Fostering Love at Home

Waiting for the Dawn {living in the darkness}

2013-05-23T21:00:00.000-04:00

I've heard the saying, "It's always darkest before the dawn." Literally speaking, I'm not certain if the saying is true, if it is indeed darkest right before the sun rises. However, metaphorically, I feel confident in the reality of this saying.

Michael and I have said many times to each other that in foster placements it gets really, really hard right before you have a breakthrough. The awful truth of this is that very often people don't last through the darkness.

On really hard days, we remind ourselves of our commitment to these children. Before we got a placement we agreed and committed to each other and God that we were going to do everything we could to view the children that were placed with us as if they were our children already, no matter what. You don't just send your child back to the hospital when they start acting out in school, or screaming at you regularly.

No matter the difficulties, no matter the trials, no matter the behavior, we are committed to each other and to these children.

This is a choice we make every day.

That doesn't mean it is always easy. Because honestly, nothing in our life lately has been easy.

I aim to keep this blog encouraging, yet I also feel very compelled to share honestly sometimes when we are struggling, when family life is more than a little difficult. Why do I feel compelled to share? Just as infertility was something I experienced and felt so alone in, I want to share this part of our story in fostering so that people know that they are not alone.

What God has called Michael and I to do is no easy task. It has been far more difficult than I ever imagined. Yet, God is good. I know that this is all His plan and that He will provide for us. I know this to be true because He is faithful and He has never left us leading up to this point.

The deep darkness that sometimes creeps into our home and family devastates me at times. Our kid's lives up to this point have been nothing close to pleasant, joyful, or fun. They have experienced more trauma in their short lives than I have in all of mine. The years that were taken from their childhood because of neglect and abuse are many. The pain they feel is real and creeping around every corner.

Even after a year in our home, their past affects them most days, especially our big kids. They struggle to trust. They struggle to feel safe and stable. Their struggles are expressed through their behaviors.

Recently we have been having many difficult days. Last week was one of the most difficult weeks, if not the most difficult week, of my entire life. I questioned everything. I wondered, "Where is God in all of this? How is this part of God's plan? Why is this so hard? How are we going to get through this?"

This deep darkness was gradual. The past few months have been difficult and it was adding up and adding up and overflowing. I had felt like I was "in a funk" for the past few weeks, struggling with feelings of depression and lacking motivation to do much of what is required of me daily.

Saturday was the darkest of last week, quite possibly the darkest day of my life, and then on Sunday, light came up through the darkness. It truly was darkest right before the dawn.

We had a breakthrough. Michael and I got on the same page again. We had both been feeling overwhelmed and hadn't really talked about it much because the crazy days were abundant and our time was usually spoken for. However, after a long talk we saw progress in our own lives, in our own hearts.

It didn't mean that the behavior or situation changed. It just meant that our perspective and attitude changed. That difference alone changed the whole situation.

Then on Monday, we had a meeting about the kid's future, nothing official, yet a small step forward. It was one of the most encouraging meetings we have ever had. It really confirmed that God was still with us, even in the darkness, He was there. His timing is always perfect...oh how we are still learning to trust.

Looking forward, I'm hoping that we don't go through the deep darkness again. Yet, I am not confident that the rest of our journey will be easy. I'm okay with it, though.

I am trying to be proactive. I am trying to not allow my own heart to reach the depth of darkness it has seen lately. I am intentionally trying to stay on top of all the chaos and overwhelming feelings.

I know that this road we have chosen, or more appropriately that the Lord has chosen for us, is not an easy road to travel on. Yet I am ever more confident that the Lord is leading us and walking alongside of us, through our darkest days and giving us glimpses of the dawn. We do not do this in our own strength, but it is only by the strength of our Lord Jesus Christ that we continue to get through.

Dear Weary Mom,

2013-05-16T07:00:00.000-04:00

Dear Weary Mom,

I know you are weary. Tired. Overwhelmed. Burnt Out.

I know, because I am you. I am a weary mom too.

Most days I feel like I have reached my limit. I cannot do anything else. I cannot continue.

Yet, I do. I get through. Praise the Lord!

This calling that we have, mothering, is a difficult task. It is the hardest job I've ever had. Training these little children. Teaching them what is right. Giving them almost all I have to give each day.

These days...they are long. They drag on. My energy fades quickly as soon as my feet hit the floor in the morning.

It is tempting to think that we are alone in these struggles. That we are the only mom weary to the bone and running on empty.

Here is the truth, though. The beautiful truth.

You are not alone.

You are stronger than you think you are.

You will get through.

What you do it amazing.

You matter.

What we do every day, in the midst of our exhaustion, is spectacular. God sees us.

He sees us when we are wiping running noses. He sees us when we serve lunch and clean the table. He sees us as we are on the floor, reading books, playing dolls, building towers. He sees all we do, even when we think no one else does.

Not only does God see us. He gives us strength to continue. Our strength may be ever fading, but He, through His grace and power, gives us more strength to continue on, He gives us physical help (at times) to ease our burden, He gives us rest to keep going tomorrow.

We need to stop pretending that we've got it all together. No one has it all together. The beauty is we don't have to have it all together, because Jesus holds us together.

Today I am adding this letter to the first Dear Weary Mom link-up over at the Hope for the Weary Mom blog! Find more letters here.

