Ramblings of the surprise dyke

A growing family :-)

noreply@blogger.com (The Surprise Dyke) — Sun, 04 Dec 2011 19:42:00 +0000

Our family seemed complete with two mommies, two doggies, a fat kitty and an irritated turtle...but it wasn't. A super sweet 14 year old kitty showed up the day after Thanksgiving and after much digital footprint searching (Wife calls it cyber-stalking...po-tay-to/po-tah-to) we found her owner-who had not updated her microchip in 10 years-and her last known address. She lived 40 minutes away and moved to another state at the end of October. We then found her on Facebook, messaged her, her daughter and a handful of her friends. One friend responded and told us who she gave the cat to when she moved (who gives a cat away after 14 years????). We called the new owner who excitedly picked her up after 3 days of living with us. The sweet kitty had been missing for 2 weeks and after a week they assumed that since she had been sick with kidney problems that she wandered off to die in the woods. We told the new owner (who lives less than a 1/2 mile away), that she is probably out searching for her old family and should be kept inside. The new owner agreed. We called last Wednesday to check on her. No answer. No returned call. Guess who showed up late last night on our doorstep? Guess who is NOT being called. That b*itch lost this cat twice within a month! We are now fostering her until a RESPONSIBLE family can be found (or she learns to like the dogs). We thought we were complete with a house full of energetic boys, but what we really needed was a kitty with a feminine flair named Princess :-) Wife says we can't keep her permanently because she doesn't like the boys-I say she will learn to like them. She traveled back to our house...she clearly had decided where she wants to live. Are we right or wrong to keep her? If I hadn't spent 2 solid days searching online we never would have found the woman in the first place. She never reported her missing to any of the area shelters, didn't post her missing on any of the regional/local missing pet ads, didn't contact the microchip company and made no major effort to keep her safe once we returned her.

Thankful

noreply@blogger.com (The Surprise Dyke) — Thu, 24 Nov 2011 23:34:00 +0000

It's Thanksgiving and thus here is my obligatory "thankful" post. All last week I educated the children on the history of Thanksgiving-how it was nearly lost and the only reason we celebrate is because Sarah Hale worked for over 35 years to make it a national holiday, how the Macy's parade began and how they released the balloons at the end of the parade until 1927 when some genius decided to catch it with a plane and nearly killed himself...you know, the important stuff. This year has brought me a lot to be thankful for-the ability to marry my wife, finally living in our home, our family members we have loved and lost and jobs we still have despite our crappy economy. Yesterday, after swallowing much pride, I went to the store and bought this:

A folding cane. Overall, I have good mobility and little muscle weakness, but lately is a different story-massive headaches, muscle weakness, pain, pain, pain. My right side has been KILLING me, and there are days I could barely walk down the hall. It took enormous strength to decide to buy one-it was like buying a cane was admitting defeat to my body. I have doctor's appointment next month and am on the wait list for an earlier one. I would not be surprised if he scans my brain again, or if there is new swelling/damage. I've been using the cane around the house and it has made a difference, but it's still hard-physically and emotionally. Today, I'm thankful it's temporary and that I am not completely dependent on it...yet. I am also very thankful that we decided to move to this house, this relapse has reminded me just how grateful I am for one story living.

This is how I spend my day...

noreply@blogger.com (The Surprise Dyke) — Sun, 06 Nov 2011 21:23:00 +0000

Location: Picking my students up from the computer lab.

Student: It feels like I wet my pants.

Me: Did you?

Student: (looking down) No. It just feels like I did.

Me: Are you sure? Do you need to go to the bathroom and check?

Student: (grabbing his pants) Nope. I'm sure. Sometimes I feel like that after I stand up.

Me: Okay.

Student: Even if I did, it'd be okay. I wear camo pants. You wouldn't be able to tell.

This is how I spend my day...

