Quiet Haven

Where Are We Going?

2010-03-04T16:20:00.000-08:00

Last night, I decided to watch one of my favorite films, the 1995 A&E production of Jane Austen's "Pride and Prejudice." I found myself wishing that I could go back in time. Although I'm well aware that life was not necessarily easy, society in the 18th century did offer some benefits. In some ways, life in the 1700's was much easier than life is today. Today, we strive to be unique individuals and eschew conformity. Some individuality is good, but so is some degree of conformity. Conformity can provide a sense of stability, of knowing what is expected of you; in today's world, many people ask themselves: "Who am I?", "What is my purpose in life?" In the 18th century, one's economic status and family association often decided the path a person could take. To some extent, such a person could still set forth on his own journey, but at least he knew the status quo. Today, our options in life are so vast that we are overwhelmed by our available choices.

Another benefit of 18th century society was the focus on family. Family was the center of life for many people. Perhaps my observation is incorrect, but it seems to me that modern society has become more narcissistic by comparison. As I watched the film, I noticed greater intimacy between the characters than one would find today among family members.

In the modern world, society has lost touch with what is most important: home and family. Instead, we immerse ourselves in electronic gadgets, suggestive and violent media that degrades our ability to effectively and artfully communicate with others. We are no longer in the habit of penning letters with our own hand, but prefer to type our words using a computer and send our messages through fiber optics that provide instantaneous results thousands of miles away. And as we become engrossed in our modern toys, we stuff ourselves with prepackaged foods containing artificial ingredients and chemicals that do our bodies harm. A disproportionate number of people are overweight. We have become disconnected from each other in many ways.

Perhaps the time has come to return to the basics of life; however, as I type this message on a computer and prepare to publish online, I contradict my own words and sit alone at a table in a bar and grille engrossed in my own thoughts as people sit in groups around me and music plays loudly from speakers in the room. Like so many others, I, too, am reluctant and conditioned to continue embracing modern technology that encourages instant gratification and individual pursuits. At what point will I finally slow down without feeling the need to fidget out of boredom because I crave modern diversions from the simple things in life?

Dyscalculia

2010-02-01T18:35:00.000-08:00

Since my last post last summer, life has become much busier. I'm finally in graduate school to earn my Master of Arts in Education and earn my secondary teacher certification. I have one problem, though...math. I have always been poor with numbers yet have managed to get by with math classes within my abilities. However, I have reached an impasse as I now must prove math proficiency at the college level. I have never attained college-level math skills despite earning an associate and bachelor's degree. Somehow, the path I took to obtain my college education allowed me to avoid the math courses that give me the most grief.

For the past few years, I have considered that my weak skills may be more than simply being poor with numbers. The idea of a learning disability has crossed my mind. A person can excel at many subjects and perform dismally in one. With math, I can take a course, be able to do the work (although not necessarily understand what I'm doing, just going through the motions and copying the steps my instructor tells me to follow), and by the time I return home at the end of the day, forget how to do the entire lesson. Sometimes, I can perform well throughout the course, then forget everything within a few weeks after the course has ended and it's like I never took the course in the first place. These issues lead to anxiety and frustration. More than once, I have been reduced to tears because I could not understand how to perform a math function regardless of the amount of study time or methods. In one instance, I had to resist the urge to hurl my textbook through a closed window. I also have problems doing math problems mentally. If I were to attempt to add 2 3-digit numbers in my head, I would require several minutes because I would forget the total for each column and have to start over several times...before becoming fed up and working the problem on paper.

I did a little research and learned about a learning disability that matches all of the problems I contend with every time I encounter math--dyscalculia. I was rather surprised to find this condition. When people hear about learning disabilities, most think of disabilities in language, such as reading, dyslexia; however, some people have disabilities processing and retaining numerical data. Unfortunately, getting evaluated for this is difficult due to the length of time that I have been away from math classes. The diagnostician requires hard data, such as grades, standardized test scores, etc., I have no current data, since the last math class I took was in the early 1990's. One of these days, I would like to know for certain, but until then, I must continue to struggle moving forward despite the lack of required math skills.

Heatwave!

2009-07-14T17:29:00.000-07:00

Regardless of where we live, we must contend with some undesirable aspect of that region's climate. In the Northeast, you have blizzards, nor' easters, and Atlantic hurricanes. The Midwest runs the gamut of climatic events: tornadoes, blizzards, flooding, drought, excessive cold or heat. In the South, one must endure high humidity from the Atlantic Ocean or Gulf Coast and high heat in the summer months.

In Texas, it is not unusual for summers to be excessively hot, but only in certain regions. However, this year, much of the state is baking under a long-lasting heatwave that has left our yards parched, and every living creature thirsty for water and cool relief. Even the smallest of creatures, ants, gravitate towards swimming pools seeking water, only to drown in the very element all of us need to survive. I have seen wild-growing bushes and small trees around my property drooping for want of water, my lawn looking more like burnt straw, and the outdoor thermometer hitting above 100F almost everyday for over a month. Being an Ohio native, I'm not bred for this type of heat, so this type of weather is hard on me. My son is more tolerant, but when you have triple-digit temps, it is not safe for anyone to play outside. Can you image how antsy my 4-year-old is being made to remain indoors most of the day?

I have been told that we are in a severe drought. I'm not surprised. Many crops are failing and the water level is dropping like a rock. If you're in an area where you are getting much cooler temperatures and plenty of rain, count your blessings. In many ways, I'd rather have an abundance of water than the opposite. I'd rather have temps in the 70's than in the 100's. If you feel otherwise, would you care to switch places?

