Random Pudgie Thoughts of Goodness

So I started a podcast... (Plus Other Things!)

2012-01-10T18:46:00.001-08:00

VGPUSF Episode 1: Hate Mail by Alexander Santa Maria

The Podcast features the staff of the video game club I run on campus at USF. That part should probably be clear by the title. It's all about video games, and I wrote a better description of it on Soundcloud, so be sure to check it out.

Coincidently, this is another thing I've wanted to do for a while, but I've been waiting until the time was right. And it finally was this past Sunday. Look forward to new episodes regularly for the forseeable future at least, I'm sure we'll work out the kinks after a few tries.

At least that will give me some things to publish on the web. I've been busy writing bullshit for my creative writing classes for a long time now, and that feeling of spinning my wheels in college is getting more prominent in my head as the months go by.

Still, I have a few fun things planned internet wise, including my continuing series of essays on gaming topics big and small. I think I might start posting those here as well as over on GenGame.com, just in case. It's always good to have a backup.

Anyway, I know you're busy with the porn and piracy, so I'll let you get back to it. Nice of you to drop by!

-Pudge

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Over The Top+Robots=Real Steel: A Movie Review

2011-10-13T00:36:00.001-07:00

Real Steel is dumb. It is aggressively dumb, and anyone who has seen even a shred of the marketing knows it's dumb. So the typical audience member for this movie knows what they are in for, and should hope that the film is dumb in a fun way, and for the most part it is. However, there is a lot of gummy cliches and nutty relationships to get through if you want the chewy robot center.

I really wanted to like this movie, and I wanted to turn my brain off. I really did. But Real Steel just kept throwing things at me that made me stop in my tracks. Why it bothered to define it's timeline is beyond me, having the movie set in 2020 does nothing but make me wonder why there is a farmhouse with a gas pump attached in the middle of nowhere, why there is an arena in New York City called the "Bing Arena", why Eminem music is being played, why the small boy talks and dances like he is from the mid 90s. Of course, once you pretend that the movie is taking place in a modern setting, there is a shot of wind turbines or a futuristic phone to remind you that it's the future, and you put your face into your palm. There are a few inconsistencies is what I'm saying.

Speaking of that small boy, he is Jake Lloyd from Star Wars. Not even the same actor, I'm talking about the small child being picked up in a time machine after filming Phantom Menace and being brought in to do this movie. Every line of dialogue has that same weird tone to it, every smirk has that obnoxiousness, I just kept imagining Internet reviewers or Rifftrax going "I'M ACTING!" whenever he talked. It is uncanny.

As for the other human actors in the piece, there are some shining moments, mostly the side characters. They are cliched as hell much like everything else in the film, but they are the fun kind of cliches I wanted more of. But instead of more time with "Fun Jive Talking Black Guy" and "Texas Businessman", we spent most of our time building up the relationship between Hugh Jackman and Jake Lloyd-Clone, and the one between Hugh Jackman and his sorta-kinda-it's a kid's movie so they only kiss love interest. These scenes add nothing to the movie after about a half hour.

As mentioned in the title, most of the father-son relationship stuff was ripped straight out of Over The Top, only instead of being in the midst of the ridiclous truck workouts and arm wrestling, most of the relationship scenes are played straight and separate from the robot fighting. It all makes me wish the film spent more time in the backstage areas of the robot arenas and less time in other buildings. I wouldn't have minded the character development so much if it was taking place in a location more interesting than "Boxing Gym" and "Rooftop Garden".

When the movie does focus on the robot fights, it truly fires on all cylinders. I will admit I gleefully clapped when Atom (the main fighting robot) was introduced as hailing from "Parts Unknown", and the in fight commentary and entrance music really sold the boxing scenes. Overall, you really don't need anything else, as you've seen every non-robot scene in this movie done better in countless other features. I would recommend watching the fight scenes on YouTube or renting the DVD and making it a great 30 min short film instead of a very middling full length feature.

-Pudge

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That Pink Mist

2011-08-07T23:42:00.001-07:00

Hey,

Seems like this always ends up happening, but another summer has come and gone. This one has been busier then most, as I finally got another job. I professionally watch TV at The Nielsen Company, which is a good gig when I'm not watching Dr. Phil or ABC News (serriously, I can't believe how bad it is. No wonder The Daily Show gets all the ratings.) Anyway, with all the goings on of working, catching up on games, and watching Netflix (just started Mad Men, good stuff) I neglected my writing per usual. So I decided to dig up something I meant to post a while back and put it up. Wrote it for a poetry class, the first thing I wrote for it actually. Probably ended up being the best thing I wrote as well. Please enjoy it, especially all you old and grizzled patrons out there, and (to borrow a phrase) Watch This Space in the future, as the college semester usually jostles some brain cells and gets me creative again. Maybe some of that will end up here.

