random pontifications

Be Water

noreply@blogger.com (dredful) — Sun, 02 Sep 2012 05:27:00 +0000

For several years, I was a part-time ski instructor at Beaver Creek on the side from day job as a software developer. The majority of professional ski instruction is a poorly paid occupation, but it makes your soul rich. I have not taught the past couple years, and it has had an effect on me. This season I hope to return to this enriching profession. I will leave my protracted declarations of love for ski instruction to a future post.

This post is about water. Water as characterized by the legendary Bruce Lee. During a TV interview on the long ago Pierre Berton Show, Lee describes the brief "Be Water My Friend". On the surface, it is a philosophy regarding the art of fighting. In his voice and his expression, for Lee, it is a way one could approach life.

While there are many who look to Bruce Lee as a prophet, I assure you that I am not one of them. Still, the concept of being water in the way the Lee presents it, is something that has always stuck with me. I often related it to sports and in particular skiing. I speak about being water whenever I teach almost any aspect of skiing. For myself, it is most applicable to the skiing of moguls or "bumps". It is paramount to flow over moguls and yet still be strong when needed, much like water.

Due to water's hydrogen bonding combined with its relatively compact molecule size versus other compounds also containing hydrogen bonding, water has many unique and powerful characteristics. Combine that with it's requirement for the existence of life, and you have yourself nothing short of a marvel of the universe. It can adapt to many environments, be soft and still be powerful without ever changing its nature.

An amazing friend of mine, Rachel Preston Prinz, has been invited to present at a TEDx event where her focus will be on water in the desert. (her post) For some reason, I found myself focusing again on Lee's "Be Water My Friend". I had not thought about it for some time. I could not get away from it and then I stumbled upon a remix of the Pierre Berton interview by melodysheep. YouTube has the video for this remix and it is quite entertaining:

To now have this groovy mp3 on my Ski Mix playlist for the upcoming ski season was cause for excitement. My revisit of Lee's "Be Water My Friend" became a constant in my thoughts. Everyday we struggle to remain ourselves in the face of the many roles we play in our lives. We regularly face events, surroundings and forces upon us. My thoughts developed a new potency for "Be Water My Friend".

This lead to the following sudden stream of consciousness that just poured out of me as if someone else was writing it:

be water

be adaptable to your surroundings

strive to be level and calm despite the forces working upon you

be reflective

be nurturing of life and the lives around you

find paths around, under or over obstacles to reach your goals

let no force compress you

stay moving so you stay clear and healthy

glisten

handle ripples in your world with elegance

have the determination to wear down impediments

when under pressure, be focused enough to cut through stone

let your bonds be stronger than expected

be amazing and magical by being yourself

be water

by Craig McLeod - 09/01/2012

Rachel, thanks for the inspiration and I am wishing you all the best at your TEDx talk.

Business Jargon Hatred

noreply@blogger.com (dredful) — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 01:07:00 +0000

So my friend David Silverman writes a blog for the Harvard Business. Yes, the Harvard Business thing. The quick back story is that David has always been a talented writer. We went from kindergarten, where I remember our first argument, all the way through high school together. He has always written great and funny stories as long as I can remember. Don't believe me? I dare you to not enjoy his book: Typo: The Last American Typesetter or How I Made and Lost 4 Million Dollars

As I was saying, David writes a good business blog. Today's entry was entitled "10 Business Words to Ban" He then asks the reader if they have any suggestions. This brought forth the following from within me:

==============
It is probably long done with, but God I hated "functionality."

"We will add functionality"
"Here the functionality will..."

It was always said by by people who had no concept of what they were talking about and were proud of it. They even had the nerve to deliver it with an air of arrogance. As a programmer, I would sit in meetings and listen to the owner of our company (not my current company), a sale person or an IA person say this. I began to mentally insert the word "magic" in place of "functionality" and the statement would still have the same level of sincerity. Unfortunately my little exercise didn't help my frustration levels.
==============

I don't know if my above mini-rant has any meaning or contributes to the world in any way, but David's article just sent me into a momentary trance. I don't know why I completely forgot about it until just now. Perhaps the "functionality" overuse caused my brain to create another personality to help me cope. I think his name is Arnold.

