Raising the Tribe

A much needed down home cozy day

2012-01-28T13:03:00.000-05:00

Finn started my day early at 5:30 but it was actually pretty nice. We came downstairs, changed his diaper, I made coffee and he and I got to hang out alone for an hour before Teagan and Gray came down, then Haven and finally Britt. Kids enjoyed breakfast and I got laundry running and made two beautiful loaves of cinnamon raisin bread which will make French toast for tomorrow's breakfast. Now I am hanging around while the kids straighten the playroom and the babies sleep. I am planning a big family dinner tonight, my famous stuffed meatloaf, roasted brussel sprouts with balsamic vinegar and mashed sweet potatoes. I also promised the kids some fried apple pies with ice cream for dessert, so I need to get working on the apple filling soon.

As with any time where change is looming, I hunker down at home, cook, clean and spend time assessing the situation. There is something serene about rolling out dough, or cutting vegetables or scrubbing a tub. It is simple, easy and the result is always a good one. Right now we are trying to figure out what to do if I lose my job, and what we will do if I don't. Times like this make me feel excited and scared, there is a chance for a new adventure, a new page in the book and new scenery, but with that comes the fear of the unknown, the work needed to get somewhere else and the sadness of having to leave a place you know well. Time will tell, options are being explored and I truly believe that fate will lead us in the right direction.

Gosh has it been a week?!

2012-01-27T21:34:00.000-05:00

Ah well I guess it has. It has been quite an eventful week so I have been busy running around. Sunday we were supposed to have a date night, but Grayson kicked off with a fit and basically we ended up just running out to get some takeout instead of enjoying a leisurely kid-free dinner out. It was a huge bummer, but what can you do?

Monday the kids had a delay due to ice and Finn had educational/speech therapy. He makes lots of noise now, but no real words. We have also been working on signing but he has not really been doing that either. He does "get" what we say a lot of the time. His therapist had a card with a hat and when she identified "hat" he put the card on his head. It is frustrating for him since we don't always know what he needs or wants, but we will get him to speak someday and when it happens it will be worth all the trials. On the bright side, he saw his physical therapist Tuesday and she is recommending that we stop physical therapy. Finn is walking really well, and while his arms and shoulders are weak, he is able to use them well. I am thankful that even with poor muscle tone, he is progressing well physically.

I headed back to PT school this week and have a long day Tuesday and a shorter day Thursday. I also had a meeting at the school Wednesday so it made for a long week. Add to it that my FT gig is going through layoffs which we just found out about and the week has been busy, crazy and stressful. I am so thankful it is the weekend and I don't have to worry about a call or email that my job has been eliminated, and hopefully next week I will be just as lucky.

Fixin the dogs and a laundry list

2012-01-20T19:30:00.000-05:00

OK, so 2012 has had a rough start. We have had the two week stomach flu, that was super fun. The heat stopped working, but thankfully we got it fixed by our home warranty company. The faucet exploded and I coughed up the buckos and got a nice replacement. The cable modem kicked off the other day, thank goodness there is a Comcast place down the road and we were able to just grab a new modem. Now it is the washing machine which is revolting (ha!) against all the disgusting laundry it had to deal with during the sickies. The agitator wasn't working right and thanks to the handy dandy Internet, I was able to diagnose the issue as bad agitator dogs. The part, including next day shipping was a whopping 12 bucks. Hopefully it will be as easy as they made it look on You Tube.

We have had a lot break, but it was all pretty easy to fix in the end, until today, when I broke. A broken Mama is never good because when she goes down, the ship goes with her. It started a few days ago when Teagan started gagging in the kitchen. I grabbed her, as I had been doing morning, noon and night for days, and ran her to the bathroom. Sadly when I grabbed her, I wrenched the hell out of my back. It hurt, but was manageable, and well, I don't have time to deal with pesky back pain so I took Advil. Then the next night Finn was up every hour and I tried to sleep with him for awhile and well, my back was really sore yesterday. So of course I went out, dragged babies in and out of car seats four times, lugged groceries, vacuumed and did laundry. Last night I struggled to sleep from midnight until 3 am when I finally gave up. The pain was excruciating and rivaled a pitocin labor with no epidural. By morning I was really suffering and spent the day coated in Icy Hot (sexy I know) with a heating pad plastered to my back. I did what I needed to for the little ones, but that was it, and by 4 I realized I needed help that only a prescription could provide. My hubby loaded the fab five into the van since there was no way I could drive, ran me to the doctor where they handed me many, many meds to make me feel better. Just since taking the muscle relaxer I feel so much better and can finally get a deep breath. I also took half a pain pill since they knock me on my ass and I am feeling pretty good and super tired. I am happy to finally be mostly pain free, but I am not sure I could spell all the kid's names at this point :)