That Pink Mist/Duty Calls

Four couches lined together in front of impossibly old televisions
Teenagers staring onward as if they were hypnotized
A concession stand with a strange combination of action figures and edible goods
Posters of Ninja Turtles and Bruce Lee plastered on every wall
The room smelled like the 80s

Leather chairs in front of huge HDTVs

Gamers with headphones screaming commands at their friends

A concession stand with overpriced candy bars and soda

Clean walls with neon lighting

The room smelled like an air freshener

The man behind the counter inquired to my origins
I said I had phoned earlier, my voice quaking like a poor man on a job interview
We shared a laugh at my mother’s conversational skills
He gave me a controller and called for the games to begin
I sat down and grinned, I had never done this before

The man behind the counter blurted out his welcome speech

I had filled out paperwork earlier, he handed me a badge

I pinned it to my lanyard as he turned back to his magazine

I sat down to play a game

As I had done so many times before

At once, the room was filled with the sounds of pop beats and female singers
Another instant, and on the screens the timers counted down
With every second, my inner child was gasping his last breath
With every moment, my thoughts and feelings barrelled towards their death
When it hit zero, I was in heaven

The room was filled with AutoTune and record scratches

I plugged in and the game began

Every second my numb senses try to react

Every moment, my mind empty but for a map layout

When the game ended, I ached for more

Before I was Blank, drifting in a sea of stares, never looking back
I was alone among my peers, so desperate for affection I spurned it
No one before had ever taught me the value of ignorance
And somewhere, in between the bullets and explosions,
I learned how to function

During the game, I was Blank, earning my recognition

My peers and I were on top, beloved by fans and sponsors alike

Ignorant to all who oppose me

And when there aren’t bullets and explosions

I can’t function

All Because of that Pink Mist

Duty Calls

-Pudge

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2011-08-04T10:25:00.001-07:00

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2011-06-26T21:06:00.001-07:00

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2011-05-02T17:22:00.001-07:00

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2011-04-06T23:18:00.001-07:00

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FCW Thoughts from 3-16-2011

2011-03-17T21:10:00.001-07:00

Hey,

I've mentioned a few times on here my fandom of professional wreslting, and more specifically my attending of FCW, the farm territory for WWE. Something that has been great in the last couple of years has been FCW having shows just 15 min away from my ancestral home in Punta Gorda. It's the best building they wrestle in, so they always have a good who when they come down. Let me put on my Wrestling Fan hat and matching belt and comment a bit on what I saw. If you have no wrestling knowledge, you might as well just skip it, you will not understand half the words i use or anything I'm talking about. Perhpas scroll down and see what else I've written? Or Porn since you're on the internet? But I digress...

The opening contest was Big E. Langston vs some big bald heel guy I don't know. Big E. is a massive Batista type guy, but he also looks like Ezekial Jackson so I don't know how good his prospects are for actually getting on TV. The match was serviceable as a curtain jerker. The only noticeable thing from the match was that people were still getting warmed up as the Heel guy strapped on his first submission hold, and he yelled out something to the effect of "These people don't like you, they hate you." Or something like that. It seemed like something they were trained to do, as a couple other guys did it that night, and it's a real obvious way to get the audience behind one guy. Too obvious, it just takes you out of the match. Big E. eventually squashed the guy.
Second, we had Smackdown Jobber Trent Baretta vs Brad Maddox. Not a guy I've ever noticed before, especially since they change their names every other week so it's hard to follow a guy unless you really pay attention. Maddox however I will remember, as he had a GREAT gimmick going for him. Trent was already in the ring, Maddox's music hit, and he comes to the ring with two fat dudes holding a portable camcorder and a boom mic. He grabs a portable mic and explains to the audience that we're going to be on national TV because he's filming an episode of "The Brad Maddox Show". Seemed kind of a rip on the whole Matt Hardy mess. Now obviously, not a real thing, but it really sells that Maddox is delusional. Durring the match proper, he kept getting caught up in the ropes, turning to the camera, and explaining to his "audience" what the simple basic maneuver he just did was while the ref kept Trent away because he was in the ropes. Then, for the finish, Maddox was laid out, Trent was about to go for a top rope splash, and the boom mic guy sweeps the leg with the mic, allowing Maddox to pick the scraps and get the victory. I really think WWE could drop this guy onto Smackdown right now with this gimmick and he could go for the IC title, it really works, and the guy was just the right kind of obnoxious to pull it off. Plus, with social media nowadays, you could have him set up a Youtube account and upload footage from his camera onto Youtube, further selling the gimmick to wrestling's huge internet fanbase.
There was the traditional 8 man FCW "We want to get as many guys on the show as possible" tag match. Nothing really special, other then I got to see former ROH champion Tyler "Seth Rollins" Black and Richie Steamboat do their things and pick up the victory.
Next, we got what was billed as a "Battle of the FCW Monsters". First out, along with Ricardo Rodriguez (markout moment when I heard that music in person) was Brodius Clay. His opponent was Axel Mulligan, who was obviously the recently booted back to FCW Husky Harris, just under a blue sortof Jason mask. It looked better then I made it sound, and I like that he's using his father's wrestling name Mulligan in the new gimmick. He also showed some of the stuff that made him unique that he hasn't really showed on Raw, like the way he moved around the ring like a four legged animal rather then a man, and the sholder tackles and general fluid motion. One thing I loved was when he got out of the ring, instead of just stepping out, he went limp and fell to the mat before rolling out. It really sold his masked maniac persona. On Raw he just seemed like a fat guy doing splashes, here he looked great. It's obvious he's been working out in the time since he got off of RAW, his brother as well, they're really getting their shit together.
Brodius Clay didn't want to wrestle Axel, so he told Ricardo to do it, and he luckily had a one piece wrestling suit on under his tux, so he had a good comedy match. Axel of course won, and Brodius continued to show that he's good at looking mean outside the ring.
There was a FCW Title match between FCW Champion Lucky Cannon and NXT Season 4 winner Derrick Bateman. First a bit about Derrick, I have NO IDEA what WWE sees in him considering he won NXT over Brodius Clay. Not that Clay is some sort of wunderkind or anything, but Derrick is as generic as hell and the crowd, even the 100 or so in Port Charlotte, could not give a shit about him. Lucky Cannon, after trying and failing at a fan favorite gimmick way back in NXT Season 2, has adopted a heel egotist gimmick. It's been done sure, but it did work from what I saw. Before the match he said how lucky the women were in attendance for getting to see him tonight, and how one lucky woman was going to get to kiss him on the cheek. The woman wasn't really into it, which almost killed the bit until Derrick grabbed a water bottle and threw it at Lucky's head, which I have to admit was smart thinking. After the match, the women did give him a good slap, so she got with the program eventually. Since this is just a house show, Lucky got "lucky" (Built in chant right there) and kept his title.
The main event of the evening was the Dibiases (Ted and Brett w/ Ted Sr. at ringside) vs the New Colons (Primo and Tito). Ted cut a great promo about how he was disgusted at having to sign and take pictures with everyone in the crowd, which really riled up a few drunkards in the crowd. They precided to get a "Silver Spoon" chant going throughout the arena, and Ted and Brett really got into their faces all throughout their match. Primo and Tito came out after the promo and were almost an afterthought throughout the match. It was ok, but it's obvious neither Colon is going to Raw anytime soon (Which is sad since Primo is technically still on Raw). They strangly sold Brett as sort of a dumbass throughout the match, falling for easy things like "hey, look over there". Serriously, Primo pointed up, Brett looked, and Primo hit a DDT, it was that dumb. Don't know what they're going for there. Ted got the win over Tito (I think, it's really hard to tell the Colons apart they have the same hairstyle) and then both Dibiases went for the Million Dollar Dream, but both Colons got out of it and hit dropkicks pretty much in sync, which was a cool finish.
That's pretty much it. There was also a Divas match and a match with Conner O' Brian (the rat guy from NXT Season 4) but neither were really that noteworthy. The only other thing that happened was the FCW president came out before one match and brought out a chair to giveaway, only to give it to someont that had helped them at a previous show? Seemed kind of weird and unnecessary, it had nothing to do with the show.

