Last weekend, I saw a white American man at a Spring Training baseball game, put himself in a minority without uttering a word. If you don’t know this already, white guys at Spring Training games ARE NOT in the minority. You may be thinking, he was cheering for the Away team, but actually, the fan split was pretty even since the Away team’s real home was only an hour up the road.

With an even split, he’s already lost his majority, but when he shows up wearing a t-shirt like the one in the photo, what happens? Of the remaining 50%, roughly half are gone because they are liberal or Democrat. He’s down to being a 25% minority. Despite baseball being an American game, there were no doubt other nations represented and certainly other religions besides Christianity were represented. We know there are some conservatives who support gun control laws, so he may have lost a few more percentage points there. If there were any Log Cabin Republicans at the game, then he lost a few more.

Of those remaining, who matched his shirt’s criteria, I bet half would have preferred not to be aligned with him, but maybe that’s just me showing my faith in people.

But yes, Mr. American, conservative, pro gun, Christian, heterosexual, I’ve got a few questions…

1. Did you mean to put yourself in the minority?
2. How does wearing that shirt make you feel?
3. How do you want people who don’t align with your shirt to feel?
4. Did you secretly wish “White” was also on your shirt?
5. Do you consider yourself prejudiced against anyone not like yourself?
6. Would you enjoy the world if everyone was just like you?
7. Do you think this is the road to Peace on Earth?

Most of the comments on mainstream news articles regarding this incident are very supportive of Barbara Johnson, or very upset with the priest and/or the Catholic church, but not all of them. Of those that support the priest, there is an assumption that he knew more about her than that she identified as homosexual and lived with a partner. That alone is not enough information to deny communion. Worse than these assumptions, are those who seem to be making up or passing on unsubstantiated reports about a private conversation between the priest and Barbara Johnson. They offer no sources or evidence, but report as fact things that might make it seem like she was asking for it.

I don’t question anyone’s right to believe the priest was right or wrong, but this small but loud element of Catholics (some other religions too), is unsettling. Their vision seems so narrowly focused, that they don’t dare to try and look at this from any other point of view. If they hear something that supports what they want to believe, they spew it as fact, rather than asking a follow-up question.  The don’t even notice when rules are not applied evenly across the board. Can you imagine if every priest was judge and jury on who got communion…. “you’re living with your girlfriend, I assume you’re having sex… Next!”….. “I smell Egg McMuffin on your breath and doubt you’ve observed the Eucharistic Fast…. Next!”…. “You’ve been married five years now and haven’t complained about not being able to have children, I bet you’re using birth control… Next!”

When I look around at the magnificent world in which we live, I believe in something! Defining It is another matter and I think I’d be a fool to try, but surely love, compassion and integrity are part of it, so that’s where I aim. Even though we may subscribe to a specific religion, each of us really lives by our own set of rules. Peace seems to show up when we focus on the thing upon which we agree.

Note: I’m not mentioning the priest’s name on purpose. I can’t see how giving us someone with whom to be angry would help.

Photo Credit: Ihar on Flickr

There’s been a lot of “gay kiss” publicity recently. There was the first-ever gay kiss on the long-time soap Days of Our Lives, then the marine homecoming kiss that went viral, then two women being asked to leave a restaurant after the were seen sharing a kiss, and of course, the George Clooney / Billy Crystal kiss on the Oscars. However, the real perspective on the importance of these American growing pains comes with the start of the trial involving a webcam in a Rutgers dorm room, a gay kiss and the tragic suicide of Tyler Clementi.

Kissing in public and other PDAs (public displays of affection) even by heterosexuals, has not always been acceptable. Some religions and cultures still frown upon it and maybe always will. For most Americans however, hetero kissing in public garners no attention as long as no one gets carried away. And someday, gay kisses won’t bring any special notice either and it’s thanks in some part to the participants in these recent news stories and others like them. Every cultural shift has its heroes, some are courageous leaders by choice and some by circumstance. The rest of us just offer support or silent gratitude, knowing someday these issues will no longer be issues because our heroes tore down the walls.

My question to gays and lesbians… Where are you in your public kissing journey? (Let’s not judge each other, but rather gain a greater understanding through sharing.)

