RADical Adventures

concepts, comcepts, whatever

radicaladventures@mail.com (Unspeakable Joy) — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 03:37:00 +0000

em cracked me up today and didn't know why. just some of that grown-up humor she doesn't think is funny. (she says that often).
em does not get concepts. she can do math easy peasy, but put the exact same problem in a word problem and whoa. forget it and be ready for tears. she'll read the entire problem and just say but what does that mean? and yes, it's the lack of ability to access her frontal cortex during that fear, we all know that right? (but shew does it get old)
but the not getting concepts thing applies to other areas too. things like oh, you didn't say don't put a wet towel on the floor, you just said wet washcloth, so i thought the towel would be fine. the laundry basket's moved a foot to the right, so now where do i put my dirty clothes?
my worst habit (and i know this is bad, which is why i'm saying you shouldn't do it) is saying, em, you have to USE that brain in your head. (i know, shut up). but it's so hard when she just won't learn to think. (i know, shut up again).
so anyway, we try to point out concepts in other areas hoping one day she'll connect the ideas. who knows, but she's aware of the idea of them and that she's not good at them.

(wow, long set-up, sorry!)

well today, i asked a question about the book (they have to answer with complete sentences) and she (as usual) spit back my question to start her sentence. i told her she doesn't have to repeat the whole question, just start a sentence about the answer.
after much confusion i just said oh, it's a concept and you don't understand do you?
she said no, i don't understand comcepts.
i said comcepts? it's concepts with an "n"!
she said see? i can't get concepts, i can't even SPELL concepts!

okay, it might not be funny to anyone else, but it cracked me up!
now, if you have any (real life practical tried) suggestions on teaching concepts, i'm all ears!

sensory therapy - oops! :)

radicaladventures@mail.com (Unspeakable Joy) — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 02:02:00 +0000

We were showing the kids the sensory integration therapy that we’ll be adding to their daily schedule (therapist instructed!) and one was spinning (getting mr’s brain stimulated enough to focus). Therapist said do this, this, and then this if mr can handle it. Well we assumed she meant if he doesn’t mind being dizzy (which he loves). Well, we tried it and he passed out! : ) Oops! Just spinning 10x each way in a chair (which they do often). But the last thing was lying on his side, and he just looked really relaxed and then flopped off the chair. He said things went black. So yeah, we’ll skip that, yikes! : )

the way to her heart...

radicaladventures@mail.com (Unspeakable Joy) — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 04:29:00 +0000

we've learned that the way to em's heart is food, and we use that in therapy and at home of course. she thinks about, talks about, and worries about food so much, although it's been much better since we realized the issue and now always have a snack available (apples or raisins) anytime she wants.
with neglect, it makes sense of course. sometimes you'd think 3 years of always having plenty and never missing a meal would make that fear go away, but then you would be using logic, silly head. it's interesting that her favorite food in the world is apple sauce (aka baby food) and she really enjoys baby food time more than baby bottle time. she's still not super comfortable, but she's getting there.
in therapy, she was asked to draw a pic of something about me that made her feel love. after the usual "aw, i don't want to talk about love" complaining, she drew this. just interesting. and a good reminder to me that i need to keep using food in a playful (babyish) positive way and not overdo the table manners reminders!

another picture of therapy

radicaladventures@mail.com (Unspeakable Joy) — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 02:00:00 +0000

a pic from therapy last week. this time the AT asked em to do a sand tray of her life when she was a baby, just what she thought it was like. she tends to be more open by talking through the dolls (instead of having to talk for herself, the doll will say things). so while a pretty happy scene, the notable things are the definite wall (which went up first) that completely divides the mom and dad from the baby. no door or way around it. :( and the baby is holding her own bottle. she said the baby wasn't very sad or anything because she really liked her bottle. (probably why she has such food issues, and also why they learned not to cry). just another interesting peek inside her head. she's much more open about her feelings now, although she's completely avoiding any of the physical trauma right now for some reason. won't discuss it at all.

we've adopted another!

