Random, Randomer, Randomest

Where's the comma?

2015-08-28T14:12:00.000-04:00

Angry man into his cell phone:

Who do you think I am? Anthony Stupid?

So who the hell is Anthony Stupid?

Emergency notification absurdity

2015-08-27T15:38:00.001-04:00

I should've taken a picture.

Engraved onto the push bar of the glass doors it said "for use in an emergency pull."

So does that mean I can push when it's not an emergency?"

I'm working on it but it's not done yet

2015-07-27T15:25:00.001-04:00

Working title for a new laugh riot:

Ron Konkoma meets Brewster North for a drink at the East Side Access Bar.

It's all in jokes for the outbound commuter.

Of course nowadays half of them are looking at their electronic devices and the other half are asleep.

Dogs and signs at rest stops on the Interstates

2013-04-23T14:38:00.001-04:00

Saw a sign at a rest stop on an Interstate in Connecticut this weekend:

"Please no dogs inside"

As if I want to please, or pleasure a dog inside or outside.

This reminded me of one I saw on I-95 south of Bangor, ME:

"No smoking dogs allowed"

Actually, it was laid out thusly:

NO
SMOKING
DOGS
ALLOWED

So, are non-smoking dogs allowed?

A thought on mortality and life

2012-12-13T15:29:00.004-05:00

Life is too short to waste it drinking bad beer, bad wine or bad whiskey. But spending time with bad women . . . ?

Tea Party Atheists

2012-11-02T12:11:00.002-04:00

You know how they say there's no atheists in a foxhole? Well, there are no tea party republicans in office during a disaster - except for the ones whose heads are so far up their asses that they've forgotten what being human and humane is about.

Romney screwed by hurricane Sandy?

2012-11-02T10:46:00.001-04:00

When it came to Hurricane Sandy and its aftermath, Romney must be cursing up a storm. I can hear it now.

"Why the ding dang dong did a storm like this have to happen a week before the election. There's not a fling flang fling thing I can do to look good, because I can't do a hing hang hong thing about it. I donate a bus full of canned goods and they tell me that nobody's electric can opener works. How were we supposed to think of that?"

"All I can do is hope Obama pulls a George W. Bush."

Obama might not be the greatest leader in the history of the world, but he isn't stupid enough to pull a George W. Bush. Hell, even George Bush isn't stupid enough to pull off another George W. Bush.

As for Mr. Romney, the best he can come up with is to cut the national government out of the disaster relief chain and leave it to the states, and those who want to donate a few unnecessary cans of food to the cause when what's needed is hard, cold cash.

http://takingnote.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/10/30/soup-charity-and-the-american-way/

Random Headlines in Random Order Making Scary Sense

2012-08-30T14:02:00.001-04:00

The three headlines appeared in the more news box in the center of the NYTimes.com home page a today. Read one after the other, they make their own story:

Venezuela Will Investigate Report of Massacre
Yale President Says He Will Step Down
5 Australian Troops Die in Afghanistan

I am sure there is no link between these stories except they all occurred on the same day. Still, imagine this:

The news that a massacre of miners in Venezuela causes the president of Yale U. to announce he's quitting. What did he have to do with the massacre. And was it his announcement or the massacre in Venezuela that led to the attack on Australian troops - rather than those of some other nationality?

Informed people want to know. Or do they?

I will not guarantee that clicking on the links will take you to the stories, but it might happen.

what the internet is good for: Volapük

2012-08-24T14:39:00.000-04:00

Have you ever heard of a language called Volapük?

Until today, I never heard of it and though I've heard of it now, I don't really give a damn about it. What I thought was interesting was how this "constructed language" claimed upwards of a million users - Wikipedia.org says "adherents" - in the late 19th Century, declined to about 20-30 by the beginning of this century, and has revived in the last decade, nearly tripling its users, most likely because they can find each other on the internet.

Considering the numbers - that is roughly 90 adherents, it is noted in Wikipedia that there are approximately 119,000 articles in the Volapük Wikipedia, which ranks it 37th.

So what's my point?
That the internet helps preserve things that would otherwise have faded away.

Maybe next time I'll tell you something you didn't know already.

Ambiguity a la carte, or who did the Panda shoot?

2012-06-20T14:26:00.000-04:00

Down at the bottom of the NYTimes.com web page was a photo of what looked like a tent full of stuff and the following lede:

San Jose Stores Property of Homeless After Sweeps.

Wow, how ambiguous can you get?

occasion musing on email subject lines

2012-06-20T09:47:00.001-04:00

Today, catching up with the false positives - Postini flags roughly 20% of the newsletters and other legitimate emails as SPAM and no matter how often I try to train the program, the percentage remains about the same - I got to musing on subject lines.

Here's an example: Learn more about our permanent hair loss solution.
I said to myself, is this an ad for a depilatory? Certainly, the way it's phrased makes it seem like the product is meant to make sure hair you lose doesn't come back. I personally don't care to lose any hair.

