I know many people find it hard to get excited about other peoples’ children, no matter how cute and angelic. If you’re one of those people then you probably haven’t even got this far into the article which is a shame because it’s not really about babies and kids and stuff.

On one hand it seems like I’m in a baby limbo where everything is ready and we’re just filling time waiting. We’re ready, the apartment is ready, family is ready, birth support is ready. Even the dogs are ready.

Just no baby yet!

On the other hand, and apologies for the well worn cliché, everything happens for a reason – even if we don’t know what it is.

One thing it has allowed me is a little space to reflect.

1.   Nature Is Perfectly Designed Just As It Is

If a group of people had sat down and said, ‘Hey! Let’s create a way to make babies,‘ I doubt they could have come up with anything even close to the perfect way nature designed it.

The female body is beautifully constructed to grow, give birth to and then nurture a child. Everything is taken care of – even the feeding arrangements.

Isn’t this perfect design true of everything in nature?

We have great power to change the face of the earth and do so in the interests of making things better. We dig huge holes in mountains, mold the landscape, reclaim land, change the course of rivers, cut down forests and add to the gases in the air.

Does anything we do to the planet improve on nature?

2.   Life Is Full Of Hazard

Child birth is a major physical, emotional and spiritual experience in which new life is brought into the world. Pregnancy is not an illness and birth is a perfectly natural event.

It happens all the time.

Yet every visit to the doctor, every time we open a book on the subject, we’re bombarded with lists of all the things that could go wrong. Most people we talk to are amazed Mona wants a natural birth without any chemical pain relief.

Faced with all these birth horror stories and the fear of pain, it’s no wonder so many women elect for a planned C-section – the standard way to give birth in Romania. Can anyone really tell me that in a perfectly healthy woman who has had a problem free pregnancy that it’s better to cut open her belly and pull the baby out?

Of course things can go wrong – but that doesn’t mean I should expect them to!

Bad things can happen walking down the street but I’d never go out if I took precautions for every single thing that could befall me. It’s good to be on the look out for danger and have an idea what to do – but not to assume that the sky is going to fall on my head when I step out the door.

Have we become so fear driven we’ve numbed ourselves to the experience of living?

3.   We Could Move Things On

Mona, especially, is getting very impatient as she gets more and more uncomfortable and wanting her body back. As time goes on, the impatience and discomfort starts to outweigh any fear she might have of giving birth (though it’s my third, it’s her  first). Inside, our baby is snug and warm and as she gets bigger the ’snug’ gets to a point where she’s squeezed as she runs out of room.

Allowing nature to run its course brings both mother and child to a point – a ‘tipping point’ – where it’s time for the birth.

It’s tempting to allow the impatience to rule and forget that everything happens at exactly the right time. We could take control and move things on. We could use chemicals. We could use surgery.

Many people do.

But do we really understand the consequences when we interfere with that perfect design of nature? Do we really know the long term effects on our baby? On the mother? And without wanting to sound overly dramatic … on the entire future of the human race?

In our desire for control, do we create long term problems by interfering?

4.   Everyone wants to be involved

Everyone has an opinion on everything – from what Mona should be eating and doing, how we should give birth and even what name we should give our daughter. I suspect this is just the start and all these well meaning people will have plenty of advice for us for the next 20 years or so. I’m not talking about family and close friends – people close enough to us to know when their support is welcome and when not. I mean people who hardly know us or, in some cases, complete strangers.

It’s got to the point where we no longer answer the phone!

I take it as a sign of care and consideration but I’d love it if they could find different ways to express that.

I guess it’s no surprise when the papers are full of ‘news’ about the private lives of the rich and famous and our TV’s are a constant source of ‘reality’ shows (though not like any reality I’ve ever experienced).

Have we lost our capacity to judge when we’re welcome or not?

5.   The State Doesn’t Trust Us

We are responsible people.

Both Mona and I are well and widely educated, we don’t take parenting lightly and are quite capable to make our decisions.

We’ve researched, spoken to many people and, though this is Mona’s first, it is my third birth. Everything has gone smoothly during pregnancy. We’ve checked with doctors and midwives and there are absolutely no signs of anything other than a perfectly normal birth.

We both believe, for many reasons, that a natural home birth is the best way to bring our daughter into the world. Recognising that things are unpredictible we’d like this to be supported by a trained midwife and a hospital ready to provide back-up if needed.

