Quite Random

Allow All to Be - Reflection on a Nonduality Journey

2022-11-02T11:20:00.001-07:00

It's been nearly 2 years since nonduality first entered this life, sparking a journey into self inquiry. Early on, I noted 5 key areas of vices (addiction, obsession, "false idols", problems, etc.) and at first I set out to eliminate them manually by observing them, judging them, coming up with ways to correct them, making plans, and setting about to try to implement said plans. I soon realized that this was a trap - a trap to keep the concept of self going. After all, who is the one who judges the vice, sets the standards and makes the plans, and who is the one who needs to be corrected and who doesn't always follow the plans?

Instead, I learned to simply see.

I observe the thoughts or behavior, much in the same way I would observe a new billboard on the freeway - have awareness of it in the moment it presents and then let it go. Doing this helped me to withdrawal judgement from these vices. They soon ceased to be viewed as vices, for they merely were patterns that I could now see clearly in the moment. Now here, nearly 2 years later, only 2 remain. The rest fell off gradually, naturally, without judgment or interference, without any manual input from a "me".

It happened simply by nature, organically. I remained in the moment as much as possible, clearly seeing what was happening as it happened as it was. Somehow, it is that clear seeing that opens up the space for change. When you cease to label the nature or flavor of the change occurring, then you cease to introduce resistance into the environment, and things flow smoothly -- naturally. Everything is simply allowed to be. What once would have been thought of as "good" is allowed to be. What once would have been thought of as "bad" is allowed to be. In the moment, life flows in harmony with everything and nothing. The remaining 2 "vices" may fall off gradually too, over time, or they might remain. Regardless, there is no longer any opinion about it from a "me".

If I were to look back and synthesize some central message, it wouldn't be sufficient because, by nature, it would be dual (just as this post cannot be sufficient because it is dual). However, if you understand that and still want the pointers, it would be summarized as: give complete surrender a chance. Allow the body + mind to do it's thing automatically, as it has been doing for ages, and only see it. Focus on it, but don't take credit for it. Don't take it as your self. Don't take it as anything! Simply watch it, see it clearly, observe -- not for the sake of judgment, labeling, or to assign blame, but for the sake of seeing. It is that act of seeing that brings a light into the mind, enabling the body + mind to change naturally.

Accept all things that happen in the moment as they happen. If a feeling or emotion arises, try to be with it immediately in the moment (or as soon as possible after it arises) and see it, feel it. The act of seeing transmutes.

Don't introduce resistance with thoughts. Stay out of thoughts and merely observe them. See the patterns. Don't keep a log, don't worry about trying to remember what you are observing so you can find the patterns in it yourself - you don't need to. This too is a trap to keep the self going. Just see what is obvious. The subconscious mind picks up on everything and connects the dots, and what is seen is being stored there. After enough seeing, it will begin to percolate and bubble out as noticeable change (which you will see, if paying attention). Allow the change to happen naturally.

When you see what appears to be positive growth, know that is progress. When you see what appears to be stagnation and status quo, know that is progress. When you see what appears to be regression, know that too is progress. Continue to see, continue to accept. Be with the moment as it is. Allow change to occur on the surface, while being the changeless beneath.

Now, take all words with a grain of salt. While life is definitely more enjoyable nowadays, not much has changed on the outside. From a societal viewpoint, I would largely be considered a "failure". A person with a substantial history of pain & trauma, living below the poverty level, without many things or any sort of status. All those things are relative fact, but there is no longer a personal story attached to it. It no longer defines a concept of self. These are merely things that are dealt with when they arise in the moment, to the best of conditioning and circumstances. But gone is the element of suffering!

No more does "how will I pay this bill" bring up more than a momentary feeling that is then felt fully in the moment, is not judged, and is allowed to transmute into peace. Then, life is allowed to play out in its mysteriously joyful way, and the bill gets paid. If a past memory arises automatically, as they are wont to do, it is seen clearly and felt completely, releasing it -- untangling another thread in what is becoming a beautiful tapestry. Everyday life is still mundane, but the mundane now appears to be magical!

There is great beauty in surrendering the self.

The Paradox of Self

2022-10-08T15:19:00.001-07:00

First find within yourself

Your existence - the I Am

This is not what you are

But its reflection in this manifested realm

Rest here besides yourself

Until you go beyond the self

For the first shows you

You are everything

And the second shows you

You are nothing

And eventually its clear to see

There is no self inside of me

There is no me inside a self

There is merely everything & nothing

Fused in one, intertwined

One without a second

For I & Thou, and Me, Myself & My

Only exist in time

Outside of time is divine

And we are "God"

But even "God" is merely an unknown

A variable with heavy tome

Countless interpretations of what can't be known

None can be correct for we can't recollect

The nothingness of the unknown

Mind Pop

2022-09-27T10:10:00.001-07:00

Sitting outside in the city

Enjoying the low humidity

Watching a tow truck load its prey

Before carefully driving away

A dragonfly lies upside down

His flying days behind him now

And like a chill, I catch a memory

It happens rather suddenly

Sailing out on Lake Pontchartrain

Being surprised by fierce rain

The wind's in fits and the sail splits

The boat tips and biofeedback dips

The unwelcomed feel of water on skin

Just like it's the 1990s all over again

Yet I'm on dry ground

With no threat around

Funny how the mind roams

And catches random once knowns

Blowing in the breeze of time

Flowing through a skipping mind

Moksha

2022-09-27T10:00:00.000-07:00

I find life is the same

A continuing

Of similar experiences

As previous

But the feeling has changed

There is no carrying

Things are felt in the moment

Without defense or opponent

A holistic mingling

Witnessing with intensity completely

Without hiding or abiding

With only accepting and allowing

Happenings and reactions are seen

Whether high or low, merry or sullen

All are allowed to be free

Without any suffering

For all are temporary

And none are condensed into an artificial me

Battle Hymn of a Once Great Republic

2022-07-07T17:50:00.001-07:00

Thine eyes have seen the gory

Of the coming of the lured;

They are parading out the viciousness

Which had long been stored;

They have noosed the objective pen

With a violent mighty sword;

Mistruth keeps marching on!

Gory, Gory, Hate-filled-fuel-for-ya!

Alt-truth keeps marching on!

We have seen them douse the fires

Of countless homeless camps;

They bully one another

Including their fellow scamps;

They say they're righteous Christians

But then vote to lower food stamps;

Their hate is marching on!

We have seen the corrupted GOP

As they cheat and steal;

While corporations, born of greed,

Crush the people with their heel;

"As ye that do my bidding

So to you shall go the deal";

Avarice keeps marching on!

They hide behind their Tweets

And refuse to accept defeat;

Or gut out the rights of women

From a "Supreme" "Justice" seat;

Oh the swift grifters have no soul

They'll bail & let you take the heat;

That Con is marching on!

In the ugly of the ego

Was born the selfish "me";

With a gory in the bosom

That disfigures decency;

As he kills to make men like him

Does our dying make him free?;

Is God still looking on?

They are coming out in gory

In the night & the day, in raid-like waves;

Their rhetoric is food for folly

Radicalizing the weak into zombie-slaves;

They misuse the world as their footstool

Ushering us into early graves;

Thankfully, this shit can't march for long!

Gory, Gory, Hate'll-do-that-to-ya!

Injustice keeps marching on!

This Woman's Quest to Get Her Boobies Squished

2022-06-01T11:40:00.005-07:00

Back in January of 2021, my primary care physician (at that time) found a lump and ordered a mammogram. At the breast imaging center, they performed a biopsy, and determined it was a benign lump. Aside from the astronomical bill, all was relatively uneventful.

In the summer of that same year, I exited the teaching profession and lost my insurance. I eventually applied and was approved for Medicaid. The primary care physician I was seeing did not accept Medicaid, and it was at that time that I decided to forego a primary care physician and rely on the local health unit. I was tired with the inconsistency of having to switch doctors every time my insurance changed, and I had not been significantly ill in over two years, so I figured the health unit would suffice for yearly female wellness visits.

When I went into the health unit for the female visit, they sent an order to the local hospital for a mammogram. The hospital called to schedule and ask about the prior year's mammogram. They later called to say that, upon receiving the prior report from the imaging center, they could not proceed with this year's mammogram. They said that I never went in for the follow-up after the biopsy, and that I had to complete the follow-up with the imaging center before receiving another mammogram.

I then called the imaging center and explained that I was not aware that I had missed the follow-up or that even one had been scheduled. They then informed me that no follow-up was ever scheduled because the primary care physician had never ordered a follow-up. No biggie, they said, just call the physician and ask them to schedule a follow-up. I explained to them that I no longer saw that doctor, because of a change in insurance. After discussing it with them for a bit, they asked me to have the local hospital call them and they would give the "okay" to have my yearly screening count as the follow-up.

I called the hospital and relayed the information, requesting them to call the imaging center. The hospital later called me back and said they could proceed with the mammogram BUT the radiologist would probably refuse to read it because s/he would look back at the prior year's and determine that a follow-up should have taken place. This would mean that I would likely be taking the mammogram for nothing, which my insurance company would pay for (even though the radiologist would not read it) and then I would have to wait a full year until being able to order another one, at which point the same issues might again apply. Interesting that they gave me the option to schedule the mammogram even though they said the radiologist would probably not read it. It seemed like a waste of healthcare to go ahead with the scheduling, so I did not. The scheduling nurse recommended that I call around to find a facility that has a policy that isn't as strict as theirs.

So, from what I understand, the doctor makes a referral, the imaging center carries it out, and the report is sent back to the doctor who decides the next step. If the doctor doesn't schedule a follow-up with the imaging center, then any other facility can deny a mammogram until a follow-up is performed. It seems extremely silly! I wonder if it's like this due to a legal issue? 🤔

I am not concerned about it, because the health unit and the imaging center are now working together to get something figured out, and I am a patient person who actually comprehends what is happening and I'm healthy enough to not have to worry about waiting.

The reason I am sharing this, is to give one possible example to anyone who ever wondered why some women do not get their yearly mammograms. Having a yearly checkup and resulting procedures should not be a run around. Yet in America, where the health system is fractioned and choosing a doctor or facility depends on what insurance plan you are lucky enough to get, and silly policies are present, I can't help but wonder how many women have faced situations where they did not have the patience or understanding to successfully fight to get the screenings they needed.

Though We All Hum it Differently, The Song Remains the Same

2022-05-12T09:18:00.000-07:00

I feel it in my bones

All roads are the same

There is only one Love

Expressed in many ways

Don't focus on the form

The contents never change

There's nothing in this world

That will always remain

The story's done been told

There's no need for refrain

To troubles don't give start

Let peace have its stay

Return home to your heart

Where it is only ever today

The Hurricane Preparation that No One Likes to Talk About

2021-09-06T08:53:00.004-07:00

Being a near-lifelong (-1 year) resident of Louisiana, I have experienced my fair share of extreme weather events. The first hurricane I rode out was Danny in 1985. Since then, I've evacuated or ridden out hurricanes at least 8 times (that I can currently recall), and in 2016 I was rescued by boat from a no-named storm that dumped 2 feet of rain in less than 24-hours (which accumulated into ~4 feet of water in some areas due to drainage congestion). So, while I do not claim to be a pro, I am definitely experienced.

