Rae Lewis-Thornton Speaks

Charlie Sheen: And This Is What I Think!!

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Wed, 18 Nov 2015 04:50:00 GMT

When actor Charlie Sheen said, "I'm not living in that prison anymore" I felt that deep in my soul. It resonated loud and clear. I kept my own HIV infection a secret for seven years. For Real!

Living With Intent

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Wed, 3 Jun 2015 12:00:00 GMT

Now that I'm well into my 50s there seems to be no turning back. I'm doing what I should have done in my 30's and for sure when I started to see my 40's that is, live with intent. Well, I sort of lived with very limited intent for 20 years plus, that is, to tell my story to as many people as possible before I died. It was a lofty goal that I did very well. I mean I have spoken at literally hundreds of venues from colleges, churches, high schools and conferences. The only thing is that this goal was single focused and connected to death. Then, I didn't die. Limbo!

The Problem With Pride and Shame

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Mon, 25 May 2015 12:00:00 GMT

Pride and Shame will kill you and your spirit this I know to be true. And it does not matter the circumstance, these two emotions have the ability to create chaos in your life from your health, to your job, and dating. These two will lead you down a path that adds absolutely no value to your life. It's like this, for years I kept my HIV status a secret because I didn't want to be judged. I was more afraid of what people thought of me, over and above trying to live my best life with HIV.

Reflecting on 53!

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Fri, 22 May 2015 12:00:00 GMT

I turned 53 today! Honestly, I never imagined me at this age and I'm not quite sure how it should be, so I'm listening to my soul because it always knows what to do.

One Day at a Time

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Fri, 7 Nov 2014 14:17:00 GMT

For the last few months I've been sitting still. Not because I didn't want to move but I've just been stuck. Depression has that way on you. It seems to just grab you and not let go. It paralyzes you in the worst kind of way.

Online Dating, Huh?

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Wed, 6 Aug 2014 12:00:00 GMT

The other day, I Googled "dating" to get pictures for a blog post and the images that popped up were all of some sort of reference to dating online. Like for real, for real, so many pictures came up with computer images with hearts that I rechecked to make sure that I had actually searched "dating," or that some sort of auto-correct hadn't led me to online dating. LOL!

Drowning in Depression, Part Two

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Mon, 4 Aug 2014 12:00:00 GMT

Nausea and exhaustion merged and sleep took over. I woke the next morning in my hotel room curled up in the middle of the bed hugging the pillow. Something had come over me last night and it had been cathartic. I knew I needed to do better. "Sophie is not coming back," I told myself. "The good thing is the joy she brought you for eight years," I mumbled. I remind myself of this daily. I remember when Oprah lost one of her white labs, Gracie after one year. She watched her die from swallowing a small toy. I had just gotten Sophie and could not even image the pain she felt. I shuddered to think about it. I had Sophie for eight wonderful years.

Drowning in Depression, Part One

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Tue, 29 Jul 2014 12:00:00 GMT

I'm drowning in the chaos of my life. It started back in February when I started this emotional eating and Cheetos were always in my right hand, going straight into my mouth. Now, in full disclosure, I took a moment a couple of months ago to examine what had gotten me so off track and all roads led to a man that I wanted, but who didn't want a relationship. So I walked as hard and as fast as I could to a place where I could hold onto my dignity. For me it's simple. No matter how much I want a man, I never want to keep him at the cost of me.

Tackling Grief and Depression After Death

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Tue, 22 Jul 2014 12:00:00 GMT

Grief is a monster! I'm learning that it also sticks to you like Gorilla glue. Honestly, these last three weeks dealing with the loss of Sophie has been new territory for me. I've never felt this level of sorrow for anything even when I lost my first two dogs. When Imani died I was sad and I cried a lot, but it didn't effect my bottom line. She had lived 12 years and while I was very sad, I was not overwhelmed. I had also done everything possible for her lung disease and was at peace with that fact. Of course I still had Nambi, who was Imani's baby and she was my constant companion. I had Nambi for 16 years. She and Sophie overlapped for almost four years. When I put Nambi down, I felt like she had lived a long and good life. I blogged about Nambi when I first started. You can read it here.

Losing Sophie

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Tue, 15 Jul 2014 12:00:00 GMT

Two weeks ago today, I stopped living after I put my baby girl Sophie down. Like for real, for real. Honest to God, I have never felt grief on this magnitude. While I still had breath in my body, my life stood still. Sophie was a special dog that left a foot print on everyone she encountered. For a moment I didn't think that I could go on. The grief was all consuming but like with most things in my life, I kept going in spite of the pain. So here I am, still missing my baby girl and adjusting to life without her.

When Your Dog Has Cancer

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Mon, 30 Jun 2014 12:00:00 GMT

It felt like the life had been sucked out of me when a specialist/radiologist told me that my dog Sophie has a tumor the size of an egg on her liver. But I felt like I had been sucker punched today when I learned from the new veterinarian that I switched her to, that the tumor was actually the size of a grapefruit, maybe close to two and not an egg. I know it to be true because I saw the tumor on the xray myself.

Ms. Chanel, Part Two

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Fri, 21 Mar 2014 17:57:00 GMT

I pushed my Chanel handbag to the side and my toilet bath began. I tore off a good size piece of toilet paper and dipped it into the ice-cold toilet water. Then, I began to wash my body. I wiped off as much as I could from my behind, and then flushed the toilet paper. I pulled off another piece of toilet paper, dipped it in the ice-cold toilet water and repeated the procedure. Dip, wipe, flush, dip, over and over. After I'd gotten every single ounce of poop from one part of my body, I proceeded to the next until every trace was gone.

Ms. Chanel, Part One

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Thu, 20 Mar 2014 17:42:00 GMT

As I strolled down Chicago's Magnificent Mile, I was feeling too good and looking too cute to do anything other than take full advantage of the great weather. Chicago's premiere shopping area was bustling with shoppers and sightseers, and I was one of them. Looking like a diva, from head to toe in my black and white pinstripe St. John's pantsuit.

I'm Not Tired of Men, Are You?