Must get this

2012-01-17T21:38:00.001-05:00

Teagan is a Ni Hao Kai-Lan junkie. I seriously don't think we could have made it through the last few days without the recordings we had of the show and her doll. Just saw this and think it will be perfect for Easter!

Find it here

These are the days

2012-01-17T20:16:00.000-05:00

that frightened me as a young mother. That kept me up at night whenever we were expecting and our family was growing. This is what I feared. Not college payments, or feeding the masses, no...it was mass illness.

It got so bad here last night. So. so.bad. Haven went down, then Teagan was up sick again, and then Finn had diaper after diaper explosion. Then the hubby was sick again, then Brittan this morning. The carnage was impressive. We had to completely toss a mattress...an entire mattress. Multiple loads of laundry were done, pillows were tossed out as well. I would clean a bathroom for the last few healthy ones to use and one of the sickies would use it and I would then reclean. I spent the day with whining, crying babies climbing all over me, Lysol spray and cleaner being wielded everywhere I went and the constant hum of flushing and the never ending washing machine running. I put the entire family, even those who are well, on a strict diet of chicken broth, white rice, poached chicken, toast, tea and Gatorade. Finn is not even being given anything beyond breastmilk since he is looking so worn out and I am worried he is getting dehydrated. Teagan mainly drank Gatorade today but finally looked a bit better by evening. My only goal is to keep the babies out of the hospital and for the biggies to rest. The little ones have been so sick for so long I am closely watching them for dehydration and really need them to turn the corner tomorrow or they will need to go in for fluids. It has been hell, and I was right to be afraid, but we are managing and hopefully we will start seeing improvement soon.

Onward and upward baby!

2012-01-16T15:34:00.000-05:00

So...the plague is still ongoing and the locusts have started coming as well, figuratively speaking. Teagan and Finn are suffering through the tail end (pun intended) of the stomach bug and we are doing lots of extra laundry as a result. Teag spiked a fever last night as well, but since getting it down she has been ok and even ate a little today!

Took Gray to the ped this morning since he has been really tired and pale. They check his initial numbers which looked good, but the doc was concerned after examining and talking with him so off we went for a full blood workup. Results will trickle in all week, and hopefully he just has a virus that he can't kick. While out with him, the hubby called to tell me the heat stopped working and it was 60 degrees in the house. Swell. I also needed to get a new kitchen faucet since the old one decided to blow out the inner tubing and leak. Got Gray's blood drawn, called our home warranty people (best decision I have ever made) and they arranged to have someone come right out, got home and the hubby built a fire to warm things up then back out to get the faucet and a few other needed items. Then home again, helped with lunch and straightened, then loaded Britt and Finn in the car to head to Finn's cardio appointment. Are you tired yet, cause I sure was!

While at the cardio, the tech came and fixed the heat (YEAH!) and we got decent news from the cardio. She was not seeing the heart rate spikes or any issues with oxygen which was good, but his gradient on his heart went up a bit more. He is at a 25 and around a 50 we start thinking surgery, so we have time on our hands which is a relief. He goes back in 9 months and we all just assume he will slowly keep going up until he needs the surgery, but that shouldn't be until he is in elementary school :)

Then home again where it is warm and toasty and the stuff that I threw in the crockpot for soup smells grand, and we are finally seeing the day turn back around. Now just waiting for good test results for Gray and all will be well.

Payback baby

2012-01-15T09:02:00.001-05:00

Know what happens when you lose your positive mojo and let the day get to you? If gets exponentially worse.

