raley family's farm

Evangelism

2022-08-15T08:58:00.000-07:00

You are the light of the world. (Matthew 5:14)

I heard it again. Someone unhappy at their church, maybe leaving because "this church isn't evangelistic enough."

It makes me really sad, because I couldn't help but think "why are you waiting for them?? Go be evangelistic yourself!" And he is, but maybe what he is wanting is unrealistic?

Come on, I thought...Did Paul wait until a whole church was ready to get up and go evangelize with him before he went out? No, he had a few good men who went with him. The people at home gave their money to support him. I don't think they were doing nothing at home, they were likely evangelizing in their own little sphere, their neighborhoods, their circles, their homes. Some of us were meant for great, showy things. Most of us were meant for quiet witnessing. But ALL of us are meant to serve in some way. None of us are meant to be do-nothings.

Don't leave your beautiful church behind because you think they aren't doing enough. Look at your own doorstep. What are YOU doing? If no one will go with you, YOU go anyway. Quit blaming other people for a lack you see. YOU get up and take care of it.

You may inspire someone. Maybe they will decide that they DO want to go with you. Maybe you will inspire them to get on with the thing God has been trying to get them to do, but they were scared and sure they weren't good enough.

Maybe there are churches where every single person is involved in a great work. That is so amazing. You are a very, very blessed person to have found a church like that. Because the Bible tells us the way is narrow and few find it.

Keep witnessing. Make sure your own light is shining. Be the change they want to see. If no one will go with you, go anyway.

Do something yourself and quit worrying about what other people are doing. In a huge church, maybe there will be 5 or 10 people who catch your vision. That's okay, go with those 5 or 10. Or 2. Or 3.

Just know, it's not likely you are going to find that perfect church. Because it's built up of people just like you and me. Imperfect, and everyone having their own dream, their own vision. God gave us all different gifts.

Just keep on with yours.

This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples. (John 15:8)

2022-02-21T07:29:00.002-08:00

HOLINESS

…let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness our of reverence for God. (2 Corinthians 7:1)

Yesterday at church, our pastor continued on his teaching on 1 Peter. Since 1 Peter is one of my favorite books of the Bible, I have been enjoying these sermons.

He preached on Chapter 1:13-25 and pointed out “mandates” for pleasing God. I have read this chapter

many times, but it was interesting to actually look at it as a list.

The mandates: Prepare your mind for action. Keep sober in spirit. Fix your hope completely on the

grace of God. Do not be conformed to your former lusts. Be holy in all your behavior. Conduct

yourselves in fear during the time of you stay on earth. Fervently love one another from the heart.

The one that struck me the most out of this passage was “be holy.” The whole of that sentence in verse

14-15 is: “As obedient children, do not be conformed to the former lust which were yours in your

ignorance, but like the Holy One who called you, be holy yourselves also in all your behavior, because

it is written, ‘you shall be holy, for I am holy.’”

I looked up the definition of holy online and found this from the KJV Dictionary: “Applied to human beings, holiness is purity of heart or dispositions, sanctified affections; piety; moral; moral goodness, but not perfect.”

One scripture that you just can’t get around in regard to holiness is Hebrews 12:14: “Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy, without holiness no one will see the Lord.” That about says it all, doesn't it?

So, it’s good to pray this prayer: “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalms 139:23-24)

How do we go about perfecting holiness? Not that we will ever attain it here on this earth, but it does seem obvious that we are to pursue it.

“And a highway will be there; it will be called the Way of Holiness: it will be for those who walk on that Way. The unclean will not journey on it, wicked fools will not go about on it.” (Isaiah 35:8)

The unclean and the wicked. That’s not us, right?

There are two places in the Bible that tell us the sins that will keep us out of heaven.

Galatians 5:19-21: “Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, envying, drunkenness, carousing and things like these, of which I forewarn you, just as I have forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.”

Revelation 21:8: “But the cowardly and unbelieving and abominable and murderers and immoral persons, and sorcerers and idolaters and all liars, their part will be in the lake that burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death.”

While we WILL slip up at times, for the most part, those of us who claim Jesus’s name wouldn’t do these things, especially on a regular basis, right?

But what about our entertainment? Do we enjoy these sins in our books and movies? Remember what Jesus said in Matthew 5:28: looking lustfully at someone means we have already committed adultery with them in our heart. Would that apply to these other sins also?

In other words, why would we read or watch for entertainment the sins that caused Jesus to die on the cross?

I write this because I recently fell below the standard, I have set for myself.

I don’t read things with profanity in them, because reading and hearing profanity on a regular basis

means I begin to hear those words in my head in reaction to certain things. I try very hard to keep my

mind clean.

But last month, I went through another bout with covid, and immediately afterwards, I got a massive

toothache that was even worse than covid. So, I was pretty much down for about two weeks. The 'on

the couch all day' kind of down. To pass the time, I read books on kindle. Now, I do love paper books,

but I also love kindle, because I can get books immediately, and I can ready them in the dark. The

downside to kindle is that you can’t flip through them first to see if they are clean. As I lay on the couch, I

downloaded books and in my tired, sick, hurt state, I read a book that had profanity, and another that

wasn’t as clean as I usually insist on.

And it did something to me.

The next thing I knew, I was considering a movie, that according to IMBD, was a Christian movie, but had

a brief glance of male nudity. I thought, well, the kids are teenagers now, and they could probably see

that without damage.

As soon as those thoughts went through my mind, God chastised me…

And I knew, what am I thinking?? Why would I put that before my own eyes or that of my teenaged

daughter?

Forgive me, God, I have gotten off track. I will get right back on track. Forgive me.

So, I now have a renewed sense of getting back to holiness. Which is why hearing 1 Peter 1 talk about holiness yesterday made me feel happy to be clean again.

Psalm 101:2-3 I will be careful to lead a blameless life - when will you come to me? I will conduct the affairs of my house with a blameless heart. I will not look with approval on anything that is vile. I hate what faithless people do; I will have no part of it.

And always remember Hebrews 12:14: “without holiness, no one will see the Lord.”

2022-01-31T19:15:00.003-08:00

VISIONS

Well this road will be hard
But we win in the end
Simply because of Jesus in us
It's not if but when
So take joy in the journey
Even when it feels long
Oh find strength in each step
Knowing heaven is cheering you on

(Almost Home, by Mercy Me

"He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. (Micah 6:8)

Recently, someone was telling me that when they were younger, they believed you could make life perfect. If they just made the perfect cup of coffee, decorated the perfect house, and had a wonderful marriage (something along those lines), then life would be perfect. But recently, they realized that life would never be perfect. That people are mean, and life is hard…

I thought this was profound, and I thought about it for several days...

And you know, the Bible tells us that very thing she was realizing:

...though now for a little while, you have been grieved by various trials… 1 Peter 1:6

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds. James 1:2

Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. 1 Peter 4:12

And one of my favorites:

In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted...

2 Timothy 3:11

Why is this my favorite? Because I think it says it all.

Have you ever had what you felt like was a calling from God? You are certain you heard him, and what you heard from him lines up with scripture. You begin to follow through on that calling, and it seems so glorious to be working with God on a vision he has given you. But after a while, you hit a brick wall. This is too hard. You begin to doubt your calling. Maybe you never really heard from God after all. Maybe it was always just something you wanted to do, anyway?

This recently happened to me. I hit a brick wall so hard, I began to doubt I ever had any calling on my life in the first place. That it was always just "me," and not God. I had just missed the mark, and now everything was a mess, and it was all my fault. I don’t know that I have ever cried so much in my entire life, and my life has had a lot of tears. I despaired, even while I stood on my feet and tried to muddle through the mess and do the right thing.

I sought some counseling from several people.

And God got through my muddled mind.

A calling from God is no picnic. Satan does NOT like visions from God. He will throw in every wrench he has to mess it up. It’s called spiritual warfare, and we need to study this and realize this is going on over our heads even as I write this and you read it.

Maybe you were rebellious in your teens and in your young adult life and you really messed things up. But God got ahold of you and showed you what life could be like, you accepted it and life is changing, and you are beginning to reap from the GOOD things you are newly sowing. But there is always someone there, reminding you of the mess you used to be and how you will never be anything but that mess, and it's gets you so, so discouraged...

Maybe you feel like God has asked you to homeschool your large family when it would be so much easier to just put the kids in the local public school around the corner. It's hard, and there is always someone telling you that your children will never amount to anything, that you are ruining them by homeschooling them, and sometimes, in your weaker moments, you wonder if it's true...

Maybe you are caretaking elderly parents, and you are tired, and your get maligned and accused of false motives...

Maybe you are the guardian, foster parent or adoptive parent of a traumatized child. You know this child was created in the image of God, and you KNOW God has big things planned for them. But working through the trauma together is hard, and it comes out in a lot of messy ways. And there is always someone pointing a finger and blaming YOU... (But hang in there, because the end result is beautiful!! I know from experience!)

Maybe your husband just got elected to an office, and suddenly your family is under a microscope...

Insert your own hard calling from God...

Mamas, this is Satan, trying to throw you off track. Don't let him. Don't give up. Keep putting one weary foot in front of the other and keep running this race. Endure to the end, because there is a reward coming. Maybe you won't even see that reward in this lifetime, but if God has given you a vision, and he will, and he does, because he created all of us for a purpose, that reward will come, one way or another, at one time or another.

...I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle, be patient, bearing with one another in love. Eph. 4:1-5

Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God's grace in its various form. 1 Peter 4:10

You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide... John 15:16

Almost home, Brother, it won't be long.

Soon all your burdens will be gone.

With all your strength, sister, run wild, run free.

Hold up your head, keep pressing on.

We are almost home.

On Dogs, Toddlers, and Big Sisters

2019-10-22T06:06:00.002-07:00

God made the wild animals according to their kinds...and God saw that it was good. (Genesis 1:24)

They say Yorkies imprint on one person. I have certainly found that to be true with my little dog, Teddy. He is the most timid dog I have ever seen, and I am his favorite, and only, person. Oh, he will tolerate Selah if I am not around, because she is quiet and calm and will sit for hours petting him while she reads. But I am Teddy's refuge. When he eats, he grabs a bite, runs to me and chews, runs back and grabs a bite, runs back to me and chews...
When I went to Virginia last month, they tell me he laid by the back door the entire time, waiting for me to come home. For days afterwards, if I walked outside and didn't take him, he went crazy, barking at the door, wanting me to come back, afraid I was leaving him again.

Just like a toddler...

I am 65 years old. I have been "hands on" parenting minors now for almost 45 years, much, much longer than most people. By the time my youngest child is grown, I will be 71 years old. It's been glorious, but I can see it coming to an end, and it makes me sad. Yes, I have the most beautiful grandbabies, but as any grandma will tell you, while it's a fun thing to be a grandma, it's different from being a mother. Not better, not worse, just different. Grandbabies have a mother, and you are not it. You get to indulge: in my case, be the grandma who sneaks sprinkles into the toddler's hand while mommy isn't looking. Now, he just needs to learn to be sneaky about bringing the sprinkles, so mommy doesn't see and say no...

So imagine my surprise when my little dog began to show signs of being a toddler! And my teenage daughter, Angel-Leah, showed signs of being the older sibling who loves to torment the younger sibling, because, as she says, 'he loves you too much, and you are my mommy!'

