Be respected. Optimise for happiness in your business today.

The solution for employees

Phase 1: Get people talking
Send a link to this article around your office. Digg it or Stumble it. Make people aware that there’s a very real and obtainable alternative to the daily commute and 9-5 slog. When you go to phase 2, you want people to be aware of the options.

Phase 2: Push for a work from home day
Call a quick, informal meeting with your boss, set a short agenda with a simple goal (one work from home day a month, staggered across the company if needs be?), come out with some actionable results (like a calendar date for the first trial day, and the name of the person who’s responsible for spreading the word). Then follow-up in two weeks to make sure things are moving.

Phase 3: Prove you can be trusted
When given the chance to work from home for a day, for goodness’ sake, don’t screw it up. This is what you’ve been fighting for. Yes, it’s possible to work less and still get the same done (that was the whole point), but don’t piss this chance away. Prove you can be trusted.

Phase 4: Have a get out plan
I will warn you now. Being the one to suggest flexible working hours and championing the work-from-home lifestyle could backfire. It takes a brave heart and a keen mind to make it work, but it’s worth it. I recommend that you have a get-out plan. If your boss proves too stubborn to be flexible, or your colleagues misconstrue working smarter for slacking off, it helps to have a plan B elsewhere.

To avoid these kind of problems, I suggest two things: a) champion the work from home lifestyle for everyone (and not just yourself) and b) take Tim Ferriss’ advice — present home-working as a solution to the problem of low morale, high stress and dwindling productivity.

The solution for entrepreneurs

Entrepreneurs, freelancers and work-from-homers — I’ll have a special article to help you work smarter from home soon. Subscribe and stay tuned.

Exceptions to the rule

Naturally, remote working isn’t for everyone. And it’s not for every business, if only because a three-course candlelit dinner with wine isn’t as satisfying once it’s been through your fax machine, and brain surgery isn’t much fun when you’re forced to self-operate from instructions sent by email. 

The difference between an exception and an excuse is simple: deep down, you always know when you’re lying to yourself. If you think of yourself as an exception just because it’s easier not to take action, perhaps it’s time to fight to make a positive change in your life or company.

Take action today!

The future is yesterday, folks. The cruise ship to a happier, smarter working life is already sailing for tens of market-leading companies filled with the smiling faces of people who love their jobs. Why not jump on board?

Join the discussion

What about you? What’s stopping you from working from home? Would it make sense with your line of work? Do you even want to work from home? Perhaps you prefer the office life and the daily commute? Share your thoughts below!

After five months of clawing at the furniture and general misbehaving, I’m pleased to announce that the much-loved PTO kitten has a fun new home. It comes in the form of a Put Things Off custom site redesign by yours truly.

As well as the fresh new look, there are some fab features, new posts and announcements you’ll want to hear about. Read on!

Bigger kitten!

It will come as no surprise: the delightful Put Things Off kitten gets more compliments than I do. Some say it’s because he’s cuter than me; others because he knits a mean cardigan. Whatever the reason, the good news is that he’s back, he’s bigger, and he’s more of a show off than ever. Who can resist those eyes? All together now: “ahhh…”

The Market

I’m proud to introduce The Market, the (soon-to-be) bustling freelance, work-from-anywhere job board that’s completely free for job seekers and posters alike.

The Market is now open for coders, designers, illustrators and writers. It’s completely free, but if you’d like to help support it and put your business in front of potential job posters, take out a 125px banner ad at the special introductory rate of US$20/month. (Buy one here.)

If you’ve got an assignment — however small — simply post a free 30-day job listing and watch those estimates and portfolio links fly in. 

Snazzy new design

The new look on Put Things Off was designed to keep content fresh and make Put Things Off stand out. From the superduper homepage to the newly-organised categories, I hope you’ll agree that the facelift was worth it. Do share your thoughts in the squeaky-clean comments area.

More? You want more?

You asked. I listened. What many of you told me was this: “I love Put Things Off. I just wished you posted more often!” As well as being deeply flattered, I admit that my post frequency has been irregular at times.

Put Things Off started as a hobby, but it’s rapidly becoming so much more. I’ll be aiming to deliver shorter posts more often from now on, alongside the mammoth, once-in-a-while, read-in-the-bath style featured articles I enjoy writing so much.

