Love & Treason

2011-07-19T09:01:00.000-07:00

A little drama for the Yato

Hana snapped back into reality but could not hide the bitterness that she bore towards her stepmother. Her father, a wealthy underground business man, had brought home another woman from one of his bars and this time wanted to remarry.

“Hana meet Hinowa” He said in his usual strict tone.

The parlour grew silent as she sunk into her seat, it was tiring having to live with her father’s brazenness, and it was high time she called it quits.

“I’m moving out.”

Hinowa was silent throughout the meeting but her concerns gleam brightly in her eyes. On the other hand, Housen wasn’t pleased but glared back at his daughter.

“No you will not.” He said “Besides were moving to Yoshiwara today.”

“Stop ruining my life!!!” She yelled back “Don’t you dare!”

His patience was wearing thin he did not want to hurt her although he was used to hitting women from his business. “It’s been decided”

“I never agreed to anything.”

“I will be retiring soon, you will be starting college a few years from now, I want to settle down and marry, you have a new baby brother, I’ll be worry free with you marrying off to Kamui, you’ll be taking over the business and I’ll---“

“STOP THIS INSTANCE!” Hana screamed as she ran away closing off her ears with her hands. ‘I don’t want to, I am not like you!’

When she found her room empty, Hana stood there grinding her teeth and turned to see her father resting victoriously on the doorway.

“I will never leave this place.” She said acidly

“There is nothing left for us both in this mansion.”

“This? This is my mother’s mansion!”

“Hmph! I bought this house and land now I will sell it to the Amanto’s”

“I hate you!”

Without another word he slapped the girl, “That is enough Hana, you will come with us to Yoshiwara and you will accept Hinowa as your new mother. Be grateful.”

Meanwhile back in Yoshiwara inside the main home of the yato group were four members idly playing poker and gossiping while waiting for the leader to return.

“Eh so he hid have a daughter after all?” spoke one of the guys playing poker

“Yep” Abuto replied as he laid down some cards.

“What she look like?” asked another guy

“Dunno but that old geezer’ll be bringin her today” Abuto said, “He says she’ll be our new boss soon”

“Getting older does changes a man right, Abuto?”

He shrugged his shoulder as he took out another card from the table and in that exact same moment two other yato members were sent flying through the door and down on their poker table.

“KAMUI?!” yelled Abuto pissed off.

A descendant of the mercenary Umibouzo and the disciple of Housen himself appeared to have broken into another brawl with the other members. His distinctive bright vermillion red hair and cerulean blue eyes stands out from the others, the girls complemented him as a bright sunset but to the rest he was a blood thirsty bastard.

“I was bored” He said with a smile, pointing a finger to the two lifeless members “and they started it.”

“What the? Help me clean this up before that geezer comes back.” He said starting to pick up the dead bodies. “Oy, any one here who barely made it better fix yourself up and clean up this mess.”

“…Weak…”

“What?”

“Everyone is so weak here. I didn’t join up with a bunch of retards and disabled.”

“Speak for yourself before you came here this place still had their limbs together”

“You mad?”

Abuto sigh hopelessly muttering vulgarities underneath his breath, he didn’t mind the younger guy’s insatiable thirst for blood and war but what peeves him was he had the task to wipe both his ass and the geezer’s after every single damn day. He didn’t like it but someone had to do it.

“They better double my pay check this month.” He said as they both headed down to the garbage, dumping almost everything and anything that is useless and dead.

2011-03-01T03:20:00.000-08:00

I've been making soups to survive these past few days. I found out that I still love eating chicken, noodles, some carrots, and other weird broths I put in what I cook lol.
Sounds weird and weirder enough if you eat it cuz you dont know if they taste good or not! BUT! I make em so that they suite my taste buds after all I'm the one eating this...it ain't half bad but at least you've got something to eat after a days work or losing provisions T_T

2011-02-25T00:09:00.001-08:00

Uuuugghhhhhh I dunno what kind of title I'm suppose to put in the link bar and when I do it only says error!!! I don't like it!

I think blogger lost its charm being all techy and stuff but a simple editor is what I only want not some fancy whatevs! ):

2010-11-15T03:41:00.000-08:00

Another week of duty assigned in the dr for our completion of requirements. I need 5 cases out of 5 assigned roles before I can graduate. Right now I feel pretty sleepy while my head is aching like crazy. Life isn't so exciting when you don't see the real point of what you're doing. I've been taking my whole schooling for granted and I never realized how much I am wasting my time doing things I thought I just had to do because I am oblige to it when in fact I need to give my whole self into it.

These dreams and thoughts swirl in my mind like ripples in the water, Ripples that easily fade away into another, I dream about a lot of things in my life but when I write it in simple terms its only to become rich, powerful, respected, and beautiful.

I am a firm believer in fortune telling not because it's fun and exciting but it gives me hope and tells me what I really need to see sometimes I don't get it and don't like what says but what they show is true.

Today I was told that maybe I was wrong that I should be sure of what I am saying. Maybe he was right that I should had been but if he wanted to be sure he could've just went to the patient and recheck the baby's measurements again. It's not hard is it? Then he could correct me.

Another thing is, I really couldn't care any more or less about what I do but I'm eager to learn from my mistakes but it feels so hard to do just that when you're just an average skilled person who does not show interest in anything except drawing and reading comic books.

I really feel low about my self in this area. It's not that I can't handle a little heat but I just dont see where I can fit in that world where every one's trying to survive and help their families.

I love my family too their my reason, light, and support that gives me that little push to move on and become what I need to become. Over come what I have to and be really show who I am.

Sometimes I feel a little jealous about my lucky brother. He has it all right now but I sometimes think that his way too selfish and calculating but he does it for some reason as well yet I just wished that he could be a little more sensitive to what I feel about going to nursing school.

