radical hateloss

Constant Crossroads

2012-01-26T11:19:00.000-05:00

Today’s post is by a writer, CrossFitter and mother of three named Leah Thompson. I have had the pleasure of being Leah’s life coach over the past six months. I am humbled and excited by the transformation that had happened in Leah’s relationship with her body over those months. Leah came to coaching wanting to get off what she called the roller coaster of waging war with food and her body. She has done just that.

Leah wrote the post below (not knowing it would be published anywhere), after one of our sessions. I think it speaks to one of the coolest things that I am noticing with my coaching clients that come to work on their body images issues. They find that once they “get off the roller coaster” a world much bigger than their bodies open to them. The possibility of the life they were born to live- begins to manifest. That it the miracle and the motivation for this work.

Thanks so much Leah for this most awesome contribution to Radical Hateloss. Please check out Leah’s blog at leahthemom.blogspot.com

Constant Crossroads

By Leah Thompson

Everyday we stand before an infinite amount of possible choices laid out before us. Some paths are obvious. Maybe they are familiar roads we travel frequently, on automatic pilot. The choice to travel these roads doesn't require much thought or challenge. They are 'safe'. Even if we don't particularly like the outcome of these paths, the result of this decision is ingrained in our habits and behaviors and therefore not as scary to choose.

Then there are unknown paths. The ones where the entrance is overgrown with trees and dark and seems scary from the start. We think they will be harder to navigate. The outcome of this decision is unpredictable. But what if just beyond that rough start is smooth sailing, sunny meadows filled with flowers and rainbows and butterflies and blue skies?

It takes bravery and courage to choose the path less traveled at the crossroads. If you take the time to feel the energy of the unknown path and just BE with the decision to take a chance, there is excitement there. Possibility. Hope. The unknown can be exhilarating, not terrifying. The problem with choosing the same old pattern/path you always do is you know what the end results are going to be. While this path may be 'safe' it’s also not going to take you anywhere new.

Let's talk about the invisible paths present at the crossroads. The tangents life takes us on that we don't even know we're on. What if we could consciously choose an option for ourselves that wasn't even on the table at first glance? Create an entire new existence for ourselves just by choosing to not do what we've always done? I love the quote about insanity is doing the same thing over and over exactly the same way and expecting different results.

How can you get to where you want to be? Stop doing what you've always done! There is a choice, every second of every day in everything you do. We have the chance to change our destiny and chose, or better yet, CREATE the path we want to be on. And we all have the strength, right now, to do it.

What We Want Most.

2012-01-19T13:04:00.000-05:00

What we want most seems to be different…

Some of us want to lose weight, to be healthier and happier.

Some of us want to look in the mirror and love our body despite its imperfections.

Some of us want live a consistent healthy lifestyle aligned with our beliefs and values.

What we want may seem different but the truth is, we all want the same thing.

We want FREEDOM.

We want our relationships with our bodies to be easy, joyful & effortless. We are imprisoned by countless time spent figuring it out, trying something new, beating our self up, and then beating ourselves up again because we beat our self up in the first place. The energy invested in the struggle seems wasted- we can only imagine what we could do with it- if it didn’t get used up in vain.

With the new year- most health and fitness businesses are offering programs designed to help you get what you want. They may challenge you to lose weight, or give up sugar, or adopt a new way of eating.

Here is what I know: In order to get what you want- you must first get what you want most….Freedom. I too have a challenge for you.

I challenge you to do nothing.

For just one week…

….eat what you want.

… move when you want to, rest when you don’t

….think and feel whatever it is that you do.

There is one thing that you have to do.

You have to pay attention.

Pay attention to how your body feels, how it reacts to what you choose. Notice your thoughts and your emotions, without attempting to change them or discount them.

Stepping back and getting curious seems like nothing- but trust me it’s HUGE.

After one week- you can go back to how you have been doing things all along. What do you really have to lose? Why not give it a try?

"To pay attention, this is our endless and proper work." -Mary Oliver

A Radical Women Q & A with 17 year old CrossFitter Darby Nelson

2012-01-03T20:38:00.000-05:00

"Remember that at the end of the day, it’s not what others think about you, rather it’s how you hold and view yourself. " -Darby Nelson

I met Darby Nelson a few months ago at a local CrossFit competition. The first time I saw her that day she was smiling ear to ear, talking with CrossFit All-Star Christy Phillips. Most 17 year olds idolize pop stars for their looks, but here was Darby excited to meet Christy, famous among the CrossFit Community for her physical fitness.

After the event I got to talk with Darby more. I found out she got to participate in the CrossFit Games in 2011, in the teen competition. I also found out she is impressively strong; with personal records in CrossFit workouts and lifts women older than her would love to have.

It was obvious to me that Darby was not your AVERAGE young lady- so it only seemed fitting that she be featured in a Radical Woman Q&A. She is the youngest, but as you will see from the answers she is very wise for her age.

Tell me about Darby Nelson?

Well, my name is Darby Nelson. I am a 17-year-old female. I’m a senior in high school and a (near) future United States Naval Academy midshipman. CrossFit is a big part in my life, both helping coach and training myself; I also row for my high school and am a huge nerd when it comes to my class schedule.

You are a CrossFitter (with a pretty impressive record I'd say!). How has crossfit changed your relationship with your body? Why do you think that is?

CrossFit has completely transformed my relationship with my body. I think when discussing bodily changes it is best to talk about nutrition. As they say working out is one hour but good nutrition plays into the other 23hours of the day. I came from a rowing background where (and any rower can attest to this) the more food consumed, the better. We, as rowers, eat before practice, after practice, and there have been a few been times where people have eaten during practice on the water. In the rowing world, socializing over food is the most prominent way of bonding off the water.

Entering the doors of my CrossFit gym, there are these crazy words being constantly thrown around like ‘paleo,’ ‘primal,’ and ‘zone.’ CrossFit has shown me that it is truly important about when and what foods I’m putting into my body. Now, I’m not going to lie, I’m not100% strict paleo… I wouldn’t even give myself the benefit of the doubt to say I’m 80/20, but I do try to follow the guidelines. (Please, don’t belike my father. They are guidelines. Robb Wolf is not God and Paleo Solution cannot be found in the religion section of Barnes and Noble.) There’s a big difference between coming from a world of eating anything to a world of eating anything that’s good for you.

You like clearly enjoy exercise - what advice would you give other women about how they can enjoy working out?

Do it with your friends. CrossFit is so powerful because of the community we constantly harp about. It’s not just that you have friendly faces to look at while you’re constantly suffering, but you have mutual subjects to chat about, friends to give you grief when you don’t show up, and people to cut your calluses with.

Also, and this is a big one for me, remember to keep it light. We can all get way too enveloped in doing CrossFit, talking about CrossFit, competing in CrossFit, and watching CrossFit videos. Remember: we do it because it’s fun; if you forget this you are probably going to burn out.

How is your relationship with your body different than those of your peers?

