Queer Liberators

to smile without you

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 09 Jan 2010 10:59:00 +0000

i leave upon you the shadow of our past
the unbearable baggage of infidelity
the shackles of regret that had kept me abound
i leave it upon you in exchange of my freedom

gone were the days of despair
gone were the days of distrust
for love had only remained only as a witness
to your secret rendezvous with materialism and lust

the unbroken agreement has been spoken
my universe will not revolve around you anymore
you will no longer give warmth to my frozen heart
and the sun will drift and nestle on a universe anew

until i no longer speak of your name
and i have no longer remembered the memories that we’ve built
for these are all burdens that had kept me coming back to you
i shall learn to smile without you

i shall swim against the currents of your being
i shall forget the taste of your sweetness
i shall embrace the cold and forget the warm arms that surround me
i shall hold my own hands in times of fright and not look for yours

i shall do all these for i have moved on.
for i have learned to smile without you.

Palawan. No, not the island.

noreply@blogger.com (raydon) — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 16:48:00 +0000

I read a post in Multiply about Palawan 2, a gay bar in Cubao. The blogger goes to the bar frequently and reading his post made me look back to the first and only time I went there.

Three years ago, I met Oliver in a site called guys4men. In fact, I already have a blog post in my livejournal account (http://purple-lantern.livejournal.com) about him, the one about the goodlooking guy from Alabang who flirted with me when I still had a boyfriend, became the middleman between me and his best friend when I became single again, decided that he liked me when his best friend and I were finally getting close, and dumped me after our first night of doing "the deed."

Anyway, during the time when he was still the middleman between me and his best friend Mike, they took me to a place called "Palawan." At 19 and relatively new to the gay/bi/whatever scene, I was up for practically anything. They could have taken me anywhere---the massage parlors that offered "special services," the bathhouses horny men frequented to get dirty rather than get clean, the myriad bars in Malate where every gay man knew everyone else's name, or to some park or lagoon where the grass-covered ground was just as good as a motel bed. That night, they chose to take me to Palawan.

Now, Palawan is actually divided into two places: Palawan 1 and Palawan 2, the KTV bar and the dance bar respectively. Mike was feeling a little melancholy (the word "emo" wasn't cool yet) and he wanted to let it out by singing out loud in public. Oliver, who had been tickling and groping me inside the bus on the way to Palawan, was going to meet his boyfriend at Palawan 1. I, on the other hand, being the new one in the group and as Mike's unofficial date, was just in for the ride.

Palawan 1 was situated in a narrow alley. Walking on the way over to the entrance reminded me of those alleyways you see in American movies where the unwilling victim gets mugged, shot, and left for dead. A trail of smoke lingered by the doorway, coming from the men who was standing by the entrance. Some of them looked me in the eye, down to my foot, and back up to my eye again, which made me feel self-conscious and so I looked away.

"Ready ka ba? Tutuloy ba tayo?" Oliver asked me.
"Ah, yeah. Sure," I answered.
"Sure ka, okay ka lang?"
"Oo. Ikaw, okay ka lang?"
"Bakit, concerned ka?" he grinned. I laughed.

Upon entering inside, I discovered that the place didn't look anything special. It was a dark, dingy, air-conditioned bar no different from the ones in Fernando Poe Jr. movies where the villain usually spent his time whiling away his money on semi-naked, unwilling damsels in distress. Only, there were no women inside. The place was half-full so we were able to get a sit at one of the tables at the side. Mike ordered the first batch of San Mig Lights
and an hour or so later, the place gradually filled up with people.

"Okay ka lang?" Oliver asked me.
"Ah, yeah. Medyo nacuculture-shock lang ng 'onti."
"Hindi nga. Shit, gusto mo alis na tayo?"
"Hindi, okay lang ako. Seriously. Besides, kakanta pa 'ata 'to," I said, pointing to Mike, who gave me a nod and a grin.

"Alam mo, usually kung pupunta ka dito, maganda kung mag-isa ka lang," Mike told me.
"Talaga? Bakit naman?"
"Kasi makakapagikot-ikot ka. Makipagkilala, ganun."

At that point, a tall guy wearing glasses passed by us on the way to the inner bar.
"Model ah," Mike remarked.

Since I wasn't used to drinking beer (I find the taste unpleasant. I prefer to drink cocktails and mixes.), my bladder filled up almost immediately and it called out to me to unload some of the added baggage. I excused myself to go to the C.R.. If I thought the bar was already dingy, seeing the comfort room made my rating of the place go down another notch. It was a cramped space with unpainted walls, a lone light bulb, and a single toilet bowl which everybody was lining up for. All the gay men inside were either coifing up their hair, checking their looks, lining up in front of the toilet bowl, or looking at each other, which made unloading a little difficult.

When I returned to our table, Mike was already getting ready to sing his piece. I don't remember the title. All I know is that it was a sad song about goodbyes and not moving on and still feeling the hurt, etc.. I realized that since we entered the bar, everyone who had gotten hold of the microphone had been singing nothing but songs about goodbyes, not moving on, and still feeling the hurt, etc. Everybody was singing sad songs sadly. It was, well, sad. I didn't get why people would go back to a place that was so sad.

After Mike's song, Ushen, Oliver's then bf, arrived and gave his then boyfriend a kiss. He looked at Mike and said, "Akala ko ba nakaalis ka na?" referring to Mike's supposed departure to Hong Kong to find work.

"Hindi pa naman," Mike said, irritated by the sudden hostility. Oliver had told me that Ushen felt jealous towards Mike, being the former's best friend and all. I found that a little odd, and cliche at the same time.

"Si Raydon," Oliver introduced me.
"Uy, pare!" Ushen said, giving me a low-five.
"Hi," I smiled, and low-fived back.

