- Ramblings of the Bearded One -

ME, me, and Gaelic TV

2012-01-28T01:07:00.000Z

On Monday past I was on the telly. On Monday coming I will be again in the second of a 2-part programme about CFS/ME and the controversial treatment, Mickel Therapy.

It began last summer when I was contacted by a researcher for TV production company, Mac TV, who had discovered my blog and some of my writings about CFS/ME and wondered if I spoke Gaelic. I said I didn’t, but would be interested in being kept informed about the programme they were planning.

I can only guess they were struggling to find enough people who a) had CFS/ME, b) spoke Gaelic, and c) were prepared to have a TV camera stuck under their nose while they were followed through a treatment not sanctioned by the ME Association, because they got back in contact to ask if I’d be up for being involved in the programme.

Towards the end of August I was visited and interviewed by the director, Robbie, and filmed talking about the effect CFS/ME had had on me over the past 5 years.

The filming process is distinctly odd on a number of levels, not least the fact they need to shoot quite a bit of other footage than just the interview bit. They also need to film all the cutaway shots – one of which involved me going for a walk up the street with a camera stuck to a metal frame attached to my shoulder, so it stayed in a fixed position in relation to my face, which it was pointing at. So as I moved about, my head appears to remain in place and the background constantly shifts.

The next thing to film was my first meeting with Dr Mickel, the guy behind the controversial treatment. He’s usually based up in Elgin, in the north of Scotland, so this meeting was arranged in a hotel just outside Glasgow.

Subsequent sessions with Dr Mickel were done via Skype, and in mid-November, Robbie returned with Douglas the cameraman to interview me about what impact the sessions had had on my condition.

Originally it was only going to be one programme, but as there were several other people with CFS/ME being interviewed, as well as the head of the ME Association, Dr Mickel and a few others, they felt a one hour programme wouldn’t do it justice, so put together two. Although personally I think they could have easily made a 10-part series.

Part 1 was about what the effects of CFS/ME are, and what it’s like to live with it – from dealing with doctors to the impact it has on those around you.

Part 2 will be following a couple of us through Dr Mickel’s treatment and the controversy surrounding it.

For a limited time (possibly only until Monday), episode 1 is available on BBC iplayer here.

It is mostly in Gaelic with English subtitles, apart from the input of Dr Shepherd of the ME Association, an ME sufferer from Edinburgh, the wife of another ME sufferer and, of course, me.

I had thought they might put up Gaelic subtitles when I was talking, but apparently everyone in Scotland who speaks Gaelic, also speaks English, so they don’t bother.

Unfortunately, access to the programme is limited outwith the UK, and I’m not allowed to upload it to YouTube for copyright reasons.

I would urge anyone to watch it if they can - not because I'm in it, but because it does give a very real sense of what it's like to live with the condition. I found the interviews with a retired policeman who's had it for 20 years, absolutely heart-wrenching.

Part 2 of the programme, Trusadh, is being shown at 9pm on Monday 30th January on BBC Alba, after which I’ll write a bit more about how I got on with Mickel Therapy and the impact it’s had on my CFS/ME

Burns Suppers

2012-01-25T20:12:00.000Z

The 25th of January is Burns Night – when Scotland, and many around the world of Scottish descent, celebrate the birth of the nation’s poet, Robert Burns.

The traditional meal for the occasion is haggis, neeps (turnips) and tatties (potatoes).

In our household this evening there were 4 different variations being served between the 6 of us.

My stepson, Rory, who’s currently staying with us for a wee while, had the real thing – a proper haggis made of sheep’s heart, lungs and liver wrapped up in a stomach lining – which he bought from a local butcher.

Maggie and my stepdaughter, Holly, are both vegetarian so went for a Macsween’s Vegetarian Haggis.

Unfortunately neither real nor veggie haggis tend to be gluten free, so both were out for Meg. Maggie made up a nut-roast mix for her, using gluten free breadcrumbs in the ingredients.

I joined Meg for this as I find haggis to be quite vile, and the veggie option I’ve not been able to face since we bought about 20 of them in the reduced-to-clear section of the supermarket one year and effectively OD’d on them in the weeks following.

Rogan had a pizza.

I wonder how reflective this is of mealtimes across Scotland these days, and what The Bard might have made of it all…

Rory's haggis, neeps and tatties, with a bit of onion gravy

The Challenge of the Self Portrait

2012-01-20T17:01:00.000Z

Last year I was asked by The Stewartry Camera Club to give a talk to their members about Portrait Photography. It seemed to go down well and I was asked back this year to talk about self-portraits and to set a competition, which I did on Wednesday.

In some ways, self-portraits can be seen as one of the most challenging forms of photography for most photographers, because there are significant obstacles to overcome on 2 levels.

The first is to do with the technical difficulties in getting the exposure, composition and focus right when you can’t actually look through the lens – at least if you want to avoid the cliché of just standing in front of the mirror with your camera in front of your face.

