The Planets Best Political Humor at RadioactiveLiberty.com

Obama Will Get Terrorist Off

Les James — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 13:00:33 +0000

J.A.R. -Just Another Rant

I’m angry. No, it’s more than that, I royally pissed. Sometimes, I scream at the radio. Other times, I yell at the TV. Occasionally, I’ll write nasty replies to comments from vacuous followers of the Chosen One, who chant “Yes, we can. Yes, we can”, in rhythm to the nodding of their dashboard Obobble Heads.

I feel a little better after that, but it doesn’t last. The problem with writing Cutting Edge Humor (or at least edgy) is that you kind of need to know what’s going on -unless your Fiar. He’s the only person I’ve met who can write this stuff, and be blissfully ignorant of the daily comings and goings of the political world. It’s like he does it by osmosis.

Hang on, I’ve got a better analogy. Fiar’s the frikkin’ Sponge Bob of Blogging. He just soaks it in without ever being aware of the content, then he wrings himself out over a keyboard. And it turns out funny. Damn, he ticks me off too.

Since I am not a porous, chunk of cellulose, I have to do it the old fashion way, I listen, watch and read. I also, yell, scream and write mean things. Can you blame me?

I can poke fun and satirize a lot of topics. But there are certain ones I never joke about. For example, politician’s kids are off limits until they reach 18 and start saying stupid crap, then the gloves come off. Spouses of the same, who keep their mouths shut about political issues, are likewise left alone. My Brothers and Sisters in Arms are verboten. Even though I’m retired, I’ll never stop never stop admiring those who serve, or have served.

Terrorist, on the flip side, are fine targets of opportunity. I’ll take potshots at them anytime I can think up something. These Radical -No T.P. Using, Left Hand Ass Wiping, Cowardly, Goat Smelling, Women Beating, Buy their head gear at Bed, Bath and Beyond, Camel Fornicating, Dress Wearing- Muslim Bastards (may they fry eternally in Hell,) deserve to be lined up next to cliff and herded off like so many lemmings. I see no sense wasting courts on this bunch.

Yeah, I’m saying these foreigners smell bad, dress funny and I want them to die. What of it? They also deserve whatever verbal and/or written barbs that are aimed their direction before that time, but I mean this all in the nicest possible, politically correct, culturally sensitive way.

Now we add Obama into the mix with these Flaming Fagots*, and I’m ready to burst a blood vessel in my head. Civilian Trials for them in New York? Give me break. Obama gets his tax cheat friends off, and now he’s setting up a scenario to get Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, a.k.a. KSM, and his merry band of blow-up buddies off. Hey, if you’re going to split an infinitive, do it right.

*FYI -a fagot is a small bundle of sticks used to start a larger fire. Tell me if that isn’t fitting?

Barack Hussein Obama -needing to always be the center of attention- has assigned himself the role of pivot man in this never ending circle jerk. The sad part is, that while all his terrorist, fascist, tax evading, lying, Mao loving, two-faced friends are getting off, we’re the ones who are getting jerked.

Sorry, that’s all I’ve got. No solutions, just a harmless release of pent-up frustration and hostility. Where’s a blue dress when you need one? That punch-line will never get old!

Thanks for reading this rant. I feel better now. You really ought to try it. You know you want to. The comment box is waiting. As long as you’re on the Right Side of things -just this once- I promise not to make fun of you.

This offer isn’t extended to the writers or management of Radioactive Liberty. Looks like you’re Sierra Oscar Lima there fellas.

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Obama Care vs Mammograms

Les James — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 20:58:53 +0000

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Obama Bows to Japan’s Emperor

Fiar — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 17:30:25 +0000

A lot of fuss has been made about President Obama bowing to Japanese Emperor Akihito. For some reason, people seem to think that it is poor form for the leader of the United States of America to act in a manner that appears subservient to some dirty foreigner.

I, however, am under the belief that there has simply been a big misunderstanding. Through spectral analysis, and a bunch of other sciencey and engineerific methods, I have been able to thoroughly examine the photo of Obama bowing and come to the conclusion that he was NOT, in fact, bowing.

Harvey at Imao.Us surmised that Obama made a botched attempt at curtseying. This is also incorrect.

In order to come to a proper conclusion, you must first realize that Obama is not a sissy. Nor is he stupid. He doesn’t do things like get a bucket stuck on his head, or fix oil shortages with tire pressure. And he doesn’t just wantonly apologize for everything.

Just take a hit from your breathalyzer before going into your hyperventilating hysterics. Or at least use an inhalator.