• Are you making a statement by practicing PDAs every chance you get. Trying to stretch the world with a little shock value every once in a while?
• Are you uncomfortable or even afraid to share a lingering glance at your partner?
• Maybe you just don’t care or even think about it when the moment is right for a spontaneous kiss?
• Maybe you’re like me and just wish it was a non-issue and gently stretch your own world a little bit more every year by being a little more public with your PDAs?
• Do you tell people it’s not because your gay, but you hate all PDAs? Do you ever wonder if you talked yourself into that belief?

Tell me your stories in the comments below.

Photo Credit: metacheetr on Flickr

I am

• an American
• white
• a woman
• gay
• a golfer
• a Midwesterner – (born and raised)
• a Floridian – (transplanted)
• a Democrat
• a geek
• a fan of Bill Gates
• a fan of Windows 7
• a tree hugger (wannabe anyway)
• middle class
• an entrepreneur
• a college graduate
• self-employed
• a health nut (ok, big time wannabe here)
• a member of an MCC church
• a former member of the country club
• an iPhone and iPad lover

Did anything in that list trigger any sort of judgment within you? Are you and I as prone to having negative or positive reactions to stereotypes as those who are prejudiced against us? Learning to suspend judgment almost goes against human nature (maybe it’s more of a divine trait). If I were coming up with the grand definition of “me”, it probably wouldn’t have anything in that list on it. It would have more to do with the love I have for my family and friends, with my insecurities and fears, and my search for spiritual truths. Probably not what you would expect after reading my list.

Even if we fit with some of the stereotypes attributed to the groups to which we belong, we are not defined by them. So let’s become more aware of our judgments driven by stereotypes. Let’s try to focus on the things we have in common or the things we admire first and maybe there won’t be time to think about the things we don’t like.

PS. Mallow610, I think your Mom knows you love her, but it wouldn’t hurt to show it a little more.

I Wish…

1. being gay was a non-issue

Hmm. I guess that one wish would take care of it all. Mom wouldn’t have to worry and no one would be offended when I hold hands with my partner who might then be my wife. Gay kids wouldn’t be harassed or bullied and suicides would not be committed by teens and young adults who don’t know that things will get better.  Crimes of hate would be reduced and  loads of time, money and energy and could be spent on things other than fighting for or against gay rights.  Yes, there are a million things or more that would be different if being gay was a non-issue and someday, maybe someday soon…

I know, I know, I know… there is no “Gay Agenda”, it’s just a term made up by groups who wish to scare their members and anyone else they can snag, into opposing gay rights. It is often portrayed as a “war” on various aspects of their way of life – you know, like our desire to destroy their marriages… NOT!  To be honest, it’s just hard for me to imagine people buying into that… maybe that’s why they sometimes put the word “hidden” in front of “gay agenda”.

Of course there are gay rights activists and there are numerous organizations that do work to promote the rights of the LGBT community and if any of them have set something called “The Gay Agenda”, it was surely named with tongue-in-cheek. Every organization that exists has some mission or purpose, not just the gay ones. The Human Rights Campaign for instance, has this mission:

By inspiring and engaging all Americans, HRC strives to end discrimination against LGBT citizens and realize a nation that achieves fundamental fairness and equality for all.

HRC seeks to improve the lives of LGBT Americans by advocating for equal rights and benefits in the workplace, ensuring families are treated equally under the law and increasing public support among all Americans through innovative advocacy, education and outreach programs. HRC works to secure equal rights for LGBT individuals and families at the federal and state levels by lobbying elected officials, mobilizing grassroots supporters, educating Americans, investing strategically to elect fair-minded officials and partnering with other LGBT organizations.

I guess there must be some who think this is evil or perhaps they think the evil is in the “hidden” agenda. Let me just say that it must be VERY well hidden, because I have sent money to the HRC from time to time, and have never received the “hidden gay agenda” from them, so I am forced to believe their publicly stated mission and actions.

If I had my own gay agenda, it would need to be subject to change at a moment’s notice. At this moment, here is what I would include:

• to win hearts and minds one person at a time by being all that is me, beyond and including my identity as gay
• to continue to stretch myself to live even more openly
• to stay abreast of issues affecting the LGBT community, participate when inspired to do so and not let it get me down
• to be supportive of all members of the LGBT community, no matter how different they are from me
• to be tolerant and patient with kind-spirited people who may not share my beliefs

Tomorrow, I think I’ll write about my “Gay Wishes”!

