Random Thoughts of Genius

A Prayer for the New School Year

2010-08-23T14:17:00.006-04:00

Now I sit me down in school
Where praying is against the rule
For this great nation under God
Finds mention of Him very odd.

If Scripture now the class recites,
It violates the Bill of Rights.
And anytime my head I bow
Becomes a Federal matter now.

Our hair can be purple, orange or green,
That's no offense; it's a freedom scene.
The law is specific, the law is precise.
Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.

For praying in a public hall
Might offend someone with no faith at all.
In silence alone we must meditate,
God's name is prohibited by the state.

We're allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,
And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks.
They've outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible.
To quote the Good Book makes me liable.

We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,
And the 'unwed daddy,' our Senior King.
It's "inappropriate" to teach right from wrong,
We're taught that such "judgments" do not belong.

We can get our condoms and birth controls,
Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles.
But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,
No word of God must reach this crowd.

It's scary here I must confess,
When chaos reigns the school's a mess.
So, Lord, this silent plea I make:
Should I be shot; My soul please take!

Amen

I Never Have The Cool Halloween Costume

2009-11-05T13:08:00.002-05:00

While I was trying to figure out whether to dress up as balloon boy or maybe some dead celebrity (the most popular trend this year BTW) a 20-year-old Cincinnati man dressed as a Breathalyzer test. As ironic as it sounds, he later found himself blowing into one when Oxford police picked him up on suspicion of drunk driving Halloween night.

Oxford police arrested James P. Miller after allegedly finding him driving the wrong way down a one-way street with no headlights at about 1:30 a.m. Nov. 1., according to a police report. Miller, who was allegedly stuffing his mouth with chewing gum, told the officer he did not have anything to drink that night, according to police. Police found an open container of beer in the center console, a partial case of beer on the passenger side front seat and more beer in the trunk of the car, according to the report. Miller also had multiple Ohio driver licenses, police said. Miller was taken to the Oxford police department, where he blew a 0.158 percent blood alcohol level – nearly twice the legal limit. Not bad considering he didn't even drink that night...lol.

It makes you wonder though if when he got pulled over that maybe he thought the cops were actually just in costume.

Just a Matter of Perspective

2009-08-27T06:58:00.002-04:00

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude".

She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican". "I am," replied the man. "How did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be an Obama Democrat." "I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?" "Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."

WAKE UP AMERICA!!!!

Arrested For Possession of Illegal Fireworks?

2009-08-12T15:52:00.001-04:00

OK, so there’s a little more to the story than that. In Salem, Oregon a burglary suspect confronted inside a garage was arrested wearing only underwear, and police said they weren't even his.

Marion County sheriff's deputies said they responded to a call from a woman late Monday night who said her boyfriend had caught a burglar in their garage and was holding him for police. Deputies said the man was wearing nothing but the woman's underwear. They later located large garbage bags full of women's clothing, underwear, shoes and accessories in the suspect's garage in the same neighborhood.

Deputies charged a 47-year-old man with burglary, theft, criminal trespass and possession of illegal fireworks.I love when they throw on an extra charge just for good measure… especially when they are humorous. Wonder what it was…. A sparkler maybe?

Men Are Not Choosy About One-Night Stands

2009-08-11T15:42:00.001-04:00

I know that I’ve beaten this horse before… so many times that it’s probably unrecognizable… but they’ve done it again. Someone has actually funded another stupid research project that falls into the “No Shit Sherlock” category. I guess there’s a tad bit of jealousy in my voice because I secretly would love to spend years proving (or heck … disproving, for that matter) something that has no value whatsoever to society… and to get paid in the meantime.

Achim Schützwohl of Brunel University (my new secret hero) and his colleagues surveyed nearly 900 students and came up with the conclusion that men are not choosy in one-night stands. The research suggests men are far less choosy about the attractiveness of a potential one-night stand however for women to be tempted into considering casual sex, their standards actually go up. So basically men want sex and women are picky… sounds right to me.