May 9th {status update}

2013-05-09T18:14:00.001-04:00

Life has been crazy busy, hectic, jumbled, loud, and much more. This blog has sat empty quite regularly, no new content. I don't want you to think I've abandoned my post. I just can't articulate all that is going on, mostly because I am still trying to work out what my daily life right now means and how to keep going most days.

I am still here. Our kids are still with us. We are still moving forward towards adoption. Daily life is just hard and messy right now.

Here's a status update, I'm currently:

reading...Glimpses of Grace. Although I would describe it more as devouring. I can hardly put this book down. It is so good. Amazing. I've got so much underlined. "This book is about how we experience the grace of the gospel as we go about our daily lives in the home. It's not about how to transcend into "a happy place" above the reality of life in the home." Loving it!!!

listening to...All Sons & Daughters. Constantly. All the Poor and Powerless. Brokenness Aside. "I am a sinner. If it's not one thing it's another. Caught up in words tangled in lies. But You are a Savior and You take brokenness aside, and make it beautiful, beautiful."

enjoying...the weather, today's high is 79. I love having windows open, wind blowing in my face, listening to the hum of traffic. It is glorious. I love spring. We spent a little bit in the back yard before lunch and it was wonderful.

watching...these children grow right before my eyes. Life is moving at fast forward speed and I cannot make it slow down. I look at these children and they are so grown. Every day I watch as they get bigger, learn new things, say something they haven't said before. It is marvelous to watch, yet a little sorrowful none the less, why does it all have to happen so fast?

cooking...Baked Spaghetti was for dinner last night and it was delicious. I had seconds. Then I had a couple more bites before bed. It brought back many memories from our first few days with our children. Jessica brought us this dish the day after we got the kids. I still cannot believe we have had them a whole year! Tonight's dinner is Chicken Pot Pie Soup. This is a family favorite and one of the first meals Little Man ate with us.

planning...what I want to do tonight. Thursdays are "Mom's Night Out." Michael and I each have a weekly night when we are expected to get out and refuel after the babies are put to bed (around 7:00). We finally are putting these nights on the calendar again since we are settled at the new house. Really, we both needed it desperately. I think I may just plant myself in a corner booth at Panera and read more of Glimpses of Grace with a pastry (maybe a Strawberries and Cream scone) and sweet tea...

working on...organizing my spices. Here is my inspiration. I am excited! I am also chalk boarding the lids (so simple to do!!!). I am planning to have these on my fridge, in arms reach of my oven. I cannot wait! Hoping to find my magnets (I bought them before we moved and haven't been able to find them) tomorrow and then finishing the project!

excited for...summer. I am very hopeful for the summer. I just cannot wait. We are all ready for school to be done for the year. We are ready to move on. Less than a month to go! {not that I am counting...}

feeling...mostly overwhelmed, defeated, burnt out. The past couple of months have felt like a race without any kind of break, one thing after another...

remembering...to seek out rest. To give myself grace. To find time to refuel. That there is a season for everything. That seasons do not last forever. That God is good. All the time. Even on the bad days. He has a plan.

Note: This post was inspired by Hayley at The Tiny Twig. I love i'm currently posts. I took a few of her prompts and added some that I wanted to share too!

Thoughts on My Momiversary {The Day I Became A Mom to Four Children, one year later}

2013-04-24T07:00:00.001-04:00

There isn't a child's Birthday that coincides with the day I became a mother. Therefore, I get to celebrate it all on it's own!

Today is my "momiversary" in all it's glorious beauty. Today I celebrate the day these children made me a mother.

The day my life changed forever. The day I got the phone call about these kids and 90 minutes later laid eyes on their beautiful faces.

This past year has been one of the most difficult yet beautiful experiences, it has been filled with many highs and many lows, it was everything I thought and also everything I never knew motherhood would be.

It is quite odd to sit here and reflect on my first year of motherhood. I am living my dream every day, and given our difficult path to parenthood I try to live every day grateful for having been given the chance to love these children and call myself their mother.

Mother.

What is a mother?

The Dictionary defines this word as "a term of address for a female parent or a woman having or regarded as having the status, function, or authority of a female parent" or "to perform the tasks or duties of a female parent; act maternally" is another definition.

Tenneva Jordan talks about a mother in this way (source), "A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie."

Reflecting on my first year as a mother makes me pause and reflect on the question...

What truly makes one a mother?

On Monday night Little Man was coughing. I was worried he wasn't getting restful sleep, and Michael kept elbowing me to be sure I was hearing. I was waiting just a minute to see if Little Man would go back to sleep, but the cries continued. I, with eyes nearly shut and half asleep, slowly walked from my room to the boy's room and gently lifted him out of his crib.

I snuggled him tight and applied some BabyRub on his chest and back to help soothe his cough so he can be rested for the next day. Instead of ushering him back to his crib, I rocked him gently to sleep. Then I rocked him a little bit more, holding him close, breathing him in, and savoring the moment with this growing-too-quickly Little Man.

These were the acts of a mother.

The gentle care that I give to these children is done in great love for them, maternal love, love that flows directly from my heart and is demonstrated to them in all I do.

It doesn't matter to me that my "mother-ness" is currently defined with the word foster for now. I love them, each and every one. I am their mother, today, and every day for the last year, and many more I pray.

No amount of biological relation or legal papers will change the fact that I love and already consider myself a mother to the four children in my home today.

Let me be clear.

