Josiah enjoying some "finger" paint time. Yeah, using all his fingers.

Today’s wordless Wednesday is Summer-time finger painting.  I would show you what he was making but that is a topic for an up coming post.  Stay tuned!

From "No More Whining" by Ginger Plowman

Like many young couples expecting their first child, Kim and I talked through some of the “fights” we were willing to have with our kids.  Several older and much wiser parents had told us to pick them carefully so we decided to get an early start.  On the top of the “Our kids shall never” list was whining.  My wife is much more sensitive to it than I am, but I agreed that it is annoying, to us and others, and at its core, disrespectful.  So, we now knew that our kids would never whine.  After all, if you discipline early the behavior never has a chance to really take root.

As with a lot of things we “knew” before we had kids, this too proved incorrect.  The problem?  Whining is not a learned behavior.  It isn’t!  It is a natural out-pouring of our sinful and selfish nature.  Josiah was never taught to whine.  Shoot, we won’t even let him watch Caillou on PBS because he whines in the cartoon.  No, Josiah knew that he wanted something and that he was not getting it fast enough to keep him happy; whining was born.  After a few weeks… okay months of trying our best at curbing it we did some research.

What we found was the No More Whining book (kit really) by Ginger Plowman.  The resource includes a parents manual, a child’s book, and a watch timer.  The parent’s manual gives instructions and tips on how to use the story book and watch.  It also provides some encouragement and what to expect.  The child’s story book is short and to the point, telling the story of how Will learned to use his self-control and stop whining.  It was well received.  Our kids still select it for nap or bedtime reading quite often. The watch is a 3 minute timer.  It matches the one in the story and was also well received.

The No Whine Watch from "No More Whining"

The goal is not simply to change the child’s behavior, but to reach their heart.  Remember my comment above about whining being natural fruit of selfishness?  Well we need to teach our kids how to use their self-control and how to interact with proper respect for others.  This it the true goal.  By paring the watch and the story we did just that.  It took a little while, as most things do, but Josiah understands that whining is bad not just because we don’t like it, but because he is not using self-control and proper respect.  He will even tell you so.

I realize there or other ways to deal with whining.  I also realize that this could be done without purchasing the kit above.  We decided to though and have be very happy with that decision.  If you have other ideas I would love to hear them.

Josiah can be silly. But at 11pm? No, it made sense to him.

I play the saxophone in our Church’s praise band a few weeks out of the month.  Tonight’s band practice was a little later than normal, but that was okay.  I had everything worked out.  I would get home around 9:30pm sit down at the computer and write out a post and go to bed.  Lets just say it didn’t work that way.

I got home around 9:45pm (not bad) just to discover the wood-burner (we heat our house and water with wood) had gone out.  I spend 30 minutes making sure it was all set so we can have warm showers in the morning and came in to write my post.

After being at the computer for about five minutes I hear Josiah start to cry loudly and call for momma.  Well, momma was asleep in bed so I went to check on him.  What followed was another 35 minute glimpse into our three year-old’s half-asleep thoughts.  Brace yourself, it can be a little shocking, a little, unnerving, and a lot confusing.  It can also be quite the ride…

After calming him down some and convincing him to use words and talk to me instead of moaning, we had the following conversation.  Well, I am guessing you would call it a conversation.  Anyway, I could be slightly off, but I think I have most of it word for word.

