Quotable Boyfriend

BF: Is that sound a cicada?

Thu, 11 Aug 2011 12:19:59 -0700

BF: Is that sound a cicada?
Me: Yeah.
BF: So, when they have wings, are they cicadas?
Me: Yeah.
BF: When they are on the ground shedding their skin, are they still cicadas?
Me: Yeah... When stupid shit comes out of your mouth are you still you?

Use your mind to clean the toilet

Mon, 30 May 2011 13:43:00 -0700

Me: You should help me clean
BF: But you do such a good job on your own without me
Me: Yeah but I'd just like some help
BF: I am helping.. with my mind... MIND POWERSSSSSSS!

He did end up helping cause he's awesome :)

Welcome home

Fri, 29 Apr 2011 11:54:39 -0700

I'm just arriving home from work

BF: I lost you!
Me: You lost me? Did I fall between the sofa cushions?
BF: I meant I missed you!

"Shh, I don’t need any gallery peanuts."

Wed, 16 Feb 2011 21:37:51 -0700

“Shh, I don’t need any gallery peanuts.”

"It would suck if you lost a finger, as a graphic designer. Imagine doing all those thumbnails..."

Wed, 16 Feb 2011 17:32:21 -0700

“It would suck if you lost a finger, as a graphic designer. Imagine doing all those thumbnails without a thumb.”

So what's the street value?

Wed, 03 Nov 2010 16:15:58 -0700

While we’re at the store, can you buy me some crystal meth? Wait……… That doesn’t sound right………… Oh yeah, Crystal Light, not crystal meth.

We went swimming with friends

Wed, 18 Aug 2010 22:28:09 -0700

Friend: Didn't you bring a towel?
BF: No... I'll just ride home on top of the car and air-dry...... WOOSH!

"When you grow up, do you want to be a little puss bubble on my back?"

Wed, 18 Aug 2010 22:25:55 -0700

“When you grow up, do you want to be a little puss bubble on my back?”

- We were discussing his blistered, sunburnt back.

"This little piggy went to market… This little piggy went pause to the grocery store…..."

Wed, 28 Jul 2010 22:07:00 -0700

“This little piggy went to market… This little piggy went *pause* to the grocery store… This little piggy *pause* stole a Cadillac… This little piggy *long pause* went to the butcher’s shop… Um *long pause* and this little piggy met the big bad wolf. He is no more.”

- I get this instead of a foot massage

"Cozy like chocolate milk and candy corn together with babies!"

Sat, 24 Jul 2010 17:29:26 -0700

“Cozy like chocolate milk and candy corn together with babies!”

- Perhaps the most accurate description of my hugs

"I have to take you to the store tomorrow. Not the “store” store… the pap smear..."

Wed, 14 Jul 2010 22:24:59 -0700

“I have to take you to the store tomorrow. Not the “store” store… the pap smear store.”

"Holy shit tits! I’m a flyer!"

Thu, 08 Jul 2010 19:52:50 -0700

“Holy shit tits! I’m a flyer!”

- He woke up, said that, and promptly fell back asleep

"The cookies came out fine. There is no cake."

Fri, 18 Jun 2010 20:09:18 -0700

“The cookies came out fine. There is no cake.”

"You stole my Red Baron orchard"

Sat, 12 Jun 2010 23:50:50 -0700

“You stole my Red Baron orchard”

"It’s like sex without the sex"

Mon, 24 May 2010 17:30:43 -0700

“It’s like sex without the sex”

- His thoughts on a class

The taste of insanity

Fri, 30 Apr 2010 00:08:36 -0700

Me: What kind of pizza did you get earlier?
BF: The fucking crazy kind.

He can't handle the truth.

Tue, 20 Apr 2010 20:11:10 -0700

Me: Your shirt is inside out.
BF: This is not the truth.
Me: It is.
BF: I'm too tired!

We were talking about his car having a mind of it's own

Sat, 17 Apr 2010 00:43:54 -0700

Me: "I can't let you do that Michael"
BF: Oh I know what show that is from
Me: Yeah. Knight Rider.
BF: No, it was an animated show.
Me: Did they make an animated Knight Rider?
BF: No, not that show.. it was a different one.. It had a talking car... I think it was called Bob and Husky.
Me: Bob and Husky? I don't think I've ever heard of that show.
BF: Starsky and Hutch?
Me: That show didn't have a talking car.

Some time later

BF: Ohhh.. Stoker and Hoop!

He stepped on an empty water bottle

Sat, 03 Apr 2010 17:34:52 -0700

“SHIT!” *looks down* “Oh, I thought it was dynamite.”

The douchiest

Sat, 20 Mar 2010 22:52:02 -0700

Me: Ooh, watch this eagle [on tv] take out this small deer
BF: Yeah, aren't eagles douchebags?