Ramblings of a Creative

In an old house in Paris, that was covered with vines...

2012-09-22T22:52:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I'm not in Paris, but as I sit in this gorgeous old house that is indeed covered with vines, with the soundtrack to Amelie playing in the background, I may as well be.

I am house sitting the house of a friend of mine for the next week, and I'm sitting here, looking through two glass panelled doors, out over their beautiful garden and into the bush beyond, feeling a new-found sense of independence and excited for the adventure ahead that will be living by myself in someone else's house for the next seven days.

The closest I've come to this was schoolies at the end of last year, sharing a house with six of my friends, but it is very different when you are by yourself. For starters, I am not at all familiar with buying food for one person - I come from a family of 6, so this is a very odd occurrence for me. On top of that, there is the responsibility of doing everything yourself - all meals, looking after their cat etc - and not having anyone around to check with to see if you're doing something the right way. What is fantastic is getting this experience of independence without having to pay rent or bills, so it's a great and relatively stress-free taster for what is a very real possibility I may have to do next year, or at least some point in the future.

So I'm very much looking forward to this week and having a whole house to myself - lots of space to learn lines, haha! - and some friends and I have even planned a costume drama party (as the house suits one perfectly!!) which will be heaps of fun.

Hopefully the house won't burn down and the cat will survive...fingers crossed.

This Time Last Year...

2012-09-18T23:13:00.000-07:00

This time last year, I graduated from Year 12. It's insane that it has been a year. An entire year since our farewell assembly, followed by our grade spending the rest of the day in the park by the river and the euphoria and excitement of having finally finished, followed by graduation night where the tears flowed - rather, gushed like a torrential downpour - at the thought of leaving the people we had spent thirteen years of our lives with.

All that was a year ago. Now we're all at uni (or theatre school!) or TAFE or working, and the HSC is a distant memory. But today, as Facebook is flooded with this year's Yr 12's graduation statuses, all those feelings of a year ago are flooding back. Don't get me wrong, there's no way I would ever wish us back to the HSC, but I do miss it. I miss my school, my teachers and my grade. I miss seeing everyone every day and sharing life together. I miss the community. I've been so blessed with my group of friends, and we frequently catch up and make sure we see each other, like I always knew we would. We're too close to just stop seeing each other. But it's the people who are not in my tight knit group of friends who I don't see. I knew it would happen, but it is still weird that I haven't seen so many people in a year that I normally would have seen every day.

It is very weird not feeling like you own the school. I have visited the school to see teachers and students a couple of times over the past year, and it is the oddest feeling going from being the oldest grade in the school and knowing everything about it and feeling like you run the place, to being an outsider. You realise that the school grows and moves on without you. There are new buildings, new teachers and new students.

I must admit, though, I have always been welcomed warmly when I've visited the school. My teachers love to hear what I've been doing and how I'm going and - probably because I want to be an actor - a lot of the students and friends from lower years are really keen to catch up and there's a kind of novelty to being there. I visited just last week to talk to the Yr 12 Drama class about studying drama outside of school, and I walked into our school's cafe to be greeted by a girl screaming "You were on Puberty Blues, weren't you?! You're awesome!!" It was a very odd occurrence, one that I'll admit I liked, but it was made even more amusing by the fact that I've only done extras work so far. I can't wait to visit after I've actually played a role!

So over the past year, we've all grown up a lot, at least I know I have, we've moved on to different and exciting things, and we've forgotten there was ever a thing as horrid as the HSC. I guess what I'm worried about the most is moving further and further away from everyone. Especially for me pursuing acting - I have no idea where that could take me, but I know that I won't be staying in the same place surrounded by the people I've grown up with. And that's exciting, but terrifying. And we adapt. I hardly realise it's happening while it is, especially because I'm so passionate and excited about acting and determined to achieve a career in it, I have little time to think about anything else. It's just days like these that make me stop and think and realise that things aren't going to stay the same forever. And that has pros and cons. I just thank God for my friends because I know that no matter how far away we are, we'll never completely lose touch. And that's something that I think is rare - I know a lot of people who have completely lost touch with their school friends.

Well, hasn't today made me melancholy?! I'm going to the graduation tonight to support my friends in Yr 12, which will no doubt be the culmination of my reminiscing, and then I'll be back to the excitement that is theatre school and seeing where God takes me over the next twelve months!

Spring...

2012-09-17T00:01:00.000-07:00

My default answer to 'what is your favourite season?' is Winter. But that is a lie. Well, it's not a lie, it's just that the question is normally only asking 'what is your favourite season, Summer or Winter?', in which case my answer is, truthfully, Winter. This often shocks people, but as cold as Winter gets and as unbearable as an early morning start during Winter is, I find it infinitely preferable to the revolting humidity and stifling heat of Summer. You can always put another jumper on, or rug up next to a heater (or a fire, if you're lucky enough to have one) in front of a good movie or with a good book, but there's only so many layers you can take off in Summer before you're arrested. Not to mention the fact that I'm as white as they come and would burn under a skylight given half a chance.

I digress.

My real favourite season is Spring. Or Autumn. I can't really decide...they're pretty equal in their awesomeness. Yes, the in-between seasons. The best of both worlds. It's really comfortable up here on the fence - care to join?

