Friend-a-saurus is just a label, but does indeed describe a friend most of us have. The rest of the above night’s story might have gone like this…she had your best interests at heart, knew that dude was no good, you were on the rebound anyways and since you two have been girlfriends since ya got your periods together back in 7th grade…well she is your sister; always has your back.

What other ¼ life friends are out there? Are they indeed just labels? Or do such peg them exactly. Fortunately we have the Friend-thesaurus.

Phony Promise Breaking Bitch – PPBB. Self explanatory.

Houdini – Always disappearing. Somehow they are still your friend, but you cannot even remember the last time you hung out for something outside of a random lunch of chicken tenders at the campus student center. Note to self: Was she my Freshman Orientation roomie?

Born Again, Again and Again Christian (or insert any religion or fanaticism) – Makes a stance on everything religious. Somehow she was also able to reinvent the Delta house night where nothing ever happened.

LGBT…ABCXYZ – Whatever the vogue initials of gender identification, simply two kinds. One is just a normal guy or gal, like you and I & pretty darn cool. The other uses every opportunity as a platform to propagate their sexual choices.

Shrink – Analyzer. Advisor. Anal-retentive About…YOU. This can be a good thing. And a best friend should have aspects of someone you could spend couch time with.

Theater/Drama Queen – Everyone has one. And if not…it is you!

Soprano/Gangster – Humor them til they get their ass kicked.

Daredevil or Dare-Demoness. Either way they seem to always find a way to always put their physical, fiscal or emotional lives at risk…with you sometimes along for the ride.

Gossip Girl – Do I have to explain this one?

Copycat – Okay. We get it. You want to be like me or the gang. Enuff! If you have one of these, tolerate’m. It’s flattering and a times, can inflate your own sagging ego. But, if they touch your patented massage move, time to bring in mediation.

The Caretaker – Can act like your parent or babysitting keeper. And everyone has a need to share personal triumphs and tragedies.

Loner – No cliché campus killer wannabe. They just prefer alone time with you and only you. Not a groupie and not a member of the posse. (See: My best friend might be gay for me)

Envious – Don’t jump to conclusions, you might just be this friend. Think about it?

Pass-Agg – Passive Aggressive or Jekyll and Hyde.

Comedian – Always makes ya laugh. This can be good/bad. Sometimes life can get serious and we do not need stand-up, but just a good hug or someone to pound a few with. (And by “pound a few” I mean beer, not what you were thinking ya perv. And you know you were…look up Friends With Benefits.

Weird Named Girl – In diversity days, we all have one. You try to introduce them, roll your “Z” Mess up and from then on everyone at the party thinks she is a refugee from some Balkans religious war and wonders why she does not wear a one of them thar funny looking scarves.

Cell Phone Phil – Never actually see, but just might “get you” better than anyone else on the planet.

BFF – Please!

Facebook Friend – Really? Get out more often.

Feminazi – Penis equals Darth Vader’s light saber.

Really Nice Guy/Girl – Patient, tolerant, symphathic and friendly. Available to talk at any time, about anything and not capable of anger. Love them, but almost want to punch’m in the throat. Especially if it is that douche bag who plays the slow ballad songs on his acoustic during the party. Oh, yes! Pour out your soul Keith. Girls love you Keith. You are so cool Keith. Umm…sorry. Nothing but good vibes for ya bro!

Apathy Upperclassmen or the guy still in Marketing five years after graduation – They used to be your social leaders. Now it is just sad.

Horny Duo – Sometimes friends come in twos. This couple are always together, playing house, sleep-overs, giggles, tickles…just makes ya want to blow chunks!

Zealot – Always has an intellectual or moral orgasm for the flavor of the month cause. Probably had the hipster arty Obama poster on his dorm door or cubicle wall.

Pimp Masta’ – Thinks life is only for picking up “ho’s.” Good news. He will get what’c coming to him when he meets the life ruining Mrs. Pimp Masta.

Confused Ex-Goth – Doesn’t know what to do. They get off on being “out” of the popular scene, but discovered at college they are below average weird scale. Cannot give up black, but cannot give into the idea of Greek rushing. Out of college she works at a book or music store. Good luck with her ecstasy addiction.

And that is just a sampling…be on the look out for Friend-thesaurus II.

I remember every halloween costume I’ve ever had. My very first one was a store-bought plastic clown suit and mask and my second one was a generic super hero girl in the same plastic mask vein. Every one after that, my mom made. I remember going to Jo-Ann Fabrics and looking through the pattern books to find something I wanted to be. I got to be She-Ra, Daisy Duck, a dancing bear in a tutu, Cleopatra, and a cowgirl. I feel incredibly fortunate to have grown up in a house where that was part of my experience. But as adults, we need to take a stand against store bought slutty costumes.

