Rae Lewis-Thornton: Diva Living with AIDS

Monday Reflection: Weathering The Storm...

noreply@blogger.com (Rae) — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 04:27:00 +0000

Well it seems that I have weathered the storm yet again. The herpes has gone into hibernation. I'm off the IV medication and the picc line came out of my arm on Saturday. Of course I say hibernation because the herpes virus never really leaves the body and I have no idea when it will rear it's ugly head yet again.

After being on IV foscarnet for 49 days, 2 hours a day, 2 times a day, I welcome any break. It seems that this is what my life with AIDS has become. My doctor and I were talking about it last Wednesday, that is, for people like me, who have lived with HIV/AIDS for so long; We just don't have any real idea as to what this should look like. It's like, as I live, I am a walking experiment. By the way, I've been infected for 29 years and I've had AIDS for 20. I have known my HIV status for 26 years.

The other thing, we just don't know what the long term impact on the body is for people like me who took the first generation HIV medications, Nucleosides. They were so very toxic, but they were all we had. And I took them all, AZT, 3TC, D4T, DDC, DDI, Zert. I took them as mono therapy and then as a combo therapy, including Ziagen, Epivir,Viread in that same category. Of course as time went on they started treating us with combo's of other classes of HIV medications. I've also taken, Norvir, Emtriva, Viramune, Sustiva, Crixivan, Kaletra, Prezista, Viracept, Fuzeon and Isentress.

Yep I've taken 19 of the HIV medications in some form or the other, not to forget the host of medications I took in those early days to prevent AIDS related Opportunistic Infections, like chronic Yeast, PCP (Pneumocystis Pneumonia), Wasting Syndrome, MAC and Herpes. At one point I was on 33 pills a day. I mean I took a lot. I took 4 different types of medications just to try and prevent PCP. They were, Bacterium, Dapsone, Atovaquone, Pentamidine aerosol and eventually Pentamidine intravenously because I still got PCP 3 times. By the way, PCP is the number one infection that kills people with AIDS.

Yep, I would say, I've weathered the storm, over and over and over again. My T-Cell count was as low as 8 at one time. We have no idea what the long term impact of that has had on me either. I mean, for ones immune system to be at the bottom of the road. What permanent damage that's been done is an unanswered question.

Yep I'm a walking experiment. This is one reason why we think I can't fight off herpes no matter what we try, (other than IV foscarent) damage was done that cannot be reversed and while HIV medications give me a boost now, they can't undo what's been done.

But now that treatment has advanced so much and my T-cell count is 586 and Viral Load non-detectable, I still seem to be stuck in this place I've always been, fighting to keep my head above water. Now don't get me wrong, I love my freaking life! I love living! As long as I got breath in my body, I'm gonna fight this bitch AIDS; And while I know there is sun behind the rain, the storm is a bitch to pass through. I never understood those weather people who chase storms. Who in their right mind would give up calm for chaos?

But I've learned to take it all in stride. This round of IV med's kicked my ass; Straight-up, with no chasers. No matter how hard I tried to keep it all together, there were days, when I thought I couldn't take not another day. But in the end, I somehow found a way to make it through that moment when the storm seems to be worst, waiting it out until is slowed down to a drizzle.

I've learned waiting it out is key. It does not matter hard dark and hopeless it may seem in that moment, there is always a tomorrow and if you just hold on long enough, the sun will break through the clouds.

So here I am again, done with IV and trying to play catch up on all the things that were so very much neglected from my blog to cleaning my house. Yes, I'm still struggling with some other health issues that have added some drama, but this I know for sure... If I weathered the last storm, and I did, I can weather them all. So I press my way each and every day, knowing that God created the rain and the sun and everything God created is good... Without a doubt, I know that each storm will pass over to make room for the sun.

For The Love Of Self!

noreply@blogger.com (Rae) — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 19:10:00 +0000

I was thinking about all the men I loved, the ones I thought I loved and the ones I wanted to love me. Now don't get me wrong, looking back I can count the number that I TRULY loved on one hand. But when you are in a relationship and the sex and attention is good, it sure feels like love.

I've had lovers that could make my body sing at a high pitch, and that's a fact! But in time, after the sex was over, they made me feel unsure and out of control and crazy; But back then, I hung on to the ugly like gorilla glue.

I'm just being honest here; Only when you are honest with yourself can you truly be a better you. Yep, I thought sex was love and the better the sex the more I thought I loved him. You couldn't tell me nothing! Not a damn thing! That man was the best thing since sliced bread, but then the bread molded and I was left with some stanky shit.

Often times I would hold onto the madness with dear life because everyone wants to be loved and no one wants to be alone. Yep, I was caught up in the madness and killing a part of me that could never be regained.

I remember when I first came to the realization that in my life time, I actually had sex with a man with the hope that he would love me. I said to my therapist in a session one day, "I've only had sex with men I loved." He looked me straight in the face and said, "That's not true." Of course I gave him that indigent look, like who the hell do you think you are coming to me like that. But he stood his ground, he said, "Yes, you had sex with men you loved, but you also had sex with men you wanted to love you. That day began my journey to healing a wound that had been left open and untreated for years.

With this acceptance, I began to heal and the healing led to a better me. It led to a self-love that was missing from my life. One that said, my self-worth is more important than the company of a man. One that said a man under any old circumstance was not worth my dignity.

Now don't be confused I love the company of a man, most women do if we're honest; And honestly, making changes in my life was hard. It was hard walking away from situations that left me lonely. But these situations didn't reflect the woman that God created me to be. I really wanted to do better, not just know better. Now don't be confused, me having HIV don't mean shit to men. I've had married men, men in and out of relationships that just wanted to fuck. Sexual partners coming out of my ears if I wanted them. But over time I came to understand there was no glory in the fact that a man wanted to fuck me even with AIDS.

So this journey of healing made me a better woman, one that I really liked. One that I could look in the face and smile. Now, ummm, I fell off the wagon a time here or there, but I always picked myself back up and started all over again; working on the woman God created me to be.

I've said it over and over again, no one will love you like you. When you start with self-love, you will choose dating situations that add value to your life rather than take away. You don't really need a person for sex, that is a fact, but you do need one for intimacy. I can light a thousands candles in my house and it will never render the type of intimacy you will have with a person.

But I will not sell my soul for intimacy. I will fuck my own self until the day I die, rather than fuck someone who does not honor the woman that God has made me to be. I will be lonely by my damn self rather than be in an unhealthy relationship. Each of us must decide what is best for us. I choose self love. What I know For Sure... Self-Love Is The Best Love!

Post Script: There is no sex worth your life.. Love yourself tonight, more than you love them... Use a condom...

Whitney: A Retrospective! 1963-2012

noreply@blogger.com (Rae) — Sun, 12 Feb 2012 07:38:00 +0000

Yes, I am a Whitney Houston Groupie! I've never really been a groupie, but she's the exception to the rule. I guess I was never into celebrities because at an early age I was hanging out with some of the most powerful African-Americans in politics. As a result, I always measured people on their own merits. Not because they were famous, but by their contribution to the world and how to some extent they handled their life; But I honestly fell in LOVE with Whitney from day one.

But truly, she has made me proud! Without a doubt Whitney's voice was a gift from God that she shared with the world. Being only a year older than her, I watched her blossom as the Queen of Pop. She was the first bioafied female African-American cross-over artist.

I remember those early days were tough on her. She received a lot of criticism for not being, "Black enough." I even remember her being booed at the Soul Train Awards. I didn't understand what was wrong with black folks. I mean did every black female artist have to fit into the category of and B or Gospel music? I didn't let their madness deter me. I was giddy that this young black woman had "crossed over." In time people seemed to join the band wagon. Who could deny her voice? She became the "golden girl."

When she appeared opposite Kevin Costner, an A list actor in The Body Guard, I knew she was Queen. Even so, there were critics. I mean, this was a black woman starting as the love interest a white man. Some black folks wanted to know why he couldn't be black and some white folks wanted to know who the heck did she think she was? But she kept right on pushing. Not only was the movie a hit, but the sound track as well.

There was no stopping Whitney! None! Two more movies, Waiting To Exhale and The Preachers Wife made it clear that she was indeed an actress too. She seemed to be on top of the world and everyone wanted her personal life to parallel with her career/There were early rumors that she and one of her good friends were lovers and to dispel these rumors we started to see her more and more with men on her shoulders in public.

But most people were shocked when they saw Bobby Brown tagging along. I think many thought this golden girl was going through a rebellion period and eventually she would get Bobby out of her system. Ha, she married him. Then I think people starting praying that this marriage would end soon. Many felt she had no business with this bad boy, whose career had died long before their marriage. But Whitney fought back. It was them against the world! Whitney was out to prove that this was a marriage meant to be. That combined with her belief in marriage, she was determined to make it work.

At first her career continued to climb and Bobby seemed to make a mess of it all. People just couldn't understand why should stuck it out. In time we started to see her wither away before our eyes. There were rumors of drug use, then abuse, then addiction and everyone blamed Bobby. Who knows but the two of them and God if he was the one that started her down this path. What was clear to me, no matter how she got there, it wasn't as simple as people wanted to make it. Addiction is a real issue that requires a lot of work and based on everything I know about addiction, Bobby was only part of the problem.

My heart went out to her. I will never forget that Diane Sawyer interview. Most people were laughing at her quote, Crack is Whack," but I was stuck with something else she said, "Just continue to pray for me." That's exactly what I did! I prayed for her often. I understood that she was in a fight for her life. Addiction is cunning and relentless and I knew she would need all the prayer she could get. Each time I saw a picture of her looking less than what God created her to be, I was saddened and would pray harder.