Well, it is currently Spring, and I'm loving it. It's so great because you can sit in the sun, on a picnic, and not die of the heat, rather, you can enjoy the warmth. There is little I love more than walking through a park, in the warmth of Spring sun, with a breeze blowing, surrounded by friends. Picnics are the best, and Spring means lots of them!! Just last week my church had a big picnic/walk-a-thon to raise money for Operation Christmas Child (a Samaritan's Purse initiative where you pack a shoe box with toys and essentials that are given to children living in poverty all over the world. If you've never heard of it, you should definitely check it out here) and it was such a lovely day. Friends, brilliant weather, food and bringing glory God. Perfect day.

I was sitting in my back yard eating lunch today, after a morning of learning lines for As You Like It, with the perfect combination of sun and wind that for some reason just makes me really happy, and I realised how beautiful my garden had become. Another upside to Spring.

Storms are another thing I love about Spring. That may also sound really odd, but I love storms...just as long as our house doesn't leak, which it has been known to do a bit more frequently than would be preferred. I love the feeling of walking outside and almost being blown over by huge winds - it's probably my dramatic self (which, let's face it, is all of me) reveling in the power of an unseen force.

The one thing that frustrates me about Spring, I'll admit, is the fact that I never know how to dress. It could be really warm in the sun, but then freezing as soon as you step into the shade, or brilliantly sunny but actually cold, or start really warm but turn stormy and cold, or any combination of the above. Yesterday, my sister and I were attending an event and she left the house in a summer dress and I left rugged up in jeans and jacket. We turned to each other and laughed, trying to convince the other that our choice of attire was more appropriate. Yes, it is the one mystery of Spring I will never be able to solve.

And there we go - an entire post about a season. I trust you skimmed through most of that, or more likely just ignored the whole thing all together once you realised that the title wasn't some cleverly cryptic and creative entry point to a much deeper topic. Well, if you did persevere to the end, do tell me - what is your favourite season? And why?

Review: The Talented Mr Ripley

2012-09-11T22:33:00.000-07:00

Matt Damon, Jude Law, Gwyneth Paltrow and - the selling point for me of any movie - Cate Blanchett. And they're just the names on the cover - Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Jack Davenport also feature in this psychological crime drama thriller. Yes, it's so good it gets four genres! You could also add 'romance' to that list...in a very twisted sort of way.

Directed by Anthony Minghella (of 'The English Patient' fame), who also wrote the screenplay, and based on the novel of the same title by Patricia Highsmith, The Talented Mr Ripley takes an intense and unconventional look at identity, relationships, friendship, lies and love in all it's complicated glory. As the tag line asks, how far would you go to become someone else?

I can't believe it's taken me so long to see this movie - if you haven't, I urge you to as soon as you can. What struck me the most was the quality of the writing. We are presented with a story that on one hand seems so far fetched, and yet on the other is so real. Highsmith and Minghella have captured perfectly the humanity and the truth in each of the characters and in their relationships with each other. These characters are brought to life superbly by the cast - Matt Damon gives an absolute stand out performance as Tom Ripley, conveying the extremely complicated array of thoughts and emotions battling inside this very conflicted character. I found myself completely sympathising with him despite the horrific things he does, and I think this is a testament to the writing and Damon's portrayal of truth in the character - as Tom Ripley says in the movie, "Whatever you do, however terrible, however hurtful - it all makes sense, doesn't it? Inside your head. You never meet anybody who thinks they're a bad person..."

Jude Law exceeded my normally average expectations and delivered a fantastic performance as the manipulative, rich, completely selfish, yet entirely charming Dickie. Even Gwyneth Paltrow, who I normally don't think very much of, impressed me with her portrayal of Dickie's gorgeous and easy-going girlfriend. And Cate Blanchett, who never fails to give an outstanding performance, turned a relatively small role into an extremely memorable character.

I was not aware when I started to watch this film how dark and disturbing it was going to get as Ripley's web of lies entangles him to the point of no escape, but the writing was so brilliant, and each character so truthfully played, that it never for a second felt over the top or unrealistic - something that could easily have happened with the same concept but average writing - and I was captivated from start to finish.

Review: The Tree of Life

2012-09-10T03:40:00.000-07:00

This movie is not for everyone. Director Terrance Malick is not for everyone. I am the first to admit that. But I loved it. I truly loved it.

To me, this film was utter poetry. My only regret is that I never saw it at the cinema - I can only imagine what it would have been like to view this on the big screen. The imagery and cinematography is breathtaking, the soundtrack moving and powerful, the acting stunningly subtle and real. Jessica Chastain is perfection as the loving, nurturing mother, living by the ways of grace, and Brad Pitt once again proves he is so much more than a pretty face, as the father struggling to raise three boys through the tough and unforgiving ways of nature.

What is the film about? A good question, with many answers. It is about choosing how to live - by grace or by nature - and the consequences of both. It is about struggling with loss and the questioning of God in suffering. It is about growing up and the loss of innocence. It is about the complicated relationships within a family. It is about seeing the beauty in life. It is about the universe and how small we are in comparison. It is about the meaning of life. Interwoven throughout the film is the story of Jack, a young boy, his complicated relationship with his father, mother and two brothers and his loss of innocence as he grows up and struggles to find a place in the modern world (played as an adult by Sean Penn). This is ridiculously simplified as this film is less a narrative and more a representation of life from every angle.