No one really seems to get the deal that I dislike nursing. I really hate it. I really. really. do.

I just can't see myself doing this and that and having to talk to people I can't stand. For fuck sake's I hate being in a crowded place! I hate where people are flocking together! I hate people who jokes around with sarcasm so they could gain popularity!

Fuck

!!!

"Sighs"

At times I wonder why I'm doing this when I could just stop and move somewhere else.

Do I sound wrong? Is my thinking wrong? What so wrong about thinking like this? Saying what I feel like saying? Saying that I need to breathe? Why do people have to be involve with every thing I do? Why can't they leave me alone for once? Am I that obvious to your eyes that you can't seem to shake it off? Huh? huh?!

God, I really hate this feeling every time I start writing and I end up writing emotionally when at first I'm just holding myself back. I want to blab. I want to talk. I want to say what I feel like saying. I don't care if anyone gets me or gets hurt that's their problem not mine I'm only human!!!!

F UUUUUCCCCKKK!!!!! D:: :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:

So I feel like a real monkey show to people.

They don't care, I don't care, So who cares?

It hurts to think about it. I really hate them. I really. reaally do. It's because of them I can't seem to move a muscle. I'm not free to do anything I want. I can't excel in anything because I cant forget that their at my back watching. watching. when they could just leave me alone.

I really hate how I turned out to be.

Such a loser.

I am such a loser.

I hate myself so much I just wished I could've died or worse I want to die so I can sleep and rest forever.

I know its not yet my time but I really want to sleep so badly.

I think about all the things that people are going to say when I fail.

I think about all the mean and taunting words they spit at me when I try.

I think why should I do this when I can't even do it.

No one every thinks and show off like their better than the rest.

But I don't care let them shine it won't be long til they'll lose that shining arrogance.

I'm just glad I'm safe in the dark.

Because there is light after the dark.

I'm tired about every one. I don't give a damn of what they want. I JUST WANT TO LIVE.

2010-10-14T00:30:00.000-07:00

I have been reading about wars lately. In a real war you'd lose a leg or two maybe your life as well but a war in silence is too much to bear. You don't know who your real enemies are whether their figthing for you or against you. The only weapon you are armed with is your mind and tongue but even those two can't save you when your going down. One false move and your done for.

There is no such thing as karma if it were true then I'd say it is only a curse but every curse can be lifted unless you know how to. A curse is a blessing in disguise it is a veil placed around your head to cover your eyes from the truth and to look for truth you open those veils by your own strength. I've heard that curses are bestowed upon the wicked by the wicked to incur their wraith and misery. And these curse goes from one generation to another until some one from that clan has had enough.

I have had enough of senseless talk and verbal abuse. If fighting and killing each other is the only solution to silence these mouths then why not go berserk! Or does your reputation and the state laws hold you down?

What will they all think?!

In my philosophy class Thomas Hobbes called man as a wolf.

"Man is a wolf unto his fellowmen. Thus, there is need to check and control this wolfish tendencies of man in order that mankind may survive."

I'm starting to believe the Nietzche was right about war but I also agree to what Thomas proposes...Either way they both go hand and hand.

State Wars

xDD

Rain has started to fall its been thundering like crazy a little while ago when I actually started to write.

I sometimes wonder whether my writings are summonings they all have my feelings in it.

Some may not understand and I don't care if they do we all have our own way of evaluating things there is no standard for such.

I feel that these days would be sum up with a song from linkin park called Papercut

2010-10-08T06:42:00.000-07:00

I hate studying my stupid CHN.

Right now the tv and laptop has all my attention. I finished reading the interview with Ted Naifeh who is the author of Courtney Crumrin. You know I downloaded that since last year when I still had all my HackSlash comic book but I couldn't finish reading 'My First Maniac'.

Is there any better word than Hate itself? Yes, There is. Love, faith and hope three daunting words that will never leave me alone like a mother who nags her children to insanity. Tonight I hear the music from the dark, savage notes written in their most diabolic forms and enchanting as a sorceress's spell. Is this another one of my musings from guilt ridden poetry or my own phantasm from a world that never existed, Instead of studying in a humane way I ended up cursing that profane book of Community Health. Yes, community health.

It is true that if I were a shaman equip with the knowledge of medicines and deadly poisons then I would not hesitate extracting revenge upon members of my clan, Individuals who have crossed me, and more often a community of hapless minded people. It would sate my hunger for death and destruction but death to mere mortals would sound ironic for I read in a quote that Death can no longer touch you once your dead yourself thus you have emerge as Immortal, as they say in that quote.

How do mother's become so mental? I really detest imagining myself turning into that kind of a witch, but ironically I do dream of becoming a witch not a Motherly type of course. My dogs are even dying because I'm not taking good care of them, Why should I when they've been greedily marked as my cousin's dogs. It was a good chance for me to have given my favorite beautiful white haired pup to a friend but he protested then they protested it that and so I said to myself "If she dies then its better off that way. Responsibility to an animal that is not mine does not make any difference."

Now I am truly decided never to take in an animal lest its for a good reason but I know I'll use that animal to include in my many recipes...

Of course, I love to cook.

Not exotic dishes though

Well, Ta-ta good women and men I have to painfully study this annoying chapter...

2010-10-06T01:11:00.000-07:00

I am alone at home typing and designing the interface for our case presentation. Just awhile ago I was suddenly irked by my selfish groupmates, but I also can't argue with them since our deadline is tomorrow...There is a lack of cooperation in our group men & women with diversed opinions some wants a good and thorough case others want it instantly.

Today I was alone I didn't know what to do and I ended up becoming bored with them. They're alright yet I still don't like them at first it was ok since I really didn't know who they are and I wanted to get to know them abit but it ran sour for awhile everyone has their own life to attend to or am I just an outcast?