I’ll start by reiterating that I am a seventeen-year-old girl. Let’s take a moment to think back about what it’s like to be a girl in high school…

Remember those boy-crazy, make up-covered, high heel-wearing days? Yup, those are my peers and that’s the complete opposite of who I am. Also, being that my arms are bigger than most of my female peers’ legs, I’m quite used to getting judged for my size. Most of my friends and acquaintances think all the stuff I do is cool but I do often get second-glances from people that don’t know me. It is actually quite funny to me because I know of multiple guys that are scared of me for my size, as they probably should be! It’s good for me though, I have a pretty good reputation and no one usually messes with me.

Darby pulling 335lbs for a national record!

What really matters to you in terms of your body?
For my body I want to be strong and healthy as possible. I do CrossFit to prepare for my rowing and to prepare for my time at the Academy, but more importantly to be ready for anything. My friends love to make me help them move because a 335-pound deadlift really comes in handy more times then you’d think when trying to move that couch you’re sitting on!!

What would you say the biggest struggle girls your age have with their body image? What do you think would change it?

Being attractive doesn’t mean being a stick figure. In this day and age girls focus too much on what the media and popular culture says is “pretty” and “beautiful” rather than deciding that themselves. Media has become such a staple in our lives that it wants us to believe that these “pretty/beautiful” people are the healthy ones, as opposed to those who work hard, eat well, and live long. A man who thinks that Camille LeBlanc-Bazinet and Lindsay Smith aren’t attractive should be slapped across the face. I’d say do some research and make up your own mind as to what the ‘best’ body image is; I bet a lot of girls out there would be surprised at what they found.

If you could convince the little girls of the next generation one thing in relation to health, fitness or body image what would it be?

Strong is sexy - in more ways than just physical. Being able to think and act for yourself is such a powerful feeling. Mental, emotional, and physical strength will support a lifestyle that’s desired by most and held by few. Remember that at the end of the day, it’s not what others think about you, rather it’s how you hold and view yourself.

What makes you radical?

I’ve been in control of my life and unaffected by people’s opinions of me. I am head captain of my crew team, will graduate high school with over a 4.0 GPA, have set a national record for deadlifting, and will become a commissioned Naval officer. I think I’m doing just fine in my own non-traditional ways. I’d suggest you give it a try and see how it works for you!

I am so glad there are young women out their like Darby, moving to the beat of their own drum, challenging ideals, redefining convention. Thanks to Darby for taking her time to for this Q&A. I have no doubt that she will be successful in whatever is she does in life and that she will have a positive impact on many people, especially other women her age, and in turn the next generation.

Attention CrossFitters…

Coming soon in 2012 the Radical Hateloss Discussion Series for women who CrossFit. Please take a few moments to complete this survey. If you or someone you know, would be a perfect special guests for one of these calls- please contact me at Stephanie@radicalhateloss.com

Tips for Falling Back in Love with your Body in the New Year!

2011-12-30T14:26:00.000-05:00

Lets face it, you once were madly in love with your body. As a baby you delightfully discovered your fingers and toes. As a child you bravely ventured together into the unknown world…jumping, running, playing together.

As it happens with even the most exciting love affairs…sometimes things go wrong. Where and when we may not know, but somehow our relationship switched from joyful and easy to unhappy and difficult.

Good news is you’re here reading this blog, which probably means you are willing and ready to rekindle the love. Here are my tips for falling back in your most intimate relationships the one with your physical being.

Speak Kindly

If the only way you ever spoke about your lover was in negatives and criticisms, what would that do to the relationship? Pay attention to how you speak about your body, and commit to not trashing your thighs or mid section every chance you get. Instead speak kindly. You may not love parts of your body, but the question is can you accept them? If you stop speaking negatively, your body will be happier- but the added bonus- You can be a RADICAL role model for other women- particularly the young ladies in your life.

Have Fun

Having fun together is crucial to any relationship. If you already know what physical activity you enjoy- find a way to do it. Perhaps you used to play soccer or do gymnastics as a kid; find a recreation league or adult gymnastics class. If you never have found a physical activity you enjoy- go out and try anything that seems interesting. When you are open, you just might be surprised what opportunities will magically arrive. Besides, If you are enjoying physical activity- you won’t need a resolution to keep up with it.

Eat Together

Sharing a meal- one of life’s most ancient forms of intimacy. So many of us spend our time eating without taking the time to be with our bodies as we eat. Start inviting your body to the table more often. Eat atleast a meal a day fully present- without the telephone, remote, computer or steering wheel. Pay attention to how the food tastes, smells, feels in your mouth- to how it makes your body feel. You just might experience a new joy eating foods that are healthy for your body and be able to enjoy pleasure foods without guilt.

Discover What’s Really Important

Sometimes there comes a point in a relationship when counterparts need to sit down to figure out what it is that is really important to both of them. You may want to be a specific size or weight but chances are your body cares more about how it feels then how it looks. What is the common ground you both want? What would feeling happy everyday for both you and your body look like? What are the qualities (instead of quantities) that would satisfy both of you. Figuring out what is important is key to choosing behaviors in alignment with your values. What might change when you decide what you do and don’t do everyday according to whether it honors your values instead of because it is a means to an end?

Are you ready for a radical 2012? What seems impossible now….is possible. I know it, and you will too. Happy new years!!

Thank You!

2011-12-21T13:53:00.001-05:00

The holidays are an opportunity for me to look back at my previous year, think about what I have accomplished as well as when I have learned. I also think about all of the people I am grateful for, all those that have impacted my life over the previous year.

This year I am particularly grateful for all of you, those who have supported Radical Hateloss.

Whether you have simply took the time to read my posts, commented on them or sent me an email letting me know you appreciate my message…Thank You.

Whether you have done a sample session with me, worked with me for a few months or are my coaching client now….Thank You.

Whether you have shared my link, interviewed me, or just told someone about my website….Thank You.

Whether you have been featured in a post or simply seen some part of yourself in one…Thank You.

Whether you have helped me grow as a person professionally or personally….Thank You.

This year I have learned that I can help others to live more fulfilled lives, to experience joy and ease and freedom with their bodies. Making the jump from experiencing that miracle in my own life to watching it unfold in the lives of others is humbling and exhilarating. I feel so blessed to be able to be doing this important work in the world. THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME IN WHATEVER WAY THAT YOU DO!

There are women all over this land, ready for a radical new way to finally be free from the struggles with there body. I plan on being apart in as many of their transformations as possible in this New Year and beyond.

Wishing you and yours a happy and healthy holiday season! See you in 2012!

In Love & Peace,

Stephanie Vincent

P.S. THANK YOU to my husband, kids & mother for supporting me in all of my endevours! And a special thanks to a dear friend, Hal who is no longer in this world- your were always one of my biggest cheerleaders- I love you and miss you very much.

Fierce Courage

2011-12-15T14:44:00.000-05:00

Changing your relationship with your body is going to take fierce courage.

You’ve got a lifetime of practice under your belt of beating yourself up- worried about numbers or how you look. The easy way is to continue to do what you know best.

Changing your beliefs- that is the road less traveled, but it’s the only road that leads to you living a life of JOY and EASE and FREEDOM.

You must summon the courage to look conventional wisdom, and its allies in the face and say,

“NOT ME, NOT ANYMORE.