The state thinks we are stupid and irresponsible. Not just us .. but everyone.

They believe that hospital birth is best and have effectively made home birth illegal. If we do what we believe is best for Mona and for our baby then we risk not getting treated if things go wrong, prosecution and (I’m guessing here) being blacklisted by the social services.

People who don’t know us are making decisions about our lives.

In what areas do we allow others to make fundamental decisions about our lives?

Post from: Quantum Learning

5 Questions While Waiting For A Baby

He was sure the journey would be an exciting one and didn’t want to miss the many wondrous sights, delightful people and delicious experiences. He also didn’t want to get lost and wanted to avoid the many perils, dead ends and dangerous, desolate areas.

After a few tentative steps he realised this particular trip demanded careful consideration, and decided to seek advice.

He guessed he was not the first to take this journey and was sure he could find plenty of people to advise him about the best route, provide maps and describe what would greet him at the journey’s end.

The Books Of Spiritual Wisdom

The first person he met held an ancient book, written many years ago. It contained the words and deeds of wise men and experts on this journey. Whilst it was not a map, it was full of advice and suggestions on how to proceed and how to treat the people he would meet. The book holder, though he had not taken the trip himself, was very passionate and convinced the book contained the Truth and The Only Way to reach the destination.

He went to a second person who waved an old book in his face. The young man thought it looked the same as the previous book but was assured it was very different and only this one contained the Truth. The book waver was reluctant to open the pages but more than willing to quote selected pieces. Again there was no map and plenty of sound advice – though it did seem similar to the first book. The young man was left with a warning that any other claims to The Only Way were evil and dangerous and should be avoided.

Feeling a little confused, the young man continued on his way to search for more advice.

He was approached by someone who also had a book, though the young man had to take it on trust because the book was hidden. It was somewhat newer than the others and apparently revealed The Only Way to the destination and, because the Truth in this book was sacred and special, it was kept secret. For a modest payment the wisdom in the writings could be revealed.

The young man felt even more confused and decided to carry on his way.

The Books of Material Wisdom

Most people he met refused to talk about the journey at all.

He sensed they would have liked to, but for some reason were very scared of travelling, or maybe it was the mysterious destination that scared them. The Only Way to engage them in conversation was to talk about safe topics and not mention the journey at all. The weather, state of the world, the Truth in their magazines and TV schedules were all topics they got excited about. The young man couldn’t shake the idea that these people were quite content but curiousity and adventure was missing for them. He was disappointed they were unable to help him on his quest.

The next person who was willing to talk to him about serious matters showed him the Financial Times and Wall Street Journal and confided that here was The Only Way. At first glance they appeared to contain nothing more than numbers but the young man was assured they carried great meaning to those who could decipher them. The man confided in him the Truth was that the destination is an illusion, a myth concocted by the believers in the Books Of Spiritual Wisdom. Several of his colleagues had set off and never returned. Surely if this place existed he would have heard something from them. His advice was to forget the trip, study the numbers and enjoy great wealth.

The young man left the man to his columns of numbers and went on his way.

The Books Of Scientific Wisdom

The final person he met had a map and a comphrehensive, though incomplete, guide to the journey. He was presented with complex diagrams, formulae, theories and piles of paper all titled ‘Evidence’. The young man stayed a long time here and asked many questions and received many answers, though some remained unanswered. The young man was assured that with more evidence the Truth of all things would be discovered. The Only Way was simply a matter of time and finding the right hypotheses to explain the evidence. This man was highly sceptical that the destination existed as none of his papers or measurements contained any proof. He asked the young man to return with this proof upon completing his quest – but only something tangible and measurable would do. The young man left on his way much impressed by the logic but sad that there appeared little purpose or meaning in what he had heard.

The Truth and The Only Way

The young man continued on his way, pondering the words he had received from everyone he had met. In each meeting he had found some advice and suggestions that seemed to him very wise and helpful and he wondered why they could not find common ground in their search for the Truth. Was The Only Way really to disagree and fight?

Though each claimed they knew the Truth and The Only Way, it was clear to the young man that none of them had all the answers.

It was also clear to him The Only Way to the Truth was to continue on His Way and discover for himself.

Post from: Quantum Learning

The Truth And The Only Way

That’s quite something coming from a person who has a very limited track record of sticking to anything for long. It’s also from someone who was an avid and enthusiastic carnivore until this time last year.

