Quiet Courage

What is Your Miracle Grow?

2010-03-04T17:22:00.001-08:00

The other day I stopped by to talk with one of our neighbors who was out working her garden. Linda is a wonderful gardener and her garden is always a source of joy and inspiration to me. This particular day, Linda had flats of different flowers she was planting in different areas of her garden.

It was a fun process to watch because she obviously knew what she was doing and she had a specific plan as to where she wanted each kind of flower to go. Her body language conveyed that she truly loved working in her yard and she seemed to get great enjoyment out of preparing each bed with the right kind of soil and fertilizer so that each plant would have the greatest likelihood of surviving and thriving.

As I watched her work, I couldn’t help but think of the similarities between taking care of a garden and taking care of ourselves. Each aspect of a garden needs something a little different to flourish. Some plants may need sunlight, some may need shade. If you have moss in your lawn you use a certain kind of fertilizer and if you want to get rid of weeds you use another. Some plants grow better with lots of water and some don’t need so much.

Most of us are pretty good at figuring out what our garden needs, and if we don’t know we can always ask the person at the nursery. Unfortunately, unlike plants, we don’t come with a tag around our neck describing our unique growing requirements. We are left to figure that out for ourselves.

Do you know what nourishes you? Do you know what is it that recharges you and reconnects you to the world? If you are not sure, take some time and think about what kinds of things nurtures you on a physical, emotional and spiritual level. What kind of environment do you need to not only survive, but to truly thrive?

The answer may take some digging because we live in a society that doesn’t always reinforce self-care. Focusing on ourselves can often translate into being selfish and self-absorbed. However, I am inviting you to challenge that belief.

It is not selfish to take care of ourselves; for when we are at our best, we perform better at our jobs, we are more present with our friends and family and we are just generally more fun to be around.

Think about the apple tree that produces such a wonderful fruit. If the tree is neglected and not properly fertilized, pruned, and watered, it will wither and die and no longer produce apples, its special gift to the world.

We are like the apple tree. If we want to be able to continue producing fully in all aspects of our lives, we have to take the time to care for and nurture ourselves. We need to discover what our individual “Miracle Grow” is, and then make sure that we always have at least a little bit of that Miracle Grow in our life, so that we can live our life to its fullest and produce the unique gifts that only we can give to the world.

"We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented , fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be?" Marianne Williamson

Stuff Happens

2010-01-23T10:40:00.000-08:00

A few days ago I took my computer in to get some extra memory put in it. It had been really slow and I was told that putting some more memory in it would speed it up. When I picked the computer up, the service person told me that he had found some viruses on it; but he had cleaned it all up and it should be in great shape. I thanked him and was excited to get home and see just how much difference the extra RAM made.

The first time I turned the computer on everything was fine except for the fact that Outlook was downloading several versions of my e-mails. Not wanting to panic, I rebooted the computer which seemed to solve the problem. However the next day when I turned the computer on, I was greeted by the Ebola of computer viruses. There were virus alerts popping up all over my screen. I couldn’t get into any programs and the little red shield in the tool bar at the bottom was multiplying like rabbits. Within 2 minutes I must have had 50 of them along the bottom of my screen.

My initial reaction was pure panic, as I was certain that my computer was going to crash at any minute. But as I watched these different screens come and go, my panic turned to anger. First, I was mad at the service person for I was sure he was either totally incompetent or he had done planted something so that I would have to bring my computer back to him. After I exhausted my anger towards him, I then turned it toward myself and starting blaming myself for taking it to the wrong person.

I finally calmed down, turned the computer off and try to figure out what to do. Of course, this was on a weekend and we were at our cabin on the other side of the mountains, so the question became: Could I get this fixed before we had to leave. I decided the best approach was to call and leave a message for Jeff even though it was the weekend. And the good news is that he called me back right away and fixed my computer for no charge - and it has worked perfectly ever since.

But the really interesting part of all this for me was to watch my reaction and to see how I needed to find someone or something to blame. As I thought about this experience, I realized the less I feel in control, the greater my emotional reaction. And since I don’t know anything about computers, to have mine go completely berserk was a real trigger for me. I felt powerless and incompetent – not two of my favorite emotions.

This experience also clearly pointed out how easy it was to spend a lot of time and negative energy on something that, in the scheme of things, is not that important. And even if it were important, getting mad, finding blame and flying off the handle aren’t really the most effective ways to solve the problem.

Life throws stuff at us all the time. Sometimes it really is big, but most of the time, it’s just minor inconveniences – and it’s learning how to deal with these small, albeit irritating, events that helps us more effectively manage the bigger stuff in our life. We just need to remember that, no matter what the situation, we always have the power to decide how we want to react to it.

If we react with impatience and anger, chances are we are not going to experience the kind of results we want. However, if we can focus on the actual problem and look for practical solutions, chances are much greater that we will have a positive outcome. The choice is ours.

With every experience, you alone are painting your own canvas, thought by thought, choice by choice. Oprah Winfrey

The Fear of Aging

2010-01-12T12:02:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year! I hope that 2010 is a great year for you. This year is a special year because it’s the beginning of a new decade; and for all of us born in a year ending in 0, this year will be a celebration of milestone birthdays. I, for one, will be joining the 4 million other Baby Boomers who will be turning 60 this year – something I still haven’t quite wrapped my mind around.

However, the prospect of turning 60 has given me a lot of food for thought. I have definitely crossed over to the older side of the age continuum, but what does that really mean? For my parent’s generation, it meant to go quietly into the night. But as we can all see from billions of dollars being spent each year on anti-aging and rejuvenating products, Baby Boomers will have no part of going quietly into the night. We are the generation who is putting a whole new face to the aging process. It might be the face of Botox and facelifts; but we look good, and isn’t that what it’s all about?

Seriously though, what is it about aging that is so scary? Is it really the wrinkles on our face, the joints that don’t work as smoothly as they once did or the muscles that have lost their tone? Or is it something deeper, like the fear of dying or the emptiness of having lived an unfulfilled life?

I certainly do not have the answers but I do have some thoughts. First, I think we need to get rid of the term, “anti-aging”. The only way we are not going to age is if we are dead. Although we may be able to slow the aging process down by taking good care of our bodies and minds, we cannot stop it. We begin to die the day we are born and no anti-aging cream is going to change that.

