Nevermind that I had a full dinner less than 2 hours ago. I’m ravenous.

Again.

I am always hungry these days. I can eat a full meal, and an hour later have a sandwich, and an hour later have another complete meal…and still be hungry. And I’m talking full on carbs, proteins, fats, veggies, everything falls to the enormity of my hunger.

There’s no escape really. I’m hungry when we get up in the morning, through the day, into the evening, late into the night…and yup, when I wake up to feed the kid in the middle of the night.

If I ate every time I was hungry these days, I would literally be eating more than half the day. I mean, I’m eating a hell of a lot anyway, but if I ate every single time I was hungry I wouldn’t have much time for anything else.

I know it’s because of the breastfeeding–the kid himself is ravenous much of the time, and I know my body has to keep up with that. It’s nice on the one hand because I feel like I have a responsibility to keep eating…you know, for the kids sake. But on the other hand, damn, I wish I wasn’t starving so much!

I may be at that number, but I am a looooong way from that body. This new body is squishy, and jiggly, and mushy all around my middle section. If I laugh too hard, my belly feels like that line from ‘Twas the Night before Christmas…you know the one:

He had a broad face and a little round belly, that shook when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.

Yeah, never really thought I’d know exactly what a bowlful of jelly feels like. I need to work out, I know that’s the cure, but I still get worn out and hurt if I overdo it. Not to say I shouldn’t be doing something (well, something more than the million trips up and down the stairs I make everyday), but it’s not like I’m able to do an hour on the elliptical to really get some cardio going. And forget about ab workouts–that just flat out makes my eyes water with pain. I know some people are able to handle ab workouts right after a c-section, but I obviously am not one of them.

So yeah, the number on the scale is back to where it was a year ago, but NONE of my clothes fit me. I could technically get in my old jeans, if it weren’t for the fact that they hurt my incision something wicked. Add in my ginormo breastfeeding boobs, and you’ve got a closet full of nothing to wear. I can’t wear my old clothes cuz they’re too small, and I can’t even get away with my maternity clothes because they’re all too BIG.

Unfortunately for me, though, I go back to work in two weeks. Two weeks, and I have approximately 1 outfit I can get away with at work. Which means I need to go shopping! On the one hand, that’s just what you want when your body isn’t at its best, to spend money on new clothes that you’re hoping won’t fit you in a few short months. But on the other…it’s been what feels like a really long time since I felt like I look presentable, between the old pregnant whale who couldn’t wear shoes and the post-partum mommy who never leaves the house. So there’s a part of me that is looking forward to at least looking put together, and maybe even…pretty?

So here’s my question kids…given that I don’t want to (and can’t) spend a fortune, and given that I’m not exactly what you would call svelte at the moment, and given that I could really use the personal boost of looking nice at work 5 days a week….where does one shop? I need enough clothes to get through 5 days at work–I don’t mind repeating my wardrobe week to week–but I definitely don’t have a big budget for that, probably no more than a couple hundred dollars (including shoes, since my feet have also gone up in size). I’ve looked at Old Navy (their stuff never fit me well even in the pre-squishy days), Target (same), and a little bit at Khol’s (which is hit or miss for me style wise). What other places are there for business casual, non-teenage body types on a budget?

1. Learn to manage my “down time” with the baby. This is the key to all other things on this list.
2. Mail out birth announcements. Before the kid graduates high school preferably.
3. Get my damn flu shot before I go back to work and have to share germs with the real world.
4. Get back on the commenting on blogs bus. I like to comment on blogs I swear, but since I mostly read at 3am on my iPhone now, commenting takes a level of…awakeness and coordination that I have yet to figure out. (Although, may I say, I’m so glad it’s NaBloPoMo so that I shall always have something to read at that 3 am feeding!)
5. Download, edit, and post some of the zillion pictures that are sitting on my camera. Go ahead and edit the other zillion that are on my hard drive.
6. Start working out.
7. Barring a miracle from the post-partum fairy, go shopping for some clothes to wear when I go back to work in a few weeks. Unless pajamas became business casual while I was on maternity leave?

As always, more lists can be found over at Anna’s at abdpbt!

P.S. Totally unrelated, but isn’t this the cutest little skeleton ever?

snuggling down into the duvet on a chilly night. diet coke. getting email that isn’t spam. the feeling I get when I totally rock something at work. the smile that my baby has started to show. cooking with my husband. a warm cat in the lap. a good book. rockin’ out in the car with the music blaring. tacos. spending time with family when there’s no drama. paying off bills. not feeling buried financially. a good massage. previews at the movie theater. DVR. my slowly renewing interest in photography. reading a good blog. my alma mater actually winning football games. casual entertaining. baby feet.

…focusing on the good stuff.

When I was pregnant with Jackson, his kicks were more like “holy hell” and “uggggghhhhh” and “OUCH” and “damn kid, are you trying to learn kickboxing in there?”.

Then he was born and we saw the reason why:

Those are his feet from about a week old. And while this is one of my favorite photos I’ve taken to date, his feet, they astound me. They are giant monkey feet (for a newborn)–about the length of my palm. From day one, newborn socks did not fit this child–and some 3 month pairs are a stretch. We got a few pairs of newborn shoes as gifts (silly, but cute)…not a single pair will ever have graced his feet as they were all too small the day he was born.

We’re going to spend so much money on shoes for this kid as he gets older.