Quitting My Job:

Simple Things in Life in St. Barth

2011-05-06T11:00:00.000-04:00

It's the simple things that make me happy. The internet and no shoes.

For some of those who know the boring details, it has been two months and I still do not have internet at my apartment. However, I should have it as of next week. Many of us would be thrilled to throw our Blackberrys/iPhones (or other PDSa) out the window, escape from our computers, shut off our emails. But when you have moved out of the country and are trying to (a) communicate with your friends and loved ones back home because a phone call is $4 a minute and Skype/Logitech/email are fabulous, and (b) trying to make administrative things happen (leasing, subleasing, banking, phone, internet, cars, medical, etc.), both in your home and new country, it gets a little hectic running in out of cafes which have internet.

So, I will spare you the icky details and just say, hurrah for internet next week!

And this morning I went to the gym. There is one gym on the island (8,000 residents on the island, btw). I decided to shower in the 30-second shower (it turns on for 30 seconds at a time -- water is not abundant here -- this is a very funny contrast to Reebok gym in NYC which is 140,000 square feet.) and head into town, Gustavia, after the gym instead of going home. But I forgot my shoes. A brightly colored sundress and Nike sneakers is really not an attractive look. But it's really okay to skip across the street from my car to a cafe in bare feet. Not my first choice, but nobody looked at me like I was crazy. And it was nice to have barefeet dangling off my coffee-bar stool. . .

Sleeping with the Enemy

2011-05-04T13:06:00.000-04:00

I promise to post some beautiful pictures of St. Barth soon enough.

Until then, I will share some of the "realities" of SBH.

My two perceived enemies of the island are the sun and the mosquito.

Now the sun I love. It's bright, warm and lovely. I really love the hot weather. No complaints here. I love it when it it bright out. Totally lifts my spirits. It just has to potential to damage the skin/give you cancer. A little concerning. So I am a little SPF crazy. Sunglasses, hat sometimes, etc. The higher the SPF, the better, although there is no proof that the 100+ SPF is any better than 15/30. I just like the way it sounds.

And the mosquito. The french pronunciation is "moo-steek" which I smile at every time I hear it. The moo-steek is smaller than the northeastern U.S. moo-steek but just as vicious. And can give you dengue fever. Which is no walk in the park. These little buggers surround our ankles and calves like no tomorrow. And when the light is out, bzzzz bzzzz bzzzz around our heads when we are in bed. I am going to go purchase a mosquito net for my bed. I used to think they were an expensive decorating technique. They are actually a necessity in some parts of the world.

My favorite defense against the moo-steek is the moo-steek racquet. It looks like a small tennis racquet and the net part becomes electrified when you push a button. You simply swat at the moo-steek and ZAP! It catches it in the net and zaps it. Very satisfying. I walk around with it constantly.

Bridgette is not such of the fan. Of the moo-steek or the racquet.

Dog Feelings

2011-04-29T14:17:00.000-04:00

Bridgette and I had a rough transition onto St. Barth. I am sure some Cesar Millan person would tell me that I created the monster, which indeed, I am sure I did. But our first five weeks here were torture.

Bridgette is a rescue. She is nine years old and I have had her not even two years. But she is a wonderful dog. Never barks when I leave her and may be a bit indifferent towards strangers, but has come around and is even quite friendly these days. She travels like a rock star.

When I left her for five weeks with my mom and Lou in December and January for vacation to St. Barth, she didn't eat well for a few days, but eventually came around. She was sad, but eventually adjusted.

Well, she panicked when we moved to St. Barth in March. I essentially could not leave without her barking for the entire time I was gone. This is a dog who I didn't even hear bark for two months. She certainly found her voice. She was so calm when she was out with me in public, my friend on the island called me a drama queen describing how hysterical Bridgette got when I left. Bridgette was like a wild crazy beast when I left her at home.

This did not work so well since I lived a stone's throw from my landlord. And I liked to get up early and my neighbor did not rise until after I did. I was essentially trapped in my apartment. And then I had to take her everywhere. Luckily, I could take here everywhere -- restaurants and the like. But it became exhausting. And impractical. But I kept doing it.

I tried leaving clothes of mine of the floor. We visited the vet for homeopathic remedies. Dog bones. Distractions. Trying to leave for 3 minutes, then 5 then 10, then longer. Didn't work. She would bark and I would return, essentially rewarding the barking behavior. I would leave and tap on the window, try to distract her. It took me hours to get out the door and eventually I would just bring her anyway. People asked me what I did all day. I couldn't bear to explain.