I Look To You!!

I never gave up on Whitney! I believed that she would find her inner strength and conquer her demon. I didn't rightly care if she ever sang again, I just wanted her to be O. K., at peace.

But I gotta be honest. No one was happier than me when she made her come back. I have never in my life purchased an album the first day of its release until, I look To You! That album was wonderful!

Yeah, people had shit to say. "She's lost it," I heard a lot. And I wondered why people couldn't just be proud that she had kicked addiction long enough to pull herself together and be the Diva we knew her to be. I couldn't understand it. Nonetheless, I was proud! She looked better than ever! I loved the album and I thought I Didn't Know My Own Strength was powerful! It spoke to my circumstance but also to hers. It seemed like she was back, but addiction is cunning and I continued to pray.

As I reflect on Whitney, she was one hell of a woman! She was a fighter for sure. In those early days she stood proud against the nay sayers! Her talent was God given and she never quit singing. She was a fighter for sure.

She fought for her marriage until she started to drown with the ship, and like a warrior, she fought for her life and climbed out of that ship with her last breath and made it to dry land. She was a fighter for sure! She fought addiction in the public and that was no easy task in the face of Social Media.

People were cruel, but she kept pressing her way. Her comeback was a comeback for sure. Even in the face of addiction, once she was back, she was back and never stopped fighting She finished filming the remake of the movie Sparkle, just a year out of rehab. She was one hell of a woman. She never stopped fighting to be the woman God intended for her to be! I will forever be one of her biggest fans! Rest In Peace Whitney... I Will ALWAYS Love you!!

Let's Keep Bobbi Christina in our prayers. Addiction runs in families and with a mother and a father with a history, we need to surround her in prayer.

Post Script: She has won 415 Awards, 2 Emmys, 6 Grammys, 22 American Music Awards, 30 Billboard Awards, 300,000,000 Albums Sold

Whitney was the first black woman to appear on the cover of Seventeen... She was 16 or 17 years old..

My favorite Whitney Houston Song is, Tell Me No! It's been my ring tone for years... She lived this!

I have always loved this A T and T commercial.. No matter where I was or what I was doing in the house when it came on, I stopped and watched... For Real...

The Problem of Stigma...

noreply@blogger.com (Rae) — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 22:06:00 +0000

Today is National Black HIV/AIDS Awareness Day and for me that's bitter sweet. Let me explain. I'm happy that African-Americans are coming together across the country to bring awareness to HIV/AIDS, but sad that it seems, no matter how hard we work, the number of HIV cases continue to rise.

The Center For Disease Control says that Black folks are 44% of all new cases of HIV in the United States and nearly half of all cases of HIV in this country. It seems the more things change for the better around HIV/AIDS, the worst it gets in the black community.

There is so much good news around HIV/AIDS. Treatment is so much better than that single treatment of AZT that I started taking in 1992. Testing for HIV is a swab in the mouth with test results in 20 minutes. There are socially conscious condom companies like B Condoms promoting prevention and responsible sex. There are more Black organizations tackling HIV/AIDS than ever and even large numbers of Black Churches are doing their part.

But yet the numbers of cases continue to rise. So what is the freaking problem? Now, I don't have all the answers, just some insights to this complicated issue. First off, there is still a lot of stigma and shame surrounding HIV/AIDS. Now this problem didn't start in the Black Community, it started in American society as a whole. I remember the days of fear, when nurses refused to touch people who were dying of AIDS, Funeral Directors refused to bury and Pastors refused to perform funerals and mothers and fathers left their dying child to die alone.

Those early days of AIDS set the barometer for AIDS. I remember Jeanne White, the mother of Ryan White told me one day, that a rumor was going around in her small town that Ryan, who was a hemophilia, contracted HIV because she was a nasty homemaker and didn't keep a clean house, rather than blood products he received for his condition. For Real, I couldn't make this shit up if I tried. I have countless stories that are just as mad as this.

The stigma around HIV created an enormous amount of shame for people living with HIV/AIDS and their family. This stigma is embedded in American culture. In the 21st century it's become politically incorrect to talk negatively about HIV and people living with HIV openly, but the whispers float in our society just like the air we breathe. I can understand at one level the Black community saying, "Not Me!" I mean who wants to admit that HIV is rampant in their community. Shoot, I kept my infection a secret for 7 years because I was afraid that people would judge me. Still today, I get nasty tweets about my dating and sex life, but I tackle it head on.

Stigma for the most part drives this disease in many ways. Let me explain. People are afraid of going to get tested for fear that they will be judged. Many private doctors will ask their patient, "Why do you think you need an HIV test?" and by doing so, their behavior has been called into question. While other doctors have gone as far as to say, "You don't need a test, you're in a monogamous relationship" or you're married." When in fact, everyone, including the doctor needs an HIV test. Now the other option for testing in a HIV Clinic or the Department of Public Health and many people are afraid of being "spotted" in one of these places.

Now let's take that as our base line; Fear of getting tested for HIV because of being judged. Now, CDC say's that 38% of newly infected people are infected by people who didn't know that they were infected. And contrary to belief statistics show that most people with HIV don't want to deliberately infect someone. So, it stands to reason, if more people knew there HIV status, less people would be infected.

That's why testing is important. Lets' take it a step further. New data shows that if an infected person is in proper treatment then the chances of them infecting their partner is minimal So knowing your HIV status is key.

Now lets' take treatment. Many people are afraid of being seen in the AIDS clinic so they don't keep their appointments and some forgo treatment altogether, rather than being spotted. I can't make this stuff up. I have a friend in her early days of being told her HIV status, who scooted down in the seat of her car in the clinic parking lot, because she saw someone she knew in the lot. I have yet another friend, who stopped being my friend, because other friends of hers kept asking how did she and I become friends. And yet another friend, a doctor nonetheless, who wouldn't take her medication because she didn't want her colleagues to catch her taking it.

Another issue closely related to proper treatment and testing is disclosure. People live in fear; If they know their HIV status, how will people treat me and if I tell will, they still love me? There are many family members who instead of providing support, just simply gossip. Then there are other family members who never discuss it. If HIV is not a welcomed topic in ones family, it isolates the infected person. Isolation leads to depression, and depression leads to noncompliance. When people are depressed they have no will or desire to take medication or make doctor appointments and for that matter disclose their HIV status to future partners for fear of rejection. I mean if I'm being rejecting whether overtly or covertly in my family, why would I believe anyone else who want me.

I hope you get the point, it's a tangled web we weave with stigma and it helps to fuel the new cases of HIV in the black community. But I believe we can change this with personal responsibility that starts with you and trickles down to the community. One that say's HIV/AIDS is a medical condition and not knowing my HIV status, is not taking the best care of myself.

At some point, we have to take ownership of this disease. The African Proverbs, "He who conceals his disease cannot expect to be cured," it true. If we don't own it, we can do nothing about it.

Taking ownership fuels personal responsibility and challenges stigma. Have a conversation with your boy friend and girl friend about condom use and testing? If you care enough about each other to lay in bed together, then you should care enough to go get tested together and honestly, use condoms without judgments about what he/she may or may not be doing behind your back. Just understand that in the 21st century, shit happens and you need to be as prepared as you can be.

If we take ownership we challenge stigma. Sisters and brothers should go get tested together. Taking ownership is having that conversation within the family. If you have an infected family member call them, have that conversation about how you can honestly support them. People with HIV/AIDS need more than prayer.

Take ownership, have educational programs in our churches, ask your pastor. What harm could that do? He/she may surprise you. All of our organizations should be talking about HIV/AIDS on a regular basis. The more we talk, the more we put to shame stigma. Black folks have never been this small. The things that affect our community, we have tackled them head on. We cannot allow the history of Stigma in this country fuel how we address this issue, to do so is condemning a generation of people to death. We are better and greater than HIV/AIDS and we can show by fighting stigma at its core. I Am My Brothers/Sisters Keeper! Change we only come because we decide to may it so!

Post Script! Follow National Black AIDS Day on Twitter @NatBlackAIDSDay .... And their website is http://www.nationalblackaidsday.org Like their Facebook Fan Page...

Valentine At RLT Collection!

noreply@blogger.com (Rae) — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 17:44:00 +0000

Happy Valentine From RLT Collection! Yes! If you've had your eye on that one bracelet, well the entire collection is 15% off, including sale items.

And Yes, there are tons of new markdowns, in the Fall, Imani and Unisex Collections. Take a Peek...

The sale ends Feb 14th. The Coupon Code at checkout is Love2012.

Happy Shopping.... Click Here!

African Turquoise and Onyx!

The God of Small Things...

noreply@blogger.com (Rae) — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 17:57:00 +0000

Often times we go to God with the big things. We even tend to celebrate the big things that happen to us in life, in a big way. But I'm wondering how much energy do we give the small things? The little things that touch our lives and honestly, help to keep us going.

I know I know, everyone is always looking for that big payday, hoping, praying and wishing that God will come through. But the God of Big things is also the God of little things and the blessings of little things is still a blessing. I've been thinking a lot about this lately.

I'm not sure why, but maybe because the big things that I'm hoping and praying for just aren't happening. In fact, it seems like God just shut down on my prayers. I mean, like He had a conversation with Satan, just like in the book of Job and I'm being put to the test on how much I can take.

I think when we feel that God has deserted us, even if our desert moment may be real, we just need to take a step back and give an honest assessment of our lives.

Now that's a big thing for me to say because I HATE when I'm hurting and someone says to me, " Well you're still alive." While it may be true, it makes me feel like my hurt isn't important. What I really hear them saying is, "Get Over Yourself." Ha, easy for them to say, they aren't living my drama. And no I'm not trying to quantitate pain.