Guest posts and paid writers

To help keep the content fresh, I hope to hire great writers and invite hot guest authors along for the ride. If you’re a great writer with a laid-back style who’s interested in contributing, check out my job offer in The Market — while I can only take on a limited number of people right now, all proposals (paid or guest) are welcome.

Open debate

From shunning electronic gizmos to declaring the death of productivity (as we know it), PTO is the online hang-out for the alternative, no-nonsense, laid-back view of working life.

As well as challenging the sterile, suited-and-booted clichés myself, I’m keen to invite you to share your thoughts too. Today I’m introducing a new category called “Hot Topics” that you’ll find on the front page. This section will carry the sorts of posts that encourage you to vent some steam and get talking. There will be a great new topic coming later this week, so subscribe and stay tuned.

Hire me to help with your site!

If you like what I’ve done with Put Things Off and want help building your own website or identity, I’m pleased to announce that Goburo, the design company I run with my talented and gorgeous partner, is now taking on new clients. If you want us to work some magic on your site too, get in touch with me today. Seriously: we’re really friendly and we’d love to hear from you.

More exciting news coming soon

The past few months have been an edge-of-the-seat thrill ride for me. Chatting with many of you by email has been great fun too — if you want to drop me a line just to say hi, don’t be shy!

In the meantime, let me thank you all both for your continued interest in PTO and for your kind words. There will be more great posts, news and announcements coming soon…

What do you think?

How do you rate the kitten’s new pad? Hit me with your wish lists, suggestions and glowing feedback in the comments below.

Addicted to your mobile phone?

You’re not alone. Madonna actually sleeps with hers.

They started off as a bonus, but those opposable thumbs of ours are rapidly becoming a terrible curse; one that will no doubt lead to our ultimate downfall under the webbed feet of an unseen creature far more devious than ourselves: the duck-billed catypuss.

That’s right: the catypussies are coming. And they’ve got beaks.

This light-hearted guide documents the 14 breeds of nomophobic, the 5 drugs, and how to overcome them all and beat your mobile habit. Before it’s too late.

Nomophobia: the fear of being mobile-less

The fear of having no mobile phone is common, but the term is fairly recent. It was first brought to my attention by the wonderful Armand B. Frasco of Moleskinerie, and is documented with regular updates at the delightful Nomophobics Anonymous blog.

Nomophobia: the 14 breeds

Nomophobics are all around us. Don’t believe me? Check out the breeds:

1. The pocket patter

In times of old, it was common to check for essential belongings by crossing your chest whilst internally uttering “spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch”.

Today, this has been superseded by a new ritual: the frantic pocket pat. Pocket patters are recognisable by the sort of desperate self-patting that you’d be forgiven for associating with a retired nightclub bouncer in mid-breakdown.

A common breed of nomophobic, pocket patters seek to reassure themselves that their phone was exactly where they left it. Four seconds ago.

2. The human antenna

Human antennae are a rare breed of nomophobic found primarily in areas of poor signal quality.

Characterised by a craned neck and giraffe-like stance, human antennae stretch up high to hold their phones at arms length. The baffling behaviour stems from a daft belief that the additional altitude will maximise signal quality and capture any stray text messages that their devices were unable to “see” when they were one metre lower down. [image by dajobe]

3. The thumbosaurus

A rare but growing breed, the thumbosaurus has devolved through excessive use of text messaging as its primary form of communication.

The thumbosaurus is a human that appears to have ten thumbs, due simply to the speed of its texting. Many scholars refuse to acknowledge the existence of the beasts, but have no doubt — the creatures exist. Exactly how many thumbs they have is all that remains up for debate.

While they often shy away from direct human contact, you’ll often find them in dark corners of Starbucks and other popular hangouts, accompanied by a frantic clacking sound like a Geiger counter on the blink. [image by macinate ]

4. The signal seeker

Ah, the wonders of the signal seeker! A step up the evolutionary scale from the human antenna, the signal seeker is the modern-day Indiana Jones, desperately in search of its holy grail: The Five Bars.

For a signal seeker, finding the five bars of signal strength far outclasses a night of passion or a round-the-world trip. The Five Bars consume them: every waking thought and action is dedicated to capturing the perfect signal.