However, he is the Messiah. So, it stands to reason that he is very taken by his own reflection. Even when that reflection is on the floor.

Or it could have been that he thought he saw a teleprompter there.

Offer your explanation. What is Obama looking at down there?

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Discovery! 1 Million Saved, or Created Jobs

Fiar — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 12:00:58 +0000

Eric reveals the double secret knowledge behind the 1 million jobs that have been created or saved by the economic stimulus package.

In an exclusive, I have discovered the source of millions of created or saved jobs. Now this isn’t some creative calculator art or fishiness, these are real, genuine, factually created or saved jobs. These jobs are funded and backed by and have been saved or created by the stimulus. Now you may ask how I can prove such a thing. So here is my proof:

Every two weeks I receive a check ($44) that is clearly labeled

THIS FEDERAL ADDITIONAL COMPENSATION (FAC) CHECK IS BEING ISSUED TO YOU AS A SUPPLEMENTAL UNEMPLOYMENT AS ENACTED IN THE AMERICAN RECOVERY AND REINVESTMENT ACT OF 2009.

Clearly funds are being used to keep me in my current employment, thus saving, or creating 1 (one) job. With these checks being issued, every single individual check issued in this method can be counted as a saved or created job.

It doesn’t matter to the mulatto mendacity that my current job is being unemployed, I’m being paid for doing it with stimulus funds.

It doesn’t take a genius to figure that every extra person on unemployment receiving this check is another positive use of stimulus funds. Just last month another 190,000 jobs were created adding all these valuable jobs to the payroll of unemployment, not to mention the 5.6 million, or so saved unemployment jobs.

So the next time someone asks you, you can proudly say you personally know at least one job that was created or saved by ARRA2009 (stimulus). HOPE AND CHANGE.

Image Credit: Unemployment Olympics 2009, Tompkins Park by Clementine Gallot

Government Bailouts? Watch What You Ask For

Les James — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 13:00:52 +0000

Our scene opens in a very dark place.

“Damn, who farted?”

“Wasn’t me.”

“Me either.”

“Or me.”

“Likewise.”

“Ditto.”

“How many people are in here?”

“Quite a few.”

“Hell if I know.”

“A lot.”

“Did someone say Hell?”

“Yeah, I did. Why?”

“Because that’s something I know a lot about.”

“Shit, there’s that smell again.”

“Wow. It’s like rotten eggs.”

“It’s brimstone.”

“What?”

“He said, it’s brimstone!”

“I heard him.”

“Karen, is that you?”

“Roger? Yeah, it’s me, and I’ve got the entire board of directors with me.”

“Hi Roger.”

“Where in the Hell are we?”

“Oh, so close, but no bailout bucks.”

“Huh?”

“He said…”

“I heard him!”

“You’re in my bed.”

“What do you mean in your bed? There’s not enough room to lay down, and even if I wanted to, it’s ankle deep in some kind of nasty muck.”

“Well, you weren’t really expecting to find heavenly comfort in the Devil’s bed, where you?”

“In the what?”

“He said, in the Devil’s bed.”

“I know what he said. I’m not deaf, you know. That was a rhetorical what.”

“I don’t think you can use what in a rhetorical manner. There are certain elements of speech…”

“Oh, shut up!”

“Can someone find a light switch. I can’t see my hand in front of my face.”

“Don’t bother. I plan to keep you in the dark. Just like the terms of our little agreement.”

“That not fair.”

“Who ever said the Devil was fair?”

“Hey, over here in the corner. What’s this about being in bed with the Devil?”

“It’s very easy my friends. You took TARP money and other bailout funds, and now you’re in bed with me. Simple, see?

“I shouldn’t be here. My bank paid all the borrowed funds back… with interest.”

“Don’t matter, you’re not going anywhere. It was never about the money. I don’t care if any of you ever pay back one red cent.”

“Not about money! Surely you jest. It’s always about money.”

“No it’s not, and don’t call me…arrrrgggg. Walked right into that one.”

“Well. If it’s not about money, what is it about?”

“The souls.”

“You want our souls?”

“No, you idiot. I’ve already got those. It’s your Wall Street institution’s, your bank’s and your car company’s souls I was after, and now I’ve got ‘em.”

“I want to go home. I want my mommy.”

“What a cry baby. I think I pitch fork you first.”

“Ouch! Hey, that hurt!”

“Now, I’m going to fork you over there in the face.”

“My eye!”

“Now you, in the butt.”

“Oh, fork me again big boy.”