When I think about it, I barely understand what they do with their lives they're all well off, boastful, and full of hedonism to boot but who knows what kind of life they've live. I'm just not used to it thats all.

I guess, I need to suck it up a bit, and just accept that not everyone is perfect the way I think about them...And life is full of sappy drama's.

2010-10-05T10:03:00.000-07:00

F A M I L Y

Problems

I've thought it out recently but it still is in my mind. I wanted to write it down so whenever I'm angry I'll read this post here and remind myself why I'm still stuck with my parents.

First, I have the right to freedom, voice my opinion, and follow my interest good or bad. I am a good person at heart I do not wish harm to anyone my intentions are purely for myself and to better my living conditions...I'm already 18 years old I don't want to wait for forever to get a job, earn money and buy my own car and house. I don't plan to go abroad yet until I am not established here. I want to experience life first here in my homeland before going abroad. I don't plan on marrying or become a single mom or have live in affairs that is just not who I am. You may say that once the taste of heaven comes I'll want to want it forever. No, I have full control of my urges and as a female I am responsible to my body and myself. I will never let anyone look down on me, pity me or even cry for me because I only cry for myself. I wasted my tears on a man who gave me a taste of that dream but I shattered that relationship so I could wake up from it. Thank goodness nothing bad ever happened to me back then.

Second, Parents shouldn't tell their children what they want us to do. I am not your slave, I won't do as you say and definitely will not follow into your dreams. I've come to realize that its up to me what I need to do for myself I don't need another person's opinion or their trust to finish what I started. In finances parents shouldn't threaten their children about withdrawing their payments for school or dropping them out. Some college students never make it at the end anyways. We're tight on budget because most of the money goes to my school, I have problems telling my parents what are the payments that needs to be done, I definitely hate nursing in universities they really eat up the paper then impose a new ends meet. I've seriously had it with my parents annoying nags and always always never leave me alone whenever I want to stay in my room. I've change that since last night I had a fight with my parents because I shouted at them for being so annoying. I told them a couple of times that I had an apron I thought that was what they meant. I can't stand it when someone knocks on my door, stands behind my door, or even talk behind it. I just can't stand that annoyance. I seriously need a new place to live. AWAY FROM MY PARENTS.

Third, Relationships are the worst! I dreamt of having the perfect guy to become my boyfriend but I never saw myself happy within a family, having kids, and becoming a mother or wife. When I do I end up running away from that leaving the husband and kids to fend off for themselves. My mother kept complaining how we're all a bunch of pigs doing nothing except make more trouble in the home and leave it there. If I'd live in my own I'll seriously show it to her that I can survive in my own way. About crushes and group pairings in class and duty it totally sucks not every guy or girl in class have the looks or even the personality (And I'm one of those people). Study for yourself is the best option but you need to get help by and by especially when it doesn't sink into your head at all and no matter how hard you understand it it just doesn't seem right. Groups are ok but unless you want nick names and a posse go ahead.

Now, I really consider myself a total sociopath. These days I just find myself reading too much shoujo manga, drawing alot of characters and killing time writing stories or logs. Sighs, I'm very stressed out in school and very very depressed about my grades in CHN I seriously hate those examinations especially when you guys meet only for a week and the exam can't fit in that span then the next thing I hate the most is those major exams on CHN I barely can get through reading my notes because their all so boring. Why the hell do I want to be a CH nurse anyway! I hate the heat! God, I can't take this anymore.

For the rest of you reading this. Stop & Think . Before criticizing what you've read. If your just a total n00b then GTFO! if your a troll or lurker just discard what you read. Anyways, Its not even helpful to what your doing online.

Its exactly 1 am in the morning I have duty around 6 I don't plan on sleeping until I'm finished writing my requirements. God, I can't even tell you what a hastle our requirements is! You know what with this new uni status in the institution I'm going I couldn't even buy a frickin CER and they told us that they don't tell you what you need to do. At least give us a list or an overview what the hells a fucking bulletin board for!

sighs...

Opening to Reality: The Importance of Who & What My Life

2010-08-31T06:04:00.001-07:00

"Idleness is the devils workshop"

Procrastination & short attention spans have been giving me panic attacks for the last few weeks at the end of the first halve of my 1^st semester. I didn't attend the intramurals except for the first day because it gets too boring for me and I want to unwind and relax at home, but in my case its being a bum for the past few days...I'm really tired of being like this getting all depress because I feel like a failure! It was in my brother's birthday when I'm happy the most cause mom made me do part of the cooking yet after doing it I feel like 'My gawd this is tiresome!' I just wish I had some sort of motivation I could look up to whenever I feel like giving up and becoming lazy again~

After today I realize that I have strayed away from my true path and goals in life because I was too concerned in other people's business and their effect on my whole being as well. I never realized that I could lose my stress just by talking to my real friends and sharing them what I truly am inside because deep down I'm a different, unique and crazy mash of personalities that I've conjured in and out ever since the day I was born. And to think that from all 200-500 billions of sperms my dad release unto mom's reproductive organ I was the one with the best capacitation and acrosomal reaction : 3

Now I expect myself to pucker up and grab the shovel so I can start digging my grave into fame :D hehehe!!!

PRESENT TIME GOAL:

Study hard-er so I can pass all of my subjects in school.
Aim for a 3.5 or higher during pre-finals.
Do my best in class
Do overtime
Try waking up earlier so I can study.
Do more studying in my extra time
Clean & help out in the household
STRICTLY NO RELATIONSHIPS
STRICTLY DISCIPLINE YOURSELF TO GET OVER IT!
STRICTLY THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT IN LIFE MORE!
Always remember who I'm doing this for (My future & family's honor)
Disciplining myself so I can be a better person, daughter, and soon to be parent (if it ever happens) J
Take charge of my life and become good at weighing things over before concluding my overall decision
To acquire more knowledge, skills, and experience for life and work as well.
Lastly, Relax and reread whatever you have written as a goal and make sure that your not being over the top again. ^_^

BUCKET LIST:

Become a well know business woman in the fields of fashion, beauty and books
Write A Book
Become a Mangaka
Get better at drawing & writing
Travel the whole world
Be adventurous and explore! Explore!