I guess the next thing they are going to do is to research on the Nachtmann Theory of Dating (based on no actual particular person or events). As I remember it stated:

1. Go ugly early… if you are going to end up with her anyway you might as well maximize the time.

2. If a girl is below your standards …. It’s time to reevaluate your standards and adjust as necessary to the situation.

3. And last but not least… no girl is too ugly… with your balls on her chin.

Look I didn’t make them up and we were young or they’d be called the Crader Theory of Dating. I can honestly say I never even practiced that theory. I guess I had my own theories…until next time I’ll be researching whether or not kids whose parents lift the toilet seat perform better on college placement exams than those whose parents leave the seat down.

Milwaukee’s Best, A Riding Lawnmower and a DUI in Belleville

2009-08-07T06:53:00.004-04:00

With a revoked license because of a previous drunken-driving conviction, Dennis Cretton shouldn't drive. But authorities said that didn't stop the 49-year-old man from drunkenly driving up to a gas station for more beer — on his yellow riding lawnmower.

I grew up close to Belleville and for some reason I have to say that this doesn’t really surprise me. I actually found it quite humorous as I could visualize this whole incident. It’s not that DUI is funny but I always have to chuckle a little when I read about somebody’s ingenious way to obtain the beer. For some reason, it always seems to be Milwaukee’s Best, Schaefer, Busch or one of the other finer lagers (that can be scored for less than $10 a case). I guess I’ll have to add that to my list of “phrases that you know can’t end good”.

o “Come here ya’ll… watch this!”
o “Get on my lawnmower. We’ll go for a ride.”

Everytime I read an article like this it reminds me that you must be tough if you're going to be stupid.

George Sodini Blog Contents ... One Sick Puppy

2009-08-06T09:37:00.008-04:00

A man who sprayed bullets into a fitness class filled with women he didn't know, killing three and then himself, kept a Web page in which he wrote about years of rejection by women and left behind notes describing his inability to get a girlfriend, police said Wednesday.

After reading the contents of his blog, I had to take a few moments to reflect on what society has become. I think the hardest pill to swallow is that it seems like the nutcases out there aren't content in just taking their own life but rather need to go down in a blaze of glory and get media attention. They just seem to crave notoriety. I just don't understand that. In my world there are two options and only two options... the first is success and if that doesn't work.. you try harder. Failure is not an option. Of course, I guess he had the same principals but wanted a different outcome.

I feel sorry for the families and friends of the victims for they have truly lost something... something they will never get back. As for the rest of the world, we have also lost something... innocence. Once again we have taken another step in the wrong direction. In keeping with recent tradition, the next guy will have to "one-up" George Sodini so he can carve his own name into history. I just pray that it doesn't directly affect my family, friends or myself.

Here's a thought... if there is anyone else out there that thinks they need to murder innocent people over not getting some for the last few years (or 19 ... whatever) just drop me an email and I'll send you the money so you can go and get a hooker or something. Life is too precious.

Girls Gone Wild…. With Krazy Glue

2009-08-04T08:03:00.004-04:00

They say hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Apparently it's true as three women in Wisconsin found there own unique use for Krazy Glue… and it wasn’t nice. I guess that will teach this cheating husband a good lesson... or maybe not.

Three women exacted a painful revenge on a cheating husband they discovered had been sleeping with them all at the same time - by superglueing his private parts. The angry women lured married father Donessa Davis to a motel where they decided to humiliate him. The ambush was set up by the man's wife after she discovered he had been cheating on her with as many as five women.

Instant Krazy Glue a super-strong, fast-drying adhesive was introduced to the North American market in 1973. Most people recognize Instant Krazy Glue's® brand as THE instant glue that can bond anything from china and collectibles to holiday wreaths and model trains. While the folks at Krazy Glue many different uses for their wildly popular product, I don’t think this is one of them. Get a load of what these charming ladies used it for.

Tatum O'Neal Flirted With By Her Dad??

2009-08-03T15:12:00.004-04:00

Some stuff is just so sad that it is funny.. in a sick and demented way. I can't even make up stories as good as this. Apparently Ryan O'Neal flirted with his daughter Tatum at Farrah's funeral. Apparently he had not recognized her as he states "I had just put the casket in the hearse and was watching it drive away," O'Neal, 68, said, "when a beautiful blond woman comes up and embraces me. I said to her, 'You have a drink on you? You have a car?' She said, 'Daddy, it's me -- Tatum!"

My favorite line from the article is "I was just trying to be funny with a strange Swedish woman, and it's my daughter," O'Neal said. "It's so sick." Not sure what was sick here, was it that it turned out to be his daughter or that he was trying to get some at his wife's funeral.

