Putting God First Place

A Virtual Book Shower {Come join in!}

Ashley Wells — Tue, 08 May 2012 13:00:37 +0000

Hello everyone!

It’s Maegan here today, not Ashley. It’s okay; she knows.

I met Ashley when we lived in Louisville, KY while my husband was attending seminary. I would tell you how we met, but then you might question my parental judgment. Besides, this post isn’t about me…

You see, from the time I met Ashley, she has had a heart for serving, teaching, training, and loving children -whether they were her own or not.

She has shared so openly both on her blog and in her book about the struggles she’s had with infertility and adoption. I know her words have ministered to many women whether experiencing similar situations or not. I’ve loved being able to watch the Lord use her and her story in ways never imagined. We’ve shed tears and shared laughs -many times in the same sentence. I have considered it an honor to walk this journey through her – more than once feeling the weight of her struggles as my own and crying out to the Lord for her.

Which brings me to the reason I am here today!

I am no longer living in Louisville and keep up with Ashley through her blog, the phone and skype. I have to stop and say how thankful I am for technology. However, technology wasn’t helping me fulfill my desire to host an Adoption Shower for her, or so I thought. That’s when I had the idea of a virtual shower!

So I asked Ashley to put together a book wishlist on Amazon so we could help them build a little library!

All you have to do is click here to access her wishlist, purchase a book or two and it will be shipped directly to her and the kiddos! Imagine how fun it will be to receive all those packages!! Not to mention the many hours spent snuggling, reading, learning and making memories together.

You can also leave a comment on this post with a note of encouragement, congratulations or a prayer for her new family. I will then compile all the comments into a little book for her to keep.

And you know they now have kids, right!? Well, let’s get those kids some books!

The Most Overwheming Wonderful Week of My Life

Ashley Wells — Sat, 28 Apr 2012 11:24:38 +0000

On Tuesday, my life changed (maybe forever).

We finally got our phone call for a placement! Then, about an hour and a half later, I went to pick up four children. Our children, at least for now.

It’s been exhilarating. It’s been overwhelming. It’s been joyous. It’s been exhausting (My record for number of hours of sleep in a row was about 90 minutes until this morning).

Every moment, I am more and more thankful for God’s grace for each day and His strength that has sustained us. It truly is a miracle.

**Here are some specifics (although I can’t share much):**

We have four children aged 3 weeks old through 8 years old. Two boys and two girls.

By the way, we said we would be willing to take up to four children aged 8 and under, and that is exactly what we have.

We are adjusting as well to be expected. But, we would love prayers as the older children are starting to realize that this is a more long term home than they thought, and more than they were told by relatives.

We are learning (often times through trail and error) about being a parent, as many new parents do. I am so thankful for all the opportunities the Lord gave me to prepare me for this exact moment.

We are amazed at how fast you can really love a child, even if there is no biological connection. It truly has been remarkable to see our love grow and grow in leaps and bounds for these precious children that the Lord has brought into our home.

We have no idea how long the children will be with us. We are praying for God’s good and perfect will, whether that be returning to a parent, or other biological relative, or the potential that they could stay with us. Prayers for this would be extremely helpful, especially for God’s grace and peace on Michael and I if they were to leave.

For Everything a Season

Right now, these children are a great priority in my life (as any child should be, whether biological or not). I don’t know what their life has looked like. However, I know what I can do right now, today.

I can give these children all I have and rely on the Lord to fill me up again.

I can be present with them each day.

I can love these children as best I can.

I can care for them daily with love.

I can pray for them.

I can attempt to show them the great, deep, wide love of Christ.

What may not fit on this list, is blogging, at least for a season.

These children need me. I cannot miss these opportunities to be a blessing to them, I don’t know how long they will be here and I want to make as big of an impact as I possibly can.

A Moment in Time :: April 22nd at 9:17 pm

Ashley Wells — Mon, 23 Apr 2012 13:00:43 +0000

Note: This is one way that I am working on my goal to Be Present this year. Taking in moments in time. Recording them. Savoring them. Enjoying them!

