raley family's farm

Unexpected Weekend Visit

2012-01-23T17:43:00.000-08:00

I had my weekend all planned out. I had the coupons clipped, I was going to shop. I even thought about asking Bill for a couple of hours to go to the fabric store with Mary Susannah alone. I was kind of looking forward to it. Doesn't every lady love to shop?

But about three in the afternoon on Friday, I got a phone call. The new foster mom of Luke's sisters was sick enough that she was going into the hospital. The family needed a sitter for the weekend, and right away, the adoption worker thought of me. Could I keep them on such short notice?

I will pick them up and keep them forever, I thought, but I answered out loud, of course!!

Two hours later, I pulled up in front of La Gran Plaza in Fort Worth, and little sister jumped out of foster dads car into my arms. They were back, even if it was just for a day or two.

Once we had transferred their things and foster dad left, big sister talked me into actually going into this Spanish mall. Birthmom spent most of her time with Spanish people, although she herself was not Spanish, and big sister had visited this mall many times with her and little sisters biodad. So in we went, and I felt like I had been transported into another world. I got a glimpse of what it must be like to be Mexican in a white world. I didn't understand the music and everything there was geared to another culture. Since big sisters favorite ice cream store was closed, I managed to get us out of there pretty quick.

Having them back that night was like a dream come true and although the kids mostly concentrated on each other instead of me, I enjoyed just hearing them in the house again.

The next day we were up early, and big sister wanted to make smoothies for everyone. I said sure, that was a good idea, and headed off to stick a load of clothes in the wash. When I came back, I found that my idea of a smoothie, and big sisters idea of a smoothie were quite opposite: my idea? Fruit and juice blended together. Big sisters idea? fill the blender with chocolate ice cream and a pina coloda Popsicle, add coke for liquid, and throw in an orange for good health.
Everyone liked it but Tommy, who pronounced it "gross". I think it had something to do with the orange pulp floating on top.

We had one bad spell with little sister, as she clung to my waist and begged me to let her "be adopted to me." She cried and cried while I tried to explain that I tried so hard, but they wouldn't let me because they thought it would be too hard for big sister to adjust to our lifestyle. She promised me that they would like it. I told her to pray, and I would too, and we would see what happened. But that I would always be there anyway, even if I couldn't be her mommy. I would come get her every chance I got!

Mary Susannah really wanted to go somewhere, but it's expensive to take seven children and myself just about anywhere. A wreck on the highway at the end of our land, complete with a careflight helicopter, captured their attention for a while Once all the emergency vehicles had cleared away, Mary Susannah and big sister headed for the creek, where the wrecked car had landed, to see the scene. Once they got back, we decided to go to the lakehouse and have a hot dog roast.

Big sister and Angel-Leah quickly climbed trees:

I had packed my crochet bag. After the hectic morning, I had visions of myself crocheting while the kids played.

That lasted for less than five minutes before the four little ones were begging me to go down to the lake. Oh, well, I thought...I can crochet at home...
We headed off.

Luke and his little sister are two of a kind.

Beau didn't stay long, and Mary Susannah stayed behind to paint some furniture:

It was pretty fun watching their excitement, and I even found what I proclaimed to the kids was my throne, which I dusted off and sat on a ledge so I wouldn't have to sit in the mud:

It did get cold by that lake though, and soon I told the kids that Dad had a fire going. That was all it took to get them running back up the hill.
Coming back, I found Beau on the roof. This boy, who would never notice that the kitchen floor needed sweeping, was on top of the house, sweeping the roof...

Bill got a campfire going:

The sun set, and before long we were roasting hot dogs and eating S'mores.

Wow, Beau looks like Gage in this picture. Maybe because it's so blurry?

I had the grand idea that I would take along pajamas and towels and get the four little ones their church baths while we were there, then we could just put them in bed when we got home. But just as I walked towards the house, Bill informed me he forgot to turn on the hot water heater...So I sat back in my chair while he did that, and enjoyed the fire a while longer. What is it about a campfire that makes you never want to leave?

After a bit, I tried the baths, but they were pretty cold, and I finally gave up by the third bath trying to get the water warm enough.

No trip to the lakehouse would be complete without a picture of the house mascot:

This silly frog is an icon there, and always gets attention. Who knows why?

The next day was church. Little sister was pretty good, although we did have to go out once. Our services are very long, and during the last 15 minutes, who should come walking into the auditorium but Max! I was surprised, and wondered. Tommy ran from the ladies side to the men's side to sit with him - Luke was already there with Beau. Then in a minute, I saw that Spencer was also there on the back row. My heart began to pound - I didn't know why both boys would be there during the final minutes of the service, and all I could come up with was that something terrible had happened, and they had both shown up to tell me...My mother? No, they would not have sat down, they would have gotten me out of the service. My mind went all kinds of places, but in the end, it turned out that Max was coming to church to be with us when his car broke down on the highway, and Spencer was the only family member he could get ahold of. So Spencer rescued him, and they both came to church and stayed for fellowship meal. It was so nice for us all to be there together, and they helped a lot with the little ones. Afterwards, Max had a funeral to go to, Spencer dropped him off, then came back to our house. Later, Max came back with things to make pizza. I had to drop the girls off before it was ready. We parted this time without tears, just promises to get together as soon as we could.

I miss them already....

hair blog

2012-01-13T15:00:00.000-08:00

I'm going to start this blog out with a disclaimer...

I wear my headcovering 90% of the time. When I get dressed in the morning, my covering goes one, and it stays on until I read to the children at bedtime, at which point I take it off and I read their books as long as they will scratch my head or my back. (I'm actually pretty smart that way!)

I cover my head because of what the Bible says in 1 Corinthians 11:1-16. I believe that the New Testament is for today, and these scriptures are part of the New Testament. Many people will try and argue this portion of scripture away, saying it's cultural. I believe God has provided and preserved the scriptures - including this portion - because it is as relevant for today as it was 2,000 years ago. I believe when we begin to take parts of scripture and saying we don't have to obey that anymore, we are walking on dangerous ground. Because if ALL of the Bible isn't for today, then how can we trustfully obey any of it?
If you look at the beginning of 1 Corinthians, chapter 1, verses 2, you will see it says this book of the Bible is written:

"To the church of God in Corinth, to those sanctified in Christ Jesus and called to be his holy people, together with all those everywhere who call on the name of our Lord Jesus Christ—their Lord and ours..."

Ladies, that's us...

So...all that said, I do not believe that our hair is to be hidden in the same way parts of the rest of our bodies are. We are told in 1 Corinthians 1-16 to cover our heads when we pray and prophesy (talk about the Lord), and because of the angels (who are sent to minster to those of us who are saved, and at the same time, are not all-knowing). We are also called to be modest and "shame faced" in several places in the Bible. I believe that modesty is more than just covering up our bodies. I believe that modesty is also the way we present ourselves. Modesty comes about in the way we adorn ourselves (1 Peter 2:3) and in the way we act. I think a modest Christian woman does not stand out in a crowd as someone to be admired by men because of her appearance or her actions. Appearance can include the type of clothes she is wearing - whether it covers or not, whether the color, the "bling", the extras, draw attention to her. Lots of flashy jewerly draws attention, and can be immodest. And hair is a large part of a woman's beauty. Well, okay, mine might not be, but for many women, hair can be the biggest adornment we have.
At the same time, I do not believe that if someone sees our hair, that is sin. If you were to come to my house and I were in my PJ's, I would run and hide and ask one of my children to seat you while I quickly got dressed. But if you came to my house and my hair was down, I likely wouldn't run for my headcovering. I would go ahead and let you come in and talk to you with it down. I don't think I would be sinning to do that. I'm not embarrassed if someone sees my hair.
So there's my disclaimer. As Philippians 2:12 says, I will leave you to work out your own salvation with fear and trembling. I'll be glad to talk to you further if you want to write me a private message. Or better yet, you can write your own blog! :o)

On with the purpose of this blog~~~~~

Our family tries to eat as naturally as possible. I've done this off and on for years. Natural things have always intrigued me. I love Central Market. I visit the local health food stores. I would love to grow a garden, but it seems like that is not one of my talents.
When Tommy came to live with us, we went even further and with more gusto, eliminating corn syrup, food colorings, artificial flavorings and many other things from our diet.
Which brought me to buy soap nuts. Here is what Wikipedia says about them:

Greener Living Soap Nuts are natural soap berries that... have been importing from from South Asian counties ... since 2008. They contain large quantities of saponin in their shells and as such, act as a natural detergent. The reason they are considered eco-friendly is not only because they are a natural resource but also because they are antimicrobial and biodegradable.
Used as natural soaps, they have also been known to cure eczema and psoriasis caused by chemicals in regular laundry detergent and since they are hypoallergenic, soap nuts do not harm the skin or trigger any allergic reactions. The soap nuts can also be used as shampoo to fight dandruff and lice, detoxify food, clean jewelry, among many other uses.

I have been using them to wash our clothes and our dishes, and had tried them as a shampoo, but although my hair looked fine, I didn't like the way it felt on my scalp, so I stopped for a while. In the last couple of days, I decided to give it another try. I have wanted to go shampoo free for years because of the many harmful and cancer causing ingredients in it (don't believe me? Google it) but natural shampoos from the health food stores cost anywhere from $8 for 8 ounces and up. So after reading a few blogs I decided to tweak my soap nuts shampoo and try it again. After all, from what I have read, my hair will grow longer, softer and smoother, and soap nuts just might even get rid of some of the gray. hmmm...sounds good!

I thought maybe some of you ladies would be interested in the results. So, I am going to tell you what we are doing, show you a couple of pictures of Angel-Leah's and my hair, and take pictures again after a month, and we'll compare whether this is a good thing or a bad thing.

Here are the ingredients of my new venture:

The vinegar is used as a conditioner after I wash my hair.

To make the shampoo, I boiled four soap nuts for 30 minutes in 6 cups of water, and ended up with 4 cups of soap nut "tea". I mixed three tablespoons of this in an empty shampoo bottle with a few drops of tea tree oil and two tablespoons of baking soda - which I forgot to include in the picture. I did add a very small amount of shampoo because the blogs all say there is a transition period while your oil glands try and get used to not being stripped every few days. I'll wean us from that with this first bottle.
Then I filled the bottle the rest of the way with water and gave it a big shake.

Our hair is quite long. Angel-Leah came to live with us when she was two and a half, and looked like this:

I haven't cut her hair since she moved in. Today, it looks like this:

I haven't cut my own hair in about 16 years. Here's a picture of mine today, the first day of trying out our new shampoo:

That picture looks reddish to me, while my hair is actually really dark. Mary Susannah thinks it was the lighting in the room, and the shine of my hair reflecting the light.

I'm going to show one more so you can see the gray (am I honest or not??)

So there you have it. Next month about this time, I'll upload a picture of Angel-Leah and I and we will see if there is any difference!!

good gifts

2012-01-07T10:53:00.000-08:00

Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:16-17

The flu really got me down this past week. It seems like our family gets it every January, and I am at heightened awareness with it since a few years ago the flu turned into pnuemonia for two of my sons. Gage spent days in the hospital and had major surgery when it escaped from his lungs into his chest wall, resulting in a life threatening situation. Praise the Lord for doctors and hospitals, because a hundred years ago, I probably would have watched helplessly as he died...

I thought I had it one night when my stomach was upset, but that must have been something else, because Wednesday I noticed I was really tired during a shopping trip, and by the time we got home, I had chills and fever and was down that night, all the next day and the next night. Friday, I thought I was better, although very tired, but last night, I was headachy again and had a restless night. Getting up this morning I felt lightheaded and was craving something, but I wasn't sure what. A coke? Tea? Nothing sounded like it would feel good on my stomach...

I HAD to go to the feed store, we had been out of feed for two days. I decided to make the trip without any kids along. I just wasn't feeling strong enough, although I'm sure I 'could' have taken them if I had had too. But Daddy and Mary Susannah were here, so I decided to go alone.