I was quietly standing in my bedroom yesterday when I was hit by a 7 pound tornado. I looked down to find Teddy on his hind legs, front paws wrapped around me, his head on my thigh, looking up with big brown eyes under a mop of hair (I should really groom this dog more often), pleading for rescue. I picked him up just as 16 year old Angel-Leah burst in behind him, falling on my bed and laughing hysterically. Teddy stared at her calmly from my arms with a look of "haha, Mommy has me now!"
"Why are you being mean to my sweet little dog?" I chided. Between gasps of laughter, she described the chase. She jumped at him, chased him through the living room where he collided with a chair and didn't stop, around my 9 1/2 foot long kitchen table, through the bathroom where he caught a glimpse of me in the bedroom and skidded to a stop as he made a sharp turn, running like a rocket to me.
"It was so funny!" she declared.

And I remembered big sisters who tormented little sisters, telling them the white squiggly line on Hostess cupcakes was angel writing, and the angels would get mad if she ate it, then eating it off her sisters plate later. Older brothers who tormented little brothers, hanging their personal items on the ceiling fan where they went around and around, around and around. Big brothers who tormented their little sister, hanging her dolls from the balcony of her dollhouse, putting the baby in the dollhouse toilet, calling her "America" and making her cry (I never could figure that one out...)

Now I have big "sisters" teasing the family dog, because she can, I guess.

Maybe my toddler days aren't over, after all. Because, just like grandkids, Teddy has a mother, and I am it!

monthly meal plan

2019-09-05T07:14:00.000-07:00

I recently posted on facebook that I had spent the day making a total of 16 meals for the freezer. I got a lot of comments on that, and many people wanted my recipes. Most of them are Trim Healthy Mama and Brianna Thomas recipes, which are copyrighted so I shouldn't post them, but they are not hard to find on pinterest or on the websites of these ladies. And really, if you are going to do monthly meals, at least in the beginning, you should use recipes that are already tried and true for your family. It would be terrible to make a lot of meals, only to find your kids hate them!
What I will do is tell you what I did:

I spent four weeks in South Korea a couple of months ago, taking care of a son who had had complications from surgery. On one of his bad days, when he spent most of his time sleeping, I decided to allow myself as much time as I wanted looking at blogs and websites on frugal and healthy living. It wasn't something I want to do often, but I must say I really enjoyed that day, and I took a lot of notes.
One thing I found on monthly meal planning was to think of 20 meals that your family really enjoys eating, then write down all the ingredients you would need to make those, and there is your grocery list. So, while I sat there that day, that's what I did.
Since I try to stay gluten and sugar free, those are the recipes I listed. I had been using them for a while, so I know which ones the kids like and don't like. I have a little meal planning notebook I bought at Michael's that helped a lot (and it's always more fun when you have something cute to use for these things).
Recently, a few blogs I follow talked about freezer meals. I used to do that a lot, but hadn't in a while. I decided to try again.
I went to the Walmart grocery site, and ordered a month's worth of groceries. Then the next morning, very early before my kids are normally awake, I went to the store and picked them up (this is a great plus of your kiddos growing up, you can leave them asleep while you run errands. I had told them the night before I was doing this. They were FINE with that! 😁 )

Once home with my groceries, I spread it all out of the table, and got started. I had picked about five meals that we will have once a week or less, depending on what's going on that week. We have junk food night where I usually buy pizza or fast food hamburgers, and Sunday nights are more snacks. Lunches are usually left overs.

I won't kid you, it was a LOT of work. I fried, boiled, baked and mixed all day, from about 10 in the morning til 3 in the afternoon. It wasn't unpleasant, just hard. I also homeschooled while doing this, but again, my children are older and mostly work on their own. I was just there to put the passwords in the computers and answer questions where needed, like "If I read this whole book (the Jungle Book) can we watch the movie?" Answer: Yes.
I tried to wash dishes as I went. One bonus of cooking this way is you can just rinse pots, pans and mixing bowls and use them over and over.

I used my own pans and also bought a very cheap pack of aluminum pans at Walmart, 10 for $5. And yes, if we don't destroy them, I will wash them and reuse them.
I wrapped in cling wrap then in foil. I sure don't want my meals ruined because they become freezer burned.

The key is, just keep at it. Your back will hurt and you will get tired, but once you are done, you have a freezer full of good meals, you won't be tempted to run for take out, and you will likely eat healthier.
The only thing you have to do is remember to set your meal out to defrost in the fridge the night before!!

keto diet, in detail

2018-01-04T13:41:00.001-08:00

A man without self control is like a city broken into and left without walls. Proverbs 25:28

I have had a lot of people lately ask me to explain to them how the keto diet works, since I have had success with it. While people do it different ways, I thought I would just explain how "I" did it. I encourage you to research it yourself to find what will work for you and your lifestyle. There is so much online, it will be very easy.

As I wrote in another blog post, I was becoming an overweight, achy, tired older mom. I hurt so much, I didn't want to do anything, and that's not good when you have a houseful of young people becoming teenagers. I was spending a lot of time at the chiropractor. I was taking up to 6 ibuprofen a day, plus other pain relievers. I thought it was something I would have to live with, just a fact of hitting my 60's.
Then I saw the picture of myself, from behind.

To say I was horrified is an understatement. I googled my BMI, and found that for my small body (about 4 feet 10 inches, and small framed) the 124 pounds I weighed was over into obesity. Not much, but over. And the picture told me it was true.

I started off with Atkins, but googling things soon led me to keto. I researched, and started.

Basically, here is what the keto diet entails: you eat 5% carbs, 20% protein, and 75% fat. Yes, it's hard to believe eating that much fat works, but it does. Research will tell you the science behind it, I won't get into all that here.
The 5% carbs should come from nonstarchy vegetables. No more bread, no more pasta, absolutely NO SUGAR. No white rice. The rice was hard for me, because I dearly love it.
Eat lots of full fat hamburger meat. The skin on the chicken. Pour cream into your coffee or tea, lots of it. Put butter, real butter, not margarine, on everything. Xylitol is a wonderful sweetner. Be careful, though, too much will keep you running to the bathroom. I mix it with stevia, and it works well.

When I began, I didn't worry about calories, because everything said I shouldn't have too. I logged into myfitnesspal. I went to goals, and then edit, and I put in the above: 5% carbs, 20% protein, and 75% fat. Every morning, I went online, and logged in everything I wanted to eat that day. Then I fine tuned it. If I had too many carbs, I adjusted. Not enough fat? I adjusted.
Many people tell me that's too much trouble, and they don't want to do that. My thoughts are: how successful do you want to be? It took less than maybe 5 minutes in the morning to do this.

In the beginning, the weight dropped off swiftly. I knew from research that at first, it was going to be water weight, but hey, any drop on the scales was encouraging. I lost a lot the first month, then it began to slow. After two months, it slowed enough that I decided to trim the calories a bit. I googled how many calories it would take to maintain my goal weight, which I decided would be 100 pounds. Then I went back to myfitnesspal, goals, edit, and changed the calories to 1200.
The weight began to drop again, and after two more months, I was at my 100 pound goal weight. The last came off slowly. One thing I learned with keto, is that you can have what everyone calls a "whoosh," which is no weight loss for a while, then a sudden drop of several pounds over a day or so.

Here are a few things to watch for:
The first week is VERY hard. Sugar cravings are strong, carb cravings are strong. But after a week, two at the most, you will find that you don't really want them anymore. In fact, you will have to make yourself eat, because you lose your appetite. All the fat you are eating makes you very full.
You will need a LOT of water. Remember, you are losing water weight, especially in the beginning. At night, I would wake up, so dry mouthed and dry eyed, it almost hurt. I began to keep a quart jar of water next to my bed, and took sips during the night. That took care of that.
There is a thing called keto flu. I never got it, but a lot of people do that first two weeks. I am told licking salt will help.

Here are a couple of more things I learned:

Forget most of the "copycat" keto recipes. You can't have bread. I never found a copycat recipe that tasted like bread. It might look like bread, and feel like bread, and maybe you can make a sandwich out of it, but anything made mostly out of eggs and almond flour tastes just like that, eggs and almond flour. I couldn't fool myself into thinking it was bread. It was yucky. Maybe you will like it, I didn't.
I wasted a lot of money in the beginning, trying copycat recipes and keto recipes. My dogs got most of it. There are a few that are good, but not many. Fathead pizza and chicken crust pizza are good. I finally quit looking at keto recipes, and just ate real food. Meat, by itself, or over salads. Lots of cheese. Eggs and bacon. Just eat real food the way it's supposed to be eaten. If you want a sandwich, crunchy Romaine leaves make amazing sandwiches. Even my 11 year old daughter eats them that way sometimes now. She says the crunch makes them so good.
I did learn that Trim Healthy Mama "S" recipes work pretty well on the keto diet. Not the "E"'s though. Many of them are already logged into myfitnesspal. If they aren't, go to "recipes" and add in the one you want. Then you can log it, and find out how many carbs it has.

Once the weight was off, I began to think I could maintain just by watching calories, and bring bread and sugar back into my diet. So I reworked myfitnesspal, adding more carbs, but keeping the calories the same. I actually dropped off two more pounds, which is where I have maintained, about 98 pounds, even over Thanksgiving and Christmas. But the inflammation came back. I began to ache again. My headaches came back. So, back on keto I went.

As my weight dropped off, I continued to wear my old clothes for a while. One of my rewards was that when I got to 110 pounds, I would buy some new things. So no one noticed the weight loss in the beginning. But when I bought clothes that fit, people began to really notice, and they all thought I had lost it all suddenly, and they cautioned me and rebuked me. They were sure I was sick, or that I was hurting myself. But I knew how hard I had worked for weeks. My long, loose dresses were hiding it.
I have had to buy a whole new wardrobe, as all my old things swamped me or fell off, nearly 30 pounds later. Remember, 30 pounds on me is like much more on a taller, larger person. I got rid of almost all of my old clothes, so the weight couldn't creep back up on me.

So, there you have it all, in a nutshell. I highly encourage you to log into my fitnesspal. I don't think I could have done this without it. I encourage you to research, and learn what works for you. And most of all, I encourage you NOT TO CHEAT. Each time you do, you throw yourself out of ketosis, and basically you will be starting over.

If I left anything out, let me know, and I will add it to this post.

You can do it!!

2017-11-07T15:30:00.000-08:00

Proverbs 28:27 Whoever gives to the poor will not want, but he who hides his eyes will get many a curse.

This morning, as I was up at 6, making a meal for the soup kitchen in Cleburne ( I adore the time change that helps me get up cheerful in the early hours) looking forward to going there, my mind drifted to some things I have heard people say about feeding the poor, giving to the needy, helping people in trouble, and so on. I thought about the sweet things people say and those who donate - in fact, my church had donated left over food from the auction we had just had for this meal. So much food that all I needed to do was add cheese and cream to the potatoes, and cook some more meat to add to the barbecue they had left over. Another friend had donated fried pies and lots and lots of cookies. I was pretty set except for the putting it together.

But I also remembered some things people have said that made me cringe. I remembered a time in my life when our family went through a money crash, and what it felt like to not have enough money.
I thought about the people who come to eat at the soup kitchen I work in at least once a month, and how I have come to really care about some of them. Which makes it all the harder to hear less than kind things. So I will jump right in here, and talk about it.

One thing I hear a lot is "beggars can't be choosers" when it come to the meal. I think that's a wrong attitude. I loved what the pastor of the soup kitchen church said to me the first time I worked there. He told me, "We ask them to sit down. We have table cloths on the table. We want them to feel like they are in a restaurant, that they are special, and so we serve them the meal." It sets the tone for everything.

