Romance Meets Life

For Men - How To Bring the Sexy Into Your Marriage

2013-05-25T07:16:00.000-07:00

This post was written in response to the guy whose wife is shy and reserved in the bedroom [see post], and a more specific version was sent back to him in reply. He enjoyed the comments on the previous post and wishes, like some others who commented on the post, that RML had more general posts on the issue of happy sex in marriage.

The fact is that while the Dear Myne email was from a husband, and the pointers in this post are written to a man who seeks to bring the sexy into his marriage, there are also women for whom it is vice versa. These women may have a higher libido than their husbands, or a man who is conservative about sex. While they too can pick some pointers from here, I hope to write a more specific post directed to women.

Now, when you're newly married, it may take some time, a few months and sometimes even up to a year to really relax around each other. While some couples are all over each during that honeymoon phase, some struggle, either one or both was a virgin, or have body image issues, or their libidos don't match, or their work life balance doesn't give them enough time.

Now a couple will on the right path if they love each other from the beginning, and have a good communication going. The man, or the partner who is ahead could try to lead by example on the things that matters more to him/her, and hopefully if they do it with love, the partner will be willing to work with them on the issue, and they can both continue to talk about it honestly and openly.

For the men or women who may be comparing their partners unfavorably to an ex who was a stud in bed, remember that you married your spouse for a reason. I'm sure you've heard about the 80/20 law about relationships. None of us is perfect and so most times, we each end up with people who no matter how good, have only 80% of what we need to satisfy us.

I believe that the partner who needs more sexy in the marriage can help their partner match up, maybe not up to the ex, but close. And cheating to get that sex or the 20% of whatever you feel is lacking in the marriage rarely fixes anything. It may work temporarily but in the long run, and looking at the big picture, it sours everything. Whether your partner finds out or not, it will eat you up from the inside out. I am of course talking to those who have a living conscience :)

I have one major question to men who feel their wife is conservative or does not do sexy stuff in bed. Does she enjoy sex? Does she have orgasms?

It's definitely something to think about. If a woman really enjoys sex, it is easy in that state to get her to do most things. We've all heard of 'pillow talk' or 'bottom power', these can go both ways and can include being free and sexy in bed.

So the following are practical steps any man in this situation can take to add to what they're already doing.

1. Buy your wife lingerie. Or take her specifically to buy some. Don't give her the money, don't wait outside the shop. Walk in there, touch the bras, panties, etc and let her see you enjoy their feel. Look into her eyes while you do that and you may see a different woman in bed that night.

2. What does your bedroom look like? I know it is usually the woman that decorates, but since the man is more sensual, he has to take charge. Have dimmable sidelamps, a comfortable bedspread, etc.

3. Seduce your wife. I know you want her to seduce you, and there's a way you can make it so. Most women take a longer time to warm up to being at the place where they can totally let go and fully get into sex. Learn to touch your wife always, send her flirty messages, tell her what you intend to do to her.

4. On weekends if you live without others in the house, remain only in your boxers or naked, and encourage her to be naked with you all day :)

5. If you've not done this before, do it. Devote an hour for sex, not for your orgasm, but just for your wife. I'm hoping that her pleasure is yours too, so you'll definitely be getting a lot of enjoyment too. Massage her all over. Kiss her all over. Give her oral or use your hands and fingers to pleasure her and if possible bring her to orgasm.

What do you have to add?

Would you date a guy who does not speak ‘good’ English?

2013-05-25T03:02:00.000-07:00

Most women dream of one day meeting a man they can fall in love with and who will love them back. In the dream, they end up married, he is the father of her children, and they spend the rest of their lives together.
In these dreams, the man is usually handsome with a good physique, well dressed, rich, educated, romantic and well mannered. But does this man also have to speak impeccable English?

I was chatting over lunch with some colleagues discussing the subject of relationships. In the course of our discussions, some ladies started listing the qualities they desired in the guys they would love to date. Some of them insisted that their guys must be tall, handsome and rich. Others wanted a God fearing and educated guy with good prospects. Still others wanted a prosperous guy with some romance in the mix.

Suddenly someone asked, ‘what if the guy is rich and can’t speak proper English?’

I was surprised at the reaction that question received. Some of the ladies immediately countered that they would rather date a poor guy with proper language skills than a rich bobo who shoots bullets from his mouth. A few others insisted that they did not mind the English, as long as the guy was loaded (with cash of course).
That got me thinking. Would I date a rich guy who had trouble with English language?

That was when I remembered Nnamdi.

Nnamdi was a good looking guy. I met him at a wedding in Lagos just after my youth service. He sat at a table across from me and kept smiling in my direction. I was irritated at first, and then I became intrigued. I was not surprised when he came over later to introduce himself.

We didn’t talk for long, just basically introduced ourselves and exchanged numbers so I didn’t get a chance to hear him say a lot.

He called me a few days later and we arranged to have dinner.

He picked me up in a very polished Honda Accord and even opened the door for me. Our date was getting off on a good start and I thought, okay, he ain’t bad at all. All through our drive to the restaurant, he barely said anything except an occasional giggle or grunt. I thought he was just being shy, so I let myself dream of how lucky I was to land a good looking guy, with good manners and cash on top of it. This was a fairy tale.
When we started having dinner, I insisted he told me about himself so he did. And that was when I heard him speak.

He made a sentence and I wondered ‘Did he just say that?’ I was going to give him the benefit of the doubt but when he kept slipping throughout dinner, I knew my dream was over. The dude couldn’t speak English!
Ok, I may have been too judgmental back then. I was young and adventurous and I just didn’t want any guy to embarrass me in front of my friends.

But how many ladies can claim that they will not mind a man who’s English is not up to scratch? I asked a few friends and colleagues if they would date a guy who was deficient in English language and I got some interesting responses:

Lola: I can’t be bothered jare. If he is attractive and God fearing, I don’t mind.

