The Planets Best Political Humor at RadioactiveLiberty.com

Remembering September 11th

Fiar — Sun, 11 Sep 2011 15:20:49 +0000

10 Years later.

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An Iceberg Did Attack

Chris C — Fri, 29 Jul 2011 07:01:43 +0000

I told you last summer this would happen. Remember this post?

Based on the true-life, over-hyped story by the media, Attack of The Iceberg pits man against a broken-off piece of a glacier in Greenland that threatens to possibly move very, very slowly towards shipping lanes.

Yeah, I know, I was kidding. But then reality recently happened.

An iceberg floated into Newfoundland’s Goose Cove, from that same big ice chunk that broke away from Greenland a year ago by the way.

Snowflake, the dis-enchanted polar bear gansta from the movie was not on the iceberg.

And let’s not discount the menace factor here.

“Icebergs float in from Greenland,” said the photographer, Gene Patey. This one briefly blocked the town’s harbor before breaking apart and melting, “but the fishermen took their chances.”

Took their chances? It’s an iceberg. Not being able to get out of the way of it would be like saying the security guard could not get out of the way of the steamroller in the first Austin Powers movie.

Gaddafi Needs My Help To Save His Fortune

Chris C — Sat, 16 Jul 2011 07:00:01 +0000

It is not every day that the leader of a rogue state like Libya hits you up on email for a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to help him out, and get rich in the process.

But it happened yesterday. Gaddafi reached out to me, or rather his wife did. I didn’t even know he was a fan of mine.

Mrs.Safia Farkash Gaddafi

Wife of Moammar Gadhafi President,

Man, even his wife can’t figure out how to spell the last name.

Dear Sir/Madam,

Safia Farkash al-Baraasi I am the second wife of the Libyan leader. we came to know each other in 1971 when Gaddafi was admitted to a hospital where i worked as a nurse. we got married the same year and have six sons and one daughter.

And all seven of those kids will spell their last name differently. A touching love story none the less.

Side note: He really likes nurses.

I got your address from my husband’s email booklet and so i decided to contact you on this vital issue. As you may be aware that my husband is presently facing a difficulties in Libya as his administration charges in Libya by the rebel,me and my three family members had moved to one of our hiding estate unknown to any body all our documents have be ceased to prevent us from traveling.

I hate when my documents have to be ceased. It kinda reminds me of a little incident that happened to me in an airport a few decades ago.

So now we get to the pay dirt. The offer that will make me rich…

Please, presently I and my entire family have what I will called “MY FAMILY LAST RESORT to the tune of U$40 (Forty million United States Dollars) and ready to be TRANSFER to you with the hope that you will invest this funds into any good business in your country, pending when the political turmoil is over.

Wait, “good business”? Oh man, I knew there was a catch. Eff.

Okay Chris, think positive here. There are always winners in a bad economy.

I got it! I’ll invest in companies that make barrels.

Then another catch…

Please if you are interested in helping me to receive this money that is presently in an escrow account in one of the banks in Asia country. After a successful process and transfer of this said money into your bank account, 30% of the total funds will go to you and my son Alaa will come to your country immediately to start up a business with your assistance so we will be able save for raining day.

Wait, now we have to start up a business? Does Alaa have expertise in running a company that makes barrels?

This sounds like a scam. I have to invest $40 million, then start up a business with some guy I don’t know. And I am pretty sure he doesn’t know squat about the barrel market.

But what the hell. It is $12 million dollars after all. Mrs. Gaddafi sign me up.

Hey, where did the money in my savings account go?

Man, this is the last time I invest in the Libyan barrel exporting business.

It Aint Easy Being Green

Chris C — Wed, 13 Jul 2011 03:43:42 +0000

Try not to hold back the tears for what I am about to tell you. It will sadden even the alligator heart inside you…

Solar power is having some problems in Arizona.

These are sunny days for Arizona’s solar-energy industry, with photovoltaic panels sprouting up on rooftops and major utility-scale installations planned across the state.

But some see clouds forming.

Land and water issues, including restrictive public-land-use policies and opposition from some environmentalists and neighbors, have stalled some major projects, a report by a University of Arizona law professor concludes.

Lefties opposing other lefties? How dare they go off the reservation. Are they not aware of the consequences for such insubordination?

And just what is at the core of the opposition’s argument?

Some of the most promising large-scale solar technologies – thermal systems that concentrate sunlight to make steam that runs generating turbines – may require too much land and water to be cost-effective and environmentally sound, says UA law professor Robert Glennon.

