Recently I have been helping myself and others out of challenging times. Maybe things are not working out as we would have liked. Yet, in the past, these deviations from the coveted route have always borne fruit. So, as I was pondering on this, in the way described in my past post, I came across this little story about Albert Einstein:

It is, of course an interesting and inspiring story, since we know very well that the outcome was wonderful. The point is, did he? Even as he lived through that miracle year, it still didn’t probably feel like a good year to young Albert. Remember, he still didn’t follow his desired career path, he still was not recognized for all those ideas for years to come. Though they were out there, they were still not generally supported by the scientific community.

At the time of the miracle year, then, the miracle was not yet apparent. So here’s to those miracles we only see from a distance and may they materialize in the lives of those who are creating them every day.

What most inspires me of this story are the following reflections:

Einstein was stuck in a dead-end job. Yet he still had the nerve to publish those papers. He still had meaningful conversations on his own time, with people that were sounding boards to his ideas. Seeking out people to talk to about the things that matter to us is so important. I am blessed to have many colleagues around, friends, admirers of my work and mentors I admire deeply. When things go not so brilliantly I sometimes feel like hiding from the world, yet I find that stimultating conversations from close up or over the web, are never as valuable as when I don’t know what I can contribute to them. And, sometimes, I will be a sounding board for someone else’s miracle, even when I thought I should stay home.

It doesn’t feel like a miracle until after it’s happened. There’s a drive to do what your mission dictates. I am sure young Albert couldn’t help himself in writing those papers. He must have felt hopeless many times, even when he was being so productive. I imagine a tug-of-war between the Einstein that knew his thinking was sound and the guy that had to go to work 6 days a week and wonder if anyone would ever read it, let alone agree with him. Miracles can be dead ends in disguise for years.

What else is a mind to do? So, if Albert Einstein had been in teaching instead of at the patent office, maybe his brilliant thinking would have been focused elsewhere. Would he have found the best technique to get his students to understand physics? Would he have focused on not losing that position or on becoming a valued academic? Of course, research and curiosity were in his DNA, but maybe getting what he thought he wanted would have produced more of a wasteful year than a miracle one? Was boredom with his life causing his brain to fire in other directions? Quite probably. Yet we are so intent on getting what we want when we want it, that we sometimes miss what difficulty creates for our mind and souls.

…

When I was younger I used to think something was very wrong with me. I would think things that nobody else seemed to. I would be creative where conformity was expected and content where it really didn’t matter to me, though it did to others. My mind would go off on expeditions instead of paying attention to detail, and it still does. Today, I know it is the power of my thinking that opens and closes doors for me and others. I am more willing to ride the waves, to come up with more ideas that I can handle, and then choose to run with only a few, capturing others on paper or in enticing conversations. I am expecting miracles. I know that innovation is a Phoenix, born at the end of the previous one. So, as life goes on, I vow to celebrate the beauty of fire and the possibility of ashes. May it be so for you, also.

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Have you noticed that some of the people you admire most and consider successful share their stories of past defeat readily?They like to remember the lessons they learned from them, take them out to play from time to time, keep them fresh. They also learn each and every day from their current life and do not let success get in the way of their aspirations for the future.

Hard times are, well, hard when they are being lived, but they rarely last forever. Especially if you learn enough from them to shift and pivot your way into a more enlightened path.

I once heard this quote:

“Success is a little like wrestling a gorilla. You don’t quit when you’re tired. You quit when the gorilla is tired.”
― Robert Strauss

At first read it seemed simplistic and silly, but it has helped me through many a struggle since. And, lo and behold, the gorilla DOES tire at some point and knowing that helps when you need to keep on trucking.  The “down” times in my business and life have also been the most creative, when I do the most innovative work, find the next step to take and reimagine my vision. I have even come to think of them as portals to what’s coming. So when I feel down, I remember I am still undefeated and the game of life is far from over.

How do YOU cope with the hard times?  Let me share with you a few insights that I live by:

1. Stay aware. Falling into denial is no way to face an incoming storm. It is a recipe for disaster. When things are difficult, I know I need my best game on, my tools in order, and my best before me. I strive to see the gorilla I am fighting in all its mighty glory so I can best face it or even make friends. (I always picture that gorilla as one of my favorite characters, Ishmael, from Daniel Quinn’s novel, and then, I am not fighting, but learning its wisdom).

2. Whine and dine. When i find myself whining about the present, I picture myself having a celebration dinner at the end of this mess, and laughing at how I used to complain. It works for me! Whining is no fun, but I do remember my beloved mother in law, Raquel, who would take whatever complaint I had and vowed to kill whomever was causing it for me. She got so angry and defensive that she always made me smile, feel loved and return to perspective. No, it’s alright to let them live, I am stronger for it.