One thing having the flu did was cause my grief from not getting Luke's sisters to hit me pretty hard. I worried over them as I lay in bed. I felt like I was in a depressed funk. So as I left this morning, and I stopped at the gas station, I decided to treat myself to something to drink. Maybe that Coke or tea? But instead, I saw a big bottle of orange juice, and I knew that was what I needed. But wow, what did that big bottle cost? There was no price. It might cost two or three dollars my tightwad mind kept saying. Finally, I decided, just this once, to just get it and not worry. So I did, and had the bottle open before I was out the door of the convience store. I was right, it was just what my body was craving.

I headed over to the first feed store and bought rabbit food. Getting in my car and backing out, I decided to stop at the garage sale I saw a few minutes before. I had less than an hour before the feed stores closed, so I knew it would need to be quick.
I pulled up and got out, and a very friendly lady greeted me. I began to go through her boxes, and knew I had found a kindred spirit - always the best kind of garage sale to go too!! Right away, I found an old cassette player. You can hardly find those anymore. My kids don't handle CD's very well, and honestly, I don't either. But cassettes last a long time around here. And not only did she have the player, but she had a box full of children's Christian cassette tapes. I snatched up several. I found an Amelia Bedelia book that we didn't have. Several Little House books, which I always get because ours get worn out so quickely. Tiny New Testaments for free, and a few other books we could use for school. I got a cute Winnie the Pooh alarm clock, the kind with legs and bells on top. I had to hurry and leave, but the lady invited me to come back later. I was pleased that I only spent $7!

I headed over to the feed store. There is a very friendly man who works there that Mary Susannah teases me about, because we always talk as he loads my feed. There is also an autistic man who is the son of the woman who owns the store, and he runs the money end. He flaps his fingers and talks to himself, but he knows how to do what he needs to do, although it upsets him if you do anything out of order. Today, the friendly man was loading up my car, and I went to pay the autistic man. Suddenly, this man who had never said anything to me other than his standard words as he takes my order, said, "Do you go to the nutrition center?"
For a minute, I was so surprised, I just stood there, finally, I stammered, "You mean the one in Cleburne?"
"Yes," he said. "What day do you go?"
"Oh, no particular day, just whenever I am in town." I answered. "Do you like to go there?"
"They are closed today. They are Seventh Day Adventist, you know."
"Yes, I know. Did you want to go today?''
"I'll go tomorrow." he said. "They are open from ten to five." Then he walked off in his quirky way I've come to know.
I turned to the friendly man and said, "Wow, that's the first time he's ever talked to me!"
"Oh, he likes to talk sometimes," was his answer.

I felt kind of on a high as I drove off. Then I laughed at myself. All it had taken to get me back into a cheerful mood again was a bottle of orange juice, a garage sale, and having a real conversation with a man I had been buying feed from for many years.

The simple things really are the best!

Coming out of a fog

2011-12-31T12:33:00.000-08:00

Always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else.
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.    1 Thessalonians 5:15-18

This has been a hard few months, but we are at the end of it, and at the end of the year. It's time for a new start, and we are back where we were before this whole effort began: A dad, a mom, and their ten children. Not twelve. Ten.

We did the best we could. CPS called us and asked us to adopt Luke's sisters, and we said yes. They pointed us to an adoption agency, and we went. The agency started us on classes, and we did them. They had many other requirements and we met every. single. one. We spent a few hundred dollars in the process, getting fingerprinted, take CPR classes, getting TB tests, and buying things for our house that we needed to be relicensed to adopt.
We met and spent time with the girls, had them over for days at a time, and enjoyed it all and bonded so completely. It was hard, because their lifestyle and behavior is different from ours, and little sister has some issues. But we were willing, and we did it happily.

And in the end, we were turned down. Because we weren't fit? No. We were turned down because we are "too religious". We live in a house without a TV. We homeschool. We wear dresses and headcoverings. So they decided the 15 year old sister would not adapt, and we might end up sending her back.   So they made the - ummm - intelligent (?) decision to keep her from us, even though she wanted to be here with us and the brother she had not had a chance to know until now, and send her to strangers. Somehow, in their minds, that was the better choice...

Taking them back after they had spent Christmas and most of the next week with us was really hard. I broke down and cried in front of them when I told them I had gotten the call to meet the caseworker. I tried not too, but I couldn't help it. And I'm not sure it was wrong that they knew how much I loved them, and that it was hard to bear to see them leave. They cried too, hard. My children cried. And as we cried, we packed, loaded the car, met the caseworker, and we parted.

After they left, while we were in town anyway, we went to buy groceries. It was the BIG shopping trip. In the middle, Angel-Leah and I went in search of the restroom. As I held her hand and we talked, I looked down at her big blue eyes looking up at me, and I thought, "They can't take her. She's mine. I got her. She belongs to me." And the thought comforted me.

That night, Mary Susannah commented that the rings under my eyes had rings under them. Yeah, I was pretty devastated by all that had happened. I looked in the mirror at a face, already getting old, that looked like it had aged a few more years. This isn't going to do, I thought...

The next day, we went to pick up Mary Susannah's contacts and make a quick trip to Walmart. Mary Susannah was grumpy, which is VERY unusual for her. I knew she was stressed, too, so I tried to give her some space. I even offered Starbucks, but she just grunted instead of jumping at the idea like she usually does. Finally she told me, "I am feeling very discontent, and I don't want to hear a lecture." :o)
Yeah, I knew how she felt.

Coming home, I saw that Beau was back, although he was supposed to be working out of town for another day. I went into his room and found him in bed with the flu, something that had been bringing us down one by one for the past week. One of the first things he asked was "Are they gone?" "Yes, CPS took them back." I replied. He made a sad face.

In the wee hours of that night, Tommy came down with flu. He woke me up once because he couldn't breath. I helped him blow his nose and he went back to sleep. Then later, I heard him clumping down the stairs, crying. "Luke's gone and I'm scared!" he cried. I knew Luke wasn't gone, but I was too tired to deal with the whole thing, so I told him to crawl in with me. When he did, I felt a burning hot little body, and knew that now the last of us had the flu.
He curled into my body and I held his hand. A restless sleeper, he kept me awake for the few hours that were left of the night. And as I lay there in the dark, I was able to sort things out.

I did all I could for the girls. Everything CPS and the agency asked me to do. But most important, I had prayed, and I had fasted. If I had gotten the girls, I would have said God had given them to us. So is it not right to believe that since we did not get them, God had said no? And if God had said no, should I accept that less than I would have accepted a yes?

Today, I keep thinking about this scripture above in 1 Thessalonians. I did as much good as I could for the girls. When I knew they weren't going to get to stay, I did all I could to help them accept it, too. When the older girl told me she was going to fight this, I reminded her that it was not her new foster mom's fault, and that she should be really nice to her. That if she wanted to let people know what she thought, it should be caseworkers, CASA, and her attorney. I said she might ask to speak to the judge, because I believe she has a right to do that. But the new lady giving her a home was not to blame, so please try to get along.
I was polite to the few caseworkers I was in contact with. I don't believe it's God's will that I should fight and berate them. If God wants to overturn this, he can and will. In the meantime, I need to act in a manner worthy of a child of God.

I will rejoice. I still have ten children. They are healthy, happy, and every one of them are doing well. I have plenty of everything. I even got that big laundry room I've been wanting for years, and an extra bathroom and bedroom (which I don't need now) as a direct result of trying to adopt the girls.

I will pray without ceasing. But lately, all my prayers have been centered on Luke's sisters. It's time now to remember other people in my prayers. I have a son half way across the world. I have a daughter who wants a baby really bad. All of my ten children have things I could pray about. I will continue to pray for Luke's sisters every time I think about them, which right now is still most of the time. But it's time to focus on what I DO still have here with me, and that's a lot.

And I will give thanks. I have so much to be thankful for. I will not sink into despair and squander the blessings I have here before me. If God chooses to bring the girls back, we will welcome them with all we have in us. But I know he loves them more than I do, and that his hand is still on them.   I'm not the only choice in the world. My prayer now is that God has given them a better place than here would have been.

Tomorrow is a whole new year. God is with us. It's going to be alright, even if it was not what we wanted, as long as we are faithful.

When my heart's overwhelmed...

2011-12-18T21:03:00.000-08:00

Here my cry, O God, attend unto my prayer.
From the end of the earth to Thee I cry;
When my heart's o'erwhelmed lead me to the rock that's higher,
Lead me to the rock that is higher than I

(Psalm 61:1-4)

Sometimes, life just isn't fair... Sometimes, it overwhelms...

Last July, I got a phone call from CPS. My son Luke's three siblings were in foster care, and the parental rights had just been terminated. Would I be interesting in adopting them, I was asked?
Quite the question right out of the blue, but once I got my breath back, I said, without hesitation (and after asking my husband): "YES!!"

So my name was passed to the children's social worker, but before he could call me, there was a problem with the adolescent boy in the group. A problem that made it impossible for us to take him. I wanted too, but I had to keep the children already in my home safe.
They tried hard to change my mind. They told me of door locks and door alarms, and not letting him out of my sight. But I am a scatterbrained, easily distracted person, and I knew I was not able to do this. When they accepted that my no was no, they told me simply that it was all the children or none of them. They would look elsewhere.

I didn't hear from anyone for three weeks, then I got another call: the judge said separate the children. Was I still interested in the girls?
My answer, again? "YES!!"

The fact was, the older sister, who was about to turn 15 years old, had been in my oldest daughters foster home back several years ago. I had tried to adopt her and the brother back then, but in the end, they were returned to their mother and her boyfriend. But mom gave up her baby, who I didn't even know had been conceived when we started the process, and he is now my son, Luke. The littlest sister, who is five, had not been born when we adopted Luke, who is now seven. I still wanted this older girl, even though I knew she had been through terrible things since the last time I saw her, and now she was nearly grown. And I was happy to take the younger one, too

So we were directed to a Christian adoption agency. Soon, we were taking classes, getting TB tests and visiting an office to get FBI fingerprints done, having our backgrounds checked, taking CPR classes, and all sorts of things, at our own expense of course, but we didn't mind.

After a few weeks of this, we were finally given permission to visit the girls, and we began to have them over almost every weekend. They were thrilled to see their brother, although the older girl had just about forgotten she had a little brother, and the little one had never been told about him. The older girl held Luke and sobbed when they were reunited.

I won't say it was easy all the time to have them over. They were certainly different from my own children. But we were having fun, and bonding in the meantime. Both girls freely expressed that they really, really wanted to live with us. The older one remembered coming to our house and milking cows and playing with our kittens. She had fun getting to know us again. I was thrilled with the whole thing.

So we went through the whole process, even buying a building and adding it to our house because we needed a bit more room. We were assured we were the only family they were looking at...

We turned in our homestudy, and suddenly it all came to a screeching halt as the girls were in the process of being transferred from the foster unit to the adoption unit.

I got a call telling me that they had moved too quickly. That someone had made a mistake. That we should never have been called so early...

That CPS wanted to reinvestigate putting the girls back with their brother. That it was all on hold, even though it had been hinted to us that they might be moving in over Christmas break.

I was crushed with the phone call. So was foster mom. What I was told and what she was told were different things and not adding up...

As I took the girls back to their foster home last Sunday, I talked to the older girl a bit, telling her I wasn't sure it was going to work out after all, because CPS wanted to think about putting her back with her brother. "That will take about five years," she replied. Then she turned her whole body towards me and said, "You are the only one who wants me."

Friday, I got a call. We had been turned down as a placement for the older girl by CPS. Even though they were the ones who called and asked us to take them in the first place. The adoption agency had asked CPS if they could reassess our homestudy to see if it could work out.
"Don't bother." CPS said.
I declined coming into the office for a meeting, because I was told it wouldn't do any good.

Since that time, I have learned in a round about way what seems to be the reason we were turned down:

We are too "strictly religious". CPS doesn't believe the older girl can acclimate to a household like ours: headcoverings, dresses only, no TV, etc...
Even though she wanted to be here, knowing us well.
Even though she seemed at ease with it all, and in fact, was already imitating us.
Even though I expected that once she had been here a while, she might rebel against it. I had even talked with the person doing our classes, and gone over how I would handle that.
CPS was afraid rebellion against our "religious lifestyle" would cause us to disrupt the adoption.