I know my worth, and it isn’t measured on a scale or on a tag.

What matters to me is not what I will look like tomorrow but how I feel today.

I am not at odds with a body that isn’t good enough, but rather allies with my physical being that is an essential part of who I am- in every moment no matter how it looks.”

It’s going to take practice and dedication to change your norm. New challenges will arise that threaten the new system you’ve put in place. Every once and awhile you will stumble and maybe even fall.

But rest assured-- once you know, you can’t unknown.

Have fierce courage and unstoppable faith in that knowing- you can change YOUR world, and in turn begin to change the world for all of us.

The Roach Problem

2011-12-08T12:19:00.000-05:00

Call it what you will.

Gremlin. Ego. Saboteur. Negative Self Talk.

It’s the voice in our heads that says, “You are not good enough.”The exact words are different for each of us but the sentiment is the same.

It keeps us small. It keeps us from going for it. It keeps our lives the same, in endless loops repeating the same experiences over and over again.

You are at the point where you are aware of this voice, but yet you seem to have no ability to overcome it. You try to ignore it. You try to replace it with positivity. You try to argue with it. And yet there it is- seemingly running the show. It doesn’t allow you to accept yourself. It doesn’t allow you to enjoy your successes. It doesn’t allow you to be free from guilt and fear- so that you can enjoy your life (and your body).

That negative voice is like roaches.

You can try to ignore an infestation, but it only gets bigger

You can try to put out flowers to make things better, but they are still there.

You can try to squash them one by one, and be battling forever.

Or you can turn on the light. In the darkness they will be crawling all over you, but in the light they scatter and hide.

You turn on the light by acknowledging that voice with full consciousness. Not trying to ignore it, replace it or change it- but simply noticing it. To notice it is to separate from it, for it is not you. It has no real power until you believe it by living from it unconsciously or by giving it enough credit to argue with it.

It may sound radical but try saying YES to the voice the moment that you notice it. Fully welcome it into the full light of your consciousness, and see what happens.

The more practice you have turning on the light, the easier it becomes to leave it on or turn it back on again when it goes off. The negative thoughts like roaches without darkness cannot feed, and their numbers will decrease over time.

Just imagine…what will become possible when you have all the time and energy you spend ignoring, replacing and fighting that voice?

You need to be more DISCIPLINED!

2011-11-25T14:41:00.004-05:00

This is a repost from June 16, 2011

When you think about the word discipline, what comes to mind?

Perhaps- will power, sacrifice, difficulty, pain….

Why in the world would any of us want to be self-disciplined with those connotations?

It's no wonder we seem to ultimately fail at our attempts to discipline ourselves into making changes in our lives!

But perhaps if we changed how we think about discipline, things would be different.

The word discipline comes from the word disciple. A disciple is a follower of the doctrines of a teacher or a school of thought. Most notably were the Disciples of Christ. Devoted followers, who gave up all else to commit their lives to their savior.

What if self-discipline was the act of following what you are devoted to, committing your life to your highest self? What if you gave up fear, insecurity & inadequacy and committed your life to that self?

What if you, were your own savior?

To become a disciple of your own highest self, first you must find her. She can be found in the quiet space in between your thoughts. She can be found when your body is alive with energy, when you are doing something you love. She can be found in the joy you feel when your deeply connected with another human being. She knows nothing of numbers on a scale or clothing tags. She only knows wholeness, beauty and contentment. She revels in your uniqueness.

You may have heard this one before, “You need to be more self disciplined!” Indeed!!! Follow your self. Follow her before all others. Allow her to lead you to behaviors that are aligned with your greatest good. Discipline will no longer require will power, sacrifice, difficulty and pain. Instead discipline creates natural flow, giving in, ease and JOY.

How might your life change, if you became a disciple of your highest self?

"We have all a better guide in ourselves, if we would attend to it, than any other person can be."

~Jane Austin

The Intrinsic Motivation for Healthy Behaviors

2011-11-03T12:20:00.001-04:00

Source

What motivates you to eat well & exersize?

Perhaps losing weigh.

What happens when the numbers don’t move down fast enough, or stop?

Might be the promise of a cheat meal or a purchase at the mall.

What happens when the sacrifice is no longer worth the reward?

Maybe getting “healthy.”

What happens when immediate changes aren’t evident?

You just may have something to prove to someone in your life.

What happens when the win- turns out to be unsatisfying?

Could be the thrill of zipping up those size jeans.

What happens when you zip and find…it’s still not enough

You quit. You stop. You go back to old behaviors, old habits and unconscious ways out of alignment with your highest good.

What might be different if your motivation didn’t live in some future moment, but rather in each bite, in each movement?

Intrinsic Motivation- Joy, Pleasure, Immediate Reward, Satisfaction.

If you love your body without condition…

Caring for it is Joyful.

Choosing behaviors in alignment with self-love is pleasurable

A sense of wellness is the immediate reward

Nothing needs to change in order for you to be satisfied- the love itself is satisfying.

Acceptance won’t stop you from your highest physical possibly. It is the key, to being able to love yourself enough to experience how effortless healthy choices can feel. It is loving yourself now (no matter how now looks) that provides intrinsic motivation to eat the foods and engage in the physical movement in your best interest.

There are all kinds of places and people that have given you the message that you need to change something to be good enough. That is a BOLD FACE LIE…..I know it and YOU know it…It’s probably the reason you are reading this blog.

Your challenge, A one week experiment: Live from the part of you that knows a physical change is never going to make you happy. Accept yourself- choose to be happy now in your current skin. Tell yourself you believe you have nothing to do, or change or prove or be to be enough. Love yourself completely.

Too daunting even for a week? Fake it! Pretend you are someone else you see as someone who exhibits self love and acceptance. Play the role...just for the week.

As you make choices about food and movement during the week, ask yourself “what is in alignment with my love?” Do that (no matter what the answer is). Be curious about the experience of the intrinsic motivation of self love. What feels different about the experience? How does it change things?

What Does Living From Your Authentic Self Really Mean?

2011-10-27T12:23:00.000-04:00

Living from your authentic self- it sounds like a spiritual and evolved thing to do, but what the heck does that mean, really?

Let’s try a little experiment.

In a moment I want you to try not to think. Once you stop thinking, wait for the first thought to appear. When it does, just notice it.

DO IT NOW.

Who is the you that waited and watched the thought?

You are not your thoughts, as you are not your emotions.

The authentic you is separate from thoughts and emotions, yet connected; connected to others, and connected to all that is.

You have at times lived from your authentic self. The experience of time standing still, being completely in the moment without having to work at it, feeling brilliantly alive.

You inhabit the authentic self naturally when you’re doing something you love, when you’re experiencing life’s most memorable moments, when you connect intimately with others, when you experience extreme pleasure and even extreme pain or physical intensity.

Living from your authentic self however means consciously choosing it in the moments that it’s not so easy. Moments that are boring and humdrum. Moments that are uncomfortable. Moments when your thoughts and emotions are taking you on a roller coaster ride you can’t seem to get off of.

Why live from your authentic self?