It was a fun night, as it always is. I'm kind of sad about going to FCW shows after going for a while and seeing so many good gimmicks and talents (Kizarney, Alex Riley, Kaval, Abe Washington) go to waste on national TV, but without being a wrestling nerd I was entertained.

-Till next time, so long from the Sunshine State

Pudge

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Pudge Quickie: Freezer Blob

2011-03-10T14:36:00.001-08:00

See the full gallery on Posterous

Hey,

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USF Bull Puns

2011-02-23T10:36:00.001-08:00

Hey,

Well, I've finally done it. I just can't take it anymore. They bury me in stupidity every day and I have to fight back. I talk of course about Bull Puns. I currently attend college at the University of South Florida, and their sports team mascot is a Bull. I know this because EVERY SCHOOL FUNCTION'S NAME has to do with bulls. It's maddening how stupid and uncreative it is, and I've decided to submit silent protest in the form of a new Tumblr blog started not 10 minutes ago. Please visit and tell any friends going to USF about my effort, I'll gladly accept any other example of Bull Punnery.

http://usfbullpuns.tumblr.com/

Hope this post was Accept-a-bull

-Pudge

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Magazine Match

2011-02-16T14:14:00.001-08:00

Saw this at Publix. It was weird for a second, then it made sense. Funny...

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Pudgey Adventures Quickie: Italian Festival

2011-01-30T14:21:00.001-08:00

Hey,

I went to an "Italian Festival" today in my hometown. This basically ammounts to a bunch of local Italian resteraunts setting up and selling some food, and you can sit and listen to music. There was also a weird side section filled with unrelated goods including a Verizon Wireless booth, a booth for the local Baseball team, and a booth selling Jewish woodwork. It was strange.

But the real reason I'm writing today is not because of the very good food or the unrelated booths, it was the music decorating the whole event. For about 80% of the time we were there, this was the music that we were listening to.

Doo-Wop. Serriously. Why? I mean, beside the fact I live in Florida? Sometimes I wonder about people... Anyway, I'm off to go watch the Royal Rumble with friends, and I hope this small bit of craziness has lightened your day.

-Pudge

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Born to Raise Hell Review

2011-01-15T22:52:00.001-08:00

Quick plug for a new movie review I posted over at Screened.com. Check out my thought's on Steven Seagal's latest Direct to Video adventure.

http://www.screened.com/born-to-raise-hell/16-197286/user-reviews/?review_id=3205

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Pudge and LunaTik's Flea Market Adventures

2011-01-10T10:43:00.001-08:00

Hey,

So there I was, minding my own business the day before the start of my college semester. Just put in a season of the Office to the ol' 360, was ready to have a lazy day. My phone rings and it's my good friend LunaTik, asking if I would like to join him on a trip to the flea market. I get giddy at the thought, and off we go to the land of low prices, lower quality control, and general insanity. I didn't even know it when I walked in, but a quick tour of the place, and I knew I had to document what I was seeing around me, so future generations could revel in the bullshittery that I was experiencing. What follows below is a photo tour of what I saw this day along with running commentary of what I can remember. Enjoy the fruits of my labor of spending an entire day looking like an asshole with a camera at a flea market.

We began our journey at the "One Dollar Store", which isn't so much of a store as it is a franchise when it comes to Tampa Flea Markets. After walking around two separate yet ajacent markets, I can say this with authority. Strangely, all of them seem to have the same mysterious slogan of "Some Items A Dollar and Up", which not only implies that there are items above and below a dollar, but undermines the very title of the store itself. Wonderful.