This decision was made by people who did not know us, and had never seen us with the girls.

But the decision is made, they tell me. We will not be allowed to adopt them. They will look elsewhere, to strangers. Guess the older girl won't rebel then, right?

However, they encourage us to continue visiting them so they can know their brother. Once a month, or less, they say.

All weekend, I've been trying to make sense of it all. I hadn't cried this time. For the past two weeks, I have figured they were going to turn us down. I've even talked to God in my prayers about it. I was pretty calm, I thought.

Then this morning in church, we sang Psalm 61, up at the beginning of this blog. As we sang this song, tears stung my eyes, and my throat closed up until I could bearly sing.
"We shall abide there before our God forever, mercy and truth preserve our souls in Him. We shall sing praise unto His name forever, Daily perform our vows and laud His fame. Hear my cry, O God, attend unto my prayer. From the end of the earth to Thee I cry; When my heart's o'erwhelmed lead me to the rock that's higher, Lead me to the rock that is higher than I."

Suddenly, I knew, this might not be over. I am still allowed to see this girl I have tried to adopt twice. If I cannot have her in my home, where I could finish raising her and try to love and heal her, then I will do that with the visits we will be allowed to have. Who knows if mentoring her in this way might not work better than actually parenting her? I am disappointed, but I trust my God. He knows what he's doing. I've prayed enough, even fasted over this, so I have to trust that he is in this disappointing answer.

"I will abide in thy dwelling place forever, I will thee trust and e're thy covert claim. For thou, O God, hast heard me, thou hast given the heritage of those that fear thy name..."

Pray for us...

I found it

2011-12-12T19:19:00.000-08:00

Four years ago next month, Tommy came to live with us. He was a sick, sad, almost six month old baby boy.
I was a sad, grieving older mom, grieving for my little foster daughter who had left to go live with her biological family only weeks before, after living with me for twenty months.

A few months later, while still trying to make sense of life, I went to a Steven Curtis Chapman concert with my son Max and my daughters, Mary Susannah and Angel-Leah. Steven Curtis Chapman had just lost his little daughter to a tragic accident. I cried throughout most of the concert, missing my MiMi as he talked about missing his little daughter.

But then, he sang "When Love Takes You In." This concert was for a pregnancy crisis center, and they had a video for this song. I describe the impact and insight this video gave me in this blog post . It comforted my hurting heart, and finally made me understand what I could not understand before.

I went home from this concert, and searched and searched for the youtube of this song that had the tow headed baby boy in it. I could not find it anywhere. Yet, that made the message even more strong to me. God was talking to me personally. I understood, and I accepted what He was teaching me with the song and the video.

Then, tonight, a friend sent me a link on my facebook page of Steven Curtis Chapman singing a song. After I watched it, I clicked the video to call up more of his songs, and I saw that the song "When Love Takes You In" was there, and not only there, but it was a concert recording where they showed the video. I watched it, and here it was - the video I saw that night with the blond, fat baby crawling in it. It was MY video, the one God used. I am very excited to have found that particular one. It may not mean a lot to anyone else, but it meant the world to me that night.

For all moms who have adopted, who are fostering, who have had to give back a beloved foster child, here's the link, and I pray it does for you what it did for me!

When love takes you in

The clubhouse

2011-12-09T13:50:00.000-08:00

My children are growing up, and with the growing up comes a lot of opinions expressed to mom about how she could do things better. One thing that these big grown up children can hardly bear is that I let the little kids build things in our yard. They must have forgotten some of the things they did as children, because I haven't changed my "mommying" much over the years. They had free run most of the time. Once Gage built a GIANT bird's nest, and it was an amazing work of art, which, if you know Gage, isn't surprising. We built rickety pens to hold animals. We built baseball fields in the side yard - okay, that was much neater, because daddy helped with that.

But my philosophy has always been that these are the things that make kids smart, and I have some really smart children, if I do say so myself. There's not a slacker in the bunch.

So let the big kids weep and wail, but I intend to keep letting the children be creative and build...although I have made one concession for the sanity of the older kids, I make them do all their building behind the chicken pens so they won't be visible from the front yard.

This weekend I have grandchildren visiting, and they have spent days working on the tree house that brother Max started a while back and Luke's big sister took up one weekend. I think it's going to be a ongoing project. Look at the intensity of these builders:

My kids are so smart, they even build their own tools...

The outcome of all this work is something else...

As you can see, this isn't just any old tree house. This is a whole village. It's got rooms inside of rooms. Our whole large family could just move into this place and have plenty of space, right?

These kids are proud, and they should be. They've worked hard, and not only that, they've worked hard and STAYED OUTSIDE while I got lots of stuff done INSIDE over the past few days (mommy is no dummy, either!)

And they are cute:

And so is our photographer who had to get in on the act, of course, even if she is one of the ones protesting my child rearing skills:

These guys dragged scraps and trash in from all over our twelve acres, including the old stop sign that used to be at the end of our road to keep people from driving off into the ditch:

There's even a welcome sign:

(Bears are Tommy's obsession these days)

And while Grandma is in the house happily and unencumberedly doing her thing, these smart kids do dangerous things that make her hair turn gray when she sees the pictures:

So don't be surprised when you hear their names in the future. They are destined for big things. They are learning every minute, and they are having a good time doing it.

And me? Well, I love living in the country where my kids and grandkids can build and make terrible messes, and as long as they do it behind the chicken pens, no one is the wiser!!

Homestead Heritage, 2011

2011-11-30T15:35:00.000-08:00

Every year for the past 16 years, our family has attended Homestead Heritage's Children's Festival in El Mott. The first time we went, I was carrying three week old Mary Susannah in a sling. I was so happy with my new little girl, and I think it helped seal my love for Homestead Heritage's festivals forever.

This year, I took two new girls who I hope will soon be my daughters. Unfortunately, when I took pictures, I included them in most of them, so I can't post them yet. And Mary Susannah, Beau and the oldest girl took off alone much of the time, so I don't have pictures of them either. Mary Susannah took some herself, but she deleted most of them, except for shots without people in them.

I don't like pictures without people in them....

So...all I have left for this blog are the few pictures "I" got with my little digital camera.Sure am glad I brought it along!

Right off the bat, the bigger kids wanted to separate and go do their own thing. With Beau's promise to watch over the girls, I gave them permission, and off they went. The little ones and I headed over to the petting zoo. It's always a crowded mass, with not near enough animals to go around, but Luke and Angel-Leah each managed to snare a rabbit before we left:

There were also goats, sheep and puppies. Tommy wasn't near as sad as he looked, it's just that rabbits scratch when you hold them when you are four years old and don't quite know how to do it...

From there, we headed over to look at the baby chicks. Now we live on a chicken farm, and if there is one thing my children are used to seeing, it's chickens. But they don't stay a couple of days old forever:

Again, there was a mass of children, and we had to share. Next spring, they can hold them all they want at our own house!

It was soon time for the children's singing, my favorite part of Homestead Heritage. Luke's little sister wasn't too crazy about that, though, and fussed most of the time, until I finally began to scratch her back, and she fell asleep in my lap. With a sigh of relief, I sat back to listen to the wonderful singing. We shared kettle corn, homemade cinnamon doughnuts and organic, natural sodas as we took in the music.

That done, we headed over to the hay ride, which, next to the singing, is my next favorite thing. I cannot believe I forgot to take pictures on the hayride. The kids all sat with their legs dangling over the side, and me hanging onto the hood of Tommy's sweatshirt - although, I don't know which would have been more dangerous...him falling off the wagon, or him falling off the wagon and strangling to death as I held onto the hood of his sweatshirt...but it gave me some comfort to know I was holding on to him...

From there we visited different buildings. We went to the herb garden, which I LOVE, and I bought myself a salve making kit. We wandered around some more, and ended up at the 'make a boat' booth. Here's my four little ones, waiting their turn:

Those sweaters the girls are wearing got me much attention at the fair. I don't know how many people commented on them, and one lady got my etsy address. I had enough inquiries about them that I plan to get some business cards made. And maybe have the girls carry something I make all the time? :o) Little sister's sweater is already in my etsy shop. Angel-Leah's was a bit more complicated to make, and I may have to make another one and see how many hours it took, and how much the yarn cost. I ordered the yarn for that one especially from online because I wanted the best for what I knew would be a big job.

Boats made, the kids soon went over to paint them. Paint was scarce as it was almost time for this booth to close. The kids were scraping the bottom of tubs and adding water to get enough to paint:

Many minutes later, someone complained about having to pay when there wasn't much paint. uh oh...we had not paid. And having already spent nearly $15 each for four boats, I wasn't much inclined to pay an extra $2 each for very, very little paint...

But Angel-Leah came over and asked me if I knew we were supposed to pay extra to paint. I didn't, I admitted. You better go pay, she said. But the paints all gone, I said.

She looked at me with her big blue eyes. I turned and went back to the cashier...

"I didn't realize we had to pay to paint the boats." I told the man. "Oh, yes," he said. "Several people have made that mistake. We need to make a bigger sign. How many boats did you make?" "Four," I replied. "But the paint is almost all gone. We are having to add water to the bottom of the cups to get any paint." "Yes," he said, "We will have to get more before tomorrow."
I looked at him. He looked at me. Several seconds passed. I sighed, and got eight more dollars out of my purse, which he took without a qualm.

It was worth my integrity before Angel-Leah's eyes, I guess, to pay $8 for practically nothing...

Once painted, we headed off for the pool outside the booth to sail the boats, completely washing off what little paint we managed to get on the boats:

But it was fun, and the kids were WELL pleased with their expensive toys. And if nothing else, they have taken at least one, and sometimes two baths a day so they can play with their new boats.

We ate ice cream in the dark, went to the bookstore where I bought several books (my own treat every year) and then went to the adult choir's singing. Little sister didn't like that much better than the earlier singing, but twelve kids later I am really good at selective deafness, and the singing was really LOUD.

We trooped tiredly to the bus when the singing was over. The kids thought that was one of the best parts. We found our car in the dark, and headed the hour drive home.

Another good year. I highly recommend Homestead Heritage Children's Festival if you haven't ever been!!

Sibling visit and the creek

2011-11-19T15:24:00.000-08:00

A long time ago, Foster Cline visited the church I was attending, and preached a sermon I will never forget. The main point of the sermon was "Act better than you feel." The idea was, if you acted better than you felt, most of the time, you end up feeling like you are acting.

Today, I got a chance to put that sermon into action...

For the last three weekends, I've gotten to pick up Luke's siblings, the two sisters we are hoping will get to come live with us soon. This weekend was one of those.

I had trouble sleeping last night, and finally got up pretty early. I got dressed, did a few things...you know, like - scrub the bathroom, wash three loads of clothes, clean up my bedroom and the living room, do the morning animal chores and eat a bunch of doughnuts that Max picked up for us, before driving the two hour round trip to pick up the girls. Getting back home right at lunch time, I fixed Max's favorite lunch because he, Beau and Bill were working on my new addition.

Soon after that, I had comfortably settled on the couch to do what old mommies do best: crochet. I was well on my way when Beau decided to take Mary Susannah and Luke's older sister out to the creek behind our pasture to show them some rocks he had found. Luke wanted to go, and Beau wouldn't let him. When they truly left him behind, he collapsed in my arms, sobbing "Why can't you take us mommy? Why can't you take us?"

Why? Well...because I was comfortably settled on the couch, crocheting. I had no desire - let me repeat that NO DESIRE - to go to the creek.

But honestly, I had no reason not to take them. My work was done for the day. It was mid afternoon - my free time. So I hauled my old lady body up off the couch, and told them to get their shoes and head for the car. No, I was not going to walk across 12 acres when I could drive across 12 acres to reach the creek.

We were soon on our way...

I parked in a great spot, where rocks actually made a stairway down into the creek. Once there, it took my breath away. I had almost forgotten how beautiful it was there:

The kids were so happy. They were soon finding big rocks and making crossings, which was good for a while, but they soon figured out it was a lot more fun to walk IN the water, than to cross it on rocks!