Mabel: No o. Didn’t he go to school? I can’t date him please.

Tutu: If he is rich, I will manage. Na English we go chop?

Nnenna: Even if he can’t speak English well, I won’t mind as long as he can speak Ibo. My children must be able to learn Ibo language.

Deola: I can’t date him. It would be too embarrassing to introduce him to my family and friends.

Mariam: As educated as I am, how do you expect me to date an uneducated man? Count me out.

Chichi: As long as we can communicate, I don’t mind.

Different strokes for different folks, won’t you say?

I agree it is important to be articulate. But does it really make a man less attractive just because he can’t speak good English?

What do you think? If you have been in this situation before or you have an opinion, please drop a line in the comments box.

___________

My life is one of the most convoluted lives I know. But somehow, I have refused to give up. I know there’s more behind my life. I was created for a reason and definitely, I am going to fulfill my destiny! You can visit me at Seyi’s Blog

A Typical Nigerian Woman on Divorce - Never!

2013-05-25T01:03:00.000-07:00

The question is when should a woman divorce her husband? According to most of the respondents, both married and unmarried, in the video, the possibility of divorce is a big fat never! Was anyone really surprised? But I don't want to overlook about 2 or 3 of the women who accepted divorce as an option to move on from an unhealthy marriage where they've found themselves victims of abusive or philandering husbands.

Maybe I should set up a poll to see if the people who read this blog are that different from the Battabox respondents. One lady got me laughing, I hope she's joking about using rat poison on a husband with whom her relationship has ended, lol...

Well, in my opinion, divorce is an option, but should be the final one when every other one has been tried. For the christians, the bible justifies divorce on the grounds of adultery, and for those who are more practical and worry about their children, understand that an unhealthy marriage hurts the children too. Need I say that if we're talking about physical abuse, your life and that of your children may be at risk?

For those who believe the title of Mrs is sacrosanct and will remain separated for life, I wish them luck.

See my previous articles on divorce;

Can we please accept that Divorce is an Option?

Call it Divorce or Separation - Just Save your Life

Date Idea - Taruwa Festival of Performing Arts

2013-05-25T00:06:00.000-07:00

This June, in addition to its monthly gatherings, Taruwa introduces a festival, Taruwa Festival of Performing Arts in Nigeria designed as a 3day cocktail of rich events. TAF is an annual event kicking off this year on Thursday June 6 and ending on Saturday, June 8, 2013, to paint Lagos all shades of art through music, poetry, theatre, dance, fashion and screening of short films, all holding at TerraKulture, Victoria Island, Lagos

EVENT DETAILS
Event: Taruwa Festival of Performing Arts in Nigeria [TAF]
Date: Thursday, 6th June – Saturday, 8th June, 2013
Venue: TerraKulture, Tiamiyu Savage, Victoria Island, Lagos
Ticket Locations
- Early Bird tickets are on sale for one week, starting tomorrow Tuesday, May 21, 2013 and can be purchased on www.dealdey.com
- Normal Priced tickets will go on sale nextweek, from May 27, 2013 on www.konga.com, www.jumia.com.ng and at TerraKulture, Tiamiyu Savage, Victoria island, Lagos

The festival makes a grand opening on Thursday, June 6 with the adaptation of Bobo Omotayo's bestselling book LONDON LIFE LAGOS LIVING live on stage with a stellar cast; this 2-hour show also opens with a musical performance and the one-woman play CHRONICLES OF A HEROINE by Ijeoma Grace Agu.

The second day of the festival, Friday, June 7 gets even more interesting, as it kicks off with a Children’s show in the morning, after which a screening of short films and Open Mic Theatre will hold, seeing the day round off with a Mega Concert featuring carefully selected acts to thrill the audience with the finest performances in music, spoken word, dance and a dash of fashion.

On Saturday, June 8, 2013, the festival will come to a grand close with The ANKARA BALL, a glamorous Ankara-themed night of music, dinner and dance.

Though its first outing, the passionate team at TAF plans for the festival to be the largest and most consistent performing arts festival in Nigeria, attracting visitors from all over the world, and making it a festival of National importance, highly valued as a catalyst for cultural and community development.

For full information, www.taruwafestival.org

Magazine Covers - Joselyn Dumas on New African Woman

2013-05-24T21:02:00.000-07:00

Joselyn Dumas, Ghanain actress and TV Host covers one of the three issues (UK version) of the upcoming June/July edition of The New African Woman. She's looking fierce!

Cover Credits:
Photographer: Dami Oyetade (www.damioyetade.com)
Fashion Stylist: Viennty

Dear Myne - I Find it Difficult Making Emotional Attachments

2013-05-24T20:03:00.000-07:00

I am an avid reader of your blog and find responses by readers quite insightful, maybe they can help with my dilemmas. Its in plural because they are more than one.

First is, I find it difficult to continue be emotionally engaged with people. I am not talking of sentimental love, but emotional engagement. Maybe I should clarify, people regard me as loving, nice and warm and they want to come near, but after awhile I feel drained. Even in a relationship, I get tired easily and just want to be alone. I have had 2 serious relationships and I can say they ended due to self-sabotage.

After a while, I just want out, no matter how much I care about the person initially. I don’t think it is an age thing; I am presently 27 years of age.

Due to this, my relationships have been with close friends who sometimes are regarded as ‘not in your class’ by family and friends. And the question I ask is; what is this ‘my class thing’? I do not date low-lifes or abusers or miscreants. Just normal young men starting or building a career, maybe there is a certain expectation from family that I should be dating someone high-profile. This affect and upset me because;

1. The first issue of emotional disengagement
2. When I feel connection to people, I just want to pursue that, to find maybe I can learn to love in a permanent way.

Myne, am not demanding of gifts or attention. My exes are both still very good friends; the one question they ask me is; do you ever want to get married? The answer is yes of course..But, I guess my heart is protected by some gamma rays and laser beams.