When we went to New Jersey and returned to St. Barth this past Monday, I think Bridgette realized this is our home for now. A little bit of panic and she has to sleep in my closet amongst my clothes (picture below), but no more barking fits. It makes a huge difference. I can actually leave my apartment sans chien.

Our dogs, we love 'em and will do just about anything for 'em. . .

Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous

2011-04-28T18:16:00.000-04:00

St. Barth is an island known for its tourism. More specifically, tourists who have money and often, those who are famous. (This is not the reason I moved here -- there are plenty of tourists, money and famous people in New York City). Particularly around the Christmas season, parties abound. Sun, sea, yachts and Cristal champagne.

Lest you might think someone with no job actually lives like this, I thought I would give you a peek into my daily living. When I lived in New York, worked seven days a week and sometimes didn't go to sleep, it was necessary to gather my laundry, drop it off with the doorman, have a laundry service pick it up and wash it. I would pick it up the next day and never even put it away. I would just pull it out of the bag and wear it.

When I quit my job and lived in New York, I indeed did my own laundry. But it definitely did not look like this:

And then I swept my stoop! Ah, it's the good life!!! :)

Six Month Hiatus From the Hiatus

2011-04-27T16:56:00.000-04:00

It's been six months since my last post. November, 2, 2010. I stopped writing because, despite quitting my job and attempting to pursue my life long passion, whatever that may be, my life was clicking along with nothing particularly special going on. Boring.

So I quit my job in April, 2010. It's been almost a year. And I have become inspired to write again. Inspired by a couple of things. Inspired because I have lost someone very special to me. And inspired because I have fallen in love.

Lou, my stepfather, died on April 15, 2010. He was a wonderful man and I was fortunate enough to be at his and my mother's home for the last couple of weeks of his life. Even more fortunate to be by his side as he died. He was a humble, sweet, affectionate, kind, loving and generous man. Truly, people like me stand on the shoulders of giants like Lou's to even get a glimpse of what the world could possibly be like. I wake up now, thinking about my day, and wondering what Lou would do. How would Lou do it?

He made such an impact on so many people. He was not a politician. He was not a rich man. He was not famous. He did not hold the answer to cure the world's problems. He was an ordinary man who had a faith in God beyond most and a love for his wife and family beyond the pale. He just simply loved God, his fellow man and lived a life of humility and gratitude. He actually loved life.

So, I have had the rare opportunity to have someone so wonderful in my life. I can only take this example and use it as a guide blueprint for my future.

As far as falling in love, I did some travel as people are wont to do when they quit their jobs. I intended to travel to Southeast Asia for several months, then thought it too sad to travel for that long alone. I wanted to learn how to speak French so thought about France, but then thought it was too cold in the fall, so eventually decided on St. Martin and St. Barth. Long story short, I went to St. Martin and did not like it very much, but then went to St. Barth and fell in love with an island. Immediately. I was traveling over the holidays -- the busiest season of the year -- and decided I wanted to stay an extra week. Nearly impossible to do to find a hotel room. But where there is a will there is a way. I stayed an extra week. Then another (and with my mother's amazing grace -- she agreed to keep Bridgette even with a sick husband and having to walk Bridgette in the middle of the winter). And another. During that time, I decided I wanted to return to St. Barth, making a life in St. Barth and New York.

And this is where my new career/life would be centered around.

So, I have never had a dream. Kind of weird. Kind of sad. But I had a dream while I was on this trip to live on St. Barth. I am still formulating what the career/job/business will be, but it will involve St. Barth.

So, I have not answered whether quitting my job is reckless or limitless. But there is no end goal anymore. It is indeed the journey. If I flop, I flop. It is all about experiences. I experienced Lou's death in a way I could never have had I worked at a law firm or had a job in the states. I happened to be in transition and was able to spend the time with him and my mother without rushing to and from a job and giving my every devoted moment to them. I would never trade that for anything. It doesn't matter if I am 5 years behind in my career. Or 10.

There are many facets to this choice. To be continued. . .

Good Energy and Bad Energy

2010-11-02T22:46:00.000-04:00

I hate to sound hokey, but there are people with good energy and people with bad energy. In other words, I feel good around some people and not good around other people.

