Ramblings of a lazy ex-scientist.

Thoughts on revolution

2011-02-16T09:27:00.000-05:00

I haven't had a chance to update this blog for a while. I'll get to it tomorrow. I wanted to write up some of my thoughts on the Revolution in Egypt, and will do that in the next post. For now, you may be interested in reading Samir Amin's article in Monthly Review, on what revolutionary movements and new social orders might look like in the 21st century.

Click here!

Letter to the President

2011-02-06T16:14:00.000-05:00

I didn't have a lot of time to compose something well-polished, but I just sent off this e-mail to President Obama. You may consider writing to him as well, and encouraging him to aid the pro-democracy movement in Egypt rather than help bring in a new dictatorship.

Dear Mr. President,

I believe the people of every nation has the right to self-determination of their governance. For this reason, I strongly urge you to support the democratic movement in Egypt. I have a number of concerns regarding the direction your administration's Egypt policy is headed.

There seems to be a slavish commitment by your representative in Egypt, Frank Wisner, to adhere to the Egyptian Constitution. I fail to see why this is such a crucial issue for Mr Wisner, especially given that the people of Egypt do not seem to hold the same desire to follow the Constitution to the letter. If American is to be the beacon of democracy that guides the rest of the world, our policies should strongly adhere to what the people of a country desire for their form of governance, not what we wish to impose.

The people of Egypt want the dictator Mubarak to leave. Not only this, but they seem to also desire an end to his administration. Turning over the dictatorship to Mubarak's vice president is not an act that complies with the people's stated desires.

We have already seen that vice president Omar Suleiman is using a divide and conquer approach to the democratic uprising. He is negotiating separately with each individual faction of the pro-democracy movement in order to create divisions within the coalition. Once divided, the strength the movement had in unity will be lost and Suleiman will be able to consolidate power under a new dictatorship. Even if new elections are called in seven months, so long as Egypt's former head of internal security is placed at the head of government, suppression of legitimate progressive political organizations will likely take place in the interim, and the elections will be tainted.

I strongly urge you to discontinue your support of Omar Suleiman. Support an interim government overseen by Mohamed ElBaradei, a public figure broadly held in high regard by the Egyptian people and support the democratic process in the country.

Sincerely,

Damien Mathew.

God, I'm lazy.

2011-01-23T14:19:00.000-05:00

So I went to the gym again today. I don't quite make it once a week, because I'm lazy. but, I am overweight, and have slightly elevated triglycerides and cholesterol so I need to be health conscious a bit. I'm moderately unhealthy, so I will take my health moderately seriously. I feel that's a balanced approach.

Anyway, I did like a half hour on the exercise bike, then fiddled with the machines for a while then called it quits. I hate the gym by the way. It's sort of hard to explain why I hate it, so I made a little mini-journal of what was going through my head while I was on the bike, and here it is, with entries at various times after I started:

2 minutes: God, these people are awful. Look at that asshole over there, stretching. If I were to meet that sort of person at a party, I'd probably kick his teeth out and blame the alcohol on my misbehavior. I'll bet he drives a BMW and incessantly talks on his cell about the bond market or real estate.

4 minutes in (starting to sweat): I'm becoming stupid. I'll bet I'd fail the SAT if I had to take it right now. Lemme see. How do those SAT logic questions go? Christ it's been so long. How about "1) Gym's are meant for people who look good in spandex. 2) Damien does not look good in spandex. 3) Therefore _______"

10 minutes in: I'm watching golf on the TV. I never watch golf. I hate myself

15 minutes: I'd probably kill for a cigarette right about now. I'd definitely kill the guy from the 2 minute mark for a cigarette....

20 minutes: Actually, this isn't so bad.

25 minutes: Actually, yeah it is.

28 minutes: I've made some really bad choices in life. the ury is still out about the choice of going to the gym.

30 minutes: Ok, done.

10 seconds after stopping the bike and trying to stand: Oh, that doesn't feel right. How come the floor is so wobbly?

Cambodia: Garment Workers Sacked for Striking

2011-01-14T22:20:00.001-05:00

I haven't written a post for a while, but thought I'd draw your attention to this rather urgent labor issue. Over 300 garment workers in Cambodia have been laid off for having the audacity to go on strike. You can do something very simple that can help them. Follow this link to read more about their story and sign a petition.
Cambodia: Garment Workers Sacked for Striking

Socialism is not the same as liberalism: Or why Liberals can be just as annoying as conservatives

2011-01-08T18:00:00.001-05:00

Let's say that Capitalism is like a beautiful flower garden. The conservative walks through the garden and marvels at how wonderful it is. "My, what beauty! Whatever we do, we must not do anything to despoil the beauty of this garden."

Meanwhile the liberal is also walking through the garden. "What an exquisite flower garden," says the liberal. "We must work hard to ensure it's beauty remains. We must weed, fertilize, control pests... Do everything we can to ensure this garden lasts for generations and generations."

The socialist is locked out of the garden, but yells at the navel-contemplating assholes inside, "Hey, there's lots of people really struggling to get by out here. Once we get organized we're gonna bust this gate down, and turn your flower garden into a vegetable garden so we can fucking eat!"

Columbus Museum of Art

2011-01-02T16:23:00.031-05:00

We went to visit the Columbus Museum of Art, this afternoon. Admission is free on Sundays, and parking is free, so it's a fun and interesting thing to do if you're bored. Also, if you've spawned, they have things for kids to do. Hands-on art projects and stuff, so there were lots of kids there, but they were all occupied with doing stuff so it wasn't so bad. (I don't actually hate kids, just kids acting inappropriately.. and I only hate that because they can get away with it, while I can't).

Anyway, I thought I would share some interesting things we saw today. Before I get started, I should note that I know nothing about art... so, anyway!

Here's an interesting piece by George Tooker.

It's called "Lunch". There's a single African-American man in a room, with others eating bread. They are all eating in unison. It's supposed to reflect the act of Communion, but everybody is isolated. No eye contact, no interaction with others. It supposed to communicate how empty and futile the act of Communion is without any real sense of community or connection with other people.

This one is pretty cool, too. It's by Clarence Holbrook Carter, entitled "Jane Reed and Dora Hunt". It is of two Depression Era Ohio women picking up "chunkers" along a railroad track. Chunkers are stray bits of coal from a train that people used for heating or cooking fuel. "Impoverished frugality" was a phrase used to describe the subjects.

I liked this one. Again, I'm no art critic, but I liked the pure colors. It's by Dale Nichols, "Come to Supper."

Oh, this one! William Wegman made this by creating one huge scene composed of a bunch of postcards for all sorts of places. The settings of the postcards can be as diverse as ancient Egyptian ruins, to tropical islands, to cruise ships to urban skylines... and he paints an overall scene that seamlessly incorporates and encompasses all of them.. I wish there were a way to capture this with my camera phone, but it is really amazing. It's called "The Tilted Chair" for some reason.