“It takes a heck of a lot of water, a heck of a lot of land, and we don’t have lot of either; that’s uncontested,” said Glennon, co-author of “Solar Energy’s Cloudy Future,” published in November in the Arizona Journal of Environmental Law & Policy. UA law student Andrew Reeves was co-author.

Oh yeah that. There’s not much water in the desert. They just noticed.

Now if they could get around to noticing these solar panel projects often get funded at 110% of the cost and the contractor bails cause he made his money. Your tax dollars or higher electric rates stimulating the economy.

And notice the co-author. How would you like to be one of these greens all gung ho for these projects only to get blindsided in a study by a college student?

Now, if I can just find the world’s smallest violin. I’m in the mood to play a few renditions of “My Heart Bleeds”.

Killing Camels Will Stop Climate Change

Chris C — Tue, 05 Jul 2011 08:01:47 +0000

You thought the ridiculous notion that outdoor grilling contributes to man-made global warming, ahem I mean climate change, was insane? Wait until you hear this one.

PARIS (AFP) – The world’s association of camel scientists fought back angrily on Monday over Australian plans to kill wild dromedaries on the grounds that their flatulence adds to global warming…

The kill-a-camel suggestion is floated in a paper distributed by Australia’s Department of Climate Change and Energy Efficiency, as part of consultations for reducing the country’s carbon footprint.

The scheme is the brainchild of an Adelaide-based commercial company, Northwest Carbon, a land and animal management consultancy, which proposes whacking feral camels in exchange for carbon credits.

Whacking? Is the mafia going to be involved? Instead of Sonny getting killed at the toll booth it will be camels.

Killing animals for carbon credits does not make much sense since the issue is methane. But Northwest Carbon has a fallacy workaround.

Each camel, according to the champions of a cull, emits 45 kilos (99 pounds) of methane, the equivalent of one tonne a year in carbon dioxide (CO2), the main warming gas.

See what they did there? Methane is the straw man so if it is equated to CO2 they can argue it is just as dangerous and worthy of carbon credits.

Of course Northwest Carbon will be very humane in their killing of wild animals to stop global warming, damnit I meant to say climate change.

Northwest Carbon says it would shoot the camels from helicopters or corral them before sending them to an abattoir for eating by humans or pets.

Remember the flak Sarah Palin got for doing the same thing? But this time it is okay because these are liberals killing defenseless wild animals and if we don’t do this the world will catch on fire. Or something like that.

Besides, camels are way less cuter than polar bears.
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UPDATE 8/06/11: The article I quoted from has gone down the memory hole. From here on in I’m taking screenshots of this stuff. Here is another one on the topic.

What to Do With All The Oil We Are Running Out Of

Chris C — Wed, 08 Jun 2011 21:28:42 +0000

How the hell is T Boone Pickens supposed to build the 45,654,687,324,753,281,286,456,213,435 windmills needed to provide clean energy to the state of Wyoming if these damn oil companies keep finding these post-peak deposits?

It sure is a problem. The planet was supposed to be running out of oil by now but we keep finding more. Not like we ever actually “ran out” of a previous fuel. People still burn peat. Whales haven’t gone away despite the efforts of the Sea Shepard to continually snatch defeat from the jaws of victory on their behalf. (That’s always fun to watch by the way.)

Anyways…

Recently, a 5-20 billion deposit was discovered off the coast of Cuba. And get this: Obama is letting companies drill in the Gulf again.

Noble Energy Inc. on Tuesday reported an oil discovery at a deepwater well in the Gulf of Mexico that was the first such drilling project to receive a permit after the government lifted a post-BP spill drilling moratorium…

…(the well)Santiago is the third oil discovery in Noble’s Galapagos project in the Gulf of Mexico, including prior successes at Santa Cruz and Isabela. Noble expects all three wells will be online early next year. The company estimates the three discoveries contain 130 million barrels of oil.

You’d think he would hold a press conference between the front and back nine to let us know he’s all over the whole drilling more oil thing. What, they can’t fit a teleprompter in the golf cart?

Baby steps I guess.

But maybe we are actually running out of oil and all these “discoveries” are the work of Sarah Palin and Andrew Breitbart. They are secretly buying oil and are filling undersea caverns with the stuff to make it look like we are not running out, thus furthering the right-wing conspiracy backed by the right-wing media.

Plus, they get a cut of the oil profits, and a stake on the commodities markets so they can manipulate the selling price.

Palin’s bus tour? Breitbart’s book marketing appearances? Distractions from what’s really going on.

Oh, and the money to buy the oil is being provided by a third party subsidiary aligned with the Koch brothers.