Phonics and arguing with eight year olds

noreply@blogger.com (The Surprise Dyke) — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 17:13:00 +0000

My students have been studying trickster tales and were assigned to write their own. One little boy, we shall call him Confident Boy (CB) from here on out. He is a super sweet kid, loves school, loves learning, has some serious ADD (not hyperactive) and reads far below grade level. For all that he struggles with, you would think he would give up or not care. Exact opposite-this kid loves to learn and wants to get it right. He is in an intervention group and we have been debating if we should change him to a different (harder) group because he is doing so well. He brought me his trickster tale and this is the conversation that followed:

CB: Here's mine! Can you check it for me?

Me: Sure! The Rabbit Feth. Is that the rabbit's name?

CB: Oh, that was supposed to say feeth. I didn't know how to spell it.

Me: Feeth? What's a feeth?

CB: You know, a feeth, someone who takes your stuff.

Me: You mean a thief?

CB: No. A feeth.

Me: A theif. Thhhh ieeeef.

CB: No. Feeth. Ffffffff eeeeeeeth.

Me: CB, the word starts with th, not f. It's a thief who steals things, not a feeth.

CB: (looking skeptical) Are you sure?

Me: 100%

CB: Can I check in the dictionary anyway? Just to make super-sure? I still think the word is feeth, like teeth.

Me: Go for it. T-h-i-e-f.

I then wrote down his title "The Rabbit Feth" and a brief explanation to the other teacher about the intended title. Needless to say, CB stays in his phonics group...and was actually surprised that thief was in the dictionary...and feth wasn't.

Where does your mind go?

noreply@blogger.com (The Surprise Dyke) — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 00:42:00 +0000

First order of business-HOW has it been so long since I last blogged??? I am deeply sorry. After moving into our house (YAY!) We did not have internet for a while, then we got internet and work became super crazy, then work did not become any less crazy and things got crazy at our home. Anyway, I am going to try and get back on track with my old blogging schedule.

Now...onto the rambling. My mother-in-law and I were discussing the new Wells Fargo signs popping up all over town. She hates them and thinks they look stupid. I don't like them either, but my mind went somewhere completely different. Follow along if you can:

Stagecoach --> Old West --> Crime and Yucky times --> Robbers hijack stagecoaches -->Wells Fargo is going to jack my money.

Where does your mind go?

Bathroom Line Conversations

noreply@blogger.com (The Surprise Dyke) — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 00:24:00 +0000

Today a former student of mine who is now in fifth grade had this conversation with his teacher while waiting in line to use the bathroom after PE. My class was running late and we were alternating students so mine could go after lunch.

Boy: Well, I won't be stinky today!

Teacher: That's good.

Boy: Yup. My mom sprayed me with strawberries and cream body spray so I wouldn't smell bad.

Me: [choking on my full mouth of water. Trying to swallow and not die of laughter.]

Teacher: (doing her best to hold in the laughter) What did she spray you with?

Boy: Strawberries and cream body spray.

Teacher: You know that's usually just for girls right?

Boy: Nope. It's a manly smell. It's definitely not for girls. She sprays it on me everyday before school, that's why I smell so good.

Strawberries and cream body spray: a manly smell for your stinky fifth grade boy.

Exciting News!!!

noreply@blogger.com (The Surprise Dyke) — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 01:23:00 +0000

It's your slacker blogger here with exciting news!!!!

We are closing on our house Friday and moving on Saturday!!!!

Happy dance, happy dance, happy dance :-)

Don't worry, I have been writing down funny stuff my students have said/done and will be posting more soon. Preparing to move has been WAY more stressful than I anticipated and is taking up almost all of my free time...along with preparing my lesson plans a week in advance in preparation for the crazy that is about to occur.

Deep Pain and Great Loss

noreply@blogger.com (The Surprise Dyke) — Fri, 09 Sep 2011 00:30:00 +0000

I'm trying to find the words to articulate how I feel right now. I'm doing my best to prepare lesson plans for next week while I am back home in Jersey. Two days ago I received a call from my mom telling me news I could not have prepared for, and have only begun to fully digest. Please forgive me if my rambling is more scattered than usual. I have not had the ability to talk or express much of my pain inside without breaking down.

