Chronicles of a Hopeful Heart

The road home: Part II (the Betty Ford saga)

2010-08-04T18:41:00.000-07:00

Some days are full of adventure. Some days are full of drama. Sometimes when you get to the other side, you discover that the drama was all part of the adventure. I am still working toward that discovery phase, but I think that I'm making good progress.

The last couple of days have been spent in an extended visit with my friend, Amy, in Baton Rouge. The original visit was part of the plan. Its extension was not. Here's how it happened:

During one of the hottest days of the year (this past Monday), Amy indulged me in a frolic through LSU, although the frolic turned into more of a sweat-soaked trudge through the campus due to the 115 degree heat index. Because I wore a dress, Amy kept my ID and debit card in her pocket for me, so that I wouldn't have to tote my handbag with me in the sticky, blazing heat.

At the end of our journey through LSU, we drove back to the church where my car was parked and said our goodbyes. After Amy left, I turned on my car and discovered (eek!) that it wouldn't start. No big deal, I have a jump-start kit. It worked beautifully in getting my car started. As I drove away, I noticed that my battery light kept coming on, but figured that it wouldn't be a big deal because it turned off whenever I pressed the gas pedal.

At this point, I received a call from Amy. Whoops, I had left my ID and debit card with her, so I needed to pick them up posthaste. I turned my car around and started back, all the while with my battery light coming on and going off when the gas pedal was depressed. Then, while I was stuck at a light during 5pm traffic, it happened. The car DIED. DEAD. Wouldn't start for anything, not even with the gentle coaxings of my jump-starter.

I attempted to turn on my emergency flashers, but wouldn't you guess it: they wouldn't work, either. At this point, a couple of gentlemen pulled over and asked if they could help me push my car out of traffic. Of course, I accepted, but not without making an idiot of myself by trying to put the car in neutral without depressing the brake pedal.

Once the car was out of traffic, more men appeared out of nowhere, and they seemed to all take great pleasure in tinkering under the hood of my car, trying to coerce poor Betty into telling them why she had, in fact, died. It was at the point that one of them started banging on things with a wrench that I really began to be overwhelmed. I mean, try to imagine: your car is dead and there are four or five sweaty Southern men, all in overalls, all with tools of some sort, hitting things intermittently and muttering an strange accents that you cannot understand. It was all quite trying.

Thankfully, at this point, a police officer and Amy showed up (I had called both when my car was blocking traffic and I was unable to move it). The police officer observed the men and seemed satisfied that at least one of them was a knowledgeable mechanic. Eventually, we got Betty started and carefully drove her to the rear parking lot of the church, still loaded down with all of my belongings. In the morning we intended to take her to Netterville's Auto Shop, which was only a few miles away, and came highly recommended by a fellow church member.

Betty made it to the mechanic the next morning without incident, and the employees at Netterville's were very friendly. They seemed convinced that the problem was both the alternator and a faulty battery cable, and said that replacing both shouldn't take more than a few hours. "It'll be done by the end of the day, ma'am," they said.

While waiting for my car to be repaired, I spent the day with Amy's mom at the church administration office. It was probably the longest day of my trip to date. Everyone was busy (everyone but me, of course), and the internet connection kept going in and out. I was able to intermittently facebook , but watching a movie or anything actually entertaining was impossible. Boooooo.

As 5pm and the end of the day came closer, I began to get antsy. I wanted my poor car to be finished already, for Betty to make the transition back to the land of the living and get me the heck home. I called Netterville's to verify the cost of the repair and inform them that I would be there shortly. "Oooooh," Miguel (the mechanic) said. "That truck, it brought the wrong alternator and we gotta wait for another one to come in. We'll have it done tomorrow."

Tomorrow!? I wanted to get on the road, and fast! I had a long, long drive ahead of me that needed to be done and over with! Was he serious? "Yes ma'am, don't you worry, everything happens for a reason." Oooh, this made me mad. In my head I was thinking, "that was the wrong response, buddy, and my boot would like to show your behind some reason!" But I didn't. I verified what time tomorrow the repairs would be finished, as calmly and composedly as I could, and informed Amy's mom that they would be stuck with me for another night.

The night passed, and Wednesday morning rolled around. I called Netterville's to see what time my car would be ready (keep in mind that he told me it would be ready before lunch when I spoke with him the night before). "Yes, ma'am, we're still waiting on that part. It'll be ready around 12 or 1. In my head (again), I'm thinking, "You've got to be joking! 1pm!? He told me before lunch!" I'm sure my irritation was beginning to show as I ended the call and told Amy the news.

12:15 comes. I call the shop to see if Betty is ready. "No, ma'am, we haven't started on her yet. She'll be done around 2." Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!! SCREEEEEAAAAMS went off in my head. I am now 2 full days behind schedule and no closer to leaving than when I took the car to them Tuesday morning. I was most definitely not calm through the rest of that call, but I can't remember what exactly transpired because I was so completely peeved.

Poor Amy, she was such a trooper. Even though it was blazing hot, she amused me as long as she could before she went to work by taking me to an arboretum and getting a mocha frappe (more on this later). But because she had to work, she took me to Netterville's around 1:15 to drop me off and get my stuff out of her car. I see Betty, just as she looked when I last saw her: hood up, so that the whole world could see her engine, and not a lick of work done.

Miguel saunters up, gives me a sweet smile and says, "I was jus' about to roll her in to get that work done." I was not amused. "Well," I said, "since you're not working on it, I figured I'd get my stuff packed in." I put what I can in the car and proceed to the lobby with the remainder of my belongings.

An hour passes. An hour and a half. At 2:45, Betty is FINALLY done. I drive away, relieved that I am finished dealing with Netterville's and relieved that my car is going to work brilliantly from here on out. I drive for about 4 hours and stop at a rural intersection for a nice little picnic, complete with my dinky Styrofoam ice chest and the Judds on the CD player.

I enjoy my pita and a peach, and pack up my car. I put the key in the ignition and turn. Click....click....click. Betty is once again dead, and I am in the middle of nowhere. Thankfully, my jump-start kit is fully charged, and it's no problem getting Betty started with its help. As I'm about to close the hood, something catches my eye. Something that is icky, corroded, and attached to the battery. Then I realize: they didn't replace the battery cable.

I'm certain that there's adventure and humor in this somewhere, but I can't quite see it for the red cloud of frustration clouding my judgment at the moment. At present, I'm in Shreveport enjoying an iced coffee and praying that Betty will start without assistance. But at least I'm in an actual city now.

The moral of the story: Stay far, far away from Netterville's Auto Body in Baker, Louisiana. And try to find perspective in the rough bits of life. There's humor there, I promise.

The road home

2010-08-03T06:57:00.000-07:00

It's been a mere three days since I left Mississippi, three days full of excitement, friendship, adventure and drama. The road home is not nearly as smooth or predictable as I had planned, but it is certainly exciting!

Early Sunday morning I headed down to Baton Rouge to visit with my friend, Amy. We met up at Bethany World Prayer Center, where I was able to catch the 11am service. Wow. The diversity of the church is stunning, the music beautiful, and the message poignant and well-delivered. It was a great feeling, being able to sit back and enjoy the service. I definitely appreciated it more, having a good idea of all the work that goes into making a church service work smoothly.