3. Stay connected. I know, showing your success side is always nicer than showing hardship. In some ways, it is a private thing. Struggling through something does NOT have to be done in the public eye (I even hate it when the tabloids don’t allow celebs their space). But climbing into a hole usually does not help much. After all, my own thinking brought me here, I like to find new thinking in my network and beyond. Still, there are people around you that can help if you let them in. Find out who to trust in the good times, so you can seek them out during hardship. I also take a bit of risk and let some newbies in. If they disappoint, I learn a valuable lesson about them in relation to me.

4. Get inspired. It’s a consistent practice of mine to actively seek out inspiring people, ideas or material every day. I double up when I am feeling down. Two TED talks a day, two people I admire that I look at closely (and preferably, let them know I admire them), two stopping to smell the roses. Whatever I can fit in a day, I do. If I have to tackle hard conversations all morning, I take inspiration breaks, to notice the sunshine, to read a bit, to listen to music…it only takes a few minutes and really changes my disposition. You might want to start with a TED playlist.

5. Practice generosity. It helps to help. Again, this is part of my ongoing otheresteem practices, but I go out of my way to help others when I need a boost. It reminds me I do not have the corner on suffering and it fills my heart with joy. You can volunteer, do meaningful pro-bono work or simply call someone that will be happy to hear your voice today, spend some time with people who appreciate your visit, or simply smile at someone who looks like they could use it.

—

So, how about this checklist? Would it work for you? What would you add?

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The is an article I posted over on LeadChange! I hope you enjoy it.

Great leaders feel most energized when they can add massive value to the community they are working with or the world at large. And isn’t it wonderful when you have been instrumental in inspiring others to do the same? It takes real character to ask yourself, every day:

How am I adding value today?

Read more on LeadChange

It was intended as a joke. Playing on his character, Frank Underwood of House of Cards fame, Kevin Spacey tweeted this a couple of days ago at the Cancún tourism event Tianguis Turístico:

And I thought it was quite funny! “ONE president is real.” And, if I were Kevin Spacey, I would have gotten a kick out of getting a pic with the Mexican president. All smiles and jokingly in the same league. I am pretty sure that Peña’s team was amused, getting the silliness of the picture.  Then, all hell broke loose. Facebook and Twitter alike, abuzz with outrage about Kevin’s support of mexican policy and Mr. Peña Nieto himself, pained explanations of how one is better or worse than the other. I get opposition and understand how widely accepted it is to throw stones at the President in my country. And, living here, I know that there is genuine outrage with much current policy. Yet, like Mr. Spacey, I am not about to write about politics as it is not my field of expertise. I know much more than Kevin, of course, as a citizen and resident of this country, but I don’t care to add my perception on this subject now.

What truly amazes me is the blur between reality and fiction that can cause such a reaction!

“Also making progress.” Huh! It could be taken as an insult by none other than Mr. Peña and his supporters. After all, we get to walk along with Mr. Underwood as he cheats, lies, plots and murders on Netflix. (Yep. I am a captive fan as well, and I think Mr. Spacey and Ms. Wright do a marvellous acting job there. And the writers are talented and wicked in more ways than one. ) Yet the reactions were more in the way of setting things straight for Kevin Spacey so that he and the world knew that Peña is not, in their perception, worthy of praise. Wait…Praise?  Frank Underwood’s brand of politics is far from progress. It is evil and self-serving. It is meant to be and to make it more dramatic, he makes you his accomplice at every turn by revealing his thinking openly to you.

Alas, FRANK UNDERWOOD IS FICTION.

Yet he, and what he stands for is real to many. So real, that there is emotional reaction slanting his way. Where have I seen this before?

Lately, I have encountered people within organisations that spin their own, marvellously crafted fib and tell their story compellingly. They draw fans and detractors into their web of fabrications until they believe so dearly that they can react to an interaction between story and reality in intriguing ways.

Here are just a few you might recognise:

• The self-positioned “expert” debunks the real expert and people take him seriously enough to doubt and quarrel about it.
• The “friend” or ally that acts the part perfectly, yet speaks ill of you as soon as you turn your back and as widely as possible. This character’s main “friendship” trait is being critical of others, feeding you intel about them and how to crush them, and telling you how much better you are.)
• The smiling hypocrite that says yes to everything and no to actually working on making it happen

There are – of course – many more. All the behaviors they elicit are as surreal as reacting to Spacey as if he were Underwood, and giving that character the same weight in your mind as the actual president of a country.  You might even come to appreciate their talent for acting and storytelling, but they are not the one president that is real. They are the other, even more awful one.