A man who I have considered my brother (E) for the past 20 years was found dead in his home-he wasn't even 45 years old. His partner (B) of 23 years, who I have also called my brother for the past 20 years, was the one who devastatingly found him after being gone for a weekend trip. I can't believe it. I truly cannot believe this has happened. This couple was one of the real ones. The ones who were supposed to grow old and gray and go on senior cruises. The couple who fell in love in high school, had the gentlest, most kind hearts, and built a life and love that was the envy of all who had the pleasure and honor of knowing them. I may be bias (after all he was my brother) but I have never, ever heard any negative word spoken about him. He was just that man. The man who served his community, loved his friends well, and took care of everyone...but himself. E had some health problems that B was asking him to get checked out. E said he would...when everything else was taken care of and he had some time. I know how much I hurt right now, and I cannot begin to understand B's pain. His status says it all, "He was my everything."

B called my mom and through his tears talked about, of all things, my wedding. How they never got theirs, how much they wanted it, talked about it, but never did. E's family didn't approve, didn't recognize their relationship and while they bought rings 3 years ago they never had a ceremony to proclaim their love and relationship. They never got their moment because they loved his family and were hoping and waiting that one day they would change. They were willing to wait. E's family never changed. They are "allowing" B to participate in the funeral and arrangements. THIS pisses me off. "Damn skippy they are 'allowing' him!" was my first reaction, but the truth is-B isn't family. He will know nothing of what the autopsy discovers, he will get no information at all-unless E's family tells him. 23 years together and he's a stranger. A roommate who split a mortgage payment.

I don't often feel "less than." I have friends and family and co-workers who recognize my relationship, call my wife my wife. I am treated and feel "equal to" but the reality is, I am "less than." 23 years. An amazing life together, names that for as far back as I can remember have always intertwined as one. They were B&E. Never B. Never E. Always B&E. And now in a time of immense pain and grief, B is no one. He is a stranger with no answers and no information while dealing with the pain of loosing the love of his life-his everything. Next week I will stand beside him as we lay the love of his life, my brother, to rest.

Word Search Fun

noreply@blogger.com (The Surprise Dyke) — Sun, 28 Aug 2011 00:31:00 +0000

Wife was drinking wine and solving one of the word searches I made for class. She did not like the words listed, but chose to find her own...this was the best one:

Back to the daily grind!

noreply@blogger.com (The Surprise Dyke) — Thu, 25 Aug 2011 01:30:00 +0000

School officially starts tomorrow, and if meet the teacher was any indication-we are in for some awesome stories...hang tight people, hang tight!

Visiting!

noreply@blogger.com (The Surprise Dyke) — Sun, 14 Aug 2011 13:09:00 +0000

I have had a wonderful week visiting B-man, but alas all good things must come to an end. He will stay here with Gam'ma and Gam'pa while I return to North Carolina. I have had a wonderful visit with lots of snuggling, doggie kisses and playtime. I intended to go back "home" today but the forecast has thunderstorms the entire 8 1/2 hour drive so I have decided to wait until tomorrow where it should only be scattered rain for a few places. Hopefully this was a wise decision. My plan was to go back today and work in my classroom Monday, doctor's checkup Tuesday, classroom Wednesday and we officially start Thursday. Now I will only have Wednesday. Fingers crossed I did not just put myself behind the eight ball...

We are hoping to hear positive news this week on the house we are trying to buy, but realistically it's looking like we will be homeless for a while. We offered the full asking price on a short sale and the bank came back with a counter offer $20,000 higher. Is that even legal???? Let me repeat that again: WE OFFERED FULL ASKING PRICE and the bank said NO, WE WANT $20,000 MORE. We countered back with a letter stating we offered FULL ASKING PRICE and were sticking to that amount. One of two things can happen at this point-1) the bank realized they were being dipsh*ts and agrees to take FULL ASKING PRICE on the house or 2) the bank decides to continue being dipsh*ts and says no, at which point we walk away and start looking all over again. Seriously, how is that legal? If you know please enlighten me because I am still flabbergasted four days later.