Let's see, what else... Pretty sculpture by Paul Manship, "Diana".

Here's another one by Clarence Holbrook Carter. "Smoldering Fires". In the background is a mountain of burning coal mine debris.

Here's a neat lithograph by Grant Wood, called "Approaching Storm." Its very geometric. the thunderstorm that is approaching looks almost like a volcano or a towering mountain. The field hands will have to work hard to finish work before the storm hits. There's that sense of urgency, but also of a precision. Anyway, I think it's neat.

There's plenty more beautiful and interesting things at the museum, but I thought I'd share photos of a few things that I thought were neat... I wouldn't even say these were the best in the museum's collection (they also have pieces by Picasso, Monet, Degas...).

Making Bread

2010-12-31T14:01:00.000-05:00

I have the day off from work, so I'm baking bread. Baking bread can be fun, and it involves a fair amount of biochemistry and microbiology to have it done right. Here's how you do it.

Proper bread making relies on a microorganism commonly known as yeast, Saccharomyces cerevisiae. This organism will do most of the work for you, all you have to do is prepare a proper environment for it do do its work. You need lukewarm water (about 1 cup), a source of simple carbohydrate for the yeast to munch on (maybe 1/4 cup of honey or molasses), some salt to prevent the yeast from taking up too much water, some powered milk (1/4 cup) to add some flavor and also provide nutrients for the yeast, and flour (3.5 cups should work) to provider more complex carbohydrate for the yeast and also to provide the actual material that the bread will build from.

Mix the liquid stuff first, then introduce the yeast to their new home. Stir them in, and let the mixture set for a little bit. The dried yeast you used contains yeast spores. Yeast forms spores when they no longer have the stuff they need to actively live... when there isn't enough water or nutrients around. The spore is a hardened shell with the hibernating yeast cell sleeping quietly inside. In the presence of water and nutrient, a signal is sent to the sleeping yeast cell that it is ok to come out of its sleep. It takes a moment or two for the signal to reach the yeast cells and for them to fully wake up and start eating and living a rich and fulfilling yeast life, so give them a bit of time. Next, add a cup of flour at a time. Stir to get an even consistency before adding additional flout until the full 3.5 cups have been added.

Now you need to knead the bread. Kneading is essential to making the bread turn out right. It helps build up a network of cross-linked polymers called gluten. Gluten is present in flour to begin with, but the kneading helps express the gluten and stretch and elongate the fibers to make a sort of mesh that holds the bread together. Kneading also mixes air into the dough. Without air to breath, the yeast can stil survive, but they will undergo anaerobic respiration, which results in alcohol production as the yeast break down the sugars and carbohydrates. What you want is for the yeast to happily chew on the sugars and carbs, breath in oxygen and respire carbon dioxide. You want them to use aerobic respiration. So, they will air to breath, and the kneading mixes in air for them.

After you've kneaded the dough, let it sit. The yeast will munch on the carbs in the dough, give off carbon dioxide, the CO_2 will be trapped in the gluten network creating bubbles, and the whole thing will begin to rise and expand. Let it sit for an hour or two, checking on it periodically. While you wait, you can think about the billions and billions of yeast critters hard at work.. living out their lives, doing what they do. They are eating, growing old, reproducing, maybe dying. A whole microscopic drama is unfolding in that ugly ball of dough, while you sit on the couch reading a book or watching TV.

Here's what your little baking assistants look like under a microscope.

Once the dough has about doubled in size, shape it into about an 8" log and place it in a lightly greased bread pan. Let it rise a little more, because by shaping it, we've popped some of the bubbles in the dough. Once the dough rises above the rim of the pan about an inch, place the pan in an oven preheated to 350 degrees F, and bake for about half an hour to 40 minutes, checking periodically. The yeast will die, or form spores again, but will never again have that paradise they once had when the dough was rising. They lived for a few generations (yeast in the conditions we've given them probably doubled their population once every hour or two), enjoyed some good food and had as fulfilling a life as a single celled organism could hope, and as with all good things there must come an end, so don't feel bad about the genocidal carnage that you are unleashing on them in the oven. After half an hour or so and after a nice crust has formed on the bread, you can take it out, turn it out of the pan, and let it cool on a cooling rack. You may want to tent a piece of aluminum foil over the top of the bread after about 20 minutes of baking to prevent it from getting too dark or crispy of a crust.

After you let it cool for a bit, eat and enjoy.

Right-wing lizard brains

2010-12-29T08:51:00.000-05:00

Well, actually there isn't really much that can be concluded from this study reported by The Independent. It would be amusing to say that right-wingers relied on the more primitive, reptilian part of the human brain for their decision making, and the rest of us used higher level rational thought and empathy, but I don't think that can really be concluded from this study. Maybe a functional MRI scan while test subjects consider current events of political issues might be more revealing. That there are differences in the relative sizes of portions of the brain is inconclusive.

But, it is interesting to think about. The amygdala is responsible for "fear conditioning" and the memory and recall of emotional aspects of past events. There is, of course, the perception that right-wingers decision making processes are driven by fear. Take for instance the irrational obsession with terrorism, even though the risk of being subjected to a terrorist attack is slim at best.... in fact, the odds of being a victim of terrorism are about the same as that of contracting cancer from the new "let's oggle your naughty bits" x-ray scanners that the TSA is using at airport screening checkpoints. The rational decision to make regarding the implementation of the x-ray scanners is that the marginal improvement in safety provided by the scanners is cancelled out by the increased (though also marginal) public health problems associated with the scans. By implementing the scanners the safety and well-being of the public is unchanged, and therefore not worth the cost.... "but terrorism is scary! Scan us!"

Form Reply Letters from Politicians

2010-12-28T13:46:00.000-05:00

The form letters that politicians send to constituents who wrote them can be pretty amusing. They'll always thank the constituent for writing to them, and say that they appreciate hearing the views of the people they represent... and then they make it very clear that they didn't read your letter at all! Here's a reply to a letter I sent to Senator Sherrod Brown (a politician I do actually have respect for). I wrote him asking that he oppose sanctions and legal actions against Wikileaks. Here's what he wrote back:

Dear Dr. (redacted):

Thank you for getting in touch with me about Wikileaks’ recent disclosure of classified documents pertaining to U.S. military operations and U.S. relations with foreign governments. I have heard from many Ohioans about this situation, and I take these concerns seriously.

Publically releasing classified documents that jeopardize our troops on the ground, our military operations, and our nation’s diplomatic relations is unconscionable. It is of tantamount importance that we investigate this matter fully to determine if U.S. law has been violated.

While I believe transparency and openness is critical in a Democratic society, clandestine efforts to release classified documents may ultimately endanger our diplomatic efforts around the world, our national security, and the lives of our servicemembers.

To date, Wikileaks founder Julian Assange has not been charged with violating U.S. federal law. However, I am following this situation closely and will keep your views in mind as the investigation continues.

