Great things are happening at our church, and I’m honored to be a part. The result of the growth we’re experiencing is that we’re moving from 2 to 3 services at the end of the month, and to celebrate the launch we’re bringing in Michael Franzese, a former mob boss in the Columbo Crime family who has since started following Jesus.

Pastor Sam asked me to put together a video that went along with the Mafiachurch.com theme we were running with, so I wrote this quick sketch and we recorded it last week. I apologize in advance for the gratuitous shots of my big nose and my wild eyebrows.

Thanks to Chris for directing and editing it, and thanks to Chad and Sam for their mad acting skillz.

Author, blogger, and freelance writer Jason Boyett stops by the FreshPod to talk about his creative process in Episode 2.

Jason is a great guy and the author of a handful of books, the most recent of which is O Me of Little Faith, which released in April 2010 from Zondervan.

The interview starts around the 4:30 mark if you are pressed for time or hate my rambling intros. The whole episode runs 33:30. (also note, my intro and outro segments are a little low on the volume side of things. It’s a work in progress folks…bear with me.)

As always, you can click here to subscribe to the FreshPod in iTunes.

We’re 2 days in to the 30:30:30 project and so far we’ve raised $2,239 for wells in the Central African Republic! After you read this post, would you consider giving?

We’re taking Labor Day off here on the blog, so I thought I’d throw up a post today worthy of a 3-day weekend.

Here’s a few videos I did a couple years back. For my new readers, they’ll be completely new. For my old readers, they will be bits of nostalgia that take you back to a simpler time when men were men and when I definitely acted like a girl when I tried to drink vinegar.

Whether you’ve seen these before or this is your first time, hope you enjoy.

Video #1 – in which I am sick and fail miserably to try and drink vinegar. (Fall 2008)

Video #2 – in which I try to be sneaky and fail miserably when my kids catch me. (Winter 2008)

Video #3 – in which I try a Video Mad Lib experiment and fail miserably at being interesting…or is this video funny…I’m still not sure (Early 2009)

Video #4 – in which my cute kids model different uses for my BryanAllain.com blog yearbook. (February 2010)

Video #5 – in which I answer 13 reader questions. I only post this video for those of you who have absolutely nothing to do right now. An 8-minute internet video is basically War and Peace. (January 2010)

P.S. Like I said before, no new post on Monday. But I’ll be back on Tuesday with Episode #2 of The FreshPod.

P.P.S. Would love for you to donate to Charity: water. Gifts can be given anonymously, or you can leave your name so we know you gave. And when you do give, you can put “bryanallain.com” in the comment field so we know you’re a part of this community. Here’s the link to make your donation.

I had a feeling there would a lot of kinks starting a new podcast…and boy was I right.

BUT, the good news is that most of them are worked out.

10 New Things You Need to Know about The FreshPod

1. I’ve officially changed the name to The FreshPod (formerly called The Fresh Squeezed Podcast).

2. The logo has been updated too.

3. The FreshPod has a Facebook Fan Page. Would you mind clicking over and hitting the LIKE button? I need to get over 25 fans to be able to apply for a username and I’m almost there.

4. Episode #2 will go up on Tuesday morning, and will feature one of my friends who also happens to be an author, blogger, and a fine judge of show dogs. (obviously that last part is a joke, I would never befriend a show dog expert).

5. The FreshPod is now available in iTunes!!! Here’s a link to access it in iTunes (or at least the web version of iTunes, which then gives you a link to access the pod in iTunes). And yes, unlike the first edition I put into iTunes, this one IS iPhone compatible, so you can stream it right from your iPhone.

6. Right now there are two versions of the podcast in iTunes. I’ve asked iTunes to remove the old one with the old logo but it hasn’t happened yet. Be sure to Subscribe to the Podcast with “The FreshPod” in the logo. (not the one that has the “Fresh Squeezed Podcast” in the logo)

7. Episode #3 is already in the can and features an interview with one of the funniest authors I know. It goes a bit long, but it’s a hoot. (Even though I say things like “it’s a hoot”, you can trust me, it’s a good one.)

8. I’m aware that my p’s were popping way too loudly in Episode 1. I’ve since bought a pop screen to remedy that in future recordings. Thanks Chad, for the feedback.

9. Recording the interview for Episode #4 tomorrow. He’ll be the first musical artist to appear on The FreshPod, and he’s someone I’ve followed pretty closely for over 10 years.