Lastly I leave you with my favorite pictures from my B-man visit. On my first day here I put a bandana on B-man. Note: he does not like clothes, bandanas, etc. He wore it all day while we played "red light green light" throughout the house. He is sitting with his new best buddy Gere Giraffe. They go everywhere together-as best buds should. I think his face says it all, "Are we done with pictures and bandanas...I want to snuggle with you.

Seriously. Can I take this off now?

What's a gal to do?

noreply@blogger.com (The Surprise Dyke) — Sun, 31 Jul 2011 22:20:00 +0000

Wife is away at a family reunion for the weekend and I stayed behind to watch the cats. Yesterday I ran a ton of errands and today I was planning on hanging out at the pool, except that is rained ALL FLIPPING DAY. What's a gal to do? Make pizza!

I made a gluten free pesto, goat cheese, mushroom and artichoke heart pizza. It was so awesome! I sent the wife a picture and she begged me to save her a piece while she's munching on the few vegetables NOT prepared with meat. I did. A very very tiny piece. I also prepared enough topping and a second crust to make later in the week :-)

How's my day you ask?

noreply@blogger.com (The Surprise Dyke) — Tue, 26 Jul 2011 21:18:00 +0000

I had an interview on Wednesday before we left for the beach. THEY LOVED ME. The school had a great feel of all the things I love about my old school. The principal was away and they wanted me to come back in this morning for him to meet me. It went well but was awkward. Each time he went to ask a question they team would tell him, "she already answered that one" until he finally found two questions to ask. They said they would let me know within the next two days. I received an e-mail 2 hours later essentially saying thanks but no thanks and we passed your resume on to another principal who might like you but we won't tell you who or where it is. UGH.

There are fewer and fewer good positions available and either the schools are not interested in me at all or they call me in and decide I'm not what they are looking for. I need a change of environment at work, I'm just NOT excited about going back to my old school...add to the 50 MILE FUCKING HOUR DRIVE each way and you have one unexcited lady on your hands. I'm almost at the point of throwing up my hands and giving up.

Our meeting at the fertility center did not go so great today and it's looking more and more like we will be waiting at least an additional year to try and start a family. "Scared Shitless" does not even begin to describe how my wife is feeling and when I started running more of the numbers (without my raise and with my added driving costs, daycare, etc.) it's beginning to look more and more like a pipe dream. It was the one thing keeping me going and it's genuinely slipping away.

All I want is to do is go snuggle with my puppy but I can't. B-man is 550 miles away at my parents' house. He started to not do so well with the other dogs, no routine/schedule/space and when all of his toys were destroyed he began to show aggression. We sent him away about two weeks ago. He's doing really well up there but I miss him like crazy-especially on a day like today.

How's my day you ask? Fan Fucking Tastic.

My Daily Schedule

noreply@blogger.com (The Surprise Dyke) — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 20:24:00 +0000

It's amazing how little there is to blog about when you are homeless and not working. Here's what I did today: fed the animals, covered myself in sunblock in preparation for laying out by the pool, gave up after 2 hours of overcast, made lunch, played with animals, searched for jobs and homes online. See why I have not blogged recently? THIS IS NOT INTERESTING. What IS interesting is that I have another job interview tomorrow before we head out to the beach :-) Yesterday I sat in a workshop with my current co-workers and we began planning out the first nine weeks of the school year. They have NO idea that I have been interviewing any may be leaving, I felt crappy keeping it from them but it was better to keep it a secret than risk my "possible" departure turning into a big dramatic thing around the school rumor mill. We still have not heard back from the bank, but are keeping our fingers crossed that they will give us a reply next week. That's all for now, hopefully something more interesting will happen that gives me something to write about!