I offered to come on the fifth Tuesday if they didn't have anyone, and the pastor told me to come on ahead. But when I did, there was already another lady there with food. She was not happy to see me. She kept telling me that the last Tuesday of the month was HER day.
But someone else who works at the church told me that the Tuesday before, no one had showed up with a meal, and I figured out right away what was wrong. Sometimes there are five Tuesdays in a month, and if the last Tuesday is her day, then the fourth Tuesday on those months would not have anyone.
But as we worked together, it was pretty clear she didn't have enough food for the 60 or so meals we usually serve. She told me she just went around to stores and asked them to donate to the kitchen, and then she made whatever was donated. If it wasn't enough, she tried to pull from the food pantry that was there. She felt like "beggars can't be choosers" she told me, so they just got what she got for free, and should be happy with it. If there wasn't enough, well...
After we served, I went in to the pastor, and told him that maybe I shouldn't come on this day, since they already had someone to make meals. He told me, "I knew she was coming, but bless her heart, we run out of food on the day she comes."
I tried to help her that day to understand about how much food she needed to bring. I don't know how it's gone since then for her.

Which brings us to the matter of what to serve. When we serve the hungry, should we just bring the cheapest food we can? What ever we can get for free? Of course, our own finance's will dictate how much we can spend. But what should our attitude be?
Well, let's look at what the Bible says:

Luke 14:12-14 "When you put on a luncheon or a banquet, don't invite your friends, brothers, relatives, and rich neighbors. For they will invite you back, and that will be your reward. Instead, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame and the blind. Then at the resurrection of the righteous, God will reward you for inviting those who could not repay you."

So if you are going to feed the poor, try and give them a banquet.

I remember another time, years ago, helping at a church clothes closet. As we arranged the clothes, I commented on how awful they looked, stained, ragged, ugly, cheap. The lady who was in charge got kind of mad at me, and quoted to me once again, "Beggars can't be choosers."

I think, if we are going to donate, let's donate good stuff. Repair it, try and get the stains out. Give as much dignity to people as you can.

Another time, I listened to someone fuss about helping at pregnancy centers. "I don't understand why they give these moms all this new stuff." She said. "Why isn't garage sale stuff good enough for someone in this situation?"

Which made me remember...

Once, many years ago, our family had a financial crash. We lost our house and our car. I had a baby, my third, and I thought he was way more beautiful than any other baby. But we were so broke, and I didn't have the money to buy him many things. I had two nice overalls for him to wear to church, and when you go Sunday morning, Sunday night and Wednesday night, plus working at the churches mother's day out program, that's not a lot of clothes. I changed out the shirt each time to try and make it look like he was wearing something different. I looked with great sinful envy at the other mothers who had lots of cute clothes for their babies, and I felt bad about not being about to give him much. One day when a nice man who didn't mean anything said to me, "I never see that baby wear anything but overalls," I went home and cried.

During this same time, another friend gave the clothes her daughter had outgrown to my preteen daughter. This family had a lot of money, and many of the clothes were designer brands. My daughter wore them happily - in the beginning. But this girl was soon quick to let all the other girls at school know that my daughter would have nothing to wear if it weren't for her hand-me-downs. That stung...that hurt. My daughter was embarrassed.

Attitude can be everything...

In a world where there are children with NOTHING to wear, these things were a very small matter. But I know the feeling of wanting nice, new things for your baby and your growing daughter. There isn't anything wrong with garage sale items, I shop thrift stores and garage sales all the time. But let's not begrudge a new mama who chose life either really nice garage sale things, or new, if we can. Her baby is special, too.

That same baby in the overalls grew into a teenager, and at the park once, he saw a man digging through the trash, picking out food. He was upset, and asked if he could make a sandwich for the man. I said yes, and he proceeded to make the biggest, fatest sandwich I had ever seen, much bigger than the one he had just eaten. He took it to the man digging in the trash, who quickly said he was just looking for food for his dog, but we saw him go off to a tree and eat it.
I have never been prouder of my son than I was that day.

So give, in whatever way God calls you to give, because God calls ALL of us to give to the poor. Give out of your abundance, not the stuff you are going to throw away, anyway. I have a sign on my wall that my sister gave me that says "I saw that - God."

He sees what we do. Let's honor him!

Luke 6:38 "Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full - pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back."

Feingold, again

2017-10-31T17:05:00.000-07:00

 So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.   1 Corinthians 10:31

Our family is going back to the all natural, "Feingold diet" to help one of my kiddos again.  We- well, I - bagged up all the left over cereal, granola bars, and chocolate syrup and tossed it.  I put all white flour and sugar on a top shelf that needs a ladder to reach it.  I am determined to do this, and help my child without medication if it's at all possible.

We were already basically on this diet because of how I have been eating.  What's changed is that I won't be buying anything AT ALL with corn syrup and artificial coloring's and preservatives anymore,  once again.

So the kids were lamenting this (no more candy, no more ice cream, we are going to die of a boring diet) - especially the one who has caused this change -  while we drove to the bank, where, of COURSE, they gave them a large bag of chocolate for Halloween, which we take no part in, anyway!  The kids were delighted.  This is your last hurrah, I told them. Eat it and be done.

We went to the Family Nutrition Store to buy supplements.  While standing in one place in the isle, I saw no less than THREE friends.  I hardly knew who to talk to, but I saw friend Rebecca first, so I talked to her.  Then I went to friend Sarah, who was in the isle I wanted, the children's supplements.  As we caught up, she suddenly said, "You have lost a LOT of weight!"

Oh, yeah!  I had forgotten how I must have changed since the last time I saw her.  20% of my body weight gone IS a lot...

I am grateful that I have been able to maintain this new weight.  I have been carefully adding back a few things.  Tonight, I was COLD and tired, and since I had hardly had any carbs all day, I ate a small bowl of oatmeal with blueberries for dinner, and a cup of hot ginger lemon tea.  I haven't had oatmeal in over six months, and it tasted wonderful!  

I put on my warm PJ's early ( no visitors tonight, please), and I plan to crochet and read the night away, while other people are out celebrating Halloween.  I am thankful to live at the end of a long country road, far away from all that activity.

Maybe I will have more ginger lemon tea!  With Xylitol, instead of sugar!

God is light, and there is no darkness in Him.  1 John 1:5

2017-10-29T14:21:00.001-07:00

Frugal Living and "Alms giving"

Your prayers and your alms have come up for a memorial before God. Acts 10:4

Several years back, I read the book "Irresistible Revolution" by Shaine Claiborne (son Spencer says he is a pacifist hippie in dreadlocks, but I think he's cut his hair lately ☺). The book changed my whole way of thinking. It sat beside my bed for years, and I reread it often. I still read parts of it once in a while.
In the book, Mr. Claiborne points out over and over what Jesus says about caring for the poor. It seems God talks to me about that subject a lot. I know there are different ways God has us to serve, and he is faithful to let us know. I am still trying to know what he is saying, and how he wants me to play out this thing he talks to me about in real life. He may be talking to you about something completely different.

I remember in that first couple of weeks after Bill died, the great fear I had of how I was going to support my six children still left at home, since we had no insurance and no savings. I remember sitting on the bed and crying because I didn't know what to do. That was a time when the impact of giving hit home hard. That first six weeks, until Social Security began to come, the children and I had no income - except for the giving of others. And give they did. Into my hands. Into my mailbox at church. Into my mailbox at home. The church helped us pay for the funeral. My three sisters helped with the funeral flowers. People I had never met in person, but only knew from facebook and this blog, sent us money. It covered every bill, and all the expenses that come when someone dies, and it's considerable. I was overwhelmed with the goodness of God's people. And I knew why God tells people to give.

Last year we visited San Antonio and went to eat on the river walk. Afterwards, we walked along the river, and beggar's were everywhere. A man begging for food for his child, another one with no legs, and one who was shouting he hadn't eaten all day. Luke was crushed by the whole scene, and we talked about it for days afterwards. I made him a promise that we would never pass another beggar without giving them something.

Which brings us to giving money, when you don't know what it will be spent on. I remember my grandmother telling me once, "You just give, what they do with it afterward is between them and God." While she wasn't talking about beggars, I think the principal still applies. But the kids and I talked it over, and we made "Blessing bags" to hand out when we saw someone with a sign on the side of the road. We put a small toothbrush and toothpaste, a little bottle of deodorant, a granola bar and two dollars. Trouble was, we didn't see enough beggars, and the granola bars got yucky in the hot car, so we need to rethink, or leave out the granola bars!

I have also been trying to figure out ways for us not to spend so much money on ourselves, without the kids thinking they are deprived of the good things in life, although I think most of us in the world today have a problem with a feeling of entitlement. We talked it over and decided we will not go to fast food restaurants so often anymore. I told them, even McDonalds costs us nearly $40 for one meal, and that amount of money would feed us every meal for a couple of days or more from the grocery store. So we have given up eating out except for rare occasions. I promised them that didn't mean we wouldn't stop for ice cream sometimes or Sonic for a drink, but we wouldn't opt for a whole meal anymore.

Our dryer broke recently, and I have no plans to replace it. Here in Texas, there aren't many days you can't use a clothesline, and I kind of enjoying hanging clothes outside. I hang them, the kids bring in their own clothes and put them away. We hang dresses and shirts and pants on hangers straight onto the line, so they only need to grab them, take them in the house and put them right away. No need to throw stuff on a bed. I read once that every load of clothes costs $1 to dry. We should save $60 a month or so this way.
My only problem with hanging clothes on a line is lint on towels, but a friend suggested I buy flour sack towels, all cotton. I did, and the problem is solved!

Be frugal. Could you invite those friends to your house for a meal, instead of going to a restaurant? Could you opt out of that expensive coffee? (Especially Starbucks. I won't go there again. The owner told me not too, if I believe in traditional marriage). Go to the library instead of buying books? Shop at a used clothes store first? Thrift store? What's some other ways to save?

Stay home. Don't run around. How can we be keepers at home, if we are not at home? It is amazing how much money you can save, just staying home.

Then, what do you do with your extra money?

The Lord will soon let you know!

Fall

2017-10-27T07:26:00.001-07:00

I'm not one to enjoy the weather turning cooler. I don't like cold very much, and as someone who is cold even in Texas summers, I can be pretty miserable. But I am thankful for a house that is much tighter than it used to be, thanks to generous people who worked on it for us. The wind is blowing mightly outside, but we are cozy and warm inside, doing school this morning.

A lot of things are changing around here.

I tell people Bill and I had three batches of children (Angel-Leah doesn't like that term, so I changed 'batches' to 'litters' for her, but she didn't think that was an improvement): When we married, we were only going to have two children, and Rachael and Celeste were born. We moved to Oklahoma, where we began to keep foster children, and after falling deeply in love with a little boy who didn't stay, I begged for more children. Gage was soon born, followed by three brother in eight years: Max, Spencer and Beau, and then pretty little Mary Susannah. By then, I was in my 40's. My heart was content.

Rachael and Celeste were 7 and 9, already in school, when we began to have children again. They were my first batch, the boys and Mary Susannah were my second batch.