In what will turn out to be a "Loser Father of the Year" nominee answer, Ryan was asked if he's sorry he had children, O'Neal nodded and said, "A couple of them I would take back."

The actor recounted the bizarre encounter in the September issue of Vanity Fair magazine, which hits stands this week. Hopefully, we can get it in Magazine Hawk soon for purchase.

I'm not sure what is worse.. hitting on your daughter, not recognizing your daughter or doing both and admitting it. I do like Tatum though... Until the next time I'm outta here.

I'm In The Wrong Profession....

2009-07-30T16:41:00.003-04:00

Being an Engineer sounded like a good choice... the pay is fair, the work is challenging and overall it is not a bad gig.... until I found out what a better life I would have as a research scientist. All you have to do is research some oddity, make a hypothesis and twist the numbers in your favor. All the while you can have the government pick up the tab in the way of a grant.

First case: Researchers determine that calcium rich dairy may prolong life. This study was 65 years in the making...65 fricking years!!! One study for some scientist to work on his entire life... and what did he do? He studied over 4300 people and how they died and determined that those that had diets high in dairy products were less likely to die from a stroke... OK.. so here's Curt's little analogy... little Johnny drinks milk (and he learns to like it) .... little Curt .... not so much a milk liker and likes the beer a little more ... my hypothesis those that like milk are generally more concerned about there health and probably are less likely to die from a stroke... heck, they may even exercise!!! OK so there are my findings and I did it for alot less money and it only took a few minutes. Where's my check??

Second case: The Arm Swinging Riddle is Solved! Have you ever wondered why you swing your arms when you walk? Are you kidding me? Who has time to think about such stupid crap? (BTW, I personally have never even thought about this question.. Ok maybe once but I was at work so time was not an issue) Apparently researchers finally released the answer to this riddle on Wednesday .... it's to save energy. By swinging your arms you save metabolic energy. Now I'm betting somehow this is funded under a "Green Energy" grant and pretty soon we will soon be seeing public service announcements that urge us to swing our arms when we walk to save energy and they'll have cool facts like if everyone swings there arms when they walk for just 20 minutes a day we will reduce greenhouse grasses by 23.6% or something totally ridiculous. Again, Curt''s take on this... we swing our arms when we walk because if we didn't we would look like big dorks and we'd get beat up at an early age. However, I also think that maybe if you don't drink milk you should walk without swinging your arms for the additional work and you will probably be less likely to die from a stroke.

Truthfully though, I know these scientists put alot of effort into these studies and have made them their life I don't mean to belittle them but.... you have to be kidding me!!

Until next time I'll be out researching whether or not hearing the sounds of thunder at an early age have any effect on your ability to play role-playing computer games while sitting next to a washing machine in the spin cycle. I'm still looking for funding for this project so like the cup at 7/11 says "need a penny.. take a penny.. have a penny... leave a penny" but for now the cup is empty.

Today's Dose of Reality

2009-07-29T06:44:00.002-04:00

As I sat down with my morning coffee trying to catch up with the world around me it hit me like a brick of ricks… the storyline that is. Police in Massachusetts are trying to figure out who killed an expectant mother, removed a fetus from her womb and then dumped her body in the closet.

There is nothing quite like waking up and reading about the harsh cruelty and senselessness of a crime like this. It’s at times like this that I really worry about our society and what is going wrong with the world. The truly unfortunate reality to stories like this are that we’ve seen them before and it seems like you can’t read the news without running across another case of senseless crime with no respect for human life. I pray for the woman’s family and hope the suspect can be found and prosecuted in a timely manner.

An Eye For an Eye ... At Least That's My Opinion

2009-07-22T15:34:00.005-04:00

What kinds of morons are having kids? Shouldn't there be a test or something before allowed to procreate?

In a cluttered Ohio mobile home, three people have been accused of letting rats bite a 6-week-old girl and chew off her toes. Pike County prosecutor Rob Junk says the baby's toes on one foot were gone when sheriff's deputies went to the home Sunday after receiving an anonymous tip.

A married couple and the 18-year-old boyfriend of the baby's mother (a juvenile) are charged with felony child endangering. They were in court for an initial hearing Tuesday. They're jailed pending a plea hearing in two weeks.