I wrote an article last year about some of the benefits I’d noticed (‘6 Reasons Eating Vegetarian Food Is Best‘) and I thought it about time to update that and add in some new insights now the novelty has worn off.

1. Less Sleep

This was something I noticed almost immediately and it surprised me – cutting out meat seems to have reduced the amount of sleep I need. Initially this was 90 minutes a night but it seems to have stabilised to around an hour. Even so, this is a huge benefit for me and means I can either enjoy a slow winding up for the day or simply get more done.

When I wrote about this before some people reacted that it was probably something else I did that caused it. Obviously I can’t scientifically prove that cutting meat means less sleep and I know we all work differently on a physical level. Intuitively, I’m sure it was the cause and that’s good enough for me.

2.  Feeling Healthier

Gone are the days of an unpleasant heavy sensation in my stomach after a big meat meal. I remember it felt as though I’d swallowed a big ball of flesh that my stomach was having a hard time to digest. I find it hard to over-eat on a staple of veggies, rice, dairy and pulses. I guess it’s that they’re bulkier and fill the stomach faster.

I just feel better in my body most of the time.

I’ve stopped during the winter months, but over the summer I felt like exercising daily – something I’ve not done for many years. I’m pretty sure my running shoes will see the daylight again once the temperature rises and I can safely jog without risking a heart attack from the biting cold.

Actually I don’t think this is anything to do with a vegetarian diet being physically any healthier. It’s more that my mental health is improved – as if the act of stopping meat was cleansing in itself.

3.  Saving Money

Meat is definitely more expensive – both at home and eating out – and I’ve saved some money on grocery bills. I’ve also substituted some of those savings to buy organic and ecological where possible. I find it sad and frustrating that non-mass-produced food is so much more expensive than factory-made but that’s one of the wonderful results of capitalism and the market economy!

Ideally, I’d love to grow and eat some of my own food but that will have to wait until I move out of the city and into the countryside and have some land to use. For now, all food is bought and with another mouth to feed any day now, the small savings of a vegetarian diet are very welcome.

4.  Speed versus Choice

Cutting out a whole food group clearly has consequences on the amount of choice when deciding what to eat. I eat out less than I used to and the smaller number of options on most menus is one of the reasons. I’m not complaining but just noticing it. On one hand it’s a logical consequence of not eating meat and, by definition, there’s always going to be less choice for me in any non-vegetarian restaurant.

Eastern Europe (and not only) does not cater well to those who don’t eat flesh. Restaurants catering for vegetarians are extremely rare and on a typical restaurant menu I estimate around 95% of non-sweet dishes contain meat. That saves me a lot of time when choosing from a menu but makes it far less enjoyable to eat out.

5.  More Highly Evolved

This one is hard for me and a constant struggle.

I noticed it right away, I fight it, I’m not proud of it … but I have caught myself looking down on meat eaters as less evolved human beings. It comes out as smugness, snide and unpleasant comments to family and friends as well as holding my head a little higher as I come out of the organic shop with my latest healthy purchase.

That sounds absolutely terrible, doesn’t it?

And it is.

I hope this is a passing ‘obnoxious’ phase as I fully develop into, and own, being a non-meat eater. Most of my family and friends eat meat. In fact, the majority of the human race eats meat and I really do respect whatever dietary choices people choose. At the same time I can’t shake this idea that myself I’m now more developed than I was as a meat eater.

I just wish I didn’t take it further and make the leap that I’m superior to others. That’s just arrogant and wrong!

6.  I am NOT ‘A Vegetarian’

When people notice that I don’t have any meat on my plate I’m quite often asked, ‘Are you a vegetarian?’ as though it’s some strange and mysterious breed of creature.

Often I just answer ‘yes’ because I’m too lazy to explain but I really don’t like being labelled for anything – relating to what I eat is no exception. There’s no label for ‘meat eater’ (well, except for ‘meat eater’) so why have one for people who don’t eat meat? Lumping large numbers of people together in a single unified category is dangerous and doesn’t get us anywhere.

I once worked in a very posh training centre close to Brussels. They had a professional chef who was very good and took great pride in his cooking. He also had a belief that ‘vegetarians’ are crazy, stupid and a sure sign of the decay of the modern world. He reluctantly catered for them, but I was always a little nervous that he might poison them. I’ve no doubt that some ‘vegetarians’ are crazy and stupid, but then some meat eaters are not well balanced either.