One step of preparation that we often fail to discuss in South Louisiana is mental. The 2016 flood event was a very emotional time because I was completely unprepared and caught off guard! It was not a hurricane, so there was no track or cone. There was no real advanced warning (aside from a flash-flood watch in our area, a warning I received a thousand times before then & a hundred times since without any flooding)! It was just a rain storm that parked itself on top of our area and dumped rain. I woke up already unable to leave, and it was ~8 hours of me watching the water slowly rise around us. It was scary!

What I learned from that event was this: we cannot make our best decisions if we are scared! We cannot make our best decisions if we are emotional! We are less likely to pull together an optimal game plan in the middle of the storm! That is why the mental preparation needed for extreme weather needs to be done beforehand, when you aren't in an emotional state.

How to prepare mentally for extreme weather events (to be done when you are not stressed or over emotional):

Look around you at your home and belongings. Love that painting on the wall? Well, there's a possibility that it could one day be torn apart by tornado or hurricane winds, or water damaged in a flood. Wait, don't get scared! That fear is not real - because there is no guarantee that this will occur; so drop that fear, it's not real - your painting is safe right now and so are you! Now, move on to the next object. It can be damaged or destroyed too. Go about your house doing this, object by object, but do not fall into worry or fear! However, you should observe or notice the knee-jerk reactions you have to the thought of losing these objects.
Now that you've completed step 1, you should have a good idea what you would absolutely hate to lose (you would have had the most severe knee-jerk reactions about these objects). These are what you could call your "essentials" (what you would either want to take with you or try to save). What would you take with you? Stuff like important documents can be gathered now and placed in a water proof box. What else would you take with you? Make a list and put it in that water proof box.
Which essential items are too big to bring with you, but you ideally would want to save? Start planning storage places for these items. Places like: tops of bookcases, fridges, cabinets, etc. Any high space will do! It's no guarantee in the event that your house is destroyed or flood waters reach those heights, but it could save these items if the damage to your home is minimal and the waters are lower than those heights. Write down these storage places for each of the items and store it in the water proof box too.
Map/plan out extreme weather evacuation plans for your home. How would you escape if there was a fire? Map it out. What would you do if there was a tornado warning in your immediate vicinity? Plan it out. How you would ride out a hurricane? Make a plan. How you would evacuate for a hurricane? Plan out places where you could go. What would you do if you were trapped in your home with rising flood waters? Make a plan. After watching coverage of Hurricane Katrina (2005), I purchased an ax in case I ever needed to cut through the roof! Did I think flood waters would actually get that high in my location? It was not probable, but still possible. I had that ax ready in 2016, but thankfully the water never got that high. Do I still have the ax? Of course. Its better to be over prepared, than under prepared.

Mental Preparations for Evacuation:

Embrace the unknown - Imagine having to leave your home due to a hurricane (or other extreme weather event). Imagine not knowing how your home, and the stubborn neighbors/friends/loved-ones who stayed behind, survived the storm. Imagine the possibility of not being able to get back home, or have contact with the area, for hours, days, or even weeks. The unknown can be a scary feeling because we often fill it with the worst case scenarios! When we are calm, we can see how the mind has a tendency to think the worst when we are emotional and the outcome is unknown. Realize that negativity bias is extremely common, as it is our evolutionary default, but that there are other options available. No news might be good news! Happy endings are a possibility too! Thus, the unknown scenario is in a state of superposition, where the outcome cannot be known until it is known. Therefore, embrace the unknown! For while it is unknown there is just as likely a chance of a happy ending as there is for a chance of anything else!
Embrace the wait - Imagine there being a time that you finally hear about the state of your house and now you learn the power will be out for hours, days, or weeks. How would you feel about this? What do you do? Do you go back home & rough it out? Camp out in your own home? Do you stay where you are? Do you go somewhere else? What will you do about work? Plan it all out now.

Mental Preparations for Riding Out a Storm:

This is Temporary - Imagine a scenario where you decide to ride out a hurricane. Imagine the winds are increasing around you, the electricity goes out, and there's a tornado warning for the area. This is a baseline scenario for an average hurricane. What would you be feeling? What would you be doing? What kinds of plans can you map out now that would support this hypothetical, possible, future-you? Now imagine the conditions worsening because the storm made a last minute wobble that moved it closer to you. How would plans change now? What supplies and tools do you need on hand? Now imagine that the hurricane stalls and parks itself over your area. Imagine feeling like the howling, battering winds and heavy rain will never end. Feel how scared you would be without actually giving in to the feeling - remember, the feeling of fear is not real because you are not in any danger. Remind yourself that everything is temporary, so is the storm. It cannot last forever, but it may last longer than you would like, so it's best to prepare yourself mentally for that beforehand.
This, too, is Temporary - Imagine the scenario where you have survived the storm. You could have a range of damage - from moderate to severe. You will need to do some clean-up and possibly repair work and may need some help but may not have it. Are you prepared to take on this work immediately after a storm, possibly by all yourself? Psych yourself up for this now, if you plan to stay. Now imagine having to go hours, days, or weeks without electricity. How would you feel about this? Prepare yourself for this now. What would you do? How would you handle the fridge/freezer? Would you have a means to cook and boil water for drinking? Do you have a generator? Do you have natural gas appliances? Think about how these questions make you feel, and make appropriate plans. Overall, remember that this is temporary too! Eventually, you will have electricity again. Eventually, your house will be repaired or you will be in a new home. One day, maybe a year or so from now, you will look back on this and it will be just another memory. You will survive it, you will eventually move on from it. Doing the mental preparation now will maximize your chances of healing quicker.

The point of all this is that we don't know what will happen in our area, but extreme weather appears to be increasing, so that means our risk of experiencing extreme weather in South Louisiana may also be increasing. Preparing mentally beforehand may help us suffer less and may increase our ability to make better decisions.

The Bifurcation of Thought

2021-06-25T08:45:00.000-07:00

Thought - useless mental chatter; internal narrative; the recall of past without constructive aim; the projection of future without the purpose of scheduling, planning, or goal setting; imagination without the purpose of developing a specific idea that has a concrete application.

There is a difference between thought, as defined above, and constructive thought. Constructive thought is when a human purposely uses their brain to achieve something. For example, when we think, "I must turn here in order to go to the store." Or, "I need to gather my papers for the meeting tomorrow." Or, "I remember the ground is uneven here, so I will be more careful." Or, "I will plan a birthday party next weekend." Or, "The answer to 48 plus 36 is 84." Or, "After I finish this work task, I must see Rebecca in accounting regarding the mistake on my last paycheck." etc...

Constructive thought makes up the minority of our thought process. The majority of our daily thoughts are useless, which is why I simply refer to them as thought and I specifically label constructive thought as such.

Once we have finished thinking a constructive thought, our minds rarely become silent in the interim while awaiting the next constructive thought. Instead, the mind continues to think in a nonconstructive manner. "I need to turn here to go to the store," quickly launches into the recollection of a memorable time either at the store or along the route. But it doesn't stop at just recalling the memory. It will play it out step-by-step in the mind, and then some aspect or instance will trigger another memory or useless thought. Or, "I need to turn here to go to the store" quickly launches into a "what-if" scenario. "What if the car breaks down?" "What if I run into that person I am trying to avoid?" "Wouldn't it be cool if I just glanced out the window and saw a bag of money on the side of the road?"

Most times, the thoughts start out insubstantially as something trivial, but given enough time the shadowed mind will grab onto something emotional from the past (an issue, problem, or dramatic event) and bring it to the forefront. Each new thought will segue into another, often without the awareness of the individual. It is an automated process of thinking often without the control or input of the individual. Even the people who say that there are moments where they weren't thinking about anything do not mean that their minds were silent, they simply mean that they weren't aware of what it was exactly that their mind was thinking (i.e. they were thinking without noticing). It is not uncommon for the individual to suddenly become aware mid-thought and realize that their mind had been thinking, yet they were not tuned in. If you haven't yet seen this in yourself, then you soon will.

Why is this an issue? So what if the human brain cranks out thought continuously from the time the human wakes until the time the human sleeps? In much the same way as too many programs continuously running can drain a computer's processing power, thus too do an over abundance of useless thoughts decrease brain power. In addition, it splits the attention and focus of the human which leads to a reduction in the quality of presence. This results in reduced comprehension. Ever reread a passage and find something that you didn't see the first time? Ever have someone swear that they told you something, yet you cannot recall? Watch a movie for a second, or third time, and catch something you completely missed during the preceding viewings? Reread your favorite book and discover something new? Are you just forgetful? Perhaps, but it is doubtfully the true reason. This is mostly due to not being present the first time around. Whenever we read, watch, and listen there are moments where something triggers the thoughts to flow forth and distract us. Our attention becomes split, half of it attempting to focus on the task at hand and the other half following the thought. The result? A decrease in comprehension. We may think that multitasking is par for the course and sufficient, but that is just what we think.

Beyond the issue of comprehension, the incessant stream of thoughts segregates the human from humanity and from the internal and external reality. It leads to misinterpretation of surroundings. It convinces the human that its assessment of the situation is truth, and that it knows exactly what is going on without the need for objectiveness and further information. The individual's thoughts are slanted towards the bias of their beliefs.

Thoughts reinforce the false identity of the individual by continuously going over their life story. It repeats the human's likes and dislikes, and creates the impression that the human is synonymous with their past. Humans see only in the past. Everything the human looks at is described in terms of the past. "Here is my water bottle. I remember purchasing it from an online store with a gift card I got for Christmas." "Here is my mother, she gave birth to me. She was harsh on me as a child, but now I have grown to respect her." "This is my car, I've had it for nearly six years now." "I've never tried skyr before, but I did read an article on it last week that highlighted the health benefits." The shadowed mind keeps the human from seeing things as they presently are, and instead attaches objects, peoples, places, and ideas to the past. This is because humans only see their thoughts projected outwards instead of what is truly there. The present moment is a stumbling block for most humans.

We can either master the mind, or allow the shadowed mind to continue its reign as master over us.

Useless thoughts, or just simply thoughts, are the "dressing up" of everyday life ("The present moment is dull, let me spice it up with thought."). The shadowed mind abhors silence and longs to fill it with something. That silent realm of stillness, that is often found through meditation, brings us to the point of no-body and no-thing. This is a threat to the shadowed aspects of the mind which will constantly invade the silence. The shadowed mind will fight for survival, since it cannot exist in silence, by bombarding the human with useless thoughts that can become hostile. Devil, Satan, demons, evil spirits, etc. are primitive interpretations of the shadowed mind (my opinion, not fact).

The shadowed mind will make you feel like you're crazy. When you hear someone laugh, it will tell you that they're laughing at you. When someone insults you, it will tell you that you are being threatened and should attack back - or it will tell you that they are right and you should feel bad about yourself. When your body has a pain, it will try to diagnose it in the worst possible scenario and this can lead to hypochondria! When you feel overwhelmed and the situation doesn't allow for you to reach out to someone immediately, it will tell you that you are all alone and that no one cares about or appreciates you. If you are not the master of your own mind, then you will believe everything that it tells you because you will think that it is you.