Undecided?

noreply@blogger.com (dredful) — Sat, 01 Nov 2008 00:50:00 +0000

Undecided voters again. There seem to be a lot of them. In the 3rd straight presidential election in a row there is a large section of undecided voters. Undecided? Undecided? Seriously?

Just like in 2000 and 2004 these two candidates and their running mates couldn't be further apart. Are these people really undecided? There is no way that you can be confused about the differences they stand for. Are they trying to look more thoughtful or smarter? If so, why do they always say "I haven't heard anything in detail about (some topic that has been discussed)." or "I'm still waiting for them to tell me what I want to here." yet they can never state what it is they want to hear.

The thing that is most interesting about the undecided voters, is that the Democrats lose when these undecided voters show in considerable numbers. Democrats are very talented at losing Presidential elections they should dominate, much less win. They are 0 for 2 against a 'C' student.

The Democrats have tried long and hard to lose this election. Starting with the primaries, Clinton's extended run and accusations of being cheated out of the nomination. I managed to not write then about how I was yet again watching Democrats snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

Since the convention they have surprisingly played it all out rather well.

It will be very interesting this Tuesday. Everything says the Democrats should win. They have done everything right while the Republicans have done damn near everything wrong. It has all the makings of a Usual Suspects conclusion.

United They Stand?

noreply@blogger.com (dredful) — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 05:22:00 +0000

I just think it would be a really great if Obama and McCain (maybe even Biden and Palin) would do a PSA spot for the Gustav cause. They each have done their own to encourage donations. I think that a spot done together would realy be powerful to show how important it is to come together at times like these.

The Presidential Race: Now In the Crapper

noreply@blogger.com (dredful) — Tue, 15 Jan 2008 03:41:00 +0000

Ignore my previous post. Today's events made it 100% crappola. I don't exactly know what happened today in the political race, but clearly the "vision" is far from a reality. We can meet back here in another 50 years to see if things are any better.

This Presidential Race: A Success (so far)

noreply@blogger.com (dredful) — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 04:04:00 +0000

So I sit here watching some news channels regarding the primaries tonight. As usual, the polls, predictions and pundits were all wrong again. McCain is alive, Romney is still not loved, Obama is electable and Clinton is clearly not done.

With only 4% of the states reporting I am declaring this presidential race is a success (so far). The success I speak of regards two candidates in particular. The country is deciding between Presidential candidates and among them are two people who represent those who have not previously had serious potential to hold this position. People would ask me about my thought on Clinton and/or Obama. My answer was that one or both need to have a successful run at the nomination and possibly the White House. It was very important that they could have a serious campaign that is respected by the voters, the news and the country. If America could seriously consider these candidates on the issues, then moving forward the race and sex issues could get put below the issues of the candidates.

Right now, it is looking like that could be well on its way to accomplishing that task.

I was concerned initially that this might not be the case. All the "Clinton is too divisive..." and "we/I just don't like Clinton" comments seemed unnatural. I seriously felt it was the setting of a foundation to present an early alternate excuse for the fact that people didn't like her being a woman. With Obama, the cover story was about as opaque as plastic wrap. "Is he electable?" peppered with the periodic "articulate" and "clean" statements leaves no confusion about what the underlying issue was.

After Iowa and New Hampshire I am seeing the discussions on main stream new channels discussing primarily the issues and tactics of the candidates. There is the discussion of race and sex with regard to voting patterns, but nothing too far outside of normal discussions. (fyi: Lou Dobbs just made my previous statement false.)

For now this process is a success. It is still unclear if it will remain that way but this does shine hope on the future of open access to the office of the President.

As with any path of change in society, the steps were taken well before this moment by others with much less success. If you view this new landscape as a success you have to recognize those who went before and allowed the questions of sex and race with regard to Presidency to even be considered on some level.

The short list would be (in reverse chronological order):

Geraldine Ferraro - ran in 1984 as Walter Mondale's Vice President. The first serious potential for a woman to actually hold a spot that put her a heartbeat away from the oval office. The United States overwhelmingly voted against that but it was seriously on the table. This path would be continued 4 years later by Patricia Schroeder who ran for the Democratic nomination.