So, I'll leave it there for my bucket list and now I have to do my best and concentrate in school.

Chaoi <3

Thinking about School & Work: Decisiveness at Your Own Risk!

2010-08-23T05:11:00.001-07:00

It's been weeks since I've decided to try finding work in the call centre industry. I'm having a hard time deciding whether I should continue my 2^nd year education in BSN so I could complete my requirements before really hitting the industries, I've also realized that I wanted to try out a few other courses that I've never really thought or had doubts about like Mass Communications, Accountancy and I might as well try my luck in studying Business because I've been dreaming about creating my own company and sometimes these crazy ideas get into my head like a call centre that hires only those graduates from the medical field and setting up a 9-1-1 kind of call centre where the masses could just speed dial them to solve those health or injury related questions.

First, I had my thoughts circled around fashion and the clothing industry I want my own line of products that are from my artistic friends designs…I'd be the distributor and seller of their own items. I'd pay them for their design and stuff then I'd mass produce it for the public to buy. J

Then I had my thought on creating a school with dorms in the province near a good mountain area that have mostly plains and more like a meadow…ok…I'd create a great school for poor people with the benefit of good education and train their children to the utmost!

Next dream is to create my own hospital in the province like the same as the school except that the people who work there are foreign nurses, doctors and its all like hospitals that you can find abroad. The best only for my country men! :D

I have so much dreams that I want to accomplish in my life time but I wish that my dreams will be shared by my fellow countrymen and those dreams will never die and that they'd go on forever with a simple quest for not being great but for the good & benefit of all. Like that.

I think so big sometimes I fear that they wont become real and that those dreams don't even matter or they wont be recognize at all when I grow old I bet they'll just become childish dreams but I really love to dream big! BIG! BIG!

BIG!

I need to continue studying my PHN book because I'll have an IC tomorrow with my CI about Dengue Haemorrhagic Fever I almost got lost again in my thoughts and reading Noblesse

2010-08-21T06:44:00.000-07:00

I still get very annoyed by technology even though I’m up to it, but sometimes it becomes the reason for my discomfort. I thought that with technology life would be easier, faster and up-to-date but because of these much speed it lacks a foundation. My keyboard’s A button was destroyed a month ago and mom tried to fix it by gluing the button back with a strong one. It’s pretty hard to push because you need to exert a little pressure before the letter A pops out on the screen...

Microsoft Word 2007 looked delicious when I first used it. The interface looks sleek and glossy and I’m using the black interface. You know what I pissed off about this new word because of the forms. Today, my dad asked me if I could type him some documents he wanted to use for his next insurance trip so I did it and it took me a day to finish because I had to type numbers in a table and looking at trying to type those docs made my eyes hurt...made me so tired today.

I almost lost my cool with dad but good thing that I was watching myself and I didn’t fall but I’ll never know when’s the next time I’d lose it. I know its a bad habit I’ve been searching for free ebooks about personality and attitude change. I wanna start being proactive again and not just use it as means but as an end and not just the end of it!

Prior from writing this I was thinking to myself about my life right now. Contemplation. My thoughts were centered on my love life but before that I was trying to think of changing my career and course of study...I was thinking of studying under mass communication for a change and thought if it’ll get into a good job because my mom told me I’d get a job anywhere with that, but that superficial thinking...so before I also thought of accountancy because I love libraries and inventory checking stuff...then I wanted to try out business and entrepreneurship. So, I have a lot of things in my mind these days mostly about my future, my ever growing age and destiny. Where I’ll be in life. What will be my life. Who will be with me in my life.

The future is bleak. When I think how my future will be it keeps on getting more complex and farther away from me. I read once in a magazine where Nelly Furtado was being interviewed and in one moment of her life she asked herself this, “Will I’ll be here forever?” Its in one of my magazines and I can’t remember which was it, but I felt at that time when she revealed that she worked as a cleaner or waitress in a hotel and when she asked herself that. It made me feel that way. Will I’ll be stuck here forever in this big ol’ house with everyone? I was wrong because nothing is allowed to stay in one place forever...forever is not enough and change doesn’t give a damn.

This summer I never thought that that would be the last time I will ever see grandma, decode what she was saying, and buy her food like the 5 pesos bread she’d want to eat at night, the coke and everything. It took me at least 2 days to get up and stop being depressed from her departure but my parents were there and kept everything stable for me. Although the past few months were a little rocky and ugly we pulled through.

Last November I broke up with my ex-boyfriend. I love him but I doubted myself if I really did and doubted in his love. I annoyed him with a question repeatedly but all he says that I needed to trust him and that’s it. Honestly, I love and trust him but the distance, people, and environment we were both in just wasn’t right. It wasn’t right to begin with. I cried for that guy dammit and went against everything quietly yet in that silence I might’ve wished for something that I thought was good for the both of us, maybe God heard that silence and tried to help me realize that it wasn’t the time to be in love or be in a relationship...even still now I’m afraid of the next one, but I’m more afraid of the after taste of love and pleasure.

Today he might’ve finally decided that it was time to move on and erasing those memories we had together was a good sign yet I’m scared to death if he lied to me about it. It hurts a little to know that its gone because I love the way he keeps it, but I want it to be fair for the both of us...And it’s time to let go of the past no matter how precious it was all there is left would be the after taste and memories we both shared between us.