After looking around a bit, we were welcomed by this sign above a table with stacks upon stacks of T-Shirts. Several questions are raised here. Was this sign put up after an incident of people maliciously knocking over T-Shirts and then running off giggling like Snidely Whiplash? Or is it merely a precaution? If I did happen to unfold a bunch of shirts and try to leave, what kind of security would I be met with? Could they legally detain someone who refuses to fold shirts? What if a limbless blind man knocks over shirts, would he be trapped in there forever? These are the questions people.

No good flea market would be complete without a Wall O Tiki adorned with every wall decoration you need to make your friends think you went to Hawaii last summer. Nothing much more to say, other than I heart those Monster's Inc. bean bag chairs.

On to one of the surprising patterns of our trip, the persistent presence of stacks upon stacks of loose ShamWows. I would just say Shammies, but since they are stamped very clearly "Made in Germany" I know it's the good stuff Vince was talking about. When I took this picture, I was baffled by their advertisement of ShamWows as "blankets" and "comforters". Perhaps they had confused them with the similar "As Seen on TV" hit Snuggies? But then, as the trip went on, I kept seeing piles of these things loose everywhere.

See and download the full gallery on posterous

I mean every shopkeep had enough ShamWows to run their own infomercials on late night TV. Is this where ShamWows come from? Did Vince Offer just go to a flea market and clear it out of Shammies, then go home and shoot a commercial? It still baffles me.

Then we have this sign. Referencing what I counted to be three shirts, a reminder that they are "Man's Wear" along with a reminder that "We do Wholesale!" and a sentence in Spanish. There were at least 5 other similar signs around this particular "One Dollar Store". At least they were consistent.

Just in case anyone was wondering at this point when they could go to the wonderful flea market in their home town, let me bring you down to earth with this charming picture of a used pot with old crusty food in it. Also, according to LunaTik, it smelled awful. This is no random picture, they were selling this and expecting money to take it off their hands, not giving you money to take it away.

But for every awful crusty pot, you also get gems like this half-assed Obama support shirt that I'm sure has been on the rack since mid 08. You can't get clip art quality shirts like this anywhere on the Internet, you can only find them in barely functioning bazaars like this one.

Here we have the Random Assortment of Super Heroes made in a Chinese Factory Playset. Another staple of horrible flea markets, this pack pictures a world where the Justice League consists of Black Robocop, Bug Eyes Batman, Spiderman, General Zod in a Superman Suit, and not one but TWO Red Power Rangers. Mr. Incredible is obviously the Professor X of the group, preferring to stay in the shadows and give orders from the Incredicave. All the Super Heroes Is Come!! indeed.

See and download the full gallery on posterous

Not to be out done by the Justice League, this toy isle also contained the worst action figure interpretations of professional wrestlers ever seen by man. LunaTik holds Babyface Kane, and I say this not because he is a good guy, but because he literally has the face of a baby. I also took a picture of a Jeff Hardy so buff he must have been exercising with the included steel chair accessory, which is comically larger then the actual action figure. Unless the huge chairs are meant to signify that this is a line of "WWE Babies" action figures, which would make a lot of sense considering the time it takes for WWE to catch on to a fad.

In this strange isle populated by baby wrestlers and nonsensical superheroic teamups, what better way to shove more brands in then by painting cheap toy cars! Pictured is Ben 10-mobile, just one of several brands represented in the car toy department. Most of them seem to have been picked by the theme of new enough to not have cheap toy ripoffs but still old enough that people in China are aware of them. Anyway, I was about to say goodbye to the toy isle when I saw a toy that must have been designed by Freddy Krueger himself. Go on if you dare.

HEY KIDS, IT'S ME CRACKAJAX, THE HORRIBLE EYELESS APPLE DEMON HERE TO TAKE YOUR SOUL. PLAY WITH ME!

After deftly escaping our encounter with the apple demon, we began walking around again and came upon an entirely ordinary ATM. Ordinary until you look under the normal screen area and see a sign DEMANDING you to venture forth and receive a 10 minute massage free of charge. Not pictured due to creep factor overload is the place these massages were taking place, a small trailer like area with no windows. Needless to say, we both declined the ATM's invitation.

Another staple of flea markets such as these are seemingly useless products. Is a normal power strip too big for your? Are you saddened by having too look at empty holes? They take advantage of these beautiful mini power strips! Big enough to not be completely useless, small enough to require another power strip with only a computer, modem, and router hooked up, it's perfect for those times where you want to think to yourself in the future "What was I thinking?"

A 36 pack of spoons is not completely out of the ordinary in a store. A 36 pack of spoons that reminds you of the only time where a 36 pack of spoons would make sense is a treasure.

I'm not sure what the translation of this sign means, all I know that this store was the cowboy store. When I say that, I mean that every piece of clothing was cowboy related, except for the exception goth shirt that proves the rule. Between the boots and hats were also a series of cardboard cutouts of chicks with cowboys hats photoshopped onto them like the sign pictured. At this point, I was barely phased and felt no need to document this.

We next saw this sad sight, the remains of what was once a video game depository. Good news is that a local boy told us that the store had merely moved to the flea market across the street, and upon venturing there we found a wealth of old games and systems. I would have taken pictures of this as well, but I was distracted by the excellent selection of horrible Genesis games as well as the presence of a copy of Marvel vs Capcom 2 for Xbox. I asked the shopkeep about pricing, and he said it was in the 75 dollar range. I exchanged a look of respect and sadness, and left empty handed.