10. Over 250 of you have downloaded the first episode featuring Shawn Smucker. If you missed it, here’s the link to episode 1.

Lots of great stuff coming with The FreshPod.

Tell me, who’s someone creative that you’d like to see me interview?

Not sure I’ve ever asked you guys to give towards something I’m involved in on this blog, but today that changes.

Today I’m asking for a birthday present.

For the month of September our community here at BryanAllain.com is teaming up with 29 other blogs to raise money to build wells in the Central African Republic through Charity: water.

Our goal is a bit audacious: we want to raise $30,000. But I believe if we team up and all give a little, we can reach it. And in doing so, we can change the lives of men, women, and children in the Central African Republic forever.

You’ll be hearing more about this campaign during the next 30 days. I’ll try to keep the messages brief and to the point so you don’t grow tired of them, but this is something I believe in with all that I am, so I won’t make any apologies for it.

Today I want you to know 5 things about this campaign.

1. 100% of the money donated to Charity: water goes towards water projects. Private donors take care of all overhead.

2. $20 provides 1 person clean water for 20 years. According to Charity: water, if we reach our goal of $30,000 it will provide clean water to 1,500 people (300 families, 6 entire communities).

3. After you give, charity: water will keep you up-to-date with the status of the project you gave to, provide you with GPS coordinates of exactly where the well is being built, and take pictures and video along the way.

4. Scott Harrison, the founder of Charity: Water, leads these campaigns every September because it’s his birthday month. I’ll turn 34 on September 28th.

5. http://mycharitywater.org/30 is the site where you make your donation, and where you can track the progress of our specific 30 Bloggers, 30 Days, $30,000 campaign.

The story of charity: water (2009) from charity: water on Vimeo.

We have so much fun here at the blog laughing at each other, and we’ll continue to do that this month and beyond. But I really want us, as a community, to come together and do something positive and lasting for those less fortunate. (and by “less fortunate” I mean “who are dying because they don’t have clean water”) That’s why I’m asking all of you to give what you can to this campaign.

Here’s the site again: http://mycharitywater.org/30

Thanks for considering.

The NFL Season starts in 10 days, which means you’re probably about to draft your fantasy team. If you’re looking for some help with that…sorry, you’re on your own.

But one thing I can help you with is naming your fantasy team. I’ve been crafting great team names for years, starting with the 1977 Fantasy Football team I drafted as an 11-month old called “I Poop Myself”.

A few years ago I created a list of DO’s and DONT’s for Christians who were trying to figure out a good name for their team. I’ve gone through and updated it in hopes that it will help some of you this season. (and at the end I even give you a list of names to use if you need some help).

Guidelines for Naming Your Fantasy Team

DO feel free to use alliterations whenever possible. Not only do they look good, but also they make for great nicknames. For example, “The Amish Are Angry” is a great name because it is visually appealing AND you have the option of referring to your team as ‘The Triple-A’. (Plus, major bonus points any time you can incorporate the Amish into your name.)

Other Examples: Katy Perry Kicks Pigeons (KP-squared) … Tears of a Dentist (TOAD) … I Kill Elderly Amishmen (IKEA)

DON’T use the name of your favorite professional team in your fantasy team’s moniker. It makes you sound like a 14-yr-old girl fawning over her pimple-faced boyfriend.

Examples: Giants4Life … TitansPOWER … RabidDolphins … CowboysAlltheway

DO use your team name to make childish references to bodily functions and noises. You’ll get your opponents chuckling, which will distract them from the fact that you are about to pummel them into bolivian.

Examples: Fart Like You Mean It … Boiling Pony Urine … Liquid Belch … The Ferrett Broke Wind

DON’T use your team name to make derogatory references to your spouse or pastor. They might be funny, but they’ll only get you in trouble in the long run.

Examples: Nagging Wife 4 Sale … Shut Your Pie Hole, Pastor Jim … UnWifelike Conduct Penalty

DO feel free to incorporate pop culture references whenever you can. Incorporating characters or dialogue from recent television shows or movies is a great way to get a laugh and show you’re still on the ball. Though it’s a bit dated now, I still don’t think you can go wrong with a Seinfeld reference. I’ve gone that route more than once in the past decade fielding teams named “The Marine Biologists”, “I Was in the Pool!”, and “The Pretend Architects”.