Your authentic self remains constant. It is unchanged by circumstance, unchanged by your environment, unchanged by your thoughts or your feelings. The authentic self is always whole, always complete, always there with you.

Living from that wholeness is freedom. When circumstance, environment, thoughts and feelings arrive- you are able to notice them and make choices in alignment with your highest good (rather than react or feel trapped by them)

The concept of living more fully from the authentic self is essential to finding freedom with your body’s health and your emotional wellness in relationship to it. Being able for the first time to differentiate the authentic you from your thoughts, feelings and behaviors, leads to the ability to begin to get intensely curious about them…what you will learn from being simply curious, will change your life.

To find out more about the concept of Authentic Self and how it relates to the relationship with your body join me for a discussion at one of my upcoming free tele-classes in November. For more information and to register visit the Radical Hateloss Workshops & Classes tab.

“You find peace not by rearranging the circumstances of your life,

but by realizing who you are at the deepest level.”
― Eckhart Tolle

Repost: Kicking the Scale and Mr. Gremlin to the Curb!

2011-10-14T12:02:00.000-04:00

Today's blog post is a repost. It was the 10th blog post I ever posted way back in November of 2009. The post was about the choice I made in the beginning of the shifts in my life, to no longer weigh myself regularily. It was one of the best choices I ever made.

Not long after I made the commitment, once and for all to RADICALLY love & except myself, I was faced with a decision. I started to wonder if weighing myself weekly, was aligned with my new way of looking at old issues. It seemed to me that if I was truly focusing on the present moment with eating and exercise, that weighing myself would be a bit irrelevant. I was not changing my lifestyle for the reward of weight loss. I was changing my life, to be more aligned with my life’s purpose, the present moment.

So as you probably know, I decided to elimated weighing myself completely. This was not easy at first. As I started to embrace a healthy lifestyle, and my clothes were fitting a little looser, I wanted badly to know what that number was. I however resisted the temptation to give in and that has been one of the very best things I have done for myself. The scale is a deceptive tool. It goes without explanation that there was a negative impact on my self image when the number going up. However, I believe that even when the number on the scale was going down, my self image in the long run was taking a beating. There is a little Gremlin that has lived in my head throughout my life. He has constantly told me, that I would have to be thin to be beautiful, to be acceptable, to be whole and to be wanted. He was there each and every time I weighed myself, one of his favorite activites in fact. He would kick me when I was down and pat me on the back when I did well. He was in my head evaluating everything I ate, in times of feast (gaining weight) and famine (losing weight).

So that gremlin is pretty quiet these days (wish it was as simple as no baths and no food after midnight!). He would love for me to bring out that scale each and every week, as a way to validate my self-worth. Sorry Mr. Gremlin, not anymore. I will in fact weigh myself again (maybe at a doctor’s visit?) However I will watch very closely that Mr. Gremlin does not reappear or at least if he does, that he gets put into his place. I wish words could express how liberated I feel. Freedom is a beautiful thing

I continue to be free....and it is still beautiful.

What activities and tools keep your gremlin fed? Whether it is negative or positive- the nourishment by these activties are keeping Mr. Gremlin in control of your life. What might you have to no longer do, inorder to stop feeding your gremilin?

Tired of Working so Hard?

2011-10-06T13:02:00.001-04:00

You have been working hard for years…..

…laying down rail road tracks, piece by piece. Giving your blood, sweat and tears in the name of a healthy and better looking body. If you put in the work now, someday your travels won’t be so hard. One day in the future things will get easier- you will get on board the train and finally be able to relax and enjoy the ride.

Convention tells you, you must work to get the results you are looking for. That it’d going to be hard. It’s going to take will power.

What if convention is wrong?

What if you could stop working so hard…..today?

What if the tracks were already built, but you just haven’t taken a moment to notice them running along side you?

Decide its time to take a break from all your work. Time to stop fighting. Time to stop resisting. Time to stop trying to convince yourself the manual labor is getting you any closer to what you want.

Stop and look around you.

You might just see a set of tracks close by. They may be a little over grown with grasses, but they are there just the same. Tracks ready for the train of being satisfied with your body, being your healthiest self, feeling a sense of wellness and ease.

Once you catch sight of those tracks, there is no going back to that hard work again.

Once you know, you can’t un-know.

What is it that you want more…

….to find yourself one day at the end of the rail road line, having WORKED your whole way there?

….or would you rather get a chance to enjoy your ride?

I’d like to dedicate this blog post to a Life Coaching client of mine who had the courage to stop, look around and because she did has begun the ride of her life.

A Date to the Dentist’s Office

2011-09-23T14:04:00.000-04:00

In a sense working out is like a date with your body. It is quality time with your physical self. A set time for your attention to be completely focused on it, instead of everything else it your life. Its purpose is to increase health. Health in the relationship but also to the health of the individuals you (mental health) and your body (physical health).

What kind of dates are you having with your body?

Are they boring, routine and unsatisfying?

Or are they fun, exciting and rewarding?

Is working out like a visit to the dentist office? You go because you need to; to be healthy. It is not an enjoyable experience and you sure wouldn’t go if you didn’t have to. Yes, You feel a sense of satisfaction when you’re done and you feel good when you leave (who doesn’t like that sparkly clean teeth feeling?) But despite the after glow you still need will power to show up for the next visit. Often you can find all sorts of reasons to reschedule or put off till next week.

Is working out like a date to the dentist office?

You wouldn’t take anyone on a date to the dentist office.

Why not take your body on dates that are enjoyable for both of you? Dates that are so intrinsically rewarding you forget they are having positive impact on health. Dates that you can’t wait to go on.

Working out doesn’t have to happen inside of a gym. It doesn’t have to involve a treadmill or a magazine (in fact a magazine is probably a sign you are in a dentist office). Working out can and should be FUN. It should be intrinsically rewarding…especially if you want it to stay a part of your life long term. If working out is a means to end alone…there will be an end.

You and your body may not be experienced daters, or only know the way to the dentist office. So there is only one way to find out what kind of dates will be fun....start trying new things! The possibilities are endless, from yoga to weightlifting, from hiking to yoga, from run clubs to recreational sport leagues, from group classes to a personal trainer. Don’t settle on anything less than physical activity that is thrilling, that wakes you up and makes you feel alive and brilliantly connected to your body.

When you enjoy working out it will easily become a regular occurrence in your life. Imagine what regular dates would do for the relationship with your body? Imagine how you will feel? How your body will feel?

Shift your perspective on working out from should to want….from chore to date... and see what happens.

Check out my blog post this week on 5th Element Fitness:

2yrs & Box Jumps

The Life You Were Meant to Live

2011-09-08T13:16:00.001-04:00

There are all sorts of ways the struggles with your body impact your life. They rob you of your time and energy. They affect your intimate relationships. They have costs you lots of money. They have gotten in the way of your social life. You have suffered, time and again. However the saddest of all, is the fact that they have gotten in the way of the life you were meant to live.

I’m not talking about you living a life you are satisfied with, but rather a life that is unabashedly FULLFILLING. A life that makes you feel alive with possibilities every day. A life that effects the world- in your own unique way. A life lived in alignment with your values, your authentic self in the present moment.