And so is Kevin Spacey, who was so attacked that he tweeted a response that should have been irrelevant.  Kudos, Spacey! You have brought Frank Underwood most effectively to life!

Yesterday I got into an argument with a colleague on a subject I know more about than he. At least that’s what I was thinking.

I honestly can’t recall how it started, but somehow the conversation twisted into my area of expertise. He was dissecting the field that I have worked in for years and was speaking with the confidence and authority of a full-blown expert, so I was reacting to him as if he was exactly that. Smart and opinionated, the colleague came up with arguments from what he has read, from current experience, from hearsay and from just plain wanting to be right. We carried on for a while as the other people in that meeting simply left the conversation. Next thing you know and 5 minutes into it and I was in the flow of making my points, clearing up what was not right, explaining where I was coming from in my thinking. Our tone of voice was rising and we were really getting into that heated discussion mode, completely beside the point we had intended to discuss.

Then it dawned on me: he doesn’t really know this stuff. What he does know is he desperately wants to be right. And that obnoxious voice inside of me said: “And you must, too, or you wouldn’t be arguing.” It was right! (And I hate it when that happens )

I stopped and focused on listening. He didn’t really have a point, but- oh, boy did have a position! He was defending it wholeheartedly, bravely even. I explored his view with him, shifting to understand and suspending judgement. His position became clearer and clearer.  And that position would get in the way of what we were trying to accomplish together. So I asked, “How does this apply to our project?” He stopped, looked at me with a quizzical look and pondered for a bit. “I don’t think we should be going for the big fish with this. We need the people who operate the system to be onboard.” Now THAT was an interesting discussion to have. And it was much warmer, interesting and productive. It turns out his position and mine were distinctly different in that arena as well. I was aiming to get the top cats in the organisation interested in our project and he was looking for an organic climb from middle management, where they would sponsor our work. We talked about going both ways, getting leverage from above and below. We talked about our strategy, planned, set actions. We imagined what kind of sponsorship was needed internally to get the ball rolling. We were creative, and the rest of the table got engaged in this conversation after having been silent through that ping-pong match we were doing before.

Have you ever wanted to be right when it didn’t really serve your purpose? How do you catch yourself and correct course?

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Ah, the many blessings that come wrapped in brown paper! Discomfort is one of them. When working with coaching clients or in training sessions there is nobody more aware of the impact of positive experience, feedback and slant than I. Yet, time and time again, I realize that  even “positive” experience, like opening up to colleagues about their strengths can be discomforting. And if the organization pampers me with every perk possible and I am so powerful that everyone scrambles to do things my way, I will have a very hard time not reacting adversely to even the slightest discomfort.

What is your initial reaction to discomfort?

I find, sadly, that the higher up on the corporate ladder, the less people are accustomed to experiencing any sort of discomfort. They might feel vulnerable, or out of control when faced with an experience they are not used to. So how can they drive home that the unease is an opportunity in disguise? That they will not – contrary to what their body is telling them- die from it, but can grow and expand on it.

For executives who’s only allowed discomfort is stress (and arguably, this is “comfortable” because it is familiar), even peace can seem alien. So, how can we protect ourselves and our collaborators for falling in that part of the success trap? Here’s a few musings:

• Welcome mild discomfort, move to a place of understanding when your defences arise. You can tell you are becoming defensive because you will be extra-critical, bored or otherwise distracted from your discomfort. 
• Feel it instead of moving away. Stay out of real danger, of course, but master yourself by knowing that you will not die from this. It can only make you expand into a stronger you. I tell myself: “I am not made of glass. I can take this and turn it into a learning experience.” ( That is ultimately up to you! There you are, you are in control again. )
• Make it a competitive game with yourself to find the silver lining. Can you make the most out of it?
• Lead the way! Experience what others might when you set them up for discomfort. Do your colleagues or team go through this on a regular basis. How do they react? Can you model a different path?

Discomfort is the door to transformation. Embrace the opportunity to be uncomfortable! Learn from it and make it count!

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Sorry about the uber-long headline. I am sure you get the picture.

Yesterday I was sharing my view about a huge project we are working on with a new set of collaborators when I got stopped in my tracks by a colleague. He felt I was being “too positive” by telling them I thought our project was awesome and they were precisely the right people to see it to the finish line with us. Poof! … he continued my pep talk by stating that they might be accidentally there, but still we needed their hard work. Bummer!