7.  Separate Meals

While I may hold this belief that giving up meat was a positive step in my personal development, I’m not so arrogant to impose that on anyone else. I regard it as a personal choice and I continue to serve meat for other people (mainly my kids and Mona).

I also don’t expect anyone to prepare something special for me when we socialise. I’m quite ok to eat what everyone else is eating – just skipping the meat dishes. I’m fortunate that all my family are very supportive and go out of their way to prepare special veggie meals when I visit, and I’m really grateful for and touched by that.

Mona gave up meat at the same time I did, but her pregnancy kind of sabotaged that. I’m not saying that vegetarianism and pregnancy don’t go together – but she did succumb to a craving for fish and a little meat. We both believe that our bodies give us clear signs about what we’re missing, and she took the cravings as just that. I also spend a lot of time as single father to my 6 year old and I prepare meat for her.

I guess if my vegetarianism was morally driven then I’d not do that, but it’s not, so I do.

The downside, of course, is extra complexity, waste and more energy consumption in preparing meals. I sometimes wonder if it’s just pure self indulgence on my side but then I look at the bigger picture of my life and I stay with it.

8.  Do I Miss Anything?

I’ve not had any desire to eat meat from mammals.

I did pass a grill in the summer and enjoyed the smell of cooking meat – but not enough to actually eat it. I feel very comfortable with the thought that I’ll never eat cow, pig, sheep or chicken again before I die.

I do miss fish and seafood, though, and in particular sushi.

Not sure how that will play out this year and I’m just going to see where that takes me. I know from past experience that the more I fight something, the greater power I give it. Fortunately Mona doesn’t like seafood at all, so we never buy it.

It could just be a passing phase – or I may start eating a little fish now and then.

Overall this year has been a very positive experience and if anyone is thinking about stopping meat I highly recommend you give it a try.

Post from: Quantum Learning

Vegetarian Living – One Year On

Scorpion wants to cross the river so approaches Crocodile to ask for a lift to the other side.

“Scorpion!“, replies Crocodile. “Do you think I’m crazy? I’ll get half way across the river and you’ll stab me with that sting of yours. I’m a crocodile, not an idiot.”

“Oh, Mr. Crocodile!” replies Scorpion. “I’m no idiot either. If I sting you in the middle of the river you’ll sink to the bottom and, as I can’t swim, I’ll surely drown! Now, I think you’ll agree that would be very idiotic of me to kill both of us. And … I promise not to sting you.”

Crocodile thinks about this for a moment, is swayed by the logic in what he hears and agrees to take Scorpion across the river. They set off, Scorpion safely nestled on his back.

In the middle of the river, Scorpion brings out his sting and stabs Crocodile in the neck. Crocodile turns his head to look at Scorpion and with his dying breathe asks,

“Why did you do that? We’re both going to die. It just doesn’t make any sense. And you promised!”

Scorpion shrugs his shoulders.

“It’s not my fault. Hey. I’m a scorpion and that’s what scorpions do.“

I was brought up on a staple diet of happy endings, so when I first heard this ancient fable, I was shocked. How could the scorpion do that? What kind of cruel, dark world does this point to? Are we really trapped by some pre-determined programming – and if so, what is it?

There are many things in this story. Trust, the irrationality of behaviour, the occasional cruelty of life. There’s one area, though, I’m going to focus on here.

Trapped By Our Nature?

The one that strikes me most is how much violence is justified by thinking we’re trapped by some pre-determined programming. At the most obvious level it’s the commonly held belief that we’re by nature violent hunters. I don’t want to tread on worn ground here … but, come on! Just look at our bodies. Where are the vicious claws or the hunter’s teeth?

Even if we were pre-programmed towards violence, rather than peace, it doesn’t mean we have no choice.

We’re not like the scorpion, no matter how comforting it might be to hide behind this. It’s comforting because if we’re fulfilling some pre-formed conditioning then we don’t have to take responsibility for our actions. The scorpion shrugs his shoulders and says, “It’s not my fault. I’m not responsible for stabbing you.”

I’m reminded of those horrific situations where ‘terrorists’ take hostages and issue demands, threatening to harm the captives if they’re not met. It’s usually followed (at least in Hollywood movies) by some comment like, “If you don’t meet our demands, the hostage’s blood will be on your hands. It will be your fault if we kill them.”