Am an Orphan but I have a close knitted family with my siblings, so this is not the issue. No record of child abuse or molestation. I just feel this large hole within me and am trying to fill it. Oh! Am a committed Christian, so it is not about a needing Jesus thing. Maybe some emotional engagement with someone. Is this normal, does anyone ever felt this way?

Couple Love - Jim Iyke and Nadia Buari declare Love on Twitter

2013-05-24T11:11:00.000-07:00

Jim Iyke and Nadia Buari tweeted about their relationship status, with Jim saying, "Love is a f***king beautiful thang!" Nadia was more sedate and philosophical, "There comes a point in ur life wen u realise who really matters, who never did and who always will."

I wish they remain BFF forever.

Creative Ways To Thank Your Bridal Party

2013-05-24T02:05:00.000-07:00

By Fikayo Giwa,

One of the things that make a wedding day the most fun for a young couple is their friends and bridal party. It is so important to have really good friends on your train; people you can really have fun with, as this will make all the difference once the DJ starts playing. Besides that, they will be on hand for you all day making sure you are happy, comfortable and well taken care of.

For some cultural weddings, where money is involved, they often stand around for hours collecting monetary gifts on the couple’s behalf. These special people definitely deserve some kind of thank you. There are so many ways to say thank you and here are just a few ideas.

A ‘Thank You’ party after the Honeymoon

Weather permitting this could be a barbeque at the newlyweds home, where the bridal party and friends gather to have a good time and relive wedding memories.

Jewellery

For women especially, nothing says thank you like Jewellery. From a simple silver necklace or bracelet to Tiffany & Co if your budget allows.

Smellies

Women love things that smell nice. So anything from smelling baths salts and creams to pretty sets of scented candles and pot pouri.

Experience days

Although more expensive, this can be great and personal to each person e.g. if you know one of your groomsmen likes fast cars, a few laps in a sports car would be great. If you know one you’re your bridesmaids is an adrenalin junkie, why not pay for them to do a bungee jump. The key is to think about what each person enjoys doing.

Video Messages

For the newlyweds that like more homemade/DIY gift ideas, why not record a video clip for each member of your train where you speak directly to them thanking them. Make it fun, personal, emotional, themed, silly…its completely up to you.

Those are just a few of our ideas, do you have any suggestions for creative ‘Thank Yous’ for your bridal party.

______________

Fikayo Giwa is the founder and Creative Director of the Simply Kayo brand, a boutique special events company specialising in creating luxury events for the discerning client. Fikayo is passionate about planning weddings, events and bringing together quality suppliers to pull off a seamless event. She loves making her clients’ dream events come true.

What Not to Do On A First Date

2013-05-24T00:23:00.000-07:00

When singles decide to go out on a first date together after being introduced, or meeting online, they usually have a lot of questions. Not just for each other, but about what might be expected of them. How should they dress, should they offer to split the bill, for the ladies, or should they ask the lady to split, for the guys. Also are issues about what to talk about, be fashionably late, etc. And then there's the elephant in the room, go for sex on the first date or not?

HowAboutWe dating website conducted a survey of singles on their site and reported on the “Top 10 Worst First Date No-Nos,” as;

1. Having your phone out or texting
2. First date sex
3. Talking about your ex
4. Being late (more than 15 minutes)
5. Being rude (to a server)
6. Drinking too much
7. Splitting the bill or letting the woman pay
8. Work talk
9. Mother talk
10. Talking about marriage

A few others from the report were:
- Bad breath
- Not tipping well
- Talking about yourself too much
- Being “fake” or not being yourself
- Smoking

What else will you add to the list?

Throwback Thursday - President Obama's Prom Pictures

2013-05-23T23:32:00.000-07:00

When we take pictures, we never imagine where they could end up, or where WE would end up. In 1979 I can almost swear that Barack Obama did not know he would be president one day. Well, he is, and the first black president of the United States also. So for #tbt today, I present for your viewing pleasure, the prom pictures the president took with his friends back at the end of their high school. He also writes on the year book of one of them, calling her "foxy", lol. How times change :)

Read the article and more pictures on Time Magazine.

Magazine Covers I'm Liking - Cossy Orjiakor on Chizy's Spyware

2013-05-23T11:16:00.001-07:00

I went to secondary school with Cossy Orjiakor, and I remember when we had our school group on Facebook and there was a long thread about her career choice with people taking sides and all. Well, let's just say that like maybe some other people in the public eye, she is much more than most people assume.

And Chizy is a fellow blogger [see her wedding pictures] who it seems is going into publishing. All the best, dear. This is a great first cover.

Concerning her prim and proper style on the cover, Cossy said, “I embrace every aspect of me, as a business woman I look good in corporates and during work hours I am always well dressed with my boobs covered up. When it is time to play I love bustiers, they always look cute, sexy and do wonders to my cleavage."

Six things you didn't know about Cossy;

1. Your worst habit is …
I am lazy when it comes to working out, I rarely go to the gym

2. I would rather live on the street than …
Live with a battering man

3. Heart break to me means …
Not achieving all my goals within the time limit I set

4. It is sexy when I see a guy …
With well-toned arms, abs and a cute face

5. I feel sexiest dressed in…?
Bustiers. We plan to introduce PlayGirl bustiers

6. The most expensive clothing I ever bought is …
A bustier which I wore during my birthday last year. My father bought it on a trip to London, so it may just be the exchange rate that made it cost as much.

For more, visit the new Chizy Spyware – www.chizys-spyware.com

20 Topics To Discuss In Preparing For Marriage

2013-05-23T11:05:00.000-07:00

By Melissa Diem,

Getting married is a big deal, that is why it is important to follow this list of things to discuss before marriage. Covering these topics will ensure that you and your future husband have an understanding of what each of you want for the future. This list covers everything from children to money to who’s doing the dishes Friday night.

