Random Dose Of Reality

Emotional Abuse: Crushing A Woman's Heart

2012-03-23T15:17:00.001-07:00

The moment I read this article I knew I needed to share it. I know that oftentimes emotional abuse has longer lasting affects, creates deeper wounds that eventually become scars and can be potentially more difficult to heal from than many forms of physical abuse. I know this....because I am also a survivor. A woman who is on the road to recovery......and in dire need of healing from ALL forms of abuse herself.

Thank you Bernice, from the bottom of my heart, for reaching out to battered women everywhere with your beautiful spirit, your vast wisdom and your brilliant insight.......

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Is there anyone out there who truly wants to know a woman's heart? Oh, how deep it goes and how beautiful it is when discovered!

She waits for someone to come like Prince Charming in the story of Cinderella who saw the perfect jewel of who she was when everyone else around her had missed it. The questions of the feminine heart from the time she is tiny are those which innocently ask, "Am I beautiful? Would you fight for me?"

Too often the answers she finds are shallow and non-committal. The man she turns to is caught up in his own story. Unlike the Prince, he searches for the answers to his own questions in life expecting her to fit into his idea of who she should be for him. He thinks the source of his happiness should be this woman he has chosen.

He needs her. She fills the "gap" of emotional belonging that he craves. Out of his own insecurity and low self-image, he fears he is not able to hold her in the way he needs to so he bullies her. He is possessive and monopolizes her time and attention.

Unable to look within himself at his own lack of character because of his feelings of inadequacy or inferiority, he challenges her in all of her weak areas. She is vulnerable to criticism and to taking responsibility for the relationship because it is relationship that she has been designed to build. She becomes convinced that if she could only change, he would be happier.

But the hole within him is so large. It is too big for her to fill. And he is going to the wrong source for his answers. Unknown to either of them, no matter how she tries, she will never be enough for him. The consequences are severe. Like rose petals in their prime discarded and ground by his heel into the dirt, her spirit is crushed.

To the outside world, her husband often appears charming, a hard worker, dedicated to his family. But his desperation to look that way is so highly important to him that he carefully prunes the image in public saving his deep-seated anger for those behind closed doors. His accusations are unreasonable and unfair always directing attention away from himself.

In her article "The Silent Killer of Christian Marriages", Amy Wildman White says, "For anyone who works with abusive men, the most frustrating characteristic is their lack of insight. When interacting with this type of individual, one is often left feeling as if he or she has just gone in circles. Issues presented are minimized, denied, or turned around to make someone else responsible, or a host of other topics are brought in to sidetrack the conversation. The process of change is most often slow or nonexistent."

She also says, "Although the behaviors in and of themselves are forms of abuse, it is the constant climate of destruction that leaves a woman believing she is trapped, with no confidence or hope that there is a way out. A woman in an emotionally abusive marriage does not believe she has any choices. She believes she carries the responsibility for the bad marriage and that if only she could change, her marriage would improve. No matter what she does differently, however, the marriage never gets better."

Piece by piece, moment by moment she is bombarded with the messages: "No, you are not beautiful. You can't get anything right. Your dreams and desires and needs don't matter. You are such a disappointment." Many times over different variations of these words beat at a woman's soul. She dies inside, the messages confirmed: I am not valuable, I am worthless.The words to Martina McBride's song float through my mind....

She loved him like he wasthe last man on earth,gave him everything she ever had.
He'd break her spirit down,then come lovin' up on her,give a little then take it back.
She'd tell him about her dreams,he'd just shoot 'em down...Lord, he loved to make her cry.
"You're crazy for believin'you'll ever leave the ground,he said, 'Only angels know how to fly."

What hope is there for us, oh women, who are convinced there is no such thing as a Knight in Shining Armor? Listen to the words of the One who tells mere man how to love you. Please know that your desire to be loved in this way is not wrong, it is inherent! This love is what was intended for you all along.

My paraphrase:

Give your life to bring out her beauty.