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Tue, 18 Mar 2014 17:17:00 GMT

I'm always amazed at how women respond to my blog posts both good and bad. I used to internalize this stuff until I realized that the response really isn't so much about me, but about them. I find this to be true no matter the comment, good or bad.

Aging with HIV, Part Two

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Wed, 5 Mar 2014 16:27:00 GMT

It's 3:30 in the morning and I've been up since 2:30. I woke soaked and wet yet again. I changed my night clothes and shifted to the other side of the bed, but sleep wouldn't be coming. I decided to go ahead and get today's blog done.

Aging With HIV/AIDS

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Mon, 3 Mar 2014 16:08:00 GMT

I've said it before, I never thought that I would live to see perimenopause, but I did. While I'm glad to be alive, I've got to admit, menopause or pre-menopausal which is what I'm gong through, is more than a notion. Now, menopause is when your menstrual cycle has ended, no more, done. Perimenopausal is basically, everything a woman experiences leading to menopause and you still have a cycle.

The Truth About My AIDS

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Wed, 26 Feb 2014 15:44:00 GMT

When people look at me they don't see death. In fact, people really don't see illness. Even when I'm having a bout of something or other, I'm often told, "Girl, but you look good." I've always had mixed emotions about that over the years.

I Am More Than My Vagina

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Tue, 18 Feb 2014 12:00:00 GMT

I learned something about myself this weekend that made me understand how far I've come in my thinking verses the application of what I know, as it relates to dating and sex.

I've been saying over and over again that it's not enough to know better, that at some point you have to apply the knowledge to your life so that you can be your best you. It is true that we are products of our past. It teaches us good, bad and indifference. It shapes who we are, which influences what we do. I know this has been the case for me. I also understand, that we do not have to be a prisoner to our past.

Safe Sex for Valentine's Day

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Fri, 14 Feb 2014 12:00:00 GMT

I've been blogging all week, and after sitting at my computer for hours trying to come up with something deep and profound to say on Valentine's Day, I actually drew a blank. Then it occurred to me that all I really want to say to you is, use a condom. No need to be extra in this last post in the series. I hope that I have given you lots to think about all week long and I hope that some of it will stay with you as you muddle through life and love.

Respect the Vagina!

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Thu, 13 Feb 2014 12:00:00 GMT

It took me years to understand the worth of my vagina. When I was a young adult, I saw it as a tool to find and keep love.

I mean a bitch with some good pussy was a bad bitch who could name her future. I mean, what man wouldn't surrender to some good lovin' too, so I thought.

The Dilemma of Dating Positive!

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Wed, 12 Feb 2014 12:00:00 GMT

It occurred to me that sometimes I make dating with HIV look easy, but it's not by any stretch of the imagination. I started thinking about this after I received an email last night from a woman with herpes who is afraid to date.

When I was first diagnosed with herpes, I was afraid. I remember trying to get an ex-boyfriend to have sex with me and he flat out turned me down. That was a blow.

Valentine's Day: When It's New!

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Tue, 11 Feb 2014 12:00:00 GMT

When you first start talking to a guy you are always thinking about what's too soon and what's too much. You know, stuff like: How soon should I have sex with him? How often should we talk? If he doesn't call on one day, does that mean he's not thinking about me? If I call or text him first or often will he think I'm needy?

Valentine's Day: Loving Yourself 365 Days a Year!

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Mon, 10 Feb 2014 12:00:00 GMT

It's Valentine's Day week and everyone is thinking about being "Booed up." You are either thinking about what you are going to do, what you are going to get, and how good the sex will be.

Introducing the 20 Collection for RLT Collection

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Fri, 7 Feb 2014 12:00:00 GMT

2014 marks the 20th anniversary of my cover story in Essence magazine! I'm very proud of being a part of history. Together Essence and I gave black women a new face of what a person with AIDS looked like.

African-American 365 Health at Walgreens Corporate Office

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Wed, 5 Feb 2014 12:00:00 GMT

Yesterday, I spoke at Walgreens for Black History Month at their corporate office. African-American 365 Health was a program focusing on health issues for African-Americans.

When Women Don't Listen to Men

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Tue, 28 Jan 2014 12:00:00 GMT

The problem with women is we don't listen to what men tell us even when we hear them. Our inability to listen then turns into heartache. Let me break it down. Now hearing is a physiological act whereas, listening is a psychological act.

When God Shows Up

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Mon, 27 Jan 2014 12:00:00 GMT

A woman came up to me after the MLK Prayer breakfast in Atlanta and said, "You know, Rev. Lewis-Thornton, by making yourself so vulnerable, you attract people who feel they can be vulnerable with you."

Remarks at 2014 Martin Luther King Prayer Breakfast in Atlanta (Video)

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Mon, 20 Jan 2014 12:00:00 GMT

I was honored to be asked to deliver the prayer for the homeless and people living with HIV/AIDS for the Martin Luther King, Jr. Prayer Breakfast in Atlanta. I have never worked with my dear friend Keith Jennings and was honored that he asked me to participate.

Meeting the True Southern Belle -- Phaedra Parks

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Sun, 19 Jan 2014 12:00:00 GMT

Sometimes, when you walk through the door, you find out that there's so much more inside you than you could have ever imagined. That's what happened on my most recent trip to Atlanta. My dear friend Keith asked if I would come and deliver both context and the prayer for HIV/AIDS and the homeless at the Martin Luther King Prayer Breakfast sponsored by the African-American Human Rights Foundation.

Being Deliberate in 2014

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Tue, 14 Jan 2014 13:57:00 GMT

Yesterday, as I was making lunch, I started to think about living versus being alive. I've got to admit, some days in my past, I was just alive and not really living. That tends to happen when I get sick, like when I'm having a round of IV medication, I stop functioning at full pace -- not just physically, but mentally and emotionally. Then, when I get better physically, I have a hard time bouncing back emotionally and mentally because I had shut them down. It's almost like having to have physical therapy on my mind and spirit after each bout of illness.