After church, Amy and I headed back to her house, which is located in the backwoods of Louisiana. No joke. It takes about an hour to get to her house from Bethany, down winding, twisting roads lined with trees, meadows, farms and the occasional gas station or convenience store. Along the way, we passed towns with names like "Baker," "Slaughter," and "Zachary." I felt nostalgic the entire drive, like the score to 'Elizabethtown' should have been playing in the background.

Amy's property line is shared with a campground that isn't used anymore. In its heyday, Kueta was a girls' camp with horseback riding, pottery classes, hiking, swimming, games and Bible stories. We had a great time bumming around the camp and looking into the old horse stable, a red structure with bright green ivy trailing down the side. Inside, there were old stables with worn wooden gates and feed sacks scattered over the dusty floor. Amy was able to remember which horse went in each stall when she was a child, back when Kueta was in full swing.

While we were looking around the camp, we got the brilliant idea to hike down to Lost Creek, which was supposed to be less than a mile down a trail. We walked through the deserted camp, pushed our way through waist-high grasses, and searched for the trail. It wasn't there. Not satisfied with the lack of trail, we decided to search for the creek anyway. Luckily, Amy is familiar with the area and knew in what general direction to search. We scrambled over logs, stepped carefully over briars and poison ivy, followed part of an old logging trail, skittered down a hill, and finally came upon a sandy white beach littered with small plants and stones. Lost Creek had finally been found!

Amy and I took our shoes off and waded in the cool water. It felt so good on our hot, sticky ankles and feet. While we were wading, Amy came across a chunk of purple clay that had fallen from the opposite bank. It was so strange to find, sitting in a creek, clay that had the consistency of store-bought modeling clay. We played with it, shaped it, and covered our hands and arms with the clay. As we washed it off the creek turned purple, a sign that the long-deserted creek finally had visitors.

Amy's dad met us on the trek back to her house and gave us a ride on the back of the truck. Since we were fairly drenched with sweat and covered in grass seeds, we gratefully accepted the ride, enjoying the wind that buffeted our faces as we rode down the bumpy, grassy drive. I have never been so thankful for a shower in my life, or so exhilarated and exhausted all at once. We ate the pork chops Amy mom prepared with relish, enjoying each and every bite. Later, as I collapsed into my cool, soft bed , I counted my blessings for the day: a great friend, a memorable adventure, good food, and above all, showers.

Survey!

2010-07-02T19:21:00.001-07:00

I stole this from Shawna because it looked like too much fun. Here goes...

1. Were you named after anyone?
My middle name is from my Aunt June, my dad's sister.

2. When did you last cry?
The last time I talked to Carson. That little booger makes me tear up.

3. What is your favorite lunch meat?
Oven roasted turkey breast. So delicious!

4. Do you still have your tonsils?
I do!

5. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
Nope, tying and untying shoes annoys me.

6. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
Rocky Road is so good. But so is Ben & Jerry's Country Peach Cobbler.

7. Shoe Size?
It kind of depends on the shoe, but usually 9 1/2 or 10.

8. Who do you miss the most?
My Lo.

9. Last thing you ate?
Rocky Road ice cream :)

10. What are you listening to right now?
Jim Henson's 'The Storyteller.' Netflix is awesome.

11. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Laura!

12. What's the strangest thing you've seen?
A confederate flag with Barack Obama's face emblazoned on it.

13. Do you wear contacts?
When I feel like it.

14. What is the worst thing you've ever eaten?
Nasty liver stuff that my Gramie made me eat once. Sick.

15. Last movie you watched at the movie theatre?
Letters to Juliet. Yep, I watched it.

16. Favorite Dessert?
Strawberry shortcake.

17. What books are you reading?
'Praying God's Word,' 'Pride & Prejudice,' & 'Don't Waste your Life'

18. What did you watch last night?
The Last Boy Scout. Haha, my Dad made me.

19. The furthest you've been from home?
South Africa.

20. What's your special talent?
I'm not sure I have one, but I like to crochet, cook and make cards for my friends.

21. Favorite singer right now?
Harry Connick, Jr. Then, now and forever.

22. Right or Lefty?
Lefty!

23. One thing you want to do before you die?
Climb Half Dome. No contest.

Dad

2010-06-20T16:20:00.000-07:00

There are a few things you should know about my dad:

1. BBQ is a religion to him. Seriously. He believes fervently in three things: oak pit bbq, the right brew to go with it, and the power of a good homemade bbq sauce.

2. He's not a fan of technology. At least that's what he says. But although he refuses to text or use the internet, I'm pretty sure he listens to XM Satellite radio non-stop and watches Dish network whenever he gets the chance.

3. We haven't always been close. There are a lot of lost years between my Dad and I. In fact, I've only begun to really know and appreciate him in the last four years or so. After he and my mom got divorced when I was in Junior High, I pretty much cut him off because I thought he was the "bad guy" in the situation. And because he didn't constantly plead with me to come and visit him, I thought he didn't care. I was so wrong. Those years that I didn't spend time with my Dad hurt him deeply. He regrets not being the "nagging" father and having a presence during my junior high and high school years. Years that saw the shaping of my character, where the loving encouragement of a dad would have been a huge help. I regret those years, too, and wish that I hadn't cut him off. But you know how divorces go...the kids always feel like they have to take sides, and I was no different. I chose my side. I wish I had possessed the insight to see that there really aren't any sides at all. But this whole experience has given me the opportunity to experience yet another of my dad's qualities:

4. My dad is loving and forgiving. He has a different way of showing it, but he definitely showers his love on the people who are important to him. You just have to know his love languages, which include (but are not limited to) BBQ, control of the TV remote, treating you to a meal out, hugs, TV time, and consistently bragging about you to his friends (which, of course, I have never heart firsthand, but have heard plenty about).

5. My dad is a fighter. He's lost a child, been through bankruptcy, seen two of his siblings die because of drug and alcohol addictions, grew up without a dad, been married and divorced twice, worked in the prison system for over 20 years, and struggled through diverticulitis, two herniated discs, and two knee replacements. But he's still going, still fighting. He still supports the people he cares about through all of their mistakes (although he might grumble while he's doing it). And he still puts on a crazy amazing Memorial Day BBQ every single year for whoever wants to come and eat. Yep, he's a fighter.

6. My dad has a limited wardrobe. He mainly wears denim shorts, flip flops and a tank top that he got in Cancun, Ensenada, or some kind of cruise. His favorites are shirts that have a message, like "5 reasons beer is better than women," "1 tequila, 2 tequila, 3 tequila, FLOOR," or some other party-related colloqualism.
We've tried and tried to get him to wear "normal" shirts, but for some reason, he is unwavering in his determination to wear his "funny" shirts until they fall apart. It's ok, though, because the "funny" shirts are definitely a step up from the shiny spandex shorts and semi-mesh tank tops that my dad used to wear.

7. He is a road trip WARRIOR. No joke. We drove to Elbe, WA from Atascadero, CA in less than a day. I think we might have stopped three or four times: for gas, bathroom break, food, and a "power nap." I'm very similar when it comes to driving long distance. Unless I have something in mind that I want to see, I'd rather just get to my destination. Pit stops are short, sweet and to the point. No messing around whatsoever!
My dad is bringing his lady friend and her son with him to visit me in July. He seems to think that they can make it here in two days. I think they will probably do it. Like I said, road trip WARRIOR.