The unspoken assumption is , “Hey ! We’re ‘terrorists’ and that’s what ‘terrorists’ do. IT’S NOT OUR FAULT.”

Give me a break!

Our genes and our upbringing no doubt shape us, but at a certain point we have to take responsibility for our lives and our behaviour.

“My mother didn’t love me enough. My father was never around. I went to a bad school,” might work up to the age of sixteen (maybe a bit later for some). As an adult they’re feeble excuses for not making different choices about what we do.

[I know my Mum reads this from time to time, so Mum - these comments are not mine and they're not directed at you or Dad.]

Day to Day Identification

If I’m honest I often unconsciously identify myself with something and then act out from that identification. When I’m unaware then it’s hard to do something about it, difficult to recognise I have a choice.

One reason I’m passionate about self-development is that it helps bring those hidden things into the light. It helps me identify when my scorpion sting is busy wreaking havoc with my life.

When I’m aware, I have more capacity to choose the actions that make life better for myself and those around me. It’s a long and sometimes rocky road and one without a particular destination other than a desire to make a positive contribution to the world.

A couple of examples I noticed over the last years:

• I’m an introvert – which I use to justify withdrawing from the world, closing down from time to time with even those people closest to me, and avoiding social situations like the plague.

The sting? Depression, loneliness, loss of friendships, lethargy … and it’s confusing, frustrating and worrying for people in my life.

• I’m a man – which justifies a whole range of ‘manly’ things such as using logic in emotional situations, an almost obsessive desire to fix things and a refusal to ask for directions even when hopelessly lost.

The sting? Trouble dealing with the inherent messiness of life and relating to emotionally charged situations … and again it’s frustrating and disconnecting for others (especially the females in my life).

Noticing these things doesn’t necessarily change what I do but it does make my actions conscious and I’m more likely to manage the fall-out. For example, I still withdraw – but it’s a conscious choice and I can communicate to those around me that I need my space right now rather than mysteriously disappearing.

I take the venom out of the scorpion sting.

I don’t drown and those around me don’t get poisoned.

We all make it safely to other side.

What do you identify with and act out?

What difference would it make to you and others if you did so consciously?

PS I forgot to mention that my star sign is Scorpio. If I ever sting you then please forgive me … it’s just the way I am

Post from: Quantum Learning

Sting Of The Scorpion

You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake.  You are the same decaying organic matter as everyone else, and we are all part of the same compost pile.

Chuck Palahniuk Fight Club

This quote from Fight Club seemed quite apt given that it’s been snowing here all weekend and all the unique and beautiful snowflakes are piled into great mountains on the roads and footpaths.

This is the view from my window (just to add a small personal touch!).

Are we unique snowflakes or part of the same compost pile?

Yes and yes.

I doubt there’s anyone who’s not been mesmerised by snow at some point in their lives. I grew up in the South of England where snow is rather uncommon and it still inspires the small child in me to play or enjoy a day off school work.

It’s less unusual in Poland and Romania where I now live. Even so, with the heavy falls over the last days in Warsaw, I got to wondering if it’s true that no two flakes are identical.

Is each snowflake really unique, as is commonly believed?

Snow – a short history

Each flake is formed from the same building blocks – i.e. water molecules. When the conditions (mainly temperature and humidity) are right, the molecules crystallise into ice.

Molecules, as I’m sure you know, are very, very small which means there are very, very many in each flake of snow – making the possible number of shapes and sizes enormous.

Because of the structure of the water molecule, it takes on a shape based on the number three – most commonly a 6-sided figure. Theoretically, two snowflakes could end up identical, but it’s highly unlikely because each flake travels it’s own unique path – even flakes travelling together will deviate slightly as their paths are not precisely the same.

The precise shape is affected by atmospheric conditions as each forming snow flake starts it’s long journey from the heavens to the earth. It passes through different conditions as it moves downwards, all of which determine how the crystal develops.

It will also be influenced by impurities (dust for example) it collects on the way until finally it lands on earth, almost certainly unnoticed by anyone.

Those we do take the time to examine are quite wonderful examples of the miracle of nature.

Ultimately of course, it will decompose into either ice or water – its essence joining the huge body of water making up around two thirds of the planet’s surface. How long they last and how much they’ll be noticed, is determined by where they land.

Is any of this so very different from our journey as human beings?

And finally … the largest recorded snowflake measured 38cm (15 inches). You could almost make a whole snow-person from that!