I went into a store the other day. Cute store as so many of them are in the west village. I won't name names. But I was excited to find a cool new store. Alas. As I was walking out of the store, in came a woman with a dog. I thought a customer.

Nope. Apparently the owner. Who went into the back and started spewing madness at her servants. Cursing. Raised voice. Tried to hide it for a moment, but then clearly could not control herself. A stone had fallen out of ring. The sky was clearly falling.

Normally I would say people have a bad day. But this was unacceptable behavior. Unacceptable because she was treating other people terribly. I felt a very bad karma in her store. Bad, bad energy.

I don't care how cute her store is and how stylish her things are. I will never step foot back in that store.

Happy Halloween!

2010-10-31T20:48:00.000-04:00

There is a website called meetup.com. It is a website that helps people organize groups around any interest. People in that group then "meet up" as often or wherever they deem appropriate. There are as many meet up groups and you can dream up all over the country. Adventure groups, Asperger Syndrome groups, Hiking People groups, Awesome People Groups (not kidding), Photography groups, Minglers groups, Italian speaking groups, Mom's groups, etc. (I just saw one for Dogs of the Dow -- yep, small Wall Street dogs. . . ) You get the picture.

Of course, there are dog groups. More specifically, there are Small Dog Groups. And even more specifically, Brussels Griffon Meet Up Groups. Yep, particular breeds.

So, Bridgette and I are a member of the Brussels Griffon and Affenpinscher (a related dog) Meet Up Group. We have not yet been to a meet up. But today was the Annual Halloween Party.

I could think of nothing funnier than 100 Brussels Griffons in costume in a room. And sure enough, I was right. See for yourself. Disclaimer: My real camera was not charged so these are all taken with my iPhone. I did the best I could with what I had. . .

My own Miss B.

Freezin' Us Out

2010-10-22T16:11:00.000-04:00

Has anyone else noticed that despite the dropping temperature (although I will say we are having a beautiful, temperate October), coffee shops are keeping their air conditioners on? That it is freeeeeezing in Starbucks and any other coffee shop you go into?

I am in a coffee shop as I post this and it is the coldest day this week. In the 40's barely getting into the low 50's (if that's possible with the wind chill factor) and the door is wide open AND the air conditioner is on!!!

So, just like restaurants trying to turn their tables to get new customers in the door for another meal, coffee shops don't want their coffee visitors to linger. Especially those on a computer. I never noticed this since I never hung out in coffee shops. I am sure this is not a new phenomenon.

Unfortunately, this is a beast of the coffee shops' own making. They are the ones who said "Hey, we have free wi-fi! Come buy coffee here! Bring your computer, too!" What did they think we were going to do, open our computers, look at them for two minutes and leave?

It really irks me when someone offers something, but they really don't mean it. I think this particularly bothers me because I hate to be cold.

Adventure in the City

2010-10-17T15:58:00.000-04:00

I have not been writing as often because not too much has been happening. I am merely enjoying the city. Soaking up the day-to-day of living in the most spectacular city in the world.

It has taken me a long time to get to this point.

I notice lately that I move much slower since I left corporate America. There is an urgency that has left me. I most definitely still have a steady state of stress in my body -- I monitor this as often as I am able to be conscious of it and release the stress (e.g., shoulders up to my ears, or a tightly clenched jaw) -- but the stress level has come down. Which leaves me with the obvious deduction that much stress is self-imposed.

However, it is self-imposed, but often unconscious. Being in education for over half my life, then in a stressful career, I have built up actions, reactions and automatic replies to many stimuli. These were learned. Over time. It is taking time to unlearn them. And it is so worth it. (Albeit a bit tricky in New York City vs. say, Bigfork, Montana).

Time Well Spent

2010-10-14T09:34:00.000-04:00

My friend Stephanie is on her journey home from Africa. As I have posted earlier, she went over to Dakar to help build a hospital. I have been following her blog and she is winding her way back to NYC.

I cannot believe six months have passed. I cannot believe it has been seven and a half months since I quit my job. I am feeling as if I am staring into a black hole, yet enjoying my days. The new year is my target for career focusing. Until then, I am trying to not get too intimidated by the black hole. . .