So, if we can accept that fact, then the question becomes: How do I want to age? Where do I want to focus my attention during the second act of my life? Do I want to continue to buy into the stories of what I should be or what I should look like? Do I want to give in to the myths of what it means to grow old and let go of all those dreams I once had because someone says I am too old to achieve them? Or do I want this to be the time in my life when I step out and take control of my direction and reach for all those dreams and ideas that have been patiently waiting for me?

For me, aging has its benefits. After following the rules for most of my life, I no longer worry very much about what the rules say I should or need to do; but rather I am choosing to follow my heart and do what feels right for me to do. I don’t want to go quietly into the night – not because I am afraid of dying, but because I have so much I want to do. I see this time as my time; and I don’t want to waste it worrying about the increasing number wrinkles on my face or the sagging muscles on the underside of my arms.

That doesn’t mean I don’t have my moments when I look at myself in the mirror and wonder what in the heck happened. I do, and more often than I want to admit. But I also have this new kind of energy that makes me feel I can do all sorts of things that I was too afraid to do earlier in my life; and that is where I am trying to focus my attention. It’s an exciting and inspiring time and it gives me hope that I will be able to age the way I have always wanted to – with grace, vitality and lots of humor.

We all get to choose how we age – at least how we age inside our minds. Many will choose to stay on the main road of anti-aging for it’s easy and there is lots of company there. And then there are other people who, for whatever reason, will venture off the main road and blaze their own trail toward their dreams.

Which path will you take?

I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no "brief candle" for me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations. George Bernard Shaw

The Fear and Fun of Learning Something New

2010-01-06T14:45:00.000-08:00

Have you ever noticed that as we grow older we are less apt to try new things? Being a beginner at something seems scarier now than it did when we were kids. As adults, we focus most of our energy on developing our strengths so that we can be successful and accomplished, yet somewhere in that journey we lose the spontaneity and imagination that used to make our world so exciting. We begin to define ourselves in terms of the things we can’t or don’t do – I’m too old to jog, I am not a good speaker, I don’t like sailing, etc. instead of looking at all the possibilities open to us.

Recently, my partner and I decided that we should try our hand at skate-skiing. Being a retired downhill skier, the speed of the sport has always appealed to me. I would watch the skaters fly by us as we were trucking along in the tracks on our touring skis and think about how much fun it would be to go that fast. We decided to give it a try.

But before we could actually get out on the skis, we found ourselves having numerous discussions regarding our age, our physical stamina, our skiing ability, whether we should take lessons, the cost, where would be the best place to go, etc. It was very obvious that, at some level, we were trying to argue ourselves out of trying this new thing. After all, we always had a good time classic skiing; so why would we need to try skate-skiing, especially at this stage in our lives?

But luckily, the “kid” in each of us prevailed over our logical adult and off we went. We took a brief lesson to get some of the basics; but our goal for the day was not to conquer the sport - it was just to have a good time. It took a little while to get over the awkwardness of not really knowing what we were doing; but once we gave up worrying about looking good, things got easier. We were awesome on the downhills, struggled badly on the uphills, and just about broke even on the flats. We laughed, we fell, and we laughed some more. It was one of the best days of skiing we’ve had.

Looking back, we both agree that it wasn’t the skate-skiing that made the day so fun. It was the experience of trying something new, of stretching our comfort zone, and allowing our inner kid to remind us how simple having fun can really be.

People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing. - Dale Carnegie

Freezing Cold or Blue Skies?

2009-12-09T15:26:00.000-08:00

We have had some very cold weather the past few days in Seattle. We haven’t even come close to the freezing temperatures in the Midwest or the Plains states; but for the Pacific Northwest when we get nights in the teens and days in the 20’s we think of that as pretty cold. Although it’s cold, it’s also incredibly beautiful. The sky is clear, the sun is out and the mountains which surround our city are in their full glory. It’s quite spectacular.

But let’s get back to the cold temperatures. Every night the news spends about 20 minutes of the news hour talking about the cold. There really isn’t much to discuss because there is no snow, there is no wind, and because of the low humidity, there isn’t even any black ice. Yet, the newscasters seem to be able to fill quite a bit of time making sure we all realize how cold it really is and all the possible scenarios which might occur as a result of this cold snap.

I call it fear mongering although I am sure they would just say they were reporting the news. I get tired of the news making big stories out of little ones and creating a sense of fear and impending doom when in reality everything is okay unless you are homeless. Now that is a real issue with these temperatures, but it’s an issue which the news doesn’t really want to tackle. So we are left with the impending fear of a possible chance of snow flurries four days from now.

I've always wondered how much of the fear the newscasters project actually affect viewers; so I decided to conduct a little experiment. The weather is on everyone’s mind, so every time I run into someone I ask them, “How do you like this cold?” Without an exception, everyone complains about the temperature and goes right to, “I hope it doesn’t snow.”

I then respond with one of two replies. With some, I go with their perspective and join them, complaining about how cold it is and what a mess it will be when the snow comes. And then we are off and running, looking at all the bad things that could happen as a result of this weather.

With others, I respond, “It certainly is a little cold, but isn’t it beautiful? It’s great to have sun in Seattle at this time of year and have you seen the mountains? They’re amazing!” This response stops them in their tracks. They actually are stumped for a minute because they already have their next statement of complaint ready to go. Some of the people still stick with their story while others smile and say, “You’re right. It really is pretty."

This is just one silly experiment which obviously has no scientific validity; but I do think it has enough human validity to make us all pause and become more aware of the thoughts and stories that are kicking around in our heads. Do we actually believe these stories or have we bought into the “something’s wrong” mode of thinking that is peddled by the news. Are we making our decisions from what we truly believe or are we letting the newscasters and reporters decide what we think or do?

The choice is always up to us. Is it going to be freezing cold or blue skies?

People deal too much with the negative, with what's wrong...why not try and see positive things, to just touch those things and make them bloom. Thich Nhat Hanh

"Tis the Season" - 3 Tips For Enjoying the Holidays

2009-11-30T09:04:00.000-08:00

Now that Thanksgiving has come and gone, there is no doubt that the holiday season is in full swing. For some of us, the holidays are a wonderfully joyous time spent with our friends and family. For others, this time of year is filled with great sadness and loneliness. However, for most of us, the holidays fall somewhere between these two extremes. Many of us start the season off with very high hopes and good intentions, only to find that somewhere along the way our hopes get a little deflated and our intentions get a little sidetracked.

Each year as the holidays approach, all sorts of articles appear in magazines and newspapers on "How to Survive the Holidays". Many of the articles are focused on how not to gain weight, how to buy the perfect gift, or how to get along with your in-laws. Although these articles all offer very useful ideas and strategies, I am not sure they actually address the real issues behind why the holidays can be such an emotional rollercoaster ride for us.