Thank you again for getting in touch with me.

Sincerely,

Sherrod Brown
United States Senator

Ummm... Ok, well, for starters there's no evidence that anyone was harmed or killed due to Wikileaks' actions.... ever! He's clearly trying to play it both ways, and it's really not working. That bit about openness being "critical in a Democratic society." sounds pretty lame when it is sandwiched between all that right-wing scare-tactic nonsense about putting American lives at risk.

Ah, wel...

More Wikileaks news

2010-12-27T09:02:00.000-05:00

This actually comes from a New York Times article, but came to my attention through a report from AlterNet, but it directly relates to my previous post. It appears that several other Wikileaks cables also reveal the use of Drug Enforcement Agency surveillance technology to spy on political enemies of US-friendly regimes in Latin America.

One August 2009 cable reported Panamanian President Ricardo Martinelli as having sent an urgent BlackBerry message to the US ambassador asking the DEA go after his political enemies.

Here's a reference to one cable that could be particularly interesting, especially now that the Burmese/Myanmar military junta may be losing its ability to suppress democratic tendencies in Burma.

Cables from Myanmar describe DEA informants reporting both on how the military junta enriches itself with drug money and on the political activities of the junta's opponents, the paper noted.

I wasn't able to track down the actual cables, but if I can find them I will post links here.

Wikileaks can be interesting - Government of Paraguay Obtains Cell Phone Intercept Technology from the US

2010-12-24T20:25:00.000-05:00

Sometimes, it seems to me that trying to get information out of Wikileaks can be like trying to take a drink from a fire hose. But, that isn't to say that there isn't some interesting stuff in the "diplomatic cables" that are being released almost every day. So, I thought I might occasionally introduce and briefly summarize a leaked cable now and then to draw attention to things I think might be interesting, important, etc.

So, here's one that was released a day or two ago.

http://wikileaks.ch/cable/2010/02/10ASUNCION97.html

This is a cable from the US Embassy in Asuncion, Paraguay. In it, we learn about a discussion between Paraguayan Interior Minister Rafael Filizzola and US Ambassador to Paraguay, Liliana Ayalde in which Filizzola humbly beseeches Ayalde to give his government access to advanced cellular telephone intercept technology, beyond what his government was already given from the United States for the stated purposes of narcotics interdiction. The purpose of the request for additional cell phone intercept technology isn't for drug interdiction. The government of Paraguay wants to hunt their political enemies, under the aegis of countering kidnapping and terrorism... claims which undoubtedly Paraguay figured would resonate well with a terror-paranoid United States.

The comment at the end of the cable is also particularly interesting:

---------------------------------------------
COMMENT: GET ON BOARD OR GET LEFT BEHIND

---------------------------------------------

¶8. (S/NF) Given the political pressures on the GOP to arrest the EPP members responsible for the Zavala kidnapping, there is no doubt that the Lugo government will continue intense efforts to improve its intercept capability. Our participation and concurrence is key to our counternarcotics-- and broader law enforcement-- goals in Paraguay. If we are not supportive, the GOP will view us as an obstacle to a key priority, which could jeopardize our broader relationship and the DEA's ability to pursue counternarcotics leads. Capturing the EPP has become a top priority of the Paraguayan government, and there is a real sense of urgency that it happen quickly. We now have an opportunity to help the GOP and be viewed as a reliable and valuable partner, as well as to ensure that U.S. interests in counternarcotics are protected. However, we want to limit our involvement to protecting DEA's program, as opposed to legitimizing the GOP's broader CT intercept program. DEA will send John Zaginailoff to Asuncion in coming weeks, who will offer advice to the GOP on how to best set up the program (in order to protect our part of it). We have carefully navigated this very sensitive and politically sticky
situation, and hope that we can move forward quickly in order to make the most of it. It appears that we have no other viable choice. END COMMENT.
AYALDE

It is interesting, because the United States appears to feel pressured by Paraguay to allow them access to the expanded surveillance technology or risk losing clout and access to Paraguay for anti-drug and "broader law enforcement" actions (whatever those might be).

It also seems obvious at several points in the dialog that the United States' priority is counter-narcotics, while Paraguay sees counter-narcotics as something to appease the US but is much more interested in exploiting public paranoia over the EPP's (Paraguayan People’s Army) kidnapping of a wealthy rancher to expand their surveillance police state and tighten their grip on their political power. See excerpt below (emphasis added by me)

While acknowledging that drugs are a serious problem, the Minister stated that they are not the only security issue confronting Paraguay. Kidnapping, arms trafficking and corruption, the Minister stated, could not be subordinated to the war on drugs. Filizzola said the GOP's top priority was capturing the EPP, which had to take precedence over counter-narcotics. He was specifically concerned about the USD 550,000 the EPP received during the Zavala kidnapping [the wealthy rancher], the EPP's interest in generating instability, and the leads the GOP had on some other possible kidnappings. "Counternarcotics are important," he said, "but won't topple our government. The EEP could."

Christmas Spirit

2010-12-24T12:38:00.001-05:00

I somehow managed to avoid becoming possessed by the Christmas spirit this year. It isn't like I'm feeling cranky or a Scrooge or something, I just don't feel anything special about this season. There've been Christmases in the past where I've felt depressed or let down, but I don't even feel that. Our house isn't decorated, inside or out. And I feel fine about that. Nothing special planned for tomorrow, except some relative invited us over... I imagine once I get there I will have to feign some Holiday Spirit...or even worse, actual "birth-of-our-messiah" CHRIST-MAS Spirit.

I don't know how this happened. But, it just dawned on me on Wednesday. I was reporting on what I had done for the day to my supervisor and mentioned that I would wrap up some of this project Thursday morning before starting in on something new, and he said "tomorrow?" and just left it hanging there. And it took me a while to remember that we were given the 23rd and 24th off. So, I was off work yesterday, but still didn't feel like I was feeling festive or anything. Not down, not depressed, not excited, just mildly enjoying my day off.

Today, I made a run to the credit union to make a deposit and turned on the radio as I drove. There was a religious service on one of the NPR stations and Christmas choral hymns on the other. We bought a new car, recently and they gave us 3 free months of XM radio to go along with it. I hate XM radio, and intend to blog about that later, in the context of the general decline and homogenization of American culture.... but anyway, I tune into the BBC World Service on XM radio and its more religious crap... and my first response to all of this was "What the fuck is with all this religious shit on my public radio stations?" And then I remembered: "oh right, this is Christmas Eve." Turned off the radio and drove the rest of the way in silence. I guess it somewhat makes sense that the BBC would be airing religious stuff of Christmas since they don't actually have separation of church and state over there... in fact, no constitution whatsoever... Maybe that's another blog post... but, anyway...