Gorgeous Weather

2010-10-11T22:30:00.000-04:00

The weather has been gorgeous. Sunny and in the 70's during the day. Perfect for wandering around the neighborhood. I had a couple of friends over on Saturday night and we ventured out for dinner in the neighborhood. We tried to stop by The Little Owl, but that is small and was impossible to get into. (I particularly like The Little Owl's website because their theme song is Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons's "Who Loves You". However, I find it very difficult to manipulate flipping the pages. . . )

We teetered down to Commerce Street which is sort of corner street that looks like you might be in Europe somewhere. Fittingly, there is a restaurant called Commerce on the corner. Brownstones surround the restaurant. Trees line the street and bikes with flowers on the handlebars are tied up to a tree. Cobblestone streets. When I am walking in the neighborhood, I do everything I can do avoid the block of Christopher Street on which the Path train lets out. It's just not the prettiest street.

Despite the terrific weather, Bridgette is hunkering down for the inevitable inclement weather. . .

It's a Good Thing We Moved

2010-10-08T22:44:00.000-04:00

So Bridgette seemed to have gotten old overnight. Not being able to get up easily in the morning, staying in bed, I would have to literally lift her up onto her feet and she would barely make it down the street for a walk. "Arthritis", said her old vet. So she went on Rimadyl. Which helped a little bit.

It's weird how you accept what seems to become the norm. If I think about it, Bridgette was fine one day, and the next had a problem getting up off her hind legs. It was not progressive. It progressively got worse, but it did seem to happen overnight.

Something that stuck in my mind was the crazy tick attack over the summer on Long Island. Could she have Lyme disease? My old vet blew off that idea.

Luckily we moved and out of convenience, I took Bridgette to the vet near us in the West Village. When I described her symptoms, he thought they were consistent with Lyme disease. He put her on an antibiotic. About a week later, she has so much spunk back, it has me tickled. She is as bouncy as ever, we are taking muck longer walks, and she is getting right up in the morning.

She really makes me laugh. Just to look at her, with this funny little face. I love to see her tail wagging again. Love having a dog. . .

Where's the Heat?

2010-10-06T22:17:00.000-04:00

Okay, I am not the most fond of cold weather. I am particularly not fond of it when the heat is not on. I consider it cold now. I consider this turn-on-the-heat weather. Apparently there is some New York "law" regarding apartment buildings and when they can turn the heat on. I have long lost interest in the law to find out if this is actually true.

Even Bridgette is cold. She was shivering. So I put on her sweater which she wears outside. I wore my bathrobe over my clothes. Oh, brother. Lucky for you, I did not take a picture of me in my bathrobe.

Magical

2010-10-04T22:27:00.000-04:00

The wedding in Lake George was magical. Yes it was in a beautiful location. Yes the bride was simply stunning. Yes, the groom tall, dark and handsome. The bridesmaids and groomsmen all just simply beautiful people. The flowers, the wine, the food. . .The setting out of a story book -- on a lake. The weather was something that seemed to be ordered up on the phone after a day of rainstorms.

But what made it truly magical was the obvious love in the room from friends and family and from the bride and groom for their guests. People wanted to be there. They did not feel obligated. They wanted to be with them to share the day. The bride and groom genuinely wanted each and every person who was at that wedding to be there. People shared stories; family traditions were passed down; former family members were remembered with love as if there were present in the room.

All of the trimmings were gorgeous and appreciated by all. They were lovely. But the meaning of the wedding rose above the trimmings. It was clear what friends and family meant to these to families joining their son and daughter in marriage. I felt blessed to be a part of these two families coming together to celebrate the marriage of their children.

It is the first marriage celebration I have seen so focused on the importance of friends and family. It touched me. I loved it. People, our connections, our relationships and communities mean more than many material things in this world.

But don't get me wrong, her ring was gorgeous!! :))

Stream of Consciousness

2010-10-01T21:54:00.000-04:00

I drove from NYC to Lake George today. I am here for a friend's wedding. Because I am completely lame and forgot my camera, you should see for yourself at what a beautiful resort they are hosting their wedding: Sagamore Resort. What's more, the leaves are already turning. Simply gorgeous. I am so lucky to be enjoying such a wonderful weekend with friends a such a lovely place.

What I wish I had on the way here was a device that recorded my stream of consciousness and delivered it in a neat, translated fashion to my computer. I had so many random thoughts and I kept thinking "I have to write this on my blog, but I know I will forget it by the time I sit down to write. . ." and indeed I have.