The two older ones soon ran off and left the two younger ones. I think it's kind of nice that Angel-Leah, age eight and Luke, age seven, have each other, while Tommy, age 4, has Luke's little sister, age 5. Maybe very soon, I can show you all her sweet little face:

I made Luke so happy by taking him here:

And I got this pretty shot of Angel-Leah:

Tommy's day was complete when he triumphantly held up the tiny frog he caught. That frog is now in the cage with his turtle. Or at least it was...I keep telling him that turtle is going to eat his frog, but he doesn't believe me. I guess some things you just have to learn by experience:

And you know what, I DID end up feeling just like I acted. We had a good time. I had just forgotten what it was like to spend an hour at the creek. Sometimes us old mommies need to relearn how to have a good time. I imagine we will do this again, but next time, Luke won't have to beg me!

My son, the lawyer...and the writer!

2011-11-18T11:45:00.000-08:00

Gage came for a visit at the end of August and stayed through September, before he jetted off to Japan. I was glad to see him come, not just because I missed him while he was in Virginia, but also because usually during his summer visits, he works on some kind of home improvement around here. He's made porch swings which get MUCH use, he built a bedroom, bedroom furniture, skirted my outbuildings and lots of other things.

This time, however, I could not budge him off his computer. He was writing a brief and did not have time to look up. He didn't even cook for us as much as he usually does, and didn't visit as many of his old friends. He just sat on the couch and wrote.

Ends up, what he was writing has made a big splash. He wrote a brief on gay marriage, going at it from an angle he couldn't find had been looked at before: that marriage was designed to prove paternity.

He got his brief filed, it was late, but it was filed. He said he was actually glad it was late, because this way, it was not buried under the mound of briefs that were filed before the deadline.

It didn't take long before a backlash started. The Gays and Lesbian groups found it, and the comments ran fast and furious for a while. Some of them were pretty humorous, as Gage was compared with the uni bomber. He was called a "backwoods Mennonite" - which will make ANYONE who knows him laugh, as one thing Gage made very clear to me when we moved to this small Texas town was that he was not going to join the Mennonite church. Go check out his first brief, "Yoder Revisited: Why the Landmark Amish Schooling Case Could—And Should—Be Overturned". Yeah, a backwoods Mennonite's gonna write that one...

But hey, he's a good boy. Always has been.

He's been called "Rage Gayley".... I'm REALLY impressed with the maturity level of that one!!

I hear they have even found my daughter's and my blogs. The comment was made that with as many brothers and sisters as he has, one of them is bound to turn out gay, and THEN he will understand!

Okay...

And last but not least, James Dobson's Focus on the Family's legal department has contacted him and asked him to file his brief in some other cases. Now that got my attention. Think I'll get to meet James Dobson?? After all, I was the one who raised this boy! I should get some kind of credit!

Anyway, proud mama that I have always been, I'm posting the link for his brief. It would be worth your while to read it:

http://www.scribd.com/doc/71208125/10-16696-372

I got the bedroom!!

2011-11-14T15:37:00.000-08:00

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights..." James 1:17

If you've followed my blog much or are my friend on facebook, you know I've been wanting another bedroom since we began pursuing the adoption of Luke's siblings. I asked for prayer, I've prayed myself. A LOT. Sometimes for most of the night. As time went on, I accepted that most likely, God's answer was no. I mean, the bedroom wasn't forth coming, after all. And I had a guest house with three bedrooms and a bath in it - in fact, we got that guest house seven years ago, when we thought we might be adopting the very same girl we are in the process of adopting right now. My eighteen year old son, Beau, lives in it. The little boys could have a bedroom out there, and been plenty safe enough.
The problem is that Beau likes to go out of town, and tells me on a regular basis that he will be moving far away very soon. We'll see. But that means that the little guys wouldn't be able to stay out there for long, or even every night.

I admit I fretted about it, even while I accepted it. But about two weeks ago, Luke crawled in my bed in the early morning hours and told me about a scary dream he had had. It really set me off. I kept thinking of him having a scary dream, and having to go outside and across the driveway in the night to get to me.

I called a home improvement man, and got a quote for putting in a floor over the living room. I didn't think it would be much money. After all, the ceiling and walls were already there. We just needed a floor.
His estimate? $21,000...
On our debt free house....

That night, I pleaded with God for a bedroom. I promised to accept a no if that was the answer, but PLEASE, can I have a bedroom? Should I take the man up on his estimate and go into debt? HELP ME, Lord, to make this decision. Couldn't someone else make it for me?

The next day, my son Max came over, and I told him about my sleepless night. He stood up. "Mom," he said, "I'm going to go over to Lelands and see if we can't just tack a barn on the back of the house."

And he did. And called me with the answer. Bradly, who works at Leland's Industries, gave him three options. The first two were for small barns. But the third...

The third was a repo. It was BIG, and the conversion had already started. It not only had a bedroom, but a bathroom and a HUGE room sectioned off. The bathroom was roughed in, with a sink, toilet and tub. All the plumbing was there, all the electricity in, and it was already sheet rocked. And the price for a bedroom, bath and big room?

$5,000!!!!

It was more than I ever imagined I would get. "I'll take it!!" I shouted for all the world to hear. Bill cautioned, "Make sure the adoption goes through, first." "No, I want it anyway!" I replied.
Bill said we could move my washer and dryer into the big room, and I could have the family closet I've been begging for. What is now my laundry room will become a huge pantry.

I am so PLEASED!!!

So we've been working. We had to cut off half our porch. Bill and Max worked for two days on this. Bill had to use the truck to finally get my clothes line down:

And ever the practical guy, he decided to dump all the trash he found under the porch into the hole it left. The little girl in the pink boots is one of the two reasons for all this. Maybe in a couple of weeks, I can show her to you from the front!

Today was the big day. Our new "house addition" was delivered!

It was amazing watching them haul that thing into our yard and set it up. And one of the men working on it was someone I went to church with more than ten years ago, back when he was a small boy. When he told me who he was, I was so surprised!! Here he was, a married man now. How fun to see him!!

The kids and I sat outside and watched for hours. It was just fascinating. We wanted the building to be pushed right up against the back porch and even with it, and that made it quite hard for these poor guys. They had to get the big boss out there to approve it all, but they came through, and I got just what I wanted:

It's high enough that I told Angel-Leah I was just going to make her bedroom underneath it, which brought screams of protest from her. Then, when Max called, I told him I was going to wrap chicken wire around the underneath and make a new chicken coop, which brought screams of protest from him.
Come on, can't you tell when I'm kidding?
Okay, so I AM known for doing things just like that, but still...

Here's the inside. The bathroom is on the left, Luke and Tommy's soon to be new bedroom on the right.

And here's three of the loves of my life:

Sigh...As Tommy would say, "I so happy!"

My birthday girl

2011-11-05T08:47:00.000-07:00

Fifteen years ago last Thursday, my world was rocked by the birth of my seventh child and third girl, Mary Susannah. When she was born, my first two girls were ages 21 and 18, already married and mothers of children of their own. There were four boys wild and woolly boys in between, and I was looking forward to having dolls, dishes and pretty long hair to care for again.

When my first two girls were growing up, in fact, up to my fifth child, during whose pregnancy God saved my soul, I was an immature, selfish mother, to say the least. I loved my children fiercely, having a large family of children has always been my dream, but at the same time, I had swallowed the world's teachings of how to live, which meant I should have lots of "me" time and follow my own selfish interests. And so I did, and at times I believe my first several children suffered from that.

But the Lord saved me during my pregnancy with my son Spencer, who is now 20 years old, and my life changed dramatically, praise the Lord. Lots of people thought I had lost my mind, but what I had done was lost my worldly mindset, and Jesus changed my thinking, and I was a "new (wo)man!"

Fast forward a few years later, and I was blessed with another daughter, and I was just thrilled. I determined she would be my constant companion. That if I was invited somewhere where children weren't, I just wouldn't go. And mostly that's what I did. She went where I went. We were together ALL THE TIME. I was so careful what influenced her. And it has all paid off. I have a beautiful, mature, grown up acting daughter who never gives me a minute trouble. She has taken over the kitchen, doing the lion's share of the cooking and all the dishes. She cleans when she sees a need, not when I tell her too. She has taken her little sister under her wing (most of the time) to teach her how to be a lady, too.

And lately, she's had the biggest trial of her life with a terrible virus in her eye. We've been to the doctor every week for two months now, and they just can't seem to heal this up. So far, they say, it's not sight threatening, but this latest visit told us that the infection has gone deeper, and now it has the potential to become that way. However, the surface has healed enough that she can use steroids again, which helps with the inflammation and makes her a LOT more comfortable!

So what did my big girl want to do on her birthday? She wanted to take her birthday money and go thrift store shopping and go to Starbucks, so that's what we did in the early part of the day. Then we ran Angel-Leah over to piano lessons, where Mary Susannah used her birthday present, the very expensive camera her daddy spoiled her and bought for her, and took some pictures:

Here's Angel-Leah drinking her passion flower tea from Starbucks. I added this one so you could all see my masterpiece - the sweater I crocheted for her, which took many hours! It's a bit big still, but she had it in time for Gage's graduation from law school in Virginia last May, and this is the first time we brought it out this year!

We got a cake from Central Market because they don't have dyes in them, but also because they are just amazingly good. But no dyes means there's not much color to them, so we stopped off at the store and bought pretty flowers with glitter on them, and Mary Susannah did a pretty good job decorating her own birthday cake!

Once daddy was home, we headed off to Babe's Fried Chicken, which sounds like a hole in the wall, but was actually an amazingly good place to eat, and fun, too.
Waiting for a seat, I was sat on:

...which is not unusual...

Mary Susannah let me take this picture. It's a perfect example of what we have seen for the last two months, because her eye is VERY sensitive to light, and she keeps her hand over it most of the time:

We ate until we were almost sick, then came home to eat again - birthday cake this time!

I wouldn't do this blog justice without adding a picture of handsome Beau, who doesn't care how the cake is decorated, as long as it's good, and there's lots of it!

So happy birthday, Mary Susannah. It's been a joy watching you grow up, but this birthday makes me very sad, because each year draws the time of us being constant companions closer to an end.

However, I have loved my relationship with my grown girls almost, and maybe even more, as their growing up years, so I am counting on the closeness and fun times continuing throughout our lives!

Kid's Saying The Old Testament

2011-10-27T14:48:00.000-07:00

Old moms

2011-10-25T18:14:00.000-07:00

Do not despise your mother when she is old...may she who gave you birth rejoice! Proverbs 23:22,25

Our adoption worker sat in our living room a week or so ago, and informed me that we had enough training now that we could be respite providers (babysitters for foster parents) with their agency. When I said I would be glad to do that, he said I should be careful what I offered, and by the way, what ages would I be willing to take care of once in a while, should they need me?

hmmm...

ALWAYS before, I would have said newborns up to two years old would be my favorite ages. Especially newborns. They are still little enough to cuddle and keep close to you. You always know where they are.

But lately, I've noticed it's been a bit hard for me to take care of newborns. My back is not strong anymore. Cuddling a good sized baby at church a few Sundays ago made me realize I was pretty glad to hand him back to his young mommy, even if he was awfully cute. Holding him hurt my back enough that I didn't really enjoy it, at least not in a standing position.

So I'm having to face the fact that I will be sixty in less than three years now.
Sigh...who ever would have thought I would get that old?

Another thing is that it's getting a bit harder to pull myself up out of my comfortable chair when the kids need tending too discipline wise. I'm a bit slow now, hoping that they will resolve their problems without my intervention. And sometimes they do, but often, once it gets to the point that I'm hearing it (It's amazing the selective deafness of a mother of ten) it's past the point of their resolving it themselves, and they need me to be there to help.

I have some really well behaved children if I do say so myself. I thought about that a lot this afternoon, after an eye doctors appointment for poor Mary Susannah. She has had a TERRIBLE time with her beautiful eye. For two months now, after three clinics and six different doctors working on her and more prescriptions than I can count - some we only used a very few times before we were told to quit using that one and use this one instead - we are just now seeing real progress in getting her eye well. It's been awful for her, and it's made her cry many times, because she's just so tired of hurting.