It’s not so much the objectification aspect or the downgrading of women in the workforce by turning every occupation into “Sexy _____.” It’s just a shameful lack of creativity. Store bought costumes don’t take any effort. This year I was a piece of tuna sashimi. It wasn’t a terribly recognizable costume, but while standing in line to get my roller disco skates I would hear a whisper of “Oh! She’s sushi!” and smile. But I was proud that I made it and that it didn’t have “Sexy” in the title (granted, I could have been sexy sashimi).

I worry that we’ve become lazy. As a kid, I got to be things I really wanted to be. The competitive nature of halloween, to have the best costume, drove me to find something awesome that I could be. Slutty consumer is not an aspiration. But it could be a really creative homemade costume with the right fishnet stockings.

When you were in school or working, you had a regular schedule, or at least a group of tasks that needed completed by certain points. Job searching is no different, just more abstract. So first things first. Take some time out and write a schedule- an incredibly detailed schedule. The hardest thing to do when you’re unemployed is to get out of bed and think to yourself “now what?”. Having a schedule gives you something to fall back on. If done well, you never have to worry about what’s next on your plate.

Here is a typical day (Friday, to be exact) from my ‘funemployment’ schedule:

7- wake up, check internet
7:30- eat breakfast
8- work out, shower
9- review job files
10- follow up with jobs
11- read job related book
12- lunch
1- search for new jobs, apply or add to file
4- recap week, plan next week
6- Friday!

I don’t adhere to it strictly (I did sleep in til 8:30 today) but it gives me a guideline on what to accomplish. Many of my days have empty blocks. That enables me to move things around or schedule interviews as they arise. Reevaluating your schedule occasionally is important. If you find you can’t do three hours of job searching, break it up with working out. Maybe waking up early doesn’t do it for you and you decide to work later. That’s fine! Keep checking in with yourself to see what you need in order to find a job and stay sane.

It’s also important to schedule life things and fun things. Now is the perfect time to get some of those things done that you couldn’t while you were working. Get your teeth cleaned, get an oil change, go to the thrift store that is only open on Thursdays from 1-3. Take advantage of your flexible schedule while you can. I also make sure to schedule time to watch my favorite show, update the website, or volunteer. By having those fun things in place, the work looks less daunting and the fun things become rewarding.

I didn’t schedule it, but in that 8-9 block of working out and showering is getting dressed. Just like the schedule, getting dressed is important. If you find yourself with a scheduled day where you’re just going to be working on the internet and getting your resume in order, you still need to put on real clothes. Laying around in your sweats is wonderful- but reserve it for a weekend. It keeps your mind alert to the fact that you’re actually accomplishing things. It also makes the transition back to working easier if you’ve maintained the morning rituals. I don’t wear a suit to work on the internet. Most days are jeans and a sweater, but I am far more prepared when I don’t just roll over in bed, grab the laptop, and start the day (I must confess, I often work in my sock monkey slippers).

For those days when you’re stuck at home, plan an outing. Once you’ve accomplished what you needed to do, get out. Go to the grocery store, the library, walk your dogs, walk yourself, get some ice cream, see a movie- just get out. Nothing starts the downward spiral of depression more than going to bed realizing that you never saw the sun and you haven’t breathed fresh air since last week. Looking for a job is a job, and you have to treat it as such. Everyone takes breaks from work, otherwise we’d all go mad. Make sure you’re taking those breaks and visiting civilization.

And speaking of civilization, go volunteer. This is so good for you while you’re unemployed for a myriad of reasons. First, volunteering gives you a sense of accomplishment. If you didn’t get a call all week and got nothing but rejections, knowing that your favorite non-profit was happy to see you and couldn’t have gotten that mailing out or cleaned their storage space or built that house without you lessens the blow. You can also volunteer for a company in your area of interest. See if that design firm wants an extra hand on Wednesdays or if that boutique could use some free web design. You never know when a volunteering gig could turn into a full-time gig, especially if you’re showcasing your skills. Volunteering also helps you meet people. You could gain new friends or even new employers through your temporary volunteering experience. Finally, if you’re truly unemployed, volunteering gives you a current reference and fills in that gap in your resume. While it won’t necessarily disguise that you’re unemployed, it will let future employers know that you weren’t just sitting on your butt eating Cheetos all day. Unless, of course, you swung a volunteer gig with Cheetos.