Maybe I've been subconsciously shielding myself from Christmas stuff from the media, and that's how I managed to avoid being taken in by the hype. Whatever it was, I hope I can manage to do this again next year. I've always hated the manic-depressive holiday season.

Leonid meteor shower

2010-11-17T23:07:00.002-05:00

The Leonid meteor shower is tonight, but we live in an urban area. The light pollution is too intense to see much of anything dimmer than Jupiter. Though I did enjoy star-gazing and watching meteor showers when I was a kid. North Dakota night skies were so clear. It really is indescribable. You'd just have to see it. At moments you felt like there was nothing between you and the rest of the Universe. It had to do with the fact that the terrain was so flat in addition to the fact that there were so few lights. The sky could be a terrifying and awesome thing. Being caught outside in a thunderstorm under that great dome of a sky, with its whirling, churning masses of evil-spirited air and coal-soot-black tendrils of snarling menace could be just as emotion-filled as a quiet evening losing oneself in the stars.. in a different way.

But, anyway. I'm not able to catch the Leonids tonight. But there's plenty of stuff going on in space on any given day. Miss one event, something else will come around tomorrow. As I write, the Voyager spacecraft are screaming out of the solar system, about 11,000,000,000 miles away and moving at a speed relative to Earth of about 50,000 mph. Each Voyager spacecraft has a golden record on board, in case it should get intercepted by an alien race. As unlikely as that may seem, the two Voyagers and the two Pioneers that came before them, are the only objects we have ever sent away from the Earth... really away. No other probe or craft had sufficient energy to escape the gravitational field of the Sun and the planets in our star system. The Voyagers and Pioneers are destined to encounter another world... or drift until the end of time in the Void.

But, anyway. There's a golden record on the Voyagers. It contains some data about us. Who we are, where we live, what sorts of art and culture we have obtained. And it can also play like a record (there were instructions for how to play the record that read something like "The record should spin with a period of once every xxxxxx resonance cycles of a quartz crystal" or something to that effect.. something that aliens would presumably understand). And that record has Bach's Brandenburg Concerto #2 on it, to impress the aliens with the mathematical intricacies of our music, and some other stuff ...

... and then there's Blind Willie Johnson's "Dark Was the Night." Which at first one would think is out of place. Inappropriate for a message to an alien race. Give it a listen as you read.

I don't know why this song was chosen, but I'm glad it was. Maybe there is an official reason, but to be honest I don't really care. To me, it was chosen to communicate to the aliens that we aren't perfect. That we are real. That we face real problems, and many of us are living in pain and are suffering deeply. While Bach's chamber music may represent the Haves of the world, who once strolled in picturesque gardens wearing powdered wigs, Blind Willie Johnson is there for those of us who don't fit that mold. Willie was born in poverty. Lost his eyesight when lye was thrown in his face as a child. Was cheated out of earning more than a couple hundred bucks for his music by the record company that signed him. Died of pneumonia while sleeping on a rain soaked mattress while his wife tried in vain to keep the roof from leaking on him... and if you really want to tell an alien race what it is like to be a human, you've got to at least give them something of that story. Because so many humans live toccatas and fugues of that sort of strain.

When you look up into the night sky, remind yourself that there are two spacecraft out there hurtling through the Universe, each with a story to tell if they ever find someone to listen.

French protests and the farce of austerity

2010-10-27T20:01:00.000-04:00

I was going to write something about the the topics in the title of this post, but my writing abilities aren't up to the task. It would probably just be another rambling rant like the last post... and it isn't like a lot of people are reading this anyway. but if you do stumble upon this, you should read these two blog posts:

French Protesters Have It Right: No Need to Raise Retirement Age

Speaking Truth About Saving Social Security

I'm going to be busy the next few days, but might pick this blog up again after the election.

Voting

2010-10-24T13:38:00.000-04:00

I have a number of friends who are self-described "radicals." I'm not sure what conditions need to be met to become a "radical", but they call themselves that. They are frustrating, because they hold a view of the world that doesn't actually mesh with the political realities around them. One friend said that "voting is like begging politely so the masters my throw us some crumbs." But, what is a realistic alternative? Honestly, what is the alternative?

Marching around in the streets in some infantile demonstration hasn't been proven to be effective in this country over the last four decades, and not for lack of trying. When the majority of people see protesters marching in the streets, they write them off as whackos. And justifiably so. Claiming to be a revolutionary vanguard of a people who are ignorant to, or perhaps even opposed to the demands the vanguard is making is insane. It is an infantile response to a world that one disagrees with. "My way or nothing!" appears to be the vanguardist's slogan. What about engagement with the very people these so called radical revolutionaries would pretend to lead? What is their level of political consciousness? Do we really understand their concerns with the status quo political system? Are we wrong in our assumptions about them?

Other radicals are eager to distance themselves from groups they perceive to be vanguardist, but they still act like vanguardists. They rigidly adhere to one fixed view of social struggle. "These are the issues the struggle should focus on. These are the priorities it should tackle." Their vision of the social struggle is formulated through academic study, not through personal experience. These are college students who grew up in suburban areas. Unwilling to expose themselves to the issues that real working people face, they convince themselves that they already know them, and out of guilt for their privileged background endeavor to correct the social problems they perceive. The fact that they religiously hold to their established world views without really going out into the world and verifying their conceptions

Part of the problem is that radicals isolate themselves socially. They interact only with other so-called radicals who reinforce their own ideologies and world views. That these world views and ideologies may not be congruent with the actual situation "on the ground" in the real world of working people never dawns on them. These are college students who became politically enlightened through academic study, not through personal experience. This can be an avenue to political enlightenment, but it also needs to be accompanied by rigorous self-criticism. "Am I unfairly biasing my views and opinions?" "Does the other side have a point on this issue?" "Are there other ways to approach the social problems I am concerned with?" A true revolutionary needs to combine a passionate commitment to improving the world with an open-minded pragmatism. Do whatever is necessary to achieve the revolutionary ends, but also be constantly questioning and reassessing those ends. Are they still relevant? Are they prioritized correctly?

Saul Alinsky, in his book, "Rules for Radicals" writes that we need to focus on the world as it is, because we need to begin somewhere. To begin with an imagined world as it should be is to build a castle in the sky. There is no foundation to support it. How are we to get there from here? Revolutionary struggles never follow a predetermined path.

Additionally, the vast majority of people in our country believe that either the present system can work for them, or that there is no real alternative even if it doesn't. Revolutionary movements often follow similar social patterns to insurgencies. Like insurgencies, revolutionary situations will have forces that are opposed to change (counter-insurgencies/counter-revolutionaries), forces actively engaged in social change, and those who are not engaged in either way.

The US Army/Marine Corps Counterinsurgency Field Manual, coauthored by General David Petraeus describes this social dynamic in the context of putting down an insurgency. In the field manual, Petraeus characterizes the insurgency and counter insurgency forces as each consisting of less than the majority of the populace. The majority are inactive, but may have sympathies for one or the other force. If the majority is engaged at all, it will be in a limited format. By encouraging people to vote, they will feel more inclined to develop an understanding about the issues that are being debated (and those issues that are conspicuously avoided in debate).