When Mary Susannah was around 8, and Bill and I were in our 50's, we began to adopt. First came Luke, then Angel-Leah. Soon after her adoption was final, we were asked to take her baby brother, Tommy, which we did. That closed our home, because with Tommy coming, we were over the limit of children in our home that CPS would allow. But then, three years after his adoption, we were asked to take Luke's sisters, Cynthia and Selah. That was a very hard road with many obstacles, but eventually we were able to adopt them, too.

Life finds me now with all my biological children grown, married, courting, or far away in other states and even another country. My adopted children all still live at home, and are fast growing up. Sometimes, when I find myself in the rare situation of being alone for one reason or another, I realize that in eight years, my hands on parenting is going to be over. By that time, I will have had minor children in my house for 50 years. That's going to be a major change! But God is good, and He gave me my hearts desire, lots of children to raise. I am thankful for that!

My first batch, Rachael and Celeste, gave me nine grandchildren. Those grandchildren are now grown or almost that way. Chloe and Julia were married this past year, and Chloe has just given me my first great grandbaby, and he is just wonderful!

Daughter Mary Susannah is expecting her first baby, and I can hardly wait. Max and his wife Whitney, who were fostering for a while, have decided to start a family, and I am anxiously waiting good news there.

So my second batch is adding babies to our family. With 12 children, I am hoping for grandchildren in the 100's!

Son Spencer is dating now, and I couldn't be more pleased with his choice:

I haven't seen son Gage in three years, since Bill's funeral, because he is in South Korea. But this summer he is coming to America! He will be in Boston, Massachusetts, going to Harvard for the summer for a masters degree. I am saving already to go see him there. I have never been to Massachusetts, but mostly, I just want to see my son again. I never dreamed three years could go by without my seeing one of my children. I can't even say how much I have longed to see him again.

My third batch is growing, Cynthia will be 21 next month, Angel-Leah and Luke have become teenagers. They are all getting taller than I am, with only Tommy still shorter, but catching up fast.

Life is good, and cheerful. And again, I am thankful.

I want to revive this blog, although I am told blogs aren't so popular anymore. I have made ALL the mistakes in my life, but hopefully have grown through them, and am at the "older woman" stage the Bible talks about. I would love for this blog to become a place where I can inspire women in their walk as a Godly woman, and teach them what I have learned. Not that I am anywhere near perfect, far from it, but I do have a very few things I can teach. I will be deleting old posts that aren't inspirational, and hopefully writing new ones, at least once a week, but life can get busy and we will see.
Input is very welcome!

Keto diet

2017-06-12T07:49:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we can get too comfortable with our lifestyle, and not take as good of care of ourselves as we should. It works ok when we are younger, but as we age, it can hit us pretty hard...
For me, after being very healthy all my life, moving into my 60's pulled me up short. I am sure a lot of it was the stress we have gone through, some of it is genetic, but some of it also was just not trying hard enough. And I had always felt like I lived a pretty healthy lifestyle.
Arthritis has taken a toll on my hands and especially my feet. When my feet were bad enough that my chiropractor suggested if I didn't do something, I would end up crippled, I went to a podiatrist. I found out there I had a broken bone - a stress fracture, and I also had severe arthritis in my feet.
So I tried several things, apple cider vinegar, which works better than you can imagine, diet, supplements, so on. It helped, but I was still in a lot of pain.
I researched and researched. It all kept coming back to diet, supplements and....weight loss.
Gulp...
Okay, while I wasn't WAY over weight, a BMI check showed me that I was, in fact, on the wrong side. Barely, but over. And at 124 pounds, my 4 foot 10 inch frame was at the highest weight I have ever been unless I was pregnant.

During all this, son Beau dragged me off to the half price book store, and while he browsed, I picked up a copy of the Atkins Diet. Beau himself had lost a lot of weight with this diet as a young boy. Since the book was only about $2, I bought it, and started the diet after Beau headed back off to Colorado.
Seeing a picture of myself from the back made me more determined than ever. I didn't realize I looked like that...

The first four or so days were kind of hard, but I kept remembering that picture...

After four days, I quit craving sugar. After a week, I wasn't hungry anymore, and had to make myself eat.
I was very strict, and only cheated twice, because of my birthday. And I did that very small. One cupcake, one very small ice cream dessert.
I bought keto strips three weeks into it. Those let me know how well I was doing, and inspired me to do better.

I found a facebook group called "low carb and loving it" which is helping me tremendously.
On that site, in the files, I found a four week meal plan, which so far, has been so good. It has the shopping list all planned out, and the recipes are delicious. Even my kids are eating them.

I lost 6 pounds the first two weeks, then stalled. For two more weeks, I didn't lose anything, although I was pretty sure I was losing inches. It occured to me that although I was low carb and in Ketosis, I was eating a LOT of meat and cheese and those have a lot of calories. So I downloaded an app on my phone, and now I track carbs AND calories. My weight loss started back up, and this past week, I have lost two more pounds.

Friend Irene would be so proud of me! She challenged me to lose back down to 100 pounds. We shall see. 105 is my goal.
And no, that's not too low, according to the BMI scale, that's about half way in the middle for someone my size.

So what do I have to show for all this? More energy. More clarity. Better sleep.

And less pain. I have gone from one Excedrin and six Advil's a day, to one or two Advil's a week - maybe. And that's huge!!

My next goal is to get this figured out enough to feed all of us this way. The kids like most of the food so far. I need to get more recipes for desserts, and I think I will have them hooked!

If you have tried this diet before, I would love to hear your experiences!!

The Christian and Depression

2016-07-08T18:32:00.001-07:00

James 1:2-4 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Today, I went to the funeral of my uncle. His death seemed sudden, and left my sweet aunt Joy reeling, I am sure, because I know the death of my husband 21 months ago did the same thing to me and the rest of my family.
Standing in the foyer of the church where his funeral was held, a acquaintance asked me how I was doing. She said, since she follows me on Facebook, "You seem just fine."
Someone else said that to me not long ago, too, when I told them about the depression I had fought that often left me curled up on my bed, wanting to die, "I would never have guessed that. You always seem so cheerful." They said.
I have been thinking about those two statements all afternoon. I reflected over the past 21 months, and everything I have come through, and everything I have learned. Maybe I can pass it on to someone else who struggles.

I love the Lord with all my being, and I trust him and I know that my strength is in him. So when Bill died, and I was faced with financial and legal problems, and when family things surfaced in the next few months, while there were people I cried too, people who were faithful to listen to me and pray for me, I knew where I should be turning. When a friend who had also lost her husband suggested grief counseling for me, I rejected it, because I knew God should be enough.

I made a lot of mistakes, however. Depression turned me inward at home. I spent a lot of time curled up on my bed, thinking how I could not live through this. Sleepless nights made me turn to over the counter sleeping pills, which turned me into a zombie during the day. I wasn't much good to anyone.
Finally one night, when the pills put me so under I could not help a child when they were throwing up, I knew things had to change. The next morning, when I was finally awake, I called my four youngest who were still living at home, and I apologized to them. "Mommy is going to do better. Pray for me," I promised them. In their presence, I threw all the sleeping pills away.

Then I got serious with God.

I began to fast at least one day a week, so I could pray and focus on things. I never knew what an amazing comfort fasting could be. It was something I could actually do, and it soothed me and helped me think.
I prayed and prayed. I read devotional books. I read and read and read everything "Christian" I could find on the problems I was facing.
Then one day in June last year, God spoke to me, and told me to start journaling my thoughts. My sister had given me a beautiful journal for my birthday, so I got that out. I had started a devotional box, and this journal went in it. Writing has always been my outlet, and this was perfect, and God knew it, because he made me. I began to pour out my grief, fears, troubles and pain in this journal. Sometimes, in the middle of the day, when I felt overwhelmed, I ran for it. Sometimes I woke in the middle of the night and reached for it. I wrote and wrote and wrote. The comfort writing it all out provided me is indescribable. The journal became my lifeline. I craved it. And as I wrote, pouring out my heart to the Lord, I began to "see". God gave me a lot of insights into myself. While my focus in the journal was still on me and my pain, as time passed, I began to write what I was learning, what I wanted my life to be like, and how I needed to change to bring these things about.

I began the journal in June of last year. In the spring of this year, I knew the tide of my depression was turning. God began to prompt me to reread parts of the journal each day when I wrote in it. As I read it, I saw myself in the beginning, begging the Lord to return, begging him to "fix this", telling him I couldn't do this, this was more than I could take, to journal entries that thanked him for showing me the answer to this or that. I saw all those problems, legal and financial and personal, get worked out, sometimes in what seemed like amazing ways. I saw God work on "me", showing me my faults and flaws, and how to fix those things. It's still not easy, and I still make many mistakes. But little by little, I watched myself heal and not only heal, but grow.

At the end of June, during a devotional time, God told me to throw that journal away. I protested. I didn't want to throw it away. It had made me sane again. I wanted to keep it. Then, God reminded me I would not live forever, and did I really want all that pain I had poured out to be read by someone else when I died?
Well, no I didn't, but I wasn't going to die anytime soon, right? I could keep it a while longer, couldn't I?
God reminded me I did not have the promise of tomorrow. Throw it away, he told me.

So I did. I didn't want too, but I knew the Lord was right, and I tossed it into the dumpster. I admit I went and looked at it in there a time or two, and thought about dragging it back out. But I didn't. When the Lord speaks, we need to listen. And I am still alive here a month later, but the trash men took my journal to the dump just a day or so after I threw it in.

So what am I trying to say here? I am not sure. Maybe I'm saying just because someone seems cheerful, if they have just gone through a terrible time, pray for them anyway.

And rather than posting your baggage on Facebook, take it to the Lord. He is so faithful. Lay your burdens at his feet, over and over and over again, until he lifts them, and you can breath again. Pray and pray, and let God use the trials you are facing to perfect you. Persevere. He is there. Keep knocking. He has something to teach us in these terrible trials.

No, we will never be perfect until he comes again and swoops us up to heaven to live with him eternally, but we can sure be made better.

Fiery trials and the depression it brings with it happens to the best of us, the strongest of us, the most spiritual of us. The Bible tells us we are not going to be spared. But God wants to use those trials to make us stronger, mature and complete, not lacking in anything. What I have learned the last 21 months is that these trials are what he uses to get our attention and help us grow. Even when we want to scream "teach me what I need to learn quick so I can get this over with," sometimes the pain needs to last a while until he is done. And then, he may have to do it again to teach us something else.

This earth is not heaven. We have that waiting for us. But God is there, and he is our strength and our song.

church in a cornfield

2016-05-26T19:39:00.001-07:00

Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:1-2

Many years ago, in a dramatic conversion experience, I gave my life to the Lord. Things changed at a very quick pace at that point. I was living the typical American life, from the magazines I read, to the TV shows and movies I watched, to the life I had been living. I suddenly felt dirty and I wanted to be clean. I threw away books and magazines, changed the way I dressed, quite going to the movies, and eventually, put on a headcovering (1 Corinthians 11:1-16), which was by far the hardest of all the things changes I made.
I knew I needed a "body of believers" to help me live this new life in Christ. I found a Mennonite church in Grandview, Texas, where they seemed to be living out all these new things I had read about in the Bible, but I quickly learned that there is a culture to the Mennonites, as well as just Christian beliefs.
My family was not real happy, so we looked around to try and find something that might be easier to live with. We visited at the Grandview church, continued on with the mega church we were already members of, and also visited other places.
I soon learned about the Charity churches, and listened to a set of tapes entitled "The Godly Home", preached by Denny Kennaston. That's a wonderful series to hear, and still available if you do a google search. We visited a Charity church in our area, and finally, we made a trip to Pennsylvania to attend a tent meeting with the Charity church where Brother Denny was pastor.
It seemed to be everything I wanted in a church. At one point, during a break, I walked into the empty tent and sat in a chair at the edge, watching the children play. Barefoot, with long dresses and black pants and suspenders, they ran and played against a backdrop of tall cornstalks. It was a beautiful picture, and I knew this wholesomeness was just what I wanted for us. Church in a cornfield. What a dream...