I believe there are three things that get into our way of truly enjoying the holiday season. First, we try to do everything for everyone without taking time for ourselves. Second, we try to cram too many events into a short period of time. And third, we lose sight of what the holiday season is all about.

So, here is my version of “How to Survive the Holidays”.

1. Take time for yourself.
Make sure to schedule special time just for you throughout the holiday season. These do not have to be large chunks of time, but they do need to be times that you are alone, doing something that rejuvenates and re-energizes you. It could be a quiet bath, a walk, a massage or going to see a movie – whatever it is that will recharge your battery. I know that it might seem selfish to take time off just for you during such a busy time of the year, but actually it’s being very thoughtful and kind. Just think about how much more pleasant and patient you will be with friends and family when you are not feeling frantic, rushed and exhausted.

2. Schedule Special Things You Want to Do
One of the reasons we get so frantic during the holidays is that we cram too many activities in a short time. All too often we end up saying, “I wish we had done that.” So, this year, make it happen. Sit down with your family and decide on 3 things you really want to do. Make sure that each family member has their voice heard. Try to choose a variety of events and then schedule them to make sure that happen.

3. Give of Yourself
The holidays are about giving, sharing and connecting with people. One of the best ways to rekindle a feeling of connection to people is to give of yourself, and the holidays are full of opportunities to do just that. Find something that really speaks to you and volunteer your time, talent, or treasure. Although it might be easy for you to just write a check to an organization, I suggest doing something that may stretch you a little more in terms of an emotional connection.

Help your local food bank deliver holiday baskets, play Santa Claus at a local children’s hospital, adopt a family, serve a meal at a homeless shelter, or drive an elderly person to church. There are so many opportunities for us to open our hearts and to feel reconnected with people. And it’s when our hearts are open, that we can be touched by the true magic of the season.

The holidays are a special time, and with an extra dose of awareness, intention, and compassion for both ourselves and others, they truly can be an enjoyable time.

The life I touch for good or ill will touch another life, and that in turn another, until who knows where the trembling will stop or in what far place my touch will be felt. – Frederick Buechner

Why Give Thanks?

2009-11-23T12:16:00.000-08:00

Thursday is Thanksgiving, the day traditionally set aside for giving thanks for the bounties of the year’s harvest. The first Thanksgiving was celebrated in 1621. The Pilgrims had survived an especially harsh winter and they honored their survival and their abundant harvest with a three-day celebration of games and feasts, thanking the Indians and the forces of a Higher Power which helped them survive their first winter in America.

Over the years Thanksgiving has transitioned from a day of stopping to give thanks, to a day filled with frenetic holiday shopping and marathon football watching. As with so many of our holidays, some of its original intent has unfortunately been lost.

I’m a Baby Boomer, which means I am old enough to remember when stores were not open on Thanksgiving – when this day was truly a day of hanging out with family. Our family started the day off with a very exuberant game of touch football which was followed by a wonderful and leisurely Thanksgiving dinner where each of us would be asked to share what we were thankful for.

I realize that times change. In fact, my own Thanksgiving looks very different from when I was growing up. Yet, no matter how I am spending the day, I can always hear the voice of my father asking me, “What are you thankful for this year?”

Why do we give thanks? I know this might seem like a silly question, but I realize that my reasons for giving thanks have changed over the years. As a child it was something that I was supposed to do. I was focused on the “what” of being grateful. I could list all the good things that I had received or that had happened to me. As I grew older I began to understand the “why” of giving thanks – the benefits of being grateful.

When we take the time to stop and truly appreciate what we have, a couple of things happen. As we focus on what we are grateful for, we begin to see other things to appreciate and give thanks for. Our focus shifts from seeing problems and roadblocks to seeing openings and opportunities. Our gratitude expands our heart and we feel more connected to people and to the world. Giving thanks allows us to step off our treadmill, even if only for a moment, and realign ourselves with what is truly important to us. It reminds us that everything in this given moment is okay; and that is all we need to know.

I wish you and your family a very happy Thanksgiving; and I hope that wherever you are, you will take a moment to pause and say thanks for all the blessings that you have in your life.

If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough. – Meister Eckhart

Practice Makes Perfect - What Are You Perfecting?

2009-11-16T17:34:00.000-08:00

Practice makes perfect. How many times have you heard that phrase in your life? From the time we were small children trying to learn how to play the piano, throw a baseball, or ride a bicycle we have heard that if we practice long enough and hard enough we will be successful at achieving our goal.

I remember when I was about 5 years old trying to learn how to stand on my head. I would practice for hours until one day, to the horror of my mother, I mastered the feat while she was shopping in very upscale women’s clothing store. When she came out of the dressing room, there I was in the middle of the store standing on my head with dress hanging down, my legs were straight in the air and my Carter’s underwear in plain sight for everyone to see. Although my mother was less than thrilled at my achievement, I had proven to myself that practice actually does pay off.

My success with standing on my head is an example of very conscious and intentional practicing. It is the kind of practice that we put forth when we want to master a specific skill or behavior. We have a goal, we know what the end point to looks like, and we work hard to achieve that objective.

Yet, each of us has a whole other set of skills and behaviors that we have perfected that we may not be totally aware of. These are habits and actions that, through unconscious repetition, have become ingrained in our way of being. For example, one of my habits is to automatically say “no” to new ideas unless they are mine. It is an automatic response that, until recently, I practiced almost daily without being aware I was doing it.

It’s what I call unconscious practicing. I was repeating, thus practicing, a behavior which was making that behavior stronger; yet, there was no real intention on my part to do this. However, through my continuous practicing I got pretty close to perfecting the “no” response which obviously is a very annoying and useless skill to perfect.

What unconscious habits and behaviors are you perfecting? Do you sabotage yourself by procrastinating? Do you keep yourself overly busy in order to avoid issues in your life? Or do you make a lot of great plans and then come up with a thousand reasons why you can’t do any of them?

We all have thoughts and behaviors that sabotage how we truly would like to live our lives. The key is to become aware of what they are so that we can start putting our energy towards dismantling them, not feeding them. Practice, in of itself, will make anything stronger. So, we have to add the component of conscious awareness to ensure that we are focused on perfecting the things in our lives that we want to perfect, instead of perfecting useless and sabotaging behaviors.

