Indeed, I am completely aware of our unplanned extended study of the Chukchi Sea and the Aurora Borealis due to the S.S. Isopod freezing to the ice sheet for the last two months. You will be pleased to know that we have found the problem and managed to free the ship. Therefore, you can now stop  grumbling about the cold and the excessively fish themed menu.

However, I would like to point out if wasn’t for certain scientists’ blatant disregard of ship protocol by rerouting the hull’s defrost power relays to turn lab 42 into their personal sauna and tanning salon, we would not be in this position.

Also, those that are responsible for placing the animatronic Coelodonta antiquitatis skull in the mess hall freezer, you may be pleased to hear that the medic has successfully patched up the cook after he was gored by the contraption. However, the cook would like to offer his compliments on the fine practical joke. He especially enjoyed the googly eyes mounted in the eye sockets, but would like to request something less pointy next time the urge to engage in merry mischief strikes.

In other news, I would like to announce that Dr. Kippers was the winner of the impromptu ice sculpture contest outside the ship last night. I would like to congratulate him on his expert use of quantum variations to create an ice megaladon that existed in no less then seven dimensions simultaneously.

Second place went to Dr. Savant for her fully articulated and energetic singing ice monkeys. Their rendition of “Danny Boy” was truly moving.

Lastly, honorable mention goes to intern #36 for his ice Tesla coil.

Good job everyone!

Sincerely,

- Captain Tortuga

That can’t be good…

It’s a Sand Trap! Poor Little Mars Rover… -If only they had gone for the sand trap bustin’ flip action add on… It’s still functional other than not being about to wander anymore. One day someone will go out there and give it a good kick to dislodge it, in the mean time, we’re waiting for the Mars Webcam.

Mmmm, Gummy Heart (with bloody center) – It’s the perfect mid-afternoon office snack!

One Step Closer to Nuclear Fusion – With giant lasers! Sure, there’s still the minor issue of creating a controlled fusion with fuel pellets that don’t cost ten thousand dollars each. By the way, is it just me or does that test room look like Xavier’s Cerebro?

Humans, Mostly Virus – Maybe not, but we do have an awful lot  in common in our genome with the little buggers. I suppose that’s just a side effect of being lifeforms on planet Earth. However, it does bring up some interesting questions about virus’ role in our evolution. Very interesting stuff.

Flexible Sheets Capture Energy from Movement – Human power plants are on their way! I suppose the medical uses for this stuff would be useful too.

I hope everyone is in good spirits today. If not, well, never fear! The hard working scientists aboard the S.S. Isopod have been trawling the depths of the interwebtubes for spirit lifting goodness. Though the use of our Amusement-o-tron Confabulator Scanning Device Mark II^TM, the scientists have just uncovered the journals of a Mr. Edmund Finney and his Quest to Find the Meaning of Life.

This comic follows the misadventures of Edmund Finney and all the whimsical and interesting characters he meets along the way.  It’s good fun and has quickly become one of the crew’s favorites.

Today’s comic has especially resonated with the scientists as they have the habit of finding themselves in awkward situations approximately 48.23% more often than the average person.

Yes. They measured.

Check out the comic here.

Good day and happy travels.

Sincerely,

- Captain Tortuga

Vampire Stars – Ooooo! Sparkles!

Glowing Bomb Hunting Bacteria – Scientists have developed bacteria that glows in the presence of explosives.

The Wonderscope! – NPR is looking for some mad scientists to help them put together a series of educational scientific wonderment. So, if you fancy you know enough about a particular topic to explain it in a fun and creative way, now’s your chance to grab your slice of internet fame.

Dr. MegaVolt – … and his mighty Tesla coil of DOOM! (Warning: Video contains a couple seconds of assless-chaps).

Laser Blasting Memories Into The Brain – Now the question must be asked, why didn’t the S.S. Isopod scientists come up with this first?? Brain… LASERS, for Thor’s sake!

Redefining self, phantom self – It’s good to know that if you ever get tentacles integrated into your body it will be a simple task learning how to manipulate them.

The 10 most truly, utterly evil things in sci-fi – That’s EEEVIL.

Meet BigDog’s Two-Legged Brother – Is it just me, or do these remind you of those cleaning droids from Star Wars? I wonder if you have to buy it shoes?