Back to the first Flea Market, we happened upon what could loosely described as a food court. Or at least, it was a food court at one point, as there was only one functioning food stand left. As eager as LunaTik was to sample their wares, I reminded him of where we currently were, and we left the area immediately.

We picked up in another dollar store. By this point we were on the lookout for ridiculousness as much as the cheap laptop hard drive that we came for. LunaTik found this "Jesus is my Homeboy" hat and giggled.

See and download the full gallery on posterous

I meanwhile, found joy in the fact that the flea market had not only one knockoff brand of Sharpies, but two! Positioned right next to each other, and similar in everything but a few letter in the name, I laughed at the futility of all this secrecy. We've already seen logos everywhere, why can't they just rip off Sharpie? It's not like anyone actually comes to a flea market for Sharpies anyway.

After the Sharpies, we ventured into a dollar store that was also trying to pull off being a hardware store. It was here we found a weapon straight out of Dead Rising, the Pistol Crossbow. Not only does it get rid of the portability and small size advantage of a pistol, it gets rid of the handles and straight sights needed to operate a crossbow. Truly a marvelous invention.

We walked down the isle with the Pistol Crossbow, and we were not disappointed. We found boxes and boxes of full size (and longer) Machetes for the low low price of 5 dollars each. These were not play weapons like the aforementioned Crossbow, these were actual sharp gardening tools not hidden at all from small children or homicidal maniacs. Someone could without much trouble fill up a basket of things, grab one of these Machetes, and then walk out no problem because the store has armed you. Of course, for all I know, the store may have been run by Danny Trejo, I'm sure he knows best.

Adjacent to Machete's Chop Shop, we came across a more pinkish store with a sign that read "You Open You Buy". Seems ordinary, until you see that the sign is placed next to no obvious things to open. Unless we were supposed to open the mannikins? Maybe we missed out on an opportunity for buried treasure! We'll never know. Near the sign was plastic wrapped packages of panties, because when you go shopping for underwear you want to make sure there is a distinct possibility that they were used beforehand by a stranger.

Rounding out our Flea Market experience, we came across the classic Electronic Tiger Game Shaped Like More Popular Game Systems. Here we had a double whammy of a Playstation controller with big buttons instead of joysticks and no clear reason to be in the package and a PSP like contraption that accepts new screens for games. Of course, one of the games is called "The King of Fighters", obviously documenting how low SNK has gone over the past few years.

See and download the full gallery on posterous

Some other items not worth of their own small section, but still warenting inclusion are as follows. A gizmo TV antenna which I'm almost positive was made before the digital TV conversion, making it about as useful as the greasy pot from before. A pack of Toilet Bowl Cleaners/Air Fresheners, which I assume you have the option of either throwing in the toilet bowl or hanging from your dashboard. A two pack of magnifying glasses that reminded me of Professor Layton and his ward. A calculator named the BIG DADDY, yet powered by sunlight. It also had less buttons then some of the other calculators on the shelf. Finally, a pair of fuzzy socks with nonsense on the label, as is standard.

We ended out trip to the flea market at a nearby Burger King which took 20 minutes to produce food and had none of the special cheese for the advertised Italian Chicken Sandwiches I ordered. American Cheese and marinara sauce don't go well together. It was a fitting end to a fitting day of swimming around the bottom of the barrel at the flea market. LunaTik didn't find his hard drive, but I got enough crap to fill up two pages of insanity. I encourage anyone with a sense of humor to spend a day wandering around the barren wasteland that is the local flea market, as you'll find things that you will turn over in your head for hours and hours. It's very stimulating. Just don't buy anything.

-Pudge

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Extreme Rules

2011-01-08T07:44:00.001-08:00

Just got the tix in the mail, im really going!

-Pudge

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New Years Eve Bathroom Surprise

2010-12-31T17:18:00.001-08:00

My friend's bathroom sucks.

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Munchies 2010 Photodump

2010-12-29T19:53:00.000-08:00

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Here are some photos taken at and around the best place to get a sandwich filled with fried food in SW Florida.

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Tony Hawk Ride 1 Year Later

2010-12-27T10:17:00.001-08:00

The game that people want so little, my local Gamestop has a FAT STACK of loose boards in the value bin. Way to go Activision!

On a slightly related note, Gamestop quietly ushered me out saying "no pictures" after i took this. I hate Gamestop

-Pudge

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Toys R Us Summer Creep

2010-12-24T13:13:00.001-08:00

Seen on my Christmas Eve shopping trip. These things are out on Dec. 24...

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Laziness personified

2010-12-24T11:53:00.001-08:00

Only at WalMart could they make the 5 dollar dvd even more thoughtless a gift.

Christmas Eve shopping is fun

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An Orgy Porgy in the Twittersphere

2010-11-18T10:40:00.001-08:00

Hey,

I spent most of yesterday writing a paper I'm pretty proud of. It's about the future and Brave New World, my new favorite book till I read another one. Sadly, I'm going to have to murder it to make it work as the paper I was supposed to write for my Brit Lit class, so I figured I'd throw it up on the blog in it's best form before I start BSing the changes. Enjoy, and don't blame me about any bad feelings you get. I was pretty depressed after writing it too.