Practice random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty. Anne Herbert

Rx For Courage: Do One Scary Thing a Day

2009-11-09T11:49:00.000-08:00

Do you know that you have all the courage inside you that you need to tackle any fear or doubt that you might encounter? I know that some of you are probably shaking your heads right now, thinking, “Not me. I don’t have much courage. I am always getting blindsided by fear.” The truth of the matter is that you do have the courage; but because it hasn’t been used very much, it could be a little flabby.

Courage is like a muscle. To be able to use it effectively we need to exercise it on a regular basis. But most of us don’t think about exercising our courage. We only think about courage when we are faced with a large, anxiety-producing task; and then we get upset with ourselves because we don’t have the courage to overcome the fears and doubts that are associated with accomplishing that task.

So, let’s talk for a moment about how you might go about exercising your courage, building it up so that it will be there ready for you to call upon when needed. Building up your courage is like building up muscles. You need to start slowly.

First, you need to familiarize yourself with your courage. Since many people don’t think they do not have any courage, the first thing to do is to get a frame of reference of what being courageous feels like. One way to do that is to take a moment and remember a time when you felt courageous. It could be something small or something big. It could be recent or something that happened a while ago. Maybe it was when you were a little kid and you finally learned to dive. Maybe it was a difficult conversation or a speech you had to make.

Can you remember what made you decide to do it? How did it feel to step into your courage and power, to follow through on something that was important to you? What made you overcome the fear and just do it? Can you remember?

Now that you have a point of reference, you can use that experience as a motivator as you try new things. You’ve done it once, you know what it feels like and you know you have the ability to do it again.

The next step is to do is to actually tap into your courage. Think of something to do that scares you a little. Choose something small. Maybe it’s making a phone call you’ve put off. Maybe it’s asking a favor of someone. Maybe it’s just saying “hi” to a stranger on the street.

The “what” doesn’t matter. What matters is to choose something that gives your stomach a minor case butterflies or that causes the voices in your head to quietly remind you that this isn’t a good thing to do. And then, do it anyway. Each time you break through the wall of fear and doubt, you build up your courage. Eventually the scales will tip and courage will consistently triumph over fear.

But this all takes time, intention and repetition. So, I invite you for the next 30 days to choose one thing a day that pushes your fear limit. One thing that you think you can’t do, shouldn’t do, or don’t want to do because the voices of fear and doubt are telling you that you are not up to the task. Just one thing a day.

After each task you do, take a moment to think about how it felt to do it, what happened to the voices, how you feel now. With each task you are exercising and building your courage. You are becoming more confident and empowered to live your life the way you want to live it; and not the way the voices of fear and doubt want you to live it.

And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful that the risk it took to blossom. Anais Nin

Is It Time To Jump Into Your Dreams?

2009-11-05T16:46:00.000-08:00

I have talked with several people this week who are feeling stuck in their lives. They can describe what it is they want to do, but they can’t seem to take that first step toward making it happen. It seems like the older we get the more difficult it is for us to jump into our dreams. What is it about leaving the safety of our known world that is so hard for us?

As adults, we have spent many years developing a specific set of skills. Whether we are a lawyer, teacher, accountant, or parent, we have worked hard to gain the expertise needed to succeed in the world; and for the most part, we feel safe and secure in what we do. Our world is a known entity and it is comfortable. Yet, sometimes it's actually having too much of this comfort that creates feelings of restlessness and disinterest in us. It is then that we start looking around for something new to do or try.

We create visions of changing jobs, starting a new hobby, pursuing a life-long dream, etc. We become excited and the possibilities seem endless. Then reality sets in. As appealing as embarking on a new adventure might be, the prospect of being a beginner and stepping into uncharted waters without knowing exactly what will happen stops many of us dead in our tracks.

We find ourselves feeling scared and uncertain and we retreat to the safety of our known world. However, we then may begin to feel discouraged or angry at ourselves for not being able to make the leap, and that just compounds our feelings of uncertainty and frustration. We begin to feel boxed in and we don't see any obvious way out.

So, how does one break out of this vicious circle? One way is to get in touch with the feelings of power and invincibility that you had as a child. Go to a playground or park and watch the children play. Notice how they are always trying to do new and harder things. Notice how they dare each other to go higher and faster. The world is totally full of possibilities to them. They see no boundaries and they have little fear.

Think about all the crazy things you did as a child and all the dreams you had for your life. Get reacquainted with that energy. Then ask yourself, "What is really stopping me now? Where is my fear coming from?" Listen carefully to your answers, and take some time to address the issues that come up. Then think about ways to integrate all the energy, enthusiasm, and passion of your little kid with the resources and skills of your successful adult. This incredible combination will allow you to achieve almost anything.

Remember to start your journey with small steps. Often times we jump into the deep end way too soon and our ultimate fears of not succeeding become a reality. Step off the lowest edge first. Allow yourself time to get used to the new experience. Become aware of your feelings, both the joy and excitement and the fear and the uneasiness associated with being in a new space. Use your support system to encourage and inspire you when you are feeling shaky, and make sure they are there to help you celebrate your successes.

With each step you take you will push your edge further out. Your world will become larger and more exciting. You will have new experiences, meet new people, and learn new things about yourself. The world, which at one time had felt so confining, will now be filled with unlimited possibilities of adventure and opportunity. You will have a renewed sense of passion and enthusiasm for your life. You will be living the life you truly want to live. All you need is just need enough faith in yourself and the process to take that first step. You can do it!

Come to the edge. No, we will fall
Come to the edge. No, we will fall.
They came to the edge. He pushed them, and they flew.
Guillaume Apollinaire

Setting Intentions, Getting Results

2009-10-30T12:22:00.000-07:00

How many times have you come away from a meeting or a conversation thinking, “That didn’t go very well”? Maybe you didn’t get your point across as well as you would have liked. Maybe you lost your cool and got off track trying to prove your side of the argument. Or maybe you just zoned out and didn’t participate in the discussion at all.

You can go into an interaction with the highest of hopes; but unless you set specific intentions about how you are going to interact and what specific goals you want to achieve, chances are the outcome will not be all that satisfactory.

What does it mean to set an intention? The first thing to understand about intentions is that they are about you, not the other person. We only have control over ourselves, so our intentions need to be about how we want to act, about what we want to say and about how we want to feel at the end of the interaction.

Here are some sample intentions you might set before going into a meeting with a difficult person:

I will state my point clearly using “I” statements and not get sidetracked by any emotions that may arise.

I will listen to the other person carefully to hear what they are truly saying, not what I think they will say.