Post from: Quantum Learning

Snowflake or Compost?

Life is like a circus trapeze act. Imagine the acrobat, the bar gripped firmly in her hands. Ahead is the bar she needs to grab onto. That bar ahead is the future and the graceful, effortless flight from one bar to the next is the acrobat’s purpose, her reason for being.

One crucial thing has to happen before flying through the air and safely arriving on the next bar.

She has to let go of the bar she currently holds.

So in life.

We have to let go before we can move forward.

Letting Go Is Not Always Easy

I’ve not yet flown on a trapeze but I imagine one thing the acrobat needs to deal with is fear of letting go.

That fear is understandable.

What is in my grasp is familiar and safe and, no matter how attractive the way ahead, I fear a fall. No matter how painful it is where I am, letting go comes with uncertainty. Will the change be better or worse? Will I manage to hold on? Will I cope?

I believe understanding and releasing what holds me back is crucial to live a full and successful life – and there’s no time like the present for doing it.

We hold on to … PEOPLE

Not one of us is entirely alone. Some have huge circles of family, friends and acquaintances, while others have very few people around. Some of those relationships have been with us for many years and some are new. Each one of them serves some purpose in our lives – to give us love, belonging, learning, friendship, partnership or just fun.

Mourning is widely recognised as an important process when someone dies, when a relationship breaks down or when someone moves away. Even though it can be very hard when they leave, we somehow recognise the importance of letting go when the relationship end is outside our control.

But what about those people who are still in our lives and hold us back in some way?

Those who criticise our choices and are always looking for fault (some ‘friends’ or members of the family, perhaps?). Those we’ve known for ever and the only thing holding us together are memories of a distant past (old friends?). Those with whom we are ‘unnaturally’ dependent (grown up children? parents?). Or perhaps just those we don’t enjoy any more and somehow still keep meeting them.

Who is holding you back in some way? Who are you holding onto?

It’s probably time to update the relationship with an honest heart to heart and either change something or leave them – with gratitude for what they brought to you.

We hold on to … MEMORIES

Great things happen to all of us. Terrible things do too.

That’s life.

Often we hold onto the past long after the events have finished. We get nostalgic for our memories of better days and we get triggered into pain or anger by memories of things we’d prefer to forget.

The past is dead – but not buried for as long as we keep it alive in our memory. And as with all things that are dead, memories decompose and fester.

The good memories take on a sweet, rose coloured decay and, while they may be comforting in difficult moments, they are dead and gone. They stop us living our lives here and now. They make it harder to deal with the challenges of today because our energy is sucked into regret for the lost times that have been.

And the bad memories get relived over and over in our minds, bring us down and rot our hearts. They also stop us living our lives here and now. They keep us stuck in anger at the things that, in a just and loving world, should not have occurred. The reality is that they did happen – just we haven’t buried them yet.

What memories are you holding onto? What unburied things do you keep alive in your memory?

Perhaps it’s time to let them go and move on? Release them by talking to someone or maybe writing them down and burning the paper. It may not happen overnight but take a first step.

We hold on to … THINGS

Unless you’re a naked hermit living in a cave and off the land you’ve probably accumulated a few material possessions. Perhaps even a lot of them.

Of course we need some physical things to support our lives, for convenience or because they look good. I’m certainly not advocating removing everything. I am advocating being honest with ourselves about what things hold us back from making the next move in our lives.

Maybe it’s our home and the mortgage attached to it? Investments where we’re often checking the share prices? Furniture that we inherited? Or perhaps small things, such as gifts or paintings by the kids, that represent old memories?

Each thing we possess needs a certain amount of maintenance – repairs, cleaning, painting, servicing, etc..

But there’s also emotional maintenance we invest in these objects. The resignation (or delight?) that we’re stuck in this house for the next 24 years of mortgage payments. The pride as we show off our child’s prize drawing from 18 years ago. The worry that grandma’s antique table will get scratched every time someone visits.

I sometimes imagine everything I own is attached to me by an invisible thread. Some threads are thick and strong, while others are thin and easily broken. Individually, each thread is manageable and doesn’t hold me back in any significant way. Collectively, if I allow it, they tangle me up and tie me down.

What things hold you back?

Now’s a good time to let go of some of the things that weigh you down and hold you back. Sell them, give them away or discard them. Put them into storage if you really can’t face letting them go – but make that first move.