No, I'm not saying your hurt isn't important and the thing that you are praying for isn't important, at least to you. What you feel is what you feel and what is happening is real.

What I am saying is that the small things get missed sometimes in the despair and even the joy of the big things. Now, I don't know what your small things may be, but I know you have them, because I have them too.

Knitting is one of my small things. I only learned to knit about 7 years ago and if God had told me that morning, that I was going to learn how to knit, I would have laughed. For Real! I left the house to go shopping and when I went into Bravco, a beauty supply store on the Gold Cost, the girl behind the counter was knitting. I said to her, "I always wanted to learn how to knit." She responded, "Go down the street they will teach you." I dismissed it immediately, I don't have time for a class." "No," She said,"They will teach you right now." "How much?" I asked. It's free," she said.

My curiosity got the best of me and I made my way to We'll Keep You In Stitches on Oak Street. I walked into this tiny knit shop and all eyes turned to me. There were these little old ladies sitting at a table knitting. I froze, ummm, "They told me down the street that you would teach me how to knit." Oh Sure," Betty said and Ronnie chimed in, "have a sit." The rest is history as they say.

They have definitely kept me in stitches. Knitting has been a God sent to me. It's one of those places I go and it's just for me, reading, drinking tea and designing bracelets are too. There is no pain, no despair, nor misery in knitting needles, just delight. That little spot became a safe place for me one year. Knitting and those old ladies helped me through a severe depression.

What I'm talking about isn't really about knitting per se, but about how God can bless your life and we never really take notice. Some of us aren't even open to the small blessings God have for us because we are so focused on the big stuff and then bitterness consumes us when it doesn't happen our way that we can't see the forest for the trees.

That day on Oak Street, I was open to the little God voice that said, this feels right. I had no idea that learning to knit or those two ladies would be a blessing to me. It's been no secret that life has been very hard for me in the last 3-4 years, but as I muddled through the darkness, I'm taking note of the small things that blesses me even in the darkness and brings hope for an even better tomorrow. Yes, God is also the God of Small Things. Don't miss it waiting and watching for the big things!

Tea Series: Tea At The End Of The Day!

noreply@blogger.com (Rae) — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 18:38:00 +0000

At the end of the day there's nothing like winding down with a wonderful cup of tea, but choosing your tea wisely is important. Chamomile has been the go to tea for relaxation, but there are so many more wonderful teas.

I'm on a mission to expand your tea choices. This series will introduce you to wonderful selection of teas that are designed to help you relax whether its bedtime or just winding down from a long day with a book.

First up is a tea that I just LOVE! Citrus Lavender Sage Tea from Teavana is divine. This is a new tea from Teavana that I decided to try just for the heck of it. When they opened the tin the aroma of citrus and lavender grabs your nose.

This herbal tea is just the right blend of zesty sea buckthorn, pineapple and orange with lavender and sage.

Now, this tea will not put you to sleep. That's why I love it so much. This is an herbal tea with no caffeine. The combined flavors of sage and citrus is just enough to give you a pick me up to read that book or watch your favorite evening TV show after dinner. The citrus, fruity flavor also makes it a great after dinner desert tea. The Lavender is the ingredient that helps you to relax. It's the perfect blend with just enough pick me up and relaxation all in one. Citrus Lavender Sage is a winner and one of my favorite teas.

Post Script! RLT Collection has wonderful hand made Tea Balls! Check them out Here!

Finding The Missing You!

noreply@blogger.com (Rae) — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 18:27:00 +0000

I know... I know, I've been missing in action, but really it seems like I've been missing a part of me. Like my spirit just walked right out of my body and left a 160 pound shell. Yes, I said a 160 pound shell, but that's another topic altogether.

Let me be honest here, this herpes is giving me the freaking blues. For Real! I'm so sick of being on IV medication I can't think straight. No forget that, I can't even think. When I started this round 36 days ago I was optimistic. It had been three months since my last round and that break was a God sent. Then, when this infection appeared, the doctor and I thought we had caught the infection early and I would only be on IV for maybe 10-15 days; But before I could get the picc line in my arm, the infection got worst and the rest has been history.

The thing about this herpes is this. It's aggressive. Yes, I had herpes before I had HIV, but for the most part herpes was a non issue for about 13 years. Then I made a transition to AIDS and my compromised immune system couldn't fight it off. Now with years of taking oral medication to keep it under control, I have developed a resistance to all treatment except IV medication. The doctors have concluded that those early days of AIDS destroyed a part of my immune system that cannot fight herpes off. You can read about my herpes history here.

Any who, I'm coming to the realization that this problem seems to be here to stay. There's nothing the doctors can do to prevent it, so I'm stuck with IV treatment. And this realization sent me to a place of nothingness. I've been missing me: My spirt, My mind, My dreams, My ministry, My hope, and even My feelings. Like the best part of me just freaking left.

Accepting that life has changed without my permission and there is nothing I can do is a bitch. It's been over three years now. Hoping that this issue with herpes will just go away is wishful thinking in the face of my reality. It's been even harder to accept because my T-Cell count and Viral Load is very good. On the surface, this should not be happening, but it is. The reality is, I've lived with HIV for 29 years and AIDS for 20. That's almost all the entire epidemic, so truly the doctors have no idea what it should look like for someone like me. I'm living history and the doctors are making sense out of what AIDS looks like as I live.

With all of this to consider, on top of the side-effects from the IV medication, extreme fatigue and nausea, on top of the side-effects of my regular HIV medications and let's not forget my financial issue, I can't seem to get ahead to save my life, I found myself slipping into a depression. Before I realized it, the me that I know just up and left me. I couldn't write to save my life. My ability to think seemed to be gone and my desire to do anything withered to nothing.

So here I am, trying to find me. Trying to reclaim that part of me that I can own, that I can control. I think acceptance is part of the ball game, the other part is saying it out loud. Moving beyond the shame, denial and secret of it all will help me get to a better place. I cannot change the fact that I contracted herpes in college or that I contracted HIV years later and now the combination of the two has deeply affected my life in the most unexpected way.

The on and off again IV treatment seems to be a way of life for me now, just like taking my 15 pills a day. This is what my AIDS looks like, even with a non detectable viral load. I get it! Now I'm taking baby steps to peacefully co-exist with it all. In part writing this blog today is a major step.

Reclaiming parts of me that I can. So in this attempt to find me, I'm gonna blog everyday, even if I don't have anything deep and profound to say. Saying something is better than sitting on the sofa doing nothing.

Finding you in the face of trauma sometimes requires baby steps. The expectations for yourself should be that you do. Doing something will give you fuel to do more. Rome wasn't built in a day and working your way out of a dark place will not happen in a day. But to do nothing is allowing that trauma, that thing to control the parts of you that should be in your control.

Now, let me be clear, depression is also physical, just as it's emotional. So, there's no one thing that will help, but many. Yes, I'm on antidepressants, have been for a while now, but that's clearly not enough. So in addition to the baby steps in life style changes, and medication, I'm hitting the treadmill, exercise will help.

There is also some benefit in white tea in helping depression, I'll drink more and I think I'll keep a journal. Not of what's in my head, for some that's good. Writing down what's in your head, helps you let it go. But I'm not in my head, it feels like there's nothing in my head. For Real! So I will instead keep a journal of my daily routine, from the littlest things like washing my tail and putting on fresh PJ; Lately, there have been days where that didn't happen.

I'm going to journal my day just to have a better perceptive of me. I will start with a list of goals for each day. Then I will journal at the end of the day. I will even keep track of what I wanted to do and why it didn't happen. What efforts I've made to reclaim me through out the day will give me clarity on how far I've come and how much farer I need to go. Depression has a way of taking time away from you, that time is your life.

I think if I can see some movement in my life it will no longer seem lost. Finding Your Lost Self Requires Work! I value me and believe that I'm worth the work. So here I go reclaiming that part of me that I lost to that dark place in AIDS. I know that I know that I cannot let AIDS have all of me! I'm taking me back!

RLT Collection Sale!

noreply@blogger.com (Rae) — Sat, 07 Jan 2012 17:19:00 +0000

RLT Collection has added permanent markdowns to the collection. If you had your eye on the Holiday Collection, well now is the time. Many of those are one of a kinds, so they probably won't hang around. Also, some bracelets in the Unisex Collection and Imani Collection have been marked down. Check them out in their regular section. All other bracelets Check out the Sale HERE

Additionally, I've extended the Pick of the Week for another week. It will be 30% off through next week. Check it out HERE!

Death Pussy!

noreply@blogger.com (Rae) — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 22:25:00 +0000

Last year I wrote well over 200 blogs, but Death Pussy was one of my most read... I thought that I would share it just one more time. I hope for those who didn't get a chance to read it last year, this recap will be enlightening... For those who did read it, you will either get a new aha moment or be reminded of the old one!

I've never had anyone call my vagina "death pussy," at least not to my face. But I have had someone call it "diseased pussy." I've even been called "that AIDS Bitch." Each time I wanted to be mad, but I couldn't. I had to stand like the strong black woman that I am and take that hit like a champ. The fact of the matter is that my vagina is infected with HIV and I do have AIDS. The fact is HIV has taken up camp right between my legs and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. But, I've learned over the years not to put a lot of energy into what I cannot change, and my HIV status is one of them.