So we've been at this eye doctor's office in Fort Worth once a week for about four weeks now, enough that they recognize us when we walk in, and know my children. The older doctor, father of two of the younger doctors in the office, always comments on my lovely family. Today he told Mary Susannah she was his best patient, and that I have a lovely family of well behaved children, to which the nurse replied that she had not seen such well behaved children in the office in a long time, and gave my kiddos stickers to reward them for being so good. Last week, the male assistant told me my children "looked like I cared about them."

It made my mind run back over the years, to other times people have told me that. I remember many, many years ago, walking into a glass shop to buy new windows. When I walked in the door with my crew, four little boys ages about 8, 6, 3 and a 1 year old in my arms, the man behind the desk came up out of his chair, pointed at them, and almost shouted at me, "You better watch those boys! You better not let them run around in here! You better keep ahold of them!"

Who, me?

I drew in a quick breath, remembered my Christian testimony, and told him, "Oh, don't worry. They are going to sit down in these chairs and be really good while I pick out glass."
And they did. I kept the one year old, my BIG baby Beau, in my arms, because there is only so much you can expect out of a one year old. But the other three sat quietly. The man relaxed, and even told me I won the prize for the strangest story about how the glass got broken (I'm sure he expected me to say my boys did it) when I told him - and this is true - that my jersey cow got into my entry hall, slipped and slid on the slippery tile and backed her fanny into my entry hall window, crashing it to pieces.
Glass picked out and paid for, we went to the car. I strapped the boys in, climbed into the front seat of my big Suburban, and was about to drive away when I saw the man run out the door of his shop towards me. I rolled down my window, and he said:
"Ma'am. I was very rude to you when you walked in today, and I just felt like I had to come back outside and tell you that you have the best behaved children I have ever seen in my life. I'm sorry for what I said earlier, and I just wanted to tell you that."

Well, that sure made my day, and it wasn't the last time it happened, either...

Another time that stands out in my mind was at the Social Security office a couple of years ago. I had gone there after our third adoption to change the kids names on their social security cards. I had the three younger ones and Mary Susannah with me. I ran into a friend, also a foster/adopt mom and mother of a large family. She finished before I did, and came over to our seats to talk for a minute. As she got ready to leave, she commented on how good my children were being. I laughed and said I was sure hers would be the same, and she said, "No. You people" (you people...as in you people who are short? old? you people who homeschool? you people who wear dresses only and headcovers? :o) ) "You have something, and the rest of us need to learn it."

Then today, the compliments at the doctors office. Afterwards, we went to Aldi's to get a few groceries. And I noticed, maybe because of what the doctor and nurses said just a bit earlier, that sure enough, not every child follows closely beside their mother's cart as she shopped. We watched an absolutely beautiful set of twins consisting of a good twin and a bad twin - the bad one screaming and crying and yelling at her daddy and climbing out of the cart. In the checkout line, we watched an older child sitting in the baby seat with a cast on his leg that just fascinated Luke, as he slung a jumbo sized bag of Smarties out of the cart. And his mother picked it right up and flung it right smack into the child's stomach. And he slung it right back out, and she picked it up and clobbered him in the stomach with it again. He threw it out, and she smacked it right back into his stomach, declaring in a loud voice that if he did it again, she just might put it back on the shelf and not let him have it!
At which declaration, I thought, "Well, yeah, mama. If you would have done that in the first place, you probably wouldn't have to do it more than once or so before he learned that kind of behavior isn't allowed..."

I'm not a perfect mom. In fact, you can read about an amazing tantrum Tommy had in public recently HERE. But I guess if there is one thing that "we people" or at least, "I" have learned, it's that you have to expect good behavior from your children, and not only expect it, but not allow anything else except good behavior. There's not really much secret to it. Just stay calm, and teach your children the proper way to behave. Teach them to be ladies and gentlemen. That should be one of the priorities of your days.

And it takes a lot of work, and this old mommy is more tired lately than she used to be. Sixty years old is coming fast. My rocking chair looks better all the time.

So, Mr. Adoption Worker, give me the older ones, the ones that can walk. I might be old, but really, there is still a little good in me, yet!

Day of Rest

2011-10-18T17:39:00.000-07:00

"I heard the voice of Jesus say, "Come unto me and rest..."

That song has been going through my mind this afternoon. My past month has been crazy. I cannot remember a time that I have been so on the go. From trying to get this adoption stuff done: Waxahachie for fingerprints, Godley for CPR training, Arlington for PRIDE classes, Joshua for TB tests, then Burleson to have the results checked two days later...Plus, Mary Susannah has a persistent eye infection that has taken us to Hillsboro, Cleburne and Fort Worth for doctor appointments, plus Alvarado for prescriptions - to count, four different ones...then add to that normal, everyday life of buying groceries, running to Walmart and the library and the Dollar Store and church and piano lessons...it makes for days of running, running, running and spending fortunes on gas.
And this is one stay at home mama who wants to STAY AT HOME again!

So imagine my pleasure when I woke up this morning, checked my planner (yes, I actually bought one of those) and saw that there was nothing...NOTHING written down for today! I was going to get to just stay home, and I was so grateful...
I slept in, which means I didn't get out of bed until 7:30. I made breakfast for Tommy with pleasure, because I had time and didn't feel rushed. I cooked a big box of apples into applesauce. I even had a bit of time to crochet, and that was awfully nice...
Tomorrow looks empty, too, so that makes TWO days with nothing to do. But Thursday, we start back up again, and will be going for several more days.
But hey, two days of rest! I'll be ready...

So, Mary Susannah has had this eye infection for two months now. First we were told it was pink eye. Then we were told it was a contact related injury. Then last week, we were told it was actually a virus, like a fever blister, on her eye. At this point, it is not sight threatening, but it's very painful and sometimes she cries because she has been hurting for so long, and she's getting so tired of it all. She can't wear her contacts for now, and yesterday, we picked up glasses for her and also for Luke. She finally got a picture of herself that she will let me publish:

Luke likes his a bit better, it's kind of fun to see clearly for a change, I guess.

I think they are both beautiful, glasses and all!!

On a better note for Mary Susannah: the dream of her life lately has been a fancy camera. Her dad has been feeling pretty sorry for her, so last night, he came home and announced they would go and get her an early birthday present. She came home a bit later, ecstatic, with a new Canon something or other...It's big and even sounds expensive when it clicks. Her dream is to do this professionally, and she is certainly good at taking pictures.
Aren't I lucky to have her in the family to do all my picture taking?

So that's how we've been lately. Life is too fast paced for a mommy who is not used to all that. I'm longing for days where there isn't a reason to leave my house again, and I can crochet and watch the chickens peck and the kids play and talk to the big ones. It'll come again. Today, I'm just glad for a chance to rest and catch my breath!

Enlarge my house?

2011-10-10T10:06:00.000-07:00

Isaiah 54:2-3 “Enlarge your house; build an addition. Spread out your home, and spare no expense! For you will soon be bursting at the seams."

This Bible verse was the passage in a biography I read my children this morning at school time. When I read it, I laughed outloud, because this is the cry of my life these days...We will be adding two children to our already large brood next month if all goes well, and I imagine that I am feeling the pinch of space. I've prayed often for wisdom concerning this. I don't feel clear that we are supposed to take out any loans. One son suggested that I should "use what I have", and certainly that was very good advice. After all, we have eight bedrooms, it's just that they are not all in the same "dwelling". We have four bedrooms in our main house. We have three bedrooms (although one is being transformed into a little sitting area) in the guest house. And there is one more bedroom in the office over the barn. Eight bedrooms is a lot, isn't it? Certainly more than most people have. I'm pretty blessed if you think about it...

But in my discontent moments, I want at least one more bedroom in the house. One more in the house would comfortably accommodate all the children under the age of 18. I want a mudroom/family closet off my laundry room. I want another bathroom...or two...or even three...

Then I remember...there are mothers all over the world who are putting their babies to bed on the bare ground. If those mothers are blessed, they have some sort of roof over their heads, even if it's made of grass or cardboard. I have a nice house on twelve acres of land. I have eight bedrooms spread out over it. What right do I have to ask for more, or be anything but grateful for what I do have, which is a LOT?

This morning, my oldest son barely missed being killed in an accident. By that, I mean he got across the street with some of his friends before a motorcycle hit a car at great speed, likely killing the motorcycle driver, injuring the person in the car, and causing the car to hit one of Gage's friends. A few seconds slower, and Gage would have still been crossing that street when the accident happened. That puts it all into perspective.

Yes, I pray for him and his safety. As much as I pray for my house to be enlarged? hmmm...I think so. But today, a bigger house just doesn't seem all that important.

My house is big enough. I have enough space. Maybe it's not just like I want it, but it's enough. It fits the people living here, even if we will have to use the guest house when I would like to have another bedroom in the main house. We have the addition. And we are at the point of bursting at the seams. God has blessed our family so much.

A little later in this same chapter, verses 13-14 say:

"All your sons will be taught by the LORD,
and great will be your children’s peace"

That's my real prayer. My house is enlarged, we are bursting at the seams, but God knew this was going to happen, and He made sure we have what we needed, even if it isn't exactly what I want. Now, let me concentrate on my children's being taught by the Lord, and having great peace!

Birthday Season

2011-10-03T05:07:00.000-07:00

We are right in the middle of birthday season at our house. For a three month and one day period, eight of my children and two of my grandchild have birthdays. It's a whirlwind getting through them all. In fact, I designated a "birthday box" to keep supplies in, because I have to drag them out so much.

Usually, Angel-Leah and Tommy's birth grandmother, who they call Nanny and I call Joan, has the October party - a combined party for Angel-Leah and Luke. But she's having some problems with her leg right now (MRI coming up this week, we are praying the doctors will find the reason and can give her some relief). So this year, I offered to have it at my house. They insisted on paying for it. Joan was supposed to just come, but she cheated and brought some fruit anyway! :o)

With Tommy being on a diet that forbids any kind of artificial colorings, artificial flavorings and corn syrup, we have to make almost everything from scratch. After our last birthday cake disaster, (see that story here) I spent some time online looking for ideas to make things simpler, and also to try and find some natural decorating ideas. While the natural decorating ideas involved beautiful flowers and things that I am not inclined to spend so much time and money doing, I did find some wonderful ideas, mainly, rather than the messy ordeal of trying to cut cake and dish out ice cream with lots of little children dancing around me, I could make cupcakes, and freeze individual portions of ice cream in cup cake liners the night before, and just let everyone serve themselves. I thought this was an amazing idea - not that I hadn't heard of cupcakes, but sometimes I need reminding, and the ice cream idea was really nice and made things SO much easier.

With Mary Susannah on a trip to East Texas for church meetings, I was on my own shopping for the party.. I was amazed at how popular cupcakes must be right now, because a whole isle at Walmart was dedicated to them! I quickly found princess decorations, but there wasn't any boy stuff - I guess cupcakes must be a girl thing? I was wondering what I was going to do, when I found a little package of candy eyes. I snatched those up along with two small tubes of gel, and we were set. I also got Mary Susannah a couple of those cupcakes stands she has been wanting. That was absolutely the right thing to do!

The morning of the party, I baked the cupcakes, then handed them to Mary Susannah to decorate. She whipped up white and chocolate frosting, and before long, we had great birthday party cupcakes!

The girl version:

And the boy version:

They were a hit.

Another hit of the party was that we got Angel-Leah and Tommy's big birth brother Ben to come this year. We hadn't seen him in two years, and that was WAY too long. Tommy was scared of him, convinced that

"that man wanted to take me with him!" Not that that probably wouldn't have been just fine with Ben, except that he had to go back to work after the party, and having his little brother with him might have made it a bit difficult to work. Ben and I decided that we were going to get together more often so the kids could know him, and this time I intend to really do that!!

The party was fun, and I look forward to many more. In fact, Max had a birthday this weekend. He spent it in Missouri with Bill, golfing. They got home last night, and tonight is my turn with him. Max and I are going out to eat. Then Luke has his birthday later this month.