Jessie Jackson - made the first truly serious (but not the first) bid by an African American for a Presidential nomination in 1984 Democratic race. "America's not ready for a black president" was the common statement, but it put the concept in play and it's sting, like Ferraro's, would ease the pain for his successors. The worrisome moment in this campaign was when he won the popular vote of the 1984 North Carolina Democratic primary and was not awarded the most delegates which instead went to the person who finished second in the primary voting. (wtf?)

Shirley Chisholm - ran for the Democratic presidential nomination in 1972 after becoming the first African American woman to be elected to US Congress in 1969. While she was not the only woman vying for the presidency that year, her's was the most notable and put both sex and race on the table to discuss amongst ourselves.

Important Note: as admirable as these people may be for what they did to open doors, do remember that they are all still politicians which makes them all bad people at their core. :-)

You simply have to do this!

noreply@blogger.com (dredful) — Sun, 16 Dec 2007 23:19:00 +0000

22
I can only assume this means I can be a Kindergarten teacher.

My Car Has the Coolest Stupid Feature

noreply@blogger.com (dredful) — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 04:51:00 +0000

I have a VW Touareg. Please know that I don't roll like that. I scored a killer lease deal aided by my driving less than 1000 miles a month and the fact that I was willing to take the one that the owner's son had at college for 3 months. During that time it had been rear ended and later keyed down both sides. They fixed both, took $30 more a month of the already crazy good lease deal and gave me 15k miles a year instead of the standard 12k. It's been two years and I only have driven 19k total, so I have a helluva road trip to plan in the next year.

My car has a bunch of features. Almost all them are dumb and unnecessary. The important thing is that one of the dumb features is a very good thing. On my airline like dashboard of indigo lights, exists a button labeled "REST". I didn't know what it was for. I wondered about it for a about a year before I conceded that this is the first car that would require my reading of the manual.

"REST" stands for "Residual Heat". (wtf?) Here's what it does:

Drive somewhere
Park somewhere. Preferably someplace that you are just "running in for a bit" like Starbucks (not impressed yet?)
Turn off your car.
Hit the "REST" button (ready for the magic?)

The climate control turns on even though the car is off. The car is using the heat from the engine to continue keeping the car warm. It will do this for 30 minutes or until the battery drops in voltage. While I always thought this was dumb, I have succumb to the woosie boy pleasure of returning to a still warm car.

What if all cars had this feature? I assume they eventually will. Maybe there would be a reduction of cars outside of coffee shops and post offices that are running that quiet engine hum solely to allow their owners to return to a warm car after getting a latte or their mail. I wonder how much fuel that would save. Now that I think about it, coffee doesn't take that long. Why are they running their car anyway?

You are Rich! (yes, i am talking to u)

noreply@blogger.com (dredful) — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 03:29:00 +0000

At my job there is a vending machine. That machine takes dollar bills. Once in a while, I put in a dollar to get a package of Pop Tarts. Brown sugar if they have it, otherwise I defer to Blueberry Frosted. If not the Blueberry Frosted, then nothing. The only other choice is Strawberry Frosted and morally, I can't go there.

Once in a while of the once in a whiles that I put a dollar in for a Pop Tart, it hits me. Someone somewhere else in the world works all day for this same dollar. I don't think of this every time I use a dollar, but sometimes. I certainly don't think I am better for being able to frivolously spend a dollar on Pop Tarts. I certainly don't think those someones are worse for earning a dollar after a day of hard work. I simply take notice of it. I don't know where that puts me. We are just in different situations that have led us to where we are.

Honestly, I never considered this much until I moved to where I live now. I live in Vail Colorado. Vail and its neighboring areas are not like "normal." In this neck of the woods an 754sqft 2 bedroom, 1.75 bath ground floor (or below) unit is running a minimum of $320,000.