But Sunday when I was reading the RLT Reads Book Club first book, What Look Like Crazy On An Ordinary Day, I was stopped in my tracks. In one part, a young man refers to Ava, the HIV positive woman in the book, as "death pussy." I was so stuck that I had to put the book down and go bead to clear my head. I thought about it long and hard. I was really shaken. The very core of me was sadden by this description of a woman infected with HIV. I understood the writer's goal of showing the ugliness that people with HIV must face, but it ripped at the very core of me. And y'all know that I have very thick skin, but I was genuinely hurt. It was as if I had been transcended into that very scene in the book. I felt like that young punk was talking to me and every woman in the world with HIV. Suddenly, HIV became an incredibly heavy load, a burden to bear.

It made me wonder if that's what people thought about me. And honestly, more so, if men thought of my vagina in the very same way. It seemed to speak to the core of my self-worth. I started to wonder, had men reduced my self-worth right down to my vagina? Forget that I'm intelligent, smart, educated, articulate, compassionate, driven, cute as a button, and the list goes on and on. Has this been the problem with my dating life in recent years? Was I that much of a liability? Death is a heavy load to carry between your legs. But when I really reflected, what disturbed me the most was in that moment, I had bought into the madness also. Just by thinking such a thing, I had thrown all my self-worth out the window and reduced my value right down to my vagina?

But, that's the way of the world. Our self-worth has very much been connected to our vaginas for centuries, all around the world. A woman's worth has been placed between her legs by man since the beginning of time. Even with Eve, our punishment became the blood that flows each month from between our legs. And in ancient times, a woman had to be isolated during menstruation and then "purified" before entering back into society.

The value of our vaginas has risen and dropped like the stock market at the whim of men. STOP IT! Before I go any further, this is not about male bashing. Why does everything have to be about them? Why can't we women talk freely about us, and let it be about us? Why is the discussion about us, co-opted by them? Why can't our truths, where they intersect with men, be articulated without being perceived as criticism about them. And the fact that I'm even qualifying myself speaks to the very core of the problem.

Yes, our vaginas have been used like a commodity, with no value to us. It's only worth has been where it intersects with the agenda of men. Our vaginas have been mutilated so we can have no pleasure of our own. This horror has been even forced on baby girls, implanting a memory of pain and terror to our vaginas, making us hate it before we really know what it is.

They have been using our vagina's baby making machine to help drive a labor force to build this country. Slave owners made it clear, our vaginas belonged to them, for their pleasure and for their business.

In modern times, our vaginas have been used for human trafficking for the pleasure of men; enslaving our mind, body and spirit. Our vagina's have been raped, beaten, and used as a tool to advance political agendas. Our virginity has been taken from us in a misguided belief that our untouched vaginas will cure them of their diseases.

Make no mistake, we have many subliminal messages drilling into us over and over again that the value of our vaginas are connected to something greater than who we are. Even what appears to be innocent advertising sends a message. Honestly, take a good long look at the Dolce and Gabbana ad, then take a good look at the picture of the soldiers and the woman. The similarities outweigh the differences.

So when I heard the term, "death pussy," I had a heavy heart. It forced me to sit down and take a long hard look at the history of women. But it also made me look at my own history. What got me to this destination called HIV. But most important, why would I consider at any level, that such a term as "death pussy" would define me. Had I reduced my entire self-worth right down to my vagina? Was this leftover residue from my childhood, being violated by the men in my family who should have protected me? Being taught that any love that I get from a man may begin with popping popcorn and watching tv, but ends between my legs?

I had to gather myself. Remind myself that God created me in His image, all that I am, mind, body and spirit. I cannot let anyone determine the value of my vagina anymore. I made myself a cup of tea and became still in the moment. Instead of focusing on the darkness of my life, I shifted to the goodness of my life.

l had worked too hard and too long in therapy to be thrown right back into the self-loathing that got me there in the first place. I cannot believe the hype! I will not believe the hype! I am a wonderful Black Woman and any man would be lucky to have me. If a man can't see that I am living in my life, that there is nothing that says death about me, then he does not see my true value. And I believe that a man who does not see my value is not worthy of me. It's like putting pearls on swine, they have no place together. And I will never again give the best of me to have just a part of him.

But most important, how I see myself will dictate how I treat myself. This is not just about a man but about what I do with my life and how I live that life. Your self-worth must begin with you, about you, for the greater you, to be used in the larger society. But you can never fulfill your purpose in life if you do not see yourself as God sees you and intended for you to be.

There is much truth to the Bible verse that says, "As a person thinkth so is he." But I submit, it's the easiest thing in the world to tell someone, "Change your mind and your ass will follow." The truth of the matter is that change takes time and work. You cannot will the darkness away, you've got to dig yourself to the light. And once you get there, you gotta constantly remind yourself that the light is where God intended for you to be.

RLT Collection: Pick of The Week!

noreply@blogger.com (Rae) — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 06:00:00 +0000

I simply Love My Bracelet Pick of The Week! It's perfect for stacking, but I think it's one of the most overlooked in my entire Cruise 2012 Collection. It's designed with aluminum beads that have just enough pop and great weight. It blends perfectly with other stackable bracelets or with sterling silver jewelry.

I added the one freshwater pearl in the design to give it a touch of class that makes this bracelet go easily from day to night just that quick. It is made on stretch like all my stackable bracelets making it easy to stack!

I love how Brooke stacked this bracelet with other RLT Stackable Bracelets. This bracelet retails at $45.00 but as my pick of the week it has been reduced by 30%, which makes it $31.50. This Special Ends January 10th. Shop HERE http://www.rltcollection.com

Monday Reflection: Be The Best You Can Be In 2012! I am!

noreply@blogger.com (Rae) — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 17:08:00 +0000

There were moments this year when I thought I wouldn't make it. No, not physically, but emotionally. The physical wasn't going to kill me, but it made my life a living hell. It was the emotional that I thought was going to take me out of here. The Bible says as a person thinketh so shall he/she be; And my thinking had a hold on me because the physical was doing the most.

Herpes ran havoc on my entire body, from my vagina to my nervous system and I had to be stronger than anything herpes could do to my body. In those moments of despair you wonder how long will it take for things to change for the better;If you will be able to handle just one more day of the misery.

At brief moments in time I just wanted to stop. At those moments when I thought I couldn't take anymore, the little girl who fought for her life as a child, would whisper to my spirit, "You've come too far baby girl," and that reminder was just enough to push me to fight just one more day.

Each new day became a day filled with possibilities and I latched onto it like gorilla glue and held on for dear life. I had to remember my history with God. The one that brought me through physical, sexual and emotional abuse as a child and sustained me 28 years with HIV and 19 years with AIDS.

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For me, I had to reprogram my way of thinking to see the new days as a blessing, rather than a day filled with pain. And now just two months free of herpes those days seems like years gone by. It's interesting how resilient we are, more than we thought we could ever be.

Now, as I move into the new year I'm excited with whats before me! Not one day, but 365 days, 12 months, 52 weeks, 8,760 hours and 525,600 minutes filled with possibilities.

I'm excited about 2012! I will be 50 years old this year. That's a milestone I thought that I would never see. AIDS hasn't taken me out of here and I'm not going to squander one gift or moment of my life. I'm moving full speed ahead and using AIDS and all my pain and misery in life as fuel to do something greater than myself.

Yes, I plan to continue blogging, don't worry this Diva has more to say. I promise to continue to be authentic and cutting edge, but I also promise to grow. More blogs each week. My site is being redesigned more reader friendly. And I PROMISE to get to your emails sooner.

This year had me by the balls and that part of my work was an epic fail. You will always be able to find me on Twitter @raelt telling it like it is! Facebook will always have updates and I plan to continue to be a voice for people living with HIV/AIDS.

I know what it's like to live in shame and secret I did it for seven years, so I will continue to do my part every chance I get. Just like the emotional baggage of this disease will kill you, so will the secret. So I will continue to be a voice. I hope that my voice will be a beacon of light until you can find your voice.

What I'm most excited about this year is my new venture. I am taking all of my seminary and life training and opening RLT Life Coaching!

My gift is to help people get past their pain and live a healthy balanced life. For the last 19 years I've done just that through my speaking and press interviews, tv, radio and print; And in recent times my blog. Now I am expanding that work by giving people a opportunity to have my expertise, one on one through life coaching.

The areas of Life Coaching I'm offering are in 1) Confidence, which translates into self-esteem, self-worth and self-love; At one's core self-worth guides everything you do for yourself and to others. I will work with clients to achieve the self-love that will radiate to all areas of one's life creating a happier you.

2) Balance in all areas of ones life. To pay your bills on time but not take your medication on time is lacking balance and vice-versa. I hope to help people get to that perfect Feng Shui; Channeling their energies of life to find the perfect balance of health, good fortune and positive living.

3) And lastly, every area of Relationships from dating to divorce. It does not matter what type of relationship, whether mother and daughter, friends, dating or marriage they should have balance and value.

My practice is not exclusive to people living with HIV, but I certainly hope that many will take advantage of my expertise. I've lived well and balance in the 29 years I've been infected with HIV.

As we live, we should grow. Having HIV/AIDS should not change our desire to both know better and do better; It should make us hungry for living in our life, not just being alive.

It is such a blessing to wake each morning but to wake with a chronic illness is a major gift. I remember the days when my t-cell was 8 and I was staring death in the face. I appreciate life on life terms and I'm living in it with everything I have.

As I go into 2012, I'm more committed and determined to touch lives and do all the goodness that I possibly can. I challenge you to live your best life in 2012; And if at this moment you can find nothing of your own to celebrate and live for, celebrate my 50 years of life with me and bask in my joy! And I will celebrate your life, another 525,600 minutes in God's earthly plan!

Note: This was originally written for thebody.com 2012 Series.

Imani.... A Wonderful Way To End The Year!

noreply@blogger.com (Rae) — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 15:41:00 +0000

The last bracelet to be introduced to RLT Collection for the year of 2011 is an Imani Bracelet! How appropriate for Imani to shine on this last day of the New Year... It's truly our faith that has kept us in the bounds of God's Grace! The Bible says, Without Faith You Cannot Please God."