radicaladventures@mail.com (Unspeakable Joy) — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 01:00:00 +0000

noooooo, not a child, a dog, ~~though around here they're not so different~~. since our syd died in feb, we've been wanting another dog, but not the responsibility of a dog (especially the puppy stage!). but last week, we were visiting dad's family and his sister offered us a dog, super calm and affectionate, house broken, ~2 years old, so past the puppy stage, but young enough to play and grow up with the kids. we discussed the pros and cons, help with attachment, but harder to take trips... and the pros (and cuteness) won!
we brought him home that day and surprised the kids. i've NEVER seen them that grateful! they're having a ball and isn't it ironic (don't ya think?), they're helping jack attach to our family. :) we explained how he misses his family and his doggie friends there, remember how you felt scared and sad when you first came here? and they're helping him with love. :) our RADical kids helping our new radical dog. (i do hope he's not really RADical and gets over his homesickness quick!)
i wonder if i should assign them certain words to say, feelings to discuss, nurturing times, rocking times, massage, music & movement, therapy, oh wait, yeah he's a dog...
meet jack! yep, just like in little house on the prairie, they loved that even more!

week 7 of homeschooling & updates

radicaladventures@mail.com (Unspeakable Joy) — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 02:00:00 +0000

i can't believe it's been 7 weeks, school is just flying by! and amazingly it's going very well. it's great to have flexibility and freedom, and i'm extremely lucky to have dad here handling the things that require more patience. i'm not gifted in that area (or even adequate, okay i have none!) and you know RADical moms need to show loving patience, so uh, dad to the rescue. and for us it works well!
we've had field trips, soccer, science experiments, lots of reading, making things out of nature, cookie research projects, lots of baking, water safety (aka white water rafting), fun stuff, hard stuff, challenges, days off, independent study, practical flat tire lessons, singing and playing in a band, writing lines, learning about indians, playing indians, written reports, oral reports, youtube, every subject known to man, and most of all, LOTS of time together as a family. i mean lots! which is good, challenging at times, but good.
we're loving the prairie primer (based on the little house on the prairie books) because it incorporates what we've just read into every subject. if we read about seeing indians, we study that. if they see a bear, we study that. history, science, bible, character, politics, social studies, art, music, biology, writing, whatever. they get it all and it's fun and relevant. (and super easy for the teacher!)
one day we did a photoshoot (i'm the teacher, we can do if it if say so!) and i finally got some frame-able pics. i started to make a big production of it and head to a local pretty place, but then i thought clearly and did a last minute let's go out back and take some pics quickly before the cookies are finished... i'm learning!
RAD-wise, mr is doing great! em is even doing very well, getting clingy, hugging on her own at times. both are mainly working on identifying feelings. mr's are very normal, age-appropriate (maybe a year behind, but just!) em's are just coming out and are pretty chaotic. she doesn't understand them, we don't understand them. we're supposed to help her by saying you're feeling sad because of __ or you're feeling frustrated because ___, but sometimes we give up and say we're not sure what you're feeling! but at least she's feeling! it might have been sad, then fear because she was sad, so cover that with anxiety over what we'll say, which leads to frustration because she wasn't perfect, and confusion as to why that's so frustrating... and we get lost often. but it's nice to see tears, whether it's about a pink hat or nothing at all, at least they're genuine tears.
we'll be starting with some massage and music and movement type things soon. from the bruce perry stuff, we know they need some basic stuff they should have received as babies, and it's supposed to help on that deeper level. we'll see!
okay, so that's what we've been up to. i need to catch up on some of my blogs. i've missed them!

advice about "how does your engine run?"

radicaladventures@mail.com (Unspeakable Joy) — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 17:00:00 +0000

to my sensory-integration-knowledgeable friends, do you have/like how does your engine run? not sure if i want to buy it? thanks for input!
i'm so behind. have some new pics and updates to post soon!

another great picture (literally) of therapy and progress

radicaladventures@mail.com (Unspeakable Joy) — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 21:00:00 +0000

it’s so neat seeing em's progress in a drawing! in AT, she had to fill in a circle of her life, picking emotions she felt now, half happy, some love, some mad, little sad, lots of blank (which is sad itself, but true). but then she did her old life, and it was mostly scared, some sad, some blank, and a dot of happy. but it’s more, and there IS love, so we’re getting there!! :)

week 1 of homeschooling

radicaladventures@mail.com (Unspeakable Joy) — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 01:00:00 +0000

i can't decide if i want to just journal on my own, or post, to this blog or another... so i'm getting it down, and we'll see!