Positive News!

noreply@blogger.com (The Surprise Dyke) — Wed, 13 Jul 2011 17:32:00 +0000

The seller accepted our offer and now we are in negotiations with the bank! We should hear back in about 2 weeks and could close by the middle of August. Hopefully I will also hear back from one of the many schools that I have applied to...and have them offer me a position. Wife says the school that turned me down was stupid because I'm awesome and they are missing out on increasing their awesomeness. I love her :-)

Sweet Baby Jesus!

noreply@blogger.com (The Surprise Dyke) — Thu, 07 Jul 2011 00:30:00 +0000

We have found an AMAZING home that is a short sale-the seller has accepted our offer and now the bank is reviewing it before making a decision. Sweet Baby Jesus let them accept it-the place is PERFECT for our needs and in a great location for our jobs and family...fingers, toes, eyes, everything crossed that the third place is the charm!!!!

Updates from the homeless blogger

noreply@blogger.com (The Surprise Dyke) — Fri, 01 Jul 2011 20:28:00 +0000

Today is the first day I have had internet since everything went crazy with the house and moving and putting 99.5% of our stuff in 1 storage POD and .5% in another storage unit.

Update 1:

The closing on my house went off without any problems. This may not seem like a big deal but it got a little shaky toward the end.

Update 2:

Wife recently got a promotion at work (with a raise) and yesterday she got an additional raise!

Update 3:

The sellers rejected our backup offer on the AMAZING house, and there's nothing out there at the moment that interests us. We're going to continue saving up our money until we find the "perfect" place.

*fun text anecdote regarding updates 1, 2 & 3*

Wife's dad: There is a bottle of wine in the fridge, you two should celebrate

Wife: Celebrate our homelessness?

Wife's dad: Haha, no your raise!

Wife's dad: As long as I have a home, you will never be homeless

Me: Text him, awwwww...puke

In case you are wondering, she did not.

Update 4:

The school where I interviewed said they would be in touch in the next couple of weeks...that's better than them telling me 'thank you but no thank you' right? I've applied at three additional schools so far just in case...

Update 5:

Baby news-after many LONG lesbian style over-processing conversations we have made a decision. We're going forward with the baby plans. Home or no home. We'll have a place by the time the kid is born (+10 months from now) and we're not going to wait an additional year when we may close on a place in 3-4 months.

Update 6:

With the realization that all of our possessions are packed TIGHT in a storage unit (and I mean TIGHT) we probably should have kept more things out than we did. Things like more than 1 frontline and interceptor for the animals, things like some fall clothes in case it takes more than a month to find a place. Good thing we don't have many bills during this time!

Positive Sharing Time!

noreply@blogger.com (The Surprise Dyke) — Wed, 22 Jun 2011 19:44:00 +0000

Yesterday I wore my mom's "lucky" necklace that my grandma gave her when she got married, which she then passed down to me when I got married. Here's are the reasons why I busted it out...

1)I had a job interview yesterday-fingers crossed they call me back and offer me a position. The school is amazing, the pay is beyond amazing, and I really, really want it!!!

2)We went to look at a different house that is even more awesome. The bedrooms are HUGE, the closets are HUGE, the kitchen is HUGE (and set up very well), the layout is fantastic and it has a garage! Wife and I are in discussion of what to offer-and my father-in-law found us a lender with a lower interest rate and lower closing costs.

*Baby update-we have decided that if we are in a home (or under contract) by the end of August we are still going to try this year, if not-we'll wait. Fingers crossed the lucky necklace pulls us through this hard time!

How could I forget to mention...

noreply@blogger.com (The Surprise Dyke) — Thu, 16 Jun 2011 12:27:00 +0000

How could I forget the worst part-because we are about to be homeless and have no stable plan, all of the baby plans have been put on hold. We had already decided that we had a brief window of trying from July-September. With all of the housing issues we are dealing with, we haven't even gotten to the doctor (which was supposed to happen at the beginning of June) so it does not look like we will be having a baby for at least another year...house situation is frustrating and emotional, but the baby situation is devastating.

