Rage Against the Minivan

Walmart calls security on father of bi-racial children, issues non-apology.

noreply@blogger.com (kristen [rage against the minivan]) — Thu, 23 May 2013 11:48:00 +0000

Yikes.

DC Breaking Local News Weather Sports FOX 5 WTTG

This story is disheartening but not a total surprise, Our family has certainly been required to show documentation in situations where racially-matched families were not. What troubles me most about this story, though, is the chain of people involved . . . first a customer alerted security, then a security guy followed him out, then the police came to their house. One would think that somewhere along the line, someone would have said, “Wait, what?” But no.

Walmart’s reaction is less than stellar, too. First they blamed it on a customer (which holds about as much weight with me as when one of my kids disobeys because a sibling told them to do it). Then Walmart issued the following statement:

“There are still a lot of unknowns at this time and we are currently looking into the situation.”

Um, Walmart? Someone from your store reported an interracial family to the police. The appropriate response is “We’re deeply sorry. This was a horrible mistake.”

Unsurprisingly, the couple in question has stated they will never shop at Walmart again.

what i want you to know: a teen's perspective on a mom with two jobs

noreply@blogger.com (ragingassistant) — Wed, 22 May 2013 11:00:00 +0000

What I Want You to Know is a series of reader submissions. It is an attempt to allow people to tell their personal stories, in the hopes of bringing greater compassion to the unique issues each of us face. If you would like to submit a story to this series, click here. Today’s guest posts is by Sophie.

I happened upon this series of blog posts, and after reading this teen's story, I wanted to share my own. What that writer ended with was that you don’t realize what you had until you no longer have it—a very valid point. And for me, it’s the opposite—I won’t ever know what I could have, because I’ll never have it. I’m a sixteen-year-old girl, and this is my story of what it’s like to have a mom that works two jobs.

Growing up, life was great; my parents were happily married, my two older siblings (now in college) were great role models, my mother was a stay-at-home mom, my father owned a local bookstore and we thought we’d be set for life. We lived in luxury in a five-bedroom house and we had not only the things we needed, but also even things we wanted.

In 2002, when I was seven, my parents divorced. My dad moved to a small apartment in the same town, and my mom remained in the house that I grew up in, until one day she realized she could no longer afford it without getting a job. We downsized, moving closer to the schools and to a much smaller house. My mom had various jobs over the years that followed, while my dad kept his bookstore up. Long story short, February 2010 rolled around and with it, two unemployed parents—my parents. My dad said goodbye to his beloved bookstore, which he had owned for 21 years but which could no longer survive, and my mom left a job with a boss that barely paid her.

My 14-year-old, materialistic little heart sunk and money was constantly on my mind. What would all of this mean? Would we end up on the streets? I know my mom wasn’t trying to scare me, but her constant reminder that we must spend less and that she wasn’t sure if she could pay the mortgage or taxes was frightening. Gradually, as money got even tighter, we made adjustments—we went out for dinner less, skipped all big vacations, skimped on holidays and kept the heat low. About a year ago, she got a job at Starbucks. She makes about eight bucks an hour.

That quickly proved to not be enough to live on so for weeks, she searched for another job. No luck. Eventually, she found a small editing job, which she does right from home. With her two jobs, she works about sixty or seventy hours a week, and I work twenty at my retail job, which I’ve had for almost a year. There is stress, yes. There are times where we’ll fight out of exhaustion. There are weeks where we’ll go five days without sitting down for a meal together. And then on that night where our schedules don’t clash, it’s oh so sweet. I now realize how sacred our time together is and how lucky I am to have such a hard-working, strong-willed woman to call “mom,” even if I don’t see her as much as I’d like.

Mothers, I want you to know that if you’re a stay-at-home mom right now and can continue being one, go for it. It sounds pretty great—challenging for you, I’m sure, but great for the kids. And if you’re already a working mom, or need to start working, don’t fret it. Your kids will live! We’ve kissed our dreams of keeping our house perfectly clean and our dishes done goodbye, but we’ve also learned what really matters to our family, and that is love. And no matter how tight we are on money, or how hard we have to work, there will always be love. Life is hectic, tiring, and hard as hell at times, but I want you to know that in the midst it all, I have found happiness.

Questions of Eternal Significance: Do you unpack in a hotel room?

noreply@blogger.com (kristen [rage against the minivan]) — Tue, 21 May 2013 11:59:00 +0000

Source: frostedpetticoatblog.com via The Frosted Petticoat on Pinterest

This has been an insane month of travel for me. It started with the Mom 2.0 Summit, then a few days later our trip to Disney World, and today I’m off to San Francisco for a couple days for work. I think, by the end of the month, I will have slept in a hotel more nights than I’ve slept in my own bed. This fact . . . is not my favorite.

I am a nester by nature. I love to travel but I also really like to settle in and put everything in it’s place. When I travel, I always, always unpack my suitcase completely. If I don’t, I find that I end up with a pile of belongings on the floor, and I struggle to find anything. As soon as I arrive in a new hotel room, I put things in their proper place: clothes in the drawers or hung up, toiletries in the bathroom, all in a row, and books on the nightstand. When I’ve roomed with friends, they have laughed at this particular ritual. Except for Sarah. She’s weird like me.

How about you? Do you unpack in hotels, or do you live out of the suitcase? What’s your strategy for hotel stays?

Two streams of the same river

noreply@blogger.com (kristen [rage against the minivan]) — Mon, 20 May 2013 11:39:00 +0000

This is a guest post by Shelley Clay, originally published on the blog for The Apparent Project. I read it last week and it so clearly articulated the thoughts I’ve been having about the polarity of thinking regarding international adoption and orphan care. Shelley graciously let me post it here. For a little backstory, Shelley and her husband Corrigan live in Haiti, working with The Apparent Project.This non-profit seeks to assist mothers and fathers in poverty keep their children, by providing them with a specialized skill, such as jewelry making, bookbinding, or sewing.

In Haiti alone, they are estimating around 380,000 children who are not living with their biological parents according to the latest UNICEF reports. We call them orphans.

Of those kids, many are with relatives. A common misperception in the adoption world is that Haitians, (and disadvantaged people of all kinds), don't take care of their own. Can I emphatically say that this is NOT the case in my world. Many of our artisans have children that they raise AS THEIR OWN that were given to them by a family member who died or just couldn't take care of them. This is very common in Haiti as well as many other disadvantaged people groups.

(including in North America).

It super irks me when we act like we are the only ones trying to help these children.

If they can't go to relatives, there are a variety of situations they can end up in.

They are on the streets (prostitution, trafficking etc.. ),
They are given as child servants (a restavek is a child given in domestic servitude to another family in exchange for shelter, food, and possibly a chance to be educated- although this can play out to be anything from a foster care like situation to pure slavery), or to orphanages.

Of all of the orphanages in Haiti, very few actually adopt out children. The children live in usually below poverty level situation ( much like when they were with their families), are not well cared for or loved the way they would be if they were with their moms, and will often end of with little hope for a decent future. Even GOOD orphanages have a hard time transitioning kids from orphanage life to the real world once they hit 18.

