Rainforest Ramblings

Community Channel

2016-11-28T16:31:00.001-08:00

I say it my way

2014-07-29T16:40:00.000-07:00

I have my own opinions about everything just as everyone else does. I choose my own battles very carefully and in my own time. I don't feel the need to engage in every conversation that happens around me; it would be far too exhausting to do so. I conserve my energy for times when I really need to do battle. I don't agree with everything I read but I also don't find it necessary to vocalize those concerns all the time. But know this, just because I have not said anything doesn't mean that I don't have an opinion about it.

Recently, I have had the experience of having my Mohawk heritage called into question just because I didn't say what people wanted me to say. The remark came from a person of non-Indigenous heritage. I think that it's grossly unfair to do this to me or any other person of colour. Since when do I speak for Mohawk people? Why does it have to be that a person of colour needs to represent their race, when people from the dominant group are judged as individuals? The disappointing thing about the situation is that the original situation that people expected me to say what they believe has absolutely nothing to do with Indigenous people. Why should I then comment about Indigenous issues?

I only have one thing to say to people who are trying to bully me: I will always be who I am and that doesn't include behaving like you and it doesn't have to be. I don't answer to you, I will answer to my ancestors and Creator. As for attacking me as an Indigenous woman, shame on you! Walk a mile in my moccasins.

Trekking Poles

2013-08-28T14:07:00.004-07:00

This summer seems to have flown by so quickly. I wish I could extend it a few more weeks but school starts next week. I've been busy trying to organize my time for school. It's hard to make some decisions to keep certain things and let go of other activities. Of course, I'd like to keep all of it going but when my school work needs to come first and foremost. Tomorrow I'm picking up my books to start reading ahead for next week. I know, I'm a complete nerd! But I'd rather be a little ahead than way behind in my studies. The next goal I have for myself is to re-do my Knowledge Test for driving before the first day of class. Well, at least I have another week to do that. It won't take much either. I've taken it before and each time I pass with flying colours. It's just a matter of reviewing the material. It seems as though I have a few more people in my life now who are willing to help me out with driving practice. I'm very grateful for that because I'd like to book the road test within the next year and start driving around on my own to places.

Now, that my busy summer is coming to a close, I'm thinking more about preparing for Bust-A-Move (the Breast Cancer Fundraiser). For most of the summer, I've had ongoing problems with plantar fasciitis and haven't been as active at the gym as I need to be. [Enter Trekking Poles], yes, you read that correctly. One of my close friends has let me borrow their trekking poles. I tried them for the first time today and went for a 30-minute brisk walk non-stop. It was so nice to go for a walk and not have constant pain in my foot and lower back. I will be keeping the walking in my daily schedule. As well, I plan to return to the gym and my aerobics classes once I feel my strength returning. For now, I am happy walking and maybe I'll use the stationery bikes at the gym.

The other thing that I need to think about is fundraising for the Breast Cancer event. I suppose that means that my teammates and I will need to discuss how to do this together. It will be fun.

I'm Missing Out

2013-08-06T15:28:00.002-07:00

The August 1st long weekend is Gay Pride here in Vancouver. This year, I marched in the parade! Yippee! Even though there was a lot of festivities and activities that I attended on the weekend, I managed to fit in a few very serious conversations with a couple of good friends. The conversations ended up being very productive too.

One friend of mine was worried about not being part of a small community of people who gather approximately once a month. They told me that they felt as though they were missing out. After much discussion, we came to the conclusion that they actually belong to several communities. Some of the communities they belong are much larger and have a greater selection of people to friend. The question then becomes, why did they assume they were missing out? My friend goes to many events, has many friends, and their circle is expanding all the time. Well, sometimes when we look at our lives all we see are supposed deficits instead of appreciation for what actually is in our lives.

Seeing shortages in our lives is something that we all do because we're anxious about missing out, and not belonging. It's as though we're afraid of running out of friends. When we really consider our fear of running of friends, we realize that is an unfounded fear. Can we really, truly miss what we don't know?

Alternatively, what do we know? Or more to the point, who do we know? When we view our lives with appreciation and gratitude for what we do have it changes our perspective. We start seeing abundance in our lives when we appreciate what we have.

I realize as I am writing this that some people may think but what if this person needs a change? I am not advocating for people not to have change in their lives. I am saying that maybe a change of perspective towards gratitude will help you. Change based upon fear is a step backwards, not forwards. Definitely, go for change in your life but take appreciation with you on your journey.

Just Snap Your Fingers

2013-07-10T11:01:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I've blogged. This summer has been great so far. I've already been camping and I plan to go again. I'm preparing for Bust-A-Move for Breast Cancer in March 2014! This time there's a small team of my friends who will be raising funds for Breast Cancer. I will be keeping you posted on my fitness progress.

I have been reading some advice/other blogs lately and there are a few things that bother me about some of them. The following are some issues that I have with some of the blogs:

1. Articles/advice blogs that advocate a quick fix on emotions (ie. If you're jealous, just stop being jealous). My first thought when I read something that simplistic is (sarcastic), "Oh yeah, just snap your fingers together and all your emotional and mental hang-ups will disappear!" Then I wonder just how many people who have read that article wonder what is wrong with them because they can't stop a negative emotion such as jealousy.

I have some good news for you: You will never rid yourself completely of negative emotions. You have become aware of your emotions so give yourself a happy sticker because that is the first step to managing your emotions. Managing your emotions is the key, not getting rid of your emotions. Many people are labouring under the false assumption that they need to get rid of negative emotions. Negative emotions such as fear, anxiety, jealousy etc... are part and parcel of our survival mechanisms. All emotions have a place in our lives because they protect us. Negative emotions become damaging to our lives when they become out of control (ie. jealousy turns into possessiveness).

Managing emotions is a daily battle and requires us to be patient and kind with ourselves. Whenever you find yourself experiencing an emotion such as jealousy, then Thank yourself for noticing your emotions. Quickly assess what is making you feel that way - perhaps you really do have a reason to feel jealous at that moment. If so, then talk to a trusted friend about it. If you're feeling jealous of a partner then talk to your partner about it. Think of it as a process of sharing your thoughts and feelings with them. When explaining yourself, use "I" statements, such as, "When I heard you say, "I'd rather be with Jane tonight". I felt hurt and jealous. I need reassurance".

2. Here's another point about some of the articles I've read. One article in particular was talking about dating and it said something the effect of, "Perhaps you just want to have sex with somebody but you don't want to spend time with them outside of that sexual relationship". Having an exclusively sexual relationship with somebody is not a bad thing of and by itself. It does become a bad thing if you weren't honest about your intentions from the very beginning. If you haven't been honest with your sexual partner then you run the risk of thoroughly insulting them. And yes, in this particular case, it would be your fault for not being honest with them from the beginning.