I am not a glorified baby sitter paid by the state. Yes, some foster parents view themselves that way. Yet, we have never viewed our ministry as foster parents that way. Our goal from the beginning was to expand our permanent family and love all the kids in our care with all that we have.

Isn't that what "real" parenthood is all about? No matter the time we are blessed with. Whether children are biological, adopted, or fostered, we are not guaranteed tomorrow. We are to cherish each day as a gift from the Giver of all life.

I am a mother. Today

So, how do I measure my first year of motherhood?

By the rapid process of tearing pages off of my calendar?

Birthdays come and gone?

Sure, of course, those all measure time for me. However, how I measure my first year of motherhood is a little different. It kind of reminds me of Rent. I measure it in love and memories...

Wide smiles, and deep belly laughs

Tucked in children at the end of each day

Books read aloud with faces covered in excitement

Big bear hugs and kisses on boo boos

Dishes washed and washed and washed again

Houses outgrown and kids getting taller

Tears over children declaring me as their "mother"

God knows exactly what He is doing. Always.

The fact that we are celebrating our one year anniversary since the kids came to live with us the same week of National Infertility Awareness Week is no coincidence.

It gives this further opportunity to share how God made this once barren home and heart full of joy and laughter and life through these four children making me a mother.

God knew what He was doing all along. This was all part of His glorious plan. Yes, His plan led me first through the trials of infertility and failed adoptions. Yet, now I celebrate the days when I get to call myself a mother to these four children.

I surely am blessed beyond measure. Overflowing.

Happy Momiversary to Me! And many more!

Q4U: What was your first year of motherhood like?

Today's the Big Day!

2013-04-05T07:00:00.000-04:00

Boxes are packed. U-Haul is rented. New house keys are in our hands. Moving-out-of house is sort of clean.

It's the day of our big move.

It's also Little Man's 1st Birthday! He is one year old!

I can hardly even think about him turning one without tears overwhelming my eyes. How blessed I am!

I never anticipated being a mother to a baby, yet even more unimaginable it has been to mother an infant. It has been a crazy nearly year since these children have joined our family and since I became a mom to this little man and my three other children.

They've made me a mom.

This time together has literally gone by in such a blur. Hours quickly turn to days to weeks to months and then it's a new year and Birthdays have come and gone.

Changes happen constantly and I find myself begging for more time, or at least time to slow down so I can catch my breathe and cuddle this Little Man to sleep for a little longer each night before bed. I know one day, likely very soon, he will be too big for me to cuddle and watch fall asleep in the comfort of my arms as I rock him back and forth.

I want to breathe him in, and I want to keep them all close by and love them with all I have in me every single day.

I want to take every opportunity with these amazing children and ingrain the memories into my brain and make them last forever.

I don't want it to go by so quickly that I forget the amazing blessing of the every day with these four gifts that I am blessed to call my kids.

As we open the doors to our new house, we walk through the threshold to the next season of our journey. I pray that this day marks the beginning of finalizing the children's place in our home, hearts, and family.

Nothing official happens today, in terms of adoption. However, I just see this day as the doorway to the rest of our life with these children. At least I pray...

one day very soon we will move forward towards adoption.

each child will find security and stability and acceptance in this family and our new home.

we take hold of every opportunity to create long lasting memories that are filled with great joy.

the Lord would use these children in big ways for His Kingdom.

our path would continue to be made clear to us by the Father.

Today we move forward. It is very exciting!!!

Snapshots of Life {march}

2013-03-29T07:00:00.000-04:00

I got a new camera earlier this year and I am trying to do better about documenting our life through photos. Each month I share pictures of our life, every day, unedited, mess included! This month we celebrate Little Lady's 2nd Birthday!

Again, the big kids are in school so I don't get to snap as many pictures of them...I cannot wait until summer!!!

10pm Confessions from My Day

2013-03-27T23:30:00.002-04:00

I didn't change out of my pajamas until 4:30.

I had a headache for over 8 hours.

Most of my day was spent soothing a fussy baby or in war with a testing-her-boundaries-and-independence toddler.

My house is still mostly unpacked even though we are moving in about a week and going on vacation some during that time as well.

I have dishes covering most of my kitchen counters.

There is some kind of weird smell coming from somewhere in my house.

I'm not sure the last time I was able to shower.

I wish I could say that days like this aren't normal, but in fact these are some of my most "normal" days as of late.

Life has been chaotic, whether it's because of the move or vacation or behavior problems or the constant state of limbo we live in or just the busyness of being a {foster} parent to four children.

Most days I feel like it's all so hard to manage. I keep thinking things will get better after the holidays or life will settle after we move.

Isn't it funny that the hardest person to extend grace to is yourself?

I can give my husband grace when he has to work a lot and then comes home, eats, and is exhausted and goes to bed early.

I can give my kids grace for behavior problems because they have been through so much in their lives and they still do not have any certainty that they will get to stay here forever.

Yet, when I am struggling to do all that I must accomplish each day, I withhold what I really need, which is grace to do what I can and not lose sleep over what remains unchecked.

I don't think that this is something I will learn and then never struggle with again.

I think this is just something I will have to work on each day as I strive to do my best for myself and my family.

I must remind myself daily that my plans are not always the Lord's plan for my day.

I must let go of daily failures to meet my own expectations I have for myself.