It is a tough job raising kids in bulk!

Some of the better orphanages in Haiti, many run by expats, do offer adoption and will offer this as one of the solutions for this horrific problem of orphaned and vulnerable children.

Of all the orphanages that offer adoption in Haiti, only about 200 kids get adopted each year. (see chart at the bottom). With new laws currently in the works, this number looks like it will be going down even further- not just in Haiti but all over the world. Too much corruption, child trafficking, and dishonesty has made specialists in the field- from the governments on down to the social workers feel it necessary to slow down in order to PROTECT vulnerable children.

Please hear me.

If your adoption is slow.

The powers that be aren't just having long lunch breaks.

They are literally more concerned about the 1000s of cases of unethical treatment of children and are bogged down with trying to decipher between legitimate relinquishment, abandonment, and true orphans and the corruption all over the place makes it hard to do that job well.

Now to get to the point. I find too often in my world that you have the pro-adoption and anti-adoption camps. The pro-orphanage and anti-orphanage camps.

This paradigm is completely skewed and doesn't make sense.

It's an illogical comparison.

If we have 380,000 vulnerable children and only 200 are even in process of adoption to the U.S. and maybe 200 more to other adoptive countries like Canada and France, then we have approximately 379,600 kids who ARE STILL VULNERABLE.

While I submit to adoptive parents to be careful where they adopt from, know that it will be one of the most challenging experiences they will ever face, and that they will most likely get their heart broken several times- both before and after the adoption is complete, let it be clear that advocating for a solution for the other 379,600 children is in no way anti-adoption or anti-orphanage.

WE are all working for the cause of protecting vulnerable children.

This is why we can all have different solutions to the same problem and be in harmony- and should be in harmony.

I myself have two adopted children.

I work tirelessly to help mothers be able to sustain their families. These are two ways that I work towards a solution- in tandem.

And I think that what those of us on the ground in the field are tirelessly trying to communicate to the rest of the world is that we NEED to prevent child relinquishment not because we are anti-adoption, but because we see this gaping hole in the side of the vulnerable people groups all over the world. This gaping hole is that parents need an opportunity to take care of their children. If we are called by God to help "the orphan" than with any brain in us, we can figure that helping prevent relinquishment helps the orphan. By nipping it in the bud. Any by help, I do not mean AID forever, but rather the dignity that comes through sustainable development- a JOB.

And here's the thing- we appeal to ADOPTIVE parents because we know that they are the most likely of all the people on the planet to want to help families stay in tact. Because they see that adoption is a redemption- not the first plan. That their kids have scars. And they want to help.

My point is that this should never be and adoption VS sustainability issue.

My point is that we can do it all in tandem- cooperatively and as individuals.

Let's adopt kids who truly need it. And let's help parents who wish to keep their kids find jobs, and let's buy products from Haiti, because stimulating the Haitian economy is helping families all over Haiti, and let's soak up some rays at the beautiful beaches of Haiti because the tourism industry is Hait's #1 chance for economic recovery. And let's support schools and feeding programs for children because it provides some reprieve for parents who are struggling to be able to make ends meet.

Let's do this thoughtfully and in a way that ultimately allows parents to keep their most precious and valuable gifts given to them.Let us love the orphan before she becomes one. And though we choose to adopt for now, do feeding programs for now, support schools for now, let's work tirelessly to make that ultimately unnecessary.

~shelley clay

One last word- while we all work together to solve this problem, we should also be willing to not tolerate vulnerable kids getting abused whether in birth families, as restaveks, or in orphanages. Period. If we know it is happening and we don't speak out to help. We are participants.

[adoption statistics]

You can more about The Apparent Project here.

Disney Social Media Moms 2013, day 4

noreply@blogger.com (kristen [rage against the minivan]) — Mon, 20 May 2013 06:43:00 +0000

Over the past few days, I’ve been sharing photos of our recent trip to the Disney Social Media Moms Celebration. I am using Disney’s new Story app to share our photos and video (they have sponsored this post). If you are a scrapbooker – you will love this app for the way it easily organizes your pictures into shareable moments, with caption and text options. If you are not a scrapbooker (like me), you will love it even more because it makes it look like you are with very little work.

This post is sponsored by Disney Story. To find out more about this new story-creation app - and how it puts the power of storytelling in your hands - click here. You can download the Disney Story app from iTunes – for FREE – right here. You can also check out Disney Story on Twitter and on Facebook.

that’s what SHE said: pinterest ruins bananas, race as a social construct, mom dating, and more . . .

noreply@blogger.com (kristen [rage against the minivan]) — Sun, 19 May 2013 08:29:00 +0000

via j5n

Why Angelina Jolie's Op-Ed Matters | Monkey See NPR

And yes, as much as none of us would likely say that we equate breasts with femininity or beauty, it will be powerful to someone at some brutal moment to have heard her say that she did this and feels no less feminine, no less beautiful, and she's still with Brad Pitt. That shouldn't make anybody feel better, rationally, logically, reasonably, it's just a famous person, it shouldn't matter. We should look to our parents as role models! To our teachers, our doctors and nurses, our fighter pilots and scientists! Yes, in a fair world, it wouldn't matter, but in a fair world, we wouldn't look at the same kinds of women and see them held up as ideals all the time anyway. We aren't in a fair world, but in a celebrity-infatuated world. It will be powerful to someone whether it should be or not. Someone will think about having a mastectomy and remember that Angelina Jolie had one, and she wasn't embarrassed, and she still felt pretty, and she told everyone that it can be survived.

Pinsanity | Momastery

And she told me that on PINTEREST she learned that if you write letters with a tooth pick on a banana peel at night, the letters will magically appear on the banana in the morning.

Source: astylishlittlelady.blogspot.com via A Stylish on Pinterest

Do you see what happened there?

Pinterest ruined bananas.

Now we’re all going to have to write NOTES on our bananas and if we hold out, our kid will be the boring banana kid. Unloved, really.

One thing your daughter doesn’t need you to say | chatting at the sky

The more I think about it, the more I believe this well-meaning statement is not only a manipulative way to try to control our daughters’ behavior, but can also be dangerous to their spiritual health. When we tell her to be an example, we may as well just hand her a mask right there – Here. Hide behind this. Don’t let them see you struggle.

I know that’s not what we mean. I know. But it doesn’t matter so much what we mean, it matters what she hears.

White Lady Feminism, Christian Blogging, and the Worst of Both Possible Worlds | Dianna E. Anderson

BUT, when we prioritize being witnesses for the ideology over being good feminists (or Christians), we end up in a place where we quash discourse, where the appearance of presenting a united front is more important than actually sorting out what it means to be alive. We end up prizing conversion to the ideology over and above a discussion of what that ideology looks like. We end up prioritizing the appearance of being good people over being actual good people.