Discover the mystery of who she is, of what she dreams;
watch to see what inspires and impassions her
- and then make it happen.

Don't let anything get in the way of her becoming all she is supposed to become.

Cherish her, support her, fight for her, challenge her, refine her.
By doing this, men, you are doing yourselves a favor, for by loving a woman like this, she will be your most tender, loyal, powerful counterpart for life!

"How do I know this is what she needs? I know because I made her.
I know her in depth as part of My own heart. This is how I, her Eternal Lover, actively devote Myself to her!"

Ephesians 5:25-30Does God know a woman's heart? If you can get past the age old thinking in these verses referring to the "rules" of marriage, you will see the amazing sparkling diamond. God knows EXACTLY how to love a woman. He is handing her over to man with specific instructions about HOW to love her while she lives here on earth away from Him.

Woman also has been given a road map to a man's heart:

"Wives, trust your husband as though you are trusting Me. Let him be your shelter. He is the guardian of all that I have put within you and I have entrusted him with My own strength, wisdom and ability to draw out the deepest beauty within you. He would die to rescue you without thought for himself just as I would... and did. Let him be who I made him to be. Come beneath his wing."

Ephesians 5:22-24

My paraphrase:

These are the instructions given to us. But in a world sadly far from its original intent, this is, too often, not the reality.

Raise your eyes to the Big Picture. We live in enemy territory. God's enemy, Satan, takes whatever God pronounced good and seeks with vengeance to destroy it. Past pain, disappointment, neglect and selfishness devastate a man's heart as much as a woman's. The result is a paralyzed inability to love as God planned it to be.

So where do we turn when the man in our lives physically or emotionally discards us?

Here is the rest of the song "Broken Wing" by Martina McBride:

And with a broken wing,she still sings, she keeps an eye on the sky.
With a broken wing she carries her dreams.Man, you ought to see her fly!

No matter what the circumstances in our lives, there are some "unchangeables" that we must cling to:

1. God is the One Who instructs a man how to love us because HE loves us like that! When we face a break in this human love, God is still there knowing how to love us and offering Himself as our Knight in Shining Armor. He has always been in love with us and falling in love with Him is easy once we know that.

2. God has built a dream into the very depth of our hearts. Just because we lose our way or find ourselves trampled down, that dream doesn't change or go away. It's always there and always will be. We need to fly even with a broken wing! We are gifted and talented and strong in many ways. Finding and pursuing OUR PURPOSE can absorb hurt like a sponge!

So many women walk around like the living dead. Their hearts are crushed and they are convinced of their own worthlessness. This is a waste of something so precious! There are many that I have worked with over the past few years.

Because of my own experiences with the Prince of the Universe, I have been able to discern their own uniqueness and value; it takes time but establishing these things is like watering a desert place!

At first it sinks in and seems to have no effect because the ground is so dry. But as the lies are discarded and the truth of their strengths and amazing unique qualities begin to emerge, it is as if lush green plants and beautiful flowers begin to take over the wastelands.

A new light floods their whole beings and a new reason to live begins to motivate them. They hold the hand of their true Husband and they walk a new walk with a new confidence. Truly, they begin to fly!

Yes, sometimes it means taking strong action like leaving their husbands. Unfortunately, at times, this is the only way to catch the man's attention. When faced with such measures, he will often begin to seek the help he needs and they begin to heal the broken places in their relationship.

And sometimes he will not have anything to do with restoration. Even so, it is not the end of life. It is a new season in which a woman can begin to truly experience her own freedom and individual healing. She learns to soar despite her wounds and finds her real identity in the eyes of the One with Whom she will spend all of eternity.

Never give up hope! Reach out for help and discernment no matter how badly you feel you are to blame for the problems in your relationship. Let God into your deepest heart. Allow Him to begin to love you as you need to be loved. He will give you wings and teach you how to fly!"