So yesterday, after the bleach in the eye and the crummy day I then decided to take the kids to CVS so I could avoid having to do it later at dinnertime. We went and needed a handful of things, it should have been easy peasy, but two kids decided to act up and not listen which then made me have to be the mom out with five kids who looked like she couldn't control them, which morphed into the mom of five who began yelling at those two kids once the van door closes. Between the exiting the van to go into the store and getting back in to go home, I had to call one child's name no less than 20 times, the other child about the same number and she had a cart that I needed to put stuff in, that first kid managed to full on kick me in my injured ankle (it was an accident, but it HURT!) and he also managed to hit me in the cheek with a 12 pack of Coke. See, it was bad. Then we came home and the oldest, who was one of the offenders, had a melt down because I dared call her on her behavior, and the other offender did as he was told and sat in his bed. He was released early from his punishment since he had to listen to the ravings of his partner in crime in the other room, and well, that was cruel and unusual punishment.

So I fed the kids and felt we were turning the corner on the crap day. Husband and I were going to get our own dinner, I had big plans to finally sit down and watch a movie that night and the kids were being shuffled off to bed. As I nursed the baby and got him settled, Ryan was getting Teagan into bed just before having to log on to work when she threw up...big time. I then spent the next 5 hours sitting in the bathroom with one sick little girl. I don't think any of our kids have ever had the tummy bug that bad, she was still waking every few hours until about 4 am and is struggling this morning to keep tea down. I think I ate something around midnight finally since I had only had a cup of soup all day, and fell into bed at 12:30, just in time for Finn to wake every hour and Teagan to wake every hour on different schedules until we came down at 7. I will work hard to be positive today since when I let my guard down it gets really bad around here. So I am looking on the bright side, the bathroom upstairs is SPARKLING and the baby's bedroom is scrubbed and every blanket and towel and sheet we own for her has been washed. Positive positive!

**Edited to add that barely an hour after I posted this Finn threw up all over me. Trying to remain positive I reminded myself how freaked out vomit made me with my first few kids and how I would have lost it back then and been a wreck all day. This time I cried a few tears while waiting for a towel, helped clean the floor and the baby and switched the laundry before even taking off the clothes that were thrown up on. I am now eating breakfast. That is progress baby! See POSITIVE***

Not positive today

2012-01-14T15:06:00.000-05:00

Sorry my positive pixie dust has run out today. I am exhausted and really need Finn to start sleeping. The newborn schedule should not be going on 13 months later, and while I know it is related to his condition, I am slowly losing my mind. I average 4 hours of sleep a night, non-consecutive hours and I am really feeling it. Everything hurts lately, I can't keep my mind focused and basically when nighttime rolls around I get a sense of dread since I know what is coming, I lay down, fall asleep and as soon as I get deeply asleep, he is up. This repeats all night long and it sucks and I am really done with it.

Add to that I got bleach in my eye today and it hurts really badly and well, no positive voodoo left. Kids will get leftovers, toast or cereal for dinner and I will take a loooooong shower and shed a few tears because I am so damn tired and there is no one to do it for me. I love that little boy with all my heart and I will do whatever it takes to make sure he is well and his needs are met, but it is getting hard to survive when I am so exhausted. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Sticking with the word of the year

2012-01-12T13:38:00.000-05:00

I am really feeling a change in myself and my outlook since I decided to try to see everything in a positive light. Now don't get me wrong, mix a cocktail of too little sleep, a messy floor and missing breakfast and lunch and that goes straight out the window...just ask the hubby about the salad he brought me that had the dressing ON it and how I had a meltdown.

I am trying to be thankful and positive in my actions. I feel more present lately. I feel more alive. Most of all, I feel more aware of what has always been in front of my face.

It can be big things like Finn's health or small stuff like a missed lunch date, but I am seeing the flip side these days. Today I was supposed to have a lunch date that fell through. My response was no biggie, and it wasn't, it was an opportunity! The babies and I finished up what we were doing at the grocery store and decided that we had extra time before lunch so we went and drove by a few houses we had seen listed. Then we came home and instead of being bummed about not eating out, the babies and I got a chance to try the homemade yogurt I made last night with blueberries and honey and the verdict was, YUMMY! Then since I had some extra time and the babies had full bellies and were playing, I made the guacamole for dinner and halfway through decided that maybe we would go out instead, now I have dinner for tomorrow started. I also made a batch of granola for the big kids to have with their yogurt, I know how much they love granola. Whole doing all this my sitter let me know she could not watch the two littles tomorrow when Haven has her EEG and I decided that we would all just go and it would be fine, because it just has to be. Maybe we will even stop for an ice cream when we are done. Positive is working for me.