How the US Turned Three Pacifists into Violent Terrorists | Common Dreams

Sister Megan Rice walked out of the jail and promptly admitted to gathered media that the three had indeed gone onto the property and taken action in protest of nuclear weapons. “But we had to — we were doing it because we had to reveal the truth of the criminality which is there, that’s our obligation,” Rice said. She also challenged the entire nuclear weapons industry: “We have the power, and the love, and the strength and the courage to end it and transform the whole project, for which has been expended more than 7.2 trillion dollars,” she said. “The truth will heal us and heal our planet, heal our diseases, which result from the disharmony of our planet caused by the worst weapons in the history of mankind, which should not exist. For this we give our lives — for the truth about the terrible existence of these weapons.”

Then the government began increasing the charges against the anti-nuclear peace protestors.

Vintage Herman Miller ad (via Vintage Herman Miller ad | mid century modern)

A Better Way To Be Subversive | Carried Away

I’m going to go to my Goodwill tomorrow and buy every A&F t-shirt I can find and mail them to The Open Arms Shop. This is a fantastic company that recycles t-shirts into stylish scarves, shirts, and accessories. The thing I love most about The Open Arms Shop, is that they attempt to break the cycle of poverty for refugee women in America by employing them and paying them a living wage. They’re offering community and purpose to these precious women. I can get down with that.

What We Mean When We Say 'Race Is a Social Construct' | Ta-Nehisi Coates for The Atlantic

Our notion of what constitutes "white" and what constitutes "black" is a product of social context. It is utterly impossible to look at the delineation of a "Southern race" and not see the Civil War, the creation of an "Irish race" and not think of Cromwell's ethnic cleansing, the creation of a "Jewish race" and not see anti-Semitism. There is no fixed sense of "whiteness" or "blackness," not even today. It is quite common for whites to point out that Barack Obama isn't really "black" but "half-white." One wonders if they would say this if Barack Obama were a notorious drug-lord.

When the liberal says "race is a social construct," he is not being a soft-headed dolt; he is speaking an historical truth. We do not go around testing the "Irish race" for intelligence or the "Southern race" for "hot-headedness." These reasons are social. It is no more legitimate to ask "Is the black race dumber than then white race?" than it is to ask "Is the Jewish race thriftier than the Arab race?"

This little company from Kenya makes toys from slippers that wash up on the beach. Pictures by Ben Curtis

Personal revival. — Nish Weiseth

I did it, too. I made an idol out of the Church and she fell from her tall shelf in my heart and shattered. The problem wasn't that she fell. She was never meant to be up there in the first place. The people who have cut me the deepest are the ones that claim Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior and I just don't get how it could be so. It turns out I confused wanting to be like Jesus with actually being Jesus. The people that hurt me were the former, but I treated them and held them as the latter.

Mom Dating: Ten Signs I don't Want To Go Out With You | Lady With Faith

8. You don't talk to other adults because your toddler has control of your 100% undivided attention, all the time. You chase him for miles around the park while begging him to come back, you crawl through the tunnel thirty-five times because he said so and you let him bury you in the sand while apologizing that your "active boy" just doesn't let you have adult conversations.

People Want Answers | Stacey Robbins

As far as hanging out with Christian kids: I don't look for that as a standard. We have a kid who lives nearby, goes to church twice a week, is in the worship band. He's thrown rocks and baseballs at my kids' heads, stolen their scooters and is mean to them when he thinks I'm not looking and nice to them when he knows I can see. He's a Christian.

A Christian can be wonderful or not.

The standard I teach my kids isn't about looking for designer religious labels but about looking for qualities of love and kindness and making things right when they're done wrong. If that shows up in Jewish, Christian, Buddhist, Athiest, Whatever-ist, I'm good with it.

Disney Social Media Moms 2013, day 3

noreply@blogger.com (kristen [rage against the minivan]) — Sun, 19 May 2013 06:43:00 +0000

Over the next few days, I’ll be sharing photos of our recent trip to the Disney Social Media Moms Celebration. I am using Disney’s new Story app to share our photos and video (they have sponsored this post). If you are a scrapbooker – you will love this app for the way it easily organizes your pictures into shareable moments, with caption and text options. If you are not a scrapbooker (like me), you will love it even more because it makes it look like you are with very little work.

Important announcement: India is now a tomboy

noreply@blogger.com (kristen [rage against the minivan]) — Sat, 18 May 2013 09:37:00 +0000

Lately, India has been talking a lot about her decision to be a tomboy. In fact, she tells almost everyone she talks with. "I'm a tomboy now," she'll announce with a flick of her hair. "I'm SO tomboy."

She's quite excited about this new identity for herself. In her mind, being a tomboy means:

She likes "boy things" like Star Wars
She wears jeans
Her new favorite color is black
She will (occasionally) drink out of a cup that isn't pink

She also spends quite a bit of time cultivating her revamped "tomboy" wardrobe. There are lots and lots of strategy sessions involved in her signature tomboy look.

It's all very cute, but I don't have the heard to tell her that a REAL tomboy would probably not be spending her time contemplating her wardrobe choices and practicing her tomboy character in the mirror. A real tomboy would not decide, one day, that she is going to adapt a tomboy look because it's cute, and then announce it to the world. But alas, I just smile and nod, because, HEY! For the first time in 7 years, this girl is willingly wearing something other than a dress.

Disney Social Media Moms 2013, day 2

noreply@blogger.com (kristen [rage against the minivan]) — Sat, 18 May 2013 06:45:00 +0000

Much ado about Merida

noreply@blogger.com (kristen [rage against the minivan]) — Fri, 17 May 2013 07:35:00 +0000

Last week I was invited to attend the coronation of Merida into the Royal Court at Disney World. On the very day it was taking place, I was quoted in a Huffington Post article that was critical of Merida’s new makeover, in a weird meta internet feedback loop. I decided to write about my confusion over the new Merida over at Babble:

The Merida at the parks was a refreshing departure from most of the overly-feminine and demure princesses . . . so, no sexy Merida makeover at the park. Crisis averted there. But where, exactly, WAS this sexy new Merida? I perused the Merida merchandise at the park, and only saw the old Merida. When I got home, I did a google search for the new Merida, and the only results that popped up were linked to an article decrying the makeover. Was there even a new Merida at all? Who is this phantom menace? Were we all getting riled up over a makeover that never happened?

READ THE REST HERE.

Six reasons the #FitchtheHomeless campaign is problematic

noreply@blogger.com (kristen [rage against the minivan]) — Thu, 16 May 2013 04:41:00 +0000

Today my facbeook and twitter feeds were bombarded with reposts of the clever come-back video by Greg Karber in response to Abercrombie & Fitch. In case you missed it, there has been a quite storm of rage brewing towards Abercombie' & Fitch CEO Mike Jeffries for the fact that the store doesn’t carry sizes beyond Large (10) because he doesn’t want fat people wearing the brand. Jeffries has been quoted as saying:

That’s why we hire good-looking people in our stores. Because good-looking people attract other good-looking people, and we want to market to cool, good-looking people.

