Here’s an update… in no particular order:

• Out of the blue last week Madison started calling us Clint and Joanna. I’m not sure whether to be impressed that she picked up on our first names or fearful for what she’s going to start calling us when she’s 15.
• Hannah still thinks sleeping through the night is for the birds. I’m starting to realize that it’s a distinct possibility I’ll have a one year old who still doesn’t sleep through the night. This totally baffles me because Madison is the best sleeper on the planet.
• I’m still a stay at home mom….. for now.
• We’re going to Colorado on May 18th for a 4 day weekend to visit dear friends that moved there back in January. We haven’t been on a vacation since August 2010. I’m not even sure I’ll miss the kids…. I’m in THAT MUCH NEED OF A BREAK.
• Because of said Colorado trip I’ve decided I would like to be done breastfeeding before we leave. I only nurse her one time per day but yet I’m still having major anxiety over stopping. It really baffles me seeing as I stopped nursing Madison at 4.5 months and was perfectly fine.
• I’m on week 5 of C25K & Level 2 of the 30 Day Shred. I’m eating very healthy and I’ve cut out wine during the weeks (well, except for last night… I just wanted one glass) but I still haven’t lost much weight. Not nearly what I’d like to be losing. My clothes are fitting much differently so I’m marching onward. I know I’m leading a healthier lifestyle and everything else will fall into place. I never thought I’d call myself a runner but I am LOVING it and am excited to register for a 5K with a good friend.
• Madison hates baths. She starts hyperventilating when it’s ti-me for one. It’s not the actual bath part that upsets her…. it’s the washing of the hair and I can’t figure out how to make it  less traumatizing. We’ve tried everything from having her lean back, trickling a wash cloth very gently so none of it gets in her face and she still freaks her freak. I’ll be one happy momma when this phase is over.
• In opposite news… she has officially been potty trained for 3 months. She still wears a pull up at night but is in underwear during the day and for naps and has only had one nap accident. I’ve been scared to talk about it because our first try was such an epic failure. All I can say is that she probably wasn’t ready when we tried the first time and I just sorta slowly followed her lead and before we knew it she was trained. That’s also not to say that it didn’t come hard because she consistently pooped in her underwear for about 3 weeks before she FINALLY figured out that pooping in the potty was cool. I drank a lot of wine during those weeks.
• We have plans nearly every weekend all the way through the middle of June. Hannah turns 1 on June 11. Basically this means I’m going to blink and have a one year old. This year has been the hardest of my life but she’s so damn cute that it makes up for it.
• Hannah took three unassisted steps the other night and will walk all over the house with her push toys. We’re predicting she’ll be walking before her 11 month birthday.

I have a whole post in my head about Hannah turning 10 months old today but for now you’ll have to settle for her newest trick.

Y’all… Madison was in a cast until 9 months & didn’t walk until 13 months. I am NOT prepared for a 10 month old walker. I mean, she already climbs onto chairs and anything else she can hoist her chunky little butt on top of so I guess it won’t be too different. This kid is a nut.

P.S. This video gives you a sneak peak into our toy room. I need to do a post on it at some point because it’s awesome & my kids are damn lucky we devoted so much square footage to their shit.

It’s totally appropriate to talk about our Easter four days later, right?

Fantastic.

So our Easter started out when we put a slightly feverish 2.5 year old to bed along with her 10 month old sister and we *ahem*, the Easter Bunny, started putting together the baskets, eggs and gifts together the night before. I opened 87 bags of candy and got to stuffing eggs while Clint busted out the Little People Stand n Play Rampway. (Side note: someone please let me know next time I think that EIGHTEEN eggs full of crap is not enough that it is, in fact, enough)

Halfway through the construction process Clint figured out that the raceway was missing a ramp and he would have to go back to Walmart to exchange it at 9 p.m. I took the opportunity to clean up, finish the baskets and “hide” all of the eggs in plain sight for the morning.

When Madison woke up I have to say she was a little less than impressed with her basket full of goodies but was all about the eggs. So much so that an hour after she “hunted” them I was still listening to her say “I think there is ONE MORE egg in my toyroom.” So I’d have to distract her long enough to steal an egg out of her basket it and re-hide it in the toyroom.  Hey, I’m not about to crush a little girl’s egg dreams.

After a huge breakfast was consumed we got the girls dressed up & attempted a photo shoot.

The rest of the day was spent at my parent’s house where the food was delicious but Maddie steadily deteriorated and ended the evening with a 104.1 fever. We found out the next morning she had strep and an ear infection so here we are 3 days later trying to keep her hydrated, stuffing her with antibiotics and dreaming about a day when we can leave the house again.

How was your Easter? Hope it was lovely!

I haven’t posted in three weeks and I’ve been struggling.

Struggling to find a purpose in life, in my personal aspirations and on this blog. I can’t say that I’ve found it, but I do know that every time I thought about ending this blog I felt sad about it.

I think my lack of motivation for blogging stems from the fact that this blog used to be much more of a community. Lots of discussions in comments and continuing discussions on facebook and twitter and it’s slowly faded away. Yes, there are still comments but it didn’t seem to have the give and take anymore that it used to and every time I tried “recreate that” it would fail miserably.

I’ve finally decided that I can’t make that happen and all I can do is continue to write for myself and if no one comments that has to be okay.

Plus, I stepped back and looked at some of the people that I consider my closest friends these days and guess what? I met them right here on this blog… so that says something.

So I’m back and I hope to get to a point where I was a few years ago…where I made blogging a priority several days a week and hoping that I no longer stare at the blinking cursor trying to will a post that will “resonate” with people.

As far as my life goes? Well, I’m working on it. And when I get down I just look at these two and remember how much they are counting on me to figure it out.

So I keep trying.

There can be so much negativity that swirls around my head on a daily basis.

You are failing your diet by having that glass of wine every night.

You should have taken Maddie to the park when she asked instead of saying “later.” (There was no later)

You need to start letting things go & not having so much anger.

It’s so easy to get lost and down. I find myself in those down times a lot and I’m not sure how to get out. I try to “fake it” but I usually just end up with a short fuse and a rotten temper. Two things my family should not have to deal with.

But then there are those times I’m able to hit pause & pull out the camera.

To encourage them to jump up and down instead of telling them to stop.

To laugh when they go in opposite directions rather than shaking my head.

To forgive myself for not taking “better pictures” and just be happy I caught a moment.

To notice the complete adoration my youngest has for her older sister.

To forgive myself for all of the “in just a minutes” or “maybe laters” because all they notice right now is how in this moment they have my complete undivided attention. (even if they are totally over the camera flash).

To look at the two beautiful girls in front of me: happy, healthy…. thriving. & Realize maybe I’m not doing such a bad job after all.