Life is full of unknowns, and we don't know what tomorrow brings for our family, so I am trying my best to enjoy today.

Happy 1.11.12

2012-01-11T13:55:00.000-05:00

Today it is cold and dreary outside, but inside we are happily celebrating our 12th wedding anniversary! This is what we call our "practical" anniversary as this is when we were legally married in front of the magistrate and the July anniversary is our "fun" anniversary as that is when we had our actual wedding party. We have our ups and downs, but I am so excited to be entering into this next year of marriage!

Today was off to a great start. Finn had his speech/educational therapy appointment and his therapist was thrilled with how much babbling and pointing he is doing. We are making leaps and bounds here and I am so excited! I can only hope that his health does as well as his physical/cognitive development. Time after time his therapist said she was excited, thrilled and amazed by Finny. With his diagnosis he should be struggling with walking, squatting, grabbing and he is doing almost as well as any other 13 month old. His chest and shoulders are still weaker than we want, but he is getting better every day. His speech is coming around, he almost says uh-oh and he babbles back to us when we talk. He now copies speech patterns when he babbles and we love hearing the inflection and use of pitch...amazing! He also saw the ENT yesterday and while his tonsils are a bit big, they are not bad enough for us to need surgery...hooray! The doctor thinks the snoring/breathing issues are a result of his condition and his tissues are just soft in general so everything falls back when he sleeps. We are trying some things to help Finn sleep better which in turn means mama sleeps better.

We are trying for a quiet day here, I have a few work calls and I am making our first ever batch of yogurt (I will let you know how it comes out) but otherwise, a down day here hanging with my favorite people.

10 Things Tuesday

2012-01-10T12:40:00.000-05:00

Linking up to The Nut House here

OK, here are my 10 things for this week:

1. Survive today-sick husband and wicked crazy day
2. Get changes made to dissertation
3. Call two of the stores on my list to ask about using them for surveys
4. Finish organizing my room
5. Have a family fun day Sunday
6. Try not to worry about Finn's cardio checkup Monday-fingers crossed his gradient hasn't changed and there is no tachycardia.
7. Teach my girls how to cook another meal
8. Spend an evening with my husband watching a movie or eating a late supper together at home
9. Plan a date night
10. Try to get work done early so I can enjoy my evenings.

Dear Internet

2012-01-08T18:58:00.000-05:00

Today you saved my rear. When the 11 year old asked me how to solve for x in some crazy equation, I looked the equation up on you and there was a website....a FANFREAKENTASTIC WEBSITE....that walked us through it, and proved that I had the right answer when I did it the lame old way with a pencil :) Thank you for not making me look like an ass to the 11 year old since most days she thinks I am the stupidest human being on earth.

2012 is the year I teach her that I am cool and smart. Okay even I laughed out loud at that one :)

I am thinking of making Finn his own blog

2012-01-06T12:40:00.000-05:00

Because that boy is taking up too much space on here with is ever changing "stuff"

So....we thought his stomach stuff was over, Gray was feeling better and so was I. So off to work Ryan went last night, I settled the kids in and I was actually having a nice evening (this should have keyed me in) when Finn woke up, cried once and puked everywhere. Joy. It was 10 at night and all the bedding and jammies were in Teagan's room where she was fast asleep. Plus I needed to figure out how to clean him and the bed, go get the bedding and jammies and somehow watch the little guy all at once with two hands. Thankfully, for some reason, Haven was still awake and came in and calmly said, "I heard you say Finn puked, need a hand?" God love her she can be a pain sometimes but she saved the day. Stripped Finny and she watched him while I cleaned everything up, grabbed bedding and jammies and got him back to bed. Sometimes that oldest kid rocks.

Today we headed to the ped for Haven and Finn. Haven needed a weight check and it was confirmed she has only gained a pound in six months so we are looking into adding an appetite stimulant or changing her meds up. We have to wait until after her EEG next week to make changes...sigh.