8. He likes to shoot things. I think I get this from him. Beer cans, squirrels, woodpeckers, targets, you name it, we'll shoot it. One of the things I'm most looking forward to when he visits is spending some quality time together, shooting off about a million rounds and then eating some of his special tri-tip. Mmmm, good!

Resemblance?

9. I love him unconditionally. No matter what happens, I have determined that no level of communication gaps, craziness or family drama will separate me from my dad. He's got a heart of gold under the gritty show he puts on, and I love him for it!

So even though my dad doesn't use the internet and will probably never read this, I'm putting it out here for all the blogosphere to see:

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY, DAD! I LOVE YOU!

Happenings

2010-06-17T22:43:00.001-07:00

I haven't written lately because my mind's in a million places. It's been difficult to collect my thoughts and come up with something interesting or coherent. Here's what I've been up to:

1. I visited California's central coast, where I hiked, visited friends and family, ate tri-tip, and helped my friend, Shiran, out with her wedding. I'm not sure that I want to be a wedding coordinator again any time in the near future, but I was soooo glad to help Shir out on her special day!

2. I started a website for my photography and put a page on facebook. I've decided that I really want to pursue photography more, both for artistic enrichment and potential income. I have a display up at the Oak Street Place gallery right now as part of the Laurel Underground Arts exhibit. Hooray!

3. The Laurel Farmers Market, of which I am the manager, has finally begun! Last week was our first market, and it was AMAZING, despite the rain. I had a great time, and even got interviewed for the local paper. Read it here.

4. I've been working like a crazy person: Olan Mills, the cafe, Farmers Market, some freelance photography, and church stuff. It's kind of insane, but it keeps me out of trouble ;)

5. I moved into a different mobile home at "the ranch," and I'm patiently waiting here all by my lonesome for Beth, Becky, Ian and Jill to get here. Beth and I are going to be the most amazing of housemates. Yay!

I think that about sums it up for now, at least in terms of what I've been doing. I promise I'll provide something more substantive next time!

To Carson

2010-05-24T16:32:00.000-07:00

Sweet nephew,

I cannot believe how quickly you are growing up! It seems like just yesterday we were waiting for you to be born; suddenly you're a precocious toddler, infatuated with exploring the world around you.

Sweet boy, know that you are loved. You have a group of people surrounding you who love you, will fight for you, and will tell you how special and amazing you are every day. No matter what happens, you can count on them, and on your Creator to see you through.

Don't ever lose your love of adventure: they are part of who God designed you to be! And through the tough times in life, your adventurous, fun-loving spirit will pull you through and help you to see the bright side of things.

And always, always remember that you have an Auntie who loves you dearly. She will be there for you no matter what! Keep growing, keep loving, and keep learning, my sweet nephew. You are a wonderful, amazing little boy and I love you so, so much!

With all the love, hugs and kisses in the world,
Auntie Andrea

I left my heart in...

2010-05-15T12:37:00.000-07:00

Three short days remain until I board a plane to California, where I will have twelve blissful days of family and friends, visiting my old haunts, hiking my heart out, and witnessing the marriage of one of my most favorite people. It's strange to think that it's been five whole months since I packed up (most of) my belongings into my Ford Focus and trekked across the country to make my home in Jones County, Mississippi.

This transition has been the most difficult thing I have ever undertaken. Nothing here is predictable, not even the weather (in the last ten minutes, we have had sun, humidity, thundershowers, and now calm overcast skies). I find myself constantly sticking my foot in my mouth, guilty of some cultural faux pas that my California upbringing definitely did not prepare me for. I find myself missing the most random things: Trader Joe's, hummus, the Pacific Ocean, the familiarity of making waffles with Katie, Rene' and Brittney on a Sunday morning, and lending a hand with a stubborn horse pen that desperately needs cleaning.
Through it all, though, I've survived. I've found some work and I'm doing my best to re-orient myself, so that I think of Mississippi, not California, as my home. One thing that has made the transition bearable has been the people. Wonderful people, who have invaded my life and my heart in ways that I could not have predicted. And since I can't take them with me to California, I'm sending them before me through the blogosphere, in hopes that my California family can begin to know and appreciate the people that have begun to fill the holes that California left in my heart.

This is Brooke. We work together at Lee's Coffee & Tea, and she has been such a source of encouragement in my life. Brooke is the kind of person you want on your side: cheerful and constant. She is getting ready to embark on her own adventure, marriage and a move to Pennsylvania, where she'll help start up a church.

Meet Gabby. What can I say about this girl? She reminds me at times of my cousin in Tennessee because of her bubbly personality. Gabby is an amazing person: fiercely loyal, full of life, and so artistic! When she's not working at Lee's with Brooke and I, she's probably making headbands for her business, Anchor and Sparrow, or hanging out with Patrick.

Patrick is a creative kind of guy. Besides being the boyfriend of Gabby, he also works for Roberts Creative, designing web content, branding, and other such things. According to an article I read in the ReView today, Patrick is going to be opening a store, called Chuck & Sally downtown! One of the things I appreciate about Patrick is his willingness to question things. I think he's a bit cerebral, like someone else I know.... He also owes me a homemade cheeseburger.

And where would I be without Amanda? We have enjoyed some amazingly fun times together: Farmer's Market, Bop's, Beauty and the Beast at the Saenger, movies, mall trips, and the list goes on. She's a nursing student at local community college, but she also has a B.S. in Biology. Wicked smart. I love that about her :) Plus, she likes to go on random adventures with me, which makes me sooooo happy!

Then there's Jackie. Jackie is a person of super-amazing persuasive and administrative talents. I am constantly in awe of her ability to get things done quickly and effectively. We've been working together on Farmer's Market, and she is always full of great ideas, and she always has the contacts and resources line up to make things happen. Jackie is a HUGE part of revitalizing downtown Laurel.

And finally (at least, for now) there's Bill. Need a cool home design? Bill's your guy. He's also super encouraging, and nearly always has a kind word. Bill is also musical, and he plays keys in a band. I haven't seen him play yet, but I'm determined to someday! Bill is also a big part of the revitalization plan for downtown Laurel. He, Jackie, Eric Roberts and I have been working to get the space all ready for our first market on June 4th.

That's all I have time for now! I promise, I'll introduce you all to some more of my Mississippi peeps as soon as I get a chance! California, here I come!

Aftermath

2010-05-12T19:07:00.001-07:00

There are some things in life that I will never understand. Coffee, for example. I hated it so much when I was young, but now I can't get enough of it! It's my stimulant of choice, both because of its tantalizing aroma and the way it makes the world a happier place for about two hours. I tend to think that coffee is one of God's better ideas, right up there with scenic views and sunsets. But I digress. The thing I've been thinking of that I really don't understand is the nature of trials, and more specifically, how one rough patch seems to serve as a warning that there are more difficult things looming ahead.

These last few weeks have been rough for me. First, there was the slander issue I dealt with. That rocked me to my core. I have never had my character so brutally bashed, and seemingly for no reason at all. I felt as though I dealt with that situation well, only to discover that it was more complicated than I had thought. And following closely on the heels of this trial were more frustrations!

If you have spent time with me at all, you know that my nose drives me completely bonkers. Not because of the way it looks, but because I have a condition that causes persistent blockages in my sinuses. The condition can be corrected through surgery, but it's quite expensive and requires that I stay on bed rest for a week following the procedure.