Examples: The Cyrus Tamers … Record Breaking Bad … Let There Be Twilight … Barren Sarah Palin … The Arcade Fiery Furnace … Inception Interception

DON’T try to convert people to Christianity with your team name. While I’d never say that God is incapable of using a fantasy team name to change someone’s heart, I’m pretty sure there are one million better ways to have an impact on someone’s life.

Examples: No Christ, No Heaven … Only Goalies & Jesus Save … If I Win, I Get to Witness To You

BONUS: If you can’t come up with anything on your own, here’s 21 biblical names I threw together. You may use these royalty-free.

Give Me Back My Rib
Bathroom of the Ark
Jonah and the Vomit Riders
The Unpardonable Win
Samson Mullet
No One Reads Philemon
The Propitiation
Gomorrah Forecast
Your Mother is Rahab
The Abomination of Desolation
Egyptian Frog Casserole
Thessalonian Lisp
Stench of Lazarus
The Fake Hairy JacobsDisciple This.
Fierce Nile Blood Squad
Job Had It Coming.
Shears of Delilah
Manger Danger
Parable of the Beatdown
Biblical Proportions

What about you? Any great fantasy names this year or in the past?

Let us have ‘em.

Well, today’s the day I unveil the new venture I’ve been working on for the past month.

It’s Episode 1 of The FreshPod featuring an interview with author Shawn Smucker.

I’m not usually pessimistic, but I’ll be surprised if this goes off without a hitch. Getting one of the podcasts from idea in my head to file/feed on the interweb was a little more complicated than I expected.

You’ll be able to subscribe to the podcast in iTunes by the end of the week.

For now you should be able to listen to it right here in this post.

Shawn’s a great guy and a talented writer. The only thing bad I can say about him is that he was dumb enough to be the guinea pig in this experiment, but he did a great job despite my obvious deficiencies as a host. (I’ll get there eventually).

In this podcast Shawn and I talk about his creative process, his blog (which you can find here), and the Fireside Writer’s Conference (which you can find info on here).  (I’ll be speaking at the Fireside Writers Conference on How to Grow your blog from 50 to 500 subscribers…come out and heckle me if you’re not interested in the topic.)

And by all means buy a copy (or 5) of the books he’s co-written (affiliate linkage):

• Twist of Faith: The Story of Anne Beiler, Founder of Auntie Anne’s Pretzels
• Think No Evil: Inside the Story of the Amish Schoolhouse Shooting…and Beyond.

So yeah, I hope you enjoy the inaugural episode of the podcast. I have a feeling it’s gonna take a handful of episodes for me to find my stride, but I’d love for you to come along for the ride.

Here it is for you to listen to or download. I do a bit of rambling at the beginning to introduce the podcast, so if you want to skip it, Shawn’s interview starts around the 6:30 mark. The whole thing runs 24:12. Enjoy.

It’s been a challenging week for me from a creative standpoint.

I’ve got a deadline for a magazine piece due today that I’ve been trying to work on, but I came down with a nasty cold on Tuesday that I’m only now starting to shake. Plus I’ve been trying to keep up with the blog and keep things moving with the Fresh Squeezed Podcast. Not complaining, just…um…venting. Yeah, venting.

Anyway, I need to finish up this magazine piece (I’ll tell you about it once it’s officially accepted), so here’s some quick headlines for your Friday reading pleasure.

Catalyst Early Bird Rates Extended 1 More Day!!!

The Catalyst Conference isn’t cheap, but you get what you pay for. Click here to get the early bird rate, plus enter code “FOB” to get 10% off of that. You’ll hear some amazing speakers, connect with lots of swell folks, and maybe you and i can meet up and punch each other in the face or something.

Bryan Allain to be Published in a Magazine For the First Time Ever!!!

Having an article published in a print magazine has been a goal/dream of mine for a couple years now, and I’m happy to say that it’s finally happening. Make sure you pick up the SEP/OCT edition of COLLIDE Magazine when it comes out in a few weeks to read my article “Be Careful Little Blog What You Flame” (unless the editors changed the title). So excited for y’all to read it.

The Fresh Squeezed Podcast May Drop As Early As Next Week!!!

I was originally planning on waiting until Mid-September to release the first episode of the Podcast, but I’ve got a couple episodes already done and I’m thinking there’s no point in holding on to them for a few more weeks. There’s a good chance I’ll release episode 1 next week if I can figure out a few technical issues between now and then…stay tuned.

The New Caedmon’s Call Record is Ear Butter!!!

