Quotes for Idiots

Sasquatch distraction

Frankerson Peterson — Fri, 26 Oct 2012 14:33:40 +0000

If I got caught robbing a bank, I’d tell the police that the Sasquatch standing behind them made me do it. When they turned to look for the Sasquatch I’d run away.

hobo butler

Frankerson Peterson — Thu, 25 Oct 2012 14:33:24 +0000

I remember when you could accidentally run over a hobo with your car and the hobo had to become your butler to pay for the repair costs. What happened to this country?

carnies and hobos

Frankerson Peterson — Mon, 22 Oct 2012 14:33:37 +0000

Carnies are mostly like hobos — only a lot more rapey.

how not to lose

Frankerson Peterson — Tue, 24 Jul 2012 00:50:51 +0000

You can’t lose if you don’t show up for the race.

jogging toilet

Frankerson Peterson — Wed, 30 May 2012 22:07:33 +0000

Losing weight would be easy if I had a jogging toilet.

buy low sell high

Frankerson Peterson — Tue, 29 May 2012 21:54:15 +0000

They say you should buy low and sell high. That’s good advice, but you can make even more money if you buy lower and sell higher.

Science

Frankerson Peterson — Thu, 22 Mar 2012 13:03:29 +0000

As the rats rushed out of the box, stabbing him with their crudely made shivs, he began to think he wasn’t meant to be a scientist after all.

Two to Tango

Frankerson Peterson — Wed, 21 Mar 2012 13:03:32 +0000

It takes two to tango, but it takes only one to turn off the tango music and laugh at the two still doing the tango without music.

the eyes of a carny

Frankerson Peterson — Tue, 20 Mar 2012 13:03:17 +0000

Looking intently into his eyes I could see a deep, dark sadness that chilled me to the bone — he was a carny.

Lemonade Stand

Frankerson Peterson — Mon, 19 Mar 2012 13:03:08 +0000

I don’t know why the neighbor’s kids can have their lemonade stand but I can’t have my freshly killed rats stand.