I had paid for health insurance so that I could get surgery on my sinuses, but when my doctor tried to schedule the surgery, my insurance told him that I had NO surgical benefits. I was crushed, especially since the customer service agent had told me specifically that I would have surgical, hospital, and medical benefits when I signed up for the plan. And since it's springtime, my allergies have been particularly difficult. This makes it hard for me to breathe, hard for me to sleep, and hard for me to function in general.

As if this weren't enough, I began to feel like I was being attacked...like people were talking about me, like the things I'm doing for the church aren't effective or useful, like no one really cares. In short, the physical things that had happened were threatening my perception of my spiritual identity. A recipe for disaster for sure.

At this juncture, it becomes useful to see what God's word has to say about the my situation(s). Stupid stuff is happening. It's rough, and it stinks. Matthew 5:45 says that the rain falls on the righteous and unrighteous alike. Ok, so life happens. There's not much I can change about that. But I can change something, right? Maybe I should start with my perception of the situation. I can speak out who I am and who I serve in the midst of the trials that I face. Here are a few truths concerning who I am and what I am capable of (and you, too!):

1. I am a conqueror (Romans 8:35)
2. I am a child of God (Hebrews 12:11)
3. I am God's beloved (1 Peter 4:12)
4. I am one of Christ's saints (2 Corinthians 1:3)
5. I am capable of accomplishing great things because of who I serve (John 14:12)
6. Ain't no devil gonna get me down (John 10:10)

This last verse is where I'm camping out right now. In John 10:10, it says that the devil comes to steal, kill, and destroy. His goal is to steal my joy, kill my dreams, and utterly destroy my faith by placing seeds of doubt in my mind when life gets difficult. But I know that Jesus came so that I could have life, and have it in full. It is my choice to press in, to decide to "consider it pure joy...when you face trials of many kinds," because I know that the testing of my faith "develops perseverance." I also know that "perseverance must finish its work" so that I "may be complete, and lacking nothing" (James 1:2-3).

So here I am: in the midst of a several trials. My character has been attacked, but I'm still here. My nose is driving me crazy, but I'm still here. I may have felt futile, but I'm still here. I'm choosing to persevere, choosing to be joyful in all circumstances, trusting that somewhere along the line, I'll become more mature, more capable, more faithful, and more full of faith. Now if I could only get my nose to cooperate...

When it hits the fan

2010-05-05T18:47:00.001-07:00

Have you ever noticed that every time you make a commitment to follow God more closely, crazy things happen? And I don't mean crazy things like a flat tire (which would suck, no doubt). I mean crazy, soul-shaking, faith-challenging things. The reason I bring this up is pretty predictable: it's been less than a week since I committed myself afresh to Jesus. I wholly, openly and freely told Him to take my heart and my life and make them His own. And then it hit the fan.

Yesterday, for the first time in my life, I discovered that someone had slandered me, in the most horrible way I can imagine. I won't go into the details, but it was bad. Of course, anyone who knows me would know that the horrible rumor spread about me was not true. Unfortunately, though, I am in a new place and not many people know me that well.

When I found out what had been said about me, I was floored. "This is crazy," I thought. I kept telling myself that it must have been some kind of mistake, that this person couldn't possibly have spread such a wicked untruth. But it wasn't a mistake. She did say those things. And the potential backlash of this person's idle tale-telling could have been HUGE. It could have cost me a relationship, my job, my reputation, the reputation of my church, and worst of all, someone's perception of the Jesus I claim as my savior.

I defended myself as best as I could: with the truth. Then I went and prayed. I prayed for things to be cleared up, I prayed for God's word to divide the truth from the lies, I prayed for the person who had slandered me, I prayed for the victim of her words, I prayed that the Holy Spirit would help me to keep things together.

Then I realized: I was praying. I didn't flip out. I didn't give in to the wracking sobs that could have so easily taken over, or the despair that accompanies them. I prayed. I asked the Holy Spirit for help, and He answered. One of my favorite verses has always been "Do not be anxious about anything, but by everything, through prayer and petition, present your requests to God; and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and mind through Christ Jesus." If I could point to a textbook case of refusing anxiety and instead presenting my requests to God through prayer and petition, this was it. He didn't leave me hanging. He granted me peace that overwhelmed my heart and mind so that anxiety and despair didn't have any room to get in. For all intents and purposes, they were utterly displaced.

I also had the opportunity to sit down and talk with the person who started the ugly rumor. In the light of the truth, she was compelled to admit that I did not, in fact, say the things that she had claimed. And instead of feeling indulgently satisfied with her fall from grace, I instead felt compassion. I had to wonder what this person had been through that would make her say such things. I was compelled to forgive her. Freely. Without restraint or pause. Instead of my normal desire for vengeance and retribution, God gave me grace for this person.

This experience, while potentially explosive, has been one of the most successful, positive conflicts I have ever experienced. I've been practicing praying the word of God over my life, and this conflict gave me a great opportunity to choose to react by the Spirit rather than my own willful desires. Although I wish that hurtful words had not been said about me, I'm over it. At this point, I'm more concerned with the feelings of the other person who was a victim of the slander.

It's crazy, isn't it? It seems as though it really hit the fan, but I have escaped the situation unscathed. The stink of guilt, pride, revenge, superiority...they ain't on me! And God's word has been so much more than my sword of truth; it's been my personal crap shield. That feels just about as good as a government check!

Picture pt. 2, or, An experiment in becoming more awesome

2010-05-01T08:51:00.001-07:00

Probably the craziest, most insane and ridiculous thing I have done during the past four years is this: I removed God from his rightful place in my life and replaced him with a number of other things. Pride, intellectualism, self-sufficiency, people, the want of peoples' attention, food, money--they all took His place.

Certainly, I went through a lot of phases where I trusted God and allowed him control of my life, but it only went so far. It's like I've been on a roller coaster of trust, where I would allow God to be God in my life for about three minutes, but after it was done, I wanted to get back to waiting in line for the roller coaster, because being in line was easier, safer. It didn't require energy, it just required that I stand around, waiting. I got really used to waiting.

But here's the crazy thing: when I was on the roller coaster, I LOVED it! I was excited about Jesus, about figuring out His will for my life, about fulfilling my purpose and worshiping God with my life. Somehow, though, I would begin to feel like my three minutes were up. I would get back in line. I would stop LIVING and start waiting.

Then I did something totally out of character. I moved to Mississippi to help start a church, trusting that God would see me through. Prior to making this decision, I went through a season of jumping on the roller coaster every chance I had. Certainly, there were times where I could feel myself getting off, but I didn't allow myself to get back in line. I jumped back on, into the Word and into the adventure that is the roller coaster.

What I didn't realize is that by making this move, choosing to trust God through this, I was deciding that I would LIVE on the roller coaster. No lines. No waiting. Just all the time, 100% roller coaster. Being on a roller coaster can be fun, but being on it all the time is tough. I have to admit that there has been a recent season where I've stepped off. I've relegated myself to waiting when I KNOW that God wants me on the ride.

I don't have great reasons for this. Insecurity is one, the fear of failure, the ease of wallowing in loneliness and homesickness. But I'm DONE! I'm sick and tired of living in line! Roller coasters may not be easy. You may get a little whiplash, you may feel a little dizzy or shaken up, but more than that, they are EXHILARATING. The God of the universe is exhilarating, awesome, amazing, and beyond compare. I want to live in the stream of his awesomeness. I want to become more like him. I want to engage in an experiment in becoming more awesome (note: awesome here just means super cool, not in any way deserving of awe or praise that belongs only to God).