In this area of America's strip of top ski resorts we are surrounded my multi-million dollar duplexes and single family homes. Here you have to specify single family when you refer to a home. Of these muti-million dollar (as much as 25m) ski in/out, 3000, 4000, 5000, 12000 sqft abodes, more than 70% are lived in less than 6 weeks a year. You read that correctly. These are 2nd, 3rd and 4th+ homes. When we get over 1 million, most of the people are not in them. Sometimes they may not visit for as much as 2yrs or more.

As you can imagine, this irks some of the year round fodder population. It doesn't bother me. The way I see it, as long as they didn't steal the money, they are free to do with it what they wish. That said, I am sometime around friends at dinner and such who bitterly describe the lavish activities and possessions of the uber rich that exist in our locale. They describe these people with what is mostly disdain and a clear feeling of unfairness. (many feel it's "unfair" regardless of their own blatant mishandling of their finances)

Earlier this year at one such dinner, I decided to share my vending machine moment.

"We here at this table are still the richest people in the world by global standards. Everytime I pull out a dollar, which is nothing to 'us', somewhere else in the world, people work all day (and longer than 8 hrs) for that same dollar. Therefore to much of the world, 'we' are those same 'rich' people."

I basically felt like I was being a dick right after saying that. People did agree. I didn't mean that we were better or worse. I hope it gave that brief perspective that people around the world could easily talking the same way about us American's with our $90,000, 3 bedroom, 1 bath mansion in rural Nebraska. You didn't steal your money either, so it doesn't feel good to be talked about in that manner.

That is only the minor point or setup of this blog entry. The point of this is that while money can be and is tight, you can still make even a small effort to reach out to others. Kiva.org is an online organization that disburses micro loans to small business owners all around the world. Micro loans are the genius Nobel Peace Prize winning solution by Dr. Muhammad Yunus.

If a small business person in Africa, Asia, South or Central America needs a business loan of $300.00 (yes only $300) you can sign on for $25.00 of the loan. Once 12 people loan $25.00 each, the $300.00 loan is distributed to eh remote person by a non-profit organization in their area. It is a business loan, not charity. They pay back the loan with interest. The interest goes to the non-profits to keep the system going. The lenders get the original amount back after the loan has been repaid.

Why don't these business owners get a regular loan? It costs a bank almost as much in processing and paperwork to give a loan of a few hundred as it does to give a loan of thousands. Banks understandably opt for the higher profit levels of standard large loans.

You can learn much more at Kiva's FAQ page.

I actually choose the people I would invest in by their proposed plan. I evaluate it as if it is a business I would've invested in. $25.00 is not much. You can come up with $25.00 at least once. It is likely you can find something that you blow $25.00 on and can skip at least this one time. Remember that these people actually have a real business because they had the vision and courage to start it. They, like any other business, need business loans to grow but are cutoff from the standard finance options available to us. A loan of several hunderd dollars to some of these people is the equivalent to a $50,000 or more loan to you and I. Once the loan is repaid, you may cash out or loan to a new business.

Keep in mind that helping does not always have to mean money. Habitat for Humanity is a volunteer service that I think is great for homeowners and future homeowners. You get to go into a house that is being built for a person in need. While you show up every once in a while, the future recipient is often there a majority of the construction days. It obviously helps the recipient but if helps you too. Maybe you are not into the warm and fuzzy feeling of world healing as a payoff. With H4H, you get to be a construction worker for a day. You are working alongside real construction people who guide and oversee what you do. Think of it as an apprenticeship. You volunteer and now you will learn how to install wood flooring, install electrical work, work with drywall, install doors and any number of things related to home construction. These things will be handy when you want to do them in your own home.

Do good for others while learning skills that will save you tons of money. A.K.A. "Win Win"

On Record - The Greatest Moment in Politics

noreply@blogger.com (dredful) — Sat, 10 Nov 2007 03:31:00 +0000

So here I sit at Loaded Joe's, which is this hip mountain cafe/bar with free internet. My least favorite times here are when I roll into the normally quiet and laid back scene only to find some "function" that often involves a drink special. While I am happy for the owners, Kent and Kristie, it doesn't really work for me.