Spreading Ignorance With Authority

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Mon, 30 Dec 2013 14:20:00 GMT

Last night, as I was busy taking care of my sick baby, I got a tweet that made me want to cuss. At the time, however, my baby girl was the focus. No sooner than I dismissed it from my mind, my girl Dwana, responded to the woman and set her straight in her kind, gentle way. The woman should count her blessings that the first response was from Dwana and not me.

And What About Dating? Part 2

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Sat, 28 Dec 2013 15:00:00 GMT

Often times the holidays seems to compound the loneliness and isolation of a single person living with HIV. I know for me this has been the case. No doubt dating with a sexually transmitted disease is hard: The having to disclose; having to explain the how I got to this place; The fear of judgement and rejection. The shame with acknowledging your choices and for some even your culpability in your infection; the self loathing that comes with why you chose to trust the very person that infected you, whether it is HIV or herpes.

And What About Dating With HIV?

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Mon, 9 Dec 2013 14:25:00 GMT

A couple of weeks ago my mentor asked me about my love life. I wasn't expecting the question but I gave an honest answer. It went something like this:

Taking Back Control ...

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Mon, 9 Dec 2013 14:18:00 GMT

In the month prior to going on this last round of IV medication I was on top of the world. Overall, I was feeling BETTER. My Irritable Bowl Syndrome (IBS) seemed to be under control. I was having regular, everyday bowel movements. I had more energy and was feeling great. I believe the combination of my new diet, working out and juicing was the sum total of my better days. I've been eating Paleo since the middle of October. Basically, meat, vegetables, fruits nuts and seeds. No dairy, legumes, grains or refined sugar. I was juicing everyday and working out everyday. I love CrossFit. It is the workout to get me off the sofa and the people of at River North Crossfit have been very supportive.

Each Day Renders a Right Now

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Thu, 21 Nov 2013 14:06:00 GMT

Well, here I go again!! I started IV medication last Tuesday and this week makes round two. I know for sure that I least have one more round. What a way to spend Thanksgiving week! Things had been going great until now. Other than recovering from the liposuction, I really can't complain. By the way, the healing from the liposuction is going well to! The swelling is going down daily. The doctor said it will take about 3-4 months to fully recover.

Liposuction!

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Mon, 21 Oct 2013 08:00:00 GMT

I sat in a daze as I listened to Dr. A and Dr. S examine my face. Dr. A had called Dr. S into the room to take a look at my face for both a professional, and a woman's, opinion. Dr. A's German accent came through soft spoken and authoritative at the same time, "I don't think she really needs anymore," he said to Dr. A. "Maybe a little here," Dr. S pointed to right under my eye, "but she's fine without it,' she added.

Can You See the Ram?

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Mon, 16 Sep 2013 13:36:00 GMT

People are always looking for that, "Ram in the Bush," just like Abraham, me included. For you church goers, everyone knows the story of Abraham and Isaac. As the story goes, God told Abraham to sacrifice his only child Isaac on the altar.

More Than Silver and Gold

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Mon, 9 Sep 2013 13:47:00 GMT

A couple of weeks ago one of the HIV Peer Educator's at my HIV Clinic spotted me in the lobby waiting to see the doctor. She approached me with a BIG smile and just began talking, pointing to her chest went straight to the point.

Here Comes the Shit: Part 4

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Wed, 4 Sep 2013 13:14:00 GMT

It was so wonderful to be done with laxatives after the colonoscopy. Surely I hoped that cleaning out my bowels would solve the problem, but it didn't. I didn't start to panic right away. I mean, when I hadn't used the bathroom on Tuesday, I reasoned that my system had been totally cleaned out and I needed time to create some new waste. However, by Thursday when there had only been one drop of poop, I knew that this was going to be a journey. Whatever was causing this madness was not going away easily.

The Queen Remembered

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Tue, 3 Sep 2013 08:51:00 GMT

I spotted this picture of Queen Latifah and Eazy-e on Queen Latifah's Instagram and I was excited and sadden all at the same time. It sent me into thinking overload and Lord knows when my mind gets going, I dissect every angle before I'm done. It made me appreciate Queen Latifah even more than I already do, but it also reminded me of the shaming around HIV/AIDS still in 2013.

And Here Comes the Shit ... Part Three

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Fri, 30 Aug 2013 10:03:00 GMT

I had a sleepless night, running back and forth to the bathroom. Sunday, my stomach seemed to have settled down and I took advantage of that reprieve. Bright and early Monday morning, I called the GI doctor. She was totally booked for that week and I went into begging mode. When the doctors PA called me back, I did more pleading and got fitted into a slot in their office 45 minutes from my house. "Oh well, I'll take it," I said! I was in desperate mode. Someone needed to figure out why I couldn't use the bathroom. Laxatives were not the answer.

And Here Comes the Shit! Part Two!

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Mon, 26 Aug 2013 09:46:00 GMT

I set there frozen, unable to think, unable to act. The only part of my body that seemed to be working was my behind. I took a long deep breath and fought back the tears. "You will not cry over this shit. It is what it is," I mumbled to myself.

And Here Comes the Shit

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Wed, 14 Aug 2013 09:32:00 GMT

I didn't panic as the shit began to seep out of my behind in line at Walgreens. I mean, I am the queen of shitting on myself. Like for real, for real. In fact, I've shitted on myself so much over the years with AIDS and have told those stories so many times, that one of my most famous mishaps is the muse for the lead character in actress Sheryl Lee Ralph's one woman show, "Sometimes I Cry: The Lives of Women Infected and Affected by HIV!" Yep, "Ms. Chanel," that's me, shitted on myself in a restaurant, dressed to the nines, in St. John and Chanel, had a melt down, clean my butt with toilet paper and toilet water and waltz out of that bathroom like the Diva I am and finished my dinner.

Keeping Perspective!

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Mon, 12 Aug 2013 09:21:00 GMT

Enough is enough already! I mean really enough! That first week going into the BlogHer conference I was on a roll with this blogging thing, at least I think I was. Then I tried to get right back in the groove after BlogHer and my health took yet another dive. I had only been off that last round of IV medication for a week.