1. CHILDREN: It is natural to think about children as you are planning a wedding. Marriage means starting a family, even if “Family” for you doesn’t include having kids. Before you get married you need to discuss if you will have children, how many kids you want, will you adopt, and when you will start growing your family if you are having children. Don’t go into your marriage thinking that you can change each other’s mind. It’s not fair to expect a man to father children he doesn’t want or to deny him children. If this is the case you would both be happier with someone else.

2. MONEY: Life cost money. There is no denying that, which is why money is one thing to discuss before marriage. It’s important that both of you have an understanding on how to handle money. You also need to decide if you will keep separate bank accounts or join together. You should also discuss who is going to pay the bills and how much money you will save each month?

3. FAMILY: Have you met his family yet? Do you like them? Now is the time to figure out how you will handle your families and where you will lay boundaries. It’s insane to enter a marriage and think that his parents or your parents aren’t going to try to interfere at some point.

4. GOALS: Does he know what your future goals are? Do you know his? If you are career minded and plan to put all you have into work for the next 5 years so you can get a certain promotion or make a certain amount of money he needs to know this. You also need to know how his goals of quitting his current job to become a wedding singer are going to affect your life.

5. WHERE ARE YOU LIVING? What’s the plan after you get married? Maybe you already live together and that takes out some of need to discuss before marriage, but you may still want to know how long do you plan to stay in your current home or if you need to start saving up to buy a house in the near future.

6. VACATIONS: Do you know where your future husband wants to vacation? This maybe something that won't happen right away, but it's still fun to dream about fabulous vacations you can take together.

7. RELIGION: Believe it or not but religion is a very important thing to discuss before marriage. Chances are if you guys come from different religious backgrounds the topic has come up more than once. Figure out before you get married how you will celebrate religious holidays and handle any religious differences.

8. PAST RELATIONSHIPS: Here is one thing to discuss before marriage that might make you a little uncomfortable. Unfortunately it needs to be done. It's better to put it all out there beforehand instead of it coming to light after the big day.

9. SECRETS: Secrets are another thing to let go of. If you think there might be a Unclad picture of you floating around out there from an ex-boyfriend or a job you held that you aren’t so proud of, tell him. It’s always best to come clean than to live worrying about it slipping out. How horrible would it be for your husband to find out at a party with all his friends that you use to dress as a clown at little kids’ birthday parties?

10. FAITHFULNESS: You would think that taking a vow to love one another unconditionally would sum up each other ideas on faithfulness, but that isn’t always the case. Some people really do believe that if you are different area codes it’s okay to mess around. Know for sure you are on the same page when it comes to faithfulness before taking the walk down the aisle.

11. VALUES: Everyone has their own set of values. While most values don’t differ too much one thing to discuss before marriage is what values are most important to each of you. Then you can decide what values you will share as a family.

12. SHOWING LOVE: We all receive love differently. Some people feel more loved when you give them a compliment or constantly reassure them of your love. Others see love as action. Find out what things you can do for each other to show you love one another.

13. CHORES: Didn’t think chores were a thing to discuss before marriage? Trust me it’s a talk you absolutely want to have. You need to be clear on what your expectations are on keeping the house clean. Decide who is responsible for what chores now, so everyone knows who is at fault when the trash hasn’t been taken out and the toilet is filthy.

14. BUDGET: It’s not enough to just discuss your finances. You also need to work out a budget together. This budget should cover all your bills, create a plan to pay off any debt, and save for the future. A good budget will clearly state how much money is left over each month to spend on personal items.

15. QUALITY TIME: Another thing to consider discussing before marriage is how you will spend quality time together. Don’t forget to plan date nights and special ways to appreciate each other.

16. PARENTING: If you have decided to have children you also need to discuss how you will parent. There are many different parenting styles. Some parents are stricter while other parents let things slide. There isn’t a right or wrong it’s just an important thing to know before marriage

17. HOW TO FIGHT: Do you know how to fight fair? Discuss before marriage how you can approach problems without getting ugly. Also figure out what topics are hot buttons that should be avoided in order to fight fair

18. FORGIVENESS: How will you forgive each other after an argument? Do you know what acts he considers unforgivable or may make it extremely hard for him to forgive you wholeheartedly? Find out these sort of things now.

19. TRUST: Can you trust each other? Are there certain things that he doesn’t trust you with right now? How can you get that trust back? Discuss before marriage any trust issues you have with each other.

20.JEALOUSY:Jealousy can be a huge downfall in any relationship. If you are a jealous person let him know that. Tell him the things that make you jealous and how he can avoid those things are help you get through them.

As you can see there are many things to discuss before marriage. Don’t let these topics scar you off about getting married. It’s just important that you and your future husband have a full understanding of one another.

What are some other important things to discuss before marriage?

________
First published on allwomenstalk

9 Steps To Empowering Yourself As A Woman

2013-05-23T06:04:00.000-07:00

For most of us women, we have to struggle to discover ourselves and who we are in our personal circles and in society as a whole. Some books want us to act like ladies while thinking like men, others want us to be B*tches in order to get ahead. But at the end of the day, we are women and we just want to be ourselves. No shoes are as comfortable as the ones we choose for ourselves.

But we also realize that the odds are stacked against us. The road we have to walk has already been laid before us, and it is booby-trapped with landmines. We are sometimes brought up to be seen and not heard, to walk two steps behind our fathers and brothers, and even as adults those habits refuse to die, even as we begin to confront sexism and discrimination in the school, workplace and sometimes among friends and in our relationships and homes.

So for someone who wants to be a better woman and make the world an easier, more friendly place for yourself and other women, what are you to do? You simply need to build on your own self esteem, refuse to be jerked around by other women and men ahead of you, and instead of transferring the aggression to the women around or behind you, you empower yourself.

WikiHow lists some new habits and things you can do to help build your self esteem as a strong woman.