On the reverse - if your mind is not prone to anxiety or fear, but instead has a superiority complex - the shadow mind will tell you how great you are, over inflating your confidence and view of yourself. It will tell you not to pay attention to others because they're all dumb and you are smarter than them. It'll tell you that you can do anything and when you discover that you can't, it'll tell you that the task was stupid anyway and not worth your time - it wasn't that you couldn't do it, just that you no longer want to (or it'll blame someone or something else for your failure). It'll compare yourself with everyone around you and only focus on their weaknesses that are in contrast to your strengths. It'll tell you that you're too good for this, or above that. It'll tell you that this person or topic is beneath you. It'll over inflate your abilities and make you feel special. If you are not the master of your own mind, then you will believe everything it tells you because you will think that it is you.

Now this is all generalized and not always or only. The shadow mind has many tricks and it would be quite impossible to cover them all; but if you have been paying attention, then you should have a good grasp on the myriad of ways that it plays. Of course, you'll notice these things in the people around you quicker than you'll be willing to notice them in yourself. That's the shadow mind's work, too.

Even if the individual can silence the mind, the involuntary thought process would launch eventually and seamlessly without the notice of the individual. Once the individual does realize that the thoughts have returned, they are often at a loss to determine exactly when it began or what specifically triggered it. This is a normal human occurrence, as in it is common, yet it is quite insane. One marked difference between what we deem to be a crazy person and ourselves is that the "crazy person" vocalizes what we internalize.

Humans have the ability to feel when their mind is being pulled from silence into useless thinking, but it may take them a while to develop this fully. Constructive thinking is under our control and is voluntary. Useless thinking often evades our notice, doesn't always heed to our control, and is seemingly involuntary. With enough awareness, over time, one can feel that exact moment that thinking begins. In silence, we are centered downward towards the core of our body where the feeling of aliveness pulsates out to permeate our entire body. That feeling of aliveness is a tingling sensation - it's a vibrating energy that lets us know that we are alive. Raise your right hand. Now close your eyes. Is your hand still raised? How do you know without looking? Can you feel your hand? What does it feel like? Can you feel a tingling sensation? A fuzzy feeling of aliveness within your hand? That feeling exists in your entire body, in every single part, but is often overlooked. Staying focused on that feeling helps to keep us in the moment. Being able to conduct oneself throughout the day in all things while simultaneously remaining aware of this sensation can help one to live from a place of being. When the mind begins to launch into useless thinking, one can feel their center moving from the core of their being into the mind - it is not the sensation of aliveness that is moving, but more like a fog that is rolling in to obscure it. It will put a haze over all that we see and hear - a confusion that the bulk of humanity exists in during the majority of their waking state without even knowing it. If you can identify the exact moment this begins and the resulting onslaught of thought, then you can more easily put an end to it before it gets out of hand. This, of course, is difficult to do unless you can see it for yourself.

We don't necessarily need to think more constructively, perhaps we should just think less uselessly. As in all things, individual results may vary and every person should seek their own equilibrium where thought is concerned. What are the benefits of decreasing useless thought? Happiness, joy, bliss which are not based on exterior circumstances. Think about the happiest moments in your life. I can guarantee that in those moments you were not thinking (uselessly), but were instead being intently in the moment.

The Struggle of Neighborly Love

2021-03-06T13:22:00.000-08:00

Years ago, a friend & I army crawled through my kitchen one night to peek out of the low window & watch as one neighbor had his roommate on his knees with a gun pointed at his head, execution style, while their friends whooped & hollered around them. As my friend contemplated whether or not we should call the police, I silently contemplated whether popping popcorn would alert the neighbors to their audience (that's how desensitized I had become). Within two weeks of that incident, one of those guys (the one at the wrong end of the weapon) was arrested for wandering through the middle of the road - sans clothing - during the early morning commute. They soon moved thereafter. And those are STILL not the worst neighbors I've had.

Growing up, we lived in a singlewide trailer on the outskirts of town - so I knew all about poverty, but it was a different kind of poverty than what I've come to witness in my adulthood. We knew all our neighbors, everyone was friendly, and we spent our summers outdoors in the yard or at the yards/homes of various neighbors down our street. I thought neighbors were like this everywhere.

When I decided to buy a home, I picked a small 700 sq ft 2 bed, 1 bath on 2 corner lots in a relatively poor section of town. Growing up, I had always heard people refer to the east side of Kaplan as "the wrong side of the tracks". It didn't dissuade me that people were poor in this neighborhood, because I was poor! I paid $32k for this house & land, and my mortgage is ~$305 a month. My family scoffed me for my decision, mainly out of concern, but it was important to me to live within my means & I'm glad I did! I know I would have lost my home years ago had my mortgage been double the price!

In the beginning, my neighbors were primarily older folk. I did have one neighbor, a couple that was two decades older than me, who were a bit amusing but were relatively harmless. I tried to get to know my neighbors and be neighborly, the way I was taught. Within a couple of years, though, that began to change. Some of the old folks died off, and their homes were turned into rentals. Slowly but surely, all the houses around me turned into rent houses with the exception of myself & 2 other neighbors. That is when the neighborhood began to go downhill. It became increasingly hard to be neighborly and I had to temper my naturally friendly demeanor because people would prey on & take advantage of it.

Since then, I have caught (struggled with & chased out my yard) a junkie who was trying to steal my car; I've had my vehicle burglarized once (& my ex-husband had his burglarized twice); my neighbor caught someone trying to break into my house; I've had intruders in the yard, one of the scariest - and the reason why I saved to erect a fence along our shared property line - was when I was out working in the yard late in the afternoon & the neighbors encouraged one of their druggie friends to harass me. I turned around & was face-to-face with this guy who was on who-knows-what and he said "You look so good working in your yard with your hat. You look like Bonnie & Clyde" (wtf?) and he reached out to grab my arm!! I chased him out of my yard with the rake!!; There has been 5+ shootings in the past 3 years (2 of which were right next door); etc. etc. etc. etc.

The worst are my current neighbors (the same ones who sent that creep into my yard & the same ones that have prompted me to spend over $5k in recent years on fences, security cameras, etc.). They have been my neighbors for over 5 years now. The man who is the actual renter of the house has never been the problem. The problem has been the riffraff he allows to stay there! You see, there is a shed in the back of their house -- an old, decrepit & dangerously leaning shed -- that he rents out to people! And all the people he rents to are druggies. They run drugs out of the back of the alley.

They also park in my front driveway, blocking my company & delivery drivers. They have rutted up the whole end of my driveway -- the driveway that I paid to have created! The druggie people who park in my driveway are loud, unruly, and often get into shouting fights with the neighbors and my driveway becomes the central stage for their drama. I don't want the drama, and I don't want anyone to associate me with these people who appear to be visiting at my house since they are parked here!

I have asked the renter to please ask his company not to park in my driveway. He says he asks them, but they do not listen. I have tried to talk to his company (random, sketchy people who are numerous) but recently the confrontations have escalated to where I am no longer comfortable. The kicker was when, several weeks ago, one of the druggies pulled two kitchen chairs into my driveway & set them on fire! The cops were not very helpful! They asked them politely to move the chairs, and then they claimed they would try to get the shed condemned to cut down on the riffraff - but they did not follow through on that.

I reluctantly purchased a set of stanchions* from Amazon, some extra chain & some no trespassing signs, and I have decided to block off the portion of the driveway that they are continually parking in. It cuts my front driveway almost in half, but I am hoping that it is effective in reducing the scary confrontations & unnecessary drama.

However, I do realize that I am not being very neighborly by doing this - and that bothers me. I do realize that we are to "love thy neighbor as thyself", but does that mean I have to put up with their shit? These people are making it difficult to like them, let alone love them - despite the fact that I know loving them would be the right thing to do. I have tried to talk with them, numerous times, over the past several years but to no avail. I know one thing - if this helps to keep their drama to themselves, then maybe I will grow to love them.

*stanchion is pronounced "stan-tion", but I think it's a shame that they missed out on an opportunity to pronounce it "stan-che-ON" 🙃

Mauvais Perdant

2021-01-12T14:00:00.002-08:00

The fight has always been - and always will be - about change. There is always one fraction of the population that wants change, while another fraction opposes it. There is generally a struggle. One side emerges victorious, but the other side drags their feet and stretches the situation out until they find themselves disenfranchised in some form -- often caused by their own actions. They cycle repeats. We've seen this in every phase of history! From protests against factories during the industrial revolution, to the way globalism affects a country - there are countless examples of the same content in a different form.

The form is not important, but the content is. What causes these destructive cycles? It is not the fact that groups of people disagree with each other, for surely there are disagreements all the time that do not fester & breakdown into a fight. What, then, is to blame?

It's the people involved. Quite simple, isn't it?

Unfortunately, we cannot fix other people - but we can correct ourselves & we can teach others around us the correct way.

Being a sore loser is at the center of it, IMHO. So, learn not to be a sore loser. Learn to lose with grace. And then grab whoever is under your roof & teach it to them too. Tell them that life is going to shit on them, but that eventually rain will wash that shit away. Teach them that sometimes they will emerge to be the winners, yet, other times still, the losers. Tell them there will come a time where they believe in something with all their might, and another will come along and tell them it is shit because it is shit. Yeah, definitely teach them how to handle that one.

But also teach them that a day may come when they may lose, even though they are in the right. Teach them to accept graciously and to know when to let go -- but also teach them to know when to prepare to respectfully & civilly fight for their rights.

And hopefully, if my plan goes well, we'll crank out adults who are not sore losers to eventually replace the ones who are. Perhaps then we could break the cycle! For even though it would not prevent disagreements from taking place, it may prevent the ugliness that happens because of it.

Evacuating for a Hurricane is a Multifaceted Decision

2020-10-08T08:02:00.000-07:00

Living in southwest Louisiana, I am no stranger to hurricanes. As I prepare for yet another hurricane, my thoughts are on the emotional nature of hurricanes and my past experiences.

I remember my first hurricane -- Hurricane Danny in 1985. I was roughly four-years-old, and we were living about four miles south of Kaplan in what is known as Cow Island. My family and I evacuated to my grandmother's house in Kaplan. I remember sitting up on the sofa bed, huddled together with my mom, dad, & baby sister. It was completely dark, so the electricity must have been out. Every once in a while someone would open the big wooden front door & I could see the torrential downpour outside. The sounds of howling wind surrounded us. This is one of my earliest memories.

The next hurricane I remember was Hurricane Andrew in 1992. By this point we were living in Kaplan. Andrew hit Florida as a CAT 5 before crossing into the Gulf of Mexico and hitting Louisiana as a weak CAT 3. After seeing the destruction in Florida on the news, my family decided to evacuate even though we were forecast to be on the west side of the storm, which is usually the better side. We were traveling in a caravan of our extended family, with multiple vehicles and probably around 30 people. As we were evacuating, we encountered heavy traffic as everyone was trying to flee the path of Andrew. We ended up in Texas, taking shelter at some public school. Even though the storm hit near Morgan City, they recorded wind gusts of 105mp in Kaplan. We returned home and everything was fine, just the regular hurricane damage around town -- some damage to roofs, fences, trees, utility poles, etc.