Fortunately, the baby is in fair condition at a Columbus hospital. Unfortunately, the babies parents are probably OK too.

I don't know about you but I think a lengthy sentence in a cold, dark rat-infested jail cell should do the trick.

The E15 Farce - How It Is Actually Increasing Our Dependence On Foreign Oil

2009-06-25T07:11:00.002-04:00

After reading this article hopefully you’ll agree that we finally found something that both supporters and opponents of global warming can agree upon. We need to stop the production of corn-based E15 because this product harms both the planet and your wallet. It’s time for science to prevail over myths and political nonsense.

Using BTU rating (a basis of determining energy content of a fuel), we will look at how we are actually using more gas by switching to E15. The typical BTU Rating per gallon of regular gasoline is 114,100 BTU. The BTU Rating per gallon of E15 (85-percent gasoline and 15-percent ethanol) is 81,800 BTU. Therefore to produce the same amount of energy as one gallon of gasoline it will require 1.40 gallons of E15.

To put that in perspective, let’s take the example of two neighbors that both have identical vehicles except that one uses regular gasoline and the other uses E15. For the sake of argument let’s say both vehicles get 30 miles per gallon. On the weekend both families decide to take a trip from Jacksonville to Orlando for a weekend outing. The total mileage for the trip will be around 450 miles including mileage around town.

The Johnson Family, using regular gasoline priced at $2.50 a gallon, will require 15 gallons of gas for the trip therefore costing them $37.50 in fuel costs.

The Crader family, using the E15 gasoline priced at $2.50 also, will require 21 gallons of gas (since the BTU output is much smaller hence 1.4 times 15 gallon) therefore costing them $52.50 in fuel costs. This results in an increase to my wallet of $15. OK so it costs more but it must be good, right? And it must be saving our oil inventories by keeping demand low.

Wrong… and now this should get the support of the global-warming crowd. Of the 21 gallons of E15 used by the Crader family, its content by volume is 17.85 gallons gasoline and 3.15 gallons ethanol (using 85% gas and 15% ethanol). Ooops… so by saving the planet using E15 you actually used 2.85 gallons more gasoline than the person using gasoline alone, in this the case the Johnsons. This does not include the energy to produce and deliver the ethanol.

If anyone can tell me how this will make us less depended on foreign oil, I am waiting for the answer. The EPA has extended deadline for comments on their ill-advised proposal to raise the ethanol content in gasoline from 10 percent to 15 percent. Based on both my above examples and a California study that shows that burning ethanol is actually more harmful to the earth than gasoline, you need to contact the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), the President and all your members of Congress and let them know you want the proper thing done, which is not to raise the ethanol content of gasoline, but remove it entirely.

The EPA can be contacted through its Web site at www.epa.gov or by calling (202) 554-1600 (Reference: Docket ID Number EPA-HQ-OAR-2009-0211).

President Barack Obama's staff can be reached at (202) 456-1414.

Only In America....

2009-06-23T07:09:00.004-04:00

I love my country with all my heart and will fight until the bitter end to uphold the Constitution but a few things have just struck me the wrong way.

Only in America ….

Do we spend billions because we can't let GM and Chrysler go bankrupt, and then we let GM and Chrysler go bankrupt.

Can Congress force Fannie and Freddie to buy subprime loans, then blame Fannie and Freddie for buying subprime loans, then fire the CEO's with giant severance packages and then nationalize the companies so the tax payers can pay off all the debt!!

Can a financial crisis require swift action by Congress to pass a bill without reading it, then they go on vacation for three days before the President finds the time to sign it.

Can you be legally illegal.

Can Congress make laws that they don't have to, or intend to, follow.

Can you get a tax refund for taxes you didn't pay.

Can politicians blame others for their own failures.

Do you have more rights being illegal than you do if you're legal.

Can you be 13 and have an abortion without telling your parents, but you must have a written note from your parent explaining why you missed school.

Do we worry about 3 guys that get water up their noses, while their associates are beheading captives and blowing up crowds of people with suicide bombers.

Whatever goes wrong will always be President Bush's fault.

Wake Up America! It’s time for you to make a change. Don’t sit idly by letting politicians decide your fate without your input. Contact your congressman today and let them know how you feel and what you want.