I must be more transparent with those close to me so that I don't continue to unintentionally back myself into a box of isolation, loneliness, and extreme overwhelming feelings.

I must commit my path to the Lord all day long through a constant stream of prayer and worship (with the help of prayer cue cards placed strategically around my house, which I need to do once we get moved, and my Sovereign Grace Pandora station).

I must change my standards for myself and my home to be more realistic now that I am a mother to four children.

I must do more things like visit the paint-your-own-pottery studio and reading at a coffee shop to refresh and take care of myself and also prevent burnout.

I must create the habit of identifying my own needs (such as showering, drinking water, and eating at meal times) throughout the day as well as finding the time to meet those needs.

I must get dressed in the morning so that my mind and body are ready for the day.

I hope that I can work on these things so that maybe days like today will be less normal and life will also be less chaotic.

Question for You: What do you do to prevent these kind of days? What are things that you must do?

My Weekly Goals {March 25th}

2013-03-25T22:06:00.003-04:00

You can read more about why I am sharing my weekly goals on my first weekly goals post here.

I am very much busy but yet looking forward to so much on the horizon! We just have so much going on as a family and it is all so exciting!!! Changes? Why, yes. Good changes? ABSOLUTELY!

This post will serve as my goals for the next two weeks. You see, in the next two weeks we will be going on a family vacation and moving to a new house. Yes, we will be doing both of those things in the next two weeks...crazy!

This blog will be much quieter than normal for the next two weeks. I am going to take the busyness and spring break as a sign to be doing what needs done and enjoying my family each moment I can!

Here's how I did on last week's goals:
1. Catch up completely on all foster parenting paperwork. (Did not get completely caught up, but made much progress!)
2. Pack in kitchen. (Did not do, but will be forced to do this week!)
3. Deep clean first floor at new house. (Got a lot done, really all done except the kitchen.)
~~4. Measure at new house for baby gates and curtain rods.~~
~~5. Pack wall decor at current house.~~

Here are my goals for the next two weeks:
1. Finish packing at current house.
2. Enjoy Spring Break and a nice vacation with the whole family!
3. Deep clean new house.
4. Move to the new house.
5. Unpack first floor at new house.

YOUR TURN: Is Spring Break soon for you? What do you have planned?

Fostering Love Quick Tip #1: Daily Individual Attention

2013-03-22T07:00:00.000-04:00

Read more about this series as well as find other Fostering Love Quick Tips here.

Even if it is only for five minutes, I aim to spend at least a little bit of time giving individual attention to each child every day. I plan lengthier time with each child regularly. However, daily I still aim for anything I can get to connect with them and cultivate and foster the love and attachment between us.

Of course, it will look different for each age.

Our Little Man loves for me to hold him close, cuddle him, tickle him, copy his facial expressions, etc... Those are all ways I can spend time with him each day and connect on his level.

Our Little Lady likes a more hands on, down on the floor playing time with me. She loves to have a tea party at her play table in her room, or sing a song like The Itsy Bitsy Spider, or jump on my lap while I read a book to her.

Our Young Lady is kind of the same. She wants me to read to her, or play a game, dress up and be funny, or be my assistant in the kitchen. She is still at a level where the main connection is through play.

Our Young Man wants to connect in a different way than the other kids. He loves to connect verbally. He loves to hear from me about my day and answer my inquiries about his day and how school went. He loves to talk with me, get hugs, hear I love you's, and have a conversation about how he things his soccer skills are improving. His need for attention is much deeper in terms of relational depth.

No matter if it is on the floor playing peek-a-boo, reading a book cuddled on the couch, or talking about song lyrics and favorite hymns, if I can find daily time to give my individual attention and connect with each child, I see a great increase in feelings of fulfillment and belonging in our home.

YOUR TURN: How do you spend time with your children each day? What level are your kids at in terms of relational depth? What are your favorite things to do with them?

Fostering Love Quick Tips

2013-03-21T07:00:00.000-04:00

I've been thinking lately of how the small things in daily living add up over time to make a big impact.

Minutes add up to hours which add up to days to weeks to months to years to decades to a lifetime.

Time goes by in a blink of the eye, even though some days drag on and on and on.

In the arena of parenting, I have found that the things that impact our kids the most are generally the small quick things that we do everyday. The things we do without even realizing it sometimes.

These small habits and tasks have a huge impact and require very little time investment for such a great return. In the beginning, the habits may take intentionality to add to your routine. However, I have seen the amazing change that a few small quick habits can have in daily life with your family.

I thought I may share some of these quick tips to fostering love in your home with your kids or husband. They aren't always going to be a "one size fits all" kind of tip, but I hope that these small lessons I am learning will help you be a happier, more connected mother and wife.

Come back tomorrow for the first Quick Tip!

For the days that push on you and pull you down and never seem to end

2013-03-19T22:56:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

You know the kind?!? Right?

The laundry is still on the couch calling out to be folded and put in it's place.

The dishes are piled high across the counter.

The baby is grumpy.

The toddler tantrums are abundant.

Big kids come home from school with sad faces and it seems never ending.

It is becoming just a little too much.

Please tell me that I am not the only one that has days like this?

I come empty today.

tired.

worn out.

heavy burdened.

not knowing what to do.

completely out of control.

Maybe I'm just not cut out for this...that's the whisper of my heart. I'm just so tired.

How do I keep going on when the list stares at me mocking me and the trials and daily difficulties just keep coming?