Lovely.

With this in mind, initially I found myself grinning at the #FitchtheHomeless video. I mean, who doesn’t love an underdog taking on a douchetastic corporation? The video was subversive and creative, and I was thirilled to see that Abercrombie’s brand was getting more public scorn. I’ve been following Abercrombie’s shenanigans for years and I’ve long though it was time for a little push-back. I thought they deserved it when they suggested minorities didn’t fit their “classic image” to the point that they were sued for it, with employees claiming they “hired a disproportionately white sales force, put minorities in less-visible jobs and cultivated a virtually all-white image in its catalogs and elsewhere.” I thought they deserved for for their religious intolerance of a Muslim employee. And the fact that they burn unsold merchandise to avoid it getting in the wrong, off-brand hands? YES. Let’s mock this company and pass it on. Please.

But as I watched, I started to have a gut-check about this #FitchtheHomeless “campaign”. Karber’s suggestion for taking on Abercrombie & Fitch? Give A&F clothing to the homeless. Raid your closet, he suggests in the video. Raid your neighbor’s closet. Raid the thrift store. Then donate all those clothes to a homeless shelter.

In the video, he then goes on to walk through Skid Row, passing out A&F clothes to unsuspecting homeless people. At some points, he practically tosses the clothing at people. And of course, he films it. And then encourages us to do the same. It’s got all the makings of a viral campaign. But there are a few fundamental problems with the execution:

1. It perpetuates the prejudice of the Abercrombie CEO. The video implies some sort of social caste system in which homeless people are on the bottom. This kind of juvenile social stratification is exactly what enraged everyone about Jeffrie’s initial quote in Salon: “We go after the cool kids. A lot of people don’t belong [in our clothes], and they can’t belong. Are we exclusionary? Absolutely. Those companies that are in trouble are trying to target everybody: young, old, fat, skinny. But then you become totally vanilla. You don’t alienate anybody, but you don’t excite anybody, either.” How do we trade one douche move (making clothes unavailable for the overweight to protect a brand) for another (making clothes available to the poor to defame a brand)? In both cases, we are marginalizing people.

2. It is insulting, not charitable. Not all homeless people are in need of clothing, and even those who are still have preferences related to size, comfort, and even personal choice. The way he is just throwing clothing at people, without asking their name, or getting to know their needs, or even ascertaining if the item in his hand will fit, is a prime example of when helping hurts .

3. It’s using the homeless a props and inviting others to do the same. This campaign is not social protest. This is a gimmick – an exploitive gimmick – that preys on the homeless as props. It’s cruel and dehumanizing.

4. It’s encouraging poverty tourism of the worst kind. The video made me cringe, but I was really troubled when Garber suggested that others go and do the same, and then share via social media. I am just imagining scores of people invading their local homeless communities with cell phone cameras, throwing tacky shirts at them (or worse – asking them to pose in them). This is not the way to engage with the poor.

5. It doesn’t solve the sizism we’re railing against. One of Abercrombie’s worst offenses is their refusal to make their clothes available to women of larger sizes. At the same time, it has been reported that 1/3 of the homeless population struggle with obesity. So . . . are we only handing out Abercrombie clothing to THIN homeless people? We’re just going in circles now.

6. It solves NOTHING. It’s not effective social protest, it’s more of a smear campaign that doesn’t get at the root of the problem. The best way to effect change is to vote with our dollars, and to encourage others to do the same.

Speaking of voting with our dollars . . . Abercrombie has a children’s line. Surely we, as parents, could put them out of business? Let’s band together and refuse to shop there, and spread the word to other parents. Let’s refuse to buy our kids and teens clothing from their stores.

But let’s not involve the homeless.

Disney Social Media Moms 2013, day 1

noreply@blogger.com (kristen [rage against the minivan]) — Thu, 16 May 2013 01:59:00 +0000

what i want you to know: I was once homeless due to abuse

noreply@blogger.com (ragingassistant) — Wed, 15 May 2013 22:57:00 +0000

What I Want You to Know is a series of reader submissions. It is an attempt to allow people to tell their personal stories, in the hopes of bringing greater compassion to the unique issues each of us face. If you would like to submit a story to this series, click here. Today’s guest posts is by Sarah.

I am 28, married, have a master’s degree, no kids yet, earned A’s and B’s all of my life with some scholarships and honors here and there, and am enjoying newlywed life in a cozy apartment over looking the Newport back bay. If you were to meet me today though you would probably never guess that I was once homeless, sleeping in my car; the victim of sexual and physical abuse, and I have about 10 years of history living as a Dependent of the Court because my dad left our family at an early age (caught stealing, doing drugs, and having an affair) and at about age 35 my mother’s mental health started going downhill rapidly. First it started out with delusions and paranoia, over a 10 year span her mental state ebbed and flowed into depression and then anorexia. No one would guess that once upon a time I had to watch a feeding tube be surgically implanted into her belly because my mom’s refusal to eat was literally killing her. At around age 22 I had so much emotional and physical anguish over her condition that I actually prayed that God would “take her home,” and then prayed that God would take away my guilt from praying that prayer. The very next day after I prayed that prayer I would find out the shocking news (news that literally caused me to pass out) that my mom’s heart stopped while in the psychiatric ward of a hospital only a few hours before I would go on to pray that desperate, selfish prayer. (Even the cardiologist at the hospital could not tell my brother and I what the cause of death was.) I remembered that I also prayed a praying of healing for my mom for years and years prior. In time I began to see that death is also a form of healing. My mom is no longer in pain.

No one would guess when they meet me today that nearly every decision, big and small, that I made over that 10 years to wake up, get dressed, get myself to school, bust my butt at work, take care of my dehabilitated mom, open my mind and heart to the wisdom of teachers and mentors, felt on the inside as if I was literally laying bruised, beaten, lost, and alone in a barren dessert, trapped in a thick pile of quicksand and reaching with all of my might and breath to pull myself out of the psychological pit of brokenness

I go into some detail about my past here to attempt to convey the degree of desperation I felt inside growing up. Desperation for hopeful connection in a world that seemed filled with pain and heartache. Desperation for caregiving from a loving adult. Desperation for physical and emotional healing. Desperation for a mental break (the good kind). Desperation for a family to turn to when times were hard. Desperation for affirmation that I was going to make it, that I was okay, and that someone heard my angry voice. By the grace of God, I never turned to drugs, sex, or other addictions to get those needs met.

Six years after my mom’s passing and after a lot of processing, I am finally to a place where I can look at those around me and authentically thank God for the painful circumstances he allowed me to endure. Those circumstances forced me to turn to something that was greater than myself sooner than I would have without them. The sexual abuse forced me to chastity until marriage. Those painful circumstances forced me to look at human beings honestly and see how glaringly desperate everyone’s condition is and was. Those circumstances forced me to embrace a theory about life that recognizes and explains evil, but also offers a plan for healing, restoration, and redemption.

Today I am a Marriage and Family Therapist Intern and my husband and I are foster parent candidates because I refuse to let my pain go to waste.

