Shelley describes how she uses both Inner Bonding and Breathwork to help her clients heal their wounded self and connect with their Inner Child/Authentic Self. The Breathwork helps her clients to access their blocked feelings, so they can then work with healing their painful feelings with the Inner Bonding process.
In 1993 I attended the Association for Humanistic Psychology Conference in Indianapolis. I was exposed for the first time to two powerful healing modalities: Breathwork and Inner Bonding. Little did I know at the time that I would go on to use both of these for my own healing process and eventually integrate the two in my work with clients. As a psychotherapist and a breathworker it is my deepest desire to assist clients in listening more deeply to their authentic self. The voice of the authentic self is a subtle voice that can so easily be crowded out by obligations or pushed aside until later (many times later never comes). Inner Bonding and Breathwork are two of the best ways I know of to reconnect with this authentic self.

Inner Bonding

Inner Bonding was developed by Dr. Erika Chopich and Dr. Margaret Paul. It was first presented in their book Healing Your Aloneness. The process evolved and Dr. Margaret Paul went on to publish Inner Bonding and her latest book Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God? One of the sayings we so often hear and say is “You really have to love yourself before you can really love another”. The question is, how do you do that? What does it look like to really love yourself? Do we have role models for what it looks like to be loving towards ourselves? If we did not have parents who loved themselves it is difficult for us to learn how to do this. Our parents may have been loving to us and others but unloving to themselves.

Inner Bonding offers a road map on how to create an internal relationship that is loving and supportive. It is based on a six step process that can be used throughout the day to more deeply connect with the self and one’s spiritual connection. One of the goals of Inner Bonding is to develop an internal loving Adult who cares for the authentic self. In Inner Bonding the authentic self is referred to as the Child. We tend to be more open, caring and compassionate with a part of ourselves that we view as a child than as an adult. Also viewing this part as a child helps us to understand that this is a tender part of us that needs our attention, love and protection. Many people do not have an internal loving Adult because they themselves never received loving care from their parents and/or their parents did not love themselves and didn’t role model this. Most people tend to operate from a wounded child-adult aspect, a part of them that is modeled after their parent’s behavior towards them. This wounded child-adult has hundreds of false beliefs that were learned from parents and other caregivers. The six major false beliefs that tend to be most prevalent are:

1. There is something wrong with me. I’m unlovable, unworthy, inadequate, defective in some way.
2. I am powerless over how I feel. Other people or outside events are responsible for making me happy or unhappy.
3. Other people’s feelings are more important than mine, and I am responsible for their feelings.
4. I can control what others think of me, feel about me, and how they treat me.
5. Resisting others’ control over me is essential to my integrity.
6. I can’t handle pain, discomfort, fear, hurt, grief, anger, disconnection from others, boredom, disappointment, shame or aloneness.

These false beliefs of the wounded child-adult create a lot of pain both internally and in relationships with others. When there is no internal loving Adult the wounded child-adult is in charge of the system. If you can imagine your internal system as a bus and the wounded child-adult (who tends to be the age that it learned the false belief, let’s say 7 years old) is driving the bus and the Inner Child, the authentic self, is curled up in the back seat holding on for dear life! Many people are living their lives this way, operating from a wounded child-adult perspective. Another consequence of operating out of the wounded child-adult perspective is that people tend to recreate internally the same dynamic that they themselves grew up in. Let’s say someone was criticized constantly and told they were not good enough. There is a good chance that today in their inner relationship their wounded child-adult is critical of their Inner Child in the same way. This causes the continued low self-esteem and self-worth that was started in that person’s childhood. They may look to their parents as the cause of their low self-esteem without realizing that they are continuing it on the inner level.

It is a creative process to develop an internal loving Adult. Many people have a grandparent or family friend that was loving to them that they use as a role model for developing this. Sometimes they have a spiritual image that provides a loving role model. It is our job to make the choice to develop this loving Adult and then parent both the wounded child-adult and the Inner Child. This loving Adult can bring through the truth about the false beliefs that cause so much pain if they go unchallenged. When there is a loving Adult present the internal relationship is loving and supportive. Going back to our image of the bus, imagine a loving Adult entering the bus and tapping the wounded child-adult on the shoulder and saying, “I’m here now, you don’t have to do this big job. I can drive and take good care of both you and the Inner Child. You can relax and let go.” Sometimes people will balk at doing inner child work and think it is silly. It can be helpful for them to think of the child as the authentic self. I find that the people most resistant to the idea are often the people who need it the most. Inner Bonding facilitator Nancy Weston shared with me the following statement: “It is by going into the softness that we grow strong.”

Breathwork

Breathing has been used for thousands of years as a path of personal and psycho-spiritual development. One of the oldest yoga Textbooks dating back 4000 years is the Shiva Sutras. It is a manual on how to breathe to become centered. Pranayama is the yoga term for Breathwork. Prana means life energy and yama means to lengthen. The practice of pranayama is a means to enhance life energy through lengthening or deepening the breath. The ancient yogis probably were the first to discover the relationship between breathing and mental/emotional states. They noted that certain forms of breathing evoked corresponding mental states. Irregular, shallow breathing was seen to result in disturbances of mind, emotion and body. Full, relaxed smooth breathing was seen as an accompaniment of a quiet mind.