monday, aug 17

· on our 1st official day of homeschool, or the school of hard knocks, we learned not to leave a tent up to dry if it's windy. poor tent, poor soy crops.
· cj fixed the trigger mechanism in his $2 heelies for engineering class, then skated with them for gym class.
· i learned if they go out and play, they argue, but if it's called recess, they get along. go figure! :)
· we practiced subtraction with cookies, and addition with subs... gotta love that kind of math.
· they read chapter 1 of little house in the big woods & answered questions. we talked about interrupting (big issue here) and proverbs 18:13. i love the biblical references in the book & little house curriculum!
· i had to stop the kids from working too hard. they loved it & were shocked it was so fun. of course cookies help.

where have i been?!

radicaladventures@mail.com (Unspeakable Joy) — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 23:00:00 +0000

i used to get SO annoyed that i couldn't find many RADical success stories and that few parents who were making progress would post on the forums and boards i was scouring for help. and i've realized i'm becoming one of those annoying people! which is good for us of course. we're still on the roller coaster ride, with higher highs and lower lows, but i get them, for the most part! now i'm NOT the best RADical mom, but i don't think i'm the worst. somewhere on the low end i'm sure, but less frazzled than i used to be.
so after our month-long (too-long, but wonderful) vacation, we've spent a very family-intense summer doing very little besides spending time together. mr was "downgraded" (no idea what you'd call it) to case management (his file is open and the AT will consult as needed, but he won't come in for therapy). so that's great! he's really doing so well, and at least in attachment terms is much more "normal" for his emotional age (which is still below his 7 physical years). but a big YAY there!
em still needs much but we are seeing progress! she's beginning to have the wild emotions that she doesn't understand (nor do any of us), but they're starting to surface. she's giving occasional hugs or holding my hand ON HER OWN, which is amazing.
so we're still here, just busy doing nothing, and mentally exhausted from trying to do a good job! i wish this came naturally to me. i'd think RADical moms should be the super compassionate, patient, and understanding type, seems it would be so much easier for them. so i'm not sure why God thought i should be one! and no, i've never prayed for patience, because i know how you learn that!! though it appears i'm supposed to learn it anyway.

this year we're homeschooling all three kids (gasp). it went so well with em last year, and we BARELY worked on actual academics. we concentrated on attaching, and simply time together and the learning just came naturally and easily. with her progress in ALL areas with little effort, it wasn't hard to decide to try it with all three. we're just committing to this year, and we'll see afterwards. but with our flexible, crazy, adventurous lifestyle, it'll be so fun to have the kids with us, and learning while we play. and hopefully just increase their stability and help with attachment. we're also planning to concentrate on sitting still (mr), shutting up (cj) and believing in herself (em) so they are ready to go back to school, if they do.

so that's where we are. i hope to catch up on some of my blog reading soon too. i miss the encouragement and sometimes entertainment from the blogs i follow!

what a perfect picture (literally) of therapy!

radicaladventures@mail.com (Unspeakable Joy) — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 05:00:00 +0000

In AT, Em amazed us and I had to take a picture. Even her therapist was amazed at how she grasped all this mental stuff, it was freaky. Em was supposed to set up a sand tray to show anything about love in her family. She said this was her old family. The Jesus (because there were no other men dolls!) was her Grandpa (her one safe relative who died and she talks of often). In the red trunk is her love and in the black one are her emotions. Both are locked, with flies on top because it’s so dusty and old, and a fence around it and guards posted!! Isn’t that so sad??? But wait, there’s more. Her therapist asked her to show love in her new family.

The second pic is me (I fell off the bench thing during the pic!) and I’m sitting but I kept getting up to peek in the trunk. The guards are now gone and the trunk moved around a bit and most of the flies gone. She keeps them shut, but they’re not locked and once in a while, I peek in! She doesn’t like it when I do that, and she tries not to let me, but I just keep trying and she doesn’t mind too much, once in a while.