Questions of eternal significance: what shoes do you wear to a theme park?

noreply@blogger.com (kristen [rage against the minivan]) — Wed, 15 May 2013 01:43:00 +0000

We’ve spent the week at Disney World this week (lots of pics and stories to come) but I wanted to pop in and ask a vitally important question here . . . one that has confounded me for decades:

What shoes should one wear to an amusement park?

There is so much walking at Disney World. Last year my feet were hurting by day 2. I can never figure out the best shoe wear for miles of walking while NOT wearing exercise gear. Sine I hit my 30’s I’ve found I need decent arch support and cannot simply choose whatever shoes I think are cute at a given time. My running shoes are comfortable for long-term walking but I hate the way they look with jeans. I’m sorry but it needs to be said: running shoes with jeans should not happen. Ever.

Last year I wore my Reef Flip-Flops with some success, which was a surprise. I was planning to wear them again and last week at the beach they washed out into the ocean while I wasn't paying attention.

R.I.P., well-worn Reef sandals

Cue shoe crisis, as I was concerned about wearing new flip-flops since they seem to require some breaking-in. A friend tipped me off to Crocs Ballet Flat. While I am generally opposed to Crocs on adults (in fact I wrote a post about it here), I thought these were not entirely hideous, and they have been incredibly comfortable, even without socks . . . a nice bonus since it was so hot. Who knew?

I’m curious if there is another option I’ve been missing. What kind of shoes do you wear for long days in a theme park/zoo/public establishment with lots of walking?

The mommy business trip

noreply@blogger.com (kristen [rage against the minivan]) — Tue, 14 May 2013 16:48:00 +0000

This post is sponsored by Disney Story. To find out more about this brand-new story-creation app - and how it puts the power of storytelling in your hands - click here.

Last weekend, I had the chance to attend and speak at the Mom 2.0 Summit. It’s my favorite conference of the year, and this year it was here in Orange County. The fact that I only had to drive 30 minutes to get there and didn’t have to negotiate travel-sized toiletries made me even more excited.

Just prior to the conference the Wall Street Journal did a piece on Mom 2, and other blogging conference, in which they characterized conferences like this as a shallow excuse for moms to get out of the house and away from their kids while partying for several days. It was incredibly condescending and dismissive – purporting that we spend our days eating snacks, drinking on the floor out of the minibar, and posting selfies. Now, I will be the first to admit that we do some of those things at conferences, it’s also ludicrous to imply that this is ALL that goes on. The connections I’ve been able to make through blogging conferences have pushed this little blogging hobby into a full-time job. In addition, most of us working in the blogging space do our jobs in isolation. We don’t have a water cooler or a break room where we can chat with co-workers. So getting together a couple times a year to “talk shop” is hugely beneficial.

I think my friend Andy Hinds said it best in his write-up in the New York Times:

I was a little surprised to find that most [Mom 2.0 attendees] didn’t see The Journal’s article as a simple case of institutionalized sexism, but rather a function of traditional media’s anxiety about independent online media. After all, as one of the speakers had pointed out during a panel that day, when you searched “WSJ Mommy Bloggers” on the day the original article appeared, the offending piece came up fourth — behind three blog posts eviscerating it.

Anyways, we had a blast poking fun at the WSJ article during the conference. Here are some photos from the weekend:

This post is sponsored by Disney Story. To find out more about this new story-creation app - and how it puts the power of storytelling in your hands - click here. You can download the Disney Story app from iTunes – for FREE – right here. You can also check out Disney Story on Twitter and on Facebook.

That’s what SHE said: the power of not knowing, being the only black kid, imperfect mothers, the math dilemma, and more . . .

noreply@blogger.com (kristen [rage against the minivan]) — Sun, 12 May 2013 11:26:00 +0000

The Power of 'I Don't Know' | NYTimes.com

This is another reason so many writers feel the need to impersonate someone wise or in possession of some marketable truth: it’s a function of insecurity, of fear. If we don’t assume some sort of expertise, why, exactly, should anyone bother reading us, let alone buy our books or invite us to appear on “Fresh Air”? The one thing no editorialist or commentator in any media is ever supposed to say is I don’t know: that they’re too ignorant about the science of climate change to have an informed opinion; that they frankly have no idea what to do about gun violence in this country; or that they’ve just never quite understood the Israeli-Palestinian conflict and in all honesty they’re sick of hearing about it. To admit to ignorance, uncertainty or ambivalence is to cede your place on the masthead, your slot on the program, and allow all the coveted eyeballs to turn instead to the next hack who’s more than happy to sell them all the answers.

White Lady Feminism, Christian Blogging, and the Worst of Both Possible Worlds | Dianna E. Anderson

BUT, when we prioritize being witnesses for the ideology over being good feminists (or Christians), we end up in a place where we quash discourse, where the appearance of presenting a united front is more important than actually sorting out what it means to be alive. We end up prizing conversion to the ideology over and above a discussion of what that ideology looks like. We end up prioritizing the appearance of being good people over being actual good people.

Remember Guantanamo Bay? | Shane Claiborne - Red Letter Christians

The NY Times calls it a “stain” on America, and wrote: “The prison should have never been opened. It was nothing more than Mr. Bush’s attempt to evade accountability by placing prisoners in another country.” And in 2009 Obama promised to close it. Now, in 2013, it is still open and the prisoners are being held indefinitely without a trial. It is reported, that some of them were farmers taken by mistake in the countrywide sweeps (the US offered a bounty of $5000 per prisoner). One of them was Adnan Latif, who spent more than 10 years in Guantanamo without ever being charged. He was a poet, father, and husband – suffered severe beatings and died in prison. He was cleared for release four separate times yet continued to remain in the prison. On September 8, 2012 – Adnan died. Some of his last words were: “Where is the world to save us?”

Another prisoner is Shaker Aamer, the sole UK citizen still at Guantanamo. Shaker recently pleaded, “I hope I do not die in this awful place. I want to hug my children.” He was cleared for release 6 years ago, but continues to wait to hug his kids. Now a total of 9 prisoners have died. Three of those were suicides, and there have been dozens of other attempted suicides as prisoners seek to end the brutal life at Guantanamo.

Homeschool Versus Public School: A Few Thoughts | Writing and Living

It may be that the advantages of homeschool so drastically outweigh the benefits of public school that it’s an easy decision for you, but please own that. It may be that homeschooling your kid would be so difficult, stressful, or such an impediment for a good relationship with your child that it’s not worth it. Please own that, too. In other words, if you’ve settled your family’s schooling decision in your own mind, slamming somebody else’s choice will not make your choice more right. It may hurt someone who really needs your support. It also may make you look like a jerk.