Tonight's event is some promotional deal thingy for Barrack Obama and his campaign for the presidency. I seem to have missed the presentation portion. There is a big screen video that is paused with Obama looking directly into the camera. This is causing me to frequently look up at the screen to see what appears to be a large floating head of Barrack sternly looking at me like an 8th grade algebra teacher. He is not "looking" at me, but he is.

Curse you optical illusions!

So this young woman who is part of the campaign approaches me. I know her from this same bar. She talks to me a little about the political scene. I know that she is very smart. It is one of the thing that makes her really attractive. It is not often that you meet young people with heads on their shoulders in a ski resort town. Often at this age they are "hiding out" from the world they don't want to take part in. Sadly, more than a few never stop hiding and progress well past the age where this is cute.

Unfortunately I hate politicians, politics and all politic related things. <facetious>Which is odd, for I do love a good campaign slogan. Who can forget the classics like Clinton/Gore '92 and the sequel of Clinton/Gore '96. Regan/Bush '84 was a winner too. Everyone remembers Mondale/Ferraro '84 losing big largely due to bad slogan development. I like Obama '08, it has that Prince or Madonna single name lure. Very rock star!</facetious>

So how do I engage this woman and somehow spin my displeasure for all things politic?

"No thanks, I don't really want a sticker."

"Yes, I understand it will get me a free beer." (there is always a drink special)

"Even though I don't want a sticker, know that I think what you are doing and your level of involvement is awesome." (that is sincere)

"Of the leading candidates, Obama sounds the least like a politician." (I think Kucinich is unaware that he is in a political election. Someone should seriously tell that man to start lying.)

"Here's the thing. I haaaaate politicians and all things political." (gee, wonder why I am single?)

Yeah, that is pretty much how it went. I suffer from Dennis Kucinich-itis. Sadly, I too am unelectable. I did explain that as a programmer, I am good at detecting patterns of behavior and/or flawed logic. In politicians (big and small) I detect a pattern of trying to get elected with whatever tool they think will get them to their ends.

In programming, when we are faced with a problem, we have to arrive at what "is" actually going on and determine our options. We then go with the only or the best option we have. The only time this process has ever been thwarted is when management says "we cant do that, say that, or show that" with no reason. The answer for this is always, "it's political." So in my line of work, the only times we have knowingly NOT gone with the right answer, it has been political!

If you are still here we have now reached the actual point of this blog. I don't believe in the players. I know that every system/process can benefit from and honest review and changes. That said, I do love the process and how it occurs because I can see beyond the individuals that I may personally despise.

The greatest moment in recent political history is what I have only heard referred to with ridicule. The Gore Bush 2000 election. All I have ever heard are the classic small minded arguments.

"Bush stole the election."

"Gore should've resigned."

"This is so embarrassing that we can't pick a president."

Maybe one or more of those statements are true, maybe not. I don't really care. The issue that I didn't hear raised was the one I felt was the most important. That issue is what did not happen. Arguably the most powerful job in the world, aside from being a bouncer at posh L.A.nightclubs, went undetermined and heatedly contested for about a month or more.

It went without tanks.

It went without gunshots.

It went without people dying

It went without death squads, mass arrests, although it did have lying. (I'm a Dr. Seuss child. What can I say.)

That was the greatness of the very same moment that so many complained about. We continued to go to work. Stores continued to sell milk to mothers who inexplicably worried everyday on their way home if they had milk for the kids. Did people make grabs for power? Yes, but without the bloody news reels that normally would accompany such an event. That is the civics lesson for the grade schoolers:

You can be a power greedy bastard without killing people. At least during the election. That is the beauty of our system.

100, 200, 300 or more years from now, who will care about Bush or Gore. The benchmark will be that extreme power was determined without bloodshed.

So now "smart cute girl" thinks I am deep even though I rebuked her cause. (Nice save!)

Sadly, I didn't have the heart to tell her everything probably went so smoothly because our country is now driven more by consumer spending than the presidency. Dammit, I have to get over this Kucinich affliction quickly before I run into "smart cute girl" again.