I am standing at the sink tackling the pile of dishes before me. The washer is spinning, I hear it going round and round.

We had children spend the weekend with us. I am doing dishes and laundry for five. The pile of dishes was overwhelming, but yet I am going through them quickly. I guess when you dream of having children in your home for so long, it seems different than just doing dishes. It’s doing dishes for children.

I’m sure the newness will eventually wear off. The excitement of doing all these extra dishes won’t be so exciting one day.

But yet, I dreamed of this. And it has been wonderful. Not perfect. But still good.

I scrub the plates and think about how the atmosphere of our home has changed, at least for the weekend.

There was a lot more laughter. A lot more energy. A lot more time outside. A lot more life.

I’m smiling big. A few tears start trickling down my cheeks. I feel so blessed. At the beginning of the week I had been tearful about the lack of progress in our adoption. Now on Sunday I am tearful about how the Lord has answered my prayers and blessed me more than I could imagine.

I think about tomorrow. Unfortunately, these children are only spending the weekend with us. We were just simply providing respite care for them. Tomorrow I will have to say goodbye.

I know it will be sad. I’m sure I will cry. But yet, I know that there is hope. Any day we could get a phone call about our children. I pray and hope that the Lord brings that phone call soon.

Until then, I smile and do the dishes today. I switch the laundry to the dryer. I check on the kids to make sure they all went to sleep. And I pray that same prayer I have prayed for many months, “Lord, bring our children home soon.”

I Dream of Being Together

Ashley Wells — Fri, 20 Apr 2012 11:00:00 +0000

I love this weekly feature from The Gypsy Mama. For five minutes we write, unscripted, unedited. We just write. Then we link up and build community! Today’s topic is Together.

Go.

I woke up very early this morning (at least according to my standards!). I had an overwhelming sense to pray for my children.

You see, I’ve written about them before. Even in five minutes!

But, here’s the thing. I don’t know them. I don’t know their faces. I don’t know how old they are.

We are still waiting to meet our children. The timing of adoption is generally so unknown.

Thankfully our waiting is hopefully coming to an end. At this point, our children could come home any day. That means it could be tomorrow or in three months. We just don’t know.

For right now, I dream. I dream of the day that we will finally be together. The day I will finally be able to hug them and tuck them in at night.

I hope and pray that we are together soon!

Stop.

A Long Overdue Adoption Update

Ashley Wells — Thu, 19 Apr 2012 14:00:00 +0000

I’m learning that I am kind of a control freak {ok, maybe more than kind of}. This adoption process is a whole new level of faith testing and strengthening…and we aren’t even licensed yet!

I recently read that adoption is like putting Miracle-Gro on your sins. I guess that is why I have been craving margin and peace while turmoil is going on inside of my heart. My self-reliance is being torn down. To be honest, I have relied on myself for far too long. I am always trying to do something to ensure my life goes the way I’d like.

I can’t control this adoption process. I can’t rely on myself for the outcome. There is usually nothing I can do.

I am continually learning that I have to give things over to the Lord and trust that He knows what He is doing. even when I just don’t understand. I have not been able to do anything to speed up this part of the process. It has been out of my control. And sometimes, this drives me completely crazy.

If I could do something, then I would at least feel useful. Right?

We have been stuck in a limbo of sorts with our adoption process for almost two months. All of our paperwork has been turned in. Our case worker made it seem we would be licensed within a couple of weeks.

Then the hurdles started coming.

Other cases came in that had a higher priority. Our case had to be set aside for a time.

Our home study was completed. Then something happened to the digital file and there was no content in the document. It was gone.

We needed a closing letter from our county in Ohio.

The paper we need has been stuck in red tape and government “process” for almost three weeks now.

Today we finally caught a break! After three phone calls, I learned that finally the letter we were waiting on was sent to our case worker. All the pieces might be coming together, or at least it seems that way.

I’m trying not to get too excited, because we have had so many setbacks with this adoption already. However, I do have hope and excitement.