27 Things You Had To Deal With As The Only Black Kid In Your Class

You know this situation:

How I Lost Faith in the “Pro-Life” Movement | Patheos.com

Banning abortion does not actually affect abortion rates. I was could not have been more shocked. I learned that all banning abortion does is make abortion illegal – and unsafe. I found that almost 50,000 women worldwide die each year from unsafe abortions, and that many more experience serious injury or infertility. These deaths happen almost entirely in countries where abortion is illegal – and thus clandestine. In fact, when abortion was made legal in South Africa, the number of abortion related deaths fell by over 90%.

These Are The Lines Of A Story | Mary Martin Wiens

The healing in this story is not that I have wholly accepted my body or that I will never again attempt to change it. It is that now when rejection rises in me against my body -- how it looks, how it feels -- I have a fuller answer. I can call up the sounds, smells, movements, scars, wrinkles and dimples of my dear ones and look at myself through the lens of that incomparable beauty. This gives me access to a programming deeper than my culture that reminds me that my being here in this world in a body matters. The touch of my hand on a shoulder, my hug, the soothing sound of my voice and the warmth in my eyes are irreplaceable to those who carry me in their hearts. Our physical presence here matters, no matter its shape.

How to Fix Our Math Education | NYTimes.com

For instance, how often do most adults encounter a situation in which they need to solve a quadratic equation? Do they need to know what constitutes a “group of transformations” or a “complex number”? Of course professional mathematicians, physicists and engineers need to know all this, but most citizens would be better served by studying how mortgages are priced, how computers are programmed and how the statistical results of a medical trial are to be understood.

Dear Less-Than-Perfect Mom | Lea Grover

You're not a perfect mom. No matter how you try, no matter what you do. You will never be a perfect mom.

And maybe that haunts you. Or maybe you've made peace with it. Or maybe it was never a problem to begin with.

No matter how much you do, there is always more. No matter how little you do, when the day is over, your children are still loved. They still smile at you, believing you have magical powers to fix almost anything. No matter what happened at work, or at school, or in playgroup, you have still done everything in your power to ensure that the next morning will dawn and your children will be as happy, healthy, and wise as could possibly be hoped.

Canon T4i DLSR + Epiphanie Camera Bag GIVEAWAY!

noreply@blogger.com (kristen [rage against the minivan]) — Fri, 10 May 2013 14:04:00 +0000

I’ve teamed up with some blogging friends for a great giveaway of two items I own and love . . . a brand new Canon T4i plus a new Epiphanie Charlotte Camera Bag. I got the T4i about a month ago and it is fantastic. It is a digital DSLR, Canon’s first with a touch screen, and it takes amazing photo and video. I’m not a great photographer but this camera makes me look like I am. To carry the camera in style, we’re also giving away an Epiphanie camera bag. I own two of these bags (one large and one small.) They are perfect for carrying and protecting a camera without a tacky camera bag, and can also function as a purse. My friend Maile is the brainchild and designer of Epiphanie Bags and her goal is to create camera bags with style. They have movable inner compartments so they are flexible to work with any camera (or without a camera).

This giveaway is sponsored by:

- Christine of Boston Mamas
- Jane of This Week for Dinner
- Kami of NoBiggie
- Marie of Make and Takes
- Audrey of Mom Generations
- Allison of Petit Elefant
- Kristen of Rage Against the Minivan
- Rachael of Todays Mama
- Meagan of The Happiest Home
- Heather & Whitney of Rookie Moms
- Pinterest You Are Drunk
- Eat Blog Run

a Rafflecopter giveaway

One lucky winner will receive a Canon T4i + camera bag. Entries ONLY accepted in the Rafflecopter widget. Giveaway will remain open until May 24, 2013. Winner will be chosen at random in the Rafflecopter, notified by email and will have 48 hours to respond. Contest open worldwide!

Mama Said: Celebrity couples we want to be besties with

noreply@blogger.com (kristen [rage against the minivan]) — Fri, 10 May 2013 11:57:00 +0000

In our month of celebrity fluff at Mama Said, Sarah and I have tackled the important topic of celebrity crushes. Next, we turned our focus to what shows we are currently obsessed with, and then the even more groundbreaking issue of celebrity style, sharing which celebrity moms we feel have the best fashion sense. Our last installment involves celebrity couples. Specifically, which celebrity couples we feel we could totally hang with.

*Pouring one out for Will & Amy.

How about you? Are there any celebrity couples you think could be friend soulmates, if only they would return your letters?

P.S. You can watch our recap of the latest Mad Man episode here, and our series of recaps on Downton Abbey here.

what i want you to know about quitting facebook

noreply@blogger.com (ragingassistant) — Wed, 08 May 2013 10:30:00 +0000

No-Waste DIY Squeezable Yogurt

noreply@blogger.com (kristen [rage against the minivan]) — Tue, 07 May 2013 21:30:00 +0000

This summer, I'm hoping to do a bit better about getting my kids out of the house. I'm hoping for a bit more beach time than last year, but one of the challenges is always the daunting task of packing lunches. It's tempting to rely on pre-packaged foods for such outings, but we are really trying to reduce both our waste and the chemicals inherent in most packaged foods. This week I attempted to replicate one of my kids' favorite packaged foods: the squeezable yogurt using a Sili Squeeze container.

Another advantage to making your own yogurt is that you can avoid the obscene amounts of sugar involved in most yogurts marketed to children. I use stevia to sweeten plain yogurt and my kids never notice the difference. It also allows me to blend in fruit, since my kids usually balk at the chunky texture of fruited yogurt.
I’ve got detailed instructions for making yogurt, along with links to re-usable squeezable containers, over at Babble today.

Shame-based sex education: we can do better

noreply@blogger.com (kristen [rage against the minivan]) — Tue, 07 May 2013 04:20:00 +0000

A couple months ago, Elizabeth Esther and I discussed the potentially harmful aspects of idolizing virginity and purity. While I think that abstinence is a great goal for kids (and one I will encourage for my own), I also believe that it is vitally important that we not use shame in an attempt to scare our children into complying with our own sexual ethics. While I think it’s great to explain the benefits of abstinence, I do believe that Christians have begun to rely too heavily on a shame-based rhetoric that motivates teens into compliance for fear of being “dirty” or undesirable.

The reality is that many kids will become sexually active in their teen years. According to research, 80% of them. It’s imperative that, while highlighting the benefits of abstinence, we also educate on sexuality and birth control and abuse and consent. It’s also imperative that we teach our kids, and our girls specifically, that THEIR IDENTITY AND WORTH IS NOT TIED TO THEIR VIRGINITY. This is such a dangerous message and is so psychologically damaging. I cannot tell you how many women I have counseled who became sexually active in their teen years and consequently felt like they were damaged goods. And for women who were sexually abused, the broken sense of self is even more compounded by hearing, over and over, that “purity” is the marker of a girl’s worth.

Today Elizabeth Smart, who was kidnapped, raped, and held captive for nearly a year, spoke about the way these messages discouraged her from running from her captors. She spoke from her own experience at a recent forum on human trafficking at Johns Hopkins University. She describes the feelings of shame she felt after her rape:

”I’ll never forget how I felt lying there on the ground. I felt like my soul had been crushed. I felt like I wasn’t even human anymore. How could anyone ever love me or care for me after this? I felt like life had no more meaning to it. And that was only the beginning.”