It’s all well and good to be motivated to change the relationship with your body for the sake of your physical health. Living a long life, being physically functional and disease and symptom free is important.

It’s a worth while cause to be motivated to change the relationship with you body for the sake of your emotional wellness. Feeling peaceful, at ease and content is important.

But imagine this; what would it be like to be motivated to change the relationship with your body for the sake of the life you were meant to live? Letting your light shine, sharing your gifts and talents and impacting the world isn’t important.... it is essential to the very essence of your being, to the core of your soul, to the heart of your authentic self.

THE WORLD IS WAITING FOR YOU to arrive, to show up fully in your life-- but you won’t be able to do this while being at war with your body. You may not be able to call cease fire in this very moment, but you can choose, RIGHT NOW that you are committed to change the relationship with your body for the sake of the life you were meant to live, for the sake of how that life will undoubtedly impact those it touches.

Geneen Roth says, “What you most want to get rid of is itself the doorway to what you want most.” What could you possibly want more than a life of total fulfillment? Committing to that life is seeing that door and stepping up to it. Opening the door and walking through maybe another story, but it’s a lot more likely that you will go though it if you can see the door and have a damn good reason to walk thorugh to the other side that’s full of unknowns.

If the Life You Were Meant to Live was on the other side of a doorway, how committed would you be to walking through it?

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

-Marianne Williamson

Being With What Is

2011-09-01T13:34:00.000-04:00

We desperately want to change. Change our bodies, change our negative thoughts and emotions about them or change unhealthy habits and behaviors.

Time after time, day after day we continue to want to change what is. Our wanting is all consuming. What if you just stopped wanting change and decided to just be with what is?

“BUT If I don’t want to change how will my body or my thoughts about my body ever be healthy?”

“If I stop wanting things to be different won’t my body, my health, my life spiral out of control?”

How has your endless wanting things to be different, day after day, probably even year after year worked for you?

Why not give “Being with what is” a shot?

Lay down your judgments, lay down your frustration, lay down your guilt and resentment and lay down your attempts to convince yourself you are good enough.

Lay down the fight, the battle, and the endless resistance of what is…..and just be with whatever is there. Be with the negative thoughts, be with the extra weight, be with the food issues. Allow them to be and get very curious. Pay attention to them in an unattached way. Pay attention to what happens when you allow them to be, instead of making them your enemy.

Time and time again I see magic happen when a woman is brave enough to be with what she most wants to be different. Sometimes she discovers something she didn’t know before like “I’m scared to not have it, its all I know, who will I be without it?” She often begins to notice a separation between her authentic self and her thoughts, her emotions or her behaviors. She experiences what was wants so very negative, begins to lose its charge. She starts to feel more present, more capable, more empowered, more free. And the most amazing miracle is when the change she has desperately sought begins to happen, without her even trying.

My challenge to you: In the next week, take the very thing you are fighting most with and just be with what is. When you notice thoughts, feelings or behaviors related to it…do nothing to stop them. Instead say yes to them, welcome them into your existence, and allow them to be as they are. As you do this, pay attention to what happens.

If you take the challenge I’d love to hear from you about what the experience is like! Please drop me a line at Stephanie@radicalhateloss.com

Link:

Check out 5^th Element Fitness a new blog I am a contributing writer for on the role of mind, emotion and spirit in crossfit.

Radical Woman Q&A with CrossFit Athlete and Affiliate Owner, Kate "Killer" Rawlings

2011-08-25T12:03:00.008-04:00

You are stronger than you think. Emotionally, mentally and physically." -Kate Rawlings

Kate “Killer” Rawlings is a professional CrossFit Athlete, endorsed by Reebok and the Owner of a CrossFit Affiliate, Coca Crossfit in North Ridgeville Ohio. Kate was an athlete in college but in the years after graduating gained 80lbs. Kate found CrossFit and not only got back in shape but made it to the 2010 CrossFit Games(only the top three athletes in each region make the cut)

I first connected with Kate Rawlings when I was gifted by a dear friend (and past Radical Woman Q&A subject), Cheri with a Radical Hateloss Sponsorship of Kate on her CrossFit Games T-Shirt.

Cheri says,
“I read about Kate and totally identified with her story. Active up until college graduation, desk job, sedentary -- then boom, next thing you know you're living in a body you don't even recognize. I have SO been there.

When I found out about her t-shirt fundraiser, at first I was just interested in ordering a shirt. And then I had the idea that I knew of a message that was worthy of being spread, and I could do that in support of an athlete who I felt would understand that message. I wanted Kate to go to the Games, and I wanted the world to learn more about Radical Hateloss. And so I emailed Kate and the rest is history. :)”

Cheri gets the prize for the coolest and most awesome gift I have ever received. Along with that gift has come a connection with an amazing athlete and coach who “understands the message”

Without further ado, a Radical Woman Q&A with Kate Rawlings.

How did you make the transition, mentally and emotionally speaking from overweight former collegiate athlete to CrossFit Games competitor?

When I started CrossFit I simply wanted to get healthy. At 24 years old and almost 190lbs I knew that I was on a bad path. It wasn’t until I went to my Level 1 Certification in November of 2008 that I was exposed to people outside of my box. We tackle Fran and I had the fastest women’s time. It was that moment that I thought I should try competing.

I bunkered down, started zoning and increased my training intensity. I DNF’d a wod at my first CrossFit Regional and almost hung it up, but 2010’s Sectional was at the Arnold Classic and I couldn’t pass up that opportunity. I headed into the Central East Regional hoping to finish top 20. After the first workout I was in forth place and there I sat all weekend until I finished just far enough ahead of Becky Conzelman to earn a spot at the 2010 CrossFit Games.

I must say I wasn’t mentally or emotionally ready for the 2010 CrossFit Games. I had doubts about my abilities and was still trying to figure out how I had gotten there. Heading into the 2011 season I was finally feeling like I deserved to be at the games when I broke my back. 2012 I feel like I’ll finally have all my ducks in a row so to speak.

What did you learn from breaking your back and not being able to compete this year?

As strange as it sounds breaking my back forced me to slow down significantly. It gave me a chance to focus on building my box, Coca CrossFit and really focus on why I started CrossFit, to improve my health. Competing is just a bonus. It helped me put it all into perspective. I had become so consumed with competing that I lost sight of why I fell in love with CrossFit in the first place.

What are universal truths do you believe about food, eating, & fitness?

Food’s truth: Crap in, Crap out. Meaning if you’re eating crap your performance will directly suffer.

Eating’s truth: Food is fuel. Change your relationship from eating for enjoyment to eating for performance and survival.

Fitness’s truth: Don’t wish it was easier, wish you were better – Rohn. There’s always an easy way out, but choosing not to take it will make you a stronger person mentally, emotionally and physically.

What role does self-love and acceptance play in your health and wellness?

HUGE! I have said it before and I still struggle with it… body image issues. I’m constantly fighting the urge to want to lose weight so I have a ripped six-pack when I know I make the most strength gains carrying a few extra pounds. CrossFit isn’t about who looks the best, it’s who’s the fittest. That comes in all shapes and sizes. Accepting myself with all my flaws has made me not only a better athlete, but a better coach, friend and role model.