Oh and Finny has been having weird high heart rates. Clocked him at 180 last night, and between 170 and 180 a bunch of times in the last few weeks as well as 150-160 pretty regularly. Ped checked and first check showed heart rate of 178 and oxygen of 70%...um, that about made me fall over since that usually equals a ride in an ambulance. Thankfully when we checked a bit later it had come down to 144 and 99%, but I am guessing that his heart rate keeps spiking like that and his oxygen levels may be plummeting when it happens. Good thing he sees the cardiologist in a few weeks!

The word of the day is POSITIVE

2012-01-05T14:59:00.000-05:00

OK, better yet the word of the year is positive. I am working hard to look on the bright side of things, see the good, appreciate what is in front of my face and be as positive as I can. See it is so easy to complain. To see a mess the littles made and get upset or aggravated or stressed. It is HARD to see the positive, that I have littles to make the mess, that they will grow up way too fast and not be playing with toys on my floor, that I am here to play with them and clean up after them. Seeing the positive is much harder than the negative, and sometimes we all fall into the trap of the negative. It is easy to complain when the people around you are complaining, but I don't want to be around a bunch of complainers!

So starting now I am trying, and not always succeeding, at seeing the good in things. I want 2012 to be the year of the good and upbeat outlook, and I hope it is contagious :)

Well hello plague!

2012-01-04T19:35:00.000-05:00

So we just eeked into 2012 and we have been hit with an awful bug! Monday Finn started throwing up and so we figured it was just him. Then last night Gray and I went down and I feel AWFUL!! Really hoping Ryan and the girls stay well, this was a fast but furious illness.

OK, off to lay in bed more and sleep, sleep, sleep/

Wasting no time

2012-01-01T12:23:00.001-05:00

The new year is here and I have a few things I want to accomplish so I am wasting no time getting them done!

Today we are working on laundry. It is piled to the ceiling (OK not really!) and I am planning to do at least five loads today to catch up. I want all the big kids stuff done so it can be folded and put away before they head back to school. We have plans for a family game night tonight so the kids are super excited, and I am happy that we can fulfill one of my other goals...more family fun time!

Tomorrow I plan to have the entire family pitch in and un-decorate the house and help me clean. The kids head back Tuesday so I am hoping to start off with a clean house and most of the laundry done :)

I am also working on behavior with a few of our wee ones, specifically at meal time. I have one who is a stander and is often loud and another who is slooooooooooooooow when he/she doesn't want to eat, last night that child sat at the table for over an hour, and he/she can also be too crazy at the table. Years ago when my girls were little I used poker chips at the table for behavior, each girl got three chips and if they were naughty or acted up, they lost a chip. When all chips were lost, their dinner was over and they lost either dessert or a privilege. The chips came back out and now Haven, Brittan, Grayson and even Teagan have three chips at their place for each meal. Of course the rules are a bit different for Teagan since she is still small and learning about consequences, but it will help her understand how to behave at the table and she will have three (hopefully) good examples sitting. Maybe if this works, Finn will learn just by watching and have stellar mealtime manners :)

I am also trying to teach the big girls how to cook some simple meals. I would like them to make one or two dinners a week in summer so they need to learn a few things. Last night I taught them how to make oven baked potato wedges and roasted chicken breasts. As an added bonus, I taught them how I make their favorite side...homemade creamed corn (it is more like corn in a cream base, we like the whole kernels.) It is not healthy and not something I make often, but I know it is their favorite so they would be interested in making it. Next weekend I am going to show them how to make a simple veggie lasagna using the no boil noodles. I am going to show them a simpler version of my traditional veggie lasagna so they can put it together in about 15 minutes and then it just needs to be baked. In the summer with all the fresh produce, this is an great meal option!

So what goals are you jumping on today?

Wrap it up with a bow and send it off with a kiss

2011-12-31T15:20:00.000-05:00

Today is the end of the 2011...it always amazes me to write that out 2.0.1.1. It feels like the Y2K scare was just last year doesn't it, and here we are bracing for the start of 2012. Gosh, thinking back to Y2K and all the "fear" is almost funny. I was pregnant with Haven around that time (she was born in May) so I really only cared if there would still be popsicles if all the world's computers stopped working...popsicles helped with my morning sickness :)

So here we are, the end of another year and as I have stated before, I don't do resolutions because they get tossed aside like a prom dress. So instead I will wrap up our year with a tidy little bow, and feel content that I think we did the best we could in our endeavors and we tried to live life to the fullest and appreciate what we have been given, well, at least most days we did!