Not a day goes by on the twenty four-seven cable news cycle without someone comparing a small loss of privacy to Nineteen Eighty Four. Orwellian is almost as common a word on the more sensationalist shows as Nazi or Elitist. The culture we live in today still has a deep fear for the totalitarian future proposed by Orwell, a world where the government controls and censors everything the common man touches. This fear, like many culturally popular movements, is misguided. The government, especially in a world where this fear is widespread and strong, would never use such an obvious tactic to control us. They would instead, and many would consider are, control the populous by subduing them and distracting them. They also have plenty of help from the technological revolution that sees every teen carrying around at least two gateways into the infinite time sink known as the internet. No, the future we have to fear is the future we are currently experiencing, the future accurately predicted by a less well known book, Brave New World.
In the book, author Aldous Huxley imagines a world where people are conditioned from birth to live lives of simple pleasure, with no burdens. Conditioned to escape reality whenever it becomes to frightening or painful. Conditioned to always seek out the new, and disregard the old in all things. They hear small catchy phrases thousands of times, until they come to know them as common sense sayings. They combine words to make them sounds more complicated. They shorten words to make them more cutesy. They worship no god, instead resorting to worship of a titan of industry. Worst of all, they are all trained from birth to be prejudicial against those people different then themselves and their peers. All these things are blown out of proportion for satiric effect, but I would argue that they are all present in some form of modern society, and only stand to get worse.
The novel starts out with an introduction to this strange society brought upon by the world controller. He leads a group of Alpha children, the highest caste in their system, through the place where humans are made. One of the rooms they visit during this sequence is the hypnopaedia chamber, where children are fed a repeating stream of rhymes as they sleep. This is how the society conditions their youth into staying in line with what the society requires of them. They are brainwashed into rejecting those of a lower rank then them in society, into never becoming jealous of those above them, and into thinking about the collective over the individual at all times.
“Save you 15% or more on car insurance” “S O G Double O D Good” “Now that's Progressive” These are just a few of the current phrases today's society is conditioned too. Not having the luxury of our developing minds as we sleep, advertisers today have to make do with the commercial time they are given on national TV, broadcast and internet radio, billboards, and of course internet advertisements adorning every website in existence. If you have enough money in America, you can pay to teach the American people any slogan you choose, and ninety five percent of the population will have that slogan subconsciously memorized in a week.
With this information in mind, take a look at those slogans again, and think of the ones you know as well. They're pretty positive, which only makes sense. What effect must that have on your judgment when you do go out to eat, or to buy your car insurance? Do you remember what Consumer Reports has said about which is the best deal? Or do you remember which advertising campaign was the best? Even if you have bad experiences with the company, you subconsciously remember the laughs a good ad campaign can bring you, and you forgive them, all in a split second. It must have been the clerks fault.
Of course, some advertisers do get to speak to our youth. Who among us doesn't remember that “Knowing is half the battle?” Or that Transformers are “More then meets the eye?” The 80s was the heyday of cartoons that functioned as nothing but advertisements for action figures. Many people have very fond memories of these cartoons, calling them classics of their day, even though the quality of the cartoons was barely passable and nowadays would be hard to watch. Many even cite the death of Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots, as a seminal growing up point in their childhoods. 20 years later, these people in their 30s with kids of their own went with their families to see the big screen revivals of both Transformers and GI Joe. These films were ravaged by film critics, but financially they were all blockbusters, mainly due to the good feelings that years of Saturday mornings had brought countless movie goers.
Another thing to take into account is that both GI Joe and Transformers had already been on the big screen in the 80s. Why didn't movie studios just re-release the old films, perhaps for an anniversary? Because, much like the Alphas and Gammas of Brave New World, we live in a society that rejects the old and cherishes the new. Movies are a wonderful example of this phenomenon. A vast majority of the output by movie studios of the last decade or show has been remakes or reboots of older properties, in order to make them “speak to modern audiences”. One of the biggest upcoming movies this holiday season is Tron: Legacy, a reboot of a twenty year old film. Rumors fly around about Hollywood producing new sequels to Ghostbusters, Indiana Jones, and Star Wars every year. Even dramatic masterpieces like Wall Street are being redone for the sake of the new over the old. Perhaps the most damning news of all in this trend is that Warner Brothers is looking to do a shot for shot remake of the Wizard of Oz, a film that even the most jaded person could tell you is a timeless classic.
Then again, why not make all these new versions of old films? Without new versions we would not be able to marvel at them with the new gadgets and technologies we have today. When we get to the theater, we pay five extra dollars for a pair of plastic 3-D glasses allowing us to marvel at the 5 minutes of screen time devoted to throwing things at the screen in order to make that new tech worthwhile. When we leave the theater, they helpfully put a bin out for you to recycle the glasses, because after all, recycling is good for society, you wont mind paying five more dollars next time. Then, six months later you might want to watch that movie again in 3-D. You look at your brand new HDTV and say to yourself, even though you just bought the thing, you'll have to replace it with one that supports 3-D. Of course, when you get to the store to purchase the Blu-Ray and 3-D TV, you also have to spend twenty five dollars on a special pair of glasses that wont work in the theater, but work well at home. Maybe you should pick up a couple of pairs for the kids as well.