Ode to Porn Titties

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Tue, 30 Jul 2013 08:00:00 GMT

I always thought that I had porn titties. Not the kind that are super big, but the ones that are round and shapely and lay just that certain way; easy on the eyes so to speak. Even as I've aged, my breasts have been the one body part I prized the most. Well, I do have pretty legs and feet, but my breasts at -- 38D -- whether covered or uncovered, made a point. Then this past December, I had a Mediport placed in my chest, right above my porn titties!

Gratitude -- In Spite Of

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Mon, 29 Jul 2013 08:00:00 GMT

Last year this time I was trying to raise money to go to BlogHer. I knew it was an important conference in the life of a blogger. Thanks to some of my biggest supporters, and friends I've met through Twitter, off to the Big Apple I went. I met a lot of sponsors and a lot of bloggers.

I got a lot of "freebies" from companies that wanted us to blog about their product. I got a lot of helpful hits on how to make my blog better. But when I left, I had not met one person in BlogHer's leadership nor had I secured one sponsor for my blog.

Never Doubt Your Place in This Space!

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Thu, 25 Jul 2013 10:00:00 GMT

Just Keep on Keeping On!

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Wed, 17 Jul 2013 05:00:00 GMT

This is my latest YouTube update. Just know that no matter what you are facing, keep on keeping on. God will never forsake you.

Just a little up date on my life as I continue to muddle through this life.

Some Days I Want to Give Up!

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Fri, 5 Jul 2013 10:03:00 GMT

Two days ago I wanted to blog about living life to the fullest! Yep, I still have dreams at 51 having lived over half my life with HIV. Then, this morning when I woke, I wanted to blog about drowning. That is, feeling like you're drowning in the shit called life.

Living in the Light and Darkness of Life

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Thu, 20 Jun 2013 12:19:00 GMT

Some days I want to give the fuck up and that's some real talk right here. I've lived with HIV for 30 years and I've known my status for 27 of those years and this has been one fuckin' hard-ass journey and that's for real, for real. My pill load, the ups and down, the infections, the fatigue, the judgements, the doctors, the endless tests, the stigma, the side-effects from the medications, the trying to keep health insurance, trying to keep me alive, the growing old with a disease that's younger than me, all of this is enough to make you want to just stop!

The Power of Knowledge

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Mon, 13 May 2013 14:32:00 GMT

Knowledge is a powerful thing. We can use it for greatness or use it against the natural order of the life that God has given us. That's with every single thing in life. Just because you know how to make a bomb, does not mean you have to use it to destroy others. Nope, even the "baddest" technology can be for a greater good.

Damn, Ladies, You Have All the Control

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Fri, 3 May 2013 17:16:00 GMT

Ladies, you have so much control, but often you give it up; You give it up because you don't want to be alone, lonely or without companionship. We give it up because we want to be loved. But having sex with a man will NOT guarantee love. The only thing it will guarantee is a fuck and maybe not even a good one. Furthermore, having sex without a condom sure won't earn you his heart forever, but it just might earn you a sexually transmitted disease that you will have to live with forever. Diseases such as, HIV, Herpes, HPV, Hepatitis.

Change Your Mind ... Your Ass Will Follow ...

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Wed, 1 May 2013 17:04:00 GMT

Only so much fucking complaining you can do about something that you can change. This is some real talk right here. You don't like how someone treats you, then stop participating. For Real, For Real. A while back I was talking to this guy and I didn't like some of his behavior. I asked him to stop, but he either wasn't cable of change or he didn't give a fuck about how I felt. So you know what I did, right? Right! I sent him a quick e-mail saying just that and asked him to not bother by reaching out again.

No Easy Way Out ...

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Wed, 27 Mar 2013 18:45:00 GMT

It never fails, every time I try to take a shortcut in life, it ends up being a bad decision that cost more than it would had I just gone ahead and not tried to find an easy way out!

A Woman's Vagina Should Not Be a Pawn

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Wed, 13 Mar 2013 18:40:00 GMT

I was speechless when I watched this video that one of my Twitter followers, Ann sent to me. As I was shaking my head, I had to look down at my PJ's and remind myself that I am a woman, with a vagina and HIV.

Each New Day!

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Mon, 4 Mar 2013 14:13:00 GMT

So we've made it to March already! Where has the time gone? I know for me this year has been non-stop health issues. I've been trying simply to keep my head above water. Honestly, today I can say that I'm starting to feel a lot better!

Just Enough Goodness to Keep Me Going

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Mon, 25 Feb 2013 13:28:00 GMT

I woke up this morning to a Tweet that made my freaking day. I was lying in bed thanking God for another day and when I was done, I took an assessment of my body; Pelvic Pain -- Yes, Neck Pain -- Yes, Tingling in my Feet -- Yes.

Getting to Better!

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Mon, 18 Feb 2013 08:00:00 GMT

The Bible says that faith is the things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen. With this in mind, I keep moving in the direction of better. Better does not always mean what you want, but in the end it becomes the solution that becomes your blessing.

People Always Trying to Tell Me That God Can Heal Me of AIDS

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 08:07:00 GMT

People are always asking me, "Do I think that God can heal me of AIDS?" Here's my answer.

I don't hate much, but it's safe to say I HATE it when people start their conversation with me, "the Lord told me to tell you." Call it what you want: arrogance, Christian elitism, whatever! But this strong feeling of dislike became worse after I went public with AIDS. Everybody had the solution to my problem. Often they'd start the sentence with, "You know the Lord can heal you of AIDS."

Moving Beyond Regrets!

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Thu, 10 Jan 2013 13:25:00 GMT

Have you ever had sex in a car or sucked a dick that you wish you hadn't? Now close your mouth from shock and speak Truth To Power! I know I have.

Friendship Should Not Hurt

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Thu, 03 Jan 2013 13:58:00 GMT

I blog a lot about relationships but not so much about friendships. For sure they can be as wonderful and toxic as a "relationship." I was thinking a lot about friendship because the girl in the apartment up over me was at it again. There is always some kind of drama and it typically begins in the wee hours of the morning.

The Familiar Is Within You

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Tue, 27 Nov 2012 08:53:00 GMT

I seemed to be stuck in this funk last week. Well sort of but not quite totally. There was always something to keep me from going over the edge. Something inside of me that said you are stronger than this, You are better than this. You are bigger than this. But I sure had my moments and I had a lot of them.