]]> http://www.rainbowcrossroads.com/72/my-gay-agenda/feed/ 0 http://www.rainbowcrossroads.com/72/my-gay-agenda/ http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/RainbowCrossroads/~3/gHXlDfpBVTo/ http://www.rainbowcrossroads.com/38/gay-partner-ignored-in-moms-obituary/#comments Sun, 12 Feb 2012 15:50:42 +0000 Rainbow Crossroads http://www.rainbowcrossroads.com/?p=38 Hard to believe that I had never thought about this before. Last week, my sister-in-law’s mother died and when I read the obituary I noticed the omission. Where it listed surviving family members, it included, in parenthesis, her daughter’s husband’s  name… but not her gay son’s partner’s name. Now I don’t know who made the decision or even the status of his relationship, but it made me think….

As much as I don’t like to think about losing anyone I love, if I am fortunate enough to live a long life, then it will likely happen someday. How would it be handled in my family or in my partner’s family? If it appeared in the newspaper in the town where I grew up, there would probably be people who judged it as an affront to the memory of the deceased and of course that would be untrue. I don’t want my relationship to be omitted because it offends some, but I also realize that me and my partner are not the only ones who would be affected. I don’t know the answer right now, because I believe every situation is completely different. It’s probably important to remember the newspaper article will not define the relationship you had with the one you lost, but could potentially define existing relationships going forward.

Note to self: Talk with partner today, so this isn’t a surprise someday. When the time comes, consider everyone and make the best decision you can with no regrets. 

Do you have any experiences or advice on this topic? Share your comments below. 

PS. I know this is a precursor to other topics, such as newspapers leaving out a surviving partner. If you have a story you want to share as a post on this website, please contact me.

The Times of Harvey Milk.

Our small town in the Midwest was a world away to be sure. I certainly didn’t know the word gay when I was 12, except that it was the last name of some family friends and I’d heard it in a Christmas song that made no sense to me… “Don we now our gay apparel”. Huh?!  My introduction to same-sex relationships came during a TV episode of Family, where one of Willie’s friends tried to explain to Kristy McNichol, his feelings toward her brother. I was very confused. Somehow I must have figured it out or had further education, because my next memory about the subject is my awareness of the one known “gay” in our town. Well, the only one known to me anyway. It was a whisper… I never heard anyone outright bash her for being gay, but I was definitely left with the impression that she was doing something that was not okay. She was “less than” because of ‘it’ and definitely, ‘it’ should only be whispered. Being gay did not define her though – it was the shadow we all cast on everything she did. In spite of the whispers and our shadow, every year, she organized this amazing event that brought money and respect to our city.

She would have been one of the most likely people in town to be a mentor to me, not because she was gay, but because she had traveled a road which I aspired to travel. She had once been in the world of professional golf and many in town thought I was on my way.  Our paths crossed often in local competitions and I could have learned much from her, just about the game of golf, not to mention about life as a gay woman. But no one encouraged that, most likely because she was gay. I wasn’t wise enough to know that I was missing an opportunity, but still, a silent piece of me was observing her with a fair amount of respect.

So although there was no gay community like the one in San Francisco and no Harvey Milk in my world, there was this one gay woman going about her business of contributing something good to the world. In hindsight, I can see her as having the courage to stand tall in the face of the whispers, rather than seeing her gayness as a stain on all the good that she did. I don’t even know if she was “out”, or if people had just figured it out, but I know she knew there were the whispers and the judgement.

Would I have been different if I hadn’t known this one woman in my hometown? I think so… I think I learned that being gay was not very acceptable, but I also learned that it was possible to be gay and make a difference. Perhaps that is reflected in the way I’ve lived my life. Once I understood I was gay, I tried to keep it hidden and when that became too much work, I moved past it and put my energy into other pursuits.

So what if my hometown had been San Francisco and I had been in college when Harvey Milk was elected, would I have followed his urging to tell my family and friends much sooner that I did? Would I have marched with thousands of others upon his death? Would I be boldly “out” today? It’s not unimaginable. I used to be a chameleon and if I had been surrounded by gay people who were inspired by Harvey Milk, I probably would have been right there with them. Instead, I stand tall in the face of the whispers, change hearts and minds one person at a time, and try to make a difference.