Modern Day Credit Crisis ... A Realist View

2009-06-15T15:37:00.003-04:00

I had this forwarded to me and absolutely love it. Unfortunately, I do not know who the original author is to give him credit.

It is the month of June; a resort town sits next to the shores of a lake. It is raining, and the little town looks totally deserted. It is tough times, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit. Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town. He enters the only hotel, lays a 100 dollar bill on the reception counter, and goes to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one.

The hotel proprietor takes the 100 dollar bill and runs to pay his debt to the butcher. The Butcher takes the 100 dollar bill, and runs to pay his debt to the pig raiser. The pig raiser takes the 100 dollar bill, and runs to pay his debt to the supplier of his feed and fuel. The supplier of feed and fuel takes the 100 dollar bill and runs to pay his debt to the town's prostitute that in these hard times, gave her "services" on credit. The hooker runs to the hotel, and pays off her debt with the 100 dollar bill to the hotel proprietor to pay for the rooms that she rented when she brought her clients there.

The hotel proprietor then lays the 100 dollar bill back on the counter so that the rich tourist will not suspect anything. At that moment, the rich tourist comes down after inspecting the rooms, and takes his 100 dollar bill, after saying that he did not like any of the rooms, and leaves town.

No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now without debt, and looks to the future with a lot of optimism. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the United States Government is doing business today.

Whew… Now That’s a Relief

2009-05-13T15:33:00.002-04:00

For years I thought that Hugh Hefner was cutting edge or maybe as a society we were some freakish statistical anomaly with sex on the brain but apparently it’s been going on for a long time. That’s right… the obsession with naked women has been around for 35,000 years and now there is proof (like I really needed that).

In Germany, archeologists have discovered a carved ivory statue of a naked female dating back at least 35,000 years. Even more interesting is its extreme exaggeration of sexual characteristics that even by twenty-first-century standards could be seen as bordering on the pornographic. Apparently our ancestors from 35,000 years ago even had their Larry Flynt. For those interested these characteristics include large, projecting breasts, a greatly enlarged and explicit vulva, and bloated belly and thighs. I’ll include a picture if it really helps but I can’t make much out of it either. (Just my opinion but guys always seem a little more picture oriented, hence why Hugh and Larry are so rich)

I’m not a scientist but I’m pretty sure that our obsession (from a man’s point of view) with naked women probably goes back to the day God gave us a brain and a penis but at least now we have a little indisputable scientific proof it’s been around for a while. I theorize that it is possible that we didn’t really become that obsessed with naked women until much later… like after razors were invented. I don’t think so though. I’ve seen the Playboys from the 60’s and apparently razors were not around then either but still we persevered with our unswerving devotion to naked women.

So tilt your glass, take a swig and enjoy the pleasure of viewing naked women knowing that for 35,000 years men have enjoyed the same inclination. You can always find an old issue of Playboy at Magazine Hawk.

Some day I will get to be a scientist though!!

Happy 20th Birthday Nintendo Gameboy

2009-04-27T13:54:00.002-04:00

The game system we grew up is celebrating another birthday yet it still seems as new as the day it was released, albeit through an occasional facelift or two. It’s been twenty years since the release of Nintendo’s finger-numbing handheld video game. It’s almost impossible to believe but this little electronic gem sold an estimated 200 million units worldwide.

In a time when video games had moved from the arcades into family homes, the original Game Boy sold for 80 dollars (at today's exchange rate) and was the first portable console with changeable game cartridges. It was marketed as "35 hours of games in your pocket with just four batteries." The Game Boy was first associated with games ranging from Tetris to the endless adventures of Pikachu and its Pocket Monsters friends but has since kicked off a revolution in gaming software.

Consoles of the Game Boy series including the Pocket, Lite and Color versions have since sold 118 million units, while the follow-up Game Boy Advance series sold 82 million consoles. Nintendo’s portable consoles have grown up with their users and in 2004 Nintendo launched the dual-screen or DS portable console, which has since sold more than 100 million units around the world.

So here’s to you Nintendo for designing such a great game system and providing a 24-hour babysitting service for our youth for the last 20 years. Maybe next year, I’ll take the Gameboy out to the strip club, pop a frosty and from then on he’ll be known as Gameman.