You come out of this movie with many questions, but I'm ok with that. I am able to not fully understand a movie and not be annoyed by that. Most people can't deal with that or find it immensely frustrating, and if you are one of those people, you will find this movie frustrating, perhaps even tedious. You will almost certainly voice the question, "What on earth was with the dinosaur?". Intrigued? You will have to watch the movie. Don't expect a narrative as such, expect to not fully understand, accept that that is ok, do not destroy the mood by playing with your phone or laptop at the same time, just sit back and watch and you will be blown away. I was.

A Learning Experience...

2012-09-10T00:33:00.003-07:00

Yes, it has been over 5 months since I last posted anything - and what an incredibly busy 5 months it has been!! Ontop of Sydney Theatre School and the two - almost three - productions I have performed in there, I have been involved in 4 student films (three lead roles and one supporting), a musical (Grease - playing the wonderfully dorky Eugene), extras work on numerous TV shows (mostly the new channel 10 drama Puberty Blues) and general, every day life. And I'm loving it.

I stumbled back across this blog today, after a session of learning my lines for my current STS production of As You Like It (I'm playing Touchstone and I love him - he's so witty and gets some of the best scenes!), and it got me back in the mood for documenting this incredibly long journey to my dream of acting.

Recently I had an audition for an upcoming ABC telemovie - my first audition for a role in a professional production. I was ridiculously excited, as one might expect. The movie is set in WW1 France, and so I spent the day before researching the heck out of Australia's involvement in France during WW1, had my lines learnt and was ready to go. I arrived at the casting director's studio about 15 minutes early - perfect! - and sat down in one of the three comfy couches they had in their waiting area. I was the only actor there. At 11:40, my audition time, Greg (the casting director) came in and said something that I missed entirely as I hurried to put my script that I'd been reading over back in my bag and stand up to shake his hand and make the best impression I could. He looked at me a little oddly and I flushed, realising he was waiting on a response to the thing he had said before. "I beg your pardon?" I asked, a tad breathless from embarrassment.
"How am I going for time?" he repeated.
"Oh, it's 11:40" I said after a quick glance to my watch.
"And your audition is at?"
"11:40" came my awkward response. "But I can wait for as long as I need to" I hurriedly replied, eager to show him I was easy going.
"Oh, no, I like to be on time - I like the word to get out that I stay on time."
I relaxed, sensing this incredibly awkward exchange was coming to a close. If only I'd listened to what he'd said when he first said it! "Oh, I'll definitely make sure to tell everyone how punctual you are!" I replied with a smile that, in my mind, was supposed to break the ice.
The audition went well, however I need to learn to not 'act' the scene, but play it for real. The first time I performed it as a perfectly rehearsed and prepared scene, which is not at all what they want. Greg told me that I had the perfect look and the right age range for the role, he just needed me to show him that I could be real. The second time I think I achieved this, or at least did a lot better. I walked away from the audition feeling confident and, perhaps more importantly, knowing that I had learned something.

I didn't get the role - the chances of getting a role on my first audition are ridiculously slim - but I definitely know that my next audition will be a lot better because of this learning experience. And on top of that I have been seen by another casting director, which is really what it's all about! Now on to my next audition!

Review: The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel

2012-03-30T00:06:00.000-07:00

A couple of days ago I realised that I had a movie ticket voucher that expired that same day. Desperate to not let it go to waste, I whisked myself off to the cinema to see The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel - and boy am I glad I did! I enjoyed myself so much during this film that I simply had to tell you all about it and recommend you go and see it for yourself. The exquisite Judi Dench leads an all-star cast including Bill Nighy, Tom Wilkinson, Dev Patel (who you probably remember from Slumdog Millionaire) and, of course, Maggie Smith as the hilariously racist Muriel, in this heartfelt comedy drama. As contradictory as that genre sounds, this film beautifully contrasts and combines humour with pain to create a poignancy underneath the comedy.

John Madden (director of Shakespeare in Love) directs this film about a group of British retirees, from all different walks of life, who travel to India to stay at the Best Exotic Marigold Hotel...which is, in fact, not quite as 'exotic' as the name or the advertisements would have them believe. We follow the stories of these people, all fascinating in their own right, and their relationships with each other and the people of India as they struggle to fit in to this vastly different culture.

I was very impressed with all the performances - Judi Dench and Maggie Smith being the two stand outs in my opinion, and it was so good to see Dev Patel again in a more lighthearted role.

This isn't a challenging film and I doubt it will change your worldview (two qualities that I tend to like in movies), but it was a lot of fun and a real 'feel-good' flick with some excellent actors and story telling.

Getting My Shakespeare On...

2012-01-06T01:25:00.001-08:00

About mid-December last year a friend of mine alerted me to the fact that The Acting Factory's Shakespeare By The River was casting for their next production, The Tempest. I got in contact with the director and he asked me to audition for the role of Ferdinand. The audition was...undesirable at best, hopelessly pathetic at worst. It was my first audition for a Shakespeare production, and I only had two days to prepare, but all excuses aside, I left that audition and put all thoughts of getting the role out of my mind.

It is now almost a month later, and this morning I received a phone call from the director while I was in the Food Court at the plaza (of all places...where you can hardly hear a thing) offering me the role of Ferdinand! Yesterday I met with a director for a short film, so I was expecting it to be her, and the last thing in the world I was expecting was for it to be about The Tempest, so it took me a while to figure out what was going on and who on earth I was talking to...my vagueness filled him with confidence in his choice, I'm sure.