After that, in 2002, our family decided to evacuate for Hurricane Lili. My son, Noah, was 6 months old and just getting over chicken pox! I remember we were less than a mile from our house when the radio announced that Lili had been upgraded to a strong CAT 4. We didn't know what to expect, and we feared that we would return to find that we had lost everything. We again traveled in a caravan and again encountered traffic, and there wasn't any availability at local shelters or motels, so we continued traveling north, ending up in Monroe. Thankfully Lili deteriorated to a CAT 3 before it hit somewhere in Vermilion Parish, bringing 120mph winds and 12 foot storm surge. We arrived in Monroe right around the time the hurricane hit, and by the next morning the storm was in Monroe and we lost power. Our hometown was out of power for over a week, and I bounced around different relatives homes in Baton Rouge and then Lafayette because I was still nursing my son and I didn't want to be without electricity. My parents' home (where I was living at that time) was relatively undamaged with lost skirting and some lost roof tiles. There was greater damage in town, with some destroyed buildings/homes most likely due to tornadoes; as well as the general damage like roof, fence, trees, utility poles, etc.

In 2005, Hurricane Rita threatened our area. I had just bought my home a month before and I refused to evacuate! Looking back, I think I felt like I would be more in control over what would happen if I stayed than if I left - which was completely an emotional response. I was also working for the city at that time, so I volunteered to man the emergency lines after the storm. Rita was a CAT 3 and made landfall in Cameron Parish with a 18 foot storm surge. I rode out the storm alone in my home! And it hit at night!! That was very scary because once the power goes out, it's almost impossible to see what is happening outside. The max wind gusts were about 105mph here. I remember seeing eerie glowing green lights outside, but I recently found out that it were probably electrical arcing, likely from the transformers blowing. The wind gusts wouldn't just rock the house, it would pick it up slightly and drop it back down! There was one wind gust that lifted the house for a longer period of time (probably just a few seconds more than the others, but it felt like forever) and I thought for sure the house was going to blow away! But it didn't! I did have to relevel the house after the storm though (and I felt like such a big girl making an insurance claim on my own!). Our town was out of electricity for 8 days. [Looking back now, it's possible that the stronger wind gusts could have been little twisters. It's estimated that there could be hundreds of small twisters that spin up quickly in the path of a hurricane. Most are short lived (less than a minute) and many do not even touch the ground but often damage roofs.]

Then, in 2008, we had two hurricanes threaten the region in September - Gustav & Ike. With Rita fresh in our minds, our family evacuated for both storms - once all the way to Arkansas & the second time to north Louisiana. Both times we evacuated for nothing, as the storm took a path that spared us.

In August of this year, Hurricane Laura hit western Cameron Parish as a CAT 4. I stayed at a friend's mom's house, barely a mile north of Kaplan. We were fine. The tornadoes were scary, but that is always the worst part! My neighbor clocked wind gusts of 80mph. There was some tree and garden damage at my home, and the city had the usual hurricane debris and a couple of homes were hit by small twisters. Aside from that, we were very fortunate (but not so much for our brothers & sisters near Lake Charles, some of whom have just had their power restored in the last couple of weeks and are still in no position to be hit by a second hurricane).

Now Hurricane Delta is headed our way. It looks like it will make landfall in eastern Cameron Parish, which is closer to us than where Laura and Rita hit, but the storm is smaller and should only be a CAT 2. So it comes down to deciding whether or not to evacuate. Evacuating for Laura was emotional because I was very much afraid of the potential for flooding - given my experience in 2016 when our area flooded and Noah & I (and the dogs) had to be rescued by boat. The current flood inundation maps show us with an even better prediction than we had for Laura, and for Laura the water barely rose past Pecan Island. We may experience higher winds than we did for Laura, but our rain chances remain pretty low. There is always the tornado threat, which is the worst part because it's difficult to predict beforehand! But despite this, I feel fairly confident that I can ride out this storm in my home.

Granted, there is always an element of unknown with any hurricane. It's always a gamble! Hurricanes like to wobble in their track before landfall. Of course, Delta could move slightly more to the east before landfall, increasing our chances of worse conditions. But it could just as easily move more west, sparing us the worst of this mess.

When deciding to evacuate, there are many variables that come into play. It is not just the specific elements of the storm, but also the financial situation. Here's a thought experiment for you -- could you evacuate right now? Think about your finances, think about your living situation. Could you pack up and leave with as little as a 3 day notice? Where would you go? How much could you budget for a situation like this? At the beginning of every hurricane season, I stock up on batteries, flashlights, candles, etc. As soon as a storm enters the gulf, I stock up on water & canned goods. Evacuating to a motel or boarding up my windows costs additional money - money that I do not have. Do I take the chance and spend that money now, putting me short at the end of the month? Making it harder for me to replace the groceries I'll lose if we are without power for an extended period of time?

For Laura, I stayed with a friend at his mom's house north of Kaplan, but they have decided this time to evacuate further north to one of their family member's. I am always welcome at my sister's, but they have a cat and I am very allergic. I have an elderly chihuahua and I have to consider the stress it causes him to shelter somewhere with a large amount of people plus other pets. There are no public shelters near here due to Covid restrictions.

There is also an emotional bias that comes into play when considering to evacuate. It is human to look at the most recent storm experience and say "I evacuated for nothing!" and use that to tip the scales towards believing that this time will be the same. This emotional bias can easily go the other way - like in 2008 when I used my Rita experience to convince me to evacuate when we really didn't need to.

My tentative decision is that I will stay and ride out Delta in my home. (Noah, however, will likely be going to my sister's). I feel fairly confident that with the storm tracking more west, its decreased intensity, lower rain & storm surge values, and my lack of finances & suitable shelter, that staying home is the best decision at this time. Of course, any of these variables could change by tomorrow. I will see how it looks in the morning and make the final call. Delta should hit sometime tomorrow afternoon, around 4pm or so. I'll likely be live tweeting my experience for as long as I have cell reception.

And, as I often tell Noah, if we stay we might die, but we probably won't.

A Flood, Two Cults, and Hopefully a Shifting Perspective

2020-08-07T16:06:00.003-07:00

Back in 2016, our area experienced what was coined as a "historic 100 year flood" and roughly four feet of rain fell in a 24-hour period. My son and I (and our dogs) were stranded in our home, with the water quickly rising around us. I called the police station and I asked if there was any rescue effort, and the dispatcher said in a very condescending manner, "Uhhhhh, nooooo." I was floored. We were alone! I eventually was able to flag down a passing boat (a couple who were evacuating their home), and they graciously agreed to rescue us (including our dogs and our elderly neighbor who I refused to leave behind). The helm of the boat pulled up onto our porch which was already under water, and brought us safely through our neighborhood. As far as the eye could see, everything was water! Like a giant lake crept up to take the place of where dry land used to be!

After we traveled for a few blocks, we slowly began to scrape the bottom of the boat on the road below us. Eventually, a huge truck came and picked us up. Riding in the back of the truck, I quickly came to understand the condescending tone the dispatcher had taken. The flood was confined to a several block radius around my house. (Later we would learn that the eastern half of the city drains into my neighborhood. Unfortunately, the canal catacorner from my house and the bigger canal that it feeds into were all clogged. The city had not cleaned them in roughly six years, and there were downed trees clogging the canals, preventing us from draining.) The dispatcher responded the way she did because she did not realize the extent of flooding in my neighborhood. After all, from where she was sitting, everything was high and dry.

Perception matters, and perception depends on a person's immediate surroundings and the circumstances they find themselves in. A person's response to COVID-19 will, among other things, depend on the area they are in. I would expect a person living in my state of Louisiana to have a different perspective (where the cases and deaths are currently the highest in the nation, per capita) than a person in a relatively untouched area - such as in the remote areas of Montana or Minnesota. I would be more understanding of a person from that area being against masks and social distancing, than I would be of a person from my area with the same views.

So locale might explain some of the discrepancy in peoples' views of the virus -- but surely there is something else at play here.

Growing up, from the time I was 3 until around the age of 16, my family was in a cult. It was called The Worldwide Church of God (Google "Armstrongism" for more info, if interested) and it alienated my family from society. Eventually, our only friends were members of our church. It even caused discord with family members who were not a part of the church. It also caused issues in school, like when I had to sit out of the class Christmas party because my family did not celebrate any holidays (but instead celebrated holy days from the old testament) and teachers would ask me questions in front of the class like, "So you don't believe in Jesus?" and, as a child, I was not equipped to answer such questions but rather would recite memorized talking points such as, "It's against my religion."

The point of telling this is that I do indeed feel like the GOP has become a cult. There are several universal warning signs of cult activity that apply to the GOP (just like it applied to the church I grew up in).

Zealous Commitment to the Leader - in the church, we were told that our leaders were prophets sent by God. The GOP similarly upholds the president as someone who has been sent by God. They cling to every word and refuse to accept evidence of any wrong doing by Trump.

Indoctrination / Coercive Persuasion / "Brainwashing" - when the church finally dissolved, we were told that we had been "brainwashed" into believing doctrine that was merely the interpretation of some of our leaders (the church then branched off into hundreds of new cult-like churches that either kept or slightly tweaked the doctrine; we followed our Pastor and joined one called Global, but eventually became disillusioned and stopped attending altogether). The GOP similarly follows their leader, regardless of whether it is in their best interest or not - succumbing to group think in order to further the doctrine of the party, believing in "alternative facts" and conspiracy theories.

Paranoia About the Outside World - the church taught us that other religions were evil (especially the Catholics, as they worshiped "false idols") and that we were living in the end times. We were told that only the church could provide salvation, and that we should abandon the ways of the world. Similarly, the GOP & Trump are telling people that the Democrats & Biden are going to take away our rights (& hurt God ?). Some say that mask mandates are unconstitutional and a slippery slope to losing our freedom and eventually being microchipped or being made to take the mark of the devil. They repeat fearful accusations against Mexicans and the poor. Trump also wants to move away from globalization, and has pulled out of the Climate Accord, the Iran deal, the WHO, etc. because he doesn't trust anyone.

Fear / Guilt / Shame Cycles - the church had strict rules about everything - from diet to appearances, positioning themselves in a way that was indispensable in our quest for Godly living. If we missed church too often, we were reminded that we would start to slip up in our Godly duties and that we needed the church to be the conduit between ourselves and God. The church would also make us feel guilty if we did not tithe enough, as somehow helping to finance the church would secure our protection from the rest of the world. The church filled us with fear of the end times, increasing our reliance on them for salvation. The GOP & Trump also rely on fear, guilt and shame to keep their followers in line. They tell their followers that they need them, because without them they would not or could not achieve the same level of protection. If a high ranking member steps out of line, they are quickly met with a range of public insults to quickly reign them in again. Their followers are also made to feel insufficient or worthless without them, telling millions of Americans that they have been forgotten by the world. Trump & the GOP solicit donations from their followers, as though donating and attending rallies will help their "savior" save them from everything they fear --- and they keep those fears ever present in their lives by continuously reciting talking points.