Cliché number 1

So you have to try and get everything set up then either set the timer, run round, get into place and adopt the right posture and expression before the camera goes click, or you need something like a cable or remote release that allows you to trigger the shutter from a distance – at least if you want to avoid the other cliché of holding the camera at arms length and just pointing it at you.

Cliché number 2

However, in many ways the far bigger challenge is in deciding how you wish to portray yourself to the world.

It’s one thing for other people to take your photo – it is their interpretation of you in that moment. But if you are taking it yourself, you have to make the final decision about how you want to appear. Intelligent? Sexy? Cool?

However, the problem with trying to look cool, for example, takes us back to those dilemmas from our teens. Cool people seem to be effortlessly cool. People trying to be cool are inherently un-cool. So how do you make yourself look cool without looking like you’re trying to make yourself look cool? The risk of ridicule if you get it wrong is gut-knotting.

Trying too hard

The reality is that while most people are wary about having their photo taken in case they look awful, most photographers feel this even more intensely. Indeed, for many, one of the primary advantages of holding the camera is precisely so you don’t have to be in the image. So to tell an audience of camera club members that I wanted them to turn the device on themselves was never going to be an easy sell.

However, I did my best to try and fill them with enthusiasm for the idea, primarily pushing the notion of photography as storytelling. It can be like having your own dressing up box – you can pretend to be whomever you want.

And once you move away from the suggestion that it has to be some kind of accurate representation, and into the idea of performance and play, then the possibilities for creativity and fun open up massively.

I don’t know how many will enter the competition. I know it will push almost all of them completely out of their comfort zone, but I feel the experience of doing it will be all the more rewarding because of that.

In about 3 weeks I’ll be given the submissions to look through and judge, and in the 2nd half of February, I’ll be going back to announce the winners.

Although anyone who is brave enough to overcome their reluctance and actually enter is already a winner in my eyes.

And if you have 5 minutes to spare, below is a video about the making of the Lavazza (coffee) 2012 Calendar, where they asked 12 famous photographers to create self-portraits. Each had a very different take on the concept.

The LAVAZZERS 2012 from Eugenio Recuenco on Vimeo.

2011 in Photographs

2012-01-09T14:24:00.000Z

It seems that once something has been done 2 years in a row, it becomes a tradition. So I thought I'd better keep up with the tradition established with 2009 in photographs and continued with 2010 in photographs, with a collection of images reflecting the past 12 months with my camera.

As always, feel free to click on the images for larger versions

January - Uncky Rogan

When I was a teenager, I was extremely awkward with small children - I had no idea what to do with them. My son, Rogan, on the other hand, is a natural. Kids love him, and he's brilliant with them. When the grandchildren came to stay at the beginning of the year, I took a series of photos of Rogan with Cormac, the youngest of them. I just love the warmth and connection that oozes out of this image

February - Sean Taylor at The Mill Sessions

One of the more successful projects of 2011 was becoming involved with The Mill Sessions. The Mill on the Fleet decided to use one of its galleries as an intimate venue for musicians (it only has space for about 50 people in the audience) , and I came on board to photograph the main acts before their performance. The idea is to build up a Hall of Fame for the Mill, but it has also been a chance for me to photograph some great musicians, some of whom could well be big names in the future. Sean Taylor certainly fits that description - his blues singing and guitar work blew everyone away when he played back at the beginning of the year.

March - Scottish Tattoo Convention

When a friend of mine told me he was mates with the organisers of the Scottish Tattoo Convention being held in Edinburgh, and could get me and Rogan in with press passes if I wanted, it was too good an opportunity to miss. Out in the ordinary world, most people will be a bit cold to the idea of a complete stranger asking to take their photo. But at a place like this, people with tattoos, piercings and amazing hairstyles are used to being looked at and don't think twice about posing for the camera. For a photographer who loves faces, it was a dream come true.

April - Meg with a Dandelion

When I'm looking through the lens of the camera, you can tell when I think I can see something special, because my finger starts clicking more rapidly. With the sunlight behind Meg blowing dandelion seeds, I switched the camera to continuous burst where I can shoot up to 8 frames per second. Before I knew it, I had over 160 photos. This one was my favourite

May - Spring Fling Open Studio Weekend

For 3 days at the end of May, along with around 90 other artists and makers in the area, I opened my studio to the public. To make it a bit more interesting, I decided to photograph anyone who was interested. Usually I like to spend a couple of hours with a client in a portrait session, but for this event I spent only a couple of minutes. Even so, there were times when the queue went out on to the street and I ended up taking over 130 portraits. This one of Colin and Marianne always brings a smile to my face. (You can look through and buy a book of the photos I took that weekend here - Facing The Weekend)

June - Midsummer Music Festival

It's one thing to photograph people in the studio, where I can talk to them, get them to look into the camera and change the lighting and background. But when they are performing on stage I can do none of these things. The skill set of shooting musicians playing live is very different, but also a lot of fun. This one of the singer, Blue, from the band Quirkus, was one I was particularly pleased with.