Protests and demonstrations are effective in pressuring leaders by showing how many supporters there are of a particular issue. It may also be effective in giving confidence and reassurance to some who may agree with the protesters, but who felt they might have been in the minority opinion. It is not effective, however, in swaying people's opinions from opposition to support. The development of political opinions and consciousness requires an individual to spend some time thinking about and cogitating on the social issues facing their community and nation. This level of political awareness is raised by encouraging people to vote. Voters feel obligated to follow current events and examine issues. They are also more receptive to a dialog about these issues. Discouraging people from voting because they have limited choices is a limited way of seeing the electoral process. Encouraging people to voluntarily disenfranchise themselves is a de-mobilizing action, since the actual act of voting takes so little time, and people who are disinclined to vote will also be less inclined to examine current events and the social situation they live in.

Pie

2010-10-19T20:27:00.001-04:00

My wife made pie while I was at work, and it got me thinking about the phononym, pi (π) . Well, actually, I was pretty eager to dig into the pie, but the wife says I need to wait, so I'm waiting, and thinking about π to take my mind off of pie. I have a strange sort of mental focus...

I minored in math in college. I was short of a major by a couple of classes, but to be honest I am no mathematician. Physics was a better fit for me, because I saw math as a language that was used to describe some pretty amazing things about the world around us.

But math itself has some pretty spectacular things, too. Though, maybe I find these things fascinating because I am ignorant about deeper mathematical theory. If a mathematician reads this blog, I'd love to read their comments.

Anyway, back to π. We are confronted by π all the time. You'll recall from high school math that π is the ratio of a circle's circumference to it's diameter. As important and ubiquitous as circles and spherical objects are to us, π is agonizingly "irrational". It cannot be factored by a finite number of prime numbers. It has a sequence of digits beyond it's decimal point that neither repeats or ends. This one number which is so important to us can also never be completely known.

Pi also pops up in lots of weird ways that don't seem to have anything to do with a circle. I remember thinking how odd it was to confront π while learning complex analysis. Complex analysis deals with a space composed of two number lines. One is the real number line that we learned in school. The other is a line that runs perpendicular to the real number line... it is based on a numbering system based on the square root of negative one instead of one.. Yes, negative one is a number.. it is an "imaginary" number on a line of numbers that intersects our more familiar "real" number line at one point... zero.

A complex number can have both a real and an imaginary component. The two number lines create a "complex plane" with the real number line as the x axis and the imaginary number line forming the y axis. You can think of an angle, θ, made by the real number line and a line connecting the complex number to the origin. Given this view, the complex number can be written as the magnitude of the line (it's length) multiplied by e^{i θ} (where i = √-1. When θ = π , something funny happens. Pi is 180 degrees in radians, so the angle would have swept completely over the imaginary number line and lined up with the real number line again, pointing in the opposite direction. e^{i π} = -1. Wow. Well, you may have seen that before. But, I thought that was cool when I first saw it. e^{i π/2} = i, by the way, but you've already been exposed to about as much awesomeness as Euler's formula can bestow in one sitting, so I'll leave it at that.

Anyway, I came across something else pretty interesting about π. Check this out:

What's going on here? Ok, its an infinite product. I'll walk you through it. The numbers in the denominator are multiples of 4. The numbers in the numerator are prime numbers (if they exist) one away on either side of the denominator.

Let's go through how the first couple terms in the product are determined. Let's pick the first multiple of 4, which is just 4. Now are there prime numbers on either side of 4? Yes, 3 and 5 are primes, so let's multiply 3/4 and 5/4 and move on to the next multiple of 4: 8. Are there primes on either side of 8? Yes, but only one this time: 7 (9 is not prime). So we have one more term to place into the product, 7/8. Next multiple of 4 is 12. Both 11 and 13 are primes, so we stick 11/12 and 13/12 into the product, and so on... with each term we get closer and closer to π/4. If the product were taken out infinitely long, we would get exactly π/4. Holy crap! Why?! What does this infinite product have to do with a circle or the complex plane... or anything else that we think of as being intimately related to π?

Hopefully, some smart mathematician will stumble across this and give me a clue. I'm not some idiot who thinks the world is full of miracles and magic. There has to be a reason for this. Help a fellow out. It is conceivable that this is something I had been taught once long ago and have since forgotten, but it would please me to know the derivation.

In the meantime, I'm gonna go see if it is allowed for me to eat pie, now.

Columbus Blue Jacket Fans

2010-10-17T11:00:00.000-04:00

So, yeah, we went to see the Columbus Blue Jackets play the Chicago Black Hawks Friday night. It was miserable. Blue Jackets lost, 5-2. But, other things about the game were actually pretty cool.

The Blue Jackets started out as an NHL "expansion" team, 10 years ago. The NHL's strategy was to expand (thus the name) into markets that didn't traditionally have hockey fans, with the hope of building a broader nation-wide fan base for professional hockey. And thus, Columbus, Ohio received their first professional sports team.

Before the start of the game, they played a short little video about the Jackets' first ten years. It was a little bit campy, but I'm also a human being which means my brain is susceptible to marketing tricks. It had my attention. They stitched together a little narrative about the team. They had artificially faded pictures of the players who accomplished all the firsts for the Jackets: first goal, first hat trick, etc. You want to ignore that fact that all of this occurred "way back" in 2000, so there's no need to have photos faded to the point it appears they were taken in 1880.

But, the narrative was engaging. Ten years ago a bunch of reject underdogs came together to form a professional hockey team. They had no reputations, only ambition. They were grateful for an opportunity to prove themselves, and in spite of the odds stacked against them, they had a few impressive moments.

So, there's a unique story as to what leads people to become Blue Jackets fans. They are members of a community that pull for their underdog heroes on the ice.

So, what's it like to be a fan? Well, let me just say this. Anyone who looked over the two teams prior to the game would come to the conclusion that the Blue Jackets would very likely lose. However, the fans were deeply disappointed with the loss, booing the team at the close of the third period. Tough love. But also an irrational hope that their guys would over come the odds and pull off a win. Who would boo when a team that was destined to lose actually lost? Someone who saw something more than statistics. Someone who felt like their team had more to give in that game.

Sports fans

2010-10-14T21:24:00.000-04:00

I'm experimenting with being a fan. I have no idea how people become fans of sports teams. In fact, I know very little about sports at all... though, I love "Not Another Sports Show" which broadcasts from 2-3pm Central on 104.5FM in Urbana, IL and available world-wide on the internets by podcast...