You are not just an athlete, you are a coach & a trainer. What have you learned from the athletes you train?

As a trainer and affiliate owner I have the opportunity to impact someone’s life every single day. I have learned more from my athletes than I could ever explain. I see them grow and push themselves day after day. I see a sparkle in their eye when they do something they’ve never done before, and I chase that high every single day.

What advice do you have for the women out there, which have lost a level of fitness they once had?

It’s NEVER too late. Regardless if you were an Olympic level athlete or you’ve never worked out a day in your life, there’s an athlete inside you and given the right motivation you can get it to come out.

If you had the opportunity to communicate one vital message to all women, what would it be?

You’re stronger than you think. Mentally, emotionally and physically.

What makes you radical?

Radical? hmmm. I would have to say that one thing that makes me radical is that I have been open and honest about my life’s triumphs and defeats on my blog, katerawlings.com. In a society where most people worry about being or portraying something I just am.

Anything else you want to share with readers?

I’m here to help in any way I can. Call me, email me or stop in and say hi! Cell: 440.724.6587; Email: krawlings1278@gmail.com

What About You?

2011-08-09T14:18:00.005-04:00

My last status update on Facebook, posed the question, “How would you describe the current relationship you have with your body?” The question got some really awesome answers and then a reader commented, “what about you?”

Before I talk about my current relationship with my body- I should talk a little bit about how things used to be between me and her.

Things between us started off well, as all babies relationships with their bodies likely do, things started of intimate and innocent. It’s hard to pinpoint where things started to go wrong exactly. However I think my role model for relationships with body probably had something to do with our problems. Mom and her body weren’t exactly a happy couple. Our relationship got infused with fear. I learned to believe if my body got FAT, that would be the worse that could happen. As fate would have it, that is exactly what happened.

By the time I was a teenager, I clearly blamed my body for all the bad things about my life. It was her fault I didn’t get boyfriends like the other girls, it was her fault I had to wear ugly clothes, it was her fault I was unhappy. Over the years I tried to change her many times into something I could like, but it always ended in failure. Even when she seemed to be trying to please me, I found I was still unhappy in the relationship. This made me even sadder about my life. The sadder I was the meaner I was to her. I stuffed her with food, got her abusively drunk, and put her in unsafe situations.

Things just seemed to be getting worse. My daughter was born, and even though I knew it was imperative for my daughter’s sake that I get things together…the relationship spiraled even more out of control. It was headed down a path towards divorce (keep in mind there is only one way one can get out of a relationship with the body).

I hit the bottom, but at the bottom came realization. I realized my body was never going to make me happy. That my worth and wholeness had nothing to do with her. Those realizations made it possible, probably for the first time since I was a baby to really experience her and get to know her. I let go of any expectations I previously had, and gave her the unconditional love she needed. I started to listen to what she had to say. Our once tumultuous relationship started to have a natural flow to it, it stopped being hard and got easier and easier.

So how would I describe the current relationship I have with my body?

Our relationship is peaceful.

I listen to her. I don’t have expectations of what she has to be or does not have to be to make me happy. I love her unconditionally. Before it was difficult to treat her well but now it doesn’t seem like I have any other choice but to care for her, it comes natural. My worth is not based on her. My wholeness is mine. She cannot give it or take it. However the more I am connected to it, the more our relationship flourishes with love.

The relationship with my body reminds me of any other intimate relationship in my life. It needs trust, communication and nurturing. The more I am connected to my whole self, the more I can connect in a positive way whoever I am in relationship with. Trying to change another person never works in terms of being successful at changing them or creating happiness in the relationship. However unconditionally loving them brings out the very best in them and the best in the relationship.

If you looked at your relationship with your body, as if it were a relationship with a lover, a friend or family member, what do you notice?

Too Something

2011-08-02T12:28:00.006-04:00

I don’t want to know if your body is muscular.

I want to know, do you enjoy physical activity?

I want to know, can you do the daily tasks of life without struggle?

I don’t want to know if you are thin.

I want to know, do you experience the feeling of wellness in your every day life?

I want to know, are you disease or symptom free?

I don’t want to know if you’re over weight.

I want to know, is your relationship with food easy and joyful?

I want to know, does the food you eat nourish your body and your life?

You see, they are telling us we are too fat, too skinny, too muscular. They are telling us and we are making it our own, breeding it into the next generation of women that are always going to feel “too” something.

We spend our lives trying to be something other than what we are. Saying fuck you to our god given genetics- locking in to fight a war we will never win.

What if the war was of our own creating? What if in this very moment if could be over?
What if instead of being “too” something, your body was enough?

What is it that you really want? To be thinner? To gain weight? To be that size, that weight, that BMI? To be more muscular? Less muscular?

Or do you really want to enjoy physical activity? To have a fully functional body that allows you to do the tasks of life and those physical tasks you enjoy? Not just be healthy but to feel healthy each and every day of your life? To enjoy food whether it is for fuel or for pleasure?

Isn’t what we all really want to be satisfied and fulfilled with ourselves and our physical bodies?

What would it change if your focus was on what you REALLY want, instead of focusing on wanting to be less than “too” something?

Don't Judge Your Book by its Cover.

2011-08-01T20:35:00.005-04:00

This weekend was the CrossFit Games, the super bowl of the sport of CrossFit. The winners were crowned “the fittest on earth”. There was something that struck me as I watched these athletes compete, “you can’t measure fitness by the way someone’s body looks”

Don’t get me wrong, none of the top CrossFit athlete’s look unfit. However if there had been a line up of the athletes that competed in the games picking the people with the most toned bodies and biggest muscles would have not correlated with who actually won the competition.

So the moral of the story is- Physical Appearance does not equate fitness. Nor does it equate functionality or health. Nor does it equate beauty, or worthiness or the ability to be content with oneself. The truth is “you can’t judge a book by its cover.”

What our bodies look like on the outside has little to do with how healthy we are, how well we feel, how content we are with ourselves or how well our bodies can function.

Why is it then that we measure our success by how our bodies look? How they look in comparison to how they used to look, how we want them to look and to all the other bodies around us.

Where has judging our books by our covers gotten us? unhappy. dissatisfied. lacking. Because changing the cover isn’t going to make it a best seller. It’s what’s inside that will make it a classic. The words, the story, the physical structure of the binding that holds the pages together.

What might shift in your life if you stopped judging your book by its cover and started paying attention to what lies behind it?

What We Resist Persists

2011-07-27T20:26:00.000-04:00

We wage war on our negative feelings, determined to fight them away.

We diligently implant thoughts of self love and acceptance into our psyches, with sheer force of will determined to make them stick.

We in exasperation give up- burying what seems too hard to face….in food or drink or sex or ____________.

And where do we end up?

Right back in the place we know so well.

NOT….GOOD….ENOUGH.

The truth is what we resist, it does persist. Again and again and again.

Fighting, replacing, and escaping don’t work and they never will.

What if there was another way?

What if you give up the fight, and said YES to what ever feelings are here right now?