When I feel myself losing my focus, I will take 3 deep breaths to calm and re-center me.

After the meeting I will ask myself what I learned about me from this interaction.

Setting intentions does not guarantee success, but the process of clarifying what you want to get out of the situation greatly improves your changes of a positive interaction. It also empowers you. You are no longer reacting to the situation. You are now proactively responding from a place of confidence.

You are better able to articulate what you want to say because you have let go of your expectations of the other people involved; and you are better at listening and hearing what they have to say because you not spending time planning your next defensive move. You are no longer there to defend yourself. You are now there to be yourself.

Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen hard. Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret. Appreciate your friends. Continue to learn. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is. Mary Anne Radmacher

Where is Your Focus?

2009-10-20T14:16:00.000-07:00

The Tale of Two Cities

A man was walking down a long and dusty road. He had been travelling for days.
He came across an old women sitting near the side of the road just outside of an upcoming town.
He asked her "What is the city ahead like? Are the people there nice?"

The old women asked "What was it like where you came from?"
He said "It was beautiful and clean and the people were great"
"So shall you find the city ahead." the old woman responded.
Happily the traveler went along.

A while later another lone traveler on the same road approached the same woman and asked her, "What is the city ahead like? Are the people there nice?"
The old women asked "What was it like where you came from?"
"It was despicable, dirty and ugly and the people where horrid!" exclaimed the traveler.
"So shall you find the city ahead." the old woman responded

Author Unknown

Do you ever wonder why 2 people can have such different perspectives about the same situation? What makes one person see all the good and positive, while the other person only seems to be able focus on the negative and the bad? What causes this difference?

Zen teacher, Cheri Huber has a wonderful saying that goes, “The quality of your life is determined by the focus of your attention.

That means if we focus our attention on all the things that are wrong, then that is all we are going to see; and we will come to believe that world as a bad, dangerous and ugly place in which to live. Once we have that belief we will continue to find bad things to validate our story.

On the other hand, if we focus our attention on the good things, the things that are working, our perspective of the world will be entirely different. We will see it as a friendly and beautiful place and we will focus our attention on finding more good and beautiful things to validate our belief.

Where do you want to focus your attention?

Man is what he believes. - Anton Checkov

What If Someday Never Comes?

2009-10-15T11:45:00.000-07:00

Is there a project you are going to do, a trip you are going to take, a book you are going to write or a class you are going to take, Someday? When exactly is Someday? It’s not a day that appears on any calendar I know of, so, how are you going to know when Someday is actually here?

It can be very easy to put off the things you want to do until some undetermined time in the future. Maybe you are waiting until you have more time, more money or more energy. Maybe you think there will actually come a time when your life will be less hectic and you will have the time and space to do all those fun things you have been wanting to do. But what happens if that time never comes? What then?

Maybe there is a different way to approach all this. Maybe it’s okay to take a little time for yourself and to do something that inspires you, gives you joy or makes you laugh. Maybe you don’t have to put off your dreams until Someday. Today or tomorrow could be the perfect day to start that new project or to sign up for that new class.

We waste a lot of our life waiting for the right time, when the only time we know we have for sure is this moment. Don’t squander the time you have for a time which may never come. If there is something you want to do, do it. Life is way too short to not live every moment to it's fullest.

Whatever you can do or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Goethe

If A Dog Were Your Teacher

2009-10-12T12:18:00.000-07:00

I am sitting at my desk with our two dogs sleeping at my feet. As I ponder what my next blog post should be about, I remember a poem I read a while ago that seems very approproate and I would love to share it with you.

If A Dog Were Your Teacher

If a dog were your teacher
These are some of the lessons you might learn...

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them
Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face
to be pure ecstasy

When it's in your best interest
practice obedience
Let others know when they've invaded your territory
Take naps and stretch before rising
Run romp and play daily

Thrive on attention and let people touch you
Avoid biting, when a simple growl will do
On warm days stop to lie on your back on the grass
On hot days drink lots of water and lay under a shady tree
When you're happy dance around and wag your entire body

No matter how often you're scolded
don't buy into the guilt thing and pout
run right back and make friends

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk
Eat with gusto and enthusiasm
Stop when you have had enough
Be loyal
Never pretend to be something you're not

If what you want lies buried
dig until you find it
When someone is having a bad day
be silent .....
...sit close by.
...and nuzzle them gently.

Author Unknown

A dog wags its tail with its heart. - Martin Buxham

To-Do Lists: Help or Hindrance?

2009-10-02T16:40:00.000-07:00

In a world of high expectations and intense multi-tasking, people are constantly seeking better ways to organize their day so they can get done the tasks they need to do in a somewhat orderly fashion.

To-do lists seem to be the organizational tool of choice. But in working with clients, it has become very clear that to-do lists can be double-edged swords. For some people they can be a life saver, while for others these lists actually end up causing more stress than they relieve.

The purpose of to-do lists is to organize our day and ensure we accomplish the tasks we need or want to get done. This list can be kept on a tablet, post-its, white board, or on a computer. Tasks can be prioritized if the list is long. When a task has been accomplished, we check it off and move on to the next one.

At the beginning of the day, we make list of all the tasks we want to do: and theoretically, by the end of the day, our list has disappeared and we are ready to start the next day with a new list. We feel good and leave work with a clear conscious, thus being able to fully enjoy the rest of our evening.

This is the best-case scenario. However, what is likely to happen is that we don't get all our tasks accomplished. We then find ourselves adding things to our list without removing any so our list gets longer and longer. And as it grows, the probability of us actually accomplishing all the tasks on it dramatically decreases.

We become stressed not only about the number of items still left, but also at the fact that we can't clear the list. We begin to criticize ourselves for not being more efficient or more organized. We begin to expend more energy worrying about the list itself than actually working towards accomplishing the tasks.

So, what happened? How did a simple organizational tool turn into a monster that is controlling our life? I think the answer is that we forget to-do lists are just that – simple organizational tools. They are not silver bullets.

Just because we make a list does not mean that the tasks will automatically be completed. Even if we use one of those very fancy tools offered on the Internet with all the bells and whistles, we still are the ones who have to do the work. It is up to us to need to find a way to
make our list work for our particular needs.

If you are one of the many who is struggling with your to-do list, the following questions will help you reframe and restructure how you work with to-do lists.

1. Where do you keep your to-do list? Is it in a place that is visible, so that you can constantly refer to it, or is it is a drawer, notebook, or computer program that rarely gets utilized?