Just remember that using people to boost your ego is never a good idea. To be blunt: STOP BEING A FUCKING ASSWIPE AND USING PEOPLE! When you enter a relationship of any kind, whether it be friendship, dating, sexual you are dealing with a person not an object. If you want use something to get off then buy a dildo.

Turtle Island

2013-06-01T07:22:00.003-07:00

I recently came across this image of a turtle with land on its back. It is a representation of Turtle Island. Many First Nations cultures have stories of Sky Woman falling from the Sky and landing on Turtle's back. In the stories, the turtle becomes North America. Sky Woman is North America's first inhabitant. The Haudenosaunee (Iroquois) people have this story, and so do the Algonquian Nations.

When I saw this image, it reminded me about the Turtle Nest Monitoring program that I volunteer for every year. This year the program will be using biologists to monitor the turtles' nests but I will be volunteering to help in other ways. In particular, the biologists need people to search out other places around the park where turtles are laying their nests. The biologists need this information so that they can create more nesting beaches, if necessary. I certainly hope that we do find more potential nesting sites.

The above image also reminded me about how wonderful it is to work with turtles. Helping the endangered turtle population gives me great satisfaction. I adore working with these animals. I tell my friends all the time that it is difficult to hold a turtle and still be in a grumpy. There's something about handling turtles that makes one smile. Perhaps it's the fact that they initially hide in their shell when you pick them up, or perhaps it is the way that they look you right in the eye or crane their necks. Turtles always put a smile on my face. The same is true whenever I pet my cat and he purrs. I can't help but smile at the sound of a purring cat. So, today I leave you with the thought of how animals can lighten our moods. Think about moments in your life when an animal put a smile on your face, and how lucky we are to have animals as part of our lives.

The Punching Bag

2013-04-12T14:00:00.001-07:00

Sometimes we back ourselves into a corner emotionally, mentally, physically and may be even spiritually. When that happens we tend to lash out at other people, especially those who are closest to us. After all, it's easier to blame other people in our lives than to take a long, careful and introspective look at ourselves. To use a simile, we become like verbal and emotional boxers when we lash out at others.

Our own fears and anxieties are feeding our thoughts during times of stress. We anxiously look around ourselves to figure out why we're feeling stressed. During times of stress we tend to see people and circumstances in black and white terms as though all things said and done have been carved into stone. We need to remember that nothing is carved in stone. If we're not self-aware, we could start using people who are closest to us as our own personal punching bags.

There is a way to help slow down, if not stop, our inner boxers from lashing out at those we love:

Ask yourself this question: Is it true? Then consider what evidence you have of this thought or circumstance being true. Let's take an example such as the thought, "This person doesn't care about me!" Ask yourself: What's my evidence that the person doesn't care about me?
Examine the evidence. Then ask yourself, "Does this evidence actually support my thought that the person doesn't care?" Perhaps the evidence is flimsy and one-sided once you begin to really consider it. Perhaps it's not flimsy and one-sided, perhaps you really do have a valid concern.
If it turns out that you have a valid concern then you need to discuss those concerns with the other person. Perhaps you've realized that there was something that was said or a circumstance that arose that really bothered you. One way to start such a conversation would be to use the W.I.N. Formula : When I see/hear you do/say ___________. I feel (or think) __________. I need ______. By the way, the more specific you are with how you feel, and what you need, the more effective your communication becomes.

For example, When I hear the words, "I talk to you all the time", I feel taken foregranted and dismissed. I need reassurance that I am important to you.

Hopefully, this strategy will open up conversation between you and the other person and will lead to a deeper connection. If you still feel as though you and the other person are not understanding each other you may wish to consider having somebody facilitate the conversation. Facilitation allows for an objective person to re-word what each of you is saying. The other route you may wish to consider is professional counselling together.

Our Culture is Our Identity

2012-12-18T07:11:00.003-08:00

“Healing resources for Aboriginal people are found in connecting with culture, nature, ceremony and other aspects of indigenous culture” (Goodwill & McCormick, 2012). Everybody needs an identity which comes from our cultures. First Peoples’ cultures have been actively assimilated and acculturated since colonization began. In 1876, the government instituted the Indian Act which continues to be political legislation that governs every aspect of life for First Nations peoples. Duncan Campbell Scott, the Deputy Superintendent of Indian Affairs stated, “I want to get rid of the Indian problem […] Our objective is to continue until there is not a single Indian in Canada that has not been absorbed into the body politic and there is no Indian question and no Indian Department” (Royal Commission Report on Aboriginal Peoples). The residential school system, the banning of ceremonies such as the potlatch, all assimilation processes have hinged on this piece of legislation. Assimilation has caused severe psychological trauma to the Indigenous population because they were forced to take a culture and identity that was not their own. “Historical trauma serves as a general backdrop for Native America experience and identity” (Ryback & Decker-Fitts, 2009). The results of more than a hundred years of marginalization and acculturation of First Nations peoples and cultures have been the loss of identity. “The relentless subjugation of Aboriginal people and the discounting of their ideas have hurt those aboard the Aboriginal voyage of discovery into the inner space” (Ermine, 1995). The loss of identity manifests itself as addictions, self-harm, and hopelessness which places people at risk for suicide. “…among the First Nations population rates of mental health problems such as suicide, depression, substance abuse, and domestic violence all seem to be significantly higher (than the general population)” (McCormick, 1996 emphasis mine) For First Nations people, their identity is intertwined with their culture, language, and values. The more immersed into their culture they become, the stronger their identity as First Nations people becomes. Mental and emotional health is balanced for First Nations people when they have a strong identity that is deeply rooted in their culture, ceremonies, connection to the land, and language. In this paper, I will discuss how First Nations identity comes from being rooted in their culture and ceremonies, and language. Then I will discuss one cultural revitalization projects within the Vancouver area.

Culture and Ceremonies

“Cultural resilience in their participants (Native Americans) was derived from the strength in family support systems, caring, communities, strong identities, spirituality, cultural values, worldview, ceremonies, and traditions. Of these, spirituality was the core of Native people’s survival” (Grandbois & Sanders, 2009 emphasis mine). Spirituality is at the center of all ceremonies, language, values, and culture. This is because First Nations see everything as connected, and having meaning. There is value and a spiritual quality to all aspects of life, that is, emotional, spiritual, physical, and mental aspects. “Native Americans believe their healing practices and traditions operate in the context of relationship to four constructs – namely, spirituality (Creator, Mother Earth, Great Father); community (family, clan, tribe/nation);environment (daily life, nature, balance); and self (inner passions and peace, thoughts, and values)” (Portman & Garrett, 2006). The four constructs are about encouraging the individual, and how that individual relates to the outer world. “The role of healing in traditional First Nations society has been not only to reaffirm cultural values but also to consider the individual in the context of the community” (McCormick, 1997). The First Nations worldview sees everything as intertwined. The individual is part of the larger community and works to serve that community as best they can. The community carries the values, ceremonies, and culture that serve the best interests of the individual. The community cannot exist without individuals, and individuals do better within a community context to support them. All of the four constructs of the medicine wheel have spiritual meaning because spirituality is integral to the culture and ceremonies of First Nations people. “The Medicine Wheel philosophy of life is important to the inner dialogue because it identifies and describes the parts of the human make-up and shows how they are connected” (McCabe, 2008).