Signal seekers are known for flitting between areas with periodic 10-second stops, as well as standing on park benches (a sign of evolution), and muttering under their breath to the gods of reception. (“Damn you, T-Mobile!” or “Five bars! Thank you, Vodafone!”)

Recently a strange phenomenon known as “signal tagging” has emerged, where fellow Seekers will graffiti The Sign of The Five Bars in areas thought to hold the perfect signal. [image adapted from jackace]

5. The textwalker

Textwalkers are the technological undead. They don’t sleep, they don’t eat, and they don’t notice lamp posts.

As well as bumping into things (people, street furniture, traffic etc.), textwalkers are characterised by an inhuman desire to send text messages, but never at the expense of ambling blindly onward.

Given enough time to stumble in the direction of their apparent choosing, it is thought that every single textwalker in the world would arrive at the exact same point: a tiny beacon at the Northern tip of Finland with the Nokia logo scrawled upon its surface by magic trolls.

Rumour has it that breaking this device would release textwalkers from the spell. Sadly, its exact location has never been pin-pointed. [image by Sam Smith ]

6. The light keeper

Light keepers are those brave individuals blessed with the gift of adaptivity.

While they have long written-off any hope of receiving a text message or phone call, light keepers choose to have their mobiles on their person anyway, in case they’re suddenly plunged into darkness at an inopportune moment.

When faced with a situation requiring immediate illumination, light keepers simply pluck their phones from their pockets and mash a random key every 5 seconds until they’ve located the keyhole on their car, or the bottle of 1787 Chateau Lafite that’s been calling to them from the cellar.

Needless to say, the thought of being without their gift of the light at a time when they need it most is terrifying to a light keeper, hence their inclusion in this list. [image by Monceau]

7. The 3-minute fidget

What could be better than receiving a message from a loved one or friend? The simple pleasure of having someone contact you has given birth to a strange breed of nomophobic called the 3-minute fidget.

These poor souls are condemned to check their devices for new messages every 180 seconds forevermore, in spite of the fact their phones are designed to alert them to incoming events by vibrating violently and playing the theme tune from Mission Impossible.

Evidently, no amount of vibrating will shake any sense into the 3-minute fidget, so this is one breed that we’ll be seeing much more of.

8. The ‘conversationalist’

The ‘conversationalist’ is a rather annoying variety whose name is blessed with its own quotation marks for good reason: the ‘conversations’ they insist upon sharing with the world are distinctly lacking in purpose or privacy.

‘Conversationalists’ take pride in sharing their (often one-sided) chats with everyone around them, and have been known to get caught out on occasion when the phone they’re busy talking into starts to ring.

Determined fakers and notorious con-artists, ‘conversationalists’ are social vermin who take pleasure in dropping loud key words and phrases into their very public conversations, such as “I’ve picked up a cheeky little Merlot” and “must dash, darling — I’ve doubled-parked the Boxter”. [image from Yogi ]

9. The workaholic

Common in Japan, the workaholic leverages their mobile phone to get extra working hours out of their day under the false belief that more time spent with email equals higher productivity.

Often seen using multiple phones at once, the workaholic will have been offered their phone as a ‘gift’ from a ‘generous boss’, oblivious to the trap of extending their 9-5 job to a 7-7 one by transforming their morning and evening commute into unpaid working time.

Workaholics are invariably 3-minute fidgets as well. To a workaholic, the thought of not responding to an email within 3 minutes of its arrival is terrifying. Many now use services which actually push new mail to them as soon as it arrives, like a terrifying digital drip feed. Sisyphus had it easy. [image by JanneM]

10. The ant. eater

Sadly, this breed is thought to be on the verge of extinction.

Ever since its natural food source — the antenna — learned to hide itself away, appearances of the ant. eater have declined rapidly.

The fall of the ant. eater has been further compounded by the growing social pressure placed on the breed to drop their habit combined with the lack of nutrients the antenna offers. [image by Kevin ]

11. The generator

Ah, the generator! The most paranoid of all nomophobes, generators are desperately concerned with their phones’ battery life to the point where they carry a myriad of adaptors, spare batteries, and energy-generating tools.