Life went on, and moving to PA was not possible for us. I kept attending the Grandview church, trying to understand the culture and strange rules, because I knew that underneath, the doctrine was what I was looking for. The cape dress didn't bother me as much as some of the rules, the hardest being we could not listen to instrumental music. I loved music, it's always been one of the great joys of my life. It wasn't that I minded giving up my "oldies" although I admit I really, really missed Davy Jones singing "Daydream Believer." I just didn't understand why I couldn't listen to Rich Mullins or Michael W. Smith. They had reasons, but coming from the mess I had come out of, it didn't make a lot of sense to me.
But I tried, and I tried very hard. I lasted two years as a member of the Grandview church, hanging on during a split that eventually started two more churches in the area. After the split, the rules grew and made less and less sense to me, and I ended up pulling my membership, even though I continued to attend for a while longer.
When I left, I visited the other two churches, staying at one for almost a year. Then I went back to the denomination I grew up in. But it wasn't the same. There were certain things I felt were important: modest dress, all the time, not just in church. Headcovering. Nonresistance and separation from the world. I just wasn't finding it outside of the Anabaptist.
I hung on and kept trying. Two bouts with a tiny conservative church in Itasca, going back to the Grandview church two more times, and trying to fit in. Driving an hour and a half away to another Mennonite church.
And finally, settling in the second church, Osceola Christian Fellowship, the church that had originally split off from the Grandview church, and I had resisted for so long. They had changed a lot, and there, I finally found what I was looking for: a body of believers who are there for our family, and who we want to be there for. People who aren't content to just sit, but have a children's home, who work when disasters strike, work with the homeless, and helped this widow and her children when their lives fell apart. We had come home.

Recently, I was sitting at a fellowship meal after church, listening to friend Chris talk about his work with a church who ministers to the homeless in Dallas. He has a dream of starting a church in the inner city, and as he talked about it, he said, "These children don't go to church in a cornfield."
My head jerked up. I walked outside. And realized, all around this church I attend now, a cornfield is growing. I remembered my dream, close to 20 years ago, about my children attending church surrounded by cornfields. And here I was. And I'm still in Texas. God is so good!!

This church allows instrumental music, too. My taste has changed a LOT, and I rarely listen to the oldies anymore. But once in a while, I turn on my Pandora station, and for about three minutes, I listen to Davy Jones sing Daydream Believer. And that's ok.

Find a body of believers, friends. It's important, even if it takes 20 years.

More on Minimalism

2016-05-11T19:30:00.002-07:00

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20 But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. Matthew 6:19-20

My goal is no longer to get more done, but rather to have less to do. (Francine Jay)

I love the above quote. Less to do, that sounds so wonderful. And since I have been trying to minimalize my life by getting rid of stuff, I have actually found that there is less to do. Less dusting. Less organizing. Less stuff in my way to worry about.

But I'm not one to sit still, at least, not before 7 in the evening. So having less to do has come to mean I have more time to do what I want to do. And that translates itself in a lot of ways!!

I have more time to crochet wedding presents for my pretty girl, Mary Susannah, who will be getting married next month!

I not only have time, but actually have the space to rearrange my entire living room around a window with a view of roses and hummingbird feeders.

I have more time to take pictures of my photogenic stinkers in the bluebonnets!

I can spend quality time with Samantha the goose:

I have the time to make dessert and take my children to a church in Cleburne to feed the homeless, something we hope to do on a regular basis!

I have enjoyed the benefits of minimalism so much, that I look for things to get rid of. Today found me going through my library, weeding through books that I have hung on to for 25 years of homeschooling. My mindset has been that you never know when SOMEONE might be interested in some subject or another. So many of those books, bought at garage sales and Goodwill stores, have never even been looked at. It's time to let go.

I think the biggest eye opener for me is that most of the things I have stubbornly held on to for years, I can't even give away. I have thrown so much into my dumpster (only to have friend Rose dig it back out, but that's another story!) Why did I ever think I needed to hang on to so much?

My goal for the month of May is to clean out and paint my guest house before my sons come home for Mary Susannah's wedding next month. Trouble is, that's where a lot of my "storage" is. So for the first two weeks of May, I am just throwing out, trying to sell, trying to give away. It's going to be so nice when it's done.

Life is too short to spend it cleaning and organizing unneeded junk. There are crochet hooks sitting unused, hummingbirds to watch, geese to pet.

Anyone want a bunch of boxes of books?

Edit your life frequently and ruthlessly. It’s your masterpiece after all.” ― Nathan W. Morris

Minimilism

2016-02-12T13:43:00.000-08:00

Beware! Guard against every kind of greed. Life is not measured by how much you own.

Luke 12:15

Much has changed around my house in the past 16 months. The loss of Bill. My two teenagers moved out. At home now it is just me and my four youngest children, Angel-Leah, age 12, Luke, age 11, Selah, age 9 and Tommy, age 8. I know four children may sound like a lot to many people, but to me, that's a very small family. I have gone from having a houseful, to having only five of us. I don't know how to cook for that small a number. The dogs are loving it...

Older age has brought a few physical changes, too. My right knee has gotten pretty bad. And yes, I take lots of supplements, and they help, but they are not curing. I will soon give up trying to do stairs at all. Arthritis is taking a toll on my hands, twisting my fingers. Young Living's "Deep Relief" stays near my crochet hook.

But...I still have lots of other dreams and things I want to do.

One thing was to update the look of my house a bit.

A couple of years ago, daughter Mary Susannah decided she wanted to move to the church in Lott, Texas. I love my house so much, but I knew it would likely be the last big thing I would do for her before she grew up, so we considered it. We drove the hour and a half to Lott every Sunday for about a year, before she decided she didn't want to go that way after all, and we began to attend the sister church in our area, Osceola Christian Fellowship. That decision turned out to be THE biggest blessing in my life.

While we were thinking about a move, a real estate lady came to look our house over, and tell me what she thought it was worth.

While we sat and talked, I asked her what she thought I needed to do to make the house more sellable. The boys thought we needed to tear down some buildings. What did she think?

Well, she would certainly not tear down any buildings. What I needed most, she said, was too clean the house out. It was...well...cluttered.

Cluttered? I was shocked!

But why was I shocked? My older kids were always telling me that. I tend to be a hoarder, but I called it frugal. I kept things, because I might need them later, and why buy new stuff when you might have exactly the thing, hidden away somewhere. I hung onto clothes, furniture, kitchen utensils, building supplies - you name it. Closets, storage shed, under buildings, in cubby holes - I probably had it.

When Bill died, I rethought it all. Why was I hanging onto everything? I began to read minimalism blogs. I read "The Magic Art of Tidying Up". It made sense for several reasons. I am getting older, and my time will eventually come to die. Did I want my kids to have to sort through all the stuff they have been complaining about all along?

Also, I'm tired. My hands and knees hurt. Why do I need to maintain all this junk? I can hardly rearrange it anymore! It was time to force myself to let go.

So I started. Gone was my bakers rack full of salt and pepper shakers. Yes they were cute, but some joker in our house thought it was funny to turn them all backwards when I wasn't looking, so it always looked messy. And dusting that thing was something I put off as long as I could.

My old desktop computer that barely worked anymore, with all the cords and tangles of wire because it wasn't wireless, why was I hanging onto that messy thing? We had a laptop. It was time I learned to use it.

Out went many things hanging on the walls. Furniture that really didn't serve a purpose, especially since our family at home is smaller now. I didn't need so many couches. Messy bookcases don't adorn my living room anymore.

I minimized our homeschool things so now they fit into one cabinet.

I got rid of excess stuff in the bathroom.

Of course, that meant I needed to paint, right? And our wonderful church gave us new floors.

I didn't realize how much more peaceful it would be. How much easier it would be to keep clean. How much more I would WANT to keep it clean!

I don't stop at every garage sale anymore. I don't wander isles while I am at Walmart, just browsing, because I always ended up buying stuff. I repurpose a lot of what is in our house. That saves money on presents.

And I have more time to crochet, with my Deep Relief bottle close at hand.
And that's always a win!!

Prayers

2015-08-07T10:59:00.000-07:00

I am weary with my sighing, every night I make my bed swim...
...the Lord has heard the voice of my weeping. The Lord has heard my supplication. The Lord receives my prayers.
Psalm 7:7-9

Life has been hard the past nine months since Bill died. There have been many trials, and they are not over yet. I admit sometimes I am scared, and I have fought a lot of depression.
Nights are the worse. My mind runs and runs. In order to turn it off enough too sleep, I take Valerian Root and Kava Kava, although I have heard that Kava Kava is hard on your liver. Sometimes it works, usually it does, sometimes it doesn't...

Depression creeps up on me in the afternoons, when I start to get tired. It can escalate by the night hours.

I know this is not God honoring, and I really do trust God.

Yesterday afternoon, I pondered how easy it would be to just give up. I thought how much easier life might be.
'Might be' is the clue. That's Satan talking, and I know it. Life would be a terrible thing to face if the Lord was not with me. Things would not really be better if I gave up being a Christian. But in a weakened state, it's easy for Satan to hit the target with his darts.

So I prayed a lot. I told God there was no way I was going to give up. But I really, really needed encouragement. Could he show Himself to me? I know it's not good to be asking that all the time, but once in a while, was it okay to ask, when we really needed it?

He had already been good to me a few hours earlier through his people. My car had had a flat tire the day before, and a man from our church, who owns a tire shop, fixed it for me. When I asked for the bill, he told me it was already paid.
That's humbling, friends, when you know you don't deserve the kindness people are showing, over and over. My children deserve it, but I don't, especially when I spend too much time in the "slough of despond" (if you don't know what that means, go read Pilgrim's Progress).

So I went to bed last night after taking my Valerian Root, and I "made my bed swim" and I prayed the hours away.

Then I got up this morning...

And I walked outside in the bright morning Texas sunshine...

And I knew God had heard my supplication, because I saw His glory everywhere I went...

First in the farm newborns:

And in the rooster that considers me a threat to his ladies, and tries to spur me everytime I walk near him, and thank you God that his spurs are not big yet, because I still haven't taught him who is boss even though I try to remember to pick up a stick whenever I see him:

In the goats that run to the fence to say good morning. At least, that's what I tell myself they are doing. Probably, they are trying to see if I have the feed bucket in my hand.
I really like this goat:

And in Samantha the goose, still my most faithful farm yard friend:

The Bible tells us that a man's life is threescore and ten. I am 61. Whose knows if I will live 9 more years, and reach threescore and ten, or if I will even reach the end of this day. The women of my family do seem to have long lives, my fathers mother died just before her 95th birthday. My own mother is 81 and very healthy, and her sister, my aunt Joy, just turned 88 and has hardly slowed down.
Even so, I thought if I do have a few more years, now is the time to try and do some of those things I always wanted to do. I had better not put it off any longer.

I really want a fiber farm. I want to learn to spin, and I want to raise animals that will give me wool.