This experiment has humble beginnings, because it starts in me. But God tells us that all things are possible through him, that he is sufficient to meet our every need. So I am beginning this experiment, believing that He will supply everything I need to complete it. The only thing is, it will be a very, very long experiment.

Even so, I am looking for people who want to join me, who will partner with me, be accountable with me to become more awesome for God. To live out the roller coaster ride that a relationship with God brings. Do you want a roller coaster? Are you sick of living easy in the line? Because the line can be awfully boring and frustrating.

If you'd like to start the experiment with me, here's what you can do:

1. Pray. However you want. I started by confessing to God that I've chosen to live outside of what He's wanted for me. Yes, I felt lame at the beginning. That happens when you've spent time in line. You forget what it's like, putting your hands up in the air and feel kind of dumb to begin with. I promise, it will pass.

2. Read. No, not a magazine. Not Twilight. The BIBLE! This can also help out with the praying. You might want to start somewhere like Luke 8, where it talks about the parable of the sower. We need our spiritual soil to be good so that God's word will take root and flourish. If you've never read the Bible before, start at John 1:1. If you don't have a Bible, you can go to this website and read online. I suggest either the NIV or NLT translations.

3. Share. Post a comment or share with a friend. I would love to be an encouragement to you as you begin this roller coaster ride. I will continue to post, sharing what I'm going through, so you will certainly have an empathic ear! Either way, don't go it alone! It's easy to become frustrated or quit when you feel like you're alone, so get a buddy and help them along as they help you. Like I said, I would love to be your buddy :)

4. Resource. It really helps to spur on your prayer and study time if you have some kind of framework. I know that I get way deeper if I have a guide of sometime to help you along. I have just started going through "Praying God's Word" by Beth Moore. She is seriously legit. There are lots of other good books you can use, though, like "The Purpose-Driven Life." For a better list, click here.

Are you ready? Let's get through waiting, and start the ride!

Mini-adventures to my heart

2010-04-26T20:31:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I know I'm supposed to write part II of "picture," but some crazy, somewhat intriguing things have happened, so I needed to post a (slightly) brief intermission.

I can't believe that only a month ago I was wondering what I was here for and feeling displaced because I didn't have anything to do. These days, I have SO MUCH to do that it sometimes feels that there aren't enough hours in the day. Despite the busyness, though, little adventures have been occurring along the way that remind me of how God is constantly whispering in my ear, reminding me that He knows my heart and has things planned for me. For example:
A few days ago, on the front end of crazy storms and a tornado warning, I found a turtle.

Yes, that's right, a turtle. An Eastern Box Turtle, to be precise. And I think it was a boy. Perhaps it might not seem significant to other people, but this turtle came at a really good time. You see, I don't do very well with tornado warnings and such, and I really needed something to make me feel safe, to remind me of home. One of the things that my "adopted" family likes to do is catch critters they find around the farm (mostly reptiles and amphibians) and keep them as temporary house guests (in a terrarium, of course). They observe the creature, have an opportunity to learn about it, and then release it back into the wild.

So there I was, driving home and worrying about the possibility of a tornado, and I see this cute little turtle sitting in the middle of the road, waiting for, I don't know what. Perhaps he was sunning himself, or perhaps he had decided that he had enough of life. Either way, I wasn't willing to let him be smashed into the pavement, so I stopped my car, picked him up, and took him home.

Then the idea hits me: I can keep the turtle for a couple of days, show him to the kids, have a fun learning opportunity, and then release him back into the wild! Saturday afternoon, I showed the turtle to the kids (as well as everyone else in the "compound") and gave them a bit of box turtle info. Saturday evening, Mr. Turtle was successfully released into the wild, where he is (with any luck) finding himself a Mrs. Turtle so that they can help remedy the declining number of Eastern Box turtles. In my excitement for the turtle, I almost forgot about the tornado warning. Thank you, Jesus!

Fortunately, we stayed safe from the weather. Others in Northern Mississippi were not so lucky. A tornado, 1 1/2 miles wide, destroyed a significant swath of land and homes, and left a few people dead. Among the buildings destroyed was a church that had recently finished rebuilding from a fire that had burned it to the ground. I can't even imagine what that must be like. These people really need our prayers and support, so that they are not overtaken by despair or feelings of futility. So that they feel lifted up, encouraged, and cared for by their brothers and sisters in Christ and in humanity.

Switching gears, a family I have come to know and love is the Trest family. I work in the same building as Adam, who teaches art classes and likes it when I beat him at Scrabble. Brooke (who is not really a Trest), is the sister of Adam's sister-in-law. Make sense? Anyway, Brooke's sister, who really is a Trest (because she's married to Adam's brother), makes these really adorable stuffed animals, dolls, and other things of the adorable genre. Her name is Dawn, and her business is called "hello dearie."

Because she is super amazing, Dawn is giving away a completely wonderful ruffled apron, which I would LOVE to wear while I make food at the cafe'. So I entered her drawing, and you should, too. Check it out at http://www.hellodearie.com

That's all for now!

Picture

2010-04-16T11:05:00.000-07:00

It's been almost four years since I graduated from Cal Poly. Right now I find myself wondering, what have I done with myself since then? It's not enough to just do things, you know? You need to feel like you're building something with your life. I started feeling curious as to what I've been building over the past four years. This seemed like a good opportunity to go on a kind of pictorial tour to remind myself of what I've accomplished with my life since Cal Poly.

I spent a total of ten summers serving at Camp Good News as a counselor, Bible teacher, and missions teacher. I can't even count the number of kids I've worked with during that time, but I do remember some of the more recent ones, kids who touched my life tremendously.

These girls were in the last cabin I had, two years ago. We were the oldest cabin during the last week at Emmanuel Heights. I remember that there was a lot of conflict coming from a couple of the campers, but these wonderful ladies did their utmost to make even the most difficult situation feel lighthearted. The following year, the camper who had caused the most conflict in the cabin wound up accepting Christ and turning her life around in a lot of ways. I've had the privilege of getting to correspond with her a bit, and it's amazing to hear just how much better things have gotten for her. I am certain that God used these girls to speak to her during a difficult time. They certainly were a testimony to God's love in this girl's life.

I also went to grad school. What a challenge! Tons of reading, a big, new, scary city, a new group of people, and all my friends and family far away. I am glad to say that completing this challenge led me to figure out what I love to do: teach. I got to work with some amazing faculty, create quality research, and build a solid foundation for the next chapter of my life. Even though I was glad to leave Sacramento when I did, there are still quality people there who I miss, like my old church family, my thesis advisor, my favorite comm theory professor (pictured), and a few of my fellow students.

After graduating, I took a job at Cuesta where I got to teach lots of fun classes: argumentation & debate, public speaking, and group communication. What a wonderful experience! While it was weird having a former teacher as a colleague, I learned so much during this time about how to reach my students, how to manage relationships with fellow faculty effectively, and how to manage multiple jobs. I also became the asst. manager and, later, manager of the portrait studio. What a crazy time in my life! I learned a lot about handling conflict effectively and having the courage to stand for what is right, no matter what the consequence.