This year had it's trials, mainly dealing with Finn's health issues and trying to figure out what was going on with him. Now we know and have begun working through getting him what he needs, such as therapy and visits to specialists. I will say, that he has come so so far, and back in July I would not have imagined we would be where we are. He is still lagging in some areas, but I am watching him make progress every day and I am excited to see what he will accomplish in the coming year. This year Grayson finished Kindergarten and started First, Brittan finished Third and started Fourth, and Haven finished Fifth and moved into Middle school. They are great kids and doing well in school and they make me incredibly proud daily. Teagan turned two and holy smokes she is a riot! This kid is destined for something big, I can't explain it but there is just something about her personality and her wit (yes she has wit at two!) and she is smart and sweet and just naughty enough to keep me hopping. Oh and my Finny, he is such a sweet boy, smiley and happy and lately he has been showing a bit of a temper which makes me laugh. These kids, without them our lives would be sad and lonely and boring, I am so very thankful for all they bring to us and for being lucky enough to be part of the team that is parenting them and hopefully raising them into five fantastic adults.

Personally work has been great and I am lucky enough to have my FT gig and PT gig. I feel appreciated and respected at both and given that so many people are without work right now, I am thankful every day that I have my positions and that Ryan has his job and that we are both afforded flexibility in our schedules so we are able to be here for our kids. I completed the first three chapters of my dissertation this year and had my first defense a few weeks ago and was approved with just a few small changes...so happy that I am moving forward!

Looking ahead I think this will be a big year for us. We are meeting with a developer soon to discuss building our dream house. We are also beginning to search for land to build that house on. This summer we will either be moving or finalizing the house for us to move or rent it out since our cut off to move away is Summer 2013 due to the kid's ages and stages in schooling. It is a scary and exciting time here as we begin these final steps, but it is time to make these changes for our family.

I wish you all a Happy and SAFE New Year, remember it is not about today or tomorrow, but all the days that follow. Make resolutions to be present, open, joyous, and truthful as those are easy to keep, and remember to tell the people in your life that you love and appreciate them, you can't say it enough.

See ya on the flip side!

A disaster of epic proportions

2011-12-28T12:34:00.000-05:00

I had a bright idea. I thought we could load the kids up on Monday and head up to a few areas in West Virginia to see if any of the houses I saw online would be a good fit for our family. I also wanted to see how the areas "felt" to us.

It started off badly and we should have stayed home, but we went anyway leaving late. That meant we got to WV late, and stopped for lunch late, and the place was reaaaaaaaally slow, and the kids were restless and well, we should have come home, but we pressed on. Then the houses sucked. Well they were beautiful big houses on huge lots, but they were on the side of a mountain...not ideal for our needs. Then we almost ran out of gas in my huge van in the middle of nowhere. Disaster.

So we have come up with a different plan to look for houses and I think this is a better idea. Hopefully within a year we will own new land and be on our way to building our dream home!

A Very Merry

2011-12-25T20:56:00.000-05:00

Wishing everyone a very Merry Christmas, Hanukkah and holiday season.

The week was a whirlwind. I had my first dissertation defense on Tuesday and was approved with only a handful of small changes...woohooo! We then began holiday overdrive.

My parents arrived Thursday and on Friday the big girls went out for a special Nana day and Grayson had a special Papa day and well, the babies and I went to the grocery store :)

Saturday my sister and her family came and it was a total blast. We were supposed to then go out to dinner for Ryan's birthday but we were beat so we ordered in and everyone watched Elf :)

Today was as mad as anyone can imagine Christmas morning with five kids would be. The children were overwhelmed with their presents and completely overjoyed. We had a nice family breakfast and then basically laid around all day and it was wonderful.

So thankful for my beautiful family, and the love and joy they bring me. Hope you all have had a wonderful holiday season thus far...onward to new adventures tomorrow!

Cram in that holiday spirit

2011-12-21T16:59:00.000-05:00

When I was a kid, finding the holiday spirit was easy. Everything was done for kids, the displays, the songs, the cookies. What I did not realize then was that someone actually had to make those things happen, and now as a mom, I have come to realize, sadly, that it is on me.