I know that for some reason, the Lord needed us to wait.

I know that our children are out there somewhere.

I know that in the Lord’s good and perfect time our children will come home. I’m praying that this will come quickly!

Here’s the lowdown from here:

We may be licensed sometime next week. We may get a placement any day after that.

It’s exciting. It seems to be coming together.

{I am so amazed at some of the long time readers who have been with us through almost all of our adoption journey thus far, over three years, and write to me words of encouragement. Thank you for sticking with us and trusting that the Lord has good plans for us that are for our future. Thank you for being willing to travel the lows and highs of this whole process. You have been a great support! You, my friends, will get a great sweet joy when the Lord brings our children home because your know our heart and where it has been and how long this journey has taken. I am humbled to have shared my grief and I will be honored to share my joy!}

************************************************************

Updated at 2:07 pm

Isn’t it like the Lord to answer prayers in unexpected ways?

I had been putting off writing the above post for so long because I felt like we didn’t have an update. We were just waiting.

But with this glimmer of hope we received yesterday, I knew I wanted to write about it. As I scheduled the above post last night, I had no idea that I would need to add an update to our adoption journey so soon! But yet, here I am!

This morning our case worker called and told us that we are licensed. Praise the Lord.

While we wait for our permanent adoptive placement, we will be doing weekend respite care for other families. While our case worker called to tell us we were licensed, she also called to see if would be interested in doing respite THIS WEEKEND!

Praise the Lord!

Michael and I are so excited at the thought that our children could come home any day.

We are also excited that we are going to get to open our home and spend time with other children who are in desperate need of love and attention.

This is the end of the beginning and the beginning of the rest of our lives!

A Moment in Time :: April 1 at 12:57 pm

Ashley Wells — Tue, 17 Apr 2012 14:00:00 +0000

Note: This is one way that I am working on my goal to Be Present this year. Taking in moments in time. Recording them. Savoring them. Enjoying them!

It’s raining. As I sit on my couch in my pajama pants (What can I say? I like to rest in comfy clothes on Sunday’s after church!), I hear the rain hitting the awning on the front of our house. It is cold, so there’s a little space heater buzzing a few feet from me. I just made some Brussels sprouts and fish sticks for lunch, I see the steam rising.

I am filled with such a deep peace and calmness. I needed this after the morning I had before church.

Thankfully, the Lord decided to turn my day around after a few moments of chaos. Now, I sit in peace. I am not worrying about the clothes I forgot out on the line last night and now had been left in the rain. I am not worrying about the few dishes that sit beside my sink.

I rest. I seek it. I want it. I crave it. In this world that is so busy and chaotic, I lay back and watch the rain fall outside. I listen to sound. I close my eyes. I breath in and I breath out.

Craving Margin and Peace

Ashley Wells — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 14:00:00 +0000

Without any intention of doing so, I took a blogging break.

Life has a way of forcing what you need sometimes, right?

My throat feels dry, it’s because I need water. My stomach grumbles, it’s because my body needs food to fuel me.

I needed rest and margin and time to seek peace from the only One who can give it overflowing.

Because I needed these things, so desperately, my desires to blog and write were gone. I had nothing to say. No words would come.

You know what? I really needed it more than anything.

I needed time away.

Time in the Word, deep.

Time to pray, without ceasing.

Time to be with the body and be encouraged.

I needed those margins in my life so that the Lord would work within me and give me a sense of abundant peace.

Lately, within me has been much turmoil, questioning, worry, unknown…if I would have allowed it, those feelings would have consumed me. I know because it’s happened before. It’s kind of my default…

Instead of allowing myself to swim in those overwhelming feelings, when my world was filling with unknowns and I had nothing in my control to do about it, I sought comfort from the One who knows what my future holds, even when it’s unclear to me.

I know where to find rest. I am reminded as a song comes on my Pandora station.

I’m restless. I’m restless.
’til I rest in You, ’til I rest in You.
Oh God, I wanna rest in You.