We hold on to … DREAMS

Personally I believe it’s our hopes and dreams that give us fuel to create great things in our world. Our dreams of how things could be, shape our actions to improve our lives and those of the people around us. I don’t know for sure, but I suspect only human beings possess the capacity to dream and to lose that entirely would be a terrible thing.

I also believe if we hold onto dreams when they no longer serve us they get in the way of moving forward. Letting go and mourning unfulfilled dreams is crucial to give space to new, more compelling dreams.

Maybe our life turned out differently compared to the dreams we had when we were younger. A project we dreamed of winning that went to someone else. A person we dreamed of being with who chose another. Any disappointment, regret or anger we feel in relation to our dreams is possibly a sign we haven’t moved on and are still hanging on.

What dreams have passed their shelf life and need to be discarded?

Now’s the time to mourn those dreams and let them go. Find new, better dreams that could flourish in the space you give them to grow.

A book I can recommend is ‘Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes’ by William Bridges. I found this incredibly helpful at several stages of my life where I was struggling to deal with change and letting go of the past.

Good luck! Enjoy the flight from the past to the present.

Post from: Quantum Learning

Letting Go, Moving On

Partly a post-Christmas phenomena but mainly it’s because I’ve built far too much waste into how I live my life and I want to change it.

I don’t think I’m unusual. Most of us are unaware just how much food we throw out. I read that, according to the UN’s Food and Agriculture Organisation, around 50% of all food production is wasted. It’s hard to find comprehensive data on this but the financial cost alone amounts to, not millions, but billions of dollars every year.

The Food We Buy

Mona just came back from the local bread store. It’s a holiday tomorrow and the store will be closed. She said the store was crazy – full of people buying 10 loaves of bread as though they wouldn’t be able to buy anymore for weeks.

I know myself that whenever I go to the supermarket I’m always tempted to buy things I hadn’t intended. Supermarkets are in the business of selling as much as possible as fast as possible. It’s not good business to throw out food and it’s not good business to take up large areas of costly storage space. They make more money the faster they can move product so they want to entice me to buy a trolley full.

Money is reasonably tight in our household, but still I rarely know how much I’m spending on food until I reach the check-out.

Displays, positioning of product, pricing, special offers, selection and store design are all aimed at one thing – to make it easy and attractive for me to buy as much as possible.

They’re doing their job very well.

What are some of the things I buy I don’t need?

• Snacks – I enjoy eating chocolate and cookies but I couldn’t say I need them
• Vegetables and fruit – I often throw out things that looked great in the store but start decaying once I get them home
• Baked products – things that go stale before I have a chance to consume them
• Dairy – we eat a lot of dairy and don’t throw so much away but even so the odd carton still goes in the bin
• Jars and bottles – jams go mouldy, sauces go off before they’re finished
• One off items – ingredients for a particular dish and, even buying the smallest quantity possible, the rest goes to waste
• Meat – no longer an issue as I don’t eat it anymore – but when I did I often threw it out when it went it’s use by date was up.

None of these things are unavoidable!

From a simple economics point of view, the less I buy, the less will be produced – or it may be diverted to other places where it’s more needed. Waste is waste – not just the food itself but everything that’s gone into getting it into my kitchen. The less I buy, the more resources available for other things.

Cutting back may be a small drop in the ocean – but every ocean is made up of small drops.

The Food I Prepare

I was brought up as a child, as were many in the developed world, to eat everything on my plate. I’ve lost count of the number of times I heard,

Think of the starving children in Africa!

as I pushed aside an uneaten mouthful.

With more than 1 billion people estimated to be short of food that’s a lot of starving people to be thinking about.

I’ve heard people say,

Better to throw it away in the garbage than throw it away in your stomach.

Well, this is probably true. It’s even more true that it’s better not to throw it away at all!

I had a friend once who always left some food at the side of the plate. I asked her why and she told me that it was a habit – it was her way of making sure that she didn’t overeat. If she left some food then it was some kind of check that she hadn’t eaten as much as she could have done.

There must be better habits we can develop!

Why do I throw away food after I’ve made it:

• Misjudging how much to cook – I often cook more rice or pasta than I need, for example
• Misjudging how much I want to eat – often I’m not as hungry as I thought I was when I started cooking
• Overeating – yes! I eat more than I need to
• Variety – especially when entertaining guests I tend to overcomplicate and make different dishes
• Bad cooking – sometimes I over-cook something or just mess it up.