For example, a smudging ceremony consists of using plant medicines such as sage, cedar, sweetgrass, and tobacco either all together or just sage, cedar or sweetgrass. If the individual is smudging by themselves then they would go ahead and smudge themselves. If the individual is smudging with other people then that person would offer the smudge to the other people first, and smudge themselves. Then the offering would be used to acknowledge The Creator, Father Sky, Mother Earth, and the four directions, and the ancestors. The person leading the smudging ceremony would then identify themselves to the ancestors, Creator, Father Sky, Mother Earth and the four directions and give them Thanks for the day and all the blessings given to them. They can pray for the community, family and themselves. Usually prayers for the self are done last because community and family members are important. After the prayers are finished then the person would conclude the prayers with the phrase, “All My Relations” to acknowledge that everything, every one, every animal, insect, fish, and every plant and tree is related. Within the context of the four aspects of the medicine wheel, the smudging ceremony is spiritual because it includes prayers and acknowledgement of universal powers. It is physical because you burn sacred medicines (symbolizing earth the creatures and living beings on the earth, and connection to the land) in an abalone shell or shell from another sea creature (symbolizing the water and all the creatures that live in the water). Smudging is a mental exercise because not only are you acknowledging spiritual powers but you also acknowledge yourself within the context of the entire universe, and culture. The person leading the ceremony also needs to have the knowledge of how to do a proper smudging ceremony. This includes the knowledge that when doing a smudging ceremony in a group, everybody in the group gets smudged first (placing importance on community and serving other people before ourselves), and the leader of the smudge smudges last. We acknowledge problems, disasters, and also joys in the world, and the community. It also acknowledges illness, problems or good health within the family, and the problems and blessings of the individual. Within the smudging ceremony everything is connected and it ultimately connects the individual into everything else in the universe. This brings us back to how deeply First Nations identity is intertwined with their culture. Every aspect of our culture contains the four constructs (spirituality, community, environment, and self), and the four aspects of the medicine wheel (spiritual, physical, emotional, mental). Everything has meaning and value, without this cultural knowledge, First Nations people lose their identity more easily. When people lose their identity, then they lose their hope and social problems become a community issue. People’s confusion around identity and hopelessness for the future are the products of the government’s active assimilation policies.

Language

“Indication that Aboriginal people were attaining knowledge of a very different nature and purpose from Western peoples is evident in Aboriginal language and culture” (Ermine, 1995). Aboriginal languages, as with all languages, express the values of the culture. As previously mentioned in this paper, all aspects of the medicine wheel, that is, spiritual, mental, physical, and emotional are intertwined in Aboriginal culture. For example, “The Cree word mamatowisowin, describes the capability of tapping into the ‘life force’ as a means of procreation” (Ermine, 1995). Ermine further explains the concept of mamatowisowin, “this energy manifests itself in all existence because all of life is connected, all of life is primarily connected with and accessed through the life force” (1995). This Cree word is only one of the many First Nations languages that exist but it is a good example of how cultural values are expressed within language. Brant Castellano describes mamatowisowin as, “the capacity to connect to the life force that makes anything and everything possible” (2000). Brant Castellano’s description of this word emphasizes that the values being taught within this word is that everything is spiritual up to and including life itself. The Ojibway word, Giibinenimidizomin means owning ourselves or being self-possessed. Individuals who are self-possessed have no problem with their identity because they know exactly who they are and they are aware of their own limitations. Goodwill and McCormick describe Giibinenimidizomin for First Nations people as happening when they are actively participating in ceremonies and community and can feel centered because of their involvement with their own culture (2012). Giibinenimidizomin on a medicine wheel would be the following: spiritual - visiting and learning from Elders in the community and attending ceremonies. Mental - learning and retaining cultural knowledge such as how to use plant medicines, learning and speaking your language. Emotional - attending community events and assisting your community when you can. Building emotional bonds with other people in your family and community, and having a support system. Physical, there are physical aspects in almost everything. Cooking a traditional meal can be considered physical and also mental because of the knowledge of how to prepare the food. Attending a sweatlodge ceremony can be spiritual, physical, mental and emotional. First Nations languages carry the values of the culture. The First Nations words mamatowisowin, and Giibinenimidizomin demonstrate the complexity and richness of their respective languages.

Revitalization

Anderson Womens’ Healing Lodge Society

I was employed at Anderson Womens’ Healing Lodge Society for approximately two years. Anderson Lodge is part of the Circle of Eagles Society and is located in Vancouver. Circle of Eagles Lodge Society provides culturally appropriate services to Aboriginal men who have been federally incarcerated. Jerry Adams, Executive Director of Circle of Eagles Lodge stated, “Many Aboriginal men (and women) have no connection to their roots. Through various programs, from drumming to making button blankets, from hosting talking circles and arranging visits to a sweatlodge, we help forge those connections, allowing the brothers (and sisters) to discover who they are” (bchousing.org, emphasis mine)Anderson Lodge provides culturally appropriate services to its Aboriginal women who are homeless, fleeing an abusive relationship, and who have addictions issues. In the past five years they have been given a contract from the Corrections Service of Canada to serve as a halfway house for federally incarcerated Aboriginal women. Anderson Lodge’s programs include access to Elders; there is a sweatlodge on site, and drumming and singing. There is an Elder on site at least two days per week. The residents can assist the Elder by chopping wood for the sweatlodges, or they can just go and talk to the Elder. The residents can also learn crafts such as beading or making dreamcatchers. The Lodge has craft supplies on site so that the residents can feel free to make their own crafts without cost to the resident. The Lodge also has a program called Bannock-on-the-run where the residents assist in making soup, bannock and sandwiches to distribute to the homeless in the Downtown Eastside. Staff drives the residents to the Downtown Eastside to distribute the food. The residents are given some money for participating in the Bannock-on-the-Run program. It was enjoyable to observe the residents preparing the food all day and then get ready to distribute the food in the evening. It never ceased to amaze me just how happy and excited the residents were to help the community in this way. The therapeutic effect that this program has on people is so rewarding because it gave the residents a sense of accomplishment and community service. The staff makes referrals to residents to outside sources from Addictions Counselling in a First Nations cultural environment to traditional language programs.

Most of the women at the Lodge did not have the opportunity to learn about their culture as they were growing because they come from dysfunctional families, were part of the foster care system, or residential school survivors. I would like to share some of the stories about the personal growth of the residents. To protect the identity of the women, I have changed their names but not their stories.