See that hour of “read a job related book”? That one is a saving grace because it keeps you fresh on your skills. If it takes you six or ten months to find a job, some of the things you were good at are going to take some time to get back. If you stay current with your industry you can hit the ground running when an employer finally says ‘yes’. It also breaks up reading straight from a computer for eight hours a day and gives you a break that is still productive. I make sure to get in a comfortable chair with some tea and make it an experience.

But don’t stay in that comfy chair too long. Choice of workspace can make a huge difference. If you’re able to work laying in your bed under the covers, then congrats. However, much like showering and changing clothes, sitting at a real table or desk to participate in your job search changes your mental approach. Some days you have to get out of the house and work somewhere else or go stir crazy. Try the library before the coffee shop. Scones and lattes are awesome, but are far better as a reward motivator if they aren’t sitting next to you while you work. 

If you fall off the funemployment bandwagon and spend a day in bed reading trash novels or obsessively watching Lost (all of which are instant watch on Netflix *cough*), don’t let it wear on you. One day lost to the unemployment gods isn’t the end of the world. That being said, if you start to schedule a three hour block of “America’s Next Top Model” marathons instead of resume or skill building, you may need to reevaluate your schedule.

Well, Mr. B lived up to his word. Last year, I received the letter I had written to myself five years prior on May 29, 2003. I had composed it on the second-to-last day of my high school career, only a few days shy of prom (which we will not get into now, at least not in this entry). Aside from the curious fact that my handwriting then was so much neater than it is today, the most shocking thing was that everything I predicted for my “future” career came true.

As I stated in my letter verbatim, I became an Economics and Communications double major in college. I went into the advertising/marketing industry as I prophesied. Although I didn’t state it in my letter, I now even work at the exact company I wished to in high school. If I didn’t know better, I would think I had everything I ever hoped for. Big surprise – although I got what I wanted, things did not pan out the way I anticipated. I appreciate everything I’ve learned in the past few years on the job, but the truth is: the career my twelfth grade self dreamed of is no longer my present day dream. The scariest part? I’m not sure what my dreams are anymore. I’m not even sure I’m capable of dreaming properly. Dreams are without limits or bounds; they are infinite and daring. I’m not sure that’s how my mind works anymore. I think I’ve been adult-ified.

Curiously, my past self has this great advice: “I hope I find more things to be passionate about, and to only work toward passions. If this is not the feeling upon reading this letter…then something has to change…I just want happiness…Keep dreaming.”

So, exactly what secret did I know then that I clearly no longer can crack? What part of “I just want happiness” do I no longer understand? I guess what’s difficult for all of us is finding a path that leads to career satisfaction and still leaves enough time for personal happiness. With this economy, it isn’t so easy to chase passions when people are just happy to get paid. What right do I have to complain when unemployment is brimming near 10% ? It was easy to dream when the future was far away and ambiguous. In reality, we all struggle between money vs. passion. Only a lucky few amongst us are able to attain both, even though our entire generation is programmed to expect both.

In the end, I do believe I can figure this out. I have no doubt I can get where I want to go (apparently, as long as I write a letter to myself about it and then find someone to mail it to me in the future). It may not always be as expected, but I have to be willing to try and stay open-minded. The hard part is finding a sustainable passion that translates into a real occupation, or a job that will allow enough time to pursue other things. Ultimately, maybe it comes down to finding the courage to dream again.

With that, I was looking forward to P&P&Z with the same regard that I was looking forward to Snakes on a Plane. The concept sounds awesome, right? Let’s take something classic and add zombies. Zombies are a little like bacon- everything is better with them. But for me, there weren’t enough zombies to counteract the antiquated story of girls looking for love despite their social position.

It’s not for me to critique Pride and Prejudice. The masses have spoken and it is one of the best loved books of all time. What I do know is zombies. I love the social commentary that is inherent in a good zombie story. These aren’t people who chose to be brain hungry monsters. They are people who, perhaps only moments before, were the parents and children and spouses of our lives now trying to get to our squishy grey parts.

Seth Grahame-Smith doesn’t quite understand this goldmine of emotional turmoil and conflict that he has at his disposal. For the most part, the zombies are an afterthought. Instead of Miss Elizabeth Bennet being a classic wit, she has incredible zombie killing skills learned in China from a Shaolin master. This means that occasionally as the undesirables attack she and her sisters are able to perform some fancy shows of ninja skills and behead a slew of dead. These zombies might as well be wearing red shirts and landing on an alien planet. In the movie version, they will be referred to as “Zombie number 2” or “Zombie in ball gown”.