Reflection on the Columbine Tragedy

2009-04-20T08:16:00.004-04:00

It’s been ten years since the massacre at Columbine High School in Littleton Colorado. On that unforgettable day, two Goth-obsessed loners, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, went on a shooting rampage and killed 12 of their classmates and a teacher, injured 23 others and then turned their guns on themselves.

The Columbine tragedy left a lasting mark on many Americans, probably because of the media's around-the-clock coverage in the days and weeks following the shooting. It was the top news story of 1999 and I would venture to say that nothing else stunned Americans in this fashion until September 11th two years later. Some days in life you just remember like it was yesterday. Do you remember where were you when JFK was assassinated, or when the Space Shuttle Challenger exploded or on September 11th? This would be one of those days.

On April 20, 1999 I was teaching students at Navy Nuclear Power School in Orlando Florida undoubtedly one of the toughest schools in the nation. I was new to the teaching game and this was my first class. The volume of material taught is immense and the timeline is rapid. Imagine receiving a 4 year college degree in a year and a half, the best analogy I can come up with. A typical week included 50 hours of classroom instruction, 5 hours of physical fitness training and another 30 to 50 hours of mandated study time, maybe even more if the student was having a hard time keeping up. It was grueling, intense and left no margin for error. These kids, mostly 18 to 21 years old, had dedicated their life to this school but many would soon fail. Failure was something new to these kids as most were in the top 10% of their high schools. An attrition rate of 60% from start to finish of this program was not uncommon as a matter of fact it was more the norm. Only the best of the best would succeed and when they failed… many would crack. I had seen this first-hand on many occasions and we were trained on how to recognize warning signs and what actions to take, at least I thought so until that day.

The Columbine tragedy brought another dimension to teaching that I had never thought about. I now feared being at the podium. Would one of my students snap and unleash a violent attack on me or their classmates? What kind of protection did I have? None really. Suicidal ideations and violent threats were not uncommon but for the most part I had never taken threats towards me that serious, until that day. My life had changed.

It was hard to stand at the podium that day and I decided not to teach but rather to reflect upon the events with my students. It was good wholesome conversation and made me feel much more secure but from that point forward I’d never let down my guard. I continued teaching for another 3 years before going back out to sea. I would venture to say that I taught roughly 800 or so students during some stage of their schooling and fortunately I never had any serious confrontations. Although I have a Master’s degree in Education, I no longer teach. I always found that the politics involved with education prevents learning.

Researchers Say Smiles Predict Marriage Success

2009-04-15T07:46:00.004-04:00

Well the verdict is in and apparently smiles predict marriage success. I’m not sure who funds these projects but wow they got their money’s worth on this. Who would have known that by looking at a smile of a young kid you would be able to predict whether or not they would be successful in marriage?

It does put a new perspective on things though. From now on I’m going to ask my son’s girlfriends for their grade school pictures before they start dating seriously. For starters, I’ll only allow those with good smile strength to date my sons. Eventually I’ll have to do some comparative analysis on prospective spouses with a control group to determine the best match for my sons. I wonder if there is any way to incorporate eBay’s Best Match program into this process to make it easier. Prior to marriage I’ll have to ensure they are in the top 10% to ensure the best results. And I thought dating was hard when I was young.

For the record, I’ve been married for 22 years and I never even liked my smile when I was a kid. Does it look like a forced smile or what? I’ve never really analyzed pictures of my wife as a young kid and I’m afraid to now. What if we both had poor smile strength? I guess we’d have to get a divorce… For now we are both still smiling...

Cigarette Tax is a Pain In the Butt… And Unfair

2009-04-02T10:19:00.002-04:00

Yesterday we experienced the largest increase in the federal tobacco tax of all time. The previous tax of 39 cents per pack was increased to a whopping $1.01 per pack (sucks to be a smoker). Prior to the increase, the national average for a pack of death was already above $5.