In the west, German psychiatrist Wilhelm Reich emerged in the early part of the last century as a pioneer in the field of psychology with his therapeutic use of breathing. He was an early associate of Sigmund Freud and pioneered the entire field of body centered therapy. One of Reich’s observations was that people tended to develop what he called body armor. Body armor is when we protect ourselves from painful feelings and experiences by withdrawing ourselves and erecting defenses. These defenses can take the form of chronic muscular tension. He noticed that when a client had a significant breakthrough in analysis there was often an accompanying release in muscular tension. Reich noticed that muscular armoring reduced the full range of vitality. Reich observed that breathing was always compromised when a person erected armor. When feelings were held in, the breath was held in. He had his patients lie down and breathe deeply through their mouths. As the breathing deepened and the muscle tensions released, often there were corresponding releases of deep emotion. Clients would cry, yell, laugh or shake in fear that had been held in the body.

One of the most recent outgrowths of Reich’s pioneering efforts is Rebirthing. Rebirthing was developed by Leonard Orr through his own personal experiences as he breathed in his bathtub. As he practiced deep breathing in warm water, he found himself activating birth memories and experiences (Hence, the term “Rebirthing.”) Over time, he discovered that the technique could be used on dry land with similar results. In Rebirthing people do not always go back to their birth experiences. They may go to childhood experiences or process recent emotions. Rebirthing can still be a fitting title for these experiences because people will have such transformative experiences that it feels like they are rebirthing into a new self.

Modern day Breathwork is diverse with styles including Holotropic, Integrative and Radiance to name a few. Many of these styles integrate Reichian aspects as well as Rebirthing techniques. They also may integrate work from different body centered therapies as well as psychological theories.

In the work that I do with clients I have the client lie down and breathe in full connected breathes. As they breathe they will have various body sensations. Examples could be a pain in a leg, tingling in hands, tightness in the chest. The body may feel warm or cold, with numbness or streaming sensations. As they continue to breathe and become more present to what is happening in their bodies, emotions may surface. This may be sadness, fear, grief, loneliness or anger from the past or present. The client can then breathe into the feeling and allow it to be fully expressed. They may express the feeling by crying, yelling, shaking their body, hitting a cushion, verbalizing the unexpressed feelings etc.

Each person expresses him or herself in a different way. It is important to continue to breathe while expressing the emotion so it can be fully released from the body. It is at this time that they are connected to their authentic self, their Inner Child. The child speaks to us through the body. Often at the end of the session people are surprised with what has surfaced and say, “I never knew that was inside of me.”; This can be an example of the disconnection with the Child/Body/Authentic self. If there was an ongoing true connection there would be no surprises.

When we ignore the child (the body) we tend to get louder and louder messages: the minor back pain turns into our back going out and we are unable to move. It takes time to learn what the message is and it is well worth the effort. The child/body wants us to be healthy, whole and in balance. It is important to utilize processes like Inner Bonding and Breathwork, any process that can bring you closer to your authenticity in the moment. It is through this deep listening to the body/child/authentic self, and responding to what is learned, that we build an internal loving relationship that nourishes us. It is from this connected, loving place that we are truly able to share love with those around us and contribute to a more loving world.

Credit goes to Carol Lampman for providing the background history of Breathwork.

What brings you joy?

Fills your heart?

Makes your spirit sing?

Do you know people who seem to be naturally joyful and wonder what their secret is?  I believe that the feeling of joy can be cultivated, nurtured and expanded no matter what your starting point is.  As a psychotherapist I have had a special interest in studying the blossoming field of Joy for the last two years.  There is an area of study in psychology called positive psychology which explores all of the factors that lead to the positive emotional states like joy, contentment, fulfillment etc.  Paul Pearsall, Ph.D, author of Super Joy (Don’t you just love the title—not just “Joy” but “Super Joy”!) refers to himself as a Joyologist.  As soon as I read that I thought, “What a great idea—I’m going to be a joyologist too.”  Feel free to adopt this title for yourself—no degree required– just a deep desire to learn what needs to happen to bring yourself more into this wondrous state in your day to day life.

So that is what I have been doing both personally and professionally—learning what brings people into that state of joy.  This past spring I started a Joy group with clients who had an interest in learning with others how to bring more joy into their lives (all fellow joyologists!).  I jokingly asked clients “I’m thinking of doing a Fear group or a Joy group—which would you like to join?”

In my practice I have always been committed to assisting clients to live more freely and authentically.  I use breathwork and a psychospiritual process called Inner Bonding to help clients connect more fully with their bodies and by doing this they connect with their authentic feelings.  Once feelings that have been held in the body are expressed and released a feeling of lightness follows.  When these denser emotions are freed the natural upwelling of peace and joy surfaces.  What I hoped would happen for myself and my clients was that this state of peace and joy would just continue to grow until that was the natural state of being in the world.  In many cases, myself included, maintaining this state consistently was just not happening.