Another round of San Mig Lights later, we moved on to Palawan 2. Palawan 2 was the complete opposite of Palawan 1. For one, the entrance was nicer and well-lighted, not to mention the inside of the place looked cleaner. At the time, a pageant called "Mr. Palawan" was taking place and we stood near the stage. There was the casual wear part, the swimsuit part, and the talent portion. There was this one contestant who immediately became our favorite, the guy who came wearing a ripped shirt during the casual wear part of the contest. His shirt wasn't the only thing that was ripped.

"Shit, gusto ko na tuloy bumalik sa gym," Oliver said.
"Laki ng katawan. Ganda ng abs," Mike said.
"I like his shirt, did he make it himself?" I asked.
"Hmm..." Ushen hummed.

During the swimsuit portion, there was this guy who kept hiding behind the curtains and was shaking as he made it to the stage. I didn't really blame him. Gay men are really...REALLY... scrutinous when it comes to looks, especially the body. If I were in his place, I would have melted into a puddle and they would have had to mop the floor with my embarassment.

As the judges were deciding on the winners, there was an intermission by a tranny, singing some diva song whose title I, yet again, have forgotten. He closed his act by screeching at the top of his...her lungs and showing his genitals in front of the audience, which got him lots of laughing and applause.

Mr. Guy with the ripped shirt and ripped abs didn't win but as the contest was over, no one really minded. The lights were beginning to dim which meant the dancing part was starting, giving me a chance to look around. I remember the blogger from Multiply saying that he always found different categories of people inside Palawan. There were the Roman-esque men with the god-like faces and bodies, the chubby ones and the chubby chasers (explanations not really necessary there), the regular ones, the hipons (yummy bodies but disposable heads), and the not so yummy ones.

As strange as it may sound, I didn't see them, the categories of men I mean. They all looked the same to me, similar people in different colors. We all looked the same to me. At the time, I was no different. My being new to the place didn't make me any different, any better. I felt like I was being pulled in. Had we stayed any longer, I'm not sure I would have made it out. But Mike, Oliver, and Ushen didn't feel like dancing.

I probably wouldn't have danced either...probably. I'm not a dancer. I mean, I dance...inside my room or my place, by myself, wiggling and jumping around, shaking my hips, extending my arms, listening to my iPod, closing my eyes, but I repeat, by myself. I danced in a group performance once when I was in Grade 1. I don't know how I would have fared side by side boys and men who probably led their cheerleading team or their dance troupe or their street jazz group or what. I was used to dancing alone.

As we left the place, I didn't even look back. Ushen was the first to go since he lived at the north side of Manila whereas Oliver, Mike, and I, lived in Alabang and Paranaque.

"Nice meeting you," he said, sending me a hand signal as he boarded the bus home.
"Same here," I answered.

The ride home for me, Oliver, and Mike was pleasantly silent, not counting the roar of the bus's engine. Oliver sat beside me and placed his hand on my shoulder. When I didn't respond, he laughed quietly and removed his hand from me.

"Gusto mong matulog sa'min?" Mike said.
"Sige. Late na din eh. Baka wala nang jeep papunta sa'min." I accepted. I felt that Mike didn't want to sleep alone that night.

When he and I got off, Oliver texted him that he didn't want anything to "happen" between Mike and me. He texted me the same thing. I didn't pay it any mind but I think Mike did, seeing that nothing did "happen."

Since then, I haven't been anywhere else that was remotely regularly gay. I haven't gone to Malate nor Government, I haven't been to those bathhouses and massage parlors or gym saunas I keep hearing about, I haven't been to Puerto Galera (nor do I want to since I heard about Jurassic), nowhere. And I don't feel particularly inclined to do so. I'm not that person, the one that frequents bars to have a good time. I think my naturally introvert self would rather stay home and sleep, or go elsewhere than go to the quintessential pink places here in the Philippines. I'm a lurker, and in turn, a semi-outsider in that world. It feels empowering and relieving in a way, being outside the pink currents and hotspots. It feels like being so keeps me from becoming cliche, from repeating the stories everyone else is having.

I get tempted once in a while, especially when I come across anecdotes that say beautiful men sans-shirt would just come to you and hold you while you're dancing---no inhibitions, no rules, no formal introductions. Just the touch and the transient gazes would be enough.

The thing is, I don't want that to be enough.

quarantine

noreply@blogger.com (ehjiboi) — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 11:45:00 +0000

amp.

what a freaky movie. grubeh. homaygawd.

sakit sa ulo. freakeeeeeeesh. waaaaah.

watch it. don't watch it.

*shivers*

don't move. i'll shout. really. shhh.

you're terminal

noreply@blogger.com (ehjiboi) — Sun, 23 Nov 2008 20:30:00 +0000

'i think you're OK.'

sabi ng kano sakin habang naglalakad kami palabas. 'what do you mean ok?'

'i mean you're OK to go. you're on terminal leave.'

terminal leave? anong sinasabi nito? nakatingin ako sa exit ng office, nalulunkot at naiinis kung bakit bigla akong tatanggalin. maganda naman stats ko. everything looks quite good at work. kailangan kong malaman kung ano'ng nagyayari.

'excuse me, sir. but why am i suddenly put on terminal leave?'