2. How often do you check it? How often do you edit it and re-prioritize the items? It works best to review your list once a day.

3. How long is it? We can be led to believe that the longer our list, the more important or successful we are because we have all these things to do. Yet, in reality, the longer the list, the more likely it is that very little is being accomplished and we are not achieving what we want.

4. What kinds of tasks do you put on your list? Many times we clutter our list with non-essential items, thus detracting from the more important tasks.

5. Where does your list distract you? It is easy to get caught up in the making, thinking about and organizing of our lists, when we should be spending our time working on the items on the list.

6. Finally, ask yourself if a to-do list the right organizational took for you. After all is said and done, it is important that you feel comfortable working from a list. Not everyone does; and to work with a tool that doesn't fit your personality and work style will only create stress for you. There are certainly other methods of organizing your work. Ask your friends and colleagues what they do and you may find a much more effective approach for you.

Remember: to-do lists are supposed to simplify, not complicate your life!

Procrastination is the bad habit of putting off until the day after tomorrow what should have been done the day before yesterday. Napoleon Hill

What "I'll Try" Really Means

2009-09-29T19:01:00.000-07:00

How many times during a day do you hear yourself saying, “I’ll try to get that done”, I’ll try to be there”, I’ll try to make the time” or some variation of the “I’ll try” statement. What are we really saying when we use the term, "I’ll try”?

One thing we’re saying is that we really don’t want to do whatever it is that we responded to. If we truly wanted to do it, we would say, "I will be there". If we wanted to do it, but were unable for whatever reason, we would say, “I would love to, but I can’t." By responding, “I’ll try”, we lessen the importance of both the event and our participation in it.

The second thing we’re saying is that we don’t believe we have the capability to do it; and we don' think we have the courage to truly step into whatever the project/issue is. So, we take the easy way out and respond with a statement that has very little, if any, conviction: “I’ll try.” It’s a statement that keeps us stuck in our story of not being good enough, smart enough or strong enough to successfully achieve the task.

The third thing we're saying is that we don't even hear the ambivalence in our response because we have gotten so used to answering with a middle of the road response. We don’t realize that by replying with “I’ll try” instead of a "yes" or a "no", we are giving up our power. We are allowing other people and other circumstances carry us along to an endpoint that we may or may not like.

The language we use on a daily basis is a mirror of how we see ourselves and what we believe about ourselves. Phrases such as “I can’t”, “I should”, and “I’ll try” convey a very different message than the phrases, “I will”, “I want”, and “I can”. When we start to exchange weak language for stronger, more empowered language, our confidence grows and we begin to live our lives from a very intentional and courageous place. And it is from this place where we will find happiness, joy and success.

I invite you to start observing your language and see if the actual words you are using convey the message and/or the emotion you want. If not, try substituting stronger, more intentional words and see what happens. I think you will be pleasantly surprised with the results.

Change your language, change your thoughts. - Karl Albrecht

A Lesson from Nature

2009-09-23T16:26:00.000-07:00

The dogs and I have just come back from our daily walk down to Lake Washington. Although it was a very summer-like afternoon, fall is officially here and I noticed that some of the trees were beginning to show their fall colors, and others were already beginning to lose their leaves.

I always feel a little sad when I see the first leaves of autumn fall, because I love summer and hate to see it end. But watching the leaves drop to the ground reminds me just how important the process of letting go is for renewal and rejuvenation.

Trees let go of their leaves so that they can make room for new leaves in the spring. The fallen leaves provide nourishment for the grasses and plants in the surrounding ground. If the trees refused to let go of their leaves, this cycle of life would be broken. The trees would become overloaded and would slowly die, as the space on its branches for new life would disappear.

There is a lesson in this cycle of nature for each of us. What do we need to let go of in our life in order to allow new growth to take place? The answer to that question may be found in several different areas of our lives. First, we can look at the material things we no longer need. We can clean out our closets and take the clothes and other items we no longer use to places like the Goodwill or Salvation Army so that they can passed on to people who truly need them.

Secondly, we can take a look at the activities we are involved in - boards, committees, sports teams, etc. Which of these no longer interests us? If we are just taking up space, it is time to leave and open up an opportunity for someone who has the passion, energy, and commitment to really contribute to the activity.

And thirdly, we need to look at the beliefs and memories we are holding on to that are holding us back in our lives. It is easy to become laden down with outdated thoughts and beliefs; but if we allow that to happen, we will end up just like the tree who won’t give up its leaves. We will become overburdened and lifeless, because will be no space for new growth.

Nature uses the seasons of fall and winter to let go of the old and unnecessary, and to rest and get ready for the budding of new life which comes with each spring. It is a cycle that works well. Maybe it would benefit us to follow nature’s example, and make sure that we, too, use this time as a period of reflection, release and renewal.

Everyone must take time to sit and watch the leaves turn. - Elizabeth Lawrence

The Touchstone

2009-09-21T10:46:00.000-07:00

The following story is a great reminder for all of us to slow down and pay more attention to life, so that we can recognize and take advantage of opportunities as they cross our path.

===================================

When the great library of Alexandria burned, the story goes, one book was saved. But it was not a valuable book; and so a poor man, who could read a little, bought it for coppers.

The book wasn’t very interesting; but between its pages there was something very interesting indeed. It was a thin strip of vellum on which was written the secret of the “Touchstone.”

The touchstone was a small pebble that could turn any common metal into pure gold. The writing explained that it was lying among the thousands and thousands of other pebbles that looked exactly the same. But the secret was this: The real stone would feel warm, while the ordinary pebbles would be cold.

So the man sold his few belongings, bought some simple supplies, camped on the seashore and began testing pebbles.

He knew that if he picked up ordinary pebbles and threw them down again because they were cold, he might pick up the same pebble hundreds of times. So, when he felt a pebble that was cold, he threw it into the sea. He spent a whole day doing this but none of the pebbles he picked up was the touchstone. Cold, throw it into the sea. Pick up another, throw it into the sea.

The days stretched into weeks and the weeks into months. However, one day about mid-afternoon the man picked up a pebble and it was warm. But he threw it into the sea before he realized what he had done. He had formed such a strong habit of throwing each pebble into the sea that when the one he wanted came along, he still threw it away.

So it is with opportunity. Unless we are vigilant, it’s easy to fail to recognize an opportunity when it is in our hand and it’s just as easy to throw it away.