These devices are often larger than the phone itself, including some which harness the power of the sun to keep their “precious” alive for an extra 7 minutes. Generators will do anything to avoid a flat battery, including but not limited to: breaking into property to steal power, running extension cables from communal power supplies, and ordering bulk stocks of batteries from Hong Kong on eBay. [image by Mely-o ]

12. The trumper

The trumper is a particularly curious breed who prides him or herself in possessing the most expensive or exclusive phone in the room. Trumpers are common at business lunches and record deals, where meetings begin by revealing one’s “hand” — each player must take it in turns to remove his or her mobile from their pocket and lay it on the table.

While no written rules are known to exist, games of MobiPoker usually revolve around crude monetary value — a Bang and Olufsen Serene is known to trump a mere iPhone, whilst the rather disgusting $310,000 Vertu Cobra from Nokia is thought to trump the lot.

On one particularly nasty occasion in Las Vegas when two Vertu Cobras were placed on the same table by separate trumpers, the room erupted in a furore of disbelief, resulting in a drunken bar fight which lasted until the early hours and claimed many expensive handsets. [image from mattieb]

13. The medallionist

The medallionist is a class and gender-neutral breed whose habit involves wearing a phone around their neck on a lanyard or chain.

A natural hierarchy emerges amongst medallionists, whereby those higher up the pecking order carry more devices in their chosen fashion.

The most this author has ever seen is a neck-busting 5 phones around the throat of a city trader, several of which were ringing at once.

Closet medallionists are common; many don’t display their phone openly, choosing instead to wear them around their neck under a jumper or t-shirt. Alas — they’re not fooling anyone. [image adapted from roadkillbuddha]

14. The reluctant convert

Reluctant converts are increasing in number. They are typically characterised by subtle begrudging glances at the phones they once refused to see the benefit of.

RCs operate on the principle that pretending to be technologically inept is often very useful, for example, when avoiding a call from their other half. The line “I’m sorry I didn’t text you about the all night pub-crawl, dear. These new-age gizmos are just too much for my tired, arthritic hands” is unlikely to be met by much condemnation.

The unmentionables

There are several other breeds that didn’t make the list, among them the mobile driver and the mobile DJ. Sadly, both are endangered species. (Natural selection can be brutal.)

Frankly, neither the idiots who drive cars whilst text messaging nor the brats who play music on the move without headphones need the encouragement that being on a list might offer them.

The 5 Drugs

Education is the first step to prevention. Knowing the drugs today could save you from sliding down the electronic pipes of no return tomorrow.

Don’t just say ‘no’

If offered any of the drugs below, don’t just say ‘no’. Instead, remember the 3-step system your gran taught you:

Step 1) Offer them a cookie
Step 2) Hit them with a rolling pin
Step 3) Practise looking harmless until the law arrives

Drug 1: iPhetamines

The lowdown: Ever since Stevey J announced his glorious lozenge of touchy-feely goodness, the damned drugs are everywhere. You can’t turn a virtual page online without having the things pushed on you.

The dealer: Steve Jobs of Apple. Shockingly, the main dealer of iPhetamines also sits on the board of children’s long-time favourite megabrand, Disney. (Perhaps that’s why they’ve been producing crap musicals instead of quality animation recently.)

The price: iPhetamines have a ridiculously high street value online and off, and have been known to go for as much as $800 on eBay. (That’s right, kids — eBay pedals drugs now.) Word on the street is that a new, highly-concentrated dose will hit cities near you this Summer. Don’t delay — start baking those cookies today.

Drug 2: CrackBerries

The lowdown: Love your CrackBerry with a passion? You’re what’s known in the fruit trade as a CrackBerry addict. CrackBerry trees are now being farmed in their millions in South America, where the produce is packed and transported to 7 continents using an army of specially-trained long haul parrots.

The dealer: An organisation who cunningly call themselves BlackBerry in order to operate legally and mask their true purpose.

The price: CrackBerries vary tremendously in price depending upon grade and colour. The much sought-after “golden berry” commands the highest fee, with reported street prices of almost $500 per hit.

Drug 3: Androids

The lowdown: Androids are an umbrella term for a wide group of prototype drugs that vary in appearance but share a common chemical element that gives them their characteristic mellow high. Androids are sourced openly by much of the technorati, and have become especially popular with Computer Science graduates.

The dealer: Controversially, the much-loved Google is to blame for spreading Androids. It is thought to have leveraged its strength as a global superpower by collaborating with several key manufacturers and distributors to build a consortium whose might is not yet fully known.