I had the Angora Rabbits, but I wasn't doing much with them, so I bought a "husband" for them. He is absolutely gorgeous, a rare white rabbit with blue eyes, and the beauty of this animal could only come from God. It's hard for me to believe this gorgeous rabbit is considered "pet quality" rather than "show quality":

My spirits greatly lifted in my rabbit house this morning. I had spent the last days cleaning it and moving air conditioners into it. It's still a mess, but I am trying to do a little every day to get as much out of it as I can.

Yesterday, I picked up this beautiful rabbit that I am in love with, and also picked up some Jersey Woolies I got a deal on - buy the baby buck and get two older does for almost nothing. I was pretty happy with the seven week old buck:

And one of the does, who the lady assures me is pregnant with at least three kits:

God shows himself and His glory in all His creation, including the human ones.

Like a little girl who rides her bike to a neighbors house, and comes home with a kitten (yeah, THANKS Tammy...if I remember right, the mother of that kitten was one of ours who ran to your house to escape the very child you gave her offspring to this morning...)
Then when I tried to take her picture, three photobombers had to get in on the action:

And in a young girl who made her first dress yesterday, and was so proud. And to make it even better for her, her first handmade dress matched one her mama has:

So, although my nights are sometimes hard, I purpose to take more walks outside my own house in the mornings. Because the goodness of God is everywhere, all we have to do is open our eyes. It won't be long before we reach the "Celestial City." (There's Pilgrim's Progress again, I got it out recently to read to the kids during school this year.)

May we be strong and of good courage. Heaven is near!

Call to me and I will answer you, and I will tell you great and mighty things, which you do not know. Jeremiah 33:3

raising bunnies

2015-07-22T11:25:00.000-07:00

Job 35:11 Who teaches us more than the beasts of the earth, and makes us wiser than the fowls of heaven?

I have decided that a riding lawn mower is the most stress relieving thing in the whole world.
I was up before 8 this morning, leaving the kids still sleeping in the house, riding and riding and riding. My mind churned like it always does when I mow on a riding mower, thinking of the things I want to do with my little farm, and praying for all my children...

So, as I rode and mowed, a blog post came to my mind. This one is a bit of a tutorial for raising rabbits in colonies, which means that instead of each rabbit being in an individual cage, the rabbits are raised in one large pen, usually, as in my case, with several does living with one buck.

I know people have lots of questions about that, but here are a few things I have learned since beginning my rabbitry:

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The buck will not harm the kits (baby rabbits) if you leave him in the pen with the nests.

It's not hurting the does to let them bred at will with the buck. I have lots and lots of more nests this way, yes. But the does are all fat and healthy and doing very well in colonies.

Rabbits can and will dig out every chance they get. You MUST put something over the ground that they can not dig through. Chicken wire is NOT a good choice, they tear right through it. I learned this the hard way.

First time mama rabbits will sometimes give birth EVERYWHERE. Picking up the kits scattered all over and making a nest for her sometimes work, but most of the time doesn't. Catch mama rabbit and pull hair from her tummy to make a nest. That's what she does, it doesn't hurt her. If a doe consistently fails to make a nest, it's time to cull her. It happens sometimes.

The old wives tale that a mama rabbit will abandon her babies if you pick them up is absolutely not true. We handle baby rabbits all the time, and I have never had a mother rabbit reject a nest because of it.

It's no more cruel to butcher your rabbits that it is to eat a hamburger or chicken nuggests. Yes they are cute and cuddly, but have you ever seen a doe eyed baby calf? Or a downy newborn chick?

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Back to the riding lawn mower...

Rabbits were made to eat grass and plants in the wild. I have 12 wonderful acres. And it keeps the food bill down. Rabbits do not have to eat only pellets, and at around $13 for 50 pounds, that's a good thing. I pull grass all the time to feed them, but gathering cut grass after I mow is sure a lot easier. So this morning, after I got a wire stuck in the mower and had to quit mowing until Luke woke up to help me cut it off, I gathered grass:

And yes, if you read my blog or facebook page, you are familiar with Samantha the goose. She is a terror to everyone but me, but the children are bigger now and have learned if they throw their arms out and hiss back at her, she backs off quickly. Samantha's sidekick the brown duck is my neighbors, or at least, it used to be my neighbors until it married Samantha the goose or something and came to live with us and follow her around all day long.

The bunnies LOVE the cut grass. In fact, if I feed them grass and pellets at the same time, they will usually run to the grass first.

These are my "grow outs", which means I have removed these rabbits from the does. I put them all in one big cage to finish growing up. These bunnies are the ones for sale, or if they do not sell, they go into the freezer:

These guys are getting big. They have one more chance at a garage sale this weekend. Anyone want to buy a bunny?

They love the cut grass, too!

This cage of breeders, the big white rabbits, always look so dirty, and I wasn't sure why or what to do about it. But reading a rabbit blog, I learned that what I am probably doing wrong is cleaning the cage too often. According to this blog, rather than clean the cages each week, I should be constantly adding hay and grass up to 12 inches deep. Then clean it when it begins to attract flies or smells bad. The bedding of hay and grass absorbs the urine instead of letting it build up on top. That means I have been doing a lot of work for nothing. So I started doing that this week. No improvement so far, but the bedding is not very deep yet, as you can see. It's going to take a lot of grass to make the bedding 12 inches deep in this big pen, especially when they are eating as much of it as they can hold. I'm hopeful, though, and thankful to know I don't have to clean so much after all!

One more interesting note. When I was out in the goat pen yesterday, I found a very small baby bunny. No nest or anything, just a bunny laying in a goat pen in the corner. I am not real sure where it came from. I looked around for more, but couldn't find any. We do have one bunny loose, one that was a pet of one of my children who doesn't live with us anymore, so rather than butcher it, and rather than keep feeding it since it's mama is one of those who doesn't care for her kits, I let her go to live in our yard. But she is black, and this kit is white.
I gathered it up and put it into the youngest nest I could find, my Dutch bunnies who are several days older than this little one is. She has lived for 24 hours in that nest, although she is not as fat and full looking as the rest of them. I hope she makes it.

So that's it for my morning musings while riding the lawn mower. I am wondering where to go with my rabbitry now. I'm not sure I want to continue raising the Dutch bunnies. I may sell or butcher them soon, and stick with the meat rabbits and the fiber rabbits. I am hoping to buy an Angora buck next month for my two does.

Let me know if you want to buy a bunny. My grow outs will thank you!

Afflictions

2015-07-08T05:22:00.002-07:00

Psalms 119:50 This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life.

There are many kinds of death. There is physical death and there is spiritual death. There is the death of dreams. The death of betrayal by a trusted person. Death of friendships. Death of hopes and longings. Deaths of visions for the future.
So many sorrows. Everyone has them. This world is such a sad place. It can bring you to the brink of despair so many times. We should never judge that people don't have sorrow because of the outward appearance. We should not condemn if someone doesn't mourn the way we think they should. There are walking wounded all around us. We don't know the sleepless nights, the days of fearful despair.

But then there is hope. The resurrected Jesus has overcome death and despair. In my devotional times in the morning, I have learned that this sorrow has a purpose: it keeps us from becoming too attached to this earthly life. My friend Jill gave me a devotional book I had mentioned I wanted called "Beside Still Waters, Words of Comfort for the Soul." What a powerful insight this book has been for me. Here is a quote:

"Have you found that trouble cuts the cords that tie you to earth?...Trials drive us from earth. If all went well, we would begin to say, "Soul, relax." But when things go amiss, we want to be gone...Happy is the trouble that loosens our grip of earth."

I thought that was profound.

I have recently discovered journaling my prayers and thoughts. I had heard of people doing that before, but I always thought it was a kind of a vulnerable thing to do. I wondered what would happen if someone were to read my journal, so I had never done it. But I am finding that journaling keeps my focus and comforts me. Going back and rereading my thoughts lets me see where progress has been made, and where it hasn't. Maybe I will burn it someday. Maybe I won't. But for now, it's what I need.

People handle sorrow and despair, whatever the cause, in different ways. I have always turned to frantic activity when I am troubled. I know I am not the only one who does that. I remember after my grandfather died, my grandmother repainted her living/dining room using burgundy and pink paint. It was actually kind of pretty. I commented once on how much energy she had, and she said, "You know, I always wondered about people who redecorated after someone died. I would think "He must have left her some money." But now, I understand it."
I have thought about her saying that a lot lately, as sorrows want to multiply. There is a need in me to 'put things back in order'. I have almost put my beloved crocheting aside, because quiet activity lets my mind run free, and that's not good right now. Instead, if my mind starts to overwork, I frantically start cleaning or rearranging. The activity gives me a feeling of control when things are out of control. But it has it's downside, too. At this very moment, I am sitting in a bedroom turned upside down, because I tried to out run my mind yesterday, tearing my room apart to wash windows and wash curtains and clean closets and so on. Now comes the task of putting it all back together!

I know that I - and you, if you are going through trials right now - will be alright if we keep looking to the Lord. Our trials and sorrows may not end for a while. On this earth, maybe they never will. But in our heavenly eternal reward, Jesus will wipe away all our tears.

I will end here with another quote from "Beside Still Waters:"

Go in the name of God. Meet your difficulties calmly and fairly. Do not have any plans or tricks, just commit yourself to God. This way, you may confidently find deliverance. If you can only trust and praise God, you will see marvelous things that will utterly astonish you!

See, I have refined you, though not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction. Isaiah 48:10

sleep

2015-03-28T06:11:00.000-07:00

Psalm 127:2 He gives his beloved sleep

...but sometimes, he doesn't...

Does that mean I am not his beloved?

I don't think so.

The last several months, sleep is often hard to come by. I try to read myself to sleep - I read until the pages are blurry and I can't see them anymore. I take Valerian root before bed, and that often helps.

But sometimes it doesn't.

I have learned not to fret over not being able to sleep. I am an older lady, and I know that age sometimes brings sleepless nights, and I have a heavy heart, which also brings sleepless nights.

The reason I have learned not to fret about it, is that those are the times when the Lord seems to be the closest to me. I have learned that if I can't sleep, God has something he wants to talk to me about.

Last night was no exception. I read until after 11:30, and I thought I could sleep. But I didn't. I saw midnight come and go, and 1 o'clock, then 2, then 2:30.

And I prayed. And prayed. And prayed until I could not pray anymore. Then I simply listened.

Years of a lot of Bible reading usually come in handy during times like this, but last night, it was old hymns.
When I finally quit praying in the wee hours of morning, and was still, the first thing that came into my mind was the hymn, "Blessed Assurance." The words melted right into my heart, and they comforted me:

"Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine! Oh what a foretaste of glory divine! Heir of salvation, purchase of God. Born of his Spirit, washed in his blood. This is my story, this is my song. Praising my Savior, all the day long! This is my story, this is my song. Praising my Savior, all the day long. Perfect submission, perfect delight, visions of rapture now burst on my sight. Angels descending, bring from above echoes of mercy, whispers of love. This is my story, this is my song. Praising my Savior all the day long. This is my story, this is my song. Praising my Savior, all the day long. Perfect submission, all is at rest, I in my Savior am happy and blest, watching and waiting, looking above, filled with His goodness, lost in His love. This is my story, this is my song. Praising my Savior, all the day long. This is my story, this is my song, Praising my Savior all the day long."