Something else fun

noreply@blogger.com (dredful) — Thu, 08 Nov 2007 02:15:00 +0000

Ok, here is another "fun" thing. I swear, don't get used to this. I am a bitter old man in training. I promise that I have many un-fun topics and discussions to post. However...

I don't even like cats.

What the hell is wrong with me?

Something fun

noreply@blogger.com (dredful) — Thu, 11 Oct 2007 03:06:00 +0000

I couldn't find a site called cuteness.org for a friend, but someone sent this site along to me.

http://icanhascheezburger.com/

My favorite:

On Record - Be Honest, You Don't Care

noreply@blogger.com (dredful) — Tue, 25 Sep 2007 01:54:00 +0000

Pro sports is full of players who haven't finished college. In some cases they have forgone college all together. That annoys so many people. They (and probably u too) espouse their disdain and concern for the student athlete that does not get the security of their college degree. "What if something happens?" "What if they need something to fall back on?" "It's not right." "Something should be done to protect these players."

The next time you catch yourself feeling this way and saying these statements, and you probably will, be sure to say the following to yourself:

Honestly, you really don't care.

Seriously, you don't. You don't give a rat's ass about these people. You are not worried for one moment about the well being of these people and I can prove it. If that player quits college right this minute and goes to work minimum wage at the local factory of his home town, you, the fans, the ESPN broadcasters and everyone one else will not give a single moment of thought to that person. All will sleep well at night and do. You don't care. You have never cared.

Here is the only time you care. When that person leaves or ignores college to sign a multi million dollar contract. That is the moment and the only moment that you care. There is a healthy number of these concerned folks don't even follow the sport they are concerned about. Think back, is that when you feel it? Is that the moment you find the on ramp to your moral high road? Here are some other questions to ask:

When have I been outraged about tennis players leaving college early to play the pro tour? (the women play as young as 15yrs and there is no guaranteed money like football or basketball)

When have I been outraged about NHL players being drafted directly out of high school as they always have been? (an entire ESPN special was solely based on how star high school prospect, Sidney Crosby, was going to graduate while the NHL was on a season long strike and that he would have no where to play and may have to play pro hockey in Europe until the strike was resolved. not one mention of his not going to college.)

How come I don't care that MLB has always drafted players directly from high school?

Why doesn't the NCAA have "leave early" rules for any sport other than football and basketball? (at least they have an honest excuse even thought claim they care about the athletes. it's the only two sports that the NCAA and the universities can make any money from)

So now that we know you don't really care, my question is:

Why do you act like you care so much?

On Record

noreply@blogger.com (dredful) — Tue, 25 Sep 2007 01:01:00 +0000

Not that you care, but "On Record" posts are entries that are primarily my want to have certain points of view that I have stated for some time, to be officially recorded as my thoughts. I don't want to be the "after the fact" writer.

Really?!? - How is this a controversy?

noreply@blogger.com (dredful) — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 05:08:00 +0000

It's global warming, it's not global warming, we need better gas mileage, we should drive all the SUV's we want. Who hasn't heard some version of these arguments for more than a decade. Where I stand on global warming versus other people seems to be immaterial. Hearing all these "discussions" leads me to 1 and only 1 question:

Since when is being wasteful considered a good thing?

I'm serious, like the 7th year of a 3 year adjustable rate mortgage. I want someone to answer that question for me. More importantly, why have I never heard this question out of anyone on any side in any media?

Who, outside of the Rockefeller's, thinks back to their grandparents and waxes about their wasteful ways? I don't remember hearing stories of how Mamamaw and Papapaw rushed down to the superstore every weekend to buy disposable products they could quickly use up and throw away during World War II rationing. Would the "Greatest Generation" look fondly upon our need to get a new cell phone every 10 months? That is until the iPhone comes out which is the legal loophole one needs to upgrade their 4 month old Samsung BlackJack that they couldn't live without only weeks before.

People seem to be so proud of their great depression ancestors while I wonder how one can first brag on that and then later tell me, "I don't recycle because Penn & Teller showed that it costs more to recycle a bottle than to make a new one." I don't think that was the issue before us. The issue is that there is a limited supply of stuff. There is a limited amount of place to put the stuff that we are permanently done with.