I'm Over This Day Already!

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Sun, 18 Nov 2012 11:52:00 GMT

I'm over this day already and it's not even noon. I just had the most intense moments trying to begin the IV medication. It was an #epicfail that caused pain and tears. I so need to get my life back!

This Mediport has been an ordeal to say the least. First off, I understand now why I have been in so much pain. The scaring under my bandage was intense and when I saw what was there, it made me faint and caused me to throw up. From my neck to my breast I'm red and bruised.

I'm a Sad Sap, but I'm Alive (Video Blog)

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Fri, 16 Nov 2012 10:54:00 GMT

Keep yourself safe. Don't live my life. You don't want it.

Day After Surgery (Video Blog)

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 09:21:00 GMT

My procedure yesterday went very well. I'm a little beat up today, but I have the Mediport.

Naked Before God

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Sat, 10 Nov 2012 12:43:00 GMT

Last night I had a complete and total meltdown. One that forced me to become naked before God.

It is no secret that this week I have been sad beyond all of my understanding and all the positive thinking quotes and scriptures I could muster up. No matter how hard I tried to call on Super Woman, she just wasn't rising to the occasion.

Monday Reflection: Living in the Right Now

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Mon, 29 Oct 2012 10:00:00 GMT

I absolutely hate when I don't have something chipper to say. I feel like telling myself "Bitch get over it," or "Here we go again, damn is your life just drama?"

Just Keep Walking

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Thu, 25 Oct 2012 10:44:00 GMT

AIDS is a dark disease that takes me to a dark place some days. I try my best to be better than AIDS but some days are harder than others.

I never know what will trigger an emotionally bad day, but I look up and its just there. These last couple of days have been darker than usual.

You Still Dating That Person Cause Why? Change Your Location -- Part 2

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Mon, 22 Oct 2012 08:11:00 GMT

I spent almost five years with that man waiting on him to marry me. And looking back, I can't blame nobody but myself. I should have changed my location but I stayed stuck out of my own insecurities. I saw the signs well into the second year, but I kept hoping for change.

Monday Reflection: Balancing Hurt, Accepting the Seasons

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Mon, 15 Oct 2012 15:00:00 GMT

When someone alters your life without your permission, you are in the land of "this is fucked up and how do I recover?" You are faced with very hard decisions of how do you balance the thing that has happened to you with the person who has done it?

Don't Take That Chance ...

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Fri, 5 Oct 2012 15:14:00 GMT

I know some of you are planning your weekend, yep! And I know sex is involved, so STOP lying! And I know that some of you are going to have sex without a condom, so STOP lying! And some of you are going to justify the sex with some bullshit, so STOP lying.

Monday Reflection: Change Your Location

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Mon, 24 Sep 2012 17:29:00 GMT

I love when I get an Aha Moment about something at the least expected time. That's what happens when you are open to the unexpected. Yesterday, my Pastor L. Bernard Jakes was preaching from a familiar scripture; Habakkuk 2:1-3. I will stand upon my watch, and set me upon the tower, and will watch what he will say unto me. Pastor J wasn't preaching about God's answer to Habakkuk's prayer about the condition of his people, but about what Habakkuk did in the waiting process.

Surrendering to Self-Care!

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Thu, 20 Sep 2012 17:07:00 GMT

Today I'm surrendering to Self-Care. I'm learning that there is a time for everything. A time to mount up and a time to heal. This round of IV medication, I'm trying to balance work and self-care; and at the same time, not feel guilty about the fact that I'm taking time away to renew.

Facing Betrayal: Even Jesus, Why Not Us?

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Wed, 19 Sep 2012 11:58:00 GMT

Betrayal is an absolute Motherfucker! I have nothing pretty or respectable to say about it. I don't care where or who the betrayal comes from, when it comes, it shatters a person's spirit. These last few weeks I've had to deal with betrayal in my own life and I can tell you for a fact, that shit has knocked me straight down to my health and wellness. I have been trying to make sense out of the senseless and that is madness at its best. Now be clear, I try my best to exit from madness as quickly as I can, so that it doesn't control me longer than the lie and betrayal has controlled me.

You Live to Learn, You Die to Forget

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 15:21:00 GMT

I started this blog post at 3:30 this morning at home, worked on it at the hospital and now I'm back home from the hospital from getting my picc line placed. Yes, I'm going on IV this evening. For those of you who need to get caught up to speed. I have drug-resistant herpes, which means none of the oral medication will treat my strain and only sometimes do the topical work.

The Horror of HIV/AIDS: The Murder of Cicely

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Tue, 11 Sep 2012 12:30:00 GMT

HIV/AIDS is one scary-ass illness. In contemporary times, for sure it's one illness that has made people think irrationally, including me. But how could we not, with those early images of ghostly looking white men who lined the walls of hospitals around the country. This mysterious "Gay Disease" as doctors called it, scared reason out of everyone, from doctors to nurses to mothers to fathers to ministers, even the undertaker was scared to bury the dead.

Studying, Not Fuckin ...

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Tue, 28 Aug 2012 18:07:00 GMT

I remember my first semester at Southern Illinois University at Carbondale. I thought that I was hot shit! For Real... For Real. By then I had been out of Mama's house for two years. You couldn't tell my ass a shit. I had already been in love, hurt beyond anything I could imagine and I thought I was seasoned.

f not all of her life. That's a time since past. In my generation women looked for love over and above security and a name.

Monday Reflection: The Pesky Details ...

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Mon, 27 Aug 2012 18:17:00 GMT

It's an exciting thing when you can let your guards down with a man and can go from God to Sex in a conversation and not miss a beat. It's a good thing when you are mature enough to share your past and the hopes for your future without judgments.

Who Stays ... Who Goes ...

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Tue, 21 Aug 2012 14:15:00 GMT

You know men come and go in our lives, they really really do. Not like in the olden days when a woman met a man and he was her history for most of her life, if not all of her life. That's a time since past. In my generation women looked for love over and above security and a name.