That is when I began my exploring, asking the questions “What is happening here? Why is this feeling so difficult to consistently maintain?”  What I found was that most people lived in a state of suppression of their core essence—the part of us that is in a state of joy.  There also seemed to be an addiction—a deep attachment to feelings of anxiety, fear and depression.  I found that people loved that state of joy and peace but they didn’t have the tools or support to maintain these feelings.  They had much more practice and support in being able to maintain their previous state of anxiety, depression and suppression.  I had clients report that if they felt too joyful it scared them because they weren’t used to the feeling.  They would often hear parental messages like “Don’t get so excited” “Be quiet”

“Don’t be so full of yourself”.  Another common message was “I don’t deserve to feel this good.”  Some clients reported that when they were feeling joyful friends and family who were in a less joyful state didn’t know how to react to them, or even worse they criticized them.  Clients became aware of their own choices that would bring them from that state of joy back into anxiety or depression.  There were fears about what would happen to current relationships if they maintained this state of joy and connection to their authentic self.

I wanted myself and my clients to be able to move more and more into that state of joy.  What I found in my own personal process as well as in my work with clients were the following keys to living with more Joy.

1. A deep intention and commitment to being in a joyful state. This is the most important key to Joy.  Our energy follows our intention.  This is a moment-by- moment choice.  What within me needs to shift in order to open up to the joy of this moment?  What are your beliefs about joy?  Do you think it’s something that just happens to you or something you can actively cultivate and move more into in your life?  Your beliefs shape your experiences.  Notice how you react to joyful people—are you drawn to them or do you make judgments about them (i.e. they are fake, flaky, flighty, strange)?
2. Tools.Learning specific exercises and activities that helped shift them into a state of joy.  Clients were able to identify things they could do to move them into a more joyful state.  For each person this was different.  Some would move into expressing gratitude or appreciation as a way of shifting into joy.  For some a favorite activity would be their path to shifting.  Others would have a favorite memory of a joyful time that would help them recapture those feelings.
3. Awareness of negative programming/messages/false beliefs that did not support Joy. When clients embraced the intention of being more in a state of Joy a lot of the old messages that blocked Joy would come to the surface.  Once these messages were at the surface they could be healed and released.  The feelings also held in the body that were associated with these beliefs/experiences also needed to be released so the body was free to fully embody the Joy.  Having a breathwork session or other emotional process work to move this energy through was essential.  Trying to move into Joy without releasing held in anger, fear, grief is like trying to get a hot air balloon loaded with rocks off of the ground—you just don’t get very far.  What one needs to be mindful of in doing emotional process work is not to get stuck in processing old feelings over and over again.  This can be an unconscious way to feel safe—exploring the feelings of the past rather than taking the loving actions to live fully in the present.  Pay attention.  I hear from a lot of people lately who do a lot of personal growth work—“I’m sick of attending another workshop, reading another book—I just want to live”.  This is their authentic self crying out to just be, express, love —to be in Joy.  So releasing the past being mindful if it is bringing you more fully into the present.
4. Support. Connection with others who have the same intention to bring more joy into their lives.  This is very powerful.  I have always been such a believer in the transformative power of groups.  Anytime I want to make a change in my life I look for a group of like minded people who can support my efforts.  Being a part of a supportive group can also meet our deepest needs for a sense of belonging and connection, as well as provide wonderful opportunities for laughter and play.  Unless you already have a group of joyful people around you—a joy group would do wonders for supporting you on your path of Joy.
5. Being in the Present Moment opens us up to Joy. There is so much Joy in each moment if we fully are present to it.  Having the mind in the past and future takes away from the Joy and peace of the present.
6. Following Dreams and Passions.What are your deepest dreams and passions?  Taking loving action to manifest these dreams can open you up to tremendous energy and joy.  A lot of the depression people experience is from the suppression of their authentic self who wants to just express itself fully in the world.  Many of our dreams are a way to express the gifts we are here to share.  What can be important is to pursue the dreams without concern for the outcome.  An example is someone who has a dream of singing.  If you are concerned about others giving you approval for how great of a singer you are, the creative process will be tense and not very joyful.  If your intention is just to express yourself fully and to enjoy yourself as you are singing your experience will be totally different.  The intention we have as we pursue our dreams can either make the experience a fun adventure or one fraught with tension and anxiety.
7. Lifestyle Changes. What changes do you need to make in your life to open you up to more Joy?  For many people slowing down and not being as busy is essential to opening up to Joy.  A common issue that I work with when clients start working with me is creating balance in their life.  Many are exhausted and the only time they have to themselves is the time during our sessions.  It is hard to be in a state of Joy if we are rushing around and feeling overwhelmed with day to day life.  Letting go of connections and activities that are draining in order to make space can be very helpful.  A good way to do this is to let your body decide.  Think of an activity that you have on your schedule next week—close your eyes and breathe—when you think of participating in the activity does the energy lift in your body and you feel good/excited or does your energy drop?  The body never lies.  Our mind may give all the reasons why we should do this or be with this person but our body will always tell the truth.  If it is an activity that you must be a part of you can ask your body (authentic self), “What can I do to make this experience more enjoyable for myself?”   Just breathe and listen to the response you get back.  Even if you love all of the activities in your life, too many can take away the joy of each activity.  We need time to savor activities and the people who are in our life.  Look to see if you are on overload and make the necessary changes.  Decluttering the space around you can free up time and space.  Again you can let your body decide when getting rid of things.  Does your energy lift and feel good when you look at the object you are trying to decide on.  Ideally everything that surrounds you should be uplifting and pleasing to you.  If an object is neutral or brings your energy down, let it go so someone who would truly value it.
8. Movement/Sound/Breath-Being fully in our body allows us to feel joy more completely. Do you know what the sensation of Joy feels like in your body?   For some it can be a fluttering sensation in their hearts or a lightness throughout their body. Some people have not felt joy in so long they forgot what it feels like.  Movement can bring us more fully in the body.  What ways do you move that bring you Joy? —dancing, biking, walking, yoga,running,skipping.  Many of my clients love to dance, feeling very joyful and alive as they move.  I give assignments to clients to have frequent dance sessions throughout the day—the more stressful the day the more dancing.  Dancing helps to move energy through the body.  Our bodies are meant to move and we tend to live lifestyles that are very movement restricted.  I joked with a client yesterday that wouldn’t it be nice if the clinic she worked for had noon hour dance sessions for the clients and the staff!!  What sounds bring you Joy?  Is it listening to birds or beautiful music?  Do you find joy in singing?  I find most people love to sing yet don’t allow themselves to express this very often.  Next time you are in the car just start belting out songs—songs that you know or just make them up.  Don’t deprive yourself of this joy any longer.  Children who are naturally in that state of Joy move and make sound all of the time—just notice this the next time you are around children.  Full connected breathing helps us to be more fully in our bodies.  How do you breathe throughout the day?  Some people notice that they hold their breath throughout the day.  When you hold your breath you are cutting off oxygen and energy to the body, decreasing your capacity to feel joy.  Breathing fully is opening up more fully to being alive—it is like saying a big YES to life.