So now I have until sometime in February to learn Shakespeare lines (yes, I'm freaking out a little, this being my first Shakespeare production and all) So that's exciting :) I'm also fairly sure it's a profit share gig (a definite plus!) First rehearsal for me is tomorrow (everyone else has been rehearsing since the start of December or something, so I'm a bit behind!) so we'll see how that goes - hopefully well!

I should also tell you, as I don't believe I have, that I have been accepted into Sydney Theatre School's Diploma of Theatre Performance course for this year! Yes, that is the school for which my audition was abysmal, so it is a pleasant surprise. My ability to take direction must have won them over - I'm fairly sure it's my strongest point in acting, as every single director I have ever had has mentioned how good I am at taking direction. So as of February 7th, I will be training in acting two days a week, 10-5 on Tuesdays and Thursdays, which is incredibly exciting! It will also mean that I will have time to work and audition for roles or do extras work on the days I'm not training as well. So all in all, I am super excited for this year and everything God has in store for me! I am now off to delve into my No Fear Shakespeare (yes, I'm not ashamed to admit it) and get my Shakespeare on!

Type soon!

National Institute of Dramatic Art...

2011-11-20T16:56:00.001-08:00

This time last week I was in the middle of my NIDA audition. I had performed my first monologue, from Stephen Sewell's 'Dreams in an Empty City', to Darren Gilshenan, and it had gone relatively well. Although I thought it perhaps could have gone a bit better, I was far from displeased with it. Darren gave me some direction and I performed it again to his direction and again it went really well. I had then had a break, sitting in the courtyard with the rest of the actors auditioning. After that break I performed my second monologue, Edmund's monologue from Shakespeare's 'King Lear', to Jennifer Hagan in a different room. I was extremely pleased with how I performed this monologue. I sat down after performing it, my work done, and watched the other actors perform their second monologues.

This time last week I was sitting in the courtyard at NIDA, surrounded by around 30-40 other actors, nervously awaiting the news as to whether or not we were going to be asked back to perform our third monologue. The NIDA audition process runs like this: The day's group of actors meet in a rehearsal room and are taken through vocal and physical warm up exercises by two NIDA students (a first year and second year student). This large group is then split in two, half performing their first monologues to one panel member, the other half to another. There is a break, and then the groups swap rooms and panel members and perform their second monologue. Then the two panel members decide if they want to call anyone back to see their third monologue (usually about 5-10 people) and then out of those people, they decide who they want to call back to another day of auditions. This continues until about 3000 people Australia wide is culled down to 16.

We wait for about an hour (although that is mainly because the other group is quite late coming out from performing their second monologues) and then finally Darren and Jennifer emerge from the rehearsal rooms, holding a pile of application files. We gather around, desperate to hear the news. It is an odd feeling. I feel like I'm witnessing the finals of Australian Idol or something. I'm not as nervous as I expected to be, probably because I had no expectations of getting a call back. NIDA hardly ever takes people straight from school because they like you to have at least one year of life experience. You have to be beyond mind blowing to be accepted straight from school, so I had no expectations of getting through and so very little need to be nervous. Jennifer read out the names of the people who they wanted to see again. My friend Jade got a call back, which was really exciting. The list of names continued. There were about 10 in total. The last name was read out. I was not one of them. I knew this would be the case already. About 30 of us start to gather our bags to leave - I didn't feel like I'd failed because I was really pleased with how I performed (unlike with Sydney Theatre School after which I felt awful) and I was really pleased and excited for Jade.

Darren calls out, "Oh, and before the rest of you go, I'd also like to talk to..." I turned around. He said my name. My name and two other people. I was intrigued and suddenly excited that he had called out my name. Everyone else left as the three of us walked up to Darren. He said that he just wanted us to know that he was really really impressed with our audition and that the only reason we weren't getting a call back was because we were too young, but to please come back and audition again next year.

I was thrilled, over the moon, ridiculously ecstatic!! I still am! My profile is being put on a list of people they definitely want to see again next year! It's the best possible outcome I could have hoped for, because I knew I wasn't going to get in this year because I'm straight out of school. Darren said that he had the exact same thing said to him when he first auditioned for NIDA straight out of school, and he came back and got in (and now he's on the audition panel!) To have someone who isn't a relative, friend or teach, but someone from NIDA notice me and be really impressed with my acting has pretty much validated my life thus far xD In short, my current level of happiness is ridiculously high.

I've got a callback for NIDA! It just so happens that my callback is next year. And I couldn't be happier!

Of Sculptures and the Ocean...

2011-11-06T22:27:00.000-08:00

On Sunday I went on first family outing in what feels like forever - one of the many perks of having finished the HSC!! We went to Bondi for Sculpture by the Sea - an annual display of a HUGE variety of sculptures that line the landscape of a coastal walk from Bondi to Tamarama beaches. It's incredible the array of scultpures they have and how cleverly they inhabit the landscape! However, what's even more incredible is the sheer mass of humanity that manages to flock to Bondi!! It took us 2 and a half hours to get to there (granted, there was also track work on the day we went...) but it was definitely worth it! It was such a good day, made even better by the fact that I was able to spend a day with my family, out of the house, with no guilt or worry whatsoever that I should have been doing something else!

I'm even going back there in a couple of weeks with some friends from school. I'll write more about it and my favourite sculptures after I go with them, as I'll have more time to see everything and take it all in (I didn't end up being able to spend a lot of time there with my family because we had to get back for Youth). I'm really excited to go with my friends - it'll be such a fun day!! Until I write about this year's Sculpture by the Sea, you can see some photos of some of my favourite sculptures from previous years and you'll know what I'm talking about :D

My Worst Audition Ever...so far...