One great thing about driving is all the random songs I hear. I still listen to the radio when I drive. Or drive in silence and let my mind wander. Which is why I get lost a lot. But when you listen to the radio, you have to let the radio scan for stations in random areas and you wind up hearing songs you haven't heard in years. What amazes me is how songs (smells, tastes, etc.) can instantaneously remind you of a person, place, thing or event.

On the way here, I heard "Bad Company" by the band Bad Company (yep, showin' my age). It immediately reminded my of a college roommate who loved Bad Company. She used to pretend to play the drums, bounce her little (and she was little) blond head up and down and got really into it. It was over 20 years ago.

So what. What about it. It make me miss my friends from 20 years ago. Think about how crazy college was. It makes me realize how amazing our minds are to instantaneously recall a memory based on a song. It make me appreciate the long life I have had so far. Filled with friends who have come and gone, but who have all been a part of the fabric of my life. And I theirs. Experiences and memories. That is what our lives are. I am lucky to have them.

French Part Deux

2010-09-29T15:57:00.000-04:00

Bon jour! I enrolled in a second French class. Of course, I feel as if everyone in the class speaks complete fluent French and I can only count to ten. I am like a deer in headlights when I have to speak. It is absolutely ridiculous. I have to get over this.

Of course the only way to get over it is to do it. So I am. Just keep going. Keep speaking it. Keep feeling as if I am making a fool of myself. Or maybe it's the latter I need to drop. . .

Bridgette is at my mom's. My mom and stepdad, Lou are watching her for the weekend while I head to a wedding in Lake George. I miss her already! She has only been gone for an hour. . .

Dogs Have Feelings, Too

2010-09-27T22:12:00.000-04:00

It's Monday. Wednesday it will be three weeks since Bridgette and I moved from mid-town to downtown. This weekend was the first time she has eaten normally. I am pretty sure she has not been sick. I am quite sure she has been unsettled, nervous and trying to figure out what the heck has been going on.

I first noticed her "sensitive" behavior when I quit my job. About a week before I quit, she was really sick. I was talking to another woman about it and she told me her dog was really sick when she was going through an upheaval. I wasn't so sure.

Next time I noticed it, Bridgette stayed at my mom's for about a week while I was away. She wouldn't eat, she was so nervous. My mom was feeding her out of her hand, kibble by kibble. Eventually, several days in, she began eating more and more (in my mind, I was telling Bridgette not to get used to that treatment -- there was no way she was coming home and eating out of my hand. . .)

Then the move. She is a voracious eater. She eats her breakfast and dinner like I have not fed her in weeks. She eats it so fast, then looks at me as if I have given her but a pauper's meal. Meanwhile, the vet told me she is gaining too much weight.

We got to the new apartment and she wouldn't touch her food. I bought her new food. Wouldn't touch that either. She also wouldn't chew on her flossies which she loves. So I bought her a smaller flossie, thinking the other one was too large (mind you, it was the same size she always chewed on). I wasn't too worried about the food. I figured she would eventually eat when she got hungry. But it went on for more than a few days. She ate a couple of kibble here and there, but it kept on going. So I fed her cookies, which she liked. But I was worried she wouldn't go back to eating her food.

Then the doorman started giving her cookies. Afraid she would never eat her food again. But then over the weekend, poof, she started eating normally again. And back to chewing the flossies! She started prancing around with it in her mouth, she even took it outside on our walk this morning. Ahhh, back to normal. Apparently, according to Bridgette, we are officially settled in. These pictures are not very good, but it captures the essence of the flossie.

A Beautiful Ride

2010-09-26T21:03:00.000-04:00

Near My Apartment

This is a block away from my apartment. A beautiful view for a neighborhood.

I rode on my bike up north on this path earlier today. The day was cool and the clouds were out. No sun in my eyes. The wind was in my face, so it was a bit of work to ride, but good work.

At about 95th street, I looked down at my tires and they looked flat or very out of air. Being a novice, I did not know which. I did know that if the tire was flat and I continued to ride, I could very well ruin the wheels. So I got off my bike and walked it to 106th Street and Columbus where I bought my bike. Luckily, the tires only needed air. They fixed my gears, too, which needed tweaking. Luckily, I have service for life at the bike shop.

I, of course, would have turned back around and hopped on the path back down the Hudson. But the woman I know at the shop suggested I head east to Central Park, ride through the park and cut back to the Hudson over 59th Street. I am so glad I did. I do miss the park now that I have moved downtown. It was wonderful to be in the city's largest green oasis. Lots of people out and about. Truly like you are not in the city.