You may have noticed some things from the list that resonate with you and can assist you in moving more into Joy.  There may be things you could do that weren’t listed.  Take a moment right now and just close your eyes and breathe into your body asking the question “What do I need to change for me to bring more joy into my life?” just let go and see what comes into your mind.  Next ask your body again “What could I do every day that would bring more joy into my day?” breathe and relax and let the answer float into your mind.  Now make a plan to implement this in your life possibly sharing this with a close friend or loved one.  You can find someone to be your joy buddy—someone to explore with and support you.  I have a friend who is also a psychotherapist turned joyologist who is my joy sister.  I have another friend who started a clown troupe years ago called “The Angels of Joy”.  Taking these loving actions to bring more joy into your life can be a fun and playful adventure.  I wish you all of the joy your heart desires.

Chances are you are very busy, maybe even too busy.  If that is the case taking time to “do nothing” is even more important for you.  We are meant to have a balance of active, doing time–and then a balance of time for relaxation.  So often we keep going and going without a break–this generally  leads to a decrease in our productivity, irritability and feeling drained.

How Doing Nothing Helps You:

1.Taking time to relax and do nothing helps you physically.  During relaxation our body is able to devote more energy to healing and repairing itself.   It also helps you to de-stress and reduce the negative impact of stress on your body.

2. Letting go of the mental chatter that accompanies being busy allows you to “hear” the more subtle messages of your Spirit.  Your intuition is like a soft voice which you need to be quiet to be able to hear its messages.  These intuitive messages can give you guidance on how to handle the situations in your life.

The more you worry and get stressed–the more you block the subtle answers that are trying to come through from your intuition.  So give yourself permission to relax and let go—trusting that the answers you are chasing will be able to come to you–and you will be able to hear them in the quiet.

3. Doing nothing with others helps you to connect more deeply with them.  A story that I read years ago that really stuck with me was about a family in New York City that regularly had “do nothing” weekends.  They all would stay in their pajamas for the weekend and just hang out together.  They would talk a lot, do skits for one another and make up games.  They limited the outside activities that their kids were involved in to protect the time that they had to be together.  So often we are so busy with outside activities that we become strangers to the people we are closest to.

Having big chunks of time together can create safety for more vulnerable information to be shared.  This is what happened this past weekend with my sisters. What we shared on day 3 of being together was deeper, more vulnerable information then the first initial sharing during day 1.

4. Doing nothing can help you get more done!  The analogy I use is that it is like we have a kid inside of us that needs rest and play.  If we just are busy and don’t stop to rest and play this little kid gets very cranky and starts to cause some problems.  These problems look like procrastination, forgetfullness, working slower etc.  If we do take the time to rest and play the kid inside of us is happy.  Then when we start to work again it will be very cooperative with what we want to get done and things will go smoother.

Ideas to add doing Nothing to Your Schedule
1. Have “do nothing” breaks during the day.  Go outside and lay on the grass for 10 minutes and look at the sky.  If you are in your office shut off your computer, take off your shoes and close your eyes for 10 minutes and do nothing.