Above the Law - the church often told us that we were held accountable by the laws of God. While we were not encouraged to break the law, it was definitely instilled that God was above the law and therefore those appointed by God (like our prophet-like leaders) were also above the laws of man. Do I even need to point out the similarity here? On numerous occasions, the president has claimed an absolutist view of executive power which would place him above the law.

Alienation from Anyone Outside the Group - the views of the church were so extreme that whenever we would try to discuss them with anyone outside the group it immediately caused conflict because their beliefs differed drastically. So, too, is it with the GOP - it is often very difficult to have a conversation with Trump followers because their views on multiple issues vastly lie outside the realm of reality. It leaves both sides feeling like the other is living in an alternative universe! This has often resulted in Trump followers being alienated from their friends and family - leaving them only other fellow Trump supporters to turn to, further increasing their indoctrination in the group.

Here are some other points on how to spot a "potentially unsafe group or leader" from a former Harvard professor and psychiatrist Robert Jay Lifton, as listed in an article published by The Guardian. If you read through them and are tempted to think, "this was written with Trump in mind..." please note the date of the article is May 27th, 2009.

• Absolute authoritarianism without meaningful accountability.

• No tolerance for questions or critical inquiry.

• No meaningful financial disclosure regarding budget or expenses, such as an independently audited financial statement.

• Unreasonable fear about the outside world, such as impending catastrophe, evil conspiracies and persecutions.

• There is no legitimate reason to leave, former followers are always wrong in leaving, negative or even evil.

• Former members often relate the same stories of abuse and reflect a similar pattern of grievances.

• There are records, books, news articles, or broadcast reports that document the abuses of the group/leader.

• Followers feel they can never be "good enough".

• The group/leader is always right.

• The group/leader is the exclusive means of knowing "truth" or receiving validation, no other process of discovery is really acceptable or credible.

When the locale of an individual does not explain their unreasonable perspective on COVID-19 and other current events, then the possibility that they are unknowingly in a cult may very well explain it.

I just want to say "hello" and "I love you" to any of my family and friends who are upset about this post. I remember very well the look of pain and bewilderment on my parents face the day the church fell apart and we were told we had basically been "brainwashed" and the foundation of what they believed was pulled out from beneath them. That is not something I want to see my family or friends go through again. The cult of Trump & the GOP is dangerous, and it won't just end in religious confusion, but rather could very well end in sickness, suffering, or death. I don't want that for anyone, especially not for the people I love.

I Can't Breathe

2020-08-07T14:04:00.000-07:00

About a decade-and-a-half ago, I worked for my local municipality as a property tax and occupational license clerk. It was my first professional job, and I was stunned to see how the other workers in the office treated the public with contempt and skepticism. I would often help in the front by collecting utility payments, and I felt sorry for all the people who came in with such expensive bills and, faced with poverty, had an inability to pay. My fellow co-workers, however, kept warning me not to believe the sob stories, and they treated everyone like they were lying. I swore I would never become jaded like I felt they were.

Fast forward several weeks, and there was a particular sob story I had become invested in. This lady came in saying she was unable to pay her bill, she stood in front of me, in tears, explaining how her husband had died and she was financially devastated. My heart went out to her, but my co-workers kept warning me not to believe her. Around the same time, we got word that one of the church groups had some funds available to help pay utility bills, and I quickly got word to this woman with the details of when they were going to be at City Hall taking applications. That morning, our lobby was packed with individuals hoping to receive assistance. I was quietly praying that the funds would hold out until it was her turn but, unfortunately, after assisting only three individuals the fund was dry. I watched as people hung their heads and left dejectedly. The woman came up to the counter, and I said, "I am so sorry they weren't able to help you! I wish there was something more I could do!!" She shrugged her shoulders and said, "Well, if they're not going to pay it, I guess I'll have to!" She reached into her bra and pulled out a rolled up wad of hundred dollar bills!!! She counted out four of them and threw it on the counter. I was so flabbergasted that one of my co-workers had to come and relieve me!! After she left, my co-workers were filled with "told you so" and on that day I became jaded.

As the months passed, working with the public took its toll and I became more and more hardened. I stopped believing the sob stories - even though I'm sure some of them were true - and I no longer felt sorry for the people, but rather felt contempt.

One day, an older man came in, grey hair - at least in his 60s if not 70s. He wanted to connect utilities to a house he and his mother had just moved into, but he wanted to put the account in his mother's name because she had services with the city in the past and therefore qualified for a discounted deposit (if put in his name, it would have cost $350 for the deposit instead of the $175 for his mother). I informed him that it was our policy that she would have to be present to sign. He asked if he could bring it to her to sign, but I said no - she had to be present to sign. He explained that she was very old and frail, that she could no longer walk, and he had no vehicle to bring her. I thought to myself, "This old man is just trying to use his mother to get a discount, and he'll end up running up a huge bill and vacating without paying - just like I've seen countless people do since I've been working here..." I kept repeating that we could not connect their utilities unless she was present to sign. He was polite, but frantic, and kept telling me that she was in the house, suffering in the heat without electricity. But I wouldn't budge. At one point, he even pulled out a pill bottle from his pocket with her name on it, to try and prove to me that his mother was indeed living with him. I excused myself, going into the back to talk it over with my co-workers. We were all of the same mind -- not only was he probably trying to stick his mom with the bill, he was also taking her medication too!! Again, I told him that there was nothing I could do unless she was present to sign. He left, dejected.

Some twenty minutes later, he came back into City Hall, carrying the oldest, frailest looking woman I have ever seen in my life. She had to have been in her 90s at least! He had walked, in the heat, carrying her in his arms. He tenderly laid her on the couch, approached the counter, and said, "Now can we get the lights turned on?"

That day, I realized that I had to get another job. Working with the public (for 2 years at that point) had burned me out. I had lost my compassion for people. I no longer regarded them as people - but as liars and cheaters. Working with the public, I had seen the worst of people - and I mistakenly took the negative and applied it to everyone equally. I was disgusted with myself. I had lost my humanity and I swore to regain it!

I left that job, but every time I see a video of police brutality I think back to that old man carrying his momma. Police work with the public every single day, and I'm sure they see the worst of people -- but, unfortunately, it seems that they take the negative and apply it equally to everyone. How jaded and inhumane a person must be to hear another living human being cry out "I can't breathe" and yet do nothing to aid them in their time of need. This is not my lane, so I will be brief, but if an officer's lack of compassion leads them to harm another (or even puts another in harms way) then they need to face full consequences and find another job - preferably one that does not deal with the public.

COVID-19 Reaction May Depend on How Good a Person is at Math

2020-03-02T20:33:00.002-08:00

When I returned to work today after Mardi Gras break (yes - schools in South Louisiana get an entire week off for Mardi Gras), I was concerned about the feedback I was getting from some of my co-workers regarding COVID-19. Overwhelmingly the response was the same, "Coronavirus? Pfff! More people die of the flu!" That was very frustrating to me - and my attempts to counter with stats about mortality rates either fell on deaf ears or irritated the other party.

The more conversations I had in-person, and the more comments I read from various strangers on media sites, the more I began to suspect the underlying cause of the disagreement over the severity of COVID-19 boiled down to the individual's ability to understand math. I realized that people were focusing on the total cases of influenza versus the total cases of COVID-19, and, unfortunately, that does not paint a valid picture. I also realized that the misconception is further perpetuated by comments from government officials and from info-graphics like this one from JAMA (published on the 26th, but already outdated). Looking at the JAMA info-graphic, it is easy to see the estimated 29m flu cases and 16k deaths (now up to at least 32m cases and 18k deaths as of 02/22) and compare it to the 75,569 reported cases of COVID-19 and 2,239 deaths (now up to 89,527 cases and 3,056 deaths as of 03/02), and think, "Well, more people DO die from the flu!" And - of course - that is true! BUT it does not take into consideration the rate of mortality -- the fact that you are more likely to die from COVID-19, if contracted, than you are from influenza.

I will break down the worldwide mortality rate of the flu, as well as the US mortality rate.

The mean annual global influenza-associated respiratory mortality rate per 100,000 was 5.9 with higher regional estimate of 6.2 in the Americas. This approximates to 0.0062% [(6.2/100k)*100]. Furthermore, individuals over the age of 65 face a mortality rate 26 times higher, or around 0.1612% [(6.2/100k)*26*100]. This means, worldwide, a person has about a 0.0062% chance of dying from the flu if they're under the age of 65, and a 0.1612% chance of dying from the flu if they're over the age of 65.

Furthermore, the WHO estimates that on average between 290,000-650,000 die from the flu each year with 3-5 million severe cases reported -- but they do not state the total average incident rate. However, if all deaths arise from a severe case of the flu, then we can estimate that an individual with a severe case of the flu has an increased chance of dying - between 9.67%-13%.

Of course, this data is more general; so, it's better if we take data specifically from the US.

In the US, the mortality rate for the flu is currently between 0.056% [(18k/32m)*100] and 0.102% [(46k/45m)*100]. Many health officials are going with the 0.1% rate. That means, if you are an American, you have a 0.1% chance of dying from influenza. That is one-tenth of one-percent of a chance.

Most health officials are pegging the COVID-19 mortality rate to be around 2.3% based on case data from The Chinese Center for Disease Control and Prevention. This data was only updated through 02/11, and based on 1023 deaths among 44,672 confirmed cases [(1023/44,672)*100 = 2.29%]. As of 03/02, there are 80,174 confirmed cases in China with 2,915 deaths, increasing the mortality rate to approximately 3.6% [(2,915/80,174)*100]. Taking worldwide data into account, there are a total of 89,527 confirmed cases and 3,056 deaths in 67 countries, for an estimated mortality rate of 3.4% [(3,056/89,527)*100].

Based on mortality rates, COVID-19 has the potential to kill more people than the flu. BUT - how many people are we talking about?

Estimates of possible total number of infected people vary. An epidemiologist says it could impact 40-70% of the world's population, an infectious-disease scientist warns that anywhere from one-third to two-thirds of the world's population could get it (depending on efforts to contain it), and the chair of public health medicine at Hong Kong University also said it could impact 60-80% of the population if left unchecked. Those estimates are extremely high - and contingent upon lack of containment efforts. Throughout China and other parts of the world (especially in countries like Japan which has shut down all their schools and are paying people up to $80 a day to make up for lost wages, South Korea that has mastered drive-thru testing, and countries and organizations coming together to help Iran), containment efforts are increasing - which is great news for slowing the spread of the virus.

Let's take the lowest estimate of potential worldwide impact - one-third of the population. The worldwide population was approximately 7.7 billion in 2019. One-third of that is approximately 2.6 billion [7.7b/3]. So, let's say that 2.6 billion people worldwide contract COVID-19. Based on the official mortality rate of 2.3%, there is a potential for 59 million deaths [2.6*0.023]. Based on the current mortality rate of 3.4%, that number would be around 88 million [2.6*0.034]. Compare that to the approximately 290,000-650,000 deaths from the flu worldwide.