What if you forget about how you should feel and just allow yourself to feel the way you do right now in this very moment?

What if you bravely move through the pain, fully connected in the knowing that your authentic self would survive its worst?

Why not give it a try? What have you got to lose but suffering, struggling and discontent?

Be courageously WHERE YOU ARE. Give yourself fully to what you feel. Don’t squash what shows up, no matter how ugly. Instead allow it to be.

Giving in to what you feel isn’t giving in to your emotional pain. It’s the very thing that will bring you to a place you may have never been before….finally…. good…. enough.

Happy Weight Calculator

2011-07-13T14:17:00.005-04:00

I don’t know why, but I decided to browse Self Magazines Website today. Out of curiosity I clicked on their “happy weight” calculator. I plugged in my info and discovered, according to them I need to lose around 65lbs to be happy. Not only happy but apparently healthy as well since the claim was “Happy Weight is a simple way to gauge how healthy your weight is for your height.” One could assume from their calculations that I must be pretty darn unhealthy.

However at my current weight I have no chronic illness or symptoms of any. At my current weight I have blood work, that indicates all is well in range. At my current weight I have a resting heart rate in the low 50’s . At my current weight I exersize 4-6 times per week and have been exercising consistently for almost 2 yrs. At my current weight my body is functional, I can walk, run, jump, squat and maneuver my body in the ways I need and want to. At my current weight I eat a diet with very little processed foods, simple carbs and sugar. At my current weight I have a positive relationship with food, absent of guilt and abuse.

I think I am TOO BIG for their little calculator. Because it seems to me that I am healthy and happy weighing 225lbs.

I could go into a rant, get angry, explain why this “happy weight” calculator is sad and wrong and contributes to a culture making women sad and utterly miserable about their bodies- short changing the full possibility of their emotional health and quite possibly their physical health as well. That health and weight can be correlated at best, but often have very little to do with each other. But I’ll stop and say this:

A number, any number, can and will never, ever make you happy…. period.

Be happy now.

The Relationship with Our Bodies

2011-07-08T13:21:00.005-04:00

Our relationship with our body is not unlike our relationship with a significant other.

How we think, speak and act about and towards our significant other directly affects the relationship. If we think only negatively about them, criticise them to our friends and to their faces, neglect them and physically or emotionally abuse them-- our relationship will be filled with struggle, pain, discontent & unhappiness. When we treat another badly, the relationship cannot serve their highest good or our own.

So it goes, in the most intimate of relationships; between ourselves and our bodies. Yet somehow we live under the notion that we can tear our bodies down in thought, word and deed and expect that they will still serve us, that somehow they will be healthy despite how they are treated. How can we expect a good relationship with something we treat so badly?

Stop for a minute and get curious about your own relationship with your body….

What are the thoughts you think most often about your body?

What do you say to your body in my own head?

How do you speak about your body to others?

How do you check in with your body to see what it wants and needs on a daily basis?

How does what you say and do impact your body?

The relationship you have with your body, isn’t one you can choose to give up on. You can either suffer or struggle from now until the day you die or you can start treating your body with unconditional love, respect & dignity.

How would your life be different if the relationship with your body was filled with joy?

How would your life be different if the relationship served both you and your body's highest good?

What if you brought out the best in each other?

What then?

Radical Woman Q&A with Tamara Cohen

2011-06-28T11:42:00.025-04:00

I am pleased to share with you another Radical Woman Q & A with weightlifter and gym owner Tamara Cohen. Tamara caught my attention, when I noticed her using the word Fat a lot on FaceBook in reference to herself. Of course that made me pay attention! I discovered she wasn’t a women who was struggling with self-image, rather a women redefining it. She's not only is redefining for herself, but offers that same prospect to other women. Included with this Q&A are some pictures from Tamara’s album entitled “weight is just a number.” There is a real gift in these pictures, and I’m so glad that she shares them.

Introducing Radical Woman, Tamara Cohen....

Who is Tamara Cohen and what makes her Radical?
I’m a wife and a mom and a business owner and a competitive mastersweightlifter. I don’t think I would describe myself as “radical,” though. I think others often see me as radical because I speak my mind. If I think it, then I am probably going to say it. I have a low tolerance for B.S., and I don’t really care what is politically correct. I’ve survived using an “In Your Face” philosophy for a long time. It makes people think. At the moment, that attitude revolves lifting barbells. A few years ago, it involved nursing a three
year old in public.

How have you grown into the women you are today?
I come from a family of strong minded women. My mother has six sisters and two brothers. I grew up sitting at a family table of 30 plus people, and if you wanted to be heard, you had to speak loudly and often. All of my aunts played sports seriously. It was never an option not to play sports in my family, so I grew up playing competitive soccer. I think all of the women in my family are awesome and strong for different reasons.

You lovingly call your self ‘fat’ what’s that all about? Is there a stand that you are taking by using that word?
As a kid, I was always skinny. In fact, I graduated from college weighing about 118 lbs at 5’8. Skinny. After college, I gained some weight, but more importantly, I stopped playing sports regularly. When I started lifting in 2009, which was first at a CrossFit affiliate, I had two kids, I was still nursing one of them, and I had gotten up to 174 lbs. I ended up getting ridiculously lean. I mean, it was crazy. I had lost over 40 lbs, and I was a size 0 or 2. Everyone wanted my abs. And, then when I decided that I wanted to switch gears and get stronger, I started gaining weight again. I was amazed at how many people had a problem with that. It’s like having “the abz” is the most important goal for a lot of people, and the fact that I was giving them up on purpose made no sense. So, I flaunt my “fatness.” It’s kind of cool to me because I have taken photos of myself from the beginning. I have that very first photo at 174 lbs, and you can see how my body has changed with weight loss/gain and my increased muscle mass. I basically use the word “fat” in order to make people think. I don’t believe that most women would say that 160 lbs is their target weight. 160 lbs is “fat” or “overweight” to a lot of women, but I weigh around 160 lbs right now, and I think I look good. And, 99% of people think I look better at this weight than I did 25 lbs ago. In my circle of friends, my abz period is referred to as when I looked “extra methy.”

You’re starting your own gym, Asheville Strength & Conditioning. What are you most excited about in this endeavor?

Everything, haha! It’s awesome. Not only do I finally have a place to get my own training done, but I have a place to train others the way that I want to. I’ve been fortunate to have some really, really good people help me. In fact, I’m in awe of that every day. The number of people who have gone out of their way to help me become a better coach and a better lifter and to get this gym off the ground is just amazing.

Sparkle. Glitter. Elite. Tell me more?
I like to wear sparkly clothes and glitter. I especially love wearing glitter when I lift. And, I like making fun of the overuse of the word “elite.” My coach, Peter Haas, had to email me something one day, and he jokingly asked me, “So, what’s your email address? Sparkleglitterelite@gmail.com?” It was perfect, and it wasn’t taken, so I snagged it. And, now I have that as an email address and a website.