We have been super lucky with the weather lately. It won't be long before the cold sets in. I am glad I have gotten some good rides in on my bike. I am proud that I finally purchased the thing. I wanted to buy one for so long and finally, I did it.

The Secret To Being Organized

2010-09-24T20:41:00.000-04:00

Do you wish your home or apartment to be organized? Do you long for the day you will pick up after yourself immediately? Do you dream that instead of dropping your bag on the floor when you walk in the door, you would put it in the closet or put your shoes away?

Here's the secret: move into an apartment the size of a postage stamp. It will force you to put everything in its place. If you live in a space where there is no extra space, you cannot afford not to put something in its home lest you feel like you are in a tornado. If I leave my toothbrush out, I feel like I need to declutter immediately.

Don't get me wrong. I absolutely love my new apartment. I am not even complaining that it is small. It is just that I can't afford to leave anything out of its particular place unless I want to live in a cyclone. I am actually pleasantly surprised with this unintended benefit of my new apartment: forced neatness and organization.

Who knew?

Funny Bone

2010-09-22T19:56:00.000-04:00

I wish I could be reminded more often how great it is to laugh. I was going to write about schedules, and how I don't have one yet since I moved and I feel off balance and blah, blah, blah.

Then I read my friend Stephanie's latest post (if you do not like meat, or have an aversion to hearing how it might wind up on your table, do not link to the post). As I have mentioned on my blog before, Stephanie is a New York friend in Senegal for six months helping to build a hospital. Lucky for us, she will be home in few weeks.

I read her post and laughed out loud. It completely and immediately got me out of whatever I was in. The chuckle was was brief. It was a few seconds. But it was transformative. Not in a dramatic way. In a more subtle, yet obvious way. I felt better. Lighter. More receptive. A bit less tense.

Do I just need to keep my mind open to see the humor in things? Can I attempt to be more funny? Making others laugh makes ourselves laugh. But then again, if you're not funny, you're just not funny.

What makes me think something is funny but not you? What makes a stand up comedian flop or have people rolling on the floor (I can think of nothing, worse, by the way than trying to get up on stage and trying to make people laugh)?

I am not sure, but I do know that when I laugh, it changes things for the better and I want to laugh more.

It's What I Bargained For

2010-09-18T08:24:00.000-04:00

I have a habit of adopting older dogs. I am not sure why. Perhaps because they are more difficult to adopt out.

In any event, I was told Bridgette was seven years old when I adopted her last year. She should be eight years old now. It seems as if she has aged six years over night. It looks like she has arthritis. She struggles to get up in the morning -- she has a very difficult time getting up off her hind legs. It breaks my heart to see so soon. But it's what I bargained for adopting an older dog.

Also, she used to be a voracious eater. I feed her twice a day. When I used to feed her, she would act like I hadn't fed her in about a month. Now, she eats a little bit of what I put in front of her. But, she still has a penchant for treats.

I guess if I think back, she started walking slowly a couple of months ago. What came over night was her inability to get up off her back legs. It was strange. I took her to the vet, he put her on an anti-inflammatory -- doggie Advil, essentially -- and it seems to make her feel much better.

It really doesn't matter if she is eight years old or fifteen years old. She is what she is. She still has the same sweet, loving personality and is as cute as ever.

See Ya Later, Maggie

2010-09-16T17:20:00.000-04:00

In the beginning of August, I gave up sugar. A couple of days later, I began eating a raw diet. I continued to eat a primarily raw diet for a few weeks.

Someone recently asked me, "Are you still on that crazy diet? Do you still not eat X, Y and Z?" How it has panned out for me is this: Eating raw was great and I loved what I learned about it. I bought into the concept that uncooked food contains healthy enzymes and nutrients which are not destroyed because they are not cooked. After doing it for a few weeks, I definitely felt better. But it just wasn't realistic for me to eat like that all the time. I like to eat out at restaurants with friends and family. Sometimes I just want to eat something cooked.