2. Take a nap.  If you have never taken a nap–give it a try. It’s OK if you don’t sleep, just resting with your eyes closed can be very relaxing.  Try taking a nap in a hammock.  There is something about being outside and gently swinging that is very soothing and peaceful.

3. Go to a coffee shop where you don’t know anybody and hang out.  I am writing this article at a coffee shop and there is a woman sitting alone reading a book and another woman alone working on the computer.  Go somewhere where there are no distractions, so you can focus on whatever you would like to –reading a good book, journaling or just relaxing and being.  Check out all of the coffee shops in your area and find a special place that feels relaxing to you.

4. Go on a Retreat.  A wonderful way to do nothing and connect more deeply with yourself is to go on a retreat.  You can find a place that is a short drive away from you that you can go to for the day or for the weekend.  A place locally that some of my friends have gone to is “The Bridge Between” which is just outside of Green Bay.  You can plan a retreat in your own home too.  Plan a time when no one will be there and eliminate distractions–turn off the phone, the computer etc.  Block out a designated time as your “retreat” time–you could do a half of a day or a whole day.

5. Find a place in your house that you designate as your “do nothing” place.  This is a place that you can go for peace and quiet when you need it.  Eliminate distractions and also let the people in your home know that when you are in this place that you are to not be interrupted.

6. If things are really busy for you and you feel like you don’t have any time—take a 5 minute break to do nothing.  You would be surprised at how even a small amount of time like 5 minutes can make a big difference in helping you relax.  You can focus on your breath and make sure you are breathing deeply.  When we are busy we often  hold our breath–so taking this break and breathing fully can relax you and help your body release tension.

7. Designate one day a week to take off.  Have one day a week where you aren’t doing any work–no errands, no work around the house etc.  Just a day to be and do as you please.  When you have a full day off you can really get into a relaxed state and enjoy the full benefit of this.   Then when you go back to work you will feel energized, more focused and you will be more productive.

Give yourself the gift of putting more time in your schedule just to “do nothing” and watch your life become more peaceful, productive and rich with a deeper connection with yourself and others!

One of the important teachers in my life was my 89 year old friend Reuben.  Spending time with him was like being in a school of the Spirit—really learning the true meaning of our journey here. One of the things that Reuben would always do is point out when he saw that someone had a “free spirit” —what he saw in this person was aliveness, vitality, warmth, openness, a twinkle in their eye—their energy open and accessible—you felt drawn to connect with them.

Can you think of people you know that you feel that their Spirit is free? They are open, they exude warmth and vitality, and they generally are laughing or smiling and are very relaxed, peaceful. Generally these people are memorable because unfortunately in our culture today there are few people who are experiencing this kind of freedom of the Spirit.  So many people are locked in fear and attempts to control themselves, others and the outcome of events.  One cannot feel this freedom of Spirit and be in a state of trying to control something at the same time.  So the first guideline in Freeing Your Spirit is:

1. Let Go of ControlIn this moment, are you attempting to control something—check in and see. If your body is feeling tense and your breathing is shallow you are probably trying to control something—you may not even be conscious of what you are trying to control but your body is giving you feedback that you indeed are trying to control.  When we are in a state of Freedom of the Spirit our bodies feel light and relaxed.  Are you worrying—than you are attempting to control by the worry—the belief is “If I worry enough about something I will be able to figure out a way to prevent something bad from happening.”

   As you may guess, Reuben was so in tune and aware of people who had a free spirit because he himself had a free spirit. I can’t recall anytime that I saw him worry about anything—even though he had health issues—things that we would normally “worry” about.  Anytime that I brought up a concern of mine about my own life he would say “Honey, let’s pray about it” and he would hold my hands and he would say a brief prayer and we would quickly get back to visiting and laughing together.   It was a true turning over the concern to the hands of the Divine—fully trusting that Spirit would handle the situation.  I have a quotation in my kitchen that I had gotten from Reuben who had this posted in his home “Good Morning this is God.  I will be handling all of your problems today.  I will not need your help.  So, relax.  Have a terrific day!”  How do you feel when you read this?  Does your body relax and you feel relief or are you like my electrician, Joe, who said when he read this “Yeah right, I’m just going to sit at home and not do anything and God will handle everything.”  Joe’s comment reflects an all or nothing attitude towards Spirit—either I need to do it all on my own or if I open to Divine assistance I can let go and not do anything.  Remember the phrase “Spirit helps those who help themselves”.  In the case of Reuben, he took very good care of himself physically and did all that he could to address his health issues—and than from that point he let go to Spirit his health concerns—he did not allow himself to indulge in worry, fear and control over the situation (which by the way would have negatively affected his health).  Whatever your concern, do what you can to address it and than let it go into the hands of Spirit. Trust that whatever the outcome it will be in your highest good.