During this time in SLO, I also committed to hiking and exploring all that SLO had to offer. What a wonderful time I had! I hiked and hiked and hiked, sometimes alone, sometimes with friends. I remember one amazing hike where my friend, Yvetta joined me. I think that was one of my favorite memories of our hangouts. We had to cut our hike a bit shorter than intended because it rained, but we had such great conversation and such genuine enjoyment of the trail that it didn't matter. Yvetta actually took this picture on our hike. What an awesome day!

Speaking of friends, I got to build some AMAZING friendships during the past four years, with my family and friends who are as close to me as family. My sister and I have become so much closer since I left Cal Poly, and I love her SO much. I have certainly had to learn how to trust her to God and not take care of everything myself, but I think that both my sis and I have grown from the experience. I can't believe that I got to see her graduate from Poly, too!

Last May, I had the opportunity to spend time with my Dad and drive up to Washington to visit family. What a great time we had! We explored, shot lots of guns, and visited with family. So much fun!

Wow, we're only halfway through, and I'm thinking of more that has happened, so perhaps I should continue on another post! The rest to follow....

A whitewashed tomb?

2010-04-11T15:17:00.000-07:00

I have had a whirlwind of a weekend, and it's been making me think. I drove up to Memphis in the early hours of the morning on Friday to hang out with a friend and attend the Southern States Communication Association conference. During our time there, we visited Graceland, BB King's Blues Cafe' and the National Civil Rights Museum. It was amazing being in a city so rich with history. both good and bad.

One of the things that struck me the most during this visit was a woman who set up a booth outside the Civil Rights Museum. As per the tradition set forth by Dr. King, she was engaging in non-confrontational, nonviolent protest. Her banners read, "You are about to desecrate the memory of Dr. Martin Luther King," and "Boycott the National Civil Rights Museum Now!"

At first I was shocked that someone would dare to make such a controversial statement at a place meant to memorialize the memory of Dr. King and all he stood for, practically at the front door of the museum. But then I decided to take the time and actually evaluate her arguments. What I found surprised me more than I could have anticipated.

Apparently, before Dr. King was shot and the museum was built, the area surrounding the Lorraine Motel was a lower-income, predominantly black area. The Lorraine Motel housed not only guests, but residents. When the museum was built, the residents were forced out of the motel. Adding insult to injury for these residents, the lower income housing was demolished and replaced with high-rise condominiums that none of the area residents would be able to afford.

The displacement of the people originally residing in the neighborhood surrounding the Lorraine Motel is the result of a phenomenon called gentrification. Basically, wealthier people buy up housing in a low-income area and raise rents to the point that the original tenants can no longer afford to live there. While the physical space may become more attractive, the end result is that low income housing is lost. People who may have been living in an area for years and years suddenly find themselves without a home or a neighborhood.

The last resident of the Lorraine Motel, Jacqueline Smith, refused to leave her residence of several years and barricaded herself inside the motel. She was forcibly removed. Ever since, she has protested outside of the Civil Rights Museum. She argues that Dr. King would not have wanted his legacy used to perpetuate the gap between the rich and the poor, that the site of his death would be better put to use as a low-cost college, clinic, or workforce development site.

While I didn't boycott the museum, I did keep Smith's arguments in mind during my tour. I expected to find a reminder of our past and admonitions for the future. Unfortunately, I found much of the former and none of the latter.

During a film I viewed at the museum, one of Dr. King's friends recounted King's deep compassion for the poor and his commitment to redressing economic disparities. In fact, during King's last fatal stay at the Lorraine Motel, he was part of a rally for the Memphis sanitation workers, whose wages were so low that they couldn't afford housing. During that time, King was also involved in a march on Washington, where he and hundreds of other people committed to living in a tent city in Washington, DC, until the government engaged in economic reform.

I found it saddening and ironic that there, at the very site where this great man died because of his deep compassion for the poor, King's legacy was being used as an excuse to displace the very people he came to help. There, where this visionary was gunned down, stands a tomb in memorial of a movement that has yet to reach completion. Sadly, there was no vision for the future contained within this museum, no call to action for our generation.

During King's last speech, known as the "Mountaintop Speech," King said, "...I've been to the mountaintop. And I don't mind. Like anybody, I would like to live a long life. Longevity has its place. But I'm not concerned about that now. I just want to do God's will. And He's allowed me to go up to the mountain. And I've looked over. And I've seen the promised land. I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight, that we, as a people, will get to the promised land."

So I ask you: Does the National Civil Rights Museum fulfill King's legacy? Or is it simply a monument to a promised land that we have yet to reach?

The balcony where King was shot.

The Flood

2010-04-08T20:09:00.000-07:00

God is crazy. Like, crazy good. I've always heard that "God works in mysterious ways," but I'm not sure that I ever fully understood what that means. Perhaps I still don't, but I think I'm getting an idea.

I've been in Mississippi now for almost three months. For more than two of those months, I was very, very unemployed. I searched for jobs, applied for jobs, but nothing really came of it. Then I got a small gig as the market manager for the Laurel Farmer's Market, which starts in June. Not a lot of cash, but something. Then I got another small gig, helping a local building to put together an application for a Mississippi Main Street award. Again, not a lot of cash, but something.

Then, on Sunday, I got word that I was needed at the local cafe'/coffee shop. Minimum wage, but hey, I'll take it! Then today I officially started a gig as a freelance editor for a local web design company, and found out that I'm needed to manage another farmer's market. From no job, to a veritable FLOOD of employment: market manager, barista, freelance editor, all at once. I'm telling you, this is CRAZY!

So here is my question: why, when I felt the need for work, when I was going crazy and WANTED work more than anything, why was it that at that time I couldn't get a job, despite my plethora of qualifications? Why is it that all at once, I get a crazy amount of work, most of which I didn't even seek out? I'm telling you, God is crazy. He knows everything.

He knew that I needed time to rest; He knew that I needed to acclimate myself to my surroundings; He knew that I needed to have jobs in Laurel where our ministry is and not where the big job market is. He knew that I would be all too eager to take whatever job sounded good, whether or not it was really good for me. He knew. Everything.

This is MY downtown, with my cafe' in the green 4-story building.

So here I am, with yet another set of qualifications to pad my already brimming resume. I'm not bragging. It's just the truth. I'm working the type of job I always secretly envied others but was afraid to try; happily plugging away for minimum wage in a legit cafe with a colorful set of regulars and a staff that feels like family. And what's crazier is that I actually seem to be GOOD at it. After only three days on the job, I find myself negotiating the cafe with ease, handling orders, finding whatever work needs to be done, and being an asset to those around me. Being a blessing in my workplace. I love it.

So perhaps the next time I feel stranded and desperate in my situation I'll remember the story of the flood. No, not Noah's flood. Mine. My flood of employment that appeared out of nowhere when I was stranded in a desert of free time and unemployment. I'll remember that God provides the means to fulfill a purpose when you take the time to recall what your purpose is. Mine is to serve, the way that He came to serve me.

So if you find yourself in Mississippi, come on in and see me. I make a mean raspberry truffle latte, if you don't mind my saying so. And I make it with a smile. =)

News

2010-04-05T07:16:00.001-07:00

Spring fashion week may be over, but I'm determined that my blogging will not end with it. This is such an amazing time in life (since I've moved to a new place and am having so many new experiences) that I really should be writing them all down.