No, faith isn't about what you wear, but about how you live your life and what you know to be true in your heart even if you don't know how it will all work out. But yet deep down inside, you know that you know, it will work out for your good. Faith is about knowing in your heart what you cannot see.

While the cross is and outward symbol of what Christian's believe, it's also a reminder of what we believe in our heart. I think my Imani Collection is a way to be fashionable with our faith.

If you have never visited my Imani Collection on the website you should. I have a very diverse collection. Staying close to my motto, A Bracelet For Every Woman, I have a large variety of Imani designs in a wide price range. There are even some on sale right now!! My Imani Bracelets are perfect for stacking!

This Imani Bracelet is a wonderful blend of black and blue. Everyone knows that black is my favorite color, but I decided to mix it up this time. This bracelet is designed with a gold tone cross with deep blue Swarovski Crystals imbedded in the cross.

The cross is paired with 4 mm beautiful faceted onyx gemstones that pop, no matter which way you turn the bracelet. Of course this bracelet is made on stretch and easy to stack with other bracelets. Since I've designed it, I wear it everyday! Shop Imani Collection Here!

RLT Reads Book Club Up-Date!

noreply@blogger.com (Rae) — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 19:44:00 +0000

The current RLT Reads Book Club pick, Only Twice I've Wished For Heaven, by Dawn Turner Trice, is a wonderful read that I discovered well over 12 years ago!!

In 1975 Tempestt Saville and her family are chosen by a lottery to "move on up" to Lakeland: one square mile of rich, black soil carved out of a Chicago ghetto, cradling, sparking apartment towers and emerald laws, where the elite of black professionals live in privilege, secure behind a ten-foot-tall ivy-covered, wrought-iron fence. This generation of blacks, only once removed from salt pork, fatback and biscuits, now dines on caviar and escargot.

Whatever lies outside the fence--whatever the world tells black people they can't do or be--doesn't apply to the residents of Lakeland. But what is shut out of those gates is another matter entirely: 35th Street where the lure of loud music, housing projects, and row upon row of battered brownstones and dilapidated stores provides eleven year old Temmy with a more intriguing landscape. Here the saved and the sinners are both so "done-up" you can't tell one from another: Alfred Mayes, the only street preacher and self-admitted connoisseur of, "Young fine thangs" (From the Book Jacket)

Please join RLT Reads as we dive into the newest book club pick. The author, Dawn Turner Trice has agreed to sit in on our on line book club discussion. We are still waiting to confirm a date. Please START reading, the date will be early February 2012. The book can be purchased at Amazon HERE.

If you are already a member of RLT Reads and have not been getting e-mails from us, please re-send your email address to rltreads@raelewisthornton.com. We also welcome new comers... Get connected with RLT Reads Book Club rltreads@raelewisthornton.com

Guest Blogger Luke Burke! My Best Friend! Part Two

noreply@blogger.com (Rae) — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 16:51:00 +0000

It had been about a year since Rae spoke at my University. I was now a college grad, living and working in New York City. Rae had such an impact on my life that I vowed to keep in touch with her. Rae however did not know I made this vow with myself.

I gave Rae a call on a random hot summer night in my studio apartment. I had no air condition and no furniture. I was young and trying to make it. The call probably lasted about five minutes. Rae answered the phone and I explained to her who I was. She acted like she remembered me but in her voice I felt she had no clue who I was. I told her I lived in NYC now and that next time she was in the city to let me know so we could grab dinner. She was very polite and agreed and we hung up the phone. I was so happy just to hear her voice. I was on total groupie status at that time 

A year later, true to my personal pact with myself – I gave Rae another call. I just wanted to see how she was doing and hear her voice. I expected this call to be just as awkward as the last call but I didn’t care. I wanted to check on her. Rae answered the phone with a sense of urgency, I felt so stupid for bothering her. I began to tell her who I was and to my surprise this time I felt she really remembered who I was. I didn’t know if this was good or bad so I just went with it. At the end of the day I just wanted to get to know Rae and yes I wanted to be her friend. I attempted to engage Rae and start conversation and it worked! Before I knew it we were on the phone for over an hour. The rest I guess you can say is history. Rae and I now talk on the phone everyday…often multiple times a day.

Rae’s transparency is something I had never seen before in another human being. I am from the south and in the south people say what they think you want to hear. Rae is from Chicago and speaks the truth ALWAYS! She is not afraid to tell you exactly what she thinks. With Rae you can expect her to be honest at ALL times. She often says “You can’t sugar coat shit” and that she doesn’t do “half truths”. For me, growing up in a place where people were so judgmental on everything from race to sexuality Rae was a breath of fresh air. I saw in Rae a fearless individual that was both confident and strong. I admired these personality traits that Rae possess and still do.

Throughout our friendship Rae has taught me many things. I think of her as both a friend and mentor. I’ve learned so many life lessons from her. Her knowledge and wisdom on everything from politics to worldly subjects proves her extensive education and life experiences. We can talk for hours and not even realize it. We are the type of friends who can call each other in the middle of the night just to get thoughts our of our head. I’ve never had such unconditional love in friendship. Rae is beyond a friend to me - I consider her family. (To be continued)

Since Rae and I became friends we have shared many great experiences together. Despite our age difference (We are 18 years apart) we hang out like we were separated at birth. We both have an affinity for the finer things in life (although I think Rae is way worse than I am in this area!). We have come to the conclusion that sometimes we are each others Kryptonite. Neither one of us really know how to say “no” when it comes to treating ourselves (or each other).

One time when I was in Chicago on a business trip I invited Rae to my hotel to have dinner. I was staying at the TRUMP and she HAD to see how beautiful this place was – it was right up her alley! She met me at the hotel and we made our way to the restaurant on the top floor. We gasped at the view of Chicago from the floor to ceiling windows surrounding the room.

We were seated promptly and felt right at home. Great service, great views, and hanging out as besties. Rae and I decided to splurge and opted for the Chefs 10-course tasting menu. Each course was the size of a small saucer but we were blown away by the exceptional taste of each dish and how full we became after about the fifth tasting. We laughed and shared stories in between eating. Rae doesn’t drink (I do) so out of respect for her I never order a drink when I am with her. It’s amazing to me how I feel as if I’m high on life when we spend time together. Who needs a drink when I got Rae!? You can imagine my high deflated by the time the bill came. We are no good together when it comes to budgets but we have no regrets – it was worth it and a memory we both cherish.

There have been times when Rae and I do the exact opposite of lavish dinners at five star restaurants and we still have a great time. Last Thanksgiving Rae and I spent almost the whole weekend in her apartment on Chicago’s Gold Coast eating home cooked meals made by yours truly (Rae, not me). She cooks like she expects to eat…with perfection. Rae is an AMAZING cook! We spent lazy days in our pajamas on the couch arguing over what to watch on TV (we have VERY different taste) and drinking tea. We eventually compromised and I have come to love Law and Order and she grew to love Real Housewives. For Rae and I, spending time together is always fun. It doesn’t matter where we are.

As much as Rae and I like nice things she has shown me that she is humble enough to not be attached to them. When speaking engagements became sparse and few Rae downsized and moved out of her beautiful three bedroom condo to a small studio on the Gold Coast. She sold jewelry, furs, purses, and designer suits just to make ends meet.

Yet, even during this low time of a financial crisis as we walked past a young man begging for a meal on the street, Rae stopped to help. Living in New York I am accustomed to seeing people beg and I was naturally inclined to ignore him and continue about our business. Rae however took the young man in the nearest restaurant and bought him a meal. I was upset with Rae for doing this. “How do you know he is really broke Rae? You don’t even have a lot of money yourself?” I asked. Rae looked me straight in the eye and told me “I know what it’s like to be hungry. Just because that young man looked like he wasn’t homeless doesn’t mean he isn’t struggling. If he is asking for help who are we to question him?” she said.

I had a revelation at that moment. It dawned on me Rae was speaking truth. Here we were driving around in Rae’s Jaguar, yet she was selling personal items to survive. On the outside Rae looks like the picture of health. She is beautiful. Sharp from head to toe and no matter how she feels each day she still pushes herself to get out of bed and face the day like the DIVA she is.

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Her compassion for others is admirable on many levels. Even when her speaking engagements were few and far between she still strives to educate. Her ministry never stops and she practices what she preaches. Rae doesn’t get paid to tweet on twitter, post on facebook, or recount her daily struggles on her blog.

She exposes personal and painful aspects of her life in hopes that her transparency will allow others to make better decisions. It hurts her to hear of new diagnosis of HIV because in 2011 people know to use a condom. At the time of her infection AIDS was not supposed to happen to a straight woman -- but it did.

Earlier this year, I attended a meeting at work that was catered by a well known soul food restaurant. I made a plate of Salmon topped with lump crab meat, macaroni and cheese, and collard greens. I even put a slice of pecan pie in my takeout box for dessert. I couldn’t wait to get home and eat the food while catching up on some of my favorite shows on TIVO.

As I got off the train I heard a mans voice ask for help. He was hungry and needed food. I tried to ignore him because I really wanted to eat this meal. I took a few more steps and heard him cry out for food once again. I stopped in my tracks and thought of Rae. I thought about how at a time when she had no money she was willing to spend the little she had to help someone in need and I knew what I had to do. I turned around and gave the man my food.

Thank You Rae for making me a better person.

Part One Click Here!