Whirlwinds

2009-07-11T14:22:00.000-07:00

Whirlwinds come in many different forms literally and figuratively. In my case, it is figuratively, in the form of stress. It has been some time since I last made an entry here; life has a way of sending you on detours before you can return to the main road. Since last October, much has happened that has left me physically and mentally drained. Ironically, much of my stress comes from home life, not work. I found work to be an escape from the events sapping my energy:

From November and into the first week of June, my son became ill for 1-3 days every month, with February being the worst. He missed 13 days of school due to a perceived case of measles. He had only had the first dose of his MMR vaccine, so there was a small chance that he was among the 5% of the U.S. population that requires a second dose to be fully immunized from measles, mumps, and rubella. While caring for him, I came down with a mild case of the flu and missed 7 days of work--without sick leave, as it had been used up by the end of January. A few weeks prior to getting his rash, he had spiked a fever that sent him to the emergency room with a body temperature of 104.7. After repeated contact with the school nurse and the Texas Dept. of Health, as well as the local lab that sent his bloodwork to Virginia for analysis, it was determined that he had a viral rash, not measles. By the time this was figured out, he was fully over his condition.

Currently, we have a new crisis (it never ends). My husband went into business for himself as an owner-operator truck driver in late May. While he went into his truck lease at a good time, he's had terrible luck, so far, at keeping his business in the black. Since mid-June, he has been in the negative, leaving nothing to send home to pay household expenses. Having 3 rig repairs and his regular dispatcher on vacation for a full week did not help his situation. As the bills continue to pile up, I now swallow my pride to ask my church for help, which they have; although, they could not assist at the level they would like. It is a small congregation, so funds are not plentiful. I will be applying for medicaid for my son and emergency food stamps to keep our food supply from dwindling too far. While I do have my own salary, it is not sufficient to support the family without supplementation. I loathe asking for help of this nature, but I have little choice now.

Despite the current events, our son continues to thrive. I look forward to the next school year, when he begins school as a full-time student. Most 4-year-olds are 1/2 day, but since our boy remains in special education, he will still have PPCD (Preschool Program for Children with Disabilities); however, he has also been promoted to mainstream pre-K. In the course of the last school year, he accomplished about 58 out of 60 goals set for him and mastered a few more that were set for next year!

One would think that this summer break would be a chance to relax, but the whirlwind continues to spin on. Amid trying to keep our household in order, it takes great effort to keep an autistic child occupied. With help from family, he has gymnastics, swimming, and daycare to fill his days. I do get a break from my duties 3 nights per week when my mother-in-law takes our son for overnight stays. When I do have down time, I get to pursue my hobby: genealogical research. I have done the family tree of a friend, as well as my own, with startling results, but the details are for another post.

I leave this update at this point. I have a night off tonight. Time to relax a bit.

Aging Gracefully

2008-10-20T14:40:00.000-07:00

Until recently, I was always blessed with a youthful appearance that made me look younger than my years. Now that I'm one year shy of 40, that youthful appearance is gradually fading: gravity is slowly taking hold of my jaw line, my eyes have become more tired-looking, my joints ache often from the use and abuse they sustained in my younger years, and the silver in my hair seems to be increasing by the day, to the point that I was recently mistaken for my son's grandmother. Till now, I've been comfortable with these inevitable signs, but after being mistaken for a grandmother, I now wonder if some intervention is in order to at least look my age.

I'm not afraid of getting older or the physical changes that go with it, but I also don't wish to look older than my years. I've long eschewed hair dyes and other "anti-aging" products, considering them a form of self-denial (or fear) over one's advancing age, but now I must confess that the grandmother comment makes me reconsider the role that these products play in our lives. I remain on the fence about them, but at least I'm willing to give new consideration to these options as a way to temper my slowly changing features.

The Old Ways

2008-09-21T16:01:00.000-07:00

Now that life has mostly returned to normal after the impact of Hurricane Ike, I have gained a greater appreciation for the need to learn the old ways of living. Over a century ago, people didn't have the luxury of air conditioning or cable TV to let them know when a storm was approaching. They knew how to get by with very little and weren't afraid to put some work into acquiring their basic needs. Today, we have become too accustomed to relying on gadgets and utilities that make life far easier than our 19th century counterparts could ever imagine. In short, we've become lazy and self-indulgent. In my own experience this past week, I felt a bit lost and frustrated by my own loss of services. I felt like I was going through withdrawal from my cable TV and internet, as well as the conveniences of refrigeration, ready hot water, and cooking with a modern stove. I found myself anxious for the return of these services and that anxiety increased as people around me began to receive their utilities again while I continued to wait for my turn.

During the past week, my family went without power, cable TV, internet, occasional phone service, and ready access to cold foods. Ice, gasoline, C & D batteries, and basic essentials for sanitation were in short supply. Time seemed to slow down and I soon found myself losing track of the days. Our routine was turned on its ear. I felt like I was thrown back 100 years to some degree. Having no electricity, we relied upon oil lamps and candles and to use them wisely, we went to bed early. Without modern technology, there wasn't much to do at night. Lacking refrigeration, we had to use food quickly and any leftovers were discarded once the meal was over. Baths were ice cold; not having the luxury of an old-fashioned wood-burning cast iron stove, we had no hot water. Had my power not returned when it had, I would have also had to resort to the old-fashioned way of washing clothes. Communication was largely basic: AM/FM radio, newspapers, and word-of-mouth. Many had use of their cell phones, but FEMA commandeered cell phone satellites for a short time and many lost their signals periodically during the week. It was easier to text than to make phone calls, so the old methods of news was still the most reliable. Some were fortunate to have battery-powered portable analog TVs, but I personally never encountered anyone who owned one. People were generally calm and orderly when forced to wait in lines for basics, but there were a few who could have used a few lessons in proper conduct.