2011-11-04T23:28:00.000-07:00

So. Sydney Theatre School audition. You have no idea how much I was hoping to get to writing this today and be barely able to contain my excitement about how well I thought I went and how the audition panel seemed to really love it etc etc. Well, let me start from the beginning.

I'm at Central. My audition is at 11:30, the current time is 11:05. Excellent. Time to grab a quick coffee and drink it on the way as I mentally calm myself. I enter a 7/11 shop for a ridiculously cheap albeit average coffee (I don't really care what it tastes like when it is $1 and a caffeine hit) and the coffee machine has an 'out of order' sign strung across it. Fine. No coffee. The walk to Sydney Theatre School from Central is about 5 minutes (although, admittedly, I do walk quickly), and I confidently stride off...in the wrong direction entirely. Now you have to understand that I am never late to an audition. Ever. I'm the 'arrive an hour early if need be' type person. I figured a 5 minute walk from Central, leaving me around 20 minutes to make sure I was at the right place, sit and breathe and go over my monologue in my mind, would be plenty. And so it would be, if I realised I was going in the wrong direction after 5 minutes instead of 15. As angry with myself as I could be (or so I thought) I pick up the pace (at my walking speed now, most people would be half jogging) and pray continuously that I arrive on time.

The strap on my bag breaks. In the mindset I am in I almost throw the bag across the street and keep going, rid of the burden, but I hoist it up under my arm and keep striding on. I arrive at 11:35. I'm late and I hate myself for it. I'm never late to an audition, let alone one that could determine what I spend next year doing. The image I had conjured up of me walking into the audition room, oozing calm confidence, ready to blow the panel away with my talent was smashed. Instead, I apologised profusely, out of breath, hair a sweaty mess, feeling and looking like a 15 yr old hoping to get a role in a school play. A part of me dies.

"I hope you didn't have any trouble finding us" sounded like a mean jibe in my current state, but I put on my smile, desperately trying to get myself together. I tell them I will be performing the Serpent Monologue from George Bernard Shaw's Back To Methuselah. They offer me a drink and time to collect myself. In between trying to catch my breath and drink at the same time, I manage to inhale some water, sending me into a spluttering coughing attack. I finally manage to pull myself together and perform my monologue.

It was every type of fail.

One of the men on the panel, a director, gives me some direction on how to perform it again. I clearly didn't get his drift because he stops me about three lines in and gets me to do something else. This time he seems pleased. My utter disgust at how poorly I had performed turns into a determination to show this man that I can do whatever he wants me to. He gives me another way of performing it and I perform the hell out of it. This one is good, I can feel it. The man likes it. He's finally found a reason to not give me up as a lost cause. I still feel sick with embarrassment and disappointment and can barely look the two men on the panel for the interview. That's where my real acting skills come into play - smiling and talking to these people who have every reason in the world to think that I have no business trying to get into an acting school. We talk about my past experience - my only saving grace, being that the list is rather extensive with community theatre and school and other acting courses I have done. They ask me if I want to pursue acting as my career. This is the worst. I tell them that the only thing I have ever wanted to be is an actor. It sounds sickeningly weak following the disastrous display of ineptitude these two men had just witnessed. They said "That's really great", but I wouldn't have blamed them if they had laughed instead.

"You take direction really well, we're really impressed with that" is the only reason I still feel like I may be accepted. It's great that I take direction really well, I have always been able to do that fantastically - every director I have ever had has made that comment - but I can't help but think, wouldn't it be nice if just once, just once, I could be amazing and blow people away BEFORE they have to give me any direction?

Now I can't shake the feeling that I have no place auditioning for NIDA or WAAPA. My worst fear is people thinking that I think I'm good when I'm not. I can recognise when I was atrocious, but I just hope they knew I knew it was terrible. Ah well, I have a week before my NIDA audition to fully focus on being brilliant again. I can do this, today was just a really bad day. Really bad.

The Taste of Freedom...

2011-11-03T21:30:00.000-07:00

I won't lie...I spent a couple of hours yesterday morning trying to figure out what to do with myself and generally feeling like I was at a loose end, however Day 2 and I think I'm getting used to this now HSC thing! I have been spending yesterday and today working on my audition monologue for Sydney Theatre School (audition is tomorrow morning!!) and I'm feeling confident with it...well, at least I'm happy with it! Hear's hoping the audition panel feel the same!

I have recently acquired Season 1 of Packed to the Rafters, possibly my favourite TV show ever and definitely my favourite Australian show. I only started watching it on TV when they were up to about Season 3, though, so I'm loving going back to the very start and seeing how the characters started off and how they've grown up and developed since season 1, especially Rachel - I had no idea she had such a rough and intense start to the show! I've also gained Season 3 of The Big Bang Theory (my favourite sitcom) and so I've been working my way through that as well :D Yes, this is what I do when I've got nothing else to do. I'm going to read back over this in a couple of years and feel sick at how sad and pathetic this is xD

Something else I do in my free time is trawl through youtube for interviews with actors - I will, and I think I probably have, sit for hours and watch interviews with actors (real interviews with real actors...I'm not sitting here watching Robert Pattinson talking about what he ate for breakfast...) If you're like me - I highly doubt there is anyone as obsessed with interviews with actors as I am - but if you are, check out this one I found today with Cate Blanchett (ok, so most of the interviews I watch are with Cate Blanchett...what of it?) and Richard Roxburgh talking about Uncle Vanya - a Chekhov play that the Sydney Theatre Company put on last year. You may find it really boring, but I just love sitting and listening to actors talking about their craft!