Yesterday was the official launch service for our church (Agape Church). What a crazy day, but what a blessed day, too! I had the mother of one of my toddlers tell me that her daughter has been asking all week when she can come back to church, because she has so much fun. I think that's the biggest compliment I could ever get!

It's interesting working with toddlers, because their attention span is so limited. As a college-level teacher, I've been trained to create lesson plans with transitions, facilitate meaningful discussion, and plan pretty much everything. But with toddlers, you can't do that. It's as if I'm learning to teach in a new way, where I have to be even more sensitive to my "students" in order to find, rather than plan the opportunities to have a discussion (as much as they can discuss) that leads to a real teaching moment.

I think the bigger picture is that, while we may not have lots of intriguing, probing, intellectual talks, there are teaching moments everywhere with these kids: in the way we treat each other, in the way I am helping them to share, in the stories we read, the games we play, and even in our snack time. Learning to be sensitive to these teaching moments, I think, is making me a better teacher because I am learning to pay even more attention to my students, instead of plowing forward in my curriculum willy-nilly.

And who could resist those adorable faces? I love my little munchkins so much, that I don't think I'd trade my Sundays with them for anything.

Spring Fashion Sunday - Happy Easter!

2010-04-04T14:16:00.000-07:00

I'm so sad that Spring fashion week is at a close, but I am so glad to have had the opportunity to dust off my blog and participate in such a fun event. Thanks, Emery!

Because I work with the toddlers at church, I don't really get to wear "fun" clothing. So as soon as we got home, I was itching to shed the t-shirt and capris in favor of something more Easter...country style.

Eyelet lace on a fun white country style sundress with a cropped denim jacket, boots and a bright, cheery scarf. What a fun way to spend Easter!

Here is some of the detail on the bodice of the dress. I'm a fan of little touches, so the buttons on the jacket really make me happy...they FEEL country!

I busted out my favorite blue earrings to complement the scarf. So much fun!

Thanks for sharing all of your fashion with me this week, ladies, and for all of your loving comments. You're the best!!!

Saturday spring fashion!!!!

2010-04-03T15:08:00.000-07:00

Wow, the PBR was GREAT! We got to head into the arena and backstage afterward, thanks to our friend, Clayton, who produces the show. SO MUCH FUN!!! And I got pictures with some good-looking riders :) I joked to my friend, Suzanne, that it was the largest gathering of attractive men I've seen since moving to Mississippi. Go PBR!

Today I had a few things on my list: manicure, lunch, scoping stores for kid's church supplies, and working on some freelance editing. I needed an outfit that would go easily all those places, and I think I found it!!!

I love the gathers on the shirt, and pink shoes rock!

Finishing touch: a big bead necklace. So fun!

Top - Cato
Denim Skirt - Mervyn's (RIP)
Shoes - ?
Leggings - Forever 21
Bead Necklace - Kohl's

Also, I just found out that I had TWO submissions accepted to the National Communication Association conference in November. San Francisco, here I come!!!

Friday already?

2010-04-02T09:35:00.000-07:00

I can't believe that it's already Friday and spring fashion week is quickly coming to a close. I am writing this post reallyreally quickly because I'm about to head off to the beach in Waveland to watch a friend do some kite surfing and to work on getting a little more color. Don't worry, I ALWAYS use sunscreen!

Later tonight, I'll be headed over to New Orleans to see the PBR! I am so excited I could just squeal! Because of these two very fun events, I have two very fun outfits and have snapped pics of them both! It's like a great two-for-one deal: one post, two fun springtime ensembles, albeit from very different genres.

Beach first:

I got this top a few days ago in New Orleans, and it's so fun and cheery! This and the cardigan I wore yesterday are the only two yellow pieces I have. The sarong I purchased in Hawaii several years ago, and I love busting it out when the weather gets warm!

I love the blingy details on the top, and it went perfectly with the yellow hibiscus on the sarong! I have a pair of denim shorts underneath, but you can't see them.

Of course, for the beach you HAVE to do a ponytail, and I did...just differently. I chose wood earrings to contrast with the bright shirt and play up the minimal brown accents in the skirt.

And no beach outfit would be complete without a simple, durable pair of flip flops!

Top & cami - Lane Bryant
Sarong - ?
Shorts - Lane Bryant
Flip flops - OP
Earrings - Cato

Now, on to the rodeo...

I love prints that feel western, and this top is just perfect...western feel without being button-up plaid! I also love that it combines black and brown, one of my favorite combos!

You also HAVE to have a good pair of boots. A friend gave me these a couple of years ago, and I've kept them nicer than my Ariats. I wait to wear these when I'm going someplace "nicer." I think the PBR qualifies!

And here are the finishing touches: black chandelier earrings and a simple sparkly black necklace that I hooked in front to make it look kind of like a bolo tie. So fun!

Top - Cato
Earrings - ?
Necklace - ?
Boots - Wrangler
Boot-cut jeans - Lane Bryant

See you ladies again soon, AFTER I've spent some time amongst the..."ropes and the reins and the joy and the pain, and they call the thing RODEOOOOOOOOOO!"

Spring Fashion Thursday

2010-04-01T09:47:00.000-07:00

Tonight, the Farmer's Market in Hattiesburg kicks off, which warrants a super special ensemble. It is also a beautiful, warm, sunny day, so I wanted my outfit to reflect the soft, lovely vestiges of spring that I see popping up everywhere.

I got this cardigan a couple of weeks ago. It was one of my first Mississippi clothing purchases, and it was well worth it! It reminds me of sunshine and daffodils-perfect for spring!

This linen top was a summertime buy, but I was ready to get it out of the closet now! It ties on one side with a white ribbon, and the tiered layers of fabric are soft and flattering.

I wanted to continue with the spring colors, so blue circle earrings seemed to be a good fit. With a cardigan and wedges, I felt like a semi-50's hairstyle would work. Simple and sweet.

Of course, no springtime outfit would be complete without the perfect pair of shoes! I LOVE these wedges, with their blue and green floral print, and they are so comfortable! Great for perusing the farmer's market!

Cardigan - Kato
Top - Lane Bryant
Earrings - ?
Necklace - ?
Floral print wedges - Target
Bermuda shorts - Lane Bryant

Happy spring fashion, ladies! When you see me next, I will have been stuffed to the gills with fresh produce. I can't wait!!!

*Addendum - I apologize sincerely for the typographical error on the link from Emery's blog. Clearly, it should have read "It's springtime in Mississippi." I somehow missed the apostrophe in "It's" on the link, and I am sorely ashamed of myself. Deepest apologies.

Spring Fashion Wednesday

2010-03-31T14:41:00.000-07:00

Wow, what a busy day today has been! I went to the job fair at JCJC (which was a bust), went to Lee's for some hangout/work time and then headed home to take some pics for Spring Fashion Week.

I am lucky enough to have a friend who enjoys photography but doesn't have a nice camera, so I persuaded him to take some fun outdoor pictures for today's post. I was getting really tired of using the 10-second timer in my bedroom. So limiting!

Today was a beautiful Mississippi spring day and we had a LOT of fun taking pictures. My little friend Samuel even jumped in for one of the pictures!

Today's outfit had to be interview appropriate because of the job fair, but I also wanted to incorporate some fun colors and enjoy the nice weather.

I chose to pair a safari jacket with a graphic print dress, blue iridescent earrings, and the fun shoes that I wore on Monday.