Yet amid our recovery, I noticed something happening around me. I saw people actually talking to each other rather than being absorbed in the daily activities that require electricity, such as TV and video games. I saw young and old sitting on porches and decks together playing cards and conversing while illuminated by lanterns and candlelight. Families prepared their meals together without the distraction of modern technology. One could smell the aromas of meat cooking over gas and charcoal grills at neighboring homes. Nights were eerily quiet save for the whispered conversations from surrounding homes going on around me. I found myself daily mesmerised by a swarm of hummingbirds hungrily feeding on the sugar water that my family put out for them. They weathered the storm well and returned to their usual habits once the storm had passed, while we humans were bemoaning the loss of "things" that we came to rely upon to maintain a comfortable lifestyle and expressing our anxiety for the return of our luxuries.

Modern technology does have its place in this world, but I think we've come to rely too heavily on these conveniences, to the point that we forget how to really live until we are forced to endure some sort of disaster that requires us to return to the old ways.

Non-Authorities as Authorities

2008-09-04T07:52:00.000-07:00

In "Within the Context of No Context," George Trow states: "Only an expert can deal with a problem. Only an expert or a pleasant man on television with access to experts. Only an expert or a man on television who knows how to welcome an expert or a problem or love for a problem. An expert or man on television or---in certain cases, an expert trained in the modes of action---a matron. In the age of no-authority, these are the authorities."

This comment from Trow makes me think about our love of talk shows, hosted by the likes of Dr. Phil, Oprah, Montel Williams, and Maury Povich, whose programs often feature various problems experienced by today's society. The guests are counciled, sometimes admonished, and questioned before millions of viewers. Yet for such personal insights into their lives, how much are these displays really worth to the audience, many of whom are seemingly addicted to these shows for the entertainment value? While we may actually learn something from their programs or feel some sense of superiority for not having the same hardships experienced by the guests, the displays, to me, seem to trivialize the suffering of those with the same afflictions, taking the programs down to the level of circus shows. I've always felt such matters should be kept personal and handled accordingly. I will allow that in some cases, the airing of a problem is beneficial to society, expecially if the problem is a rare one that needs to be made known to the populace to facilitate greater understanding. However, great care should be taken when choosing the expert to work with.

When you throw in the likes of Jerry Springer into the mix, the credibility of talk show hosts becomes even more questionable. With so many followers waiting for their hosts' next words and recommendations, should such loyalty be indicative of their (the hosts') expertise in any given matter? How did we become so reliant on talk shows to help us solve our problems?

Johnny

2008-09-02T19:29:00.000-07:00

Rita's most recent blog entry inspired this. Besides, he's too irresistable to not show off!

My obstetrician's delivery bill: $1700

39 months-worth of diapers: thousands

The little boy that's been locked up inside finally coming out to greet the world: Priceless!

Lullaby

2008-09-01T17:55:00.000-07:00

As Hurricane Gustav pounds New Orleans and the surrounding area and the political scene gains momentum with more mudslinging and dirty laundry, I am reminded of a song by Loreena McKennitt that blends the sweetness of a child's lullaby with the stormy words of William Blake as narrated by Douglas Campbell. It seems appropriate for the moment.

At this time, Gustav not only pounds the Gulf Coast, but also pounds against my head in the form of high barometric pressure (I'm a human barometer down here), bringing me painful sinus pressure and the early signs of a migraine. Tonight, I'm more inclined to rest than to work. Since I'm not able to transfer the video to this entry, I've at least supplied the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xBLYMSgxCE

Finishing What You've Started

2008-08-31T20:13:00.001-07:00

One of my worst habits is beginning a project and failing to complete it. I become distracted by other tasks that call for my attention then I forget about what I was doing before. In my spare room, I have two or three projects that sit unfinished and collecting dust. I have my genealogy research project that is an ongoing labor of love and will take years before it is ever completed. I have also been compiling family photos, which compliment my family research. The third project was initially begun as a way to entertain my friends via internet but started to take on a life of its own. It is a ghost story which now languishes in purgatory like a real spirit in a little cubby at my computer desk. I currently have about nine pages of text, but it would be much longer than that by now had I kept up with it. Being my first attempt at story writing, there's much room for improvement, but my intended audience was pleased with my work all the same. I was in the middle of the story when I learned that we would be moving to Texas. I had to drop the story and focus on preparations for the move. I've never gotten around to returning to my tale. I admit that I was having fun doing the third project; I love to write fiction, and ghosts are my favorite subject matter. I keep telling myself that I need to finish what I've started, but I always find other things that need attention: dishes and laundry needs washed, my son's school gear needs to be readied for another day, etc. My distractions are many. Of course, I'm also a classic procrastinator and always have been, so that trait doesn't help any. Perhaps like this blog, I need to make myself get into the habit of spending a short amount of time on it each night.

All of us have some sort of unfinished pet projects sitting around. What's your unfinished project, and why does it remain unfinished?