   The other benefit of letting go is you give room for Spirit to work in your life. If you
   are trying to do it all on your own and micromanage every detail there is no room for
   Spirit to enter.  Notice if you tend to do this and consciously let go and back off from
   “overdoing” and see the magic of Spirit happen in your life.  You won’t experience this
   if you never let go.  Once you experience the support of Spirit it will be easier to let go the next time.  Let go and let the magic begin!

2. Move from thoughts of Fear to thoughts of Faith 

   Thoughts of faith and trust are true thoughts connected to your true nature—which is Spirit—you are a Spirit living in an earthly body.  Fear thoughts are generated by the ego/false self and have no basis in reality— they are generally thoughts of projected fears of the future or fears from false/limiting beliefs handed down from the family system. People often buy into these thoughts—begin to react to them and then think they are true.  So often we can terrify ourselves with these kinds of thoughts.  Choosing to be in faith and trust is a choice—it does not happen automatically.  Moment by moment ask yourself, is this thought one of faith or one of fear?  An example of a fear thought vs. a thought of faith—“I can’t achieve my dream, I don’t have what it takes” (fear thought) vs. “I can do anything I can dream of—the world is full of infinite possibilities.” (faith thought).Faith thoughts are light and expansive—and have that same effect on the body. Fear thoughts are heavy and constrictive—creating tension in the body.  So you can observe which kind of thoughts you are entertaining throughout the day—ones of fear or faith.  If you identify a fear thought just say to yourself “This is not true” and switch to a faith thought—like switching a channel.  The good thing about practicing this thought switching is that each time you switch from fear to faith– you are actually building neuropathways that support these positive thoughts—which make it easier to shift into these thoughts in the future.  The more you are able to NOT go into the fears and negative thoughts you help to extinguish the neuropathways that reinforce these thought patterns.  By not reinforcing them, their strength is lessened, making it easier to avert getting pulled into this fear and negativity in the future. (This idea was illustrated in the movie “What the Bleep!?”)  Keeping your focus on thoughts of faith and trust will free your Spirit and make it easier and easier to stay in that space in the future.

3. Move your Body, Free Your Spirit 

   Fear thoughts can be so entrenched, especially if those neuropathways are well established, that initially attempting to shift the thoughts to faith can be challenging.  So than it’s time to move your body—walk– or one of my favorites is dancing.  Anything to move the stuck energy through your body.  You see the negative thought patterns actually energetically clog your energy system and it is difficult to shift to the lighter, higher frequency thoughts with the lower, dense energy of the fear pulling your energy down.  When you feel “stuck” it is literally because your energy is stuck, clogged in your body from your negative thought patterns.  What can be helpful is to move this energy through so you can open up to the lighter, positive thoughts of faith.  Any kind of movement—walking, running, dancing and other forms of exercise will help this congested energy release.  Breathwork(deep diaphragmatic breathing), singing, chanting and laughing are also ways to move this energy through.  I work as a holistic psychotherapist and often I will have my clients dance before we begin the session to help this stuck energy move through so they can be  more open and receptive to the lighter, positive thoughts that bring healing and insight.   One great way to move the stuck energy through is to dance to your favorite uplifting music—this helps move the stuck energy through and because you love the music it automatically shifts you into a positive state.  I literally do this a few times a day to keep myself in a positive, high energy state.  One other benefit of moving your body is it gets you out of your head and more into your body.  Your Spirit is housed in your body and it is important to feel all of the sensations of your body—this allows you a deeper experience of your Spirit.

4. Practice being in a “Free Spirit” stateWe all have had experiences of feeling our true self, our Spirit fully expressing itself in the world—not holding anything back—the love in our hearts flowing out.  This sense of freedom, joy, lightness, and openness is our natural state of being, so if you are not feeling this very often than it is safe to say that you had a lid on your true self, your Spirit —it is being confined and held back.  It takes a lot of energy to suppress the enormous energy and vitality that is in your Spirit.  So often people put the lid on so long ago they forgot what it feels like to have the lid off—to be in full connection with their Spirit.  What can be helpful is to begin to practice being in this state again—it may feel foreign or uncomfortable but it will be the most important journey you will take—the journey back to your Spirit.  Spending time with people who have a Free Spirit can be contagious and supportive of you becoming more free.  I spent a lot of time with Reuben because he was so free and open—it was amazing to be with him—people were drawn to him—people were changed by spending time with him because of his Spirit being so fully expressed. He was my “Free Spirit” mentor.  People with Free Spirits love to laugh and play together—so find others to explore this with.  Go to environments where you can practice taking risks in being more open—a support group, Workshop or an Inner Bonding Intensive.  These are  environments where you can practice freeing and fully expressing your Spirit—surrounded and supported by other people on the same journey.  These are very fun and inspirational experiences—-and what I find is the more people practice and place themselves in these kinds of environments the easier it becomes until being a “Free Spirit” becomes your natural state—which it truly is!                        Copyright 2007

Enjoy 40% off these life and business transforming memberships and products through Saturday December 31st at midnight EST  Tuesday, January 3, 2012 at midnight CST

Click on the video to Play

Click on the item number to see more information

The Global Association of Holistic Psychotherapy (GAHP) Membership

Membership in the ONLY professional Holistic Psychotherapy association founded and run by a 6-Figure Holistic Psychotherapist: the Global Association of Holistic Psychotherapy (GAHP)

Leading the Transformation Telesummit: Amethyst, Emerald and Diamond Packages

Your Spirit is Calling—Are You Listening? We are in one of the most Transformative times on the Planet. To support you in YOUR Transformation we have gathered the World’s Top Holistic Psychotherapy Leaders to share their most powerful Holistic (Mind, Body, Spirit) tools, tips and resources to support you to FINALLY Leap into your True Spirit and share the amazing Gifts your Spirit is Meant to Share—NOW!