'you have terminal cancer.'

then boom. all of me shut down. he went on explaining something about bones and oxygen and how soon i am going to die. but i was there, tulala. a lot of other things happened at the same time. ang bilis ng takbo ng utak ko. nirarationalize ko agad kung bakit mamamatay na ko. at some point dumating yung inaaccept ko na yung fact na i'm gonna die pretty soon. tas naisip ko siya. kung pano ko sasabihin sa kanya. tas sunod-sunod pumasok sa isip ko yung mga plano namin na hindi na matutuloy. naisip ko din mga taong malapit sakin. masakit pala.

di ko pa kaya. ayoko pang mamatay. ayokong mamatay ng maaga. umiyak ako.

nagising ako ng umiiyak.

pota. buti nalang panaginip.

vroom vroom

noreply@blogger.com (ehjiboi) — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 22:03:00 +0000

ayun. pagod ako. ilang oras palang ang tulog ko sa span ng 2 araw.

pano kasi, kahapon pumunta ako ng LTO para ayusin lisensya ko. akala ko mga 12nn makakauwi na ko. NOOO!! maling-mali ang akala ko.

malas
sobrang kamalasan. nawala ko panyo ko. ang init. naka-formal attire ako galing kasing work. 2k nagastos ko, excluding pamasahe, softdrink at bubblegum expenses. speaking of bubblegum, naka-upo ako sa chair na may bubblegum. kung sino man naglagay dun non, ikamamatay mo yang bubblegum na yan.

nakauwi naman ako. mga 5:30pm. tulog agad. gising ng 7pm. pagod. pero at least, wala ng dahilan tatay ko na hindi ako ipagdrayb ng kotse. bawi lang. :)

eto, gising parin. pero matutulog na. :)

PS
mamaya, kelangan naka-costume sa work. costume ko? Emo. Ü

the strangers (a review of)

noreply@blogger.com (ehjiboi) — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 21:45:00 +0000

waaaaahhh!!!!

....

that's it. :)

from twilight till breaking dawn

noreply@blogger.com (ehjiboi) — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 22:27:00 +0000

HOMAYGAWD!!!

okay okay, i'm a little excited bout this. i just finished reading breaking dawn, last of the twilight series. and i tell you. it ROCKS!

now i know a lot of you might not like it pag nakwento ako ng mga mangyayari, so ima make it as simple as possible.

in a nutshell, the twilight series is about Bella and Edward. or i should say it is about their love for each other. they went through a lot to fight for their love. ooh oooh, did i mention Bella is human and Edward is a vampire? kewl right? ü

stephenie meyer writes simply. and no, simple ain't bad. the book is easy to understand and that's a plus plus, lalo na kasi it has a lot of action and you wouldn't want to pause n the middle of everything to get the dictionary and look for a word. the way she creates a picture in your head might sometimes be a little too detailed. but it ain't entirely a bad thing. i think the story line makes up for everything. gawd, you just can't put the book down. if you were able to, am sure you're dying to get hold of it soon.

all the action was great, but the book also makes you kilig. sobra. and it's kinda weird kasi kinikilig ka sa lovestory ng vampire and a human girl. but i swear, napapa-yikeeee ako ng malakas all by myself nung binabasa ko yung mga libro. mas maiintindihan mo ata yung libre kung nakapagmahal ka na ng tunay. oo keso, but it's true. mas masasaktan ka at mas matutuwa ka sa libro pag na-inlove ka na.

syempre, my favorite of the four books (twilight, new moon, eclipse, breaking dawn) is the last installment. uber exciting. and it was such a thrill nung malapit na sa reunion part. lol. but i also like new moon. nakakakilig masyado. hehe.

anyway, i don't have enough words to tell you how good it is. the ending is one of the better ones i've read. parang it's the best nga eh. di kasi masyadong nakakabitin. i was satisfied nung natapos na yung book.

ending ko? eto gusto kong maging vampire.

ayun. so guys, am telling you. go read that dang book. uber ganda.

and for the people who've read the book na, pag naging vampire ka, what extra powers will you have and why? lol. :)

Silent Witness

noreply@blogger.com (ehjiboi) — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 12:17:00 +0000

lies.

nobody could ever REALLY tell if you're lying, except you.

Richard North Patterson's 'SILENT WITNESS' is a story about Tony Lord and how he managed to go on with his life, with practically all of the people in his hometown thinking that he was the murderer of Alison Taylor, the girl he loved.

Of course, he's the only one who KNOWS he's innocent, since the police were not able to find other suspects, plus the fact that Tony was the first person seen near Alison's corpse. The people who cared could only assume that Tony was innocent.

27 years after Alison Taylor's death, Tony comes back to his hometown to defend Sam Robb, his best friend/rival against a charge of homicide, which is cunningly similar to his case before. Lord will discover things too disturbing to ignore, like the eerie fact that the past has a way of repeating itself... even in murder.

The book ain't new, in fact it was published round October 1997, but this is the last book I've read, and the first book I've read that includes a courtroom drama. Lemme tell you one thing: nice!

This book got me reading all day, tas nilalamig pa kamay ko because of the intensity of the scenes (i don't even know if i used the correct words there... what the heck).

"...Once you start lying to someone you love, it's like you're alone, watching them through a window you put there yourself..."

When all the world looks at you with judging eyes, when everybody hates you for something you didn't do, you'll realize that you're the only one that genuinely knows you're innocent. And when the people you care for belives in you, if they take you in when nobody else won't, you'll find that nothing else really matter. But that doesn't mean you can lie to them. If you do, that'll make you nothing else but a piece of filth, useless and disgusting.

till here.

"....as they say, tomorrow is the first day of the rest of our life."

funny letter. revived.

noreply@blogger.com (ehjiboi) — Sun, 10 Aug 2008 02:10:00 +0000

everybody needs a good laugh. and this letter was brought up in training. ok people, start laughing.

-----------------------------------------------

The following is a letter found at a certain bar in Manila and has been preserved in its original, unedited form. Enjoy reading and you may try direct translation in Tagalog.

In any case, you'd probably have to be an expert in your own right to write like this!

=======================================================

To Marjie,

I am not surprise or wander why Dennis leave you.

Why?