That’s EXACTLY what we’re trying to do with therapy and all the mentally exhausting things we do all day every day, but it’s working! I had to share the pics because it’s amazing how a 9 yr old can grasp this. Hopefully one day she’ll do more than logically understand it, and will feel it, but she’s beginning!

have you read instructing a child's heart?

radicaladventures@mail.com (Unspeakable Joy) — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 16:54:00 +0000

has anyone read instructing a child's heart? is it good/practical for RADicals? our church is doing a class, but i don't want to waste time. you know the books that are wonderful but only apply to kids with a loving foundation of trust?? i'd love your opinion if you've read it!

home, they actually missed us, mom's day note

radicaladventures@mail.com (Unspeakable Joy) — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 19:07:00 +0000

we're back from our trip and still catching up. the amazing news is that our RADicals MISSED US! i had low expectations (so it wouldn't hurt my feelings) but they were so happy when we got home and were very clingy for days! shocked me! they had a fine time with the grands, ate sugar, stayed up late, mucho attention, but they missed us they said. amazing, and very comforting.

em even crawled in my lap yesterday for a cuddle for no reason, now that is progress!!

and we were gone for mother's day, but i came home to this letter from my 6 year old: "i love you mom. mom you make me happy. mom you are fun. you cook good." now THAT made my day!

disconnected, in real life and online!

radicaladventures@mail.com (Unspeakable Joy) — Fri, 22 May 2009 12:20:00 +0000

we're on an extended vacation out of the country withOUT the kiddos and are missing them dearly! the grands are there with them, so they're having a ball. as RADicals, of course they're not missing us too bad (sniff) though mr did give me a "mommy i don't want you to leave" the day before we left, which i LOVED to hear!!! em didn't seem to mind at all. cj was cuddly as usual. so we've been on and offline, mostly off, as it's very hard to find internet here in new zealand. we've emailed and called the kids some (over skype) and it's been great to hear their voices. i think it's a much needed vacation, but quite long and dad and i are ready to get back home. which is a great feeling actually! just like our RADicals, for us to miss them means we're connecting too. meanwhile we're having a blast seeing australia, new zealand, and we'll visit the cook islands next. then head home! and maybe, one day, i'll catch up on all my blog reading! :)

sometimes you get comfy and forget to expect the poop to hit the wall, literally

radicaladventures@mail.com (Unspeakable Joy) — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 05:00:00 +0000

i'm so missing RADland! getting ready for a BIG trip and hope to catch up soon. but i had to whine to someone who will get why this is so annoying! normals (no complaints, it's my blog) think ew yuck, but THAT is not the issue. it's the you should have KNOWN part that is frustrating.
k, backing up. mr and i had a GREAT date at bob evans (great down home cooking restaurant). he was nice, polite, fun, even neat (and he's never neat) and it was just a great evening just the two of us. so of course good RADical moms would expect the ball to drop but i forgot to be wary!
yes, that night we find a LOT of poop on the wall in the bathroom and all three kids have noooooo idea how it could have gotten there. the poop part didn't bother me (much), the lying part didn't either (much), but the fact that I SHOULD HAVE EXPECTED IT does bother me! i should have been ready. i would have reacted much more patiently. i just hate it when it (the "it" we all fear) happens and i'm caught by surprise. argh!
okay, i do feel better now, thanks! ;)

"keyword & argue"

radicaladventures@mail.com (Unspeakable Joy) — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 19:00:00 +0000

we just coined a new phrase for our RADical daughter: "keyword & argue". she'll pick out any keyword in a conversation and argue an irrelevant point. it's so frustrating. but then we all know people who do that right? we might even be one, patiently waiting our turn to make a relevant (in our eyes) point without really listening? well, as a good RADical, she takes it to the extreme. might not always argue, but has to pull the conversation off course to the keyword.

dad: it's just a government practice that causes problems later...
em: practice? you mean they have practices for it?

mom: em i'm getting really tired of your poor behavior.
em: poor? we're not poor are we?