Eloise is from Katzie First Nations Reserve. She came to Anderson Lodge after a 10-year incarceration at the Fraser Valley Institute. When she first arrived she was quiet and mostly kept to herself. While incarcerated, she had been active in the Native Sisterhood and many cultural activities. After a few weeks of residing at the Lodge she began to attend sweatlodges regularly. She spent a lot of time talking to the staff and the Elder. Eloise began to participate in the Bannock-on-the-Run program. Her enthusiasm for her community and culture encouraged the other residents to get involved. After her first year of residing at the Lodge, she received a Grandmother Drum from the Elders. She would often have Drumming and Singing circles with the other residents. The last time that I saw Eloise was one year ago. She has never broken any conditions of her parole and has remained in residence at the Lodge. Throughout her stay, I observed that she became more self-possessed as the participation in cultural activities increased. She was able to identify her feelings more readily, and express herself.

Cherise is from Prince Rupert. She was homeless and had addictions issues when she first arrived at Anderson Lodge. She came straight from Cordova Detox to the Lodge. She had a shy demeanor when she first arrived. After being at the Lodge for a few months she began to open up to other people. One of her favourite pastimes was doing crafts especially dreamcatchers. She became so good at crafting dreamcatchers that she began to teach the new arrivals to the Lodge how to make them. She also participated in the other cultural programs and activities at the Lodge. She became an outgoing person by the end of her stay. Her plan of action at the end of her residency was to return to her family in Prince Rupert. She had been free from her addictions for at least six months by the time she returned to Prince Rupert. She realized that being in Vancouver and away from her family was the reason that she had addictions issues.

Conclusion

Aboriginal identity is rooted in being involved in our cultures, communities, ceremonies, and languages. The more active Aboriginal people are in their culture and communities, the stronger their identity becomes. In First Nations culture everything is connected and intertwined. First Peoples languages reflect their worldview and values. When the government began actively assimilating First Nations people, it deprived them of their cultural heritage. The result has been generations of people who do not know their own culture and do not understand themselves. Through revitalization programs such as Anderson Womens’ Healing Lodge Society people are now able to learn about their culture and the ceremonies.

Works Cited

Interview with Jerry Adams. (2011).Circle of Eagles Lodge in Vancouver Gives Residents New Lease on Life. Retrieved from: http://www.bchousing.org/Media/Stories/2011/11/22/3620_11112214

Brant Castellano, M. (2000). Updating Aboriginal Traditions of Knowledge.Indigenous Knowledge in Global Contexts: Multiple Readings of Our World.. Toronto: University of Toronto Press.

Ermine, W. (1995). First Nations Education in Canada: The Circle Unfolds. Vancouver: UBC Press

Goodwill, A.O., McCormick, R. (2012). Giibinenimidizomin: Owning Ourselves – Critical Incidents in the Attainment of Aboriginal Identity. Canadian Journal of Counselling and Psychotherapy. Vol. 46 (1), 21-34.

Grandbois, D.M., Sanders, G. F.(2009) The Resilience of Native American Elders. Issues in Mental Health Nursing. Vol. 30, 569-580.

McCabe, G. (2008). Mind, body, emotions and spirit: reaching to the ancestors for healing. Counselling Psychology Quarterly, Vol. 21 (2), 143-152.

McCormick, R. (1996). Culturally Appropriate Means and Ends of Counselling as Described by the First Nations People of British Columbia. International Journal for the Advancement of Counselling, Vol. 18, 163-172.

McCormick, R. (1997). Healing through Interdependence: The Role of Connecting in First Nations Healing Practices. Canadian Journal of Counselling. Vol 31( 3).

Portman,T.A.A., Garrett, M.T. (2006). Native American Healing Traditions. International Journal of Disability, Development and Education. Vol. 53, 453-469.

Rybak, C., Decker-Fitts, A. (2009). Theory and Practice: Understanding Native American Healing Practices. Counselling Psychology Quarterly, Vol. 22 (3), 333-342.

The Real Crying Shame

2012-11-19T11:56:00.001-08:00

Western society equates crying with weakness. A person who cries at the work place is told to, "take a few minutes to pull themselves together", as though the crying person has completely lost touch with reality. The person crying is made to feel ashamed for expressing such deep emotions. Our society also believes that men should not cry at all. A belief that I think is very damaging to the male psyche because it denies them the right to self-expression.

According to research, crying actually bonds people together. http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/08/090824141045.htm Crying is a release of built up tensions and emotions. When we cry, we cry with our entire being - physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Our body, mind and soul cry with us. The real crying shame in our society is that crying is considered something that only weak women do. When in actual fact, when we cry, we are opening ourselves up to the support of other people. Here's an analogy from nature - when wolves howl it's because they're looking for their own kind. They are searching for support for hunting and socialization. In the same way, we can consider our crying to work in the same way as a wolf howl. When we cry, it's a signal to other people that we're looking for their love and support.

A few years ago I attended a First Nations memorial service for the husband of a good friend of mine. One of the Elders talked about crying. He said,"Crying allows us to gather strength. Crying is for the strong."

Control Yourself

2012-10-22T15:46:00.001-07:00

Their relationship had been intense for years. It was clear to anybody who saw them together that they were in love. They made each other laugh and sometimes cry. But she grew tired of him because there was nothing new and exciting in their relationship. It had become too comfortable. She knew she still loved him but it had become routine. He knew that she had become bored. But instead of bugging her about it and forcing the issue, he simply told her that he was willing to give her some space so that she could figure out what she wanted. This intrigued her because her previous experiences in relationships had at times made her feel caged. Now she was free to consider her needs and wants. She decided that he was demonstrating true love in that he did not want to hold her where she did not want to be held. She knew she would go away for awhile but she would return to him because of his generosity.

Sometimes relationships are like this. Sometimes we just need to know that we will not be held captive by the people we hold near and dear. It is at times of uncertainty that we know who truly cares about us. When somebody we know is willing to place your happiness above their own selfish desires then we know that this is a person that we want in our lives for a long time. It's so rare and refreshing not to have to fight for freedom in a relationship. The question I pose today is are we trying to control the people in our lives? If so, then we need to consider what is missing in our lives that we find it necessary to control the people we love. A long, introspective journey can shed light on this for us. It occurs to me that it takes a lot more energy to try to control other people. It takes less energy to figure out what our needs are and control ourselves.

Holistic Circulation

2012-10-05T14:58:00.000-07:00

We had another Elder come and speak to my class this week. This Elder is the Director of the Institute of Aboriginal Health. He was fascinating to listen to, and I learned a lot from him. The one thing that stood out for me was when he spoke about circulation in a holistic context. Naturally, for good health you need physical activity (physical circulation) but he expanded upon that and spoke about spiritual/emotional circulation, mental circulation, and social circulation. He mostly emphasized spiritual circulation though, and it was at that moment that I realized that my life has become unbalanced. I've realized this truth for a long time, but was procrastinating getting myself back into circulation. I also realize that what he said was true that the more balance we have in our lives, the more healthy we become.