The next song was just the chorus of Hark the Gentle Voice of Jesus Calleth:

"Ye that labor and are heavy laden, lean upon your dear Lord's breast. Ye that labor and are heavy laden, come and I will give you rest."

And he did. I finally slept. A slight headache plagues me this morning, but it will go away in a bit and I have a big day planned with son Max. I look forward to Saturdays when he comes.

So what have I learned? Not to fight those nights when sleep doesn't come. Talk to the Lord, even if it's an all night session. You will be okay, I will be okay. Those middle of the night times with God are precious, and sometimes we really need them.

Psalm 3:5 I lay down and slept; I woke again, for the Lord sustained me.

What is "real"?

2015-02-01T16:01:00.000-08:00

John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only (his biological) Son, that whoever believes in him (and is adopted by him) shall not perish but have eternal life.

Galatians 4:4-5
But when the set time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman (biological), born under the law, ⁵to redeem those under the law, that we might receive adoption to sonship.^[b]

Ephesians 1:5 He predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will...

Romans 8:14 For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons...

(words in red added by me)

So, my children have a mother who loves to write. I would write all day if I had the chance. I write for this blog, I used to write for Associated Content, which is now Yahoo something or the other and an online site called HUB.
A friend of mine who read some of my articles and was compiling a book on the harder side of adoption, asked if she could use a couple of my articles in her book. I told her I was glad for anyone to use them in any helpful way they wanted too. Foster and foster adoption is my heart, and I was happy to help.
The book was published, and I was thrilled. I bought 12 copies right away to give to my children. It's a lovely book, called "Tied With Heartstrings" and I cried as I read the struggles other adoptive moms have gone thorough. Adoption is pretty tough, and foster adoption toughest of all, in my opinion.
Adoption is also beautiful, and, if you will read the verses above, it was God's idea before the world began. Because ALL of us, if we are Christians, have been adopted by God. God had ONE biological son, Jesus. The rest of us were adopted and given full heirship as God's sons and daughters. Aren't we thankful that God loves us, his adopted children, just as much as he loved his biological son, Jesus?

I write about fostering and adoption a lot, because I believe it's something every Christian family should consider. No child should be left in the system to age out with no real family. Every Christian should think about welcoming a child without a family into their home. It doesn't have to be through the state. Just pray. Tell God you are willing to take a child, then stand back and see what happens. That's what I did. And over the years, I have cared for more than 60 foster children, and have adopted five. Am I done? I don't know. Let's wait and see what God does.

So, on with my story. And I am not angry, honestly, but it may sound a bit like I am...

Angel-Leah has always struggled a bit with things people say to her about her adoption. It's not adults but children. There have been many times in her life that children have said hard, ugly things to her. I don't think the children mean to be as ugly as they sound. I think they truly do not understand. And that's the fault of the adults in their lives. Some of the meanest things said to Angel-Leah have been from children whose parents know her story well, in fact, know her birth parents, and have not explained what adoption means and why adoption sometimes occurs. It's not fair. I understand the need to protect their own children from a life story, but I need to protect my daughter - and yes, she is MY daughter, too.

Last week our church had an ordination and there were a LOT of visitors. It seems that several of these families were families that had read Tied With Heartstrings, and they either read it to their children or their children (several of them) were old enough to read it themselves. And they must have been told that Angel-Leah was the same little girl who went to Osceola church.

Now, let me give you a sample of some of the things that were said to her. Here we go:

"Don't you love your birth mother? Then why did you go live with Carla?"
"You love your birthmother? Don't you love Carla? She didn't HAVE to adopt you, you know."
"You love Carla? It wasn't your birthmothers fault you got adopted. She didn't HAVE to give birth to you, you know. You should be grateful she didn't abort you."
"You should be grateful to Carla. She didn't have to keep you. Maybe she didn't want you. Maybe CPS made her keep you."
"Do you miss your daddy that died? He wasn't even your real daddy, you know."
"So Tommy is your only real brother?"

Yes. These were real things that children said to Angel-Leah last week. And people, this is terrible. And it is horribly hurtful to a little 11 year old girl. The children who were talking to her were both older and younger. She says there were about 5 or 6 of them in about two different groups who said these things to her in the same evening.

Here's the truth about Angel-Leah, and Selah, and Luke, and Tommy and Cynthia.

They have two mommies. They have the real mommy that birthed them. And they have me, the mommy who changed their diapers (well, okay, I didn't change Cynthia :) ), who wipes their tears, who cleans their faces and the floor when they are sick, who makes sure they take their baths and brush their teeth, who makes sure they eat something besides candy at least some of the time, who makes sure they wear their coats, who kisses them when their noses are runny, who taught them to read and to add and to say thank you and to pray and taught them about God...and I am a real mommy, too.

It's okay for them to love both their mommies. I would not have it any other way.

I didn't HAVE to adopt any of them. I WANTED too. I was and am GRATEFUL for the gift of them. I am GRATEFUL, and I am sure the other two real mommies are too, that they had them and didn't abort them.

The daddy that died was their real daddy, and they mourn him like any other child would. Two of them never knew their birth daddies. Bill was the only daddy they ever knew.

And yes, Tommy is Angel-Leah's real brother. Angel-Leah also has two half brothers that are real brothers. She has five adopted brothers who are real, too, and a real half biological sister and five real adopted sisters. None of us are play dough. All of us are real, and we are a real family who lives together just like anyone else's family does.

Angel-Leah isn't the only one who has had hard things said to her. I have too. Here is a sample:

"You should mentor her birthmother. Then maybe someday, she will get better, and you can give her her child back. What? You wouldn't give her back? Have you no mercy?"
"There is NO WAY you could ever love an adopted child as much as you love a biological child."
"I would NEVER adopt an older child. You just don't have as good a chance that they will become Christians."
"Someday, that child is just going to run back to his/her birth family and break your heart."

My answers to those statements?

No, I won't give them back. A child is not a commodity to be passed around.

Yes, I can and do love all my children with the same fierce love that would have me lay down my life for them.

God does not have grandchildren. Each one of us must choose to serve the Lord, or serve the world. No matter how your children come to you, or at what age, they must make their OWN decision.

My children will not have to run away from me back to their birth families. One set of siblings, we have a wonderful open adoption and see some of the birth family often. One 18 year old adopted child has already made a bit of contact with her birth family through facebook and the phone. The other two, when the time comes, I will stand beside them and help them do this difficult thing, if that's what they choose to do.

So, what am I hoping to accomplish with this blog? Just this, I guess...

The story in the book stopped when Angel-Leah was four years old. It was written about a time just before and after her adoption, while she was still struggling with who she belonged too. She loves me and I love her. We have worked through that difficult time, and we will likely work through other aspects of her adoption for the rest of her life, like now, when people have said ugly, hard things to her. As of now, she is firmly established in our family, she is OURS, I am her MOTHER, and she is my DAUGHTER, and we love each other as fully as any other mother and daughter love each other. We are both "real" to each other. Bill was "real" as her daddy. And Rachael, Celeste, Gage, Max, Spencer, Beau, Mary Susannah, Cynthia, Luke, Selah and Tommy are "real" brothers and sisters, along with her two birth brothers and her little birth sister. How horrible to try and say otherwise.

Mommies and Daddies, if there is an adopted child in your church or homeschool group, or anywhere else, help your child understand what adoption is. Help them understand that it was not the adopted child's choice to leave their family. Help them know they just might love both their birth family and their adopted family, and that is OKAY!!! Hear me, that's OKAY! Explain to them that an adopted family is a REAL family in the same way we are a REAL child to God our father, because He adopted us. It's hard enough for your daddy to die without someone asking if you even miss him, since he wasn't your "real" daddy. It's crummy to have someone tell you that your brothers and sisters and your mother and father aren't "really" your family.

So this was hard to know how to write. I hope I have conveyed to some of you what your children may be saying to an adopted child, because although I am writing mostly about last Sunday, which was by far the worst it has been, this has been happening to Angel-Leah all her life. When you talk about adoption to your child who was not adopted, be sure and explain to them that adoption makes a real family, and it doesn't necessarily erase the love that a child who was adopted at an older age might have for their first family, and that's okay. It's okay to love both. And it wasn't the child's fault that he or she lost that first family. They didn't get to choose where they wanted to live.

Help your children learn to be gentle with my children, please. They have been through so much, already...

Here is the latest picture of me and my six children who still live at home. I love all 12 of my "real" children so much!!

1 John 3:1 See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are.

the day of small beginnings

2015-01-21T12:15:00.000-08:00

Don't depised the day of small beginnings... Zechariah 4:10

I read this verse this morning during our home school reading time. I have been going through a period of depression and what seemed to me like great darkness. Certainly our family has been through enough in the past three months with the death of our husband/daddy/grandfather to have a time like that. But it's not pleasant, and it made me react too often in the wrong way. I had a small breakthrough yesterday, and then today, reading this verse, and also reading the book, "The Wolf Dog" to my children. They couldn't understand my tears when I read the part in the book where the clergyman encourages Tooley Paggert to keep trusting God even when it seemed like the worst thing that could happen to him had actually happened. But I knew God was speaking directly to my heart that I needed to let go of the things that were worrying me half out of my mind, and trust that God would walk me through them.

We have a lot of small beginnings here at our house, even during this time. God has shown Himself a faithful light through all this darkness, I just need to remember to quit closing my eyes in the worry and pain and keep them open, because God is so good in so many ways, but mostly through his people, who have helped us in so much.

So here are my children (both the ones still here at home, and the ones who live in other places) and I, entering new phases of our lives. It's only for a short time before the Lord comes again to get us, right? Oh, come, Lord Jesus...

But in the meantime, life goes on...

Our little farm is bursting these days. I peek in a nesting box so full of hair and hay that it took a few days before I could see what all was in there. A good look finally revealed a box full of at least 17 baby bunnies:

Add to these little ones the four others who are big enough to hop out of the pen, and also the bunnies in our grow out pen...

...and we have around thirty young rabbits. If we don't sell them, they go in the freezer. I have caught on that if I will grind the meat, rather than serve it in chucks, the kids will eat it without realizing what they are eating!

Add to this blessing the gift from son Max of goat meat. I ground that too and got twelve quarts of meat!! We have eaten it twice now, and the kids who declared they would hate it, love it!!

We have a new baby goat, Blossom. Our wonderful neighbors down the street came over and dehorned her for us. I would never have had the courage to do that myself:

She is just precious, and tame, and we all love her.

Our church, Osceola Christian Fellowship, blessed us at sewing day by sewing two new dresses each for my two youngest daughters. Here's Selah in one of them:

And just in case you wonder, Sam the goose is still around, making messes every where he goes. Max and Spencer have both offered to turn him into dinner for me, even to use the grinder on him, but I decline, no matter how much they beg - er - ask!

And the best part of our day of small things is the opportunity to babysit, and therefore get to know well, Angel-Leah and Tommy's biological half sister, Lilly. She has been staying with us a few hours a day, 3 days a week for two weeks now. She is absolutely beautiful and very smart. I hardly do anything at all because the kids love her and play with her all day long. It's a blessing for them to be allowed to know her like this.

God is so faithful in our day of small beginnings, as we continue this new phase of our life. It's painful to begin again, but necessary. I am so thankful of the Lord's dealing with me these past two days.

I will close with one of my very, very favorite Bible passages:

Lamentations 3:22-24 The steadfast love of the Lord never changes, his mercies never come to an end. They are new every morning, great is thy faithfulness. The Lord is my portion, says my soul. Therefore I will trust in Him.