2010-08-21T04:51:00.001-07:00

2010-08-17T01:39:00.000-07:00

Ok, Let me recall on my former husbando's and how our relationship began xD

First on the list would be VINCENT from Ghost Fighter. Ok, I know his sorta short in stature but I kinda liked him because of that lone wolf, assassin, black gown, and mysterious kinda guy he is (blame on it the creator) Heheheh!!! Would imagine our first meeting in Cherry Blossom fields xDDD adddiiikkk!!!! heheheh!!!! D: but lol I was 7 back then!!!! (denying) and I was a failure lol so I was kinda looking for the same things that I had inside...Y'know the feel of being a self certified out cast. Oh, yeah Japanese culture hadn't spread unto my system after I met my bestfriends :)

Next, We have our beloved MURAKI from Yami no Matsuie. I got into him because of his looks mostly and being a villain I started to like bad guys (not real and semi-real), murderers and psychopaths.

Ehhhh can't finish writing this cuz my attention is drawn to reading noblesse x3 Just love Rai xDDDD
and Frankie!! :D

Island Girl (Hula) Dance Fitness Workout for Beginners

2010-04-14T19:25:00.000-07:00

Island Girl (Hula) Dance Fitness Workout for Beginners Click on the link to download.

Kili invites you to beautiful Hawaii, her home, to experience the unique concept of her popular Island Girl dance fitness series. The most sensual dance of the South Pacific, Tahitian, offers a challenging workout that Kili calls her "secret weapon" for keeping in shape and having a bathing suit-ready body all year long. Kili has designed this workout to specifically target and tone legs, buns, and abs. You will learn three basic Tahitian moves: ami, uniu, and Tahitian bump. Combined with fitness steps, these moves offer an innovative and creative Tahitian Dance Fitness workout to help you lose weight and shape the entire body. Tahitian Hip Hop, part of her popular Island Girl dance fitness series, will help you burn calories while learning some hot new moves. What is Tahitian Hip Hop? Tahitian dance is an exciting art form that keeps the hips moving while the upper body stays strong and engaged. You will learn five basic Tahitian moves: ami, bump, flower, shimmy, and shake. Kili combines these with her favorite hip hop moves for a challenging and enjoyable dance fitness experience designed to help you stay slim and tone your body.

Queen Seon Deok (Soundtrack)

2010-04-09T02:57:00.001-07:00

HI ALL!!! The compilation of Queen Seon Deok Sound track can be download here The file is .rar so you can unrar it after downloading, Hope you Queen Seon Deok's sound tracks as much as I did. I <3>

Semana Santa

2010-04-02T04:20:00.000-07:00

The other day mother and I went out to visit Santo Nino because it was the first day of Semana Santa. We brought the cam to take pictures and videos so I could post them on facebook, and reminding my bestfriend the good ol' days in elementary. Although much of those good ol' days were hellish because of that ex-math teacher of ours and his dreaded class. But thank goodness the new head as they say abolished that poor tyrannic teaching into a normal one and no more of those Saturday math class or after school math class. It was freaking crazy! Why would anyone want to train 6th grade 12 year old's into super math geniuses when half of them aren't even into the subject. Just like me...I never listened to that class and never did, but I'm sure glad as hell that I passed highschool even though I had to take remedial classes in order to catch up with the rest of the class. Math is the only subject I'm pretty bad at it's not because its hard, but it bores me to death just like studying up for science class although at times its interesting (Science that is.) Yet algebra or trigonometry isn't my thing! Tonight I just downloaded a magazine off avaxhome called "Predictions" click on the link if your interested in reading it. It's the first time I've read a magazine based on Tarot, witch craft and predictions that helps people with questions whether they're decisions were right or they need more hope and insightful advices. There was a page featuring a tarot spread that I excitedly tried to do. I haven't used my cards in a long while and also I wanted to ask if learning the Tarot was a good thing for me. I've been wondering if learning Tarot in the first place did me good. So here's what came up.

Was it a good idea to have studied Tarot in the first place?

The reading starts from upper left wing across upper right wing across the second lower card then across the right card until the isolated 7th card. Position 1 - Where are you now Position 2 - What is surrounding you Position 3 - What you need to hold on to Position 4 - What you need to let go Position 5 - Direction 1 Position 6 - Direction 2 Position 7 - Where you are heading In reading this spread I first used my fortune telling encyclopedia by Francis X. King then reread them again using paranormality list of Tarot card up and reverse meanings. I wasn't too pleased with the reading because it was disheartening me since everything what it said was true and a slap in the face by reality. Because I wasn't able to see this side of myself and even my consciousness deemed it unworthy...or just that I didn't want to listen, see or hear that side of me. Where am I now? Ace of Wands Reversed From book "Failure because of over-ambition. A failure to exert enough effort." From site " Bareness, impotence, sterility, avarice, greed. An over confidence that ends in tears. In a woman's spread this card may indicate trouble with men." Okay, so I do kinda relate here a bit...When I look at it it says that I haven't lived up that ambition or that I exaggerated that thought because at first it was exciting and it started a flame in me. Next, point of view is both meanings is somewhat related and yeah I think I have trouble with men...maybe. What is surrounding you? Temperance Reversed From book "Disagreements & disputes of all sorts. Bad management. Involved in difficult situation. Problem that proves to be insoluble." From site " Imbalance. Volatility. Poor judgement. fickle decisions. Conflicting interests. Physical stress. Disagreements. Restlessness and instability. trying to combine too many or the wrong elements in too short an expanse of time." What you need to hold on to? Page of Sword Reversed From book " Devious, frivolous young person whose stories cannot be relied on. Unexpected news or surprising turn of events." From site " A two faced, cunning and possibly vindictive person, with an inability to grasp the nettle. A seeker of hidden weaknesses in enemies, devious and given to snooping in other people's affairs. May be an indication of unforeseen events, ill health, or plans being overtaken by events." What you need to let go? Page of Cups Reversed From book "Unfaitful subordinate or lover. Deception. Smiler with knife lying deciever who tries to seduce literally or metaphorically with who he/she feigns friendship, loyalty, and love." From site "Depending upon surrounding cards: a deception that will be uncovered. A failure to make meaningful commitments and shallow self indulgence. A person with much surface and shallow knowledge, a jack of all trades. A scheming person that is selfish and keeps his knowledge to himself. he has an appreciation of the beautiful but is not applied enough to become an artist. A person who is lazy and given to lies and harmful gossip." Direction card 1 Justice Reverse From book "Unfairness, injustice, things going wrong. " From site "Injustice. Inequality and bias. Separations not yet ratified or legalised. Delay. imbalance. Confusion surrounding legal or tax affairs. Complicate negotiations. unfair or delayed judgement." Direction card 2 Ten Pentacles From book "Great material success achieve after many years, but not altogether satisfactory. Inheritance of land & property from close relation." From site "Emotional and financial stability. Family fortunes, inheritance and prosperity that has been built up and handed down over the generations. The formation of family tradition. This card may indicated good fortune regarding a dowry." Where you are heading? Ten Swords Reversed From book "Temporary advantages. Success followed by failure." From site "Only an illusionary lifting of burdens or release from afflictions as suffering will continue. Sometimes death and violent and extreme change. Only temporary good fortune."