Plain and simple, I don't see how being wasteful is a political issue or a morality play. Other than the American economy's need for consumer spending, how can people argue for being wasteful? Companies don't want to be wasteful. People don't brag about being wasteful, or at least they don't use that word when they do.

Some people that visit my home are actually annoyed that I don't have paper towels but rather kitchen rags/towels. The towels are neat and have nice patterns,. You can get a set of 3 for real cheap so I have about 12 or so in the house. Use them, they get dirty, I throw them in with the next load of wash. What is there to get annoyed about? I have owned my current house for 6 years and I only have the 12 towels versus how many paper towels that I would've used? When you get out of the shower would you dry yourself off with paper towels? How much would that cost you? Think back, did Mamamaw use paper towels in her kitchen?

I give up

noreply@blogger.com (dredful) — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 04:59:00 +0000

So I haven't posted in over a month. I really wanted to keep most all posts to things fun and light. Alas, that is not my life. While I can be funny, not much about my life or thoughts are. Even my previous posts have a certain heaviness I cannot seem to avoid. So as not to have months pass between posts I will make an effort to simply post what runs through my mind. I don't think that I could really be ostracized much more than where I am at now, so I welcome you to my newly unfiltered (really its less filtered. unfiltered would likelyland me in some type of observatory facility) blog.

Really?!? - Relationship Advice

noreply@blogger.com (dredful) — Sun, 19 Aug 2007 19:25:00 +0000

Here I am again with a question about behavior that I don't really understand.

I have noticed that some friends/folks will from time to time ask me about relationship advice. I'm not talking about using me as a sounding board or a passing conversation. That makes sense. What I find strange is the group who is truly asking me for a "what to do" type of answer.

Here is why I find this strange. I am single. I am terminally single. My longest relationship has been 6 months. It's hard to accept but women have spoken and they overwhelmingly don't like me on any kind of level that would lead to a relationship. So fine, I am a horrible person. That is a blog for another day.

They know I don't have a girlfriend. They know that in the entire time they have known me that I have not been in a relationship. Why would they ask me about my thoughts on someone they like, what a certain behavior by someone they date means, or that they are frustrated and want to know what they should do? That is the equivalent of asking a skinny person about cake. A skinny person clearly does not portray someone who has the background to discuss the nuances of cake ecstasy.

So when dating, living together and married people ask me for relationship advice, I can only think, "Really?!?" What could they possibly think I could bring to the table? Priests gladly council people on marriage. I don't have that kind of bold confidence. I try to stick to what I have experienced.

Here is where the whole thing gets odder. After I make it clear that I have bubkes in the relationship knowledge department, I offer one of two things:

1. If it is an annoyance issue with their partner, then I ask is this a new behavior or one that you have ignored until now. Few people have good poker faces with their traits beyond two dates. Usually the complaints are about behavior that has always been there and the person actually liked about their partner. (rent "Prelude to a Kiss") Now for reasons only known to them they have pulled a 180 and now despise that same trait. I offer that they try to figure out what they are really upset with. If you signed on for "it" and now you don't want "it," then the change is likely in you. That is not always a bad thing. Maybe you don't like doing illicit drugs in nightclubs with your partner anymore. Congrats for reaching this point in your life.

2. I don't like how my partner "puts things in the medicine cabinet", "is so friendly/flirty with other people", "doesn't do _____ for/with me." Pulling on my vast dating relationship experience I always provide the same exact advice. "Have you talked to them about it?" The conversation usually goes something like this:

"Have you talked to them about it?"

"Talked to who about it?" (i'm dead serious)

"Your partner."

"Oh I don't want to." (or some similar excuse)

"Well it bothers you, right? Enough to come to me about it. You do seem outwardly bothered."

"Well, yeah."

"Then mention it. It could just be a letting your partner know that this bothers you. Maybe they can explain why and thus you won't be so bothered. Maybe they can cut back on doing it or at least try. They may not change. By not not talking about it then it is guaranteed not to change. You will continue to be annoyed with them and they won't know why."

"How could they not know it bothers me?" (note: i have heard this from guys too)

"Because you haven't told them."