So I bake the cookies, a bazillion different kinds and 12 million dozen of each. Then when the kids raid the freezer where they are stored and eat them all up, I bake a bazillion and one. I wrap...and wrap....and wrap. Five kids plus lots of prezzies equals hours upon hours of wrapping, like 6 hours of wrapping...it was insane. I have about three more things for my kids and then my parents, my niece and my nephew to go and we are officially done. and I can hang up my scissors and tape for another year.

So today I got up and out the door at 9 so I could run to the bigger town south of us and get the last few errands done. I had three stores and the farm to go to and even leaving at 9, I would be lucky to be home by noon. Left the kids with the hubby and off I went. Then I got to Best Buy and grabbed my stuff and noticed....my wallet was missing. Crap. I then remembered that I put it on my end table last night before I began wrapping (again) and I didn't grab it on my way out the door. I also did not have enough gas to get home since gas is cheaper in that town and I planned to fill up, if you know, I had a wallet. The only saving grace was that I had the hubby's car and he had the big van, so he had to load everyone up and drive down to bring me my wallet. It took them an hour, since they weren't dressed and well, they are slow, and by then I was in tears and stressed and I hadn't even had any coffee! When he pulled up, I burst into tears like a baby because I had so much to do, and the hubby kindly offered to go to the farm for me to save me the extra drive and stop. So off I went to the three stores, got what I needed and made it home to clean like mad and bake those replacement cookies. Now getting ready to serve dinner and then work so that maybe, just maybe, tonight I can watch a festive show or movie to get more in the spirit. Seriously, we need to get on that whole "elf" idea!

Being grateful

2011-12-19T13:35:00.000-05:00

I am trying to see things from a new light since it can be so easy to allow "hardships" to get us down. See, we don't really have real hardships, we are never hungry or cold or unable to afford the things we really need...want yes, but need, those are always covered.

So...today I went to the foot/ankle doctor since the ankle I sprained in October when we were at Disney is still hurting. The negative view-poor me, my ankle hurts and I have to wear a brace and may need surgery. The positive view-How lucky am I that we got to go to Disney with the kids and that I have excellent health insurance so that I could go to the doctor when the pain got to be too much.

I, as usual around this time, am stressed about money after paying for Christmas. Negative view-why don't we have more money so that I don't have to be stressed for no good reason. Positive view-how lucky are we that we worked hard and saved and this year made enough to get the kids all their needs and most of their wants paid for in cash so we don't accumulate debt.

I also wish we could move, but sadly the market is just not there yet. Negative view-Stupid housing market, we want to move and are paying an absurdly high mortgage for a house we don't want. Positive view-How thankful I am that we bought a big, yet in need of major work, house when we only had two kids in a great school district. Then we fixed the house up and made it a home, and while not ideal, it is ours and we are comfortable. Also we are not terribly underwater like so many friends and even though our mortgage is very high, somehow we manage to pay it.

Another huge stress right now is work since it is the end of the term. So much to do, grading out PT school and getting FT school tucked away for the week off. Then there is my school that is demanding and Ryan's job that has been on the edge for two years. Negative view-I am so overwhelmed, there is too much to do. Why don't we know about Ry's job will they ever tell us if layoffs are happening? Positive view-We are so lucky to HAVE jobs! I have a FT and a PT that are consistent and reliable. The PT gig even has me developing online courses for them so I can teach more, so very lucky! Ryan has a job still two years after layoffs started and we know that if he gets laid off we get a good severance package and I can switch us over to my company for benefits.

These last six months with waiting on Finn's results and navigating the possible outcomes have taught me to look at all we do have, and when I do, we are very lucky and blessed. I hope you are lucky and blessed too and can see all you have and not what you don't.

As if I wasn't busy enough this week

2011-12-14T23:45:00.000-05:00

you know, with closing out classes at PT school, kid's events, the FT job and oh, you know, Christmas to prep for...I now have my first dissertation defense on Tuesday.

The first three chapters are done and ready. The outline for the presentation is ready. I am just not sure I am ready! I have to put the powerpoint together tomorrow and finalize it Friday. I will then write my "script" so I can be prepared for the presentation. I am beyond nervous, not because I think it will go badly, I mean, my committee has seen everything up until this point, but because the presentation includes a defense and one of my committee members can be really hard to deal with.

So very nervous, but also anxious to get over this hurdle!