Anyway, Ive decided I'm going to try and be a fan. I now live in a city that has an NHL hockey team, which is cool, I guess. Hockey is an entertaining sport to watch, I have to say. In college, we had a division I hockey team, which was rather decent. They often were ranked top in the conference, and won the national championship twice while I was going to school there. So, naturally, I started following hockey because it was the thing to do. But, I don't know if I could say I was really a fan. I enjoyed watching the game. I guess I wanted my school's team to win, but I never felt crushed when they lost. I didn't personally know the players, I had nothing personally invested in the game, other than the players had my school's name on their jerseys.

What makes a fan a fan? The feeling of community and fellowship with other people who have pledged a similar allegiance to some organization. I mean, aside from a few moments of entertainment, the team doesn't really give anything to the fan. If anything, they take from the fan: ticket sales, brand name logo emblazoned merchandise, tax money to subsidize new stadiums, etc...

Now, there's fair weather fans and then there are FANS. I'm interested in FANS. And here, I might be in luck. The Blue Jackets finished fourth from last in the league last season, so whatever fans show up, they are going to be FANS.

Anyway, I intend to wade into the seedy world of sports fandom. I will make my initial incursion tomorrow night, using two discounted tickets to the Blue Jackets vs Blackhawks hockey game. I have already obtained a sweatshirt with a Blue Jackets logo on it. I am not sure what to expect. The game, of course, will be a loss for the BJs. That's not what I'm talking about. What should I expect from the world of sports fans? What should I expect being mixed in with those creatures when they face the defeat of their beloved team? What depths of depravity will they descend to? The fiends!

I probably won't be able to issue a report from the field tomorrow. But, if I survive the night, I will relate what I witnessed.

Get ready for Halloween, the right way!

2010-10-13T22:34:00.000-04:00

I never really dressed up for Halloween... except once. I dressed up as a vampire, I think. The fake blood was intriguing. I didn't like going around begging for candy. I liked having candy. The begging part of it sucked... was going to throw in some sort of vampire analogy there, but that's be just too much.

But, anyway. So you're probably thinking about gearing up for Halloween, and probably thinking of stocking up on candies for the little disguised door-to-door beggars that will be coming by, right? Well, those kids seem to enjoy the begging for goodies stuff, so go ahead and give them candy. But, while you are at it, keep in mind that there are grown men and women who work in the manufacture of those treats. And they don't want to beg for better wages and benefits.

What can you do to help? Buy union-made, made in America treats!

Look here to find out what brands and products are made by union labor.

http://www.unionplus.org/union-made/halloween-treats

If you are more into healthy treats, the website says "Members of the United Farm Workers (UFW) help produce various fruits and nuts with the UFW label, including porducts from: coastal Berry Co., Swanton Berry, Montpelier Almonds, Brown Date Gardent Dates, Mann's California Apples, and cirtus fruit from Sunkist, Sunworld, Airdrome and Big Jim."

Workers who are members of a union get better pay and benefits than non-union workers, and have rights at the workplace for recourse and due-process in response to poor working conditions and disciplinary actions. In fact, a nation's unionization rate is directly correlated to its overall citizen happiness index!

Spread the happiness beyond the ghoulish, sweet-toothed vagabonds by supporting union workers!

Ohio Politics 2010 Part 3: House or Reps

2010-10-12T22:35:00.000-04:00

Vote for Mary Jo Kilroy.

I'm only writing this post because I promised I would write something about the Congressional race.

Look here to learn about Kilroy.

http://www.kilroyforcongress.com/home

The Tales of Konstantin

2010-10-11T19:14:00.000-04:00

In college, I had the opportunity to meet an insane fellow named, for the purposes of this blog, Konstantin. Konstantin was from Michigan. The Upper Peninsula. Where the crazy people live. That's where people walk around in camos and have rifles slung over their shoulders... always.. .when going grocery shopping, going to church, whatever.... Because you never know, right? "Know what?" you might ask. Well if the UPer had an answer to that, then he would know, right? nuff said.

Anyway, Konstantin was that flavor of crazy. And I will tell you one of his stories. From when he was growing up in rural Michigan

Konstantin's family had neighbors who were horrible people. Filthy, disgusting people. Whenever Konstantin's mom would hang their laundry outside to dry, their neighbors would decide that was the perfect time to burn their garbage in a big pile upwind of the laundry. You know those types of people, right? Oh, and they also had this annoying little rat dog. The dog hated Konstantin and his siblings, and would throw a fit at the neighbor's patio window every time it saw Konstantin and his friends/brothers playing outside. The neighbors would always let the dog out to bark at and bite the ankles of the poor kids.

Anyway, one day in the early spring, Konstantin's folks decided to prepare their garden for planting. Konstantin's dad knew a fellow who was throwing out some old straw from the floor of his barn, and offered to give it to Konstantin's dad to use as fertilizer to till into the soil for the garden. Barns can be filled with all sorts of stuff, mixed into the straw. Animal droppings, of course, but animals also give birth in the barn, so there's afterbirth and all sorts of.. uh.. nutrient-rich materials in there, right? After a few years, it has pretty well composted and is great for building organic content for a garden.

So, anyway... Konstantin's dad placed the order. "Sure, I'll take that shit." And the next day, the truck drove by and dumped a big, festering pile of shit and straw and various unidentifiable organic materials in Konstantin's backyard. It was filthy. It smelled like Ronald Reagan in his later, incontinent years. Konstantin and his brothers got to work spreading the filth over the garden plot... and then they heard it.

The neighbor's little rat dog, Sparky, yapping at their patio door. "Arf! Arf! Arf!" scolded Sparky, seeing Konstantin out there without any dog biting his ankles. And then they heard the other sound that invariably accompanied Sparky's yapping... the patio door rolled open... and little paws pounded the earth carrying their ill-tempered mutt on it's quest to torment Konstantin and his kin. Except, this time something was different.

Sparky stopped in his tracks. Barked twice, then held his nose in the air. Curious. He took a couple steps closer to the filth pile, sniffing. The kids stopped and watched. Sparky's tail started wagging. Tentatively at first and then with gusto. Sparky dove into the filth pile. If a dog could smile, this dog was The Joker. Sparky had never been so happy. He was like Scrooge McDuck, diving into his giant pile of gold coins. Sparky was swimming in the filth, and when he came up, finally, he had a treasure gripped between his teeth.

Sparky had found a 2 month old rotten piece of sheep placenta, and at that moment the placenta was Sparky's most prized possession. Sparky chewed on it, his tail beating the air in a euphoric frenzy. Sparky stretched out the moldering placenta on the ground, then lay on it and rolled his back on it. He gripped one edge of it with his teeth and rolled over, wrapping himself in the corrupted film of afterbirth like it was a blanket.

The neighbors took note that Sparky wasn't noisily tormenting the neighbor children and became concerned. Was Sparky ok? Why weren't they hearing the customary screams of children in agony or the snarling and yapping of their hell-pup? The patio door rolled open and a neighbor's voice was heard, "Sparky! * whistle* Come 'ere Sparky-boy! *whistle*".

