And why would one be looking for it?

Shockingly unfunny.

How in the hell did that happen? Wanda Sykes is funny. It’s scientific fact. But that was just damn painful to watch. Kind of like Rosie’s attempt at a variety show. It seemed like a really good idea in theory. It’s pretty sad that Julia Louis-Dreyfus saying “Fuck the environment” was the funniest part of the entire show.

So did anyone watch the Latin Grammys on Thursday? The dress that Laura performed in was indeed the Glinda dress from the tour.

Oooh, sparkly.

After reading the positively awesome news that Ming-Na will be kissing girls on Stargate Universe, I had a fond reminiscence this evening. I bought Shawna this funny-looking plastic animal toy once that moved and talked (kind of like a Furby, but less annoying and easier to turn off) and it said all of these little gibberish phrases. One of the phrases sounded just like “Ming-Na,” so I would turn it on and ask “Who’s a super hot Asian?” It was correct one-hundred percent of the time.

And I do hope you’ve all been watching FlashForward. We had fallen behind on the eps and when we realized what we’d had sitting on our DVR for two weeks, we literally kicked ourselves. Or I kicked Shawna at least.

Navi Rawat. Where exactly do we mail the thank you card for her?

In less fortunate lesbian news, I woke up with a migraine today, power-vomited Cheerios and went back to sleep until 5pm. Good times.

Sorry I’ve been MIA. See, Shawna and I have this way of living that involves doing special things when they are available for doing and then worrying about it after the fact. Though the term worrying is kind of strong. Which is why I now have to work my buttocks off for the next few weeks to make back all of the money we spent, so that all of my prize money doesn’t end up being used to catch up on bills. I gots a condenser mic and lens to buy, peoples!

Anyway, onto the snippets.

I tried “V” on Tuesday night. Is it just me or has alien invasion never been so boring? And quick poll - how long before the priest can’t keep his vow of chastity?

In other news, like so many states before it, Maine puts the kibosh on love. Because America is doing so well without it.

The Latin Grammys are tonight. Out of Vegas. I hear that they had to continuously hose the entire area with cold water during the week of rehearsals to keep the hotness factor from burning the city to the ground. No, seriously, it was on Fox News.

This is a horrendous thing that has happened at Fort Hood. But does anyone else find it disturbingly ironic that this was the guy hired to help our soldiers cope?

And now, things from the Broadway Fan Club newsletter that make me cry -

“There is talk of a possible Miss Saigon film, as well as a screen adaptation of Les Misérables.” Bad idea on the first part and confusing on the second part, as Les Misérables has been adapted for screen several times and as recently as 1998. And that was actually a good adaptation. Stop fucking with shit already!

No, seriously, stop. Because when people feel the need to keep fucking with shit, this is what happens.

“Composer Andrew Lloyd Webber has announced premiere dates for Love Never Dies, his long-awaited follow up to The Phantom of the Opera. Performances are slated to being at London’s Adelphi Theatre on February 20, 2010, and open on March 9. A Broadway debut at an as-yet unnamed theatre will follow on November 11, 2010. The story picks up 10 years after the original and follows the Phantom across the Atlantic as he haunts the fairgrounds of Coney Island, where Christine is now living.”

Coney Island.

I will find it absolutely miraculous if this turns out to be anything other than an unmitigated fucking disaster.

…because I say so.

So last week when I tried to remind you all about Caitlin Keats on the forgotten, they went and switched the episode order up on me. It was on this past Tuesday, by the way.

Regardless of the fact that the networks like to make me look stupid, I still must put out the 411 that Leslie Bibb is on the new FX series The League, which premieres tonight at 10:30 eastern. It’s on right after It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, which I trust you all already watch. If not… WTF?

The League is a semi-scripted show, so I guess what I’m really saying is to tune in and watch Leslie be awesome.

Godspeed.

Sadly, it wasn’t Laura.

We are on our way home from Connecticut and our last Laura concert for quite some time Unless, of course, something miraculous happens and we get rich within the next two months.

It’s been amazing fun though. It’s always so entertaining to hear half of the crowd singing the Italian lyrics and half of the crowd singing the Spanish lyrics to each song regardless of what Laura is singing. When we were at the Atlantic City show, we were on what Shawna referred to as the Mason-Dixon line. We were literally in the row that divided all of the Italian-speakers from all of the Spanish-speakers. It was all very West Side Story. I was expecting a rumble to commence at any second.

Tonight, our seats were amazing and we made a new friend. And he’s Italian! He was at his fifteenth Laura concert this year and apparently will be in the Italian version of the Guinness Book of World Records for having seen the same artist so many times this year. Which is cool. He also asked us to come back to Italy with him tomorrow morning and be guests in his house near Milan. Which would have been even cooler if we had the money right now. Because, seriously… we would have been all over that.