In fact, I stand behind every single word that I was saying, and I will tell you why (’cause I’ll tell him later, and I want to get my thoughts together, guys and gals! )

1. This was a DIVERSE team, chosen by our regional partners, and I trust those guys to do their choosing. Because we have been working for some months now, these regionals have been awarded all of my confidence, and I routinely trust, then supervise. I don’t second-guess them, unless there is something not going the way we want, and then I have a sit-down about just that. (Think friendly reminder, two-heads-think-better-than one, clarity check-in.) There is no other way to work wonders in a short deadline with an ambitious goal than get that star team in place and trust them to get going.  Do I know they could be mistaken? Yes. Do I expect them to? No. Will I take action immediately as needed? You bet!
2. In a project like this whoever is here is the perfect team. There’s no time for groaning about why such-and-such didn’t come. We are getting it done with these people at this time, and they are- in that sense – the perfect team, or in the process of becoming it! When we needed to get someone really extraordinary on the top team, we went to get them! We killed the dogs fast and let go anyone who didn’t have the time, energy or ability to be here. Now, this is it! I am into loving them as they are and sure that they will fulfil their purpose.
3. I saw their faces light up as I talk. They were valued and had something to do here. I need them to know that immediately. We have a twenty-something, fresh from college kid in the group along with two seasoned pro’s and one very senior guy. I want ALL of what they have to offer to come into play. And I mean NOW!
4. The positive expectations work wonders when you are under pressure, but you DO have to stick to them. If you need people to hit the ground running, there must be something worth running for. I want to make sure they understand the wonders we are aiming for, not just the hard work that will take us there.  All of the incredible successes I have ever been involved in had us working more than usual every day, and since we are working hand in hand and we already have a driven, top-notch, creative leadership team in place, they are going to get the work ethic fast or jump ship! (A couple already have jumped ship, and it’s a good thing! We’ll make it sure they make it safely to the shore and go our own merry way at the speed of light. )
5. Hard work and high expectations beget a hard-working team. That’s a no-brainer. It’s self-selecting. But you ALSO have to know:  ONLY positive, forward thoughts about your team’s ability to get there will bring surprise efforts to outdo themselves. So communicate the vision as clearly and often as necessary, which in a highly demanding project means all the time! I believe it, and I am willing to say it out loud: This is going to be awesome! It is becoming awesome as we speak!

So, how do YOU get extraordinary results from large and enlarging teams for demanding projects. What’s the glue you use to keep it all together? And, yes, I want to know your view: Can you be too positive?

 

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You know those times when WOW is about the best way to describe your reaction? Things fall into place, seem to all work out at once. And it’s a GREAT feeling, right? Right? RIGHT? Or, you think it ought to be but it’s more of a panic?

Lately I have been reminding myself I am getting exactly what I hoped for. But my first reactions are telling of remaining fears of success that I have been working on this year. Yes, fear of success. Some people claim they don’t know that one, but I am sure it’s mostly a best kept secret. Anyone who ammounts to anything and has expanded their horizons significantly can recall a time when they had to pinch themselves to see if they were really living this.

To me the best way of expressing it is with Barbra Streisand singing that Paul Simon song (yeah, I’ve shared it before, but it’s one of my favorites):

“When something goes wrong, I am the first to admit it. I’m the first to admit it, if I’m the last one to know. When something goes right, it’s likely to lose me, it’s bound to confuse me, it’s such an unusual sight, I swear I can’t get used to something so right!”

Well, I can’t say I totally identify with that, because mostly my life’s alright and I am feeling great about it. But there’s still that voice in the back that says: Really? What’s the catch? So here’s the truth (just as much for reminding myself than telling you….or maybe a little more for the former )

• There IS no catch. When things are going well, just as much as when they aren’t, this is an OPPORTUNITY to show what you are made of. Now’s the time to shine and you can choose if you will allow yourself to feel pressured by this or ecstatic.
• You still gotta do the deed! Just because you got the good news, doesn’t mean you can just sit. At the very least, you need to make sure you enjoy it fully!
• You are allowed to feel the way you do. Fear, joy, hope…whatever it is. Better to accept and choose to change your thinking than to remain oblivious to how you feel. Even if you feel you were past that fear, you may have been for the previous level of achievement, but new heights can be scary at first. And you can move forward in spite of fear.

So there you have it! My current thinking on the issue. Who else is recovering from fear of failure, or moving in spite of it? Show of hands?

 

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Photo by Sabo Tercero

Today I summed up a few things I had been reflecting about after reading a note from an old colleague. This is what it sparked in me:

In the GREAT stage of life, my role is small and might go unnoticed, if not for the fact that I can put into it that which only I can contribute. And I can do it with so much love and enjoyment that it becomes memorable.