4 Weeks of Widowhood: What I Have Learned

2014-11-13T13:52:00.000-08:00

Colossians 3:12-14 Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.

Four weeks ago yesterday a desperate drive to our family lakehouse confirmed my worst fear: my husband and the father of my 12 children was dead.

This has been a hard road to travel for us. But as the four weeks have passed, and my mind has cleared enough for me to think again, I realize I have learned a few things.

And here they are:

A church home is invaluable. People, hear me again, a church home is invaluable. Although we are not members of the church we attend at this time, they rallied around us with the great love Jesus told us about. They exemplified the scripture above. Someone or another has been with us at every step, sharing all they had to give us.

It feels like Jesus has his arms around us.

Everyone needs that.

Friends and family are invaluable. I am thankful beyond words that I have a large family. My children have blessed me and helped me when I was at my weakest, and they were at their weakest, too. My extended family has helped us, both my side and Bill's. Attorneys have gone to the bank with me and not charged for their time because "Bill was my friend." I have not felt alone even for a minute. I know all I have to do is reach out my hand, and someone will be there to take it. There is not enough time here on earth to spend on drama. Let it all go. Be thankful for your family. Be thankful when you learn another child is coming. Because someday, you are going to need them. And if there are a lot of them, the burden is just that much lighter.

When an unexpected death, or even an expected one comes, meals are invaluable. I did not realize before exactly how much it means to have meals brought when you are grieving. A friend created an online "meal train" for us, and I asked for freezer meals because our fridge is small, but our freezer is large. In the end, 25 meals were brought to us, and many of those feed us more than once, even though we have a large family. Two days ago was the first time I cooked since Bill died, other than eggs and oatmeal for breakfast a few times.

You cannot know what that meant. If not, I can sure tell you. I did not have to worry about going to the grocery store for an entire month, at a time that was full of manic activity and low lows. I did not have to think about what I would feed my large family during a time when I had no appetite and no desire to cook and I could not think beyond what was happening at that particular moment. After a night of no sleep, I rose in the mornings groggy and exhausted to a house full of young children clamoring for breakfast. What a blessing it was to be able to say, "Go eat some of that apple cobbler that was left from dinner last night." and see their faces light up because they are getting to eat dessert for breakfast, but I know that since it's mostly apples, or oatmeal cookies, or whatever else it may have been, it's at least slightly healthy for them.

Cards with money helped. I had no idea people did that on such a mass scale. I also had no idea how very expensive death is. So many times, when I was almost out of money, a card came in the mail with a check, cash or a gift card. God bless all the amazing people who thought of us that way. I am behind on thank you cards, but I will catch up. In the meantime, thank you, thank you.

I have learned that those sleepless nights that come at a great loss are actually a blessing. During the day, I had young children to comfort, feed, and school. I had older children who needed their mom to listen to them. They needed to be driven to work. Others needed new shoes. Eye doctor appointments, The house had to be cleaned...

Those nights were the only time my mind was still enough to process what had happened to us. I realize God has a purpose in that, and I'm glad I didn't try to force myself to sleep with sleeping pills. I needed that time. And now I am beginning to sleep again.

I have learned that life goes on and trials continue to happen. Life does not stop when there is a death, even if you think it should. Tommy got chicken pox a few days after Bill died. Right now, he has the flu. Mary Susannah had a wreck and totaled her car. Beau called today and told me he hit a deer and a rabbit the same night Mary Susannah had her wreck and messed his car up, too. Angel-Leah got glasses. Gage moved from one far away Asian country to another. I have a hard time even imagining where he is. Not that that's a trial. It's just one more amazing thing. You cannot stop. You just keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep living.

Most of all, I have learned what Christian love, compassionate hearts, kindness and harmony looks like from the examples that have been shown to me these past four weeks. I want these traits to be in my life. I want to live like my friends and family have lived towards me from now on.

Death is hard. None of us want to go through times like these. But I know we can learn from them. Thank you, all of you, for being my teachers.

widowed

2014-10-21T04:20:00.000-07:00

Jeremiah 49:11 Leave your fatherless children; I will keep them alive.
Your widows too can depend on me.’”

Widowed. It was never a word I expected to be applied to me. Yet, for the last two days, as I stood at my husband of 41 years viewing, graveside, and memorial service, that word was repeated to me over and over as loving people whispered comforting scriptures in my ears.

I am not afraid. I know God and my children will take care of me and of each other.

And still...

We were married 41 rocky years. And even though it was rocky and we hurt each other a lot, we still did a lot of good things, too. We brought seven children into the world by birth, and five more into our family by adoption. That continues in the lives of our nine grandchildren,and hopefully many more to come.

It was rocky, but we depended on each other in ways I am only now beginning to realize. His last phone call was to me. And even though he was notorious for not answering our calls and texts at times, when I couldn't reach him for two desperate hours, I KNEW he was gone. There was just an urgent sense that grew over that time as I called and searched for him. As I drove a frantic drive to the family lakehouse, I knew what I would find when I got there. As my children who refused to believe that anything could be wrong with their daddy encouraged me on the phone to just call the police and have them do a welfare check, I KNEW what I was going to find, and I didn't want anyone to find him but me.

Last night as I sat in the dark and talked with my son, he asked me what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. I told him all I wanted to do was to sit here in the house I love so much, and finish raising the six children that still live at home, and have my grandchildren over here all the time making lots of noise, and take care of my animals. He said, "You know what you just said, don't you mom? You just want to grow old."

And that's right. I just want to sit here and grow old. It's my right now. I want to reap what Bill Raley and I sowed in 41 years of marriage: the joys of my 12 children and my grandchildren. Over the years, many people discouraged me from having such a large family. But God says children are a blessing and a quiverful brings happiness, and I am here to testify today that nothing is more true than God's words on that subject. This past week my children have shined like lights in the universe, from the littlest ones drawing pictures and writing poems and stories about their daddy to the older ones taking charge of his business, his affairs in other ways, to directing me through what I need to do during a time when I could not think, to making phone calls and planning the service, putting together the slideshow, to giving beautiful tributes during the funeral, to sitting in the dark with me to just talk, to holding firmly to my hands as we did what had to be done and still need to do.

Oh, God, thank you for giving Bill and me the wisdom to listen to those scriptures and having all the children you would have us have, no matter how they came into our family.

Because right now, I really need them, and they are coming through like champions.

Left Field

2014-08-20T16:03:00.000-07:00

Philippians 3:13-14 But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Peaches are everywhere. Pressure canner brought in from storage. It's a 100 degree Texas day, but I have two boxes of peaches to take care of. I'm cutting, dicing, peeling, sticky, and HOT.
And an 8 year old girl sticks by my side like glue, talking all the while.

I tune in to her chatter just in time to hear:

"Sometimes, I think this is just a dream, and I will wake up, and I will be with (birthmom)."

Wow....that came out of left field.
And it hit me right in the chest. I was not expecting that blow.

Take a deep breath, Carla, and be calm, because this is one of those things adoptive moms cannot make a mistake with.

"So, what do you think you would be doing if this was a dream and you woke up with (birthmom)?"
"Oh, I don't know. I'd probably eating dry cereal for supper instead of peach cobbler."

She's been listening to big sister. It's been half her life since she lived with her first family.

"Have you been dreaming about her?" I ask.
"I dream about her a lot." she answers.

I live in right field. All the time. And sometimes, I forget that there will always, always, be left field for the older adopted child.
And even though I ALWAYS live in right field, there are times I have to deal with left field, anyway.

I know she loves me, and I love her. I forget there was ever another life before she came here, because I didn't live it. Her big brother has lived here with me since babyhood. I rarely think about that first family.

But she does.

And that's okay. That's her truth. If I try and deny it, or sweep it away, or insist that she cannot dream about waking up and being back with birthmom, I will damage her.

I have to stop in the middle of peeling peaches, and let her talk if she needs too.

Adoption for the older child is not always rainbows and butterflies. Sometimes, most times, it is. But sometimes, it hurts, even if bad things happened in the birth home. Even if you are well adjusted and happy in your adoptive home.
Sometimes, you have to revisit left field and try to make sense of it all.

Because you can't help what you dream...

And hopefully, your adoptive mommy is strong enough to step into left field, even is she doesn't live there, and help you work through it.

The Lord taketh, but sometimes He giveth back!

2014-07-18T07:31:00.000-07:00

Psalms 21:2 You have granted him his heart's desire, and have not withheld the request of his lips.

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about my hens being killed, and how the Lord convicted me of the pride I had in my heart of how well I was doing on my own.
I repented, spent a lot of time thinking about this whole thing, and I prayed and began to try to rebuild. But this time, with a different attitude.

I had four hens left, two that had not begun laying yet, and two that were layers, but were very traumatized from the dog attack and hurt, and they were not laying immediately after.

I cringed and bought Aldi's eggs. Two dozen, and hoped that soon, the chickens would begin to lay again.

I remembered a lady I had seen online near me who sold hens, so I contacted her. She had lots of birds on a BEAUTIFUL farm. A large lake, huge barn, freshly mowed grass... This time, I had to get my envy under control!
I bought four 19 week old hens from her. They should lay very soon. Unfortunately, they were also $19 a piece, and the price went up every week until they started to lay. I knew I wasn't going to rebuild a flock of hens quickly this way. But at least it was a start.

Then a lady at church told me she had a bunch of hens she didn't want. She said her family was going on an extended trip, and she didn't want to be bothered with these hens, who were older, but still laying. She would rather sell them than butcher them. I quickly offered to buy them.
She said she would check with her husband and see what he said.

I didn't hear back from her for about a week. I thought likely her husband thought butchering the hens was what she needed to do.
But then, I got a message: did I still want them?

YES!!!

It was a deal, and she didn't want me to pay her right now. She said she would take chicks in trade when she was ready to start up again.

I soon recruited a reluctant son to help me go get them. Again, I went to an absolutely beautiful farm. Another large lake, freshly mowed grass, a tidy garden... I sighed, knowing mine would never, ever, look so nice. But that's ok, at least I have a little farm, right?
My friend had company, so her son and his own friend helped me catch the chickens. It wasn't hard because they kept flying up on their nesting boxes, where all I had to do was grab a foot. We carried them out to Spencer, who was manning the cages. I soon had 15 fat hens and a HUGE rooster. Off we went back home.

I am so happy, and so grateful. I have to stop myself from neglecting all the things the mother of a large family needs to do and just pulling up a chair and looking at them. Would a chair in a barn be cause for shipping me to the mental hospital? Because they are just gorgeous!! And I am so thankful to have a full barn again.

They are not used to this coop, and some of them are laying in odd places, like dark corners and in those tall weeds behind them there, which causes me to have to muster up a lot of courage, because I see snakes in every bush. Not really, I just think I do.
I don't feed them bread every day. We just had a lot of stale stuff, and throwing it out there made most of them come so I could get a picture.
One of my first young hens is now laying, and the traumatized ones have started back. I didn't get many eggs the first day I had these hens, but I collected 13 yesterday, and I expect it to increase a bit more before it levels off.

Also, the eggs I put in the incubator before the other hens were killed are hatching now.

I have 32 new chicks, and I should hatch out chicks every weekend now for a while. I have been buying fertile duck eggs from a lady and I will know tomorrow how that's going to work.

So the Lord has given me back what I lost.

This time, I will be grateful!