Tomorrow I will update you on how my Sydney Theatre School audition went - hopefully with all good news :) I won't know if I've been accepted or not until mid/late December, but I'll tell you how I feel about it! I don't even know if anyone reads this, but if you are, let me know about anything exciting coming up in your life! Are you an actor like me with upcoming auditions or maybe you have a job interview somewhere? Or maybe you're going somewhere in the Christmas holidays that you're really excited for? If you've already left school, can you remember when you finished Yr 12? What did you do in the first couple of days after finishing? Did it feel as weird as it feels for me?

I'll leave you today with another song that I absolutely love at the moment - last time I showed you 'Pack Up' by Eliza Doolittle and today I'll show you another of my favourites at the moment, and that's 'Set Fire to the Rain' by the simply amazing and stunning Adele. I could list her whole album up here, but I'll just choose this one - enjoy!!

Until we type again,

Xavier Cooper.

Fin.

2011-11-02T17:02:00.000-07:00

You will be pleased to know that you no longer have to endure any more HSC related posts due to the ridiculously amazing fact that I am done with it forever!! Who would have thought the day would come?! My final exam was yesterday afternoon and I cannot describe the feeling of freedom I have right now!! I don't have to worry that I should be studying, I don't have an assignment or major work that I should be working on, I don't have an essay that I should fix up - I can just do whatever I want to do completely guilt free!! It.Is.Amazing. I can FINALLY focus 100% on achieving everything that I want to achieve in my life. I can put all my efforts into my acting and pursuing that career - I have been waiting SO LONG to be able to do that without feeling guilty because I should be doing school work instead.

And also....I got the Front of House job the Joan Sutherland Performing Arts Centre/Q Theatre!! I have quit McDonalds and had my last shift there last Saturday. I am so excited about this job! It pays better than maccas and is a WAY better environment - I mean, I'm working in a theatre, not a fast food restaurant! Plus, if I'm ushering during my shift, I get to sit in on the shows :) I've also got an audition at Sydney Theatre School for their one year Diploma of Theatre Performance course this Saturday. Hopefully all goes well - I'll let you know how it goes! I'm also auditioning for NIDA and WAAPA this month, but I'm much more confident that I'll get into the Sydney Theatre School course because it's not as selective and prestigious as NIDA or WAAPA (which are almost impossible to get into, and they hardly ever take people first year out of school). It's basically designed to train you to audition for NIDA and WAAPA again at the end of next year, and it's a part time course so I'd be able to work and audition for roles at the same time, which is really good. I'm really excited for what God has in store for my future now that I'm completely finished with school, and at the moment it is looking good :)

I've recently been constantly playing this song - I heard it on the radio a couple of days ago, bought it because I liked it so much, and it's been constantly playing since :)

Halfway Point...

2011-10-19T23:14:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, the day I've been waiting to be over for so long finally drew to a close, signalling the end of English exams forever. Goodbye Al Pacino and your egotism FOREVER. Goodbye Mark Baker and your nonsensical ramblings FOREVER. And Tim Winton, it's been fun and full of textual integrity, but it is time to move on.

So, basically I am insanely happy right now and have a little under a week before my next exam, which is giving me lots of time to relax and study :)

Also, you should all click on the following link and vote for my video review I made for a Quickflix competition to find a TV presenter for a new Entertainment program they are making. I would really really appreciate it if you did this for me - my video is the 'Neverwas 30 Second Film Review', but this link should take you straight to it.
http://apps.facebook.com/contestshq/contests/160243/voteable_entries/34034751?order=recency&view_entries=1

I'm really excited about this competition, and you can enter as many times as you like, so I may end up making more. If the runners of the competition like me enough, I may just have a 5 week TV presenting job in November/December - which would be beyond amazing!

Anyway, that's what I've been working on today - do you guys have any interesting stories to tell or things happen to you recently? I'd love to hear from you!

Well, until I type next...or you type next, which would be even better!

And so it Begins...

2011-10-16T16:46:00.001-07:00

Today is the day the HSC begins. For those of you who are not in Australia, the HSC is the final examinations students complete at the end of Yr 12 of school - the Higher School Certificate. I find myself less scared and more excited - I've had three weeks of holidays in which to study and I just want to get these exams over and done with so I can fully focus on achieving what I want to in life. On the 2nd of November I will complete my last exam and that date can't come soon enough, so that is why I am excited to get started. The sooner I start, the sooner I finish.

This afternoon is my first exam: Drama. I feel prepared and I'm not too worried, so all is fairly well. I am currently sitting outside, sipping my tea and writing this. I feel quite relaxed, actually. No doubt that will change in a couple of hours. It's odd, I guess it kind of feels like the calm before the storm...

Oh, I must tell you - I've been asked in for a job interview at the Joan Sutherland Performing Arts Centre/Q Theatre for job as an usher/bar tender. I'm very excited at the prospect of quitting McDonalds, where I have been working for the past 4 years! I really hope I get the job - I love the theatre and the atmosphere there (plus, the pay is better than Maccas and you get to sit in on shows :D) In a couple of weeks I will be able to tell you if I got the job or not.

Well, for now, I shall leave you and get back to some last minute revising and cementing of information and quotes into my brain for this afternoon.