She further explained how she had no concept that sex could occur outside of marriage.

“I was raised in a religious household where I was taught that sex only happened between a married man and a woman. After that rape, I felt so dirty . . . can you imagine going back into a society where you are no longer of value? Where you are no longer as good as anybody else?”

Raised in a religious household, Elizabeth recounted a school teacher who urged students against premarital sex and compared women who had sex before their wedding nights to chewing gum:

“I thought, “Oh my gosh, I’m that chewed up piece of gum, nobody re-chews a piece of gum. You throw it away.’ And that’s how easy it is to feel like you no longer have worth, you no longer have value. Why would it even be worth screaming out? Why would it even make a difference if you are rescued? Your life still has no value.”

Elizabeth went on to advise that we focus on teaching children their inherent value. “The best thing we can do is educate young people as young as we can reach them,”she said. Survivors of rape need “permission to fight back,” and that requires them “to know you are of value.”

While most teens will not be faced with an abduction situation, Elizabeth’s experience is a startling example of the way this kind of religious rhetoric significantly alters a young woman’s confidence and self-worth. We cannot continue to send the message to our young girls that being sexually active is some kind of black stain on their personhood. We do not need to make teenagers feel worthless when they have sex—or, in the case of too many teenagers, when they are assaulted against their will. As Carolyn Custis James said, “a message of purity and abstinence, as important as this is for young women (young men too) comes too late for huge numbers of young American girls, including those in church pews. It is utterly devastating to the one-in-four girls who is sexually abused before she reaches her 18th birthday. We live in a world where by the age of 18 an estimated 70 percent of girls have had sex at least once and not always by choice, where globally countless women and girls are in the grips of sex traffickers, where an appalling 48 women are raped every hour in the Congo, where within our own borders sexual freedom has opened the door for young women to be as sexually promiscuous as men, and where some girls with the very best of intentions succumb to temptation. I grieve all of this, but do not for a second imagine that any of this means a woman has less to offer a husband or that in any sense it diminishes her worth.”

No woman, ever, is a chewed up piece of gum. No woman is a cup of spit. No woman is a used car or a dirty rag or a used-up piece of duct tape or a plucked rose or a licked cupcake. No matter what she’s done. Didn’t Jesus come to tell us that?

We can do better.

That’s what SHE said: Smokin’ hot wives, harems, guns on playdates, orgasmic cookie butter, and the indignities of shopping at Forever 21

noreply@blogger.com (kristen [rage against the minivan]) — Tue, 07 May 2013 00:18:00 +0000

The Prince and I | The Moth

LISTEN

Smokin’ Hot Wives & Water to the Soul | The Nuance

It occurred to me that not once in the entire week did I hear any male leader talk about his smokin’ hot wife. Nor even an Obama-esque gaffe about being “cute” or “good-looking.” And that’s because this obsessive male Christian mentality can’t exist where women are speaking and preaching and leading in the same roles as men, mutually submitted to Christ and each other. Such an environment literally chokes out these misogynistic habits or at least exposes them for exactly what they are – objectifying and dehumanizing to women. And make no mistake, that’s what this is, because as soon as a woman is thought of as a thing – a thing like a “smokin’ hot Christian wife” – she becomes less of a person.

On Adoption and the Real Mom | I Am Not the Babysitter

I told Aden the truth that all of us are Real. And that there’s room in the Real pool for more than just one mama.
Your birthmom is your Real mom, Aden. She grew you inside of her own flesh, and she gave you the gift of life, which is something I couldn’t do for you. Nothing will change that or take it away from you or her. That’s Real life. Her story will always be part of yours. And stories are things we get to keep forever.
And I’m your Real mom, too. I get to love you and parent you every day.

What the Working Mom Debate Should Be About | Mom.me

We have our own moms, who worked full-time and were totally and completely available to us, or stay-at-home-moms, like mine, who were closed off and guarded. And we had the reverse. And we complained about them in therapy and said, “If they were only home more” or “If they would just have gotten a life of their own” and we are just plain wrong.

So let’s just get one thing clear right now: Being truly present for our children has nothing to do with how much we are actually with them. In fact, I’d like to think that we’re more in tune with them when we have the opportunity to focus on just ourselves. Emotional availability requires action and effort, being comfortable with our own ego and self-esteem. And giving them a place where they feel safe, wanted and important.

24 People Who Are Really Nailing This Parenting Thing | BuzzFeed

The masterminds who came up with this trick.

Choosing a Scholarship Over a College Name Brand | NYTimes.com

Now, we’re pretty smart people. We know that college choice shouldn’t be made on the basis of rankings in the popular press, or the opinions of the neighbors. Yet we’d been so mesmerized by the constant drumbeat about college prestige that we found ourselves wondering: is a “top tier” school always a better one? And didn’t our hard-working, talented daughter deserve the “best”?

Why Progressive Christians Should Care About Abortion | Rachel Held Evans

The first president I voted for was George W. Bush. My dad dropped me off at the polling station and I marched into the Rhea County Courthouse to cast my vote for life. While President Bush endorsed the 2005 Partial Birth Abortion Ban Act, which I supported, he also championed a pre-emptive war in Iraq that costs hundreds of thousands of lives. His presidency did not make much of a dent in the abortion rate, and even though he appointed conservative judges, Roe vs. Wade remained intact. By the time W finished his second term, I had graduated from college, come to terms with the fact that the criminalization of abortion is highly unlikely no matter the party in power, expanded my definition of “pro-life” to include Iraqi children and prisoners of war, and experienced first-hand some of the major problems with America’s healthcare system, which along with poverty and education issues, contributes to the troubling abortion rate in the U.S. I remained pro-life idealistically, but for the first time, voted for a pro-choice president, hoping that the reforms I wanted to see in the healthcare, the economy, immigration, education, and for the socioeconomically disadvantaged would function pragmatically to reduce abortions. A couple of my conservative friends called me a baby killer. Several questioned my salvation.

The Play Date Gun Debate: Facing Down a Taboo Topic | NYTimes.com

Of course, she was right. I knew it. Nothing should ever get in the way of children’s safety. I would have to find the courage to ask some hard questions. And if that meant some play dates would be canceled, or some families would be insulted, or my own sons would call me a “meanie,” so be it. Yet, I was still at a loss of exactly how to go about the conversations. Gun-safety play date etiquette wasn’t exactly a topic I’d seen covered in parenting books. Locking guns seemed easy and obvious — it was talking about it that felt daunting.

Do Men Need Relationship Advice Too? - Husband Wife Life with Lamar and Ronnie Tyler

No Rich Child Left Behind | NYTimes.com

The more we do to ensure that all children have similar cognitively stimulating early childhood experiences, the less we will have to worry about failing schools. This in turn will enable us to let our schools focus on teaching the skills — how to solve complex problems, how to think critically and how to collaborate — essential to a growing economy and a lively democracy.

