Answering prevalent questions like “How far is too far?” the authors articulate a biblical theology of sexuality and marriage aimed at persuading a new generation of Christians to get serious about honoring Christ with their sexuality.

Considering the pervasive immorality and high divorce rate of our contemporary Christian culture, we evidently need a biblically based, theologically compelling, practical understanding of sex, dating, and relationships. Pastors Gerald Hiestand and Jay Thomas counteract this problem with their paradigm-shifting view of purity and relationships—a view that challenges even the basic assumptions of evangelical subculture.

Unlike most books on dating, this one cuts straight to the heart of dating relationships, asserting with confidence that the line must be drawn at “no sexual activity” whatever. Few have dared to define and apply the Bible’s understanding of purity in premarital relationships to this degree, but Hiestand and Thomas have done it. Furthermore, both authors are vocational pastors who communicate regularly with the target audience and have a proven ability to express biblical truth in a winsome and compelling manner. Sex, Dating, and Relationships adds a new, almost provocative voice to the conversation that, with straightforward theological insight, pleads with Christians to get serious about honoring Christ with their sexuality.

Those who can’t wait till next year–or perhaps can’t read (huh?)–can hear our thought on this topic by downloading the audio from a workshop I gave to single adults at my home church, Harvest Bible Chapel.

Do they know? Do you? Many young people today are confused about the Bible’s perspective on sex, dating and relationships. Should they give dating a chance or kiss it goodbye? What exactly is sexual purity, and how far is too far, anyway? Perhaps our children don’t know the answers to these questions because we as parents are uncertain ourselves. In this ground-breaking workshop, Gerald Hiestand provides objective, biblical answers to these vital questions, and unfolds a paradigm-shifting view of relationships and purity that challenges the basic assumptions of our Christian sub-culture. Touching on a wide range of subjects, this workshop is sure to help parents and children think clearly, biblically and practically about the God-ordained purpose of human sexuality.

Gerald Hiestand has conducted numerous purity workshops and is the author of Raising Purity: Helping Parents Understand the Bible’s Perspective on Sex, Dating, and Relationships. Gerald is a graduate of Moody Bible Institute and Trinity Evangelical Divinity School, and serves here at Harvest as an Adult Ministries Pastor; he also oversees Harvest’s Adult Christian Education program.

Elgin Workshop
Date: May 8, 2010
Place: Harvest Bible Chapel, Elgin, IL
Time: 8:30AM-11:30AM
Cost: $12 per person, $15 per couple (includes a copy of Raising Purity)
Registration: Online at harvestelgin.org/raisingpurity

Rolling Meadows Workshop
Date: May 15, 2010
Place: Harvest Bible Chapel, Rolling Meadows, IL
Time: 8:30AM-11:30AM
Cost: $12 per person, $15 per couple (includes a copy of Raising Purity)
Registration: Online at harvestrollingmeadows.org/purity

Childcare is available for both workshops. A recording of the workshop will be posted here for those who can’t make it but are interested. Hope to see you there – bring a friend!.

Pure Relationships: The Bible’s Perspective on Singleness, Dating and Marriage

This workshop was given at my home church, Harvest Bible Chapel, to an audience of around 170 single adults, ranging in age 16-60. The workshop seeks to do three things:  1) to develop a theology of sexuality and marriage, 2) to provide a definitive, biblical answer to the question, “How far is too far?” and 3) to critique contemporary dating relationships in light of the biblical ideal.

To stream the file, just click on it and you’re all set. To download the file, right click and choose “save target/link as.”

“I’d recommend this book to anyone who has children regardless of their age because teaching of this subject begins early on. This would also be a recommended read for those still searching for a marriage partner.” Court

“A superior and unparalleled approach to sexual ethics; lucid; persuasive; gospel-centered….This is the most important book I have ever read on dating, sexuality, marriage, and anything else having to do with sexual purity.” Bradley Cochran

You can read the entirety of both review here.

I’ve been thinking about sanctification lately, and the ways in which we often make provision for the flesh.

Sanctification can be tricky sometimes. What’s our part? What’s God’s part? While it’s certainly true we don’t sanctify ourselves (we are, after all,  his workmanship — Ephesians 2:10), it’s also true we must “work out our salvation with fear and trembling” (Philippians 2:12).  However one parses out this relationship, it’s clear that when it comes to sanctification, there’s a certain level of cooperation that must take place between our will and God’s. And part of that cooperation includes “making no provision for the flesh” (Romans 13:14).  In other words, we need to make a conscious effort to get rid of the things in our lives that regularly provoke us to sin.

Like the young mom who keeps praying for patience, but what she really needs is not more patience but to learn how to train her kids so they’re not constantly doing the sort of things that would exasperate any sane woman. Or the guy who keeps praying for purity but has every movie channel, no filter on his computer, and stays up long after his wife has gone to be. Or the husband who is praying for less conflict in his marriage but who isn’t willing to give up his crazy work schedule. Or the… you get the idea. “God, don’t let me get burned,” we pray. And then off we go with our matches and our can of gasoline.