So that's it. I don't know anything else but to be honest about the person your partner is and to talk to, not attack, your partner about something that is bothering you. It's not always going to work and it doesn't cover every problem but ignoring problems rarely ever works.

The one positive is that the people who go talk to their partner have actually come back to me saying that they had a great talk and things are better. No one is more shocked then me because I didn't really know it would work but they needed me to say something.

Of those I have dated, when I deeply cared about the other person it was scary but I felt compelled to go talk to them about such things.

Take it from a guy who has no relationships and is clearly unlikeable. I obviously know what I am doing. :-b

Really?!? - Motorcycle Stories

noreply@blogger.com (dredful) — Wed, 15 Aug 2007 02:55:00 +0000

This the first of what will likely become a continuing theme of "Really?" While hoping to avoid my own sins of pontificating, I will try to pose questions that haunt me.

So I ride a motorcycle. As I see it, it's my scooter. It dutifully gets me from a to b. I would actually own a scooter but I am much to large for such a thing and would look much sillier on one that most. I own a Kawasaki Ninja ZX-9R. (900cc "crotch rocket" or "super bike" if u r not familiar) I scored a sweet deal on it used and I happily get 45-50mpg as I tool around in the summers.

Since owning the bike I have noticed what can only be described as weird behavior. There is the expected weird behavior that falls into the driving category. Things like people who can't help but sit in your blind spot because they are actually looking at the bike or the common occurrence of drivers pulling out in front of you because even though they were looking at you, they do not actually "see" you.

The behavior that trips me out is the odd frequency of grown men (know that i too am grown) who frequently approach me to tell me grandiose stories of their motorcycles past and their land speed records accomplished. Every time this happens I can't help but think to myself, "Really?" "For Reals?" "No Foolin'?"

I am honestly not trying to be mean, but being a programmer has my brain wired to take issue with flawed logic and/or receiving information that has a high "u gotta be f'ing kidding me" factor. I find it plausible that they have had a bike in the past, however I do find it highly improbable that every one of them rode it at 135, 155, 175 down a highway with no helmet and it was "...great!"

I ride a lot , I ride without a helmet a lot and I have ridden fast without a helmet a lot. I have learned a few things in that time. Above 70mph without protective gear you start to take some serious physical abuse form the elements. (next time you are driving on the interstate, roll down all your windows. then climb out onto the hood of your car.) Nearing 120mph you start to run out of road pretty gosh darn fast regardless of possessing protective gear. This coupled with the common man's ability to talk serious b.s. with regard to motorcycles leads me to believe that the various guys slurring their stories to me at the bar are using some creative (and now predictable) license.

I cross reference my observation with the fact that I neva eva eva hear this style of story from people in the current possession of a motorcycle.

Why is this? That's what I don't know. I'm sure it will haunt my brain's free processing threads. Are they telling the story of their motorcycle dream? or just enjoying the remembrance of their beloved bike and the embellishment is a sign of how much they miss their trusty steed? I admit that while newer and better bikes roll into showrooms every season, I feel no urge to leave the machine that has felt more to me like a fighter jet than a land based vehicle.

I look at these men like a child looking at the elderly. Taking time to wonder if I too will become what I see before me. I hope someday I too will miss riding enough to embellish my stories with the same amount of love sans the alcohol.

I have finally entered the blogging world

noreply@blogger.com (dredful) — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 03:18:00 +0000

So I have officially started my first blog. My impression of blogging is largely people espousing their thoughts and views to the world for who knows why. Why would anyone care? It's nice for getting information out to interested groups and helping families and friends stay informed about their day to day stuff. It seems that I just see random pontifications to the general world.

So why am I here now?

While I don't think anyone cares what I think, where I work (i program back-end web apps) needs to provide blogs a standard web offering for clients. I have been tasked to do so and research several customized solutions. While I may know programming and web applications; lingo specific to blogging along with services and options are foreign to me. I don't know what bloggers might want or need in their world. Thus I begin to blog so I can learn.

I think this makes me the antithesis of the common blogger. I profess that I do not know and I have come to the world of blog so that I may learn more.