-

Life Purpose Assessment and Strategy Session

Confused about your Life Purpose and Don’t Have a Clue How to Figure it Out?

After years of working with clients helping them to move from confusion to clarity about their Life Purpose, Shelley can help you!

Holistic Practice Assessment and Strategy Session

Are you feeling stuck in your Holistic Practice?

Shelley is able to quickly assess what is blocking you in your Practice (whether it is on the practical, emotional or spiritual level) and give you strategies to release these blocks so you can move quickly forward in creating the practice of your dreams in 2012!

Are you treating the experience as a learning experience or as just an experience of frustration that you would like to just go away?  Ask yourself what important things am I learning here?  What is causing my suffering—how I am thinking about this person and this situation–what am I telling myself.  What could I tell myself about this situation that could change the experience and have it make sense to me?

An example:  Let’s say that you have a person in your life who is controlling and pushy–what would that help you with?  It could help you practice setting boundaries and also learn to respond to their controlling behavior in a non-reactive way.  It could also help you practice keeping your emotional state where you want it to be without allowing what is happening with that other person affect you.

Today–ask what am I learning from this challenging person or situation–how is it helping me?

 I believe the epidemic use of anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication is a band-aid for the underlying issue of being disconnected from one’s true self–and one’s true purpose. Stifling and suppressing who we are and what we came here to do has consequences of making us feel despair, hopelessness and creating anxiety.  Our true self is filled with passion, creativity and a purpose that desires to be fully expressed.

Are you following the path of your life purpose?  Do you feel filled with aliveness, vibrancy and excitement about your life? Are you taking the risks to find out your life purpose and to pursue it? What are the consequences of NOT doing it?   There is also an incredible loss of you not following your purpose–there is your own loss of the joy of following your passion–but also the loss of the people who will miss out on what you came to share.  Everyone loses—you and the world.

Looking at some of the questions people typically have when trying to find their life purpose can help  you sort through some of the common fears and questions that may hold you back.

Questions I get asked when people come to me wanting to find their life purpose.

Will it be easy? Yes and no.  It will take hard work but you won’t mind because of you will enjoy what you are doing.  You are also willing to do some of the hard, tedious work because of the passion you have for what you are doing.  Your passion will carry you a long way.  That is why it must be something you are passionate about because it will allow you to preserve in the face of the hard work and challenges.

Will I feel uncomfortable? Yes and no.  You will feel a sense of peace and deep knowing that you are on track and doing what you came here to do.  You will also be challenged to grow and expand beyond your comfort zone.  You may need to learn new skills–are you willing to be a beginner again?  You may be a novice at the skills you need to develop.  Are you willing to go to school, learn from others, read and study? Just because you may be a beginner doesn’t mean it’s not your life purpose or you can’t be successful.  A willingness to be a beginner and go through the learning process is an important part of pursuing your life purpose.

 You may need to move past limiting beliefs about who you are and what you are capable of doing.  You will be called to release all the limitations that hold you back from manifesting your full potential.  You must be willing to heal and step into more of who you truly are.   It will be both exhilarating and at times scary —but well worth it!

What if the people in my life don’t support me? Some people will be able to support you wholeheartedly and others—because of their own fears, won’t be as supportive.  Trust that as you move forward that the support will show up for you–reminding you that you are on track and not alone.  At times you may feel alone as you pursue your passion–but these times are opportunities for deepening your own connection with yourself and your spiritual support.  It is a time to go deep within and connect with the strength and vision of your own Spirit.

 I also encourage people to look for a support group of like-minded people who are also pursuing their passions.  You can give and receive support from people who really understand what you are going through.  I offer these kind of structured groups to help people while they are in the process of finding and pursuing their life purpose.  Learning both to access your own inner strength and also getting enough support are essential to make the process easier for you.

What if I can’t figure out my Life Purpose—what if I don’t have one? You cannot NOT have a life purpose.  Your life purpose will look different from someone else’s life purpose.  Let go of thinking it has to look a certain way to be your life purpose.  I find that people who struggle with figuring it out have not connected deeply enough with themselves to gain the clarity they need. If you are searching externally for your life purpose you will more than likely go around and around in your search.  You will find your purpose through getting to know the authentic you more.  We all have been trained to look externally for answers rather than connecting with the wisdom we have inside.