Maybe next spring…

After the concert, Shawna nabbed a big poster from the wall. Other people were doing it too and it was the only one left. People were taking their photos with it, so she politely waited before nabbing it. But there was some other woman there and when Shawna took it down, she was like, “Could you give me that? I’m an Italian teacher.” And Shawna’s like, “No, because I want it.” To which the woman replied, “She’s stealing that!” ran to the employees and said “That girl just ripped that poster down.” It was so very second grade that I wanted to play along, so I ran up behind Shawna and said “Run. She’s telling on you.” And then we galloped through the casino and absconded with said stolen poster.

We are so gangsters.

Thank you for teaching me to chew with my mouth closed.

So last night was Laura in Toronto. And I know that you are all probably sick of hearing about her, but since it’s practically all I’ve been doing for the past week and a half, it’s kind of what’s in my brain, you know?

Anyway, it was wonderful. Not as long as the New York concert, but equally as good in different ways. Especially our seats. She pulled some lucky schmuck up on stage and let him sing almost an entire song with her. It was actually rather endearing. He was singing loudly from the front row, so she motioned him up and sang the beginning of a line and let him finish it. And he was surprisingly good, so she grabbed him by the arm and pulled him to the center of stage, sat him down on her stool, gave him the mic and said goodnight to the audience. And the guy actually started finishing the song and the band started playing and she walked back up and finished it with him. Which is pretty awesome for him.

It reminded me of something cool I once saw Bryan Adams do. Yes, “Bryan Adams” and “cool” are allowed in the same sentence. And, you know what? I love “Please Forgive Me.” I sing it loud and proud and feel it right down to my soul. And my shame is only an iota.

So here’s what Bryan Adams did (you’d forgotten that my closeted Bryan Adams love wasn’t the point of this, didn’t you?) He asked for people in the audience who knew how to play guitar, bass, drums, keyboards to raise their hands and then asked if they knew “Summer of ‘69″. Then he filled the entire band with fans. They played and he sang. See, don’t you have a whole new respect for Bryan Adams now?

When we got into our hotel on Thursday, which I kind of had an inkling Laura and her band would be staying at, two of the first people we saw were Laura’s father, who is traveling with her, and the shorty backup singer. Shawna’s all like “Look… look!” And I turn and she’s like “Dad and one backup singer.” And I’m like, “I told you they’d be staying here.” And she’s like, “I know you did, but I didn’t know you were being psychic.” And I’m like, “Yeah, well now you know.”

Anyway, the entire band congregated in the lobby with Laura’s papa shortly after, so we spent the entire night on Thursday sitting in the lobby. I wrote a ditty commemorating the event, but I was too tired to record it to share with you all that night. And at this point, it probably won’t be shared until late this week, which is a little sad, because it had us rolling that night in the hotel. Granted, it was very late by that point, we only got like five hours of sleep the night before, and we had been up a very long time, so it could turn out that it’s just really embarrassing.

Then, Friday we got up and went and sat in the lobby… just in case. No luck. Though I did manage to come up with some music for a relatively uptempo song. This is a miraculous thing for me. Normally, my musical stylings are slow and melancholic. But after rocking the last few weeks away, apparently something got shaken loose.

After the concert, we waited some more and, again, no Laura. But we saw every member of her band and crew several times. And I kind of think they knew, you know, that we were waiting and hoping, because after a while, when they saw us, they all kind of looked at us with little laughing “look at those groupies” smirks.

So that was a bit of a sad turn of events, to be right there in the same hotel and be Laura-less the entire time. The weather was a special kind of craptastic though, so there wasn’t much else we could do anyway. I mean, I suppose we could have worked some, but who likes to do that?

Then this morning on our way out, we saw the bags and the crew waiting in the lower lobby and we made the grown-up decision to get on the road and not wait around again. It was a wise decision, as Mother Earth has been a temperamental bitch all day long and we had to drive through a monsoon to get to Connecticut. Because we decided at the last minute that we did, in fact, need to see Laura on her last US concert date here tomorrow night. We came sans tickets, hoping for those last minute VIP ticket releases, and just scored seventh row center. Sadly, it’s at another casino. Laura’s already tweeted about the venue. She seems to be as thrilled with it as we are, but is considerably more polite than I am.