How do I figure out how to help my child struggling in school when parents and teachers have no clue what is going on under the surface?

How do I figure this all out?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am being reminded all the more of the importance of searching out and chasing joy. Looking for it everywhere, even in the midst of the horrible days that pull me down.

I need to start looking for gifts again. Being intentional about where my head is. Not allowing myself to focus on everything that is going wrong, but instead choose to point my attention to the things going right.

I must choose joy.

I must actively pursue it.

Today is a new day, and I am looking for the joy, for the gifts.

My Weekly Goals {March 18th}

2013-03-18T07:00:00.000-04:00

You can read more about why I am sharing my weekly goals on my first weekly goals post here.

I did not get as much done this week as I had hoped. We had some unexpected distractions that took much of our time and energy.

This week I must get serious about the move! I think that our carpet should be finished by mid-week and that will be a great motivator! Once the house is completely ready for us then I can start moving stuff over and cleaning.

Then it will be more exciting and energizing!

Here's how I did on last week's goals:
1. Declutter living room, boy's bedroom, and girl's bedroom in preparation to pack. (Did not get any of these rooms done.)
2. Take at least 5 garbage bags of stuff to donate to The Attic. (I've got three bags from this past week and more will be created as we start to pack more frequently.)
~~3. Start packing hardly used items from kitchen and living room.~~ (Making progress!)
~~4. Continue to pack book shelves in the living room.~~ (Making progress!)
~~5. Talk to Michael about the new God-Sized Dream that is creeping into my heart.~~ (Done. And waiting on it.)

Here are this week's goals:
1. Catch up completely on all foster parenting paperwork.
2. Pack in kitchen.
3. Deep clean first floor at new house.
4. Measure at new house for baby gates and curtain rods.
5. Pack wall decor at current house.

YOUR TURN: How do you fight against procrastination as well as distractions that present themselves as urgent when in reality they are not?

My New Life {thoughts from my young man}

2013-03-15T07:00:00.000-04:00

{One day when Young Man noticed me typing away during rest time he inquired as to what I was doing. I explained to him how I write and have a blog. He asked me if he could write something for me to share . Below is his unedited blog post about his new life.}

I once was with parents but now I am with Ashley and Michael. They are the best mom and dad.

My life is different.

My other parents weren't safe, but now I am safe. And at my old house I did not get fed, but here I do.

And at my other house I did not know God, but now I know who God is. He is the wisest King I ever knew. And now I know that He is my Father.

My new life is good.

Family is...

2013-03-14T07:00:00.001-04:00

Recently I finally found the time to watch this video I had put in my Pocket. Let me tell ya...I sobbed. How beautiful. I was so inspired by this video, I cannot even begin to tell you. Don't tell my husband...but it made me want more than just one more...

It will be your favorite 6 1/2 minutes of today!

Watch it for yourself:

Family is...

life.

love.

always there.

the anchor that holds you steady.

God's design.

heart warming.

a bowl of soup on a chilly day.

a ray of sunshine.

where ever we are together.

YOUR TURN: What is family to you?

I was made for more

2013-03-12T08:30:00.000-04:00

I think about my Monthly Missions.

I want more.

I want more than surviving.

I was made for more than worrying.

I want to thrive.

I want to love.

I want to laugh.

I want to smile.

I want to be happy.

I need to worry less about doing things and more about just being.

Being in my home.

Being with my husband.

Being with my kids.

Being in real life, not tucked behind a computer.

I need to let go of things that are holding me back from living.

I want to live.

I don't just want to dream, although that is fun and good.

But I also want to live this dream, today.

Your turn: What do you want more of?

My Weekly Goals {March 11th}

2013-03-11T07:00:00.000-04:00

You can read more about why I am sharing my weekly goals on my first weekly goals post here.

I think this week was overall productive. I am learning to let go more of goals that just don't fit in how I expected them too. That is helping! Now I feel a little less weight on my shoulders to ~~obey my self-created laws~~ reach my goals.

Hoping the coming weeks are just as productive in this busy season of life!

p.s. My goals may start to revolve around preparing to move. Be warned! It is consuming my life!

Here's how I did on last week's goals:
1. Complete The 12 Hour Challenge at least three times (full disclosure: I still listen to Pandora throughout the day and Audible while I fold laundry.). (Did not do this again...wondering if this may be too difficult in the preparation stage of moving when I am trying to arrange lots of different things!)
2. Light a candle throughout the week to help embrace good smells (part of my Monthly Mission for March). (Didn't do this, and again I'm not sure in the midst of packing/preparing to move that I am really going to be able to achieve this goal consistently enough to make it a habit...)
~~3. Finish preparations and host Little Lady's 2nd Birthday Party.~~ (It went great! You can see some pictures here, if you need to add me as a friend to see them, I'd love to connect with you on facebook.)
~~4. Make a list of moving related things to do to work on in the coming weeks.~~ (I started this yesterday and will continue to add to it!)
~~5. Send audio message to my friends living overseas~~

Here are this week's goals:
1. Declutter living room, boy's bedroom, and girl's bedroom in preparation to pack.
2. Take at least 5 garbage bags of stuff to donate to The Attic.
3. Start packing hardly used items from kitchen and living room.
4. Continue to pack book shelves in the living room.
5. Talk to Michael about the new God-Sized Dream that is creeping into my heart.