What reason you can think about but you're very fat body. I thought before that Dennis only use me to his toy but sooner and later I'm realize that he really can't not beared or stomached to be with you anymore because at first,Dennis say he could not stand you're habit of making pakialam all his walks [lakad] and always calling to their house what he go home or this or that and then he say he get ashame to met iether in school or in his family and then asking you to exercise you're very very ,very fat body but you hate it thoughth your the most preetiest girls he knows about what do you think you are "Beautiful Girl " of Jose Marie Chan even you are beautiful face to your think) you do not have the right to called me whatsoever or else different name one time or the other for the real purposed to insults my personality because I'm never call you names iether in the front of Dennis or in the backs of Dennis, but if you start already to calling me different name, I don't have any other choice but to call you other different name to like you are a PIG, FAT, OBESSED, OVERWIGHT, AND UGLY SHAPE girl. Shame to you're body that is to a BUDING. You can't not blame Dennis for exchanging you to me because I am the more sexier than you when you look to us in the mirror. I'm repeat again that you are like Ike Lozada when she is a girl.

FROM: THE SEXIEST GIRL OF D.M.

P.S. You say that I'm the bad breathe but who is Dennis want to kissed. Me or you? You or me? And the final is me.

There you go.

-------------------------

hahaha. panalo. till next. ingat kayo sa mga walks nyo.

random halo-halo... again.

noreply@blogger.com (ehjiboi) — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 05:57:00 +0000

it's been soooooooo long since i last blogged. prolly because there's nothing much to blog about. err... nah. tamad lang ako talaga.

ayun, since am here now, lemme try to write as much as i can before my ideas leave me or bago pa ko tamarin ulit.

new work

the first week of our voice and accent training just started. yes, i am no longer a bum. *cue cheering voices* i am officially working for jp morgan chase, somewhere in makati. now they told us that we'd better be discreet about our job and other information. praning, i know. but i guess they're just looking after our safety and other good shit.

anyway, it'll be my 2nd day of work later. so far nagugustuhan ko naman mga tao sa paligid ko at work. the trainer is witty. though there are two other trainers na ang soul purpose lang sa buhay nila ay tumango pag may sinabi si witty trainer tsaka magtanong sa likod kung naririnig ba namin yung nagsasalita sa harap.

fun part last night was the pre-assessment. we stand in front of 20 people (17 classmates plus the 3 trainers), bibigyan ka ng topic that's uber weird and you have to talk for how many minutes about it. some fun topics/questions were 'you are an ant, convince an ant eater to not eat you', 'read a letter that you would send home if you are in a circus training camp' and 'how would you modify a snail so that it'll be faster'. mine was 'create a myth about why the pellican's beak is so big.'

ayun. fun.

dissapointed

more like nagtatampo. nagtatampo ako sa mga search engines sa buong cyber space.

dati, pag may di ako alam, mag iinternet lang ako at presto, alam ko na kahit papaano yung gusto kong alamin. never fails. enter father james reuter and the cathedral players.

sila ang sinisearch ng kapatid ko sa net one time, at medyo hindi nya makita. at dahil may tiwala ako sa internet at sa sarili ko, nagvolunteer ako na ako na ang maghahanap. naupo ako sa harap ng pc, and started the search. and i searched. and searched. and searched. and searched. and sear.. ampotah yan. wala. wala talaga. at nafrustrate ako kasi di naibigay ng internet ang hanap ko. grrr. grrr. grrr.

i went out and started fiddling with my phone. aa, mas madali pang i-compose from scratch sa phone ang 'Sound of Music' kesa hanapin yang cathedral cathedral na yan eh.

naniniwala akong mali ang information na binigay ng nagpapasearch, yung prof ng kapatid ko or yung classmate nya. kasi ayokong maniwalang binigo ako ng google at ng yahoo search. kahit wiki binigo ako.

kakayamot.

tsaka meron pang isa. pede ba, hindi kasama sa sekswalidad ng tao ang metrosexual, at least sa gender preferences. ang alam ko lang kasi, para sakin ha, ang basics nyan ay ang heterosexual at ang homosexual. tapos tsaka sya magbabrach out. pero walang kinalaman ang metrosexual dito.

ayon sa dictionary.com ang metrosexual ay:

a heterosexual male who has a strong aesthetic sense and inordinate interest in appearance and style, similar to that of homosexual males

ayon naman sa urbandictionary.com ito ay:

Modern enlightened, sort of rennasance man. Secure and confident, capable and cool, typically well educated and stylish. Heterosexual with a twist, not gay by any means, but he probally has a few gay friends, and can easily be mistaken for gay by rednecks and jock types. The only straight guy in a fabric store or antique shop who is not being dragged there by a woman.

so there. naiinis lang kaso ako. gago bobo tanga grrness. ayun. anti karma sana.

next time.

award

noreply@blogger.com (ehjiboi) — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 13:35:00 +0000

mapunta tayo sa usapang awards.

kanina, i was at starbs edsa central alone. i need my TIN number for my new work at makati.

dumating ako dun ng mga 9pm-ish. the person who could look my TIN up wasn't there yet. 11pm pa daw. sige, i'll wait since sayang ang pinunta ko pag umuwi ako.

so there i was, sa kapihan, mag-isa. i needed something to do other than coffee and yosi. wow, may newspaper. asteeeeg.

i read two newspapers. same headlines. about this good woman who gave up being a journalist in the US and became part of a group of people who helps somewhere in ifugao. nice girl. she taught and english and literature to kids, and she had to walk a lot just to get to where the kids are. nice noh? yun nga lang pinatay sya while she was walking alone.

the bastard who killed her said, in his defense, that he thaught the lady was his enemy from the village. doy. nakak-inis na rason yan amp. the girl hit from behind by a stone, got 15 brusises, mainly sa ulo. if i were the bastard, i would've realized that i was hitting the wrong person maybe.. i dunno, sa unang hit ko sa kanya?

bastard was sentenced a lifetime in prison. he can't be killed, kasi bawal sa pinas ang death sentence.

it's just sad that this woman had a such good intensions tas papatayin sya ng walang kamalay-malay. at ang pinaka-sad sa lahat was she was given the Order of the Golden Heart award after her death. posthumously, ika nga.

really sad that we recognize a thing that's good apag wala na.