dad: anyone want to go watch a movie at a theater?
em: theater? it's not a play, it's a movie.

very minor examples, just annoying, not extreme. it's just the always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, part that is extreme! and extremely annoying!
it's not that she does that, it's that she doesn't ever listen, waiting for the keyword opportunity.

and i get it, i understand, but it's my blog so i can whine if i want to! :)

Great April Fools prank on the kids and a fun family breakfast!

radicaladventures@mail.com (Unspeakable Joy) — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 06:00:00 +0000

Our April Fools joke went as planned and was GREAT! The kids said it was awesome! :)

Idea from James Macdonald: One year we rushed into their bedrooms at six a.m. shouting, "Get up! We're late for school!" We had changed every clock in the house to read an hour later. The kids ran downstairs, half dressed. We stuffed them in the car and rushed down the street—only to find the school parking lot empty. Kathy and I screamed, "April Fools!" and took them out for breakfast.

AND it worked perfectly! We changed all the clocks, even the computer and van. This morning cj got up and started to get ready and I said cj, it's late! He said my watch says it's only 7:20. I said go check a clock because your watch battery might be dying. He said OH NO MOM, IT'S 8:20! I said get ready quick! (The bus comes ~8:20.) Then we got em and mr up in a panic because we had an "appointment" so we all frantically got dressed and out to the van. As a bonus, the bus DID go by and cj saw it! It has an earlier route for jr high.
So we headed to school (everyone hungry since we didn't have time to eat) and there was only one van in the parking lot. Dad said looks like something's wrong, are you sure you have school? They tried to figure it out and we yelled April Fools! They couldn't believe it and said we got them good! Then we said we're going to breakfast at McDonalds and they cheered! We had a nice breakfast and got home in time for cj to make the right bus. Quite a successful prank! :)

Last year Dad convinced them they could fly due to a weather phenomenon & they tried! But that's not the funny part. The funny part is that they believed they did fly! :)

follow me on twitter (or don't, whatever)

radicaladventures@mail.com (Unspeakable Joy) — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 20:00:00 +0000

because i need more things in my life to keep me busy, i signed up for twitter. will i twitter often? who knows?! i twitter in my real life, but thought i'd like to follow some other RADical moms too. i also wanted to follow heather forbes, so i'll have to look around and see who else tweets. :)

a card FULL of love!

radicaladventures@mail.com (Unspeakable Joy) — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 03:00:00 +0000

em made me a birthday card (don't ask what year!) and it was full of LOVE! she loves to draw and make cards so that wasn't surprising, but the amount of LOVE in the card was a total surprise! it was unprompted and i hope just from her warming up little heart! it might be a stretch to hope, but it sure seems full of love to me.
i also love how *i* am the biggest in the family on the front! even bigger than dad! :) pretty good for a RADical mom i'd say!

i've not done much blogging lately. is that because of very little RADical behavior?? ah, no way, you RADical parents know better than that! i'm just super busy, but i'll get back to it soon hopefully. mr is doing wonderfully along the attachment front, he's my cuddly little boy now. his issues are mostly emotional and definitely physical (sensory) now. em's coming along. she's definitely doing more attaching to dad (probably because he's a gazillion times more patient than me) and she's majorly benefitting from homeschooling (for attachment AND education). she still cries over the smallest missed problem and reminds us daily why she's at home, but it is certainly helping!

tears, actual, real, non-fake tears!

radicaladventures@mail.com (Unspeakable Joy) — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 07:00:00 +0000