Author Unknown
Bits & Pieces
Economic Press

Sometimes we stare so long at a door that is closing that we see too late the one that is open. Alexander Graham Bell

How To Market, But Not Overwhelm

2009-09-14T14:27:00.000-07:00

I am writing this blog because I would love you input on the following issue.

As some of you know, I am in the process of rebranding my coaching business, re-doing my web site and getting my book, Gentle Warrior, Awakening the Courage to Live a Bold and Brilliant Life, published. It has been a busy summer of working, learning and tapping into my own courage when everything gets a little too overwhelming.

One of the things I did to help me with rebranding my business was to join a Master Mind coaching group led by a very well respected and successful business coach. This is a six month class which covers everything from building your client list, to effective social media marketing, to how to run a teleclass, to creating products such as videos and e-books. The information and support I am receiving from this class is incredible. I have learned so much already and we have only been meeting for 3 months!

However, as I get more and more into marketing my coaching business, something becomes more and more apparent to me. In this fast-paced world of multi-media marketing, it is very easy to lose one's focus, to blend in with the thousands of other people out there also trying to market their services.

Everyone has something to sell that will make your life easier, make you more money, make your business grow or make you an instant success in your chosen field. And with access to social media entities such as Facebook and Twitter, anyone can market anything. As a result, we are inundated with too much information. I know I am tired of getting announcements of free classes I must take, videos that I must see and articles that I must read.

So as a marketer of a business, my dilemma becomes: “How do I market my services in a manner that captures the interest of my target audience, while respecting their time and allowing me to feel good about the information and invitations I am putting out"?

I would like to know how you feel about all this and I would sincerely love your feedback on the following questions.

1. Do you feel overwhelmed by the amount of marketing e-mails, Facebook entries or Tweets that you receive? What is “too much” to you?

2. What kinds of announcements, newsletters, informational e-mails do you enjoy the most?

3. What do you feel to be the most effective kind of marketing?

4. If you had one suggestion for people marketing their services, what would it be?

5. Any other thoughts?

Thank you for your help with this.

I learn by going where I have to go. - Theodore Roethke

Overwhelm: Just Another Form of Resistance

2009-09-08T14:19:00.000-07:00

A few days ago I hit a wall. I was working on putting the finishing touches on my new web site. I was in the middle of creating a new teleclass and developing an introductory teleseminar for the class. I was working with my publisher to okay the final edits of my book so it can be printed and I was working on some marketing homework that my coach had assigned me.

All these things were interconnected and I want them all completed before I was the guest speaker on Simply Celebrate’s teleseminar next Thursday. (I would love to have you join us at: SimplyCelebrate). There was so much to do and everything needed to be done at the same time, so I found myself doing a little on each piece and not completing anything. I felt totally overwhelmed.

As I sat staring at my computer screen feeling completely frozen in indecision, I remembered a mentor of mine telling me that feeling overwhelmed was just another form of resistance. Our bodies are systems and systems don’t like change. So, when we’re moving fast, doing lots of things, our bodies try to slow us down by sending out little sensations that we interpret as overwhelm.

All of sudden our minds don’t seem to work quite as well. We don’t feel as organized as we did when we started the project. We begin to think that maybe this isn’t such a good idea and that maybe it would be wiser just to abort the mission. And many times that is exactly what we do when we reach this point. We give up. I know there was a big part of me who was ready to call it quits.

But luckily the rational part of my brain kicked in before I could make any rash decisions. And, when I was able to step out of my panic mode and look more objectively at where I was and what I was trying to accomplish, my feelings of being overwhelmed made perfect sense. Look at all the cool things I was working on. Of course I was going to feel resistance – I was changing my professional brand, my web site, my coaching services and I had a new book coming out. My system was being turned upside down!

So, what I needed to do was to find a way to get these things done in a way that was more congruent with my style and that didn’t upset my equilibrium quite as much. As I thought about it, I realized that trying to do a little bit on each piece of the puzzle didn’t work for me. I had to complete one thing and then move onto the next, trusting that eventually everything would get done.

And that’s what I did. I made a comprehensive list of all the tasks I needed to complete and systematically started checking them off. After I finished each task, I would take a break, hit my Easy Button which would enthusiastically say, “That was easy! and then give myself a pat on the back.

I still am working on some tasks and it may take a little longer than expected to pull everything together; but it will get done and more importantly I am, once again, enjoying the journey along the way.

The next time you feel overwhelmed, take some time and figure out where you’re getting hooked, what the resistance is about and what you need to do work around it. There are so many wonderful things out there to do and see. Don’t let the feeling of being overwhelmed get in your way.

If you want to do something you will find a way. If you don’t, you will find an excuse. - Anon

Be The Change You Want To See

2009-09-01T12:17:00.000-07:00

The following words are said to be written on the tomb of an Anglican Bishop in the crypts of Westminster Abbey in London, England. They are a great reminder to all of us that the only person we need work on changing is ourselves. If we become the kind, compassionate and contributing human being we are seeking in others, the world will automatically be a better place.

“When I was young and free and my imagination had no limits, I dreamed of changing the world. As I grew older and wiser, I discovered the world would not change, so I shortened my sights somewhat and decided to change only my country.

But, it too, seemed immovable.

As I grew into my twilight years, in one last desperate attempt, I settled for changing only my family, those closest to me, but alas, they would have none of it.

And now as I lie on my deathbed, I suddenly realize: If I had only changed my self first, then by example I would have changed my family.

From their inspiration and encouragement, I would then have been able to better my country and, who knows, I may have even changed the world.“

Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be. – Thomas Kempis

A Brand New Notebook

2009-08-27T16:11:00.000-07:00

It’s “back to school” time which means the end of summer, but it also means the beginning of a brand new year. Remember what it used to be like getting ready for school? You’d go out and buy new clothes and then spend hours deciding what outfit to wear on that first day. You would worry about what teacher you would get, and whether or not you and your best friend would have the same classes.

You also would start the year out with brand new notebook filled with clean white notebook paper just waiting to be filled up with new facts and ideas and secret notes from your friends. Your pencils were sharpened and your colored pens were ready to draw. The upcoming year was full of potential and you could hardly wait to see how it unfolded.

Unfortunately, as we grow older much of that enthusiasm and anticipation of a new beginning starts to fade. Although fall still represents a new year for many of us, we no longer get the chance to go through the ritual of “getting ready for school”. We may buy new clothes for fall, but we don’t think about buying a new notebook.

We are content to carry around our old worn-out binder; even though the pages are pretty much filled up, and there really is no space left for any new ideas or experiences. As adults, our lives get much busier and it becomes more and more difficult for us to carve out time for new learning. As a result, many of us find ourselves feeling less excited and less focused in our lives. We begin to lose our sense of purpose and direction.