Yeah, rereading and understanding it somehow gets to me. Hm, It's true that

Tarot journal

2010-03-30T01:53:00.000-07:00

"You have training or studies to do. Either you need to improve your work or an activity, or you are preparing yourself to return to school. This will be an intensive training and you will require a strong will. It will take you lots of time and efforts. You will be placed in competition with others and you will have to cut you a path among the bests. You will absolutely need to do the best that you can, because you will be evaluated. At some point, you will come close to a failure or you will lose confidence in you. A desire of dropout will arise. You will come to a point of questioning the need, for you, to continue this training. You will overcome this stage and you will continue. This training will be recognized by the authorities and you will get a diploma, a certificate or any other paper that you will carefully preserve and that will be useful afterwards. You will be really proud of you. Keywords: learning, art, determination." My latin Tarot
Should I really believe what it says? I mean, I do feel that way because of my course since it isn't as easy as it may seem. I'm only at the beginning but I feel like I should've taken another course instead of nursing. Why? Because it was never my idea in the first place and I doubted my self if I should continue to going to school, I was planning on getting a job at first. But everyone wanted me to be a nurse now I'm not sure if I should continue it...I did enjoy my retdems during my second semester, but at the start of that semester odd and challenging things happened that made me realize what kind of life I've lived until now. It wasn't easy to get thru 4 years of highschool since I didn't like studying or enjoyed going to school and wait for that horrible subject to come up. But I managed to muster up all the guts I have and go thru it all. In the end I earned my highschool diploma and now I'm in college. sweet. At first, I thought great I'm stuck with a bunch of losers for two weeks before official classes starts. I had to go into this 2 week bridging classes for soon-to-be college students for science, mathematics, and english. Okay, so I did loosen up during 4th grading period so I kinda earned a 74+ passing rate. It's not so bad and besides I don't really care about that or did I ever learned to care about it. I may be laid back for lots of thing, but I still don't like to fail at something. So after the first week I immediately drop outta the classes because they were boring me to death and when official classes started the guards at the entrance told me that I wouldn't be able to wear a skirt! MY FREAKIN SKIRT! I CANT WEAR MY ALL TIME FAVORITE SKIRT BECAUSE OF YOUR FUCKING RULES?! FUCK! 'Ahem' that was first semester at that time I barely ventured out into the world of internet savvy-ness. What sad was I deleted my highschool blog from friendster! I started RF during first semester....then deleted the original title....It used to be called welcometocollege or collegelife or something close to that crap. Now, its Random Fanatic. Why? read 'MOI' Yeah, I found new friends but one thing that I hated the most was group projects and all of that. I thought college was something that you go at it alone cause you deserve it. But, I guess its all about being a team player and a strong leader for your group mates to believe in you and behave at the same time. Wow. Second semester wasn't all the best. We had financial problems that would always put me in a strong depression which made me cry in the middle of my study or just made me feel miserable every where I go. Financially & emotionally unstable we were...Its terrible. I tried talking about it but people didn't seem to understand nor did they ever were empathic about it. So I didn't talked about it because its useless and where did I go to let all of these out? Through my cards my divination cards because no one else understands me better and franker than my tarot cards.