YOUR TURN: What is one thing you MUST do this week?

My Favorite Way to Encourage Missionaries Living Overseas

2013-03-06T07:00:00.000-05:00

I have shared a few times in my weekly goals posts about how I like to send audio messages to one of my best friends who is a missionary in Africa.

I've since received a few inquires about how I do it. It sparked my interest to share how I do this more publicly because I know that many of our missionaries need encouragement desperately.

My friend is a world away living in a remote village in sub-saharan Africa. She infrequently has access to the internet, therefore for the most part she feels pretty disconnected from her family and friends and really the world outside of her small village.

The one time I've been able to Skype with her she told me how much she appreciated checking her e-mail and getting messages from me, hearing my voice, and getting a peak into our life.

How many missionaries wish they had that kind of connection?

I would venture to say, many!

Do you know any missionaries living overseas?

Do you have an iPhone, iPod, or iPad?

Let me tell you how easy it is to encourage our Brothers and Sisters serving around the world!

I use a free app on our iPad called Voice Record Pro.

I've tried several voice recording apps (because this is also how my sister and I record our weekly podcasts), so I can tell you that this app is, in my opinion, the easiest to operate as well as offers the best quality recordings!

Here's how simple it is to record and send a message to a missionary you know:

1. Open the app on your device.

2. Tap the red "RECORD" button once, then change your recording quality settings if wanted (the default medium works great though!) and tap the red "RECORD" button a second time.

3. Say hello! Talk about how life is going. Share about how you pray for them. Talk to them as if they were sitting across from you or on the phone. Pray for them over the recording. Read them a verse in the Bible. Let your kids say hello. This is where you can get creative!

4. Hit the blue "STOP" button when you are done (Or use the blue "PAUSE" button if needed, I've had to do this before when a baby woke up, then you simply tap the red "RESUME" button when you are ready to continue recording).

5. Tap the "Send By E-Mail" line and then tap the brown "Send" button on the right when it appears. Once the e-mail message field pops up type in your missionary's e-mail address in to the "to" field and type an additional message if you want.

6. Hit the "Send" button.

There you have it! In 6 easy steps you can record and send an audio message to a missionary overseas!

I don't think we will ever truly know how deep this encourages our missionaries living all around our globe.

Now you too can start sending simple audio messages to the missionaries that you know serving around the world for the sake of the gospel!

Do you think that we can create a movement of Christians on this side of the globe who are actively, creatively, encouraging those serving in levels of isolation and loneliness all around the world for the glory of Jesus? I sure think we can try!

p.s. If you don't know any missionaries to encourage, I urge you to ask your Pastors or Elders for the names and e-mails of any missionaries that your church has sent that you can start actively encouraging.

Dreams Do Come True! {a letter to each and every one of you}

2013-03-05T07:00:00.000-05:00

A Letter to the {God-Sized} Dreamer in You:

Two nights ago before I went to bed I went through the normal “mom” list.

Okay, I’ve got lunch packed. I’ve done some dishes. The kids all have clothes for tomorrow. The cats have been fed. The calendar looks good. Anything else to do…

I woke up yesterday this morning (a little too early in my opinion) to my11 month old son (TODAY!). We play together for a good hour before my other children start moving around. I make a quick breakfast and sent my big kids off to school and my husband to work.

Little Man goes down for a nap and I spend some time on the floor with Little Lady before I sit down and finish this week’s menu plan and grocery list. Once Little Man wakes up from his morning nap we head out the door to do our weekly shopping trip.

The babies behave wonderfully {this rarely happens!} and after almost two hours we head home for a quick lunch. I change diapers and lay the babies in their bed. Little Man cries “momma” as I turn on his sound machine and head towards his door. I give him one last peek and say “I love you” as I shut his door.

Yesterday was a normal Monday.

Normally, I would start some kind resemblance of my nap time routine after I shut the last bedroom for naps. Instead however, I pause and listen to Little Man calm himself down and mutter “momma” a couple more times.

Then I remember...He’s talking about me. I’m his momma. It was as if I just realized it all again.

As I listen to him start to calm down, I let myself remember it all.

My life has not always been this full.

I have not always been blessed with these four children.

My life used to be pretty empty and barren.

I used to cry out to God for children.

My heart ached for the kids I knew were alive and living somewhere other than within my arm’s reach.

Now I have four amazing children who call me "momma" without a second thought.

Today I am so blessed.

I have the honor of caring for these four children.

I have the privilege of cooking for my family.

I have the pleasure of tucking in four children at night.

No matter the dream that God has planted in your heart, take hope!

Dreams do come true.

I know, because every day I am living my dream.

Read more letters to dreamers like you over at Holley Gerth's blog!

Join me this week as I am celebrating with Holley over the release of her newest book, You're Made for God-Sized Dreams. It is perfect for more encouragement for the dreamer in each and every one of you!

My Weekly Goals {March 4}

2013-03-04T22:18:00.000-05:00

You can read more about why I am sharing my weekly goals on my first weekly goals post here.

It felt like I hadn't done very well on my goals this past week. However, as I was writing this post I guess I did pretty good! I have been struggling to get into my routines for over a month. Well, some things have arisen (Mostly the fact that we are going to move in exactly one month!) and I am feeling like I just need to let go of the idea of perfecting my routines right now. I am going to give myself grace and let go of that goal!