That’s the kind of crazy logic you’ll get from the radicals on the left. They want to go back to 1811.

Weiner Late for Presser; Breitbart Holds Court

Chris C — Tue, 07 Jun 2011 07:32:10 +0000

Andrew Breitbart was accused of being a part in the conspiracy of the errant dikpic sent by Weiner to some college girl. Killing the messenger has not gone out of style.

And then Breitbart shows up at Weiner’s “I’m sorry” press conference and the guest of honor is late so he steps up to the podium and holds his own presser. For fifteen minutes.

He was clearly all out of gum and the media’s ass was kicked.

Worth the watch.

Climate Change Fairy Tale Meeting This Week

Chris C — Mon, 06 Jun 2011 09:56:37 +0000

The climate change alarmists are gearing up for the next scare-tival this week with a round of “discussions” on Global Warming.

I would not marry a bureaucrat. It would take forever to divorce her. The “discussions” would be endless, as well as the paperwork.

Anyway, this week in Bonn, Germany a bunch of moonbats will gather to commiserate over the recent bad news about all this carbon dioxide, I mean pollution in the air:

Despite 20 years of effort, greenhouse gas emissions are going up instead of down, hitting record highs as climate negotiators gather to debate a new global warming accord.

The new report by the International Energy Agency showing high emissions from fossil fuels is one of several pieces of bad news facing delegates from about 180 countries heading to Bonn, Germany, for two weeks of talks beginning Monday.

So how much CO2 did we, the evil humans add last year? 30 gigatons, which happens to be 333,333,334 million tons. Holy crap do they realize that goes completely against the Warmists’ oft-repeated claims of 20-30 billion?

Man, imagine if they also revealed that all our exhaling, driving, bbq’ing, and other fossil fuel-using activities added a whopping .0000056% CO2* in 2010.

We added point zero zero zero zero zero fifty-six percent more CO2 to an atmosphere that clearly cannot handle this kind of dramatic swing in the amount of gases in its system.

The horrors!

We should be ashamed of ourselves for allowing such a travesty to happen. We should be feeling outrageously outrageous outrage like Fatih Birol is experiencing.

Fatih Birol, the IEA’s chief economist, says the energy trend should be “a wake-up call.”

.0000056% Fatih. Not much of a wake-up call. Is the cell phone on silent? And if the phone doesn’t ring should we assume it is the energy trend?

And just in case the “scare the crap out of voters by positioning .0000056% as significant change in CO2 concentration” meme doesn’t work the Climate Changers have a backup: “humans have been screwing up the climate for like forever man“. Whatever floats your boat.

Poor countries say the wealthy West, whose industries overloaded the atmosphere with carbon dioxide and other climate-changing gases over the last 200 years, is not doing enough to cut future pollution.

See what they did there? They took decades of CO2 “pollution” and morphed it into 200 years of planet abuse.

Humans: screwing up the atmosphere since 1811.

*333 mill of CO2 divided into the 6,000,000,000,000,000 quadrillion tons of the atmosphere is .0000056% of the total weight.

Check out Chris Cameron’s other ramblings and satire at his blog Trees Hate Hugs. A water cooler for your browser.

There Was A Second Weiner Picture

Chris C — Thu, 02 Jun 2011 12:15:25 +0000

And it was hiding on the grassy knoll.

It was the one that was uploaded to Anthony Weiner’s Twitter feed. This explains everything and is much more plausible than the notion of a crazy liberal assassinating his political career all by himself.

Weiner Investigating; Hacker Remains At Large

Chris C — Wed, 01 Jun 2011 20:45:05 +0000

So, Weiner was hacked by a prankster looking to make fun of his last name with a picture of what possibly could be his junk. Or not, he can’t be certain.

Don’t worry because he has launched an investigation. Guess who he hired?

Fresh off the case of the Alphabet Bandit (the one where they discovered the M was actually disquised as a W), Daily KOS CSI arrived on the scene and determined this was a conspiracy.

See, the user hacked Weiner’s account, posted the picture, took a screenshot, then either surrendered control to Weiner or deleted the picture himself. Then he sent the screenshot to Big Government, who posted it there.

Despite the best efforts of Daily KOS law enforcement the hacker remains at large. All Democratic Congresspersons are advised to be aware and prepared, and ready in case the hacker decides to post incriminating pictures on their twitter accounts.

He could strike at any time.

And conservatives are joining the search for the hacker at large too. Gateway Pundit is offering a $200 reward for information leading to the capture of the Weinergate Hacker. Iowahawk has put up $1,000 to bring the Weiner Hacker to justice.