Relying upon Christ for our sanctification doesn’t mean we get to live sloven lives and then ask Christ to pick up the pieces. It means “making no provision for the flesh.” It means getting rid of the things in our lives that constantly tempt us to respond in fleshly ways.  So if you’re not willing to find a new set of friends, then all your prayers to God about helping you stay strong in the face of peer-pressure are probably just a waste of time.

Of course,  if your flesh is anything like mine, you’ve long ago realized that your flesh supplies all its own provision; it’s a self-contained sin unit. Just removing the stumbling blocks in your life won’t make you inwardly holy. An interior, transforming work of grace is needed for that. But things get worse — much worse — when we help our flesh along by constantly putting things in front of it that entice us toward ungodliness.

Let’s take a long look at our lives. Are there areas where we are constantly getting tripped up? If so, perhaps we’re trying to have our cake and eat it too. Perhaps it’s time to stop making provision for the flesh.

“Insightful and gospel-centered…If only I had known about Gerald Hiestand’s book [before].” Jill Utech, Pastor’s Wife

“A wonderful book…This little volume has completely changed the way I think about relationships outside of marriage…” Rick Wadholm, Pastor

“One of the best resources for parents that I have ever seen for dealing with the issues of sex, dating, and relationships from a Biblical perspective.” Tony Pagliarullo, Youth Pastor

“Although I disagree with Hiestand’s proposed methodology for living a life of purity,  I agree with the spirit of his message….Raising Purity did a fantastic job in having me examine my own values and conclusions as to what my expectations were in a presumed dating relationship.” Thomas Yang, Young Single Guy

The offer still stands. If you’re a regular blogger and are willing to review Raising Purity within one month of receiving the book, please send your mailing address to ghiestand [at] harvestbible.org. I’m happy to mail you a complimentary copy (while supplies last!).

You can check out the intro and first two chapters for free here.

No other subject tends to breed legalism more than sexual purity. So often I see people try to achieve sexual purity mainly by avoiding tempting circumstances. Traveling with a companion of the same sex when on business, asking the hotel staff to block the cable to your room, and refusing to go into stores that prominently display inappropriate material are all wise measures. Why place ourselves in the way of temptation?

But if such actions are the only way we are able to avoid sexual impurity, we have not yet embraced all that God offers us. The hope of the gospel is that God will not only forgive us our sins but actually deliver us from them as well. Our goal for our children should be for them to become the kind of people who will choose purity even when presented with the opportunity to sin. But if the only way we train them to avoid sin is by avoiding its opportunity, this goal will never become a reality. As Paul readily acknowledges, abstinence from evil can never secure holiness. Holiness is more than just the absence of evil; it is the presence of a love for God, which comes only by the Spirit.

Like the Old Testament Law, our rules cannot “impart life.” We can develop an extensive list of prohibitions and commands, but in the end, if our children have not grown into the maturity afforded by the Spirit, our rules have availed nothing. Rules for our children are necessary, just as the Law was necessary for the children of God during the Old Testament age. But relying on an external list of rules can be only temporary. Our real goal as parents is to introduce our children to the transforming power of God’s grace. And it is through their deepening union with Christ that this grace becomes a reality in the lives of our children.

You as a parent may have a list of rules you expect your young children to follow: clean your room; take out the trash; gather your laundry; brush your teeth; don’t cross the street alone; save part of your allowance. You may likely include a system of rewards and punishments as they follow (or don’t follow) the rules you have clearly spelled out.

Without carefully explaining these rules and making sure your children followed them, your children would make themselves miserable. They do not have the inward maturity or strength of character to govern themselves. But if your child at the age of twenty-one cannot decide for himself when it is safe to cross the street or needs to be told to brush his teeth, something has gone wrong!

The rules you set are not to be permanently relied upon but rather are meant to lead your children to the place where they no longer need them. Adults do not brush their teeth because they are compelled by an external source but because of their internal desire. The same principle holds true, I believe, for how Christians relate to the Old Testament Law. As New Testament saints, we no longer rely upon an extensive list of do’s and don’ts, telling us how we should behave toward God and each other. We are under the Law of the Spirit.

Jesus, Paul, and James all explicitly affirm the command to love as the sum total of the revealed Law (Luke 10:25–28; Romans 13:9; James 2:8). Because of the Holy Spirit, we do not need an elaborate list of commands to know how love should be carried out. Rather it is much more intuitive, flowing from who God has made us (and is making us) in regeneration and sanctification. It is the foundational aspect of the fruit of the Spirit, the ability that comes to all who are born of God (1 John 3:14; 4:7).

We are fundamentally different people than the Old Testament believers. The lives of New Testament believers should be marked by a higher level of holiness and love than the lives Old Testament believers, for we possess the salvation they could only see from afar (1 Peter 1:10–12), the salvation the Law itself was leading us toward (Romans 3:21).

This is not to say, however, that even we as New Testament saints have entered into the fullness of our inheritance. Paul tells us that the Holy Spirit is a “deposit,” the firstfruits of the perfection that is to come at the resurrection. Thus we exist in a sort of spiritual dawning. The sun has risen in our lives but has not yet come to its full zenith. In this regard we still need “rules” and “laws” from God, and the New Testament is not devoid of these. But it is clear from even a simple reading of Scripture that God’s call to obedience is much more clearly detailed and formalized under the Old Covenant than the New.

Our final post will pull all of this together regarding sexual purity.