There's much more to the Medicine Wheel then what I'm about to say so if you'd like to know more I would suggest going to the nearest Aboriginal Friendship Centre and speaking to an Elder. I will use my life as an example. Right now I have mental circulation, that is to say that I am actively engaged in learning at university and elsewhere. I have physical circulation because I aim to get to the gym between 3 - 4 times a week, and I'm active outside my gym time as well. I have social circulation because I have many friends, and I actively meet up with them and socialize. That leaves my neglected spiritual life. I stopped smudging, and attending the sweatlodge because for about a year I was unable to do them. Now, I've gotten out of practice of smudging, praying and taking time to sweat. So, this morning I decided that enough was enough and I smudged for the first time in a long time. I feel great right now.

The Medicine Wheel shows us where our life is not in balance. I have set up my calendar with the medicine wheel in mind. The activities are colour-coded so I can track the balance in my life. I use the colour green for my spiritual/emotional activities and there's not enough green on my calendar right now. Starting today, I'm going to change that and make more time for spiritual life.

Interconnectedness

2012-09-28T12:17:00.001-07:00

Elder Larry Grant told the class that Indigenous food sources are becoming scarce. He said that First Nations’ diets were replaced with European food items. Elder Grant specifically spoke about Camas Lilies and how important they were to Northwest Indigenous Nations. He also mentioned that scientists have discovered that Camas Lily is a complex carbohydrate, and it takes a lot of energy for the body to convert the lily into sugar. Complex carbohydrates are essential in the prevention of diabetes. Ingesting Camas Lily was replaced with the European potato. The potato is not considered high in nutrients or a complex carbohydrate food. The Camas Lily and other indigenous plant and animal species are being invaded by foreign flora and fauna. As a society, we need more concerted conservation efforts to keep a balance in our ecosystem.

I know from my volunteer work with Vancouver Parks that invasive species do put indigenous species at risk, both the flora and the fauna. In fact, every year hundreds of volunteers assist park staff in identifying and removing invasive plant species such as Scotch Broom and Policeman’s Helmet. I also volunteer with The Western Painted Turtle Recovery Project, also a program through Vancouver Parks. I volunteer for two reasons: 1.) I believe in ecological restoration, and 2.) I am a member of the Turtle Clan and it’s very important to me that turtles be conserved. The biologists and park staff are always educating the public about the threat to our ecosystem. The threat is very real, and many indigenous plants and animals are on an endangered species list. The Western Painted Turtle is considered a Red-Listed species, which means that it is endangered, and if we do not put conservation efforts in place then that species of turtle will become extinct. The location I work at is Burnaby Lake Regional Park. Burnaby Lake has about twenty-seven Western Painted Turtles living there. It is one of the largest populations of Western Painted Turtles in British Columbia. The Ministry of the Environment is considering breeding some of the turtles, hatching and nurturing the hatchlings so that they can help replenish some of the turtle populations around the province.

Once indigenous flora and fauna become extinct we cannot get them back. Once one species goes extinct then other species will follow because the ecosystem is interconnected, and one species relies on other species for survival. When I lived in Ontario, I met an Ojibwa Healer knicknamed Sugar Bear, he told me that, “Bears and Turtles walk together. If ever one ceases to exist then the other will cease to exist soon after.” Science has gained the understanding of the interconnectedness of our environment and species; First Nations communities have always understood interconnectedness to be true.

Time for Everything

2012-09-22T11:13:00.002-07:00

I am starting to settle into a schedule for myself. It's always a bit of struggle to find time for things once I start school. This year I'm taking on a little more. I am learning how to knit, I've joined a writer's group, next week I meet with a professor to discuss how I can assist her with her research, I'm a volunteer for Habitat for Humanity, and I still find time for myself, my school work, and my exercise classes. I am busy but I'm also happy. I seem to be able to find time for everything that I want in my life. I used to limit my activities because I thought that I couldn't fit it all in but I'm learning how to balance my life more.

Last night I went to an exercise class called Below the Belt, which is the same idea as the Buns of Steel videotapes were in the 80s. It's all about the abdominals, back, legs, thighs, hips (you get the idea). I was sore this morning but I decided to go to kickboxing class anyway. I told the Bootcamp Queen (instructor) that I was still sore from last night's class. She told me that the best way to combat soreness is by doing exercise because it helps get rid of the lactic acid build up in the muscles. I hardly feel any soreness now, so I'm glad that I went.

To bring us back to why I started this blog in the first place, it's because I registered as a participant in a Breast Cancer Fundraiser for Spring 2013. I need to complete 6 exercise sessions (6 hours of exercise) in one day. I am starting to feel prepared for this goal. I can keep up with the classes now, do more intense exercise and my recovery time is not as long as it used to be. Now I just need to remember to get on the fundraising portion of it. I have some friends who say that they would like to sponsor me so I will be sending them a link telling them how they can donate to the cause.

Stark Contrast

2012-09-20T07:55:00.001-07:00

I am taking a fourth year course in First Nations Health. The instructor recently asked us to journal our reflections about one of the readings. I have decided to share that journal with you here. Enjoy!

Stark Contrast

In this journal, I will be comparing my experience as a social service worker helping one of my clients experiencing appendicitis with the reading about Renee Smith dying as a result of a ruptured appendix. I was shocked when I read that Renee died of complications from appendicitis. Not too long ago, I helped save the life of a woman with appendicitis, whom I will refer to as Kathy. There are similarities between Renee and Kathy because both belonged to marginalized groups of people. Renee was a First Nations girl, and Kathy was a homeless woman. However, there is a stark contrast between how Renee was treated by medical personnel at the hospital and what happened to Kathy.

In Renee’s case there had been neglect right from the time she entered the hospital the first time and the nurse gave her pain killers, and she was allowed to leave the hospital. The next day when Renee came back to the hospital in worse condition, she was admitted with acute abdominal pains. Renee was not started on IV medication even though she had not been able to retain any fluids due to vomiting and diarrhea. Renee died due to peritonitis from a ruptured appendix. By contrast, Kathy came and spoke to me about not feeling well. Kathy told me that she had been vomiting and felt nauseas. Kathy was bent over in pain and I asked her about the pain. She told me that it was going through to her back. My biggest concern for Kathy was that she was dehydrating because she was vomiting. I also knew from having experienced gall stone pain previously that the type of pain she was experiencing was indicative of something more serious than stomach flu. After some talking, she finally gave me permission to call Emergency Services on her behalf. The ambulance was there within fifteen minutes and they took her to St. Paul’s Hospital to be admitted. The doctor ran some initial diagnostic tests on her and they discovered that she had appendicitis. Kathy had her appendix removed within 10 hours of being admitted to the hospital. Kathy recovered quickly from her operation, and was back at the shelter within a few days.