-----------------------------------

speakin of awards, sa theater org namin sa UST, award might mean another thing. pede itong maging pagpapagalit, pambebenga, pangki-criticize. maaawardan ka pag pinapagalitan ka.

kania, inawardan ko ang HR department ng company ko dati.

grr.. pano, they were supposed to process my TIN dati pa. i worked for 4months dun, and they were taking deductions for taxes. tas ngayon hihingin ko lang yung TIN ko wala silang mabigay. bummer is an understatement.

'i curse the day they were born!' haha. ang kulit kasi.

anyway, i'll deal with 'em later. i think i should sleep now.

hindi ito tunkol sa love: don't read

noreply@blogger.com (ehjiboi) — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 05:53:00 +0000

'it's my favorite part of the day, driving you..'

'it's my saddest part of the day, leaving you..'

two lines from a movie i've watched around 2 minutes ago, Love Actually.

now i'm not gonna bore you all with the details, though the details ain't really that boring. kinda fun, actually. am just too lazy to type them all in.

now here's what i have to say. the movie will make you feel good/bad/good again. it's about all the ups and downs of love.

love that wouldn't happen.

love that couldn't happen.

love that just falls into place.

love that falls into place and falls out of place.

love that falls out of place but you still stay in love because, well, you love the person so much.

love that you won't let happen but happens anyway.

stupid love. (true)

innocent love.

wasted love.

weird love.

dammit. lotsa love.

one part in the movie that stuck was a funeral. the couple were together until 'death do us part'. can't help to be a bit jealous and all. gawd i'd love that.

and here i am again, writing about love. sabi dati mahirap isulat mga gantong bagay e. baka kasi di mag work out. tas buburahin mo lang yung pinost mo na blog kasi yun nga.

potek. eto na naman ako. nagsusulat. oo cheesy, alam ko. pero eto na naman ako, naglalakas loob. pft. lalong nagiging cheesy.

basta, ang point lang dun, 3x ang effect ng love movie, love songs, love stories sa taong in-love.

'..and true love lasts a lifetime.'
-Love Actually

Lies.Blog.Threads.Life.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 08:35:00 +0000

I have been down lately, not because I was dumped again but I just feel sad when someone lies to you. Lies to everyone. I hate lies. I'm not a fan of it, and whether it is white lie.. I'm not buying it.

Whether you are my close friend or a family, I cannot promise to put my trust back on you 100%. Lies... very destructive. It feels so bad.

Never lie. Just tell the truth.

♥

It's really hard to focus when you have problems that are hanging inside your mind. You cannot finish your tasks well, you become frustrated and you become dysfunctional. Managing this kind of stress is hard, but there's only one thing that is helping me right now. I have been listening to Stephen Covey's audiobooks (The 7 Habits and the 8th Habit.) I am really trying to do my best to be Proactive all the time. I always try to find an outlet to put away my frustrations and the negative energies that I get on the things that surrounds me. I have been also keeping up on a thread at "g4m" where I give some insights and some ideas. I will not tell you what's the title of the thread, but I want you to find me at guys4men. Yeah i know, if you are familiar with g4m, you would be thinking right now that I go there just to get a big catch but I have realized that the "thread" is the only thing that is keeping me from coming back.

Guys4men is like a big ocean, you have to swim thousands of miles and swim against the water currents just to find your Nemo.

I have met some friends there, some are good and some are just plain sucker-of-attention just like the way I do. LOLS. Blogging for me is another way of de-stressing myself... sitting in front of the computer for 30 minutes to 1 hour would make a big difference. At least for an hour you forget your problems, it is also a way of sharing. This is where I put my extra thoughts that are running on my mind. And Jason Mraz' singing for me right now... "A Beautiful Mess" and yeah a beautiful messy life I got. Day by day, I grow... I mature.

I thank my father for being a good provider and being the best. I owe a lot from him, I thank him for my five-finger forehead and the brain inside it.. I'm really close to him, although he's far but he's just one text away.

I have been very down but I realized that being "down" is a big thing... I get to realize a lot of things. Also helps me to settle my problems step by step.My friends have been very helpful, a nice talk, a good news from them could make your gloomy day bloomy. Jokes that they crack, will surely make me laugh. I am into self-awareness and self-empowerment.

Sorry if your brain is bleeding right now, my stream of consciousness is really surging tonight. Telling you all my gay life is a pleasure, gay life is not only confined to laugh and happiness. It crosses the whole spectrum of colors... just like a rainbow not just pink.

Elizabethtown

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 08:23:00 +0000

Me on Relationships??

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 10:07:00 +0000

My blog have been "Idle" for these past few days... yeah, I've got two reasons:

Professional: I am trying to finish this 2.5inches book with 1212pages... I wanna pass the exam! NCLEX-RN that is... I got a lot of facts running on my mind... help me!

Personal: I can't think of anything to write. I'm thinking of writing something about me, about me and more about me... and what if I tell something about relationship? Dang, did I just say relationship? Ummm... alright then.

I have a friend who always ask me when did I "come out"... my answer is, as always.. from moment I was born on this gay earth! I knew I was gay all along... (read on my previous blog entry with the same title..)

Relationships... relationships... such a difficult thing to handle especially if you are not really prepared for it. Yes I had boyfriends before, I had two. The longest is 1 year and 2 months, the shortest, more or less 3 weeks. Beat that! It wasn't good though, and it was a failure!