Huxley saw this day of new gadgets and technology coming in an age where the television had barely begun broadcasting and the most complicated gizmo in a person's house might have been a radio or an icebox. In the second chapter of the book, he writes, “Imagine the folly of allowing people to play elaborate games which do nothing whatever to increase consumption. It's madness. Nowadays the Controllers won't approve of any new game unless it can be shown that it requires at least as much apparatus as the most complicated of existing games.” If you think about it, there are many examples of this in modern society. Movies, in a world of digital downloads and two dollar DVDs, are surviving on gimmick add ons like IMAX and 3D, which are creepily similar to the feelies of Huxley's novel. A video game console is released to market, and a year later they release upgraded controllers and smaller initiations of the same console. Some games even require you buy huge bundle packs in order to receive the giant plastic guitars, skateboards, turntables, or guns required to play them. Cell phone manufacturers release slightly updated models of their products at least every two months, insuring that even the top of the line model is heavily outdated by the time your contract is ready to be renewed. Perhaps the worse case is the popular iPod. Apple releases slightly updated models every year, and when a new iPod product line is released, like the iPhone or iPad, they purposely leave out features such as forward facing cameras or wireless support. Of course, after a year or so of begging, Apple happily updates the device with these features, and makes sure that there will be something to update next year as well.
Why would anyone voluntarily buy these products year after year when they know the products are crippled technology? Why is Apple a beloved company despite these malicious deeds? I would argue that it is because of Apple's founder Steve Jobs. Jobs rarely makes public appearances, except when he announces a new press conference. These events have become seminal dates in the tech world, with Jobs always announcing his next magical device. People who live and breathe Apple products are jokingly called the Cult of Mac, and the worship at the giant glass temples known as Apple Stores, confessing the sins of how the broke their iPods at the genius bar. In fact, I would go far enough to say that if Huxley were to write his novel today, Jobs would take the place of Henry Ford as the great forefather of the society.
The Cult of Mac probably wouldn't be the only model that Huxley could go by were he to write the novel today. It seems like every TV show, movie, and video game franchise has a group of almost religious fans hanging on the every word of a producer or game designer. It's become common place to set up new franchises with a vast mythology to surround your concept, in order to get the more nerdy among us excited. Where only a few decades ago, a boat getting marooned on an island was enough set up for a successful TV show, now you either have to hook in with an existing storyline, or create a dense fiction just to tell the stories you want to tell. You then have to ask your fans to take time out of their days to not only watch your TV show, but read the tie-in book, watch the webisodes, participate in the viral marketing, follow your favorite characters on Twitter, all just to understand the story that is being told. That's a lot of hours devoted solely to entertainment, which is what breeds such religious fandom, which is exactly what they want.
While their main goal is only to eventually sell you shirts and DVDs, and to get you to keep watching the program, the real danger is another facet of Huxley's nightmare scenario. The Alphas and Betas of the novel always have a way to escape reality, called soma, an alcoholic beverage stripped of any risk of health defects or hangover. Of course, we have alcohol still in our time, but the more relevant metaphor to all this is that these countless universes set up by media companies serve as an infinite escape and an infinite distraction for those seeking life outside of the tedium of reality. There are encyclopedias of knowledge online about planets and species that do not exist, and every day several novels worth of fan fiction is published digitally based on the works of others. Even reality shows demand hours of your attention in order to gain escape. All of this time and effort is put into works that in all likelihood will not benefit anyone but the creators of these franchises. At least it's a distraction.
What if you're not one for the mythology of the next Star Wars, you of course still have distractions to devour your time. Most of these distractions are brought on by the technological marvel of our time, the World Wide Web. More effective at entertainment then anything Huxley could possibly dream of, the Internet is full of amazing ways to waste your time. Why should you go to bed at a decent hour when you can watch your favorite TV shows on Hulu? Why read a book when you can get the gist of it on Sparknotes and Wikipedia? Why go out with your friends when you can both can stay at home, IM each other, comment on the pictures of yourself you took in your bathroom on Facebook, and then tell random strangers about it on Twitter? Why go out to shop when there is an endless supply of options and sellers online willing to ship things right to your door? Why be humble when you can egotistically post where you are, what you're eating, what musician your listening to, for the whole world to see? The internet is the soma of our time, sucking us into hours and hours of amusement that distracts us from the challenges and even some of the enjoyment of our lives.
At this point in many essays, you might expect a solution to the grand problem laid out above. Alas, I have racked my brain, and know of no easy answers. Like the Alphas and Gammas in the novel, I too am stuck with the conditioning in my head. I have a Twitter account I update every day, my smartphone buzzes every twenty minutes to let me know of new advertisements in my email inbox. I know more about Halo and Xbox then any man has the right to know, I've seen the original Star Wars trilogy at least 15 times. Yet, I'm jobless, and when I think about what I really want to accomplish in life, I think of the novel in my head waiting to be written, I wonder when I'm ever going to have time for it. So the next time you hear a talking head speak of Orwell or 1984, think instead of what Neil Postman wrote is his book Amusing Ourselves to Death about the two visions of the future.