My training is in social service work. I am not trained in medicine, but even I understand the importance of replenishing lost body fluids. I do not understand how doctors and nurses could overlook the fact that Renee was losing more body fluids than she was able to replenish. The least that the medical staff could have done was to put her on IV medication while the diagnostics were being done. In Kathy’s case, being put on IV was one of the first things the medical personnel did to help her. In Renee’s case, the diagnostic testing such as an X-Ray was either delayed, or not even done as in the rectal exam to confirm the diagnosis of appendicitis (131). Kathy was fortunate to have medical personnel who were attentive to her needs. I think that Dr. Mills sums up well when she uses the following description at the Inquest, “She [Dr. Mills] criticized the treatment Renee had received and said that on a scale of one to ten, with “one” as the lowest, Renee’s care deserved a “two” and “reached the level of malpractice” (Speck, 131) [emphasis mine].

Equiarchy

2012-09-11T16:07:00.004-07:00

I was having a really frustrating day when I saw this post on facebook. I can't even begin to express my outrage at what he's said here. I have heard a few uneducated boobs express the same notion. I intend to demonstrate why such notions are not true. I contend the problem is not with feminism, but with absolute patriarchy.

We don't need to go too far back in the law books to find a time when women were not even considered persons under the law. We also don't need to go too far back in history to find a time when women could not vote, could be beaten to death by their husbands (his property, his right), he could also kill his children. The husband was not accountable for this because his wife and children were considered his property to do with as he pleased. Recap: 1.)Women not considered persons under the law, 2.) Husband could kill wife and the children without justification. Remember these laws came into effect under absolute patriarchy and it sounds pretty anti-family to me if you can kill family members and not have to answer for it. Abortion has been around since the dawn of time. Abortion is not a new invention. I won't even subject you to some of the horror stories (Victorian Era) of what some families would do to babies they could not afford to feed. Once you start seeing some historical facts, it is hardly fitting to label feminists as child killers when all along men have been killing their wives and families. And, of course, some feminists are Pro-Choice. Let's not forget the fact that many men nowadays also see themselves as feminist because feminism is for gender equality (both men and women).

I am not thrilled by the ad hominem argument that feminism is equated with witchcraft. Both men and women are Wiccans. So, why is he just attacking women? When looking at history we can find examples of rich and powerful men belonging to their own secretive religious sects, such as the Freemasons, and similar organizations. This does not even include the Gentleman Clubs. At one time in history, respectable women did not go to pubs or taverns. Every establishment was by men for men. Womens' lives revolved around the Church and the family. At certain points in history, when there were witchhunts, even being active in a church could not save you if you were accused.

Apparently, Feminism is about socialism and destroying capitalism. The last time I read the Bible it didn't say anything in there about being against socialism and pro-capitalism. It says nothing about either of them. Capitalism is not the be-all and end-all. It's the economic system currently used but that could very well change at some point in the future. The Barter System, The Trading System, & Feudal Systems changed into Capitalism. Whose to say that Capitalism won't morph into something else in due time?

And, of course, the good old standby of labelling women as Lesbians when all other arguments fail. It's really none of his concern how anybody else, man or woman, identifies as their sexual orientation. But, once again, he's choosing to an ad hominem argument to attack women in general. In particular, Lesbian women are the aim of his attack. A person's sexual orientation is of no concern to me. What I like to know about people is if they make sense when they talk (?) Are they kind, and compassionate? If you're going to judge somebody based upon their sexual orientation then I feel very sorry that you live such a narrow-minded and self-centered existence.

Long story, short - if you need to use fear-mongering tactics to try to persuade people to your way of thinking then your arguments are not that good to begin with. The poster above uses fear-mongering, attacks women especially feminists (for no good reason), lacks historical accuracy and viewpoint which essential when one is talking about marginalized groups such as women. I see a man who longs for absolute power through patriarchy. A man who will attack one of the most marginalized groups of people in history and in the present, stomp on their rights, piss on Wiccans and on Socialists just to satisfy his greed for money. The very core of his message is to save capitalism. The rest is labelling and fear-mongering. Save capitalism? Shit Dude, look around, capitalism doesn't need saving. Laws created under Absolute Patriarchy are the crux of most of the social problems our society has today. We should not be trying to preserve Absolute Patriarchy, but combine it with Matriarchy. The result of Patriarchy + Matriarchy=Equiarchy. An equitable and fair system for all citizens.

Endorse Endorphins

2012-09-08T09:54:00.004-07:00

Well, it's been a week since I last was at aerobics class. Today I'll be attending the Maxed Out class which combines strength drills and cardio. I've been so busy getting ready for school the past few weeks that I barely noticed that I hadn't been going to the gym. Now that I'm back in school, and know what to expect as far as my schedule, I can now look again at getting a fitness routine together. It's back to releasing those Endorphins. Endorphins are the body's natural opiate painkillers. That's why when we're physically active the body releases these painkillers and we feel really good afterwards.

Did you know that without Endorphins our bodies would be in constant pain? Endorphins are the body's natural opiate pain killer. During my training as an Addictions Counsellor, I learned (and witnessed) addicts withdrawing from opiates (morphine, heroin, to name 2). People who become addicted to opiates stop producing their own Endorphins (Opiates). Their bodies become dependent upon the opiate substance of choice. During their withdrawal period and sometimes, up to as much as a year afterward, an addict's body and mind will be in constant pain. Sometimes it takes as long as a year after withdrawal and recovery to get our body's system to work properly again. Our bodies (those not in recovery from opiate addiction) would be in constant pain too if we didn't produce Endorphins. This is one good reason to stay away from any type of street drug. I realize that opiates come in prescription form too, but the bulk of addictions are developed from the street drugs.

So, it's time now for me to get ready and go pump some iron and some Endorphins. Working out also brings me closer to my fitness goals. Endorse your own Endorphins today through physical activity (moderate level). You will feel great afterwards.

The Fart and Cry Principle

2012-09-04T09:51:00.001-07:00

The video above is called Breaking the Barrier by Bernie Hatefield. It's a short, funny video about being comfortable enough around another person to fart. The guy in the video calls this Breaking the Barrier because he farts first. Of course, the guy in the video gets a rude awakening because his girlfriend won't stop farting. This video exaggerates for effect, but it fits in perfectly with my topic today. My topic today is what I like to call The Fart & Cry Principle.

The Fart & Cry Principle does not mean that every time that I fart it's followed by me blubbering. David might say that when I fart it's followed by his endless blubbering (because of the smell), but I digress. The Fart & Cry Principle has to do with having a comfortable rapport with another person. I need to know a person well enough to know that I can fart and cry in front of them without them passing judgment on me. They also need to feel comfortable enough to be able to fart & cry in front of me.