Guest Blogger Luke Burke- My Best Friend!

noreply@blogger.com (Rae) — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 16:37:00 +0000

I remember sitting on my bedroom floor staring at the cover of the December 1994 issue of Essence Magazine. The beautiful woman on the cover was staring at me and it was hard for me to understand how she could have this disease called AIDS. I was 14 years old and I had a hard time comprehending what the disease was all about. I just knew it was bad and you didn’t want it. I stared back at the magazine into the eyes of Rae Lewis-Thornton as if staring at the her would answer some of my questions. Although her article taught me more about AIDS than I previously knew I still had a lot of questions. I was intrigued by her.

Four years later as a senior in High School I would meet Rae in person. I was the President of my hometowns teen chapter of Jack and Jill and it was common for me to be asked to introduce speakers in that rold. So on the way to the speaking engagement I wrote Rae’s bio on note cards and practiced her introduction out loud in the car. I didn’t put two and two together that Rae Lewis-Thornton was THE Rae Lewis-Thornton on the cover of Essence Magazine that I was so intrigued with at 14 until we arrived and I heard her speak.

I tell Rae all the time that hearing her speak about her life and living with AIDS changed MY life. I was not yet sexually active and thanks to Rae I wouldn’t be for MANY years later. To be completely honest, she scared the shit out of me! But most importantly she taught me to ALWAYS protect myself – and I have.

Her candidness and transparency was effective. She was young, successful, beautiful and ended up with AIDS. Taking birth control only protected her from getting pregnant….not from getting AIDS. It made me realize that ANYONE could contract HIV and that AIDS doesn’t care who you are, what you have accomplished, or what you look like.

On the way home my mother, sister, and I couldn’t stop talking about how inspiring Rae’s spirit was. I couldn’t wait to get home and look for the Essence magazine I safely stored with all my Janet Jackson magazines I kept in a chest for safe keeping (I am a huge Janet fan). After some digging I found the Essence magazine. I found myself sitting on my bedroom floor staring at Rae’s just as I did four years prior. I reflected on her speech and I had so many questions… still. I began asking God why did AIDS have to hurt such a beautiful spirit. I prayed for her and I asked God to protect her. I felt a special connection to Rae so I prayed for God to bring her back in my life. And he did…

I remember sitting in my college infirmary with a bad cold. My throat was killing me and I had a number of symptoms that mirrored the flu. I remember seeing a few people in the waiting room who alluded to being “embarrassed” to be seen there. I was very naive and had no idea what they were talking about. Was it a bad thing to be sick? I quickly realized what they meant when I saw the doctor.

Every question he asked me was alluding to the fact that I may have contracted an STD. I was offended because I knew all I had was a cold and expected him to give me something to get me well and that would be the end of it. Lucky for me I was correct that I only had a cold but I realized a lot of my classmates may not be so lucky.

I started looking around the room and noticed pamphlets and posters with STD statistics all around the room. I looked at the doctor just a blunt as he had looked at me when he accused me of all sorts of sexual acts. I asked him “Do a lot of people on campus come here with STD’s? “ The doctor looked at me just as naive as I must have sounded and informed me our campus had a major STD problem. I was shocked. I guess I shouldn’t have been because we all know what happens on every college campus across the country but I realized how fortunate I was at that moment. I heard Rae speak and many of my peers hadn’t. I knew the importance of safe sex at ALL times. Many of my friends may not. My mind started to race. I knew of classmates who had become pregnant so of course people were having unprotected sex. Something needed to be done so I began to brainstorm.

I began reaching out to as many people as possible who could assist in bringing Rae to campus. I spoke to members of my fraternity and the ladies on campus of Rae’ sorority. I contacted the women’s center, the health center, and the speech and communications departments. Money was donated and professors agreed to offer extra credit to students who attended Rae’s speech – We were all set!

I reached out to Rae through her website and her schedule was free for the date we chose but we were set with an obstacle...Rae was in the hospital. I spoke to Rae each day leading up to the chosen date and she assured me she would do her best to get out of the hospital so she could meet the speaking engagement – and she did. I have learned over the years of knowing Rae that unless she is physically not capable of meeting an obligation she pushes through no matter what. She says it best that her “word is (her) bond”. When I picked up Rae at the airport I realized just how sick she was….

When I picked up Rae at the airport I realized just how sick she was. She had just been released from the hospital a day prior and was being pushed from her gate in a wheel chair. This was a stark image from the woman on the cover of Essence or the woman I met as a senior in high school, standing boldly sharing her heart and soul with a room full of strangers.

Even after reading about her sickness in the magazine at 14, and hearing her speak about her daily struggles at 18 I was yet once again very naive. I had been speaking to Rae frequently on the phone with the planning of the speaking engagement while she lay in a hospital I still didn’t get that she was “sick”. Rae exemplifies strength at all times so to see her “weak” was a reality check for me. A pretty face, St. John suits, Loubiton pumps, and a diva-tude definitely make AIDS look weak. But when Rae was being pushed in that wheel chair it was a clear reminder that she truly is living with hell of a disease.

In the car on the way to the airport Rae and I had small talk. We instantly connected. She was funny and down to earth. I was so thankful to have some personal time with her. I began to reflect on my prayers and realized God had actually her back in my life just as I had asked. I was excited to know my peers at my University would be blessed by her ministry just as I had been. Rae was very weak so I took her straight to the hotel so she could take a nap before she spoke later that evening.

When I went to pick her up she looked like a million bucks. I specifically remember her fish net stockings and Chanel handbag. Rae’s attention to detail with accessories is something I have picked up in my own wardrobe as I have matured.

Rae may have looked like a million bucks but she quietly informed me before we walked into the auditorium that she was still very sick but she was pushing through so that the students would get her at the best she could effort. I admired her tenacity to give 100% despite her circumstance.

True to her word, she stood in four inch heels throughout the entire speaking engagement until she couldn’t take it anymore. At the time Rae was experiencing severe nerve pain and when she got to the question and answer portion of her speech she asked for a stool. I was amazed she was able to make everyone in the room laugh, cry, and think all the while she was in unbearable pain.

In the car, after she spoke she asked to be taken back to the hotel. She wanted to order room service, take her medicine and go to bed. Her energy had changed drastically from the woman who stood before an auditorium at full capacity of attentive students. That strong woman who commanded the room now spoke so softly I could barely hear her as she sat next to me.

She lay her head gently on the window. My fraternity and her sorority had arranged to take her to dinner and I informed her everyone was waiting for her at the restaurant. I could see in her eyes that she really didn’t feel up to it but she agreed as she didn’t want to let anyone down. I felt horrible but saw her resilience take center stage once again. Throughout our friendship I would see this level of commitment and strength surface in all areas of her life…(To be continued)

Part Two! Click Here!

Hospital Drama!

noreply@blogger.com (Rae) — Tue, 27 Dec 2011 17:26:00 +0000

Terror came across my face as I looked down and saw the warm blood oozing from the insertion area of my picc line. I have never seen a picc line really bleed other than the first day it is placed in my arm and never that much blood.

I jumped from the bed, holding my arm to catch the blood, but as I grabbed the phone blood made it's way to the floor, drop, drop, followed my every move. I heard my nurse's voice come over the phone, "Kee Kee, this is Rae Lewis-Thornton. Blood is coming out of my picc line. He didn't pause, "Go to the ER right now!" And that was the end of the conversation.

I grabbed the cloth napkin from he counter and wrapped my arm as I made my way back to the bedroom to change clothes. Blood was seeping through the bright yellow napkin and I tried to keep calm as best as I could, but I was scared.

I grabbed my coat and made my way to the ER. I could feel the warm blooding running down my arm into the lining of my mink coat. "This is crazy I mumbled," to myself. I pulled my arm out of the one side of the coat and instantly I was a hot freaking mess walking down the street. One arm in my mink coat, the other side hanging with a bright yellow napkin saturated in blood tied around my arm with blood running down my arm.

This wasn't the kind of scene you saw often in my neighborhood and I wanted no reason to not be picked up by a taxi, so I swung the other end of my coat back over my bloody arm.

I explained to the taxi cab driver I needed to get to the hospital ASAP. He took the outer Lake Shore drive to avoid Christmas shoppers and in a matter of 4 minutes I was walking into ER. I went to the counter and I knew I needed to be calm. I swung my coat from around my shoulder so that the nurse could see. "My picc line is bleeding like crazy," I said. As my blood began to drip on the floor, I added, "I also have HIV."

Blood was dripping on the counter as the nurse looked up and looked back down to the key board rather calm and unbothered by my freaking mess. I spotted a big pad behind him and I asked the security guard could I have it. He said, "The nurse has to give it to you." Huh? "WHAT THE HELL!" I thought. "I'm bleeding all over the place and you cannot give me a pad?"

Until that moment I had been so calm. I said to him,"I have HIV and I really don't want my blood all over the place." And at that moment I resented having to give this information in the lobby of the hospital ER to the security guard no less. I resented the security guard and the freaking nurse who thought my bloody ass arm was no big deal. But mostly, I resented HIV. How dare it embarrass me, right now at this time and place.

I reached to the side of me and grabbed a ton of Kleenex and pressed them against my bleeding arm and after I did that the nurse, handed me the pad to press against my arm.

When I was sent to the next station to sign the hospital papers my hands were so bloody I didn't even want to take her ink pin. Yes, I know you CANNOT transmit HIV in that way, but I tend to be protective of my blood and the people who come into contact with it for any reason. So I squirted some hand sanitizer in my hand and wiped the blood off before grabbing her pen.

After that they rushed me right along. Of course I repeated it two more times before I was taken to the back. Once to the EKG Nurse as she connected be to the machine. My chest was hurting like hell, so they wanted to make sure my heart was ok. As she connected me and blood dripped into the pad, I explained to her, "I have HIV, so be careful of my blood."