By Bernice Lupo

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Bernice Lupo is a wife and mom, a Christian Life Coach, author, speaker and trainer. She lives to inspire others to discover and live out the adventure of their personal design - the gold of who they are. Her highly acclaimed system, "Refining the GOLD: Transforming Cinderella is assisting many women in finding freedom, new love and a re-energized zest for living.

Outsourcing and the President ~ Breaking News

2012-03-21T14:41:00.002-07:00

Congress today announced that the Office of the President of the United States of America will be outsourced to India as of June 30, 2012.

The move is being made to save the President's $400,000+ yearly salary, and also a record $521 trillion in deficit expenditures and related overhead the office has incurred during the last 4 years.

Mohammed Al Zawahiri, currently President of Al Qaeda Airlines, of Cairo Egypt will be assuming the Office of President as of November 1, 2012. Mr. Al Zawahiri claims he was born in the United States while his Egyptian parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, thus making him eligible for the position however he has yet to produce a birth certificate supporting his American Citizenship.

He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month with no health coverage or other benefits. It is believed that Mr. Al Zawahiri will be able to handle his job responsibilities without a support staff due to the time difference between the U.S. and Egypt. He will be working primarily at night, when few offices of the U.S. Government will be open.

A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Al Zawahiri may not be fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of the President, this should not be a problem because neither were the past 8, and goes on to further state that the last time America had a truly qualified person assume the role of President was over 43 years ago.

Using canned responses, he can address common concerns without having to understand the underlying issues at all. "We know these scripting tools work," stated the spokesperson. "The past 8 Presidents have used them successfully for years."

Obama will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final day of employment. Following a two-week waiting period, he will be eligible for $140 a week unemployment for approximately 99 weeks. Unfortunately, he will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit.

Mr. Obama has been provided the outplacement services of Manpower Inc. to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition. According to Manpower, Mr. Obama may have difficulties in securing a new position due to limited practical work experience but suggested a "greeter" position at Wal-Mart due to Obama's extensive hand shaking experience. Unfortunately, Wal-Mart does not have a "decider" position, job description available at this time.

Lastly, in order to help Mr. Obama and family cope with the transition of his eminent job displacement and HUGE loss in financial and social status, The Obama family will be generously afforded the services of Washington DC's finest mental health clinic where he and his family may receive counseling for a period of no longer than 1 year as well as the number to HUD (Housing and Urban Development) where he may receive debt consolidation advice.

Up to date, the only responses we have been able to gather from either Mr. Obama or his spokespeople on this impending change is that He and the family are trying to remain optimistic about this whole thing despite the fact that they were already rejected for the Making Homes Affordable program by both their home loan lenders Bank of America and JP Morgan Chase due to the fact that they will NOT have a provable steady source of income.

Both banks declined to comment on the details of Mr. Obama's situation but did state however that foreclosure proceedings WILL commence beginning in June 2012 and hopefully result in an auction date in early to mid November 2012. Stay tuned.....

Cub Reporter

Angel Heart

Disclaimer & Notice from Blog author Angelheart:

Please be advised this blog is entirely fictitious and was posted solely for entertainment purposes. It is my first attempt publicly at a parody of some of the many serious issues that are plaguing us here in our very own our country (the United States of America) today and it contains absolutely no malicious intent to defame anyone, any place OR any event. Thank you.

There IS Help AND Hope for Victims of Domestic Violence

2011-12-20T23:35:00.000-08:00

What is Domestic Violence?

Domestic violence is a pattern of behavior used to establish power and control over another person through fear and intimidation, often including the threat or use of violence. Domestic violence can include physical abuse, emotional abuse, economic abuse, and sexual abuse. Batterers use threats, intimidation, isolation, and other behaviors to maintain power over their victims.

Domestic violence impacts everyone, regardless of income, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, or religion. Thirty percent of Americans say they know a woman who has been physically abused by her husband or boyfriend (Lieberman Research, Inc., Tracking Survey conducted for The Advertising Council and the Family Violence Prevention Fund, July-October 1996). Domestic violence also affects same-sex relationships, and men can be victims as well.