My children just keep growing up, no matter how much I wish time would slow down!!

Other birthday party blogs:

Tommy's third birthday

Mary Susannah's birthday trip to Virginia

Tommy's birds

Angel-Leah's 8th birthday

Angel-Leah's birthday!

2011-09-27T06:42:00.000-07:00

Five years and five months ago, a toddler walked into my living room in the middle of the night and stole my heart forever. Almost four years ago, we adopted her.

And yesterday, she turned eight years old!

Long ago, my children decided to forgo birthday surprises and either go for money, or they would tell me exactly what to buy. That does make things easier, and it ensures they are not disappointed, but at the same time, it does take away a little bit of the fun of birthdays presents for me.
Well, if I'm going to be honest, I've been a bit tired for the past six years. I've had babies almost all the time, and anything that made life easier was very welcomed, so I went with that.
But with my youngest being four years old now, things have eased up a LOT, and I'm getting some of my energy and spirit back.

And I KNEW what to get Angel-Leah for her birthday, and I wanted to surprise her. It was something she has begged for for three years, but I wouldn't buy her because I didn't think she was old enough for such expensive things yet. I told her she could not have this particular thing until she was ten years old.
The last year has seen her mature a lot, though. While her room is still a mess most of the time, she does take care of the glass dolls she is so fond of buying at Antique Alley. She usually keeps her Polly Pockets near her dollhouse instead of strung all over the house and out in the yard.
And since we are likely going to make a major change in another six weeks or so, and rock her world by giving her both another big sister and a new little sister, I decided to move up the date a couple of years, and take her....

HERE!

Okay, Mary Susannah only got the side of the store, but this is the American Girl store in Dallas, Texas!

I wouldn't tell her where we were going. I just said it was going to be a surprise, and she was going to like it. She wasn't sure she trusted me to know what she wanted. She insisted she wanted a kitten. When I reminded her she already has FOUR kittens, she said she wanted more! I said she would like this better. She was sure she wouldn't.
She worried all the way to Dallas. Which took a LONG time to get too, because we stopped at Walmart to buy a memory card for the camera since Gage accidentally took ours all the way to Japan, and it is too far to run over and pick it up (BIG SIGH...I'm not going to see him for a full year...) and we made another stop at Starbucks.
She kept reminding me what she really wanted was a kitten. Or money. And that she should have the right to CHOOSE what she got for her birthday. And was I taking her to Canton? She remembered this was the way we went a couple of weeks ago...
Trust me, I kept telling her. This is going to be great.
She wasn't so sure, until we drove up in front of the store. But when she saw where we were, her face told it all:

"You are going to buy me Kaya!" She screamed out.
Big sister Mary Susannah had to keep reminding her to be a lady as we tried to park and get out of the car.

It was a great surprise!

The American Girl Store is quite a place. They certainly have more employees than customers, and they just fell all over themselves to wait on us. It's a sparkling, glittery place, as you can see from this picture that I tried to take of Tommy and Mary Susannah, which Mary Susannah says is the world's worst picture! (but I think she was just giving me a hard time.

Okay, it's blurry, but you can still see the glitters, and the gorgeous kids, right?

We soon found Kaya, and Angel-Leah was one happy little eight year old girl!

We even bought her an extra dress, because she didn't come with Angel-Leah's favorite one.

They have a very small book store there, too, and I can never resist them.

I found a book for our homeschool, and got that for myself.

I mean, if it teaches the kids to get along better, that can only benefit me, right?

We explored the store, but we were soon on our way out, Kaya doll already out of the box and in Angel-Leah's arms.

She did get to pick where we ate, which was at a BJ's very close to the American Girls Store. Angel-Leah got a special dessert for free since it was her birthday.

Angel-Leah has started a poem about her birthday. So far, it goes like this:

"I love you.
To think you would have thought I wouldn't like it.
Oh, the joy in my voice,
the glee on my face."

She is writing it down, but that's all she has so far.

She says it's the best birthday of her whole life.

Which, so far, is eight whole years.

Happy birthday, Angel-Leah. I love you, too!

Tantrums in Public

2011-09-24T05:26:00.000-07:00

We've all seen it. You are at the store, and there in front of you, behind you, or over on the next isle is a tired, harried mom dragging a toddler/preschooler/elementary aged child, who is screaming at the top of their lungs. Wailing and crying and making everyone in the store want to hurry up and get out of there.

What do you think? How do you feel towards that mother and child? If we are honest, most of the time we think that mother needs to discipline that child, right? We look with disdain on the whole scene, shake our heads, and get away from them as quickly as we can.

I used to be that person. But in the last six years I've had two children that have given me a whole new perspective. MiMi, my foster daughter who stole my heart and took part of it with her when she was reunited with her biological family, was the absolute queen of tantrums. And now, I have Tommy.

I've blogged a lot about Tommy. I've written about my worries, of the doctor visits, of finding the Feingold diet, and taking him to the Child Study Center, a place I never dreamed I would go. I've written of the great success we've had with the diet, and how Tommy is a completely different child now. I've opened up my life and Tommy's life a lot, because I want to encourage people to adopt from foster care, to understand that this is doable, and also because I know there are other moms out there who struggle with some of these things with their biological children. The Bible tells the older moms to teach the younger, and as much as I wish it weren't so, I guess I am now an older mom...

Tommy is a wonderful child. But he does struggle. I'm not sure what's causing the struggle - if it's the heroin he was exposed to in the womb, or if it might be some of the mental illnesses in his background raising it's ugly head. I'm not afraid, because the Bible tells us not to fear. And also because, with the help of this diet, we see less and less of the old problems Tommy used to have.

But, what happens to us when things begin to ease up? Sometimes, we get a bit lazy. We slip. We aren't as diligent as we were...

And I've been guilty of that. With Tommy doing so well, we've been cheating on the diet. Yesterday was no exception. We had to go into Cleburne to take Mary Susannah to the eye doctor. I had been wanting something really sweet for two days, and as we left the doctor, I saw the doughnut shop was still open. I gave in to my cravings, and we went inside and each got one, and the lady threw in three extras, because it was almost time to close. We scarfed those down as we drove, then after a visit to the library, we stopped at the farmers market where I bought the good for you stuff, but then as if the doughnuts were not enough, I bought four of the fried pies a friend of mine makes and sells there...

We went home and ate watermelon, cantaloupes, peaches and fried pies for lunch.

Then we left again for the Dollar Store, and that's when it happened.

Angel-Leah, Luke and Tommy had gathered up all their dollar bills, but mostly their pennies, nickles, dimes and quarters to find they had almost five dollars all together. They dumped that into a slot in my billfold, and in the car dreamed of what they would buy at the Dollar Store. I have a new no toys rule, so they wanted scissors, paper, and paint.
At the store Luke and Angel-Leah ran ahead of me. Tommy stood beside me and demanded I give him all his money. Tommy is a young acting four year old, and I knew there was no way he was going to be able to hang on to all that change and still "shop". I told him I would keep it for him until he was ready to check out. He demanded the money again, and I repeated my answer. And that was all it took. He fell into a full blown tantrum.

Maybe I could have used different words. Maybe I should keep baggies in my purse. Maybe I should have just given him his money when he first asked. I'm trying to learn to say yes whenever I can, even if it makes things a bit harder. But whatever - it was too late...

I stood there with my wailing son, trying to reason for a few minutes, even though I knew that once Tommy gets to this point, especially if his eyes are closed, he is "no longer home" and there will be nothing I can do to fix it. No discipline, no talking, nothing much is going to end this but time. I told Angel-Leah and Luke I would be right back (my car was directly in front of the doors of the store, which were wide open) and I took Tommy back out to the car and dumped him in the back seat. Just as I started to climb in after him, my phone rang. I half shut the door and answered it because it was his speech therapist who was due at our house in an hour. She had gotten off early and wanted to come on over. I told her to give me a little bit.
So now, my time, which was already limited, needed to be less. I tried to talk to Tommy, but he was not at that point yet. I had two choices, I realized. I could call Luke and Angel-Leah and tell them we had to go home, or I could go back into the store with my screaming child.
I only needed five things. It would take me about two minutes to grab them and leave. I decided to try it. I pulled Tommy out of the car, sat him on the sidewalk, and said I was going back in, but I would not be buying him anything. Then I started walking. I know him well enough to know he would follow me, and he did.
I told Angel-Leah, "Grab what you want quick, we have to get out of here." I walked through the store at a fast pace, Tommy screaming behind me. When I stopped to get something, he would fall to the floor. Ignoring him (because I know there is nothing else to do) I would put my things in the cart and start walking again. He would jump up and run behind me, and when I stopped again, he would fall to the floor. The screaming never stopped. I grabbed my five things and got to the register. The lady in front of me took FOREVER to write a check. I wanted to tell her about debit cards, but it was hard to talk over the volume of the child writhing on the floor beside me. In fact, she was screaming herself as she talked cheerfully to the cashier.
When it was my turn, and the cashier asked me how I was, I said I was embarrassed and sorry. The urge to tell her Tommy's whole life story, and that I really am not as bad a mother as it looks like I am, was very strong, but I refrained.
The screaming continued on the ride home, out in the driveway, where I left him sitting as I carried the few things I bought into the house, and after, as Tommy sat outside Angel-Leah's bedroom door, where he had been barred because she and Luke did not want him screaming in her room. I laid down on my bed and prayed this would be over before the speech therapist arrived.
In a few minutes, a red faced, heaving, but quieter little boy showed up in my doorway. I held out my hand and said, "Want me to hold you for a while?" He quickly crawled up on my bed and curled up in my arms. He told me Angel-Leah wouldn't let him in her room. I said I didn't blame her. He was screaming and no one likes that. That when you aren't a nice person, no one really wants you around. And didn't she usually let him in when he wasn't screaming? He said yes. Then he told me it was my fault he was screaming, because I didn't give him his money. So I explained why I didn't. Oh, he said, he didn't know I would give it to him at the cash register. I told him he didn't know because he was screaming and couldn't hear me trying to tell him how we would handle it all. We talked about better ways to handle things when we are frustrated. But mostly, we just cuddled.

And he was calm when the speech therapist arrived, and he really did well that session.

One thing Tommy has done is give me a new outlook on things. When I am out now, and see a child in a melt down, I wonder what's going on. Yes, it's true there is some bad parenting out there, and sometimes it's just what it looks like. But at the museum recently, when I saw an older child, maybe ten, laying on the floor screaming and kicking his feet as an older and young lady stood over him trying to talk to him, my first thought was that I wondered if he was autistic. I don't judge so harshly anymore. Sometimes, if it seems appropriate, I might offer to help. If nothing else, I try to smile at the harried mother.

More and more, I know that this dying world is full of things that aren't good. The Bible says as the end nears, things will get worse and worse. We are bombarded with sin everywhere we look, everywhere we turn. It's on TV, it's in the movies and games they make for children now. Our food is full of dyes and artificial things that were never meant to be eaten. People are in a hurry and don't have time for little ones. Drug abuse and alcohol use is so wide spread, and the children are some of the ones paying the price.

Tommy has made great strides and has overcome an awful lot in his four short years. Unfortunately, he has a human mommy that likes sweets, and lets his diet slip sometimes. After yesterday, I promise to do better.

But next time you see a child having a tantrum in public, remember us...and have mercy!

One Wild and Precious Life

2011-09-21T10:12:00.000-07:00

"What will you do with your one wild and precious life?"
Anita Roddick

A friend of mine recently told me about being scolded by someone for not doing what this other person thought she should be doing. She said she was asked what she thought people were going to say about her when she died.
Now, I know this person, and that mostly behind the scenes, she IS doing good things. And it got me thinking about what will people say about me once I die? What is really important? Being a member of the "right" church? Going to the "right" school? Having the "right" job? Living in the "right" neighborhood? Is that what I want to be remembered for?