What a week of ups and downs!

2011-12-12T20:45:00.000-05:00

Oh last week, you were a bear to deal with! It started with one of our blow up decorations being stolen on Monday night, then two days of horrific rain, one kid's bus hitting a mailbox, another kid's basketball game and then Thursday night the people came back and stole our awesome Santa plane and in the process destroyed almost everything else. Poor kids were destroyed Friday morning. We pulled it together the best we could, I gathered what we could save and moved it and then headed out to get the groceries for a get together we were having Saturday.

I stayed up all night Friday to keep an eye on things so that the kids would not have to wake up to something upsetting again. Thankfully nothing happened and Saturday we went to the pancake breakfast at the kid's school, which we do every year, and then came home and cooked and cleaned and prepped for the party that night. Time came and guests arrived and the yucky stuff from the earlier days disappeared as kids had fun with friends, ate tons of sweets and had a blast. The adults all seemed to have fun too and after everyone left we all collapsed into bed! Sunday was quiet, we cleaned up some more and basically hung around the house to recover from all that fun. Around dinner the doorbell rang and out next door neighbors were there with four HUGE blowups that they no longer used. My kids were thrilled and I was so touched. It was so sweet to bring them over and the kids felt so loved and we were able to tell them again that while there are terrible, Grinchy people in the world, we choose to surround ourselves with amazing, kind and wonderful people and that is what the holidays are about. So thankful for the kindness of friends for lifting my children's spirits!

Today was quiet. Britt had a sore throat and stayed home andFinn had his first day of therapy. It went really well, he was cooperative and seemed to react well to the therapist. Today was educational therapy, basically we are working on communication and cognitive skills, tomorrow the physical therapist will come and I think she will be thrilled to see some of the skills Finn has been working on. We are so thankful for access to excellent doctors, services and support through this whole process. Finn is such an amazing little boy, he is so determined and that overrides the limitations his condition provides. We watch him work daily to fight against the weak muscles or poor coordination to get that toy or climb up that item, etc. He will not be held back, and that is amazing to watch.

Today, today is a good day.

Here is the thing...

2011-12-05T20:42:00.000-05:00

I love my family. Like LOVE them to bits and pieces and think they are the best people in the whole wide world. Don't get me wrong, they have their faults, but I really, really love them.

So that is why I get so damned pissed when people screw with them. Like, seriously pissed the hell off. Finn turned one on Saturday and not one.single.member of my husband's family even called to wish him a happy birthday. Is calling expensive or hard? Nope. Oh, did I mention that not one.single.member of his family has SEEN the baby?! Yep, not one. So how do you think that makes my husband feel, that his mother, father and brothers have not seen his youngest child yet? Yeah, makes him feel pretty crappy. How do you think that makes my kids feel, that their grandparents and uncles have nothing to do with them? Yep, pretty crappy. How does that make me feel....angry.

But see here is the thing....all those people are the ones who are missing out. They don't get to know my amazing, smart, sweet, funny and kind kids. They miss all the cute stories and all the accomplishments. They will not be invited to graduations and weddings and they will have no place in the lives of these children when they grow into adults and go on to do amazing things with their lives. See, you don't get to miss calling for first days of school, birthdays, dance recitals and award ceremonies and get included. You don't get a place in their hearts when you don't care that they almost died from an allergic reaction, that they needed an MRI, are hospitalized or that they have been going through major genetic testing and scaring their parents out of their wits. See, in the end, you lose.

WE are fine. WE don't NEED you, heck, at this point, we don't WANT you. See, we are stable and successful. We pay our bills and do just fine. We educated ourselves, we worked hard, we built our lives around our kids and know we will be parents FOREVER, because it takes that kind of commitment. We have a support system and we know that when OUR kids are grown, we will be in their lives and we will have a place in their hearts. WE know that when we are old, our kids will take care of us. WE know that we are doing a damn good job of raising good people, it is too bad YOU don't get to know how they turn out.

One year old!

2011-12-03T12:06:00.000-05:00

I cannot believe it, but today our sweet Finny turns ONE!

We are so lucky to not only have been blessed with five children to love and raise, but with some of the greatest kids around. So thankful that Finn joined our family, our life and family is complete with his addition and I am so happy to welcome him into his next year! Happy birthday Captain!