1. Identify your femaleness.
Find that part of you that makes you a special female specifically. Do you have pretty eyes? A lyrical voice? Flowing hair? Find something that you can look at your feminine side and say now that is something woman about me. It doesn't have to be an appearance characteristic, but definitely something men just can't pull off like you do.

2. Find a strong woman you believe in.
Emulate her. Look to Audrey Hepburn, Mother Teresa, Hillary Clinton, your mother, your best friend's big sister, anyone! Find a woman you appreciate. Next time you need to be strong think to yourself, "What would (insert name) do?"

3. Cut out all the drama.
It can be hard but confident strong women don't appreciate gossip and over the top emotional situations. You can be a tender, emotional, easily moved woman. That does not mean you need to talk about other people's business. When gossip comes up in conversation think classy and don't contribute.

4. Start talking to people and be proud of what you have to say.
Confidence is key. It can be very difficult when you are a reserved woman, but speaking up changes everything. Make conversation with strangers (in an appropriate, non-threatening manner) and stay involved in current events and newsworthy topics to help make wise up-to-date chit chat. When speaking to those you already know speak more than you usually do, but give people a chance to speak about themselves as well. (No one likes to do anything more than talk about themselves and taking that away is dangerous.) Remember to be proud, patient, pensive when speaking. You don't want to come off as cheeky or boastful so thoroughly thinking through your statements can be helpful.

5. Kiss the past goodbye.
If you're doing an internal make over than wiping your past clean can be a great mental break. Take a step back and think to yourself, "I woke up this morning a powerful female. I'm staying that way no matter what comes my way, and anything I did yesterday can just melt away. I'm not doing that again." And if your past ever does come back to bite you, supply an apology from a place of both humility and strength. If you feel the need to let these people know you're moving on tell them so. They may not agree and the band-aid formed may not hold, but you will be happier internally if you stay strong, don't lash out, and keep your cool.

6. Keep your convictions.
Don't run from fights. Wanting to avoid conflict is a natural reaction to any issue, but fleeing from it doesn't always help. Speak what's on your mind in a civil manner, even if you're opponent is not being as lady-like. Tell them why you believe you are correct, justify that statement, and give them an opportunity to speak openly. If you discover you are correct and they lay down walk away empowered, but be gracious about your victory. If you discover you were wrong in your beliefs politely explain what you were wrong about, apologize if necessary, and walk away guilt free. (Over apologizing can be painful, so be calm and remain strong.) If you come to a dead tie that remains unresolved: drop it. If it's brought back up, handle it. But don't go searching for an issue.

7. Admit your flaws. Be open and content with things you are not good at, laugh about photos of yourself you find unflattering, and smile about positions you did not achieve/ contests you did not win etc. Be content not being perfect. Women who try to be exempt from flaws crumble faster than those with too many to count.

8. Be happy having enemies.
From a young age everyone must learn that some people just won't like you. Once you know you are disliked by someone (whether it was provoked or not) understand that and know they aren't worth your time. Don't force a friendship to happen, it will do more harm than good.

9. Handle insults and compliments with grace.
Take every comment made about you as lightly as possible. Appreciate flattering statements with a simple un-exaggerated "thank you" and ignore not so flattering comments.

There may be a Nigerian Connection in the Woolwich Attack

2013-05-23T04:02:00.000-07:00

I was shocked when I checked my feeds yesterday and saw this news of a couple of men attacking a lone soldier on the streets of London and hacking him to death with knives and meat cleavers. It was just so horrifying that I kind of tuned out. There has just been so much bad news in the past few weeks, both far and nearer to home.

So, I didn't think too much about it, but then I spoke to people who had seen the video of the suspect talking, and they thought there could be a Nigerian accent in there somewhere. To say I was shocked would be an understatement. But I guess I shouldn't be?

Boko Haram is right there in Nigeria dealing with the government and killing innocent civilians as collateral damage day in, day out. Even before Boko Haram became headline news, Abdulmutallab had shown that Nigerians can be radicalized and be willing to die for what they feel strongly about, as unreasonable and far-fetched as those reasons are to the rest of us.

Well, more and more sources are claiming a possible Nigerian link to the recent Woolwich attack. According to the Dailymail, "Experts believe the pair were using Muslim names and could be of Somali or Nigerian heritage." They went on to quote a Newsnight correspondent named Richard Watson who said:

‘I received a very interesting phone call from a source who knows the British jihadi scene very well and [he] said that one of the attackers was Nigerian in origin, has been living in the UK for many years, [and] was radicalised by the Islamist group Al Muhajiroun [a banned extremist group] in 2003. ‘He suggested to me that just last year this young man was stopped or arrested ... on his way to join Al Shabaab in Somalia.’

At this point, what can we say? Even if it turns out that the attackers were Nigerian, we'll still ride it out.

And, whether Nigerian or not, the poor soldier, an innocent man, is dead. May his soul rest in peace.

Kate Middleton in Yellow at the Buckingham Palace Garden Party

2013-05-23T03:01:00.000-07:00

The Buckingham Palace garden party is where the Queen hosts tea for 8,000 members of the public in the gardens of her London residence. The pregnant duchess looker very summery in yellow as she counts down the weeks to her due date. Kate Middleton was also photographed with her father-in-law, Prince Charles and Camilla. It would have been nice to see her with William, but... they say work calls.

See more pictures below...

Couple Love - Ashton Kutchner and Mila Kunis

2013-05-23T00:03:00.000-07:00

Ashton Kutchner and Mila Kunis have been dating now for over a year and reports say they've met her parents. They do look good together but I have to confess that my fingers are still crossed. Good luck to them.

Brad Pitt Says Fatherhood Has Made Him a Happier and Better Man

2013-05-22T23:04:00.000-07:00

I may not think Brad Pitt's cute like many women do, but I think he's a good actor and I have enjoyed several of his movies. Angelina Jolie, his fiance - I don't know why but I think of her as his wife in my head, lol - was in the news last week after she opened up about removing both her breasts to reduce her chances of getting cancer. This time, Brad is in the news after he covers the upcoming issue of Esquire.