Sparky froze. What should he do? He was called, but he never had such joy as he was having right now. Maybe his owners would forget about calling him and move on. No luck... "Sparky! * whistle* Come 'ere Sparky-boy! *whistle* Come on, boy!" Sparky jumped up. He ran a foot or so towards the neighbor's house, then stopped and looked at the placenta. Tthe neighbors were calling incessantly, now. Sparky was torn. He looked at the house. He looked at the placenta. he looked at the house again, and then he knew how to resolve the dilemma.

He ran back, grabbed the placenta and tore off to the house. He blew through the open patio door. The door closed. Exactly two moments passed, and then a sound which Konstantin had never heard before or since erupted from the home. It was the sound of uncomprehending fear, aversion, revulsion. It was every negative emotion, expressed in one nearly-inhuman howl from the occupants of the house. They had discovered Sparky's new toy. Sparky didn't want to give it up without a fight. Now there were sounds of furniture tipping over, glass breaking, screaming, growling... it became unclear which sounds were made by human and which were by dog.

The chaos went on for nearly half an hour. Konstantin continued spreading the filth over the garden with a hint of a grin and a twinkle in his eye.

Ohio Politics 2010 Part 2: The Governor's Race

2010-10-11T18:34:00.000-04:00

Ted Strickland. Vote for Strickland for Governor if you live in Ohio. Strickland is the best choice with regards to higher education, for strengthening Ohio's public schools, for building a stronger state economy with good jobs. And on and on...

But perhaps more significantly, Ted Strickland has allowed workers involved in home health care as well as child care to join unions. These workers are generally underpaid for the work they provide, and lack the job security and benefits. Having union representation allows these workers the potential to earn more and improve their qualities of life. These are hard working individuals who deserve better for the services they provide. Kasich has pledged to not renew the executive order, denying these workers the right to unionize and collectively bargain for better wages and benefits.

Kasich also has bizzare ideas about improving education, such as "funding students".. what?! like actually paying students?! I'm sure that's not what he means, but you can see the sort of fuzzy logic he uses to discredit the state initiatives to improve Ohio's public education... He claims that Ohio's spending on education is 46th in the nation... if you don't include funding for "bureaucracy"... Uh, oh! The "B" word. Bureaucracy is baaad! Unless, maybe it's not. Certainly there needs to be some levels of administration and maintenance of quality in education... Kasich apparently wants to just make a big pile of dollar bills in each classroom and let the magic happen in which that money turns into knowledge. Good luck with that...

There's other stuff to rant about, but Kasich is just a dishonest, dissembler and, while it can be marginally interesting to pick apart all of his half-truths, it also gets a little bit tiring.

So anyway, vote for Strickland.

If you are interested in voting early, go here to get all the info you need:

http://www.fightforohio.com/vote/

Ohio Politics 2010 Part 1: The Senate Race

2010-10-10T18:45:00.000-04:00

So, I've recently moved to Ohio. However, I am a political and current affairs junky, and also enjoy developing strong opinions about everything. Needless to say, this has resulted in my already picking favorites in the various political races going on in my new (as of last month) home state of Ohio.

First off, I should note that "favorites" aren't those I believe are favored to win. I don't see political races as horse races. By favored, I mean candidates who I wish would win the office the are running for. And i'll just start off with the Senate race and post the rest in the next couple days.... maybe I'll talk about the Governor's race tomorrow, and the congressional race in my district on Tuesday. How does that sound?

The Senate race in Ohio is between Rob Portman (R) (who is a dick), Lee Fisher (D) (who is a spineless loser), and Dan La Botz (S) (who is really great, and therefore is naturally bound to lose).

In case you haven't guessed, I'm voting for La Botz. "Why?" you may ask... and you may also ask what that "S" behind his name is for. You probably got that the "D" was for Democrat and the "R" is for Republican already. "S" is for Socialist. La Botz is the Socialist Party, USA candidate for US Senate in Ohio. Indeed, I am a socialist and therefore find myself in agreement with much of what La Botz has to say. If you are shocked or disgusted by that fact, you can go get your own blog and rant about it. It's a free country, and it will remain so after the Revolution, I assure you. Well, it may be arguable how free the country is right now, but that's a matter for another post, and it will certainly be free after the Revolution.

Ok, so I'm a commie nutter, but that isn't why I chose to vote for La Botz. At least not entirely.

I have, in the past, passed up on voting for Socialists or Greens on other occasions in favor of Democrats. One should give a great deal of thought to how they vote. This winner-take-all, lame-ass political system we have means that thinking strategically about one's vote is all the more important. If we had instant run-off voting, or could otherwise rank our candidates by preference things would actually be much easier. With winner take all, we have to think about the long-term consequences.

So, when a third party runs to the left of the mainstream candidates and the election looks close, I may grit my teeth and vote Dem. If it isn't close, I will vote for the candidate I like best. Ironically, the more likely that the election is a fore-gone conclusion, the more free I am in my voting decisions!

I hate the Dems. They represent machine politics, rich/corporate political interests, the military-industrial complex, etc... But at least they don't cater to the nascent quasi-fascist tendencies that is bent on twisting and distorting the political realities of our country for the benefit of the richest few... (more on this in a later post as well). The Dems serve wealthy corporate masters, but they talk a good game about helping regular folks out. And that talk sometimes traps them into actually doing the right thing every now and then. Some Dems might actually believe the bullshit they say, but that is a matter for another post as well.

Anyway! Fisher (the Dem) is going to lose. And he deserves to lose. And a part of me is glad he's going to lose, because I can vote more my favorite candidate without having to regret the possibility of having thrown an election (not that one vote would really make a difference anyway, but still...). Portman is a moderate Republican as near as I can tell, though being "moderate" in the Republican party is becoming increasingly right wing.... He hasn't grown funny facial hair or started goosestepping (unlike certain other candidates). I am not saying that I agree with anything Portman is campaigning on. I think he'll be an awful Senator, and will cave to the ultra-right wing pressure from the Republican Party and the Tea Baggers, but he's going to win so we just have to deal.

Fisher deserves to lose. He's an idiot. He decided to campaign on the bang-up job he's done bringing jobs to Ohio.... Unfortunately, Ohio has lost lots of jobs! So, what else is he campaigning on? Nothing really. He's the alternative to the right-wing Republican Portman. "Vote for me, otherwise the Republicans could take over the Senate and roll back all the great stuff that the Obama administration has given us!" to paraphrase Fisher's campaign pitch. Well, I've been asked to vote for Dems because they are the alternative to insanity before, and to be honest if that is the only reason to vote for a Dem, then voting for the Dem isn't such a sane thing to do either. Oh, and when Fisher does decide to have an idea for himself, it is a nightmarishly horrible idea. As an example, he thinks we should escalate the number of Predator drone attacks in Afghanistan... a tactic that has proven time and again to cause numerous "collateral damage" to civilians.