July - The Wickerman

Trevor Leat and Alex Rigg build giant willow sculptures to be set alight on special occasions, and each year for the past decade they have created 30 to 40 foot high figures to go up in flames at the end of The Wickerman Festival in SW Scotland. If you follow this link you'll find a full set of the images I took of the Building and Burning of The Wickerman.

August - Isle of Skye

The Isle of Skye off the West Coast of Scotland is an astonisingly beautiful place. Yes it rains a lot, and when the wind stops blowing you'll get eaten alive by the midges, but when the sun comes out, it takes your breath away. We had a lovely, well needed week there back in the summer.

September - Wigtown Book Festival

Being selected as the Artist in Residence for the Wigtown Book Festival in September was an amazing experience. Over the 10 days I took in excess of 170 portraits of writers, locals and visitors to the Festival. This time I decided I wanted to avoid smiles, and asked each person to look intensely into the camera. One of my favourite encounters was the actress and comedian, Elaine C. Smith who was intelligent, funny and completely down to earth. When I asked her to glare into the lens she gave me this wonderful stare that would stop anyone in their tracks. 5 seconds later she was laughing again. During the Spring Fling Open Studio event over the first weekend in June later this year, anyone will be able to visit me in Wigtown where I'll be back at the studio I had for the Festival, and all 170+ photos will be pinned to the wall, staring at you

October - Halloween

When creating lanterns for Halloween, I still get a kick out of how easy it is to carve pumpkins rather than the turnips we did as kids.

November - With a Cameraman Over His Shoulder

BBC Alba - the Gaelic speaking Scottish digital TV channel commissioned a programme about CFS/ME. Despite me not speaking a word of Gaelic, somehow I ended up being interviewed and filmed for it (along with several others I should add). So at the point I took this photo, the cameraman in the background was filming me. I don't know whether his shots of that moment will appear in the programme, but it did feel a bit odd having a camera pointed at me while I was pointing it at someone else. I think the programme will be broadcast in a few weeks time, so I'll mention more about it then.

December - Christmas Lights

Self portraits are never easy at the best of times, because you can't look through the lens at the same time the shutter clicks. It's even harder when you're wrapped up in Christmas lights that are plugged in. Still I've rarely shied away from a challenge and I was delighted to get this one published on the site 1x.com.

An annual summary in photos for three years running - definitely a tradition now...

Interview by Conny Wenk

2012-01-03T11:24:00.000Z

One of my favourite photographers, Conny Wenk, has started a new blog series called “25 on Tuesday”.

The idea is to interview creative people she has met over the years (via blogging or real life), and to start off the series I feel rather honoured that she’s chosen me.

So if you’re interested in finding out something I consider to be over rated, or what the last book I read was, then pop over and take a look – 25 on Tuesday: Kim Ayres

However, if you’re not a regular visitor to Conny’s site already, then ignore my post and keep scrolling down to enjoy some of the most wonderful photography on the Internet.

Conny has an immense talent for relating to people and getting the best out of them via her camera. I defy you to spend 10 minutes scrolling through her photos and not end up with a warm smile across your face.

Visit http://connywenk.com/blog/ and add her to your favourites.

Happy New Year!

2012-01-01T19:51:00.000Z

Well, who’d have thought it? We’ve survived another year!

The end of the world was predicted last year by Harold Camping. Twice in fact – after the rapture failed to materialise in May, he said he meant October really. But ultimately he went on to join that great long list of people who’ve been getting it wrong for thousands of years.

According to some interpretations of the Mayan calendar, 21st December 2012 is when the world will end. Other intepretations say it will just be time to flip it over to the next page...

However, the biggest dilemma will be trying to work out whether it’s worth buying Christmas presents or not - obviously it will be pointless getting them if the prediction is true. But if we hold off until that point just to make sure we haven’t wasted our money and the apocalypse fails to materialise, again – well, we’ll have missed most of the deadlines for ordering online.

Hmmm... decisions, decisions...

Meanwhile, whether the world ends this year or not, I hope each and every one of you has a wonderful 2012.

No Bounce

2011-12-29T18:42:00.000Z

As my arse was sinking deeper into the mattress and my knees were becoming level with my shoulders, I began to wonder whether memory-foam had been the best route to go.

After 9 days of waiting, and no less than 3 of them being damaged in delivery (and so having to be returned) our new memory-foam mattress finally arrived last week.

7 nights later and I’m still getting used to it.

We pondered for a long time about what kind of mattress to get, once we’d decided our lumpy, bumpy existing one was probably contributing to our poor sleeping patterns.

After extensive research (lots of Googling), and a recommendation from a friend, we decided we would go for a memory-foam one.