Let's say that one-third of the current US population (~329m) contracts the virus; that's ~110m people [329/3]. At a 2.3% mortality rate, that's over 2.5m potential deaths [110*0.023]. Let's say only 32m people contract the virus (that's the same number of flu cases in the US this year); that equates to a potential death count of 736k [32*0.023]. Using the 3.4% rate, that would equate to over 3.7m deaths at the possible one-third of the population infection rate [110*0.034], or over 1m deaths if 32m people are infected[32*0.034]. Compare that to the average amount of flu deaths in the US each year since 2010 of 12,000 (on a good year) to 61,000 (on a severe year).

Now, I'm not saying we are going to see millions of deaths! I'm not even saying this is probable. I'm just saying that it is possible, based on the stats. Of course, it is also possible that it could be less severe.

That's the thing with this disease - it's new (this strain is, at least; the coronavirus, in general, has been around for some time and causes illnesses ranging from the common cold to SARS and MERS). There is so much unknown with this virus, and medical experts are scrambling to piece together specifics based on data that is rapidly occurring in real time. That poses a problem because the best statistical work is done in hindsight - after the dust clears and government officials and agencies are able to fully quantify the numbers.

And those current mortality rates? They will change! In fact, calculating the mortality rate by [deaths/confirmed cases] is a bit simplistic, as this great article will explain. The mortality rate will be greater in some areas - depending on their resources and how overwhelmed the healthcare system is with cases (as we saw in Wuhan in China and also recently in Iran). And, of course, this number will be impacted by all the unreported cases (not to mention cases currently misattributed to pneumonia or the flu). So, that number could decrease or rise - which, I think, is why officials are sticking to the 2% range instead of increasing it. (UPDATE: The WHO did update the official mortality rate to 3.4% on 03/02 and cautioned against comparing it to the flu. Interestingly enough, the reason they felt compelled to admit the increased mortality rate was due to the fact that many around the world were not taking the situation seriously and were cherry picking low numbers. This interview with the WHO Assistant Director-General is a must watch for everyone!)

Additionally, the mortality rate will be greater in some individuals than others. It is currently reported that the mortality rate for individuals over the age of 80 is 14.8%. The case-fatality rate is 49% in critical cases. Compare that with the 9.67%-13% mortality rate from severe cases of the flu.*

Of course, this is largely based only on data through 02/11! There has been nearly a month's worth of new data since then that I cannot wait to get my hands on (especially from Italy)! Hopefully the WHO releases something soon.

In the meantime, please remember this:

Yes, there are more people who have died from the flu this year than have died from COVID-19. BUT, you cannot say that the flu is more deadly! If you contract the flu, you have a 0.1% chance of dying. If you contract COVID-19, you have a 2.3%-3.4% chance of dying. Constantly saying, "the flu kills more people" downplays the mortality rate difference between the two. It leads people to believe that since the flu has killed more people, COVID-19 is less severe.

That's like saying that COVID-19 is more deadly than SARS and MERS because it has killed more people! Even though more people have died from COVID-19 than from SARS (8096 cases and 774 deaths) and MERS (2,494 cases and 858 deaths) combined, it is still less deadly than both of these other types of coronaviruses (i.e. you are more likely to die from SARS or MERS if contracted, than you are from COVID-19 if contracted; SARS mortality rate is 9.6% and MERS is 34.4%). The reason why SARS and MERS did not kill more people, despite it's heightened deadliness, is due to the fact that it is not as easily spread as COVID-19 or the flu (i.e. you are more likely to catch COVID-19 than SARS or MERS).

tl;dr:

Likelihood of dying: COVID-19 ~2.3%-3.4% > flu ~0.1%
Likelihood of contracting the virus: COVID-19>flu (based on the reproduction number of COVID-19 which is >2, and the flu which is <2).

Another way that COVID-19 differs from the flu? There are no vaccines for COVID-19, and no one has an immunity to it.

It's all simple math, folks. Which makes me wonder...could the difference in the US's response to COVID-19 compared to other parts of the world be due to the fact that our current administration (and Americans, in general) are not known for their prowess in math?

*Compare it loosely as I was unable to tell if "severe" and "critical" have the same qualification.
**Note: all these stats are subject to become quickly outdated as this virus continues to spread and facts continue to evolve. Please feel free to comment on any of this. I may update it or add onto it. My personal interest in this subject is due to my son, Noah, who has Specific Antibody Deficiency which is a primary immunodeficiency disease which affects a certain class of immunoglobulins that decreases his immunity, leaving him susceptible to recurring respiratory infections. His immunologist doesn't know if he would be more susceptible to catching COVID-19, but she does believe that he would be at a greater risk for a secondary bacterial infection if he were to contract the virus, especially considering his history of 8 cases of pneumonia in the past decade. So, COVID-19 is something I have spent a lot of time researching for personal reasons. My background as a math teacher, and freelance researcher and writer enabled me to throw this together quickly for public consumption.
***Disclaimer: I am not recommending that anyone panic or don't panic. Panic if you want; don't panic - that is fine too. It's honestly your prerogative. But I do recommend that everyone stock up on at least 2 weeks worth of supplies. If you do contract COVID-19, you will be asked to quarantine yourself for at least 2 weeks (possibly longer) - and you need to have at least that much provisions to survive (unless you have a really reliable source on the outside who can drop off food on your door step every day). I just**** want everyone to have basic necessities while they're convalescing.
****Okay, I also want people to understand math.

Mel's Creations

2018-08-26T09:48:00.000-07:00

The winter before the flood, I decided to try my hand at sculpting. I choose polymer clay as the medium to work with, and I made less than ten pieces before life became hectic and I set the hobby aside.

Towards the end of June this year, I saw a pendant on ebay that I loved and I decided to try and recreate it instead of purchasing it - and thus my former hobby was rebooted with a new purpose in mind: jewelry making. I have not been able to recreate that pendant, yet, because it is a bit more complicated than I originally assessed, but along the way I have been able to create some really cute items!

I now have a product page: fb.me/MelsPolymerCreations and I hope to have an Etsy page by the end of the year. On Saturday, September 15th, I will have a booth at the Abbeville Farmer's Market. This will be my first attempt at selling my pieces, as I have been giving them away as gifts up to this point.

For those who are unaware, polymer clay remains soft until it is baked. I use the uncolored clay, bake it to harden, and then paint it with acrylic paint. Unlike most people who make jewelry out of clay, I do not use any pre-made molds. I make all my pieces by hand - except for the pair of heart earrings (pictured below), I have a metal die cut to help form that shape (which I do not always use, see the skeleton heart as an example in the last photo).

I currently make pendants (to wear as a necklace or to hang as a rear view mirror charm), earrings, pins, broaches, and fridge magnets. Below are some of my favorite pieces, as well as a behind the scenes look at how I make them.

This rose pendant is one of the first pieces I made when I began sculpting in late June.

A soccer ball magnet I made for my nephew. I plan to do more sports themed magnets in the near future.

A pair of heart earrings I made for a friend's birthday.

A teacher gift I made for my favorite server at the local sushi restaurant, who also happens to be a special ed teacher! It is a pair of A+ earrings and a paper & pencil pin.

A cat pin I made for the woman who organizes the Farmer's Market, who is also a supervisor at the parish Rabies Control clinic.

Pumpkin pendant

Ghost yelling BOO earrings

Bloodshot eyeball earrings

My favorite piece - Mr. Pumpkin & His Pussycat Hat broach! See how he was made below:

I started off with the cat face - which my sister said looked like the face of the Pink Panther!

He looks more like a cat with his ears! But now it's good to know that with a little bit of a deviation, I can make a Pink Panther ;-)

Then I created the pumpkin

I made the little paws and tail

Then I assembled the parts and glued them together with a special polymer clay adhesive that cures in the oven. Since the piece was top heavy, I had to support the cat's head while baking to ensure that it baked straight and wouldn't come out bent (which I have had happen with another piece).

Some of my Halloween themed items mounted on business cards and ready to display at the Farmer's Market next month! The top row are pendants, followed by broaches and pins, earrings, and then the last row are magnets.

For a complete viewing of all the items I have created since I began in late June, please check out my product page: fb.me/MelsPolymerCreations

Release the Past, Forget About the Future

2018-08-23T10:09:00.000-07:00

Our attachment to the past and to the future prevents us from living life right now. It prevents us from seeing reality as it presents, and it clouds our perception and judgement. We spend the majority of our day in the past and/or in the future instead of in the present.

When we look around us, we view the objects that surround us through the meaning of the past or the expectations of the future. Everything around us triggers little recollections of various experiences that occurred in the past, or that we hope/fear will occur in the future. When we see something vaguely familiar and wonder where we've seen it before. In the past. When we compare ourselves to someone and wish we have what they have. In the future. When we predict how a person will act or behave due to prior experience. Based on the past. When we play out a scenario in our head that has never occurred. Perhaps in the future.

But the past is not real, and neither is the future. Only what is occurring right now is real. Yet, one may argue, that the past was real; and, indeed, it once was, but it no longer is. And our ability to recollect the past with precision is tainted by distortion. One may argue that the future will be real; and, indeed, it will be when it occurs, but it is not real right now. The truth is that only the present moment is real. The past and the future are merely the brains way of classifying time chronologically. It is how we have been taught; therefore, it is now second nature. It is something we rarely question, and something we seldom suspect to be a reason behind our perception errors.

The past and the future are only 'real' in our minds, and only if we believe them to be so. A past that we insist is 'real' will constantly play out in our surroundings in real time - because we will make it so. This is why we unconsciously repeat patterns of behavior, or constantly find ourselves in similar situations - because we do not allow the past to recede from our minds, thus it is constantly influencing our choices. A future that we imagine to be 'real' will create a delusion that we cannot reconcile with reality. This is why we are often disappointed by how the present moment plays out - because we had an idea of how it should have happened and instead it happened differently. How delusional it is to become attached to an outcome we imagined in our minds and then allow it to steal our peace when reality presented differently. Yet, this is exactly what we do over and over again.

If we believe that so-and-so will let us down based on past experience (either with that person, or with people in general - i.e. 'everybody lets me down'), then we will view their efforts as a let down (and say we knew we were right all along) while missing the opportunity to view the person objectively and interpret their actions as they intended. Because, it is likely the person did not let us down but rather they did not act exactly how we expected. So, in essence, our disappointment is due to their actions not matching our narrow definition of how they should act. The majority of heartache and drama associated with interpersonal interactions stems from our inability to allow others to act differently from what we define to be our ideal. Unfortunately, this is human nature. BUT, we can redefine how human nature should be, and give ourselves peace in the process.

For example, if we ask a person for help on a project then we typically have a definition in mind (a future expectation) of what we view as 'help'. However, we generally do not express what we mean by 'help' but rather believe the person will instinctively know exactly how to fulfill our need for help by the inference of the word 'help'. If we have history with this person, we may already have predicted how this will play out. Perhaps we are thinking "so-in-so always lets me down - why am I even bothering to ask!" Or perhaps we are thinking "so-and-so did a phenomenal job of helping last time - I know I can rely on them!" Either way, we run the risk of disappointing ourselves by predicting the outcome based on past experience and then basing future expectations on it. The person could disappoint us, and we'll still be upset even though we "knew it would happen." Or, the person could disappoint us, and now we're upset because "it did not turn out this way last time." Either way, we are disappointed due to the influence of our past experience and future expectations.