Let me preface this entry by saying that I am not a cigarette smoker nor have I ever been a smoker of the white sticks of death. I may have dabbled with one on occasion when I was young but I assure you that I didn’t inhale. Nevertheless, the taxation of tobacco really gets under my skin. Here are the biggest reasons I feel this tax increase is pure malarkey:

1) Just because I don’t like something is no reason to tax it. What will be next? Undoubtedly, there will be proposals for fast food and alcohol but where will it end? I don’t necessarily like country music, maybe we could tax that. How about stupidity? Can we tax that? Politicians and lawyers could then pay their “fair share”. It was just a thought, don’t take it personal guys! I hear that Texas has a pole-dancing tax... although I can’t say that’s something I necessarily dislike I guess someone thought it was worth taxing. Marijuana is not liked (by the government at least) …. But not taxed…hmmm. Maybe we should legalize it for the tax revenue. That’s totally another topic though that I’ll stay away from.

2) Some proponents even believe that taxing smokers makes fiscal sense since smoking hits us in the wallet eventually due to increased public health care costs. This is a misplaced argument. The problem here is with the public provision of health, not the smoking of cigarettes. I understand they are taxing these things because they are not necessarily healthy for us as individuals and increase our healthcare costs as a nation but the insurance companies penalize people for this. They charge higher fees for these risks. Take a look in any big city and what do you see…. big buildings with insurance company names on them. I don’t think these insurance companies are going broke. They all seem to be giving themselves huge bonuses.

3) I'm curious if anybody has done a study to see how much more (yes I said more and I’ll explain) it may cost the public by implementing this tax. Studies show that in the past, a 10 percent hike in cigarette tax translated into a 4 percent increase in people quitting smoking. Health experts expect those numbers to climb to around a 9 percent decline in smoking with this new tax. Smoking cessation hotlines have already seen a huge spike in recent days with some office experiencing increases of up to 50 percent this week. An office in Michigan has seen its annual budget already dry up after having fielded three times as many calls this year as it had in all of 2008. Where is the money going to come from to support these programs? More importantly, if everyone stops smoking we will all live longer. I remember the commercials … one cigarette takes 10 minutes off your life.. smoke a pack and lose 3 ½ hours. That sounds great but who is going to pay the Social Security bill or are we just going to increase retirement age so high that we never can afford to retire? I’m all about Darwin’s theory on natural selection… let the strong survive.

4) I’m sure that by the end of the year there will be widespread stories of drastic increases in cigarette smuggling to avoid the new tax. Imagine reading the news and the headlines read “Huge Stash of Contraband Cigarettes Found Packed within Marijuana Bundles on Ship from Columbia”. The war on drugs will become the war on cigarettes… my how times have changed.

I remind you that I've never smoked a cigarette in my life, don't anticipate doing so and hope that I don't, yet cigarette taxation, and its increasing excess, is an embarrassment to this country. Our forefathers came to this country seeking refuge from the oppressive taxation in England yet here we are years later in the same predicament. Excessive taxation is not the answer to fix our economical woes. Taxation is a slippery slope and we are sliding down it faster and faster. It will not be long before we will be giving more than 50% of our income to the government. Unfortunately, many taxpayers won't feel too bad for smokers, a minority comprising only about 20% of the adult population. Why should we? Tax increases like this don't happen in a vacuum, that’s why! It is just an element of a larger overall strategy to capture more and more of our money and use it as our government sees fit. I think we should all be protesting tax increases of any kind, on any group of people. Our government already acquires too much from taxpayers, and it's not going to cease unless we act.

Contact your politicians and put pressure on them to stop abusive taxation. So many Americans are struggling just to find a job and make ends meet and during these difficult economic times we should be seeing tax repeals not increases.

CiCi's Pizza .. I've Got a Great Idea .. Ooops!!

2009-04-01T08:52:00.004-04:00

Nothing compares to Imo’s classic pizza but when you can’t get to St. Louis you have to eat pizza somewhere so you might as well save some money and get your pizza at CiCi’s. It may not be the best pizza but for a $5 buffet, it’s great for the kids.

On Monday, CiCi's Pizza began distributing one million pennies with stickers attached that are good for free food and drinks. But here's where the pepperoni meets the road: Federal law states it's illegal to advertise on U.S. currency. Oops, maybe they should have had a legal team look into this first, huh? I’m sure it sounded like a good idea at the time.

The campaign, dubbed the Penny Picker Upper, was designed to tap the nation's new inclination towards thriftiness. The penny stickers were sent to the 650 CiCi's locations across the U.S. Each store was given about 2,000 pennies, and owners were instructed to distribute them in a 3-mile radius around the store.

Michael Vick and What He Is Worth....