It’s quite different to a traditional sprung mattress. For one thing, it doesn’t bounce when you climb on it. Instead, it slowly moulds itself around you as you sink into it. And when you move position, it gently remoulds itself.

However, while it is certainly comfortable, my body has not yet got used to the lack of springs and for the first few nights I woke up every single time I turned over. Still, the last couple of nights haven’t been quite so bad, so I’m feeling a bit more hopeful.

Which is just as well, because once we’d unpacked it and were happy it wasn’t damaged, we took the old one straight to the dump. So if we change our minds, we’ll be sleeping on wooden slats for as long as it takes to get a new one...

Season's Greetings

2011-12-23T17:30:00.000Z

I don’t know quite what’s happened to my blog writing skills. There was a time when I could turn even the most insignificant event into something worth reading, but these days I’m finding it harder and harder to do.

Even since my post early last week, I’ve started several that just fizzled out – I was unable to lift things out of the mundane.

I’ve wanted to write about the debacle of ordering a new mattress online, where 3 times it was damaged in the delivery, so it wasn’t until the 4th time the company sent it out were we finally able to accept it.

The Solstice should have been a good one to write about, especially as last year it was –10 degrees C and this year it was +10 degrees C.

Christmas decorations, dental appointments, the “Men in sheds” Xmas lunch for the terminally self-employed.

I even had a whole thing about Christmas seeming to be locked in 4 distinct eras – Roman, Victorian, the 1950s and the 1970s.

But for some reason I can’t seem to get the words to flow.

Maybe it will return in the New Year, or perhaps it’s just that my creativity is channelled into photography rather than writing these days. Who knows?

However, one thing I can do at this time of year, as I have for the past 6 years here on this blog, is wish you all the very best for the Festive Season.

I searched through my photo folders looking for suitable seasonal images of snow, tinsel or holly, but in the end the best image I could find was one my daughter Meg made as a Christmas card for us.

If you would like a larger version of it to print off and pin to your mantelpiece, then click on this link and follow the instructions

http://kimayres.co.uk/xmas2011.htm

Hope you have a good time whatever your social, religious or cultural beliefs.

Photographing the Photographers...

2011-12-13T18:52:00.000Z

In one of my biggest challenges yet, a couple of weeks ago I not only had to photograph a group of pro and semi-pro photographers, but I had to be in the shot too.

I recently teamed up with half a dozen other photographers in the area, with the idea to pool resources, expertise and marketing power. The theory is we could help make this area an attractive place for those interested in photography (buying prints or taking workshops) to visit.

It’s early days yet, and the aim is to officially launch next Spring, but things are slowly taking shape. The constitution is written, executive posts filled, bank account opened and the website is under construction.

It was decided it would be useful to have a group photo to go on the website, and to use for publicity purposes once we launch. As portrait photography is my speciality, the responsibility for the photo fell on my shoulders. Inevitably this presented several challenges.

An initial idea of an outside shot of us all against a backdrop of a beautiful Galloway landscape was quickly dismissed. It’s hard enough to negotiate a time and date to suit 7 self-employed people, let alone rely on the weather in Scotland, in winter, to be pleasant. We needed an indoor space large enough to fit everyone plus lighting rigs, and while my wee studio is fine for one or two people – three at a push – it’s not designed for groups.

Fortunately Allan Wright leapt to the rescue and we were able to use his gallery – a large white painted room – after he’d removed his framed prints from one of the walls.

But while composition and lighting are tricky enough, in order to be in the photograph myself, I couldn’t just click when everything was perfect. I had to keep setting the timer then run round to get into position and hope no one was blinking, or looking in the wrong direction, or leaning in front of anyone else, or pulling a silly face.

And when photographing more than about 4 people, crowd control becomes an extra necessary skill...

Even then, it’s one thing to photograph the general public – group shots are usually family gatherings where they expect to follow the instructions of the professional with the camera. But to photograph a bunch of people who make money from their ability to use a camera means the sense of scrutiny is cranked up to the nth degree.

Still, somehow I survived and below are the final images. One where we look very serious and professional, and one where we, er, don't...

As usual, feel free to click on the images for larger versions.

Left to right-ish (click on names for links to their websites):
Morag Paterson and Ted Leeming
Roger Lever
Phil McMenemy
Allan Wright
Kim Ayres
Ian Biggar

A wonderful photo

2011-12-06T12:00:00.000Z

A couple of years ago, I stumbled across an amazing photography site - 1x.com.

I submitted a couple of my best photos, but they were not accepted. I submitted a couple more, and they too were rejected. It turned out they only accept, on average, about 5% of all submissions - and this is from people who are all sending in their best work.

In March 2009, I gained my first publication on the site, but any thought that I was now one of the in-crowd was quickly dispelled, as it was nearly a year before I had my 2nd image accepted there. And even now, I have only managed to get 7 of my photos up on the site.