• ME: Josiah, what is wrong?
• JOSIAH: I need something.
• ME: What do you need?
• JOSIAH: I need something, why won’t you give me something? (starts to cry again)
• ME: What do you need?  I have Elmo, do you need Elmo? (offers stuffed Elmo)
• JOSIAH: No, I need something bigger.  Can I see something bigger?  Is it red?
• ME: I don’t have anything bigger.  It is almost 11pm you need to go back to sleep.  Lay down and I will rub your back.
• JOSIAH: Your not helping!  Why won’t you help?  It has to be red! (sits back up and starts to cry)
• ME: Lay back down buddy, what is red?  Are you awake?  Do you need some water?
• JOSIAH: I am awake and I don’t want water.  I want to see.  Can I see the truck Mom uses?
• ME: We don’t have a truck Josiah, lay back down and go back to sleep.  Let me tuck you back in.
• JOSIAH: I want to see mamma’s truck!  Is it a raspberry?  I think I need a raspberry.  (starts to cry again)
• ME: We don’t eat our raspberries this late.  We will have some for breakfast.  Lay back down before we wake up your sister.
• JOSIAH: I can’t go back to sleep.  You not helping!  Why won’t you help?  I can’t get it off.
• ME: Can’t get what off, how can I help?
• JOSIAH: My nose!  I can’t go back to sleep if it won’t come off.  Why won’t it come off?  (rubs nose and starts to cry)
• ME: ……..

You get the picture.  So, for 35 minutes I tried to calm a little boy down enough to go back to sleep, or at least let me leave the room without him screaming again. After a lot more random interactions (it is hard to reason, or argue, with a half-asleep three year-old) I finally got him quiet and I sneaked out.  I am not sure I can really claim victory here though.  I am pretty sure nothing I said to him made much of a difference.  He just finally calmed back down.

So, instead of the amazing solution to all of your parenting problems, what I was going to write about, you get this; an expose on my son’s sleep ramblings.  He has done this before.  We do it once about every two weeks or so.  The funny thing is that he remembers it.  I can ask him in the morning and he will remember most of the conversation.  He won’t be able to make any more sense of it than I can, but he will remember it.  Josiah can’t be the only little boy that wakes up crying because he can’t fly in a pink dump truck or see the train papa parked in the living room.  Does anyone else out there have a child that gets their logic wires crossed when they wake up in the middle of the night?  If so I would love to hear.  I know Josiah can’t be the only kid that does this.  How do you handle it?

Young tadpoles in a driveway puddle. That frog will not get the parent of the year award.

While mowing the lawn over the weekend I made a wonderful discovery.  I noticed the grass clipping that were being thrown into our driveway pool (a forever puddle at the bend of our drive) seemed to make a larger disturbance than usual.  Being the inquisitive type, I shut the blades off and drove over to see what was going on.  You will never guess what I found… Okay, you probably already know.  One of our neighborhood froggies, as our kids like to call them, decided to have babies in our mud puddle.  This was probably not the best idea that frog has ever had, but for now it is working.  Fortunately for them, this has been one of the wettest spring / summers in the history books and our puddle has yet to threaten a vanishing act.

Our driveway pond. With all the rain it has been there for over 3 weeks.

Well, we could just leave the little guys in the puddle so we quickly found a good home for a few and fished them out.  We now have some temporary pets and our kids love them.  True to the scientific nature of the find, we also have a chart on the wall.  Josiah is checking the tadpoles every day and recording when he notices changes.  There is a place to record when he sees the first hind legs, front legs, shrinking tail and missing tail.  The kids love to watch the little busy-bodies and they get a full-fledged science course out of them as well.  What more could you ask for.

If you happen to have tadpoles near by, you might want to try the same.  Remember to change the water periodically (every few days to a week) and feed them.  They aren’t picky.  A little lettuce here and there does the trick.  Ideally, it would be best to have somewhere the kids could go and see the tadpoles grow up in their natural habitat.  In our case, we aren’t exactly sure how long the puddle is going to last.  I am also fairly sure the garbage truck is going to drive through the middle of it tomorrow which won’t help their average life expectancy either.  We decided a few indoors would entertain the kids a little more and hopefully save them from a dry or rubbery end.

Have you had any unexpected guests this summer?  Have you found a fun way to work in a science lesson with your kids?  If so let me know in the comments!

This post has been shared @ Just for the Joy of it.