Why would you encourage women to strength train?
Because lifting a heavy barbell is fabulous. I was in love with barbells from the beginning. In fact, I am not sure how I survived 33 years of my life without a barbell. I clearly remember when my goal was to put 100 lbs overhead. It seemed unattainable, so the first time I jerked over 100 lbs was a very big deal. And, now I can press 100 lbs, haha. I think that lifting a barbell is probably the single most important thing that women can do to improve their body image. Lifting heavy and feeling stronger and seeing how muscle mass changes your body is a phenomenal experience

What are your thoughts on having a healthy body and body image in general?
I think I am fortunate that I’ve always had a pretty healthy body image. Even when I was at my heaviest in 2009, I didn’t think of myself as “fat.” I took that picture of myself, and the only thing I thought was “No one would ever look at this picture and think that I was an athlete.” That’s what defined me. Body weight wasn’t important, but being athletic was. And, when I got super lean, I never thought, “Wow, being skinny is awesome!” Even though I wouldn’t want to go back to being that lean right now, my body at that point reflected my training, so it was fine.

What are your thoughts on food and eating?

I think the number one rule is eat real food. Eat things that aren’t processed. Cut sugar. Meat, fruits, vegetables, and things that you can easily recognize as food. At the same time, I’m not compulsive about it. I ate strictly “clean” for over a year, but I never felt guilty if I had something that wasn’t “Paleo” or “clean.” Once I started trying to gain weight, I found that eating some Jif peanut butter was easier than other options. I’ve added dairy back because I like it, and I don’t seem to have a problem with it. So, I’ve relaxed my “rules” to fit my goals. I just never feel guilty about food choices. If I want it, I eat it. And, that’s another part of my In Your Face philosophy. If I have a DQ Blizzard, you can bet that I will probably post a picture of it on Facebook. Because someone out there is thinking about what a horrible person I am because I ate a DQ Blizzard, and that person needs to get a life.

"You have to figure out a way to love yourself without attaching that love to a number on the scale. As long as you have an “ideal” bodyweight in your head, you will never be happy. Even if you reach that number, you won’t be happy. That’s just not how it works. Find something that you love and do it."

If you could change one thing about our culture in regards to women’s health and their relationships to their bodies, right now- so that your own daughter would experience something different….what would that be?
Sexy does not have to mean skinny. Sexy is about self image. It is about confidence. When you are confident, it shows. I think lifting a barbell is an obvious way for women to develop confidence. It takes strength to get physically strong. Anyone who has been under the bar for a 3x5 or 5x5 set of squats knows this. So, lifting a barbell accomplishes so many things at once: mental strength, physical strength, confidence, and sexiness. This is why I love barbells.

What would you most like to tell women about health and body image?

You have to figure out a way to love yourself without attaching that love to a umber on the scale. As long as you have an “ideal” bodyweight in your head, you i'll never be happy. Even if you reach that number, you won’t be happy. That’s ust not how it works. Find something that you love and do it. As much as I love barbells, not everyone does. If doing Zumba or running a marathon is what gets you out of bed every day, then do it. Because doing something is always betterthan doing nothing. I did nothing for about four years, and it completely destroyed my self image. Find something that you are passionate about and work to get better at it every day. Then, teach it to someone else.

Thank You Tamara for taking you time to do the Q&A. The world is a better place with all your sparkle and glitter in it!

You need to be more DISCIPLINED!

2011-06-16T14:29:00.009-04:00

When you think about the word discipline, what comes to mind?

Perhaps- will power, sacrifice, difficulty, pain….

Why in the world would any of us want to be self-disciplined with those connotations?

It's no wonder we seem to ultimately fail at our attempts to discipline ourselves into making changes in our lives!

But perhaps if we changed how we think about discipline, things would be different.

The word discipline comes from the word disciple. A disciple is a follower of the doctrines of a teacher or a school of thought. Most notably were the Disciples of Christ. Devoted followers, who gave up all else to commit their lives to their savior.

What if self-discipline was the act of following what you are devoted to, committing your life to your highest self? What if you gave up fear, insecurity & inadequacy and committed your life to that self?

What if you, were your own savior?

To become a disciple of your own highest self, first you must find her. She can be found in the quiet space in between your thoughts. She can be found when your body is alive with energy, when you are doing something you love. She can be found in the joy you feel when your deeply connected with another human being. She knows nothing of numbers on a scale or clothing tags. She only knows wholeness, beauty and contentment. She revels in your uniqueness.

You may have heard this one before, “You need to be more self disciplined!” Indeed!!! Follow your self. Follow her before all others. Allow her to lead you to behaviors that are aligned with your greatest good. Discipline will no longer require will power, sacrifice, difficulty and pain. Instead discipline creates natural flow, giving in, ease and JOY.

How might your life change, if you became a disciple of your highest self?

"We have all a better guide in ourselves, if we would attend to it, than any other person can be."

~Jane Austin

Thanks to Sue & the other ladies of my empowerment circle for giving me a new way to think about the word discipline. You continue to light up my life!

The Importance of Values

2011-06-14T13:48:00.004-04:00

We all have values. Our values aren’t imposed on us by the outside world (although they may have been shaped by it). They are deep within us. They are “must haves” in our lives that make us come alive, feel connected and content.

Our values play out in our lives, regardless of if we have ever taken the time to name them. They play out when our behaviors are aligned with them and we feel great joy. And they play out when our behaviors are incongruent and we experience great suffering.

For instance, if you had a value of “expressing creativity” when you spend time painting daily you would feel joy. However not having the time to paint might make you feel like something is off and out of alignment in your life. If you weren’t conscious of your value of “expressing creativity” You might blame your suffering on your circumstance--your job that requires you to work 9 hours a day, or your family that is demanding of your time. But when you acknowledge the value behind the unhappiness, you are empowered to begin to bridge the divide between your value and your life experiences.

Acknowledging your values in and of itself may not in instant improve your situation (but it might!!) However taking the time to name your values, can truly transform your life. By naming them, you can clearly begin to take steps to align yourself with those values. When you realize how important “expressing creativity” is to you; maybe you decide to do arts and crafts with your kids in the evening or take on designing the bulletin boards at work. By knowing your values, you are empowered to live more fully by them.

We all have some sort of value around our bodies and health, what are yours? Is your value “being a size 6” or might it be “to be healthy”? Is your value to “being 130lbs”? Or is your value “feeling satisfied with how you look”? You cannot be a size 6 today if you’re not already, nor can you lose weight in an instant. But you can immediately start honoring a value of being healthy. Chances are that fad diets or engaging in excessive exersize won’t be in alignment with a value of being healthy. But eating whole foods, feeling energized, and giving your body movement that is enjoyable, will. If your value is “feeling satisfied with how you look” Comparing yourself to everyone around you and focusing on the number on a scale isn’t going to help honor that value. However wearing clothing that suits your current body and paying attention to your positive attributes, probably would.

The more you’re aware of what is really important to you, the more you will be naturally be directed to behaviors, people, tools and experiences that are in alignment with your values. The amazing thing about focusing on honoring values is that the impossible becomes possible.

What values do you have about your body and your health?

How do you honor those values?

How could you honor them more fully, starting right now?

"Values provide perspective in the best of times and the worst”

-Charles Garfield