Monday Reflection: Use What You Got!

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Mon, 20 Aug 2012 14:22:00 GMT

Lawdddd knows I've been in the blue. Not the bright pretty color that makes you smile but the grey blue that makes you frown; where the possibilities for something better is there but it's overshadowed by shades of grey.

Sophie's Mommie

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Wed, 15 Aug 2012 06:55:00 GMT

I always wanted children -- well, not quite children, a child, a little girl -- but AIDS took that away from me. It was a hard decision to not have children but I made it. Having such a rocky entrance into this world and an even rockier childhood I had some very clear ideas about how children should be brought into this world. My bottom line: Bring children into the world when your circumstances permit. I wasn't really opposed to being a single parent, but if I was struggling to put food on the table, well then my circumstances didn't permit. I've been a one-woman show since I was a senior in high school, when I got put out for being 15 minutes late for curfew, 12:15. Mama said, "Go back where you just came from bitch," and I've been putting bread on my table ever since.

Living in the Impossible ...

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Tue, 14 Aug 2012 15:29:00 GMT

Since I made that transition to AIDS in 1992 it seems like I've lived in the impossible. I can't remember a day since the months going into my official AIDS diagnosis that I've felt "normal." Even today with a T-cell count of 618 and a non-detectable viral load I have so much going on with my health that I feel like absolute shit. I've learned that the absolutes with AIDS tend to be dark to grey and that's not the best life to live in, but it's all I got.

Give Up My Waffle Fries? Are You Kidding Me? But ...

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Wed, 8 Aug 2012 10:15:00 GMT

Give up my waffle fries? Are You Kidding Me? Have you lost your mind? I love love love Chick-fil-A.

Those waffle fries are so freakin good, the potato addict that I am cannot live without them.

And I LOVE those chicken nuggets. Chick-fil-A is some of the best fast food I've EVER had and let's not forget that Banana Pudding Milkshake, it will make you slap someone it's so good.

Monday Reflection: There's a Brighter Side of Darkness

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Mon, 6 Aug 2012 09:10:00 GMT

I sooooo want to be mad. I'm tired as all get out from travel drama but something inside of me won't take me there. My flight got cancelled last night coming home from Blog Her 12. Weather, what weather? It's sunny outside and sunny in Chicago; these people are mad, I thought!

Blog Her: Day One! I'm Growing!

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Thu, 2 Aug 2012 16:03:00 GMT

I made it to New York after a short flight delay... My BFF Luke picked me up and treated me to a French Restaurant in Harlem and then we picked up dessert from Sylvia's, went home and shared it with tea. It was such a wonderful way to end the day! He helped me download Pandora on my iPad and created some play lists. I love Luke he keeps me hip. LOL.

Purpose Over Pride ...

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Wed, 1 Aug 2012 15:57:00 GMT

I'm so excited that I haven't been able to sleep for the last few nights! I'm headed to the largest and most powerful Blogger's Conference in the country, Blog Her. I missed the International AIDS Conference because I couldn't afford it. Registration was $975.00, not including travel and hotel. I was sitting around last week all sad, then I thought about missing BlogHer12 too and gloom set in. I had to shake that sadness and made a decision right then, if there was anyway I could work it out I had to go to Blog Her. I had to make it happen. Well, the Bible says we have not because we ask not and sometimes you have to let your pride go and I did just that. You can miss your blessing holding onto unnecessary pride.

Truvada: A Victory for Sure ... But ...

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Tue, 17 Jul 2012 15:45:00 GMT

The world is talking about the FDA's approval of Gilead's antiretroviral drug Truvada as a prevention medication against HIV. It is known as pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP).

In Search of My Whole Self

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Thu, 12 Jul 2012 15:00:00 GMT

I remember the day I learned that I had HIV, the first thing I thought about was the guy I was dating. I knew he wasn't infected with HIV because we had used condom's 100% of the time. But Lawdddd ever present in my mind was the question of my worth. Would he still want me?

Let me be honest, I've said it over and again, my self-esteem was very low at 23 and my worth was between my legs. As a girl I was taught that sex was love. The men in my family started touching me when I was 6 years old.

EndGame: Part One Game ...

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Wed, 11 Jul 2012 15:30:00 GMT

Last night I watched and live Tweeted the Frontline Special EndGame, the PBS documentary on HIV/AIDS in the Black Community, and it left me with an overwhelming sadness. If Black America was a developing country in and of itself, we would be 16 in AIDS. Do you get this?!? If you take ALL the Black Folks in AMERICA and made us a country we would be 16th in HIV/AIDS in the WORLD. I have known this bit of fact for a while; Phill Wilson, the founder of the Black AIDS Institute, has been shouting it from the top of his lungs, but it continues to go on deaf ears. Hearing it again only served to remind me how BAD it really is.

What I Think About HIV Home Testing

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Tue, 3 Jul 2012 09:43:00 GMT

Today the FDA approved OraQuick's first rapid at-home HIV Antibody Test. I have to be honest, I have mixed feelings about it. On one level I get it, there are about 240,000 people in the United States who do not know their HIV status and with this in mind, there is a need to have as many vehicles possible for people to get HIV tested.

Monday Reflection: I CAN'T With Nasty Ass UGLY!

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Mon, 2 Jul 2012 08:00:00 GMT

I CAN'T! I just CAN'T with these people! Be CLEAR, I moved beyond the shame of having HIV when I appeared on the cover of Essence magazine! The NASTY ASS UGLY that comes to me on this blog, is sickening! It only shows me how fucking far we have got to go. When I woke up this morning at 5:30 this comment was waiting for me. I glanced at my e-mails and I couldn't go back to sleep.

Facing the Ugly

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Thu, 28 Jun 2012 08:50:00 GMT

It occurred to me yesterday that I've given more energy to people talking shit about me on my blog over and above people lifting me up. I will e-mail Markeeda some dumb shit someone says about me in a heartbeat, but I can't remember not one time I've e-mailed her a positive thing.

Monday Reflection: Self Care Is Self Love!