So, to make a long story even longer, I am stoked about tomorrow, sad that it will all soon be over and wishing that the good luck streak that was this week up until yesterday could last. But, after some of today’s events, including the fact that when we arrived at the hotel we had booked in Connecticut and unloaded in the monsoon, we discovered that they had given our non-smoking room away and only had smoking rooms available, so had to find another hotel and drive another forty miles in the rain, I’m thinking the week of luck has officially come to an end.

Well, it was really good while it lasted.

Oh, and it’s not my dad’s best week. He got thrown from the back of a moving truck at his job on Thursday. He is sixty-two years old, landed on his back, hit his head, and came away with a small broken bone in his back that requires only a back brace. This may explain why everyone on that side of my family tree lives for half an eternity.

So now look at this -

Stormtroopers’ Day Off

- and we’ll all feel better.

So, I’ve been trying to update my site now for several months. It’s been drab and boring far longer than I would have liked, but there was always something more pressing than making it awesome.Now seemed like a really good time to get everything updated though, so last night I powered through it and got all the new pages up. The blog, however, has not been updated. I still think it’s a seriously badass theme.

For those of you who may not realize it, this is not a stand-alone blog. There actually is a whole site that goes with it. No… seriously. Here’s a link to the main page. Sure, it’s not where you will find fic or clever anecdotes about the ills of the world, but I do think it’s worth a gander. In my haste to get it up, I have not yet added poetry and short stories back to the writings page. (I’m going to include a lot more of them this time around… well a lot more poetry anyway… for anyone who actually reads that stuff.) I also haven’t put up any photography yet, but that will appear sooner or later as well. And maybe, just maybe, there will a music page at some point. So, what I’m saying is, check back occasionally. You never know what might happen when Sensei Riley LaShea, Ninja of Creativity, gets funky with her muses.

All of you… for being the best damn pretzelers on the planet apparently!!!

I just got a call from LA. My soft “no” has just become a confirmed “YES”. I won Suzanne’s Prize. There is going to be a press release tomorrow with all of the winners listed.

Thank you, thank you, thank you all for twisting yourselves up on my behalf. You work wonders. They ought to put the lot of you on cancer research. The dread disease would be obliterated in like twelve hours.

So, we just booked our Toronto hotel for Friday night’s Laura concert and are seriously considering buying tickets for Connecticut on Sunday. Oh, Laura, you costly goddess of song.

Speaking of costly, we spent nearly twenty dollars in tolls on the way to and from Atlantic City. While I know that there will always be a ‘get out of Jersey’ fee, it seemed a little excessive. We also paid famine price for one of those little mini water bottles that holds exactly two sips. And it had fuckin’ Donald Trump on the label. As if the price of the water didn’t already make me gag.

Anyway, onto important things. Laura changed outfits for last night’s show. Her first two wardrobe changes were identical dresses in two different colors with leather leggings. It’s possible they were pleather, but, if so, I’m assuming it’s due to great cow love and not a lack of funds.

When she walked out on the stage, I was like, “Whoa, she looks like she walked straight out of the Jetsons.” It was definitely one of those Milan fashionista ‘let’s see what we can get away with’ numbers, complete with glittery boots that, considering the rest of the outfit, I could only assume were stardust-encrusted.

She did, however, wear one of the same outfits. When she first walked out in this particular dress in New York, the lights were down and you could kind of see through the sides of it, and I was like “Taffeta, really?” Then, the lights came up and Shawna leaned over to me and said “It’s Gliiinnndddaa.” Then we giggled hysterically.

When she walked out in Atlantic City, we were just like, “Look, the Glinda dress again.” And we giggled hysterically.

Not a great photo, but you’ll get the idea.

Apparently this dress was dipped into the same galaxy as the boots. Proof, yet again, that Laura can make anything look good.

So, during the show, she gave some guy in the audience a major scolding for being an obnoxious brat, which, come to think of it, she actually did in New York too. Ah, there are few things I love more than a hot woman reprimanding a guy who has it coming, especially when she clearly takes such pleasure in it.

Except, of course, for the Phillies being in the National League championship.

Is it because I love the Phillies so? No. It’s because, for the first time since we moved here, the Wegmans parking lot was almost completely empty. Now I’m rooting my little rotten heart out for the Phillies. I hope they make the Series. We’ll have the run of the area all the way from here to Philly.

*two important items of note*

1 - I hate casinos with a passion that cannot be fully explained through words alone. Too much smoke and too many people who like wearing their pajamas out in public. Also, I can’t remember the last time I actually saw someone wearing a fur coat prior to last night. But it was like there was a convention.

2 - Caitlin Keats is supposed to be on The Forgotten tomorrow night. ABC, 10pm. Yes, that is on opposite The Good Wife with all of its subtexty goodness. That’s why God made DVRs.