I'll type again soon :)

The River and I

2011-10-10T21:35:00.000-07:00

As I sat and gazed over the steadily flowing waters of the river from my high vantage point of the Log Cabin, I realised just how lovely it was to not be at school anymore. You may not believe me, but I loved school. School was my life. I was surrounded every day by my friends, people I had grown up with and shared my life with, and so graduating hit me rather hard. However, it was such a beautiful day, and I was out to lunch with my father, taking a break from my study, and it really hit me that I was finally free to start to achieve what I want to achieve in life...well, in a couple of weeks, after my final exams. The beauty of my surroundings mixed with this realisation and sense of freedom and excitement and eagerness to start to accomplish everything I wanted to in life; it was a truly beautiful moment.

Being Social...

2011-10-08T18:03:00.000-07:00

I'm not the best at this. I mean, let's face it, I have a blog...
But I'm learning, I really am. I am observing and learning from the best so that one day I, too, may be social.
It's a delicate balancing act, however. You have to be really clever at beaming at everyone and hugging everyone and saying 'I love you' to everyone, whilst at the same time bitching about everyone to everyone behind everyone else's back. You also have to be really clever at being stupidly happy one moment and then bawling your eyes out the next...although I'm fairly sure the alcohol has a lot to do with that.

Alcohol. Yes, it is imperative to always - I mean ALWAYS - have a bottle or can of alcohol fused to your hand. I mean, if you didn't, how would you even tell it was a party? And don't try and get away with that 'holding an empty bottle' trick. No. If the bottle you are holding is empty, you must get a new one ASAP or risk killing the party.

The reason I have not yet reached socialite, I believe, is because I genuinely hate the taste of alcohol. I think it's revolting. People tell me to drink the funky coloured vodka drinks because "it just tastes like sugar" - then what's the point?! If I want a drink that tastes like sugar, I'll go and have a Coke or a Fanta and not have to deal with the headache the morning after or the random collapsing. I was at an 18th last night and I went and asked for a drink and the girl at the drinks table asked me if I was 18, to which I replied that I was but I'd just like a Coke. She gave me the weirdest look and a kind of "Oh...ok.." before handing me a can of Coke. Obviously I'd missed the memo that this was a party...

Dreams. My Other Life.

2011-10-07T02:26:00.000-07:00

Dreams can be so real, so intense. Sometimes they are so good that the moment I realise it was actually only a dream I am thrust into a deep depression. Sometimes, however, the horror leaves you begging for consciousness. The following is a very intense dream I had a while ago, and I can only say I hope it doesn't happen again...