However, the site is not only an inspiration visually, there are many people willing to share their knowledge and skills. And if you are prepared to put your ego to one side, you can gain a great deal. In fact, I would credit a fair amount of the improvements I've made in my photography over the past 3 years to what I have learned from 1x.com and several of the members.

It's also been a place where I have made several good online friendships - people from around the world who one day I would love to meet up in person - much like many of the fine bloggers who visit these pages.

One such person, is Argentinian-born architect, Nicolas Marino, who likes to go off adventuring on his bicycle in various parts of the world. And one of his favourite places seems to be Tibet.

The photographs he takes are just stunning. They wouldn't look out of place in National Geographic, and I'm constantly nagging him to make a book of them, just so I can buy a copy.

1x.com has been running a competition over the past few months, and the results were just announced on Monday evening, and to my delight, not only did Nico win, but he won it with this photo, which is one of my all time favourites:

Awakening by Nicolas Marino - worth clicking on for a larger version

It was taken early in the morning after he'd spent the night with a nomadic Tibetan family in their tent. In an earlier forum post, he'd written of the encounter:

"One day during the last trip in Tibet, I camped at the end of the day right before a storm, i had camped quite close to a tent where Tibetan nomads, who take care of their yak herds, live. A few minutes after I had got in my tent and started to snow, the man came to look for me and there was no way he would let me stay there alone. He took me in with his lovely family, they all live inside the tent where the floor is wet grass, the mattresses are arranged around the stove, a few boxes with belongings, a lovely poster of the Dalai Lama, and that's about it. Husband, wife, three kids and the dogs, once I got in, it was like being part of the family, we had a very big dinner they cooked for me. They treated me like one of them and when we went to sleep, the man pointed me to my mattress and put a huge pile of warm blankets and arranged them around my face like my dad used to do when I was a kid, just to make sure I'd sleep comfortable. In the morning, other friends from tents around the area would come to visit and to drink tea with us. The saw me leave, they wouldn't stop giving me things to eat."

Congratulations on winning the 1x.com competition, Nico, and I hope that one day you will find yourself in Scotland where you can share some of your tales in front of a log fire with a dram of single malt.

For more of Nico's images on 1x.com, visit his portfolio here:
http://1x.com/artist/nico3d/photos

And for more stunning images to keep you occupied for hours, visit his Flickr site here:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/nicolasmarino/sets/

Who’s watching who?

2011-12-01T19:56:00.001Z

I much prefer taking photos where the subject is staring straight into the camera. It means the viewer of the photo gets the feeling they are being watched while they look.

In this case, however, a TV cameraman was filming me while I was taking a photo of the director. So the viewer is not only being stared at, but is being filmed too (I’ll explain why they were there in a couple of months – but before you get excited, it’s only a small role in a documentary being made for BBC Alba).

For a bit of extra fun, I overlaid an image of a piece of glass that's been sitting in the garden for several months. Finally, giving it a sepia tint makes the photo look a few decades old rather than the few weeks it actually is.

As usual, feel free to click on the image for a larger version

The Geese at The Mill Sessions

2011-11-27T23:26:00.000Z

The Geese are a local "indie-folk" band, who I’ve photographed on previous occasions. In fact one of my photos graces their first CD, back when they were just a 3-piece band.

They were performing at The Mill Sessions on Friday past, so we needed a photo of them for the collection (see others under the label "Mill Sessions").

My comfort zone is photographing people one at a time. Once numbers start becoming plural, the difficulties multiply exponentially. The more people there are, the more chance one of them will be blinking, looking the wrong way, obscuring someone else or pulling a dodgy face.

Time was limited as there’d been a mix up in communication, and I had far less than I’d have liked, as they had to go and sound check with Marcus, who was recording the session.

The upshot of all this was when I got back home to look at the results, I discovered I didn’t have a single shot where they were all looking at the camera and no one was laughing, moving, or obscuring someone else.

Fortunately over the years I’ve become reasonably adept at using Photoshop so was able to take different heads from different shots and merge them together. This final image, then, is actually an amalgamation of about 4 photos. However, I know from talking to other professional photographers, this kind of thing goes on all the time. At least I wasn’t removing wrinkles or making anyone look slimmer.

Filming proved to be a bit problematic too. I was sitting only 4 or 5 feet in front of them - which is great for an intimate live performance, but not so good trying to fit all the band members into the screen. So I had to have the wide-angle lens on the camera, set at the most extreme I could. Unfortunately, the result of this is everyone’s somewhat distorted.

However, if you can forgive the visuals, this song is one of my favourites, and does give quite a good sense of the style of The Geese. It’s called “Trade Not Aid” and is about a man who is drowning but when he calls for help, the person on the shore who can throw him the lifebelt tells him helping him for free could set up a culture of dependency, so he should trade something for the help instead.