Before Thomas Jefferson died, he wrote his own obituary. What do you think he put foremost? That he was president of the United States? No, he wanted to reflect what he thought he had done for the people, not how the people had honored him. He didn't even mention being president. Here are the words he wrote himself:

"Here was buried Thomas Jefferson,
author of the Declaration of Independence,
of the statute of Virginia, for religious freedom,
and father of the University of Virginia"

I thought about these words to my friend a lot after she left. And the next morning, there in my Bible reading, were these words from Job 29:

¹¹ “All who heard me praised me. All who saw me spoke well of me.
¹² For I assisted the poor in their need and the orphans who required help.
¹³ I helped those without hope, and they blessed me. And I caused the widows’ hearts to sing for joy.
¹⁴ Everything I did was honest. Righteousness covered me like a robe, and I wore justice like a turban.
¹⁵ I served as eyes for the blind and feet for the lame.
¹⁶ I was a father to the poor and assisted strangers who needed help.
¹⁷ I broke the jaws of godless oppressors and plucked their victims from their teeth.
¹⁸ “I thought, ‘Surely I will die surrounded by my family after a long, good life.^[a]
¹⁹ For I am like a tree whose roots reach the water, whose branches are refreshed with the dew.
²⁰ New honors are constantly bestowed on me, and my strength is continually renewed.’

I read that, and I felt God had shown me the answer. I thought of this passage in Micah 6:8:

"O people, the Lord has told you what is good, and this is what he requires of you:
to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God."

Another reason I was thinking about this is because I have been told several times lately that I am old and need to slow down. Okay, yes, I am in the later half of my 50's. I even qualify for some senior citizens benefits, although I've been thinking I'm more middle age than old. I even actually told one child who was chiding me "When you look at me, I look old. But I'm looking out of the same eyes I looked out of when I was twenty..."

It's true that I am creakier. That I'm not so strong anymore. That I move a bit slower. That I forget a bit more often.

But there is still a lot left of my one wild and precious life. I'm not ready for that rocking chair yet, except maybe in the late afternoon when I AM feeling my age and I want to crochet a bit.

And it's very fulfilling to try and live up to those passages in Job.

When I die, I want my obituary to say that I spent myself on my family. I spent myself by adding to my family even when I was eligible for those senior citizens discounts.

Earlier this week, we went to my daughter Rachael's house, and we watched old home movies. In those movies was the younger version of the girl we are getting re licensed to adopt. She had just come to my daughters home as a foster child a very short time before. While my healthy, well cared for grandchildren bounced off the walls around her on a birthday morning, she sat to the side, watching, and looking very shell shocked. My heart went out to her, and I remembered why I wanted to adopt her back when she was eight years old.
Last night, I dreamed about her. In my dream, she was the 14 year old girl that she is now, but her face was still had that shell shocked look from the videos we watched.

What will I do with my one wild and precious life? What SHOULD I do with my one wild and precious life? Rock it away like grandma Moses? Or, as Rich Mullins once said, be worn out doing what God would have us do?

I'll be willing to take in the shell shocked young girl. And I'll have fun taking care of the ones in my home.
And we will make this home that we have to stay in most of the time, fun to be home in.
We will have the pretty picnics in the yard that my pretty Mary Susannah puts together:

We will enjoy the birthday birds that are now sitting on three eggs!

We will play with the new puppies our big old dog just had:

And we will enjoy the three new bunnies that we just got today off freecycle. Bunnies I got after big son Gage told me he had a nightmare about me getting MORE animals. Bunnies I got after getting very lost out in the middle of Itasca, Texas' long winding roads on the east side of I-35. Bunnies I got even though son Tommy had a tummy ache, and cried when I said he had to stay home until I gave in and said "oh, go get in the car!" (and yes, I am well seasoned enough to know better than that...) and son Gage chased me out the door saying "Don't take him mom! He'll throw up in the car and I have to drive it later!" but I took him anyway, declaring I was the mom, and sure enough, he threw up in the trash can I took with us just in case, causing me to have to stop in the middle of one of those long winding roads to throw out the plastic bag, while a big scary looking dog began to run up the street towards us (who says old lady's can't move fast??)...

And that is what I will do with my one wild and precious life. Live it to the fullest, and not accept old age until I just have too. It's what I want people to accept about me. I don't want to be scolded for not doing what other people think I should be doing, like my friend was, unless they can show me in the Bible where I am doing wrong, or where I am hurting someone else.

What do I want on my tombstone? That I did well with my one wild and precious life, and that I had fun doing it!

Dark and Light

2011-09-13T08:46:00.000-07:00

"What do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" 2 Corinthians 6:14

Yesterday, my 14 year old daughter, Mary Susannah, was restless. She wanted to go somewhere, do something, have something new. Never mind she's been on a trip with her brothers and dad and gone quite a few places over the last couple of weeks - yesterday was boring. She came in the late afternoon and asked me to download a certain book we had seen in the newspaper as they reviewed several people involved in the 911 disaster. It looked very interesting to both of us. And they did have it as an ereader. But I was worried because I could not flip through it first. Mary Susannah is a pure work of art, as are all children, and as long as it is in my power, I will not defile her. I don't want her to read a book that I had not checked first.
She was not real happy with me, but she's a good girl, and went to find something else to do.

So after I had taken my soon to be 18 year old son Beau out to a birthday dinner at TGIFriday's last night (after which we both had food poisoning - stay away from their mozzarella sticks), I suggested we head over to Half Price Book Store so I could surprise my pretty daughter with the book she wanted. In between trips to the bathroom, I couldn't find that particular book, but I did find one by the same lady, written with her husband, and it did look okay for my girl to read, so I tucked it under my arm and headed over to the teenage/young adults section to see what else I could find for her.

Oh, my...

I knew the world was bad. And the Bible tells us that it's only going to get worse and worse as the end draws near. But I wasn't expecting what I found. The shelves were full of almost nothing but vampire and occult books. The covers were dark and scary looking. Evil just surrounded shelf after shelf after shelf. I was horrified, and thought I might cry as I stood there. I grieved so HARD for the children trying to grow up in the world today. No wonder they are struggling so. And what parent in their right mind would buy this stuff for their children? Don't they care?

Let me stop here and say that as a young adult, I loved horror stories. Stephen King was my favorite, and I had invested in all his books in hard back. I had every. single. one. of his books. And even back then, most horror books (the old Dracula ones) were not as graphic as they are now. But still...

I was lost. I was hell bound. And I firmly believe my love of those books showed it. There was a lot more in my life, too, I will admit. These books were just one thing. But it wasn't long before in my late twenties, and early 30's the fruit of my life hit, and everything went into a downward spiral.

Finally, FINALLY, I hit the bottom. I remember the day, in the midst of sin, it was like I had an out of body experience, I could see how dirty I was, and I cried out "God, SAVE ME!"

From that very exact moment, things changed for me. The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 5: 17 that "if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation, the old has gone, the new has come!" Suddenly, all those books and magazines (among many other things, this is just what we are talking about right now) no longer held an appeal for me. In fact, it kind of made me sick. I wanted my mind to be clean. So out went the magazines into the trash. And those Stephen King books, hundreds of dollars worth of them...what to do with them? For a second, I considered selling them or giving them away. After all, they were in good condition, and I had spent so much on them...but quickly I knew - if they were not fit for me to read as the new creation I was, how could I pass them on and pollute someone else's mind? So every time I opened a new trash bag, I threw a book inside.
A friend was pretty horrified at the change in me. My love of Stephen King has always been "part of me", everyone who knew me well knew how I loved his books. This friend begged me to let him store my books in his garage until I "got over this." I smiled at him and said, "If I ever get over this, please just shoot me, okay?"
I had no intention of going back...

It took two years to get my "shockability" again. I remember being at someones house and the TV was on. Someone on the screen yelled out the "s" word, and my head jerked around. And then, I got chills, because I thought, I'M CLEAN! Those words are not something I hear or see anymore. Those words can shock me now.

That's not to say that we clean our minds and let it go at that. There's a story in Matthew 12 about the man who "swept his house clean" of evil spirits, but left it unoccupied. When the evil spirit came back and found it was empty, he brought seven of his friends along to move back in, and the final condition of the man was worse than it was before. I often think of that story when people I know start out on the journey to be Christians, but soon turn back. Did they clean their house? Did they fill it with good, pure things? Did they let the spirit of God fill their very souls? Because otherwise, how could the old life hold any attraction anymore?

Recently, a good friend showed us an article written by a Mennonite publication that was praising Harry Potter. They said that although, yes, it was occult, Harry Potter was, after all, a good guy, and it was refreshing to find good guys as the hero in today's world.
It made me sad to see this. The Bible is so clear about these things. 2 Corinthians 6, in the passage I quoted at the beginning of this blog, goes on to say: "What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols?...Therefore come out from then and be separate, says the Lord. Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you."

In Acts 19:18-19, a number of people who practiced magic arts were converted. And what happened then? Did they decide to use their magic for good? Did they turn it into "Christian magic", did they believe that sorcerers could be good guys, and the world needs that, after all? No, in fact, here is what happened:

" Many of those who believed now came and openly confessed their evil deeds. A number who had practiced sorcery brought their scrolls together and burned them publicly. When they calculated the value of the scrolls, the total came to fifty thousand drachmas. In this way, the word of the Lord spread widely and grew in power."

A drachmas was a silver coin worth about a days wage. They burned up a LOT of money that day to the glory of the Lord, and that testimony caused His word to grow in power. How many other people are in glory today because of that bonfire? Are we so good, we are better than that? Are we so good, we can cling to our Harry Potter and Twilight and Stephen King books, and not only that, but give them to our children to read? Lord, have mercy on us...

Revelations 21:8 says "The cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, THOSE WHO PRACTICE MAGIC ARTS, the idolaters and all liars - their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur."

Jesus tell us over and over in the gospels that if we enjoy sin in our hearts, it's the same thing as if we have done it. And that any of us who cause a little child to sin - well, it would be better if someone tied a rock around our necks and cast us into the water...
If we read these books and enjoy them, does that mean we are guilty of actually doing it?

Here is a good motto: "Why would I watch or read for enjoyment, the sins that caused Jesus to die on the cross?

"Create in me a pure heart, o God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." Psalm 51:10

In Labor Again

2011-09-08T05:50:00.000-07:00

Children are a gift from God...like arrows in the hands of a warrior." Psalm 127

Yesterday, as I surveyed the mess I had made of the upstairs and tried to figure out what I was going to do with all this "stuff", I thought, "I'm 57 years old, and I'm in labor again!"

Only this time, I'm giving "birth" to an almost 15 year old and a 5 year old. I'm giving birth to children who are already related to us through the adoption of our son. I'm giving birth to an older girl I wanted to adopt seven years ago, and to her little sister.

Labor is what it feels like to me. My mind is swirling, my nesting instinct is in full gear. I'm making room for two more children to move into my house. We started classes this week to renew our adoption license, and they - and we - are hoping to fast track this and get the girls settled as soon as possible. I don't have nine months to think about how I'm going to do this. Chances are the girls will start spending some weekends with us next month, if all goes well.

We are going through a Christian agency this time, Arrow Child and Family Ministries, which is the agency that is in charge of these two children. The scripture at the beginning of this blog is their motto. Last time, we went through the Department of Family and Protective Services (better known to most of us as CPS) because that was who was in charge of my son.

As I sat in the first class Tuesday night, I realized how much nicer this is going to be. I watched the lady teaching the class, who had just prayed with us, and was emphasizing they only wanted Christian homes to take their children, and thought, she is not going to put a bunch of dirty words on the blackboard! That had happened to us last time. My son Gage had to attend that long ago class because he was over the age of 18 and still lived at home. I was horrified that it was this class they choose to list all the slang words young people who have been raised in undesirable, unprotective homes might use for the word "sex". Adults in the class who had never said a word in all the hours we had spent together suddenly became animated and were laughing, shouting out dirty, ugly words, as teacher wrote them down in big letters on the blackboard. And she asked my sheltered, homeschooled son if he didn't know more of them. And left the words there on the board for the rest of that long day.
I feel relatively certain that won't happen at this agency. Yes, I know we are going to have to talk about unseemly, sinful things, but I'm thinking we are going to be able to do that in a mature, more pure manner!