2009 Portland Zombie Walk & Thriller Dance | Pictures + Video – Because if you have that many Zombies in one place, there is some law that requires them to break out and dance at some point.

Music: “Halloween” by The Coffinshakers (courtesy of the Music Alley)

Pi is excited.

Pi’s choice in costume upsets the Captain.

The Captain hints that Pi’s construction is somehow related to Pi’s costume.

Temporal Receiver:  Darkness by Lord Byron read by Chris Miller

The ship has some octo-lanterns for the holiday.

Lab Report: Dr. Gestalt takes the mini-sub out for a joy ride search for alien life. Written and performed by Rachel Ross.

Voice Mail: Lord Vandermore would like to contract out a moon water project to the S.S. Isopod laboratory. Written and performed by David Moore.

Pi thinks that it’s had dysentery.

Pi senses a disturbance in the force.

Lab Report: Dr. Chancerous is experimenting with ways to acquire large quantities of candy. Written and performed by John Cmar. Sound effects provided by the Free Sound Project.

Pi is upset about its mergoats.

Captain Tortuga feels it is necessary to check up on the ship.

Music: “Zombies on my Lawn” by The Volume Brothers (courtesy of the Music Alley)

Credits

Promos: The Secret Lair, Tales of the Children/Stories of Wolfram Hart

——

This episode was written and performed by Natalie Metzger and Andy Steigleder. The theme music is Science Nature 23 by Podcast Troubadour.

What’s this? Why, it is a marvelous piece of art by Radio Isopod listener and contributor, Rachel Ross. Isn’t it glorious? Fantastically nifty keen, even. Thanks Rachel!!

What’s that? You say that you didn’t realize that the S.S. Isopod even had a mini-sub? Oh pleeeease. What type of self-respecting submersible laboratory would we be if we didn’t have a mini-sub? There’s a reason why we have a moon pool after all, you know. In fact, we recently loaned out our mini-sub to the admirable Dr. Gestalt not too long ago. Alas, you will have to wait until the Halloween episode of RI to discover the reason.

As for the Cthulhuian megafauna trailing after the mini-sub… well, it wasn’t attached to the mini-sub after it was returned. We assume that’s a good thing.

If you care to see all the other wondrous wonderment of Rachel, her deviantART gallery is a good place to start. Do be sure check out the mechanical dragons. I am considering ordering one for my office. I’m certain Fluffy the sentient phalaenopsis would get along splendidly with a mechanical dragon. Although… Pi may not…. hmmmmm…

Making a Cloud Chamber – Ever wonder what radioactive decay looks like? Well, lucky for you, this handy how-to details the rather simple process.

Artificial Black Hole – Thanks to the development of metamaterials, scientist have figured out how to create an artificial black hole. Since metamaterials distort space, this allowed a black hole to be created in the lab without the need for large gravitational fields. This particular black hole only has an appetite for microwaves.

Nerve Implants – Nerve implants have been developed to help with arificial limb integration for amputees. This makes me wonder, how long will it be before people are trading in their own flesh for shiny metal appendages?

Robo-Blob – Blobby! Its morphing body allows it to go where no robot has gone before.

Self-Propelling Bacteria Harnessed to Turn Gears – Horse-power is so last century. Now we have bacteria-power! I’m going to put my order in for an E. coli powered car right now.

Wireless Neural Implants – Neural prosthesis have been developed to transfer data externally via a laser though the skin. That’s right. Laser. Skin. The main goal of this technology is for remote control of prosthetic limbs or computer control for the severely paralyzed.

Sweden Turning Stray Rabbits Into Biofuel – Yes, I had to do a double take on this story as well. That’s right, got an abundance of the cute little fuzzy critters (bunnies, cats, deer, cows, really any will do)? Apparently, they make good biofuel… Also, as anyone who has watched The Matrix knows, human makes a great fuel source as well. Really, Sweden, you are just making it easier for the robots to feast on our tasty flesh.

Telepathy is the Future – Ever wish you had your own BrainPal? Well, that technology may be closer than you think. Personally, I’m not going to get one until it has a good spam-blocker.

Well, at least they have a map now… even if it is shaped suspiciously like a giant brain.