If, instead, we did not view so-and-so based on any predictions (past), and if we did not form any expectations (future), but rather we remained unattached to the outcome of the experience - then we could view this experience as it is happening in the present moment and without biased subjection. We are a lot less likely to be upset or disappointed by the experience, and a lot more likely to see the subtle ways that the person tries to help or exerts effort - ways that may not meet our definition or expectations of help/effort and thus we would have missed altogether had we viewed it through the tainted lens of the past/future. Additionally, this also takes responsibility for our feelings because instead of following the old script of "if you acted and/or were different, then I'd be happy." Through this improved way of interacting, we are realizing that how we feel has an internal source instead of an external one.

tl;dr: We give our own meaning to what is occurring right now, often based on past experiences or future expectations. We define everything (people, places, things, ideas) by the past, and then build future expectations from those past definitions. This over complicates things, and causes us to miss out on the subtle cues occurring now. If we release the past and forget about the future (regain our objectivity and view each day/occurrence as brand new), then our experiences will improve. We will also take responsibility for our feelings and realize that no one can make us feel a certain way - we assign those feelings to ourselves.

Why We Should Not Feel Guilty

2018-08-05T17:03:00.002-07:00

We should not feel guilty when we make a wrong decision. Guilt is a concept designed to keep us down. It keeps the wrong decision alive in our lives, and causes it to manifest again and again. It does this by taking the past and connecting it to the future. In other words, the future is impacted by the past because of the guilt we carry.

For example, let's say Bob makes the wrong decision to withhold information from Betty, she finds out, gets upset, and now Bob feels guilty. He sees how upset Betty feels, and he feels a sense of responsibility and remorse over his actions. This guilt that he feels will carry forward. Every time he thinks of the situation, he feels bad about it. He ruminates over the situation in his mind, and thus keeps it 'alive' long after the situation has ended. Bob is now more likely - not less likely - to repeat this bad decision in the future because he A.) has not forgiven himself, B.) has identified himself as a guilty person who withholds information from others, and C.) has not left the wrong decision in the past. If the scenario arises again to withhold information from Betty, Bob will likely choose to do so again. He will either justify it with an assumptive reason (like fearing that Betty will be upset if she learns the information), or he will unconsciously make the decision without even knowing why he is doing it.

When we feel guilty about something, then we subconsciously feel we deserve punishment and we will enact that punishment on ourselves by deciding wrongly in the future. We need only look at our own lives to identify this as truth. Those instances where we still feel guilty are generally not one time occurrences, but rather patterns and cycles of wrong decision making. It is the same concept as to why criminals have a high rate of recidivism - because they were never properly rehabilitated. It is the same reason why addicts keep running back to the very thing that makes them feel so bad. Guilt locks us into a loop of wrong decision making.

When we feel guilty, we are giving in to the fear that we are a bad person. We place judgment on ourselves. That wrong decision stays alive in our mind and we set ourselves up for punishment in the future by repeating the wrong decision. The ego's goal is to create unconscious chaos in our lives, and feeling guilty supplies the ego with a weapon. Feeling guilty is ingrained - we are taught that wrong decisions need consequences. We are taught that punishment corrects wrong decision making. It is the same concept of sacrifice and suffering - we supposedly redeem ourselves through punishment. These concepts are wrong. They are the insane reasoning of the ego! We were not created to suffer! We cannot gain redemption or salvation through sacrifice or punishment! Nor can we correct our wrong doing through guilt. How can we feel good in the future by feeling bad now? We need not suffer to generate a good life. Guilt will only set us up for repeat offenses. Guilt will keep us down by keeping the wrong decision alive.

We may tell ourselves that by feeling bad about something we are guaranteeing to not do it again because we don't ever want to feel this bad again. However, this is misguided thinking. We make ourselves a slave to that guilt. We say we never want to feel that way again, yet we feel that way every single time we think about it. We say that feeling guilt over this will make us less likely to repeat it in the future, yet it keeps us in a state of fear regarding this particular action to the point where we ultimately repeat it despite our best intentions.

The best way to handle wrong decision making is to acknowledge that we decided wrongly, realize that this was a mistake that needs loving correction instead of punishment, assert that we do not wish to make this wrong decision again in the future, come up with ways to help us to decide better, and then forgive ourselves completely - abandoning all fearful, bad feelings of guilt and thoughts of punishment. Forgiveness and self-compassion absolves the guilt. Forgiveness and self-compassion makes punishment unnecessary. In the future, when the situation arises again, we will be more likely to be aware of it. Our conscious awareness of it helps us to make a better decision. If something happens and we decide wrongly again, then we are free to acknowledge our mistake, forgive ourselves, and choose to decide differently next time. We are human beings, exempt from perfection. Feeling guilty will guarantee that we decide wrongly in the future. Forgiveness and self-compassion provides us the opportunity to decide differently.

Why Our Feelings Cannot Be Hurt Without Our Permission

2018-08-05T17:03:00.001-07:00

No one can hurt our feelings unless we allow them to. No one is responsible for our feelings except for ourselves. When our feelings are hurt, it is because we have perceived the words or actions of another to be an attack on our identity or a reflection of a painful belief. In reality, our true identity can never be attacked, and our painful beliefs are self-inflicted. The words someone says or the actions they take cannot change who we are. Thus, their perceived offense and our consequent hurt feelings are solely our own responsibility.

Let's say that someone calls us fat.

If we are secure in our body image and realize that the words/opinions of others do not change who we are, this slight would not offend us. We would emerge with our feelings unscathed, and all would be well.

If we have a negative body image, and a deep underlying fear of being fat or being perceived as being fat, then these words are taken to heart and we allow our feelings to be hurt. This occurs because the words reflect something we already believe and it triggers the pain associated with our self-made belief.

On the flip side, if we identify as being skinny (or physically fit), then we unconsciously take these words to be an attack on our identity. This will result in becoming offended, and being defensive as we try to discount the words so they won't harm how we've established ourselves to be perceived.

In any case, our feelings cannot be hurt unless we give permission for them to hurt us. In order for our feelings to be hurt, we have to take the words/actions of others and interpret them to be either A.) an attack on our identity or B.) a reflection of something we already believe about ourselves that is associated with pain. We make that choice, albeit often unconsciously. Yet, we blame the issuing party for the offense and hurt feelings. We skip over our own responsibility for the way we feel, and immediately condemn the other individual. We take the role of the victim and project the blame outward so we don't have to look within and take accountability for the way that we feel.

Even if a person is yelling obscenities at us, we have a choice in how this will affect our feelings. We can react to their negative behavior (which is based in fear) with negative behavior of our own (other fear based reactions like anger, sadness, hurt, etc.), or we can realize that the individual's words are a reflection of themselves and not of us and that ultimately the words and actions of others cannot harm us mentally/emotionally unless we allow them. This, of course, goes hand-in-hand with taking things personally.

It is difficult to override the automatic knee-jerk reaction of becoming offended. It is hard to prevent the words/actions of others from triggering an immediate hurt response. It is easier, however, to recognize when we are feeling offended and hurt and then decide to make another choice. We can pause to evaluate why we are really feeling this way, realize we are the ones assigning the meaning to this, and then consciously decide to look at it another way. When we decide to change the way we look at it, we also change the way we feel about it. We take back the power we initially placed in the hands of another, and use that power to change our perception. Often when we change our perception, we see the change reflected in our lives.

Why We Should Not Take Things Personally

2018-08-05T17:02:00.000-07:00

It is quite natural for an individual to think of themselves in isolated terms, as being separate from the other individual bodies they perceive around them. It it thus common that a perception arises in many individuals that places them squarely in the center of their perceived reality. When interacting with others, they view the responses around them in terms of how they factor into it. In other words, they gauge someone's reaction, words, or attitudes as a reflection of something the perceiver did or said instead of a reflection of the issuing party.

For example, if an interaction occurs between Bob and Betty in which Betty seems to be irritated or rather more curt than previously experienced, then it is quite common for Bob to interpret Betty's behavior as being wholly about Bob. It is common for Bob to imagine that Betty's behavior is a reaction to him. He may imagine reasons for Betty's behavior by connecting it to something he said or did, or by interpreting it to represent how she must feel about him. Bob might then take this assumptive perception, dwell on it, and allow it to fester in his mind until it culminates into a solidified conclusion. Bob may be certain his inference is correct and accept it as fact, as it makes sense in his mind, and thus mistakes it for the only possible interpretation. Bob has taken Betty's attitude personally, and it has poisoned his mind. This poisoning of the mind spills into reality and it taints his subsequent interactions with Betty - because he is reacting to her based on this presumptive assumption instead of interacting with her based on reality. Bob has created an alternative narrative of Betty's behavior, and has ignored any cues to the contrary that reality may have offered in the interim. For it is quite impossible to view reality objectively when we have allowed our self-made version to supersede it.

When we take things personally, we are taking responsibility for the actions of another individual. We are saying that their actions/behavior are solely our fault and are wholly about us. We ignore the person in the process. We overlook the fact that they might be a complicated human being with complex thinking patterns and emotions, similar to our own. When we take things personally, we also set ourselves firmly in the center of all creation and assert the self-made belief that everything is about us. How arrogant it is to think that someone's behavior must be about us!

Instead, a person's negative behavior is a call to compassion. Whether it is angry words, an irritated tone, the silent treatment, or other untoward behavior - this is a reflection of the issuing party, not the perceiver. Negative behavior stems from fear, and all individuals intermittently experience this emotion. All humans experiencing fear project it outward in negative ways - worry, anxiety, anger, frustration, irritation, chaos, hatred, hostility, dejection, depression, rejection, etc. etc. etc. Instead of noticing this behavior in others and internalizing it (aka taking it personally), individuals should recognize this as a call for compassion - a call to extend love. Love is the opposite of fear, and it is the source of all positive emotions and behaviors. If we could observe fear in one another and not take on this fear (i.e. not become offended, upset, etc.), but rather use it as an opportunity to extend compassion and love, then we could rebuild connections and pave the way for a synergic co-existence.

Bob could have responded two separate ways to Betty's behavior which would have been healthier for all involved. He could have A.) remained silent, keeping in mind that Betty must be going through something within herself, and looked upon her with a compassionate and loving perception, or B.) Bob could have said "Hey, Betty. I noticed you seem to be irritated. Is everything okay? Is there something you would like to talk about?" The best option to take depends on how emotionally/mentally healthy Betty is. If Betty is likely to fly off the handle and unconsciously project her fear onto Bob in the form of blame for something totally unrelated to the cause of her fear (mainly because she herself is not aware enough to know why she feels this way, so she must find someone else to blame), then it may be best for Bob to take option A. If Bob knows Betty well enough and knows that she has a tendency of being aware of her issues and responsible for them, then he might be better off with option B. Either way, Bob resists the urge to take Betty's behavior personally and avoids the mental anguish that comes with it.