It's the level of comfort and the rapport that distinguishes how close we become to another person. As you know, there are different levels of friendship. We may only ever be acquaintances with some people. Then there are other people that we feel in sync with almost immediately. And then there are other people who we are acquaintances with for a long time and then suddenly it seems a rapport begins to develop between you.

There are clues to how a person may treat you. For instance, consider what they say about other people especially those who are closest to them. How often do they talk about others in a negative light? Now, that doesn't mean they can't be annoyed with one or two people - afterall, we're all human. I'm referring to people who say things like, "Did you see what whatsherface did? She's really stupid!" If the person says a lot of negative things about those who are closest to them, please approach them with caution. Just remember that one day that person will describe you in a negative light to somebody else because that is their pattern of behaviour. Besides, how would such a negative person react if you farted or cried in front of them? Chances are they would describe the situation in a negative light to somebody else.

I personally feel on edge around people who cast everything in a negative light. I don't feel comfortable around them and a rapport does not develop with them because I feel stifled. Comfort level and rapport are the most important things to me in a relationship. I like to feel comfortable enough around you to fart and cry in front of you.

Live Passionately, Love Passionately

2012-08-30T13:04:00.002-07:00

With a look of smug satisfaction, I leaned back into my chair just far enough to fall off it. I laid upon the floor and went into gales of laughter because nothing was going to spoil this moment. This moment I realized that I was completely organized for school next week. This is no small feat because you see, I have little more organization and planning to do due to my Learning Disability. Additionally, this year I have a new Accessibility Advisor. I met him a few weeks back, and he seems nice but I'm going to drive him a little crazy.

My new advisor likes to put organization and planning off as long as he can. I'm the complete opposite to that - I plan and organize things well ahead of time. Procrastination has never been my friend. Whenever I procrastinate I inevitably overlook important details. I've learned that true organization begins with details. Plan the picky details first and it all comes together smoothly. So, when this advisor was telling me to wait until after the first week of school to put in my requests for a notetaker and a tutor, I already knew that wasn't going to happen. His thought was wait and see if you need these services. I already know that I need these services. This morning I submitted my requests for these services. Besides, if you're too late with your requests then they're not granted by the university. My thought is, why wait to speak up if you can do it now?

The previous question provides a nice leeway into my next topic which is about speaking up. Many people feel inhibited about speaking up about things. I'm not just talking about voicing an opinion, or speaking in opposition to something. I'm talking about sharing feelings, giving compliments, and opening up too. Instead, what most of us do is miss the opportunity to say what we want. Then we regret not saying it and beat ourselves up over it, which to me, is an exercise in futility. Chances are that if you're moved to give somebody a compliment, or tell them that they mean a lot to you, the chances are that it's just what they needed to hear. Don't be afraid to say it - you will gain from the experience. I'll leave you with a quote, "Those who live passionately teach us how to love. Those who love passionately teach us how to live" -Yogananda

Camping at Millersylvania State Park

2012-08-28T20:01:00.002-07:00

Our camping trip to Washington State was awesome. Seattle is a beautiful city. Our trip down there got stretched to 7-hours from 5-hours because we got caught in Seattle's rush-hour traffic. That gave us more time together to talk, listen to music, and wonder how the weekend will unfold for us. The weekend unfolded beautifully.

First, I want to talk a little bit about our cabin bunk-mates. They were the absolute best bunkies we could ask for. They were friendly, outgoing, and fun. I felt a particular closeness with one of them. She was absolutely inspirational to me, and I enjoyed our discussions. One night there was a couple, from another cabin, who were having sex very loudly. There was discussion among the five of us to sit in front of the cabin, and hold up cards with our rating of their love-making written on them ~giggle~. The rapport among us was very good.

The variety show and karaoke night was great too! There is so much talent among my friends. Ohhhh, I can't forget that I had a wonderful massage on Saturday too! Oh, baby, how could I forget that? The people that I met there have truly made a difference in my life.

Are your Goals SMART?

2012-08-23T10:16:00.002-07:00

www.workoutsforyou.com/article_smart.asp

The above link is an article about setting S.M.A.R.T. fitness goals for yourself.

http://www.hr.virginia.edu/uploads/documents/media/Writing_SMART_Goals.pdf

The above link is about setting work-related goals. Something I will need to do soon because I'll be going back to school, and doing research for a professor. Busy girls need SMART Goals.

Setting fitness goals can be problematic for most people. That's because most of us set goals that are too vague and we lose the motivation to focus on those goals. Never fear though; psychology research to the rescue. Yes, psychologists and other researchers study what motivates us. Some philosophers, such as John Locke, had already laid the ground work for research on motivation centuries ago. Basically, psychologists researched motivation, did experiments, then took Locke's principles and put a modern-day spin on them. The reason being that after all the scientific experimentation was done, it turns out that Locke's observations were correct all along. Now, some of you might say, well that seems pretty obvious to me so why would researchers waste their time, effort and money on something so obvious (?). The point of doing rigorous scientific experimentation is to test thoughts that we take foregranted as true. In other words, by testing things through experimentation, we can remove the wheat from the chaff (what is actually true and what is not true).

Goal setting can help motivate us especially if those goals are S.M.A.R.T. Goals (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant (has meaning to you), and Time-bound). I have a fitness goal of getting in shape for the Breast Cancer Fundraiser in April 2013. That's still a little way off but it's more than realistic especially since I'm training at least 4 days/week right now. This last Tuesday, I set yet another goal for myself and that is to be down 1 dress size before Christmas. This is how my goal fits into the SMART format:
Specific - down 1 dress size
Measurable - it's about 20 lbs loss in 17 weeks or if I'm measuring inches lost then it's about 1 & 1/2 inches
Attainable - yes, it's still realistic. It's about a pound & 1/2 - 2 lbs per week but it's still attainable.
Relevant - getting in shape and losing weight has meaning for me.
Time-bound - my time is up on Christmas Day for this goal :) What a nice holiday present that will be. Boxing Day sales here I come LOL!!! CHA-CHING! :D
SMART Goals can be used for anything in your life, i.e. emotional and personal development, work goals, school-study goals, fitness, anything you can possibly think of can fit into this model. Hint: Write your goal down and remind yourself of it often. This will help you to focus.

Weathering Life's Storms

2012-08-21T15:49:00.001-07:00

A rose that has weathered a snow storm

Roses are my favourite flower especially pink coloured ones. I've always been a romantic at heart. I love these flowers because they symbolize romance and love, and pink is such a warm and soft colour that it truly complements the symbol. What I think is striking about this photograph is that this rose has survived a snow storm. As you can see in the photo, the sun is shining on the rose and soon the snow will melt from it. There is a parallel between this rose and the way we weather the cold storms in our own lives.