The price: Android is a new drug that exists only in strictly-controlled labs and test areas. While some have hoped that Google will push their philosophy of freeconomics and provide free narcotics for all, speculators and pundits think this unlikely, and suggest that the drugs will start at around $250 when they hit the mass market later this year.

Drug 4: Brick

The lowdown: Brick is often misconstrued as a dirty drug due to the old, re-hashed ingredients that are cut-in with newer accessories. Characterised by its large size and broken appearance, Brick is often stamped with a small logo that becomes increasingly hard to read due to its cracked and crumbled surface.

The dealer: Brick is sold by a variety of second hand merchants with questionable trading histories. Often fronted by seemingly legitimate businesses such as newsagents or ice cream stands, the Brick trade is hard to detect and almost impossible to police.

The price: Brick can be purchased for as low as $5 a hit. Due to the price, many addicts stay hooked on Brick without ever being tempted onto higher-class drugs.

Drug 5: PDA

The lowdown: PDA is a semisynthetic drug and well-known psychedelic immortalised in the famous Bootles song, Percy in the Ditch with Annie. The drug is now widely distributed in various forms, and continues to be a hit amongst busy city workers and travellers.

The dealer: PDA is a popular drug and dealers are commonplace. Among them is the Palm company, a name possibly chosen for the sweaty hand condition that users of PDA are thought to develop.

The price: Marketed as an executive drug, PDA is commonly pedalled at around $300.

Beating nomophobia: how to break free

My name is Nick and I was once a nomophobic. How did I break free? After I admitted that I had a problem with excessive mobile phone use, I followed these three simple steps:

Step 1. Downgrade

In a world obsessed with upgrading our cars, homes, and lifestyles, you’d be forgiven for thinking that upgrading your phone offered some kind of measurable benefit. Often, it simply doesn’t.

Downgrading your phone dramatically is the easiest way to beat your addiction. When the itch to send email, take videos and photos, listen to music, and browse the ‘net on your phone is removed, it becomes a real challenge to actively waste time using it.

While trumpers and workaholics will be horrified at the idea of dropping their CrackBerry habit for Brick, downgrading in this way will do them the world of good. It’s possible to find a simple, attractive second hand phone for around $30-$50 if you buy well. Be brave! Be different! Be kinder on your bank balance! Downgrade today. [image by P1r]

Step 2. Cut down use

Once you’ve downgraded, the next step is to cut down the use of your phone. This starts simply and builds up to prepare us for step three: a) Turn your phone off at night b) Train your friends and colleagues to contact you by email before they call or text c) Leave your phone at home for one day when you go out

Step 3. Go cold-turkey

Now that you’ve downgraded and cut down your general mobile use, it’s time for your biggest test yet — to go without your mobile for one week.

Turning off your phone and leaving it at the bottom of your sock drawer for a week is a true test and the best way to convince yourself that you no longer depend on the bloody thing. Trust me: the freedom is glorious. [image by brioso ]

Important notes

1. Tell your friends and family if you’re not planning to answer your phone for a week. That way they won’t have the search parties out when you’re not contactable by mobile.

2. If you’re worried about losing work or opportunities, forget about it. The value to your personal wellbeing is far higher.

3. Set your answerphone message to tell callers to contact you via email – explain about your “no mobile week” if you want to. (This will help counteract points 1 and 2 above.)

4. Don’t sacrifice your safety: If you know you’re going to be walking through a rough area or travelling alone for the first time in a foreign country, do take your phone as a safety measure. While mobile phone addiction is a problem, being alone and scared for your safety is worse. Use your own discretion here: stay safe, stay happy!

5. Addiction is a serious issue: While it’s fun to joke about addiction to mobile phones, other forms present a more serious problem for millions everyday. If you know someone who’s battling an addiction, be a good friend and help them to find the free help they need.

A final warning from the catypussies

Just in case you thought I was fibbing, here’s an artist’s impression of a catypuss.

Next time you take your mobile with you when you shouldn’t have, listen out for them. They’ll be quacking away in the shadows, watching your every step and plotting the demise of mankind.

Don’t stop to look around! By that time it will be too late…

Moleskine madness

There is a growing affliction amongst paper lovers: an addiction to the Moleskine brand of notebooks.