I know the theater reference comes from my recent work as producer/actress for the Mexico Cast production of Fiddler on the Roof. But bear with me. What about the learning opportunity for the larger picture? Lately I have been dealing with people who lock up their own feelings and are not straightforward about their views, forthcoming about their wants or easy to deal with for me. It’s been a challenge, to say the least. My first reaction is to steer clear away from them. I might still! But in my dealings, I have found great opportunity to understand my own slant towards authentic expression, onstage and off.

It’s about how small a role is. You see, in some ways it is much easier to shine and get noticed if you have been assigned a big, juicy lead. Still, in our play there’s the Rabbi that barely says a few words and becomes one of the most applauded actors on this stage. Certainly, he is seen and remembered by the audience. There’s a mastery about him, that comes only from years of work and spotless technique. But I wonder if it is only that which makes for this star power? I believe not. It’s the fact that he OWNS this role. He makes a conscious effort to do it just right. To lend himself to it enough, while remaining reflective enough of its effect.

The more authentic you are in general, the easier it will be to learn about yourself. So, in my dealings with authenticity or the lack of it, the journey inward holds the greatest learning. Am I being authentic? Am I being guarded? What am I afraid of? Is my role too small?

When I become whiny and hide behind victimhood I might feel I am out of place and should go find people I can trust more. Still, there’s this nagging voice in the back of my head: how do YOU contribute to this? My eyes have not been open enough. There is an alternative to being guarded called being aware. Of myself and others. Of what they do and say and what I do and say. Am I making sure I am clear? Am I listening for the music and not just the lyrics?

So today I am thinking that anyone’s role is small in the grand scheme of things. Yet, we can play it big. Authenticity is key to unlocking your very own contribution to others. That special way of being and doing that only you can contribute. It’s there. We need only find it.

I intend to enjoy the areas where I hold a leading role. They are effortless and fun. They let me shine easily. And, if I use them to build my self-awareness, they will guide me to how I might lend light to the smallest roles of life. Those that might go unnoticed or might just make a big difference.

Do I make any sense to you? How can your authenticity guide your way to a significant life? Tell me! I really want to know.

11 days into the new year. Can you tell how it’s going to turn out? It’s an artificial break, I know, but I’m kind of partial to new beginnings. I am a sucker for starting things and love that feeling of a fresh new page before me, waiting to be written or drawn upon. So, I like to use that frame of mind that comes with the new year to sort out my projects and ideas. By now, they are all off and running, taking on a life of their own. So I want to share with you what I have found to be new, renewed and renewable. How can you see your work that way?

New.

What are you doing that truly is new for you? What uncharted territory are you planning to travel. New adventures add some excitement to the mix. In business, they might be something that you haven’t tried before, or a new way of offering your product or service. Think hard: what is truly new in what you are doing? Make sure you are innovating and not just staying on the safe side. With rapid change come rapid opportunities and it is easier to see them if you stay fresh in what you are doing. For my team this year much of the “new” are things we have been wanting to do for some time and now is when they can come to life.

Renewed. 

Not everything is shiny new. Some of the things in our life are vintage. Still, they can be renewed for the starting cycle. Coming back from vacation or from a break, you find renewed strength to keep on doing what needs to be done. For me, renewed energy happens every cycle. Every day (yes, I’m a morning person), every week (yes, I love Mondays…someone said they spell my name! ). Every year. What are you facing now with renewed resolve? Renewed energies can give you that fuel to go the rest of the way on your everyday challenges. I am reminded by the new year that I need those breaks to go on. I am restoring the cycles this year. They had run into one another in 2012 and blurred the lines more than I would like. I am taking those excercise breaks, enjoying those family dinners and using an app to keep activities flowing (30/30 on my ipad. A nice gift on those Itunes 12 days…). Balance renewed. That’s my resolve for 2013 and I am taking it one step at a time.

Renewable.

So I am wondering, how can I build renewable into my new projects. Make them expandable, recyclable, evergreen. It’s good for my business and my spirit to think that way. It makes creating a new project more challenging and fun to be thinking how it could help others, too. It makes great buisiness sense to build customization into our products and it keeps us on our toes to think how we can make each process scalable. In our growing company, we are reaping more and more benefits from that thinking. As my good friend Dave Carpenter always asks: “How can you make (that success) ten times better?” Making it renewable is all about that. And, boy, are we enjoying those rich conversations!

———–

Monica Diaz is an author, coach and facilitator passionate about helping people create great work experiences and organizations sustain incredible results through healthy culture. She can be reached on Twitter at @monedays, and LinkedIn

To book Monica for speaking, coaching or facilitating use this FORM.

MORE about her HERE.