2010-03-27T23:14:00.000-07:00

I just read this yahoo news. Pope at centre of child abuse storm It was posted by Michelle Leridon, AAP As I was reading through, I felt uneasy and at the same time vindicated. Last year, A similar case surfaced from the media about Simala's parish priest being labeled as "Bayot" or in english "Homosexual", It was always around 6 in the morning when my grandmother plays the radio and I'd over hear Bobby Nalzaro's early morning rants. When he featured the controversy about Simala I was in shock because in the recent past years I have always heard my peers and family talked about visiting there because of its miracles. I wanted to go too but unfortunately I was spared from having my belief crushed cause of school. I am a Roman Catholic by the papers, but I am free to choose who to give my faith to and I am not swayed by the fact that Jesus or God would always guide me in my path because I was never able to choose the path I've always wanted to take. When I was a kid I always repeated watching or reading the stories about Jesus life and the life and times of the past in action. I have overheard once that a friend of my mother appointed her cousin as the priest on her wedding day and on top of that she revealed that her cousin was a playboy and even when he was already a priest he still went on with his antics. The idea was that if her cousin was sent to priesthood he would be purified and cleanse with the church's brotherhood, but why isn't there any improvements? When I was a kid my mother sent me into Colegio Del Santo Nino to get a good education and a better up - bringing in a private catholic school then in highschool I choose the University of San Carlos yet within those years spent in highschool I started to realize that there was something wrong about God's system...I questioned and ran away to the darkness for awhile, but I still came back to him with fresher eyes. Yes, God may have his flaws but the flaws are part of his plan even though it may hurt and suck at times it is still his plan for our good... The other day, One of my best friend who lives in Canada now suddenly sent me an instant message on facebook. She was happy that I tagged her in a photo where my mom was jumping in, We talked for awhile and I was a happy too that I was able to renew my contacts with her but when I started to tell her about my problem about my parents current situation and how I felt confused about it. She started to talk about herself and quickly too about what had happened to her there. Maybe I am wrong to judge her words and act proud of myself alone, but the distance between us can not hide the fact that I don't believe her, And now I can hear her say "I don't care if you believe me.". Well, its only in my opinion that I don't want believe what she says because I know Jia can be a drama queen at times. I don't know whats happened to her or how she's become like this, but she had the time of her life and will always will. I don't particularly envy her a lot, but I really like her company because she's much crazier and cooler the way she is. Yet as her friend I don't really like her to lie to me just to make me feel that someone else have harder problems...When I think about it? The same goes when talking to Zandra and her topics would be about her boyfriend and how she feels and the tears and all of that. It's fine but sometimes I wished that she could stop talking about her boyfriend for awhile and talk to me as "Zandra" for once. And Jia is the exact opposite of Zandra. If I could measure them both it would be in a continuum. Zandra the Right and Jia the Left. Right would represent the normal healthy Filipino family that would be similar to the all-American family and the Left represents the dysfunctional all-American family in Filipino version. Me? I still don't know where I am in that continuum because I definitely can not find myself to be in both. I wish to be free of familial interventions and reunions. But Jia said something that hurt my pride as a semi-non-believer like "Go Back to God" Its not what she said exactly but she emphasize on going back to God because its much better that way...Well, it's not really because in real truth we have our own ways of going back to him and we live different lives so its hard to take her word because she sounded as if she's been jaded much...It's not that I hate her for that it just hurts whenever I think about her saying those things to me and over analyze the things I literally said because that was just an overview of deeper things I could not say...I have deeper things in my heart! I just wished she could let go of being a jaded, skeptic, and narrow - minded person that she is and think for once how I felt when I wanted to talk to her...But I can attest that on the years that she was away in Canada and started out anew there, I wasn't always there to talk to her on the phone anymore nor chat with her all day. I claim that I'm not entirely a good friend nor a listening ear very much yet Jia's been my friend all I can do is be with her in my heart and think about her and how she's doing and hoping that she's still fine and alive...thats much better right? Because I don't really want to dwell on her emotions or how she feels at all since I can't do that to myself either...I don't dwell much on my emotions but just cry it out like an idiot while talking to God... I think this post got very personal...And it is because of the priest, church, and the dumb adults who think that their better than anyone else...I don't really care if I look like a child and think like one, but its better to be a child because I would never be.

Pedophiles in Cebu

2010-03-25T06:44:00.000-07:00

NO! This is not porn! I totally mean it even tho' I like porn, but earlier this morning something happened to me regarding pedophiles. We were at freedom park (carbon) hunting the perfect and cheap ingredients for next week's menu it took awhile for us because my mom was the one deciding and yeah it took longer than expected. I, on the other hand, was busy tagging alone and dragging a very heavy shopping bag then we decided to drink because it was really hot since we arrived at midday then stayed until 1 in the noon. We were looking for the usual bakery, but then we started going around in circles, tired and hungry we decided to take another bakery which didn't have a nice place to sit around so without further thought we did and then argued because mom said it would be nice to share a drink together and I said "NO" because it isn't enough for the both of us. So while my mom ordered, I was able to put down the bag and rested a bit, but suddenly something over shadowed us from behind and in a loud tone grabbed our attention. He was tall man with a shabby way of dressing, and he stood there smiling at us while trying to inch on with little steps. He was a big man for sure because I could feel his pelvic near my ass...He kept asking about my age and weird things I didn't like, so I decided to go around him and kept close to my mother. I'm really glad that my mother was there to protect me because no one could easily entertain people tactfully than my mom. I already blocked the things he said out in the open then he handed us a paper with his contact details because my mom asked him too. In my anxiety I was able to consume the whole contents of my drink that wanted another shot. At least I got out alive...and not getting poke back =_=;

2010-03-24T08:37:00.000-07:00

Have you ever sat with a stranger then starts talking to you all of a sudden. He starts getting down to business tries to get you into his products and your quite curious what they’re for? He keeps on talking like his soliciting you, but your not really interested in buying right now. So warding him off was the best option yet he’s still there changing his topic, which starts to perk your ears again, He’s trying to want to teach you how to be rich and again your curious.

But your skeptic about the latter, It may be a scam or worse a propaganda by an infamous organization. This scene is called “Referring” a method use by Agents to lure in aspiring individuals who are interested in an ‘Agents’ line of work.

We’ve been through that same discourse once, twice or thrice in our lives. And might’ve already had an idea what agents do for a living right? In the movies we’ve seen the fictional character James Bond or 007 as a spy that owns a license to kill! But in reality what is this ‘Agent’ do that either creates a believer or skeptic in each of us?

An agent is a person who represents an organization or person in business.

The statement highlight is about the agent. He/ she has qualities that meets the standards of the organization and this is an asset to both the org and the agent. In my opinion, The agent is considered to be the radical that initiates the movement even as a single unit or the preacher of a gospel that opens our minds to the word and creates discourse.

Now what is this discourse all about? It’s TALK. Whats happening. Wassup. Hey.Look.