Well, as a normal person, I went through with the so-called grieving process. I was powerless, down with depression for 3 days and moved on with my life. (Thanks to my friends... I won't forget Ian and Jean! They are simply the best! I also can't forget what I told them while I was on the 2nd of my depressive days... "Kapag hindi niyo ako tinawagan maghapon, papakamatay ako..." of course, I was just kidding! Though I was insanely inloved, dying wasn't my first choice at all!

After picking pieces of myself up, I told myself never to fall easily. And that's what I'm doing. Right now, I go on friendly dates... but I know it is just a cycle.

YOU meet someone
I
Getting to know Stage
I
Pseudo-courting Stage
(Well, do you get the hunches?)
I
Pass or Fail
(It is either you being dumped or you dumping that someone! If you are dumped
go back to the First Stage, go and find another date or just wait. Keep trying!)
I
The Flaws Stage
(Unleashing the true you!)
I
The Compromise
("We can work on that. Maybe that's just you!")
I
The So-Called "WE"
(Sooner or later, your boyfriend will realize that you are not
really meant for each other. "I think WE should end this..)

If you ended like this, go through the Grieving Process
and Go Back to First Stage. Good luck and Be Persistent!

I told you it is just a cycle. Who wouldn't be tired to doing this. When it comes to relationships, I

Jamie Oliver, Nigella, and Anthony Bourdain-inspired CHEESED POTATOES

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 09:31:00 +0000

Well, it was my rest day so doing this thing is my favorite...cooking! I love watching Jamie Oliver's at Discovery Travel and Living.. and including Nigella and Anthony Bourdain's. All about great tasting FOODS.

First thing, you don't have to get all the ingredients as long as you have some alternatives in your kitchen then it's okay. You will need potatoes, do not peel it. Just wash them thoroughly to removed some SOIL in it. Then hard boil 'em. If you still have the 'keso de bola' from your New Year's feast then it is good to go. You will also need mayonnaise, it is better if it is lil bit sweetened. You can use the one with pickles. You will also need basil leaves, if it is dried it is okay or if you don't have basil, any Italian herb will do. This will add extra taste and aroma to it. Ground pepper. Mix all the ingredients: Cheese, mayonnaise, herbs and pepper. You can put it on the microwave for a quick run just to melt some of the cheese(use a heat resistant glass or porcelain made mixing bowl), also to improved the consistency of the 'dressing,' also to release the aroma of the herbs. After boiling the potatoes, cut them into halves, cubes or whatever. Mix them with the cheese dressing... mix... mix... mix.... Then that's it! But wait, we're not yet done... for 2 minutes put it on the oven or microwave again. After two minutes and you're done. Easy to cook but tastes great! Serve it whatever you like!

SAVE MONEY. FOR A BRIGHTER FUTURE..

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 10:58:00 +0000

This is my coin/paper bank. Yup... COIN/PAPER BANK. It is not a PIGGY BANK. This is my BANK. Well, another bank. Would you believe that this one is made out of my supplements bottle.. I decided to make a COIN BANK out of this because I always get "barya" change. So, instead of speding those barya treats este baryas.. I put them inside this one.

This is the BEFORE picture.. FYI: This is another way of recycling instead
of throwing away things like this, it has still another use before its final trip to our thrash bins.

How to MAKE a COIN/PAPER BANK.

Step 1. Go and get yourself an empty bottle or anything similar.

Step 2. Mark an area where you will be cutting a hole perfectly fitted to the size of a 10 peso coin. Or try inserting a folded bill, and see if it fits.

Step 3. After the cutting, secure the sides with duct tape, but if you don't have duct tape you can use packing tapes just like the one I used. Don't forget to include the bottom of the plastic bottle. This is for security. So no one can remove the tapes, if possible, make your own unique way of putting packing tapes..w well, like a personalized one. Do it your way.Remember, this is yours.

Step 4. The final step, don't forget to sign or put you name, your boyfriend/girlfriend's name on the sides.. or simply put your signature. This is to ensure that no one can touch it. No one can try to open it or anything. So, there will be no stealing.

Step 5. Go and get your coins and paper bills, insert the coins. If possible, insert only 10 peso coins. That is the least amount. Then for your bills, fold em neatly and gently insert them in. There you go. You've just made a COIN/PAPER BANK. You can insert P500 bill if you want. I did that...

I just hope you've learned something new. This a CRAFT!

Wala Kang Karapatang Mag-Break..

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 11:32:00 +0000

This happened yesterday (Dec. 15, 2007), I was on a day shift 7A-7P. I decided to have my 1 hour lunchbreak which starts from 12:30PM-1:30PM. I did not sleep on Thursday's night because I reall can't. My eyes were like wide-open until morning, until 5AM... the usual time for me to prepare for work when I'm on a morning shift.

I was inside the clinic, in front of my desk... in front of the computer and I was trying to get a nap even just for 20 minutes. Someone tried to opened the door but of course it was locked, and it was so clear that I have put a sign on the clinic's door with "NURSE ON BREAK, 12:30PM-1:30PM" before locking the door. Then I heard a girl's voice while trying to open the clini, she said "AHHHH... Wala kang karapatang mag-break!!" She did not know that I heard her. Well, an adrenaline rush..blood pooled into my head but I managed to stop it. I went out of the clinic, asked the lady-guard if she saw that girl... but she told me that she did not notice except that two girls passed by almost two minutes ago.

Teka.. teka.. teka... mukhang puputok na aneurysm ko. I'm bleeding. Tagalog na ah.

Pagkatapos ng break ko, binuksan ko na ang clinic. So pumasok itong si AGENT X.. na bumisita na pala sa clinic ng mga bandang umaga para himingi ng Advil. Tinanong ko siya kung pumunta siya ng clinic nun naka-break ako, sabi niya "OO".. pagkasalita niya naalala ko yung boses na un... siya nga. Sorry to say, pero maganda pa naman sana siya. Marami siyang attitude. At anlakas pa ng loob niya na sabihing pinamigay daw niya un hiningi niya na gamot sa ka-team mate niya na kung tutuusin eh sa kanya dapat. Di ko gets... ewan...