I love accessorizing, and these earrings were just perfect! They picked up the sunlight and added some pop to the outfit. I got them for only $3.99! Can you believe it!?

The jacket opens so that you can see the detail of the dress; I love the empire waistline and gathering at the bust. So cute!

Here is my friend Samuel, who zipped over on his scooter and asked to be part of the shoot. Of course, I had to oblige! How could you resist that face?

Another feature of this outfit I love is the fun detail in the jacket: oversized buttons, a little oomph in the sleeves, and the belt that ties in front.

And because I love the earrings so much, I just had to include this one!

Safari Jacket - Gitano
Dress - Ross
Shoes - Madden Girl
Earrings - Cato

Thanks, Ben, for humoring me and taking such great pics! You rock!

Spring Fashion Week: Day 2

2010-03-30T11:59:00.000-07:00

Last night I drove to New Orleans, only to watch the Lakers LOSE to the Hornets. Sad. However, Spring Fashion Week is still going strong. Happy!

What would spring be without flowy shirts, colorful ballet flats, and prints and hairstyles that pay homage to times gone past? It would be awfully sad, that's for sure. So today I have attempted to pay fashion tribute to all of these things, that I so dearly love.

I got this shirt at Lane Bryant last summer. It quickly became a favorite because (1) I love the colors, (2) it's very forgiving, and (3) it's uber comfortable. It also makes me feel a little like a hippie, which is always fun.

These super-amazing shoes I found at Target, and they are possibly my favorite shoes EVER. I love the braided looking detail and the bright, cheery color.

Also, I heard that braids were making a comeback, so I decided to engage in some experimentation. It's been awhile since my hair was long enough to braid like this. Yay!

In summary:
Top - Lane Bryant
Cami - Lane Bryant
Jeans - Kohl's
Shoes - Target
Earrings - ???
Hair - Jesus

Spring fashion week take 1

2010-03-29T11:03:00.001-07:00

I've never tried something like this before, but I love clothes and I love
spring, so I'm joining Emery's spring fashion week!
It works like this: post a pic of your spring fashion wear each day this week and post a link to Emery's blog. I think there may be a drawing where a winner gets a prize.
Yay, prizes!

Here is my first attempt:

Things I love: the shoes (Madden Girl), the necklace (forever 21) and the forgiving nature of leggings (also forever 21). I got this skirt forever ago, I think at Gottschalks, and I love the print. I usually dress it up for church or such, but decided it would be even more fun to wear dressed down with a denim jacket.

In other news: I'm going to watch the Lakers play in New Orleans tonight. Woohoo!!!!

2009-11-08T18:20:00.000-08:00

I've always hated conflict. Confrontation scares me. So the idea of approaching someone who is confrontational in order to manage a conflict straight up freaks me out. But that is what I have to do tomorrow: I have to confront a fellow manager in order to successfully manage a particularly difficult conflict. Oy.

It would be so much easier to "get it off of my chest" by complaining to fellow employees, managers, etc. But the Bible clearly states that if we have grievances against each other, we must approach each other in love to try and resolve the issue. The only problem is that this is SUCH a scary thing for me. I think that this is because growing up, confrontation and conflict resolution always happened in a very heated, defensive manner.

Now I'm not saying that it's not good to seek counsel, because wise counsel can be a good, good thing! The line gets crossed, though, when we move from truly seeking counsel to gossiping about an issue. The line there is so thin, the shift is so subtle, but the change in heart is so obvious. It is when we move from desiring to solve an issue in love to condemning out of self-righteousness. And self-righteousness, condemnation, and gossip are three dark, twisty things that I have been DESPERATELY trying to root out of my life.

So I have to face my fear. I have to confront the conflict, head-on. In love. Being as wise as a serpent and as gentle as a dove. It's a delicate dance between kindness and cunning that's terribly tricky, but I'm going to try. Because I know that if I don't, I'll wish I had. And I know that if I do, my efforts will be blessed.

2009-07-11T16:38:00.000-07:00

I feel as though each time I revisit this page, it's with a word of apology because I have spent so long away from it. But I can't apologize this time, because there is SO MUCH I have been accomplishing lately that I can't even begin to feel bad about not blogging. I think perhaps I'm beginning to feel really, truly comfortable in my own skin, which helps me feel as though my contributions to the blogosphere, few and far between though they may be, are enough.

Right now I'm sitting in Mojo Coffee in Goleta, taking a short break from my thesis. Working on my thesis this past week and a half, while living with my aunt, uncle, and cousins, has given me some real insight into what it takes to accomplish a big goal. At first it felt insurmountable. But now, as I've been working on my thesis, chipping away at it bit by bit, it feels completely under control. And I've come to realize the deep truth of that timeless question and its accompanying answer: "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time."

Truly, each time I have made the choice to sit down and work, I've felt like I'm taking a bite of my elephantine thesis. And each time I walk away, I feel as though I can see it getting smaller, more manageable, and I can see the end in sight. It strikes me how this is so true of every goal we try to accomplish in life: the only way to manage a dream or goal the size of an elephant is to take one bite, one step, at a time.

I think this is true of relationships, too, and especially my relationship with God. I can't expect to "feel" like I know God all at once. It comes from little choices along the way, little steps taken in an attempt to get closer to Him. Each small step taken is one step closer than we were before, and nothing can take that progress away. The beautiful thing about God is that He honors each step we have taken toward Him. We never have to try to "get back to where we were before." We just have to make the choice to continue our journey toward Him, take a few more steps, and we suddenly realize that we already are right where we were before.

So just like the work I've done on my thesis, I'm going to keep on picking up where I left off before, trusting that Jesus will honor me as I keep tottering toward Him like a baby learning how to walk. And eventually, as I keep on keeping on, those steps will get stronger until I find that I'm walking with God, not toward Him, with the sure steps of a seasoned traveler. And the God that I wanted so badly to know? I'll find that He is no longer an abstraction, but closest friend, walking step by step with me down life's winding road.

I've lost a friend...and I don't know why.

2009-05-01T10:42:00.000-07:00

There are a lot of things I can handle. There are a lot of things I probably put up with that I shouldn't. But one thing that absolutely KILLS me is being spoken to in a disrespectful manner, and for me, that includes having curse words directed at me.

Now, I don't mean to say that I can't handle the odd expletive tossed in a conversation in the heat of the moment. I can, and a lot of my friends do. But when someone systematically curses about me, my thoughts, my actions, or at me, I just shut down. At that point, I can't even HEAR the person because the cursing is so painful for me to hear.

I have a friend who chooses to curse. I have handled it just fine over the past two years that I've known this person. But he never cursed regarding ME until just recently, and when I asked him not to, he blew a gasket.

"I will not be censored," he said, as if I were trying to strip him of his right to free expression. That's fine. Express yourself all you want, but don't expect me to listen when the object of your curse words are me, my thoughts, and my actions.

Why is cursing so important to some people? Have I seriously just lost a friend because the right to curse is more important than a friendship of two years? And more disturbing to me is this: Have I been so blind as to not see this person's true colors these past two years? Have I really not seen the part of him that finds it acceptable to repeatedly hurt a friend by using language that is offensive and cutting? What does that say about ME?

I will say one thing: I'm going to be much more careful now about the people I share with, the people I let into the deep parts of my life. Because finding out that the person who you thought was your friend is actually capable of scrapping an entire friendship because he values cursing over you is almost too much to handle.