All of these are avoidable.

Of course, this food is also stuff I’ve over bought – so there’s a kind of double waste.

How To Waste Less?

Here are 10 ideas that have worked for me or that I’m going to try:

1. Never shop when hungry
2. Have a shopping budget (take exactly the amount of cash I need and leave the plastic at home)
3. Prepare a list of what to buy and stick to it
4. Only buy things with a clear idea of which meal they’ll go into
5. Don’t allow myself to be tempted by special offers – especially those products I know I tend to throw out
6. Buy fewer things with a short shelf life – more often if needed
7. When cooking, weigh things rather than guess
8. Freeze leftovers
9. Recycle waste food for compost
10. Get more creative with cooking and use of leftovers (great ideas on this site).

This starts to deal with 50% of my waste. Now what about the packaging …. watch this space!

I’d love to hear your ideas in the comments about how to cut out food waste!

Post from: Quantum Learning

Knee Deep In Waste

Christmas is everywhere – even the desktop icon on my favourite media player has mysteriously grown a Santa hat (I kid you not! It is cute but truly bizarre! Go to the end of the post to see what I mean).

For the last few years I’ve become increasingly ‘anti-Christmas’.

To be more precise, I’ve become increasingly ‘anti-Christmas-commercialisation.’ I wrote last year about the Corporate Take-Over of Christmas so this year my scrooge-like attention is drawn to the personal domain.

15 Carol Singers

The weekend heralded the arrival, en masse, of carol singers, ranging from well trained young theology students with angel voices through to ragged groups of gypsies who seemed to think that blowing random notes on a trumpet was a good way to herald the holiday season.

I didn’t get the impression that any of the approximately 15 visiting groups were interested in anything other than receiving money. I have a very non-peaceful desire to get all zealous and throw cold water over them – but then I know that would ruin it for everyone.

1 Supermarket Trip

Mona and I went to the supermarket early on Saturday morning, just after it opened at 8.00 am, to buy a few supplies. We assumed that at that time of day everyone would still be asleep or digging their cars out the snow and we’d be able to shop in peace.

I really should learn not to make assumptions.

It was packed with people frantically stocking up and you would have got the impression that the end of the world was about to arrive. We were doing the same, so it would be highly hypocritical of me to complain and we spent at least twice as much money as we normally would on a regular excursion for provisions. There’s really no reason for it other than some vague fear that we might starve over the holiday season and not be able to buy anything if we run out.

I don’t normally notice myself respond to a ’scarcity’ view of life – but this was definitely one of those times.

Starvation, thank God, is not part of my reality and I count myself fortunate when I think of all the millions of people who do not have enough to eat.

559 tree decorations

We just decorated our tree and I have to say it’s looking very pretty. I’ve even taken the liberty of putting a photo of it here!

One thing you will notice is that when it comes to decorating the tree, the concept of scarcity is far from our thinking. There are 559 individual decorations collected over many years. It reminds me of my childhood when the tree was a highlight of the year and a focal point for family life and revellry.

I didn’t actually count them – the number 559 is random and simply implies ‘a lot’. It’s a reasonably harmless demonstration of the excess I usually subject myself to at this time of year.

Excess baubles, excess food, excess drink, excess lazy days in front of the TV.

I doubt I can be 100% frugal but would like to curb some of the usual excess.

How to survive Christmas?

‘Survival’ and ‘Christmas’ may seem like strange sentence bedfellows. Either that or it’s a clear sign of my scrooginess coming out again. At this time – a few days before Christmas – I start to get edgy and I do usually worry about how to get through the festivities without exploding.

This year I decided to stop fighting and go with the flow.

I might not actually enjoy the hordes of money-grabbing carolers, supermarket freaks and glittery plastic things hanging from the tree. But that doesn’t mean I should get irate about the secular perversion of this time of year and shut myself away for a week until it blows over.

It is how it how it is and I can choose to enjoy it or fight it. I’m free to enjoy my way, everyone else is free to enjoy it their way.

To those who celebrate Christmas – enjoy your Christmas. To those who celebrate something else – enjoy your something else. To those who don’t celebrate at all – enjoy your non-celebration.

Life’s too short not to enjoy as much of it as possible – even desktop icons that strangely grow Santa hats!

Post from: Quantum Learning

Surviving Christmas