The Invisible Hand

2008-08-30T20:18:00.000-07:00

I've had a handful of odd experiences in my life that, to some extent, defy reason. One event that has stayed with me through the years occurred 20 years ago during a stay with the family of a childhood friend.

It was the summer of 1988 and I had just finished my first year of college in Columbia, SC. At that time, home was in a quiet suburb of Dayton, OH. I was happy to be back, having not adjusted well to being so far away during my first year of school; I was preparing to attend a different school that was much closer and within my home state. Shortly after I returned home, I reconnected with my friend, Lisa. Her mother had remarried while I was gone and her new husband was moving the family to southern Michigan. His father had died a short time before and left his house and land to his son. Lisa's new stepfather had two sons from a previous marriage and now he was becoming a father to Lisa's two younger sisters, Angie and Roxy. Lisa was married and the mother of two sons at this time. By the time I had returned, Lisa's mother, Mary, and sisters had already moved to Michigan, and Lisa wanted to drive up there to see her family. I was invited to come along for the ride, as her family knew me well.

When we arrived at the house, Lisa's new stepbrothers were gone for the week, so I was given their room to sleep in. Lisa slept in the family room, and her sons stayed in the guest room where a play pen was set up for them to sleep in. Before we had turned in for our first night there, Mary's new husband told us that they believed the house to be haunted by his father. His father loved his home and they felt that he never moved on after the boating accident that took his life. I didn't think much of it at that time; I had never experienced a haunting before then.

The boys' room was a tiny, narrow space that could be better classified as a large closet. Due to its small size, the boys had bunk beds and a single upright dresser. The door to the cellar was located in this room, as well. A single window was positioned across from the cellar door. I took the bottom bunk and settled in for the night. I could hear the TV outside the doorway, as Lisa watched an old black and white horror B movie in the family room. As I lay on my back waiting for sleep to take over, I heard a distinct knocking coming from the cellar door. Everyone was already in bed, so I knew that no one was behind that door. The hand behind the knocking was clearly from an unknown and unseen force. Despite the realization that I wasn't quite alone in my room, I never felt threatened or uneasy. Somehow, I knew that no harm would come to me. The rapping was steady and solid; however, as I turned my head to the sound, the rapping would stop. I would turn my head back to its original position, facing up to the ceiling, and the rapping would resume. I repeated this motion several times, noticing a pattern of cause and effect between the position of my head and the rapping. I finally turned onto my side to sleep and the rapping ceased for the rest of the night.

In the morning, Lisa told me that she had seen a shadowy figure standing in the kitchen, which was directly off of the family room, separated by an extension of countertop. She described the shadow as human in form, but lacking any detail. At that time, I took her account with a grain of salt; I found her story hard to believe. In retrospect, though, her description is consistent with the theories regarding paranormal visitations. Theoretically, ghosts can manifest themselves in a variety of ways, one of them being as shadowy figures in human form, but without detail.

While some people may discount this experience due to the possibility of suggestion upon hearing that the house may be haunted and the fact that Lisa had the TV tuned to a horror film within my earshot, I know what I heard and experienced. I'm not into horror films, so I had no interest in viewing the film. Therefore, the dialogue that I heard held little meaning to me. Also, as I had not had any experiences with hauntings, much less entertained any interest in the paranormal at that time, prior to this trip, I had no reason to dwell on the matter.

I was visited one more time during that week, but after that, I had no further experiences. I have no idea what has transpired within those four walls since then. I've not had any contact with Lisa since I returned to school that fall. I would love to learn what has taken place since my stay there so many years ago.

Creature of Habit

2008-08-29T16:07:00.000-07:00

Most of the time, I loathe routine; I require variety in most aspects of my life. I become bored too easily and when I become bored, I quickly lose interest. However, I have noticed that even though I prefer a more spontaneous lifestyle, I am a creature of habit. I have routines that I follow every morning and throughout the day. From the way I get ready in the morning to how I clean my home, I have set methods that I've subconsciously established - my actions are automatic, and if I try to stray from routine, I find that I'm not pleased with the end results. Yet, when I look at others, like my mother, whose life is very staid and predictable, I mentally shake my head and think, "What a boring life; I don't want to live that way! They aren't living their lives to their fullest." Realizing this contradiction, there are some questions that must be asked: How spontaneous am I really? Is my disdain for routine actually a symptom of some other desire that is not being fulfilled? What is it that I really need to feel content inside? I suspect many people feel this way - feeling the need for more excitement than they are receiving from their daily activities, yet finding themselves doing the same actions repeatedly without really thinking about what they're doing.

How well do we really know ourselves?

Daily Blessings

2008-08-28T18:49:00.000-07:00

Today, I observed a fellow aide in another room working with her students. She doesn't teach them, rather, she assists them in their daily tasks. I will be subbing for her tomorrow, so it was important for me to understand what I was going to be doing.

Her students are identical twins who will never be able to walk, speak with ease, or live life unassisted. Their afflictions are many, so they must rely upon others to help them perform tasks that we often take for granted: using the bathroom, bathing, eating, dressing. While their minds are agile and they are clever and intelligent, their bodies just don't work the way they are supposed to. On the outside, they look like teenage boys; on the inside, they are as vulnerable as small children and require as much care as babies. Both boys supposedly possess the intellectual capacity of an 18-month old, yet they demonstrate repeatedly that they are more clever than that.