So, this year I invite you to buy a new notebook and begin to dream again. Once you have purchased your notebook, take some time before writing in it to sit with its clean pages and remember what it was like to be young and to be filled with a continuous stream of ideas and dreams. Now staying in your youthful mindset, think of a dream or goal you would like to achieve during this next school year.

This should not be a “to do” kind of goal. This needs to be something that engenders great passion and excitement when you think about it. It should make you smile, or your heart beat faster, or even your palms sweat a little because it is coming from the part of you that is open and courageous. There are no “should’s” attached to this goal. This is something that makes you feel young and energized, and something that will stretch your abilities and learning curve.

Write your goal down in your journal. Notice how it feels to see it in writing. Think about what it will feel like to achieve this goal. Write about being successful. Draw pictures of your success. Develop an action plan including a list of people and structures that will support you along the way. Allow yourself to ask for help.

When negative thoughts or self doubts start to emerge, go back and look of your drawings of success. Laugh and enjoy the journey. When you reach your goal, celebrate your achievement and honor all that you have learned from the experience. Then retire your notebook to a special place on your bookshelf, and begin again with a new book, its clean pages just waiting for your next dream.

A mind that is stretched by a new idea can never go back to its original dimensions. Oliver Wendell Holmes

Your Life, Your Decisions

2009-08-25T16:41:00.000-07:00

The decisions we make create the life we live; yet when we make decisions, we often default to what we see as the wants and needs of other people. We do not want the choice we make to disappoint or hurt someone we care about.

What if you want something that your friends or family believe is not in your best interest? Let’s say you’re in a relationship that is no longer working, but your family loves your partner and can’t understand why you want to get a divorce. Or what if you have the opportunity to join a group of people starting a new, exciting business, but your friends think you’re nuts to leave your corporate job?

It can be extremely difficult to make a decision which goes against the beliefs and wants of people in your life. However, in the end, you need to know that your life is yours alone to live. You are the only one who truly knows what feels right to you, what amount of risk you are comfortable taking, and what kinds of ideas and adventures spark the passion and excitement you are looking for.

Your responsibility is not to live your life to please other people, for pleasing everyone is impossible. Your responsibility is to live your life in such a way as to bring you the success, joy and fulfillment you need to be a compassionate, caring and contributing human being.

One of the ways to make sure that happens is to focus on making decisions that fit for you. This doesn’t mean you can’t get input from your friends and family; but it does mean developing the ability to sort out their agendas from your own needs and wants. You are the one who will live the consequences of your actions, so you need to be the one in control of the decisions you make. Once again, it’s about not giving away your power. You want to succeed or stumble on your own merits and not because you are trying to please someone else or meet someone else’s needs.

All decisions of consequence involve risk. Without taking risks, we cannot grow and learn. Without taking risks our life grows stagnant and withers. And the irony of all this is that not taking risks is no more secure than taking risks, for our life circumstances can change in an instant without any action on our part. We can get sick, we can be in an accident, or we can become a victim of downsizing and lose our job. There are no guarantees in this life; therefore, what do we really gain by playing it safe?

To be truly successful, happy, and fulfilled in this life takes a lot of work and a lot of courage. Every day we are faced with situations which force us to choose between stepping out and living our lives boldly or playing it safe by withdrawing from life and living our lives in perceived safety. The choice is ours with every decision we make. Which path do you want to take?

Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

EarthStewards

2009-08-21T16:57:00.000-07:00

I just came across a wonderful web site that I wanted to share with you. I am always looking for groups and organizations that are working to make this world a better place by empowering individuals and challenging each of us to step out and do something that will benefit both us and the world. EarthStewards seems to do exactly that.

As their mission states:
EarthStewards is a worldwide multicultural network dedicated to inspiring and empowering ordinary people to stretch, grow and learn. We take bold action for conflict transformation and the creation of positive relationships bridging boundaries of gender, race, culture, nations, age and beliefs.

I encourage you to check out them out and while you’re there, print out the “Say YES pledge. (See below.) It’s a great reminder of the power of saying YES in our lives and how that power can ripple out and touch so many lives.

Say YES

I say YES to my life.
I say YES to love.
I say YES to a one-world family.
I say YES to a planet at peace.
I say YES to all the children everywhere.
I say YES to us.
I want my next act to increase the YES in the world.

EarthStewards

One must care about a world one will never see. – Bertrand Russell

Making Different Choices

2009-08-19T10:42:00.000-07:00

There is an old saying that goes: “If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you will keep getting what you’ve always gotten.” So, if your life is going really well and you are happy with the results you are achieving, then you are on the right track for continued success and happiness.

However, if your life isn’t exactly the way you would like it, if there are parts of your personal or professional life that could stand some change, a little improvement or a total makeover, then it’s time to look at the choices you are making. Each choice we make, whether it is large or small, determines the path of our lives; yet most of us go through our day making choices out of habit or without thinking, and then wonder why our lives are still stuck in the same old rut. We don’t see the connection between our choices, our actions and the end result which is our life.

I have just finished reading the book, “The Right Questions – Ten Essential Questions to Guide You to an Extraordinary Life” written by Debbie Ford, and I highly recommend it. Ford’s premise is a simple one: If we want to create the life we truly desire then we need to make new choices: choices that will lead us to, not away from, our desired outcome.

Ford creates a simple road map to help us determine whether or not the choices we are making are moving us forward toward their goals. The roadmap consists of 10 questions that are designed to reveal what is actually motivating our actions. When our actions are motivated by our best interests, they will move us forward; but our actions come from a place of fear, doubt or guilt they will keep our lives stuck.

Here are some of the questions:
1. Will this choice propel me toward an inspiring future or will it keep me stuck in the past?
2. Am I standing in my power or am I trying to please another?
3. Will this choice add to my life force or will it rob me of my energy?
4. Is this an act of faith or is it an act of fear?

I have Ford's ten questions posted on the bulletin board above my desk so that I am constantly reminded as I go through my day to make choices that will empower me and help me grow. It’s so easy to make decisions out of habit or fear, but when we do that we are keeping ourselves small and robbing ourselves of so much opportunity. We are not on this earth to live small and ineffectual lives. We are here to live bold, courageous and brilliant lives and these questions can help make that happen.

"If one asks for success and prepares for failure, he will get the situation he has prepared for." Florence Scovel Shinn