For more info about The Geese, visit their Facebook page here:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Geese/168328679870494

Processes

2011-11-20T00:07:00.001Z

A wave travelling through water is not an object - it is a process. The water it flows through is affected by the energy of the wave, causing it to move up and down, but it doesn’t move along with the wave. If you place a rubber duck, for example, in the path of the wave, it is not swept along with it – it merely rises and falls as the energy wave passes under it. When the wave hits the beach, the water crashes and some of it surges up the sand or pebbles, only to retreat again once the energy has dissipated, not having actually travelled very far.

A flame, likewise is not an object, but a process. We can follow it as it burns down the candle, or even from one candle to another, but it is not a solid, enduring thing. It is a process that moves the atoms around it from one state to another. What makes up the actual fire changes by the moment.

Over a longer time span, it is possible for a ship to have a different plank changed every time it comes into port until there is no longer a single piece of wood remaining from the original construction. We see it as the same ship, as an enduring object, and yet it could easily be said that the ship is a process too, not unlike the wave or the flame. The only difference is the time scale.

In fact, if we had a time-lapse camera sequence long enough, we would see that even mountains, planets and stars are also processes. They rise and fall, are built and consumed, are created and dissipated and the atoms that make them up are constantly changing.

And of course, we are no different.

To think of ourselves as unchanging and permanent is a misconception in the same way as thinking a wave, a table, a mountain or a star is. We only appear to be an object because of the timescale in which we view ourselves. But we are a process as much as a wave or a flame. The cells of our bodies are constantly dying off and renewing. It is reckoned 98% of our cells are replaced at least every year.

I might think I am more or less the same person as I was last year – a little older, a little heavier, a little greyer, but essentially still me – and yet only 2% of me is the same as the person who wrote about photographing The Sex Pistols Experience tribute band 12 months ago.

We are like the wave travelling across the ocean. Even though the atoms that make up the wave change from moment to moment, the energy has a momentum that keeps it moving in a direction until eventually it runs out of steam, or hits something and is dispersed. But while it is moving, it creates the illusion of being an object.

The only real difference is we have gained self-awareness, even if we often mistake what it is we are aware of – falling for the illusion of permanence.
.

Beginnings

2011-11-17T09:53:00.001Z

“My mother’s looking after the kids on Saturday evening,” she said, casually dropping it into the conversation, as though her mother would quite often have the children to stay over for no particular reason.

“Perhaps I’ll pop round, if I’m not doing anything else,” he said, trying to appear nonchalant while his mind raced on how he might get out of his sister’s birthday celebrations.

21 years later and Maggie and I recall how this embarrassing exchange led to the start of our relationship.

Happy anniversary, my love x

Animation...

2011-11-11T00:16:00.001Z

I came across a site the other day called "GoAnimate". It allows you to create your own animated sketches by using cartoon characters and converting the text into speech.

At the freebie entry level, you are allowed to create one character of your own from scratch, use a limited selection of backgrounds, and a handful of existing characters. And the time limit for your animation is 2 minutes. If you are prepared to fork out money, you can create more characters, select from a wider array of backgrounds and develop much longer movies.

So here's a sketch I put together using my free character, a basic background and it comes in at just under 2 minutes long.

You'll have guessed I haven't paid for the Pro account yet...

The voices sound a bit stilted - a touch Stephen Hawking - but considering I was able to put this together in a short amount of time on a budget of zero, I'm really quite impressed with the system.

GoAnimate.com: Territorial Markings by kimayres

If for some reason you can't see the video, then click on the link and hopefully it should take you directly to the site
http://goanimate.com/movie/0q3gvQh1JUTA?utm_source=linkshare&uid=0vdhAzJYc_tY

Finding Albert at The Mill Sessions

2011-11-07T09:00:00.000Z

Finding Albert are a rather talented, up and coming band who played at The Mill Sessions last week.

As in previous performances this year (see The Mill Sessions label), I set about photographing the band before the gig started.

Up until now, I’d been photographing people singly, or in pairs, so with Finding Albert being a 4-piece band, it took a bit of shuffling about to fit them all into the shot. There’s also the problem that the more people in a photo, the more chance one of them will be blinking, looking in the wrong direction or getting lost in a shadow cast by one of the others. It took a bit of time, but I got there in the end.

Finding Albert: left to right -
Chris (drums), Rob (vocals and keyboard), Neil (bass), Michael (guitar)

An additional difficulty, however, lay in the fact the summer has now long since passed and it was dark, so there wasn’t the option of photographing outside. And the empty space I’d used in the first 3 Mill Sessions earlier in the year wasn’t empty.

My solution was to bring along a light, a reflector and an extension lead and use the stairwell.

The gig itself was superb. With room only available for 50 to 60 people max, the venue allows a real sense of intimacy. It feels like barely a step up from having a band perform in your living room. Stripped back from their usual big amps, the drummer even used a cajón, as a full drum kit would have over-powered everything else in this smaller space.