Stunned.

noreply@blogger.com (The Surprise Dyke) — Thu, 16 Jun 2011 12:18:00 +0000

The boxes are closing in on us, and we need to be out of the house in 13 days. We had a place all set up, closing date and everything...notice I said had. Yesterday all of that went to sh*t when we found out there were some major structural and ground issues that could not be seen unless you were in the crawl space. At this point the plan is to put 99.99% of our stuff in my father-in-law's garage, stay at my best friend's place for the month of July with the dogs, then possibly move to my father-in-law's place until we find something. I'm trying to convince my wife to just say f*ck it and get an apartment...I cannot believe we are about to be homeless, and that I am voluntarily giving up a perfectly good home (that we can afford and that's in a good neighborhood)...please send good thoughts our way as we figure out what we are going to do and where we are going to live...

Fingers crossed!

noreply@blogger.com (The Surprise Dyke) — Tue, 07 Jun 2011 21:21:00 +0000

Our house in officially under contract and we have put an offer in on a house-fingers crossed they like our offer and take it, because we need a place ASAP!

Changes

noreply@blogger.com (The Surprise Dyke) — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 01:02:00 +0000

Sorry I've been gone lately, and am likely to be gone again for a little while. Our house is currently under contract and we are moving in less than 30 days...no, we do not have a place to live yet but that is neither here nor there. Updates as they come!

It's exhausting being weird

noreply@blogger.com (The Surprise Dyke) — Sun, 22 May 2011 17:09:00 +0000

L-Gato was sitting up as he normally does, went, "Meeerp!" and flopped. He stayed like this for at least 10 minutes.

A close up so you can see his weirdness better.

How observant are you?

noreply@blogger.com (The Surprise Dyke) — Thu, 19 May 2011 22:39:00 +0000

The wife and I stopped at a rest stop on our way back home from DC. She saw this standard sign that I have seen countless times and ignored. There are 4 things wrong with it. Can you find all 4? (scroll down for answer)

1-Let's start with the most obvious and biggest error: the dog is sitting. While this may not be a problem for a picture of just a dog, it's plain wrong for the context.

2-We've established the dog is sitting, now notice the leash is loose. This is not a problem until you read the explaination for problem 3.

3-Most importantly why is the owner leaning backward as though they are being pulled with a loose leash by a sitting dog?

4-It says dog walk. The dog is not walking. The dog is sitting. And pulling a person. Who is walking.

Wife could NOT stop laughing and saying, "Whoa there doggie, slow down doggie, not so fast-we can't keep up!"

How observant have you been? Have you ever seen this sign, and like me not noticed anything weird?

79 words

noreply@blogger.com (The Surprise Dyke) — Sun, 15 May 2011 00:50:00 +0000

79 words. That's what it took to go from me to we, from single to married. 79 life changing words. Everyone at work keeps asking if I feel different, and honestly I don't know how to answer them. On one hand we've been married a week today-that's not much time to change, to develop a "married" identity. On another hand my wife fell and sprained her ankle our first day of marriage (that's what she gets for being nice and carrying her brother's bag to his taxi) and I was searching the only CVS near us for things she needed. They were out of cold packs. I. Lost. My. Shit. I burst into tears in CVS over cold packs. It sounds crazy but I had this enormous weight on my shoulders to care for her, protect her, provide for her. All I could think was that I made a vow to support and care for her and on day one I failed. My mom (who came with her paramedic bag from her hotel down the street) brought me back to reality that regular old ice would be just as effective, but I guess in that moment I felt "different." I loved her with all my heart before, but now there is a weight I carry. It's a weight I can't fully explain in words-but there is no denying it exists. I've been told by my friends that marriage changes thing, and while I don't necessarily feel different, I have changed.