It is obvious that they have a wonderful network of people caring for them. The twins arrive to school properly dressed, with snacks and lunches, they know the meaning of love and offer it freely to the ladies who help teach them how to manage self-care skills. They readily give hugs and kisses, and they are quick to pull jokes on the staff. Their attitude towards life is so positive despite the lives they lead that it's hard not to see what a blessing they are to those of us who are able-bodied. Their positive outlook amid adversity should serve as a lesson to the rest of us that no matter what our problems are, the choice is ours as to whether we are happy or sad with our lots in life.

A Busy Mom's Wish List

2008-08-26T17:18:00.000-07:00

Now that school is in session, free time is in short supply during the work week. The following would be my wish list to make life easier Monday through Friday:

1. A naturally dust-free house.

2. Laundry that washes itself.

3. A lawn that will only grow when I tell it to.

4. Cats that sift their own litter box and keep their litter IN the box!

5. A personal chef (yeah, right!)

6. A personal masseuse (I'm in the first phases of spinal degeneration and scoliosis - my back is often stiff and sore).

7. Free maid service once a week.

8. A bottomless gas tank.

9. More hours in a day.

10. More time to sleep.

Most of these wishes are just that - wishes - unrealistic though they may be. It never hurts to dream!

Vaccinations and Conflicts of Interest

2008-08-25T18:10:00.000-07:00

Since my son's diagnosis last year, the possible damage done to him by the standard vaccine schedule weighs heavily on my mind. There are many theories about the cause(s) of autism and some of them involve the preservatives found in vaccines, as well as the vaccines themselves, as some children actually become sick with the very illness that a given vaccine was intended to guard against. Amid the raging debate exists a theory of conspiracy that questions the private interests of the pharmaceutical companies and our government. While I stop short of claiming to believe in the many theories floating about, their arguments give me reason to seriously question the wisdom of the current trend of giving multiple vaccinations to small children before their immune systems are mature enough to tolerate these injections and to wonder about the real motivation behind the push to vaccinate so heavily during infancy and childhood.

Today, I received an email from my mother-in-law that included some content that she received from the PROVE Newsletter regarding this matter. PROVE stands for Parents Requesting Open Vaccine Education. The newsletter discusses the various arguments surrounding the push for vaccines and the companies and individuals behind the pushing. In the newsletter, Barbara Loe Fisher writes: "When you connect the dots in a "Follow the Vaccine Money" exercise, you don't have to look very far to see who is paying who to promote unquestioning faith in the safety of vaccines and one- size-fits-all vaccine policies. It takes a lot of money for the drug companies and their allies to persuade parents that it is necessary to pump 69 doses of 16 vaccines into children from birth to age 18 to keep them healthy." While the quote that I just used comes from the newsletter, it originates from her blog, "Vaccine Awakening." The entry is entitled: "Voices For Hiding Vaccine Risks: Follow the $." If you want to read more, her blog site is: http://www.vaccineawakening.blogspot.com/.

According to recent investigations (if I understand correctly) by CBS News to determine a financial conflict of interest by drug companies and pro-vaccine organizations, the companies, organizations, and individuals they questioned refused to provide financial statements that could have vindicated them and supported their denial of financial interest in the push for vaccines. Although I understand that finances are private matters, these companies/people serve the populace; therefore, such affairs should be made available when their integrity is questioned. Their refusal to cooperate with the investigation makes me even more suspicious; if they are innocent of this conflict of interest, and fiscal records can prove their innocence, then why withhold this information?

These same people continue to try to convince parents that their children are in no danger, yet the various disorders that are occurring at increasing rates seem to coincide with the use of vaccines. They fail to understand that no one is disputing the importance of vaccination, rather the heavy use of them in early childhood. Those who do see a correlation between autism/ADHD/Asperger's Syndrome, etc. and vaccinations believe that an alternate schedule should be implemented that will still provide all of the necessary protection before children begin school, yet allows their immune systems time to mature enough to tolerate the multitude of shots given to them.

Only time (and more research) will tell the truth, but should there truly be a financial conflict of interest by those who claim to serve, I would not be surprised. While altruism is a noble act, when money enters the picture, motivations can change in a heartbeat.

Word Play

2008-08-24T11:11:00.000-07:00

I've never been a big fan of games; I've always had trouble allowing myself to relax and just have fun. Whenever I'm at a party where games are being played, I am the one observing from a distance. When I do find myself in the mood to play around, I usually opt for those games that can be played alone, such as computer solitaire or NTN trivia at BW3 (which I haven't played in a long time - I'm just too busy these days). However, there is one computer game that I particularly enjoy playing at home and it gives my brain a greater workout than solitaire: Word Whomp at http://www.pogo.com. While you can subscribe to this site, they also allow you to play for free. You just need to be willing to put up with the 30 second intermissions between game sets. If you subscribe, the intermissions are omitted and you can play one game after another uninterrupted. Word Whomp is a game that tests your vocabulary. It's sort of like Wheel of Fortune and Scrabble blended together for the lack of a better definition. Although I do have a decent vocabulary, this game has introduced me to words that I never knew existed - only because I've either never heard them used by another person or I've never seen the words used in text. The hard part of the game is trying to figure out what words the game wants you to form and to accomplish it in a matter of a few minutes. If you have kids, I think that this is a good game to get kids hooked on to help with their spelling and vocabulary.

"I Am Not A Pin Cushion!"