Agent’s are the preachers, teachers, messengers, and communicators that enables him/ her to entice his audience about his ‘Talk’ . What is he talking about anyway? Whatever he needs to get through your mind. An agent is an individual with a goal he either takes you as a buyer or a referral, but there are different types of agents out there. For example, My dad works as an insurance agent and travels around the whole region 7 to get people to buy insurances for the company his working for. For every people that signed up for an insurance he earns 40% in his commission, but dad prefers to target amongst teachers because of the memorandum the DepEd approves of. The company he works for gives him benefits like commissions, paid hospitilizations, travel oppurtunities, and incentives. Commissions are always first priority of an agent and an incentive is a plus on his side because of hard work and diligence.

The stranger I used to begin with was another type of agent because he sells something of a tangible kind, but unlike insurances they are untangible unless you die. The stranger sells perishable goods that are either ‘in’ or ‘out’ of popularity with the community like medicines, beauty soaps, and…etc. They are every day items that helps us enhances and prevents us from becoming what we don’t want to be. These items have specific interested buyers that continuously buy these items because of the miracles it creates while some may have adverse effects or none at all.

The last type of agent I call is a ‘Real Estate’ agent their the guys that are semi-advisors and resellers of house, lots, or house & lots to buyers. These guys live in a jungle because of competition and dirty works done by either colleages or rivals. Now a word of advice: Don’t buy unless you trust your agent and don’t trust them either. Well you can’t trust anybody on this one at all. For me, I think real estates is the hardest because my mom works as one and I’ve seen the up’s and down’s. It’s never fun when you get to the buyers to decide because these agents depend on their buyers word their word is the key to success without the key the agent won’t be able to be successful. But as a buyer we should all consider the pro’s and con’s of buying the perfect house, And also trusting that agent and firm that sells your dream house. Consider yourself as real estate agent you physical use up all your energy , time and money to transport potential buyers to a place you think they can call home.

2010-03-23T04:01:00.000-07:00

Tried to change my blogs background using a nice jpg image from simplechic, but apparently it didn't work out as I thought so I decided to stick with shabby blogs because they instantly not fuck up my blog a lot and whats more is that you just have to add the code on the layout part, click and voila! *whines* I seriously want this blog to work out! It's been with me for over a year now and I'm still not doing something right?!? Y.Y GRRR!!! HTML definitely suxs right now! My head hurts and all my energy is lost from looking at this screen for 2 hours now. I wonder what I'll try to write next time...

Anatomy & Physiology: How blood flows thru the heart

2010-03-21T23:53:00.001-07:00

How blood flows thru the heart and clarifications on oxygenated blood.

here

So Why Do I WANT THIS So Badly?

2010-03-21T21:23:00.001-07:00

What do I want? Here's my wishlist:

HP Photosmart Plus All-in-One Printer series - B209

Slimming Products Gaming/Personal Computer Learn a new trade New Outfit Black Dragon Tattoo I need the printer to start my printing/scanning/copying business. It's a good way to earn money these days since I've noticed that there are tons of students living near my place and this also benefits me because of my projects and picture printing obsessions. Yeah, Slimming products I don't know if Easymay II works like their testimonials says but I'm willing to pitch my body on the fork to see some results...And yeah I've tried out using kankunis and bioslim but only a few packets and so far I've seen some results...well a little but I still have my arms and thighs o (>///< ) o The G/PC is needed to replace this crappy compaq laptop the screens got too much lines and I need a clear screen to clearly view items when I do my online shopping ;} Try clicking on the new trade link it opens up a new window with an image scanned by negoskwela's course list for march 2010. My mom was considering to enroll in starting a beauty parlor business but she's hesitant because of the money and the duration of the course since she only wants a saturday schedule because of grandma present condition. The outfit and tattoo are korean inspired...and I've been wanting a make-over for such a long time now since I've got loads of cash handed down to me for my school and the extra's come in handy and so is starting a business and getting paid from answering surveys. I NEED TO REWARD MYSELF!!!

Outline: Book Reports for English

2010-03-11T01:02:00.000-08:00

Outline for our English102 class. An outline or guide to follow when writing your book report's draft. Introduction: Title of book, Author's name, Short biography/ brief summar of content. (2 spaces with 2 sentences) (Body) 1.) Theme: Central idea of the author. What the story is all about. 2.) Character/ Characterization: Describe the characters. 3.)Conflict: Struggle between opposing forces or characters external (environment, Can be physical conflict) or internal/ mental, emotional conflict. 4.) Plot: Sequence/ Events - Introductions -Climax -Solution 5.) Setting: Time the place & the general background of the story. -Site 2 common or usual background & describe 6.) Point of view: First person - it is the voice of the consciousness of the story. Second Person of the partially committed narrator. The narrator is not part of the story. Third Person omnittent narrator not part of the story. He can see the minds of the characters. 7.) Symbols: These are things that stand for themselve & at the same time for deeper & more universal things beyond themselves. 8.) Imagery: Are the words that appeals to the senses. Figures of speech, description of scenes, moods, and expression.

VI.) Paglalapat ng Salawikain

2010-03-10T10:22:00.000-08:00

VI.) Paglalapat ng Salawikain Kung ano ang itinanim, siya rin ang aanihin. Naipakita sa huli ang pag-iisa ng mga Filipino para maitumba ang mga Kastilang umaabusar sa kanila. Dahil ng hihina na ang kapangyarihan ng mga Kastila umataki na rin ang mga Filipino at sa malaking numero. May tainga ang lupa, may pakpak ang balita. may eksana dito na ang lahat ng mga Kastilang kawal ay pinagsabihan ng kanilang tinyente na hindi pweding mag-uugnay sa mga mamayanan ng Baler dahil hindi nila alam na mga espiya ba sila sa kupunan ng kaaway. Pagkahaba-haba man ng prusisyon, sa simbahan din ang tuloy. Nakasama na ni Lope ang kanyang pinakamamahal na babae si Luming at sa awa ng diyos ay hindi ito naputakan ng baril.