When we experience hurt in our lives we can either take on all the hurt ourselves or we can realize that shit happens sometimes. When we take all the hurt onto ourselves we set ourselves up for more hurt because we start building walls and obstacles that make it nearly impossible for anybody to get close to us. We're forever vigilant that we not let anybody in who will hurt us. As they say, once bitten, twice shy. In actual fact, this type of reasoning is faulty because even those people who are closest to us do hurt us sometimes. The difference is that we forgive them because we understand them and there's mutual respect (hopefully there's mutual respect). Additionally, if the walls we build around ourselves become too high, those walls can topple and fall on us. Whereas, if we realize that shit sometimes happens we don't take all the baggage onto ourselves. Instead of retreating and building walls when we're hurt, we reach out to others, we communicate with them and most of all we learn to love ourselves. The walls come down little by little. In other words, don't let the bad experiences overshadow your life and harden your heart. Trust people until they give you a reason not to trust them (as the First Nations saying goes). Where would the settlers be if it weren't for First Nations people trusting them? There would be no Canada or USA - but I digress. :)

As mentioned previously, the rose in the photo has weathered a snow storm. The sun is shining on that rose and soon the snow will melt from it. That rose is similar to us when we don't let our hearts harden. The storm comes in, things get cold and stormy, but only temporarily (storms don't last forever). When the storm is over, yes, we are covered with snow but we're no worse for the wear and soon the sun melts the snow and we continue on living. Whereas when we harden our hearts, and build barriers we're not giving ourselves a chance to weather life's storms because we're weakening ourselves.We're in fact telling ourselves that it's all of our fault instead of realizing that shit happens. The storm moves in and we die from the cold we've created for ourselves.

It all comes down to loving ourselves and trusting ourselves. I struggle so much with loving myself but I am getting better at it. I would never tell my best friend that he/she was stupid and yet I tell myself that all the time. I am learning that when I have these negative thoughts about myself that I apologize to myself. I don't deserve to be called stupid even if it is me telling that to myself. Once we become aware of our negative self talk then we can become active in stopping it. Until we realize it, we will continue to harden our hearts because we are being hard on ourselves. Nobody else is doing this to us, we are doing it to ourselves. So, give yourself a break and lighten up on yourself. You'll be glad you did.

Yom Kippur

2012-08-20T15:45:00.001-07:00

"Get that bottle opener ready to crack that beer! It's almost sundown" such was the conversation amongst my friends at the end of Yom Kippur. Yes, believe it or not, I used to celebrate Yom Kippur. For those of you who are not familiar with Yom Kippur, it is a Jewish High Holy Day (meaning it is very sacred). It is a day of fasting and atoning for your sins. By fasting, I mean absolutely no water and no food at all for a 24-hour period. For people from a Roman Catholic background, it's what Catholics would call a 'Black Fast' . It was a day of prayer and worship to God.

When I was young and single my roommate and I both belonged to the same religion, and we observed all of the Jewish Holy Days. We did not celebrate Easter or Christmas or any of the mainstream Christian days. I had an enjoyable life as a young, single woman. At the end of Yom Kippur, we would have our friends over, who were also fasting. We would have beer and pizza parties to break the fast. Being young we could get away with that. My body would not be so forgiving of me now if I were to fast for 24-hours and then eat pizza and drink beer. I would literally feel dead for 3 days after nowadays (I would feel as though I've just resurrected from the dead). I know, it's sound sacrilegious for me to refer to myself as resurrecting, but that's just me. I suppose I am sacrilegious these days to a certain extent. I respect other people's belief systems but I don't get involved in religious practices that much any more. Occasionally, I will enjoy a First Nations Sweatlodge, and smudging but that's the extent of it. I still consider myself a spiritual person, just not any one particular kind of spirituality.

So, what has this got to do with my physical training for the Breast Cancer Fundraiser? Not a damn thing! I just felt like reminiscing.

End-Of-Season Squeals

2012-08-16T15:02:00.000-07:00

My clothes are getting too big for me now so it was time to hit the End-of-Season Sales (or as I call them, End-of-Season squeals because the prices are so good LOL). I did quite well too in terms of savings. I picked up 3 pairs of pants for $40. Considering that the pants were originally above $40 each, I think I did well. This is not the best part though. The best part is that I'm down 3 sizes!! I did a double-take when I fit into the pants. My hard work and determination is finally paying off.

The fact that I fit into a size that I haven't worn for years has encouraged me to keep going on fitness goals and weight loss goals. So tonight's class is Cardio Sculpt. Bring it on!!!

Thank You

2012-08-15T07:54:00.001-07:00

Today I go to my TOPS meeting after a 2-week hiatus. I know I'm up a few pounds because I haven't really been tracking what I've been eating. That's OK though, I'll just need to get back up and start again (tomorrow) LOL - no, today! It's tempting to procrastinate especially since it's the last few weeks of summer. I can't believe that in a few short weeks I'll be sitting in a lecture hall again. It's been a wonderful summer filled with activities and awesome people. I absolutely adore my friends & family, and cherish the rapport I have with them.

There's hardly a day that goes by where one of my friends (I'm including family here) doesn't offer me an encouraging word, a sympathetic ear, or a boot in the bum (whichever is needed). I certainly hope that I return the loving kindness to them that they give to me. David in particular, is a really big blessing for me. David helps me to maintain a balance in my life. He says that I do the same for him, which I am happy about. I'm all too happy to fill that need for him as well.

So, it's time to pick myself up, dust myself off, get back up on that road-to-fitness horse and keep moving toward my goal.

The Fear of Disconnection

2012-08-14T12:07:00.002-07:00

"Shame: the fear of disconnection. It’s universal; we all have it. ‘I’m not “blank” enough.’" -quote from Brene Brown

Straight up - I'm feeling very vulnerable these days. I have recently realized that certain situations with some people scare me. It's not that I feel that the person is better than me in any way. It's not that I feel better than them in any way. What I'm afraid of is investing too much emotionally. Emotional investments for anybody are expensive. And like all investments, we like to see and get a return on said investment.

Friendship is all about emotional investment. Romantic endeavours require even more emotional investment. At the end of the day what we all want and need is for people to love us for exactly who we are - our strengths and our weaknesses. And we have a need to love other people for who they are - their strengths and weaknesses. That's because we all have a need to feel connected to each other. To feel deeply, to express our insecurities as well as cherish the joyful moments.

Once I've started making an emotional investment in someone (i.e. friends), it's really nice when they return the investment through spending time together, sharing feelings and thoughts, and spending quiet time together is important too. I worry about my investment when there is no return, or very little return. It's at this point that I feel my most vulnerable. At this point I will either choose to speak with the person one-on-one about the matter or give them a lot of space. It all depends upon how the other person has been relating to me. If the other person, for whatever reason, has turned into a snarling wolf then you can forget it. I've flushed that friendship and there's no hope in hell you're gonna get it back. If however, they have been fairly open to me as a person then I will attempt to clear the air. Emotions are better when they're expressed and not held in.