Other terms for domestic violence include intimate partner violence, battering, relationship abuse, spousal abuse, or family violence.

What are Some Signs of Domestic Violence?

According to the Centers for Disease Control, domestic violence and abuse may include:

Physical violence (kicking, hitting, shoving, destruction of victims' properties or other physical force) or threats
Sexual violence and abuse (including rape and sexual assault or threats)
Emotional abuse, including intimidation, controlling victims' contact with others, and stalking
Verbal abuse, including threats to harm the victims' family, friends, children, co-workers, or pets
Several or all of the above forms of violence and abuse may take place.

Domestic Violence/Intimate Partner Violence Statistics:

One in every four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime.
In 2005, 389,100 women and 78,180 men were victimized by an intimate partner. These crimes accounted for 9 percent of all violent crime.
Of female murder victims, 33.4% were killed by their husbands or boyfriends; 2.4% of male murder victims were killed by their wives or girlfriends.
An estimated 1.3 million women are victims of physical assault by an intimate partner each year.
One study found that women who have experienced any type of personal violence (even when the last episode was from 14 to 30 years ago) reported a greater number of chronic physical symptoms than those who have not been abused. The risk of suffering from six or more chronic physical symptoms increased with the number of forms of violence experienced.
The majority (73%) of family violence victims are female. Females were 84% of spousal abuse victims and 86% of abuse victims at the hands of a boyfriend.
The cost of intimate partner violence exceeds $5.6 billion each year, $4.1 billion of which is for direct medical and mental health services.
Boys who witness domestic violence are twice as likely to abuse their own partners and children when they become adults.
A recent study found that in states with laws restraining abusers from possessing firearms, intimate partner homicide rates decreased by 9-12%. These laws were most effective when states cross-checked restraining orders with firearm purchases.
Of female murder victims in 2005, 33.4% were killed by their husbands or boyfriends. In contrast, 2.4% of male victims were murdered by their wives or girlfriends.

Safety Plan

Organizations you can call for help:

Call 9-1-1 for police or sheriff
ADV Crisis Line – (951) 683-0829 or 1-800-339-7233
National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233 or 1-800-787-3224
Call ADV for more information regarding a safety plan that is personalized for your protection and particular situation.

For more information and resources please visit the following website:
http://www.alternativestodv.org/home.html

Feral Cats....Is killing them REALLY the answer?

2011-11-03T21:15:00.000-07:00

The U.S. currently has a population of about sixty to one-hundred million feral cats and the shelters and animal control facilities are killing approximately six million domestic cats each year. A feral female is capable of producing twenty-four to thirty kittens a year. These three facts add up to a very large over population problem. Some communities have imposed strict laws covering licensing and breeding of all pets. Some communities have done mass euthanasia, just find that in a short period, they have the same problem again.

TNR Programs are the Key...

I believe the only humane way of dealing with the problem of feral cat over population is to establish Trap, neuter/spay, release programs (TNR). Non-lethal control is accepted by many well-respected institutions and organizations including the American Veterinary Medical Association, Cornell, Tufts University veterinary schools,the Doris Day Animal League and the ASPCA. England and Denmark started much of the work in this field in the early 1970s and where the organization Cat Action Trust established extensive spay/neuter services for caretakers. Other countries, including South Africa and Australia, have been using the trap-neuter-return (TNR) control method for many years. TNR has been implemented successfully time and again in cities throughout the US.

One must take into account that it is not the cat's fault for all this feline overpopulation. The fault lies with humans, the irresponsible owners, people that want their children to witness the miracle of birth, the ones that think it's natures way, breeders who are it only for money, and people who say it's only a cat. As you can no doubt tell, I have a hard time dealing with these types of people.

Alley Cat Allies, Washington, DC, and The Feral Cat Coalition, San Diego, CA are two of the forerunners in helping Ferals. They have supplied much of the information you have read in this article.