Somebody ought to write a book

2012-04-24T09:56:00.001-04:00

Some title I saw at Posman's Bookstore in Grand Central yesterday struck me as very funny, because it wasn't a very interesting title. Of course I forgot that title but not the one that somebody ought to write:

Phrenology in the Age of Texting and Twitter: How to read the bumps you get on your head from pounding it with your smart phone after sending that stupid tweet or drunken text.

Maybe I'll get around to it someday.
Nah, it's too much like beating your head against the wall.

Transformative food names

2012-04-19T11:36:00.001-04:00

Why eat a Philly Cheesesteak in NYC? Why not something new and high priced, like a Chili Feesteak (or Chilly Feesteak)?

Ok, so NYC is known for cheesecake, which is not served by the slice but by the piece, as in "have a piece of cheesecake." I love a piece of cheesecake but today I'm in a different place and want a cheese of peacecake.

Fertilizer season - a very quick thought

2012-04-14T20:57:00.002-04:00

In the film "Apocalypse Now," Lt. Col. Bill Kilgore (Robert Duvall) sniffs the air and says "I love the smell of napalm in the morning."

Well, it's fertilizer season, and though I don't know if anyone's making a movie about the end of farming to be called "A-Crop-alypse Now" or such, but I can imagine a farmer wearing a hat of the same shape as Kilgore's, standing in the middle of his/her field on a cool, spring morning, sniffing the air and saying "I love the smell of manure in the morning."

Wedding in Geneva

2012-04-02T11:24:00.001-04:00

Backstory:
I was in an antiques market in Geneva NY this past Saturday. Six sisters were shopping for interesting things to wear to one of their daughter's upcoming big Long Island Wedding.

I said "I don't believe in big weddings because then, no matter how things work out, you don't regret the wedding."

If you didn't think of this, you should have

2012-03-29T11:59:00.001-04:00

A fossil was recently discovered that's contemporaneous with Lucy, the famous, early hominid. You can read all about it in R&D Magazine online

It is probable, from the article, that this specimen, when alive was not an Australopithecus afarensis, Lucy's species. Those responsible for naming species will come up with an appropriate scientific name. But for this individual, how about we call it Desi?

Friendship - Edgar Guest meets reality

2012-03-23T18:57:00.001-04:00

"I'd like to be the sort of friend
that you have been to me . . ."
So if you don't mind, I'll take that knife.

Slice with a slice

2012-03-22T20:36:00.003-04:00

This just reached me from the Grub Street Boston blog: Urologists in Cape Cod are offering free pizza with a vasectomy.

Wait here while we slice the pepperoni.

Catching up with the news

2012-03-22T10:10:00.004-04:00

So what's up with the healthcare system in Venezuela? I heard that Chavez just got back from Cuba, where he went to get his cancer surgery done.

What's in a state motto?

2012-03-21T18:59:00.002-04:00

Oregon state motto (translated):
She flies with her own wings.

Real life:
The rest of us require chemical assistance.

A favorite Mondegreen

2012-03-13T14:37:00.001-04:00

One of my favorite lines from the film "The Treasure of the Sierra Madre" isn't "I don't have to show you any stinkin' badges," though that is a great line.

No, my favorite line is Humphrey Bogart's Fred C. Dobbs talking about being a baker. He says "I knead dough, and plenty of it." (Click to hear him say it.)

This sound clip is probably still under copyright. I claim fair use in linking to it.

What do they do with the stuff they take out?

2012-03-12T15:38:00.000-04:00

I'm walking past this pizza joint on 4th Ave. downtown, and they got this sign outside the store. They make vegan pizza and they make gluten free pizza. I didn't have time to go in, but I was wondering: if I asked them to put some of the gluten they take out of the other pizzas on mine, could they? Would they? What do they do with the gluten they take out of gluten pizza?

The City That Never Sleeps

2012-03-10T08:05:00.000-05:00

Here's the scenario:
It's 4AM. You were out partying earlier and now you're home. You try to sleep but you just can't seem to drop off. You don't know what's wrong. You just toss and turn, get up, get a drink of water, go back to bed, turn and toss, get up and go into the bathroom. You turn on the light, look at yourself in the mirror. Gah! Your hair! What a friggin' mess! What are you going to do?

Well, it's New York, the 24 hour hair and spa party to the rescue!

Grammar lesson

2012-03-08T16:10:00.001-05:00

I keep seeing this poster for Mia Hamm - you can see one here - and every time I do I wonder why nobody ever mentions her grammatically correct sister, Ima.

Don't you?

Extending the greeting card

2012-03-08T10:35:00.002-05:00

This seemed totally random when I saw this Uta Hagen quote on a greeting card:

"We must overcome the notion that we must be regular... "

Yeah, I know some people who only take dumps two or three times a week, and they are perfectly happy.