As well as the obvious advantage for the audience, for the performers it also feels like playing to a group of friends, creating a mood that is both intimate and relaxed.

Sitting at the front with my camera on my knee, I put on the wide-angle lens so as to fit everyone in at such a close distance. There’s no fancy camera work, but the videos below should give you a flavour of the evening.

Back to Rome

My Friend Jack

For more about Finding Albert, visit their website here:
http://www.findingalbert.com/

or their Facebook page here:
http://www.facebook.com/findingalbert

Suprisingly gentle

2011-11-03T23:26:00.000Z

On a cold, wet and windy autumn day, the clouds briefly part.

Momentarily, a ball of fire a million times larger than the earth and 93 million miles away, gently caresses my skin and brings a smile to my face.

Pumpkin Carving

2011-10-31T22:24:00.000Z

For many years, creating a vegetable-based lantern at Halloween meant hours of hard graft with a knife and a turnip. Designs were pretty basic because carving a turnip is only moderately less difficult than carving a lump of granite with a plastic umbrella.

However, a few years ago I progressed to the North American imported idea of pumpkins and have never looked back.

Maggie might complain that Halloween isn't the same without the smell of burnt neeps, but as far as I'm concerned, it's a small price to pay to avoid a sprained wrist.

Last year my son, Rogan, decided he fancied a go, and I was rather impressed with his first attempt (see Halloween Pumpkins), which was considerably more creative than my early constructions.

This year we took advantage of the local supermarket's "2 for £3" offer once again and both spent a few hours cutting, scooping and sculpting this most versatile of vegetables.

Modesty aside, I think we've both created our best ones to date

Rogan's pumpkin with the lights on

Rogan's pumpkin with the lights off

Kim's pumpkin with the lights on

Kim's pumpkin with the lights off

All the leaves are brown… not!

2011-10-29T13:04:00.000+01:00

I caught “California Dreaming” by The Mamas & The Papas on the radio the other day, the opening lines of which are:

All the leaves are brown
And the skies are grey

and I was immediately struck by the fact none of the trees around here had any brown leaves on them.

This is not because autumn hasn’t arrived – on the contrary, even putting aside it felt like summer finished sometime around June, winter is now very definitely just around the corner.

No, it’s because the leaves haven’t had the chance to turn brown before they’ve been blown off the trees.

All the leaves are yellowish green
And then gone

would be far more accurate, although admittedly it doesn’t rhyme or scan anything like as well.

But there’s no doubt, as I look out the window at the grey skies, strong winds and horizontal rain, California has a distinct appeal

45 Today

2011-10-25T08:30:00.000+01:00

Today I finally reach 45 years old – middle aged if I live to 90…

It’s been suggested I’ve always been 45. Even when I was 6 I would sit in with the adults and voice my opinions about the world or the topic under discussion. And I was always much happier with kids being in the role of dad or granddad rather than classmate.

45 is a good age.

I have a wife I’m madly in love with

I have children I adore

I can’t think of a better job than taking photos of people

I live in a beautiful part of the country

The CFS is on the decline (more about that in posts to come).

None of these things has come about without a huge amount of work, time, dedication and luck, but I appreciate every last bit of it.

Right now, I wouldn’t want to be any other age.

Rites of Manhood

2011-10-20T22:22:00.000+01:00

Unlike our tribal ancestors, there are very few rites of passage to adulthood for boys in the modern age. Getting drunk with a few pals is hardly up there with killing a wild boar with your bare hands, or being ritually circumcised with a flint knife.

Yet despite the increase in numbers of men reaching the age of 30 but still living with their parents, the primal instincts to break free and demonstrate independence have not yet evolved out of 21st century Western Society males.

Thus it was my 16-year-old son, Rogan, was insistent he construct his new flat-pack Ikea bed and 2 shelving units himself with no help from his father.

We might not have eaten wild boar for dinner, but I still felt a certain pride…

Land of the Chip Shops and Plastic Pointy Teeth

2011-10-17T10:51:00.001+01:00

For the past few years, during the October Break, we’ve rented a cottage for a week in Yorkshire. Not only is the countryside beautiful, but it’s a few hours drive closer to my father, so it’s an opportunity for him to see the grandchildren and for us to catch up.

Previously we’ve tended to be based in and around the Yorkshire Dales, but this time we decided to go coastal and stayed in a converted auction house in Whitby.

For many people the only association they have with the town is it features in Bram Stoker’s “Dracula”, and the ruined abbey up on the hill definitely has a suitably atmospheric look to it. Needless to say there’s a certain amount of cashing in on the attendant tourism, and I don’t think I’ve seen so many shops in one town where you can buy Gothic clothing and paraphernalia.