Anyway, to sum it up.. kung wala akong karapatang mag-break.. wala siyang karapatang sabihin yun... parehas lang kaming pinapasahod. Kups!

Sagittarius

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 02 Dec 2007 10:14:00 +0000

SAGITTARIUS
The Promiscuous One

Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being in long relationships. So much love to give. A loner most of the time. Loses patience easily and will not take crap. If in a bad mood stay FAR away. Gets offended easily and remembers the offense forever. Loves deeply but at times will not show it feels it is a sign of weakness. Has many fears but will not show it. VERY private person. Defends loved ones will all their abilities. Can be childish often. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in bed..!!! (wala akong idea..)Not the kind of person you want to mess with- you might end up crying.

My Birthday is on December 8. Please send your gifts now.. Thanks in advance! hehe...

DEAR MYSELF...

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 17 Nov 2007 09:03:00 +0000

Dear Myself,

I know you are a grown up now... so keep your heads up and broaden your sight, look forward and be positive. You have been low these past few days, but I know you have already picked yourself back into pieces... into someone who's different and into someone who's more upbeat. You have paid all the bills, been humble and kept your head above your shoulders. You have been honest and passive all the time, I know it is really hard for you to take another step but soon I know you can make things right even in the most impossible and wrong-est time. You have made friends with all your heart, showed the real you and kept the people who deserves your love and honesty in your heart. It was tough... I know, but you have showed me that you can still be positive even in the most hard-hitting times, you were once considered a disgrace to your family and blacksheep, but didn't you realize that a black sheep's skin is white when its fur is cut off? I know how you feel when you are judged immediately.. you feel blue, you feel red.. you feel black and sometimes all white, very clear... spotless. I do believe that we have our own time, time to soar, time to shine.. and time to give a last and triumphant laugh, even it only takes for seconds. Someday, your dreams will come true, you just have to believe and love yourself, ignore the people who have hurt you, forgive and give them a smile. You and I are grown ups now, it is sad but true..we are getting old. I have told you my stories, my dreams, my heartaches.. my life. We understand each other, but sometimes we fight. Do you remember when Mom told me that she shouldn't have brought me here in this world? I was in pain...it felt terrible, so terrible. I was amazed when You, myself, taught me how to accept and take things in a light approach... you wiped my tears and hushed me from sobbing. You tried to make me understand that we only have the same one Mom. We both love Mom.. even Papa. You always make me laugh when you say this line, "My mom raised me well.", which I think very simple yet powerful the fact that other people laugh at us... well they should know KC Concepcion. You and I were raised by mom very well.

Dear Myself. You are the only one who knows me and knows yourself better than anyone else in this world. You may be disappointed in me, but I never despise you for your shortcomings.. I am not afraid to say that I understand... that I understand you well. Just be true and humble, like a bumble bee.. Dear Myself... you.. and I... we are gay and happy.

Love.
Yourself.

PS.
always smile.
don't trust strangers.
always love yourself...first.
don't forget your vitamins

AIDS

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 02:29:00 +0000

>http://www.youtube.com/v/EaIhv9nv3Os&rel=1">http://www.youtube.com/v/EaIhv9nv3Os&rel=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355">

continuation of my story.. from the very beginning.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 21 Oct 2007 05:40:00 +0000