In the interview he grants the magazine, Brad Pitt admits that he's a little bit of a loner and has some trouble when it comes to forming friendships. He tells Esquire,

"I have very few friends, I have a handful of close friends and I have my family and I haven't known life to be any happier. I'm making things. I just haven't known life to be any happier."

He also enthused about the big family he has with Angelina Jolie, and how he thrives in the noise their six children, biological and adopted, make.

"I always thought that if I wanted to do a family, I wanted to do it big. I wanted there to be chaos in the house, there's constant chatter in our house, whether it's giggling or screaming or crying or banging. I love it. I love it. I love it. "I hate it when they're gone. I hate it. Maybe it's nice to be in a hotel room for a day –- 'Oh, nice, I can finally read a paper.' But then, by the next day, I miss that cacophony, all that life."

Brad Pitt admitted that in the past, before he got with Angelina Jolie and started building his family, he was his own worst enemy. Not only did he dabble in drugs, but he let his dreams and goals drift away from him.

"I'd get so far and then want to do something else. I mean, I'm two credits short of graduating college. Two credits. All I had to do was write a paper. What kind of guy is that?" he asks. "That guy scares me –- the guy who always leaves a little on his plate."

He adds that being a father has made him a happier and more fullfilled man as he has learnt to take charge of his life and be more goal oriented.

"For a long time I thought I did too much damage -– drug damage. I was a bit of a drifter. A guy who felt he grew up in something of a vacuum and wanted to see things, wanted to be inspired. I followed that other thing. I spent years f**king off. But then I got burnt out and felt that I was wasting my opportunity. It was a conscious change. This was about a decade ago. It was an epiphany -– a decision not to squander my opportunities. It was a feeling of get up. Because otherwise, what’s the point?"

What's the point indeed? Interesting interview, and food for thought.

Dear Myne - How Do I Teach My Wife How To Be Seductive?

2013-05-22T15:00:00.000-07:00

I am married less than a year, and have a challenge. I would like to hear your opinion on it. I had been dating for about 2years prior to marriage, although bulk of it was long distance, we still found time to visit each other though and spend weeks / weekends together. During the course of her being away, I met another lady who for want of a better word, had a magnetic sex appeal. We hit it off immediately and although the relationship was short-lived, it was full of raw, animal passion and we could not get our hands off each other.

It ended because I felt guilty about cheating on my wife, fiancee back then, and let the new lady know.

Fast forward to my fiance getting back and us eventually getting married sometime last year. We were not celibate and had a few botched sexual encounters before we got married. I chalked it up to pressures of planning a wedding and all, but I realized my fling had opened my eyes a bit more and I began to yearn for more than my wife could offer in certain departments.

She is very beautiful, godly and a good cook as well as from a good home. Since marriage, we have had some level of good intimacy, however she is much more reserved and shy than I am. I never had issues with this until my fling which made me meet someone with a wild side like me and I realized I truly desire this in my marriage.

For example, my wife does not particularly like receiving or giving oral sex, but will give if asked. I on the other hand, love it a lot and hate having to ask for it as it makes me feel the person is only doing it to make me happy, which automatically takes away the pleasure from the act, hence the desired aim is not achieved. She also does not apply "feminine wiles" to seduce me or anything of the sort. Can you believe that up till date she does not posses a single sexy lingerie and always sleeps in pyjamas!

I love dancing a lot. She is okay with it but also not really her cup of tea. She rarely goes clubbing with me though I want her to, and when we do go out, I still feel like I am taking her out of her comfort zone, and it makes me sad and uncomfortable. The other lady loved my body and was always open to trying new things, daring stuff, loved going down on me (and vice versa), and was a very good and sexual dancer. We had a lot of good times packed into the few months we were together.

Now you would be wondering, why did I go ahead to marry my wife then, and not the other woman? Truth is, I really love my wife and value all her other homely qualities.

I think part of our problem is that she had a very strong Christian background growing up. I am a Christian too but more relaxed and believe in enjoying sex. To be fair to my wife, she has tried to adapt to me and I am happy for it. I have heavily influenced her dressing and make up, and when I see her with some of her old school friends, I know there has been some level of change.

Two days ago a text from the blues came from my ex saying she remembered some of the sexy good times we had, dancing, strip tease, and all that. My wife on the other hand, does not think of such things and whenever I try to stylishly suggest stuff, it comes across like I am comparing her with "wild girls" outside and wanting her to be like them. I know there is more to marriage than the physical, but I admit it does play an important role for me.

I do not want to hurt her or cheat on her. It is hard not to feel like I am missing out on something and sometimes stupid thoughts come up that I may have made a mistake, and I try to fight them. Since I ended things with that ex I have never met her so as not to get tempted to go down that route. And I promise myself I won't regardless of the text.

But I do not know how to improve things at home as I truly desire some passion in my marriage. This is eating me up. She says I should give her time that she will learn, and I should lead, that I should understand she did not date many guys before me and does not have all that experience. I am trying on both counts, but I fear I am not patient enough, and do not know how else to lead her.

Also I do not see the enthusiastic disposition when it comes to learning these physical subjects, compared to her disposition to for instance, try new cuisines and whip up cool new food (she is amazing in that and truly enjoys it). When I try to go down on her for example, she stops me because she does not particularly fancy it. How can I then even expect it of her if she does not want it from me?

If we could find ways to fix these, I would have a near perfect marriage. When I was much younger I used to wonder why a man with a beautiful wife would cheat with not so beautiful women, however I am beginning to understand it now, although I do not necessarily condone it.

How do I teach my wife to be a woman, teach her how to handle a man where sex is concerned, her husband for that matter?