That's why I am voting for La Botz. As a third party candidate, he doesn't need to campaign as simply an alternative. He can honestly weigh in on issues and propose serious solutions. He isn't encumbered with having to play some sort of political balancing act, or playing the part of a counter weight in the mock democracy of two non-alternative parties. Check out what his positions are on the issues that face Ohio and our country here:

http://danlabotz.com/issues1/

Then, if you happen to live in Ohio, think about what your vote really means. Are you going to vote for the guy who will justifiably lose because his campaign amounts to ("I'm not that guy")? Or will you vote for the guy who will run our country further into the ground by exacerbating the income disparity and corporate welfare programs (when I say that, I really do mean welfare for corporations, and they are way worse than any so-called "welfare moms") that the Republicans love)? Or will you vote for the one guy who takes the time to honestly approach the crises we face and who offers thoughtful and real solutions?... Oh, and keep in mind that however you decide to vote, Fisher is going to lose anyway ;-)

Tomorrow, I'll rant about the governor's race.

Going to the gym is hard

2010-10-10T14:41:00.000-04:00

I don't mean that the work out is particularly hard... that's a given. What i mean is the actual act of going to the gym is hard.

I don't really want to go to the gym. My body actually hates the gym. It hates the pain. It wants to conserve it's energy for a moment when it might be needed to save my life, like evading CIA assassins or fleeing a cheetah that escaped from the zoo. Repetitive motion on some machine that performs no useful work is not something my body has in mind for its tremendous energy reserves (sometimes referred to as "fat-layers").

It isn't all about the pain-avoidance, though that is a big part. I mean, those machines seriously look like their designs were based on some sort of medieval torture devices. The guy who developed the first forms of exercise equipment must have been an archaeologist who found some ancient parchments buried under the Tower of London or something and thought to himself "Hmmm. You know, I'll bet this would do wonders for a person's hamstrings! Right up to the point where the machine rips the subject apart at the knees."

Last week, I could have sworn I saw a monk from the Inquisition lurking over by the free-weights, but there were lots of freaks over there, anyway... might have just been the usual gentry over there. He did seem to be relishing the pain and suffering he was observing, but... who knows. Maybe he was just a trainer.

No, aside from the physical pain, muscle fatigue, soreness, etc. there is also the awkwardness of going to the gym. Locker rooms. I don't get them. We don't just get naked in front of strangers, but somehow because we are gender-segregated it's ok to just get bare ass and shower together? It's just weird. I get the hygienic rational behind it, but I still get weirded out by it. Maybe that's because I never really went to the gym until The Wife decided that I had to because membership is included in our rent and that money is "all going to waste." (Whatever that means.. like if we paid to have an interrogation room at Guantanamo Bay we should take them up on a few hours of waterboarding to get our money's worth?)

I complain a lot... Ultimately, I will probably still go. In fact, I will go. for two reasons: a) The Wife will make me and b) I want to look better. I hate the gym, but I also want to look like Brad Pitt... except shorter (because, while I'm sure there may be a machine based on "The Rack" that could stretch me out like Gumby, I refuse to use it).... And also partly bald (not that I like being bald, but I think guys who fight the inevitable by getting ass hair drilled into their skulls or whatever are more pathetic than the guys who just go with it), and blind without glasses (because I used to be a physicist and no matter how much those eye doctors insist that shooting a laser into my eye to burn off part of my lens will improve my eyesight, I know better).

I want to look better. To look better, I must go to the gym. I hate the gym. Therefore the decision is a battle between my aversion of the actual trip to the gym versus my desire to look better. In the end vanity wins, I suppose. Because I am, ultimately, a shallow fellow.

Ice Station Zebra

2010-10-10T11:05:00.000-04:00

I saw Ice Station Zebra again a few nights ago. "Again", that's right. I've seen this piece of cinematic refuse a total of 3 times, as near as I can recall. Each time I've remarked about how awful it is, and yet every few years I get this peculiar compulsion to see it again. The only context in which I could possibly recommend this movie to anyone would be if someone were curious about having a pre-frontal lobotomy, but didn't want to deal with the nasty, permanent side effects of having an icepick driven into their head. This movie is bad. And, by "bad", I really mean it. I mean even the MST3K guys couldn't have done anything with this movie to make it entertaining. It should come as no surprise that Howard Hughes, in his latter drug-addled days, watched this film repeatedly and obsessively, day and night, while filling his body with near-toxic levels of heroin and paddling about his penthouse suite wearing empty kleenex boxes for shoes.

"What's this movie about?", you might ask. And with any other movie, this question would be a perfectly legitimate and rational thing to ask. ISZ is an exception. In fact, maybe this is the only occasion in which I could refer to this movie as "exceptional". But, I can make an attempt to explain it... Give me a moment. Its a little hard to collect my thoughts. It's as if someone drove an icepick into my head a few nights ago and I'm still recovering from the nasty side effects.

Ok, Ice Station Zebra (1968), features Rock Hudson as an incompetent submarine captain; Patrick McGoohan as a smug, snarky and completely useless MI-6 agent; and Ernest Borgnine as Ernest Borgnine trying to act as a Russian double agent. The story goes that the Soviets stole a British high resolution camera, put it on one of their spy satellites and used it to take pictures of all NATO nuclear weapons sites. The satellite sent a film canister back to Earth, which landed near ... you guessed it... Ice Station Zebra, an "ice drift research station" where an undercover Soviet intelligence agent was to have collected the film canister until something went horribly wrong. As I've said, I've seen this film three times now, and I'm still not entirely clear what exactly went wrong. It doesn't matter.

Commander Farraday (Hudson) is ordered to take a Mr. Jones (McGoohan) with him to ISZ on a rescue mission (which is simply the official cover story for the real mission which is to recover the film canister before the Soviets get it). The idea is to take the submarine under the Artic ice pack, and surface (breaking through the ice in a thin spot) as close as possible to ISZ. Farraday commands a US Navy nuclear submarine with a crew of complete and utter morons. I mean these guys make every possible mistake on their way up. For any Douglas Adams fans out there, this sub must have been the Navy's "B Ark". Anyway, Farraday for some reason can't figure out how to maneuver the submarine and prevent it from drifting so they can punch through the ice in a thin spot. He then decides to blast their way through with a torpedo. The crew members that are supposed to ready the torpedo tubes forget to close the outside door of the tube when they open the inside door to put the torpedo in. The result is a nice, maybe 1-2 foot diameter hole that allows refreshing ice-cold seawater into the submarine at high pressure. Everyone is quite excited by this unexpected development and runs about for half an hour, thrashing playfully in the thrilling ice-water jet they've made in the forward compartment. Meanwhile, the sub is sinking because... its taking on water.... Jesus. Am I really gonna summarize this whole movie? You get the idea at this point, right? Must I continue? Why am I even writing this note? I really hope no one spent time out of their day reading this?