2009-03-31T13:28:00.006-04:00

Michael Vick thinks Michael Vick is worth $10 million dollars a year….who is he kidding… and Charles Manson will soon be replacing Jay Leno on the Tonight Show. Apparently, I should be putting in for a raise too. With a career QB rating of 75.7 he’s been a mediocre player at best. OK, granted he may have been great in college but in the pros he ranks right up these with Jeff George, Ryan Leaf and Vinnie Testaverde…. little to nothing in the big boys’ game... but at least they’ve stayed out of jail. If at mediocre you deserve $10 million dollars a year, I’m sure I’m worth at least 2 or 3.

I don’t really blame Mr. Vick for his ignorance about his "real" worth. I don’t know what kind of access he has to computers and media but I’m sure his agents and business managers are the ones that are feeding him this garbage. I can’t blame them really either…he's as broke as the economy and they want some return on their investment. I imagine they’ll get some return albeit the league minimum for veteran players.... at least the first year. I suppose it’ll be a contract loaded with incentives and who knows if he does well he may eventually land a big contract.

On a positive note, prison makes you tough although the food is less than nutritious. I’m not sure if he’ll be in shape for the big game but that’s what preseason is for. My prediction … the Miami Dolphins will sign him …. Mike Vick, Ricky Williams … maybe we can add the Juice? Now that would be one great backfield. We just have to keep them all out of prison at the same time.

Just Say No to Drugs… if you want a welfare check

2009-03-26T09:09:00.004-04:00

Lawmakers in at least eight states want recipients of food stamps, unemployment benefits or welfare to submit to random drug testing.. and I agree.

My opinion is that if so many jobs require random drug tests these days, why not these benefits? You shouldn’t be able to get something for nothing and live the “high” life while the rest of society has to piss in the cup for a measly paycheck. Don’t get me wrong, these programs have their benefits and some people need them to survive. I’m not against the programs but feel the fleecing of America must stop. It’s easy; you want something from me (as a taxpayer), piss clean. If not, find someone else to feed your bad habits.

Happy Anniversary Exxon ... Maybe not so happy though…

2009-03-24T09:13:00.006-04:00

It was just twenty years ago today when the supertanker Exxon Valdez ran aground on a reef in Alaska's Prince William Sound. It began as a drunken sailor’s dream cruise and ended up as a universal ecological nightmare.

The Valdez leaked 11 million gallons of crude oil into the sound and is considered one of the most devastating human-caused environmental disasters ever to occur at sea. This oil eventually covered 11,000 square miles of ocean. However, as significant as the Exxon Valdez spill was, it ranks well down on the list of the world's largest oil spills in terms of volume released. Contributing to the problem was that Prince William Sound's remote location made government and industry response efforts difficult and severely taxed existing plans for response.

An Anchorage jury awarded the victims $5 billion in punitive damages in 1994, but the amount was cut to $507.5 million in 2008. Exxon's official position is that punitive damages greater than $25 million are not justified because the spill resulted from an accident, and because Exxon spent an estimated $2 billion cleaning up the spill and a further $1 billion to settle related civil and criminal charges.

More lies and deceit... typical politicians

2009-03-20T09:50:00.005-04:00

Discussions of the bailout of the banking industry or automobile industry have lust their luster and the focus has shifted to a potential bailout of Senate Banking Committee Chairman Christopher Dodd by the democratic party.... at least of his reputation. I can’t imagine how this five-term democrat is going to be successful in the polls in 2010 in his re-election bid amid the furor over the AIG bonus situation.

After first denying it, Dodd admitted he agreed to a request by Treasury Department officials to dilute an executive bonus restriction in the big economic stimulus bill that Congress passed last month. This change allowed AIG to hand out the bonuses of over $165 million to select employees while receiving billions of dollars in federal bailout money while the company was losing money the whole time.

Republicans branded Dodd's reversal "astonishing and alarming" and fingered Dodd as the top recipient of campaign cash from AIG employees over the years. It has to make you wonder where all the bailout money is going and just how much some people were paid so others would get there share.

I'm glad we are going to tax the crap out of the recipients but also wonder how many of these people will find creative deductions or loopholes to avoid the tax. Never underestimate the enemy.. and in times like these when corruption is rampant... you don't always know who the enemy is.