How To Create A Wedding Guest List That Works For You

2013-05-22T14:00:00.000-07:00

By Fikayo Giwa,

We’ve all heard about the nightmare a friend or family member has had with their wedding guest list. Be it the hours spent formulating the list or the drama finding guests’ seats at the reception. We’ve all heard these scary stories; so here are a few things to consider in order to make sure they don’t happen to you.

Will you be having kids at your wedding? If the answer is no then it is important to let guests with kids know quite quickly so they can make alternative arrangements for them on that day. There’s no need to worry or panic over this. The concept of a ‘no kids wedding’ is not all that new anymore and as long as sufficient notice (and an explanation if you feel it necessary) is given then most guests will understand.

Are there any family feuds you need to be aware of? Are there any disagreements that will require some ‘creativity’ when designing your seating plan? Speak with your fiancé and both sets of parents to make sure you have as much information as possible.

Note down the key people that you want to have there on the day and whose presence you would actually miss.

You don’t want to offend anyone but at the same time you don’t want to go over budget simply inviting people that you feel obliged to invite. Try and find a balance. Remember more guests means more money spent.

When designing your seating plan consider that people who know each other would like to sit together. This may not always be possible but having one other person on a table that you know is always nice.

Remain open to last minute changes; those people you’ve been counting on telling you they can no longer make it, well it gives you the chance to invite some other people that you were not previously able to.

If you have designed a seating plan and your wedding is by invitation only, do make sure you have a spare table or two for uninvited guests at the back. This is ultimately easier than the awkward situation of an invited guest bringing an uninvited guest and them having nowhere to sit. On your day you won’t want this kind of scenario so a few extra seats won’t hurt.

Finally, the key thing to remember is that this is your day; it should be a joyful occasion and when you look around you want to see genuinely happy faces of loved ones and well-wishers. Bear this in mind when creating your guest list. We hope these tips prevent you from having any guest list disasters and more importantly have a beautiful day with those you love.

_____________

Fikayo Giwa is the founder and Creative Director of the Simply Kayo brand, a boutique special events company specialising in creating luxury events for the discerning client. Fikayo is passionate about planning weddings, events and bringing together quality suppliers to pull off a seamless event. She loves making her clients’ dream events come true.

Shakara Ologe Ni - A Funny Short Story

2013-05-22T13:00:00.000-07:00

By Tofarati,

As Sharon walked into the lobby of the lecture theatre, arrogance oozed out of every pore of her being as if she had dipped herself in a pool of it before coming to school. She didn’t bother to greet any of her colleagues who stood chatting in different groups around the room. She brought out her phone (a Blackberry Torch1) and began to dial nosily.

After a while, she put it to her ear and spoke, “Oh Dad, I’m missing you here in Nigeria. I wish I could have come with you to France, Spain and Italy…oh daddy it’s too hot and boring down here.” She spoke with an exaggerated accent that seemed as out of place as a Saheed Osupa cd playing at a youth club in Victoria Island.

Even though she hadn’t really dialed anybody, Sharon spoke loudly for over fifteen minutes. After she was done, she hissed, “What’s wrong with this professor sef…we have an 8’0clock lecture and he isn’t here by 8:45, rubbish,”

She was dressed in a yellow mono strapped chiffon dress (which she bought from Yaba 2nd hand market) but wore like she bought it from Oxford street in London. The dress brought out her highly endowed curves in the right places, and she stood tall in her red high heel shoes. She knew that she was the centre of attraction, and she stood on her own like an island waiting for the lecturer, as all stares revolved around her.

On past occasions, some of the girls in her class had tried to make friends with her, but she had shunned and disgraced them publicly which taught them a lifelong lesson: to keep away from her at all costs.

Emmanuel, the tallest and most troublesome guy in the class who was standing at the extreme right corner of the lobby with his friend, Nonso, remarked, “I no know wetin dey worry this babe sef, she too dey form levels whereas she be nothing. No be ordinary aristo she be?”

“Well, it’s not her fault. You can see her father is rich, that’s why. She’s a spoilt brat. At least you heard her conversation with her dad just now. Have you ever travelled out of the country? Has anybody in your family ever travelled out of the country before? So, make we just dey endure am,” Nonso responded.

“Well, she’s still a woman and can always fall under my seductive charm. In fact, I’m going to make a move on her now,” he said and began to “bounce” towards her. He licked his lips repeatedly as he played around with the chewing gum in his mouth. “Hey lady,” he said.

At first, it was like Sharon didn’t hear him. She didn’t even give any sign to indicate that she was aware someone was standing close by.

Not relenting, Emma moved closer and placed a hand on her shoulder (the bare part). It was as if a piece of hot coal had been dropped on her flesh.

“What the f**k is wrong with you?” she screamed as she landed a fleshy slap on his cheeks. “You have the effrontery to touch my precious skin,” she said as another fat slap connected to his other cheek.

“Do you think I’m in your level…you riffraff? You must be silly,” she ranted at the top of her voice. “That’s how you go about raping ladies..abi. I’ll show you hell in this campus. Don’t you know who my father is?” she brought out her phone and attempted to dial.

Emmanuel began to beg frantically with fear in his eyes. “Please I beg you. My parents will have double heart attacks if I’m arrested,” he pleaded; but she didn’t listen, rather she continued dialing on her phone.

Just then, a very unkempt looking old woman, dressed in what could, at best, be described as rags, wobbled towards them.

“Safura, why didn’t you come home over the weekend as usual to help me with selling boli. After, you will come with that your bent mouth for money for Bi textbook; Io textbook; and gy textbook abi?” the woman said, facing Sharon.

Sharon looked at the woman with derision. “Are you crazy? No, tell me, are you out of your mind? I don’t know you. You had better leave me alone right now,” she said as she attempted to move into the main lecture theatre.

The woman raised her voice, “I hope you are not mad Safura; or have you started smoking igbo (weed),” the woman raised her voice, and this attracted the attention of more students.