{click here to listen to the song by Audrey Assad}

I craved margin and peace because that it what I needed. I needed to rest in the arms of the One who can carry me.

When an Adoption Falls Through

Ashley Wells — Tue, 27 Mar 2012 13:00:00 +0000

I am so excited to have linked up with Write It, Girl on the Tuesdays in March! I’m sad it’s over. What is Write, It Girl you ask…it’s a time to write whatever you’ve got on your heart! You just write it, girl. Here’s more from their about page:

“Write with confidence in your space; that little corner of the web He’s given you. Ask Him to give you a vision for what He wants with your words and write it, girl.”

I’d love for you to join this community where we can encourage each other and make the declaration, we are writers! Link up with Write It, Girl’s new site!

*****************************************************************************

Click. I remember taking a picture of those two four year old girls. Their smiles were large and wide. They were so cute together. My heart was so full of joy. My smile, I am sure, was large and wide along with them. We got along so well. I was imagining the rest of our lives together the entire two hour ride back home!

This was the first time Michael and I were meeting these twin girls that would soon come to live with us. We were going to be taking over custody of them with hopes that we would get to adopt them and they would become our daughters. I remember that beautiful day. We played and laughed and were so happy. It was the beginning of our expanded family.

A few weeks later, however, our plans were halted and fell apart.

We had prepared a room for them, and bought lots of pink, including an adorable doll house. The girls were supposed to move within the week. However, it all came crumbling down. Without sharing too many of the specifics, the birth mother decided she wanted to fight some more for her girls and that she wanted another try. The phone call came and our dreams with those two beautiful girls vanished.

My heart was devastated. I cried the ugly cry. I just didn’t understand. Michael and I had already suffered through infertility for the past three years, at this point, and I wasn’t ready to experience this loss now too.

This happened three years ago this month.

I work as a mother’s helper for a family that used to go to our church. A few weeks ago, I was brushing their 7 year old girl’s hair, preparing to put it in french braids.

My mind drifted away. I remember the day we first met those two beautiful girls that almost became family. After I took their picture they asked if I would do their hair. It was dark, long, and thick. I french braided the hair on both of their heads. It was the first of many times I would do that, in my mind. That’s what mothers do.

I was brought back to the present time by a couple of bickering boys. I finished the girl’s hair and thought about how that day with those two girls seemed so far ago. Then I realized that as I was braiding this 7 year old’s hair, I could have had two 7 year old daughters, if our plans hadn’t fallen apart.

I could not keep my exposure. I went to the bathroom and attempted to catch my breath. I felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest, I struggled to breath. The tears flowed. My heart felt so empty.

Even though our adoption fell through with these twin girls three years ago, my heart still breaks for them. I grieve the loss of the dreams I had of our life together. I can still see their faces, smiling wide through the camera lens.

For some reason, those girls weren’t in the Lord’s plan for my life. I don’t know why. I don’t understand.

But this I know, my heart breaks for those girls.

My heart broke when I heard that less than a year after those girls went back to their biological mother, they were back in the system and needed a home. At this point, Michael and I had just moved to Louisville, so we weren’t able to fight for them.

My heart still breaks when I can picture the curves of their faces in my mind, smiling for the camera.

My heart breaks still.

Adoption loss is real. I know because I feel it even still.

Get my E-Book FREE all this week on Amazon!

Ashley Wells — Mon, 26 Mar 2012 14:00:00 +0000

That’s right!!!

My e-book, How My Soul Yearns, will be available on amazon for FREE through Friday!

So, make sure to snag it and pass on the word!

Tweet about my e-book by clicking here!

My prayer for this week is that the Lord will put this e-book into the hands of women that need to hear that they are not alone and it is possible to find hope in the midst of infertility! May He be glorified!

I was interviewed…

Ashley Wells — Wed, 21 Mar 2012 14:00:00 +0000

That’s right!

I had the honor of taking part in a series of interviews sharing on the topic…

“Viewing the Quiverfull World Through the Lens of Infertility.”

You can read my interview at Pursing Titus 2.