When I gave up on ta-da list and abandoned my PDA, my Moleskine filled the gap. This post is proof that a simple, quality notebook can give you just as much of a buzz as owning the latest iPhone, Palm, Blackberry or other device.

It will also introduce the Moleskale, a light-hearted tool for determining how high up the ladder your addiction to Moleskine has taken you.

Goodbye gadgets

After years spent tracking the latest gadget trends, handing over my credit card for a PDA upgrade every 4-6 months, and receiving odd glances in public for reading The Gawkish Geek’s Guide to Gadgets (monthly), I gave up my fancy gizmos and electronic organisers for good.

Hello Moleskine

In recognition of the intense effort it takes for a self-confessed gadget geek to drop his ‘habit’, I hope you won’t mind when I admit to replacing it with another: the love of Moleskine notebooks. These simple notebooks are both beautiful and relatively gentle on the wallet.

The Moleskine brand

So what’s the big deal about these little books?

The Moleskine brand offers a range of high-quality, expertly-bound books in a smooth fake leather cover dubbed “Moleskine.” The Italian brand was purchased in 2006 for 60 million Euros by French giant Societe Generale. The notebooks are a wonderful example of understated features and attention to detail combining to create something rather special. Rounded corners, an elastic strap, a hidden pocket at the back, and a bound-in fabric bookmark all add to the experience.

The crowning touch is the printing of “In case of loss, please return to…” on the first page of every book, a feature normally reserved for diaries, which reinforces the notion that Moleskine notebooks are objects to be treasured. The idea was suggested by author Bruce Chatwin, who was so fond of travelling with the notebooks that he ordered one hundred of them. Chatwin famously said:

“To lose a passport was the least of one’s worries. To lose a notebook was a catastrophe.”

The two most popular sizes are pocket (9×14cm) and ‘large’ (13×21cm).

Notebook varieties

Here are the common notebook varieties. (Not shown here: watercolour, storyboard, music and info types.)

The Moleskine diaries

In addition to the notebooks range, Moleskine offer a selection of diaries too:

Other Moleskine miscellany

There are a wide range of relatively recent additions to the Moleskine range. These include cahier, city guides, soft cover, and volant (coloured) editions.

The cost (and value)

So how much does the ultimate notebook cost? At the time of writing, a large notebook will rob your purse of about £11 (or around $16 in the USA and €15 in Europe). For something that probably has a similar lifetime to a PDA, it’s not bad value.

Are they worth the premium price when compared to cheaper notebooks? That’s up to you. For me, there’s no contest. Moleskine notebooks are a simple pleasure. They’re significantly cheaper than their electronic cousins too. Plus, they never crash or run out of juice, so they’re far easier to fall in love with.

Which should you buy?

It depends! I suggest you try the following two:

My recommendations

1) The “large” lined notebook (hard cover): Great for your notes and todoodlists. At just 13×21cm, it’s very portable — “medium” would probably be a more fitting name for its size (just under A5 in ISO paper size equivalent). Many people prefer the unlined edition. Try both.

2) The 12 month weekly diary: The same size as your large lined notebook, you can carry these two around or slip them in a backpack with no trouble. Some prefer the combined 12 month diary planner with built-in notebook, but I like the extra space the weekly diary offers.

Recommended pens and pencils

Once you get into posh notebooks, you’ll find yourself drifting towards fancy writing implements too. It’s easy to go crazy here and spend silly sums of money. Don’t. If you must splash out on something as mundane as a pen or pencil, set a low budget and stick to it.

If you find yourself paying for a pencil on a credit card, you know you’ve truly lost the plot. Likewise, you don’t need an executive power pen to enjoy writing. You might like the idea of signing your cheques with the $600 “Compensator” you’ve seen in the jeweller’s window, but your family won’t be so impressed when you tell them it’s rat-on-toast for dinner again tonight.

Here are three cheap-to-mid-range items I use and recommend:

The Pilot G2 Pen

This simple low-cost pen is a joy to write with. Precise and comfortable, it’s one of the best high quality pens you’ll find for the money. Oh, and it’s refillable too. (Approx £2/$3 for the pen. Refills vary.)

The Parker Jotter Ballpoint
(with Gel ink)

This deliciously understated design from