There are many things to think about. Will this be an open or closed adoption? Most people would advise us to close the adoption, but most of those have not adopted, and don't quite understand that while yes, it might be true that the family "doesn't deserve" to get to see the girls again, do the girls "deserve" to be separated from the family they love, even those who haven't really done anything to them? Most people haven't sat with a child who cries gut wrenching sobs because they can't see mommy and daddy and cousins or grandmas or brothers and sisters again. They don't realize that it isn't so much about whether the family "deserves" this, as it is about what the child himself needs to grow up mentally healthy and happy.
How would WE feel (and we are adults!) if we suddenly lost our entire family - EVERYONE we knew, and were thrown into a new family and expected to be grateful and happy?

So, I'm in labor again. While my mind is at rest with whether or not we will get to have these girls move in (although I do realize that many things can still happen, this is not a completely done deal), at this point, we are the family chosen for the two girls, and we all want them settled into their forever home as quickly as we can do that.

I've only just begun the realms of paperwork. We have only had one class. We are grateful for our new caseworker who seems to be just as nice and helpful as he can be, and who has agreed to do as many classes as he can at our home, to get us through this quickly. One on one classes means many less hours, and means Bill doesn't have take classes after working all day for weeks. I think I'm going to like this agency!

So, please pray for us, and especially pray for the two girls. Pray for my other children, as they have to share their mom and dad once again with more siblings. I have such good children. I am so proud of them. Even if they don't always approve of all this, they are always supportive and accepting.

As I said, it hasn't happened yet, and many things can still happen to throw a wrench in it. But I feel very blessed by God to even be considered for more of His arrows!

First Monday Trade Days at Canton

2011-09-04T14:15:00.000-07:00

So, I got left behind. Again...
I'm the one who has been wanting to go to the coast all summer. In fact, I've been wanting to go for two summers. But while the big kids and Bill have made at least three trips in the past two summers, I keep getting left home!

BIG sigh...

But handsome son Max saved the weekend for me - he took me and the three little ones to First Monday Trade Days at Canton!

We had SO. MUCH. FUN!

Even the night before was fun, when my house was once again filled with big boys. Gage, Max, Beau (who is always here) and grandson Marcus were all here. They ate pizza, made lots of noise and were just generally a joy to have around. It seemed almost like old times again!

The next morning, we all got up very early. Bill, Beau, Gage, Marcus and Mary Susannah all headed off for the coast, while Max, me, Angel-Leah, Luke and Tommy headed out at 6:30 in the morning for Canton.

I enjoyed it so much. We ate corny dogs and hamburgers, drank Lemonade and 7-ups, and SHOPPED. I got some amazing things, like this pretty prism hanging thing. I bought a spinner for it, so I can turn that on, and turns in the sunlight and throws off rainbows, or I can put a little candle in the base, and let it shine that way. I just love this!
Well, okay, the messy yard outside the window kind of spoils the picture, but if you are just looking at it without standing on a chair like I was doing to get the picture, you just see the sky behind it!

They had tables and tables full of linens. I got this table cloth for $5 for The Table:

And I got shams for $3 each to cover the old couch pillows:

I got lots of books for our homeschool. Most of them were $1, which made me VERY happy. No, these weren't textbooks. We only use one or two textbooks in our homeschool. For everything else, we read. I got Amelia Bedelia, a book about George Washington's mother, a book of children's poems, an old Cherry Ames Student Nurse book (I had the whole set as a little girl, but they got thrown out or given to the library or something somewhere along the way after I got married) and a lot of other books that I don't remember the titles of that the kids have carried off to look at. I think I got at least ten!

And then we arrived at the most important part of First Monday Trade Days - the animal section!

This is the main reason we went. I wanted the little kids to have something to take care of. The boys choose ducks, and Angel-Leah wanted rabbits. We found six Peking ducks for Tommy (who could not believe I was really doing this "just for" him!) six Muscovy ducks for Luke, and a mini lop ear for Angel-Leah. We hunted everywhere for a mate for the rabbit, but they were all out.
Guess we will just have to go back next month, huh??

Soon, very hot, but very happy, we loaded it all back up in the car and headed home.

I don't know how many of you have ever experienced driving for two hours with a car full of barnyard animals, but it's a smell you will never forget...

This was in a cage in the back of my car:

Tommy and Luke opted to keep two in a small cage in their laps. Angel-Leah held her rabbit in a Dr. Pepper box. It scratched all the way home. Until I realized that's what I was hearing, I thought I was having engine trouble again!

We made it home, lugged the animals out of the car, and got them into cages. Is this a happy boy, or what?

And here's the happy boy again with his happy brother:

And a happy girl:

I really wanted a picture of handsome Max, but he refused to let me take his picture. I told him if he didn't pose for me, I would just take a picture of him walking away. He kept going. So here's the picture, I always make good on my threats:

But let me tell you, this is one good son!!

So my little ones are set for the weekend. The first thing Tommy did when he woke up this morning just after 7 was head outside to check on his ducks. I finally dragged him and Luke in about twenty minutes before we had to leave for church, at which time Luke realized he had not eaten breakfast. He scarfed down a piece of left over pizza just as we headed out the door.

But we made it before the first song was over, and now they are back outside, taking care of their animals and building yet another clubhouse.
My big white dog is due to have puppies today, so they are also hoping to get to watch that event.
I'm going to lay on the couch and read a book for the rest of the afternoon.

And dream of what I'm going to buy at Canton next month. I'm taking the truck this time!!

The internet

2011-08-25T06:25:00.000-07:00

We had a visitor at church Sunday, and he gave the devotional. One thing he said really got through to me: I can't remember the quote exactly, but he said that with all our electronic gadgets, God can hardly get through any more. Our minds are filled with beeping, ringing, flashing screens...

I had actually been thinking it for a while. It tends to creep up on me, so many fun and worthwhile places to be a part of. It's not hard to find a ministry of types on the internet, and it certainly fulfills my desire to write. But once in a while, I need to step back from it, look at what I'm doing, and let some things go.

I've let the computer fill up too much of my time, I knew that before the preacher spoke. I had already let go of some things - When my small job writing parenting articles for Associated Content was lost in the site's revamping, I decided to quit trying to write articles so much. It brought a little bit of money, but not enough to justify the time I spent on it.

And then there were some of the sites I've joined. I have been on three internet groups, and even inherited the ownership of one, an adoption group. This group has all three members of the "triad" on it: the birthmothers, the adoptive mothers and the adoptees themselves. But once I became owner, I realized just how much fighting went on on that group. Because when two mothers - usually a birthmother and an adoptive mother - came up against each other, I was the one that got all the private messages, wanting me to sort it out. Most of the time, it wasn't clear to me who was right and who was wrong...some groups are private and some groups are open where anyone can see what people write. Drama or hurt feelings from one group ended up spilling over onto our group. I just couldn't sort it all out, and that made some people pretty angry...it wasn't long before the group wasn't a lot of fun anymore.
Which made me sad, because this was the group that taught me that all you hear about adoption really isn't true...Birthmothers actually hurt like crazy and never get over the loss their children, whether they voluntarily relinquished them or lost them to the state. I learned that it isn't good to hide things from adoptees until they are grown, it's better if they just grow up knowing their own 'truths'. That you don't tell your child their first mothers loved them so much they gave them up, because in the child's mind, what if you end up loving the them that much, too? That no matter how hard an adoptive mother tries to make a "new" life for her adopted child, there are issues with adoption that just aren't found with birth children, and you need to educate yourself if you want to raise a mentally sound person.
All that was good, but the anger that spilled over at times from this emotionally charged group wasn't good, at least not for me.
I fit better on the foster/adoption group. I am also an administrator there, but not the owner, so the brunt of the group doesn't fall on me. And the emotions don't run so high there; the group is most just foster or adoptive mothers giving support, advice and passing on knowledge and resources to each other. There is hardly ever a show of anger. Another good group is 'adoption from adoptees point of view', which I like, because I get to listen too and ask questions of adoptees.

Changing my internet provider last week made it easy to pick and choose which things I wanted to keep and which things I would let go. There was suddenly a lot less mail in my inbox.
And that was okay, but I decided for even more drastic measures...I decided that I would get up early in the morning, and that would be my time to write. I would work on my book then, check my groups and anything else I wanted to look at, but once my family began to wake up, I would turn the computer off. Not just get out of my chair, I would turn it off. And it would stay off all day until the kids went to bed. Then, if I wasn't too tired myself, I would turn it back on to write, check emails and my groups. But for the whole day, it would be off.

I already knew that the computer could be an addiction, but I was surprised to find that I was using it as a stress reliever. If the house got loud, if the kids fought, if I just finished a big housework duty, I found my eyes looking towards the room the computer was in, and the urge to go check things "just for a minute" was VERY strong. I was using the computer as an escape, a place where I could zone out and relax for a few minutes - which easily could turn into quite a few minutes...
The second day was easier, although when Gage used my computer a few minutes and didn't turn it off, I did check up on my emails, because I had put my goats on Craigslist and wanted to see if I had gotten an response.
The third day wasn't hard. I didn't seem to look towards the computer so much. One thing I noticed, though, was that I had grown used to having all the answers to anything I was wondering about at my fingertips. So I sat a piece of paper by the keyboard, and if there was something I wanted to know, or something I just remembered I needed to do, I wrote it down so I wouldn't forget when I finally had my computer time. Often, I find when I sit down at my desk that I'm either not interested in or don't need those things anymore.

I know many people totally live without the internet, and I could, too. But it does make life for a stay at home mom easier. I bank and shop online. It's a good place to find resources for homeschooling. If I just have a quick thing to say, I can send off an email with a few words, where a phone call will probably keep me tied up for a while once I get talking. Facebook is nice for keeping up with the lives of some of my grandchildren, and I've reconnected with a lot of people, including some from my childhood and young married years.

I've always said the internet should be a tool, not a source of entertainment. It's dangerous in many ways if you don't control it, but so are a lot of things. The state of our hearts with God determines whether we get in trouble or not. I don't "surf" the web just to see what I can find. We have a good filter on the laptops the children use. What I am learning these days is not to use the computer as a way to zone out, or relieve stress.

My mind is clearer and I've gotten more done when I don't run in to check on something "just for a minute"!

Homeschooling the Auditory Learner

2011-08-23T19:52:00.000-07:00

One of the beautiful things about homeschooling is that you personally know your child and can tailor their education to fit the way they learn the best. Your child is not stuck in a classroom with twenty other children who are all taught the same way, facing forward in a hard chair for hours every day as a teacher lectures them.

I have learned that Angel-Leah is an auditory learner. Her birth grandmother gave her a box of Bible and character building cassette tapes, and she loves to spend hours just listening. Only seven years old, she has gained a wealth of Bible memory, learning about Minor Prophets and obscure Bible stories that even I didn’t know well. She recently discovered a tape about D. L. Moody and is fascinated by him. She’s listened to her tape over and over and challenged her college aged brother with facts about him. I found a book at Goodwill on his life for fifty cents, and bought it for her. This wasn’t a child’s book, but she drank in every word as I read it to her, comparing what was told in this book with what she had learned on her tapes.

As my older children were growing up, I played a lot of CD’s for them. One son, who just graduated from law school, told me that when he started college and had to write papers, the simple CD on grammar I had played for him ran through his mind all the time, and helped him a lot. You can find this CD and more at http://www.audiomemory.com/index.php.

This site has many great CD’s: geography, Bible, math, history, states and capitals and more. We used, and still use the math CD’s quite a bit. I plan on getting more of these for my little auditory learner as she goes along.

For Bible and character building, The Your Story Hour CD's are wonderful and are Angel-Leah's favorites. She has learned so much history with these tapes (CD’s now) that I plan to buy more. I can’t say enough about these wonderful stories. They are a blessing!

Discovery Toys has another really nice CD for younger children. The Sounds like Learning CD, found at is one that we’ve used over and over. It teaches many things, months of the year, days of the week, counting, addition, nursery rhymes. My little ones love it, and it’s even nice for me to listen too, as the voice of the singer on this CD is very pleasant.

Using CD’s and tapes in your homeschool is a good idea. It takes some of the load off mommy, and children learn without realizing it!