The rest of the goal were pretty good! Maybe this momentum will help me continue on and accomplish most of my goals this coming week!

Here's how I did on last week's goals:
1. Complete my evening routine at least 4 times (This goal just needs to take a break. I will establish new routines once we get moved and get back in a rhythm. Until then, I am not going to stress about it!)
2. Complete The 12 Hour Challenge at least three times (full disclosure: I still listen to Pandora throughout the day and Audible while I fold laundry.). (I am going to get serious about this goal this month. I've got a lot of work to do to get us ready to move in a month. Plus in this month we have a Birthday party, preparations for another Birthday party, and a five day trip out of state. I need to be doing more to get ready for these things.)
~~3. Enjoy spending extra time with my big kids who are home from school the rest of the week.~~ (Our week was difficult, but I strived to spend time with the kids and I believe I did just that!)
~~4. Start my first Monthly Mission.~~ (I am loving my mission already! I've started doing the warm greetings and farewells consistently and I am loving the intentional time of connecting and focused attention on the individual coming/leaving. Plus this is part of my Monthly Mission for March)
~~5. Send audio message to my friends living overseas~~
~~{extra goal} Prepare for March and our family's sugar-free experiment! We are hoping this evens out one of our kid's behavior problems. Plus, it is a healthy step in the right direction for us all!~~ (I am very happy with our experiment. As a whole we are trying to eliminate most sugar. But for one family member in particular we are trying to completely eliminate sugar intake (or at least as much as I possibly can). We have already noticed a difference from the experiment on day 4 and we are happy to continue!)

Here are this week's goals:
1. Complete The 12 Hour Challenge at least three times (full disclosure: I still listen to Pandora throughout the day and Audible while I fold laundry.).
2. Light a candle throughout the week to help embrace good smells (part of my Monthly Mission for March).
3. Finish preparations and host Little Lady's 2nd Birthday Party.
4. Make a list of moving related things to do to work on in the coming weeks.
5. Send audio message to my friends living overseas (I will be sharing more about this later this week! Some of you have asked how exactly I do this...)

YOUR TURN: What do you need to get done this week?

Mission #1: Strive to Make My Home a Happy One

2013-03-01T07:00:00.000-05:00

A happy home does not just happen. You have to actively pursue and cultivate happiness on a daily basis.

I am going to attempt to strive hard towards this goal during March.

I am going to strive to make my home a happy one.

Why is this so important? Why am I going to tackle this HUGE task first?

Let me ask you some questions...

How many truly happy homes do you know of?

How does entering that home feel?

Do you want to be there?

Do you want to find ways to be there more often?

Is it a place you feel welcomed?

Is it place that invites you in with open arms?

It is place that makes you smile, just thinking of it?

A happy home is a compelling home.

In short, Danna Stinson says it best,

I have long thought that the home is one of the most powerful tools for evangelism that we have. Especially in a world where marriages and families are falling apart every where you look, and homes are places where people do not want to be.

As Christians, when we work hard at keeping our marriage and family together and full of joy, and keeping our homes places that bring rest, comfort, peace, and happiness we are doing something opposite of what our culture is doing.

Then, our children want to be home, our husbands want to be home, we are fulfilled in our calling to work through our homes.

When people come into our home, they will notice a difference, it will be compelling!

All of this stems from cultivate a happy home.

I, personally, have some specific things I think of when pondering the idea of a happy home.

I'm sure you have your own thoughts as well. Each home is different, the people are different, the idea of happiness is different.

No matter what your ideals are, the next question for everyone is...

what can we do to cultivate our idea of a happy home?

How can we take our high and lofty ideals of a happy home and apply it to the every day?

For me personally, I have come up with five goals to help me strive towards my mission this month:

Complete The 12 Hour Challenge at lest 3 times per week. C'mon...what happy home is going to be cultivated if the mom and wife and homemaker is throughout the day hiding behind a screen?
Spend individual time with each person (children and husband) each week. This is an obvious way for everyone to feel connected, love, and fulfilled in our home and family.
No matter what mood I am in, give warm greetings and farewells to all. I've been wanting to start this ever since I read about it in "Happier at Home."
Hug each family member at least once a day. Physical touch is so important in demonstrating love and feeling connected.
Embrace good smells. Who ever was happy when they were smelling cat litter, poopy diapers, or last night's leftovers on dirty dishes in the sink? I need to embrace good smells pronto!

So, there's my goals to help me strive to make my home a happy one.

YOUR TURN: Do you have anything you would add? What goals would you set for yourself to cultivate happiness in your home?

Monthly Missions

2013-02-28T07:00:00.001-05:00

It seemed like a waste. Honestly, my to do list loving self fought against the idea of starting my "new year's resolutions" in a month other than January. However, I have never had much success with resolutions and I wanted some serious change in my life.

I needed to be intentional, I have four kids now! I need to be intentional everyday to think "big picture," otherwise the mundane every day will suck me in and months will pass without me ever knowing.

So, I took the entire month of January to prepare to plan the year ahead, praying, and seriously contemplating what I want this year to look like, in a big picture kind of way. Then I took the month of February to look at what I wanted to accomplish in small steps to help my "big picture" vision come true.

What presented itself was several goals that I wanted to work on, more like ideals, or dreams for the everyday life. Ways to not get sucked in by the mundane and chaos. Ways to live above survival mode.