“Oh I see, you people want to kidnap me abi,” Sharon cried looking from the woman to Emmanuel. “I’ll call the police, the soldiers, NSDCDC, My Oga at the top…anybody and everybody. If you know what’s good for you, you had better leave me alone jeje before I call my parents,” she threatened.

“Who are the parents you want to call? Please help me, my daughter is going mad. Your father is drunk on sepe and paraga as usual at the market square, and I, your mother, am right here before you.” The old woman said.

“No,” Sharon shouted and continued dialing on her phone.

Just then Professor Boniface, the lecturer supposed to lecture them, sauntered into view. “My oh my, and what is the cause of the ruckus we have here this morning?” he asked. He was known to often use high sounding English, and the students knew he could only make the situation messier.

“These people are trying to kidnap me,” Sharon said feigning an accent. “I don’t know them, and this young man right here attempted to rape me,” she pointed to Emmanuel. As she said this, she attempted to move away, but Prof. Boniface stopped her.

“Those are pretty portentous asseverations my dear, we have to get to the root of this matter,” he said.

“Just get them arrested. I have to go; I cannot stay here any longer. It’s not safe. Other kidnappers could be around.” she protested.

“No, you have to wait,” Prof. Boniface held her firmly by the wrist. And who is this old woman?” he asked as he turned to face Sharon’s mother.

By that time, the woman was already in tears. She explained to the lecturer that Safuya was her daughter but that she was surprised her child feigned not knowing her and also calling herself Sharon which she and the father did not name her. She hissed repeatedly, telling them how she always spent all of her income on Safuya’s needs.

“Oga Tisha, I don’t play with my pikin school fees o. If she saying she want anything, I quickly rush and borrowing money just because I want her to finishing university and get a good job to take me out of poverty. Have I done something wrong? Is it not this book that is now scattering her head now. Ehn, tell me lecturers.” She said in handicapped English and turned to Safuya, “As for you, it is not your fault and I don’t blame you. As you have denied and humiliation me in public, so will I also denying you. Just make sure you never come to my house again; I don’t ever want to see you again,” she declared, and began to walk away in anger.

Safuya (formerly known as Sharon) began to run after her, pleading, “Maami, e ma binu (Mother don’t be angry).”

The totality of the students burst out in laughter. “Chai, pride goes before a fall. The shameful secret of this useless girl has finally been revealed. I’m sure she will never come back to this school again,” Matilda, a short but bosomy girl said.

“How can she? With her level of forming, she dare not try it. Even 100l students will taunt her badly. I can just see her gist spreading all over Facebook, Twitter and blogs. Well, that’s good for her. Forming what she isn’t,” Kemi, her friend replied.

“Oh boy, you can like to relax now ehn. No more heart attack for your parents,” Nonso said teasingly as he moved towards Emma where he was standing near Prof. Boniface.

“Why? Me, I no fear o…I bin wan follow am drag the matter o,” Emma responded putting up a bold face.

“Uhm…if I hear. You wey don piss for pant already,” another fellow chipped in.

“Ok…congregate round me everybody,” Prof. Boniface called out, and there were many coughs and throat clearing. They all knew grammatical missiles were about to be launched.

“What we all just witnessed teaches us one thing: meretriciousness bodes calamity. So, in other news, no more speaking of unnecessary grammar again by me. Or are you all learners?” he continued to the astonishment of the students.

“So you can also speak like this…like us?” a student asked in surprise.

“Of course I can, but not as utopian as you will,” he answered with a smile.

A lot of students scratched their heads, “Utopian. What is that one again. Ahh, Professor Boniface can never change.” the students burst out as they moved into the lecture theatre.

_________

This was first published as Fake Life by Tofarati on Naijastories. Check out his portfolio.

Ladies At The Africa International Film Festival Media Parley

2013-05-22T12:02:00.000-07:00

Dakore Akande

At a recent media parley, the Africa International Film Festival (AFRIFF) organisers announced the dates for their third edition for between 10th and 17th November, 2013. The founder and Project Director of AFRIFF, Chioma Ude, also announced Calabar in Cross River State as the venue for this year's event. These are some photos of ladies at the parley.

Rita Dominic

Michelle Dede

Nse Ikpe Etim

Uru Eke

Glo X-Factor Auditions - King/Queen Democracy And Others

2013-05-22T02:02:00.000-07:00

Nigeria has it's own X-Factor and while I think though that the judges still have to get their flow right, the auditions are just as hilarious as any I've seen, the good, the bad, and the fugly. Some will make you laugh and some will make you want to cry. King/Queen Democracy stand out for me, music brought them together and they are now married and performing together. Whether they are any good is left for you to decide. Check out their videos and others.

Couple Love - Dakore and Olumide Akande

2013-05-22T01:03:00.000-07:00

Nollywood actress, Dakore recently attended an event with her husband, Olumide Akande. Speaking about her marriage to TW, Dakore said: “You have to thank God again that you’re lucky enough to find someone that you feel that passionately about. We were lucky enough to find each other and it just works. We talk about things, we read books—psychology, religion—and try to make sure we are on the same page all the time.” She makes a load of sense. Wishing them more love and happiness.

Blackmagic's Repete - Music Video Romance

2013-05-22T00:02:00.000-07:00

The video to Blackmagic's single, "Repete" was shot by Unlimited LA in Lagos, and styled by a Twitter friend, Crystal S! According to her, the video is meant to "keep everyone guessing till the end which of the girls (characters) he was possibly going on a date with." It sure makes the ending sweet.

I think they all did a great job, the picture and sound were great as was the acting. I like the ladies who acted in the music video too.

Magazine Covers I'm Loving - Chimamanda on GuardianLife

2013-05-21T16:08:00.001-07:00

Chimamanda was in Nigeria recently promoting her new book, Americanah, published in Nigeria by Kachifo, and covers the Guardian Life Magazine in this photo. She looks great.