He does make an impression with the reworking of one story arc. *Spoiler Alert* Elizabeth’s close friend Charlotte Lucas marries Mr. Collins in the original version to avoid being a spinster, despite her lack of love for the man. In the zombified version, Charlotte has been bitten by the undead and will slowly fall victim to the plague. She decides that a few happy months of a loveless marriage and a husband who will properly behead her at her demise is better than no husband at all. Here, we see the true struggle of the zombie plague. Elizabeth is forced to watch her friend slowly grow paler and more bloodthirsty, unable to do anything to stop her inevitable end. Here we see the true pain of the plague. Here we know what it is to live day to day in a world overrun with the brainthirsty.

If you really want a post-apocalyptic view of a zombie world I recommend the trilogy Monster Island, Monster Nation, and Monster Planet by David Wellington. You can also pick up The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks and his followup World War Z. All of these are better than Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and all will give you a deeper understanding of the complex politics involved in zombie revolutions and perhaps help you to prepare for the day when the undead walk amongst us. When that day comes, don’t turn to Jane Austen for advice.

That was way better than playing a game of Snood.

The major reasoning behind the CDCs ruling is that Gardasil only seems to prevent genital warts in men, while in women it can prevent some strains of cervical cancer. The extension of this is that vaccinating men, or specifically young boys, is a green light for promiscuity. We’ve seen this before and we’ll see it again.

So what can you do as a twenty-something? Go get vaccinated. The focus for the shot is middle school girls. However, the shot is approved for you…you at whatever age you are reading this. As long as you don’t already have HPV (something they test for before giving you the shot) you can get vaccinated. I did it and it was a piece of cake. While you’re checking your healthcare provider to see if they have the H1N1 shot in, just go ahead and schedule your HPV vaccine.

You can help eradicate a disease. Just go get the shot.

I do think Obama has changed the paradigm of the country…at least how we are viewed across the globe – aggressive, “kick butt” tactics and name calling (”Axis of Evil” is really conducive to peaceful negotiations, dontcha’ think?!) don’t always go so well for promoting a sense of world community, which was severely lacking during the last administration (this may be an understatement, considering the US was viewed as something of a tyrant). I am not promoting complete unresponsiveness in the face of hostile action, but unchecked aggression and hostility only exacerbates the problem until you’re left in a mire of hate, racial tension, and total chaos. I certainly would not want to be in charge of remedying the gigantic mess so thoughtfully left behind. So many people seem willing to attack at the drop of a hat….solid relations with other nations start with positive interactions, even with the sting of hostility in our recent past. Obama is attempting to get these positive interactions underway. World peace might be an unattainable Utopian ideal, but getting nations to communicate with each other in a peaceful way is a hell of a lot better than bombing the shit out of each other.

Was the prize premature? Perhaps – I suppose it was awarded as a promise of things to come. However, bringing nations like Iran, North Korea, and Israel to the negotiating table is a pretty big accomplishment.

If I could patiently wait through eight years of a huge mistake, I can patiently wait for change…rebuilding is MUCH harder work than tearing down.

Written by guest blogger Sarah Sebastian

Maybe you left.
Maybe you got left.
Maybe both of you left. Diverged.
Point is: the damage is mutual.
But you can minimize it through insipidity;
I’m going to tell you how.

I moved across town in 1998.
I moved across state in 2000.
I moved across the country in 2003.
I moved across the ocean in 2005.
I moved back* in 2008.

People I once deeply connected with still call.
We talk. About important things.
Ever hear a recording of Edison from the late 1800s?
It’s like that, emotion-wise.

The times I felt connected mostly involve really vapid conversation.
I don’t really remember what the conversations were about.
And it really doesn’t matter.
It’s all just gestures.
Infants handing each other a toy.  Or anything, really.
Back and forth.

To make a long story short**:
Mari and I play board games through the mail.
Really mindless ones.
Play them really slowly.
We’ve been playing one game of Battleship for three years, come February.
Twenty-two moves so far.

The postcards never say much, other than the move.
And maybe a curse word or two.
Nothing important.
Back and forth.
This feels good, and it helps.

——————————————————————–
*You can never go back.
**We played Clue for a year.  I forgot who won

Homer Wolfe currently maintains a blog on Quantum Diaries; a
collection of personal blogs written by scientists from around the
world who work at the energy, intensity and cosmic frontiers of
particle physics.

Even Texas, TEXAS for crying out loud, has started to see the error of their ways. With pregnancy and STIs on the rise, Texas is about to implement “Abstinence Plus” programs that address birth control options. Forget studies that take years to compile and report data. Texas has one of the highest teen pregnancy rates in the country and they have seen abstinence only programs failing their youth over and over again. If Texas can get on board, why can’t the Senate?