As with all things, it is easier to see these words and understand them now than it is to apply them when in the heat of the moment. It is common for that false part of our mind, often referred to as the ego, to whisper fear inducing thoughts. When passing a group of people who automatically begin laughing after we walk by, it is common for the ego to whisper things like, "They are laughing at you. Maybe you have a stain on your shirt. Or a booger hanging out of your nose." Yet, why would we automatically believe the ego? Why would their behavior be about us? Wouldn't it be even more likely that they were in the process of saying something funny right as we passed by? Even if their response was about us, why would it matter? Does someone's reaction or opinion of us change who we are?

The root of the problem goes beyond taking things personally. The root is fear - because many of us do not know who we are. We mistakenly make identities based on external things. We are a parent. We are our jobs. We are our sexual orientation. We are our hobbies. We are a particular characteristic we think we embody. The problem with identifying with external projections is that they are temporary. They are not secure; they change and morph. Our relationships with our children and family change; our kids grow up and move on, and our parents pass away. Our career does not pan out or our job is taken away. When something in our exterior changes, we scramble to 'find ourselves' again. We seek to reestablish our identity in connection to something else external - a new job, a new kid, a new partner, etc. Yet, we are strangely never satisfied. This whole game of "I'll be happy if I can just <insert material possession here>" or "I'll be fulfilled if I can just <insert next accomplishment here>" is a fruitless pursuit. It becomes our ever shifting identity based on external things that are not secure. It leaves us floundering and misguided. It is where our fear is based - on not knowing who we are - and it leaves us seeking but never finding something we cannot even define. Our security cannot be found in this transitory world; thus our identity should not be based in it.

We should not take things personally because it is delusional to believe we know the intentions of others or the reasons for their actions, words, or behaviors. We experience life from the confines of our mind, and our perception is rarely aligned with objective reality. If we sometimes have difficulty knowing the reason behind our own actions, why would be think to know the reason behind another's?

DIY Dog Ramp for Pinky

2018-04-10T07:16:00.002-07:00

I cannot take credit for this ingenious idea, it came from this instructables here.

My chihuahuas, Rocky and Pinky, are over a decade old and are beginning to suffer from age related joint issues. After our house was elevated and leveled, we got new steps that are higher than the last ones. This was a major issue for poor Pinky, who is already terrified of heights. She was having extreme difficulty getting up and down the steps. I wanted to get her a ramp, but they are very expensive ($100+) so I decided to build one. This DIY instructables was absolutely perfect!

I purchased two wire closet shelves, outdoor carpeting and zip ties from Lowe's. The price was right - $17 for two shelves, $5 for zip ties, and the outdoor carpeting would have cost me roughly $7 (as they charge by foot and cut it to size) BUT I opted for a thicker eco-friendly outdoor rug that cost $20 which I cut myself and plan to use the remnants for another project. So, technically, it is possible to complete this project for under $35 with tax, but mine ended up costing around $47 after tax.

As usual, I found myself leaving Lowe's with an over-sized load (6 feet of shelving and 6 feet of carpeting) - seemingly forgetting that my mini-compact is less than 10 feet long! Again, as usual, I was pleasantly surprised how much I can cram into the Turtle (last month I fit 5 - 30# bags of soil and a 2X2 planter!! who needs an SUV!?!?! - well, technically I did for the return trip when I needed 10 more bags of soil lol but thankfully I was able to borrow my mom's).

Good job, Turtle!

For this project, I needed:

Two Wire Closet Shelves

Outdoor Carpeting

Zip Ties and Tools

I took the two wire shelves and zip tied them together:

Then, I zip tied the carpeting onto the shelving. I poked holes with Noah's knife since I did not have an awl.

I secured it to the bottom first on both sides of the shelving, placing a zip tie every 10-12th rung. Once I had the bottom secured on both sides, then I made sure the carpeting was smooth (I had to remove some zip ties and re-position them as needed).

I then secured the carpeting to the ends of the ramp.

I then rolled the extra carpeting over the raised sides and zip tied them in place. I clipped the ends of all zip ties and turned them to where there would not be any exposed sharp edges.

And there you have it! A completed dog ramp:

Ms. Pinky being guided onto the ramp by Noah.

Victory!

For added stability, I went and anchored the ramp to the railing after these pictures were taken. This step was probably the hardest out of the entire project! I had to drill 1/4" holes into the railings (that was the fun part! I grunt like Tim the Toolman Taylor every time I use power tools 🤣🤣🤣). Aligning those suckers was not so easy. Putting the anchors in place was easier, but tapping the nail in to secure them was not easy, as you can tell by my photos:

What I used (cost $3)

What I did -- As you can see, it took me a few extra holes to get the anchors aligned, and it took me a lot of hammering to get the little nails in place. Ultimately, it worked, and the ramp clicks into the groove allowing me the option to remove them if need be. The ramp hides the clips from view (and the extra drill holes and hammer marks 😉)

So, there you have it - an easy DIY dog ramp! It took me roughly five hours from start to finish. There was some trial and error involved (such as how to zip tie the carpet in or where to put the anchors), but overall I found the experience quite pleasant (aside from the sneezing, wheezing, & itching -- apparently I'm mildly allergic to the outdoor carpeting lol 🤧).

The ultimate compliment was when the neighbor came over that evening for funnel cakes and she commented on how the ramp looked store bought 😎 Good job, Mel 👏

Twas the Night Before Mardi Gras

2018-02-12T18:00:00.000-08:00

Twas the night before Mardi Gras, and all throughout town
People were gathering, and partying down.
T-Boy was hanging out with his friend T'frere
And knocking back Natty Light without a care.
The children were running throughout the hall
With Tauntie yelling, "GO OUTSIDE, Y'ALL!"
Bernadette was drinking a strawberry daiquiri
While visiting with her sister who was down from Hackberry.
When down from the corner came such a sight
It was the po-po, flashing their blue lights
T'frere jumped up with a flash
"T-Boy! There's been a crash!"
The two friends ran down to the scene
And out from the wreckage crawled ol' Eugene
Now, that Eugene, sha, he was blitzed
He looked at his Oldsmobile, and boy he was pissed!
"Stand down!" yelled out the po-po
But that Eugene spun round and round like at a fais do-do
"T'frere, what the hell is this?"
"T-Boy, I think he's winding up his fist!"
Sure 'nuff, like a Popeye cartoon
Eugene hit that po-po like he was picayune!
At this point Tauntie ran up with two lawn chairs
("If y'all gonna rubber neck, y'all might as well sit down right there!")
Then that po-po called in for back-up
Just as Eugene began to sober up.
Help arrived, and I swear as they cuffed 'em
That Eugene had a gris-gris look in his eye that was quite grim!
Before the po-po knew it, that ol' klutz
Head butted one and kicked the other square in the nuts!
And what do you think that Eugene yelled as he ran out of sight?
Why - "HAPPY LUNDI GRAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A LIT NIGHT!"

*all spelling mistakes are intentional
**I do not condone drinking and driving or attacking police officers
***Happy Mardi Gras, y'all! I don't participate; but y'all be safe now y'all hear!

Fuelio

2018-02-01T17:24:00.003-08:00

Set to the tune of Sussudio, the following is a song that I have been piecing together since I began using the Fuelio app to record the Turtle's gas consumption. It was difficult to draw out all the appropriate words in written style, so I have italicized the ones that should be draggggeedd out.

Exxon Mobil has been on my mind
It's that time - Fu-Fu-Fuelio
Oh oh
Now, they don't even know my name
But they take my money all the same

Fu-Fu-Fuelio
Oh oh

Millions of locations - there's one right there!
I can drive up annneeeewwhhheeeerrreeeee!

Fu-Fu-Fuelio
Oh oh

Fuel is what my Turtle needs to run fine
I know it's time when I see the light
Fu-Fu-Fuelio - I see the light!
Oh, Fu-Fu-Fuelio

The fuel light's blinking, urgently
Now the race is ooooonnnnnnnn

Fu-Fu-Fuelio
Oh oh
Ooh give me a sign
'no-ethanol' works just fine
I pull in right in time
Fu-Fu-Fuelio
Oh oh

Ah, I've got to pump, to pump gas now
The classic over squeeze I must avoid
Go 'head, release the hounds
Fu-Fu-Fuelio
Release the hounds, Oh
Fu-Fu-Fuelio

But what's my mpg - I must know now
All I need to do is input the info
Fu-Fu-Fuelio
I just input the info
Fu-Fu-Fuelio
I'll input the info
Fu-Fu-Fuelio
Input the info
Fu-Fu-Fuelio Oh oh oh
Input the info
Input the info
Input the info
Fu-Fu-Fuelio
Input the info
Fu-Fu-Fuelio
Input the info
Just input the info

Dear Mr. Collins, please note that I am not worth enough to even consider suing for musical plagiarism.

Poems from Beyond the Veil

2017-12-24T09:44:00.000-08:00

-------------------------------------------------

Without grit and purpose
Too few remain
In the face of troubling times.

Without form and presence
No one can stand
On the shifting sands of auld lang syne.

Without a heart of glass
The blood runs cold
Vulnerability replaced by confines.

Without compassion; devoid of empathy
Who can resist
The temptation of war crimes?

----------------------------------------------------

When the current of fate
Directs your body towards mine once more
Will we drown upon the raging river rapids
Or will we awash with the ebbing tide onto the shore?
Will we crash with a cacophony of hate
Or will we mesh in vigor and valor
Uniting against the vapid, delving into the placid
A universal cadence - played out upon the waters of evermore

------------------------------------------------------

And in my dream
I were you
And you were me
And as a vapor
We ceased to be
Anything but in between
And in a moment of rising winds
The intertwine of smoke and ash
I cease to awake from this dream
And I tremble at the divine
As you, humanity
And I, eternity
Together, beget mankind

------------------------------------------------------

The interwoven threads of time
Produce a golden tapestry
That seems to lack reason or rhyme
But when viewed more closely
Reveal a pattern most compline
To signify the rising vespers
A song is sung
The tug of a string
A knot undone
The demure of the lemon balm
The richness of the fading sun
Traipse in the fields of night

On Knowing Value

2017-10-21T20:02:00.000-07:00

On Facebook there's a Marketplace where the common go to sell their pre-owned wares. Trinkets, trash, toys and trucks - name it, and there's someone selling it! A quick scroll through this place gives one a glimpse into the unrealistic stupidity that the majority of the world resides in - a world where value is largely unknown.

Economics dictates that when something is sold upon the free market, supply and demand will eventually determine the price. Theoretically, an item can be introduced at an erroneously high price and eventually the public's unwillingness to purchase it will drive the price down to a more reasonable one. Amazingly, economics does not seem hold for Facebook Marketplace! The same individuals will relist the same items at the same prices - over and over again. It seems that the majority are more willing to hoard their items than come to terms with the fact that they simply are not worth what they think.

Please realize that this is a symptom of a deeper issue. This is a red neon light, warning us that we live in a world where the majority cannot conceptualize depreciation. Beyond even that - we live in a world of greed, where individuals want to bleed others unnecessarily for their own gain.