2008-08-23T20:49:00.000-07:00

My cat, Salem, is an odd creature, defying some of the typical habits associated with cats. Cats are largely carnivores, yet this finicky feline doesn't like meat or dairy (with the exception of a little milk). She would rather starve than to eat canned cat food, preferring dry kibble. However, her one habit that drives me crazy is her kneading, a common activity that cats seem to enjoy. As she kneads my lap, she loves to extend her claws, causing them to puncture through my blankets. She's drawn blood on numerous occasions. I can't tell you how many times I've screamed, "I am not a pin cushion!," as she extends her hind claws into my thighs.

While she's an odd girl, she is the quintessential black cat that blends into the darkness, sending you crashing to the floor as she trips you the moment you cross her path! She's a true Halloween cat - trick or treat!

Looking Forward to Autumn

2008-08-23T18:15:00.000-07:00

Every year, the beginning of school makes me think of the fun activities that await me over the next few months. From school football games, to gatherings, to festivals, the fall season is filled with anticipation. From October through December, I'm anxious to be out and about. The cooler weather that fall brings is largely to blame. While others are lured outside by a warm sun, overcast skies and chilly temperatures beckon me from indoors. I've always been a cold-weather person; I prefer to bundle up from the cold than to roast from the heat. However, my physical comfort is only part of my love for this season. This season pleasantly assaults my senses and never fails to bring a smile to my face.

There are so many aspects about this time of the year that I love: The days become cooler, the leaves begin to change from green to the vivid hues of red, yellow, and orange, and aromas of pumpkin pie, spices, homemade apple butter, and hot cider begin to fill the air. I love to walk through thick layers of fallen leaves and hear them rustle under my feet as I make them fly in every direction. I also love those chilly, windy days that make hot mugs of cider and chocolate a special treat. I love to wake up in the morning to see frost cover everything outside. The grass glistens, all is quiet, and everything is right with the world. As the cold air seeps into the house, I can begin to snuggle under those thick comforters that invite sleep to come more easily, while the glow from candles makes the house feel cozy.

In Ohio, one of the biggest events I looked forward to was the Circleville Pumpkin Show, held in Circleville, Ohio. After eating my fill of foods made with pumpkin and browsing the many craft tents, I would return home late at night happy and ready for bed (By the way, pumpkin pizza is really good, it's worth a taste!). Last year, my family moved before I could attend the show and I truly missed this annual treat. While Texas also has a lot going on, I was too busy trying to get us settled into our new home to enjoy the season. This year, now that we're settled, I plan to take a closer look at what my new home state has to offer.

The Sweet Life

2008-08-21T15:08:00.000-07:00

I'm not talking about a life of leisure, rather the world of confections. Upon arriving home a short time ago, I let my son play freely while I went to check my emails. When I walked into the kitchen, where my son was enjoying himself, I discovered him standing on a bar stool that he had pushed against the dishwasher. Above the dishwasher is our microwave, and atop that appliance was a small wicker basket containing a dozen or so peppermint candy canes. He had helped himself to the candy, managed to unwrap one cane, and presented me with a mouth covered in red coloring and the cane positioned horizontally in his mouth. My son is quickly developing a sweet tooth to rival mine, but like me, he must watch how much and what he eats.

On the kitchen table sits a gift bag that I received on my first day at school, and among the goodies were some small snack packs of various treats. I had chosen to eat a packet of peanut M&Ms at my desk and I began to think about the joys that lie within the confections we enjoy. Some people prefer hard candies, while others prefer candy that doesn't possess a lot of sweetness to it. Regardless of what a person prefers, our treats can become special occasions in miniature, wrapped in bits of cellophane. While those little pleasures slowly diminish in our mouths, we can always relive the moment by having another piece. Our favorite sweets lift our spirits when we're down or stressed, help make a special moment even more special, give us something to share with another person, and serve as a self-reward for a day's work. However, a person can have too much of a good thing, and it's important to not go overboard when indulging. By limiting your intake, you can continue to enjoy over the years without tiring of the pleasure.

My own weaknesses involve ice cream (as long as it's not vanilla - too boring and bland for me) and anything chocolate. Belgian chocolate is my favorite! I also adore cinnamon candies, Reese's cups, peanut M&Ms, and Ferrer Rocher hazelnut/chocolate balls. I would also savor a slice of Black Forest torte or a bowl of cherry cobbler with plenty of topping. A chocolate lava cake would be the perfect end to any meal, and pumpkin pie is a requirement during the holidays.

If I were to host a dessert buffet consisting of my favorite sweets to share with others, not only would I include the above-mentioned goodies, but I would also have baklava (another food that I would never refuse), Turkish delights, chocolate cream pie, sweet potato pie, and Tex-Mex sopaipillas with chocolate sauce for dipping.

If you could have a dessert buffet and choose your favorite confections and desserts for the spread, what delights would you choose for your table?

Getting Left Behind

2008-08-20T15:39:00.000-07:00

This entire week is an in-service week for faculty and staff in preparation for the first day of school on Monday. Today, I sat through a day-long seminar on at-risk kids, what signs to look for, and how to intervene to make sure that those kids don't fall through the cracks. While some faculty were bored (probably from attending yet another year of this state-mandated seminar), I found it interesting. I learned much more than I thought I would learn. This seminar was not my first choice, as I was looking forward to a writing academy that my partner was assigned to do; however, she suggested that I attend this class to improve my understanding of the students that I would be working with, and I'm glad I took her suggestion.