I hated every moment of it. EVERY single moment of it! Having to say I have HIV in the half open area. Crazy right?! Right! Here I am one of the must public people on the planet with my HIV status still caught up in the shame of it all. My mind racing, when I should be focused on my health; Why the hell is blood coming out of my arm like someone cut me open? Instead thinking, "What do these people think of me?"

There is no other illness on this planet in modern times that carries this kind of shame and stigma. The weight of it all is more than a notion; More than anyone should have to deal with.

Yet I know I have to fight though the shame, if only for the benefit of my health. I cannot lie, give half truths or misleading information because my health is on the front line. They need to know everything. This is especially true when you have an undiagnosed health issue. So I press forward. Do what I must for my sake.

Finally, the triage nurse calmed my nerves; She taped my arm and it both slowed the bleeding and contained the blood. Once in the back, another type of fear comes over me, one for my life.

In an instant the shame that I felt seemed silly, compared to a possible blot clot. The first round of tests said that I had a blood clot, and they ordered me a bed. I went straight to Twitter and asked for prayers. Crazy, I could tell over 5000 people exactly what the doctors were saying, but I was nervous about telling a few about my HIV status. Maybe it's that my Twitter followers already know and there are no judgements. OR maybe, I was talking about blood clots and not HIV/AIDS per se, or maybe both.

Whatever the case, I did and people started praying and encouraging me to hang in there. I understand at my core that prayer and kind words can go a long way. Seven hours later and with additional tests they sent me home. No blood clot after all. They never were able to explain why I started bleeding. The speculation was that there could have been some trauma to the area when the line was originally placed. Maybe a blood vessel was somehow damaged.

That seems crazy to me, since I started bleeding two days after the line was placed. Any who, I left the hospital beat up, but at least I was going home and it seemed that I was out of danger. In the end I know each time I say that I have HIV, it helps to break the shackles and challenges the shame that has tainted the ability for an infected person to get proper health care and to live with dignity.

Merry Christmas!!

noreply@blogger.com (Rae) — Sun, 25 Dec 2011 16:29:00 +0000

Appreciating The Right Now! Part Two!

noreply@blogger.com (Rae) — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 12:24:00 +0000

There is something to be said about appreciating the right now, from smelling the roses to watching the snowflakes fall from the sky. Yes, I know I wrote a blog yesterday about just that, but did you really hear me? You know often times when I write it's something that God has put in my spirit to give to you; But what I give to you is also for me. I work hard at practicing what I preach, I do. I must also admit practicing is sometimes hard.

I struggled all day yesterday, I just didn't feel good. It took me all day to write that one blog, Appreciating The Right Now. For Real, it didn't get posted until like 4:15 or something. Yes, I felt accomplished that I had written it given how I was feeling, but you know the overachiever in me was not happy that I didn't at least get another Holiday Gift Suggestion out.

As time ticked, It took everything I had to get off my sofa with Sophie and pull myself together for this Social Media Event, Cadillac Rock I always say that I don't want AIDS to take away all the goodness from my life, so I Pulled my Diva together and made my way.

I understood that my pain level was at a 10, put staying home wasn't going to change my pain level. While on the one level, you must appreciate the goodness in the right now, on the other, you can't get stuck in the pain of the right now, especially those things you cannot change.

Let me tell you, I'm so glad I pressed my way. Yep! I'm equally as glad that I didn't allow my today-this day, affect my yesterday. The fact that I'm on my way to the hospital this morning to get a minor medical procedure would have stopped some people from going to the event missing the blessing of the right now.

The fact is this, getting this picc line today was not going to change, so why allow it to affect what was happening yesterday? We get so caught up anticipating the pain, that it takes on a life of it's on. There was no medical reason that I couldn't go, the only thing that would have stopped me was the sickness in my mind that holds you hostage and steals your joy. The Bible says, "As a man thinketh so is he." You must fight the demon in your head.

There is so much life past your pain, but first you must create space in your life for them both. If the pain is here to stay, you must not let it have all of you.

Dwana, One of the Organizers of Social Rev Up!

This event was a blast! You know many times bloggers get invited out by brands or to events sponsored by brands to hear about their products and it's the same ole bore.

The thing that I liked about the Social Rev Up-Cadillac Rock Event was the sharing of information. Connie didn't just talk about GM, she gave bloggers some sound advice to help us grow our blog. Also, I met so many new bloggers, had some great food, tons of laughs while learning all about GM advanced technology.

I didn't know the popularity of the Escalade. It's the truck to the stars. Who knew? Yes, I'm slow, I barely know the stars. I'm glad my BFF Luke keeps me somewhat informed. Everyone was making their way to the Escalade, after hearing all the facts, but I went straight to the Cadillac SRX. OMG this is one beautiful vehicle. What can I say other than, I know why my grandmother only drove a Cadillac. I can see her now, dressed to the nine's on Sunday morning on her way to church, sliding into her Caddie.

The thing is, while the body is undeniably fabulous, the technology is much more advanced than in my grandmother days. GM has come a long way. They are making vehicle's to compete in the 21st century. Not bad for a company that met its grave, dug itself out with zeal and are fighting for their life with that best of the best. Yeah Baby! Cadillac Rocks!!

Any who, I had sooooo much fun at Social Rev Up second event! There is something to be said for appreciating the right now. All that laugher, tweeting, good fun and food did wonders for my spirit. I even made this video... Got my words all jumbled up... but it was fun making it... I'm happy this morning as I make my way to the hospital.

Appreciating The Right Now Moment's Part One...

Post Script: Please Keep Me in Your Prayers As I Begin This Round of IV Medication! #IcannotdoitAlone

Appreciating The Right Now Moments!

noreply@blogger.com (Rae) — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 19:16:00 +0000

Have you ever had a period in time when you actually didn't know what you were feeling? I mean, on the one level the circumstance says you should be sad, but on the other, you want to beat the darkness so you try to fight it with a chipper you.

I'm neither of those right now. I guess I'm sort of numb having to face another round of IV medication.

You heard me right! Tomorrow I go to the hospital to get the picc line in my arm and on Wednesday I start IV medication yet again to treat herpes that is resistant to oral medication. This is round 13 in three years. You can read the back ground on this HERE.

In the scheme of it all, after the last 8 months of what seemed like hell on earth battling herpes, this 3 month reprieve was a God sent; Considering, over the summer I only had 1-2 weeks before I was back on IV. It seemed we couldn't stop this virus for nothing. But now, I've had a 3 month break and I'm truly grateful.

I've decided to not allow "it" to consume all of my emotions one way or the other all of the time. It is what it is and I cannot change a thing. I've been down this road many times and I cannot allow how I feel today effect my tomorrow. Today I'm neutral. I will accept it for what it is and face tomorrow when it comes. Often times we get so ahead of ourselves that we miss out on the right now.

Many times we allow what's to come affect the right now and miss the opportunity of the moment. We anticipate the pain, the hardship, the stress that a situation will bring and that anticipation allows no space for an unexpected other; And it also takes away from whatever goodness you might have at that moment.

If you are so caught up in the pain that will happen, you miss the joy and the peace that is happening in the moment. So I will not get ahead of myself. Yes, I have a lot of experience with this IV treatment and it is hard, very hard. Two times a day for two hours of aggressive medication with a host of crazy side effects, diarrhea, nausea and fatigue is no joke.

But at this moment, I'm sitting in my living room with Sophie, enjoying my Christmas Tree. I'm learning to appreciate the right now moments in my life.

As you go into this Holiday week. Stop worrying about what didn't happen: Who you won't see, What you won't get or give, What family member you miss because of death, and enjoy the right now of your life. I know it will be hard for some of us, but I will be right there with you, reminding myself every step of the way that there is goodness in the moments of the right now, tomorrow will unfold on tomorrow, so don't let the anticipation of tomorrow consume the goodness of today.

Last Minute Shopping!

noreply@blogger.com (Rae) — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 14:51:00 +0000

I have the answer to your last minute shopping. In the comfort of your home or office, you can shop RLT Collection! I have well over 300 bracelets to choose from. I have worked tirelessly creating the best designs with the highest quality gemstones. SHOP HERE! http://www.rltcolleciton.com

In addition to the ladies bracelets, there are bracelets for men and little girls. An RLT Collection purchase is a two-fold, win, win. It's one concrete way to support my work. RLT Collection helps to keep me a float and they also make wonderful gifts, this way we both win. The entire collection is 15% off until Christmas. The coupon code is Xmas2011 SHOP HERE!

RLT Collection also has AIDS Awareness Bookmarks, and for the tea lovers, fancy hand beaded Tea Balls to strain tea. Until December 24th, all orders placed before 3:00 P. M. CST will be shipped out the same day. All other orders will be shipped the following day. There are 3 ways to ship with RLT Collection.. UPS Ground, Two Day Air and US Priority mail. However if you want over night just email me and I will make it happen. SHOP HERE!

My Thanksgiving Adventure!

noreply@blogger.com (Rae) — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 17:51:00 +0000

The week of Thanksgiving I had two wonderful things happen, my BFF Markeeda came for Thanksgiving for the first time and I had the opportunity to test drive a Buick La Crosse for the entire week.

They both were a hoot. The Buick afforded me the chance to do some things with Markeeda that I wouldn't have been able to, like shopping Black Friday. Now this was my first time shopping Black Friday and it was a hoot. Shopping at 3 A.M. is surreal.

While spending time with Markeeda is always wonderful, I wasn't sure what to expect from the La Crosse since for the most part, I've been a foreign Luxury car driver. It's no secret that I gave up my Jaguar, now two years ago, so the chance to just even have a car I saw as a blessing.