I’m walking my dog, Nelson – harmless and mundane enough. We’re walking up a road, which gradually turns into a grass path that winds behind houses. Ahead is a family sitting in their backyard, talking and laughing and having afternoon tea. As I approach, I realise it is the Badman’s, so I smile and wave and say hello. They reply in kind and I continue on my way, up the grassy path. The path leads to a park and Nelson runs off and finds a ball. I chase after him and when I reach him, he’s devoured half a basketball. He now proceeds to cough up bits of the ball and just stand there watching him, slightly worried about the amount of rubber he’s ingested. Suddenly he runs off and again I chase after him. A man in the distance throws a bone to his dog and it is immediately apparent that this is what has caught Nelson’s attention. Nelson leaps and catches the bone in mid air and sits down with his prize. I catch up and grab the bone from his mouth, giving it back to the furious man. I can understand his frustration, but he is exceedingly angry. A dog trainer walks up to the man and tells him that he should expect other dogs to chase after a bone if he throws it around. I apologise again and turn to leave when I hear a loud gunshot. Nelson collapses to the ground with blood gushing out of his head. I turn in horror to see the man pointing a gun at my dog. I run over to Nelson and trying to stop the bleeding, but it won’t stop flowing. No one helps me as I sit with Nelson’s lifeless and blood-stained body in my lap. I stand and turn to face the man who is just looking at me with a snarl stretched across his face. I point at him, but there is a gun where my hand should be. I just want him to be in pain. I shoot him in his leg twice before aiming at his chest and firing three shots, all the while staring into his dark eyes.
I’m driving. I’m in the school car park, leaving after an afterclass – the sun has already gone down. I turn down the road to exit the school grounds, but the road is blocked because of construction. I can’t see a way around it, and eventually a construction man walks up to my car and informs me that I’m stuck here. I tell him that I just want to go home because I’ve finished school for the day, but he gets angry and yells at me, telling me there’s no way out. I’m stuck here. I get out of the car to reason with this man, but Mr Osborne and two other men who I can’t quite make out come running up to me. The two men grab me by the arms and Mr Osborne checks my jacket for a gun. It tickles and I squirm and laugh, asking what on earth is going on. Mr Osborne tells me to go back into the school. I ask why and the two men pull out a gun and point them at the back of my head, forcing me back towards the school. I’m terrified and the epitome of confused. I plead with them, telling them that the guns really aren’t necessary, that I’ll go by myself. I pass by Jeremy and Mr Cooney. They both have tears streaming down their faces and are reaching out to me, but they can’t do anything. As I look to them, one of the men puts their gun inside my mouth and pushes it against the roof of mouth. I freeze. I can taste the metal. I can feel tears fall down my face, but I just stare at the man and don’t move a muscle, terrified that the slightest movement will make the gun go off. The other man pushes me in the back with the tip of his gun and I’m walking again, one gun at the back of my head, another against the roof of my mouth. I’m taken to a room, completely unaware of what is going on. An argument breaks out between the two men and I am told to hold the gun in my mouth myself so he doesn’t have to. I’m standing in the corner of a room, holding a gun to the roof of my mouth, watching two men argue over something I can’t make out. I don’t know what to do. I’m desperate. The man now without a gun steps in front of me, facing the man he is arguing with. Without thinking, I grab him around the neck and shoot him with his gun. I try to shoot the other man to in more or less one motion, but I forget to reload. I panic and fumble, trying to reload. It’s too easy for the man. He takes one look at me and shoots me in the neck. Everything goes fuzzy. I fall to the ground, trying to breathe. I feel my neck throbbing. Blackness.
I’m sitting in an auditorium, packed to the walls with people so there’s barely any room to move. We’re waiting for something. A show, perhaps? Perhaps a speech from our leader. There are cameras everywhere. A man walks onto the stage, holding a hat. He grins at everyone present and announces that he has a real treat for us tonight. He scans the crowd and his eyes pause on a girl sitting next to me. He walks down from the stage and over to her, holding out the hat. He bends over and whispers to her, but I hear what he says. He’s telling her to put on a ring that she’ll find in the hat. The girl looks to me with pain in her eyes, telling me she can’t wear rings. I don’t question why, but offer to do so in her place. The man passes the hat to me and I put my hand inside, find the ring and place it on my finger. The man returns to the stage and tells me to raise my hand in the air. I do so with a dramatic flourish and somewhere in the distance there is an explosion and a billowing of flame. The whole auditorium gasps and I grin at the special effect. The man tells me to try again, so again I raise my hand with a flourish. This time, the explosion is much closer. I hear wailing and screaming. I turn to see a woman cradling a charred body. I look closer at the people around me. Everyone is holding a flaming stick. The man warns me not to turn around, but try it again. Without thinking, I do so. Someone else’s flaming stick explodes and there is more screaming. I turn with horror to the man on the stage who is just smiling at me, nodding his head, gesturing for me to go again. I feel sick. I go to look around me again, but he tells me quite clearly that I do not want to be doing that. The girl sitting next to me is just staring blank faced at me. The man on the stage stares straight into my eyes. I shiver. “The only way to end this is to finish it.” I raise my hand again and flinch, waiting for the explosion. This time it is further away, but just as distinct. Everyone in the auditorium is staring at me, clutching their flaming sticks which at any moment could mean their death. I know the man is right. The only way to end this is to finish it and hope to survive. The best thing I can do is make it happen quickly, stop drawing it out. I raise my hand ten times in quick succession and ten sticks explode, filling the room with a haze of smoke and more screams. I continue to raise my hand. I am now holding a flaming stick myself. Every time I raise my hand, it could be me. The only way to end this is to finish it. I lose count of the amount of times I raise my hand, flinching each time, readying myself for death. Finally, the man on the stage orders me to stop. I look around me, barely a hundred people remain of the thousands that filled the room. This is it. We’ve survived. We’re the survivors. It is finished. I turn and look around me again, looking into the faces of the survivors. A line of cloaked figures walk through the seated people and as I look closer, I feel sick. They are handing out more flaming sticks. It is not over. We’re here for round two. The man on the stage nods at me. I shake my head in disbelief. He nods again. Tears of horror, disgust and anger blur my vision. I raise my hand. My stick explodes.
I am in a desert, surrounded by dunes. I am dead. I look down and see pebbles and rock racing together to form a figure lying in the sand. I see my body begin to take form. First my head, then my body. All around me figures are being shaped. Men and women and children are taking form. The bodies of the dead surround me.

Why, hello there...

2011-10-07T00:13:00.000-07:00

How are you? I do hope you are well...if not, I hope you recover quickly, or as the saying goes "Get Well Soon" - I've always found that statement to be a bit abrasive, however. "Get well soon!!" "Ok, ok, I'm sorry!"

I digress.

We meet here, in cyberspace, not knowing each other, and yet somehow fascinated in who the other is. I sit here, terribly afraid that I may not end up having anything of great importance to say, while you sit there quietly hoping to find some small piece of amusement or interest as you spend the next hour or so procrastinating from whatever it is you know you should be doing, but have cleverly and thoroughly convinced yourself that it can be done later.

I, personally, should be studying for some rather important and fast approaching exams, however I find myself entirely void of all motivation whatsoever. Perhaps you are in the same boat? Another odd phrase, as neither of us is in a boat. Well, I am certainly not. You may be, however - I shouldn't rule the possibility out entirely.

If you are reading this, be it on a boat or otherwise, I do hope that you will stick with me as I converse from time to time. Perhaps you will find yourself commenting and replying? I should very much like that. I would then be able to change my title from 'Ramblings' to 'Conversations' with a Creative.

Do you consider yourself creative? How do you express your creativity? I love making films, and I've entered two films into a film festival called Ignite Short Film Festival, along with a friend of mine. I also like to sing and write, but above all else I love to act. The freedom and expression gained through acting is...indescribable. You'll probably hear a lot about my acting pursuits, achievements and failures - I would love for you to share your pursuits and achievements and failures, of any kind, with me too. I would love this to be very much two sided. I don't even know if anyone will end up ever reading this, it's all a bit of a mystery to me, so if you are out there and you are reading this, let me know - I would love to converse with you.

Well, until we type again...