Even more than Victorian corsets and plastic fangs, however, are the plethora of fish and chip shops. I didn’t count them all, but you could happily spend a fortnight tucking into cod and chips every evening without visiting the same place twice. And nearly all of them claim to have won some award or another for being the best in the country.

I have to say, though, I was particularly impressed that a few of them would even supply fish coated in gluten-free batter, if requested. This was particularly useful as Meg was diagnosed with coeliac disease a few weeks back, and it’s not always easy to convince her why she can’t have certain food items any more.

One other thing that struck me about Whitby was the distinct lack of chain stores. Other than a Co-op supermarket, nearly every shop, café and restaurant there was a small independent business. And that is so rare these days.

I’ve pretty much fallen in love with the place and have finally overcome my own prejudice based on the rather misguided reason that I was often irritated by a lad at school whose surname was Whitby.

Photography Fun

2011-10-08T00:26:00.000+01:00

During my stint as Artist in Residence for the Wigtown Book Festival, I found myself reflecting on the fact it often feels I’m part photographer, part psychotherapist.

When upward of 90% of people use the opening line, “I hate having my photo taken…” the majority of my time is spent not using the camera, but reassuring, explaining and trying to build a sense of connection and trust with the person in front of me.

So when I encounter a rare individual who is perfectly comfortable in front of the lens right from the start, it’s a pure delight – especially when they are then up for playing.

One such person I discovered during the festival was Peggy.

When I photographed her for the wall of The Hut I was immediately struck by her appearance. With short dark hair, and large rimmed glasses she had an almost iconic look, and when I converted the image to black and white, I was reminded of a kind of 1950s Beatnik style.

Of course one of the things about having such a striking outward style, is people will fix on it as the key identifying trait. So if Peggy was to remove her glasses and change her hairstyle, the chances are she could walk right past most people who know her and they wouldn’t even realise it was her.

With my love of faces, I found myself wanting to photograph her without her glasses. She was up for the idea, but we didn’t then get the chance until the very last evening of the Festival. By then it was dark and the only available light was on the stairs, and that wasn’t particularly great. However, black and white gives more options under these circumstances, so I felt it was still worth going for.

What’s great about Peggy from my point of view is she instantly understood photography is all about storytelling. So no need to be shy in front of the camera – rather it was a chance to play. She fished out some bright red lipstick and between us we came up with the idea of having it smeared, but with an unapologetic, even aggressive expression.

Within a few short minutes we’d created another almost iconic image.

Such fun!

Peggy is also the Programme Director of the West Port Book Festival in Edinburgh, which this year is happening from the 13th to 16th of October.

Visit www.westportbookfestival.org for more information, and if you go along and bump into Peggy, do say hello to her from me.

It's over... or maybe it's just begun...

2011-10-05T23:19:00.001+01:00

As I stapled the last of the photos to the walls of The Hut at 1 o’clock in the morning, a few hours after the Wigtown Book Festival had officially closed, I realised no one was going to see all the images on the walls for another 8 months.

Normally you finish putting up an exhibition, and then people view it, but because this was an ongoing installation, visitors only saw it in progress.

The room I was given as a studio space in The Hut, while I was Artist-in-Residence, will now return to use as a place to catalogue the books destined for the shelves of ReadingLasses café and bookshop, until the first weekend in June 2012. It will then be opened up again to the public for the extended bank holiday weekend as part of the Spring Fling Open Studio Event.

It’s difficult to believe it was only 10 days. Thinking back to at time before the festival, it feels more like a couple of months have passed rather than less than 2 weeks.

There have been disappointments and delights, new friends made, opinions revised, lessons learned, skills enhanced, and seeds for potential futures have been sown.

I started off with naïve enthusiasm, fell into despair, adjusted my expectations and grew in confidence.

There’s a saying I love, which goes, “experience is something you gain immediately after you needed it the most”, and the experience of being artist-in-residence has felt a lot like that. At the beginning I didn’t really know what to expect or what was expected of me. I made my best guesses, but it’s only when things go wrong, and you have to revise your ideas and expectations that you really learn.

As the Festival drew to a close, I knew how I should have handled it from the start. I could see clearly when I should have acted differently, when I should have been bolder, and when I should have been more subtle.

So now it’s about finding a way to allow all the experiences and lessons to settle in and let them become part of the fabric of who I am and who I will become.

And trying to catch up on some sleep…

To view the full set of 174 portraits taken over the 10 days of the Wigtown Book Festival, visit my Facebook or Flickr albums:

Facebook
http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.292506957430682.93692.114749591873087&type=1

Flickr
http://www.flickr.com/photos/kimayres/sets/72157627752630956/

Halfway Through...

2011-09-28T09:59:00.000+01:00

I've reached the halfway point in the Residency at the Wigtown Book Festival.

Do pop across to the blog I put together especially for the event and follow my progress.

"Artist in Residence" - http://kimayreswigtown.blogspot.com/

And tell your friends