I must admit, from the moment they pulled up with the car I was bright eye. At first glance I was impressed with the sleek body of this car. It was fit for a Diva! Black on black was perfect, especially since black is my favorite color. Sophie loved it too might I add!

Ok, so I'm not going to pretend that I know all these fancy things about cars cause I don't. I'm your stereotypical woman when it comes to that. But I gotta tell you I like this car! It reminded me of my Jaguar. The ride was smooth like a luxury car, but it had pick up when need be. It handled well in the rain, It didn't skid not one time. That was a blessing because my BMW would skid in a second.

Oh and I loved the XM radio and so did Markeeda, she just lit up when she saw it. We used the GPS on Black Friday to get us to Kohl's and it was very easy to program. Yes, I went to Kohl's and fell in love with the Vera Wang Collection. Well, honestly, that's the only department I visited while there.

The features that I loved the most on this La Crosse were the side view mirrors adjusting on their own when I was parking, the radar telling me I'm too close to another car when I'm parking and OMG that feature in the side view mirror telling me how close other cars are to me was the bomb.com. For me that blind spot is the worst thing about driving. Switching lanes in a blind spot is not cute.

I tweeted a lot about the car, you can follow my tweets on the hash tag #RLTDrives. I was delighted to learn that Buick even has a Customer Care Service on Twitter. Tweet them anytime and ask anything. I had a couple of people who said to me, that they love the car, but could not see paying the money for an American Car. They got a blank stare from outer space on that one.

So you think this car is the kind of quality you want in a car, but you prefer to help foreign economies rather than our own? Nothing wrong with helping foreign economies don't get me wrong, but gee.

I don't understand the logic. You asked American car companies to do better, they meet your request but yet you can't see supporting them? That seems to be fools logic to me.

Any who, I simply loved this Buick La Crosse! I only saw one area of improvement that was needed, the trunk was smaller than I liked. Other than that, this car is a winner! But don't take my word. If you are shopping for a car, check it out.

I know one thing, it certainty helped to make my Thanksgiving weekend an adventure and in style might I add!

RLT Reads: A Good Read!

noreply@blogger.com (Rae) — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 01:46:00 +0000

There is nothing like a good read. Book Lovers know this to be true! The only thing that matches the actual read is getting together with a group to discuss what you read.

Last Night RLT Reads Book Club held it's on-line discussion of Wench and it was wonderful! It's exciting hearing what others have to say about the same book that you have read. For me, it always stimulates me to expand my thinking on a particular topic.

The only thing that was missing were some of our old members. I know it's been a long time but my health is a lot better now and I really want us to grow and move full speed ahead.

Our next book is a favorite of mine that has been on the list since day one. Only Twice I've Wished For Heaven by Dawn Turner Trice. The story is set in 1975 in Chicago. I place it on my list of top books that I have ever read.

The most exciting thing is that the author has agreed to sit in on our on-line discussion. I'm giving you a tad more time to read Only Twice I've Wished For Heaven because of the holiday's and many of you will have to purchase it. So expect a mid January discussion date. I'm still waiting to confirm with the author. You can buy the book Here. I promise it will be worth every cent and worth the time to read. I hope that you will join us. #IcannotdoitAlone If you would like to join, please email me at rltreads@raelewisthornton.com If you are already a member and have not been receiving e-mails, sorry something went wrong so please re-send me your e-mail address.

Monday Reflection: Moving Toward 2012: Silence Your Worst Critic!

noreply@blogger.com (Rae) — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 17:38:00 +0000

Can you imagine the Angel of the Lord coming to you and predicting your future? Like #ForReal Telling you this thing is going to happen beyond anything you could have ever thought for yourself. I know I've said it often, if God had told me that my life would be what it is today, I would have told God to go sit down somewhere with that craziness. For Real! This is especially true when I made a transition to AIDS and there was no hope for a future.

Live past the 3 years most people with AIDS died? Nope, I couldn't see that for my future. Covers of magazines, an Emmy Award and a ministry that enriches lives? Nope, I wouldn't have thought it! "Why would God use me?" Is what I would have asked.

Come on, you can be honest, if an Angel sat in your living room you probably would have thought you were going mad. Well, so did Zechariah when the Angel visited him about the birth of his baby boy John the Baptist.

Can you imagine? Here Zechariah is old as dirt and the Angel tells him that he and his wife Elizabeth are going to have a child. Now at 90 years plus, Zechariah knew his penis was dead. I mean he's been looking at it for 90 plus years and he should know if his penis works better than anyone right? And even if there was Viagra, which there wasn't, what about his wife Elizabeth?

Come on, let's be for real, she couldn't have a baby when she was a young sweet thang in those child bearing years. And now she hasn't had a period in over 30 years, how the hell is a baby going to happen?

Zechariah asked the Angel of the Lord, "How can I be sure of this? I am an old man and my wife is well along years." But I'm sorry to say that Zechariah was his own worst enemy. God had sent a gift and he just put his big foot right into his mouth, just like many of us do.

Yep! Sometimes we are our own worst enemy. We speak negativity into a situation before it can even blossom. We doubt our abilities before we have even given them the chance. Sometimes we just need to shut it down and that's just what God did to Zechariah, he silenced him.

Yep during the time of Elizabeth's pregnancy Zechariah couldn't talk. The Angel said, "I am Gabriel. I stand in the presence of God... I have been sent to tell you this good news. And now you will not be able to speak until the day it happens because you did not believe wife my words." Luke 1:18-20

Now to be authentic to the story, there was at least one time that God gave Zechariah his voice, and you know, it was simply to say something positive and then he silenced him yet again until the birth and naming of John. Luke 1:67-75. It reminds me of the saying, "If you can't say something nice, then say nothing at all." But don't you know this saying can also apply to your own life?

Sometimes we are our worst critic and we do more emotional damage to ourselves than necessary . We internalize the negativity. Yep! We start thinking and before we know it, we've mumbled it to ourselves and even mumbled it to someone else, things like this: I couldn't possibly do that... There's, no way I can make that work... That's not enough money... That's not how it's typically done... I'm not good enough, even in relationships, How can you love someone like me, I don't deserve you, I'm not capable and so on.

We kill in our spirit all the reasons why that good thing that God has or wants to bless us with can happen.

The Bible says, "As a man thinketh so is he... And it also says, "Life and death is in the power of the tongue." Practice speaking goodness into your life... Start believing you can do that thing... Start thinking you're worthy... Don't be afraid of the gifts and talents that God has given you and you have taken the time to develop over the years.

Without Chance There is No Opportunity! Rev. Jesse Jackson taught me a valuable lesson during his bids for the president. He would always say, "If you don't run, you are guaranteed to lose." There is so much truth in this statement and I remember this in every venture I go into. You must be willing to take a chance. You cannot allow the past to hinder your future.

In order to take that chance you must silence your internal critic that says no! Most often it runs on autopilot because you lean on it like a crutch. Shut Sybil's Ass Down!!!

You see, your inner critic speaks from your past and selectively calls on those things that went wrong. From A to Z... Your inner critics thinks it's keeping you safe from future failures so you don't trip up.

In reality what it's doing is treating you worst off than if you had pursued that thing. It's like this, instead of actually keeping you safe, your inner critic makes you feel even more miserable and it stifles your growth by paralyzing you in fear and negativity. You cannot determine your future by your past. That's a set up waiting to happen.

Tomorrow is always another day with fresh possibilities!

This is what I want you to practice as a way to help silence your inner critic. When the inner critic says no you can't do that... Remember what happened the last time?

I want you to actually sit down and write out what happened the last time. Then I want you to make a list , one with the good and the one with the bad from this particular experience and I promise you that there will be a good in what you thought or actually was a bad.

There is always something you learn from every situation that will help you in the next situation. It does not even matter if there was only one good thing, or one lesson, every lesson is valuable. It's about how I can use yesterday's experience to help further tomorrow, rather than not have a tomorrow. God wants you to soar, and there is nothing from your past that says you can't.

Allow your inner voice to speak life into your future! Once and for all, put Sybil to rest as you move into 2012! Silence Your Worst Critic, YOU!

Post Script: Please visit the other post in this series

Click Here For: Action Not Avoidance

Click Here For: Reflect Don't Regret

RLT Collection! My Pick of the Week!

noreply@blogger.com (Rae) — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 17:26:00 +0000

Yes, I love every single bracelet that I design and it's hard coming up with a pick of the week. But I must admit I'm biased toward agates. It's amazing to me the different color of agates that nature produces.

When I saw these gemstones at the bead show I fell in love with them. I decided to make this design as simple as possible and let the gemstones speak for themselves.

I love the different shades of blue in these agates and how the browns shine through. If you didn't know, brown and blue goes well together. It even blends well in nature.

I just added a fireball to give these 10 mm agates a tad more glam; And yes, I plan on keeping one of these bracelets for myself.

Cruise Collection 2012! Shop Here!

You can pair this bracelet with the bracelet below made with a smaller 8 mm agate of a similar color, made with a freshwater pearl and a gold glass bead. But there are only two left.

Designed with a freshwater pearl and glass gold bead! Shop Here!

You can also add this fabulous faceted glass gold bracelet!

Cruise Collection! Shop Here!

See how well it stacks together?! I love these bracelets and I kept the price as moderate as possible. I want you to wear my bracelets, not for them to sit in the store forever!

Remember, all of RLT Collection is on sale for Christmas. 15% off the entire collection until Christmas Day! The coupon Code at check out is Xmas2011. All orders will be shipped with 48 hours of the order. We ship UPS Ground and USP Priority Mail. Shop Here! http://www.rltcollection.com