Fatherhood is a wonderful adventure. You will never regret embracing it! (Image: Pavel Losevsky)

Just like Mom, Dad has a day all to himself. That day is Sunday, yep Father’s Day is here again. To be honest, I debated doing a Fathers Day post. Not because I feel it doesn’t deserve special attention, but rather because, as a father, it seems a little self serving. Finally, because I am a father, I decided to do something a little different. Let’s just say that this isn’t going to be about making a Fathers Day gift. There are plenty of great sites out there with wonderful ideas already. If you still need ideas, How Does She? has a rather nutty gift idea, Crafting Chicks has an amazing photo card craft and Alpha Mom has some great card ideas. I am pretty sure I can’t offer anything better.

No, this post is about Dad.  It is also for Dad.  I am not an expert, but I do have some experience under my belt.  What better time to share some insight into being a father than on Father’s Dad.  So, this is what being a father means to me.  For a little background, let me say that I have been blessed.  I grew up with, and still have, a wonderful father / mentor / friend which I call Dad.  I am not sure why God decided to create me into the family He did, but I am eternally grateful.  Because He did, my father was the single most influential person in my life.  If you read this Dad, thank you for living out fatherhood for me.  I love you!

Dedicated:

A father is dedicated.  He is dedicated to his family.  This means that as the head of the family his greatest priority, behind his relationship with God, is the physical, emotional, and spiritual wellbeing of his wife and kids.  If this sounds a little heavy, well, that’s because it is.  As a father I spend much of my time working to meet the needs of my family.  This includes everything from giving my wife an evening “off” now and then for some self-time, praying with my wife and kids one-on-one, working to provide the physical needs of the family (and/ or enabling my wife for the SAHDs and two income families out there), helping our kids with homework or projects and everything in between.  Men, you understand that if you are not fully dedicated to a project or a goal it will most likely not get completed or it will be done poorly.  We must be dedicated to our families if we wish for our families to remain healthy.

Affectionate:

This is one that we men have the hardest time with.  None the less, a father is affectionate toward his wife and children.  We need to demonstrate how to love and romance our wife as much as we need to demonstrate how to encourage and support her.  My son will learn how to treat women by how I interact with my wife.  My daughters will form their expectations of how a man should treat them by my example as well.  If showing affection isn’t part of our daily life then how will they learn?  Will what they learn be healthy?  Most likely not.

Showing affection to our children is just as important as demonstrating that affection toward our wives.  Children need to be told and shown they are loved.  A father’s love for his child is void of stipulations and clauses.  Yes, there will be times when I am disappointed or even hurt, but love needs to be unconditional.  This type of love and affection toward our kids give them great freedom.  It allows them to reach further and risk more knowing that failure will not affect their standing.  If we truly want our kids to be free to accomplish great things they need to know they are loved no matter what.

Deliberate:

A father is deliberate with his family and leadership.  It took me a while to learn this.  To be honest, I am still very much in learning mode.  After all, as my kids continue to grow and I continue to grow with them.  The basic idea is that family doesn’t happen by accident.  As a father, I am responsible to teach and train my kids in the behaviors and personality traits I want them to exhibit as adults.  If I desire that my son be chivalrous I need to be deliberate in modeling and teaching what that entails.  If I wish for my daughters to be self-sufficient, I need to be deliberate in teaching them skills that will make them so.  If I wish for my kids to grow up and live with integrity, respect, and honor, well, I need to be deliberate in training, modeling and encouraging those traits.  My son won’t learn to open doors and give up seats by accident any more than my daughters will learn to change a flat or balance a checkbook by accident.  I have the awesome job of being deliberate in teaching and training my kids.

Deliberateness is much larger then just skills and traits though.  It permeates all aspects of fatherhood as well.  If I wait for fatherhood to happen, I will wake up one morning to realize it has passed me by.  In the same way, if I wait for my marriage to happen I will never be happy with where it is at.  To a large degree, this is where we make the decision on how we are going to spend our time and resources.  Fatherhood, just like motherhood, requires deliberate actions.