Now I introduce to you my Monthly Missions.

I've decided to take each of the remaining months in this year and focus on one of the goals I came up with. Each month I will share a mission that I want to work on to help my "big picture" ideas for the year.

This was my main inspiration for the idea. I was reading Secrets of Happy Home Life and came upon this quiet gem (pg. 13):

"We should not grow discouraged, even if our homes are not yet what we crave. There are some who feel that the battle is hopeless; that they can never grow into beautiful life and character in their present circumstances. That is a mistake. It is possible to grow into all the beauty of peace wherever we may be placed. A lily finds its home in a black bog, but blooms into perfect loveliness."

I want to find the perfect loveliness today. Each day. This year.

Therefore, I am on a mission. Each month. Striving to be intentional so that my life and home may bloom into perfect loveliness.

Come back tomorrow to learn what my first mission will be for March!

Snapshots of Life {february}

2013-02-27T07:00:00.000-05:00

I got a new camera and I am LOVING IT! I have been wanting to take pictures more regularly of the kids, but I always got discouraged by the quality from our simple, on sale, point and shoot. It has served it's purpose well over the years. However, now with the kids, I feel the great urgency to photograph our lives regularly and with a quality camera.

I keep it out on my bookshelf, ready to capture moments throughout our day when I feel the push. Plus, just seeing it on my shelf reminds me of my goal to take more pictures! It is working!

Each month I will share a portion of my photos from our life. Our everyday.

I hope you enjoy them! They are unedited, mess included! These ones have more of the babies because they are home more while the big kids are in school.

Question for You: What tips do you have to take photos regularly? In the midst of everyday life?

My Weekly Goals {February 25th}

2013-02-25T22:07:00.001-05:00

You can read more about why I am sharing my weekly goals on my first weekly goals post here.

It's been two weeks since I shared my goals and I am coming late to it today. However, at least I am doing it! Making goals is so beneficial for me and gives me focus and direction in my days and weeks. I must persevere!

I haven't been doing great this year on my goals. I feel like I am starting to struggle with keeping up with everything that is going on...meaning there is always something having just happened (like I was sick for 8 days) or currently happening (like a teething Little Man who isn't sleeping good) or getting ready to happen (Lord, help me!).

I do not want to live in survival mode, which I exactly how I feel I have been living. I must figure out how to make everything work and thrive more, in spite of chaos and interruptions and unexpected energy stealing situations.

I am hoping and praying that this week proves to be more productive and I can start March strong.

p.s. Where did January and February go?!?

Here's how I did on last week's goals:
1. Complete my evening routine at least 4 times. (It's been two weeks but even in that time I have failed miserably, like not even accomplished this once. In two weeks. However, I'm giving myself grace since I was sick for 8 of the days and then trying to play catch up. But, for real, why can't I get back into this habit?)
2. Complete The 12 Hour Challenge at least two times (full disclosure: I still listen to Pandora throughout the day and Audible while I fold laundry.). (Again, failed!)
3. Listen to at least two hours of Sacred Parenting. (I only listened to one chapter, about a half an hour. Must get back to this when the kids go back to school next week! It is SO GOOD!)
~~4. Send out Birthday party invites for Little Lady's party.~~ (Thankfully I got this done since her party is in the next two weeks!)
~~5. Send audio message to my friends living overseas.~~ (I have sent one in the last two weeks, but I would like to start sending one a week!)

Here are this week's goals:
1. Complete my evening routine at least 4 times (I must stop putting this off and just buckle down!)
2. Complete The 12 Hour Challenge at least three times (full disclosure: I still listen to Pandora throughout the day and Audible while I fold laundry.).
3. Enjoy spending extra time with my big kids who are home from school the rest of the week.
4. Start my first Monthly Mission (I will be sharing more about this on Thursday!).
5. Send audio message to my friends living overseas (I have gotten out of the habit of doing this regularly, however I know it means a lot to them, and I miss them dearly. So, I want to get back into the habit).
{extra goal} Prepare for March and our family's sugar-free experiment! We are hoping this evens out one of our kid's behavior problems. Plus, it is a healthy step in the right direction for us all!

YOUR TURN: What is something you have been putting off and need to just "eat that frog" this week?

Fear Must Decrease

2013-02-15T07:00:00.000-05:00

I realize I write about fear often. This life {foster parenting and hoping to adopt} has the potential to create much fear for the future. And, I am a planner. I love to make goals, write lists, dream. Can you see why I MUST fight fear daily?

So, this week's God-Sized Dream post asked us what must decrease in our life so that our God-Sized Dreams can increase.

It is very simple, that is to write down, that my fears must decrease daily so that I can push forward to write our story (my God-Sized Dream) even though I am afraid.

I think that the only way I can do this is to just push past the fear and start writing regularly. I have yet to set up this habit (although I would definitely like to!). I think I haven't set up this habit partly because I am a planner and I haven't quite figured out the flow of the book and such. I have a hard time moving forward when I don't know where I am going.

However, I think it is going to be best just to start doing it.

Walk by faith.

One step at a time.

One word at a time.

Public, Private, Homeschooling...So Many Options!

2013-02-14T09:50:00.001-05:00

This week's Louder than the Laughter podcast is about schooling. We are trying to figure out what we want to do next year for our big kids and I talk it out with Andrea.

Listen to the conversation here:

Subscribers- you need to click through to listen.