“There’s always one. Oh well. Now I’ll fork you and you and… What the Hell, I think I’ll just fork the whole country.”

Whiny little… All I hear is, “Where’s the original Photoshop?” “How come you didn’t do a picture?” Fine. Here’s just what you asked for, a Photoshopped image from the scene above.

Are you happy now?

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Tea Bag People and Proud of It

Les James — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 13:00:49 +0000

What you do, as a heterosexual couple behind closed doors, is your own business. What the rest of you do, is something I don’t even want to contemplate.

I thought we were going to get rid of these disparaging remarks, when the Messiah came into office. I thought it was going to be illegal, or something.

Why then does the Far Left think its alright to label us as Tea Baggers, a sex practice? Actually, I don’t care, and won’t tell you if this is something I enjoy or not. But…

Here’s an idea, why not give them a label that fits their personalities? Let’s see, the Fascist Left enjoys deviating from the norm. They like to screw around with people’s lives. They are into domination. Bending their constituents over is a daily perversion they truly love. So what might be a fitting term?

I know. How about Mother Felchers?

I win!

Yeah, it’s sick, but I dare anyone to try to top it.

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Tea Party On: Getting Personal

Les James — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 13:00:19 +0000

I didn’t want to have to go down this road… but I thought the readers of this Conservative Political Humor blog deserved to know what some of the writers here are up to. It sickens me to post these ads. Sometimes you just got to do what you just got to do.

On the other hand- I’m as pure as the driven snow.

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Top 10 New Republican Slogans

Les James — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 13:00:45 +0000

With the recent gubernatorial wins in Virgina and New Jersey, and the near congressional win in up state New York, the Republican Party seems to be waking up.

2010 and 2012 are going to be very interesting election years. But it’s going to take a new approach to get a lot of us conservatives back into the fold. I suggest honesty. Below are ten new slogans for the Republicans, I’d like to see.

Sorry about the last few years. Our bad

The Republican Party -We’ve pulled our heads out.

Because Dems is a four letter word

The GOP doesn’t suck as bad as it use to

We only look like a third party

Promise, no McCain in 2012

We’re not organized enough to take over your health care

The Democrats just keep making us look better and better

Republicans -Too lazy to write a 1000 page bill, let alone a 2000 page one

Conservative? You Betcha!

Got any of your own?

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Political Humor Under Fiar

Fiar — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 00:51:43 +0000

In an attempt to be a little more up to date on current events, I bring you my own version of political humor quick hits.

Fort Hood Texas Shooting

First off, there’s big news of a shooting near Fort Hood, Texas. Current reports list casualties at 12 dead and 31 injured. One mass murderer is identified as Malik Nadal Hasan, who is of an unknown and entirely ambiguous religious persuasion.

That wasn’t funny, but hey, I told you the news always sucks the life out of you.

Swine Flu

In the category of hysteria over 48 hour sniffles, a health worker has been fired in Calgary, Alberta for offering the H1N1 Swine Flu vaccine to players of the Calgary Flames. Just so you know, that’s in Canada. You know, the country we keep being told to model our own health care system after.

On the homefront, Gitmo detainees get first crack at being vaccinated against a mild fever and sore throat for a day or two. I’d like to be upset, but let’s face it. We’re not talking about polio or some other horrible disease. It’s THE FLU! You’ll get over it.

Musical Ringtones

In Nairobi, Al Shabaab rebels of no apparent religious conviction want to impose Sharia law including banning musical ringtones on cell phones, movies and dancing. On the upside, they also want to ban soccer. Hey, every cloud has it’s silver lining right?

They should just run a big PR campaign telling everyone that soccer will give you a runny nose, but don’t call it that. Call it the H1N1 virus and everyone will avoid soccer like the plague.

I also agree that musical ringtones are from the Devil. That’s why I have mine set to play Iron Maiden.

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Election Day November 2009

Fiar — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 17:48:05 +0000

Most people forget that there is an election every year. They only remember to vote when there is a Messianic Savior running for President.

However, There are elections that can more directly influence your day to day activities that occur on off years like this one. For example, one of the local offices up for grabs this year is an election for coroner.

Now, if someone you know happened upon an unfortunate accident, you want the coroner who will correctly identify the cause of death as accidental. Then again, perhaps you want the COD identified as homicide, you know, if you really didn’t have anything to do with it. Then you would want the horrible cretin to be brought to justice.

In either case, it’s important to vote for the right coroner.

Now get out there and vote… At least twice, just to make sure.

Image Credit: The Ghost of Elections Past

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