Because of my connections with the band (namedropper!), I’ve had the new Caedmon’s record, Raising Up the Dead, for a few months now. What do I think of it? Honestly, I love it. Now admittedly, I’m not the most objective person in the world when it comes to CC. I’ve seen them in concert over 25 times and have been to Ecuador with them on their dime. But even still, the new disc was all I listened to for a month when I first got it and it seemed like there was a new song stuck in my head every other day.

What I don’t like about the record: I wish it was a bit more uptempo. I wish it had a one or two more tracks where Derek/Cliff was leading vocals instead of Danielle (she’s got lead vocals on 6 of the 12 tracks I think). I also wish there was a song called, “Bryan Allain is Our Favorite Person in History”.

What I love about the record: Everything else. Love the guitar parts and the harmonies. Love the job Derek did producing it. And even though I wish Danielle led one or two less songs I have to admit, she killed it with her vocals. She sounds as good as she ever has on “Miss You” and “Come With Me”. I don’t think there’s one true “Skipper” on this CD for me, which is saying something.

Cannarf Rating: My expectations are always high with Caedmon’s stuff, but I wasn’t sure what to expect with this one. And as I’ve already said, I love the disc. +2 Cannarfs.

If you like anything Caedmon’s has done in the past, or you think you might enjoy a fresh blend of pop-folk goodness, then you should pick up a copy. Go to CaedmonsCall.com to listen to full-length samples and to order.

Have a Great Weekend!!!

Yes, I’m talking to you. Have a great weekend.

Prayers for Blowouts was a blog focusing on the frequent collisions of sports and faith that I created and wrote for during much of 2007 and 2008.

I started that blog to support the book I was writing by the same name, but I’ve since dropped both endeavors to focus more on writing humor pieces here at my personal blog, because it’s what I love to do the mostest.

I had to laugh this morning when I came across a few pictures I had doctored for PFB a few years ago. They were for a feature I ran called “PhotoChop” where I combined the pictures of a famous sports person with a famous Christian person.

The result was some FRIGHTENING looking people.

Before you check the comments for the answers, see if you can guess which two people make up each of these Photochops.

PhotoChop #1

PhotoChop #2

PhotoChop #3

PhotoChop #4

PhotoChop #5

—

Think you’ve got any of the five figured out?

Leave your best guesses in the comments.

(Then say a prayer of thanks that these people aren’t real.)

Can’t believe I let 2 months tick off the calendar before sharing my pictures from Intercourse Heritage Days.

If you’re new to these parts, I live in Intercourse, PA and every June there’s a huge celebration at the park near our house filled with lots of food and lots of Amish folk. It’s called Intercourse Heritage Days, and it’s a hoot.

Here’s some visuals from this year’s event.

There were no bounce houses growing up on the farm, just piles of hay.

It made Anna Mae wonder how different her youth could have been.

It also made her wonder what a “Code Administrator” was.

Ezekiel stood in the shade of the restroom building doing his best James Dean.

He looked calm on the outside, but inside he was frantically plotting his next move.

He had to be cool…he knew they were watching.

…and they were watching him alright.

They knew only one of them would be lucky enough to steal a glance and a smile from him.

(to find out more, pick up my next Amish novel “Two girls, One Ezekiel”)

Take a look at the fresh bowl cut on Jedediah.

It’s a fine line between a close shave and thick, voluminous hair.

Eventually this style is going to come back to the mainstream,

and when it does I hope I’m in heaven.

My daughter Kylie entered the grade school spelling bee and came in 3rd place out of 12.

She eventually lost to Kevin Garnett.

I entered the adult spelling bee and was eliminated on my first word

Who knew diphtheria had 2 h’s?

Not me.

It’s well known that the Amish love their sweets.

It’s not well known that they love them so much,

they bow down and worship the Turkey Hill cow like the Israelites and the golden calf.

“Yes Amos, you may have a balloon sword, but it has to be black.

Colorful balloons are of the devil.”

You gotta look real close.

But can you see the one person who doesn’t belong in this picture?

This is gonna turn into a fifth wheel situation eventually.

…or no one will get the courage to talk and they’ll all go home bitter and alone.

and of course, no Amish gathering would be complete without volleyball.

Even if it is under the lights, lit by electricity from the soul of the devil himself.

—

That’s all from Heritage Days 2010.

To see pics from past years and other Amish commentary, visit my Living with the Amish page.