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Mon, 18 Jun 2012 11:24:00 GMT

I've been threatening to take better care of myself for months, but something always seems to get in the way. Yep, one project or another always seems to be more important than me. I work and work until I crash.

I keep a breakneck schedule almost never coming up to smell the roses, literally or figuratively. And that only adds layers of stress to me both physically and emotionally. STRESS is a KILLER People!!

Moving Beyond the Fuck!

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Wed, 6 Jun 2012 21:22:00 GMT

I only had sex with one guy while I was in high school. Yep, For Real.. For Real... But good Lawd I had sex with a plenty more out side of high school, Yep... For Real.. For Real... Now don't be shocked, but I'm gonna name this thing today. I have to get beyond the fuck. I cannot allow the fuck or fucks to hold me hostage for the rest of my life. Nope!

The Making of You!

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Tue, 5 Jun 2012 11:19:00 GMT

I consider myself a cook! Yep! And anyone who has ever tasted any of my delights thinks so too. I had a friend once who told me that he would pay me to teach his wife how to make my macaroni and cheese. For Real, and my BFF Luke tries his best to whip up my creation with the same exact ingredients, but each dish does its own thing no matter how hard you try. Even for me, with my mac and cheese it varies. There are some constant ingredients like macaroni, milk, eggs, butter, but what type of cheeses and any other ingredients like sour cream, whipping cream etc. depends on the life of my budget and or what I have in the refrigerator.

What Kind of Woman Am I?

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Fri, 1 Jun 2012 13:50:00 GMT

People keep asking me, "What kind of woman am I? Am I RESPECTABLE enough? Am I CHRISTIAN enough? Why do I tell every freaking thing? Why do I cuss? I answer them ALL in my new book, "The Politics of Respectability." The book was released today on Amazon Kindle and it will be available on Amazon paperback in just 10 days.

It's My Birthday

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Tue, 22 May 2012 04:56:00 GMT

Today is my birthday!!!! I'm going to let my videos speak for themselves ... It's been a good day so far ...

There Is No More Rain in My Cloud!

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Thu, 17 May 2012 16:00:00 GMT

I landed in the freaking ER Last night! My chest has been hurting for the last few days and then my arm started to tingle. I thought that I was having a heart attack or had a blood clot from my picc line. Well it was neither! It was a combination of my current health issue with the herpes and the IV medication and STRESS....

Coming Soon! "The Politics of Respectability"!!!

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Mon, 14 May 2012 19:12:00 GMT

Coming Soon! my second book, The Politics of Respectability. I've wanted to write a book by my 50th birthday for at least the last eight months. Something that spoke to the very core of who I am as a woman. My 50 years of wisdom about sex, dating, self-love and being true to one's self. Everything seemed to have gotten in the way and I continued to procrastinate.

Dating the Right Reverend, Part Three

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Wed, 9 May 2012 10:33:00 GMT

Yep, I left the Right Reverend's little town all in love, but what I didn't know was a freight train was gonna hit my ass. I should have followed my first mind. I knew in my heart of hearts that this shit didn't feel right. I knew it, but I didn't want to be alone, especially with HIV.

The Right Reverend was so accepting of my HIV status, I wanted to believe that my best interest would be a priority. I wanted to believe my best interest would be severed all the way around. Well let me tell you, just because a man is great in one area does not mean he will be great in another area. Nope.

Dating the Right Reverend, Part Two

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Fri, 4 May 2012 11:46:00 GMT

I know y'all been waiting on part two of "Dating the Right Reverend," so here you go. You can read part one here.

We left off at the phone call from the other woman. So I couldn't wait to let whoever this heifer was know, there's a NEW woman, so step the hell back. So I said, "Sweetie, he's in the shower right now, I would be glad to take a message." There was silence and I smiled. "Mission accomplished," I thought! She chimed in, "Will you please let him know, (whatever the heck her name was) is on the phone."

Day 29! Count Down to 50! Ain't Shit Pretty About AIDS!

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Wed, 25 Apr 2012 10:36:00 GMT

I love this picture. It appeared on the cover of the Washington Post in 1996. When I first started speaking I was hell on wheels. I talked more shit and was rough around the edges, honestly, I was even more than I am now. If you could imagine, LOL. After two hours of being raw, honest and transparent to this group of young people in a summer program in Washington, D.C., this 13 year girl couldn't stop crying. She said no one had ever validated her decision to remain a virgin and that it was hard because ALL of her girlfriends were having sex. But after hearing me lay it out on the line, she knows that it's OK. We had no idea the photographer had captured this special moment between us.

Monday Reflection: Being the Best You!

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Mon, 23 Apr 2012 13:16:00 GMT

Being honest with yourself is hard. Especially on those things that are not cute. Those things that seem to nag and tap away at you and leave an ounce of insecurity. If we are honest about it, we all have something. Maybe it stems from childhood or maybe it's something that developed over the years, but we all have that one thing and some of us have more, that just eats away at us and when people start touching on it in some kind of way, we get defensive, we shut down, we cuss and we hide. Your personality type typically determines how you react.

Dating the Right Reverend

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Fri, 20 Apr 2012 12:20:00 GMT

Last night one of the young ladies I follow on Twitter was tweeting about her relationship. She said, "I'm tired of crying." And y'all know I jumped right in. Yep! I tweeted, "Fuck a man who can't love and treat you the way you should be. If he can't see the value then he don't deserve you!!" Yep, yep, I told her straight up, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Don't explain it away, don't make excuses." Believe it!

I'm doing this because I want you to really understand my journey. Really understand the miracle of my life. People are always talking about God "curing" me but even with AIDS, I'm a walking miracle, a living miracle.

Miracle of Life: Counting Down to 50!

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Sat, 14 Apr 2012 10:27:00 GMT

I'm counting down to 50 and I'm allowing you to see a side of me that I have never allowed. I have always wanted people to see me at my best, but God laid in my spirit to show you my day to day.

Herpes ... Again ... Overit.com!! Day 43! Count Down to 50!

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Tue, 10 Apr 2012 09:48:00 GMT

I was hoping and even praying that I would get through this 50 day count down to my 50th birthday without being sick; without herpes. But I guess that prayer didn't get answered because I'm only on day 43 and I have 3 herpes lesions right there on my clit. Yep, Yep and it hurts like hell, if this is what hell feels like.