I will wrap this up by saying I love being a dad.  It is by far the most important, demanding, exhausting, frustrating, joyous, and fulfilling responsibility God has given me, and I am grateful.  I know that I will not be a perfect DAD.  The only perfect DAD is our Heavenly Father.  All I can do is look to at my Father’s example and continue to grow into my role as DAD.  This Father’s Day, along with the gifts, cards, cookouts, and hugs, let you father or husband know they are appreciated, respected, and loved.  Believe it or not, that is really all we want anyway.  Do you have a story about your dad?  I would love to hear how they lived out being a DAD.

This post has been shared @ Fatherhood Friday, Finer Things.

Just for the fun of it I have collected a few below.  I am sure there are others out there, but these are my favorites.  To be fair, I have not included all the E*Trade commercials.  I think they actually made 3 or 4 of them including an out take video or two.  It was quite a good run for their advertising team.  So, enjoy a good chuckle or two and vote in the poll at the bottom.  Let me know which you like the best.

Not to skew the poll, but I love the Evian roller babies.  I don’t even mind the heavy computer graphics rendering.  It is one of the more creative ideas I have seen out there and it is a blast to watch.  Kind of makes you wish your six month old could actually do that, maybe.

Anyway, the others are good, okay the Huggies commercial misses  a little in my opinion, but Evian gets my vote.  Take a second and add your vote to the right and let me know why in the comments.  If I have missed one please let me know as well.  I am sure there are some that I have missed.  Oh, and I almost forgot, do you like commercials featuring cute little babies?

So times have changed, but does the family need to? Maybe, maybe not. From the looks on the faces though this may not be the best family to ask. (Image: anyjazz65)

So, what size is your family?  Yeah, I know, that is being a little forward isn’t it.  It is a topic that comes up in our house every now and then though.  Currently we have three kids.  We are currently in the process of adopting our fourth.  Hopefully she will be home with us by the end of the summer.  I remember getting comments from friends and family when we announced we were pregnant with our third.  He heard lots of, “Wow, already?” and, “You want a big family huh?” and, “You know you will be out numbered don’t you?”  Seriously, when was three kids a large family?  Don’t you people watch TLC?  Anyway, we received similar comments with the announcement of our adoption as well.  No one said it to be hurtful, and it wasn’t, but it has prompted conversation.

For starters? We have talked about what size of family we want.  To be honest, we don’t know.  Our pregnancies have become progressively more difficult and adoption simply takes a lot out of you, emotionally, physically, and financially.  So to that end we will just have to wait and see what God has planned for us.  For now I would say we are in a holding pattern, well after the addition of our new daughter we will be.  Despite the holding pattern, the topic of family size still comes up regularly.  Just the other day my wife sent me a link to an article titled, “Large Families: Blessings or Burdens?“  It is a great article and does a great job of looking at family size historically and addressing some of the more modern questions and concerns around large families.  I highly recommend you hope over and read it.

One topic that kept coming up in the article is that of family dynamics.  Mary Oystn, from Owlhaven.net, mentions it several times.  It is also one of the most appealing aspects of large families for Kim and me.  As an example, Mary gives the following quote in the article:

“Sure, there are times when they [her kids] fight, but much of the time they truly enjoy each other. Sometimes people fear that kids in a big family won’t get enough attention. But having a big family is not about depriving kids of relationships—it is about providing them with more people to love and who love them,”

The more typical family, Mom, Dad, 2.5 kids... 0.5 kid not shown. (Image: Pavel Losevsky)

We are friends with several large families and they seem so relationally rich and emotionally full.  I am not going to say smaller families aren’t, but there is something about the larger families that make you stop and admire them.  Not for simply surviving, but for how they interact, support, encourage and care for each other.  Okay, okay, to be completely honest, Kim and I have always said that we would like a large family, we just weren’t sure if we could survive that many infants.  I guess we will just have to wait and see where God leads us.  I am sure it will be somewhere we are not even anticipating right now.