“What Orwell feared were those who would ban books. What Huxley feared was that there would be no reason to ban a book, for there would be no one who wanted to read one. Orwell feared those who would deprive us of information. Huxley feared those who would give us so much that we would be reduced to passivity and egoism. Orwell feared that the truth would be concealed from us. Huxley feared the truth would be drowned in a sea of irrelevance. Orwell feared we would become a captive culture. Huxley feared we would become a trivial culture, preoccupied with some equivalent of the feelies, the orgy porgy, and the centrifugal bumblepuppy. As Huxley remarked in Brave New World Revisited,the civil libertarians and rationalists who are ever on the alert to oppose tyranny "failed to take into account man's almost infinite appetite for distractions." In 1984, Orwell added, people are controlled by inflicting pain. In Brave New World, they are controlled by inflicting pleasure. In short, Orwell feared that what we fear will ruin us. Huxley feared that our desire will ruin us.”

Ford help us all.

-Pudge

Posted via email from Random Pudgie Thoughts of Goodness

My thoughts on WWE Universe mode in Smackdown vs Raw 2011

2010-10-29T17:25:00.001-07:00

Hey,

Over on my other home on the internet, Examiner.com, I just recently posted an article about my recent gaming obsession. That being Smackdown vs RAW 2011 and the WWE Universe mode. It's a little filled with wrestling jargon, but if you're into that sort of thing, it's a good read.

http://www.examiner.com/xbox-in-tampa-bay/smackdown-vs-raw-2011-how-a-video-game-books-better-matches-than-monday-night-raw

-Pudge

Posted via email from Random Pudgie Thoughts of Goodness

Twitter: The Hive of Knowledge our Forefathers Dreamed Of

2010-10-12T19:46:00.001-07:00

Hey,

I'm currently sitting on my couch watching L&O reruns and contemplating why my nose is always plotting against me. For example, this time yesterday, my Droid buzzed me and the email causing that informed me that my classes the next day was cancelled. This made me assume that, since my cold seemed to be almost over, I would have a carefree day where my HW would be easily completed and I might watch some movies or play Reach, enjoy my good fortune to have a Tuesday off. Then I wake up this morning, and it seemed like one of my roommate's favorite rap artists had a tour date in my ear drum, and was distributing the phunk all over the place. Which is to say, I was in massive pain. One trip to the doctor-pharmacy combination and three things of medicine later, here I am, still in pain and full of Pizza Hut after my 5th consecutive sick day. I feel drugged, which is fine, I'm not a complainer, but it's annoying to say the least. Oh well.

On to the topic at hand, my aforementioned homework is preparing for a speech I have to perform tomorrow night for Public Speaking 101. I'm not one for public speaking (Now that I think about it, that was the first line of my first speech for the class) and so the only way I know to prepare for such an endeavor is to write it out beforehand. And why waste all that work when I can use it to update my blog. I was GOING to post the second part of my epic award-ready series Holy Shirt! today or sometime this week (sorry Colbert), but it's been put on hold until I am 100%. So this will have to do. It's a little basic, but it's aimed towards my college classmates, people who think Twitter is just "Today I ate tunafish!" and "I checked into the toilet trololol" With that context in mind, I hope you can enjoy my writing anyway, and I promise more insane idiocy soon.

I'm going to get the reactions right out of the way at the beginning. Today, I'm going to be talking about Twitter. Yes the service that, as far as you can gather, is for nothing but egomaniacs to pretend they have an audience who wants to know what they had for dinner. It's been around long enough that it seems everyone on the internet and every company is just jumping on the bandwagon without a lot of people actually getting what Twitter is. I remember two years ago when I first joined the service, I had the same reaction as many college students. As I grew to love the service, I noticed that when it came up in certain classes, not many of my fellow classmates found it useful at all. That is a shame, as I have come to believe it is the most important communication tool or our generation. It is slowly but surely changing the rulebook for countless companies and industries, and is the true literal definition of power to the people.

But before I get into that, I think I have to spend a minute telling you exactly what Twitter really does. Unlike Facebook and Myspace before it, Twitter is not really a self serving social network. You can comment all day and you wont get much value out of it if no one else interacts with you. The real value of Twitter is that it is a living stream of consciousness for the internet. At any given time you can jump into your Twitter stream and see what your followers think about what is happening in the world at that very moment. Log in on Sunday nights and you'll see a hundred different comments about the latest NFL ruling. Log in during prime time to see if the latest episode of the Office is good enough to catch up on. Log in Saturday morning to see which of the weekend's new releases at the local multiplex is getting the best reviews. Log in during a major event to get commentary from the audience and insight that even five years ago would have been impossible to receive. The best part is that most of these updates are written by people just like you, with no agenda, no ulterior motives, no reason to lie. You can see first hand the voice of the people.

The most recent example of Twitter's power is the recent fiasco regarding the popular clothing store, the Gap. When the Gap unleashed their new logo onto the internet and began the long process of re-branding, they were faced with an immediate and ugly backlash. Twitter was full of people mocking them for how ridiculous the new logo was. A few hours after it was revealed, there was even an entire twitter account pretending to be the new Gap logo and making fun of itself. A few days after that, The Gap saw the negative reaction and but the kibosh on the deal, reverting back to their previous branding. Even ten years ago, it would have taken a year for a company to make a decision, gauge public reaction, and then fix it if the idea was faulty. Think of the New Coke fiasco, which lost the Coke company both money and the hearts and minds of their custormers for months. Nowadays because of powerful tools like Twitter, this kind of change can happen overnight.

As you can see, once you can get past the strange reputation it has, Twitter is an amazing tool that is shaping the way the world works. More and more movies are moving to a Wednesday schedule and avoiding reviewers in order to minimize bad Twitter buzz. More companies are taking advantage of the intimate communication the service provides to give their customers better customer service then any automatic telephone can. Even celebrities and directors are discovering that producing content and then releasing it straight to their fans with instant feedback works as a great alternative to the traditional studio model. I can only imagine what the next ten years will bring as more and more of the world discover the power of real time internet and 140 character messaging.

More soon, sick now

-Pudge

Posted via email from Random Pudgie Thoughts of Goodness

Untitled

2010-09-28T20:21:00.029-07:00

Posted via email from Random Pudgie Thoughts of Goodness

Untitled

2010-09-28T20:21:00.027-07:00

Posted via email from Random Pudgie Thoughts of Goodness