What eating raw did do for me is to get my body used to and craving, yes, craving vegetables and fruit (before this, I rarely ate a piece of fruit). I eat often throughout the day and it is usually vegetables, fruit and nuts during the day (ever had a Lara Bar? take a look at the ingredients). Absurd amounts of fruit. I eat other things I want to eat, but what winds up happening is that I don't choose to deprive myself of certain things. Instead, I eat things that I want and make me feel good. At dinner, I eat cooked food, veggies, fish, chicken and I have had less and less cravings for meat (I rarely ate meat before, but I loved a good burger).

Basically, right now, I am eating what my body tells me to eat. I went to Le Pain Quotidien the other day and had a decaf soy latte, fruit, smoked salmon and bread. That's what I wanted so that's what I ate.

One thing I do resist is sugar. Being off it, though, I don't really need to "resist" it. Usually, I find I want it more out of habit than anything else. Despite my earlier aversion to agave, I eat it now. Couple that with cacao powder, coconut, dates and nuts, there are some pretty good brownies out there, believe it or not.

So, in my old neighborhood, I started walking by my favorite cupcake shop, Crumbs, without too much pain. Now, it's Magnolia. Maggie for short. See ya later, Maggie.

Unitasking

2010-09-15T23:16:00.000-04:00

We live in a world of multi-tasking. It is a necessity (I think) in this day and age. The technology we have developed has created a sense of immediate urgency. The ability -- and expectation -- to respond, sometimes before we even think through our response.

When I was working, I was doing what felt like 10 things at one time. Usually winding up sitting in my office at some point not able to focus on a single thing. I would jump from one thing to another. I would start one task, I would be reminded of another, start that, leave the other hanging, be reminded of yet another, leave the second task, and so on.

In essence, I was not really multi-tasking. I was serially uni-tasking. Very inefficiently. I just don't think I am very good at multi-tasking.

What I have had the opportunity to do since I quit my job is have time to uni-task and actually get things done without getting distracted and leaving strings hanging. Taking class, moving apartments (and putting things away in neat, organized manner rather than throwing things in closets), taking Bridgette for her training, etc. This luxury will soon and quickly come to an end, but I am grateful for the time to experience it.

In considering my future career, I think it might be worth thinking about work habits. Not seeking out a job/career that pulls me in five thousand directions and asks me to pay attention to 15 projects. One big project with many parts is one thing, but 15 projects with many moving parts is another.

Just another thing I am learning about myself during this time off. . .

The Sun

2010-09-14T07:49:00.000-04:00

It is 7:37 a.m. The desk in my apartment faces east and the sun is just coming up over the building two blocks east from my building. It is gorgeous. An amazing morning. I never got to see the sun in my other apartment. I had a building immediately outside my building. Despite the seven windows in my apartment, I never saw the sun shine or the blue sky.

Spending the morning with sunshine in my apartment literally changes my mood. My day. I realize that we have the capability to "think" our way into our behavior. But their are external factors as well. Sunshine is one of them.

How can you describe that your spirit is lifted? How can you describe that you feel lighter? That you breathe easier?

Now that I am unpacked and we are settling in (Bridgette is still sleeping on the bottom shelf of my bookshelf), I am loving my apartment as well as my West Village neighborhood. . .

The Day

2010-09-13T00:26:00.000-04:00

The day is already passed. Today, it is a a day to remember. For me, this year, I went to a party for my aunt and uncle's 50th wedding anniversary (how very inspiring -- they are truly happy!). We celebrated life, love and the future.

Nine years ago, it was the world cracked open before me. The day did not simply pass. September 11 was an event like no other I had ever experienced. I, as many others on the planet, remember precisely where they were when they heard the news. I was coming out of a doctor's appointment in Union Square at exactly 8:50 a.m. Normally, I would have headed to my office on Maiden Lane a couple of blocks from the towers. That morning, I woke up late and had to return home to shower. I obviously never made it into the office.

I remember the next few days like it was yesterday. I did not sleep the entire night, watching the news. The same footage over and over. There was a bomb scare the next day at the Empire State building and I was having dinner near by. We were told to evacuate and leave immediately. To run -- run! -- from the area. I felt like I was running for my life. I felt out of control; there was true fear in the air.

For weeks and months, the subways, dedicated walls and fences were papered with pictures of loved ones who were lost. It was the most horrifying, sad and devastating event to walk past those pictures. I could never imagine the pain. . .

I am so grateful to have made it through that day safely. To be here today to remember that day -- for better or for worse -- and to know that life is short. It can so quickly turn on a dime. To realize that what I think are "problems" are usually things created in my head. I so often merely need some perspective.