MY EM CAN CRY! it's so good to know! what a hard, horrible day it was for all of us, but i'm honestly just blown away by her response to losing our beloved pup. i thought mr would be sad, since he's learned to feel his sadness. but i was trying to mentally prepare for em to be, well, not sad, but she shocked me. she was incredibly torn up and just sobbed and sobbed hard! and you RADical moms know that is AWESOME! now, after almost 3 years, i've finally seen real emotion from both my RADicals!
yes it's painfully sad and i'd never wish it on any of you, or my family, or myself, but it's so good to know em really made a genuine connection at long last. i wasn't going to tell the kids that we were putting her down, i was just scared because they're still so insecure with us. and it was mr's first question (if we get cancer they'll do that to us??) but dad thought we should and i'm so glad we did. the kids had a whole day to spend with her to say goodbye and they took good care of her and gave her lots of love. they helped dad dig the grave and even made her cards.
we brought her home (the kids didn't go with us) and buried her and shared stories and all of us cried hard and long. it was an amazing day of bonding for us. dad said it was like it was her last gift to us, and worth a year of attachment therapy!
so she's no longer in pain, and though we are, it's good that two RADicals who learned to block the pain are starting to feel it again because we all know that means they can feel the LOVE again too! so a terrible day, but a great day, all in the same day for this family.

our poor old dog, this will be RADical

radicaladventures@mail.com (Unspeakable Joy) — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 17:00:00 +0000

We'll be saying goodbye to our dog Sydney today. :( She's sick and in pain, and not treatable. She's 11, so very old for a boxer, and I know it's the right thing to do, but that doesn't make it easy. I let cj stay home so the kids could love on Syd today “just in case” she doesn’t last. I don’t think I can tell them, cj could handle it, but mr and em are still too insecure to understand we’d never do that to them.
This’ll be tough for our RADicals. Em’s already started in on making fun of us for being sad. It’ll be SO hard for me to be nice to her through this I’m afraid, but I’m trying to be ready, I know it’s not her fault. But again, doesn't make it easy. This will be their first loss of someone they're close to here. Cj was close to his great grandma, but the other two weren't yet. Em and mr lost their grandpa before they came to us and they really seem to miss him. So no idea how this one will go. Oh I'm just dreading this. :(

happy birthday cj!

radicaladventures@mail.com (Unspeakable Joy) — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 05:00:00 +0000

today was cj's birthday! he's the big 9! em was sad that her month and a half of being the oldest was over. (they still don't understand that she's always older, but then it *is* confusing being that close in age!) but cj was very excited and ready to celebrate. we took cookies into his class, then had a fun party here. the trick candles got him again! he was very surprised when he saw his new skateboard. it's sic! (really, it says so right on it). :)

another NON-RADical vacation!

radicaladventures@mail.com (Unspeakable Joy) — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 04:00:00 +0000

we're either getting better at vacations, or we keep getting lucky, but this one was very normal and not very RADical! and that's so refreshing. i just wish it had been WARMER!
on our trip to florida, since we were freezing and had planned to warm up, we drove to the very bottom of florida, and it did get up to 70° one day. not the heat we'd hoped for, but we took it! we explored the everglades, one of dad's favorite places, because it's beautiful, uninhabited, and untouched, well that and all the alligators! the kids LOVED finding them and getting up close.
the second day we took canoes out a few miles into the everglades and explored in peace and quiet (well, except for the kids!) and it was so much fun. dad, cj, and em even saw a manatee! we got up close to some american crocs too (they're more scary than alligators if you were wondering!)
then we went to the everglades alligator farm and saw animals, watched shows, and took an airboat ride. all three kids volunteered for anything anyone asked (of course) and em got to feed fish to alligators and cj got to pull out a snake. airboat rides are always fun and we all got a bit wet from turns and spins, especially the kids as they sat up front, and we spotted lots of gators too.
then we headed back to the grands and the colder weather in northern florida!

ice skating at home

radicaladventures@mail.com (Unspeakable Joy) — Sun, 11 Jan 2009 04:00:00 +0000

(way behind in blogging, so i'm catching up!!!)
we were covered in a layer of ice around here and to most people, that meant hazardous roads and canceled events. to our kids though, it meant FUN!
we're learning that the convenient walkway we built this summer, during the winter apparently becomes a slippery slope of death. and to them, that's cool! it's more like ice sliding than ice skating, but they love it. had to take some pics of course!

my heart photo!

radicaladventures@mail.com (Unspeakable Joy) — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 07:00:00 +0000

i noticed the heart shape on our yummy honey, mustard, cheese, and bacon covered baked chicken and had to take a quick picture to share with simply moms over at attaching hearts! :)