Okay, so this post really isn’t going to do much more than to give you something to think about.  I am not going to say that 12 kids is better than 2, or anything silly like that.  Just trying to get those wheels turning on what your family may look like in 10 years.  While you are thinking, here are a few gems I have picked up that float around in my head regarding families:

• From our Weekend to Remember marriage retreat; From a large study a few years ago, the most unhappy group of people were couples in the 20 & 30 with children at home.
• From the same study; the happiest people (by far) were older adults with grown children.  Proof things get better, a lot better.
• You may be out numbered, but as long as you can pick up more than one at a time you can still win!
• The best toy your kids will ever have is Dad.  Mom runs a really really close second.
• There is nothing funnier than the fashion sense of a two year-old.
• Parenting is not a science.  I don’t care what the book says!  It isn’t an art form no matter how may markers your kids use on the wall.  Parenting is a way of life and it lasts a lifetime.
• Our kids are our legacy; who they become in the future is most influenced by who we are in the present.
• Moms are the most amazing creations God ever breathed into existence!

I would love to have your take on the subject.  Large family or small family?  Concerns with either? Observations?  Let me know in the comments.

Summer is a great time to enjoy the outdoors. (Image: Vasiliy Koval)

Summer time is here!  It is about time, if I may say so myself.  There are only so many ideas one can come up with to entertain three little kids.  Especially in Iowa where winter lasts for a good six months.  Anyway, it is warm and wonderful outside now.  Cabin fever has subsided and a new cabin is in view.

Yep, you guessed it.  Summer Camp!  To be honest, we do not have plans for attending a summer camp this year.  Our adoption is keeping us plenty busy as it is.  I am sure we will in the years soon to follow.  It was a staple in my childhood and I would hate for my kids to miss out.  Anyway, I am sure many of you are though.  I thought I would do some digging and offer up an example of what all of you first year camper parents can expect.

Okay, okay, so maybe this is more of a reminder to be thankful for what it isn’t!  Either way, this is a classic that has been around for a while.  It is still a lot of fun to pull out now and then and have a good laugh!  Enjoy!!

Dear Mom and Dad,

Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and were worried. We are OK. Only one of our tents and two sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up the mountain looking for Chad when it happened. Oh yes, please call Chad’s mother and tell her he is OK. He can’t write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found him in the dark if it wasn’t for the lightning. Scoutmaster Wilbert got mad at Chad for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Chad said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn’t hear him.

Ah the joy of experiencing nature! (Image: Mat Hayward)

Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas can will blowup? The wet wood didn’t burn, but one of the tents did. Also some of our clothes. John is going to look weird until his hair grows back.

We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Wilbert gets the car fixed. It wasn’t his fault about the wreck. The brakes worked OK when we left. Scoutmaster Wilbert said that with a car that old, you have to expect something to break down; that’s probably why he can’t get insurance. We think it’s a neat car.

He doesn’t care if we get it dirty, and if it’s hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the fenders. It gets pretty hot with 10 people in a car. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the highway patrolman stopped and talked to us.

Scoutmaster Wilbert is a neat guy. Don’t worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Terry how to drive on the mountain roads where there isn’t any traffic. All we ever see up here is logging trucks.

This morning, all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out in the lake. Scoutmaster Wilbert wouldn’t let me because I can’t swim, and Chad was afraid he would sink because of his cast, so he let us take the canoe across the lake. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood. Scoutmaster Wilbert isn’t crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn’t even get mad about the life jackets. He has to spend a lot of the time working on the car so we are trying not to cause him any trouble.

Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Dave dove in the lake and cut his arm, we got to see how a tourniquet works. Wade and I threw up, but Scoutmaster Wilbert said it probably was just food poisoning from the leftover chicken. He said they got sick that way with the food they ate in prison. I’m so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time.

Anyway, I have to go now. We are going to town to mail our letters and buy bullets. Don’t worry about anything. We are fine.

Love,

Little Tommy

PS: How long has it been since I had a tetanus shot?

See, wasn’t that worth the read!  I am sure your kids’ camp will be much more… uh… responsible than this.  If not, let me know and I will be praying for you!  Hey, if you have some great camp stories yourself then share them in the comments.  I am sure everyone will love to read them!