Upon walking into the auditorium, we were handed a packet and a book entitled, "Under-Resourced Learners: 8 strategies to boost student achievement," by Ruby K. Payne, Ph. D. In this book, Payne identifies the various strategies that not only enhance a teacher's effectiveness when interacting with his students, but also help identify the warning signs that an at-risk student will project in school. Too many kids get left behind because we teachers either forget what it was really like as a kid, are in denial that anything horrific could be going on in a student's life, or we are too busy trying to teach and manage all of the other duties that go along with it to really pay attention to the more subtle signals a student may give us. The experiences a student has outside the classroom can have a direct impact on that student's academic performance. The usual teen angst is bad enough, but for those dealing with unidentified learning problems, abuse, or even socioeconomic hardships, the ability to learn becomes a greater struggle.

It amazed me that despite my short amount of experience in the classroom, I could relate to much of what was being discussed. I could also relate on a personal level, having had my own set of problems throughout my primary and secondary education. Thankfully, I had several teachers who truly cared about me, picked up on my signals, and intervened in one form or another. As I only received this book today, I haven't had a chance to really read through it, but I can tell that this book is a good one for teachers to have. I look forward to applying what I've learned when we begin working with our students, as all of the students whom I will be dealing with are already identified as at-risk kids.

Dazed and Confused

2008-08-19T19:05:00.001-07:00

This is the first time in over 2 years that I've worked full-time. Now that I've returned to this status, I'm finding that readjusting to 8-hour work days has left me in a mental haze. While I look forward to my new work, I wonder how well I'll adjust to these hours. I've never been an early riser by nature; my natural clock insists on 8 or 9:00 a.m. for a waking time and about 11:00 p.m. for bedtime. I typically do not feel fully awake until 10 a.m. regardless of what time I wake up; I often feel addled and in a haze in the morning hours.

I find it interesting how different people are when it comes to their internal clocks. Most of my family members are early risers, with the exception of my uncle, who has medical reasons partly to blame for his sleep habits. How I wound up with an internal clock that prefers a time frame out of sync with the rest of the world is anyone's guess. I've had people tell me that after a while, a person adjusts and waking at a certain time is no longer a problem; however, the last time I worked day hours, I never had an easy time of waking early for the entire 7 years that I worked for my employer. My body never adjusted. Now, I must wake even earlier than I did previously, as the school day begins at 7 a.m. By 1 p.m., I find myself ready for a long nap, feeling Mr. Sandman's efforts to close my eyelids as I'm standing. Even as I type this entry, my brain is already turning to mush from the day's activities and is ready to turn in before everything is done.

With a completely new schedule, I'm interested to see how well I hold up and for how long.

A New Path

2008-08-18T17:44:00.000-07:00

Today was the first day at my new position as a teacher's aide, and I finally got to meet the teacher whom I am partnered with and felt at ease with my new colleague. This week consists of in-service training for all teachers and staff before we welcome back returning students and greet incoming freshmen for another year of learning.

During the opening statements by district officials and our high school principal, it became clear that I have entered into something very special. Our district is recognized by the state for an exemplary rating, and to my knowledge, we are the only district with that distinction in the state. Our school district's proficiency exam scores demonstrated the quality of the teaching staff and the lengths this school system is willing to go to to ensure the greatest chance of success for the students in our care. Except for one subject at the 11th grade level, the proficiency exams for the 8th and 11th grades increased from last year's scores and our district exceeded state and national score standards in 2 or 3 areas. Additionally, this school district continues to thrive, with 2 campuses and a transportation garage currently under construction and slated for use by the next school year. Two other structures are in the works for agricultural science and swimming, as well. All of this is necessary due to the burgeoning student body that continues to grow annually. Many parents in our vicinity are moving into this district just to get their children into our schools.

With everything that I've learned about this school system, I'm glad that my family is in this district. I know that I will be working beside highly qualified educators who truly care about the success of their students, and I know that my son will be receiving a good education. I hope that when I do become certified to teach, that I can remain with my school and serve its students in a capacity greater than I can currently provide. I'm glad I chose this path - I'm finally heading in the right direction.

A New Lesson in Baking

2008-08-17T15:34:00.000-07:00

One of the most perplexing aspects of a gluten-free, dairy-free diet is how to create baked goods without them tasting absolutely terrible. I've always loved to bake, and have always been very good at it. I grew up enjoying the many concoctions that were created using either regular all-purpose flour or Bisquick/Jiffy. When it came to strawberry shortcake, only Bisquick would do. One of my weaknesses was eating the shortcake dough before it ever made it into the baking pan! It had that subtle sweetness that appealed to my tastebuds. Now, I must reserve that kind of baking for myself or when baking for some sort of occasion outside the home. For family baking, I must use the multitude of flours that I now have at my disposal, such as: teff, quinoa, white sweet sorghum, white rice, brown rice, tapioca, buckwheat, and garbanzo bean flours - none of which can be used on their own. Their individual properties must be blended with 2 or 3 other flours to produce the proper effect in a given recipe. Since these flours contain no gluten, I also have to replace the protein with something else. Guar gum is an option but is expensive. Xanthan gum performs equally well and costs less, so that is what I use. A person can pre-mix these flours for specific purposes ahead of time, but that requires additional space for more storage containers, which I don't have. Bob's Red Mill already has some flour mixes for all-purpose and biscuits. I've yet to muster up the courage to delve into the world of gluten-free baking using my other flours individually.