Day 46! Count Down to 50! Support System With HIV

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Sat, 7 Apr 2012 09:26:00 GMT

While hanging out today with my girlfriend Markeeda, I started to think about my friends and support system, so I decided to talk candidly about my support system living with HIV over these last 29 years on today's video blog.

Diva!!

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Wed, 4 Apr 2012 17:12:00 GMT

Over the years I've allowed cameras into my life. Mainly as a way to educate and challenge stigma around HIV/AIDS.

Counting Down to 50!

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Tue, 3 Apr 2012 11:05:00 GMT

Today Marks 50 days until I turn 50 years old! I NEVER thought that I would have made it! Like #ForReal #ForReal! I've been living with HIV for 29 years. Just think about it, HIV is only 31 years old. That means that I've lived almost the entire AIDS pandemic with this disease and over half of my life!

Monday Reflection: Just Take a Deep Breath ...

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Mon, 26 Mar 2012 15:14:00 GMT

Can we talk? I mean some real talk! I got a lot of freakin stuff to complain about! A lot to be mad about and a lot to fuckin give up on! That's real talk living with HIV/AIDS. Just walk ONE day in my shoes and see for yourself.

Facing Shame ...

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Wed, 21 Mar 2012 20:26:00 GMT

Yesterday I was sitting on the bench waiting on the train and a young lady sat next to me. She had a 4 year old daughter and a 2 month old son in tote. From the moment she sat down it became awkward for me. When I looked into her face I saw what appeared to be two black eyes. My heart started to ache and I became ashamed; Ashamed for me and for her. My shame was rooted in her shame. To see a young girl facing this level of hurt made me ashamed and for once in my life I was at a lost, paralyzed by shame.

Monday Reflection: Hallelujah Anyhow -- Revisited!

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Mon, 19 Mar 2012 17:13:00 GMT

Lately, I've been getting a lot of e-mail and Tweets about God healing me of AIDS. I know they don't really mean any harm, but it drives me freaking crazy.

Well, cause, its like they look right pass the miracle of my life. Right, like the blessing that God has given me isn't enough. I know, I know they just want the best for me, but gee, how does one over look the big fat pink elephant in the room? I have lived with HIV, as of 2012 for 29 of the 31 years HIV/AIDS has been around and 20 years with AIDS.

Trying to Out Run AIDS ...

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Wed, 14 Mar 2012 18:58:00 GMT

I have a big ass problem. It may seem like a small thing to some people, but its major to me; My inability to rest. I don't rest. Yes, I sleep, but I just don't rest. Now that my health is better, I see myself falling back into the same pattern. Keeping a break neck schedule.

Monday Reflection: Gettin My Groove Back!

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Tue, 13 Mar 2012 10:37:00 GMT

If you had seen me walking down the street yesterday pushing my grocery cart, you would have thought I had won the lotto or something. For Real... For Real... But that was nothing of the sort, I was just happy to be able to go grocery shopping. It hit me as I was walking up and down the aisles yesterday that it's been months since I've been able to do this simple chore.

Celebration of Life!

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Sat, 10 Mar 2012 09:51:00 GMT

I never thought that I would live to see 50 years old, but by the grace of God, in just under three months I will celebrate my 50th birthday. I know it's hard for many of you to believe that I was dying, but I was. I remember when my T-cell count was 8 and my viral load was 400,000 and I was on my third bout of PCP, an AIDS-related pneumonia that was the number-one infection that killed people with AIDS.

I Remember the Lovin ...

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Fri, 9 Mar 2012 15:35:00 GMT

Good Lawd I remember Lovin that man! By Lovin I mean having mind blowing sex that kept his tail coming back for more and more. Now don't get Love and Lovin confused because they are two totally different things, that may or may not have anything to do with each other, depending on who you are talking to.

HIV/AIDS and the Black Church: A Retrospective!

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Wed, 7 Mar 2012 11:40:00 GMT

People always got something to say about the Black Church and AIDS, like Black Churches are the only churches in the world. I was doing a radio interview just yesterday and one question asked, "Why was the Black Church slow to respond to AIDS?" HELLO, MOST churches, across denominations and the color line were slow to respond to AIDS.

Monday Reflection: Weathering the Storm

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 22:37:00 GMT

Well it seems that I have weathered the storm yet again. The herpes has gone into hibernation. I'm off the IV medication and the picc line came out of my arm on Saturday. Of course I say hibernation because the herpes virus never really leaves the body and I have no idea when it will rear it's ugly head yet again.

Whitney: A Retrospective! 1963-2012

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Sun, 12 Feb 2012 13:38:00 GMT

Yes, I am a Whitney Houston Groupie! I've never really been a groupie, but she's the exception to the rule. I guess I was never into celebrities because at an early age I was hanging out with some of the most powerful African-Americans in politics. As a result, I always measured people on their own merits. Not because they were famous, but by their contribution to the world and how to some extent they handled their life; But I honestly fell in LOVE with Whitney from day one.

The Problem of Stigma

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Tue, 7 Feb 2012 16:06:00 GMT

Today is National Black HIV/AIDS Awareness Day and for me that's bittersweet. Let me explain. I'm happy that African Americans are coming together across the country to bring awareness to HIV/AIDS, but sad that it seems, no matter how hard we work, the number of HIV cases continue to rise. The CDC says that Black folks are 44% of all new cases of HIV in the United States and nearly half of all cases of HIV in this country. It seems the more things change for the better around HIV/AIDS, the worst it gets in the Black community.

Finding the Missing You!

rae@raelewisthornton.com (Rae Lewis-Thornton) — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 12:27:00 GMT

I know ... I know, I've been missing in action, but really it seems like I've been missing a part of me. Like my spirit just walked right out of my body and left a 160-pound shell. Yes, I said a 160-pound shell, but that's another topic altogether. Let me be honest here, this herpes is giving me the freaking blues. For Real! I'm so sick of being on IV medication I can't think straight. No forget that, I can't even think.