Video is a great way to capture those special times. It can be helpful in those stressful times.

Have you ever had one of those days when you needed a reminder of why you had kids?  It sounds bad to say it, but it happens.  Parenting is hard, tiring, unforgiving and often unappreciated work.  If anyone tells you different ask them what they are selling!  I was reminded of this yesterday while reading Allison’s blog, “O My Family”.  She recently put up a post about grieving motherhood as she thought it would be.  It is really quite insightful so go check it out.  From the comments she has received, this is apparently quite common.

So, back to the original question; if you have, you are obviously not alone.  I have been there as has my wife.  The trick is to keep those needed reminders in front of you.  It also helps to understand that kids go through phases; lots of phases.  If they are being difficult right now don’t let it cloud the future as well, in a few months things will change.  Remembering the fun or easy phases can help you make it through the harder ones.  It can also help you find the joy within the harder ones as well.  Believe it or not, all phases have some good in them.  We just have to look harder for it some than others.

Okay, back to the point of this post.  Allison’s blog gave me several ideas.  I hope to have the time to process them and bring them to you soon. Until I can, I thought this would be a perfect time to share one of our reminders.  After all, everyone needs to laugh now and then.  It does you good!  Kids, as it so happens, are experts in this subject.

Aren’t they great?  There really isn’t anything amazing here, but it reminds my wife and I that our kids to actually enjoy each other, they don’t always whine, and there is usually more than enough silliness to go around.  Anyway, I am hoping to get my other ideas worked out soon.  Remember to subscribe to my RSS feed so you don’t miss anything.  In the mean time, if you wouldn’t mind sharing, I would love to hear about some of your reminders. Who knows, writing them down may even put a smile on your face.

This post has been shared @ Just for the Joy of it, Finer Things Friday.

Letter of the Week Curriculum Examples from Confessions of a Homeschooler

Home school, private school, or public school?  That tends to be a popular question now-a-days.  I am not going to answer it here; even if it had an answer.  What I am going to do is tell you about an amazing resource you can use regardless of your feelings on the above question.  Besides, we all teach our kids at home even if they are not receiving their formal education from us.

It won’t be hard to tell how Confesions of a Homeschooler answered the above question.  How she answered it though is a benefit for all of us. Outside of the amazing resource found in the postings on her blog, she also has tons of printables available.  The real gem is the preschool curriculum (Letter of the Week) she has  created and made available to download for $10.  My wife found this about a year ago and decided that for $10 it was worth trying with our preschooler.  We have appreciated it ever since.

To be honest, there isn’t much in the package that you couldn’t put together your self.  In fact all the materials are available on her site for free if you want to track them all down (Here is the Letter A).  You would probably need several hours a week to do it though.  To simplify this, Confessions of a Homeschooler has done all the work for you and organized it in a nice downloadable package..  The curriculum contains lessons for each letter of the alphabet.  Each lesson contains a themed subset of the following materials:

Regardless of where your kids go to school they can enjoy learning at home! (Image: Anna Karwowska)

• detailed lesson plan
• letter tracing pages
• activity suggestions
• counting exercises
• motor skill exercises
• memory verses
• sorting exercises
• color and shape flashcards
• recommended reading lists
• coloring pages

A full description can be found at Confessions of a Homeschooler. Needles to say, there is a lot of material in the package and $10 is an amazing price for the thought, hard work and organization put into the curriculum.  The only short falls we have found is that our son quickly advanced beyond the curriculum although he still enjoys doing the activities; this really isn’t bad though.  The other is that it is strictly pre-reading and math. There is not a science aspect.  At this age that is understandable.  It would have been nice though.

Regardless of how you are currently, or plan on educating you kids, if you have a preschool child at home, Confessions of a Homeschooler can help you prepare them for their formal education.  As a bonus, your kids will have fun in the process.  I am curious if you have a favorite resource for educational activities?  We are always looking to enlarge our resource library so if you do please share!