Baking, regardless of your dietary concerns, is a virtual chemistry lab. In order for all of the ingredients to work together to make something delicious, you must have just the right amount of each ingredient or the finished product simply will not turn out. Unlike cooking on the stovetop, there's much less flexibility in baking when mixing in the key ingredients.

Today, I made an attempt at making wheat-free shortbread from scratch, as I have 6 1/2 pounds of prepared strawberries ready for devouring in the form of strawberry shortcake. I used a recipe from Bob's Red Mill and I followed it until I screwed up and poured in all of the wet ingredients rather than just pouring until the flour was just moist. I compensated with a bit more flour, added some extra sugar, kneaded until I thought the dough consistency was to my liking, and placed it in a cake pan rather than rolling and cutting, as the directions suggested. The dough tasted terrible! However, I decided to chance it and bake it anyway. To my amazement, the finished product tasted far better than it did in dough form. Perhaps this should be a lesson to me to not give up so easily on my efforts. If you'd like to try your hand at this, here's the recipe:

Bob's Red Mill Wheat-free Shortbread

INGREDIENTS:
2-1/2 cups Wheat Free Biscuit & Baking Mix
2 Tb Sugar
1/2 cup Butter or (1/4 cup Vegetable Oil)
1/2 cup Milk or Water
1 Egg, slightly beaten

Preheat oven to 375°F. Lightly grease a cookie sheet, set aside.In a mixing bowl, combine mix and sugar. In another bowl blend melted butter (or oil if using), water and egg. Add wet ingredients to dry ingredients until just moistened. Knead 10 times on lightly floured work surface; roll out to 3/4” thickness. Cut dough with floured cutter. Place shortcakes on prepared cookie sheet and bake for about 20 minutes, until golden brown. Add your favorite fruit and whipped topping

Decisions, Decisions

2008-08-16T17:14:00.000-07:00

This is a rare weekend for me. I had my son for roughly 24 hours since Friday afternoon, and as of 5:20pm today, he is now back with his grandmother until Monday morning, when she'll drop him off at daycare while I go to my first day of work for the school year. At that point, I'll pick him up in the late afternoon. Till then, I have the house to myself, along with peace and quiet.

One would think that I would have plans for this rare free time, but I don't. I can think of several activities that I can do with my time, which is where my conundrum takes place: I do have a gift card to the Olive Garden that I could use, but I would like to save it for a rainy day, when I REALLY need to get out of the house. Staying home to read a book cover-to-cover is also appealing, as such an opportunity rarely arises. Often, by the day's end, I'm too exhausted to do much but let my brain veg in front of the TV. Besides, my mind is not quiet enough to focus on a book at this time - or I've simply forgotten how to quiet my mind so I can focus on a good book. I could put away the washed laundry that I hung to dry a few days ago. A good movie on DVD is another option. I could also chat on my favorite message board to reconnect with friends whom I seldom get to chat with these days. I'm currently in the middle of reorganizing my photo albums, trying to fit in four or five additional packets of photos with the space I have left. I have an old photo album that needs to be replaced before the acid in the pages damages my old photos, so a new album is needed to replace it. I could also do some baking - baking gluten-free is a learning process, as well as a lesson in chemistry where ingredients are concerned, and I still have trouble getting decent results when baking from scratch.

Decisions, decisions! Whatever I wind up doing, I just want to savor the calm and quiet within these four walls.

Ubi Caritas

2008-08-16T15:59:00.000-07:00

Last night, I posted a small list of music that is special to me. Among them is a work called, "Ubi Caritas." The lyrics speak of love, charity, and peace, concepts that seem in short supply in many parts of the world at present. With the war still going on in Iraq and now the struggles between Georgia and Russia, the words of "Ubi Caritas" take on greater importance to me. I decided to pass on the words of this song, as not everyone will be familiar with it, along with a bit of its history (per Wikipedia):

Latin text:

Ubi caritas et amor, Deus ibi est.
Congregavit nos in unum Christi amor.
Exultemus, et in ipso iucundemur.
Timeamus, et amemus Deum vivum.
Et ex corde diligamus nos sincero.

Ubi caritas et amor, Deus ibi est.
Simul ergo cum in unum congregamur:
Ne nos mente dividamur, caveamus.
Cessent iurgia maligna, cessent lites.
Et in medio nostri sit Christus Deus.

Ubi caritas et amor, Deus ibi est.
Simul quoque cum beatis videamus,
Glorianter vultum tuum, Christe Deus:
Gaudium quod est immensum, atque probum,
Saecula per infinita saeculorum. Amen

English translation:

Where charity and love are, God is there.
Christ's love has gathered us into one.
Let us rejoice and be pleased in Him.
Let us fear, and let us love the living God.
And may we love each other with a sincere heart.

Where charity and love are, God is there.
As we are gathered into one body,
Beware, lest we be divided in mind.
Let evil impulses stop, let controversy cease,
And may Christ our God be in our midst.

Where charity and love are, God is there.
And may we with the saints also,
See Thy face in glory, O Christ our God:
The joy that is immense and good,
Unto the ages through infinite ages. Amen.

"Ubi Caritas" are the opening words to a Roman Catholic hymn and is usually sung during the Exposition of the Blessed Sacrament. The traditional music is believed to have come about sometime between the fourth and tenth centuries. The rendition that I have on my list is sung by Connie Dover; her version of the song is beautiful with an almost hypnotic rhythm to it. Even if you're not very religious (or not at all), I hope the message of love, charity, and peace makes this song worth taking to heart.