Education, Spay and neuter clinics, TNR programs for managing feral colonies are all ways to help Ferals. There are Rescue groups and Colony caretakers in all areas that are in need of help. They need people to volunteer their time, food, supplies, and donations to continue their efforts. If you want to help, there are many ways, in which you may do this, including making sure your own animals are altered and properly taken care of.

I'd like to leave you with something I hope you will like as much as I did:

A Prayer For All Animals

Hear our humble prayer, O God, for our friends the animals, especially for animals who are suffering; for any that are hunted or lost or deserted or frightened or hungry; for all that must be put to death. We entreat for them all Thy mercy and pity, and for all those who deal with them we ask a heart of compassion and gentle hands and kindly words. Make us, ourselves, to be true friends to animals and so to share the blessings of the merciful.

-Albert Schweitzer-

Confidence and Courage:

2011-03-05T12:50:00.000-08:00

I recently participated in a revealing self-development exercise that helped me clarify my purpose.

I knew I was headed in the right direction, but still felt I lacked the clarity I needed to really get focused. During the exercise, I identified three words or concepts that were most important to me…and one of those words was “confidence”. That made perfect sense because I’ve seen the impact that confidence (and a lack of confidence) has made in thousands of lives, including my own.

As the exercise progressed and we were asked to explore each of our three words in more detail, I found it more and more difficult to get a handle on why “confidence” was so important. Although the concept is important, it didn’t quite fit...so matter how hard I tried (it was like forcing a size 6 foot into a size 5 shoe). After a couple of days of wrestling with it, I came to a new conclusion. My underlying message isn’t really about confidence…it’s about courage.

Let me say this, I did not go to the dictionary to look up the definitions. To be honest, I don’t care what the “official” definitions are for either word. What matters most to me s what each of the words mean to me and the energy that they represent. I don’t want to discuss or debate semantics…so you are free to disagree or dismiss my definitions as you see fit. However, I hope you’ll hear the message.

In my mind, the distinction between confidence and courage lies in the difference between thinking and taking action. For me, confidence is knowing (or at least thinking) that you are capable of something and courage is acting upon that knowledge or ability. I can be confident and accomplish nothing. I don’t need confidence to be courageous. I can take action and try new things whether I have any confidence or not. Granted, I risk failing....but even in my failure I succeed, because I tried and I learned from that experience.

That trial and error makes me courageous and puts me that much closer to success (however, you want to define that for yourself). Whether it’s making sales calls, submitting proposals, learning to play golf, baking a cake from scratch, hiring a coach, or changing a tire…it’s important that we learn from each experience so we can make adjustments (improve our skills, change our tactics, revise our approach) before the next attempt. As President Franklin Delano Roosevelt once said: “We do our best that we know how at the moment, and if it doesn’t turn out, we modify it.” And if you don't find much comfort in that, how about football coach Mike Ditka’s quote: “Success isn’t permanent and failure isn’t fatal.”

In a perfect world, we would all be confident and courageous at the same time. In fact, chances are the more courageous we become, the more successes we’ll have and the more confidence we’ll gain. We’ll never “know” what we can do, until we’ve tried it and experienced that glow of satisfaction at a job well done, a fear overcome, an achievement earned. Consider the possibilities and how your life could change if you had the courage to:

Love and accept yourself as you are right now, even as you try to improve
Express your true wants and desires rather than going along with everyone else’s
Demand respect and let go of destructive relationships
Get out of your comfort zone and try something new
Address issues before they get out of hand or fester
Forgive yourself for past mistakes or misjudgments
Trust your intuition and instincts
Try again…even if you weren’t successful last time
Take the first step …no matter how small
Believe in the possibilities

What courageous step will you take to reach your desired goal? Perhaps it’s one small step each day…or once a week. Regardless of how small you start…start today. You have the power to create your life. Take courageous action, build your confidence, and create the reality you want and deserve. Take your life to the next level.

Find time to expand your personal and professional potential. Don't sit on the sidelines.

Life is not a dress rehearsal!