Not all relationships last, and that no relationships are perfect. All good things must always come to an end as the saying says, but it doesn't have to end with bitterness.
Jojo and Alex's relationship started with a simple chat in the Internet. Considering the modern times that we have now, it is not that hard to find someone to talk to and to have an instant connection with people who have the same interests. At that time, Jojo was feeling down and hopeless when he went to chat and let time pass. So, he was chatting away and greeting people randomly, when this guy came in the chat room and greeted people with a wrong spelling of greeting. This guy told the people at the chat room that he was "drunked". Jojo noticed him and told him that he was wrong. After a while, they exchanged instant messages and introduced each other. His name is Alex and he is from Tuguegarao, but he studies at Baguio at that time. While Jojo studies at Las Pinas and lives in Bacoor. They were both student nurses at that point in time. Alex asked for Jojo's number, so Jojo replied with his number. While Alex can't give any contact number at that time since he has no mobile phone. Alex called Jojo after he got his number. Alex used his mom's mobile phone to call Jojo. They talked for almost 2 hours. They both talked of things about themselves, it was more of a formal introduction and virtual acquaintance. Immediately, Jojo fell in-love with Alex's voice. Every now and then, they would talk over the phone and randomly discuss about things. Though Jojo wasn't sure of what he feels towards Alex, he feels happy just talking to him. He then realized thereafter that he is already falling for Alex. Little did Jojo know, that Alex was still with another man at that time. Alex wasn't happy with the way things are with him and that guy anymore. So, Alex decided to end his relationship with that guy and pursued Jojo then. But since Alex hasn't got a mobile at that time, it was hard for them to communicate. Jojo then requested that they exchange emails so that they would still keep in touch. Unfortunately, it was difficult for them to communicate, since they always haven't got the time to exchange messages. Especially Alex, because he was having a hard time with his academics at that time.
Three months have passed without any communication between the two of them. Jojo waited in vain for Alex to send him a single message. That one day, he got surprised by Alex's text message. They eventually became lovers on August of 2005 even though they haven't met personally yet. They still kept their communication open and arranged to meet later on. Both Jojo and Alex were anticipating that day to come, when they finally get to meet face to face.
After that day when Jojo and Alex became lovers, Alex already told his friends about Jojo - his new boyfriend. He was proud to tell everyone about him. Yes, it was a long distance relationship, yet they somehow managed to keep their ties strong. Jojo helps Alex with his paperwork, which Jojo later found out that those paperwork that he did for Alex weren't printed and submitted.
September came and it was time for them to finally meet. Alex went to Las Pinas to visit his sister who lives there. Alex's residence at Las Pinas was close to Jojo's school and home, so Jojo always comes over and visits Alex whenever he finds time. And they had to make excuses whenever Jojo visits because Alex's sister didn't know that they already have a relationship. Alex was given a week to stay in Las Pinas because he has to go back to Baguio. On Alex's last day of stay in Las Pinas, Alex promised Jojo that they'll meet before he leaves for Baguio. But then there was a change of plan. Alex went to meet with his mom. And it left Jojo disappointed because they weren't able to meet that day. It made Jojo really sad. He cried, because he wasn't able to see Alex. And because Alex was heading back to Baguio. Jojo then decided to go to the mall alone.
Months have passed since then, and they haven't seen each other for a long time. They were missing each other's presence. Though they still communicate often through SMS, and was still so in-love with each other. But knowing that it has been such a long time since they've seen each other. Alex started to befriend other men. This certain guy emerged (R), both he and Alex was tight like more than friends could ever be. This led to a conflict between Jojo and Alex, but it was soon resolved.
Alex was in Tuguegarao when he told Jojo that his phone got snatched. Jojo was so worried about Alex. He was worried on how they were to communicate. But later on, during their 9th month of being lovers, Alex surprised Jojo by texting him and greeting him of their 'monthsary'.
After those sweet moments, another conflict arose. Alex failed in school. And Alex got involved with this other guy (M). Though Alex haven't told a thing to Jojo about M, Jojo knew that Alex was having a difficult time with school and everything. Jojo knew that there was something wrong with Alex and their relationship, and that made Jojo worry. Soon enough, Alex told Jojo about M. They fought about it. Jojo asked Alex on how he could have done such a thing. They were both devastated. After which, Alex asked Jojo to give him another chance. Another chance to prove himself again. So Jojo gave him a week, but later on, Jojo grew weary. Jojo was tired of everything. He wanted to take a break from it all. After that incident, Jojo and Alex agreed to be just friends. They helped each other to move on with their lives - and that left no room for bitterness to grow for they gravely understood. That is how they are to be - just friends.

credits to Niko Angelo Mendoza. A very good friend. :)

MY QUESTION FOR THE DAY....10/10/2007

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 14 Oct 2007 05:28:00 +0000

MY QUESTION FOR THE DAY:

May alam ka bang pampa-pink ng lips? ndi lipbalm ah…

Ang tanong ko sa mga nasa YM list ko, wala lang naisip ko lang. Basahin niyo mga sagot ng mga friends ko. Nakakatawa mga kasagutan.. super.. Ikaw may alam ka ba?

1. dionisius_romanov: dunno, lipstick siguro.

2. maan viloria viloria: mag lip gloss ka lang

maan viloria viloria: naks....

maan viloria viloria: lip gloss lang po

maan viloria viloria: or pa lips spa mo kaya

3. pa3kstar Valerio: lip pencil?

4. jessamay: papel de hapon

jessamay: kulay pink

jessamay: hahaha joke

5. Jerilee Castro: nku wla ko lam... lam ko lng ung lip balm ng nivea tska ung sa godiva

Jerilee Castro: bkt?? Hehheeh

6. cristina isabel nudas: me nkta ako godiva nun eh

cristina isabel nudas: lipbalm

cristina isabel nudas: kaso diko pa natry

7. gina reyes: lip gloss na pink

gina reyes: pang pa shine meron ako

gina reyes: ha?

gina reyes: d kita magets

8. janice_may0914 ramos: lipstick hahahaha

janice_may0914 ramos: kagatin mo pra maging mapula..

9. zhaggy23: lipstick

zhaggy23: mamili k yung kuhang natural

zhaggy23: tusuktusukin m nlng

zhaggy23: pra natural

10. adrian constantino: umm mkpg kiss ka ng mtagal? hahaha joke.. wla e tnung ko sa mga frnds ko na girl

11. gica bustamante: kagatin mo lips mo.

Ikaw naman tatanungin ko...

May alam ka bang pampa-pink ng lips?

*ayan comedy naman mga sagot ng karamihan.. hanggang ngayon pinag-iisipan ko pa rin kung susubukan ko ang mga suggestions nila... toothpaste? kiss? kagat?... ano kaya??

DBSK - Fly Away

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 12 Oct 2007 03:30:00 +0000

This song melts my heart! A Millionaire's First Love... such a sweet and romantic movie. Made me cry a lot of times..

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Still John Uy

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 17 Sep 2007 03:46:00 +0000

"This will not be the last time you'll hear from me..." -- John James Uy, Be Bench Grand Finals Night, September 11, 2007

I already knew that Carlo won since it was in the papers last week. (Congratulations to Carlo's fans!) Last night, I watched the event on TV, just so I could see how John fared in the finals. He was still the hottest! I must admit though that he looked as if he doesn't know where to go during the segment where they had wings.

When they announced that John is eliminated, I felt his pain. Awang-awa ako sa kanya. I felt like I wanted to be there and hug him and tell him it's okay (Haha, grabe na ito, IN MY DREAMS!!!).

I think he expected that he will win, or make it to the top four at the very least. He really looked shocked. I even thought he was gonna cry. But no, he did not. And that made me like him even more. I really wanted him to win the competition. Carlo was not my favorite, though he was really the first guy I noticed when I first watched Be Bench. And I admit he has a pretty face and a cute smile. But as the show went on, I lost interest in him. Oh well, that's life. They all deserve to be there, anyway.

Basta ako, kay John pa rin ako! Hehe. Hottest ever!