Sometimes someone’s life purpose can be right underneath their nose.  I remember one time in a session with a client and she was going around and around about figuring out her life purpose.  I asked her to be quiet and connect with her Spirit and answer from her Spirit what her life purpose was—she stated it simply and clearly and opened her eyes in disbelief.  She didn’t think it could be that easy.  What was blocking her awareness was all of the clutter of the fears about pursuing her purpose.  She kept herself from knowing so she wouldn’t have to face her fears and take action to pursue her purpose.

What if I pursue my Life Purpose and fail? You will be supported as you move in the direction of your life purpose.  The only thing that can block you is your own negativity and limited thinking.  The more you clear this away and operate from your authentic self you will succeed.  Your own negativity can cloud your vision of your next step and the opportunities all around you that are supporting you.  Your negativity can cause you to give up in the face of a challenge or obstacle.

Remember what I said above–you will be required to stretch and grow as you are living your purpose.  If in the face of an obstacle and you move into negativity and give up—you will fail.  But instead if you look at it as an opportunity to learn and grow—and continue to move forward–you will succeed.

Persistence and perseverance are key in being successful at your life purpose.  Mark Victor Hanson and Jack Canfield presented their idea for the Chicken Soup for the Soul book to 100 publishers before it was accepted.  Can you stay true to your purpose in the face of rejection?  What I have found is that these kind of experiences can help people move more into a deeper belief in themselves and their purpose.  Do you have the courage to believe in yourself when no one around you believes in you?  Many successful people are successful because of their ability to do just that.  This belief in themselves allows them to persevere when others would give up.

There is a book titled “The Luck Factor” by Richard Wiseman which documents the common traits of lucky and successful people.  One of the traits is that they would persist in the face of challenges and have confidence that the obstacles were actually helping them achieve their goals.  They viewed challenges differently than “unlucky” people.  He found that lucky people are able to transform their bad luck into good fortune by using different psychological techniques.  For example, they see the positive side of the challenge, they do not dwell on the challenge, they are convinced the situation in the long run will work out for the best and they take a proactive approach to the situation.

So your “Success” in following your life purpose will be determined a great deal by your own mindset and the positive action you take.

Will I be able to make Mon-ey at my Life Purpose? (Mon-ey is spelled with a hyphen–otherwise this newsletter would get stuck in your spam filter:) Yes, and you have to be willing to learn how to do this.  For some professions, the path to making mon-ey is pretty straightforward and clear cut.  For other professions you may be doing something unique and so the path to make mon-ey may not be as clear.  It is important to find someone who comes close to what you want to do and is doing it very successfully and learn from them.  Or you can connect with a business development program in your area that supports people starting businesses.  They can be great resources on how to translate what your passion is into a mon-ey making business.

You may be a pioneer in the field and could use extra support and your own creativity to find a way to make mon-ey at your life purpose.  You may want to pursue a field that has a stereotype of not being lucrative–like: being an artist, musician, healer etc.  The good news is we are living in the era of the creative entrepreneur and thousands of people around the world are taking these professions into a new realm of mon-ey making possibility.

Find someone who is doing this and learn from what they are doing.  Use what they are doing as creative inspirations for your own ideas as well.

What if my relationships change as I follow my purpose? Your relationships will change.  You are growing and expanding as you pursue your life purpose.  You have chosen the path of vitality and aliveness.  As you grow you will inspire those around you to grow and follow their dreams as well.  These relationships will get closer.  Other people may take longer to grow—or may grow in a way that is different then you.  Trust that the relationships that are meant to be long term for you will adapt and grow with the change.

As time goes on it will become clear which relationships are growing and which ones you are outgrowing.  Trust that when you get to that point of having to let go of some of your relationships it will be a natural letting go process that will just make sense.  There are some people we are meant to journey with our whole lives and some that come to be with us for a certain period of time.  I have seen clients who have stopped their own growth because they fear that if they keep growing they will outgrow their relationships.

 It is unpredictable what will happen–you can’t guarantee that someone will not grow along with you–you will be surprised.  The only way to know for sure is to take the leap and trust that whatever happens will be in the highest good for everybody involved!

What if I don’t have the talents or skills to do my Life Purpose? Trust that you have all that you need to fulfill your life purpose.  It wouldn’t be a desire of yours if you didn’t have the capabilities to do it.  Like I mentioned above you may need to learn new skills and work at it–but you will have the desire to do this because it is your life purpose.  Again, you may need to release false beliefs about yourself.  You may not be viewing your capabilities accurately.  You may be viewing yourself through the eyes of your conditioned self–which is full of false beliefs and distortions.

Doing some work to clear these distortions away and see yourself clearly will help open the door for your self-worth to soar.  You will be amazed at how much you are truly capable of.

Now that you have more clear information about finding and pursuing your life purpose–are you ready to take the leap?  See if you can identify one small step to move towards finding and pursuing your life purpose.  It might be something like setting aside a few hours of quiet time for you to journal and connect with yourself.  Or it might mean doing research on an area that is of interest to you.  Write down what step you would like to take and make a promise to yourself to follow through and do it.

Wishing you all the best on finding and aligning with your unique Life Purpose!

Be Bold in the face of fear.  What is your Bold step for today?