Pictures of the Gone World | Girl's Gone Child

A disclaimer for those of you who plan to raise children in the playground of your youth: Beware the boulevard of broken heels and broken hearts. Ghosts forever lurk in storefronts and sidewalk cracks and songs on the radio. Take the long way to school. Listen to CDs.

What It’s Like Shopping at Forever 21 | Buzzfeed

You try on the dress in your normal size, but it was made for teens who don't have hips, so you feel like:

But there's NO WAY you're waiting in that dressing-room line again:

Women Who Run Are Horrible Fat Wildebeests, Says Swole Bro Trainer | Jezebel

Uhh. Okay, SO. Running is known to have tons of proven benefits for women—particularly emotionally and psychologically, but there are also also physical bonuses (like the decrease of minor physical complaints) —and it's also often the most cost-efficient option of exercise out there. Not everyone can afford a gym membership or $17 yoga classes, but damn near everyone can find some sneakers and a track. But Kiefer's derisive emphasis on how much Bitches Be Eating and then Bitches Be Complaining About Their Thighs makes it pretty clear that it's all about the shallowest elements of working out. No Fatties.
Women. Eating. Without counting calories. Because food is awesome. THE DEVASTATION.

Nine Thumbs Episode 48: From Huck to Hot Wives to Orgasmic Cookie Butter

Special controversy-themed episode, featuring guest Elizabeth Esther.

If you cannot see the audio controls, your browser does not support the audio element.

Is Iron Man 3 appropriate for kids? A content guide for parents

noreply@blogger.com (kristen [rage against the minivan]) — Sat, 04 May 2013 17:11:00 +0000

If you have children over the age of 6, chances are they are talking about the new Iron Man film. My oldest son is 8 and he and his friends have been buzzing about the new movie for weeks. Jafta and I had a chance to preview Iron Man 3 a few weeks ago, and many other parents have asked for feedback about whether or not the movie is appropriate for kids. I’m going to do my best to detail the information parents will want to make an informed decision about the movie, without giving away the plot.

I really enjoyed Iron Man 3. I wouldn’t consider myself a comic book fan, yet there is something really engaging about the Iron Man franchise. Robert Downey Jr. lends so much humor and humanity to the role of Tony Stark . . . he’s a likeable yet flawed hero and this third movie continues to explore the way his narcissistic tendencies are at odds with his sueprhero calling. The movie was a fun thrill-ride that both adults and kids will enjoy, but parents will want to take caution with some of the more adult themes in the movie.

Violence

There was a good deal of violence in the film – perhaps a bit more than the last two films in the trilogy. The movie depicted footage of terrorism involving the bombing of civilians as well as executions. While not necessarily graphic, it was implied that people were being killed by machine gun attacks, bombs, and firing squads shooting men on their knees. There was also a scene with an implied execution of a hostage in which a gun was held to his head at close range and we hear the gunshot. A gun is also held to a child’s head. There is gun fight throughout the movie, and at one point a main character kills another main character at close range. The antagonists in the film have no regard for human life. Children may struggle with the violent imagery in this film, and parents may be concerned for younger children or boys who could be prone to imitating violent behavior.

Profanity/Cursing

The cursing/swear words were minimal in the Iron Man 3 film, with phrases like “son of a bitch” and “go to hell” used by the movie’s hero. Iron Man also asked another character to “stop being a pussy.”

Action

There is intense action through much of the movie, sustained at a stressful level that could prove stressful for young children. Someone’s life is in peril in a majority of the scenes in the movie.

Horror, Gore, or Supernatual Elements

The bad guys in this particular film, called Extermis, are quite frightening. They have a zombie-like appearance and super-human strength, and are very violent. Their eyes and skin glow, and cracks in the skin appear bloody. During scenes that depict the creation of Extrems, people are depicted with missing limbs and extreme scars from war.

Sexuality

There was both overt and covert sexuality depicted in the film, which may concern parents. It was implied that Tony Stark had a one night stand, with the woman shown in her underwear the next day. It was also implied that Tony lives with his girlfriend and that they shower together. There are a few benign kissing scenes. Other scenes of concern include women in their underwear playing tennis and two women in underwear waiting in bed for a man to join them. It is implied that one character has a “harem”. While there are some goo portrayals of women who are powerful and smart, every woman in the film is portrayed as a potential sexual plaything by men.

Morality

Iron Man 3 continues to explore Tony Stark’s inner conflict between his selfish tendencies, his ego, and his responsibility to do good. We see this struggle play out, and there is an underlying message that we have to think of others, not just ourselves. We see Tony deal with the reaction of loved ones to his constant distraction, and how taking people in our lives for granted can be wrong. The movie also portrays how being mean to someone can have lasting consequences. Ultimately the movie explores major themes of greed leading to evil actions, and how selfishness leads to negative outcomes.

Positive Points

Despite the fact that this movie has some themes of concern, there are also many positive points. A child plays a pivotal role in the film, and both he and Tony Stark teach each other valuable life lessons. There is a positive focus on science, academic pursuits, and inventiveness. Parents of minority children will be pleased to see an African-American superhero with a significant and positive role in this film. We see a loyal friendship between superheroes Iron Man and War Machine. Heroes put their life in danger in an effort to save their country, and the fictional president of the US is shown in a positive light. There were moments of heroism that had the whole theater clapping. There was plenty of comic relief throughout the film and I have no doubt most kids will find it entertaining.

I would recommend this movie for kids ages 12 and up. Parents of children aged 8-12 should exercise caution and consider the maturity level of their children. While my 8-year-old son loved the movie, I did have my hand over his eyes during a few frightening scenes that I thought might provoke nightmares later. The gun violence may be troubling for parents so I would encourage conversations after the movie about the fantasy aspects of the movie and the very real reality of gun use. There are many talking points that could lead to valuable conversations with kids, including the personal flaws of Tony Stark, the way greed can fuel evil, and the important of considering others in everything we do.

Mama Said: tv obsessions and stylish celebrity moms

noreply@blogger.com (kristen [rage against the minivan]) — Fri, 03 May 2013 11:51:00 +0000

Sarah James and I are keeping it completely shallow this month in our Mama Said videos. Our month of celebrity fluff continued after our hard-hitting look at celebrity crushes. Next, we turned our focus to the important topic of reality television. Specifically: what shows we are currently obsessed with.

Then we turned our attention to the even more groundbreaking issue of celebrity style, sharing which celebrity moms we feel have the best fashion sense.

P.S. You can watch our recap of the latest Mad Man episode here, and our series of recaps on Downton Abbey here.

The Draper Report: Mad Men Season 6 Episode 4 & 5 RECAP

noreply@blogger.com (kristen [rage against the minivan]) — Thu, 02 May 2013 19:26:00 +0000

Sarah James and I have been slacking on our Mad Men recaps . . . trying to film on Monday mornings is like whoa. But we’re back with a recap of the last two episodes. It’s getting’ good!

What do you think? We’d love to hear your thoughts.